1
00:01:00,127 --> 00:01:03,230
<i>Today is gonna be</i>
<i>the best day ever.</i>

2
00:01:03,263 --> 00:01:04,766
<i>How do I know that?</i>

3
00:01:04,799 --> 00:01:06,568
<i>Because every day</i>
<i>is the best day ever.</i>

4
00:01:06,601 --> 00:01:08,703
<i>I love my life.</i>

5
00:01:08,736 --> 00:01:11,839
<i>I love sunshine,</i>
<i>I love butterflies,</i>

6
00:01:11,873 --> 00:01:16,176
<i>but more than anything,</i>
<i>I love Doug.</i>

7
00:01:16,209 --> 00:01:18,445
Hey!

8
00:01:18,478 --> 00:01:20,247
Shut the fuck up.

9
00:01:20,882 --> 00:01:22,316
Fucking piece of shit.

10
00:01:22,349 --> 00:01:24,652
<i>That's Doug, also known as</i>

11
00:01:24,686 --> 00:01:26,453
<i>the best owner in the world.</i>

12
00:01:28,388 --> 00:01:31,258
<i>I still remember</i>
<i>the first day we met.</i>

13
00:01:31,291 --> 00:01:33,761
She was, too, flirting
with you.

14
00:01:33,795 --> 00:01:36,263
Hey, babies.

15
00:01:36,296 --> 00:01:38,866
<i>The second Doug laid eyes on me,</i>

16
00:01:38,900 --> 00:01:41,201
<i>we knew we were meant</i>
<i>to be together.</i>

17
00:01:41,234 --> 00:01:42,570
Fuck.

18
00:01:42,604 --> 00:01:46,340
<i>Ever since that day,</i>
<i>he and I have been inseparable.</i>

19
00:01:46,941 --> 00:01:48,743
<i>Why is Doug so great?</i>

20
00:01:48,776 --> 00:01:50,210
<i>-Where do I begin?</i>
-Get down.

21
00:01:50,243 --> 00:01:52,379
<i>He loves being around me</i>
<i>so much,</i>

22
00:01:52,412 --> 00:01:54,616
<i>he doesn't even have a job.</i>

23
00:01:55,917 --> 00:01:58,485
<i>Also, Doug doesn't get me</i>
<i>boring dog toys.</i>

24
00:01:58,519 --> 00:02:00,722
<i>He lets me come up</i>
<i>with my own toys.</i>

25
00:02:00,755 --> 00:02:02,222
Hi, Reggie. What you got?

26
00:02:02,255 --> 00:02:04,257
<i>Like this stretchy thing.</i>

27
00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:06,628
-What the fuck?
-Uh...

28
00:02:06,661 --> 00:02:07,762
Those aren't mine.

29
00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:09,564
There is a simple explanation.

30
00:02:09,597 --> 00:02:11,431
This was supposed to be
a Christmas present.

31
00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:12,432
Doug, it's July.

32
00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:13,935
<i>Sometimes I worry</i>

33
00:02:13,968 --> 00:02:15,903
<i>if I'm doing a good job</i>
<i>making Doug happy.</i>

34
00:02:15,937 --> 00:02:17,605
-You don't get it.
-I'm done. Reggie.

35
00:02:17,639 --> 00:02:19,641
<i>But then I realized</i>
<i>I do make Doug happy.</i>

36
00:02:19,674 --> 00:02:22,175
What are you doing?
You don't even like the dog.

37
00:02:22,209 --> 00:02:24,211
I love this dog.

38
00:02:24,244 --> 00:02:25,613
<i>And that makes me happy.</i>

39
00:02:25,647 --> 00:02:28,448
--All that matters
is that you like him,

40
00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:30,752
and I like that
you don't get to have him.

41
00:02:30,785 --> 00:02:33,487
You are a total fucking loser.

42
00:02:33,521 --> 00:02:35,657
Yeah, a loser with a dog.

43
00:02:35,690 --> 00:02:38,492
<i>Honestly,</i>
<i>the only thing in the world</i>

44
00:02:38,526 --> 00:02:41,261
<i>that Doug maybe loves</i>
<i>more than me</i>

45
00:02:41,294 --> 00:02:44,264
<i>is his favorite toy: his penis.</i>

46
00:02:44,297 --> 00:02:45,933
<i>He gives it haircuts.</i>

47
00:02:45,967 --> 00:02:47,502
<i>He watches TV with it.</i>

48
00:02:47,535 --> 00:02:49,236
Flip it around!

49
00:02:49,269 --> 00:02:50,470
Stop staring. You're ruining it.

50
00:02:50,505 --> 00:02:52,406
<i>And the way he pets that thing,</i>

51
00:02:52,439 --> 00:02:55,275
<i>sometimes I wish I was a penis.</i>

52
00:02:55,308 --> 00:02:56,811
<i>But every time</i>
<i>I try to play with it,</i>

53
00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:58,680
<i>he gets so possessive.</i>

54
00:02:58,713 --> 00:03:00,280
Get off! Get-- Bad dog!

55
00:03:00,313 --> 00:03:01,816
<i>The key to any good relationship</i>

56
00:03:01,849 --> 00:03:03,250
<i>is having things in common.</i>

57
00:03:03,283 --> 00:03:04,585
<i>We both like barking.</i>

58
00:03:07,989 --> 00:03:09,957
<i>We both love a good scratch.</i>

59
00:03:13,795 --> 00:03:18,566
<i>And we can stay up all night</i>
<i>just talking for hours.</i>

60
00:03:19,901 --> 00:03:21,736
You fucked up my life,
didn't you?

61
00:03:21,769 --> 00:03:23,871
<i>Even though I don't</i>
<i>understand what he's saying...</i>

62
00:03:23,905 --> 00:03:28,009
She never would've found out
if it wasn't for your dumb ass.

63
00:03:28,042 --> 00:03:30,578
<i>...I can tell he loves me.</i>

64
00:03:32,747 --> 00:03:35,415
<i>And while I don't know</i>
<i>that many human beings,</i>

65
00:03:35,449 --> 00:03:38,318
<i>I think it's safe to assume</i>
<i>he's one of the best.</i>

66
00:03:38,351 --> 00:03:40,353
Goddamn it.

67
00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:41,856
It's bullshit, Mom.

68
00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:43,390
They're kicking me out

69
00:03:43,423 --> 00:03:45,325
'cause your last check
wasn't enough for rent.

70
00:03:45,358 --> 00:03:47,394
<i>You might say</i>
<i>Doug is messy, but lately...</i>

71
00:03:47,427 --> 00:03:49,329
No, I'm not gonna
move back home.

72
00:03:49,362 --> 00:03:50,732
<i>...he's been much better</i>

73
00:03:50,765 --> 00:03:51,933
<i>at putting his toys away.</i>

74
00:03:51,966 --> 00:03:53,400
No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Look.

75
00:03:53,433 --> 00:03:54,936
It's just, you know that I can't

76
00:03:54,969 --> 00:03:57,304
live that close to a school.

77
00:03:57,905 --> 00:04:00,373
No!

78
00:04:03,511 --> 00:04:07,481
Bad dog! That's my favorite
fucking bong, dude!

79
00:04:13,353 --> 00:04:16,557
Oh. You like that ball,
don't you?

80
00:04:17,925 --> 00:04:19,627
<i>Lately, Doug has been playing</i>

81
00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:22,029
<i>a brand-new game with me</i>
<i>called fetch-and-fuck.</i>

82
00:04:22,063 --> 00:04:23,463
Fetch!

83
00:04:23,497 --> 00:04:24,932
<i>Basically, Doug drops me off</i>

84
00:04:24,966 --> 00:04:26,768
<i>really far away...</i>

85
00:04:26,801 --> 00:04:28,536
Sayonara, ke-mo sah-bee.

86
00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:31,672
<i>...throws the ball</i>
<i>and drives home without me.</i>

87
00:04:31,706 --> 00:04:33,908
<i>Then it's my turn</i>
<i>to get the ball</i>

88
00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:35,510
<i>and find my way back home.</i>

89
00:04:35,543 --> 00:04:37,377
<i>When I bring the ball back,</i>

90
00:04:37,410 --> 00:04:38,913
<i>-he says...</i>
-Fuck.

91
00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:41,983
<i>And that's</i>
<i>how I know I won the game.</i>

92
00:04:42,016 --> 00:04:43,551
Fetch!

93
00:04:44,585 --> 00:04:46,453
<i>We've been playing it</i>
<i>a lot lately.</i>

94
00:04:46,486 --> 00:04:47,922
-Fuck!
<i>-Sometimes we play it</i>

95
00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:49,791
<i>three or four times</i>
<i>in the same day.</i>

96
00:04:49,824 --> 00:04:51,025
Fetch!

97
00:04:51,058 --> 00:04:53,528
Fuck.

98
00:04:53,561 --> 00:04:55,062
Fetch! Fuck!

99
00:04:55,096 --> 00:04:57,497
<i>Fuck! Fuck.</i>

100
00:05:00,568 --> 00:05:01,969
Holy fuck!

101
00:05:02,003 --> 00:05:03,571
<i>"Holy fuck" is right.</i>

102
00:05:03,604 --> 00:05:04,739
<i>I win again!</i>

103
00:05:04,772 --> 00:05:06,607
That's it.

104
00:05:07,575 --> 00:05:09,977
This ends now.

105
00:05:11,612 --> 00:05:13,815
♪ You only got
a couple miles to go ♪

106
00:05:13,848 --> 00:05:15,983
♪ If you're trying
to drive me insane... ♪

107
00:05:16,017 --> 00:05:18,519
<i>These road trips are the best.</i>

108
00:05:18,553 --> 00:05:20,888
<i>Because you get to see</i>
<i>the exciting world</i>

109
00:05:20,922 --> 00:05:22,590
<i>outside our town.</i>

110
00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:27,595
<i>Keep driving, Doug.</i>

111
00:05:27,628 --> 00:05:29,897
<i>Don't make it too easy on me.</i>

112
00:05:29,931 --> 00:05:32,465
<i>I love a challenge.</i>

113
00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:36,070
♪ 'Cause I hide from everyone ♪

114
00:05:36,103 --> 00:05:38,639
♪ Shine on me ♪

115
00:05:39,472 --> 00:05:41,676
♪ Shine on me ♪

116
00:05:42,677 --> 00:05:45,513
♪ Shine on me ♪

117
00:05:46,479 --> 00:05:48,716
♪ Shine on me ♪

118
00:05:51,185 --> 00:05:53,721
<i>This round's gonna be</i>
<i>the hardest one yet,</i>

119
00:05:53,754 --> 00:05:57,725
<i>because we went way further</i>
<i>than we've ever gone before.</i>

120
00:05:57,758 --> 00:06:00,995
<i>In fact, I have no idea</i>
<i>where we are.</i>

121
00:06:01,028 --> 00:06:02,530
<i>And that's exciting.</i>

122
00:06:02,563 --> 00:06:04,397
♪ Shine on me ♪

123
00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:06,767
♪ Shine on me... ♪

124
00:06:06,801 --> 00:06:09,871
<i>I know the world seems like</i>
<i>a scary place sometimes,</i>

125
00:06:09,904 --> 00:06:11,471
<i>but I don't worry.</i>

126
00:06:11,505 --> 00:06:12,907
Good luck fetching this.

127
00:06:12,940 --> 00:06:15,676
<i>Because I'm always</i>
<i>safe at Doug's side.</i>

128
00:06:15,710 --> 00:06:17,178
♪ Shine on me ♪

129
00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:23,618
♪ Shine on me. ♪

130
00:06:59,587 --> 00:07:03,658
<i>Sure, Doug really</i>
<i>challenges me with this game,</i>

131
00:07:03,691 --> 00:07:06,127
<i>but that's just because</i>
<i>he believes in me.</i>

132
00:07:08,162 --> 00:07:09,931
<i>You know what they say.</i>

133
00:07:09,964 --> 00:07:13,601
<i>The best relationships</i>
<i>are the hard ones.</i>

134
00:07:14,235 --> 00:07:16,604
<i>You have to put in the work.</i>

135
00:07:17,505 --> 00:07:19,540
<i>You got to have courage.</i>

136
00:07:19,573 --> 00:07:23,044
<i>And you always need to remember</i>
<i>that real love...</i>

137
00:07:24,545 --> 00:07:26,914
<i>...is never easy.</i>

138
00:07:49,236 --> 00:07:51,772
<i>But even though</i>
<i>I love this game,</i>

139
00:07:51,806 --> 00:07:54,775
<i>I kind of want it to be over.</i>

140
00:07:54,809 --> 00:07:57,111
<i>Because, well...</i>

141
00:07:57,144 --> 00:07:59,714
<i>I really just want to be home.</i>

142
00:08:12,126 --> 00:08:14,929
<i>Okay. Time to get moving.</i>

143
00:08:14,962 --> 00:08:17,765
<i>Going back to Doug's.</i>

144
00:08:21,802 --> 00:08:23,738
This is a nice neighborhood.

145
00:08:25,272 --> 00:08:27,174
I like all the trash.

146
00:08:27,208 --> 00:08:28,876
And the needles.

147
00:08:28,909 --> 00:08:30,845
So many needles.

148
00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:33,147
Hey, honey.

149
00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:35,683
You ever been
with an Afghan before?

150
00:08:35,716 --> 00:08:39,687
Uh, no, I-I don't
think so, but thank you.

151
00:08:41,689 --> 00:08:44,992
Well, well, well.
What do we have here?

152
00:08:45,026 --> 00:08:46,227
You lost?

153
00:08:46,260 --> 00:08:48,295
Hi there, uh, big dogs.

154
00:08:48,329 --> 00:08:50,564
Yes, I am lost.

155
00:08:50,598 --> 00:08:51,966
I'm trying to get
to Doug's place.

156
00:08:51,999 --> 00:08:53,968
Do you... do you know which way
that is from here?

157
00:08:54,001 --> 00:08:55,269
Hmm...

158
00:08:55,302 --> 00:08:56,804
-You say Doug's place?
-I did. Yeah.

159
00:08:56,837 --> 00:08:58,906
Oh, yeah, yeah,
I know which way that is.

160
00:08:58,939 --> 00:08:59,774
Oh, great.

161
00:08:59,807 --> 00:09:01,776
Right up my fucking ass,
you little shit.

162
00:09:01,809 --> 00:09:03,611
Oh, no, that can't be right.

163
00:09:03,644 --> 00:09:06,781
O-O-Okay, well,
I'll just be on my way.

164
00:09:06,814 --> 00:09:09,083
Uh, can-can I please have
my ball back?

165
00:09:09,116 --> 00:09:11,952
Your ball? You'll be lucky if
I let you leave with your life.

166
00:09:11,986 --> 00:09:14,922
Hey! Who in the fuck
is making all that noise

167
00:09:14,955 --> 00:09:16,924
-in my fucking alley?
-Whoa, who's this guy?

168
00:09:16,957 --> 00:09:18,726
Oh, you don't want me
to come around

169
00:09:18,759 --> 00:09:20,661
this fucking corner,
now, do you?

170
00:09:20,694 --> 00:09:22,630
Shit's gonna get crackin'.
Trust me.

171
00:09:22,663 --> 00:09:24,331
You want to dance,
motherfuckers, huh?

172
00:09:24,365 --> 00:09:25,933
You want to dance?

173
00:09:25,966 --> 00:09:28,202
Let's do this.

174
00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:30,304
What's up, bitches? Huh?

175
00:09:30,337 --> 00:09:31,739
Oh, he's tiny.

176
00:09:31,772 --> 00:09:33,107
The shadow--
I thought he was...

177
00:09:33,140 --> 00:09:34,341
I thought he was fucking big.

178
00:09:34,375 --> 00:09:36,143
Yeah, we can destroy
this guy, right?

179
00:09:36,177 --> 00:09:39,013
Yeah, go ahead, bite me,
you raggedy motherfuckers.

180
00:09:39,046 --> 00:09:40,314
I dare you.

181
00:09:40,347 --> 00:09:42,249
You know how many diseases
is up in me?

182
00:09:42,283 --> 00:09:44,852
Rabies, scabies,
whatever disease you can get

183
00:09:44,885 --> 00:09:46,754
from tongue-fucking
a dead squirrel.

184
00:09:46,787 --> 00:09:50,057
Which I did last night
'cause I'm crazy, man.

185
00:09:51,225 --> 00:09:52,927
That's a 37-inch vertical.

186
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:54,962
I'm-a tell you right now,
you run up on me

187
00:09:54,995 --> 00:09:57,765
and I'll stick this paw
right up your ass and in his,

188
00:09:57,798 --> 00:09:59,700
-like a shish kebab.
-Whoa. This guy seems nuts.

189
00:09:59,733 --> 00:10:01,402
Look at the way he's barking
at his own ass.

190
00:10:01,435 --> 00:10:03,037
I'll do it. I'll do it.

191
00:10:03,070 --> 00:10:04,672
I'll bite my own ass off!

192
00:10:04,705 --> 00:10:06,974
Oh, man, the fuck is wrong
with this guy?

193
00:10:07,007 --> 00:10:09,009
I'm so crazy
I'll fuck the trash.

194
00:10:09,043 --> 00:10:10,244
You like it, don't you?

195
00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:11,245
You like it.

196
00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:12,413
You want to get recycled?

197
00:10:12,446 --> 00:10:14,115
Anybody got a twisty tie?

198
00:10:14,148 --> 00:10:15,983
'Cause I'm fucking this bag up.

199
00:10:16,016 --> 00:10:17,218
Okay, who's next?

200
00:10:17,251 --> 00:10:18,786
He's freaking me out.
Let's bounce.

201
00:10:18,819 --> 00:10:20,754
Fight you or I'll fuck you!
Dealer's choice.

202
00:10:20,788 --> 00:10:22,957
But either way,
you're getting worms.

203
00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:26,127
Large breeds, man--
these motherfuckers.

204
00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:29,997
Man, look, always falling for
that crazy little dog trick.

205
00:10:30,030 --> 00:10:30,898
Hey. You with me, kid?

206
00:10:30,931 --> 00:10:32,399
'Cause this block
ain't for dogs like you.

207
00:10:32,433 --> 00:10:33,734
We should get the hell
out of here.

208
00:10:33,767 --> 00:10:35,369
But my tennis ball...

209
00:10:35,402 --> 00:10:37,138
Ah, fuck it.
We'll get you another one.

210
00:10:42,076 --> 00:10:45,012
I'm Bug, by the way.
You got a name?

211
00:10:45,045 --> 00:10:46,147
Oh, uh, right. Sorry.

212
00:10:46,180 --> 00:10:47,281
It's good to meet you, Bug.

213
00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:48,782
M-My name is Shitbag.

214
00:10:48,816 --> 00:10:49,917
What?

215
00:10:49,950 --> 00:10:51,886
Oh, it's short
for Dumbass Shitbag,

216
00:10:51,919 --> 00:10:54,388
but sometimes
Doug pronounces it Fucknugget.

217
00:10:54,421 --> 00:10:57,024
Uh, none of those
sound like names.

218
00:10:57,057 --> 00:11:01,162
Oh. Well, Doug's lady friend
used to call me Reggie.

219
00:11:01,195 --> 00:11:03,697
Reggie. There you go.
Yeah, we're gonna go with that.

220
00:11:03,731 --> 00:11:04,999
Let's keep moving.

221
00:11:05,032 --> 00:11:07,368
So, uh, how long you been
a stray for, Reggie?

222
00:11:07,401 --> 00:11:09,703
-Oh, I... no, I'm not a stray.
-Oh, you're not?

223
00:11:09,737 --> 00:11:11,472
-I-I'm just out here
temporarily. -Oh.

224
00:11:11,506 --> 00:11:13,174
I actually have an owner.

225
00:11:13,207 --> 00:11:15,876
We're playing this game where
he drops me off far away...

226
00:11:15,910 --> 00:11:17,044
-Mm-hmm.
-...throws a ball...

227
00:11:17,077 --> 00:11:18,279
-Right.
-...and then it's my turn

228
00:11:18,312 --> 00:11:19,914
to bring the ball back home.

229
00:11:25,119 --> 00:11:26,453
Holy shit.

230
00:11:26,487 --> 00:11:28,422
-Yeah.
-That's, uh...

231
00:11:28,455 --> 00:11:29,924
I'm sorry, man,

232
00:11:29,957 --> 00:11:31,492
but that's incredibly tragic.

233
00:11:31,526 --> 00:11:33,260
And the funniest fucking thing

234
00:11:33,294 --> 00:11:35,062
I've heard
in a long fucking time.

235
00:11:35,095 --> 00:11:36,797
Well, I'm glad
you're having a good laugh.

236
00:11:36,830 --> 00:11:38,966
Take it from me, kid,
that owner of yours,

237
00:11:38,999 --> 00:11:41,235
he's not playing
any game with you.

238
00:11:41,268 --> 00:11:43,237
-He left your ass, okay?
-Huh?

239
00:11:43,270 --> 00:11:45,806
You are officially a stray.

240
00:11:45,839 --> 00:11:47,174
D-Don't call me that.

241
00:11:47,208 --> 00:11:48,809
It's nothing to be ashamed of.

242
00:11:48,842 --> 00:11:51,478
I'm a stray, and I'm having
the time of my life.

243
00:11:51,513 --> 00:11:53,380
You'll learn. How old are you?

244
00:11:53,414 --> 00:11:54,815
I'm two.

245
00:11:54,848 --> 00:11:57,284
Well, I'm three,
and I have seen it all.

246
00:11:57,318 --> 00:11:58,752
Paw to God.

247
00:11:58,786 --> 00:12:00,955
I once saw a dog
that was half Labrador

248
00:12:00,988 --> 00:12:02,356
and half poodle.

249
00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:04,258
-A-A labradoodle.
-No, no, no, no.

250
00:12:04,291 --> 00:12:05,893
-A poo-dor.
-A poo-dor?

251
00:12:05,926 --> 00:12:07,228
The other way around.

252
00:12:07,261 --> 00:12:08,862
-Even fucking weirder.
-Yeah.

253
00:12:08,896 --> 00:12:11,198
Point is,
life out here on your own

254
00:12:11,232 --> 00:12:14,468
can be fucking awesome
as long as you go by the rules.

255
00:12:14,502 --> 00:12:17,004
Well, what rules?

256
00:12:17,037 --> 00:12:18,105
Rule number one:

257
00:12:18,138 --> 00:12:20,040
You want something,
you pee on it.

258
00:12:20,074 --> 00:12:22,042
Whatever you pee on,
it's yours.

259
00:12:22,076 --> 00:12:23,143
Let's try it out.

260
00:12:23,177 --> 00:12:24,945
You-you see that lamppost
over there?

261
00:12:24,979 --> 00:12:26,880
-Yeah. -Why don't you go
over there and pee on that?

262
00:12:26,914 --> 00:12:28,415
And you're sure this is okay?

263
00:12:28,449 --> 00:12:30,251
Go ahead.
Ain't nobody giving a fuck.

264
00:12:30,284 --> 00:12:32,453
You're a fucking stray now.
That's my point.

265
00:12:32,486 --> 00:12:36,123
Well, I'm-I'm not a stray,
but yeah, okay.

266
00:12:36,156 --> 00:12:37,391
Congratulations.

267
00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:39,893
You now own a lamppost.

268
00:12:40,494 --> 00:12:41,996
Oh, wow.

269
00:12:42,029 --> 00:12:43,931
Now, let's talk
rule number two:

270
00:12:43,964 --> 00:12:46,066
You can pretty much fuck
whatever you want.

271
00:12:46,100 --> 00:12:48,035
Have you ever humped
anything before?

272
00:12:48,068 --> 00:12:50,004
Well, I wouldn't say
I've humped, per se,

273
00:12:50,037 --> 00:12:52,306
but I do like to dance
on Doug's leg.

274
00:12:52,339 --> 00:12:53,941
Dude, that wasn't dancing.

275
00:12:53,974 --> 00:12:56,544
Baby, you was humping--
the devil's dance.

276
00:12:56,578 --> 00:12:59,847
But now the world
is like a buffet

277
00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:02,016
-for your tiny dog dick.
-Really?

278
00:13:02,049 --> 00:13:04,184
You know what?
I recently fucked this couch.

279
00:13:04,218 --> 00:13:05,419
-No.
-Mm-hmm.

