1 00:00:04,830 --> 00:00:07,790 [hip-hop music] 2 00:00:07,877 --> 00:00:10,097 - The two most important rules in my family 3 00:00:10,184 --> 00:00:13,056 were, never make eye contact with a junkie 4 00:00:13,143 --> 00:00:15,754 and never wake my father 5 00:00:15,841 --> 00:00:18,018 when he took his nap between jobs. 6 00:00:18,105 --> 00:00:20,803 ♪ ♪ 7 00:00:20,890 --> 00:00:22,674 We had to eat quietly. 8 00:00:22,761 --> 00:00:25,242 ♪ ♪ 9 00:00:25,329 --> 00:00:28,680 We had to sneeze quietly. 10 00:00:28,767 --> 00:00:31,553 We had to watch TV quietly. 11 00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:34,077 - At Insane Wayne's, we're knocking out high prices 12 00:00:34,164 --> 00:00:35,426 with championship deals 13 00:00:35,513 --> 00:00:37,689 on all TV, stereos, and video games! 14 00:00:37,776 --> 00:00:40,431 And this weekend only, we're giving away free Nintendos 15 00:00:40,518 --> 00:00:42,477 to whomever can beat the brand-new video game 16 00:00:42,564 --> 00:00:44,174 "Mike Tyson's Punch-Out"! 17 00:00:44,261 --> 00:00:47,047 That's right--beat the champ, win a Nintendo! 18 00:00:47,134 --> 00:00:51,094 With promotions like this, I must be insane! 19 00:00:51,181 --> 00:00:52,530 [grunts] 20 00:00:52,617 --> 00:00:54,837 - Nintendo for free? 21 00:00:54,924 --> 00:00:56,882 Whoo-hoo! - Shh! 22 00:00:56,969 --> 00:00:59,233 - Back then, a free Nintendo was a really big deal. 23 00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:01,104 - Shh. - Shh. 24 00:01:01,191 --> 00:01:04,020 - Now they send me a Nintendo every time I say Nintendo! 25 00:01:04,107 --> 00:01:07,241 [hip-hop music] 26 00:01:07,328 --> 00:01:10,896 I loved playing "Mike Tyson's Punch-Out," 27 00:01:10,983 --> 00:01:13,725 even though the point of the game was for a small white boy 28 00:01:13,812 --> 00:01:16,250 to beat up grown-ass minorities. 29 00:01:16,337 --> 00:01:17,686 Dang it, I lost. 30 00:01:17,773 --> 00:01:19,644 - You almost got to the end, though. 31 00:01:19,731 --> 00:01:22,865 Man, Mike Tyson is the best-- the only dude from Bed-Stuy 32 00:01:22,952 --> 00:01:24,736 to ever punch his way into being rich. 33 00:01:24,823 --> 00:01:27,087 - And bite his way back into being broke. 34 00:01:27,174 --> 00:01:29,045 - Move aside, Cassius Colored. 35 00:01:29,132 --> 00:01:31,003 - Great, Caruso's here. 36 00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:33,615 - Hey, how'd you get extra health? 37 00:01:33,702 --> 00:01:35,704 - I got a cheat code. [all gasp] 38 00:01:35,791 --> 00:01:37,967 - Isn't being white already a cheat code? 39 00:01:38,054 --> 00:01:40,143 - Whoa, he's already beaten the drunk Russian, 40 00:01:40,230 --> 00:01:43,277 the dancing Dominican, and the sushi-loving Japanese boxer. 41 00:01:43,364 --> 00:01:45,105 - Caruso enjoy beating up 42 00:01:45,192 --> 00:01:47,629 on those ethnic stereotypes so much, 43 00:01:47,716 --> 00:01:49,674 you'd think he was the LAPD! 44 00:01:49,761 --> 00:01:51,633 [bell dings] [all cheer] 45 00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:53,504 - That's not fair. You can't use a cheat code. 46 00:01:53,591 --> 00:01:55,941 - Well, you got two choices-- me using a cheat code 47 00:01:56,028 --> 00:01:58,466 or me using a beat code. 48 00:01:58,553 --> 00:02:00,424 - I started to wonder, what was the point 49 00:02:00,511 --> 00:02:04,733 of even trying if someone could so easily cheat to win? 50 00:02:04,820 --> 00:02:07,823 But I realized people were using all sorts of cheat codes 51 00:02:07,910 --> 00:02:09,520 to make their lives easier. 52 00:02:09,607 --> 00:02:11,696 - Risky, I-I need help. 53 00:02:11,783 --> 00:02:14,482 My parole officer wants me to take a drug test. 54 00:02:14,569 --> 00:02:19,051 - Drug-free cup of pee, 10 bucks. 55 00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:21,532 - Risky, I've been dating a guy for, like, a month, 56 00:02:21,619 --> 00:02:23,186 and I think he's the one. 57 00:02:23,273 --> 00:02:26,407 How do I get him to commit? 58 00:02:26,494 --> 00:02:30,628 - Positive pregnancy test, 20 bucks. 59 00:02:30,715 --> 00:02:32,674 - Hey, Risky, do you know where I could get 60 00:02:32,761 --> 00:02:35,372 a cheat code for, uh, "Mike Tyson's Punch-Out"? 61 00:02:35,459 --> 00:02:39,376 - For you, young blood, I got the ultimate cheat code. 62 00:02:39,463 --> 00:02:42,466 This lets you skip to the final round to fight "Tyson." 