1 00:00:06,168 --> 00:00:09,626 ‎NETFLIX 剧集 2 00:00:10,126 --> 00:00:13,334 ‎随着寒冷的冬季离我们而去 3 00:00:13,418 --> 00:00:18,459 ‎芝加哥从冬眠中醒来 ‎准备庆祝一年中最神圣的一天 4 00:00:18,543 --> 00:00:20,459 ‎圣帕特里克节! 5 00:00:20,543 --> 00:00:24,751 ‎每年我们都会把河染成绿色 ‎举办具有传奇色彩的巡游活动! 6 00:00:24,834 --> 00:00:28,293 ‎你总能在欧麦利的 ‎威士忌巡游花车边上见到我 7 00:00:28,376 --> 00:00:30,584 ‎那是我一年中最风光的时刻 8 00:00:30,668 --> 00:00:33,084 ‎我从没上过那辆花车 9 00:00:33,168 --> 00:00:36,209 ‎这项荣誉是留给 ‎欧麦利的威士忌女王的 10 00:00:36,293 --> 00:00:39,501 ‎现在这个称号属于 ‎芝加哥本地的莫莉·莱希 11 00:00:39,584 --> 00:00:41,876 ‎她在九岁前只说盖尔语 12 00:00:41,959 --> 00:00:46,793 ‎没有比欧麦利的 ‎威士忌女王更高的荣誉了 13 00:00:46,876 --> 00:00:50,084 ‎不管怎样 明天是圣帕特里克节 14 00:00:50,168 --> 00:00:54,501 ‎我要在那辆花车旁狂欢 ‎直到我的巧言石飞掉! 15 00:00:54,584 --> 00:00:56,126 ‎够了!住嘴! 16 00:00:56,209 --> 00:01:00,543 ‎唐布罗夫斯基女士 ‎我只需要你回答 是否认罪 17 00:01:01,251 --> 00:01:05,209 ‎除非喝醉以后 ‎踩着平衡车兜风穿过千禧公园 18 00:01:05,293 --> 00:01:07,293 ‎撞上云门雕塑也算犯罪 19 00:01:07,376 --> 00:01:08,668 ‎这是五项罪名 20 00:01:08,751 --> 00:01:10,959 ‎我命令你戴上戒酒手镯 21 00:01:11,043 --> 00:01:13,376 ‎每次收到提醒都要对着它吹气 22 00:01:13,459 --> 00:01:16,293 ‎否则你将被捕并坐牢 23 00:01:16,376 --> 00:01:18,001 ‎你要戴一个月 24 00:01:18,084 --> 00:01:19,209 ‎一个月? 25 00:01:19,293 --> 00:01:22,209 ‎好吧 就像我刚才所说 ‎明天显然不行 26 00:01:22,293 --> 00:01:25,584 ‎-然后是棒球季 夏天… ‎-从现在开始 27 00:01:28,209 --> 00:01:30,876 ‎不! 28 00:01:30,959 --> 00:01:32,959 ‎(瑞格利球场 芝加哥小熊队主场) 29 00:01:39,668 --> 00:01:40,668 ‎(黛安的快乐盒) 30 00:01:41,668 --> 00:01:44,668 ‎不! 31 00:01:44,751 --> 00:01:45,709 ‎怎么了? 32 00:01:45,793 --> 00:01:48,918 ‎我还在生气 ‎我无法参加花车巡游了! 33 00:01:49,001 --> 00:01:50,334 ‎来 吞下这把钥匙 34 00:01:50,418 --> 00:01:53,501 ‎不要 上次让我一直晕到现在! 35 00:01:53,584 --> 00:01:56,918 ‎该遵照法庭命令进行戒酒测试了 36 00:01:57,001 --> 00:01:58,334 ‎对着管子吹气 37 00:01:58,418 --> 00:02:00,334 ‎蠢东西 对我指手画脚的! 38 00:02:01,709 --> 00:02:04,626 ‎你还是可以去参加巡游啊 ‎别喝酒就行了 39 00:02:04,709 --> 00:02:09,168 ‎是啊 我还可以 ‎用背上的小翅膀飞过去呢 40 00:02:09,251 --> 00:02:13,084 ‎拜托 伙计!参加巡游不可能不喝酒 41 00:02:13,168 --> 00:02:15,001 ‎但如果你喝酒 你会坐牢的 42 00:02:15,084 --> 00:02:17,459 ‎我知道 所以我要把自己关起来 43 00:02:17,543 --> 00:02:19,834 ‎吃几盒烘焙食品 44 00:02:19,918 --> 00:02:22,709 ‎看《山街蓝调》享受独处时光 45 00:02:22,793 --> 00:02:24,501 ‎至少你不用上班 46 00:02:24,584 --> 00:02:26,668 ‎我还要跟费瑟去派发试吃品 47 00:02:26,751 --> 00:02:30,959 ‎老天 他又无聊又烦人 ‎简直是二者的完美组合 48 00:02:31,043 --> 00:02:33,209 ‎没错 他确实有点像你爸 49 00:02:33,293 --> 00:02:34,834 ‎我没那么说 50 00:02:34,918 --> 00:02:36,918 ‎临走前帮我拿罐啤酒好吗? 51 00:02:37,001 --> 00:02:37,959 ‎你不能喝酒 52 00:02:38,043 --> 00:02:39,626 ‎可恶!缉毒警察! 53 00:02:43,334 --> 00:02:47,834 ‎我们得换回脱脂奶了 ‎这个2%的太甜了 54 00:02:47,918 --> 00:02:49,876 ‎佩里洛医生说我需要提高乳脂水平 55 00:02:49,959 --> 00:02:52,168 ‎直到排卵期恢复规律 56 00:02:52,251 --> 00:02:54,334 ‎说到这个 就是今天了 57 00:02:54,418 --> 00:02:57,959 ‎来吧 阳性 你是下一个竞争者… 58 00:02:58,043 --> 00:02:59,001 ‎-闭嘴 ‎-抱歉 59 00:03:03,084 --> 00:03:05,376 ‎见鬼 一定是星期四就在排卵了 60 00:03:05,459 --> 00:03:07,793 ‎当时我在参加瑞秋的香薰与零食派对 61 00:03:07,876 --> 00:03:09,168 ‎我感觉自己体温上升 62 00:03:09,251 --> 00:03:13,084 ‎但瑞秋说是 ‎“肉桂风暴”蜡烛的原因 白痴 63 00:03:13,168 --> 00:03:14,751 ‎我很抱歉 邦妮 64 00:03:14,834 --> 00:03:19,126 ‎那我可以去巡游活动上 ‎见我玩网上高尔夫的朋友了吗? 