280
00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:07,187
Best sex of my life.

281
00:13:07,221 --> 00:13:08,556
-Wow. Really?
-Yeah.

282
00:13:08,590 --> 00:13:10,291
Oh, a-a-and she's dirty, too.

283
00:13:10,324 --> 00:13:11,892
Oh, well, I-I can tell.

284
00:13:11,925 --> 00:13:14,028
Looks like she hasn't
been washed in years.

285
00:13:14,061 --> 00:13:16,030
I'll see you later, baby.

286
00:13:19,233 --> 00:13:21,201
It was nice to meet you.

287
00:13:21,969 --> 00:13:24,506
Now, rule number three,

288
00:13:24,539 --> 00:13:28,208
and this is the most important,
bar none:

289
00:13:28,242 --> 00:13:31,412
You are on your own.

290
00:13:31,445 --> 00:13:32,580
That's awful.

291
00:13:32,614 --> 00:13:34,081
That's not a bad thing,
all right?

292
00:13:34,114 --> 00:13:35,916
Now, right now
you're freaking out

293
00:13:35,949 --> 00:13:37,918
'cause you feel like, you know,
y-you need this Doug guy.

294
00:13:37,951 --> 00:13:40,187
-I do.
-But no, no, trust me.

295
00:13:40,220 --> 00:13:41,556
You don't.

296
00:13:41,589 --> 00:13:44,058
Humans trick us into thinking
that we need 'em,

297
00:13:44,091 --> 00:13:46,193
but they're just
brainwashing us, man.

298
00:13:46,226 --> 00:13:49,196
Point is, you ain't got to deal
with that shit no more, okay?

299
00:13:49,229 --> 00:13:50,864
You a stray.

300
00:13:50,898 --> 00:13:52,866
-You can do anything
you want now. -I don't know.

301
00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:54,868
Come on! Repeat after me:

302
00:13:54,902 --> 00:13:57,338
I can do anything.

303
00:13:57,371 --> 00:14:00,007
I can do... anything?

304
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:01,408
Damn fucking right you can.

305
00:14:01,442 --> 00:14:04,211
Now, you want to see
how fucked-up humans can be?

306
00:14:04,244 --> 00:14:05,879
Come on.

307
00:14:07,014 --> 00:14:10,618
Look at
these motherfuckers here.

308
00:14:10,652 --> 00:14:12,353
A bunch of pet dogs

309
00:14:12,386 --> 00:14:14,488
losing their minds over
their 15 minutes of freedom.

310
00:14:14,522 --> 00:14:19,226
God! If only our wolf ancestors
could see these pussies.

311
00:14:20,227 --> 00:14:22,062
Follow me.

312
00:14:22,096 --> 00:14:24,031
Now, why are these humans
so desperate to keep us?

313
00:14:24,064 --> 00:14:26,433
-Because they love us?
-No, no, I-I got a theory.

314
00:14:26,467 --> 00:14:28,902
-They need us for our poop.
-Huh?

315
00:14:28,936 --> 00:14:30,304
Watch that lady. Watch her.

316
00:14:30,337 --> 00:14:31,972
-See? See?
-Uh-huh.

317
00:14:32,005 --> 00:14:34,108
It's like they're
collecting it for something.

318
00:14:34,141 --> 00:14:35,643
What do you think
they're doing with it?

319
00:14:35,677 --> 00:14:37,244
-I think they're using it
to make chocolate. -Oh.

320
00:14:37,277 --> 00:14:39,146
-Have you ever had
a piece of chocolate? -No.

321
00:14:39,179 --> 00:14:41,382
Exactly. Come on. I'm gonna
introduce you to my homeys.

322
00:14:41,415 --> 00:14:43,984
I thought you said
these dogs were all losers.

323
00:14:44,017 --> 00:14:45,520
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I say a lot of shit.

324
00:14:45,553 --> 00:14:47,388
-Hey, losers.
-Hey, Bug.

325
00:14:47,421 --> 00:14:50,057
Oh, if it isn't the tiny dog
who caught the car.

326
00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:51,492
I did catch that car.

327
00:14:51,526 --> 00:14:52,560
No, everyone knows
that's impossible.

328
00:14:52,594 --> 00:14:53,961
Yeah, it was parked.

329
00:14:53,994 --> 00:14:55,496
Yeah, it parked
after I caught it.

330
00:14:55,530 --> 00:14:57,398
-No, there was no one in the
car. -Yeah, no one in the car.

331
00:14:57,431 --> 00:14:59,534
Listen, I don't even have to
keep this conversation going.

332
00:14:59,567 --> 00:15:01,703
What I was trying to do, losers,

333
00:15:01,736 --> 00:15:04,271
was introduce you
to my new friend Reggie.

334
00:15:04,304 --> 00:15:05,540
He just got dumped.

335
00:15:05,573 --> 00:15:07,274
Aw. Sorry, mate.
Welcome to the club.

336
00:15:07,307 --> 00:15:09,143
Uh, sorry.
Was it at least mutual?

337
00:15:09,176 --> 00:15:10,477
Oh, no,
it-it's actually just a game.

338
00:15:10,512 --> 00:15:11,613
Reg, I want you to meet Hunter.

339
00:15:11,646 --> 00:15:13,013
He's a therapy dog

340
00:15:13,046 --> 00:15:15,015
who works in a home
for dying humans.

341
00:15:15,048 --> 00:15:17,284
Which sounds like an okay gig,

342
00:15:17,317 --> 00:15:19,153
except that he was trained
to be a police dog.

343
00:15:19,186 --> 00:15:21,556
You almost made it
to the police squad?

344
00:15:21,589 --> 00:15:23,056
That's awesome.

345
00:15:23,090 --> 00:15:24,992
Yeah, I-I guess it's awesome.

346
00:15:25,025 --> 00:15:26,694
Get the fuck out of my way,
cone boy!

347
00:15:26,728 --> 00:15:28,495
Oh, uh, sorry about that, Bubsy.

348
00:15:28,530 --> 00:15:30,565
Hunter, say something back,
mate.

349
00:15:30,598 --> 00:15:32,332
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah. Um...

350
00:15:32,366 --> 00:15:35,969
Hey, Bubsy, you got
any fucking... weekend plans?

351
00:15:36,003 --> 00:15:37,739
-What? It still sounds
friendly. -You got him.

352
00:15:37,772 --> 00:15:39,239
Yeah. Raw-dogging your mom.

353
00:15:39,273 --> 00:15:42,109
Ah, right. Well,
I'm pretty sure she's dead,

354
00:15:42,142 --> 00:15:44,378
-but good luck anyway.
-Pussy!

355
00:15:44,411 --> 00:15:46,581
Love those
observations, Bubs. Take care.

356
00:15:46,614 --> 00:15:48,015
Hunter, get your weight up.

357
00:15:48,048 --> 00:15:49,049
Don't let him talk to you
like that.

358
00:15:49,082 --> 00:15:50,284
You're the biggest dog here.

359
00:15:50,317 --> 00:15:51,686
You should eat
his freaking face off,

360
00:15:51,719 --> 00:15:53,253
shit it out
and then eat it again.

361
00:15:53,287 --> 00:15:54,988
Bug, you know
I don't love confrontation.

362
00:15:55,022 --> 00:15:56,658
Yeah, don't let the big dick
fool you.

363
00:15:56,691 --> 00:15:58,225
He's just a gigantic pussy.

364
00:15:58,258 --> 00:15:59,761
Whoa.

365
00:15:59,794 --> 00:16:01,328
It is a great penis.

366
00:16:01,361 --> 00:16:03,297
Oh, thanks. You know,
I try to keep it clean,

367
00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:05,199
do my best to lick it
as much as possible.

368
00:16:05,232 --> 00:16:07,034
Yeah, the only thing thicker
than Hunter's dick

369
00:16:07,067 --> 00:16:08,670
is the sexual tension
between these two.

370
00:16:08,703 --> 00:16:10,772
-Oh, come on.
-Bug, no. What?

371
00:16:10,805 --> 00:16:12,740
-That's funny, though.
-Yeah, right. Imagine.

372
00:16:12,774 --> 00:16:15,342
"Thicker than Hunter's dick."

373
00:16:15,375 --> 00:16:16,744
-But no, no.
-No.

374
00:16:16,778 --> 00:16:19,614
Now, Maggie, on the other hand,
is one bad bitch.

375
00:16:19,647 --> 00:16:21,749
But sadly,
her owner Jenna thinks

376
00:16:21,783 --> 00:16:24,218
the badder bitch is
the puppy that replaced her.

377
00:16:24,251 --> 00:16:26,420
So, Bella looked at me like,
"I want a cupcake, too,"

378
00:16:26,453 --> 00:16:28,523
so I was like,
"I'm gonna get her a cupcake."

379
00:16:28,556 --> 00:16:30,758
-I am so here for that.
-Right?

380
00:16:30,792 --> 00:16:34,529
So, Jenna said, "Sit,"
which I did.

381
00:16:34,562 --> 00:16:36,096
But then I thought,

382
00:16:36,129 --> 00:16:37,765
"Wouldn't it be cute
if I acted all confused

383
00:16:37,799 --> 00:16:39,801
-and tilted my head like,
'Huh?'" -Oh, my God, stop.

384
00:16:39,834 --> 00:16:42,369
Man, sure got to suck
to compete with that.

385
00:16:42,402 --> 00:16:44,104
No, it's fine.

386
00:16:44,137 --> 00:16:46,173
Bella's young and cute and fun,
so of course Jenna loves her

387
00:16:46,206 --> 00:16:47,675
more than me right now,
and I get that.

388
00:16:47,709 --> 00:16:50,377
Cool. Anyways, I was thinking,
if you guys are free later...

389
00:16:50,410 --> 00:16:52,412
But what I really don't get
is why Jenna thinks

390
00:16:52,446 --> 00:16:54,381
it's so adorable when
she spins around in circles.

391
00:16:54,414 --> 00:16:56,116
Like, I could do that
in my sleep.

392
00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:57,519
But you know what?
It's totally fine. It's fine.

393
00:16:57,552 --> 00:16:59,253
-Mm, okay. -You know what?
It doesn't get to me

394
00:16:59,286 --> 00:17:00,087
so much anymore.

395
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:01,656
I'm fine.
I'm not jealous or worried

396
00:17:01,689 --> 00:17:03,123
or angry or depressed
or confused

397
00:17:03,156 --> 00:17:04,626
or fuming or unhinged at all.

398
00:17:04,659 --> 00:17:06,260
Yeah, you seem totally fine.

399
00:17:06,293 --> 00:17:07,795
And now that Jenna's spending
so much time with Bella,

400
00:17:07,829 --> 00:17:09,429
it's given me a chance
to do a little self-care.

401
00:17:09,463 --> 00:17:11,231
Like, I've been going
into the digging.

402
00:17:11,265 --> 00:17:12,734
I really like the feeling
of the soil under my nails.

403
00:17:12,767 --> 00:17:14,268
I'm just, like,
out in the fresh air again.

404
00:17:14,301 --> 00:17:15,670
I'm just really connecting
to the land.

405
00:17:15,703 --> 00:17:17,304
No, I'm-I'm learning
I love digging.

406
00:17:17,337 --> 00:17:20,240
I love digging!
I love it! I love to dig!

407
00:17:22,844 --> 00:17:24,144
-What-what's happening?
-See, Reg?

408
00:17:24,177 --> 00:17:25,547
Aren't you happy
to be a stray now

409
00:17:25,580 --> 00:17:27,715
and not have to deal
with all that owner bullshit?

410
00:17:27,749 --> 00:17:30,217
Well, no, as I said,
I'm not a stray.

411
00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:32,452
-Doug and I are just
playing a game. -Mm-hmm.

412
00:17:32,486 --> 00:17:34,421
Look, why don't you come out
with us tonight?

413
00:17:34,454 --> 00:17:36,758
And you can learn
how beautiful it can be

414
00:17:36,791 --> 00:17:38,425
when you're off the leash.

415
00:17:38,458 --> 00:17:41,863
If I can't convince you
that being a stray is great,

416
00:17:41,896 --> 00:17:43,263
-scraps night will.
-Sure will.

417
00:17:43,297 --> 00:17:44,766
-Yeah.
-Well, thank you,

418
00:17:44,799 --> 00:17:46,701
but I really should be
getting back to Doug.

419
00:17:46,734 --> 00:17:48,135
What? Why?

420
00:17:48,168 --> 00:17:49,571
So I can make him happy.

421
00:17:49,604 --> 00:17:50,838
Isn't that a dog's purpose?

422
00:17:50,872 --> 00:17:53,340
Don't you ever say that again!

423
00:17:53,373 --> 00:17:55,543
--Here we go.
-Reggie, your purpose

424
00:17:55,577 --> 00:17:59,446
is not to make some stupid
human families happy.

425
00:17:59,479 --> 00:18:02,717
It's not to make some single
loser feel more complete.

426
00:18:02,750 --> 00:18:05,118
Your purpose is to do...

427
00:18:05,152 --> 00:18:07,789
Whatever the fuck you want.

428
00:18:07,822 --> 00:18:09,423
And when you are a stray...

429
00:18:09,456 --> 00:18:11,358
There's a lot to fucking do.

430
00:18:11,391 --> 00:18:13,193
Why do I feel like
there's an echo in here?

431
00:18:13,226 --> 00:18:14,529
-'Cause you've said this
a million times. -I know.

432
00:18:14,562 --> 00:18:16,430
-I love that spiel.
-No, it's fine.

433
00:18:16,463 --> 00:18:17,599
-It's fine. -You write your own
fucking speeches, okay?

434
00:18:17,632 --> 00:18:18,700
-Okay.
-Yeah.

435
00:18:18,733 --> 00:18:20,467
Now, what do you say, guys?

436
00:18:20,501 --> 00:18:22,537
-Another scraps night?
-Yes.

437
00:18:22,570 --> 00:18:25,205
All right, meet at
the pizza place at sundown,

438
00:18:25,238 --> 00:18:27,875
and we gonna fuck shit up.

439
00:18:27,909 --> 00:18:29,510
♪ Get wild... ♪

440
00:18:34,515 --> 00:18:36,183
So, what is scraps night?

441
00:18:36,216 --> 00:18:38,352
It's that one magnificent
night of the week

442
00:18:38,385 --> 00:18:39,887
where humans are
a lot more willing

443
00:18:39,921 --> 00:18:42,489
to give us food or drop it
accidentally or both.

444
00:18:42,523 --> 00:18:44,626
That stuff that
they're dropping is gold.

445
00:18:44,659 --> 00:18:47,494
Oh. I just feel like we're
gonna get in trouble, though.

446
00:18:47,528 --> 00:18:48,395
No, we're cleaning up.

447
00:18:48,428 --> 00:18:50,263
These fuckers love it
when we clean up.

448
00:18:50,297 --> 00:18:51,699
Wait for it.

449
00:18:53,501 --> 00:18:54,368
Wait for it.

450
00:18:54,401 --> 00:18:55,737
Drop the fucking pizza, bitch.

451
00:18:55,770 --> 00:18:56,904
That's the one!

452
00:18:56,938 --> 00:18:58,405
Let's do this!

453
00:18:58,438 --> 00:19:00,775
♪ I-I-I-I'm with all my dogs ♪

454
00:19:00,808 --> 00:19:02,510
♪ Finna fuck the city up ♪

455
00:19:02,543 --> 00:19:05,178
♪ Keep a pocket full, got these
bitches wanna hit me up ♪

456
00:19:05,212 --> 00:19:06,781
♪ Drinking by the pool ♪

457
00:19:06,814 --> 00:19:08,650
♪ Doing drugs,
is you lit or what? ♪

458
00:19:08,683 --> 00:19:09,784
♪ Making hella noise... ♪

459
00:19:09,817 --> 00:19:12,252
This water is making me dizzy.

460
00:19:12,285 --> 00:19:14,956
Oh, it's about to get
real dizzy up in this bitch.

461
00:19:14,989 --> 00:19:16,423
Oh, I don't mind feeling dizzy.

462
00:19:16,456 --> 00:19:17,792
-Pace yourself, Reg.
-I like it.

463
00:19:17,825 --> 00:19:19,393
♪ Get wild ♪

464
00:19:23,831 --> 00:19:26,199
♪ Get wild ♪

465
00:19:28,435 --> 00:19:30,303
Chester, for the last time,

466
00:19:30,337 --> 00:19:31,806
there's no fucking fence there.

467
00:19:31,839 --> 00:19:33,407
Just come out with us.

468
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:34,441
I can't.

469
00:19:34,474 --> 00:19:36,978
I'm telling you,
there is a magical fence there.

470
00:19:37,011 --> 00:19:38,813
You just can't see it.

471
00:19:38,846 --> 00:19:40,247
-Come on, Chester.
-Chester!

472
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:42,215
Chester! Chester!

473
00:19:42,249 --> 00:19:45,987
Honestly, that is persuasive,
and I don't know why.

474
00:19:47,454 --> 00:19:49,557
Oh, I can't believe
I'm doing this.

475
00:19:49,590 --> 00:19:51,358
Stop being a pussy,
and do this.

476
00:19:51,391 --> 00:19:52,426
Okay.

477
00:19:52,459 --> 00:19:53,561
Run!

478
00:19:53,594 --> 00:19:55,262
Chester!

479
00:19:55,295 --> 00:19:56,531
-Chester! Chester!
-Come on!

480
00:19:56,564 --> 00:19:58,265
You've got it, Chester!
You've got it!

481
00:20:01,569 --> 00:20:02,737
Goddamn!

482
00:20:02,770 --> 00:20:05,405
It's real!
The magic fence is real!

483
00:20:05,439 --> 00:20:08,375
♪ Big dog status,
big dog baggage ♪

484
00:20:08,408 --> 00:20:11,311
♪ Big dog, fuck it,
I got big dog habits ♪

485
00:20:11,344 --> 00:20:14,247
♪ See, I'm going hard
in the paint, doing damage ♪

486
00:20:14,281 --> 00:20:17,652
♪ Big dog tell me do it,
look like I'm average... ♪

487
00:20:18,485 --> 00:20:20,320
Oh, yeah. You gonna get it.

488
00:20:20,353 --> 00:20:21,622
Somebody been naughty.

489
00:20:21,656 --> 00:20:23,457
You a naughty owl.
You a little naughty owl.

490
00:20:24,659 --> 00:20:25,860
You're right, Bug.

491
00:20:25,893 --> 00:20:27,595
I like this humping.

492
00:20:27,628 --> 00:20:29,630
Bug, can I try your owl?

493
00:20:29,664 --> 00:20:32,432
I told you scraps night was
gonna be off the chain, baby.

494
00:20:32,466 --> 00:20:34,635
-I'm having a great time.
-Ain't this about a bitch.

495
00:20:34,669 --> 00:20:36,470
Look at this motherfucker
right here.

496
00:20:36,504 --> 00:20:37,972
What you want? Huh, homey?

497
00:20:38,005 --> 00:20:39,540
I'll rip
your motherfucking nuts off.

498
00:20:39,574 --> 00:20:41,341
-Come on, let's go.
-Pointy-eared motherfucker.

499
00:20:41,374 --> 00:20:42,610
Come on. It's not worth it.

500
00:20:42,643 --> 00:20:44,444
-There you go, Reg.
-I'm doing good?

501
00:20:44,478 --> 00:20:46,413
Give it to him.
Give it to that gnome, Reg.

502
00:20:46,446 --> 00:20:48,381
Tell that gnome
you're his daddy.

503
00:20:48,415 --> 00:20:50,417
Hey, gnome, I'm your father.

504
00:20:50,450 --> 00:20:51,986
-It's good to finally meet you.
-Uh, Reggie...

505
00:20:52,019 --> 00:20:53,721
Even under
these strange circumstances.

506
00:20:53,755 --> 00:20:54,922
-No, Reggie.
-Reggie!

507
00:20:54,956 --> 00:20:56,023
Oh, you can't get me.

508
00:20:56,057 --> 00:20:57,692
Aha, ah-- I'm too fast for you.

509
00:20:57,725 --> 00:20:59,761
I'm too fast for you.
This motherfucker is keeping up.

510
00:20:59,794 --> 00:21:02,029
-Come on, let's go. -Who your
little bitch-ass friend

511
00:21:02,063 --> 00:21:03,631
with the motherfucking
home perm and shit?

512
00:21:03,664 --> 00:21:05,365
-What did you just say?
-There you go, Reg.

513
00:21:05,398 --> 00:21:06,901
-Don't you look at me
like that. -Get up in his ass.

514
00:21:06,934 --> 00:21:08,803
I would hate for this
to get violent.

515
00:21:08,836 --> 00:21:10,403
I didn't know I had a son.

516
00:21:10,437 --> 00:21:11,806
-And he's a gnome of all
things. -Oh, Reggie!

517
00:21:11,839 --> 00:21:14,008
-God, shut up! -Does anyone
want to hump my son?

518
00:21:14,041 --> 00:21:16,409
He's handsomely dressed
in a smart little tunic.

519
00:21:16,443 --> 00:21:19,013
Yo, Chester.
You got balls, baby.

520
00:21:19,046 --> 00:21:20,715
That magic fence was legit.

521
00:21:20,748 --> 00:21:22,382
I kept telling you!

522
00:21:22,415 --> 00:21:24,852
What a weird thing a magic
fence would be to make up.

523
00:21:24,886 --> 00:21:26,386
I can do anything.

524
00:21:26,419 --> 00:21:27,588
-Reggie, don't.
-Wait, wait.

525
00:21:27,622 --> 00:21:28,956
-What's going on?
-Reggie, no.

526
00:21:28,990 --> 00:21:30,658
-Don't do it.
-Reggie, no.

527
00:21:30,691 --> 00:21:32,527
I can do anything.

528
00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:35,530
Do not test the dark arts, kid.

529
00:21:46,107 --> 00:21:47,675
♪ Get wild. ♪

530
00:21:47,708 --> 00:21:49,043
Oh, shoot!

531
00:21:49,076 --> 00:21:50,511
-That was fucking amazing!
-Incredible!

532
00:21:50,545 --> 00:21:51,679
-Yeah!
-You did it!

533
00:21:51,712 --> 00:21:53,114
-That's impossible.
-Reggie!

534
00:21:53,147 --> 00:21:54,982
I did it! I did it!

535
00:21:56,383 --> 00:21:58,553
Oh, what a night.

536
00:21:58,586 --> 00:22:02,455
Reg, I could tell
the moment I sniffed your anus

537
00:22:02,489 --> 00:22:03,991
you're a great guy.

538
00:22:04,025 --> 00:22:05,760
-You're a legend.
-Yeah, baby.

539
00:22:05,793 --> 00:22:08,696
I told you strays life
is the best life.

540
00:22:08,729 --> 00:22:09,964
Yeah, you got to admit,

541
00:22:09,997 --> 00:22:11,732
it's fun to be off leash
for a bit, right?

542
00:22:11,766 --> 00:22:13,701
-Right? -Yeah, well,
it is kind of awesome

543
00:22:13,734 --> 00:22:15,435
not having to hold my pee
for ten hours

544
00:22:15,468 --> 00:22:17,905
until Doug lets me outside.

545
00:22:17,939 --> 00:22:19,740
And I like the sound
of "legend"

546
00:22:19,774 --> 00:22:21,108
a lot more than "shitbag."

547
00:22:21,142 --> 00:22:22,643
Guys, I'm still peeing.

548
00:22:22,677 --> 00:22:24,779
Wait, is that really
what he called you?

549
00:22:24,812 --> 00:22:27,480
And I really don't miss
roasting in the car

550
00:22:27,515 --> 00:22:29,416
when he stops at a store
and he leaves me

551
00:22:29,449 --> 00:22:30,952
with the windows cracked
just barely enough

552
00:22:30,985 --> 00:22:32,987
-for me to stay conscious.
-Wait, what?

553
00:22:33,020 --> 00:22:34,922
And I'm just panting,
gasping for air

554
00:22:34,956 --> 00:22:39,093
and trying to survive until
he comes back in 45 minutes.

555
00:22:39,126 --> 00:22:41,729
Classic Doug. Too funny.

556
00:22:43,598 --> 00:22:47,568
So, this guy neglects you,
throws you on the street,

557
00:22:47,602 --> 00:22:49,704
and you still think
he's a good guy?

