Can you keep the wallowing down?
Can you keep the homeschooling down?
Justin, if I don't find some environmental super-job,
my parents will find out my entire summer has been a lie,
- and my life is over. - Billie, my life IS over.
I got dumped, I got exiled from my family cottage,
and now my sweet daughter,
who should be going on a chip run
for her unjustly accused bio-pop,
is obsessing over her CV, on her summer vacation.
Well, I just got my boating license
and hunting safety certification.
This could change the game for me.
All right, I didn't want to do this,
but you've left me no choice.
- Who are you texting? - Maisy invited us to dinner,
and we're going. I need snacks,
and you need to chill the fuck out.
But I still have my wayfinding exam!
Well, I hate to pull the "dead dad" card here,
but it is the anniversary of my dad's death,
and Maisy wants to celebrate his life by spreading his ashes.
Where? The outhouse? You hated him.
Yeah, but I didn't hate his favourite foods.
Pigs in a blanket, Nana's bean dip, Dirty Bananas.
- Huh? - It's a delicious rum cocktail
that's gonna take Mama's mind off work.
Okay, well, Mama is underaged and needs a job!
Oh, Maisy can help with that.
She probably knows some, like, obnoxious greenfluencer
who can hook you up.
Fine. I'll go.
- Yeah? - If Maisy can get me a job.
Just wait till you get a Dirty Banana in your mouth.
- Ugh. - Heard it!
Too late to stop it.
Hello!
Why'd you bring those fruit turds?
'Cause you never come to a dinner empty-handed.
Plus, every time I go to Gas 'n Go,
they spit in my slushie. Marcus smokes,
- and I can taste it. - Ew.
Thank you so much for coming.
Dad would've been so happy.
Except for the part where he's dead.
- Oh, baby. - Oh.
I know how hard today is for you.
Uh, um,
we brought dates.
I didn't think today could get any sadder.
Mom, why don't you and Billie sit down and relax,
and Justin and I can finish up in the kitchen?
Perfect. We can arrange the shrine.
- Help me! - I'm sorry.
Mmm, my God.
- Where's Opal and Victor? - In the city.
Opal took Derrick's death really hard.
He wore black for six months.
Oh, hey.
Do you know any environmental CEO types
who'd be willing to hire a student?
'Cause Billie really needs a job.
What happened to tree planting?
Didn't pan out.
I was so caught up with Riley,
I completely missed that she was flailing.
- I can make some calls. - Yeah?
For a favour.
We talking smuggling, fraud, or straight-up extortion?
Get my mom to admit she burnt down the Boathouse.
- Come on, Maisy. - You were right,
there is an arsonist among us. It's my mother.
The quads' footage proves it.
No, I already told you, I am done playing with fire.
The only reason that I even
came over here tonight was to try and get Billie a job.
She stayed on the lake for me...
And got fired on your watch.
So if you want me to help Billie,
help me prove my mom set the fire.
Think about it.
Mom only said that she was dying after you announced the wedding.
Then, she made Jayne get the Boathouse
for the ceremony, then she sneaks in
wearing someone else's shirt
just before the fireworks go off!
All to get the payout from the land sale.
Do you have any proof?
I will with a confession,
and your messy drama queen energy
is our best shot at getting one.
Mimsy does love a spectacle.
The conditions couldn't be more perfect.
It's the anniversary of Dad's death,
and in a low light, you share a passing,
anemic resemblance to Derrick.
With Billie here, my mom might actually feel guilt
for the first time in her life.
Oh, God, I don't know. I don't know, Maisy.
The last time that I did this, Riley left.
Prove that it's arson,
and the board gets the insurance money
and the payout. Riley comes home to a hero.
What's in it for you?
Ammunition to blackmail my mother with.
She hands over the cottage to me
and is out of my life forever.
I feel like I should just float the idea
of family therapy as an option before blackmail.
Think of Billie.
I know DiCaprio's people,
and they work with baby sea turtles.
Fine. I'll do it.
For Billie.
For all the leftovers.
Are you sure you want to eat mayonnaise?
I don't know.
♪ Daytime rider ♪
♪ Ridin' on a lonely trail ♪
♪ Waitin' for the day...
Derrick's been dead for eight years,
and I've had so many more creative lovers since,
but I still do miss him.