65 00:03:19,209 --> 00:03:21,959 ‎切 未来一个月我都不需要你 66 00:03:22,043 --> 00:03:24,959 ‎我不是那个意思 我只是心烦 67 00:03:25,043 --> 00:03:27,751 ‎是吗?这顶帽子让你没那么烦了吧? 68 00:03:27,834 --> 00:03:29,543 ‎不会 正好相反 69 00:03:29,626 --> 00:03:33,376 ‎好吧 如果需要我 ‎我在“双妖”花车那里 70 00:03:39,126 --> 00:03:43,043 ‎我看你得搜我身才行 邦兹警长 71 00:03:43,126 --> 00:03:45,418 ‎我是个坏… 72 00:03:45,501 --> 00:03:47,918 ‎今晚有一个吓人的东西 73 00:03:48,001 --> 00:03:52,543 ‎什么?不!有人把我的毛片洗掉 ‎录了《斯文戈里》 74 00:03:56,459 --> 00:03:57,376 ‎(芝加哥) 75 00:03:59,001 --> 00:04:01,584 ‎-干嘛? ‎-黛安!我是汉克巴克利 76 00:04:01,668 --> 00:04:03,084 ‎帅哥汉克? 77 00:04:03,168 --> 00:04:05,918 ‎黛安 我遇到点紧急状况 78 00:04:06,001 --> 00:04:11,084 ‎我们刚刚得知莫莉·莱希痛风犯了 ‎站都站不起来 79 00:04:11,168 --> 00:04:14,543 ‎我希望你能顶替她的位置 80 00:04:14,626 --> 00:04:17,459 ‎说到活跃派对气氛 喝酒一口干 81 00:04:17,543 --> 00:04:19,751 ‎没人比你更在行了 对吧? 82 00:04:19,834 --> 00:04:22,668 ‎我?欧麦利的威士忌花车女王? 83 00:04:22,751 --> 00:04:25,001 ‎-对着管子吹气 ‎-什么声音? 84 00:04:25,084 --> 00:04:29,501 ‎我的法院手…是我的邻居! ‎寇特妮·布雷斯莱特! 85 00:04:29,584 --> 00:04:32,668 ‎黛安 你来吗? ‎这可是你一直以来的心愿 86 00:04:32,751 --> 00:04:35,001 ‎(86年圣帕特里克日 ‎芝加哥最大规模的巡游) 87 00:04:35,084 --> 00:04:37,084 ‎再说一次 对着管子吹气 88 00:04:37,168 --> 00:04:38,751 ‎包在我身上 汉克! 89 00:04:38,834 --> 00:04:41,876 ‎一会儿见 你这块腌牛肉 90 00:04:41,959 --> 00:04:44,793 ‎活性炭恢复棒! 91 00:04:44,876 --> 00:04:46,668 ‎营养又美味! 92 00:04:46,751 --> 00:04:48,209 ‎嘿 费瑟 怎么样? 93 00:04:48,293 --> 00:04:49,751 ‎-很顺利! ‎-太难吃了! 94 00:04:49,834 --> 00:04:51,584 ‎这种情况不算太多 95 00:04:51,668 --> 00:04:54,376 ‎不过我要说 这群人不适合我 96 00:04:54,459 --> 00:04:57,209 ‎太多文化挪用了… 97 00:04:57,293 --> 00:04:58,751 ‎免费威士忌! 98 00:05:00,501 --> 00:05:02,668 ‎我觉得大家只是在寻欢作乐 99 00:05:02,751 --> 00:05:05,293 ‎你知道什么才叫乐趣吗 丹尼尔? ‎丰富的营养! 100 00:05:05,834 --> 00:05:09,001 ‎哇!这家伙尿裤子了 101 00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:10,876 ‎可笑的人是你 先生 102 00:05:10,959 --> 00:05:14,293 ‎我的大麻内裤过几个小时就干了 103 00:05:14,959 --> 00:05:19,209 ‎蒂娜 我的朋友中只有你不喝酒 ‎现在我需要你江湖救急 104 00:05:19,293 --> 00:05:21,751 ‎妹子 我等的就是这一天 105 00:05:21,834 --> 00:05:24,918 ‎我看着你在人生的谷底彷徨很多年了 106 00:05:25,001 --> 00:05:28,543 ‎每次聚会我都会提到你 我会帮你的 107 00:05:29,126 --> 00:05:31,918 ‎太好了!我需要你跟我来 ‎对着酒精检测仪吹气 108 00:05:32,001 --> 00:05:34,418 ‎让我可以嗨起来 ‎去做欧麦利的威士忌女王 109 00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:36,834 ‎上帝啊 请让我冷静 110 00:05:36,918 --> 00:05:40,459 ‎别让我扇这个朋友的脑袋 111 00:05:40,543 --> 00:05:42,709 ‎蒂娜!我可以毫不夸张地说 112 00:05:42,793 --> 00:05:46,209 ‎这能让我成为一个完整的人 113 00:05:46,293 --> 00:05:49,084 ‎黛安 我从没听过如此可悲的事 114 00:05:49,168 --> 00:05:50,584 ‎我还跟魔术师约会过呢 115 00:05:54,168 --> 00:05:56,251 ‎吉迪恩… 116 00:05:56,959 --> 00:06:00,543 ‎不 我可不想参与你幼稚的游戏 117 00:06:01,209 --> 00:06:05,043 ‎幼稚!