558
00:22:49,737 --> 00:22:52,139
Yeah. I mean,
if Doug doesn't like me,

559
00:22:52,173 --> 00:22:54,609
why does he let me eat
his leftover human food?

560
00:22:54,642 --> 00:22:56,811
So he doesn't have to buy
dog food.

561
00:22:56,844 --> 00:22:59,013
And why didn't he put
a collar and tags on you?

562
00:22:59,046 --> 00:23:01,949
Because he doesn't believe
in labels.

563
00:23:01,983 --> 00:23:03,017
Oh, come on, Reg.

564
00:23:03,050 --> 00:23:04,484
And the bandanna he gave me

565
00:23:04,518 --> 00:23:06,187
is way more special
than a collar

566
00:23:06,220 --> 00:23:08,923
'cause he used it
for his penis sneezes.

567
00:23:08,956 --> 00:23:09,957
-Ew.
-Ew.

568
00:23:09,991 --> 00:23:11,424
Doug loves me.

569
00:23:11,458 --> 00:23:13,127
We have a good relationship.

570
00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:15,162
You just don't understand
the situation,

571
00:23:15,196 --> 00:23:17,632
because if Doug's
such a bad guy

572
00:23:17,665 --> 00:23:20,735
and he-he left me on purpose

573
00:23:20,768 --> 00:23:24,805
and he hurt me on purpose,
that would mean...

574
00:23:24,839 --> 00:23:27,041
that would mean...

575
00:23:27,074 --> 00:23:29,644
Doug doesn't love me.

576
00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:36,449
Can, uh, you guys
just give me a second?

577
00:23:43,224 --> 00:23:44,792
Oh, poor little guy.

578
00:23:44,825 --> 00:23:47,528
That is just
the classic toxic relationship.

579
00:23:47,561 --> 00:23:50,064
I should probably talk to him.
I am a therapy dog.

580
00:23:50,097 --> 00:23:51,832
Nah, give him some space.

581
00:23:51,866 --> 00:23:53,501
Kid's been through a lot.

582
00:23:54,201 --> 00:23:56,070
<i>That's what</i>
<i>you fucking sound like,</i>

583
00:23:56,103 --> 00:23:57,705
<i>you piece of shit.</i>

584
00:24:00,041 --> 00:24:01,943
Oh, get off! Get--

585
00:24:01,976 --> 00:24:04,211
Bad dog! Bad dog! Bad dog!

586
00:24:04,245 --> 00:24:06,881
Worst dog in the fucking world.

587
00:24:15,589 --> 00:24:17,124
Hey, Reggie.

588
00:24:17,158 --> 00:24:18,659
I know you're feeling hurt
right now

589
00:24:18,693 --> 00:24:20,695
and it's-- ugh--
must be so hard

590
00:24:20,728 --> 00:24:22,196
to figure out what to do...

591
00:24:22,229 --> 00:24:23,496
I'm going back to Doug's.

592
00:24:23,531 --> 00:24:24,865
-What?
-The fuck, man?

593
00:24:24,899 --> 00:24:26,701
What's it gonna take
for you to understand

594
00:24:26,734 --> 00:24:28,836
that he's not playing
a game with you?

595
00:24:28,869 --> 00:24:31,706
And I'm not playing a game
with him.

596
00:24:31,739 --> 00:24:32,974
Okay...

597
00:24:33,007 --> 00:24:36,243
All my life, I felt like
I wasn't worth anything

598
00:24:36,277 --> 00:24:39,947
unless I heard those words,
"Good boy,"

599
00:24:39,981 --> 00:24:41,782
but they never came.

600
00:24:41,816 --> 00:24:45,086
Well, he needs to know
he's hurt me.

601
00:24:45,119 --> 00:24:46,520
He needs to feel my pain.

602
00:24:46,554 --> 00:24:48,856
And he needs to pay
for what he did

603
00:24:48,889 --> 00:24:50,891
with the only thing
he truly loves.

604
00:24:51,659 --> 00:24:53,861
I'm gonna bite his dick off.

605
00:24:53,894 --> 00:24:55,763
-Oh.
-Wait, did he just say bite...

606
00:24:55,796 --> 00:24:57,598
Yeah, I-I'm still
a little drunk,

607
00:24:57,631 --> 00:24:59,633
but did I just hear you say
that you were gonna...

608
00:24:59,667 --> 00:25:02,636
I said I'm gonna bite
his dick off.

609
00:25:02,670 --> 00:25:05,639
-Oh, I'm 100% in for this.
-No, no, no, no, no.

610
00:25:05,673 --> 00:25:07,675
Bug. Wait, wait, wait.
Reggie, please.

611
00:25:07,708 --> 00:25:10,044
I feel you-- I really do--
but this-this is insane.

612
00:25:10,077 --> 00:25:11,879
Yeah, like, maybe there's

613
00:25:11,912 --> 00:25:13,647
a metaphorical dick
you could bite off.

614
00:25:13,681 --> 00:25:15,282
Like-like-like you could
pretend my dick is his dick,

615
00:25:15,316 --> 00:25:17,018
and you could give it
a stern talking-to.

616
00:25:17,051 --> 00:25:19,620
No, his dick-- no exceptions.

617
00:25:19,653 --> 00:25:21,622
Playing with that thing
was his favorite activity

618
00:25:21,655 --> 00:25:23,557
until he started
putting things in boxes.

619
00:25:23,591 --> 00:25:25,593
-Boxes? -Oh, shit.
That means he's moving soon.

620
00:25:25,626 --> 00:25:26,894
-Moving? Oh, God.
-Oh, man.

621
00:25:26,927 --> 00:25:28,262
-Wh-What if we're too late?
-Calm down.

622
00:25:28,295 --> 00:25:29,797
We definitely
don't have much time.

623
00:25:29,830 --> 00:25:31,699
Any places, smells,
landmarks you remember

624
00:25:31,732 --> 00:25:32,933
on the road to get here?

625
00:25:32,967 --> 00:25:35,236
Uh, I-I just...
I-I remember passing

626
00:25:35,269 --> 00:25:37,238
an enormous hamster wheel.

627
00:25:37,271 --> 00:25:39,173
-Okay, hamster wheel.
-Uh, uh, a giant cone

628
00:25:39,206 --> 00:25:40,775
that looked like Hunter's.

629
00:25:40,808 --> 00:25:42,276
Giant cone that looked
like Hunter's. Okay.

630
00:25:42,309 --> 00:25:44,078
And the...
and the devil in the sky.

631
00:25:44,111 --> 00:25:47,181
And the devil in the sky. Boom!
That's basically a road map

632
00:25:47,214 --> 00:25:49,316
right to this guy's
custard launcher.

633
00:25:49,350 --> 00:25:51,152
Bug, there's no way.
It's impossible.

634
00:25:51,185 --> 00:25:52,653
Nah. No, no, no, not quite.

635
00:25:52,686 --> 00:25:53,854
Reggie's got no shot

636
00:25:53,888 --> 00:25:55,656
of making it back in time
on his own,

637
00:25:55,689 --> 00:25:58,759
but if we all go,
I got the street smarts,

638
00:25:58,793 --> 00:26:00,661
you got the muscle,
and Maggie's got

639
00:26:00,694 --> 00:26:03,130
a sense of smell so good
she could sniff one asshole

640
00:26:03,164 --> 00:26:05,833
and tell you what the guy ate
three breakfasts ago.

641
00:26:05,866 --> 00:26:07,935
-Bunch of nickels.
-Exactly.

642
00:26:07,968 --> 00:26:08,736
She's incredible.

643
00:26:08,769 --> 00:26:10,738
Guys, we can do this.

644
00:26:10,771 --> 00:26:12,673
-No, there is no way...
-I'm in.

645
00:26:12,706 --> 00:26:13,974
...I am missing this.

646
00:26:14,008 --> 00:26:15,242
Let's do it!

647
00:26:15,276 --> 00:26:17,845
Really? You guys would
do this for me?

648
00:26:17,878 --> 00:26:19,246
Hell yeah.
We got your back, Reg.

649
00:26:19,280 --> 00:26:20,815
-Yeah.
-All right, guys.

650
00:26:20,848 --> 00:26:23,684
Let's show these humans
they can't toss us aside

651
00:26:23,717 --> 00:26:26,220
without facing
some bad fucking consequences.

652
00:26:26,253 --> 00:26:27,721
Fellas.

653
00:26:27,755 --> 00:26:29,390
Lady.

654
00:26:29,423 --> 00:26:31,859
Let's go get some dick.

655
00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:34,762
Howling.

656
00:26:34,795 --> 00:26:37,698
Howl. Howling.

657
00:26:37,731 --> 00:26:40,234
I'm just not a great howler.

658
00:26:43,003 --> 00:26:45,840
♪ Yeah, word is bond ♪

659
00:26:45,873 --> 00:26:48,008
♪ Das EFX in this,
you know what I'm sayin'? ♪

660
00:26:48,042 --> 00:26:50,845
♪ Straight from the sewer,
word is bond, yeah ♪

661
00:26:50,878 --> 00:26:52,680
♪ Check yo' self
before you wreck yo' self ♪

662
00:26:52,713 --> 00:26:54,048
♪ 'Cause I'm bad
for your health ♪

663
00:26:54,081 --> 00:26:55,683
♪ I come real stealth ♪

664
00:26:55,716 --> 00:26:57,852
♪ Dropping bombs on your moms,
fuck car alarms ♪

665
00:26:57,885 --> 00:26:59,987
♪ Doing foul crime, I'm that
brotha wit' yo' Alpine ♪

666
00:27:00,020 --> 00:27:02,656
♪ Sold it for a six-o,
always let tricks know ♪

667
00:27:02,690 --> 00:27:04,859
♪ And friends know
we got the indo ♪

668
00:27:04,892 --> 00:27:07,895
♪ No, I'm not a sucker
sitting in a House of Pain ♪

669
00:27:07,928 --> 00:27:09,897
♪ And no, I'm not the butler,
I'll cut ya ♪

670
00:27:09,930 --> 00:27:12,032
♪ This ain't
no fucking motion picture ♪

671
00:27:12,066 --> 00:27:14,969
♪ A guy or bitch-a,
I'll get wit' cha and hit ya ♪

672
00:27:15,002 --> 00:27:18,706
♪ Taking that yak to the neck,
so you better run a check ♪

673
00:27:18,739 --> 00:27:20,274
♪ So come on
and chickity-check yo' self ♪

674
00:27:20,307 --> 00:27:22,910
♪ Before you wreck yo' self,
chickity-check yo' self ♪

675
00:27:22,943 --> 00:27:24,445
♪ Before you wreck yo' self,
boy ♪

676
00:27:24,478 --> 00:27:26,180
♪ Check yo' self
before you wreck yo' self ♪

677
00:27:26,213 --> 00:27:28,415
♪ 'Cause shotgun bullets
are bad for your health... ♪

678
00:27:28,449 --> 00:27:30,784
Howling.

679
00:27:30,818 --> 00:27:32,052
Howling.

680
00:27:32,086 --> 00:27:33,387
♪ Check it. ♪

681
00:27:35,856 --> 00:27:37,758
Why didn't nobody tell us
that dog journeys

682
00:27:37,791 --> 00:27:39,326
are so fucking exhausting?

683
00:27:39,360 --> 00:27:41,061
-Yeah.
-Oh, this is brutal.

684
00:27:41,095 --> 00:27:43,297
I was still drunk
when I agreed to do this.

685
00:27:43,330 --> 00:27:45,366
-Yeah, I'm hangry.
-Yeah, I'm starving.

686
00:27:45,399 --> 00:27:47,067
I just threw up over there,
so there might be

687
00:27:47,101 --> 00:27:49,203
-something in there if you want
to give it a... -Ooh.

688
00:27:49,236 --> 00:27:50,471
Okay.

689
00:27:50,505 --> 00:27:52,072
I bet that's some of the pizza
from last night.

690
00:27:52,106 --> 00:27:53,908
Oh, yeah,
lot-lots of good shit in there.

691
00:27:53,941 --> 00:27:55,376
Oh, there's those nickels.

692
00:27:55,409 --> 00:27:57,111
Guys, we-we got to keep moving.

693
00:27:57,144 --> 00:27:58,279
You can't miss this thing.

694
00:27:58,312 --> 00:27:59,980
It's like a giant hamster wheel

695
00:28:00,014 --> 00:28:02,449
but without the hamster
and it smells like hot dogs.

696
00:28:02,483 --> 00:28:04,385
Smells like hot dogs?

697
00:28:04,418 --> 00:28:06,921
This is her superpower.
She's unbelievable.

698
00:28:06,954 --> 00:28:08,455
-Look at that nose.
-You got something?

699
00:28:08,489 --> 00:28:10,191
Wait a minute.

700
00:28:10,224 --> 00:28:11,725
Wait, d-do you smell that?

701
00:28:11,759 --> 00:28:13,160
I just smell plastic.

702
00:28:13,194 --> 00:28:14,395
Oh, yeah. Oh.

703
00:28:14,428 --> 00:28:15,896
Yeah, I've got it.

704
00:28:15,930 --> 00:28:18,432
She's walking away.
Should we follow her?

705
00:28:18,465 --> 00:28:20,701
I'm gonna follow her.

706
00:28:21,435 --> 00:28:23,003
No, no, no, no, no.
A sausage is the one

707
00:28:23,037 --> 00:28:24,838
that looks like shit
but it don't taste like shit.

708
00:28:24,872 --> 00:28:26,407
Okay. What is a hot dog?

709
00:28:26,440 --> 00:28:27,841
Guys. Shh. Drop it. Look.

710
00:28:27,875 --> 00:28:29,310
-What the fuck is this?
-That's it.

711
00:28:29,343 --> 00:28:30,878
The giant hamster wheel.

712
00:28:30,911 --> 00:28:32,446
-We're on the right track.
-All right, guys.

713
00:28:32,479 --> 00:28:34,815
We're on a time crunch,
but Hunter's gonna die

714
00:28:34,848 --> 00:28:36,518
if we don't get some food
in him, okay?

715
00:28:36,551 --> 00:28:37,918
Maggie, you hang with Hunter.

716
00:28:37,952 --> 00:28:39,353
-Gotcha.
-Good plan.

717
00:28:39,386 --> 00:28:41,055
-Reg, you know what time it is?
-Uh...

718
00:28:41,088 --> 00:28:42,790
-It's grub time. Damn right.
-It's grub... yeah, grub time.

719
00:28:42,823 --> 00:28:44,925
-Let's get some grub.
-Let's get some grub.

720
00:28:44,959 --> 00:28:46,460
This fucking place is weird.

721
00:28:46,493 --> 00:28:48,028
So weird.

722
00:28:48,062 --> 00:28:49,496
I never really can
understand humans, man,

723
00:28:49,531 --> 00:28:51,232
especially, like,
the lighter-shade ones.

724
00:28:51,265 --> 00:28:52,866
They some strange
motherfuckers.

725
00:28:52,900 --> 00:28:55,002
I was thinking the same thing.

726
00:28:55,035 --> 00:28:57,238
Hey.

727
00:28:59,039 --> 00:29:01,842
Um...
your dog messed up my shot.

728
00:29:01,875 --> 00:29:03,978
Uh, I think he's telling me

729
00:29:04,011 --> 00:29:05,779
I should pay for you
to take another one.

730
00:29:05,813 --> 00:29:07,481
Oh, is that right?

731
00:29:07,515 --> 00:29:08,916
Yeah, that's what...
that's what he was saying.

732
00:29:08,949 --> 00:29:10,918
I promise.

733
00:29:10,951 --> 00:29:12,186
I wouldn't...
I wouldn't make it up,

734
00:29:12,219 --> 00:29:14,021
but he's a good...
he's got good ideas.

735
00:29:14,054 --> 00:29:16,257
<i>I could tell</i>
<i>James felt different</i>

736
00:29:16,290 --> 00:29:17,891
<i>about this human girl.</i>

737
00:29:17,925 --> 00:29:20,461
<i>Maybe it was because</i>
<i>she smelled like biscuits.</i>

738
00:29:20,494 --> 00:29:22,029
<i>Or maybe it was because</i>

739
00:29:22,062 --> 00:29:23,998
<i>something about her was special.</i>

740
00:29:24,031 --> 00:29:27,101
Excuse me. Do you know where we
can get some food around here?

741
00:29:27,901 --> 00:29:29,937
<i>As I was saying,</i>

742
00:29:29,970 --> 00:29:32,406
<i>James thought</i>
<i>he was helping this girl,</i>

743
00:29:32,439 --> 00:29:35,577
<i>but the truth is</i>
<i>she was helping him.</i>

744
00:29:35,610 --> 00:29:36,910
Oh, fuck this bullshit.

745
00:29:36,944 --> 00:29:38,212
Wait, what is he doing?

746
00:29:38,245 --> 00:29:39,346
I've seen this shit before.

747
00:29:39,380 --> 00:29:41,148
He's one of those
narrator dogs.

748
00:29:41,181 --> 00:29:44,251
Hey! No one's listening
to your lame human story,

749
00:29:44,285 --> 00:29:45,819
you fucking dumbass.

750
00:29:48,188 --> 00:29:51,158
<i>Sadly, the little dog was right.</i>

751
00:29:51,191 --> 00:29:53,961
<i>No one was listening</i>
<i>to my story.</i>

752
00:29:53,994 --> 00:29:56,330
<i>Which is too bad</i>
<i>because I'm the only one</i>

753
00:29:56,363 --> 00:29:59,833
<i>who knows James is</i>
<i>a cold-blooded serial killer.</i>

754
00:29:59,867 --> 00:30:03,404
<i>He's got three bodies buried</i>
<i>in the backyard already,</i>

755
00:30:03,437 --> 00:30:05,906
<i>but I guess no one's interested.</i>

756
00:30:05,939 --> 00:30:07,074
I can't believe that dog.

757
00:30:07,107 --> 00:30:08,543
He was so obsessed
with his owner

758
00:30:08,576 --> 00:30:09,910
he didn't even acknowledge us.

759
00:30:09,943 --> 00:30:11,278
I'm-a tell you, kid,

760
00:30:11,312 --> 00:30:12,913
the moment they leash you up,
snip your balls

761
00:30:12,946 --> 00:30:14,549
is the moment
they got you by 'em.

762
00:30:14,582 --> 00:30:17,217
Hold on. They snip your balls?

763
00:30:17,251 --> 00:30:18,520
-Oh, yeah.
-Ugh.

764
00:30:18,553 --> 00:30:19,987
And I think they're
collecting those, too,

765
00:30:20,020 --> 00:30:21,188
-to put in the chocolate.
-Come on!

766
00:30:21,221 --> 00:30:23,023
-Get your hot dogs here!
-Oh, shit. Look.

767
00:30:23,057 --> 00:30:25,025
-I got jumbo dogs!
-Okay, here's the plan.

768
00:30:25,059 --> 00:30:26,860
You grab the sausages,
and I'll go over there

769
00:30:26,894 --> 00:30:28,530
and fuck the guy's leg
as a distraction.

770
00:30:28,563 --> 00:30:30,230
And... break!

771
00:30:30,264 --> 00:30:33,601
Uh, I don't think fucking
the guy's leg is necessary,

772
00:30:33,635 --> 00:30:36,036
but I see you've
already started. All right.

773
00:30:36,070 --> 00:30:37,539
Ooh, gimme, gimme, gimme.

774
00:30:37,572 --> 00:30:39,873
-Bunny!
-You won!

775
00:30:39,907 --> 00:30:41,208
-I can't believe I won!
-Yeah!

776
00:30:41,241 --> 00:30:43,511
Oh, look at that toy bunny.

777
00:30:43,545 --> 00:30:45,446
You know, it hasn't even
been a day yet,

778
00:30:45,479 --> 00:30:47,214
but I really miss toys.

779
00:30:47,247 --> 00:30:48,650
Jenna had some good ones.

780
00:30:48,683 --> 00:30:50,284
I'd rip that shit apart

781
00:30:50,317 --> 00:30:52,587
until I found that squeaky toy
in the middle.

782
00:30:52,620 --> 00:30:54,188
Ugh, I miss squeaky toys, too.

783
00:30:54,221 --> 00:30:56,123
But, of course,
I only got to play

784
00:30:56,156 --> 00:30:58,092
with those squeak toys
if I was a good girl

785
00:30:58,125 --> 00:31:00,961
and I smiled the right way for
her stupid freaking selfies.

786
00:31:00,994 --> 00:31:03,964
The amount of work
that goes into looking cute.

787
00:31:03,997 --> 00:31:05,065
Honestly,
I had to go spin around

788
00:31:05,099 --> 00:31:06,534
in a perfect circle like this,

789
00:31:06,568 --> 00:31:08,235
move into a
"oh, I'm so fuckable" pose

790
00:31:08,268 --> 00:31:09,637
with my paws crossed,

791
00:31:09,671 --> 00:31:11,673
and then I'd have to
stand up straight, paws up.

792
00:31:11,706 --> 00:31:13,273
I have to show all my tits.

793
00:31:13,307 --> 00:31:16,176
Yeah, right, that--
yeah, that's pretty fuckable.

794
00:31:16,210 --> 00:31:18,979
I mean, uh, that-that...
that's-that's weird.

795
00:31:19,012 --> 00:31:20,347
Wait, uh, there they are.

796
00:31:20,381 --> 00:31:23,484
You know,
Maggie, there's, um...

797
00:31:23,518 --> 00:31:27,254
there's so much more to like
about you than just your looks.

798
00:31:27,287 --> 00:31:28,489
-You think so?
-Sure.

799
00:31:28,523 --> 00:31:30,625
I-I mean, you are hands down

800
00:31:30,658 --> 00:31:32,493
the best sniffer I've ever met.

801
00:31:32,527 --> 00:31:33,927
-Huh.
-But you're also smart

802
00:31:33,961 --> 00:31:35,129
and you can jump high

803
00:31:35,162 --> 00:31:37,532
and you know
like nine human words.

804
00:31:37,565 --> 00:31:38,999
That's insane.

805
00:31:39,032 --> 00:31:41,068
I actually know 31,
but thank you.

806
00:31:41,101 --> 00:31:43,337
Honestly, I-I'd have to list
about 20 more things

807
00:31:43,370 --> 00:31:45,439
before I even got
to anything to do with

808
00:31:45,472 --> 00:31:47,174
how beautiful you are.

809
00:31:49,209 --> 00:31:50,678
Um...

810
00:31:50,712 --> 00:31:52,279
I'm sorry, that was too much.

811
00:31:52,312 --> 00:31:55,349
No, that-that means
a lot to me.

812
00:31:55,382 --> 00:31:58,185
You know,
you're a really good listener.

813
00:31:58,218 --> 00:31:59,654
Oh, that's because
all the sound

814
00:31:59,687 --> 00:32:01,422
funnels through the cone
right to my ears.

815
00:32:01,455 --> 00:32:03,056
No, I didn't...

816
00:32:03,090 --> 00:32:05,159
-Never mind.
-Wait, wait. What?

817
00:32:05,192 --> 00:32:08,262
Have you ever thought about...
about taking the cone off

818
00:32:08,295 --> 00:32:11,398
for a little while
just to... just to see?

819
00:32:11,432 --> 00:32:13,000
No.

820
00:32:13,033 --> 00:32:15,302
I bet you'd look
really handsome.

821
00:32:15,335 --> 00:32:16,538
Really?

822
00:32:16,571 --> 00:32:18,238
Yeah.

823
00:32:18,272 --> 00:32:19,741
That's how you do it, Reg, baby.

824
00:32:19,774 --> 00:32:21,275
That was awesome!

825
00:32:21,308 --> 00:32:24,044
Oh, wait a minute.
Okay, what's this vibe?

826
00:32:24,077 --> 00:32:25,179
-Oh, no.
-Oh, nothing.

827
00:32:25,212 --> 00:32:26,447
-Yeah, what vibe?
-Nothing.

828
00:32:26,480 --> 00:32:27,749
-What vibe?
-There is no vibe.

829
00:32:27,782 --> 00:32:30,150
Your boner implies
that there's a vibe.

830
00:32:30,184 --> 00:32:33,020
Oh, uh, well, you know, that's
because our friendship...

831
00:32:33,053 --> 00:32:34,656
got me erect.

832
00:32:34,689 --> 00:32:36,323
Yeah, it was a friend boner.

