1 00:00:02,211 --> 00:00:04,947 - "Batman: The Audio Adventures." 2 00:00:06,349 --> 00:00:09,285 [jazzy music playing] 3 00:00:09,385 --> 00:00:13,956 ♪ ♪ 4 00:00:14,057 --> 00:00:17,393 ♪ When it's just me and you ♪ 5 00:00:17,460 --> 00:00:20,630 ♪ That magic number is two ♪ 6 00:00:20,730 --> 00:00:22,965 ♪ That magic number ♪ 7 00:00:23,066 --> 00:00:26,235 ♪ Is two ♪ 8 00:00:26,302 --> 00:00:27,537 All right! 9 00:00:27,603 --> 00:00:28,471 Hey! 10 00:00:28,571 --> 00:00:30,540 [song ends] 11 00:00:30,606 --> 00:00:32,275 - How 'bout another round, handsome? 12 00:00:32,375 --> 00:00:33,776 Those ice cubes look dry. 13 00:00:33,876 --> 00:00:35,378 Thank you. Thank you. 14 00:00:35,445 --> 00:00:36,946 Yes, you are too kind. 15 00:00:37,046 --> 00:00:40,283 Welcome, molls and dolls, to the Aurora Borealis Room 16 00:00:40,383 --> 00:00:44,821 at Oswald Cobblepot's spectacular Iceberg Lounge. 17 00:00:44,921 --> 00:00:47,490 Oh, we're just getting jumpin' tonight, mm-hmm. 18 00:00:47,590 --> 00:00:49,125 That was "Two is the Magic Number," 19 00:00:49,225 --> 00:00:52,161 and before that, "The Number 2 Second Street Serenade." 20 00:00:52,261 --> 00:00:54,897 So now grab your better half. We're gonna double down 21 00:00:54,964 --> 00:00:56,666 with "Ain't We a Pair." 22 00:00:56,766 --> 00:00:58,901 [light applause] 23 00:00:58,968 --> 00:01:01,003 [jazzy music playing] 24 00:01:01,104 --> 00:01:03,106 ♪ Two of a kind ♪ 25 00:01:03,172 --> 00:01:05,074 ♪ Two in a million ♪ 26 00:01:05,141 --> 00:01:07,009 ♪ Twice can be nice ♪ 27 00:01:07,110 --> 00:01:09,345 ♪ Or double the trouble ♪ 28 00:01:09,445 --> 00:01:11,514 ♪ Ain't we a pair ♪ 29 00:01:11,614 --> 00:01:12,849 Boo! 30 00:01:12,949 --> 00:01:15,084 - Whoo-ee, somebody needs a fresh drink. 31 00:01:15,151 --> 00:01:17,787 - Come on! Play "Three Day Weekend." 32 00:01:17,854 --> 00:01:20,523 - Easy there, sir. We're playing "Ain't We a Pair." 33 00:01:20,623 --> 00:01:22,692 [chuckles] Have a drink and enjoy the show. 34 00:01:22,792 --> 00:01:24,494 - No, I'm sick of it, all right? 35 00:01:24,594 --> 00:01:27,430 All night long, it's "Tea for Two," 36 00:01:27,497 --> 00:01:29,031 "Bicycle Built for Two," 37 00:01:29,132 --> 00:01:32,335 "Doo Bee Doo Makes Two"-- twos all night long! 38 00:01:32,435 --> 00:01:36,706 I got the number two coming out of my rear end here, all right? 39 00:01:36,806 --> 00:01:39,275 Enough with the two! 40 00:01:39,342 --> 00:01:40,543 Play something else! 41 00:01:40,643 --> 00:01:42,979 - Please, sir, we have a set list. 42 00:01:43,045 --> 00:01:44,280 We don't take requests. 43 00:01:44,347 --> 00:01:46,149 - I wanna hear "Three Day Weekend." 44 00:01:46,215 --> 00:01:49,719 - Sir, we have a VIP guest upstairs who insists on a-- 45 00:01:49,819 --> 00:01:52,455 - Oh, really? Oh, thank you so much 46 00:01:52,522 --> 00:01:54,357 for the news flash, Vicki Vale. 47 00:01:54,457 --> 00:01:55,958 You think this whole town doesn't know 48 00:01:56,025 --> 00:01:57,627 who's up in room 222? 49 00:01:57,693 --> 00:01:59,228 You got Two-Face hiding out up there! 50 00:01:59,328 --> 00:02:00,530 [shocked murmuring] Yeah, I said it. 51 00:02:00,630 --> 00:02:02,131 - Sir! - Ah, that's why no one's 52 00:02:02,198 --> 00:02:03,900 seen him lately, all right, 'cause he's cracked. 53 00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:08,037 He's shuffling around in a bathrobe, talking to himself-- 54 00:02:08,137 --> 00:02:10,239 not that you'd notice the difference, am I right? 55 00:02:10,339 --> 00:02:11,741 - [chuckling] - Sir, I'm going to have to-- 56 00:02:11,841 --> 00:02:13,342 - Yeah, what? You're gonna have to what? 57 00:02:13,409 --> 00:02:15,077 You're gonna-- you know who I am? 58 00:02:15,178 --> 00:02:17,346 Do you know who I am? I pay 15% 59 00:02:17,413 --> 00:02:20,349 off the top of my operation to Oswald Cobblepot, 60 00:02:20,416 --> 00:02:24,487 who last I heard, didn't, eh, truck with the funny farm. 61 00:02:24,554 --> 00:02:25,855 - All right? - Yes, of course, 62 00:02:25,922 --> 00:02:27,256 Mr. Miniscule, it's just-- 63 00:02:27,356 --> 00:02:31,060 - Wh--hey, hey. Fats Miniscule expects 64 00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:35,531 a certain, eh, standard to be freakin' upheld! 65 00:02:35,598 --> 00:02:39,769 And that means you keep the Arkham bait locked up 66 00:02:39,869 --> 00:02:42,605 in the rubber room, capisce? 67 00:02:42,705 --> 00:02:45,374 You don't let them give the orders. 68 00:02:45,441 --> 00:02:48,377 All right, and another thing-- [door opens] 69 00:02:48,444 --> 00:02:49,412 [door closes] 70 00:02:49,512 --> 00:02:50,780 [microphone feedback whines] 71 00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:52,081 What? What? [coin clinks] 72 00:02:52,181 --> 00:02:53,249 What's everybody looking at? 73 00:02:53,349 --> 00:02:54,283 [footsteps approaching] 74 00:02:54,383 --> 00:02:55,785 [coin clinks] Oh. 75 00:02:55,885 --> 00:02:57,386 F-f-f-f-f--I-- 76 00:02:57,453 --> 00:02:59,121 - [as Harvey] We're trying to sleep upstairs... 77 00:02:59,222 --> 00:03:01,457 [as the Other] And you're not helping. 78 00:03:01,557 --> 00:03:03,259 - [hushed chatter] - Uh, hey. 79 00:03:03,359 --> 00:03:05,962 Hey, T-t-t-t-- uh--buh--uh, Two-Face, 80 00:03:06,062 --> 00:03:08,598 um, you're looking real, uh-- real-- 81 00:03:08,698 --> 00:03:11,400 - [as Harvey] Easy, easy. You seem nervous, Fats. 82 00:03:11,467 --> 00:03:14,136 [as the Other] Relax. What's the matter? 83 00:03:14,237 --> 00:03:15,871 You heard we been... 84 00:03:15,938 --> 00:03:17,940 [as Harvey] A little erratic lately? 85 00:03:18,040 --> 00:03:19,408 - Hey, you understand, I-- 86 00:03:19,475 --> 00:03:21,978 I was just blowin' off some steam, you know? 87 00:03:22,078 --> 00:03:25,815 - I--I didn't mean-- - [as the Other] We said relax. 88 00:03:25,915 --> 00:03:27,550 [as Harvey] We're not crackin' up, Fats. 89 00:03:27,617 --> 00:03:30,119 You know, we're just maybe a little, uh... 90 00:03:30,219 --> 00:03:32,955 [as the Other] Overworked right now. 91 00:03:33,055 --> 00:03:34,757 [as Harvey] Pour him a double, Gigi. 92 00:03:34,824 --> 00:03:37,159 You see? We're not such a bad guy. 93 00:03:37,260 --> 00:03:39,996 [as the Other] People think we're such a bad guy. 94 00:03:40,096 --> 00:03:41,631 [as Harvey] But we have a devil on one shoulder 95 00:03:41,731 --> 00:03:43,566 and an angel on the other, just like everyone else. 96 00:03:43,633 --> 00:03:45,735 [as the Other] You know, like in the cartoons. 