63 00:02:42,553 --> 00:02:44,512 [angelic choir sings] 64 00:02:44,599 --> 00:02:47,732 - ♪ Ahh! ♪ [birds cooing] 65 00:02:47,819 --> 00:02:50,126 - Go straight to the end of the game? 66 00:02:50,213 --> 00:02:51,997 I don't know--that sounds like a lot of cheating, 67 00:02:52,084 --> 00:02:53,695 and I'm not a cheater. 68 00:02:53,782 --> 00:02:56,176 - At that point in my life, I wasn't. 69 00:02:56,263 --> 00:02:59,831 - Yeah, so? Here's your chance to finally take a shortcut. 70 00:02:59,918 --> 00:03:03,052 - The only shortcuts are hard work and determination, Chris. 71 00:03:03,139 --> 00:03:05,359 - That's as insane as me! 72 00:03:05,446 --> 00:03:08,579 Do you want a free Nintendo or not? 73 00:03:08,666 --> 00:03:11,452 - I'll take it. - 10 bucks. 74 00:03:11,539 --> 00:03:12,931 - See? 75 00:03:13,018 --> 00:03:14,977 You don't even have money to buy a cheat code. 76 00:03:15,064 --> 00:03:17,066 Get a job. 77 00:03:17,153 --> 00:03:19,329 - Um, can I put that on layaway? 78 00:03:19,416 --> 00:03:21,723 - You get the code when I get $20. 79 00:03:21,810 --> 00:03:23,377 - 20? You said 10. 80 00:03:23,464 --> 00:03:24,987 - Well, now I know you really need it. 81 00:03:25,074 --> 00:03:26,858 - [sighs] 82 00:03:26,945 --> 00:03:28,382 - I'm going to tell Daddy you're trying to steal money 83 00:03:28,469 --> 00:03:29,992 from the couch. 84 00:03:30,079 --> 00:03:32,168 - [scoffs] You trying to buy a cheat code? 85 00:03:32,255 --> 00:03:34,257 You'll never catch me using one. 86 00:03:34,344 --> 00:03:36,259 They're for cheaters. It says so right in the name. 87 00:03:36,346 --> 00:03:38,174 - Hey, dum-dum, your face is a cheat code. 88 00:03:38,261 --> 00:03:39,480 - She's right! 89 00:03:39,567 --> 00:03:40,872 - You fine, Drew! 90 00:03:40,959 --> 00:03:43,527 - You can butter my biscuits anytime! 91 00:03:43,614 --> 00:03:44,876 - Shoo! 92 00:03:44,963 --> 00:03:47,488 Take your hormones elsewhere! 93 00:03:47,575 --> 00:03:49,881 - Well, your cheat code is always blaming stuff on Chris. 94 00:03:49,968 --> 00:03:51,796 - Is not. - Is too. 95 00:03:51,883 --> 00:03:54,756 - Daddy, Chris is making me and Drew argue. 96 00:03:54,843 --> 00:03:57,149 - Chris, don't make your brother and sister fight. 97 00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:59,674 [sighs] Anybody seen my work shirt? 98 00:03:59,761 --> 00:04:01,284 - Big Man! 99 00:04:01,371 --> 00:04:04,026 Thank you for letting me borrow your work shirt. 100 00:04:04,113 --> 00:04:07,029 - My Uncle Mike came to stay with us while his bedroom 101 00:04:07,116 --> 00:04:09,249 was being fumigated. 102 00:04:09,336 --> 00:04:12,121 While he had a pest problem, we had an Uncle Mike problem. 103 00:04:12,208 --> 00:04:15,080 But my mother always defended her brother. 104 00:04:15,167 --> 00:04:16,865 - Uncle Mike used my yellow belt as a napkin 105 00:04:16,952 --> 00:04:18,693 and got Cheeto dust all over it. 106 00:04:18,780 --> 00:04:21,043 - Now you got an orange belt-- problem solved. 107 00:04:21,130 --> 00:04:23,306 - Uncle Mike used my "Miami Vice" doll 108 00:04:23,393 --> 00:04:26,396 as a bottle opener and popped off Tubbs' head. 109 00:04:26,483 --> 00:04:27,876 - Then start liking Sonny Crockett better-- 110 00:04:27,963 --> 00:04:29,704 problem solved. 111 00:04:29,791 --> 00:04:31,488 - Uncle Mike stole my kidney while I was asleep! 112 00:04:31,575 --> 00:04:34,143 - You still got another one-- problem solved. 113 00:04:34,230 --> 00:04:36,363 - I figured you was throwing out your work shirt 114 00:04:36,450 --> 00:04:39,104 due to the mustard I accidentally spilt on it. 115 00:04:39,191 --> 00:04:41,455 By the way, you're out of mustard. 116 00:04:41,542 --> 00:04:42,891 - You took my work shirt 117 00:04:42,978 --> 00:04:45,197 and spilled 3-cent worth of mustard on it? 118 00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:47,678 - Julius, just wear your old work shirt for today-- 119 00:04:47,765 --> 00:04:48,984 problem solved. 120 00:04:49,071 --> 00:04:51,029 - [growling] 121 00:04:52,857 --> 00:04:56,600 Chris, take Drew and Tonya to get haircuts, now. 122 00:04:56,687 --> 00:04:58,559 - Whenever my mother and father 123 00:04:58,646 --> 00:05:00,343 were going to do some real yelling, 124 00:05:00,430 --> 00:05:02,345 she'd send us out to get haircuts. 125 00:05:02,432 --> 00:05:04,739 In the spring of '85, I was one argument away 126 00:05:04,826 --> 00:05:06,001 from being bald. 127 00:05:06,088 --> 00:05:08,308 - Cheat code. 128 00:05:08,395 --> 00:05:10,135 - I'll take the kids. 129 00:05:12,921 --> 00:05:15,793 - Damn it, Julius. My brother is trying his best. 130 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:18,405 Can you just be nice? - Mike doesn't deserve nice. 131 00:05:18,492 --> 00:05:20,450 He deserves a foot in his ass. 132 00:05:20,537 --> 00:05:23,105 - Oh-ho-ho, I ain't taking sibling advice 133 00:05:23,192 --> 00:05:26,848 from a man who makes any excuse to not talk to his own brother! 