833
00:32:36,356 --> 00:32:38,225
Then why don't you get boners
for us?

834
00:32:38,258 --> 00:32:40,728
I mean, uh,
are we not your friends?

835
00:32:40,762 --> 00:32:43,330
What? No, no, you guys
get me hard all the time.

836
00:32:43,363 --> 00:32:47,034
Hunter, that's about the
sweetest thing I've ever heard.

837
00:32:47,067 --> 00:32:49,671
Speaking of boners,
how about some sausages?

838
00:32:49,704 --> 00:32:51,271
We took 'em from a human.

839
00:32:51,305 --> 00:32:53,708
You stole these from a human?
What if someone saw?

840
00:32:53,741 --> 00:32:55,710
Relax.
Grow back some testicles.

841
00:32:55,743 --> 00:32:57,745
Ain't nobody saw.

842
00:33:00,247 --> 00:33:01,482
God saw!

843
00:33:01,516 --> 00:33:03,217
God sees everything!

844
00:33:03,250 --> 00:33:05,118
Run!

845
00:33:05,152 --> 00:33:07,120
-We're under attack!
-Save yourselves!

846
00:33:07,154 --> 00:33:08,623
We got to find cover!

847
00:33:08,656 --> 00:33:10,491
The whole fucking place
is gonna blow!

848
00:33:10,525 --> 00:33:12,226
Move! Move!

849
00:33:12,259 --> 00:33:13,761
Oh, God!

850
00:33:13,795 --> 00:33:15,663
We're all gonna die!

851
00:33:15,697 --> 00:33:17,297
Mama!

852
00:33:17,331 --> 00:33:19,099
Wow.

853
00:33:20,802 --> 00:33:22,369
-Duck!
-Stay low!

854
00:33:22,402 --> 00:33:25,239
-They got us surrounded!
-Go, go, go!

855
00:33:25,272 --> 00:33:26,473
-Run!
-They're coming after us!

856
00:33:26,508 --> 00:33:27,709
This way! Hurry!

857
00:33:27,742 --> 00:33:30,010
It's so loud inside the cone!

858
00:33:32,145 --> 00:33:33,380
-Oh, shit.
-No.

859
00:33:33,413 --> 00:33:35,115
-No, no, no, no, no, no!
-We got to get over.

860
00:33:35,148 --> 00:33:37,619
We got to dig. We got to dig!

861
00:33:37,652 --> 00:33:38,753
Dig. Dig faster.

862
00:33:38,786 --> 00:33:40,287
Hunter, Maggie, help us dig.

863
00:33:40,320 --> 00:33:42,590
-What? What's going on?
-Come on, Maggie, dig!

864
00:33:42,624 --> 00:33:44,592
-You said you love digging.
-I lied!

865
00:33:44,626 --> 00:33:47,494
-I hate digging!
-There we go.

866
00:33:47,529 --> 00:33:49,062
Okay, let's go.

867
00:33:49,096 --> 00:33:50,765
Oh, I hate how the dirt feels
under my nails!

868
00:33:50,798 --> 00:33:52,399
Wait, wait. Guys, I'm stuck!

869
00:33:52,432 --> 00:33:54,669
My bandanna's stuck!

870
00:33:54,702 --> 00:33:56,538
Aah!

871
00:33:56,571 --> 00:33:58,171
-Oh, no.
-Reggie!

872
00:33:58,205 --> 00:34:00,207
-Reggie, no!
-Reggie, come on, buddy.

873
00:34:00,240 --> 00:34:01,341
Maggie, Hunter, help me out.

874
00:34:01,375 --> 00:34:02,810
No, no, no, no.
Get out of here.

875
00:34:02,844 --> 00:34:04,244
It-It's too late for me.

876
00:34:04,278 --> 00:34:05,780
Listen to me.
It's not too late.

877
00:34:05,813 --> 00:34:07,481
No. Save yourself.

878
00:34:07,515 --> 00:34:10,852
And tell Doug I wanted
to bite his dick off.

879
00:34:10,885 --> 00:34:13,220
Bite it for me, if you can.

880
00:34:13,253 --> 00:34:15,389
Look at me. You're gonna live,

881
00:34:15,422 --> 00:34:19,159
and you're gonna bite
that dick yourself.

882
00:34:19,192 --> 00:34:20,695
Hunter, the fence!

883
00:34:22,797 --> 00:34:24,197
Check this out.

884
00:34:24,231 --> 00:34:26,300
Come on.

885
00:34:26,333 --> 00:34:28,636
Holy shit, they have a bomb!

886
00:34:29,704 --> 00:34:33,073
-Come on, Reggie.
-Come on.

887
00:34:35,810 --> 00:34:37,579
I'm almost free.
I'm almost free.

888
00:34:37,612 --> 00:34:38,680
-Come on, Reggie!
-Aah!

889
00:34:38,713 --> 00:34:40,280
Aah! Come on, let's go!

890
00:34:40,882 --> 00:34:42,584
Let's move, move, move, move!

891
00:34:42,617 --> 00:34:45,085
Come on, guys, let's go!

892
00:34:48,221 --> 00:34:50,725
Oh, well, uh...

893
00:34:50,758 --> 00:34:52,326
You guys want to kiss a little?

894
00:34:52,359 --> 00:34:55,697
Oh, my God! Holy shit.

895
00:34:55,730 --> 00:34:57,364
Guys, that was crazy.

896
00:34:57,397 --> 00:34:59,433
I feel like now I need
an emotional support dog.

897
00:34:59,466 --> 00:35:02,604
Bug, you looked like
you were gonna shit yourself.

898
00:35:02,637 --> 00:35:04,539
I did. I literally did that.

899
00:35:04,572 --> 00:35:06,206
-Oh, God. -He did.
I stepped in it.

900
00:35:06,239 --> 00:35:08,241
Reg, you okay?

901
00:35:08,275 --> 00:35:10,177
Uh, it's nothing. I-I...

902
00:35:10,210 --> 00:35:13,480
It's just, you guys
risked your life for me.

903
00:35:13,514 --> 00:35:14,916
Bug, you saved me.

904
00:35:14,949 --> 00:35:16,751
I never thought
anyone would do that.

905
00:35:16,784 --> 00:35:18,853
Of course we would. Come on.

906
00:35:18,886 --> 00:35:20,555
You're part of the pack, Reggie.

907
00:35:20,588 --> 00:35:22,456
-We stick together.
-That's right.

908
00:35:22,489 --> 00:35:24,491
I've never been part
of a pack before.

909
00:35:24,525 --> 00:35:25,325
Well, you are now.

910
00:35:25,359 --> 00:35:27,361
I didn't even know
that was a thing.

911
00:35:27,394 --> 00:35:29,162
We'll make it a thing.

912
00:35:29,196 --> 00:35:30,330
Yeah.

913
00:35:30,364 --> 00:35:33,200
So, I kind of have
a weird idea.

914
00:35:33,233 --> 00:35:35,837
Could... could we maybe...

915
00:35:35,870 --> 00:35:37,905
pee on each other?

916
00:35:37,939 --> 00:35:38,906
Say what, now?

917
00:35:38,940 --> 00:35:40,474
Well, you said that

918
00:35:40,508 --> 00:35:42,409
when you pee on something
that it's yours.

919
00:35:42,442 --> 00:35:43,911
I just thought that,
since we're all,

920
00:35:43,945 --> 00:35:45,513
like, friends now, we could...

921
00:35:45,546 --> 00:35:48,716
Pee on each other
so we belong to each other?

922
00:35:48,750 --> 00:35:49,884
Yeah.

923
00:35:49,917 --> 00:35:51,786
That was a stupid idea.

924
00:35:51,819 --> 00:35:55,523
Jenna would be so mad if
I came home covered in urine.

925
00:35:56,456 --> 00:35:58,258
-Let's fucking do it.
-Oh, we're doing it.

926
00:35:58,291 --> 00:36:00,728
Okay. Why don't we, like,
do, like, a circle thing?

927
00:36:00,762 --> 00:36:02,664
-Yeah, and let's just lift
our left leg. -Starboard side.

928
00:36:02,697 --> 00:36:05,365
-Yeah, lift our left leg,
and then we'll... -There we go.

929
00:36:05,399 --> 00:36:07,669
-Oh, good, I get to pee on Bug.
-Yeah, that's good.

930
00:36:09,003 --> 00:36:10,404
Whoa.

931
00:36:10,437 --> 00:36:11,806
You know, this isn't just
warming my body.

932
00:36:11,839 --> 00:36:13,206
It's warming my heart.

933
00:36:13,240 --> 00:36:14,441
-Aw.
-Wow.

934
00:36:14,474 --> 00:36:16,410
I guess this makes us
family now.

935
00:36:16,443 --> 00:36:18,613
-Yeah, we're BFFs.
-Yeah.

936
00:36:18,646 --> 00:36:21,248
Even better. We're Pee-FFs.

937
00:36:21,281 --> 00:36:23,283
Pee-FFs! I love it.

938
00:36:23,316 --> 00:36:25,753
-Yeah. Love that.
-Oh, Bug!

939
00:36:25,787 --> 00:36:27,588
You look happy.

940
00:36:27,622 --> 00:36:29,289
What are you talking about,
I look happy?

941
00:36:29,322 --> 00:36:30,558
I'm just smiling
because we're all sitting here

942
00:36:30,591 --> 00:36:32,292
pissing on each other,
so I just...

943
00:36:32,325 --> 00:36:34,261
I cracked a smile.
It's not an emotional thing.

944
00:36:34,294 --> 00:36:35,697
-Nah, you love us.
-You love us!

945
00:36:35,730 --> 00:36:37,431
-Okay, that's it.
-Yeah, that's right. You do.

946
00:36:37,464 --> 00:36:39,299
-That's my cue to go to bed.
-Oh, come on, Bug.

947
00:36:39,332 --> 00:36:41,301
Look, listen, listen,
we got a lot of walking to do

948
00:36:41,334 --> 00:36:42,770
and not much time to do it.

949
00:36:42,804 --> 00:36:44,839
Let's get some sleep.

950
00:36:44,872 --> 00:36:47,207
H-H-Ho-Hold on one second.

951
00:36:50,410 --> 00:36:52,345
-Go back the other way.
-Better the other way.

952
00:36:52,379 --> 00:36:54,314
Try sniffing the ground. H-Have
you tried sniffing the ground?

953
00:36:54,347 --> 00:36:56,349
-Fucked that one up.
-You got to reset yourself.

954
00:36:56,383 --> 00:36:57,719
-Yeah, you go back 90 degrees.
-Fucked that one up, too.

955
00:36:57,752 --> 00:36:59,453
-You were so close.
-Now sit down.

956
00:36:59,486 --> 00:37:01,689
-That'll do. That'll do.
-All right, finally, good.

957
00:37:01,723 --> 00:37:04,659
-Time for bed. Yeah. Okay.
-Let's get some sleep.

958
00:37:04,692 --> 00:37:06,259
And a quick turn.

959
00:37:06,293 --> 00:37:07,962
-Time to go to sl...
-Wait. Hang on. -One turn.

960
00:37:07,995 --> 00:37:09,564
-Two turns. Three turns.
-Oh, God.

961
00:37:09,597 --> 00:37:10,932
Bug's really fucked
with my head. I don't know...

962
00:37:10,965 --> 00:37:12,667
-There.
-Five,

963
00:37:12,700 --> 00:37:14,635
-four, three, two, one.
-Again. Again. Okay.

964
00:37:14,669 --> 00:37:15,737
Okay, okay, now I'm ready.

965
00:37:15,770 --> 00:37:18,005
Easy.

966
00:37:18,039 --> 00:37:20,273
And... down.

967
00:37:20,307 --> 00:37:22,476
I'm getting much faster
at that.

968
00:37:23,644 --> 00:37:25,046
-Good night, everyone.
-Good night, Reg.

969
00:37:25,079 --> 00:37:26,346
-Good night, Reggie.
-And, uh, thanks again

970
00:37:26,379 --> 00:37:27,815
for letting me pee on you guys.

971
00:37:27,849 --> 00:37:29,316
-Reggie?
-Yeah?

972
00:37:29,349 --> 00:37:30,484
Could you just stop
fucking talking, please?

973
00:37:30,518 --> 00:37:32,520
-Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
-Okay.

974
00:37:40,928 --> 00:37:43,064
Okay, guys. Big day today.

975
00:37:43,097 --> 00:37:44,832
Next up is the giant cone.

976
00:37:44,866 --> 00:37:47,367
I don't know what kind of
cone we're gonna find out here.

977
00:37:47,400 --> 00:37:49,637
It can't be too hard
to find. It's gigantic.

978
00:37:49,670 --> 00:37:51,606
All I see is trees,
but whatever.

979
00:37:51,639 --> 00:37:54,776
Hey, mate, have you thought
about how you're gonna do it?

980
00:37:54,809 --> 00:37:56,043
Uh, sorry. D-Do what?

981
00:37:56,077 --> 00:37:57,712
-Bite Doug's dick off.
-Oh.

982
00:37:57,745 --> 00:38:00,782
Were you thinking lengthwise
or tip-to-shaft?

983
00:38:00,815 --> 00:38:03,551
Gosh, I don't know. I-I've
never bitten off a dick before.

984
00:38:03,584 --> 00:38:06,386
I guess I'll let it
just come to me in the moment.

985
00:38:06,419 --> 00:38:08,589
So, at what point of this trip
are you gonna build up

986
00:38:08,623 --> 00:38:10,390
a little BDE
and make a move, huh?

987
00:38:10,423 --> 00:38:12,093
-With Maggie? -Yes, Mag...
No, with this mossy stump.

988
00:38:12,126 --> 00:38:14,061
What the fuck you think
I'm talking about?

989
00:38:14,095 --> 00:38:16,631
No way.
She wouldn't go for me.

990
00:38:16,664 --> 00:38:18,933
I mean, maybe a door opens up
down the road,

991
00:38:18,966 --> 00:38:20,535
but for now we're just friends.

992
00:38:20,568 --> 00:38:22,069
Wh-What are you talking about,
opening up doors?

993
00:38:22,103 --> 00:38:23,538
We don't have thumbs.

994
00:38:23,571 --> 00:38:25,472
You got to knock
the fucking door down.

995
00:38:25,506 --> 00:38:27,074
Yeah, but who would
want to date

996
00:38:27,108 --> 00:38:29,844
a failed police dog
who wears a cone 24/7?

997
00:38:29,877 --> 00:38:33,548
Oh, come on, dude.
Girls date losers all the time.

998
00:38:33,581 --> 00:38:37,484
You know, Reggie, that you
don't have to do it, right?

999
00:38:37,518 --> 00:38:39,620
What are you talking about?
Of course I do.

1000
00:38:39,654 --> 00:38:41,388
I'm gonna get
all over that dick.

1001
00:38:41,421 --> 00:38:42,824
Chomp, chomp, chomp. Mmm!

1002
00:38:42,857 --> 00:38:45,425
Yeah, but you could just,
you know, move on from Doug,

1003
00:38:45,458 --> 00:38:47,562
and then you wouldn't have to
do anything to him at all.

1004
00:38:47,595 --> 00:38:49,730
You could always
just let it go.

1005
00:38:49,764 --> 00:38:51,431
I-I'm not...

1006
00:38:51,464 --> 00:38:53,801
No, I'm not just
gonna let it go.

1007
00:38:53,835 --> 00:38:55,102
All right, look,

1008
00:38:55,136 --> 00:38:56,704
you failed doggie school
'cause you was a wuss,

1009
00:38:56,737 --> 00:38:58,773
but there's nothing
we can do about your past.

1010
00:38:58,806 --> 00:39:02,375
We might, however, be able to
get that thing off your head.

1011
00:39:02,409 --> 00:39:04,579
-This? No, no, you can't.
-Sure, we can.

1012
00:39:04,612 --> 00:39:06,581
If we all pull together,
we could...

1013
00:39:06,614 --> 00:39:08,583
No, no, I mean, I-I need it.

1014
00:39:08,616 --> 00:39:10,852
I keep it on intentionally.

1015
00:39:10,885 --> 00:39:12,452
Wait, really? I just assumed

1016
00:39:12,485 --> 00:39:14,021
it was, like, you know,
a medical thing.

1017
00:39:14,055 --> 00:39:15,422
Oh, it is.

1018
00:39:15,455 --> 00:39:16,891
I-I'll do anything
to keep it on.

1019
00:39:16,924 --> 00:39:19,459
And most self-inflicted
injuries will do the trick.

1020
00:39:19,492 --> 00:39:21,729
You know, cat scratches,
ear infection from the toilet,

1021
00:39:21,762 --> 00:39:23,865
lick my testicles
for hours and hours

1022
00:39:23,898 --> 00:39:26,433
until the humans get concerned.

1023
00:39:26,466 --> 00:39:28,803
But it's worth it.
I get anxious sometimes,

1024
00:39:28,836 --> 00:39:31,572
and the cone helps me
block things out.

1025
00:39:31,606 --> 00:39:33,875
What are you guys
talking about?

1026
00:39:33,908 --> 00:39:36,143
Oh, uh, nothing.
You know, same old, same old.

1027
00:39:36,177 --> 00:39:37,712
I'm telling him he's got to get

1028
00:39:37,745 --> 00:39:39,547
-that big dick energy.
-Bug.

1029
00:39:39,580 --> 00:39:41,481
Well, you got
the first part down.

1030
00:39:41,515 --> 00:39:43,551
Aw, thanks for complimenting
my penis, Maggie.

1031
00:39:43,584 --> 00:39:45,519
You know,
your vagina's huge, too.

1032
00:39:45,553 --> 00:39:48,689
-Seriously?
-Shit. Why did I say that?

1033
00:39:50,057 --> 00:39:51,692
Hey, Reg,
let me ask you something.

1034
00:39:51,726 --> 00:39:53,194
-Yeah?
-How sure are you

1035
00:39:53,227 --> 00:39:54,896
that the big cone is this way?

1036
00:39:54,929 --> 00:39:58,431
I don't know, on a scale
of sure to not sure,

1037
00:39:58,465 --> 00:40:00,433
pretty sure...

1038
00:40:01,936 --> 00:40:03,838
...that I'm not really sure.
That I'm sure of.

1039
00:40:03,871 --> 00:40:05,873
-Holy shit. We're lost.
-Ah, great.

1040
00:40:05,907 --> 00:40:07,875
-I knew this would happen.
-Hey, calm down, Bug.

1041
00:40:07,909 --> 00:40:09,977
We'll figure it out.
This could be a lot worse.

1042
00:40:10,011 --> 00:40:11,712
Oh, really, Hunter?
I'm starving,

1043
00:40:11,746 --> 00:40:14,148
we're completely fucking lost,
and my little puppy paw pads

1044
00:40:14,181 --> 00:40:15,783
are really hurting right now,

1045
00:40:15,816 --> 00:40:18,418
so how exactly
could this get worse?

1046
00:40:19,086 --> 00:40:20,788
Huh? How could it?
Tell me, huh?

1047
00:40:20,821 --> 00:40:22,590
How could it get worse?

1048
00:40:23,224 --> 00:40:24,725
Oh, oh, oh!

1049
00:40:24,759 --> 00:40:26,661
-Bug! -Why did I say
it could get a lot worse?

1050
00:40:26,694 --> 00:40:28,229
Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Oh, please,
please, please don't drop me.

1051
00:40:28,262 --> 00:40:30,064
-Don't eat me. None of that!
-Bug!

1052
00:40:30,097 --> 00:40:31,498
That eagle has
some good timing.

1053
00:40:31,532 --> 00:40:33,067
Bug! Hold on, buddy!

1054
00:40:33,100 --> 00:40:34,635
Reg, Reggie, guys, help me.

1055
00:40:34,669 --> 00:40:36,804
Ask him if he wouldn't mind
bringing you lower!

1056
00:40:36,837 --> 00:40:38,506
What?
What are you talking about?

1057
00:40:38,539 --> 00:40:39,941
-I don't speak bird.
-We're in a real pickle!

1058
00:40:39,974 --> 00:40:41,876
Help, help, help. Do something.
Somebody do something.

1059
00:40:41,909 --> 00:40:43,544
Oh! Oh, God!

1060
00:40:47,882 --> 00:40:50,618
Yes! No!
Shit, this is fucking crazy.

1061
00:40:50,651 --> 00:40:51,986
-We're going higher.
-Hold on, buddy.

1062
00:40:52,019 --> 00:40:53,688
Reggie! Bug!

1063
00:40:53,721 --> 00:40:56,824
Oh, wow, your balls look huge
from this angle.

1064
00:40:56,857 --> 00:40:59,827
Thank you, but holy fuck!

1065
00:41:00,728 --> 00:41:03,998
That is
a golden-cheeked warbler.

1066
00:41:04,031 --> 00:41:06,600
I've been missing that one.

1067
00:41:07,635 --> 00:41:09,469
Uh...

1068
00:41:13,107 --> 00:41:14,241
Check.

1069
00:41:22,149 --> 00:41:24,251
Holy shit.

1070
00:41:24,285 --> 00:41:27,888
That is the craziest thing
I have ever seen.

1071
00:41:28,956 --> 00:41:30,524
And I'm Dennis Quaid,

1072
00:41:30,558 --> 00:41:33,260
and Dennis Quaid
has seen some shit.

1073
00:41:33,294 --> 00:41:35,596
-Let me down, bitch!
-Bug, look! Over there!

1074
00:41:35,629 --> 00:41:37,565
-The giant cone!
-What?

1075
00:41:37,598 --> 00:41:39,800
-The giant cone!
-Oh, the cone.

1076
00:41:39,834 --> 00:41:41,268
Well, shit,
that would be great news

1077
00:41:41,302 --> 00:41:43,504
if we weren't stuck
to this fucking bird.

1078
00:41:44,572 --> 00:41:46,741
Bug, I got an idea. Hang on!

1079
00:41:46,774 --> 00:41:49,677
Reg, what are you doing?

1080
00:41:49,710 --> 00:41:51,946
Oh, God.

1081
00:41:51,979 --> 00:41:54,248
That's bold. It's too bold.

1082
00:41:56,083 --> 00:41:58,152
Here we go!

1083
00:42:01,355 --> 00:42:03,724
-Well, shit. Ow!
-Aah!

1084
00:42:07,595 --> 00:42:08,763
Reggie! Bug!

1085
00:42:08,796 --> 00:42:10,798
-Aah! Help!
-Aah! Branch!

1086
00:42:10,831 --> 00:42:13,134
-Shit! Fuck!
-Oh! Smaller branch!

1087
00:42:18,939 --> 00:42:21,108
Wow, they're hitting
a worst-case-scenario

1088
00:42:21,142 --> 00:42:23,110
amount of branches.

1089
00:42:23,144 --> 00:42:25,146
Paws, paws, paws, paws, paws!

1090
00:42:25,179 --> 00:42:26,580
Tail!

1091
00:42:28,816 --> 00:42:30,684
Oh, my God, I am so sorry.

1092
00:42:30,718 --> 00:42:32,887
I did not mean to barge in
like this.

1093
00:42:32,920 --> 00:42:34,155
What, are you guys wrestling?

1094
00:42:34,188 --> 00:42:35,790
Shit!

1095
00:42:35,823 --> 00:42:38,325
Bug!

1096
00:42:38,359 --> 00:42:40,628
-Reggie!
-You're alive!

1097
00:42:40,661 --> 00:42:42,630
Fuck, got a stick up my ass.

1098
00:42:42,663 --> 00:42:44,198
Well, Hunter was right.

1099
00:42:44,231 --> 00:42:46,200
That could've been worse.

1100
00:42:46,233 --> 00:42:47,835
Just get the fuck
out of the bush.

1101
00:42:47,868 --> 00:42:50,137
Reggie, you are
once again a legend.

1102
00:42:50,171 --> 00:42:51,272
Guys, that was epic.

1103
00:42:51,305 --> 00:42:53,307
Fucking leaves. Get off me.

1104
00:42:53,340 --> 00:42:54,742
Guys, you wouldn't believe it.

1105
00:42:54,775 --> 00:42:55,943
-We saw the giant cone.
-What?

1106
00:42:55,976 --> 00:42:57,078
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
we did, we did.

1107
00:42:57,111 --> 00:42:58,712
-Really?
-That's amazing.

1108
00:42:58,746 --> 00:42:59,814
Yeah, that means we're heading
in the right direction.