97 00:03:45,801 --> 00:03:48,437 - Argus Studios. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. 98 00:03:48,504 --> 00:03:49,839 - [as Harvey] Angel over this side... 99 00:03:49,939 --> 00:03:51,607 [as the Other] And a devil over here. 100 00:03:51,674 --> 00:03:53,943 Right? On your worst day, it's... 101 00:03:54,010 --> 00:03:55,911 [as Harvey] Still a 50/50 proposition 102 00:03:55,978 --> 00:03:57,179 which shoulder wins. 103 00:03:57,280 --> 00:03:58,281 [as the Other] And this isn't even 104 00:03:58,347 --> 00:03:59,315 your worst day, is it? 105 00:03:59,415 --> 00:04:00,916 - No, no, i-it's not? 106 00:04:00,983 --> 00:04:02,652 No, sure it ain't. 107 00:04:02,752 --> 00:04:04,153 And good news for you, 108 00:04:04,253 --> 00:04:07,657 we listen to our angel all the time. 109 00:04:07,757 --> 00:04:09,492 [as Harvey] But here's the problem, Fats. 110 00:04:09,592 --> 00:04:13,963 The angel on our shoulder has an angel on his shoulder. 111 00:04:14,030 --> 00:04:15,464 You follow? [coin clinks] 112 00:04:15,531 --> 00:04:16,966 - Yeah, yeah, no, I--I-- - I mean, 'cause we can 113 00:04:17,033 --> 00:04:18,134 listen to our angel, 114 00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:19,835 but is our angel listening... 115 00:04:19,935 --> 00:04:21,437 [as the Other] To his angel? 116 00:04:21,504 --> 00:04:23,773 We don't know. See, 'cause the angel has 117 00:04:23,839 --> 00:04:27,109 a devil on the other shoulder. [coin clinks] 118 00:04:27,176 --> 00:04:29,512 [as Harvey] If our angel is listening to his devil, 119 00:04:29,612 --> 00:04:32,381 we might be better off listening to our devil. 120 00:04:32,481 --> 00:04:34,216 [laughing] I mean, he's got an angel, right? 121 00:04:34,317 --> 00:04:35,551 - Uh, I, uh-- [coin clinks] 122 00:04:35,651 --> 00:04:36,886 - [as the Other] 'Cause hear us out, 123 00:04:36,986 --> 00:04:38,521 if the angel has a devil on one shoulder, 124 00:04:38,621 --> 00:04:41,724 who's that devil listening to? His devil? 125 00:04:41,824 --> 00:04:43,459 [as Harvey] I mean, the shoulders are getting 126 00:04:43,526 --> 00:04:44,794 pretty small here, Fats. 127 00:04:44,860 --> 00:04:46,462 [laughing] But we're not done. 128 00:04:46,529 --> 00:04:48,864 That devil has a devil, and that devil has a devil, 129 00:04:48,964 --> 00:04:51,233 and that devil--oops, he listened to his angel, 130 00:04:51,334 --> 00:04:53,469 but that angel listened to his devil, 131 00:04:53,536 --> 00:04:55,705 and who are a devil's better angels anyways? 132 00:04:55,805 --> 00:04:58,007 - Are they good at being bad? - Uh-- 133 00:04:58,074 --> 00:05:00,843 - [as the Other] How many devils on how many shoulders 134 00:05:00,910 --> 00:05:03,079 are we listening to when the angel starts 135 00:05:03,179 --> 00:05:05,214 making with the chin music, Fats? 136 00:05:05,314 --> 00:05:07,416 - I-- - How far back do we have to go 137 00:05:07,516 --> 00:05:11,087 to get advice we can really trust here, Fats? 138 00:05:11,187 --> 00:05:15,324 How many times does the path split, Fats? 139 00:05:15,391 --> 00:05:19,428 [shouting] Do you see why this makes it so hard to sleep? 140 00:05:19,528 --> 00:05:21,897 - Wait, wait, wait, what are you gonna do to me? 141 00:05:21,997 --> 00:05:23,599 - Us? [bones crack] 142 00:05:23,699 --> 00:05:25,267 We ain't doin' nothing. 143 00:05:25,368 --> 00:05:27,036 - We're going back to bed. - [sighs] 144 00:05:27,103 --> 00:05:28,604 - [as Harvey] It is an unseemly hour 145 00:05:28,704 --> 00:05:30,773 for questions of moral relativism. 146 00:05:30,873 --> 00:05:33,109 [as the Other] We're callin' it a night and leaving it 147 00:05:33,209 --> 00:05:36,112 to our angel and our devil to sort it out. 148 00:05:36,212 --> 00:05:38,948 That's what we keep 'em around for. 149 00:05:39,048 --> 00:05:40,249 - Oh, thank God. [door opens] 150 00:05:40,349 --> 00:05:42,852 Oh, and here they are now. 151 00:05:42,918 --> 00:05:44,453 - Evening, boss. - This guy giving you 152 00:05:44,553 --> 00:05:46,255 - trouble, boss? - [as Harvey] Boys, 153 00:05:46,355 --> 00:05:48,090 Fats here wants to know more 154 00:05:48,190 --> 00:05:50,559 about internal moral conflict. 155 00:05:50,626 --> 00:05:52,361 - Wait, wait, wait, wait a minute. Who are these guys? 156 00:05:52,428 --> 00:05:54,263 - Oh, that's our angel and our devil. 157 00:05:54,363 --> 00:05:55,798 [as the Other] We told you we can't trust 158 00:05:55,898 --> 00:05:58,067 the two wise guys on our shoulders. 159 00:05:58,134 --> 00:06:00,703 [as Harvey] So we hired dependable replacements. 160 00:06:00,770 --> 00:06:02,705 - [gulps] - Hey, Bob, be an angel 161 00:06:02,772 --> 00:06:04,273 and leave Fats a few teeth. 162 00:06:04,373 --> 00:06:05,808 - Oh, no. - You got it, boss. 163 00:06:05,908 --> 00:06:08,244 - And Bub, I'm gonna pretend I didn't see 164 00:06:08,310 --> 00:06:10,913 those brass knuckles, you sneaky devil. 165 00:06:10,980 --> 00:06:13,149 - Ohh, no. - What knuckles, boss? 166 00:06:13,249 --> 00:06:16,552 - Piano Man, how 'bout "Two Tickets to Timbuktu"? 167 00:06:16,619 --> 00:06:17,987 [piano playing] Good night all, and we are 168 00:06:18,087 --> 00:06:20,322 so very sorry for the intrusion. 169 00:06:20,423 --> 00:06:22,158 - [over sounds of beating] - ♪ Let's get away ♪ 170 00:06:22,258 --> 00:06:24,660 [the Other singing along] ♪ We'll leave today ♪ 171 00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:26,228 - ♪ I got two tickets ♪ - I'm sorry! 172 00:06:26,295 --> 00:06:27,997 ♪ To Timbuktu ♪ 173 00:06:28,097 --> 00:06:31,000 [the Other scatting] 174 00:06:31,100 --> 00:06:34,236 [beating continues] 175 00:06:35,938 --> 00:06:39,275 - Gotham, a fleshy fruit rotting sweetly 176 00:06:39,341 --> 00:06:41,677 inside a rind of asphalt. 177 00:06:41,777 --> 00:06:43,846 Join us once again for another tale 178 00:06:43,946 --> 00:06:46,682 of life and death in Gotham City. 179 00:06:46,782 --> 00:06:48,417 February 28th, 180 00:06:48,484 --> 00:06:52,321 unable to return to sleep, Harvey Dent instead returns 181 00:06:52,421 --> 00:06:54,690 to the work that has run him so ragged 182 00:06:54,790 --> 00:06:56,292 these last two weeks... [Two-Face muttering] 183 00:06:56,358 --> 00:06:58,928 An avalanche of emergency filings, 184 00:06:58,994 --> 00:07:00,863 petitions, court injunctions, 185 00:07:00,963 --> 00:07:03,999 a Byzantine maze of legal skullduggery. 