This programme contains some scenes which some viewers may find upsetting,
some violent scenes and some strong language.
There are things they don't tell you.
Things you never even think about.
They never tell you how insulting the ordinary world seems
when you get home.
How you'll feel insulted even by your own memories.
You hate everyone who doesn't understand,
but you hate yourself as well,
because you didn't understand either.
SHE GRUNTS
Why didn't I appreciate ordinary life?
How could I not have realised how fragile it all was?
THUNDER RUMBLES
THUNDER CRACKS
THEME MUSIC PLAYS
SHE BREATHES SHAKILY
HELICOPTER WHIRS
SHE EXHALES
THEY YELL IN SPANISH
HELICOPTER DROWNS SPEECH
SHE BREATHES SHAKILY
SHE WHIMPERS
IN SPANISH:
SHE WHIMPERS
SHE HYPERVENTILATES
Put down the gun.
It's all right. It's OK.
Just take it easy.
OK. THEY CALL IN SPANISH
SHE PRAYS
THEY WHIMPER
THEY SPEAK IN SPANISH
Los dos y tres conmigo.
Vente. Vamos!
It's OK.
Put the gun down.
It's going to be all right now, I promise.
GUNSHOT
Mum!
SHE HYPERVENTILATES
It's OK, it's over.
It's over, it's over.
Guardia Civil! Manos arriba!
No se mueve! Guardia Civil! It's OK.
OK, we're unarmed. We're unarmed. Las manos arriba!
OK, OK. Suelte el arma!
OK.
SHOUTING IN SPANISH
SHE WHIMPERS
SHE SOBS
SHE WAILS
Please, senor!
Senor! Abhi!
GUNSHOT
SHOUTING IN SPANISH
Show me your hands! Hands up!
No se mueva nadie! Hands up! Hands up!
THEY SOB
Quietos! Al suelo! Necesitamos un medico en la cocina, ya.
Vamos!
HE GULPS AIR
HE BREATHES SHALLOWLY
OFFICER SPEAKS SPANISH
This way. You're going to be safe now, darling.
Once you're out, find Kimberly, Adam and Jason.
Mum, we're safe now.
I have to go.
I love you. I have to help someone. All right, go!
HE PANTS
SHE EXHALES
PA ANNOUNCEMENT IN SPANISH
Por favor. BABY CRIES
Mummy!
Miriam!
Oh, my darling! I've got you. SHE SOBS
Oh, my God. You're OK.
ANNOUNCEMENT: Please register your name to the police. Point A.
You're OK.
Where's...
Where's Daddy? Where's Sunil?
It was really scary!
Ben, Jo said that you had Kim and Sunil.
Yeah, um...
Yeah, we, um... We got... We got separated.
What?
I—I-I was helping someone else, Abhi, and I...
I turned round, they'd... They'd just vanished. I'm s...
No. SHE SOBS
I'm sorry.
It's OK. We'll all look. We'll... We'll find them.
There were buses taking people away earlier. Maybe they'll be on there.
He's right.
Abhi, you go on. Go on the bus with the boys.
Iker?
FOOTSTEPS APPROACH
Hey.
Just let me help him.
It's OK. It's all right. You... You can go.
Stay calm, OK?
Just...
Just take it easy.
Take it easy.
He's one of them? Yes.
You need to stop him. Follow him!
I'll be fine. Take the gun.
You hold on, OK? The police are in the building. Go, go!
HE GROANS
All right? Yeah.
Go slowly. Thanks, Abhi.
SHE EXHALES Miriam...
..if those kids are still out there,
I've got to find them.
OK? Please, be careful.
Ben?
Ben! Amara!
Where is everyone?
I've lost Kim and Sunil. I need your help.
SIRENS WAIL
ENGINE IGNITES
SHE SOBS
SIRENS DROWN SPEECH
Right, you go and look in the village.
I'm going to check the waste ground again.
I'll come back here. Yeah. I'll meet you back here.
CHILDREN SQUEALING
Kimberly!
Sunil!
Kim!
Hola, have you seen two children, a boy and a girl?
A girl with long hair?
Please.
Sorry.
