1
00:00:02,211 --> 00:00:04,947
- "Batman:
The Audio Adventures."
2
00:00:06,349 --> 00:00:09,285
[jazzy music playing]
3
00:00:09,385 --> 00:00:13,956
♪ ♪
4
00:00:14,057 --> 00:00:17,393
♪ When it's just me and you ♪
5
00:00:17,460 --> 00:00:20,630
♪ That magic number is two ♪
6
00:00:20,730 --> 00:00:22,965
♪ That magic number ♪
7
00:00:23,066 --> 00:00:26,235
♪ Is two ♪
8
00:00:26,302 --> 00:00:27,537
All right!
9
00:00:27,603 --> 00:00:28,471
Hey!
10
00:00:28,571 --> 00:00:30,540
[song ends]
11
00:00:30,606 --> 00:00:32,275
- How 'bout another round,
handsome?
12
00:00:32,375 --> 00:00:33,776
Those ice cubes look dry.
13
00:00:33,876 --> 00:00:35,378
Thank you. Thank you.
14
00:00:35,445 --> 00:00:36,946
Yes, you are too kind.
15
00:00:37,046 --> 00:00:40,283
Welcome, molls and dolls,
to the Aurora Borealis Room
16
00:00:40,383 --> 00:00:44,821
at Oswald Cobblepot's
spectacular Iceberg Lounge.
17
00:00:44,921 --> 00:00:47,490
Oh, we're just getting jumpin'
tonight, mm-hmm.
18
00:00:47,590 --> 00:00:49,125
That was
"Two is the Magic Number,"
19
00:00:49,225 --> 00:00:52,161
and before that, "The Number 2
Second Street Serenade."
20
00:00:52,261 --> 00:00:54,897
So now grab your better half.
We're gonna double down
21
00:00:54,964 --> 00:00:56,666
with "Ain't We a Pair."
22
00:00:56,766 --> 00:00:58,901
[light applause]
23
00:00:58,968 --> 00:01:01,003
[jazzy music playing]
24
00:01:01,104 --> 00:01:03,106
♪ Two of a kind ♪
25
00:01:03,172 --> 00:01:05,074
♪ Two in a million ♪
26
00:01:05,141 --> 00:01:07,009
♪ Twice can be nice ♪
27
00:01:07,110 --> 00:01:09,345
♪ Or double the trouble ♪
28
00:01:09,445 --> 00:01:11,514
♪ Ain't we a pair ♪
29
00:01:11,614 --> 00:01:12,849
Boo!
30
00:01:12,949 --> 00:01:15,084
- Whoo-ee, somebody needs
a fresh drink.
31
00:01:15,151 --> 00:01:17,787
- Come on!
Play "Three Day Weekend."
32
00:01:17,854 --> 00:01:20,523
- Easy there, sir. We're
playing "Ain't We a Pair."
33
00:01:20,623 --> 00:01:22,692
[chuckles] Have a drink
and enjoy the show.
34
00:01:22,792 --> 00:01:24,494
- No, I'm sick of it,
all right?
35
00:01:24,594 --> 00:01:27,430
All night long,
it's "Tea for Two,"
36
00:01:27,497 --> 00:01:29,031
"Bicycle Built for Two,"
37
00:01:29,132 --> 00:01:32,335
"Doo Bee Doo Makes Two"--
twos all night long!
38
00:01:32,435 --> 00:01:36,706
I got the number two coming out
of my rear end here, all right?
39
00:01:36,806 --> 00:01:39,275
Enough with the two!
40
00:01:39,342 --> 00:01:40,543
Play something else!
41
00:01:40,643 --> 00:01:42,979
- Please, sir,
we have a set list.
42
00:01:43,045 --> 00:01:44,280
We don't take requests.
43
00:01:44,347 --> 00:01:46,149
- I wanna hear
"Three Day Weekend."
44
00:01:46,215 --> 00:01:49,719
- Sir, we have a VIP guest
upstairs who insists on a--
45
00:01:49,819 --> 00:01:52,455
- Oh, really?
Oh, thank you so much
46
00:01:52,522 --> 00:01:54,357
for the news flash, Vicki Vale.
47
00:01:54,457 --> 00:01:55,958
You think this whole
town doesn't know
48
00:01:56,025 --> 00:01:57,627
who's up in room 222?
49
00:01:57,693 --> 00:01:59,228
You got Two-Face
hiding out up there!
50
00:01:59,328 --> 00:02:00,530
[shocked murmuring]
Yeah, I said it.
51
00:02:00,630 --> 00:02:02,131
- Sir!
- Ah, that's why no one's
52
00:02:02,198 --> 00:02:03,900
seen him lately, all right,
'cause he's cracked.
53
00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:08,037
He's shuffling around in a
bathrobe, talking to himself--
54
00:02:08,137 --> 00:02:10,239
not that you'd notice
the difference, am I right?
55
00:02:10,339 --> 00:02:11,741
- [chuckling]
- Sir, I'm going to have to--
56
00:02:11,841 --> 00:02:13,342
- Yeah, what?
You're gonna have to what?
57
00:02:13,409 --> 00:02:15,077
You're gonna--
you know who I am?
58
00:02:15,178 --> 00:02:17,346
Do you know who I am?
I pay 15%
59
00:02:17,413 --> 00:02:20,349
off the top of my operation
to Oswald Cobblepot,
60
00:02:20,416 --> 00:02:24,487
who last I heard, didn't, eh,
truck with the funny farm.
61
00:02:24,554 --> 00:02:25,855
- All right?
- Yes, of course,
62
00:02:25,922 --> 00:02:27,256
Mr. Miniscule, it's just--
63
00:02:27,356 --> 00:02:31,060
- Wh--hey, hey.
Fats Miniscule expects
64
00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:35,531
a certain, eh,
standard to be freakin' upheld!
65
00:02:35,598 --> 00:02:39,769
And that means you keep
the Arkham bait locked up
66
00:02:39,869 --> 00:02:42,605
in the rubber room, capisce?
67
00:02:42,705 --> 00:02:45,374
You don't let them
give the orders.
68
00:02:45,441 --> 00:02:48,377
All right, and another thing--
[door opens]
69
00:02:48,444 --> 00:02:49,412
[door closes]
70
00:02:49,512 --> 00:02:50,780
[microphone feedback whines]
71
00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:52,081
What? What?
[coin clinks]
72
00:02:52,181 --> 00:02:53,249
What's everybody looking at?
73
00:02:53,349 --> 00:02:54,283
[footsteps approaching]
74
00:02:54,383 --> 00:02:55,785
[coin clinks]
Oh.
75
00:02:55,885 --> 00:02:57,386
F-f-f-f-f--I--
76
00:02:57,453 --> 00:02:59,121
- [as Harvey] We're trying
to sleep upstairs...
77
00:02:59,222 --> 00:03:01,457
[as the Other]
And you're not helping.
78
00:03:01,557 --> 00:03:03,259
- [hushed chatter]
- Uh, hey.
79
00:03:03,359 --> 00:03:05,962
Hey, T-t-t-t--
uh--buh--uh, Two-Face,
80
00:03:06,062 --> 00:03:08,598
um, you're looking real, uh--
real--
81
00:03:08,698 --> 00:03:11,400
- [as Harvey] Easy, easy.
You seem nervous, Fats.
82
00:03:11,467 --> 00:03:14,136
[as the Other]
Relax. What's the matter?
83
00:03:14,237 --> 00:03:15,871
You heard we been...
84
00:03:15,938 --> 00:03:17,940
[as Harvey]
A little erratic lately?
85
00:03:18,040 --> 00:03:19,408
- Hey, you understand, I--
86
00:03:19,475 --> 00:03:21,978
I was just blowin' off
some steam, you know?
87
00:03:22,078 --> 00:03:25,815
- I--I didn't mean--
- [as the Other] We said relax.
88
00:03:25,915 --> 00:03:27,550
[as Harvey]
We're not crackin' up, Fats.
89
00:03:27,617 --> 00:03:30,119
You know, we're just
maybe a little, uh...