1109
00:42:59,847 --> 00:43:01,115
Yeah, a-and not to be cheesy,

1110
00:43:01,148 --> 00:43:02,817
but being up in the sky
like that

1111
00:43:02,850 --> 00:43:05,219
just moments from my death,

1112
00:43:05,252 --> 00:43:07,288
I-I learned something
about life.

1113
00:43:07,321 --> 00:43:08,355
-Wh-What's that?
-What?

1114
00:43:08,389 --> 00:43:10,291
Birds don't have genitals.

1115
00:43:10,324 --> 00:43:12,827
Well, then how do they...

1116
00:43:12,860 --> 00:43:13,894
I don't know.

1117
00:43:13,928 --> 00:43:16,664
Maybe they have
both parts inside.

1118
00:43:16,697 --> 00:43:18,399
So, if you were to say,
"Go fuck yourself,"

1119
00:43:18,432 --> 00:43:21,202
they could actually do it.

1120
00:43:22,303 --> 00:43:24,038
Um, okay, then.

1121
00:43:24,071 --> 00:43:26,841
So, hey, next up is
the devil in the sky.

1122
00:43:29,376 --> 00:43:30,811
Howling.

1123
00:43:30,845 --> 00:43:32,713
Come on, guys,
we're over halfway there.

1124
00:43:32,746 --> 00:43:34,782
Hey, my howl's getting
better. You guys hear that?

1125
00:43:34,815 --> 00:43:36,817
-Hey, man, uh...
-Yeah?

1126
00:43:36,851 --> 00:43:38,819
I really appreciate
what you did up there.

1127
00:43:38,853 --> 00:43:40,821
I mean, no need to pee
on each other

1128
00:43:40,855 --> 00:43:43,257
or anything like that,
but thanks.

1129
00:43:43,290 --> 00:43:45,993
Of course. We're Pee-FFs.

1130
00:43:46,026 --> 00:43:47,394
We stick together.

1131
00:43:47,428 --> 00:43:48,963
All right, all right,
all right. Enough.

1132
00:43:48,996 --> 00:43:50,664
Put your tongue
back in your mouth.

1133
00:43:54,902 --> 00:43:58,239
Okay, okay. Never have
I ever gone down on a girl dog.

1134
00:43:58,272 --> 00:43:59,406
Really? Seriously?

1135
00:43:59,440 --> 00:44:00,908
You guys lick your balls
all day.

1136
00:44:00,941 --> 00:44:02,676
Oh, no, no, no.
That's different.

1137
00:44:02,710 --> 00:44:04,178
-That's different.
-That's different.

1138
00:44:04,211 --> 00:44:05,846
-H-How is it different?
-It's way different.

1139
00:44:05,880 --> 00:44:07,414
-Yeah.
-Bones to biscuits.

1140
00:44:07,448 --> 00:44:08,849
I can't believe
that I'm the only one.

1141
00:44:08,883 --> 00:44:10,151
What, you went down on a...

1142
00:44:10,184 --> 00:44:11,752
I was experimenting.

1143
00:44:11,785 --> 00:44:12,953
-Come on, I was in my twos.
-Ah, yeah, yeah.

1144
00:44:12,987 --> 00:44:14,288
Oh, yeah, that's the twos.

1145
00:44:14,321 --> 00:44:15,756
Oh, like a Rumspringa.

1146
00:44:15,789 --> 00:44:17,224
♪ Living in this
big blue world... ♪

1147
00:44:17,258 --> 00:44:20,194
Okay, I got one.
Would you rather eat poop or...

1148
00:44:20,227 --> 00:44:21,428
Eat poop.

1149
00:44:21,462 --> 00:44:22,930
Definitely eat poop.

1150
00:44:22,963 --> 00:44:24,331
Okay.
But I didn't even get to...

1151
00:44:24,365 --> 00:44:25,799
It doesn't matter. I like poop.

1152
00:44:27,001 --> 00:44:28,769
So, question. When dogs
have sex from behind...

1153
00:44:28,802 --> 00:44:30,104
Okay, okay.

1154
00:44:30,137 --> 00:44:31,739
-...what's the style?
-That's just called

1155
00:44:31,772 --> 00:44:33,040
-regular style.
-Regular style.

1156
00:44:33,073 --> 00:44:34,275
I mean, is there another style,

1157
00:44:34,308 --> 00:44:35,476
or do we only have one style?

1158
00:44:35,510 --> 00:44:36,911
I only know
one style of fucking,

1159
00:44:36,944 --> 00:44:38,179
and I've been doing it
my whole life.

1160
00:44:38,212 --> 00:44:39,880
Then what's human style?

1161
00:44:39,914 --> 00:44:41,282
In human style,
the boy pretends to be the dog

1162
00:44:41,315 --> 00:44:43,083
and the girl pretends
to be the couch.

1163
00:44:43,117 --> 00:44:44,318
It's very complicated.

1164
00:44:44,351 --> 00:44:45,920
Wow, that is complicated.

1165
00:44:45,953 --> 00:44:48,088
Every species is different.

1166
00:44:49,190 --> 00:44:51,392
♪ Two, four, six, eight,
who do we appreciate... ♪

1167
00:44:51,425 --> 00:44:52,860
All right, I've got a joke.

1168
00:44:52,893 --> 00:44:54,461
Knock, knock.

1169
00:44:54,495 --> 00:44:56,063
No, no, no.
You got to ask, "Who's there?"

1170
00:44:56,096 --> 00:44:58,065
Oh, oh, okay. Got it, got it.

1171
00:44:58,098 --> 00:44:59,934
Knock, knock.

1172
00:44:59,967 --> 00:45:02,203
Guys, stop! You won't even
let me get to the joke part.

1173
00:45:02,236 --> 00:45:04,071
Later, Maggie.
Somebody's at the door.

1174
00:45:04,104 --> 00:45:06,073
Nothing funny about
a stranger at the door.

1175
00:45:06,106 --> 00:45:08,943
Ugh, you guys
are fucking morons.

1176
00:45:08,976 --> 00:45:12,213
♪ I know I'll be A-O, A-OK... ♪

1177
00:45:15,416 --> 00:45:17,218
You guys got anything yet?

1178
00:45:17,251 --> 00:45:19,253
Nah. Man, and I'm starving.

1179
00:45:19,286 --> 00:45:20,788
Anything edible over there?

1180
00:45:20,821 --> 00:45:22,089
Like a buffalo chicken pizza?

1181
00:45:22,122 --> 00:45:23,390
Nah, just squirrel poops.

1182
00:45:23,424 --> 00:45:24,925
Ah, nah, I can't eat
no more of that shit.

1183
00:45:24,959 --> 00:45:26,360
You know what,
that goes right through me.

1184
00:45:26,393 --> 00:45:28,963
Hey, I think I got something.

1185
00:45:28,996 --> 00:45:30,864
What do you got?

1186
00:45:34,001 --> 00:45:36,237
-What are those?
-Kind of looks like food.

1187
00:45:36,270 --> 00:45:37,871
I-I don't... I don't know.

1188
00:45:38,573 --> 00:45:40,241
-Mmm.
-Oh, it's not too bad.

1189
00:45:40,274 --> 00:45:41,809
I'm down to clown.

1190
00:45:41,842 --> 00:45:43,277
Mmm. How many
of these should we eat?

1191
00:45:43,310 --> 00:45:44,945
-Mm, all of them?
-Yeah, that makes sense.

1192
00:45:44,979 --> 00:45:46,914
These are so good. Mmm.

1193
00:45:46,947 --> 00:45:48,249
Ooh, this one's spicy.

1194
00:45:48,282 --> 00:45:50,784
Kind of nutty, right?

1195
00:45:56,156 --> 00:45:58,259
All right.

1196
00:45:58,292 --> 00:46:00,127
That should hold us.

1197
00:46:00,160 --> 00:46:01,529
Solid dinner.

1198
00:46:01,563 --> 00:46:04,398
Mmm. All right,
let's get moving.

1199
00:46:04,431 --> 00:46:07,001
Oh, shit. Uh, give me a sec.

1200
00:46:07,034 --> 00:46:08,369
Whoa, whoa.

1201
00:46:08,402 --> 00:46:10,104
What the fuck?

1202
00:46:19,213 --> 00:46:21,248
Hunter, your cone.

1203
00:46:21,282 --> 00:46:24,519
Oh, yeah. Yeah, I know.
I should probably take it off.

1204
00:46:24,552 --> 00:46:26,487
No, no. It's growing.

1205
00:46:26,521 --> 00:46:28,155
Oh, my God.

1206
00:46:28,188 --> 00:46:29,557
Oh, my God.

1207
00:46:29,591 --> 00:46:31,825
-Bug.
-No.

1208
00:46:31,859 --> 00:46:33,294
Bug...

1209
00:46:33,327 --> 00:46:34,862
Can't be.

1210
00:46:36,497 --> 00:46:38,098
Dolores.

1211
00:46:38,132 --> 00:46:39,833
Hello, Bug.

1212
00:46:39,867 --> 00:46:41,168
What you doing out here?

1213
00:46:41,201 --> 00:46:42,369
We need to talk.

1214
00:46:42,403 --> 00:46:45,039
Wait, Maggie.
You look different.

1215
00:46:45,072 --> 00:46:46,040
Really?

1216
00:46:46,073 --> 00:46:48,375
Oh, shit.
You look different, too.

1217
00:46:48,409 --> 00:46:50,444
-How so?
-Um, you kind of...

1218
00:46:50,477 --> 00:46:53,881
Is it my human hands?

1219
00:46:53,914 --> 00:46:55,316
Hey, do you think
I could play piano now?

1220
00:46:55,349 --> 00:46:56,317
Definitely.

1221
00:47:01,355 --> 00:47:02,856
Doug?

1222
00:47:03,490 --> 00:47:04,958
Hey, Reggie.

1223
00:47:04,992 --> 00:47:06,293
Doug!

1224
00:47:06,327 --> 00:47:07,562
How's it going?

1225
00:47:07,595 --> 00:47:09,063
Not great.

1226
00:47:09,096 --> 00:47:10,964
Just giving it one last shave,

1227
00:47:10,998 --> 00:47:13,601
'cause word on the street is
you're planning to bite it off.

1228
00:47:13,635 --> 00:47:15,402
Oh, that was supposed to be
a surprise.

1229
00:47:15,436 --> 00:47:17,104
Who told you?

1230
00:47:17,938 --> 00:47:19,607
-Sorry, Daddy.
-Oh!

1231
00:47:19,641 --> 00:47:21,342
My son, the gnome.

1232
00:47:21,375 --> 00:47:23,077
-We're done, Bug.
-What?

1233
00:47:23,110 --> 00:47:25,245
-I'm seeing someone else now.
-Who?

1234
00:47:26,380 --> 00:47:27,549
You kidding me? Him?

1235
00:47:27,582 --> 00:47:29,249
Hey, go fuck yourself, man!

1236
00:47:32,386 --> 00:47:33,487
Dolores, come back!

1237
00:47:33,521 --> 00:47:34,955
<i>He yelled to the sky.</i>

1238
00:47:34,988 --> 00:47:36,957
<i>But what Bug didn't realize...</i>

1239
00:47:36,990 --> 00:47:38,359
Oh, fuck you, narrator dog.

1240
00:47:38,392 --> 00:47:39,393
<i>He said.</i>

1241
00:47:39,426 --> 00:47:41,195
Stop saying, "He said."

1242
00:47:41,995 --> 00:47:43,263
<i>He replied.</i>

1243
00:47:43,297 --> 00:47:45,999
I always had such high hopes
for you, Reggie.

1244
00:47:46,033 --> 00:47:47,935
I just wanted you to be a...

1245
00:47:47,968 --> 00:47:50,270
good boy.

1246
00:47:51,271 --> 00:47:53,508
All I ever wanted
was to be a good boy.

1247
00:47:53,541 --> 00:47:55,109
Goodbye, Reggie.

1248
00:47:56,977 --> 00:47:58,680
Wait! Doug, come back!

1249
00:47:58,713 --> 00:48:00,447
Oh, whoa. What's that smell?

1250
00:48:00,481 --> 00:48:02,116
What? Wh-What?

1251
00:48:02,149 --> 00:48:04,118
It's coming from over here.

1252
00:48:04,151 --> 00:48:05,620
Hunter, are you seeing this?

1253
00:48:06,987 --> 00:48:08,422
Toys!

1254
00:48:08,455 --> 00:48:10,625
Guys, get in here.
Get over here.

1255
00:48:12,092 --> 00:48:14,094
Reg, Reg!
Pull this one with me.

1256
00:48:14,128 --> 00:48:15,697
-It's squishy!
-Oh, fluffy!

1257
00:48:15,730 --> 00:48:17,532
I can't feel my snout.

1258
00:48:17,565 --> 00:48:19,534
Oh, there's toys everywhere!

1259
00:48:21,101 --> 00:48:24,672
Oh, I don't want
this day to ever end.

1260
00:48:24,706 --> 00:48:27,040
Yeah. Me, neither.

1261
00:48:38,753 --> 00:48:41,054
Morning, guys.

1262
00:48:41,088 --> 00:48:41,922
Comfy?

1263
00:48:41,955 --> 00:48:44,024
Oh, shit.
I thought you were Dolores.

1264
00:48:44,057 --> 00:48:45,660
My bad. I got to go pee.

1265
00:48:45,693 --> 00:48:47,529
What's that by your feet,
Reggie?

1266
00:48:47,562 --> 00:48:49,029
My feet?

1267
00:48:49,062 --> 00:48:50,364
What are you talking about?
What is that?

1268
00:48:50,397 --> 00:48:51,432
Yeah, what is that?

1269
00:48:51,465 --> 00:48:53,333
Oh, my God. That's an ear.

1270
00:48:54,101 --> 00:48:56,336
-An ear?
-Holy fucking shit.

1271
00:48:56,370 --> 00:48:58,706
They were toys. Guys,
where are the goddamn toys?

1272
00:48:58,740 --> 00:49:01,375
This is not real.
This is not real.

1273
00:49:01,408 --> 00:49:02,544
Th-This is real.

1274
00:49:02,577 --> 00:49:04,378
This is real. Oh, my God!

1275
00:49:04,411 --> 00:49:05,613
We killed 'em!

1276
00:49:05,647 --> 00:49:07,047
I'm gonna barf.

1277
00:49:07,080 --> 00:49:09,082
Oh, God.
There's fur in the barf.

1278
00:49:09,116 --> 00:49:11,185
We're fucking murderers!
Oh, my God, now I'm gonna barf.

1279
00:49:11,218 --> 00:49:13,086
Holy fuck. Holy fuck.
This can't be happening.

1280
00:49:13,120 --> 00:49:14,522
Hang in there. Stay with me.

1281
00:49:14,556 --> 00:49:15,657
I-I'll fix you.

1282
00:49:15,690 --> 00:49:17,191
Bug, what are you doing?

1283
00:49:17,224 --> 00:49:18,726
What it look like I'm doing?

1284
00:49:18,760 --> 00:49:20,961
I'm getting rid of
the evidence. Nobody can know!

1285
00:49:29,336 --> 00:49:33,741
Um, we are gathered here today
to say goodbye to the bunnies.

1286
00:49:33,775 --> 00:49:36,076
Honestly, what we did
was an accident.

1287
00:49:36,109 --> 00:49:37,612
-Absolutely.
-Mm-hmm. -Right.

1288
00:49:37,645 --> 00:49:40,347
And I know that if we weren't
confused from the food we ate

1289
00:49:40,380 --> 00:49:43,350
we would have never mauled you,
tore all your limbs off

1290
00:49:43,383 --> 00:49:46,621
and shook your corpses around
while giggling gleefully...

1291
00:49:46,654 --> 00:49:48,088
by accident.

1292
00:49:48,121 --> 00:49:49,724
So, bless you, bunnies.

1293
00:49:49,757 --> 00:49:50,758
-Yes. Sorry.
-Bless you.

1294
00:49:50,792 --> 00:49:52,125
-So sorry.
-Sorry.

1295
00:49:52,159 --> 00:49:53,628
-Amen.
-All right, that's it.

1296
00:49:53,661 --> 00:49:55,095
Never speak of this again.

1297
00:49:55,128 --> 00:49:56,664
Not one word, you hear me?

1298
00:49:56,698 --> 00:49:58,332
Not one fucking word.

1299
00:49:58,365 --> 00:50:00,635
-Not one word about what?
-Oh, shit. The cops.

1300
00:50:00,668 --> 00:50:02,236
"Oh, shit" is right,
motherfucker.

1301
00:50:02,269 --> 00:50:04,506
Wait, wh-what did we do?
We're innocent. I promise.

1302
00:50:04,539 --> 00:50:06,073
-Sit!
-I am.

1303
00:50:06,106 --> 00:50:08,175
On the ground. Lay down,
paws where I can see 'em.

1304
00:50:08,208 --> 00:50:10,043
-We are laying down.
-Search these bitches.

1305
00:50:10,077 --> 00:50:11,378
They're hiding something.

1306
00:50:11,411 --> 00:50:13,180
-Oh, God. What do we do?
-Calm down. I got this.

1307
00:50:13,213 --> 00:50:15,115
I'm-a speak
with my white dog voice.

1308
00:50:15,148 --> 00:50:16,551
Hello, Officer.

1309
00:50:16,584 --> 00:50:18,218
None of us have ever killed

1310
00:50:18,252 --> 00:50:20,120
-a bunny in our lives.
-Bug!

1311
00:50:20,153 --> 00:50:21,523
What?
Everybody, shut the fuck up.

1312
00:50:21,556 --> 00:50:24,191
We're looking for a lost
Girl Scout, Riley Anderson,

1313
00:50:24,224 --> 00:50:26,093
age eight in human years.

1314
00:50:26,126 --> 00:50:28,128
Wandered away from her campsite
two days ago.

1315
00:50:28,161 --> 00:50:30,097
Thought you dogs might have
some contact with her.

1316
00:50:30,130 --> 00:50:31,498
I've got nothing, sir.

1317
00:50:31,533 --> 00:50:33,400
But it smells like you haven't.
Let's move out.

1318
00:50:33,433 --> 00:50:35,068
Wait, wait. I could help.

1319
00:50:35,102 --> 00:50:37,204
I'm sorry, I don't really want
to be that bitch,

1320
00:50:37,237 --> 00:50:39,273
but I'm actually really good
at sniffing,

1321
00:50:39,306 --> 00:50:42,142
and I'd be happy to assist
in finding this lost girl.

1322
00:50:42,175 --> 00:50:45,580
Adorable. Yeah, no, thanks,
Australian shep-turd.

1323
00:50:45,613 --> 00:50:47,414
Excuse me,
but you really shouldn't

1324
00:50:47,447 --> 00:50:48,716
talk to her like that.

1325
00:50:48,750 --> 00:50:50,818
And what the fuck
are you gonna do about it?

1326
00:50:50,852 --> 00:50:52,654
I-I will do nothing
the fuck about it.

1327
00:50:52,687 --> 00:50:54,388
I am sitting down now.

1328
00:50:54,421 --> 00:50:55,523
Oh, Hunter.

1329
00:50:55,557 --> 00:50:56,691
Hunter?

1330
00:50:56,724 --> 00:50:58,660
Rolf?

1331
00:50:58,693 --> 00:51:01,361
Holy mother-flipping shit!

1332
00:51:01,395 --> 00:51:03,163
I didn't recognize you
with the cone.

1333
00:51:03,196 --> 00:51:04,732
Yeah, yeah, I got a cone now.

1334
00:51:04,766 --> 00:51:06,133
Bring it in, bro.

1335
00:51:06,166 --> 00:51:07,434
-Buddy!
-Give us some.

1336
00:51:07,467 --> 00:51:09,136
God, hey, well,
I should've known,

1337
00:51:09,169 --> 00:51:10,572
'cause your butthole smells
exactly the same.

1338
00:51:10,605 --> 00:51:12,339
You know, I'll never
forget this butthole.

1339
00:51:12,372 --> 00:51:13,608
-The fuck?
-You know this guy?

1340
00:51:13,641 --> 00:51:15,175
You kidding me?

1341
00:51:15,208 --> 00:51:17,277
This fucker and I went
to the academy together.

1342
00:51:17,311 --> 00:51:19,514
Everything I know, I learned
from this son of a bitch.

1343
00:51:19,547 --> 00:51:21,448
Technically, we're all
sons of bitches, sir.

1344
00:51:21,481 --> 00:51:22,282
Shut up.

1345
00:51:22,316 --> 00:51:24,318
Hey, so where'd you
end up, brother?

1346
00:51:24,351 --> 00:51:26,219
Drug sniffing, bomb detection?
What are we talking about?

1347
00:51:26,253 --> 00:51:29,423
Oh, um, well, I take care
of dying humans.

1348
00:51:29,456 --> 00:51:32,627
Oh. Well, I mean, that's not
the end of the world, I guess.

1349
00:51:32,660 --> 00:51:34,596
Well, for them it is.

1350
00:51:34,629 --> 00:51:36,196
Well, hey, guys.

1351
00:51:36,229 --> 00:51:37,699
You found some strays, Rolf?

1352
00:51:37,732 --> 00:51:39,801
Huh? Good job.

1353
00:51:39,834 --> 00:51:41,468
So, what are you fuckers doing
out here, huh?

1354
00:51:41,502 --> 00:51:43,671
Oh, uh, well,
it's a long story.

1355
00:51:43,705 --> 00:51:44,806
We're gonna bite
a guy's dick off.

1356
00:51:44,839 --> 00:51:46,206
It's actually a short story.

1357
00:51:46,239 --> 00:51:47,508
Nice.
Man, when I joined the force,

1358
00:51:47,542 --> 00:51:49,242
you could bite dicks
left and right.

1359
00:51:49,276 --> 00:51:50,878
Nowadays, I chomp a dick,

1360
00:51:50,912 --> 00:51:52,614
I got to fill out
two weeks of paperwork.

1361
00:51:52,647 --> 00:51:55,783
Can I get an AC unit
down to Old Forest Road 54?

1362
00:51:55,817 --> 00:51:57,619
We're trying to get
to the devil in the sky.

1363
00:51:57,652 --> 00:51:58,720
Does that sound familiar?

1364
00:51:58,753 --> 00:52:00,454
Devil in the sky? Yeah.

1365
00:52:00,487 --> 00:52:02,255
You stick with us,
we'll show you the way.

1366
00:52:02,289 --> 00:52:04,626
-Wow. Really?
-Sure thing, rat boy.

1367
00:52:05,560 --> 00:52:07,361
Let's not wait so long
next time, huh?

1368
00:52:07,394 --> 00:52:08,763
What's it been, seven years?

1369
00:52:08,796 --> 00:52:10,330
I think just one,
but every year

1370
00:52:10,364 --> 00:52:11,899
feels like seven to us,
so that makes sense.

1371
00:52:11,933 --> 00:52:13,534
Okay, listen. We got to get
our story straight.

1372
00:52:13,568 --> 00:52:14,769
-Uh-huh.
-It was a possum

1373
00:52:14,802 --> 00:52:16,169
who killed all the bunnies,
got it?

1374
00:52:16,203 --> 00:52:17,471
Wait, what's the possum's name?

1375
00:52:17,505 --> 00:52:18,438
Uh, Greg.

1376
00:52:18,472 --> 00:52:20,942
That's not a believable name
for a possum.

1377
00:52:20,975 --> 00:52:22,476
Ooh, can it be Monty?

1378
00:52:22,510 --> 00:52:24,846
-Hey, Cath.
-Steve. Thanks for coming over.

1379
00:52:24,879 --> 00:52:26,948
Hey, little guy. Want a treat?

1380
00:52:26,981 --> 00:52:28,549
Treats! I love treats!

1381
00:52:28,583 --> 00:52:31,418
Oh, my goodness.
Does somebody want a treat?

1382
00:52:31,451 --> 00:52:33,253
This one's all for you.
I got tons of treats.

1383
00:52:33,286 --> 00:52:34,756
Reggie, it's a trap!

1384
00:52:34,789 --> 00:52:36,423
Hey!

1385
00:52:36,456 --> 00:52:39,292
Hey, hey! Those bunnies
were dead when we found 'em!

1386
00:52:39,326 --> 00:52:41,461
It was a possum named,
uh, Greg or-or...