SHE GASPS
CHILDREN'S VOICES NEARBY
CHILDREN SPEAKING ENGLISH
Kim, Sunil!
SHE SOBS
Are you OK?
DOOR SCRAPES
DOOR THUDS
DOOR SCRAPES
DOOR THUDS
Argh!
Stop!
Put your hands up.
Put your hands up above your head!
Don't move.
Ben! Ben, stay back!
You, keep your hands up!
Ben!
Ben, move to... Move to the side, Ben! What?
Look, look. No, stop! No!
Hey! No, no! Stop!
SHOUTING IN SPANISH Stop!
Oh! OK, OK.
OK.
Suelte el arma. Quieta. OK, OK.
Manos a la cabeza. OK.
Quieta. He's... He's hurt.
OK. No, he's...he's...he's hurt. Vale.
HE GROANS Ben.
HE BREATHES SHAKILY
No.
Ben. HE PANTS, TRIES TO SPEAK
I'm here. I'm here.
Ben, it's all right.
It's OK.
VOICE BREAKING: Ben, I'm here.
Ben?
SHE SOBS
MOURNERS CHANT MANTRA: Hare Rama Hare Rama
Rama Rama Hare Hare
Hare Krishna Hare Krishna
Krishna Krishna Hare Hare
Hare Rama Hare Rama
Rama Rama Hare Hare
Hare Rama Hare Rama
Rama Rama Hare Hare
Hare Krishna Hare Krishna
Krishna Krishna Hare Hare
Hare Rama Hare Rama...
CHANTING FADES
BIRDS CHIRP
SHE WEEPS
Oh, there is going to be dancing, right?
Oh, yeah! THEY CHUCKLE
I need to let my hair down
after having Jason's entire family for Christmas.
THEY LAUGH
Ah, there's Ben!
Aha! Aw!
I ordered you an extra hot, double shot gingerbread...
..argh! - caramel, vanilla and something or other. I don't know!
Well, what a great idea. Oh, thank you.
Thank you. Oh, so sweet.
Ah! So, New Year's Eve, our house, going all out.
Oh, you try and stop me!
JO LAUGHS
You know, I knew we could count on you!
Thank you. I'll leave you to it. OK.
See you.
Yeah, there's plenty more where that came from.
And plenty of time to practise. Ha!
THEY LAUGH See you.
Mm.
I can't wait for Christmas.
Yeah.
Shall we stay in our dressing gowns all day?
HE CHUCKLES
Yeah, what, gravy all down the front of mine by nightfall?
Ugh! It's like living with an old bear!
THEY LAUGH You like bears! No...
..I love bears.
HE CHUCKLES Mwah! Yeah! Yeah!
BIRDS CHIRP WATER BURBLES
There you go.
Thanks.
Kimberly and Adam were a bit clingy this morning.
That's not surprising, really.
No.
HE SIGHS
Amara wants to go back to school.
I'd like her to have a bit more time off or
at least wait for some counselling, but she seems to want
to go back to some sort of normal as soon as possible.
Um...
Home in a few weeks, maybe. That's good, isn't it?
Well...
..the physio wants to see if I'm OK with stairs first.
She wants to see me do a clear week on just the stick, you know?
Well, maybe we could get you one of those, you know, chairs that...
A fucking stairlift?
No. No, thank you.
Shame, the way things turned out, isn't it?
If they'd have got me and Abhi...
..instead of Chinar,
that would have left the field clear, wouldn't it?
GUNSHOT
SHE GRUNTS
SHE PANTS
What's wrong with her? I don't know.
Sorry. They wanted to call the police.
I fucked everything up.
You're a hero, Jo. Whether you like it or not.
I don't want to be one!
I don't want to be a fucking hero!
It's my fault we were even in that hotel,
and there is nothing heroic about killing that boy.
It's going to take time.
SHE SIGHS Yeah.
You were in an impossible position out there.
A lot of people, including our daughter, were in a lot of danger.
You made a call.
Personally, I'm glad you did.