对了 ‎我可以找我的孩子麦奇帮忙 118 00:06:05,126 --> 00:06:06,376 ‎谢了 吉迪恩! 119 00:06:06,459 --> 00:06:09,459 ‎别谢我 这会让我成为共犯 120 00:06:10,709 --> 00:06:13,709 ‎噢 我的梦想 121 00:06:15,376 --> 00:06:19,793 ‎从来不是表面的样子 从来… 122 00:06:22,251 --> 00:06:23,876 ‎马克! 123 00:06:23,959 --> 00:06:26,876 ‎太好玩了! 124 00:06:26,959 --> 00:06:28,584 ‎活性炭棒? 125 00:06:28,668 --> 00:06:30,543 ‎几乎吃不出碳味 126 00:06:30,626 --> 00:06:33,334 ‎泰瑞?天啊 真的是你! 127 00:06:33,418 --> 00:06:35,584 ‎不 他叫费瑟 128 00:06:35,668 --> 00:06:37,084 ‎费瑟? 129 00:06:37,168 --> 00:06:39,626 ‎不 这是泰瑞·杜金达夫 130 00:06:39,709 --> 00:06:42,584 ‎这家伙是个猛兽 拉萨勒街的雄狮 131 00:06:43,376 --> 00:06:45,459 ‎我已经不是雄狮了 132 00:06:45,543 --> 00:06:47,876 ‎泰瑞能在派对上 ‎干翻贸易委员会的任何人 133 00:06:47,959 --> 00:06:52,168 ‎我见过他一个晚上 ‎吸了三包三克的毒品 134 00:06:52,251 --> 00:06:54,793 ‎-我不打台球 好吗? ‎-你的头发是怎么回事? 135 00:06:54,876 --> 00:06:55,959 ‎不要 拜托! 136 00:06:56,959 --> 00:06:58,251 ‎你戴假发? 137 00:06:58,334 --> 00:07:00,293 ‎哇!抱歉 伙计 138 00:07:00,376 --> 00:07:02,626 ‎我们要去麦克杜格尔酒吧 一起去吧 139 00:07:02,709 --> 00:07:04,959 ‎不 我去不了 我们在工作 140 00:07:05,043 --> 00:07:06,668 ‎这个炭棒难吃死了! 141 00:07:06,751 --> 00:07:09,959 ‎好吧 回见 泰瑞 142 00:07:10,043 --> 00:07:11,459 ‎应该是“费瑟” 143 00:07:12,418 --> 00:07:13,459 ‎我知道 对吧? 144 00:07:13,543 --> 00:07:15,918 ‎可恶!我是个骗子 丹尼尔! 145 00:07:16,001 --> 00:07:17,876 ‎嘿 伙计 别理他们 146 00:07:17,959 --> 00:07:21,084 ‎每个人都有过去 ‎以前我还跟别人说我是直男呢 147 00:07:21,168 --> 00:07:23,459 ‎以前我懂得寻欢作乐 148 00:07:23,543 --> 00:07:27,626 ‎再看看现在的我 ‎在饮酒巡游上派发炭棒 149 00:07:27,709 --> 00:07:31,709 ‎费瑟 就算是做现在的自己 ‎你照样可以寻欢作乐啊 150 00:07:32,293 --> 00:07:33,793 ‎知道吗?你说得对! 151 00:07:33,876 --> 00:07:37,084 ‎让这些破炭棒去死吧 确实很难吃 152 00:07:37,168 --> 00:07:38,501 ‎我们来喝一杯 153 00:07:38,584 --> 00:07:40,168 ‎哦 好的 154 00:07:42,251 --> 00:07:44,251 ‎泰瑞喜欢喝威士忌 155 00:07:44,334 --> 00:07:46,418 ‎想喝啤酒吗?我请客 156 00:07:46,501 --> 00:07:48,626 ‎好 去哪儿喝? 157 00:07:49,584 --> 00:07:50,959 ‎我知道一个地方 158 00:07:53,459 --> 00:07:55,376 ‎我去 159 00:07:55,459 --> 00:07:58,668 ‎现在我能体会埃及人 ‎发现金字塔时的感受了 160 00:07:58,751 --> 00:08:00,334 ‎嗨 你一定是黛安了! 161 00:08:00,418 --> 00:08:02,251 ‎花车马上就出发了 162 00:08:02,334 --> 00:08:05,668 ‎车上有个移动厕所 但不能上大号 163 00:08:05,751 --> 00:08:08,584 ‎这是典礼用的杯子 ‎你用它喝第一杯酒 164 00:08:08,668 --> 00:08:12,626 ‎太好了!我正在等我的大号酒杯呢 ‎我是说我的男伴 165 00:08:12,709 --> 00:08:15,043 ‎妈?妈! 166 00:08:15,126 --> 00:08:18,293 ‎麦奇 谢天谢地!我的吹气者 167 00:08:18,376 --> 00:08:20,126 ‎我找到你了 妈妈 168 00:08:20,209 --> 00:08:22,918 ‎好臭! 169 00:08:23,001 --> 00:08:24,709 ‎你今天喝酒了吗? 170 00:08:24,793 --> 00:08:28,501 ‎没有!等等 我昨晚喝了酒 ‎可能酒还没醒 171 00:08:28,584 --> 00:08:32,459 ‎好了 谁想来启动欧麦利的花车? 172 00:08:32,543 --> 00:08:34,584 ‎对着管子吹气 173 00:08:35,834 --> 00:08:38,751 ‎她在那里 今年的女王 174 00:08:38,834 --> 00:08:42,251 ‎我等不及要看看你的裙底了 175 00:08:42,334 --> 00:08:44,793 ‎恶心!走开 鼠辈! 176 00:08:44,876 --> 00:08:48,209 ‎黛安 是我啊 汉克巴克利 177 00:08:53,959 --> 00:08:58,834 ‎健硕的汉克?天啊 ‎你的脸和体型怎么变成这样了? 