1387
00:52:41,495 --> 00:52:43,430
Monty!
His name was Monty, not Greg!

1388
00:52:43,463 --> 00:52:45,800
No choice. They threatened us!

1389
00:52:45,833 --> 00:52:47,902
But, Rolf,
I thought we were pals.

1390
00:52:47,935 --> 00:52:49,537
Sorry, old friend.
The law's the law.

1391
00:52:49,570 --> 00:52:50,772
You know how it is.

1392
00:52:50,805 --> 00:52:52,940
What a sadistic fuck.

1393
00:52:52,974 --> 00:52:55,308
Hey, calm down, sweetie pie.
You'll all be fine.

1394
00:52:55,342 --> 00:52:57,310
You got tags,
they'll send you home.

1395
00:53:00,280 --> 00:53:01,883
-Whoa, fresh meat.
-Hey, big boy.

1396
00:53:01,916 --> 00:53:04,752
-I like the mouth on that one.
-Mm, we gonna cuddle real hard!

1397
00:53:04,786 --> 00:53:07,254
-Hey, bitch. Hey, little bitch.-

1398
00:53:07,287 --> 00:53:09,356
Guys, we got to get
out of here.

1399
00:53:09,389 --> 00:53:10,858
We're running out of time.

1400
00:53:10,892 --> 00:53:12,560
-Where even are we?
-Nowhere good.

1401
00:53:12,593 --> 00:53:14,729
No, no, no, no, no.
I can't be here.

1402
00:53:14,762 --> 00:53:15,897
I can't. Not this again.

1403
00:53:15,930 --> 00:53:17,431
Come on, mate. We'll be fine.

1404
00:53:17,464 --> 00:53:19,299
Yeah, Rolf told us
they'll just send us home.

1405
00:53:19,332 --> 00:53:20,835
-It'll be all right.
-They only send you home

1406
00:53:20,868 --> 00:53:22,503
if you got a home
to go back to.

1407
00:53:22,537 --> 00:53:24,271
And do you know
what these people do

1408
00:53:24,304 --> 00:53:26,440
to dogs that don't have one,
Hunter? Huh?

1409
00:53:26,473 --> 00:53:29,276
Do you have any idea
what they're about to do to me?

1410
00:53:29,309 --> 00:53:30,545
What they're about
to do to Reg?

1411
00:53:30,578 --> 00:53:31,979
Calm down, Bug.
We'll figure this out.

1412
00:53:32,013 --> 00:53:33,581
There ain't nothing
to figure out, Maggie.

1413
00:53:33,614 --> 00:53:35,616
These humans caught us,
and now we are fucked!

1414
00:53:35,650 --> 00:53:36,918
Bug, you don't know that.

1415
00:53:36,951 --> 00:53:38,385
Yeah. Uh, I mean, Bug,

1416
00:53:38,418 --> 00:53:40,387
you say you know
so much about humans,

1417
00:53:40,420 --> 00:53:41,856
but you don't really know them,
either.

1418
00:53:41,889 --> 00:53:43,591
I mean, you've never
had an owner.

1419
00:53:43,624 --> 00:53:44,726
You never had a Jenna.

1420
00:53:44,759 --> 00:53:45,860
You never had a Doug.

1421
00:53:45,893 --> 00:53:46,894
I had an Emma.

1422
00:53:46,928 --> 00:53:48,563
What?

1423
00:53:48,596 --> 00:53:49,831
Whoa, Bug.

1424
00:53:49,864 --> 00:53:51,465
You had an owner?

1425
00:53:51,498 --> 00:53:52,633
Yeah.

1426
00:53:52,667 --> 00:53:57,972
And I told myself that I would
never say her name again,

1427
00:53:58,005 --> 00:54:00,541
but y'all need to hear this.

1428
00:54:00,575 --> 00:54:01,809
-No.
-No? Okay.

1429
00:54:01,843 --> 00:54:03,511
<i>I don't remember everything,</i>

1430
00:54:03,544 --> 00:54:05,646
<i>but I remember the day</i>
<i>she got me out of there.</i>

1431
00:54:05,680 --> 00:54:07,815
This one.

1432
00:54:07,849 --> 00:54:09,282
He's a cute little bugger.

1433
00:54:09,316 --> 00:54:10,952
Cute little bug.

1434
00:54:10,985 --> 00:54:12,920
♪ When we were on top... ♪

1435
00:54:12,954 --> 00:54:15,022
<i>We did everything together.</i>

1436
00:54:15,056 --> 00:54:16,423
<i>We played all day,</i>

1437
00:54:16,456 --> 00:54:18,793
<i>and no matter how stupid</i>
<i>I acted,</i>

1438
00:54:18,826 --> 00:54:20,828
<i>she always laughed.</i>

1439
00:54:20,862 --> 00:54:22,063
Trick or treat.

1440
00:54:22,096 --> 00:54:23,765
<i>We even did this thing I hated</i>

1441
00:54:23,798 --> 00:54:26,366
<i>where she would dress us up</i>
<i>in super weird clothes</i>

1442
00:54:26,399 --> 00:54:28,736
<i>and ask the neighbors</i>
<i>to give us that chocolate</i>

1443
00:54:28,770 --> 00:54:31,038
<i>-humans make from dog poop.</i>
-Oh, oh, not for you, honey.

1444
00:54:32,540 --> 00:54:34,407
It's okay. It's just a storm.

1445
00:54:34,441 --> 00:54:36,511
<i>But even better</i>
<i>than all the fun we had</i>

1446
00:54:36,544 --> 00:54:38,311
<i>is, uh, the way</i>
<i>she made me feel.</i>

1447
00:54:38,345 --> 00:54:39,981
I love you.

1448
00:54:40,014 --> 00:54:43,316
<i>When she said that,</i>
<i>I felt so special.</i>

1449
00:54:43,350 --> 00:54:44,585
<i>And then it was usually</i>
<i>followed by</i>

1450
00:54:44,619 --> 00:54:47,054
<i>these incredible</i>
<i>belly scratches.</i>

1451
00:54:47,088 --> 00:54:48,823
<i>No one ever made my leg</i>
<i>kick like that.</i>

1452
00:54:48,856 --> 00:54:50,992
<i>Except for this one night</i>
<i>with this raccoon</i>

1453
00:54:51,025 --> 00:54:53,895
<i>I don't like to talk about,</i>
<i>but, uh... anyway.</i>

1454
00:54:54,862 --> 00:54:58,032
<i>But then I made a mistake.</i>

1455
00:55:00,433 --> 00:55:02,570
<i>It was a blur.</i>

1456
00:55:03,538 --> 00:55:06,641
<i>I didn't even know what I did</i>
<i>until it was too late.</i>

1457
00:55:06,674 --> 00:55:08,743
Say goodbye to Bug.

1458
00:55:15,516 --> 00:55:18,553
<i>I thought I was getting</i>
<i>put in time-out or something,</i>

1459
00:55:18,586 --> 00:55:21,923
<i>but... but the place</i>
<i>she sent me to...</i>

1460
00:55:23,456 --> 00:55:25,793
<i>...the time-outs there</i>
<i>never end.</i>

1461
00:55:26,627 --> 00:55:28,596
Whoa!

1462
00:55:33,100 --> 00:55:35,435
I never saw her again.

1463
00:55:35,468 --> 00:55:38,706
After all we had been through--
everything she made me feel,

1464
00:55:38,739 --> 00:55:42,643
everything I thought
I made her feel--

1465
00:55:42,677 --> 00:55:44,111
just nothing.

1466
00:55:44,145 --> 00:55:45,947
We did so much together.

1467
00:55:45,980 --> 00:55:48,049
She taught me so many tricks.

1468
00:55:48,082 --> 00:55:53,020
But the one trick she never
wanted me to learn was: stay.

1469
00:55:54,589 --> 00:55:56,023
I think I zoned out
around the middle part.

1470
00:55:56,057 --> 00:55:57,658
Can you tell
the middle part again?

1471
00:55:57,692 --> 00:55:59,927
Hunter, I'm not gonna
tell the middle part again.

1472
00:55:59,961 --> 00:56:01,629
I'm sorry, Bug. I had no idea.

1473
00:56:01,662 --> 00:56:03,764
Don't be sorry, Reg.
Be thankful.

1474
00:56:03,798 --> 00:56:05,867
'Cause you got a chance
to make this right.

1475
00:56:05,900 --> 00:56:09,904
Oh, what I wouldn't give
to bite this girl in the dick.

1476
00:56:09,937 --> 00:56:12,673
But, you know, she's six, and I
don't know where she lives now,

1477
00:56:12,707 --> 00:56:15,475
and she's a girl and doesn't
even have a dick, but still.

1478
00:56:15,509 --> 00:56:18,145
Listen, what we're doing
isn't just about Doug.

1479
00:56:18,179 --> 00:56:20,615
We're doing this
for all of them.

1480
00:56:20,648 --> 00:56:22,984
For every single one
of those humans

1481
00:56:23,017 --> 00:56:25,653
who treated us like shit.

1482
00:56:25,686 --> 00:56:28,455
Man, biggest mistake
of my life.

1483
00:56:28,488 --> 00:56:30,858
Yeah. I'd regret that bite, too.

1484
00:56:30,892 --> 00:56:32,193
The bite? No.

1485
00:56:32,226 --> 00:56:33,928
I'm talking about her.

1486
00:56:33,961 --> 00:56:35,863
She's the mistake, not the...

1487
00:56:35,897 --> 00:56:37,064
Okay, well, we can talk about

1488
00:56:37,098 --> 00:56:38,699
getting back at your exes
all we want,

1489
00:56:38,733 --> 00:56:40,968
but none of that matters
if we can't get out of here.

1490
00:56:41,002 --> 00:56:44,171
Guys, what if we can
get the key?

1491
00:56:51,545 --> 00:56:52,847
Oh, no.

1492
00:56:52,880 --> 00:56:55,783
We'd need, like,
a super long pole to hook it.

1493
00:56:58,986 --> 00:57:01,022
Why is everyone looking at me?

1494
00:57:05,059 --> 00:57:06,894
Come on, Hunter, you can do it.

1495
00:57:08,663 --> 00:57:10,064
Dude, you're so close.

1496
00:57:10,097 --> 00:57:11,464
Just a little more.

1497
00:57:11,498 --> 00:57:13,100
Come on, get hornier.
You can do it.

1498
00:57:13,134 --> 00:57:14,602
This is all I got.

1499
00:57:14,635 --> 00:57:16,837
Maggie, come on. Excite him.

1500
00:57:17,705 --> 00:57:19,807
Hunter, this has been

1501
00:57:19,840 --> 00:57:24,078
a really long, hard trip,

1502
00:57:24,111 --> 00:57:26,681
but the thing
that keeps me panting

1503
00:57:26,714 --> 00:57:31,252
is thinking about us doing it,
regular style.

1504
00:57:31,285 --> 00:57:33,254
Oh, boy. It-It's working.

1505
00:57:33,287 --> 00:57:35,723
Keep talking, Maggie.
More sexy stuff.

1506
00:57:35,756 --> 00:57:36,891
Just picture me,

1507
00:57:36,924 --> 00:57:39,961
all eight nipples rock hard,

1508
00:57:39,994 --> 00:57:44,632
and I'm wearing nothing but...
the cone.

1509
00:57:46,634 --> 00:57:47,868
You're doing it, Hunter!

1510
00:57:47,902 --> 00:57:49,236
Come on, Hunter.

1511
00:57:49,270 --> 00:57:51,038
Use that dick of yours.

1512
00:57:51,072 --> 00:57:52,239
Yes, Hunter!

1513
00:57:52,273 --> 00:57:54,976
Hunter! Hunter!

1514
00:57:55,009 --> 00:57:57,078
Hunter! Hunter!

1515
00:57:57,111 --> 00:58:00,982
Hunter! Hunter! Hunter! Hunter!

1516
00:58:01,015 --> 00:58:03,084
Hunter!

1517
00:58:03,117 --> 00:58:04,585
Sorry, guys. It's hopeless.

1518
00:58:04,618 --> 00:58:06,120
Ugh. Hunter.

1519
00:58:06,153 --> 00:58:07,855
Shit. Really thought
that was gonna work.

1520
00:58:07,888 --> 00:58:09,991
Sorry my dick let you down.

1521
00:58:10,024 --> 00:58:11,826
Wait. I've got it.

1522
00:58:11,859 --> 00:58:14,161
What's the one thing
humans are obsessed with?

1523
00:58:14,195 --> 00:58:15,529
Uh, themselves.

1524
00:58:15,563 --> 00:58:16,630
-Painting their faces.
-Dying.

1525
00:58:16,664 --> 00:58:18,599
No. Bug, you said it yourself.

1526
00:58:18,632 --> 00:58:22,269
What's the thing humans are
most obsessed with about dogs?

1527
00:58:22,303 --> 00:58:24,305
-Our shit.
-Yes.

1528
00:58:24,338 --> 00:58:26,240
Every single time we shit,
what do they do?

1529
00:58:26,273 --> 00:58:27,742
They come and bag it up.

1530
00:58:27,775 --> 00:58:29,677
-Yeah.
-That's right. Once this place

1531
00:58:29,710 --> 00:58:32,046
gets all poopy,
Willy comes in and bags it up

1532
00:58:32,079 --> 00:58:34,281
-like he's collecting it
for something. -Mm-hmm.

1533
00:58:34,315 --> 00:58:35,716
-Exactly.
-For chocolate.

1534
00:58:35,750 --> 00:58:37,284
And that's our ticket
out of here.

1535
00:58:37,318 --> 00:58:39,754
We poop until
he has to open these doors,

1536
00:58:39,787 --> 00:58:41,822
and when he does, we charge.

1537
00:58:41,856 --> 00:58:43,324
-Good idea, Reg.
-Nice thinking, kid. I'm in.

1538
00:58:43,357 --> 00:58:44,959
And I got a couple of shits
in the chamber.

1539
00:58:44,992 --> 00:58:47,595
No thanks, kid.

1540
00:58:47,628 --> 00:58:48,829
What's wrong with you guys?

1541
00:58:48,863 --> 00:58:50,331
Don't you want to get out
of this place?

1542
00:58:50,364 --> 00:58:52,967
Of course. But we've been
burned so many times

1543
00:58:53,000 --> 00:58:54,268
we're smart enough to know

1544
00:58:54,301 --> 00:58:55,903
that we'll never get
beyond these walls

1545
00:58:55,936 --> 00:58:58,139
without a human coming
to adopt us.

1546
00:58:59,140 --> 00:59:01,275
Look, I get it.

1547
00:59:01,308 --> 00:59:03,277
I've had dark moments.

1548
00:59:03,310 --> 00:59:05,246
Moments where I felt stuck.

1549
00:59:05,279 --> 00:59:08,682
Moments where,
even if you couldn't see it,

1550
00:59:08,716 --> 00:59:11,919
felt like there was a wall
or a fence holding you back.

1551
00:59:11,952 --> 00:59:14,622
Yeah, invisible magic fences.
I swear to God, that's real.

1552
00:59:14,655 --> 00:59:17,658
But I'm here to tell you
that's garbage talk.

1553
00:59:17,691 --> 00:59:20,728
'Cause I was lucky enough
to meet some amazing friends

1554
00:59:20,761 --> 00:59:23,664
who taught me that
just beyond those walls

1555
00:59:23,697 --> 00:59:26,333
is a bunch of incredible stuff
worth living for.

1556
00:59:26,367 --> 00:59:28,069
There's lampposts to pee on.

1557
00:59:28,102 --> 00:59:31,238
There's scraps to eat
and couches to make love to.

1558
00:59:31,272 --> 00:59:32,740
And dead bunnies that...

1559
00:59:32,773 --> 00:59:34,208
I-I know nothing about.

1560
00:59:34,241 --> 00:59:35,810
Yeah, I know nothing
about that, either.

1561
00:59:35,843 --> 00:59:37,144
Got no clue what you're
talking about on that one.

1562
00:59:37,178 --> 00:59:38,279
And tennis balls to fetch,
and...

1563
00:59:38,312 --> 00:59:39,780
A dick to bite off.

1564
00:59:39,814 --> 00:59:41,782
What? Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That, too.

1565
00:59:43,050 --> 00:59:46,620
But most importantly, there's
a life out there worth living.

1566
00:59:46,654 --> 00:59:48,055
-Whoo! Reggie!
-Go, Reg!

1567
00:59:48,089 --> 00:59:51,792
So I'm asking you, do you want
to stay here and die,

1568
00:59:51,826 --> 00:59:55,963
or do you want to shit
your brains out and live?

1569
00:59:55,996 --> 00:59:57,264
Live!

1570
00:59:57,298 --> 00:59:58,999
We want to live!

1571
00:59:59,033 --> 01:00:00,401
Then poop with me!

1572
01:00:00,434 --> 01:00:02,803
Poop with me to freedom!

1573
01:00:02,837 --> 01:00:04,972
♪ Oh, shit, oh, shit,
oh, shit ♪

1574
01:00:05,005 --> 01:00:07,308
♪ Oh, shit,
oh, shit, oh, shit ♪

1575
01:00:07,341 --> 01:00:10,244
-♪ Oh, shit, oh, shit ♪
-♪ Are you ready for this? ♪

1576
01:00:10,277 --> 01:00:12,713
-♪ Oh, shit, oh, shit ♪
-♪ Oh... ♪

1577
01:00:13,681 --> 01:00:16,784
Dig deep inside of you,
deep inside your colon.

1578
01:00:16,817 --> 01:00:20,221
Release your pent-up feelings.

1579
01:00:20,254 --> 01:00:21,856
Let it flow.

1580
01:00:21,889 --> 01:00:23,390
♪ When I come to the club ♪

1581
01:00:23,424 --> 01:00:24,992
-♪ Step aside ♪
-♪ Oh, shit ♪

1582
01:00:25,025 --> 01:00:27,261
♪ Part the seas,
don't be havin' me in the line ♪

1583
01:00:27,294 --> 01:00:28,662
♪ Oh, shit... ♪

1584
01:00:28,696 --> 01:00:30,931
Great work, everybody.
Keep on pooping.

1585
01:00:30,965 --> 01:00:33,667
-♪ And me love you long time ♪
-♪ Oh, shit ♪

1586
01:00:33,701 --> 01:00:35,803
♪ How come every time
you come around ♪

1587
01:00:35,836 --> 01:00:38,672
♪ My London, London Bridge
wanna go down? ♪

1588
01:00:38,706 --> 01:00:41,842
♪ Like London, London, London,
be goin' down like. ♪

1589
01:00:46,480 --> 01:00:49,083
Those are my eyes.

1590
01:00:49,116 --> 01:00:50,317
Exactly.

1591
01:00:50,351 --> 01:00:53,187
I think Dad's really
gonna love this.

1592
01:00:59,927 --> 01:01:02,763
I think it's working.
Places, everyone.

1593
01:01:10,304 --> 01:01:13,073
Oh... oh, God.

1594
01:01:13,107 --> 01:01:15,943
I can taste it. Oh.

1595
01:01:19,246 --> 01:01:21,015
What?

1596
01:01:24,418 --> 01:01:26,220
Oh, fuck.

1597
01:01:41,302 --> 01:01:43,204
Very cute.

1598
01:01:43,237 --> 01:01:45,339
Very funny.

1599
01:01:45,372 --> 01:01:47,107
I see what's going on here.

1600
01:01:47,141 --> 01:01:51,779
You guys think that I am

1601
01:01:51,812 --> 01:01:54,315
a big fat fucking asshole,
right?

1602
01:01:54,348 --> 01:01:56,083
You know everything about me.

1603
01:01:56,116 --> 01:01:59,220
You know all the things
that have happened in my life

1604
01:01:59,253 --> 01:02:01,855
with my dad and my ex-wife.

1605
01:02:07,127 --> 01:02:10,464
Bravo. Bravo.

1606
01:02:10,497 --> 01:02:11,498
Oh, encore!

1607
01:02:11,533 --> 01:02:14,368
Just kidding. It's done.

1608
01:02:14,401 --> 01:02:17,271
We are done!

1609
01:02:17,304 --> 01:02:18,506
Wait, what are you...

1610
01:02:18,540 --> 01:02:20,841
Oh, my God. Wh-Whoa.

1611
01:02:23,310 --> 01:02:24,812
Charge!

1612
01:02:37,057 --> 01:02:38,125
Ah, we did it!

1613
01:02:38,158 --> 01:02:39,860
I can't believe
we shit that much!

1614
01:02:39,893 --> 01:02:41,862
Hunter's dick! Hunter's dick!

1615
01:02:41,895 --> 01:02:43,531
To hell with you!

1616
01:02:52,473 --> 01:02:54,208
Thanks for your patience, folks.

1617
01:02:54,241 --> 01:02:56,076
Really.

1618
01:02:57,177 --> 01:02:59,280
Ooh. I'm sorry, Diane.

1619
01:02:59,313 --> 01:03:01,415
Uh... uh...

1620
01:03:01,448 --> 01:03:04,318
"Then poop with me to freedom."

1621
01:03:04,351 --> 01:03:06,588
-So cheesy, but I loved it.
-What a plan.

1622
01:03:06,621 --> 01:03:08,289
What a speech, Reg.

1623
01:03:08,322 --> 01:03:10,357
Actually, Reginald,
I preferred the first speech.

1624
01:03:10,391 --> 01:03:13,227
You know, the one where you
convinced all of us to do this,

1625
01:03:13,260 --> 01:03:16,196
back when you were focused
on biting Doug's dick off.

1626
01:03:16,230 --> 01:03:18,299
-Bug.
-Okay, okay, Bug, look...

1627
01:03:18,332 --> 01:03:20,100
Oh, look!

1628
01:03:20,134 --> 01:03:22,403
The devil in the sky.
We made it.

1629
01:03:22,436 --> 01:03:24,038
Look at that fucking guy!

1630
01:03:24,071 --> 01:03:26,608
Burn in hell, you
motherfucking son of a bitch.

1631
01:03:26,641 --> 01:03:28,075
I hate everything about him.

1632
01:03:28,108 --> 01:03:29,843
That dumbass smile,
those shitty pants.

1633
01:03:29,877 --> 01:03:31,546
I want to rip your nuts off
and make you watch!

1634
01:03:31,579 --> 01:03:33,147
Stupid hat
and your stupid truck

1635
01:03:33,180 --> 01:03:35,617
with the door
on the other side of the thing.

1636
01:03:35,650 --> 01:03:37,084
I hate his face.

1637
01:03:37,117 --> 01:03:38,919
I hate his personality.
I hate his bag.

1638
01:03:38,952 --> 01:03:41,188
He smells like
a thousand different houses,

1639
01:03:41,221 --> 01:03:43,591
and I can't trust that.

1640
01:03:43,625 --> 01:03:46,160
Anyways, good job, guys.
The final landmark.

1641
01:03:46,193 --> 01:03:47,928
-Yeah. That's right.
-And right on schedule.

1642
01:03:47,961 --> 01:03:50,064
Yeah, barely. You remember
which way to go from here?

1643
01:03:50,097 --> 01:03:54,301
Uh, yeah, we just... we just
stay on this road for now.

1644
01:03:54,335 --> 01:03:55,436
Good. Let's move.

1645
01:03:55,469 --> 01:03:56,337
-All right.
-Great.

1646
01:03:56,370 --> 01:03:57,539
W-Wait, wait, wait.

1647
01:03:57,572 --> 01:03:58,939
One second. Can't leave yet.

1648
01:03:58,972 --> 01:04:00,207
-Huh?
-What's up, Reg?

1649
01:04:00,240 --> 01:04:01,442
Where is it?

1650
01:04:01,475 --> 01:04:03,344
Oh, there.

1651
01:04:04,945 --> 01:04:06,213
All right. Let's go, guys.

1652
01:04:06,246 --> 01:04:08,583
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Hold on a second.

1653
01:04:08,616 --> 01:04:10,618
Why couldn't you leave
without the ball, Reggie?

1654
01:04:10,652 --> 01:04:13,487
I don't know.
I-I just like tennis balls.

1655
01:04:13,521 --> 01:04:15,923
I know ball guys.
You're not a ball guy.

1656
01:04:15,956 --> 01:04:17,958
Well, you don't know
everything about me.

1657
01:04:17,991 --> 01:04:20,628
Well, I'm learning
a little more right now.