90
00:03:30,219 --> 00:03:32,955
[as the Other]
Overworked right now.
91
00:03:33,055 --> 00:03:34,757
[as Harvey]
Pour him a double, Gigi.
92
00:03:34,824 --> 00:03:37,159
You see?
We're not such a bad guy.
93
00:03:37,260 --> 00:03:39,996
[as the Other] People think
we're such a bad guy.
94
00:03:40,096 --> 00:03:41,631
[as Harvey] But we have
a devil on one shoulder
95
00:03:41,731 --> 00:03:43,566
and an angel on the other,
just like everyone else.
96
00:03:43,633 --> 00:03:45,735
[as the Other]
You know, like in the cartoons.
97
00:03:45,801 --> 00:03:48,437
- Argus Studios.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.
98
00:03:48,504 --> 00:03:49,839
- [as Harvey]
Angel over this side...
99
00:03:49,939 --> 00:03:51,607
[as the Other]
And a devil over here.
100
00:03:51,674 --> 00:03:53,943
Right?
On your worst day, it's...
101
00:03:54,010 --> 00:03:55,911
[as Harvey]
Still a 50/50 proposition
102
00:03:55,978 --> 00:03:57,179
which shoulder wins.
103
00:03:57,280 --> 00:03:58,281
[as the Other]
And this isn't even
104
00:03:58,347 --> 00:03:59,315
your worst day, is it?
105
00:03:59,415 --> 00:04:00,916
- No, no, i-it's not?
106
00:04:00,983 --> 00:04:02,652
No, sure it ain't.
107
00:04:02,752 --> 00:04:04,153
And good news for you,
108
00:04:04,253 --> 00:04:07,657
we listen to our angel
all the time.
109
00:04:07,757 --> 00:04:09,492
[as Harvey]
But here's the problem, Fats.
110
00:04:09,592 --> 00:04:13,963
The angel on our shoulder has
an angel on his shoulder.
111
00:04:14,030 --> 00:04:15,464
You follow?
[coin clinks]
112
00:04:15,531 --> 00:04:16,966
- Yeah, yeah, no, I--I--
- I mean, 'cause we can
113
00:04:17,033 --> 00:04:18,134
listen to our angel,
114
00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:19,835
but is our angel listening...
115
00:04:19,935 --> 00:04:21,437
[as the Other] To his angel?
116
00:04:21,504 --> 00:04:23,773
We don't know.
See, 'cause the angel has
117
00:04:23,839 --> 00:04:27,109
a devil on the other shoulder.
[coin clinks]
118
00:04:27,176 --> 00:04:29,512
[as Harvey] If our angel
is listening to his devil,
119
00:04:29,612 --> 00:04:32,381
we might be better off
listening to our devil.
120
00:04:32,481 --> 00:04:34,216
[laughing] I mean,
he's got an angel, right?
121
00:04:34,317 --> 00:04:35,551
- Uh, I, uh--
[coin clinks]
122
00:04:35,651 --> 00:04:36,886
- [as the Other]
'Cause hear us out,
123
00:04:36,986 --> 00:04:38,521
if the angel has a devil
on one shoulder,
124
00:04:38,621 --> 00:04:41,724
who's that devil listening to?
His devil?
125
00:04:41,824 --> 00:04:43,459
[as Harvey] I mean,
the shoulders are getting
126
00:04:43,526 --> 00:04:44,794
pretty small here, Fats.
127
00:04:44,860 --> 00:04:46,462
[laughing]
But we're not done.
128
00:04:46,529 --> 00:04:48,864
That devil has a devil,
and that devil has a devil,
129
00:04:48,964 --> 00:04:51,233
and that devil--oops,
he listened to his angel,
130
00:04:51,334 --> 00:04:53,469
but that angel listened
to his devil,
131
00:04:53,536 --> 00:04:55,705
and who are a devil's
better angels anyways?
132
00:04:55,805 --> 00:04:58,007
- Are they good at being bad?
- Uh--
133
00:04:58,074 --> 00:05:00,843
- [as the Other] How many
devils on how many shoulders
134
00:05:00,910 --> 00:05:03,079
are we listening to
when the angel starts
135
00:05:03,179 --> 00:05:05,214
making with
the chin music, Fats?
136
00:05:05,314 --> 00:05:07,416
- I--
- How far back do we have to go
137
00:05:07,516 --> 00:05:11,087
to get advice we can
really trust here, Fats?
138
00:05:11,187 --> 00:05:15,324
How many times
does the path split, Fats?
139
00:05:15,391 --> 00:05:19,428
[shouting] Do you see why
this makes it so hard to sleep?
140
00:05:19,528 --> 00:05:21,897
- Wait, wait, wait,
what are you gonna do to me?
141
00:05:21,997 --> 00:05:23,599
- Us?
[bones crack]
142
00:05:23,699 --> 00:05:25,267
We ain't doin' nothing.
143
00:05:25,368 --> 00:05:27,036
- We're going back to bed.
- [sighs]
144
00:05:27,103 --> 00:05:28,604
- [as Harvey]
It is an unseemly hour
145
00:05:28,704 --> 00:05:30,773
for questions
of moral relativism.
146
00:05:30,873 --> 00:05:33,109
[as the Other] We're callin' it
a night and leaving it
147
00:05:33,209 --> 00:05:36,112
to our angel and our devil
to sort it out.
148
00:05:36,212 --> 00:05:38,948
That's what we keep 'em
around for.
149
00:05:39,048 --> 00:05:40,249
- Oh, thank God.
[door opens]
150
00:05:40,349 --> 00:05:42,852
Oh, and here they are now.
151
00:05:42,918 --> 00:05:44,453
- Evening, boss.
- This guy giving you
152
00:05:44,553 --> 00:05:46,255
- trouble, boss?
- [as Harvey] Boys,
153
00:05:46,355 --> 00:05:48,090
Fats here wants to know more
154
00:05:48,190 --> 00:05:50,559
about internal moral conflict.
155
00:05:50,626 --> 00:05:52,361
- Wait, wait, wait, wait
a minute. Who are these guys?
156
00:05:52,428 --> 00:05:54,263
- Oh, that's our angel
and our devil.
157
00:05:54,363 --> 00:05:55,798
[as the Other]
We told you we can't trust
158
00:05:55,898 --> 00:05:58,067
the two wise guys
on our shoulders.
159
00:05:58,134 --> 00:06:00,703
[as Harvey] So we hired
dependable replacements.
160
00:06:00,770 --> 00:06:02,705
- [gulps]
- Hey, Bob, be an angel
161
00:06:02,772 --> 00:06:04,273
and leave Fats a few teeth.
162
00:06:04,373 --> 00:06:05,808
- Oh, no.
- You got it, boss.
163
00:06:05,908 --> 00:06:08,244
- And Bub,
I'm gonna pretend I didn't see
164
00:06:08,310 --> 00:06:10,913
those brass knuckles,
you sneaky devil.
165
00:06:10,980 --> 00:06:13,149
- Ohh, no.
- What knuckles, boss?
166
00:06:13,249 --> 00:06:16,552
- Piano Man, how 'bout
"Two Tickets to Timbuktu"?
167
00:06:16,619 --> 00:06:17,987
[piano playing]
Good night all, and we are
168
00:06:18,087 --> 00:06:20,322
so very sorry
for the intrusion.
169
00:06:20,423 --> 00:06:22,158
- [over sounds of beating]
- ♪ Let's get away ♪
170
00:06:22,258 --> 00:06:24,660
[the Other singing along]
♪ We'll leave today ♪
171
00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:26,228
- ♪ I got two tickets ♪
- I'm sorry!
172
00:06:26,295 --> 00:06:27,997
♪ To Timbuktu ♪
173
00:06:28,097 --> 00:06:31,000
[the Other scatting]
174
00:06:31,100 --> 00:06:34,236
[beating continues]
175
00:06:35,938 --> 00:06:39,275
- Gotham, a fleshy fruit
rotting sweetly
176
00:06:39,341 --> 00:06:41,677
inside a rind of asphalt.