I wish you could have met.
Yeah, what was he like?
A lot like Justin. He was always running.
Doctors called it marathon training,
but who needs to put 42 kilometres
between them and their wife?
How's your intern thingy going?
Uh...
I actually decided to stay here and plant trees instead,
- but, um, I was let go. - Oh, yeah.
I've been "let go" heaps of times.
But I always managed to turn it my way
or into a settlement.
If you're short, I could loan you some cash
after I get my cut of the Boathouse sale.
It's not the money. It's my parents.
- If they find out... - Hopefully they're air signs.
Oh.
Job didn't come through?
Not quite yet.
Shall we find out when?
Hi. Dirty Banana to celebrate Daddy Deadest.
Oh, I only drink Angel Tits now,
to give me a taste of what's to come.
What's the day, time, and place of Billie's birth?
You were there.
Yeah, but you weren't keeping her.
I didn't wanna over-invest.
- Have you seen my iPad? - Uh...
I wanna do Billie's birth chart.
Uh, why?
Because she's 50% you,
and I think if I show her that she's starred unluckily,
might take the sting out.
- God, this day, right? - Mm-hmm.
So brutal. Just comes in big ol' waves.
I miss your dad too, hon.
No, it's not that. It's just the...
- Oh, Billie getting fired? - No, it's...
- Riley leaving for good? - No, uh...
That you can't form lasting relationships
'cause you're in love with your own trauma?
- No! It... - Well, then spit it out.
They've been looking into the Boathouse fire,
and the authorities suspect arson,
and all the evidence, Mimsy, it all points to me.
It's crazy. Like, I'm being set up.
Well, your eyes are shifty,
and your posture's very loose.
I didn't do it! I'm innocent.
And, like, I don't know what I'm gonna do.
I can't go to jail, and I can't lose any more time
with Billie, I just got her back into my life.
You won't have to.
- I did it. - You did?
- How was I? Convincing? - Very.
Perfect. Call the authorities!
Wait... I should call the authorities
- because you did it? - Happy to say I did.
Because you did.
That's what I'll tell the fuzz.
So you'll say you did do it,
but you didn't do it, or you did do it, but...
I'm sorry, I'm confused.
Arson is not worth the dermal distress.
But even if I didn't burn down the Boathouse,
I am happy to be your fall gal.
I'll be dead before it gets to trial.
But I do want Opal to note my bravery in his eulogy.
I want Lily James for my biopic.
She was tremendous as Pamela Anderson.
Yeah, maybe we'll just wait for the fuzz to make their move.
You should think about confessing.
Prison would be great for you.
- You'd finally get in shape. - What?
Meet someone.
Do you prefer the top or bottom bunk?
Don't know, depends on what I ate that morning.
Need help with anything?
Can you help bury my mother and bring my son back?
Heh. I'm kidding.
So, uh, how is Killian doing?
He's interning with Hong Kong's Naomi Campbell.
If all goes well, he may end up in Milan
- for Fashion Week. - Wow.
Yeah, no, that's cool. Cool, cool.
Internships are just cool, right?
How many did you beat to get yours
at the National Climate Institute?
Oh, you know, it was just, like...
- nationwide. - Oh.
The runner-up really owes you a gift basket.
I know it seems weird to give up a killer internship
to plant trees, but deforestation is real,
and I wanted to make a difference this summer.
By getting fired?
Well, lucky for you, I have been consulting
for a carbon-neutral swag bag startup,
and they could always use some help. Is that my mom's?
- Yeah, she didn't do it. - Didn't do what?
Billie, could you please give this back to her?
Yeah.
Mom played you. Go. Try again.
No, Maisy, she didn't. Listen for yourself.
That woman is practically an angel.
She was ready to be my fall guy.
So what's Billie gonna do with Leo's sea turtles, anyway?
Is she gonna teach 'em to swim, or teach 'em how to avoid soup?
Nope, no confession means no Leo for Billie,
and no mayonnaise salad for you.
But my dad died today!
Oh, please, you didn't even come back for the funeral.
You didn't send a save the date!
Because it was a funeral, and I ended up
having to do everything myself, like always.
I guess I'm gonna have to get this confession myself.