ENGINE IGNITES
CHILDREN ARGUING UPSTAIRS
ON TV: Meanwhile, in Spain, investigations have continued today
into what motivated the brothers to carry out such a horrific attack,
with the revelation that their father is currently in prison
serving an eight-year term for murdering their mother
when they were ten and 12 years old.
The elder of the two was already being investigated
following allegations of theft from the hotel,
where he had apparently threatened to kill staff... Mum?
Hey. ..during an altercation...
No, you don't have to. JO SWITCHES OFF TV
How was it?
Adam was a bit clingy. The teacher came out.
SHE SIGHS
Thanks, darling.
Sorry to ask you to do that again, I just...
You know, the mums. Yeah.
They all had a good look at us.
The novelty hasn't worn off yet.
You're going to have to face them at some point.
I'm off now.
Yeah, I said I'd help Abhi out.
Chinar's things came back this morning.
You still haven't rung her.
Or Miriam.
I thought you were going to. Yeah, no, I will. I just, um...
I've been busy, so...
I left my phone on charge. I'm going to grab it and go.
DOOR CLOSES
A further memorial service took place today
for another British victim of the attack.
Catherine Jameson was...
DOOR OPENS, SHE GASPS Oh!
Sorry.
Made you jump, eh? THEY CHUCKLE
Did you tell your mum where you're off to?
Yeah. I didn't tell her you were taking me, though.
How is she?
I don't know.
She asks me how you and Abhi are, you ask me how she is.
It's just...
Yeah, I know.
I guess we're all just finding it hard in different ways.
THUNDER RUMBLES
Mum!
Kim and Sunil are... Are safe.
ABHI SOBS They're with Amara.
I saw their names on the list.
They've been taken... They've been taken to another hotel.
We can go there.
What about Ben and Chinar? Where are they?
Um...
Jason's been...
..been badly injured.
They've taken him to hospital.
Jo?
You know you left the front door open?
Did I?
Look at this.
What is it with holiday clothes?
I've got loads of dresses and I still bought this one.
Why don't you let me do that?
No, it's OK.
Actually...
..this is the one I need you to do.
He was so efficient, you know?
His pass code's on that sheet.
His phone's in there.
I'm going to go downstairs.
Um, I want you to open his phone and...
..delete anything I wouldn't want to see and then not tell me about it.
Are you sure?
Yeah.
There'll be photos of me on there, the boys.
I don't want to lose all that, I just...
I don't want to see anything I don't want to see.
SHE INHALES DEEPLY
Are you all right?
Look, um...
..I'm not sure how you're going to feel about this.
I've got some news for you.
What?
I asked if I could be the one to tell you.
SHE GASPS
Who's that?
Is that my mum? What is that?
AMARA SHOUTING UPSTAIRS Amara...
That's Chinar's phone! What's going on?
Calm down. Look, Abhi asked me to do this, OK?
Did you know? No. INDISTINCT ARGUING
I'm out of here!
HEAVY FOOTSTEPS ON STAIRS
DOOR SLAMS
Miriam?
Is everything OK? What happened?
I thought you'd be pleased.
Well, I haven't got one, and I'm still a serving officer.
HE SIGHS What is it?
You... You don't understand. I can't accept it.
You've got no idea. DOOR SLAMS
You were fucking him!
For fuck's sake, Mum! You were shagging Chinar!
No! No, that's not true. You're a liar.
She was having an affair, Dad.
I've seen the photos - you in your swimsuit.
God, it was gross! No, that wasn't... That wasn't what happened.
And I suppose he would've deleted them, but he didn't get a chance to
because he got shot dead because of you! That's enough! Amara!
You know, you two have been through so much.
Oh, God, Dad, don't patronise me, not now!
Look, I came round here to tell your mum that she's going to be
recommended for a commendation from the Chief Constable
for what she did. Oh, great, now she's getting a fucking medal!
She saved lives, Amara!
Just leave it. Yeah, jog on, Dad.
I'm going to leave you two to it.
Jo, this isn't nothing, OK?
JO EXHALES I need a cigarette. Fuck off!
DOOR SLAMS
FOOTSTEPS APPROACH
This better have been good.
Careful, it's a bit damp.
You're such a mum.
Yeah.
Most of the time.
When did it start?