178 00:08:58,918 --> 00:09:00,126 ‎出车祸了吗? 179 00:09:00,876 --> 00:09:04,959 ‎没出车祸 我终于 ‎把烦人的背部矫正器摘掉了 180 00:09:05,043 --> 00:09:06,959 ‎-多谢 你有心了 ‎-是啊… 181 00:09:07,043 --> 00:09:12,043 ‎前方有十个狂欢的街区在等着我们 ‎然后你将接受加冕 182 00:09:12,126 --> 00:09:15,209 ‎如果一切顺利 ‎也许我会告诉莫莉·莱希 183 00:09:15,293 --> 00:09:18,334 ‎我们有了新的终身女王了 184 00:09:19,459 --> 00:09:22,793 ‎我去 真是不敢相信那是健硕的汉克 185 00:09:22,876 --> 00:09:26,334 ‎当初跟他亲热的时候 ‎我肯定是喝啤酒喝昏头了 186 00:09:26,418 --> 00:09:28,084 ‎我不想听 妈妈 187 00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:32,501 ‎女士们先生们 举起酒杯 我们出发 188 00:09:34,251 --> 00:09:38,001 ‎麦奇 快点 引开大家的注意力 ‎别让他们看着我 189 00:09:38,084 --> 00:09:39,834 ‎收到 妈妈 190 00:09:40,751 --> 00:09:42,793 ‎请原谅我 上帝 191 00:09:43,959 --> 00:09:47,418 ‎勒布朗·詹姆斯 ‎是史上最伟大的篮球运动员 192 00:09:51,251 --> 00:09:53,709 ‎是乔丹! 193 00:09:53,793 --> 00:09:55,751 ‎乔丹才是最棒的! 194 00:09:55,834 --> 00:09:57,043 ‎快走! 195 00:09:57,126 --> 00:09:58,751 ‎抓住他! 196 00:09:59,459 --> 00:10:02,334 ‎嘿!来狂欢吧! 197 00:10:05,834 --> 00:10:07,334 ‎真好笑 费瑟 198 00:10:07,418 --> 00:10:09,334 ‎我无法想象你会来这种地方 199 00:10:09,418 --> 00:10:13,168 ‎开玩笑吗? ‎我以前是这里的老板 辛蒂! 200 00:10:13,251 --> 00:10:14,876 ‎-我叫瑞秋 ‎-瑞秋! 201 00:10:14,959 --> 00:10:18,376 ‎四杯尊美醇 两杯杰野格利口酒 ‎四杯爱尔兰汽车炸弹 202 00:10:18,459 --> 00:10:20,501 ‎这也太多了 203 00:10:20,584 --> 00:10:22,793 ‎错 这只是开始 204 00:10:28,668 --> 00:10:33,001 ‎现在泰瑞很开心!嘿! ‎瘦子乔还在这里吗? 205 00:10:33,084 --> 00:10:34,876 ‎在 你知道去哪里找他 206 00:10:34,959 --> 00:10:36,043 ‎说实话 207 00:10:36,126 --> 00:10:40,376 ‎本来今天上班让我挺郁闷的 ‎但这也太棒了! 208 00:10:40,459 --> 00:10:43,543 ‎对…什么?我要去吸两口 209 00:10:43,626 --> 00:10:44,834 ‎我是说 我去尿尿 210 00:10:44,918 --> 00:10:46,876 ‎好 我再喝两杯 211 00:10:51,209 --> 00:10:53,876 ‎我不明白你为什么不接电话 马克 212 00:10:53,959 --> 00:10:55,918 ‎但测试结果是阳性 213 00:10:56,001 --> 00:11:00,751 ‎我们只有很短的时间窗口做爱 214 00:11:00,834 --> 00:11:02,418 ‎我来找你 215 00:11:02,501 --> 00:11:04,209 ‎我也一样 216 00:11:04,293 --> 00:11:07,293 ‎当我需要的时候 我就是需要 懂吧? 217 00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:10,626 ‎能麻烦你打开收音机吗? 218 00:11:10,709 --> 00:11:12,501 ‎-好! ‎-圣帕特里克节快乐! 219 00:11:12,584 --> 00:11:14,251 ‎-继续来! ‎-是酒! 220 00:11:14,334 --> 00:11:15,584 ‎跟我们喝一杯吧 女王! 221 00:11:15,668 --> 00:11:17,543 ‎别他妈怂恿我了! 222 00:11:17,626 --> 00:11:19,876 ‎我是说 现在还不行 亲爱的 223 00:11:19,959 --> 00:11:21,793 ‎我得慢慢喝 懂吧? 224 00:11:21,876 --> 00:11:23,793 ‎没事吧 黛安? 225 00:11:23,876 --> 00:11:27,793 ‎我喝了很多酒 有点头晕 226 00:11:27,876 --> 00:11:30,168 ‎来 吃点东西吧 227 00:11:30,251 --> 00:11:33,584 ‎天啊!我超喜欢爱尔兰玉米片 228 00:11:34,876 --> 00:11:39,459 ‎腌牛肉变质了 大家不要吃玉米片! 229 00:11:39,543 --> 00:11:41,876 ‎-我正在吃! ‎-我的教堂裤子! 230 00:11:42,793 --> 00:11:45,376 ‎很好吃啊 你怎么了? 231 00:11:45,459 --> 00:11:49,626 ‎不知道 不知道为什么 ‎吃起来味道很怪 232 00:11:50,751 --> 00:11:53,168 ‎嘿 把音乐调大声 233 00:11:53,251 --> 00:11:55,501 ‎(DJ帕蒂) 234 00:11:55,584 --> 00:11:57,168 ‎耶! 235 00:11:57,251 --> 00:11:58,418 ‎我们来摇滚吧! 