177
00:06:41,777 --> 00:06:43,846
Join us once again
for another tale
178
00:06:43,946 --> 00:06:46,682
of life and death
in Gotham City.
179
00:06:46,782 --> 00:06:48,417
February 28th,
180
00:06:48,484 --> 00:06:52,321
unable to return to sleep,
Harvey Dent instead returns
181
00:06:52,421 --> 00:06:54,690
to the work
that has run him so ragged
182
00:06:54,790 --> 00:06:56,292
these last two weeks...
[Two-Face muttering]
183
00:06:56,358 --> 00:06:58,928
An avalanche
of emergency filings,
184
00:06:58,994 --> 00:07:00,863
petitions, court injunctions,
185
00:07:00,963 --> 00:07:03,999
a Byzantine maze
of legal skullduggery.
186
00:07:04,099 --> 00:07:05,267
But to what purpose?
187
00:07:05,334 --> 00:07:06,802
[Two-Face laughing]
188
00:07:06,869 --> 00:07:08,304
The answer is known only
189
00:07:08,370 --> 00:07:10,873
to the addlepated
attorney extraordinaire
190
00:07:10,973 --> 00:07:14,210
and his new business partner
slash taskmaster,
191
00:07:14,310 --> 00:07:15,878
Oswald Cobblepot.
192
00:07:15,978 --> 00:07:17,880
[Oswald laughing]
While Batman and Robin seek
193
00:07:17,980 --> 00:07:20,816
to suppress the steady
crescendo of madness
194
00:07:20,883 --> 00:07:22,852
being conducted
by the Scarecrow,
195
00:07:22,952 --> 00:07:25,621
the full flower
of the Penguin's devious plot
196
00:07:25,688 --> 00:07:29,391
is poised to bloom
with noxious effect.
197
00:07:29,492 --> 00:07:32,127
The nerve center
of Gotham Police Headquarters
198
00:07:32,194 --> 00:07:34,463
and its familiar odors
of aftershave,
199
00:07:34,530 --> 00:07:36,665
burnt coffee, and desperation.
200
00:07:36,732 --> 00:07:38,467
[phones ringing, chatter]
On one wall, a map
201
00:07:38,534 --> 00:07:41,837
of Gotham City roughly
the size of a subway car.
202
00:07:41,904 --> 00:07:43,405
Each thumbtack represents
203
00:07:43,506 --> 00:07:45,074
- a crisis in progress.
- No, no, I need twice
204
00:07:45,174 --> 00:07:46,575
- the amount of men downtown now.
- Each pinprick
205
00:07:46,675 --> 00:07:48,911
a conflagration
of criminal mayhem.
206
00:07:49,011 --> 00:07:50,679
To say that
a badly beleaguered
207
00:07:50,746 --> 00:07:53,415
Commissioner Gordon lacks
the necessary resources
208
00:07:53,516 --> 00:07:55,484
to cover the ongoing
catastrophe
209
00:07:55,551 --> 00:07:57,353
would be the literal truth.
210
00:07:57,419 --> 00:07:59,154
- What do you mean,
we ran out of thumbtacks?
211
00:07:59,221 --> 00:08:01,056
What, in the whole building?
212
00:08:01,156 --> 00:08:03,259
Well, take down
your kids' valentines.
213
00:08:03,359 --> 00:08:05,194
[phone slams]
Lieutenant, we just got word
214
00:08:05,261 --> 00:08:06,595
that Penguin has
completely folded
215
00:08:06,695 --> 00:08:08,264
his protection racket
in the Narrows.
216
00:08:08,364 --> 00:08:10,833
Now Two-Face's psychos
are taking a bloody chunk
217
00:08:10,900 --> 00:08:13,602
out of every small-timer
south of Barr Street.
218
00:08:13,702 --> 00:08:15,204
For every move
we can anticipate,
219
00:08:15,271 --> 00:08:17,773
we get something like
this Mama Dagmar murder.
220
00:08:17,873 --> 00:08:19,842
All right, listen up.
We need to move
221
00:08:19,909 --> 00:08:21,577
while the situation
is still fluid.
222
00:08:21,677 --> 00:08:24,346
Penguin and Two-Face combined
is a wide-awake nightmare,
223
00:08:24,413 --> 00:08:26,282
and it's just getting
warmed up.
224
00:08:26,382 --> 00:08:28,183
But there's chaos
while they consolidate,
225
00:08:28,250 --> 00:08:30,352
and we can work with that.
Our ace in the hole
226
00:08:30,419 --> 00:08:32,955
is Penguin's illegal dump site
in the harbor.
227
00:08:33,055 --> 00:08:35,424
Oswald Cobblepot's
whole front operation
228
00:08:35,524 --> 00:08:36,625
is in federal trouble.
229
00:08:36,725 --> 00:08:38,260
That's why he's
gone into hiding.
230
00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:40,963
But we have to find him
and put the heat to him
231
00:08:41,063 --> 00:08:42,598
before he forms
a legal strategy
232
00:08:42,698 --> 00:08:44,266
- with Harvey Dent's help.
- Commissioner?
233
00:08:44,366 --> 00:08:46,735
- All right, now, drawing him
out isn't gonna be easy.
234
00:08:46,802 --> 00:08:47,903
- Not when we got--
- Commissioner,
235
00:08:47,970 --> 00:08:49,438
someone's here to see you.
236
00:08:49,538 --> 00:08:50,973
- It's a really bad time.
All right, I'm trying to--
237
00:08:51,073 --> 00:08:53,475
It's Oswald Cobblepot.
238
00:08:53,576 --> 00:08:55,477
- Say that again.
- He says he wants to give
239
00:08:55,578 --> 00:08:57,880
- a statement on the harbor dump.
- He what now?
240
00:08:57,947 --> 00:08:59,982
- He's in interrogation
room three.
241
00:09:00,082 --> 00:09:01,417
Damn it, we're too late.
242
00:09:01,483 --> 00:09:02,551
All right,
you tell his lawyers that--
243
00:09:02,618 --> 00:09:04,119
No lawyers, Commissioner.
244
00:09:04,219 --> 00:09:06,388
He waived his right to counsel.
245
00:09:06,455 --> 00:09:07,990
He what now?
246
00:09:08,090 --> 00:09:10,593
- Commissioner Gordon knows
Oswald Cobblepot better
247
00:09:10,659 --> 00:09:13,662
than to trust this seeming
reversal of fortune.
248
00:09:13,762 --> 00:09:16,799
But on the other hand,
when a good cop smells a rat,
249
00:09:16,899 --> 00:09:18,334
he follows his nose.
250
00:09:18,434 --> 00:09:21,403
- Lieutenant, meet me
in interrogation room three.
251
00:09:21,470 --> 00:09:22,504
[radio chatter, door opens]
252
00:09:22,605 --> 00:09:23,906
♪ Mama goonie bird ♪
253
00:09:23,973 --> 00:09:25,441
♪ Has many chicks ♪
[door closes]
254
00:09:25,507 --> 00:09:28,677
♪ Many chicks has
mama goonie bird, meh ♪
255
00:09:28,777 --> 00:09:31,146
- Mr. Cobblepot.
- [startled squawking]
256
00:09:31,246 --> 00:09:33,415
Oh, what ho, Commissioner.
257
00:09:33,482 --> 00:09:34,850
You startled me.
258
00:09:34,950 --> 00:09:37,620
I say, you're looking
prosperous, old egg.
259
00:09:37,686 --> 00:09:39,288
- We've been looking
for you pretty intently
260
00:09:39,355 --> 00:09:40,656
for the last two weeks.
261
00:09:40,756 --> 00:09:42,424
What is it that brings you
in here tonight?
262
00:09:42,491 --> 00:09:45,628
- Well, Commissioner,
it's my giving nature.
263
00:09:45,694 --> 00:09:49,698
Sometimes I curse
my boundless charity.
264
00:09:49,798 --> 00:09:51,200
I've got a present for you,
265
00:09:51,300 --> 00:09:53,836
and I just couldn't wait
to see you open it.
266
00:09:53,936 --> 00:09:56,872
- From beneath his chair,
the portly provocateur
267
00:09:56,972 --> 00:10:00,142
produces a large
and elegantly wrapped parcel.