Oh, lord, Maisy, the woman is dying.
She's literally dying. There is no long con.
Mimsy doesn't have the time or attention span.
Enough with the Nancy Drew.
Sweater sets have frumped you out.
From the guy who spent half the summer
playing CSI: Muskoka to get his boyfriend back.
I was trying to bring the Boathouse back
to make Riley want me back.
Learn from my selfless example,
and stop trying to steal a cottage from a dying woman.
From the guy who tried to steal it from me last summer.
Oh, my God, you are so impossible!
Screw Leo, I'm gonna find Billie a job myself.
- Okay. - I know people!
Take your diabetic raisins and go.
No! I'm not going anywhere.
Billie and I are gonna mourn my dad the right way.
We are gonna eat this mayonnaise salad,
we are gonna drink those dirty-ass bananas,
and we are gonna spread his ashes
in the outhouse where they belong,
and we are gonna have a great time
while we do it!
This is just stimulating.
Explain it to me. Slowly.
Even though Billie's birth chart
puts her Sun in Capricorn, she has to be very careful...
Because I'm a Taurus rising. Right?...
Which is very easy for the bullheadedness
to trigger the impulsiveness.
Yes, but that I get from being an Aries Moon.
Why is that so funny?
Billie is a Capricorn, Aries, and Taurus.
Sea goat. Bull. Ram. You guys, all horns!
She's horny!
Uh, have you been drinking that this whole time?
Mama needed a little pick-me-up.
She's underage, Mom.
Ugh. A Canadian 17 is a European six,
when they introduce drinking to children responsibly.
Mmm, yeah, did you poison that or something?
Poison a drink meant for my mother?
Wait, that does track.
She did spike my coffee with cream last summer
even though she knew I had EBS.
The only poison in that drink is rum.
Nope, not buyin' it. You're gonna have to drink that.
Ugh, fine.
- Happy? - No!
My daughter is dangerously inebriated and all hopped up
on a lethal concoction of caffeine and rum, and we should
probably go detox at home. Billie, come on, let's go.
But it's storming out!
We're stormin' out!
That said, electrocution might solve my problems.
Wait! No. No one is leaving until the storm is over.
Now, let's get the ceremony started.
Tonight's about Derrick,
not your vagina monologues, Justin.
It's been a hard day for all of us.
Why don't we start by each sharing a memory of Dad?
Okay. I'll start.
Oh, no, no, no. You don't have to be strong for us.
Let me carry this burden for you.
Dad died so suddenly,
he never got to clear his conscience.
But I know he would want that for all of us
before it's too late.
Mom, it's no secret you had a wandering heart,
and Dad did too.
I apologize for the many, many, many, many,
many, many summer flings he had at the Boathouse.
I know that's why you burnt it down.
Oh, God! Maisy.
The woman is innocent.
Why is this so hard for you to believe?
I just want her to die with a clear conscience.
I'm a two-timer, too! I kissed two people.
I just can't help my horny energy, okay?
I once made out with an entire cricket team.
- It's all right. Relax. - Okay.
Why do you think I burnt down the Boathouse, Maisykins?
The quads filmed you going back in
just before it caught fire.
Oh. There is no investigation to the fire, is there?
She put me up to it!
She's the one that thinks you burned down the Boathouse
- for a payout. - You were wearing
Claire's plaid, the same plaid as Riley,
because you thought it would protect you
from detection, just like you think
that dying from a mysterious illness
protects you from suspicion.
Fine! You caught me.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
I went back
into the Boathouse...
...to get the Vitamix I gave Justin for his wedding.
That's my Vitamix in the kitchen?
A wedding present for a wedding that didn't happen.
- Almost! - Wait, wait! That's true.
I saw her outside the Boathouse with it.
And a duvet. SodaStream.
- Air fryer. Fondue set... - Enough confessing now, sweets.
Did she put you up to this with her star witch bullshit?
God, Maisy, stop! No! Your mother is a lot of things.
She's a thief, and she's a liar, but she's not magic!
And as much as we all want it to be true,
nobody burned down the Boathouse.
It was an accident. It was a really awful accident.
We all need to stop running from the truth.
We all run.
Oh, my God, I think I'm having an epiphany.