236 00:11:58,501 --> 00:12:00,334 ‎来吧 各位! 237 00:12:03,293 --> 00:12:04,918 ‎找准节奏! 238 00:12:05,001 --> 00:12:06,126 ‎你先找到再说吧! 239 00:12:07,209 --> 00:12:08,459 ‎你真烂! 240 00:12:09,584 --> 00:12:12,501 ‎我上个厕所 很快 241 00:12:13,459 --> 00:12:14,793 ‎对着管子吹气 242 00:12:17,168 --> 00:12:18,918 ‎(勃勒美发店) 243 00:12:21,293 --> 00:12:24,334 ‎黛安 我说了 ‎我不会帮你这个醉鬼打掩护的 244 00:12:24,418 --> 00:12:26,501 ‎我没喝醉 我很清醒 245 00:12:26,584 --> 00:12:27,501 ‎继续说 246 00:12:27,584 --> 00:12:30,126 ‎食物的味道怪怪的 汉克成了鼹鼠人 247 00:12:30,209 --> 00:12:32,793 ‎我的舞步比苏珊娜的烫发还要僵硬 248 00:12:35,459 --> 00:12:37,751 ‎香烟也很恶心 249 00:12:37,834 --> 00:12:40,084 ‎你的身体正在适应没有酒精的生活 250 00:12:40,168 --> 00:12:41,584 ‎你的感官在变得敏锐 251 00:12:41,668 --> 00:12:42,918 ‎现在是上午11点 252 00:12:43,001 --> 00:12:45,418 ‎不喝酒也没什么大不了 253 00:12:45,501 --> 00:12:47,751 ‎你就说吧 我要如何度过清醒期? 254 00:12:47,834 --> 00:12:49,918 ‎好 你现在在哪儿? 255 00:12:50,001 --> 00:12:52,418 ‎我在一辆花车上的移动厕所中 ‎憋着大便 256 00:12:52,501 --> 00:12:56,209 ‎-舔着一块大麻二酚软糖 ‎-通常我们会说这是“惨到家了” 257 00:12:56,293 --> 00:12:58,668 ‎但现在是你 所以我不确定 258 00:12:59,584 --> 00:13:04,168 ‎讽刺的是 那是我最爽的一次性爱 259 00:13:04,251 --> 00:13:07,793 ‎所以现在我更喜欢小阴茎 260 00:13:07,876 --> 00:13:09,001 ‎停车! 261 00:13:09,709 --> 00:13:12,293 ‎你的故事太私密了 262 00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:16,043 ‎马克!谢天谢地 我在排卵… 263 00:13:16,126 --> 00:13:18,959 ‎嗯?嘿 美女 264 00:13:19,543 --> 00:13:20,709 ‎该死 265 00:13:22,543 --> 00:13:23,834 ‎可恶! 266 00:13:23,918 --> 00:13:25,209 ‎(麦克杜格尔酒吧) 267 00:13:25,293 --> 00:13:26,209 ‎他在玩押韵! 268 00:13:26,293 --> 00:13:27,834 ‎我八岁那年 269 00:13:27,918 --> 00:13:30,043 ‎我妈递给我一杯很棒的酒 270 00:13:30,126 --> 00:13:31,793 ‎我问她:“里面是什么?” 271 00:13:31,876 --> 00:13:33,376 ‎她说:“是健力士黑啤” 272 00:13:33,459 --> 00:13:36,209 ‎那一小口就封印了我的命运 273 00:13:41,501 --> 00:13:44,376 ‎我喜欢这家伙 我喝醉了 274 00:13:44,459 --> 00:13:47,834 ‎如果没酒了 ‎我们知道能从谁的肚子里泵出酒来 275 00:13:47,918 --> 00:13:52,668 ‎对!让我们为这个小矮怪 ‎再玩一次押韵吧 276 00:13:53,501 --> 00:13:55,626 ‎你他妈的叫我什么? 277 00:13:55,709 --> 00:13:56,959 ‎哦!不 278 00:13:57,043 --> 00:13:59,751 ‎我知道你不是小矮怪 279 00:13:59,834 --> 00:14:01,668 ‎不过你得承认 280 00:14:01,751 --> 00:14:04,751 ‎你这身行头 跳着吉格舞 281 00:14:04,834 --> 00:14:05,876 ‎还有打油诗 282 00:14:05,959 --> 00:14:08,876 ‎我都想花钱请你为派对助兴了 283 00:14:08,959 --> 00:14:11,793 ‎你是谁?我真的很想知道 284 00:14:11,876 --> 00:14:13,543 ‎我叫吉姆·麦克杜格尔 285 00:14:13,626 --> 00:14:17,209 ‎这个酒吧是我的 没有人 286 00:14:17,293 --> 00:14:18,876 ‎敢叫我小矮怪 287 00:14:18,959 --> 00:14:19,793 ‎天啊 288 00:14:21,709 --> 00:14:23,293 ‎蒂娜 我该怎么办? 