268
00:10:00,209 --> 00:10:03,112
I hope you don't mind.
269
00:10:03,178 --> 00:10:05,447
- Mr. Cobblepot,
have you been drinking tonight?
270
00:10:05,514 --> 00:10:07,516
- Say again?
Into the new
271
00:10:07,616 --> 00:10:09,551
hearing aid, old smoke.
[high-pitched squealing]
272
00:10:09,652 --> 00:10:12,388
- Are you intoxicated,
Mr. Cobblepot?
273
00:10:12,488 --> 00:10:14,723
[laughing] What?
274
00:10:14,823 --> 00:10:18,894
No!
Why, I'm dry as salted cod.
275
00:10:18,994 --> 00:10:20,396
And not otherwise impaired?
276
00:10:20,496 --> 00:10:22,231
This is a voluntary statement?
277
00:10:22,331 --> 00:10:25,534
- Aren't you curious what
I've brought you, old sport?
278
00:10:25,634 --> 00:10:27,369
- I'm interested
in your statement regarding
279
00:10:27,469 --> 00:10:29,905
the illegal dump site
you are responsible for.
280
00:10:30,005 --> 00:10:31,974
You are aware
you are being recorded,
281
00:10:32,041 --> 00:10:34,143
and this recording will be
entered as evidence in--
282
00:10:34,209 --> 00:10:36,578
Dump site? Dump site?
283
00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:38,547
Why, no nature lover you,
284
00:10:38,647 --> 00:10:40,215
Commissioner,
that's quite clear.
285
00:10:40,315 --> 00:10:42,151
- What are you talking about?
- Oh, you haven't heard?
286
00:10:42,217 --> 00:10:44,420
Your dump site in the harbor
has been declared
287
00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:47,589
a "protected marine habitat."
288
00:10:47,690 --> 00:10:49,658
It's home to a thriving
population
289
00:10:49,725 --> 00:10:51,260
of Gotham Bay hagfish.
290
00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:53,762
- Thriving?
That's an invasive species.
291
00:10:53,862 --> 00:10:55,497
Immigrants, by another name.
292
00:10:55,564 --> 00:10:57,533
And Gotham is such
a welcoming place.
293
00:10:57,599 --> 00:10:59,702
At least the right
environmental groups have been
294
00:10:59,768 --> 00:11:01,370
encouraged to think so.
295
00:11:01,437 --> 00:11:04,540
You'll find all the paperwork
on file at City Hall.
296
00:11:04,606 --> 00:11:06,775
- Already filed?
- Yes.
297
00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:11,547
I've recently allied myself
with first-rate legal support.
298
00:11:11,613 --> 00:11:13,749
You really don't want
to open the gift?
299
00:11:13,849 --> 00:11:17,286
- And is this legal support
being provided by Harvey Dent?
300
00:11:17,386 --> 00:11:18,954
- [squawks]
Hearing aid,
301
00:11:19,054 --> 00:11:20,456
old boy, speak up.
[high-pitched squealing]
302
00:11:20,556 --> 00:11:23,625
- Are you admitting
you are working
303
00:11:23,726 --> 00:11:25,894
with the Two-Face
criminal syndicate?
304
00:11:25,961 --> 00:11:28,097
- Oh, I'll admit
to any old thing you like.
305
00:11:28,197 --> 00:11:29,898
Just open your present,
Commissioner.
306
00:11:29,965 --> 00:11:31,900
I just can't stand it.
307
00:11:31,967 --> 00:11:33,635
- And who let you bring
a package in here?
308
00:11:33,736 --> 00:11:36,572
- Oh, it's been thoroughly
determined to be harmless.
309
00:11:36,638 --> 00:11:38,807
They searched me
to my skivvies.
310
00:11:38,907 --> 00:11:41,410
This is a police station
after all.
311
00:11:41,477 --> 00:11:43,979
Open it.
312
00:11:44,079 --> 00:11:45,481
[sighs]
313
00:11:45,581 --> 00:11:48,784
[packaging tearing]
314
00:11:48,884 --> 00:11:50,986
I don't know what you're
playing at, Mr. Cobblepot,
315
00:11:51,086 --> 00:11:53,756
but you've been made aware
of your rights and, uh--
316
00:11:53,822 --> 00:11:55,090
[cuckoo clock chiming]
317
00:11:55,157 --> 00:11:57,159
Do you like it?
318
00:11:57,259 --> 00:11:58,560
It's a cuckoo clock.
319
00:11:58,627 --> 00:12:01,730
- I can see it's
a cuckoo clock, Mr. Cobblepot.
320
00:12:01,797 --> 00:12:03,298
Yeah, but I-I don't know
what all this--
321
00:12:03,398 --> 00:12:05,067
- What, you don't know
what this is all about?
322
00:12:05,134 --> 00:12:07,102
Well, then I'll tell you
all about
323
00:12:07,169 --> 00:12:09,738
the obstreperous cuckoo bird.
324
00:12:09,805 --> 00:12:13,342
Oh, you'll wish you never
gave me the opening, old bean.
325
00:12:13,442 --> 00:12:16,345
[laughs]
Birds are a passion of mine,
326
00:12:16,445 --> 00:12:17,746
don't you know?
327
00:12:17,813 --> 00:12:20,449
At any rate,
your merry little cuckoo bird,
328
00:12:20,516 --> 00:12:22,751
that selfsame winsome
little warbler
329
00:12:22,818 --> 00:12:26,655
that so inspired Handel
and Beethoven, well...
330
00:12:26,755 --> 00:12:31,193
[laughing]
He's actually a vile
331
00:12:31,293 --> 00:12:36,265
sort of chap known
as a brood parasite.
332
00:12:36,331 --> 00:12:38,967
Doesn't that notion
chill your blood?
333
00:12:39,034 --> 00:12:41,436
Parasitic birds? Bleh.
334
00:12:41,503 --> 00:12:43,772
Fine feathered fiends?
335
00:12:43,839 --> 00:12:46,642
And indeed, the cuckoo bird
is detestably ruthless.
336
00:12:46,708 --> 00:12:49,711
It doesn't build nests.
It doesn't feed its offspring.
337
00:12:49,812 --> 00:12:53,515
It deposits its eggs
in the nests of other birds,
338
00:12:53,615 --> 00:12:55,717
the ones that
are none the wiser.
339
00:12:55,818 --> 00:12:58,020
- Yeah, I know where you're
going with this, Mr. Cobblepot.
340
00:12:58,120 --> 00:12:59,354
You think you're clever,
don't you?
341
00:12:59,454 --> 00:13:00,856
- And then
the little cuckoos hatch,
342
00:13:00,956 --> 00:13:03,025
and the unsuspecting
host bird feeds them
343
00:13:03,125 --> 00:13:04,893
like their own.
344
00:13:04,993 --> 00:13:08,297
The GCPD is like a big,
cozy nest,
345
00:13:08,363 --> 00:13:09,998
isn't it, Commissioner?
346
00:13:10,065 --> 00:13:13,702
And you're the mama bird,
aren't you?
347
00:13:13,802 --> 00:13:16,505
How many cuckoos do you think
you're feeding?
348
00:13:16,572 --> 00:13:18,473
- If you're telling me
I've got bad cops,
349
00:13:18,540 --> 00:13:20,342
I know I got bad cops.
350
00:13:20,409 --> 00:13:21,677
I know who's on the take,
351
00:13:21,743 --> 00:13:23,312
I just can't prove
who's paying 'em.
352
00:13:23,378 --> 00:13:25,681
Are you taking credit
for that--on the record?
353
00:13:25,747 --> 00:13:27,416
As I said, old bean,
354
00:13:27,516 --> 00:13:30,185
I'll confess
to whatever you like.
355
00:13:30,252 --> 00:13:32,087
How about old Mama Dagmar?
356
00:13:32,187 --> 00:13:34,256
Such a sweet
and tender old lady, eh?
357
00:13:34,356 --> 00:13:35,757
Or she was eventually,
358
00:13:35,858 --> 00:13:38,093
but it took more than once
through the grinder.