134 00:05:26,935 --> 00:05:28,284 - Me and Louis not talking 135 00:05:28,371 --> 00:05:30,373 is exactly what makes our relationship work. 136 00:05:30,460 --> 00:05:32,854 - Julius, your brother's on the phone. 137 00:05:35,073 --> 00:05:36,684 [garbage disposal whirring] 138 00:05:36,771 --> 00:05:39,948 [sighs] My brother means a lot to me. 139 00:05:40,035 --> 00:05:44,213 Can you please be cool about this, for me? 140 00:05:44,300 --> 00:05:47,564 - [sighs] Okay, I'll try. 141 00:05:47,651 --> 00:05:49,479 You know, we're alone. 142 00:05:49,566 --> 00:05:51,829 I got a little time before my first job. 143 00:05:51,916 --> 00:05:54,223 I'm already not wearing pants. 144 00:05:54,310 --> 00:05:57,922 - Mm, sorry, I got to go clean the bathroom. 145 00:05:58,009 --> 00:06:00,795 There's mustard everywhere. 146 00:06:00,882 --> 00:06:02,405 - [groans] 147 00:06:05,582 --> 00:06:07,105 - Hey, Manny, if I sweep up all this hair, 148 00:06:07,192 --> 00:06:08,498 can you give me $20? 149 00:06:08,585 --> 00:06:10,631 - You're already doing it for free, dummy. 150 00:06:10,718 --> 00:06:12,894 Besides, what you need money for so badly anyway? 151 00:06:12,981 --> 00:06:14,852 - I'm trying to buy a cheat code for a video game. 152 00:06:14,939 --> 00:06:16,854 - I wish I had a cheat code to get out of Nam. 153 00:06:16,941 --> 00:06:17,899 The only cheat code for that 154 00:06:17,986 --> 00:06:18,856 was to be white... - Oh. 155 00:06:18,943 --> 00:06:20,554 - Or die. - Whew. 156 00:06:20,641 --> 00:06:22,860 - Cheat codes for Black folks are few and far between. 157 00:06:22,947 --> 00:06:23,905 - I totally agree. 158 00:06:23,992 --> 00:06:25,428 So can I borrow $20? 159 00:06:25,515 --> 00:06:27,778 - I don't have $20, little man. 160 00:06:27,865 --> 00:06:31,303 I'll give you something better, a free story about choices. 161 00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:32,783 - I'd rather have the money. - Too late! 162 00:06:32,870 --> 00:06:35,482 Chris, like you, I once had a choice 163 00:06:35,569 --> 00:06:39,660 between taking the hard road or using a cheat code 164 00:06:39,747 --> 00:06:42,314 to make my life easier. - [groans] 165 00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:44,012 - That makes Thurgood Marshall 166 00:06:44,099 --> 00:06:46,754 our first Negro Supreme Court Justice, 167 00:06:46,841 --> 00:06:49,539 a job that entitles him to a lifetime salary, 168 00:06:49,626 --> 00:06:52,542 free meals, and an endless supply of robes, 169 00:06:52,629 --> 00:06:56,198 all on the backs of white middle-class taxpayers. 170 00:06:56,285 --> 00:06:59,114 Lots to celebrate, for him. 171 00:06:59,201 --> 00:07:01,638 - Isn't it so inspiring? 172 00:07:01,725 --> 00:07:04,511 - Yeah. Salary, food, robes! 173 00:07:04,598 --> 00:07:06,948 Mm! That man is set for life. 174 00:07:07,035 --> 00:07:08,210 I got to be a judge. 175 00:07:08,297 --> 00:07:11,648 [upbeat music] 176 00:07:11,735 --> 00:07:14,129 But as I pursued my judge dream, 177 00:07:14,216 --> 00:07:17,654 I realized I misjudged how hard it was 178 00:07:17,741 --> 00:07:21,441 to become an actual judge. 179 00:07:21,528 --> 00:07:23,573 Wait, I got to go to law school, too? 180 00:07:23,660 --> 00:07:25,096 Shi-i-i-t. 181 00:07:25,183 --> 00:07:28,012 I started to doubt if I'd reach my dream 182 00:07:28,099 --> 00:07:30,014 of living that easy life. 183 00:07:30,101 --> 00:07:32,626 But the day your parents got engaged 184 00:07:32,713 --> 00:07:35,193 was the day I got my cheat code. 185 00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:37,892 - And he took a second job just to pay for the ring. 186 00:07:37,979 --> 00:07:41,504 He delivered my newspaper, and then he delivered my heart. 187 00:07:41,591 --> 00:07:43,158 We're getting married! 188 00:07:43,245 --> 00:07:45,508 - Taking two jobs was worth it for Rochelle. 189 00:07:45,595 --> 00:07:47,249 I'm sure it's just temporary. 190 00:07:47,336 --> 00:07:49,556 - [sobbing] 191 00:07:49,643 --> 00:07:51,906 Both of my babies are leaving. 192 00:07:51,993 --> 00:07:55,649 One's becoming a judge, one's getting married. 193 00:07:55,736 --> 00:07:57,738 Who's gonna eat my free cooking? 