186 00:07:04,099 --> 00:07:05,267 But to what purpose? 187 00:07:05,334 --> 00:07:06,802 [Two-Face laughing] 188 00:07:06,869 --> 00:07:08,304 The answer is known only 189 00:07:08,370 --> 00:07:10,873 to the addlepated attorney extraordinaire 190 00:07:10,973 --> 00:07:14,210 and his new business partner slash taskmaster, 191 00:07:14,310 --> 00:07:15,878 Oswald Cobblepot. 192 00:07:15,978 --> 00:07:17,880 [Oswald laughing] While Batman and Robin seek 193 00:07:17,980 --> 00:07:20,816 to suppress the steady crescendo of madness 194 00:07:20,883 --> 00:07:22,852 being conducted by the Scarecrow, 195 00:07:22,952 --> 00:07:25,621 the full flower of the Penguin's devious plot 196 00:07:25,688 --> 00:07:29,391 is poised to bloom with noxious effect. 197 00:07:29,492 --> 00:07:32,127 The nerve center of Gotham Police Headquarters 198 00:07:32,194 --> 00:07:34,463 and its familiar odors of aftershave, 199 00:07:34,530 --> 00:07:36,665 burnt coffee, and desperation. 200 00:07:36,732 --> 00:07:38,467 [phones ringing, chatter] On one wall, a map 201 00:07:38,534 --> 00:07:41,837 of Gotham City roughly the size of a subway car. 202 00:07:41,904 --> 00:07:43,405 Each thumbtack represents 203 00:07:43,506 --> 00:07:45,074 - a crisis in progress. - No, no, I need twice 204 00:07:45,174 --> 00:07:46,575 - the amount of men downtown now. - Each pinprick 205 00:07:46,675 --> 00:07:48,911 a conflagration of criminal mayhem. 206 00:07:49,011 --> 00:07:50,679 To say that a badly beleaguered 207 00:07:50,746 --> 00:07:53,415 Commissioner Gordon lacks the necessary resources 208 00:07:53,516 --> 00:07:55,484 to cover the ongoing catastrophe 209 00:07:55,551 --> 00:07:57,353 would be the literal truth. 210 00:07:57,419 --> 00:07:59,154 - What do you mean, we ran out of thumbtacks? 211 00:07:59,221 --> 00:08:01,056 What, in the whole building? 212 00:08:01,156 --> 00:08:03,259 Well, take down your kids' valentines. 213 00:08:03,359 --> 00:08:05,194 [phone slams] Lieutenant, we just got word 214 00:08:05,261 --> 00:08:06,595 that Penguin has completely folded 215 00:08:06,695 --> 00:08:08,264 his protection racket in the Narrows. 216 00:08:08,364 --> 00:08:10,833 Now Two-Face's psychos are taking a bloody chunk 217 00:08:10,900 --> 00:08:13,602 out of every small-timer south of Barr Street. 218 00:08:13,702 --> 00:08:15,204 For every move we can anticipate, 219 00:08:15,271 --> 00:08:17,773 we get something like this Mama Dagmar murder. 220 00:08:17,873 --> 00:08:19,842 All right, listen up. We need to move 221 00:08:19,909 --> 00:08:21,577 while the situation is still fluid. 222 00:08:21,677 --> 00:08:24,346 Penguin and Two-Face combined is a wide-awake nightmare, 223 00:08:24,413 --> 00:08:26,282 and it's just getting warmed up. 224 00:08:26,382 --> 00:08:28,183 But there's chaos while they consolidate, 225 00:08:28,250 --> 00:08:30,352 and we can work with that. Our ace in the hole 226 00:08:30,419 --> 00:08:32,955 is Penguin's illegal dump site in the harbor. 227 00:08:33,055 --> 00:08:35,424 Oswald Cobblepot's whole front operation 228 00:08:35,524 --> 00:08:36,625 is in federal trouble. 229 00:08:36,725 --> 00:08:38,260 That's why he's gone into hiding. 230 00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:40,963 But we have to find him and put the heat to him 231 00:08:41,063 --> 00:08:42,598 before he forms a legal strategy 232 00:08:42,698 --> 00:08:44,266 - with Harvey Dent's help. - Commissioner? 233 00:08:44,366 --> 00:08:46,735 - All right, now, drawing him out isn't gonna be easy. 234 00:08:46,802 --> 00:08:47,903 - Not when we got-- - Commissioner, 235 00:08:47,970 --> 00:08:49,438 someone's here to see you. 236 00:08:49,538 --> 00:08:50,973 - It's a really bad time. All right, I'm trying to-- 237 00:08:51,073 --> 00:08:53,475 It's Oswald Cobblepot. 238 00:08:53,576 --> 00:08:55,477 - Say that again. - He says he wants to give 239 00:08:55,578 --> 00:08:57,880 - a statement on the harbor dump. - He what now? 240 00:08:57,947 --> 00:08:59,982 - He's in interrogation room three. 241 00:09:00,082 --> 00:09:01,417 Damn it, we're too late. 242 00:09:01,483 --> 00:09:02,551 All right, you tell his lawyers that-- 243 00:09:02,618 --> 00:09:04,119 No lawyers, Commissioner. 244 00:09:04,219 --> 00:09:06,388 He waived his right to counsel. 245 00:09:06,455 --> 00:09:07,990 He what now? 246 00:09:08,090 --> 00:09:10,593 - Commissioner Gordon knows Oswald Cobblepot better 247 00:09:10,659 --> 00:09:13,662 than to trust this seeming reversal of fortune. 248 00:09:13,762 --> 00:09:16,799 But on the other hand, when a good cop smells a rat, 249 00:09:16,899 --> 00:09:18,334 he follows his nose. 250 00:09:18,434 --> 00:09:21,403 - Lieutenant, meet me in interrogation room three. 251 00:09:21,470 --> 00:09:22,504 [radio chatter, door opens] 252 00:09:22,605 --> 00:09:23,906 ♪ Mama goonie bird ♪ 253 00:09:23,973 --> 00:09:25,441 ♪ Has many chicks ♪ [door closes] 254 00:09:25,507 --> 00:09:28,677 ♪ Many chicks has mama goonie bird, meh ♪ 255 00:09:28,777 --> 00:09:31,146 - Mr. Cobblepot. - [startled squawking] 256 00:09:31,246 --> 00:09:33,415 Oh, what ho, Commissioner. 257 00:09:33,482 --> 00:09:34,850 You startled me. 258 00:09:34,950 --> 00:09:37,620 I say, you're looking prosperous, old egg. 259 00:09:37,686 --> 00:09:39,288 - We've been looking for you pretty intently 260 00:09:39,355 --> 00:09:40,656 for the last two weeks. 261 00:09:40,756 --> 00:09:42,424 What is it that brings you in here tonight? 262 00:09:42,491 --> 00:09:45,628 - Well, Commissioner, it's my giving nature. 263 00:09:45,694 --> 00:09:49,698 Sometimes I curse my boundless charity. 264 00:09:49,798 --> 00:09:51,200 I've got a present for you, 265 00:09:51,300 --> 00:09:53,836 and I just couldn't wait to see you open it. 266 00:09:53,936 --> 00:09:56,872 - From beneath his chair, the portly provocateur 267 00:09:56,972 --> 00:10:00,142 produces a large and elegantly wrapped parcel. 268 00:10:00,209 --> 00:10:03,112 I hope you don't mind. 269 00:10:03,178 --> 00:10:05,447 - Mr. Cobblepot, have you been drinking tonight? 