1658
01:04:20,662 --> 01:04:22,296
Drop the ball, Reg.

1659
01:04:22,329 --> 01:04:23,631
What? No.

1660
01:04:23,665 --> 01:04:25,933
Drop the fucking ball.

1661
01:04:25,966 --> 01:04:28,570
-Leave it.
-I'm not gonna leave the ball.

1662
01:04:28,603 --> 01:04:30,003
-Drop the ball!
-No.

1663
01:04:30,037 --> 01:04:31,171
Reggie, you drop
that goddamn ball!

1664
01:04:31,205 --> 01:04:32,973
-No.
-You don't even like balls!

1665
01:04:33,006 --> 01:04:34,509
Doug likes balls!

1666
01:04:34,542 --> 01:04:35,976
Doug?

1667
01:04:36,009 --> 01:04:37,111
Oh, Reg.

1668
01:04:37,144 --> 01:04:38,946
I don't know why, but he does.

1669
01:04:38,979 --> 01:04:40,981
And when we play the game
fetch-and-fuck,

1670
01:04:41,014 --> 01:04:44,118
it always ends when I come home
and bring him back a ball.

1671
01:04:44,151 --> 01:04:46,920
So I know he's expecting it,
and I'm not gonna let him down.

1672
01:04:46,954 --> 01:04:48,556
-Goddamn it.
-So, when you told me

1673
01:04:48,590 --> 01:04:51,593
you didn't know how you were
gonna bite Doug in the dick,

1674
01:04:51,626 --> 01:04:54,194
the real reason you don't know
is because...

1675
01:04:54,228 --> 01:04:56,196
You're not gonna bite Doug
in the dick.

1676
01:04:56,230 --> 01:05:00,033
Look, when we first set out,
I was totally into the plan.

1677
01:05:00,067 --> 01:05:02,035
But the closer we got to Doug,

1678
01:05:02,069 --> 01:05:05,573
the more I realize
that I miss him.

1679
01:05:05,607 --> 01:05:07,575
And I think he misses me, too.

1680
01:05:07,609 --> 01:05:08,976
Reggie, don't do this.

1681
01:05:09,009 --> 01:05:10,578
You deserve so much better
than him.

1682
01:05:10,612 --> 01:05:12,179
I don't, Hunter.

1683
01:05:12,212 --> 01:05:13,480
I really don't.

1684
01:05:13,515 --> 01:05:15,115
You know why Doug abandoned me?

1685
01:05:15,149 --> 01:05:17,519
Because I was the problem
in our relationship.

1686
01:05:17,552 --> 01:05:18,952
I ate his shoes.

1687
01:05:18,986 --> 01:05:20,555
I woke him up so early
every day

1688
01:05:20,588 --> 01:05:22,289
because I needed to pee.

1689
01:05:22,322 --> 01:05:23,591
And I pooped on the rug.

1690
01:05:23,625 --> 01:05:25,426
We've all pooped on the rug,
Reggie.

1691
01:05:25,459 --> 01:05:28,228
Oh, did you roll in it, Maggie?
Did you roll in the poop?

1692
01:05:28,262 --> 01:05:30,632
Because guess what,
I rolled in the poop.

1693
01:05:30,665 --> 01:05:32,099
Okay, that's not great.

1694
01:05:32,132 --> 01:05:34,134
God, I can't believe
it took me this long

1695
01:05:34,168 --> 01:05:37,037
to realize this-- that every
time he called me a bad dog,

1696
01:05:37,070 --> 01:05:38,540
he was absolutely right.

1697
01:05:38,573 --> 01:05:40,174
It was all my fault.

1698
01:05:40,207 --> 01:05:41,108
Wow.

1699
01:05:41,141 --> 01:05:42,677
Well, I'm not gonna be
a bad dog anymore.

1700
01:05:42,710 --> 01:05:44,546
It's time for me
to be a good boy.

1701
01:05:44,579 --> 01:05:48,348
Jesus, I cannot believe that I
risked my life for this asshole

1702
01:05:48,382 --> 01:05:51,251
just so he could go back
and get with another asshole.

1703
01:05:51,285 --> 01:05:53,987
I did all of this for you,
Reggie.

1704
01:05:54,021 --> 01:05:55,322
You didn't do this for me.

1705
01:05:55,355 --> 01:05:57,592
You said it yourself--
this isn't about Doug.

1706
01:05:57,625 --> 01:05:59,493
This is about
every single one of them

1707
01:05:59,527 --> 01:06:01,328
who treated us like shit.

1708
01:06:01,361 --> 01:06:02,463
This is about Emma.

1709
01:06:02,496 --> 01:06:04,599
-Reggie.
-Fuck you.

1710
01:06:04,632 --> 01:06:06,601
Hey, how about
rule number three, Bug?

1711
01:06:06,634 --> 01:06:07,769
You're on your own?

1712
01:06:07,802 --> 01:06:09,369
Well, then what were we?

1713
01:06:09,403 --> 01:06:11,205
-Wow. -I don't think
you really want to be a stray.

1714
01:06:11,238 --> 01:06:12,607
I think you're sad and lonely.

1715
01:06:12,640 --> 01:06:14,208
Can you believe
this fucking guy?

1716
01:06:14,241 --> 01:06:16,477
And I think the only reason
you claim to hate humans

1717
01:06:16,511 --> 01:06:19,179
is because, if you ever stop
to think about what happened,

1718
01:06:19,213 --> 01:06:22,717
you'd realize that Emma
didn't fuck it up; you did.

1719
01:06:22,750 --> 01:06:24,318
Get the fuck away from me.

1720
01:06:24,351 --> 01:06:26,320
Believe me, I-I fucked up
with my owner, too,

1721
01:06:26,353 --> 01:06:29,089
so thank you for helping me
realize I was the problem.

1722
01:06:29,122 --> 01:06:31,693
Only difference is
I have a chance to fix it

1723
01:06:31,726 --> 01:06:33,761
and not end up like you.

1724
01:06:35,229 --> 01:06:36,564
Hey, hey, hey,
what are you doing?

1725
01:06:36,598 --> 01:06:37,732
-Guys, guys, stop.
-Guys, stop it.

1726
01:06:37,765 --> 01:06:39,199
-Guys! -Guys, come on.
-Come on!

1727
01:06:39,233 --> 01:06:40,702
-Give me this fucking thing.
-Give it back!

1728
01:06:40,735 --> 01:06:42,202
-Bug.
-Guys.

1729
01:06:42,236 --> 01:06:43,370
Doug gave me that!
Give that back!

1730
01:06:43,403 --> 01:06:45,038
-I know he did.
-No!

1731
01:06:45,072 --> 01:06:46,774
-Stop it. Stop.
-Bug, don't do that.

1732
01:06:46,808 --> 01:06:49,376
That's what I think
about you and your owner.

1733
01:06:49,409 --> 01:06:51,245
Go fuck yourself, Reggie!

1734
01:06:51,278 --> 01:06:53,447
You two deserve each other.

1735
01:07:01,823 --> 01:07:03,691
-Reggie, don't do this!
-Reg.

1736
01:07:03,725 --> 01:07:06,159
I hope he's already left
without you.

1737
01:07:11,298 --> 01:07:13,100
Man.

1738
01:07:13,133 --> 01:07:16,671
I really thought my dick
was gonna hook those keys.

1739
01:07:16,704 --> 01:07:20,575
Um, but this is also a bummer.

1740
01:07:28,850 --> 01:07:31,418
Bug, we can't go back.

1741
01:07:31,451 --> 01:07:32,386
Sure, we can.

1742
01:07:32,419 --> 01:07:34,722
The devil in the sky,
cone, hamster wheel,

1743
01:07:34,756 --> 01:07:36,691
just in the opposite order
of how we came.

1744
01:07:36,724 --> 01:07:38,292
No dead bunnies this time.

1745
01:07:38,325 --> 01:07:39,794
Bug, she means
we can't leave him like this.

1746
01:07:39,827 --> 01:07:42,396
First off, Hunter,
we didn't leave him.

1747
01:07:42,429 --> 01:07:43,731
He left us.

1748
01:07:43,765 --> 01:07:45,800
Second, we don't know
the rest of the way

1749
01:07:45,833 --> 01:07:47,334
back to Doug's place anyway.

1750
01:07:47,367 --> 01:07:49,704
And third, I'm not just
gonna hang around here

1751
01:07:49,737 --> 01:07:51,305
and let some dickless bird

1752
01:07:51,338 --> 01:07:53,440
swoop in on my girlfriend
while I'm gone.

1753
01:07:53,473 --> 01:07:55,142
-What?
-Look,

1754
01:07:55,175 --> 01:07:57,177
if there's one thing
that the asshole got right,

1755
01:07:57,210 --> 01:07:59,847
it's that I have been
wasting my time with you guys.

1756
01:07:59,881 --> 01:08:02,850
I'm a stray, and I should start
acting like one.

1757
01:08:02,884 --> 01:08:04,619
-Wait, where are you going?
-I don't know.

1758
01:08:04,652 --> 01:08:06,888
-I'm about to go do some nunya.
-What's nunya?

1759
01:08:06,921 --> 01:08:08,890
-Nunya fucking business!
-Oh, yeah,

1760
01:08:08,923 --> 01:08:10,592
I walked right into that one.

1761
01:08:10,625 --> 01:08:12,660
Let's go home, Hunter.

1762
01:08:16,496 --> 01:08:18,332
Talking about I'm lonely.
Talking about I'm scared.

1763
01:08:18,365 --> 01:08:20,267
Fuck does he think
he's talking about?

1764
01:08:20,300 --> 01:08:22,302
I'm-a tell you right now,
I ain't lonely,

1765
01:08:22,336 --> 01:08:23,838
and I damn sure ain't scared.

1766
01:08:23,871 --> 01:08:25,707
Fuck you, leaf.

1767
01:08:25,740 --> 01:08:27,341
End up like me?

1768
01:08:27,374 --> 01:08:29,544
I pissed on two cars
and three houses last week.

1769
01:08:29,577 --> 01:08:31,713
That's right,
I'm a three-year-old dog,

1770
01:08:31,746 --> 01:08:33,380
and I'm already a homeowner.

1771
01:08:33,413 --> 01:08:34,749
I'm living
the motherfucking dream, hmm?

1772
01:08:34,782 --> 01:08:36,416
And I'm not scared to be alone.

1773
01:08:36,450 --> 01:08:38,553
Matter of fact,
I ain't scared of anything.

1774
01:08:39,887 --> 01:08:40,855
Who's that?

1775
01:08:40,888 --> 01:08:42,322
Don't come closer.

1776
01:08:42,356 --> 01:08:45,425
I-I, uh... I'm crazy.
I fuck trash!

1777
01:09:00,575 --> 01:09:02,644
Nope, not doing this.

1778
01:09:02,677 --> 01:09:04,211
Just walk away, Bug.

1779
01:09:04,244 --> 01:09:07,381
Little girls like Emma suck,
and you know it.

1780
01:09:13,487 --> 01:09:15,389
Don't listen to her, man.
Don't listen to her.

1781
01:09:15,422 --> 01:09:17,391
Another fucking narcissist

1782
01:09:17,424 --> 01:09:18,960
putting her needs
above your own.

1783
01:09:18,993 --> 01:09:20,828
You've been down
this fucking road before, man.

1784
01:09:20,862 --> 01:09:22,897
Just... just...

1785
01:09:22,930 --> 01:09:25,298
Goddamn it.

1786
01:09:31,939 --> 01:09:34,408
Hey there.

1787
01:09:34,441 --> 01:09:37,244
What are you doing out here
all alone?

1788
01:09:37,845 --> 01:09:39,647
Did you get lost like me?

1789
01:09:39,681 --> 01:09:40,748
It's gonna be okay.

1790
01:09:40,782 --> 01:09:42,282
Holy shit. Wait!

1791
01:09:42,315 --> 01:09:43,450
You're the girl
that everyone's looking for.

1792
01:09:43,483 --> 01:09:44,585
Holy shit.

1793
01:09:44,619 --> 01:09:46,821
I found her! I found her!

1794
01:09:46,854 --> 01:09:48,589
S-Somebody, please help!

1795
01:09:48,623 --> 01:09:49,824
I found the girl!

1796
01:09:49,857 --> 01:09:52,426
-That's Bug.
-Bug! Where are you?

1797
01:09:52,459 --> 01:09:53,828
Let's go.

1798
01:09:56,664 --> 01:09:57,965
I see him!

1799
01:09:59,466 --> 01:10:00,668
I can't believe
you found the girl.

1800
01:10:00,702 --> 01:10:02,369
Oh, my God, Bug.

1801
01:10:02,402 --> 01:10:04,706
Come on. We got to get her
some help. She's in bad shape.

1802
01:10:04,739 --> 01:10:06,339
-Help! Over here!
-Over here!

1803
01:10:06,373 --> 01:10:07,575
We found her! Help!

1804
01:10:07,608 --> 01:10:10,444
-Help! Help!
-Rolf, you dickhead! Help!

1805
01:10:13,748 --> 01:10:15,717
Lost kid! Let's move!

1806
01:10:15,750 --> 01:10:16,884
-Over here!
-Rolf! -Help!

1807
01:10:16,918 --> 01:10:18,019
-Here they come.
-Over here.

1808
01:10:18,052 --> 01:10:20,253
Munchkin, check the girl.

1809
01:10:20,287 --> 01:10:22,590
Hell of a job,
Hunter and small dogs.

1810
01:10:22,623 --> 01:10:25,492
-Didn't know you had it in you.
-Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Riley!

1811
01:10:25,526 --> 01:10:27,829
Riley, here you are.
Good dog. Good dog.

1812
01:10:27,862 --> 01:10:29,262
You're okay.

1813
01:10:29,296 --> 01:10:30,430
I'm not even gonna ask

1814
01:10:30,464 --> 01:10:32,365
how you ended up
back in these woods.

1815
01:10:32,399 --> 01:10:35,636
All I'll ask is:
How can I repay you?

1816
01:10:36,838 --> 01:10:39,574
You can help save
my best friend.

1817
01:10:41,676 --> 01:10:44,377
Oh, what am I gonna say?
What am I gonna say?

1818
01:10:44,411 --> 01:10:47,048
Okay, I should probably
rehearse this.

1819
01:10:47,081 --> 01:10:48,381
Hey, Doug.

1820
01:10:48,415 --> 01:10:49,684
Hey, shitbag.

1821
01:10:49,717 --> 01:10:51,052
What have you been up to?

1822
01:10:51,085 --> 01:10:52,520
Mostly masturbating.

1823
01:10:52,553 --> 01:10:54,756
Oh, cool. Classic Doug.

1824
01:10:54,789 --> 01:10:56,758
So, I owe you an apology.

1825
01:10:56,791 --> 01:10:58,025
Okay.

1826
01:10:58,059 --> 01:10:59,359
You were totally right

1827
01:10:59,392 --> 01:11:00,695
to ditch me in that alley.

1828
01:11:00,728 --> 01:11:01,963
I mean, I was terrible.

1829
01:11:01,996 --> 01:11:03,363
Agreed.

1830
01:11:03,396 --> 01:11:05,032
But I was wondering, um,

1831
01:11:05,066 --> 01:11:07,635
if we could maybe make
some changes when I'm back.

1832
01:11:07,668 --> 01:11:09,637
Like, maybe we could
do walks now

1833
01:11:09,670 --> 01:11:12,707
and possibly increase
pee breaks to twice a day

1834
01:11:12,740 --> 01:11:15,843
and maybe, if you feel like it,
you could call me a...

1835
01:11:15,877 --> 01:11:18,613
a good boy
every once in a while.

1836
01:11:23,350 --> 01:11:25,686
Ugh, this is stupid.

1837
01:11:29,356 --> 01:11:30,658
What you mean,
you can't track him down?

1838
01:11:30,691 --> 01:11:32,359
You're sniff dogs.
That's what you do, right?

1839
01:11:32,392 --> 01:11:33,961
Yeah, come on, Rolf,
they taught us that.

1840
01:11:33,995 --> 01:11:35,530
It's impossible.

1841
01:11:35,563 --> 01:11:37,330
We can't track him without
knowing his scent first.

1842
01:11:37,364 --> 01:11:39,000
Did you get any whiff of him
yesterday, Munchkin?

1843
01:11:39,033 --> 01:11:40,868
Nothing I can recall, sir.

1844
01:11:40,902 --> 01:11:42,537
-Wait! The bandanna!
-Come again.

1845
01:11:42,570 --> 01:11:44,337
We can get his scent
from the bandanna.

1846
01:11:44,371 --> 01:11:46,040
-Let's go! Let's go!
-Nice, Maggie.

1847
01:11:46,073 --> 01:11:48,475
Rolf? Hey, Rolf!

1848
01:11:48,509 --> 01:11:50,343
-There it is!
-There! There it is!

1849
01:11:50,377 --> 01:11:52,079
There it is!

1850
01:11:52,113 --> 01:11:53,881
Way to go, Maggie.

1851
01:11:53,915 --> 01:11:55,415
Halt!

1852
01:11:55,448 --> 01:11:57,518
Good God, what's that smell?

1853
01:11:57,552 --> 01:11:58,820
Can you smell Reggie
off that thing?

1854
01:11:58,853 --> 01:12:01,889
I'm not getting
any dog off of this, sir.

1855
01:12:01,923 --> 01:12:02,957
Just a lot of urine.

1856
01:12:02,990 --> 01:12:04,357
-Oh, huh. Oh, wow.
-Huh.

1857
01:12:04,391 --> 01:12:05,960
-That's, uh, weird.
-It was Bug.

1858
01:12:05,993 --> 01:12:07,595
And from the same patterns,
I can tell

1859
01:12:07,628 --> 01:12:09,530
this was
a very small pee stream,

1860
01:12:09,564 --> 01:12:12,567
indicative of a dog with
an unbelievably tiny penis.

1861
01:12:12,600 --> 01:12:14,669
-Again, Bug.
-It ain't indicative of shit.

1862
01:12:14,702 --> 01:12:17,104
If anything, it is indicative
of a well-shaped,

1863
01:12:17,138 --> 01:12:20,107
sensual penis
that transcends dick size.

1864
01:12:20,141 --> 01:12:22,109
Lots of TDU-- tiny dick urine--
over here.

1865
01:12:22,143 --> 01:12:23,711
It would take a miracle
to pick up

1866
01:12:23,744 --> 01:12:25,445
any dog scent
off of that thing.

1867
01:12:25,478 --> 01:12:27,447
There you are.
What's gotten into you guys?

1868
01:12:27,480 --> 01:12:29,116
Fuck are you doing?

1869
01:12:29,150 --> 01:12:30,718
You'll taint the smell!

1870
01:12:30,751 --> 01:12:32,119
I'm doing your job.

1871
01:12:32,153 --> 01:12:33,855
Now, back the fuck off, Adolf.

1872
01:12:33,888 --> 01:12:35,122
-Adolf?
-It's 'cause you're

1873
01:12:35,156 --> 01:12:36,657
a German shep... Oh, whatever.

1874
01:12:36,691 --> 01:12:38,125
I get it now. Hitler reference.

1875
01:12:39,560 --> 01:12:41,428
Go, Maggie. Go, Maggie.

1876
01:12:45,498 --> 01:12:46,868
I'm picking up...

1877
01:12:46,901 --> 01:12:49,103
<i>bitches of the night,</i>
<i>pizza, vomit pizza,</i>

1878
01:12:49,136 --> 01:12:50,771
<i>hot dogs, all of our pee,</i>

1879
01:12:50,805 --> 01:12:52,740
<i>eagle feathers, Dennis Quaid?</i>

1880
01:12:52,773 --> 01:12:54,976
<i>Squirrel sex, dead bunnies</i>
<i>that I know nothing about,</i>

1881
01:12:55,009 --> 01:12:56,476
<i>Hunter's boner,</i>
<i>oh, lots of shit,</i>

1882
01:12:56,510 --> 01:12:58,846
<i>a tiny Boston terrier dick</i>
<i>and...</i>

1883
01:12:58,880 --> 01:13:00,480
Reggie! I got him.

1884
01:13:00,514 --> 01:13:01,616
-Yes, Maggie.
-Let's move!

1885
01:13:01,649 --> 01:13:02,850
Come on, let's go!

1886
01:13:02,884 --> 01:13:04,118
Thanks, Rolf!

1887
01:13:04,151 --> 01:13:06,554
Except for when
you fucked us over!

1888
01:13:06,587 --> 01:13:07,788
Good luck, soldiers.

1889
01:13:07,822 --> 01:13:10,124
And sorry
I'm such a fucking asshole!

1890
01:13:10,157 --> 01:13:11,959
I should really work on myself.

1891
01:14:03,544 --> 01:14:06,180
<i>Oh, thanks</i>
<i>for shitting on the carpet.</i>

1892
01:14:06,213 --> 01:14:08,549
The fuck are you thinking, huh?

1893
01:14:08,582 --> 01:14:11,886
Oh, you're such a stupid
little piece of shit.

1894
01:14:20,127 --> 01:14:22,997
<i>Can you just leave me</i>
<i>the fuck alone?</i>

1895
01:14:23,030 --> 01:14:25,498
<i>Bad dog!</i>

1896
01:14:31,038 --> 01:14:34,474
<i>That's what you fucking</i>
<i>sound like, you piece of shit.</i>

1897
01:15:01,736 --> 01:15:04,905
Okay, one last shit on
the carpet, and then I'm out.

1898
01:15:24,925 --> 01:15:26,660
Hey, Doug.

1899
01:15:27,261 --> 01:15:28,996
Fuck.

1900
01:15:29,030 --> 01:15:30,798
It's me, Reggie.

1901
01:15:30,831 --> 01:15:33,701
A-And look, I-I know
you can't understand

1902
01:15:33,734 --> 01:15:35,036
what I'm saying right now...

1903
01:15:35,069 --> 01:15:36,337
This is not happening.

1904
01:15:36,370 --> 01:15:39,140
...but I just want to say
how I feel.

1905
01:15:39,173 --> 01:15:41,108
I know you didn't like me.

1906
01:15:41,142 --> 01:15:43,077
I mean, obviously.

1907
01:15:43,110 --> 01:15:45,179
You abandoned me in the street.

1908
01:15:45,212 --> 01:15:48,049
But just know that
I did everything I could

1909
01:15:48,082 --> 01:15:49,784
to make you feel loved.

1910
01:15:49,817 --> 01:15:52,319
And I thought,
if I loved you enough,

1911
01:15:52,353 --> 01:15:55,623
then maybe you would
love me back.

1912
01:15:56,290 --> 01:15:58,125
But then I met new friends.

1913
01:15:58,159 --> 01:16:02,663
I met the sweetest big dog
with just the nicest dick,

1914
01:16:02,696 --> 01:16:05,666
the most talented,
baddest bitch in the world,

1915
01:16:05,699 --> 01:16:08,235
and the-the tiniest,
scrappiest,

1916
01:16:08,269 --> 01:16:11,939
funniest best friend
I could ever ask for.

1917
01:16:11,972 --> 01:16:15,810
Oh, and I met my son, too,
who's a gnome, and we had sex.

1918
01:16:15,843 --> 01:16:16,944
But whatever.

1919
01:16:16,977 --> 01:16:20,081
The point is
those friends showed me

1920
01:16:20,114 --> 01:16:22,083
what real love feels like,

1921
01:16:22,116 --> 01:16:24,685
and it's nothing
like what we had.

1922
01:16:24,718 --> 01:16:28,089
Now I know that
I wasn't a bad dog.

1923
01:16:28,122 --> 01:16:31,325
You were a bad man.

1924
01:16:31,358 --> 01:16:33,360
Bad man! Bad man!

1925
01:16:37,898 --> 01:16:39,366
Goodbye, Doug.

1926
01:16:39,400 --> 01:16:41,068
And fuck you.

1927
01:16:47,408 --> 01:16:49,410
Now, what do I got to do

1928
01:16:49,443 --> 01:16:52,847
to get you the fuck
out of my life?

1929
01:16:52,880 --> 01:16:55,182
I mean, how do you
not get it, man?

1930
01:16:55,216 --> 01:16:58,686
I drove you three hours away.

1931
01:16:58,719 --> 01:17:00,354
I mean, how could I make it
any more clear

1932
01:17:00,387 --> 01:17:02,323
that I don't care about you?