194 00:07:57,825 --> 00:08:01,002 [sobs] Whose laundry am I gonna do? 195 00:08:01,089 --> 00:08:04,484 Who's gonna unstick me from this couch on a hot day? 196 00:08:04,571 --> 00:08:08,096 Oh, Lord, now I'm stuck! 197 00:08:08,183 --> 00:08:11,882 [wailing] 198 00:08:11,969 --> 00:08:13,580 - Julius, this might be too much 199 00:08:13,667 --> 00:08:15,233 for Mama to take right now. 200 00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:16,408 You know what, Mike? 201 00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:17,975 After we get married, 202 00:08:18,062 --> 00:08:20,282 Julius and I will move in so you can go to law school. 203 00:08:20,369 --> 00:08:21,979 - Oh. 204 00:08:22,066 --> 00:08:25,287 [smooth music] 205 00:08:25,374 --> 00:08:28,333 - You hungry, baby? 206 00:08:28,420 --> 00:08:30,292 You got to eat up for your studies. 207 00:08:30,379 --> 00:08:35,602 ♪ ♪ 208 00:08:35,689 --> 00:08:39,954 - As much as I love my dream, I love you even more, 'Chelle. 209 00:08:40,041 --> 00:08:42,565 I'll stay home. - No, Mike, you can't do that. 210 00:08:42,652 --> 00:08:45,002 - Yes, he can! Thanks, Mike. We owe you. 211 00:08:45,089 --> 00:08:48,179 - I'm going to hold you to that. 212 00:08:48,266 --> 00:08:52,967 Staying home gave me financial security, free meals, 213 00:08:53,054 --> 00:08:57,319 and I still get all the robes I need. 214 00:08:57,406 --> 00:08:58,712 - Wait a second. 215 00:08:58,799 --> 00:09:01,018 He used his story to get out of paying me! 216 00:09:01,105 --> 00:09:04,065 That grifting man-child. - That man is a genius. 217 00:09:04,152 --> 00:09:06,850 - He's not a genius. He's a delusional fool. 218 00:09:06,937 --> 00:09:09,374 Right, baby? [smooching] 219 00:09:09,461 --> 00:09:10,898 - Yeah, but the point is, 220 00:09:10,985 --> 00:09:13,161 he used a cheat code and got what he wanted. 221 00:09:13,248 --> 00:09:15,424 - Look, Chris, do you think Mike Tyson used cheat codes 222 00:09:15,511 --> 00:09:16,860 to get where he's at? 223 00:09:16,947 --> 00:09:19,428 You trying to be like Iron Mike or Uncle Mike? 224 00:09:19,515 --> 00:09:21,038 - Aah! 225 00:09:21,125 --> 00:09:22,866 - [snoring] 226 00:09:22,953 --> 00:09:25,434 - Back at home, my dad was doing his best to play nice, 227 00:09:25,521 --> 00:09:28,611 but Uncle Mike was breaking my family's biggest rule. 228 00:09:28,698 --> 00:09:29,917 - Big Man! - Huh? 229 00:09:30,004 --> 00:09:31,919 - Just got back from the barber. 230 00:09:32,006 --> 00:09:33,921 You want some lunch? - No, I want some sleep! 231 00:09:34,008 --> 00:09:36,140 - I heard you got some leftover pot pie. 232 00:09:36,227 --> 00:09:37,664 Can I have it? 233 00:09:37,751 --> 00:09:39,491 - You can make love to that pot pie, for all I care. 234 00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:41,015 Just get out! 235 00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:45,933 - Big Man! What do you cook a pie at? 236 00:09:46,020 --> 00:09:48,370 - 425, uncovered for 10 minutes. 237 00:09:48,457 --> 00:09:50,067 What am I doing? Listen! 238 00:09:50,154 --> 00:09:53,288 Do not bother me again unless it's an emergency! 239 00:09:53,375 --> 00:09:54,898 Got it? 240 00:09:54,985 --> 00:09:55,725 Please! 241 00:10:01,209 --> 00:10:04,299 - Big Man, emergency! There's no pie left. 242 00:10:04,386 --> 00:10:05,953 - You did what? 243 00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:08,433 You can't just throw him out. He's my brother! 244 00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:10,392 - If I don't get my nap, then I get tired driving my truck. 245 00:10:10,479 --> 00:10:13,090 If I get tired driving my truck, I could fall asleep. 246 00:10:13,177 --> 00:10:14,744 If I fall asleep, I could crash. 247 00:10:14,831 --> 00:10:16,267 If I crash, I could die. 248 00:10:16,354 --> 00:10:17,878 If I die... 249 00:10:17,965 --> 00:10:20,010 [grunts] You have to get two jobs! 250 00:10:20,097 --> 00:10:21,882 [grunts] Is that what you want? 251 00:10:21,969 --> 00:10:23,100 - Take your stupid nap. 252 00:10:23,187 --> 00:10:25,059 I'm going to look for my brother. 253 00:10:25,146 --> 00:10:28,323 [door slams] - [grumbling] Stupid Mike. 254 00:10:28,410 --> 00:10:30,107 Stupid pot pie. 255 00:10:30,194 --> 00:10:31,456 Stupid. 256 00:10:31,543 --> 00:10:33,545 [door bells jingle] 257 00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:36,505 [hip-hop music] 258 00:10:36,592 --> 00:10:37,941 [door closes, bells jingle] 259 00:10:38,028 --> 00:10:39,595 - So, Chris, I heard you're trying 260 00:10:39,682 --> 00:10:41,379 to get yourself a cheat code. 261 00:10:41,466 --> 00:10:42,990 - Who's cheating? 