December.
The four of us were in a restaurant together and, um...
..my scarf fell off the back of my chair.
Chinar picked it up and put it back.
That's it? He picked up your scarf?
Yeah.
It was about the attention.
Jason would never even notice something like that.
THEY CHUCKLE
Hey. Hiya.
There you go.
Thanks. That should shut them up.
THEY LAUGH
You look great.
Thanks.
Do you want to...come in?
Um, no. No, I'm, um... I've got to get to the supermarket so...
Right.
Listen, this, um...
This holiday plan,
are you sure it's a good idea?
It's a great idea.
Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I-I love it.
I just want to see the swimsuit.
I don't... Oh, God!
It'll be fun. Let's do it.
Say hi to them for me. Mm-hm.
PHONE CHIMES
SHE CHUCKLES
Mum...
..that's not a reason to be texting someone else.
Amara, we weren't sleeping together, all right?
It was...
It was texts and it was...
It was picture messages.
Whatever it was, it wasn't an affair.
OK?
You really think it doesn't count just cos you weren't fucking him?
Wanting to, Mum - that's having an affair!
AMARA SCOFFS
Miriam knows. She saw the pictures, too.
Abhi got Miriam to do a sweep of his phone.
JO GROANS
God.
SHE SIGHS
JO INHALES DEEPLY
Oh.
KNOCKING ON DOOR
I'll see who it is.
Oh, dear.
SHE SIGHS
DOOR CLOSES
I...
I know I haven't been in touch. I've been...
..meaning to call.
Abhi, I...
I wish I could take it back.
I wish I could take it all back.
I-I wasn't...thinking about you.
I wasn't thinking about anybody, and...
JO BREATHES SHAKILY
And I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
You know, it was... It was just...
It was just flirting.
And stupid texts.
Mm-hm. I'll have to take your word for it, won't I?
JO EXHALES
Is this why we were all on holiday together?
Ah...
How could you be so fucking selfish?
Clearly you didn't think about me. Did you think about the kids?
Abhi, I swear... Oh, I don't want to know.
I don't want to think about it every time I think of him.
He's dead and...
..next to that, what you were or weren't doing is...trivial.
I'm not here to make you feel better about it. No, I know.
I know. I...
I do.
But if I...
If I hadn't chosen that place... Listen to me.
Nobody is responsible for what happened
except the men who chose to do it, do you hear me?
I won't have this stupid hierarchy of blame and suffering.
Did you know there was going to be an attack
when you booked that hotel? No.
Take responsibility for your own actions
and nobody else's.
She's right.
But you two, you were so brave, and no-one's talking about that.
That was a split-second decision. That's not bravery.
I'm brave now, Jo.
I'm brave every morning when I wake up and remember
that I'm the single mother of three young boys.
SHE SIGHS
GUNSHOT SCREAMING
It's the pictures, isn't it?
GUNSHOT They just come
any time, out of the blue, when you're not even thinking about it.
BEN: Well, have a nice time without me.
See you later.
Yeah.
The thing I keep going back to is filling my water bottle
to go to the pool...
..not realising that was the last moment of our lives...
..that was normal.
Yeah, OK. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
I can hear him sometimes with the boys.
THEY CHATTER
Then it's gone.
You want to grab the rails? Right.
Nice and slow, no rush. Yep.
That's it. JASON GROANS
I-If the stairs are too much,
we could move you downstairs just for a...
Oh, God, no, please. ..few weeks. No. Next to the dining table?
No.
Mind you, it would be a talking point for the guests, I suppose.
You know, you...
You're going to have to...
To help me.
I-I won't be able to guess.
I will.
SHE INHALES DEEPLY
I know things haven't...haven't been good between us, but...
But I'm here.
And I'm not... I'm not going anywhere.
I know. And I appreciate that.
Honestly, I do.
I want us...to help each other get through this.
Unless, that is, you're about to tell me that you
fell for one of your nurses.
HE TUTS No. God, no.
She was a right battle-axe!
Mind you, one of the consultants was...
SHE CHUCKLES ..you know.
The attack didn't stop time.
Nothing can, of course.
It always moves forward, relentlessly.