359
00:13:38,193 --> 00:13:40,529
[laughs] But that's Mama D.
360
00:13:40,596 --> 00:13:42,331
She can be tough.
361
00:13:42,397 --> 00:13:45,067
Take my word for it,
I had to turn the crank.
362
00:13:45,167 --> 00:13:46,568
- [laughs]
- Lieutenant!
363
00:13:46,668 --> 00:13:48,036
Get a booking officer
down here.
364
00:13:48,103 --> 00:13:49,271
Oh, would you?
365
00:13:49,371 --> 00:13:51,940
I think O'Malley
is on duty tonight.
366
00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:55,043
His smile lights up a room.
367
00:13:55,110 --> 00:13:56,445
[cuckoo clock chimes]
368
00:13:56,545 --> 00:13:58,547
You see, the cuckoo has
taken up residence
369
00:13:58,614 --> 00:14:00,682
at the top of the hour,
Commissioner.
370
00:14:00,749 --> 00:14:04,119
All the other eggs have been
pushed out of the nest.
371
00:14:04,219 --> 00:14:06,889
Nobody here but us cuckoos.
372
00:14:06,955 --> 00:14:08,957
- What are you talking about?
I still run this--
373
00:14:09,057 --> 00:14:11,126
This is a courtesy call,
374
00:14:11,226 --> 00:14:12,861
because believe it or not,
375
00:14:12,928 --> 00:14:14,630
I respect you, Commissioner.
376
00:14:14,730 --> 00:14:16,298
I don't know,
I think it's the mustache.
377
00:14:16,398 --> 00:14:19,067
You're under new management,
effective immediately.
378
00:14:19,134 --> 00:14:22,104
Harvey Dent has arranged
everything.
379
00:14:22,204 --> 00:14:24,473
Expect the announcement
shortly.
380
00:14:24,573 --> 00:14:26,241
- [chair scrapes]
- Announcement? What annou--
381
00:14:26,308 --> 00:14:27,709
- Now then,
you are going to have
382
00:14:27,776 --> 00:14:29,544
quite a gauntlet to run
with the press.
383
00:14:29,611 --> 00:14:31,046
This went very badly.
384
00:14:31,113 --> 00:14:32,481
- Ha!
You mind, uh,
385
00:14:32,581 --> 00:14:34,082
lending me that hearing aid,
Mr. Cobblepot?
386
00:14:34,149 --> 00:14:35,217
[door opens]
I thought you just said--
387
00:14:35,284 --> 00:14:36,618
[agitated squawking]
388
00:14:36,718 --> 00:14:39,421
I've never been so outraged
in my life!
389
00:14:39,488 --> 00:14:42,157
I'm going to have your job
for this, Gordon!
390
00:14:42,257 --> 00:14:43,225
- Commissioner.
- Where does
391
00:14:43,292 --> 00:14:44,393
he think he's going?
392
00:14:44,459 --> 00:14:45,661
Is that the press
outside already?
393
00:14:45,761 --> 00:14:47,062
It's inhumane!
394
00:14:47,129 --> 00:14:50,065
Why, you can't treat
a taxpayer like this!
395
00:14:50,132 --> 00:14:51,333
Get out of my way!
396
00:14:51,433 --> 00:14:52,834
You'll be hearing
from my lawyer!
397
00:14:52,935 --> 00:14:54,803
- Ay, ay,
don't let him walk out of here.
398
00:14:54,903 --> 00:14:56,838
- He just confessed to--
- Sir, we have a problem.
399
00:14:56,939 --> 00:14:59,174
The recording equipment
in the interrogation room--
400
00:14:59,274 --> 00:15:01,076
- Lieutenant, if you gonna
tell me that you weren't
401
00:15:01,143 --> 00:15:02,577
- rolling on that--
- We were rolling,
402
00:15:02,644 --> 00:15:04,947
Commissioner,
but listen for yourself.
403
00:15:05,013 --> 00:15:07,649
- [staticky recording]
- What the?
404
00:15:07,749 --> 00:15:09,651
- There was high frequency
disturbance
405
00:15:09,751 --> 00:15:12,921
inside the room with you,
some kind of signal jammer.
406
00:15:12,988 --> 00:15:14,957
- Damn it!
That wasn't no hearing aid.
407
00:15:15,023 --> 00:15:16,291
Ay, stop Cobblepot!
408
00:15:16,358 --> 00:15:17,993
- Commissioner,
we can't detain him.
409
00:15:18,093 --> 00:15:20,362
There's no record
of what went on in that room.
410
00:15:20,462 --> 00:15:22,464
It's gonna be our word
against his.
411
00:15:22,531 --> 00:15:24,099
[cuckoo clock chimes]
412
00:15:24,166 --> 00:15:26,435
- Lieutenant, get me duty
rosters from all precincts.
413
00:15:26,501 --> 00:15:28,036
Pronto! Don't say who's asking.
414
00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:30,605
Restrict O'Malley to desk duty.
We were right about him.
415
00:15:30,672 --> 00:15:32,541
And get me on a burner phone
to the Batcave.
416
00:15:32,641 --> 00:15:36,478
Penguin is making his move--
right through our front door.
417
00:15:36,545 --> 00:15:40,716
- The last outpost of law and
order assailed from within.
418
00:15:40,816 --> 00:15:43,218
And the distance narrows
between life
419
00:15:43,318 --> 00:15:46,021
and death in Gotham City.
420
00:15:49,691 --> 00:15:51,460
[bright music plays]
421
00:15:51,526 --> 00:15:52,861
Hey, Gotham teenagers.
422
00:15:52,961 --> 00:15:54,563
What it is?
423
00:15:54,663 --> 00:15:56,898
This Friday night
at the Gotham Riverwalk,
424
00:15:56,999 --> 00:15:59,901
enjoy a wholesome evening
of positive messaging
425
00:16:00,002 --> 00:16:04,973
and a drug-free environment
at the Youth Musical Festival.
426
00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:06,908
- ♪ Give me some affection,
baby ♪
427
00:16:07,009 --> 00:16:08,677
♪ Yummy, ummy, ummy,
yeah, yeah ♪
428
00:16:08,744 --> 00:16:10,579
♪ Love is a confection, baby ♪
429
00:16:10,679 --> 00:16:12,514
♪ Yummy, ummy, ummy,
yeah, yeah ♪
430
00:16:12,581 --> 00:16:16,084
- Remember, staying off
Scarecrow drugs is as simple
431
00:16:16,184 --> 00:16:22,591
as saying
G-L-A-R-B-I-M-A-C-T-A-F-I-N,
432
00:16:22,691 --> 00:16:24,926
which spells GLARBIMACTAFIN,
433
00:16:25,027 --> 00:16:28,030
which stands for
"Get lost, all right, buster,
434
00:16:28,096 --> 00:16:31,266
I made a choice to abstain
from illegal narc--"
435
00:16:31,366 --> 00:16:34,036
- We interrupt this broadcast
for a breaking news bulletin
436
00:16:34,102 --> 00:16:35,504
from Gotham City One.
437
00:16:35,570 --> 00:16:38,273
[exciting electronic
music plays]
438
00:16:38,373 --> 00:16:41,343
♪ Gotham City One ♪
439
00:16:41,410 --> 00:16:42,944
- [cameras flashing]
- Good evening, Gotham City.
440
00:16:43,045 --> 00:16:45,447
This is Jack Ryder live
on the steps of City Hall
441
00:16:45,547 --> 00:16:47,783
where we have been told
to expect a statement shortly
442
00:16:47,883 --> 00:16:51,553
from Oswald Cobblepot,
who earlier had this to say.
443
00:16:51,620 --> 00:16:54,356
- It is my sad duty
to come forward
444
00:16:54,423 --> 00:16:58,226
as a private citizen
to report my ordeal.
445
00:16:58,293 --> 00:17:01,530
No one should have to endure
what I just went through
446
00:17:01,596 --> 00:17:04,866
in that interrogation room.