262 00:10:43,077 --> 00:10:44,992 - She's cheating with some man named Code? 263 00:10:45,079 --> 00:10:46,820 - Is that Marci's boy? - Do he got a job? 264 00:10:46,907 --> 00:10:48,430 - Yeah, it's for a video game contest. 265 00:10:48,517 --> 00:10:49,997 [all groan] 266 00:10:50,084 --> 00:10:51,781 - [sighs] But I'm not sure if I should anymore. 267 00:10:51,868 --> 00:10:55,219 - He means he'd cheat if he could, but he's too broke. 268 00:10:55,306 --> 00:10:58,005 - Using cheat codes is a bad idea if you ask me. 269 00:10:58,092 --> 00:11:00,050 Want to hear my life story? - No, thank you. 270 00:11:00,137 --> 00:11:03,053 - I come from a long line of hairdressers. 271 00:11:03,140 --> 00:11:05,186 My grandmother became the first person 272 00:11:05,273 --> 00:11:07,536 to give a white woman cornrows. 273 00:11:07,623 --> 00:11:10,539 The community got so mad, she was banned from doing hair, 274 00:11:10,626 --> 00:11:13,934 and our whole family looked awful for generations. 275 00:11:14,021 --> 00:11:16,371 It was a symbol of our shame. 276 00:11:16,458 --> 00:11:18,155 - If you're so ashamed, 277 00:11:18,242 --> 00:11:20,897 then why do you have all these sad-ass family photos up? 278 00:11:20,984 --> 00:11:23,204 Ow! Hey! - Oops. 279 00:11:23,291 --> 00:11:25,162 I display them as a constant reminder 280 00:11:25,249 --> 00:11:28,209 that you can overcome anything. 281 00:11:28,296 --> 00:11:30,385 I put myself through beauty school, 282 00:11:30,472 --> 00:11:33,736 opened my own salon, and finally brought respect 283 00:11:33,823 --> 00:11:36,565 back to my family, while also scaring away white women 284 00:11:36,652 --> 00:11:38,219 from seeking cornrows. 285 00:11:38,306 --> 00:11:39,611 - Wait, I thought you opened this salon 286 00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:41,222 with the money you got 287 00:11:41,309 --> 00:11:42,745 from jumping in front of that Cadillac. 288 00:11:42,832 --> 00:11:44,573 That's how you won the Bed-Stuy lottery! 289 00:11:44,660 --> 00:11:47,707 A broken neck got you a token check! 290 00:11:47,794 --> 00:11:49,099 - I didn't purposely get hit! 291 00:11:49,186 --> 00:11:50,971 all: Mm... 292 00:11:51,058 --> 00:11:53,364 - Chris, I once had a choice, too, 293 00:11:53,451 --> 00:11:56,063 between using a cheat code or putting in hard work. 294 00:11:56,150 --> 00:11:59,980 Let me tell you a real story about hard work. 295 00:12:00,067 --> 00:12:01,633 - Damn, do I have a sign on my back that says 296 00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:02,939 "tell me your life story"? 297 00:12:03,026 --> 00:12:05,333 - I was a single mom, 298 00:12:05,420 --> 00:12:08,423 looking for the best way to provide for Tasha. 299 00:12:08,510 --> 00:12:10,817 One day, I thought I found a cheat code 300 00:12:10,904 --> 00:12:12,906 to earn me some quick cash. 301 00:12:12,993 --> 00:12:16,126 But I learned real quick just how hard the job was. 302 00:12:16,213 --> 00:12:18,302 I was allergic to the latex uniform. 303 00:12:18,389 --> 00:12:20,696 The fried-fish buffet made me nauseous. 304 00:12:20,783 --> 00:12:23,090 And worst of all-- the spotlight was so bright, 305 00:12:23,177 --> 00:12:25,657 I couldn't see a damn thing. 306 00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:27,355 Whoa! [crowd gasps] 307 00:12:27,442 --> 00:12:30,880 Ahh. Now, who wants a lap dance? 308 00:12:33,491 --> 00:12:36,146 - You okay, Peaches? - This ain't going to cut it. 309 00:12:36,233 --> 00:12:38,322 - You want to make some real money? 310 00:12:38,409 --> 00:12:40,585 We're about to stiff some tricks. 311 00:12:40,672 --> 00:12:43,719 I slip them three of these, and I'm getting me in some wills. 312 00:12:43,806 --> 00:12:46,156 - Now, I had a choice. 313 00:12:46,243 --> 00:12:49,116 I could get better at stripping to make more money, 314 00:12:49,203 --> 00:12:51,161 or I could steal from some customers. 315 00:12:53,294 --> 00:12:56,123 Nope, no shortcuts today, Tina. 316 00:12:56,210 --> 00:12:59,430 And so I put in the hard work. 317 00:12:59,517 --> 00:13:02,259 I adjusted to the spotlights. 318 00:13:04,174 --> 00:13:07,525 I found an itch cream for the latex rashes. 319 00:13:07,612 --> 00:13:09,789 And eventually enjoyed the fish buffet. 320 00:13:09,876 --> 00:13:12,966 And, most importantly, I made enough money 321 00:13:13,053 --> 00:13:15,925 to get Tasha into day care and then some! 322 00:13:16,012 --> 00:13:20,800 - Look, Mommy, it's you without the C-section scar. 323 00:13:20,887 --> 00:13:23,454 - If I had used a cheat code like those other girls, 324 00:13:23,541 --> 00:13:27,067 I would have ended up just like them, in prison. 