270 00:10:05,514 --> 00:10:07,516 - Say again? Into the new 271 00:10:07,616 --> 00:10:09,551 hearing aid, old smoke. [high-pitched squealing] 272 00:10:09,652 --> 00:10:12,388 - Are you intoxicated, Mr. Cobblepot? 273 00:10:12,488 --> 00:10:14,723 [laughing] What? 274 00:10:14,823 --> 00:10:18,894 No! Why, I'm dry as salted cod. 275 00:10:18,994 --> 00:10:20,396 And not otherwise impaired? 276 00:10:20,496 --> 00:10:22,231 This is a voluntary statement? 277 00:10:22,331 --> 00:10:25,534 - Aren't you curious what I've brought you, old sport? 278 00:10:25,634 --> 00:10:27,369 - I'm interested in your statement regarding 279 00:10:27,469 --> 00:10:29,905 the illegal dump site you are responsible for. 280 00:10:30,005 --> 00:10:31,974 You are aware you are being recorded, 281 00:10:32,041 --> 00:10:34,143 and this recording will be entered as evidence in-- 282 00:10:34,209 --> 00:10:36,578 Dump site? Dump site? 283 00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:38,547 Why, no nature lover you, 284 00:10:38,647 --> 00:10:40,215 Commissioner, that's quite clear. 285 00:10:40,315 --> 00:10:42,151 - What are you talking about? - Oh, you haven't heard? 286 00:10:42,217 --> 00:10:44,420 Your dump site in the harbor has been declared 287 00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:47,589 a "protected marine habitat." 288 00:10:47,690 --> 00:10:49,658 It's home to a thriving population 289 00:10:49,725 --> 00:10:51,260 of Gotham Bay hagfish. 290 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:53,762 - Thriving? That's an invasive species. 291 00:10:53,862 --> 00:10:55,497 Immigrants, by another name. 292 00:10:55,564 --> 00:10:57,533 And Gotham is such a welcoming place. 293 00:10:57,599 --> 00:10:59,702 At least the right environmental groups have been 294 00:10:59,768 --> 00:11:01,370 encouraged to think so. 295 00:11:01,437 --> 00:11:04,540 You'll find all the paperwork on file at City Hall. 296 00:11:04,606 --> 00:11:06,775 - Already filed? - Yes. 297 00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:11,547 I've recently allied myself with first-rate legal support. 298 00:11:11,613 --> 00:11:13,749 You really don't want to open the gift? 299 00:11:13,849 --> 00:11:17,286 - And is this legal support being provided by Harvey Dent? 300 00:11:17,386 --> 00:11:18,954 - [squawks] Hearing aid, 301 00:11:19,054 --> 00:11:20,456 old boy, speak up. [high-pitched squealing] 302 00:11:20,556 --> 00:11:23,625 - Are you admitting you are working 303 00:11:23,726 --> 00:11:25,894 with the Two-Face criminal syndicate? 304 00:11:25,961 --> 00:11:28,097 - Oh, I'll admit to any old thing you like. 305 00:11:28,197 --> 00:11:29,898 Just open your present, Commissioner. 306 00:11:29,965 --> 00:11:31,900 I just can't stand it. 307 00:11:31,967 --> 00:11:33,635 - And who let you bring a package in here? 308 00:11:33,736 --> 00:11:36,572 - Oh, it's been thoroughly determined to be harmless. 309 00:11:36,638 --> 00:11:38,807 They searched me to my skivvies. 310 00:11:38,907 --> 00:11:41,410 This is a police station after all. 311 00:11:41,477 --> 00:11:43,979 Open it. 312 00:11:44,079 --> 00:11:45,481 [sighs] 313 00:11:45,581 --> 00:11:48,784 [packaging tearing] 314 00:11:48,884 --> 00:11:50,986 I don't know what you're playing at, Mr. Cobblepot, 315 00:11:51,086 --> 00:11:53,756 but you've been made aware of your rights and, uh-- 316 00:11:53,822 --> 00:11:55,090 [cuckoo clock chiming] 317 00:11:55,157 --> 00:11:57,159 Do you like it? 318 00:11:57,259 --> 00:11:58,560 It's a cuckoo clock. 319 00:11:58,627 --> 00:12:01,730 - I can see it's a cuckoo clock, Mr. Cobblepot. 320 00:12:01,797 --> 00:12:03,298 Yeah, but I-I don't know what all this-- 321 00:12:03,398 --> 00:12:05,067 - What, you don't know what this is all about? 322 00:12:05,134 --> 00:12:07,102 Well, then I'll tell you all about 323 00:12:07,169 --> 00:12:09,738 the obstreperous cuckoo bird. 324 00:12:09,805 --> 00:12:13,342 Oh, you'll wish you never gave me the opening, old bean. 325 00:12:13,442 --> 00:12:16,345 [laughs] Birds are a passion of mine, 326 00:12:16,445 --> 00:12:17,746 don't you know? 327 00:12:17,813 --> 00:12:20,449 At any rate, your merry little cuckoo bird, 328 00:12:20,516 --> 00:12:22,751 that selfsame winsome little warbler 329 00:12:22,818 --> 00:12:26,655 that so inspired Handel and Beethoven, well... 330 00:12:26,755 --> 00:12:31,193 [laughing] He's actually a vile 331 00:12:31,293 --> 00:12:36,265 sort of chap known as a brood parasite. 332 00:12:36,331 --> 00:12:38,967 Doesn't that notion chill your blood? 333 00:12:39,034 --> 00:12:41,436 Parasitic birds? Bleh. 334 00:12:41,503 --> 00:12:43,772 Fine feathered fiends? 335 00:12:43,839 --> 00:12:46,642 And indeed, the cuckoo bird is detestably ruthless. 336 00:12:46,708 --> 00:12:49,711 It doesn't build nests. It doesn't feed its offspring. 337 00:12:49,812 --> 00:12:53,515 It deposits its eggs in the nests of other birds, 338 00:12:53,615 --> 00:12:55,717 the ones that are none the wiser. 339 00:12:55,818 --> 00:12:58,020 - Yeah, I know where you're going with this, Mr. Cobblepot. 340 00:12:58,120 --> 00:12:59,354 You think you're clever, don't you? 341 00:12:59,454 --> 00:13:00,856 - And then the little cuckoos hatch, 342 00:13:00,956 --> 00:13:03,025 and the unsuspecting host bird feeds them 343 00:13:03,125 --> 00:13:04,893 like their own. 344 00:13:04,993 --> 00:13:08,297 The GCPD is like a big, cozy nest, 345 00:13:08,363 --> 00:13:09,998 isn't it, Commissioner? 346 00:13:10,065 --> 00:13:13,702 And you're the mama bird, aren't you? 347 00:13:13,802 --> 00:13:16,505 How many cuckoos do you think you're feeding? 348 00:13:16,572 --> 00:13:18,473 - If you're telling me I've got bad cops, 349 00:13:18,540 --> 00:13:20,342 I know I got bad cops. 350 00:13:20,409 --> 00:13:21,677 I know who's on the take, 351 00:13:21,743 --> 00:13:23,312 I just can't prove who's paying 'em. 352 00:13:23,378 --> 00:13:25,681 Are you taking credit for that--on the record? 353 00:13:25,747 --> 00:13:27,416 As I said, old bean, 354 00:13:27,516 --> 00:13:30,185 I'll confess to whatever you like. 355 00:13:30,252 --> 00:13:32,087 How about old Mama Dagmar? 356 00:13:32,187 --> 00:13:34,256 Such a sweet and tender old lady, eh? 357 00:13:34,356 --> 00:13:35,757 Or she was eventually, 358 00:13:35,858 --> 00:13:38,093 but it took more than once through the grinder. 