You ran from me when I came out
and I gave Billie up,
and now I run from everyone who loves me
so that they don't have to run from me first!
Oh, my God, that's why I ran from Riley!
I'm so wise!
We need to go to the outhouse. We gotta spread his ashes now.
The only thing that is spreading here is bullshit.
Okay, maybe you didn't burn down the Boathouse,
but you are not sick and dying,
and you have to stop hiding that!
Maisy, as someone who's done the work
to resolve deep parental trauma...
- Twenty seconds ago? - Long enough to know
that you need to release your mom like I released my dad.
Dad stays in the bottle until I get the truth!
Well, the truth is that you bottle everything up.
I do not bottle everything up!
When she was nine, she kept her appendix
from bursting for hours.
Because I was waiting for you to take me
- to the hospital. - I left money for a cab!
Maisy, this is your thing. You just keep everything inside
until one day, it just, pfft, explodes.
Exactly. That's why her appendix burst.
You're blaming me for that?
I'm just saying, you might still have one if you just,
you know, swallowed your pride and let things go.
Swallow my pride? Easy.
I have been swallowing your shit for years.
You wanna see me let go? Bottom's up, bitches!
Dad!
Not your dad.
Did you just eat Grandpa Derrick?
It's Victor's protein powder.
You lied about his ashes?
And about poisoning your drinks.
It's spiked with Mom's kava kava.
- Kava kava? - Kava kava?
Just a mild psychoactive that I use for pain management.
Makes her super chatty.
I thought it would help you get a confession.
Oh, you should've cut it with hash!
I can't believe you poisoned me again.
You? What about me?
You were supposed to get me a job,
and instead I've been drugged.
We all make whoopsies.
Do you know I once casually asked someone
if Maisy slept with Derrick to get the cottage?
And that rumour went crazy.
What?
Oh, that's where that came from.
Well, it looks good.
The outage must be lake-wide.
All right, well, we should probably
- fire up the generator. - No, no.
As soon as they see light, the neighbours will be over
asking to store their weird freezer meat.
- Ew. - Check those boxes
for flashlights. My mom keeps moving everything.
You haven't seen where your mom moved a fondue set
or a duvet cover, did...
yeah, right, we can talk about that later.
Well, I like your style.
Ignoring them. Keeps them hungry.
I can't do it for much longer.
Sure you can.
I once kept Murakami and Johnny Ramone
on tenterhooks for a month with the promise
of a clandestine trip to Majorca.
Yeah, well, they weren't brother and sister.
I can see how that could get icky.
How am I supposed to pick one without hurting the other?
Following your heart can leave casualties.
Good or bad, that's the fun.
What's not fun is living with regret.
Is that why you confessed to starting the rumour about Maisy?
I don't regret that. That taught her how
to rise above the dumb shit people say,
made her a killer.
Made her insane.
She literally planned this whole night
just to get you to confess to a crime
- you didn't even commit. - Mmm.
You, um,
didn't do it, right?
Wish I did.
Just to make her happy.
Oh, I married a boring doctor
and spent every summer on this puddle
instead of touring with The Kinks!
All for her.
What else could she want?
An apology, maybe?
Derrick left the cottage to his stepdaughter
instead of to his wife. She should apologize to me.
He left the cottage to his family.
I think that means you too.
Bovine collagen?
You repping livestock?
It's for Victor's protein powder.
So where did you end up
sprinkling dear old Dad's real embers, huh?
Along his favourite 5K on the lake.
Dad did like to manspread.
Ooh, my wedding present!
Oh, hey, um...
um,
are you okay, by the way?
Your mom's weird rumour thing.
Oh, I should be asking you the same thing.
Me sleeping with Dad to get the cottage
was your favourite victim card.
Well, yeah, but I never believed it.
- I mean, not much. - Yeah, don't worry about me.
I've spent my life cleaning up after Mom's lies.
Well, you know, as someone who's done the work...
- Twenty minutes ago? - ...I know how hard
it can be to let go of our stories.
That's the rum and the kava talking.
We don't judge the great teachers.
Me looking for an arsonist
was just me looking anywhere but myself,
and I'm humble enough to admit...
- High enough. - ...that if I really want
another shot at love,
I'm gonna have to work on myself.
I mean, I blew it with Riley,
but you've still got a shot with your mom.