447
00:17:04,933 --> 00:17:08,804
My fellow Gothamites,
there is a terrible corruption
448
00:17:08,904 --> 00:17:13,475
at the heart of the Gotham City
Police Department.
449
00:17:13,575 --> 00:17:16,411
A fearsome, fetid rot,
450
00:17:16,478 --> 00:17:19,448
and it goes by the name...
451
00:17:19,548 --> 00:17:21,316
Batman.
452
00:17:21,416 --> 00:17:25,253
- Gotham, a glass hammer
shattering on impact
453
00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:26,621
with the inevitable.
454
00:17:26,721 --> 00:17:28,890
Join us once again
for another tale
455
00:17:28,957 --> 00:17:31,993
of life and death
in Gotham City.
456
00:17:33,261 --> 00:17:36,598
In a squalid tenement
on Gotham's derelict fringes,
457
00:17:36,665 --> 00:17:41,169
two drug dealers cower in the
inky darkness of blind panic.
458
00:17:41,269 --> 00:17:43,171
- Oh, man. It's him!
[clattering]
459
00:17:43,271 --> 00:17:44,906
- It's him!
- Hey, lock the dang door!
460
00:17:44,973 --> 00:17:47,075
- You dope,
he's already inside!
461
00:17:47,142 --> 00:17:50,312
- An old German myth relates
that if a bat flies
462
00:17:50,412 --> 00:17:52,681
into your house,
the devil is after you.
463
00:17:52,781 --> 00:17:53,915
- Where?
- I don't know where.
464
00:17:53,982 --> 00:17:55,250
It's too dark.
465
00:17:55,317 --> 00:17:57,285
- A more recent
Gotham City tale has it
466
00:17:57,352 --> 00:18:01,656
that if a bat flies into your
illegal narcotics laboratory,
467
00:18:01,756 --> 00:18:04,359
the devil will be
the least of your concerns.
468
00:18:04,459 --> 00:18:05,861
- Shoot him, Scud!
He's up there.
469
00:18:05,961 --> 00:18:07,129
[cape flutters, gunshots fire]
470
00:18:07,195 --> 00:18:08,663
No, you stupid.
He's over there.
471
00:18:08,763 --> 00:18:10,665
- [crashing]
- I think I got him.
472
00:18:10,765 --> 00:18:11,967
I think I got him.
I think I--
473
00:18:12,033 --> 00:18:13,535
[gunshots fire]
474
00:18:13,635 --> 00:18:14,970
- Did you get him?
- Yep.
475
00:18:15,036 --> 00:18:16,204
- I got him.
- You sure?
476
00:18:16,304 --> 00:18:18,140
I'm totally sure. I got him.
477
00:18:18,206 --> 00:18:20,475
I absolutely got him...
478
00:18:20,542 --> 00:18:21,443
I think.
479
00:18:21,510 --> 00:18:22,777
- You didn't.
- Aah!
480
00:18:22,844 --> 00:18:23,712
[punches landing]
481
00:18:23,812 --> 00:18:25,780
[crashing, beating]
482
00:18:25,847 --> 00:18:28,783
[yelling, grunting]
483
00:18:28,850 --> 00:18:31,286
- Case journal: successful raid
of the narcotics
484
00:18:31,353 --> 00:18:33,788
manufacture site operated
by the narcoterrorist
485
00:18:33,855 --> 00:18:35,323
known as the Scarecrow.
486
00:18:35,390 --> 00:18:38,393
Civilian identity
remains unknown.
487
00:18:38,493 --> 00:18:40,462
In his criminal persona,
he styles himself
488
00:18:40,529 --> 00:18:43,231
as the Master of Fear,
a reputation he maintains
489
00:18:43,331 --> 00:18:46,234
by the sadistic application
of psychoactive chemistry.
490
00:18:46,334 --> 00:18:49,704
His Scarecrow drugs make
the addicts crave his horror.
491
00:18:49,804 --> 00:18:51,239
- [cape flutters]
- [groans]
492
00:18:51,339 --> 00:18:54,042
- I recognize his goons,
a couple of dead-enders
493
00:18:54,142 --> 00:18:57,712
from a west side motorcycle
gang called Dem Bones.
494
00:18:57,812 --> 00:18:59,181
Ride or die types.
495
00:18:59,247 --> 00:19:03,218
So why were there
no motorcycles parked outside?
496
00:19:03,318 --> 00:19:05,854
The narcotics lab
is a high yield operation.
497
00:19:05,921 --> 00:19:09,558
Custom equipment optimized
for an unknown purpose.
498
00:19:09,658 --> 00:19:11,660
He's making something new.
499
00:19:11,726 --> 00:19:13,395
But why is he making it
up here?
500
00:19:13,495 --> 00:19:15,497
There's no street trade
in this district.
501
00:19:15,564 --> 00:19:17,699
Why is he assuming
voluntary risk
502
00:19:17,766 --> 00:19:20,335
to move his product downtown?
503
00:19:20,402 --> 00:19:23,104
Or is he moving
the addicts uptown?
504
00:19:23,205 --> 00:19:25,073
Bikers with no motorcycles.
505
00:19:25,173 --> 00:19:27,275
Drug dens with no drug addicts.
506
00:19:27,375 --> 00:19:28,944
Whoever the Scarecrow is,
507
00:19:29,044 --> 00:19:31,279
there's a structure
to his eccentricity.
508
00:19:31,379 --> 00:19:33,949
Elective inefficiencies
indicate an urgent need
509
00:19:34,049 --> 00:19:36,418
to work around
a larger problem.
510
00:19:36,518 --> 00:19:38,787
For all the terror
of his criminal persona,
511
00:19:38,887 --> 00:19:42,257
this is a man who shows every
sign of being motivated--
512
00:19:42,357 --> 00:19:43,358
by fear.
513
00:19:43,425 --> 00:19:45,026
But a fear of what?
514
00:19:45,093 --> 00:19:47,562
What frightens a nightmare?
515
00:19:47,629 --> 00:19:49,564
- Batman to Batcave.
- Robin here.
516
00:19:49,631 --> 00:19:50,799
I've swept the site.
517
00:19:50,899 --> 00:19:52,100
No sign of the Scarecrow.
518
00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:53,468
I'm returning
to the cave to deal
519
00:19:53,568 --> 00:19:55,270
with Commissioner Gordon's
concerns.
520
00:19:55,370 --> 00:19:57,572
Has the Penguin begun
his press conference?
521
00:19:57,639 --> 00:19:59,874
- He just started. You're
gonna want to hear this.
522
00:19:59,941 --> 00:20:01,376
Patch it through.
523
00:20:01,443 --> 00:20:03,912
- And no sooner
had I presented myself
524
00:20:03,979 --> 00:20:07,482
voluntarily and in full
cooperation with my civic duty
525
00:20:07,582 --> 00:20:12,554
than I was locked in a room
to be viciously intimidated
526
00:20:12,621 --> 00:20:14,789
by the so-called Batman.
527
00:20:14,889 --> 00:20:16,491
- [audience clamoring]
- Listen to him lie.
528
00:20:16,591 --> 00:20:18,827
- The truth of what he says
is irrelevant, Robin.
529
00:20:18,927 --> 00:20:21,162
It's not possible
to disprove his story.
530
00:20:21,263 --> 00:20:22,664
But what's his angle here?
531
00:20:22,764 --> 00:20:25,066
- This is the sorry state
of police work
532
00:20:25,133 --> 00:20:26,801
in Gotham City?
[chuckles]
533
00:20:26,901 --> 00:20:29,771
Is Gordon running
a law enforcement organization
534
00:20:29,838 --> 00:20:31,940
or a Hallow's Eve spook house?
535
00:20:32,007 --> 00:20:33,508
I say this is what happens
536
00:20:33,608 --> 00:20:35,777
when we let the police police
the police--
537
00:20:35,844 --> 00:20:37,312
this and worse!
538
00:20:37,412 --> 00:20:40,749
It's long past time that
the GCPD was subject
539
00:20:40,815 --> 00:20:43,318
to civilian oversight.
540
00:20:43,418 --> 00:20:45,520
- Of course.
I should have seen this coming.