359 00:13:38,193 --> 00:13:40,529 [laughs] But that's Mama D. 360 00:13:40,596 --> 00:13:42,331 She can be tough. 361 00:13:42,397 --> 00:13:45,067 Take my word for it, I had to turn the crank. 362 00:13:45,167 --> 00:13:46,568 - [laughs] - Lieutenant! 363 00:13:46,668 --> 00:13:48,036 Get a booking officer down here. 364 00:13:48,103 --> 00:13:49,271 Oh, would you? 365 00:13:49,371 --> 00:13:51,940 I think O'Malley is on duty tonight. 366 00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:55,043 His smile lights up a room. 367 00:13:55,110 --> 00:13:56,445 [cuckoo clock chimes] 368 00:13:56,545 --> 00:13:58,547 You see, the cuckoo has taken up residence 369 00:13:58,614 --> 00:14:00,682 at the top of the hour, Commissioner. 370 00:14:00,749 --> 00:14:04,119 All the other eggs have been pushed out of the nest. 371 00:14:04,219 --> 00:14:06,889 Nobody here but us cuckoos. 372 00:14:06,955 --> 00:14:08,957 - What are you talking about? I still run this-- 373 00:14:09,057 --> 00:14:11,126 This is a courtesy call, 374 00:14:11,226 --> 00:14:12,861 because believe it or not, 375 00:14:12,928 --> 00:14:14,630 I respect you, Commissioner. 376 00:14:14,730 --> 00:14:16,298 I don't know, I think it's the mustache. 377 00:14:16,398 --> 00:14:19,067 You're under new management, effective immediately. 378 00:14:19,134 --> 00:14:22,104 Harvey Dent has arranged everything. 379 00:14:22,204 --> 00:14:24,473 Expect the announcement shortly. 380 00:14:24,573 --> 00:14:26,241 - [chair scrapes] - Announcement? What annou-- 381 00:14:26,308 --> 00:14:27,709 - Now then, you are going to have 382 00:14:27,776 --> 00:14:29,544 quite a gauntlet to run with the press. 383 00:14:29,611 --> 00:14:31,046 This went very badly. 384 00:14:31,113 --> 00:14:32,481 - Ha! You mind, uh, 385 00:14:32,581 --> 00:14:34,082 lending me that hearing aid, Mr. Cobblepot? 386 00:14:34,149 --> 00:14:35,217 [door opens] I thought you just said-- 387 00:14:35,284 --> 00:14:36,618 [agitated squawking] 388 00:14:36,718 --> 00:14:39,421 I've never been so outraged in my life! 389 00:14:39,488 --> 00:14:42,157 I'm going to have your job for this, Gordon! 390 00:14:42,257 --> 00:14:43,225 - Commissioner. - Where does 391 00:14:43,292 --> 00:14:44,393 he think he's going? 392 00:14:44,459 --> 00:14:45,661 Is that the press outside already? 393 00:14:45,761 --> 00:14:47,062 It's inhumane! 394 00:14:47,129 --> 00:14:50,065 Why, you can't treat a taxpayer like this! 395 00:14:50,132 --> 00:14:51,333 Get out of my way! 396 00:14:51,433 --> 00:14:52,834 You'll be hearing from my lawyer! 397 00:14:52,935 --> 00:14:54,803 - Ay, ay, don't let him walk out of here. 398 00:14:54,903 --> 00:14:56,838 - He just confessed to-- - Sir, we have a problem. 399 00:14:56,939 --> 00:14:59,174 The recording equipment in the interrogation room-- 400 00:14:59,274 --> 00:15:01,076 - Lieutenant, if you gonna tell me that you weren't 401 00:15:01,143 --> 00:15:02,577 - rolling on that-- - We were rolling, 402 00:15:02,644 --> 00:15:04,947 Commissioner, but listen for yourself. 403 00:15:05,013 --> 00:15:07,649 - [staticky recording] - What the? 404 00:15:07,749 --> 00:15:09,651 - There was high frequency disturbance 405 00:15:09,751 --> 00:15:12,921 inside the room with you, some kind of signal jammer. 406 00:15:12,988 --> 00:15:14,957 - Damn it! That wasn't no hearing aid. 407 00:15:15,023 --> 00:15:16,291 Ay, stop Cobblepot! 408 00:15:16,358 --> 00:15:17,993 - Commissioner, we can't detain him. 409 00:15:18,093 --> 00:15:20,362 There's no record of what went on in that room. 410 00:15:20,462 --> 00:15:22,464 It's gonna be our word against his. 411 00:15:22,531 --> 00:15:24,099 [cuckoo clock chimes] 412 00:15:24,166 --> 00:15:26,435 - Lieutenant, get me duty rosters from all precincts. 413 00:15:26,501 --> 00:15:28,036 Pronto! Don't say who's asking. 414 00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:30,605 Restrict O'Malley to desk duty. We were right about him. 415 00:15:30,672 --> 00:15:32,541 And get me on a burner phone to the Batcave. 416 00:15:32,641 --> 00:15:36,478 Penguin is making his move-- right through our front door. 417 00:15:36,545 --> 00:15:40,716 - The last outpost of law and order assailed from within. 418 00:15:40,816 --> 00:15:43,218 And the distance narrows between life 419 00:15:43,318 --> 00:15:46,021 and death in Gotham City. 420 00:15:49,691 --> 00:15:51,460 [bright music plays] 421 00:15:51,526 --> 00:15:52,861 Hey, Gotham teenagers. 422 00:15:52,961 --> 00:15:54,563 What it is? 423 00:15:54,663 --> 00:15:56,898 This Friday night at the Gotham Riverwalk, 424 00:15:56,999 --> 00:15:59,901 enjoy a wholesome evening of positive messaging 425 00:16:00,002 --> 00:16:04,973 and a drug-free environment at the Youth Musical Festival. 426 00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:06,908 - ♪ Give me some affection, baby ♪ 427 00:16:07,009 --> 00:16:08,677 ♪ Yummy, ummy, ummy, yeah, yeah ♪ 428 00:16:08,744 --> 00:16:10,579 ♪ Love is a confection, baby ♪ 429 00:16:10,679 --> 00:16:12,514 ♪ Yummy, ummy, ummy, yeah, yeah ♪ 430 00:16:12,581 --> 00:16:16,084 - Remember, staying off Scarecrow drugs is as simple 431 00:16:16,184 --> 00:16:22,591 as saying G-L-A-R-B-I-M-A-C-T-A-F-I-N, 432 00:16:22,691 --> 00:16:24,926 which spells GLARBIMACTAFIN, 433 00:16:25,027 --> 00:16:28,030 which stands for "Get lost, all right, buster, 434 00:16:28,096 --> 00:16:31,266 I made a choice to abstain from illegal narc--" 435 00:16:31,366 --> 00:16:34,036 - We interrupt this broadcast for a breaking news bulletin 436 00:16:34,102 --> 00:16:35,504 from Gotham City One. 437 00:16:35,570 --> 00:16:38,273 [exciting electronic music plays] 438 00:16:38,373 --> 00:16:41,343 ♪ Gotham City One ♪ 439 00:16:41,410 --> 00:16:42,944 - [cameras flashing] - Good evening, Gotham City. 440 00:16:43,045 --> 00:16:45,447 This is Jack Ryder live on the steps of City Hall 441 00:16:45,547 --> 00:16:47,783 where we have been told to expect a statement shortly 442 00:16:47,883 --> 00:16:51,553 from Oswald Cobblepot, who earlier had this to say. 443 00:16:51,620 --> 00:16:54,356 - It is my sad duty to come forward 444 00:16:54,423 --> 00:16:58,226 as a private citizen to report my ordeal. 445 00:16:58,293 --> 00:17:01,530 No one should have to endure what I just went through 446 00:17:01,596 --> 00:17:04,866 in that interrogation room. 447 00:17:04,933 --> 00:17:08,804 My fellow Gothamites, there is a terrible corruption 448 00:17:08,904 --> 00:17:13,475 at the heart of the Gotham City Police Department. 