325 00:13:27,154 --> 00:13:28,459 - You did end up in prison. 326 00:13:28,546 --> 00:13:30,635 - I went to jail! Get it right! 327 00:13:30,722 --> 00:13:33,682 My point is, I didn't use a cheat code, 328 00:13:33,769 --> 00:13:34,857 and I turned out great. 329 00:13:34,944 --> 00:13:37,120 [device beeping] Uh-oh. 330 00:13:37,207 --> 00:13:39,557 Um, I-I got to go. Bye, Chris. 331 00:13:39,644 --> 00:13:42,082 You know what to do. - No. No, I have no idea. 332 00:13:42,169 --> 00:13:44,127 Y'all just confused me even more. 333 00:13:47,696 --> 00:13:49,916 - Ooh, I'm telling Daddy you're thinking about cheating. 334 00:13:50,003 --> 00:13:52,919 - Tonya snitching on my Black ass for thought crimes 335 00:13:53,006 --> 00:13:55,051 was the real Minority Report. 336 00:13:55,138 --> 00:13:56,792 Just 'cause I'm thinking about it 337 00:13:56,879 --> 00:13:58,576 doesn't mean I'm going to do it. 338 00:13:58,663 --> 00:14:01,405 [sighs] If only God gave me a sign. 339 00:14:01,492 --> 00:14:04,017 [tires squeal, people gasp] - [sniffs] 340 00:14:04,104 --> 00:14:07,324 [engine revving] 341 00:14:07,411 --> 00:14:09,239 - Looks like my prayers have been answered. 342 00:14:09,326 --> 00:14:11,676 A broken neck gets you a token check 343 00:14:11,763 --> 00:14:14,375 and a cheat code for a brand-new Nintendo. 344 00:14:14,462 --> 00:14:16,072 All right. 345 00:14:16,159 --> 00:14:18,553 [tires screech, horn honks] Oh, hell, no! 346 00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:20,598 - Ooh, I'm telling Daddy you tried to get hit by a car 347 00:14:20,685 --> 00:14:21,948 but chickened out. 348 00:14:22,035 --> 00:14:24,428 - Damn. Now what? 349 00:14:24,515 --> 00:14:25,995 Huh. 350 00:14:26,082 --> 00:14:27,997 [hip-hop music playing] 351 00:14:28,084 --> 00:14:29,738 [thud, screech] Aah! 352 00:14:29,825 --> 00:14:31,087 - What the hell? 353 00:14:31,174 --> 00:14:33,873 - Oh! You ran over my foot! 354 00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:35,831 Oh, the pain! - [gasps] 355 00:14:35,918 --> 00:14:37,485 - The pain! 356 00:14:37,572 --> 00:14:40,227 - Boy, you messing with me? I ran over that brick! 357 00:14:40,314 --> 00:14:42,882 - Who are the cops are going to believe, me or that brick? 358 00:14:42,969 --> 00:14:44,535 Oh, the pain! 359 00:14:44,622 --> 00:14:47,408 Lord, don't take me now! I have so much to live for! 360 00:14:47,495 --> 00:14:50,628 Best acting I ever did, till I made "Grown Ups 2." 361 00:14:50,715 --> 00:14:52,674 - Damn. We're both businessmen. 362 00:14:52,761 --> 00:14:53,893 What do you want? 363 00:14:53,980 --> 00:14:55,720 - Give me that cheat code for free. 364 00:14:55,807 --> 00:14:57,940 - Use the cheat code to get a cheat code. 365 00:14:58,027 --> 00:14:59,855 Respect, young blood. 366 00:14:59,942 --> 00:15:03,293 - I still didn't know if using cheat codes was good or bad, 367 00:15:03,380 --> 00:15:05,165 but I figured I could worry about that 368 00:15:05,252 --> 00:15:08,472 after I won the Nintendo! 369 00:15:08,559 --> 00:15:11,693 ♪ I got the cheat code, and you don't got one ♪ 370 00:15:11,780 --> 00:15:13,608 ♪ Nintendo, here I come ♪ 371 00:15:13,695 --> 00:15:15,871 Hey. - Oh, that's great, Chris. 372 00:15:15,958 --> 00:15:17,612 Now you won't be a total loser. 373 00:15:17,699 --> 00:15:19,396 - It's mine. 374 00:15:19,483 --> 00:15:20,702 - The Nintendo will keep me and my family warm 375 00:15:20,789 --> 00:15:22,878 this cold, cold winter. 376 00:15:22,965 --> 00:15:24,532 - If we take one back to Haiti, we can power the whole country. 377 00:15:24,619 --> 00:15:27,317 - Maybe a Nintendo will make my dad come back. 378 00:15:27,404 --> 00:15:29,537 - Damn, I thought I wanted to use this cheat code, 379 00:15:29,624 --> 00:15:30,799 but now I don't know. 380 00:15:30,886 --> 00:15:32,279 - At least you have a choice. 381 00:15:32,366 --> 00:15:35,325 These kids are way worse off than us. 382 00:15:35,412 --> 00:15:37,327 [beeping] 383 00:15:37,414 --> 00:15:41,027 - [gasps] "Kid, if you need a cheat code to beat me, 384 00:15:41,114 --> 00:15:42,637 "it's okay. 385 00:15:42,724 --> 00:15:44,987 "Just be willing to live with the consequences 386 00:15:45,074 --> 00:15:46,554 of your actions." 387 00:15:46,641 --> 00:15:49,470 Uh, thanks, champ? 388 00:15:49,557 --> 00:15:51,341 "Thank yourself. 389 00:15:51,428 --> 00:15:53,256 "I'm just your conscience. 