289 00:14:23,376 --> 00:14:24,626 ‎赶紧离开那里 290 00:14:24,709 --> 00:14:26,793 ‎黛安 加冕时间到了 291 00:14:26,876 --> 00:14:29,584 ‎不 我在上小号 我发誓! 292 00:14:29,668 --> 00:14:31,834 ‎出来吧 快点! 293 00:14:31,918 --> 00:14:35,918 ‎没问题 等我…擦干净 294 00:14:36,001 --> 00:14:39,459 ‎蒂娜 如果我不出去 ‎当着那些人的面喝一杯 295 00:14:39,543 --> 00:14:41,084 ‎那我就当不了女王 296 00:14:41,168 --> 00:14:42,793 ‎真正的女王敢作敢当 297 00:14:42,876 --> 00:14:44,543 ‎只要你做真实的自己 298 00:14:44,626 --> 00:14:46,584 ‎别人才不在乎你是否喝酒呢 299 00:14:46,668 --> 00:14:48,584 ‎这是最勇敢的做法 300 00:14:48,668 --> 00:14:51,001 ‎你一直是勇敢做自己的 301 00:14:51,084 --> 00:14:56,418 ‎所以出去吧 让所有人看看 ‎你这个没喝酒的女汉子有多豪气 302 00:14:56,501 --> 00:14:58,709 ‎蒂娜 你是我的好姐妹 303 00:14:58,793 --> 00:15:00,959 ‎别说“好姐妹” 说姐妹就行了 304 00:15:01,043 --> 00:15:02,043 ‎收到 305 00:15:04,293 --> 00:15:06,084 ‎这也不是什么行头 306 00:15:06,168 --> 00:15:10,876 ‎这身衣服是我爷爷传给我爸 ‎再由我爸传给我的 307 00:15:11,793 --> 00:15:15,709 ‎丹尼尔 我需要20块钱 ‎和一把带精美凹槽的钥匙 308 00:15:15,793 --> 00:15:18,293 ‎泰瑞·杜金达夫! 309 00:15:18,376 --> 00:15:19,418 ‎胆子不小嘛 310 00:15:19,501 --> 00:15:21,834 ‎过了这么多年还敢来这里 311 00:15:21,918 --> 00:15:24,251 ‎你欠了八千块酒钱 312 00:15:24,334 --> 00:15:26,584 ‎今天你得把酒钱结了 313 00:15:26,668 --> 00:15:29,501 ‎-我们还是走吧 ‎-丹尼尔 冷静 我来处理 314 00:15:29,584 --> 00:15:31,751 ‎去死吧 小侏儒 315 00:15:31,834 --> 00:15:32,959 ‎你有收据吗? 316 00:15:33,043 --> 00:15:36,709 ‎要是没有 就舔我的大鸡巴吧! 317 00:15:36,793 --> 00:15:38,584 ‎我看还是用老办法解决吧 318 00:15:38,668 --> 00:15:42,626 ‎这些年我一直想揍你 你这个小贱人 319 00:15:42,709 --> 00:15:44,293 ‎不小 体格正常 320 00:15:44,376 --> 00:15:46,709 ‎我不跟你打 我儿子跟你打 321 00:15:46,793 --> 00:15:50,501 ‎谢默斯?他才13岁 ‎我会打得他满地找牙 322 00:15:50,584 --> 00:15:52,626 ‎谢默斯! 323 00:16:04,251 --> 00:16:05,251 ‎耶! 324 00:16:10,376 --> 00:16:12,251 ‎(幸运) 325 00:16:12,334 --> 00:16:13,251 ‎(谢默斯) 326 00:16:13,334 --> 00:16:15,084 ‎(杀人 毁灭 谋杀 伤害) 327 00:16:15,168 --> 00:16:17,501 ‎(拳打爱尔兰人) 328 00:16:17,584 --> 00:16:20,709 ‎见鬼!他已经21岁了 329 00:16:20,793 --> 00:16:23,418 ‎我忘了时间的流逝 330 00:16:25,668 --> 00:16:28,168 ‎我就不废话了 331 00:16:28,251 --> 00:16:33,709 ‎大家举杯 为今年的 ‎欧麦利威士忌女王加冕吧 332 00:16:33,793 --> 00:16:35,876 ‎灿烂地微笑 大口喝酒 333 00:16:35,959 --> 00:16:37,918 ‎王冠就是你的了 334 00:16:41,043 --> 00:16:42,834 ‎大家都好吗? 335 00:16:42,918 --> 00:16:48,959 ‎耶!大家举杯 一起敬欧麦利 336 00:16:49,043 --> 00:16:51,876 ‎今天我就不喝了 337 00:16:51,959 --> 00:16:53,376 ‎-什么? ‎-你是认真的吗? 338 00:16:53,459 --> 00:16:55,793 ‎别误会 我希望大家都喝 339 00:16:55,876 --> 00:16:58,209 ‎但我其实没喝酒 340 00:16:58,293 --> 00:17:00,084 ‎我平时不是这样的 341 00:17:00,168 --> 00:17:02,459 ‎但今天我就是这样 342 00:17:02,543 --> 00:17:06,251 ‎我也能够接受 因为有我就够了 343 00:17:06,334 --> 00:17:09,959 ‎就算不喝酒 我也是威士忌女王 344 00:17:10,043 --> 00:17:11,168 ‎对吧? 345 00:17:14,126 --> 00:17:16,793 ‎大错特错 你太烂了 女士 346 00:17:18,168 --> 00:17:20,126 ‎嘿!哇!天啊! 347 00:17:20,209 --> 00:17:23,251 ‎她不喝酒让我觉得自己很差劲! 348 00:17:24,209 --> 00:17:25,376 ‎(厕所弹射) 349 00:17:30,668 --> 00:17:32,168 ‎不! 350 00:17:33,251 --> 00:17:36,626 ‎看在爱的份上… ‎不是说不许上大号吗? 351 00:17:38,334 --> 00:17:40,043 ‎-蒂娜! ‎-嘿 怎么样了? 352 00:17:41,001 --> 00:17:42,626 ‎-我很坦诚 ‎-很好 353 00:17:42,709 --> 00:17:44,751 ‎他们把我从花车上扔下来了 354 00:17:44,834 --> 00:17:48,418 ‎但你做到了 你应该开心才对 355 00:17:48,501 --> 00:17:49,793 ‎我不开心 356 00:17:49,876 --> 00:17:52,126 ‎别再朝我扔东西了 你们这些醉鬼! 