You're right! I did the work.
That's why I'm so much better than everybody else!
Oh, I think you skipped a step.
I overcame my mother's rumour to become
the Boathouse's longest-serving president.
She only has the power I give her.
It is time for me to take back what is rightfully mine
and become the fucking goddess I am.
And she said "Let there be light!"
I got this for Derrick.
He had the sweat glands of a Bolivian burro!
He never used it. Maybe if he had,
he'd be here now.
- I pass it to you. - Oh.
May it help you see more clearly when you run.
- It's not your best. - Ow, ow, ow!
- Just a little bit, it's... - This was Derrick's.
Use it,
to listen to your heart.
And to Justin's.
Derrick had an arrhythmia.
If his running doesn't get him, his ticker will.
Well, if only the wizard had a heart for you.
Oh! Oh, my, that's in the way.
- How about I move it? - No, no, no, it's fine,
- I got it, I got it. - I can call my clients
at Brown Bag Swag tomorrow about Billie's job.
What about Leo's baby sea turtles?
Actually, I think I'll just enjoy the rest of summer.
But thank you, appreciate it.
Opal hates writing recommendation letters anyway,
so...
Well! I guess we should...
Do you wanna grab that fondue set?
- Mm-hmm. - Thank you so much
for a great night, and for celebrating Dad
the way that he would've wanted:
drunk and resentful.
Good night.
I've gotta clean out the fridge.
Whoreen's gonna be here with a meatloaf from 2011.
I have a present for you too, darling.
Okay.
I'd like to apologize.
For that rumour I started. I'm sorry it hurt you.
But if it spread that fast,
people were probably thinking it.
And I also forgive you for thinking
I burnt down the Boathouse.
I know you're bummed because I'm not leaving
in the back of a squad car.
But now you don't have to waste time on all those people
who thought you slept with my husband.
We can focus on what matters.
Me.
- And you. - There is no "you and me."
There's only you and what you want.
Maybe your little sick act convinced the lake
to get rid of the Boathouse, but I will bring it back.
And I am sick of you always taking what is mine.
If I learned one thing from you...
it's how to win.
And Maisy always fucking wins.
Hmm.
You're sure you're cool with me bailing on the job?
You kidding me? Never been prouder.
Working with Maisy comes with a price.
Usually tax fraud.
What are we gonna tell your parents, though?
Well, they still think I'm working for Parks Canada,
so until one of my job applications
comes through, we stay quiet.
Or else I'll have another set of parents running from me.
You know that you're not the reason
that my dad ran from me, right?
- We ran from each other. - I know.
I mean, you were, what, like, a year older than me?
Physically. Emotionally? Soft 14.
No more running from the people I love
just 'cause I'm scared they'll run from me first.
Unless it's a zombie apocalypse and they've been bit.
- You wouldn't try to amputate? - Rookie mistake.
See? It's what I love about you.
You know when to run, you know when to stand your ground.
Till it bites me in the ass.
We don't judge the great teachers.
- I'm gonna go get the mail. - Sure.
I would never run from you.
Okay, I haven't figured out what
this weird metal ring thing is yet, but I did find all
these colour-coded dippers.
We got little individual containers for all the stuff
that we might wanna dip in chocolate or cheese
or whatever it is you can throw through a fondue machine.
I haven't had one of these since college.
I forget how to use it, but this ring looks really nice.
It's, like, heavy. Oh, God, that pot's massive too!
Think about all the things we could...
♪ Ooh, I fantasize ♪
♪ Every night ♪
♪ Painting that ocean blue ♪
♪ I prophesize you and I ♪
♪ On a mission to the moon and when we get there ♪
♪ It's gonna be so good ♪
♪ Out in our swimwear under the summer sun ♪
♪ Until we burn up I know the world is cooked ♪
♪ If we don't make it back ♪
♪ Then I guess we better go out with a bang ♪
♪ I'm looking like shark bait ♪
♪ I'm not staying out of the waves ♪
♪ I'm looking like shark bait ♪
♪ I'm not staying out of the waves ♪
♪ We can finally float away ♪
♪ Everybody's telling me to stay ♪
♪ Out of the water out of the water ♪
♪ I'm looking like shark bait ♪