390 00:15:53,343 --> 00:15:55,955 The real me would never give advice without getting paid." 391 00:15:56,042 --> 00:15:58,261 - Watch it, Leon Stinks. 392 00:16:00,350 --> 00:16:03,223 - Hey, everybody, you guys want a cheat code? 393 00:16:03,310 --> 00:16:05,965 Maybe we can all win Nintendos. - Yes! 394 00:16:06,052 --> 00:16:07,749 This is the first time I felt hope 395 00:16:07,836 --> 00:16:10,795 since my mom left me at the firehouse! 396 00:16:10,882 --> 00:16:12,623 - Hey, honey, you have a good nap? 397 00:16:12,710 --> 00:16:13,885 - I don't know. 398 00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:15,322 Why are you being so nice to me? 399 00:16:15,409 --> 00:16:16,976 Am I still napping? 400 00:16:17,063 --> 00:16:18,978 - Here, baby, I fixed you a plate. 401 00:16:19,065 --> 00:16:21,502 - Thanks, 'Chelle. What's up, Big Man? 402 00:16:21,589 --> 00:16:23,591 Oop, time for "The People's Court." 403 00:16:23,678 --> 00:16:26,637 If not for the sacrifices I made for this family, 404 00:16:26,724 --> 00:16:30,206 me and Judge Wapner could've been judge friends. 405 00:16:30,293 --> 00:16:31,729 - I see you found Mike. 406 00:16:31,816 --> 00:16:33,340 Well, I found my size-12 boot 407 00:16:33,427 --> 00:16:35,255 so I can kick his ass out again. 408 00:16:35,342 --> 00:16:37,561 [bell dings] 409 00:16:37,648 --> 00:16:41,652 - Chris, take Drew and Tonya to get haircuts, now. 410 00:16:41,739 --> 00:16:43,567 - Uh, Chris and Drew aren't here. 411 00:16:43,654 --> 00:16:45,569 And we already got haircuts today. 412 00:16:45,656 --> 00:16:48,703 - Then go watch TV with Uncle Mike! 413 00:16:48,790 --> 00:16:50,835 - Damn it, woman! Why are you always taking his side? 414 00:16:50,922 --> 00:16:53,534 All he ever takes is seconds. - Because we owe him. 415 00:16:53,621 --> 00:16:56,058 Without Mike, we wouldn't be so goddamn happy right now! 416 00:16:56,145 --> 00:16:57,494 - [whispering] Don't you see he's a guilt-tripper 417 00:16:57,581 --> 00:16:58,800 just like your mom? 418 00:16:58,887 --> 00:17:00,628 He's guilt-tripped you your whole life, 419 00:17:00,715 --> 00:17:02,543 and he's doing it again now! - No, he's not. 420 00:17:02,630 --> 00:17:04,719 [gavel bangs on TV loudly] Mike, can you turn it down 421 00:17:04,806 --> 00:17:06,808 so me and Julius can argue in peace, please? 422 00:17:06,895 --> 00:17:08,418 - I can't hear you! 423 00:17:08,505 --> 00:17:10,638 My eardrums are blown out from years of listening 424 00:17:10,725 --> 00:17:12,640 to Mama's CPAP machine. 425 00:17:12,727 --> 00:17:14,946 You sure are lucky you left. 426 00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:17,993 - Okay, keep it as loud as you want. 427 00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:19,777 Oh, okay, you're right! 428 00:17:19,864 --> 00:17:22,606 He is a guilt-tripper, but he's my brother, Julius. 429 00:17:22,693 --> 00:17:24,347 I don't know how to say no to him. 430 00:17:24,434 --> 00:17:27,307 - All you have to do is talk to him and be honest. 431 00:17:27,394 --> 00:17:30,092 I'll be in your corner the whole time. 432 00:17:30,179 --> 00:17:33,269 - Fine. I'll ask him to leave. 433 00:17:33,356 --> 00:17:36,142 - While my mom was about to battle Uncle Mike, 434 00:17:36,229 --> 00:17:38,535 it was almost my turn to battle Iron Mike. 435 00:17:38,622 --> 00:17:40,146 [all cheer] 436 00:17:40,233 --> 00:17:42,800 [lo-fi electronic music] 437 00:17:42,887 --> 00:17:48,110 ♪ ♪ 438 00:17:48,197 --> 00:17:49,590 [beeping] 439 00:17:49,677 --> 00:17:51,766 [all cheering] 440 00:17:51,853 --> 00:17:54,029 ♪ ♪ 441 00:17:54,116 --> 00:17:56,118 - Chris, you're up. 442 00:17:56,205 --> 00:17:59,078 [hip-hop music] 443 00:17:59,165 --> 00:18:01,167 ♪ ♪ 444 00:18:01,254 --> 00:18:03,952 Keep your head in the game. You can do this. 445 00:18:04,039 --> 00:18:06,433 - Okay, Rochelle, you can do this. 446 00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:11,046 - Mike, I love you, but I think it's time you left. 447 00:18:11,133 --> 00:18:12,961 - Get him, Mama! - That's it, baby! 448 00:18:13,048 --> 00:18:15,355 - [grunts] - Yeah, that's it, baby! 449 00:18:15,442 --> 00:18:17,052 - Why are you calling me "baby"? 450 00:18:17,139 --> 00:18:19,098 - Why are you talking to me? Focus! 451 00:18:19,185 --> 00:18:21,491 - Okay, what you got, Mike? [bell dings] 452 00:18:21,578 --> 00:18:23,276 - Okay, what you got, Mike? 453 00:18:23,363 --> 00:18:25,191 - You promised me I could stay longer. 454 00:18:25,278 --> 00:18:27,454 And I kept my promise to live with our parents 455 00:18:27,541 --> 00:18:29,543 so you can go off and get married. 