357 00:17:52,209 --> 00:17:55,168 ‎现在我才发现 ‎我不喝酒对任何人都没好处 358 00:17:55,251 --> 00:17:58,084 ‎现在我还不如大醉一场 359 00:17:58,168 --> 00:18:00,459 ‎嘿 看着点! 360 00:18:00,543 --> 00:18:02,043 ‎黛安 记住 361 00:18:02,584 --> 00:18:04,459 ‎如果你喝酒 你会坐牢的 362 00:18:06,959 --> 00:18:09,584 ‎黛安?喂?黛安? 363 00:18:10,251 --> 00:18:11,418 ‎该死 364 00:18:13,293 --> 00:18:15,418 ‎你们发什么神经? 365 00:18:18,251 --> 00:18:20,668 ‎别…挡着我! 366 00:18:22,834 --> 00:18:24,251 ‎该死! 367 00:18:25,668 --> 00:18:26,626 ‎看着点! 368 00:18:27,293 --> 00:18:28,334 ‎邦妮? 369 00:18:29,168 --> 00:18:30,709 ‎这边! 370 00:18:30,793 --> 00:18:34,334 ‎我需要找到马克 我们得…做爱 371 00:18:34,418 --> 00:18:39,168 ‎天啊!除了我 城里的人全喝醉了 372 00:18:39,251 --> 00:18:40,834 ‎简直是噩梦! 373 00:18:44,084 --> 00:18:47,001 ‎抱歉 快乐爱尔兰人 374 00:18:49,834 --> 00:18:51,626 ‎免费威士忌! 375 00:18:52,334 --> 00:18:53,626 ‎对着管子吹气 376 00:18:53,709 --> 00:18:55,584 ‎免费威士忌! 377 00:18:55,668 --> 00:18:57,584 ‎滚开 机器人先生 378 00:18:59,376 --> 00:19:00,959 ‎你确定吗 费瑟? 379 00:19:01,043 --> 00:19:03,043 ‎那家伙看起来很可怕 380 00:19:03,126 --> 00:19:05,501 ‎什么?就他?他那身肌肉中看不中用 381 00:19:06,543 --> 00:19:08,043 ‎那根钢管也是中看不中用 382 00:19:08,126 --> 00:19:10,459 ‎好吧 我又要上厕所了 383 00:19:10,543 --> 00:19:13,959 ‎拿着这个 别让那个爱尔兰软蛋跑了 384 00:19:14,043 --> 00:19:15,918 ‎该开始了 他人呢? 385 00:19:16,001 --> 00:19:18,209 ‎厕所 应该很快就回来… 386 00:19:19,126 --> 00:19:20,668 ‎哦 不 387 00:19:20,751 --> 00:19:23,251 ‎该死的胆小鬼 ‎看来只有你上了 小伙子 388 00:19:23,334 --> 00:19:24,334 ‎等等 什么? 389 00:19:24,418 --> 00:19:25,876 ‎新拳手! 390 00:19:25,959 --> 00:19:31,959 ‎新拳手! 391 00:19:33,168 --> 00:19:37,209 ‎好吧 如果你不想让我喝酒 ‎就给我一个征兆 392 00:19:38,043 --> 00:19:41,043 ‎新拳手! 393 00:19:43,626 --> 00:19:44,584 ‎搞什么… 394 00:19:50,543 --> 00:19:52,001 ‎下注了! 395 00:19:52,084 --> 00:19:54,543 ‎这个小伙子的赔率为一万比一 396 00:19:54,626 --> 00:19:57,418 ‎求你了 我不行 我从没打过架 397 00:19:57,501 --> 00:19:59,626 ‎除非算上舞台打斗课 398 00:19:59,709 --> 00:20:00,668 ‎我的成绩还是C! 399 00:20:00,751 --> 00:20:03,501 ‎你应该在你口不择言 ‎说我是L开头的那个词之前 400 00:20:03,584 --> 00:20:04,793 ‎就想到这一点 401 00:20:04,876 --> 00:20:06,709 ‎我没有说你是女同志 402 00:20:06,793 --> 00:20:07,709 ‎小矮怪! 403 00:20:07,793 --> 00:20:10,626 ‎哦 L开头的词通常是指女同志 404 00:20:10,709 --> 00:20:11,959 ‎有个节目… 405 00:20:13,043 --> 00:20:14,459 ‎无所谓了 拜托你停止 406 00:20:15,376 --> 00:20:16,793 ‎你死定了 小子 407 00:20:16,876 --> 00:20:18,084 ‎别打! 408 00:20:18,168 --> 00:20:19,418 ‎让开! 409 00:20:20,001 --> 00:20:22,959 ‎黛安姨妈?救救我!我喝醉了 410 00:20:23,043 --> 00:20:24,334 ‎你是谁? 411 00:20:24,418 --> 00:20:27,084 ‎我是他的姨妈 我要叫停这场比赛 412 00:20:27,168 --> 00:20:28,876 ‎把手套脱掉 孩子 413 00:20:28,959 --> 00:20:30,668 ‎脱不掉 他们用胶带绑住了 414 00:20:30,751 --> 00:20:31,668 ‎别脱手套 415 00:20:31,751 --> 00:20:32,626 ‎赌注已下 416 00:20:32,709 --> 00:20:34,959 ‎那小子必须打到还清债务为止 417 00:20:35,834 --> 00:20:37,918 ‎停 我不是故意要押韵 418 00:20:38,001 --> 00:20:40,043 ‎我不会一直用打油诗说话 419 00:20:40,126 --> 00:20:42,168 ‎好吧 我听到了 420 00:20:42,251 --> 00:20:43,834 ‎押韵到此为止 421 00:20:43,918 --> 00:20:46,001 ‎不是到此为止 是结束了 422 00:20:46,084 --> 00:20:47,418 ‎老天 每次… 423 00:20:47,501 --> 00:20:51,793 ‎等等!