1933
01:17:02,356 --> 01:17:04,425
I don't fucking love you.

1934
01:17:04,458 --> 01:17:06,760
Goodbye forever, shitbag.

1935
01:17:07,928 --> 01:17:11,398
Well, at least I found
someone who loved me.

1936
01:17:11,432 --> 01:17:13,300
Pee-FFs forever.

1937
01:17:16,337 --> 01:17:18,239
Pee-FFs forever!

1938
01:17:18,272 --> 01:17:19,807
The fuck?

1939
01:17:19,840 --> 01:17:21,742
Who the hell are these dogs?

1940
01:17:21,775 --> 01:17:24,411
Jesus Christ, it's like
a fucking dog movie in here.

1941
01:17:27,114 --> 01:17:28,349
Oh, yeah?

1942
01:17:28,382 --> 01:17:31,152
The fuck are you gonna do
about it, cone boy?

1943
01:17:40,928 --> 01:17:42,129
Oh, shit.

1944
01:17:48,335 --> 01:17:49,904
Reggie, you okay?

1945
01:17:49,937 --> 01:17:51,705
Listen, Bug, I-I'm so sorry
for what I said. I...

1946
01:17:51,739 --> 01:17:53,040
Don't worry about that
right now.

1947
01:17:53,073 --> 01:17:54,808
Yeah, we've got a dick
to rip off.

1948
01:17:59,213 --> 01:18:01,081
Get the fuck off me!

1949
01:18:01,982 --> 01:18:03,217
Fuck. What the...

1950
01:18:03,250 --> 01:18:06,053
Get off me! Let go! Goddamn it.

1951
01:18:06,086 --> 01:18:07,788
Ow! Fuck, my knee!

1952
01:18:07,821 --> 01:18:09,723
Goddamn it!

1953
01:18:09,757 --> 01:18:12,126
Oh, you want some, huh?

1954
01:18:14,495 --> 01:18:16,430
Oh, goddamn it!

1955
01:18:16,463 --> 01:18:18,265
You little fuckers owe me
a microwave!

1956
01:18:19,433 --> 01:18:21,302
Eat some foot!

1957
01:18:22,236 --> 01:18:24,071
Aah, my foot!

1958
01:18:28,275 --> 01:18:29,877
Shitbag.

1959
01:18:38,419 --> 01:18:41,055
Oh, fuck, my back!

1960
01:18:41,088 --> 01:18:42,524
-Fuck! -Guys, we should
get out of here.

1961
01:18:42,557 --> 01:18:44,091
Reggie!

1962
01:18:44,124 --> 01:18:45,826
Got you, you little shit.

1963
01:18:45,859 --> 01:18:47,828
Well, look at you.

1964
01:18:47,861 --> 01:18:49,863
You got yourself some friends?

1965
01:18:49,897 --> 01:18:53,167
Let me tell you furry fucks
something.

1966
01:18:53,200 --> 01:18:56,971
Your little buddy here
ruined my life.

1967
01:18:57,004 --> 01:19:00,374
Before him, I had
a fucking good thing going.

1968
01:19:00,407 --> 01:19:03,410
A roof over my head,
checks from my mom,

1969
01:19:03,444 --> 01:19:04,878
two girlfriends.

1970
01:19:04,912 --> 01:19:08,550
Now I have no house,
no girlfriends,

1971
01:19:08,583 --> 01:19:10,552
and I have to masturbate
all day.

1972
01:19:10,585 --> 01:19:13,854
All right, this dog turned me
into a fucking loser!

1973
01:19:13,887 --> 01:19:15,189
Why's he talking so much?

1974
01:19:15,222 --> 01:19:19,360
You ever see the end
of <i>Marley & Me?</i> Huh?

1975
01:19:19,393 --> 01:19:20,828
Yeah. Me, neither.

1976
01:19:20,861 --> 01:19:22,997
It's fucking boring.

1977
01:19:23,030 --> 01:19:26,400
But I do know that
the dog dies in the end.

1978
01:19:26,433 --> 01:19:28,269
I'm gonna enjoy

1979
01:19:28,302 --> 01:19:30,804
squeezing the life out of you.

1980
01:19:30,838 --> 01:19:32,540
Maggie, Hunter,
get in position.

1981
01:19:32,574 --> 01:19:34,041
-Got it.
-Copy.

1982
01:19:34,074 --> 01:19:35,476
'Cause you squeezed
the life out of me.

1983
01:19:35,510 --> 01:19:37,144
Wait, what's happening?

1984
01:19:37,177 --> 01:19:39,146
What are they doing getting in
a line like that? What...

1985
01:19:41,583 --> 01:19:44,318
Fuck you!

1986
01:19:57,532 --> 01:20:00,234
♪ We clawed, we chained ♪

1987
01:20:00,267 --> 01:20:01,902
♪ Our hearts in vain ♪

1988
01:20:01,935 --> 01:20:05,172
♪ We jumped, never asking why ♪

1989
01:20:05,205 --> 01:20:09,009
♪ We kissed, I fell
under your spell ♪

1990
01:20:09,043 --> 01:20:14,248
♪ A love no one could deny ♪

1991
01:20:14,281 --> 01:20:16,317
♪ Don't you ever say... ♪

1992
01:20:16,350 --> 01:20:18,919
Bad fucking dog.

1993
01:20:18,952 --> 01:20:21,955
You're goddamn right.

1994
01:20:22,489 --> 01:20:24,458
♪ I came in
like a wrecking ball ♪

1995
01:20:26,093 --> 01:20:30,097
♪ I never hit so hard in love ♪

1996
01:20:30,130 --> 01:20:34,268
♪ All I wanted was
to break your walls ♪

1997
01:20:34,301 --> 01:20:36,504
♪ All you ever did was ♪

1998
01:20:36,538 --> 01:20:38,205
♪ Wre-e-eck me ♪

1999
01:20:39,373 --> 01:20:42,910
♪ Yeah, you, you wre-e-eck me ♪

2000
01:20:42,943 --> 01:20:46,947
♪ I put you high up in the sky ♪

2001
01:20:46,980 --> 01:20:51,051
♪ And now
you're not coming down ♪

2002
01:20:51,085 --> 01:20:55,122
♪ It slowly turned,
you let me burn ♪

2003
01:20:55,155 --> 01:20:58,992
♪ And now
we're ashes on the ground ♪

2004
01:20:59,694 --> 01:21:03,030
♪ Don't you ever say
I just walked away ♪

2005
01:21:03,063 --> 01:21:06,233
♪ I will always want you ♪

2006
01:21:06,266 --> 01:21:10,237
♪ I came in
like a wrecking ball ♪

2007
01:21:10,270 --> 01:21:14,108
♪ Yeah, I just closed my eyes
and swung ♪

2008
01:21:14,141 --> 01:21:17,512
♪ Left me crashing
in a blazing fall ♪

2009
01:21:17,545 --> 01:21:22,916
♪ All you ever did was
wre-e-eck me ♪

2010
01:21:22,950 --> 01:21:26,320
♪ Yeah, you, you wre-e-eck me ♪

2011
01:21:29,990 --> 01:21:33,260
♪ I never meant to start a war ♪

2012
01:21:33,293 --> 01:21:37,030
♪ I just wanted you
to let me in... ♪

2013
01:21:37,064 --> 01:21:39,667
Uh, yeah,
we should probably leave.

2014
01:21:39,701 --> 01:21:41,068
Oh, yeah, we got to go
right now?

2015
01:21:41,101 --> 01:21:42,537
I was kind of enjoying this.

2016
01:21:42,570 --> 01:21:44,004
♪ I guess I should've
let you win... ♪

2017
01:21:44,037 --> 01:21:45,406
Yo, Reg, I got to be
honest with you, man.

2018
01:21:45,439 --> 01:21:46,974
I ain't think
you was gonna do that shit.

2019
01:21:47,007 --> 01:21:48,543
You really committed to that.

2020
01:21:48,576 --> 01:21:50,110
Yeah, that was more
graphic than I was expecting.

2021
01:21:50,144 --> 01:21:51,445
That was almost too far.

2022
01:21:51,478 --> 01:21:52,580
You one-upped me, for sure.

2023
01:21:52,614 --> 01:21:54,014
I mean, I bit a girl's ankle.

2024
01:21:54,047 --> 01:21:56,917
You ripped a man's penis off.

2025
01:22:11,733 --> 01:22:15,002
<i>Today is gonna be</i>
<i>the best day ever.</i>

2026
01:22:15,035 --> 01:22:16,370
<i>How do I know that?</i>

2027
01:22:16,403 --> 01:22:19,239
<i>Because every day</i>
<i>is the best day ever.</i>

2028
01:22:19,273 --> 01:22:22,644
<i>Hunter went back to his job</i>
<i>at the old human home,</i>

2029
01:22:22,677 --> 01:22:24,579
<i>and he didn't even need</i>
<i>his cone.</i>

2030
01:22:24,612 --> 01:22:25,979
Hey, Cone of Shame.

2031
01:22:26,013 --> 01:22:27,381
Where's your lampshade?

2032
01:22:27,414 --> 01:22:29,983
Actually, Bubsy,
I don't need that cone anymore,

2033
01:22:30,017 --> 01:22:32,419
just like I don't need
any of your shit anymore.

2034
01:22:32,453 --> 01:22:33,621
Fuck you, Bubsy.

2035
01:22:33,655 --> 01:22:35,590
Wow. I had no idea
you felt that way.

2036
01:22:35,623 --> 01:22:38,125
I'm sorry. I-I'm just gonna go.

2037
01:22:38,793 --> 01:22:40,394
Fuck your mother!

2038
01:22:40,427 --> 01:22:41,763
Fuck out of here!

2039
01:22:41,796 --> 01:22:43,363
<i>And he finally</i>
<i>found the courage</i>

2040
01:22:43,397 --> 01:22:45,232
<i>to let Maggie know</i>
<i>how he feels about her.</i>

2041
01:22:45,265 --> 01:22:47,067
<i>And now they have sex</i>
<i>all the time.</i>

2042
01:22:47,100 --> 01:22:49,537
<i>Regular style, of course.</i>

2043
01:22:49,571 --> 01:22:51,438
Attaboy, Hunter.

2044
01:22:52,740 --> 01:22:54,776
Reminds me of when I was young.

2045
01:22:54,809 --> 01:22:57,512
You used to fuck dogs?

2046
01:22:57,545 --> 01:22:58,613
What?

2047
01:22:58,646 --> 01:23:00,147
<i>And Maggie, well,</i>

2048
01:23:00,180 --> 01:23:02,617
<i>she finally got</i>
<i>the owner she deserves.</i>

2049
01:23:02,650 --> 01:23:05,486
<i>Maggie's part of</i>
<i>the detection squad now,</i>

2050
01:23:05,520 --> 01:23:07,689
<i>and she's the best sniffer</i>
<i>on the team.</i>

2051
01:23:07,722 --> 01:23:10,357
Oh, I love the costume
you gave her.

2052
01:23:10,390 --> 01:23:11,559
So good.

2053
01:23:11,593 --> 01:23:13,728
Uniform. For work.

2054
01:23:13,761 --> 01:23:15,563
<i>And Bug's the same old Bug.</i>

2055
01:23:15,597 --> 01:23:17,732
<i>With one pretty big exception.</i>

2056
01:23:17,765 --> 01:23:20,200
<i>He's changed his stance</i>
<i>on people.</i>

2057
01:23:21,368 --> 01:23:24,204
<i>Or at least</i>
<i>one very special person.</i>

2058
01:23:24,238 --> 01:23:25,707
♪ And you're feeling down ♪

2059
01:23:25,740 --> 01:23:27,140
♪ You can follow me ♪

2060
01:23:27,174 --> 01:23:29,443
♪ And I'll show you
how to love ♪

2061
01:23:30,512 --> 01:23:31,713
♪ To love... ♪

2062
01:23:31,746 --> 01:23:33,748
Sure, joining a family
was a bit

2063
01:23:33,781 --> 01:23:36,584
of a learning experience
for him.

2064
01:23:38,151 --> 01:23:40,087
Oh, baby, I love this.

2065
01:23:40,120 --> 01:23:42,289
Your cushions are so much
tighter than Dolores's.

2066
01:23:42,322 --> 01:23:46,193
Now, what is this fabric?
Faux suede?

2067
01:23:46,226 --> 01:23:47,327
Hey.

2068
01:23:47,361 --> 01:23:48,563
Oh, hey, Kevin.

2069
01:23:49,429 --> 01:23:52,032
Come on, buddy.
No humping the couch.

2070
01:23:53,200 --> 01:23:56,069
Nothing will ever
come between us.

2071
01:23:56,804 --> 01:23:59,541
<i>Yep, life is pretty damn great.</i>

2072
01:23:59,574 --> 01:24:01,408
So we'll see you guys tonight?

2073
01:24:01,441 --> 01:24:02,476
-Yep.
-You know it.

2074
01:24:02,510 --> 01:24:04,311
Scraps night.

2075
01:24:06,781 --> 01:24:10,117
<i>As for me,</i>
<i>I chose to stay a stray,</i>

2076
01:24:10,150 --> 01:24:11,819
<i>and I couldn't be happier.</i>

2077
01:24:11,853 --> 01:24:14,254
<i>And for any dogs in need,</i>

2078
01:24:14,288 --> 01:24:16,290
<i>I'll be there</i>
<i>to show them the ropes.</i>

2079
01:24:16,323 --> 01:24:18,793
Hey there. I'm Reggie.
You got a name?

2080
01:24:18,826 --> 01:24:21,261
Oh, hi. I'm-I'm Shitstain.

2081
01:24:21,295 --> 01:24:24,264
No. No, no, no.
That's not your name. Trust me.

2082
01:24:24,866 --> 01:24:27,100
Rule number one
of being a stray:

2083
01:24:27,134 --> 01:24:29,236
You want something,
you pee on it.

2084
01:24:29,269 --> 01:24:31,171
And whatever you pee on
is yours.

2085
01:24:31,204 --> 01:24:33,240
Oh. How about this lamppost?

2086
01:24:33,273 --> 01:24:35,743
-That's mine!
-Oh. Okay.

2087
01:24:35,777 --> 01:24:37,177
Rule number two:

2088
01:24:37,210 --> 01:24:38,880
You can pretty much hump
whatever you want.

2089
01:24:38,913 --> 01:24:40,548
-Cool! Sweet!
-Awesome! Yes!

2090
01:24:40,582 --> 01:24:45,452
Rule number three is the most
important rule, bar none:

2091
01:24:45,485 --> 01:24:47,522
You are not alone.

2092
01:24:48,388 --> 01:24:50,457
<i>You know,</i>
<i>I used to think my place</i>

2093
01:24:50,490 --> 01:24:52,760
<i>was by Doug's side,</i>
<i>but now I know</i>

2094
01:24:52,794 --> 01:24:54,862
<i>my place is</i>
<i>wherever I want it to be,</i>

2095
01:24:54,896 --> 01:24:58,365
<i>and I've never felt</i>
<i>more at home.</i>

2096
01:24:58,398 --> 01:25:00,568
<i>'Cause I know a guy</i>
<i>who lets me crash</i>

2097
01:25:00,602 --> 01:25:02,670
<i>whenever I want.</i>

2098
01:25:02,704 --> 01:25:04,572
-Hey, loser.
-Hey, fuckface.

2099
01:25:07,909 --> 01:25:10,243
Liam, the cute scruffy dog
is back!

2100
01:25:16,517 --> 01:25:19,453
Isn't this the life?

2101
01:25:20,555 --> 01:25:22,489
Who's a good boy?

2102
01:25:22,523 --> 01:25:24,124
You're a good boy.

2103
01:25:24,759 --> 01:25:26,794
Such a good boy.

2104
01:25:26,828 --> 01:25:29,196
<i>I've learned a lot since Doug.</i>

2105
01:25:29,229 --> 01:25:30,765
<i>Sure, there are some bad people</i>
<i>in this world,</i>

2106
01:25:30,798 --> 01:25:34,769
<i>but even Bug would agree--</i>
<i>the good ones are out there.</i>

2107
01:25:34,802 --> 01:25:36,838
<i>You just got to keep</i>
<i>your eyes open.</i>

2108
01:25:36,871 --> 01:25:38,472
Hey, kids.

2109
01:25:38,506 --> 01:25:39,941
I'll rip your fucking lungs
out through your mouth!

2110
01:25:39,974 --> 01:25:41,576
-Fuck you, mailman! Fuck you!
-Son of a bitch!

2111
01:25:41,609 --> 01:25:43,443
Oh, these guys have
a lot of energy, don't they?

2112
01:25:43,477 --> 01:25:45,245
-I'm-a eat your fucking nut
sack... -You're a bad person!

2113
01:25:45,278 --> 01:25:46,514
-Get out of here, you evil,
evil little shit! -Aw.

2114
01:25:46,547 --> 01:25:47,882
I'll give you
to the count of three,

2115
01:25:47,915 --> 01:25:49,651
and then I'm gonna jump
this fence

2116
01:25:49,684 --> 01:25:51,586
-and skull-fuck you to death!
-You stupid fucking evil devil!

2117
01:25:51,619 --> 01:25:53,387
-You're just as bad as your
friend in the sky! -One, two...

2118
01:25:53,420 --> 01:25:55,255
-Yeah, yeah, yeah. You smart.
-You fuckwad, go! Go!

2119
01:25:55,288 --> 01:25:56,658
-You smart.
-Go! Keep moving!

2120
01:25:56,691 --> 01:25:58,358
Smart move. Keep walking.

2121
01:25:58,392 --> 01:25:59,927
Don't even think about
coming back here tomorrow.

2122
01:25:59,961 --> 01:26:01,395
-Fuck off!
-Yeah, bitch.

2123
01:26:01,428 --> 01:26:02,930
You don't want to get
this guy angry.

2124
01:26:02,964 --> 01:26:05,600
I may be small,
but you have no idea

2125
01:26:05,633 --> 01:26:07,769
what I'm capable of.

2126
01:26:07,802 --> 01:26:09,937
Just ask Doug!

2127
01:26:09,971 --> 01:26:12,674
I ripped the guy's cock off!

2128
01:26:12,707 --> 01:26:15,409
♪ This is for the Gz
and this is for the hustlas ♪

2129
01:26:15,442 --> 01:26:17,812
♪ This is for the hustlas,
now back to the Gz ♪

2130
01:26:17,845 --> 01:26:20,548
♪ This is for the Gz
and this is for the hustlas ♪

2131
01:26:20,581 --> 01:26:22,950
♪ This is for the hustlas,
now back to the Gz ♪

2132
01:26:22,984 --> 01:26:25,318
♪ It's one-nine-nine-trey,
so let me just play ♪

2133
01:26:25,352 --> 01:26:26,954
♪ It's Snoop Dogg,
I'm on the mic ♪

2134
01:26:26,988 --> 01:26:28,556
♪ I'm back with Dr. Dre ♪

2135
01:26:28,589 --> 01:26:30,958
♪ But this time I'm-a hit
yo' ass with a touch ♪

2136
01:26:30,992 --> 01:26:33,561
♪ To leave motherfuckers
in a daze, fucked up ♪

2137
01:26:33,594 --> 01:26:36,229
♪ So sit back, relax,
new jacks get smacked ♪

2138
01:26:36,263 --> 01:26:38,633
♪ It's Snoop Doggy Dogg,
I'm at the top of the stack ♪

2139
01:26:38,666 --> 01:26:41,468
♪ I don't lack for a second
and I'm still checkin' ♪

2140
01:26:41,502 --> 01:26:44,237
♪ The dopest motherfucker
that ya hearin' on the record ♪

2141
01:26:44,271 --> 01:26:46,306
♪ It's me, ya see,
S-N-double-O-P ♪

2142
01:26:46,339 --> 01:26:48,543
♪ D-O-double-G-Y,
the D-O-double-G ♪

2143
01:26:48,576 --> 01:26:52,312
♪ I'm fly as a falcon
soarin' through the sky ♪

2144
01:26:52,345 --> 01:26:54,314
♪ And I'm high
till I dizzie, rizzide ♪

2145
01:26:54,347 --> 01:26:57,350
♪ So check it, I get busy,
I make your head dizzy ♪

2146
01:26:57,384 --> 01:26:59,854
♪ I blow up your mouth
like I was Dizzy Gillespie ♪

2147
01:26:59,887 --> 01:27:01,889
♪ I'm crazy,
you can't phase me ♪

2148
01:27:01,923 --> 01:27:03,524
♪ I'm the S, oh, yes,
I'm fresh ♪

2149
01:27:03,558 --> 01:27:05,292
♪ I don't fuck
with the stress ♪

2150
01:27:05,325 --> 01:27:07,729
♪ I'm all about the chronic,
bionic, ya see ♪

2151
01:27:07,762 --> 01:27:10,631
♪ Every single day, chillin'
with the D-O-double-Gs ♪

2152
01:27:10,665 --> 01:27:13,000
♪ P-O-U-N-D,
that's my clique, my crew ♪

2153
01:27:13,034 --> 01:27:15,469
♪ You fuck with us,
we gots to fuck you up ♪

2154
01:27:15,503 --> 01:27:17,505
♪ I thought you knew,
but yet and still ♪

2155
01:27:17,538 --> 01:27:20,875
♪ You wanna get real, now it's
time to peel, you say chill ♪

2156
01:27:20,908 --> 01:27:22,977
♪ And feel
the motherfuckin' realism ♪

2157
01:27:23,010 --> 01:27:24,812
♪ Snoop Doggy Dogg
is on the mic ♪

2158
01:27:24,846 --> 01:27:26,480
♪ I'm hittin' hard as steel ♪

2159
01:27:26,514 --> 01:27:29,016
♪ This is for the Gz
and this is for the hustlas ♪

2160
01:27:29,050 --> 01:27:31,719
♪ This is for the hustlas,
now back to the Gz ♪

2161
01:27:31,753 --> 01:27:34,387
♪ This is for the Gz
and this is for the hustlas ♪

2162
01:27:34,421 --> 01:27:36,691
♪ This is for the hustlas,
now back to the Gz ♪

2163
01:27:36,724 --> 01:27:39,560
♪ This is for the Gz
and this is for the hustlas ♪

2164
01:27:39,594 --> 01:27:42,362
♪ This is for the hustlas,
now back to the Gz ♪

2165
01:27:42,395 --> 01:27:44,732
♪ This is for the Gz
and this is for the hustlas ♪

2166
01:27:44,766 --> 01:27:47,702
♪ This is for the hustlas,
now back to the Gz. ♪

2167
01:27:53,541 --> 01:27:55,643
In addition to the multiple
facial lacerations

2168
01:27:55,676 --> 01:27:58,613
and the, uh,
severe burn wounds,

2169
01:27:58,646 --> 01:28:01,516
we also discovered
an alarming amount of, um,

2170
01:28:01,549 --> 01:28:03,651
fecal bacteria in your system,

2171
01:28:03,684 --> 01:28:07,922
um, which I would imagine came
from the... the... the-the...

2172
01:28:07,955 --> 01:28:09,657
Dog shitting in my mouth?

2173
01:28:09,690 --> 01:28:11,458
-Right. Yeah.
-Yeah.

2174
01:28:12,126 --> 01:28:16,463
Um, ba-ba-ba...
checking the clipboard.

2175
01:28:16,496 --> 01:28:19,867
Uh, oh, yeah, we also, uh, uh,
couldn't reattach the penis.

2176
01:28:21,702 --> 01:28:24,939
<i>Fuck...!</i>

2177
01:28:39,120 --> 01:28:41,321
♪ Jamie ♪

2178
01:28:42,056 --> 01:28:44,792
♪ Jamie Foxx ♪

2179
01:28:44,826 --> 01:28:46,694
♪ Will Ferrell ♪

2180
01:29:00,074 --> 01:29:03,044
♪ Dirty, dirty dog ♪

2181
01:29:03,077 --> 01:29:05,046
♪ I'm a stray ♪

2182
01:29:13,154 --> 01:29:15,488
♪ Quit doggin' me! ♪

2183
01:29:16,157 --> 01:29:18,358
♪ Quit doggin' me! ♪

2184
01:29:21,428 --> 01:29:23,865
♪ I'm a str-str-stray ♪

2185
01:29:23,898 --> 01:29:25,733
♪ I'm a stray. ♪