456 00:18:29,630 --> 00:18:31,719 So now you have to keep yours. [plate clatters] 457 00:18:31,806 --> 00:18:33,460 - I--Ooh. 458 00:18:33,547 --> 00:18:35,549 - Oh, that's okay. We knew he'd throw that one. 459 00:18:35,636 --> 00:18:37,072 Stay strong, Rochelle! [bell dings] 460 00:18:37,159 --> 00:18:39,161 - Stay strong, Chris. You got this! 461 00:18:39,248 --> 00:18:41,424 - [slurps] - Ugh! 462 00:18:41,511 --> 00:18:43,252 - Ooh, he nailed you good with that hook! 463 00:18:43,339 --> 00:18:44,862 - Ugh! - And that jab. 464 00:18:44,949 --> 00:18:46,255 - Ugh! - And that uppercut. 465 00:18:46,342 --> 00:18:48,127 Oh, don't give up, Chris! 466 00:18:48,214 --> 00:18:51,782 - You can't give up, Rochelle. You got this. 467 00:18:51,869 --> 00:18:54,611 - Mike, I'll always be grateful for what you did, 468 00:18:54,698 --> 00:18:57,701 but I can't let you guilt-push me around anymore! 469 00:18:57,788 --> 00:19:00,661 - Well, if that's how you feel, I guess I'll go. 470 00:19:00,748 --> 00:19:03,707 But the news you threw your beloved brother to the curb 471 00:19:03,794 --> 00:19:05,405 is going to be hard on Mama 472 00:19:05,492 --> 00:19:08,321 and her already-fragile pacemaker. 473 00:19:08,408 --> 00:19:10,497 [both gasp] - Oh, no, he didn't. 474 00:19:10,584 --> 00:19:11,889 - [breathing heavily] 475 00:19:11,976 --> 00:19:13,369 - Whoa! - Ha ha! 476 00:19:13,456 --> 00:19:15,589 You're going to lose, Blacky Balboa! 477 00:19:15,676 --> 00:19:17,025 - Not today, I'm not. 478 00:19:17,112 --> 00:19:19,549 I didn't cheat my way this far not to win! 479 00:19:19,636 --> 00:19:22,596 all: Whoa. [gasp] 480 00:19:22,683 --> 00:19:24,946 - Go for the knockout, Chris! 481 00:19:25,033 --> 00:19:28,167 - Go for the knockout, Rochelle! 482 00:19:28,254 --> 00:19:30,517 - Fine, tell Mama I'm kicking you out. 483 00:19:30,604 --> 00:19:32,214 While you're at it, also tell her 484 00:19:32,301 --> 00:19:34,390 you messed up Drew's karate belt, 485 00:19:34,477 --> 00:19:36,914 broke Tonya's doll, ruined Julius' work shirt, 486 00:19:37,001 --> 00:19:41,180 and made those calls to 1-900-HOOCHIE! 487 00:19:41,267 --> 00:19:43,617 Or maybe I should call her. - [gasps] 488 00:19:43,704 --> 00:19:45,749 On second thought, I just remembered-- 489 00:19:45,836 --> 00:19:48,535 my special lady friend lives a few blocks away 490 00:19:48,622 --> 00:19:50,058 and can put me up. 491 00:19:50,145 --> 00:19:53,061 So see y'all at Thanksgiving for ten days! 492 00:19:53,148 --> 00:19:56,760 And, also, please have some turkey pot pie. 493 00:19:56,847 --> 00:19:58,980 [door slams] - [huffs] 494 00:19:59,067 --> 00:20:01,156 - Whoo-hoo-hoo! Way to go, Mama! 495 00:20:01,243 --> 00:20:02,462 - You did it, baby! 496 00:20:02,549 --> 00:20:04,159 He's someone else's problem now. 497 00:20:04,246 --> 00:20:06,596 - Yes! I am the champ of the living room. 498 00:20:06,683 --> 00:20:09,295 I am the champ of the family! 499 00:20:09,382 --> 00:20:12,036 - And my parents' cheat code to a happier life 500 00:20:12,123 --> 00:20:13,473 was having each other. 501 00:20:16,389 --> 00:20:17,825 - Yo, you're about to win, Chris! 502 00:20:17,912 --> 00:20:19,348 Go for the super uppercut! 503 00:20:19,435 --> 00:20:20,871 - [breathes deeply] 504 00:20:20,958 --> 00:20:22,699 [game beeping] 505 00:20:22,786 --> 00:20:25,049 - Yes! You knocked him down! 506 00:20:25,136 --> 00:20:28,662 all: One, two, three, four, 507 00:20:28,749 --> 00:20:33,101 five, six, seven, eight, nine-- 508 00:20:33,188 --> 00:20:34,885 [electricity zaps, all groan] 509 00:20:34,972 --> 00:20:37,236 - Huh? Are you kidding me? 510 00:20:37,323 --> 00:20:38,933 - Oh, no! 511 00:20:39,020 --> 00:20:42,023 Looks like a totally random and unexpected power outage! 512 00:20:42,110 --> 00:20:45,156 Sorry, kids, the promotion is canceled. 513 00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:48,159 - That day, I learned a valuable lesson. 514 00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:51,075 Even if you got a cheat code to make life easier, 515 00:20:51,162 --> 00:20:53,643 there's always somebody with a better one 516 00:20:53,730 --> 00:20:55,079 to screw you over. 517 00:20:55,166 --> 00:20:57,560 - Way to go, Muhammad A-Loser! 518 00:20:57,647 --> 00:20:59,519 - [grunts] Why? 519 00:20:59,606 --> 00:21:04,524 - ♪ Everybody still hates Chris ♪ 520 00:21:04,611 --> 00:21:06,743 ♪ Oh, oh ♪ 521 00:21:10,007 --> 00:21:12,880 [lo-fi electronic music] 522 00:21:12,967 --> 00:21:19,843 ♪ ♪ 523 00:21:36,033 --> 00:21:40,033 - ♪ MTV ♪