什么味道?这里有煤气的臭味 424 00:20:52,376 --> 00:20:54,501 ‎她只是想阻止打斗 她在撒谎 425 00:20:54,584 --> 00:20:55,959 ‎才怪 426 00:20:56,043 --> 00:20:58,709 ‎你们闻不到 因为你们喝醉了 427 00:20:58,793 --> 00:21:01,876 ‎今天是圣帕特里克节 ‎每个人都喝醉了 428 00:21:01,959 --> 00:21:03,293 ‎我没醉 429 00:21:03,376 --> 00:21:06,168 ‎我在跟你们说 我们必须离开这里 430 00:21:06,251 --> 00:21:08,918 ‎她说得对 指针在红色区! 431 00:21:09,001 --> 00:21:10,418 ‎大家快跑! 432 00:21:10,501 --> 00:21:13,668 ‎所有人赶紧出去 快点! ‎这地方要爆炸了! 433 00:21:18,126 --> 00:21:20,209 ‎你还撑得住吧 伙计? 434 00:21:20,293 --> 00:21:23,668 ‎我很饿 但我想吐 435 00:21:23,751 --> 00:21:25,959 ‎嗯 这种感觉最爽了 436 00:21:26,876 --> 00:21:27,876 ‎蒂娜! 437 00:21:27,959 --> 00:21:30,459 ‎不!我来得太迟了 438 00:21:30,543 --> 00:21:33,584 ‎不 这不是我吐的 我没喝酒 439 00:21:33,668 --> 00:21:35,001 ‎一切顺利 440 00:21:36,418 --> 00:21:37,709 ‎天啊! 441 00:21:37,793 --> 00:21:40,501 ‎啊!这里还有二楼! 442 00:21:40,584 --> 00:21:46,334 ‎蒂娜 信不信由你 ‎我救了这些人 因为我没喝酒 443 00:21:46,418 --> 00:21:48,126 ‎我真为你骄傲 黛安 444 00:21:48,209 --> 00:21:50,418 ‎没有你我也做不到 蒂娜 445 00:21:50,501 --> 00:21:52,168 ‎等我摘下这个手镯之后 446 00:21:52,251 --> 00:21:55,043 ‎-我要敬你一杯 ‎-抱歉 什么? 447 00:21:55,126 --> 00:21:58,084 ‎显然 我会重新端起酒杯 448 00:21:58,168 --> 00:22:00,709 ‎但现在我知道了 ‎只要我想 我就能戒掉 449 00:22:00,793 --> 00:22:02,001 ‎多亏了你 450 00:22:02,084 --> 00:22:03,918 ‎可以开车送我回家吗? 451 00:22:04,001 --> 00:22:05,834 ‎这是你的错 蒂娜 452 00:22:05,918 --> 00:22:07,501 ‎是你自找的 453 00:22:07,584 --> 00:22:08,626 ‎来吧 上车 454 00:22:11,293 --> 00:22:13,626 ‎太棒了 马克! 455 00:22:13,709 --> 00:22:16,126 ‎太棒了 马克! 456 00:22:16,209 --> 00:22:19,959 ‎真是不敢相信 ‎我最疯狂的一次圣帕特里克节 457 00:22:20,043 --> 00:22:22,334 ‎我竟然没有喝酒 458 00:22:23,209 --> 00:22:25,918 ‎后来丹尼尔和费瑟想通了 459 00:22:26,001 --> 00:22:30,251 ‎费瑟意识到 ‎最好把自己的过去留在过去 460 00:22:30,334 --> 00:22:32,959 ‎他还让丹尼尔每个月多放两天假 461 00:22:33,043 --> 00:22:34,793 ‎作为他的封口费 462 00:22:36,043 --> 00:22:39,334 ‎至于我嘛 在蒂娜的帮助下 463 00:22:39,418 --> 00:22:43,084 ‎我发现我还是有自制力的 464 00:22:43,168 --> 00:22:46,793 ‎也许我搞砸了唯一一次 ‎成为威士忌女王的机会 465 00:22:46,876 --> 00:22:49,251 ‎但不是所有的女王都戴王冠 466 00:22:49,751 --> 00:22:52,376 ‎有的女王戴着手镯 467 00:22:53,293 --> 00:22:54,959 ‎别说了!拜托你住口 468 00:22:55,043 --> 00:22:57,751 ‎你说的这些人我一个都不认识 ‎我也不在乎 469 00:22:57,834 --> 00:23:00,668 ‎我今天叫你过来 是想取掉你的手镯 470 00:23:00,751 --> 00:23:03,209 ‎什么?一个月过得好快啊! 471 00:23:03,293 --> 00:23:04,543 ‎才过了四天 472 00:23:04,626 --> 00:23:07,668 ‎不过鉴于你 ‎在麦克杜格尔酒吧的英勇之举 473 00:23:07,751 --> 00:23:10,793 ‎我免除你剩下的刑期 法警! 474 00:23:11,459 --> 00:23:12,918 ‎太好了! 475 00:23:15,334 --> 00:23:16,501 ‎拿出去喝! 476 00:23:16,584 --> 00:23:17,793 ‎快点! 477 00:23:17,876 --> 00:23:21,793 ‎下一个案子 芝加哥市政府 ‎起诉马克和邦妮威丁顿 478 00:23:21,876 --> 00:23:26,543 ‎罪名是公共场合醉酒 ‎并且进行有伤风化的性行为 479 00:23:26,626 --> 00:23:29,626 ‎天啊!穿帮了! 480 00:23:29,709 --> 00:23:32,959 ‎-嘿 两个色鬼!想喝啤酒吗? ‎-出去! 481 00:24:10,751 --> 00:24:15,751 ‎字幕翻译:刘波