449 00:17:13,575 --> 00:17:16,411 A fearsome, fetid rot, 450 00:17:16,478 --> 00:17:19,448 and it goes by the name... 451 00:17:19,548 --> 00:17:21,316 Batman. 452 00:17:21,416 --> 00:17:25,253 - Gotham, a glass hammer shattering on impact 453 00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:26,621 with the inevitable. 454 00:17:26,721 --> 00:17:28,890 Join us once again for another tale 455 00:17:28,957 --> 00:17:31,993 of life and death in Gotham City. 456 00:17:33,261 --> 00:17:36,598 In a squalid tenement on Gotham's derelict fringes, 457 00:17:36,665 --> 00:17:41,169 two drug dealers cower in the inky darkness of blind panic. 458 00:17:41,269 --> 00:17:43,171 - Oh, man. It's him! [clattering] 459 00:17:43,271 --> 00:17:44,906 - It's him! - Hey, lock the dang door! 460 00:17:44,973 --> 00:17:47,075 - You dope, he's already inside! 461 00:17:47,142 --> 00:17:50,312 - An old German myth relates that if a bat flies 462 00:17:50,412 --> 00:17:52,681 into your house, the devil is after you. 463 00:17:52,781 --> 00:17:53,915 - Where? - I don't know where. 464 00:17:53,982 --> 00:17:55,250 It's too dark. 465 00:17:55,317 --> 00:17:57,285 - A more recent Gotham City tale has it 466 00:17:57,352 --> 00:18:01,656 that if a bat flies into your illegal narcotics laboratory, 467 00:18:01,756 --> 00:18:04,359 the devil will be the least of your concerns. 468 00:18:04,459 --> 00:18:05,861 - Shoot him, Scud! He's up there. 469 00:18:05,961 --> 00:18:07,129 [cape flutters, gunshots fire] 470 00:18:07,195 --> 00:18:08,663 No, you stupid. He's over there. 471 00:18:08,763 --> 00:18:10,665 - [crashing] - I think I got him. 472 00:18:10,765 --> 00:18:11,967 I think I got him. I think I-- 473 00:18:12,033 --> 00:18:13,535 [gunshots fire] 474 00:18:13,635 --> 00:18:14,970 - Did you get him? - Yep. 475 00:18:15,036 --> 00:18:16,204 - I got him. - You sure? 476 00:18:16,304 --> 00:18:18,140 I'm totally sure. I got him. 477 00:18:18,206 --> 00:18:20,475 I absolutely got him... 478 00:18:20,542 --> 00:18:21,443 I think. 479 00:18:21,510 --> 00:18:22,777 - You didn't. - Aah! 480 00:18:22,844 --> 00:18:23,712 [punches landing] 481 00:18:23,812 --> 00:18:25,780 [crashing, beating] 482 00:18:25,847 --> 00:18:28,783 [yelling, grunting] 483 00:18:28,850 --> 00:18:31,286 - Case journal: successful raid of the narcotics 484 00:18:31,353 --> 00:18:33,788 manufacture site operated by the narcoterrorist 485 00:18:33,855 --> 00:18:35,323 known as the Scarecrow. 486 00:18:35,390 --> 00:18:38,393 Civilian identity remains unknown. 487 00:18:38,493 --> 00:18:40,462 In his criminal persona, he styles himself 488 00:18:40,529 --> 00:18:43,231 as the Master of Fear, a reputation he maintains 489 00:18:43,331 --> 00:18:46,234 by the sadistic application of psychoactive chemistry. 490 00:18:46,334 --> 00:18:49,704 His Scarecrow drugs make the addicts crave his horror. 491 00:18:49,804 --> 00:18:51,239 - [cape flutters] - [groans] 492 00:18:51,339 --> 00:18:54,042 - I recognize his goons, a couple of dead-enders 493 00:18:54,142 --> 00:18:57,712 from a west side motorcycle gang called Dem Bones. 494 00:18:57,812 --> 00:18:59,181 Ride or die types. 495 00:18:59,247 --> 00:19:03,218 So why were there no motorcycles parked outside? 496 00:19:03,318 --> 00:19:05,854 The narcotics lab is a high yield operation. 497 00:19:05,921 --> 00:19:09,558 Custom equipment optimized for an unknown purpose. 498 00:19:09,658 --> 00:19:11,660 He's making something new. 499 00:19:11,726 --> 00:19:13,395 But why is he making it up here? 500 00:19:13,495 --> 00:19:15,497 There's no street trade in this district. 501 00:19:15,564 --> 00:19:17,699 Why is he assuming voluntary risk 502 00:19:17,766 --> 00:19:20,335 to move his product downtown? 503 00:19:20,402 --> 00:19:23,104 Or is he moving the addicts uptown? 504 00:19:23,205 --> 00:19:25,073 Bikers with no motorcycles. 505 00:19:25,173 --> 00:19:27,275 Drug dens with no drug addicts. 506 00:19:27,375 --> 00:19:28,944 Whoever the Scarecrow is, 507 00:19:29,044 --> 00:19:31,279 there's a structure to his eccentricity. 508 00:19:31,379 --> 00:19:33,949 Elective inefficiencies indicate an urgent need 509 00:19:34,049 --> 00:19:36,418 to work around a larger problem. 510 00:19:36,518 --> 00:19:38,787 For all the terror of his criminal persona, 511 00:19:38,887 --> 00:19:42,257 this is a man who shows every sign of being motivated-- 512 00:19:42,357 --> 00:19:43,358 by fear. 513 00:19:43,425 --> 00:19:45,026 But a fear of what? 514 00:19:45,093 --> 00:19:47,562 What frightens a nightmare? 515 00:19:47,629 --> 00:19:49,564 - Batman to Batcave. - Robin here. 516 00:19:49,631 --> 00:19:50,799 I've swept the site. 517 00:19:50,899 --> 00:19:52,100 No sign of the Scarecrow. 518 00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:53,468 I'm returning to the cave to deal 519 00:19:53,568 --> 00:19:55,270 with Commissioner Gordon's concerns. 520 00:19:55,370 --> 00:19:57,572 Has the Penguin begun his press conference? 521 00:19:57,639 --> 00:19:59,874 - He just started. You're gonna want to hear this. 522 00:19:59,941 --> 00:20:01,376 Patch it through. 523 00:20:01,443 --> 00:20:03,912 - And no sooner had I presented myself 524 00:20:03,979 --> 00:20:07,482 voluntarily and in full cooperation with my civic duty 525 00:20:07,582 --> 00:20:12,554 than I was locked in a room to be viciously intimidated 526 00:20:12,621 --> 00:20:14,789 by the so-called Batman. 527 00:20:14,889 --> 00:20:16,491 - [audience clamoring] - Listen to him lie. 528 00:20:16,591 --> 00:20:18,827 - The truth of what he says is irrelevant, Robin. 529 00:20:18,927 --> 00:20:21,162 It's not possible to disprove his story. 530 00:20:21,263 --> 00:20:22,664 But what's his angle here? 531 00:20:22,764 --> 00:20:25,066 - This is the sorry state of police work 532 00:20:25,133 --> 00:20:26,801 in Gotham City? [chuckles] 533 00:20:26,901 --> 00:20:29,771 Is Gordon running a law enforcement organization 534 00:20:29,838 --> 00:20:31,940 or a Hallow's Eve spook house? 535 00:20:32,007 --> 00:20:33,508 I say this is what happens 536 00:20:33,608 --> 00:20:35,777 when we let the police police the police-- 537 00:20:35,844 --> 00:20:37,312 this and worse! 