And the only option is to move with it.
However hard that might be.
Ah, Mum, you look great.
Thanks, darling.
Do you want to wait in the car? I'll be out in a minute.
Mum! Mama!
Oh, you look so smart!
Hello. Hello, ma'am. How are you doing? Good.
SHE WHISPERS
Certainly. Thank you, ma'am.
Let us not forget that throughout this appalling incident,
Jo Cross risked not only her own life, but those of her family.
It takes a very special kind of courage
to tackle a determined gunman.
It takes truly exceptional courage to tackle them
while knowing your own family remain at risk.
APPLAUSE
As you've just heard...
..many years ago, I was a police officer.
And I couldn't be more proud...
..to be standing here today...
..with my former colleagues.
SHE EXHALES
HE BREATHES SHAKILY
GUNSHOT
I don't deserve this commendation.
I killed a boy...
..out of fear for...
For my life and my daughter's life.
He may have been about to shoot us both.
But we'll never know because...
Because I killed him.
A boy died.
A lot of people died that day.
Um... SHE INHALES DEEPLY
Our friend Chinar died.
HE INHALES DEEPLY
VOICE BREAKS: Our f...
Our friend Ben.
JO BREATHES SHAKILY
SHE SOBS
SHE INHALES SHAKILY
SHE CLEARS HER THROAT Excuse me.
I'd like to acknowledge just some of the people
who should be getting this commendation alongside me.
Miriam Alderton and Abhi Lasidoshi,
who were so brave and who both lost their husbands that day.
Mateo Rodrigues, who could have escaped at the very beginning,
but stayed to help other people
even though he didn't know if his own wife was safe,
and very nearly died from his injuries.
My husband, Jason.
His bravery doesn't have anything to do with shooting a gun.
It's about getting up in the morning day in and day out.
Like everyone who was traumatised
by this horrific event.
The hotel staff.
The other guests.
There are too many people to count.
SHE SNIFFS So...
Thank you.
Thank you, all. I will accept this
on behalf of those people,
all the people who don't get awards,
but really do deserve them...
..just for living with memories...
..that no-one should have to live with.
SHE SNIFFS
Thank you.
Thank you, ma'am.
APPLAUSE
I tried to turn down the applause,
but that just got me more applause.
Because when people have decided that you're a hero,
it turns out anything you do just makes you more heroic.
BACKGROUND CHATTER
Why is there no applause for the day-to-day stuff, I wonder.
All the stuff we do all the time.
Where's the commendation for that?
CHATTER IN NEXT ROOM
CLOCK TICKS
Here you go. Thanks.
Adam, Gatik, can you bring some plates through, please?
One...
..two...
..three.
SHUTTER CLICKS Done.
Come on, Miriam. Your turn.
Oh, no, um... Amara, she's cold.
No, she's not. Come on.
MIRIAM CLEARS HER THROAT
Hey, come here.
Mm, she's a good hugger, this one.
Thank you, darling.
SHUTTER CLICKS
THEY CHUCKLE
Thanks for coming.
I hear your speech went down a storm.
Yeah, I, um...went off-piste a bit.
Not sure they'll want me back now.
What, you're going back to being a police officer?
Yeah, I think so.
Haven't decided yet.
Sorry.
Time to stop apologising, maybe.
You know the thing I still struggle with?
You were with Ben when he died
and I wasn't.
VOICE BREAKS: It hurts that it wasn't me.
Right, you lot,
plates to everyone first and then hand out the sandwiches.
Is he having a sad day today?
Yeah, darling, he is.
I'll get him some cake.
Well? Hey.
So what's the Chief Constable saying?
She wants me to go in next week for a meeting.
You've wanted to go back for years.
SHE INHALES DEEPLY
Yes.
It's like you said - I've got to do it for the right reasons.
Come here.
Hey. Oh, thank you, darling.
How are you feeling?
Yeah.
Yeah, OK.
THEY CHATTER
THEY TALK IN SPANISH
THEY LAUGH
There's no denying that everything's different now.
There's no such thing as "getting back to normal".
But somehow, you find a way.
And, for me, that means no more excuses.