541
00:20:45,620 --> 00:20:48,356
- Civilian oversight?
What's he talking about?
542
00:20:48,456 --> 00:20:50,992
- Per the provisions laid out
in the city charter,
543
00:20:51,092 --> 00:20:53,695
I have filed an injunction for
the immediate establishment
544
00:20:53,795 --> 00:20:56,831
of a civilian review board
of all police operations.
545
00:20:56,931 --> 00:20:58,800
- He can't make that happen,
can he?
546
00:20:58,867 --> 00:20:59,768
He can't.
547
00:20:59,834 --> 00:21:01,202
But Harvey Dent can.
548
00:21:01,303 --> 00:21:03,538
This is the endgame
of their partnership.
549
00:21:03,638 --> 00:21:05,140
They're formalizing
the systematic
550
00:21:05,206 --> 00:21:06,708
corruption of the police force.
551
00:21:06,808 --> 00:21:09,210
- Beginning
at midnight tonight,
552
00:21:09,311 --> 00:21:13,181
the current police command
as well as the rank and file
553
00:21:13,281 --> 00:21:15,550
will answer directly
to the head
554
00:21:15,650 --> 00:21:18,687
of the new
Civilian Review Board,
555
00:21:18,787 --> 00:21:20,955
a post to which,
given the circumstance,
556
00:21:21,022 --> 00:21:22,891
I nominate myself.
557
00:21:22,991 --> 00:21:25,060
- Holy chain of command,
Batman.
558
00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:26,494
He can't be serious.
559
00:21:26,561 --> 00:21:28,697
- He is.
The Penguin and Two-Face
560
00:21:28,797 --> 00:21:31,633
are taking over the GCPD
in broad daylight.
561
00:21:31,700 --> 00:21:33,835
- And it's going to work.
- How do you know?
562
00:21:33,902 --> 00:21:35,704
Because it was my idea.
563
00:21:35,804 --> 00:21:38,306
- Your idea?
- I see it as nothing less
564
00:21:38,373 --> 00:21:39,841
than my civic obligation...
565
00:21:39,908 --> 00:21:42,410
- Before Batman decided
to join the police force,
566
00:21:42,510 --> 00:21:45,046
I had settled on a plan
to reign in growing corruption
567
00:21:45,146 --> 00:21:48,316
by making Bruce Wayne civilian
commissioner of police.
568
00:21:48,383 --> 00:21:51,219
District Attorney Harvey Dent
had it all worked out.
569
00:21:51,319 --> 00:21:53,254
Then he had his accident.
[Penguin laughing]
570
00:21:53,355 --> 00:21:56,157
It seems Two-Face has
taken the plan off the shelf
571
00:21:56,224 --> 00:21:57,992
with Penguin
in the starring role.
572
00:21:58,059 --> 00:21:59,728
But what's his play, Batman?
573
00:21:59,828 --> 00:22:01,696
How does he get the public
behind him?
574
00:22:01,763 --> 00:22:03,531
This town loves
Commissioner Gordon.
575
00:22:03,598 --> 00:22:06,234
- And to give you an idea
of what you can expect from,
576
00:22:06,334 --> 00:22:09,104
well,
a Commissioner Cobblepot,
577
00:22:09,204 --> 00:22:12,607
I'm going to do
what the GCPD hasn't done,
578
00:22:12,707 --> 00:22:15,276
what Commissioner Gordon
won't do,
579
00:22:15,377 --> 00:22:20,382
and what the Batman has
repeatedly failed to do.
580
00:22:20,448 --> 00:22:22,717
Put your trust in me,
581
00:22:22,784 --> 00:22:25,954
and I will finally bring in...
582
00:22:26,054 --> 00:22:27,355
the Joker.
583
00:22:27,422 --> 00:22:28,790
Wait, what did he say?
584
00:22:28,890 --> 00:22:31,092
- Get Gordon on the line.
We knew the consolidation
585
00:22:31,192 --> 00:22:33,962
of the two biggest criminal
syndicates would bring chaos,
586
00:22:34,062 --> 00:22:37,399
but this is chaos torn
to pieces by wild animals.
587
00:22:37,465 --> 00:22:41,469
The Penguin and Two-Face have
just declared war on the Joker.
588
00:22:41,569 --> 00:22:44,105
- Yes, the Penguin
and Two-Face have climbed
589
00:22:44,205 --> 00:22:46,741
behind the wheel
of a nitro-burning nightmare
590
00:22:46,808 --> 00:22:49,277
for a citywide
demolition derby.
591
00:22:49,377 --> 00:22:53,047
Join us next time as we rev
the engines and pop the clutch
592
00:22:53,114 --> 00:22:55,884
for the inevitable high-octane
head-on collision
593
00:22:55,950 --> 00:22:59,821
between life and death
in Gotham City.
594
00:23:02,957 --> 00:23:05,326
- [sighs]
[TV turns on]
595
00:23:05,427 --> 00:23:07,996
- [high-pitched ringing]
- The Harlequin is coming soon
596
00:23:08,096 --> 00:23:09,831
to Gotham City.
597
00:23:09,931 --> 00:23:11,833
The Harlequin is coming soon--
598
00:23:11,933 --> 00:23:14,002
- In baseball news,
the streak continues
599
00:23:14,102 --> 00:23:16,070
for the mighty
Swat Fleishacker
600
00:23:16,137 --> 00:23:18,173
and the Gotham Gaslamps--
601
00:23:18,273 --> 00:23:21,676
- Basil Karlo, horror classic,
in a newly remastered--
602
00:23:21,776 --> 00:23:24,846
- ♪ Whoa, hey,
diddle, diddle ♪
603
00:23:24,946 --> 00:23:26,681
♪ There's a crack
in the fiddle ♪
604
00:23:26,781 --> 00:23:30,752
♪ So the count won't
cover the tune ♪
605
00:23:30,819 --> 00:23:31,753
♪ 'Cause-- ♪
606
00:23:31,820 --> 00:23:33,288
[movie projector whirs]
607
00:23:33,354 --> 00:23:35,990
- From Hollywood's legendary
Argus Studios...
608
00:23:36,090 --> 00:23:38,526
[gunshot, scream]
609
00:23:38,626 --> 00:23:40,695
Who knows what evil dwells
610
00:23:40,795 --> 00:23:43,198
in the heart of the dark
of the city?
611
00:23:43,298 --> 00:23:45,133
One lone defender
of the night...
612
00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:46,835
I am justice.
613
00:23:46,935 --> 00:23:49,871
- Look! In the shadows,
on the rooftops...
614
00:23:49,971 --> 00:23:51,673
I am vengeance.
615
00:23:51,773 --> 00:23:53,508
- It's a specter.
It's a shade.
616
00:23:53,608 --> 00:23:55,310
It's--
[comedy sound effects]
617
00:23:55,376 --> 00:23:57,045
Oh! Ack! Ack! Sorry!
618
00:23:57,145 --> 00:23:59,447
Sorry, I'm okay, everyone.
[laughing] I'm okay.
619
00:23:59,514 --> 00:24:01,483
It's just really dark
out here.
620
00:24:01,549 --> 00:24:03,051
- It's Bat-Mite!
621
00:24:03,151 --> 00:24:05,220
Mysterious miniature
masked marauder
622
00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:06,888
of Gotsumgum City.
[comedy impact]
623
00:24:06,988 --> 00:24:08,556
- Ow! Okay, okay, ow.
[canned laughter]
624
00:24:08,656 --> 00:24:10,325
No, I'm not as okay
as I thought I was.
625
00:24:10,391 --> 00:24:12,560
- He fights a never-ending
battle for...
626
00:24:12,660 --> 00:24:15,063
- Oh! Nope.
Not tonight, I don't.
627
00:24:15,163 --> 00:24:17,065
Moving around is agony.
628
00:24:17,165 --> 00:24:18,533
Does anyone see my wallet?
629
00:24:18,633 --> 00:24:19,901
I think I dropped my--
630
00:24:20,001 --> 00:24:22,737
it's a brown wallet.
I can't find it.