538 00:20:37,412 --> 00:20:40,749 It's long past time that the GCPD was subject 539 00:20:40,815 --> 00:20:43,318 to civilian oversight. 540 00:20:43,418 --> 00:20:45,520 - Of course. I should have seen this coming. 541 00:20:45,620 --> 00:20:48,356 - Civilian oversight? What's he talking about? 542 00:20:48,456 --> 00:20:50,992 - Per the provisions laid out in the city charter, 543 00:20:51,092 --> 00:20:53,695 I have filed an injunction for the immediate establishment 544 00:20:53,795 --> 00:20:56,831 of a civilian review board of all police operations. 545 00:20:56,931 --> 00:20:58,800 - He can't make that happen, can he? 546 00:20:58,867 --> 00:20:59,768 He can't. 547 00:20:59,834 --> 00:21:01,202 But Harvey Dent can. 548 00:21:01,303 --> 00:21:03,538 This is the endgame of their partnership. 549 00:21:03,638 --> 00:21:05,140 They're formalizing the systematic 550 00:21:05,206 --> 00:21:06,708 corruption of the police force. 551 00:21:06,808 --> 00:21:09,210 - Beginning at midnight tonight, 552 00:21:09,311 --> 00:21:13,181 the current police command as well as the rank and file 553 00:21:13,281 --> 00:21:15,550 will answer directly to the head 554 00:21:15,650 --> 00:21:18,687 of the new Civilian Review Board, 555 00:21:18,787 --> 00:21:20,955 a post to which, given the circumstance, 556 00:21:21,022 --> 00:21:22,891 I nominate myself. 557 00:21:22,991 --> 00:21:25,060 - Holy chain of command, Batman. 558 00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:26,494 He can't be serious. 559 00:21:26,561 --> 00:21:28,697 - He is. The Penguin and Two-Face 560 00:21:28,797 --> 00:21:31,633 are taking over the GCPD in broad daylight. 561 00:21:31,700 --> 00:21:33,835 - And it's going to work. - How do you know? 562 00:21:33,902 --> 00:21:35,704 Because it was my idea. 563 00:21:35,804 --> 00:21:38,306 - Your idea? - I see it as nothing less 564 00:21:38,373 --> 00:21:39,841 than my civic obligation... 565 00:21:39,908 --> 00:21:42,410 - Before Batman decided to join the police force, 566 00:21:42,510 --> 00:21:45,046 I had settled on a plan to reign in growing corruption 567 00:21:45,146 --> 00:21:48,316 by making Bruce Wayne civilian commissioner of police. 568 00:21:48,383 --> 00:21:51,219 District Attorney Harvey Dent had it all worked out. 569 00:21:51,319 --> 00:21:53,254 Then he had his accident. [Penguin laughing] 570 00:21:53,355 --> 00:21:56,157 It seems Two-Face has taken the plan off the shelf 571 00:21:56,224 --> 00:21:57,992 with Penguin in the starring role. 572 00:21:58,059 --> 00:21:59,728 But what's his play, Batman? 573 00:21:59,828 --> 00:22:01,696 How does he get the public behind him? 574 00:22:01,763 --> 00:22:03,531 This town loves Commissioner Gordon. 575 00:22:03,598 --> 00:22:06,234 - And to give you an idea of what you can expect from, 576 00:22:06,334 --> 00:22:09,104 well, a Commissioner Cobblepot, 577 00:22:09,204 --> 00:22:12,607 I'm going to do what the GCPD hasn't done, 578 00:22:12,707 --> 00:22:15,276 what Commissioner Gordon won't do, 579 00:22:15,377 --> 00:22:20,382 and what the Batman has repeatedly failed to do. 580 00:22:20,448 --> 00:22:22,717 Put your trust in me, 581 00:22:22,784 --> 00:22:25,954 and I will finally bring in... 582 00:22:26,054 --> 00:22:27,355 the Joker. 583 00:22:27,422 --> 00:22:28,790 Wait, what did he say? 584 00:22:28,890 --> 00:22:31,092 - Get Gordon on the line. We knew the consolidation 585 00:22:31,192 --> 00:22:33,962 of the two biggest criminal syndicates would bring chaos, 586 00:22:34,062 --> 00:22:37,399 but this is chaos torn to pieces by wild animals. 587 00:22:37,465 --> 00:22:41,469 The Penguin and Two-Face have just declared war on the Joker. 588 00:22:41,569 --> 00:22:44,105 - Yes, the Penguin and Two-Face have climbed 589 00:22:44,205 --> 00:22:46,741 behind the wheel of a nitro-burning nightmare 590 00:22:46,808 --> 00:22:49,277 for a citywide demolition derby. 591 00:22:49,377 --> 00:22:53,047 Join us next time as we rev the engines and pop the clutch 592 00:22:53,114 --> 00:22:55,884 for the inevitable high-octane head-on collision 593 00:22:55,950 --> 00:22:59,821 between life and death in Gotham City. 594 00:23:02,957 --> 00:23:05,326 - [sighs] [TV turns on] 595 00:23:05,427 --> 00:23:07,996 - [high-pitched ringing] - The Harlequin is coming soon 596 00:23:08,096 --> 00:23:09,831 to Gotham City. 597 00:23:09,931 --> 00:23:11,833 The Harlequin is coming soon-- 598 00:23:11,933 --> 00:23:14,002 - In baseball news, the streak continues 599 00:23:14,102 --> 00:23:16,070 for the mighty Swat Fleishacker 600 00:23:16,137 --> 00:23:18,173 and the Gotham Gaslamps-- 601 00:23:18,273 --> 00:23:21,676 - Basil Karlo, horror classic, in a newly remastered-- 602 00:23:21,776 --> 00:23:24,846 - ♪ Whoa, hey, diddle, diddle ♪ 603 00:23:24,946 --> 00:23:26,681 ♪ There's a crack in the fiddle ♪ 604 00:23:26,781 --> 00:23:30,752 ♪ So the count won't cover the tune ♪ 605 00:23:30,819 --> 00:23:31,753 ♪ 'Cause-- ♪ 606 00:23:31,820 --> 00:23:33,288 [movie projector whirs] 607 00:23:33,354 --> 00:23:35,990 - From Hollywood's legendary Argus Studios... 608 00:23:36,090 --> 00:23:38,526 [gunshot, scream] 609 00:23:38,626 --> 00:23:40,695 Who knows what evil dwells 610 00:23:40,795 --> 00:23:43,198 in the heart of the dark of the city? 611 00:23:43,298 --> 00:23:45,133 One lone defender of the night... 612 00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:46,835 I am justice. 613 00:23:46,935 --> 00:23:49,871 - Look! In the shadows, on the rooftops... 614 00:23:49,971 --> 00:23:51,673 I am vengeance. 615 00:23:51,773 --> 00:23:53,508 - It's a specter. It's a shade. 616 00:23:53,608 --> 00:23:55,310 It's-- [comedy sound effects] 617 00:23:55,376 --> 00:23:57,045 Oh! Ack! Ack! Sorry! 618 00:23:57,145 --> 00:23:59,447 Sorry, I'm okay, everyone. [laughing] I'm okay. 619 00:23:59,514 --> 00:24:01,483 It's just really dark out here. 620 00:24:01,549 --> 00:24:03,051 - It's Bat-Mite! 621 00:24:03,151 --> 00:24:05,220 Mysterious miniature masked marauder 622 00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:06,888 of Gotsumgum City. [comedy impact] 623 00:24:06,988 --> 00:24:08,556 - Ow! Okay, okay, ow. [canned laughter] 624 00:24:08,656 --> 00:24:10,325 No, I'm not as okay as I thought I was. 625 00:24:10,391 --> 00:24:12,560 - He fights a never-ending battle for... 626 00:24:12,660 --> 00:24:15,063 - Oh! Nope. Not tonight, I don't. 627 00:24:15,163 --> 00:24:17,065 Moving around is agony. 