631
00:24:22,837 --> 00:24:25,907
- ♪ He's Bat-Mite,
the dim knight ♪
632
00:24:26,007 --> 00:24:29,077
♪ He's the world's greatest
defective ♪
633
00:24:29,177 --> 00:24:32,213
♪ He's out on the prowl
in his cape and his cowl ♪
634
00:24:32,313 --> 00:24:34,649
♪ So you evildoers
best beware ♪
635
00:24:34,716 --> 00:24:37,719
- Argus Studios presents
the manic antics of Bat-Mite.
636
00:24:37,819 --> 00:24:39,587
- Yuh-oh!
- The brand-new cartoon comedy
637
00:24:39,687 --> 00:24:41,589
taking Gotham City by storm.
Short features
638
00:24:41,689 --> 00:24:43,258
showing exclusively
at the Monarch Theater.
639
00:24:43,358 --> 00:24:45,260
And don't miss daily
comic strip appearances
640
00:24:45,360 --> 00:24:46,928
- in the "Gotham Gazette."
- Eh, yuh-oh!
641
00:24:47,028 --> 00:24:48,763
- Bat-Mite is a work
of fiction; similarities
642
00:24:48,863 --> 00:24:50,665
or endorsement to any actual
persons known or unknown
643
00:24:50,732 --> 00:24:52,734
should not be implied;
Argus Studios does not condone
644
00:24:52,834 --> 00:24:54,769
extralegal vigilante activity
of the sort lampooned herein.
645
00:24:54,869 --> 00:24:57,338
- ♪ He's out on the prowl
in his cape and his cowl ♪
646
00:24:57,405 --> 00:25:00,174
- Ow! Okay,
now my shoulder's dislocated.
647
00:25:00,241 --> 00:25:02,944
- I hate that.
- ♪ So evildoers best beware ♪
648
00:25:03,044 --> 00:25:06,414
- Someone, please, I-I need
help getting into a taxi.
649
00:25:06,514 --> 00:25:08,182
[high-pitched ringing]
Anyone?
650
00:25:08,249 --> 00:25:14,589
[laughing]
651
00:25:15,924 --> 00:25:17,926
To be continued.
652
00:25:18,026 --> 00:25:19,294
[noir music]
653
00:25:19,394 --> 00:25:21,696
"Batman:
The Audio Adventures,"
654
00:25:21,763 --> 00:25:24,699
written and directed
by Dennis McNicholas.
655
00:25:24,766 --> 00:25:28,102
Batman created by Bob Kane
with Bill Finger
656
00:25:28,202 --> 00:25:30,405
based on characters from DC.
657
00:25:30,471 --> 00:25:33,308
With performances
by Jeffrey Wright,
658
00:25:33,408 --> 00:25:34,943
Aristotle Athari,
659
00:25:35,043 --> 00:25:36,444
Ike Barinholtz,
660
00:25:36,544 --> 00:25:37,979
Rosario Dawson,
661
00:25:38,079 --> 00:25:39,314
Steve Higgins,
662
00:25:39,414 --> 00:25:40,582
Toby Huss,
663
00:25:40,648 --> 00:25:41,983
Gillian Jacobs,
664
00:25:42,083 --> 00:25:43,418
John Leguizamo,
665
00:25:43,484 --> 00:25:44,919
Dennis McNicholas,
666
00:25:44,986 --> 00:25:46,154
Tim Meadows,
667
00:25:46,254 --> 00:25:47,622
Seth Meyers,
668
00:25:47,722 --> 00:25:48,957
Bobby Moynihan,
669
00:25:49,057 --> 00:25:50,258
Chris Parnell,
670
00:25:50,325 --> 00:25:51,459
Katie Rich,
671
00:25:51,559 --> 00:25:52,760
Ben Rodgers,
672
00:25:52,827 --> 00:25:53,995
Paul Scheer,
673
00:25:54,095 --> 00:25:55,430
Pete Schultz,
674
00:25:55,496 --> 00:25:56,831
Brooke Shields,
675
00:25:56,931 --> 00:25:58,099
Brent Spiner,
676
00:25:58,166 --> 00:25:59,434
Kenan Thompson,
677
00:25:59,500 --> 00:26:00,635
Alan Tudyk,
678
00:26:00,735 --> 00:26:01,970
Bradley Whitford,
679
00:26:02,070 --> 00:26:03,905
Melissa Villaseñor,
680
00:26:03,972 --> 00:26:05,340
Eli Brueggemann,
681
00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:06,674
Doug Bossi,
682
00:26:06,774 --> 00:26:08,176
Ranjani Brow,
683
00:26:08,276 --> 00:26:09,510
Chris Gibney,
684
00:26:09,611 --> 00:26:10,778
Julie Larson,
685
00:26:10,845 --> 00:26:12,013
Erica Phillips,
686
00:26:12,113 --> 00:26:13,348
Rosie Phillips,
687
00:26:13,448 --> 00:26:14,682
Tony Phillips,
688
00:26:14,782 --> 00:26:16,017
Zoey Phillips,
689
00:26:16,117 --> 00:26:17,352
Deirdre Quinn,
690
00:26:17,452 --> 00:26:18,786
Robbie Wyckoff.
691
00:26:18,853 --> 00:26:21,356
Executive producers Jon Berg,
692
00:26:21,456 --> 00:26:22,790
Angela Petrella.
693
00:26:22,857 --> 00:26:25,126
Produced by Dennis McNicholas.
694
00:26:25,193 --> 00:26:27,495
Executives in charge
of production
695
00:26:27,595 --> 00:26:29,030
Shaleen Desai,
696
00:26:29,130 --> 00:26:30,298
Peter Girardi.
697
00:26:30,365 --> 00:26:32,100
Producer Tyler Dorson.
698
00:26:32,166 --> 00:26:34,869
Production services
by Cast Media.
699
00:26:34,969 --> 00:26:36,638
Producer Colin Thompson.
700
00:26:36,704 --> 00:26:39,374
Coordinating producer
DJ LaBelle.
701
00:26:39,474 --> 00:26:41,476
Music by Doug Bossi.
702
00:26:41,542 --> 00:26:45,380
Sound recording, design,
and mixing by Big Yellow Duck.
703
00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:47,949
Sound design, mixing,
dialogue editing,
704
00:26:48,016 --> 00:26:50,685
and rerecording mixing
by Chris Gibney.
705
00:26:50,785 --> 00:26:53,187
Dialogue editing
and additional postproduction
706
00:26:53,287 --> 00:26:54,789
by Julie Larson.
707
00:26:54,856 --> 00:26:57,959
Original songs by Doug Bossi
and Tony Phillips.
708
00:26:58,026 --> 00:26:59,827
The characters
and events depicted
709
00:26:59,894 --> 00:27:01,629
in this podcast are fictional.
710
00:27:01,696 --> 00:27:05,299
Any similarity to any actual
person, living or dead,
711
00:27:05,366 --> 00:27:08,369
or to any actual events,
firms, places,
712
00:27:08,469 --> 00:27:10,571
and institutions
or other entities
713
00:27:10,672 --> 00:27:12,874
is coincidental
and unintentional.
714
00:27:12,974 --> 00:27:15,076
This podcast is protected
under the laws
715
00:27:15,176 --> 00:27:17,245
of the United States
and other countries,
716
00:27:17,345 --> 00:27:20,048
and it's unauthorized
duplication, distribution,
717
00:27:20,148 --> 00:27:22,984
or exhibition may result
in civil liability
718
00:27:23,051 --> 00:27:24,752
and criminal prosecution.
719
00:27:24,852 --> 00:27:27,755
Country of first publication
United States of America.
720
00:27:27,855 --> 00:27:29,691
"Batman:
The Audio Adventures,"
721
00:27:29,757 --> 00:27:33,261
copyright 2022 Warner Brothers
Entertainment Incorporated.
722
00:27:33,361 --> 00:27:35,830
Batman and all related
characters and elements
723
00:27:35,897 --> 00:27:38,433
are trademark
and copyright DC.
724
00:27:38,533 --> 00:27:40,168
All rights reserved.
725
00:27:40,234 --> 00:27:44,772
♪ ♪