628 00:24:17,165 --> 00:24:18,533 Does anyone see my wallet? 629 00:24:18,633 --> 00:24:19,901 I think I dropped my-- 630 00:24:20,001 --> 00:24:22,737 it's a brown wallet. I can't find it. 631 00:24:22,837 --> 00:24:25,907 - ♪ He's Bat-Mite, the dim knight ♪ 632 00:24:26,007 --> 00:24:29,077 ♪ He's the world's greatest defective ♪ 633 00:24:29,177 --> 00:24:32,213 ♪ He's out on the prowl in his cape and his cowl ♪ 634 00:24:32,313 --> 00:24:34,649 ♪ So you evildoers best beware ♪ 635 00:24:34,716 --> 00:24:37,719 - Argus Studios presents the manic antics of Bat-Mite. 636 00:24:37,819 --> 00:24:39,587 - Yuh-oh! - The brand-new cartoon comedy 637 00:24:39,687 --> 00:24:41,589 taking Gotham City by storm. Short features 638 00:24:41,689 --> 00:24:43,258 showing exclusively at the Monarch Theater. 639 00:24:43,358 --> 00:24:45,260 And don't miss daily comic strip appearances 640 00:24:45,360 --> 00:24:46,928 - in the "Gotham Gazette." - Eh, yuh-oh! 641 00:24:47,028 --> 00:24:48,763 - Bat-Mite is a work of fiction; similarities 642 00:24:48,863 --> 00:24:50,665 or endorsement to any actual persons known or unknown 643 00:24:50,732 --> 00:24:52,734 should not be implied; Argus Studios does not condone 644 00:24:52,834 --> 00:24:54,769 extralegal vigilante activity of the sort lampooned herein. 645 00:24:54,869 --> 00:24:57,338 - ♪ He's out on the prowl in his cape and his cowl ♪ 646 00:24:57,405 --> 00:25:00,174 - Ow! Okay, now my shoulder's dislocated. 647 00:25:00,241 --> 00:25:02,944 - I hate that. - ♪ So evildoers best beware ♪ 648 00:25:03,044 --> 00:25:06,414 - Someone, please, I-I need help getting into a taxi. 649 00:25:06,514 --> 00:25:08,182 [high-pitched ringing] Anyone? 650 00:25:08,249 --> 00:25:14,589 [laughing] 651 00:25:15,924 --> 00:25:17,926 To be continued. 652 00:25:18,026 --> 00:25:19,294 [noir music] 653 00:25:19,394 --> 00:25:21,696 "Batman: The Audio Adventures," 654 00:25:21,763 --> 00:25:24,699 written and directed by Dennis McNicholas. 655 00:25:24,766 --> 00:25:28,102 Batman created by Bob Kane with Bill Finger 656 00:25:28,202 --> 00:25:30,405 based on characters from DC. 657 00:25:30,471 --> 00:25:33,308 With performances by Jeffrey Wright, 658 00:25:33,408 --> 00:25:34,943 Aristotle Athari, 659 00:25:35,043 --> 00:25:36,444 Ike Barinholtz, 660 00:25:36,544 --> 00:25:37,979 Rosario Dawson, 661 00:25:38,079 --> 00:25:39,314 Steve Higgins, 662 00:25:39,414 --> 00:25:40,582 Toby Huss, 663 00:25:40,648 --> 00:25:41,983 Gillian Jacobs, 664 00:25:42,083 --> 00:25:43,418 John Leguizamo, 665 00:25:43,484 --> 00:25:44,919 Dennis McNicholas, 666 00:25:44,986 --> 00:25:46,154 Tim Meadows, 667 00:25:46,254 --> 00:25:47,622 Seth Meyers, 668 00:25:47,722 --> 00:25:48,957 Bobby Moynihan, 669 00:25:49,057 --> 00:25:50,258 Chris Parnell, 670 00:25:50,325 --> 00:25:51,459 Katie Rich, 671 00:25:51,559 --> 00:25:52,760 Ben Rodgers, 672 00:25:52,827 --> 00:25:53,995 Paul Scheer, 673 00:25:54,095 --> 00:25:55,430 Pete Schultz, 674 00:25:55,496 --> 00:25:56,831 Brooke Shields, 675 00:25:56,931 --> 00:25:58,099 Brent Spiner, 676 00:25:58,166 --> 00:25:59,434 Kenan Thompson, 677 00:25:59,500 --> 00:26:00,635 Alan Tudyk, 678 00:26:00,735 --> 00:26:01,970 Bradley Whitford, 679 00:26:02,070 --> 00:26:03,905 Melissa Villaseñor, 680 00:26:03,972 --> 00:26:05,340 Eli Brueggemann, 681 00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:06,674 Doug Bossi, 682 00:26:06,774 --> 00:26:08,176 Ranjani Brow, 683 00:26:08,276 --> 00:26:09,510 Chris Gibney, 684 00:26:09,611 --> 00:26:10,778 Julie Larson, 685 00:26:10,845 --> 00:26:12,013 Erica Phillips, 686 00:26:12,113 --> 00:26:13,348 Rosie Phillips, 687 00:26:13,448 --> 00:26:14,682 Tony Phillips, 688 00:26:14,782 --> 00:26:16,017 Zoey Phillips, 689 00:26:16,117 --> 00:26:17,352 Deirdre Quinn, 690 00:26:17,452 --> 00:26:18,786 Robbie Wyckoff. 691 00:26:18,853 --> 00:26:21,356 Executive producers Jon Berg, 692 00:26:21,456 --> 00:26:22,790 Angela Petrella. 693 00:26:22,857 --> 00:26:25,126 Produced by Dennis McNicholas. 694 00:26:25,193 --> 00:26:27,495 Executives in charge of production 695 00:26:27,595 --> 00:26:29,030 Shaleen Desai, 696 00:26:29,130 --> 00:26:30,298 Peter Girardi. 697 00:26:30,365 --> 00:26:32,100 Producer Tyler Dorson. 698 00:26:32,166 --> 00:26:34,869 Production services by Cast Media. 699 00:26:34,969 --> 00:26:36,638 Producer Colin Thompson. 700 00:26:36,704 --> 00:26:39,374 Coordinating producer DJ LaBelle. 701 00:26:39,474 --> 00:26:41,476 Music by Doug Bossi. 702 00:26:41,542 --> 00:26:45,380 Sound recording, design, and mixing by Big Yellow Duck. 703 00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:47,949 Sound design, mixing, dialogue editing, 704 00:26:48,016 --> 00:26:50,685 and rerecording mixing by Chris Gibney. 705 00:26:50,785 --> 00:26:53,187 Dialogue editing and additional postproduction 706 00:26:53,287 --> 00:26:54,789 by Julie Larson. 707 00:26:54,856 --> 00:26:57,959 Original songs by Doug Bossi and Tony Phillips. 708 00:26:58,026 --> 00:26:59,827 The characters and events depicted 709 00:26:59,894 --> 00:27:01,629 in this podcast are fictional. 710 00:27:01,696 --> 00:27:05,299 Any similarity to any actual person, living or dead, 711 00:27:05,366 --> 00:27:08,369 or to any actual events, firms, places, 712 00:27:08,469 --> 00:27:10,571 and institutions or other entities 713 00:27:10,672 --> 00:27:12,874 is coincidental and unintentional. 714 00:27:12,974 --> 00:27:15,076 This podcast is protected under the laws 715 00:27:15,176 --> 00:27:17,245 of the United States and other countries, 716 00:27:17,345 --> 00:27:20,048 and it's unauthorized duplication, distribution, 717 00:27:20,148 --> 00:27:22,984 or exhibition may result in civil liability 718 00:27:23,051 --> 00:27:24,752 and criminal prosecution. 719 00:27:24,852 --> 00:27:27,755 Country of first publication United States of America. 720 00:27:27,855 --> 00:27:29,691 "Batman: The Audio Adventures," 721 00:27:29,757 --> 00:27:33,261 copyright 2022 Warner Brothers Entertainment Incorporated. 722 00:27:33,361 --> 00:27:35,830 Batman and all related characters and elements 723 00:27:35,897 --> 00:27:38,433 are trademark and copyright DC. 724 00:27:38,533 --> 00:27:40,168 All rights reserved. 725 00:27:40,234 --> 00:27:44,772 ♪ ♪