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narrator: "Batman:
The Audio Adventures."
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[cheery hold music]
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- [answering machine beeps]
- Room 609, voice mailbox.
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- Wednesday, March 3rd.
- Good evening, Mr. Sawfield.
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This is the concierge
at the front desk.
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May I again say as great fans
of the sport of baseball
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how proud we are to be hosting
the Central City Demons here
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at the Gotham Grand Hotel.
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While we can't go as far
as to wish you luck
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00:00:25,735 --> 00:00:29,639
against our hometown Gaslamps,
we nevertheless do hope
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00:00:29,739 --> 00:00:31,741
you enjoy your stay
to its fullest.
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Please hold
for a private message.
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♪ ♪
[answering machine beeps]
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- Bonsoir, Mr. Sawfield,
and welcome to Gotham!
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This is Oswald Cobblepot,
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a humble admirer of
your remarkable athleticism.
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Oh, every baseball team
has a star pitcher,
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but "Lucky Bucky" Sawfield
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truly belongs
in the firmament.
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If you have no other
engagements this evening,
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perhaps you and your teammates
would join me at my casino
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for a night of
good sportsmanship
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before the game tomorrow.
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I'm correct you enjoy games
of skill and chance, yes?
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I'll send the cars
around 7:00.
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[answering machine beeps]
♪ ♪
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- [answering machine beeps]
- Thursday, March 4th.
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- Good morning, Mr. Sawfield.
Congratulations.
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I understand your namesake
luck was plentiful
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at the Iceberg last night.
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I've received
your maintenance request.
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So sorry to hear
you're having difficulties
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accessing your in-room
lockbox safe.
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You no doubt wish to
secure your winnings.
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I will send someone to
investigate right away.
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Please hold for
one new message.
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[beeping]
♪ ♪
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- [answering machine beeps]
- Well, Mr. Sawfield,
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we know now for certain
that they don't call you
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"Lucky Bucky" for naught, eh?
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Oswald Cobblepot here.
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May I say it was
an authentic honor
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to have you
as my guest last night
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and I trust you enjoyed
the champagne I sent over.
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Both cases of it.
[laughs]
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And don't worry at all
about the bit of--[mumbles]
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fisticuffs you found
yourself in.
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We here in Gotham understand
what "painting the town red"
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sometimes means.
[laughs]
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Though it's a shame
you suffered such a physical
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and public altercation
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with one of our opinionated
local sports fans.
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Let me apologize
on his behalf.
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That fellow was
an obstreperous lout.
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I want you to know,
your antagonist
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will never again
enjoy my hospitality
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because A, I prize civility
above all else.
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And B, by tragic coincidence,
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he was followed home
last night
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by an unknown assailant and
beaten to death with a rock.
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Have a good game today!
[chuckles]
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[answering machine beeps]
♪ ♪
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- [answering machine beeps]
- Mr. Sawfield, hello again.
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I do regret to inform you
that maintenance was unable
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to open your in-room safe,
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but we will contact
the manufacturer
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and retrieve the contents
just as soon as we are able.
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Hold for a private message
please.
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[answering machine beeps]
♪ ♪
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- [answering machine beeps]
- Sawfield, old smoke.
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Cobblepot again.
It occurs to me,
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my last message may have
left you with some questions.
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I know.
A crime like this is shocking.
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A man is murdered
in a fit of rage.
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Who would do such a thing?
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Well, besides a notoriously
intemperate
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hothead baseball player
from out of town,
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swaggering into
the local saloon
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with a chip on his shoulder,
mouthing off
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while he swills free bubbly
like a gulper eel.
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I mean, that will be
everyone's first thought,
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of course.
The police, the press,
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the victim's associates in
the Seventh Street Syndicate.
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Oh, yes, you see,
that loudmouth was a made man.
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And those Syndicate boys
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process grief
the old fashioned way:
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with a set of jumper cables
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and an alkaline car battery,
don't you know?
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Good thing you have an alibi,
isn't it?
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Yes, no worries.
At the time of the murder,
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you were gambling
in the salon privet
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at my invitation, alone.
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You were there for hours.
I can attest to that.
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Or can I?
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I am prone to
the most disturbing
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sudden mental lacunae.
Perhaps it's the water here
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because my entire staff
has the same affliction.
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On the other hand,
with dozens of eyewitnesses
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eager to attest they saw
"Lucky Bucky" Sawfield
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in a vicious altercation
with the deceased,
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lo and behold, a convincing
theory of the case
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begins to emerge.
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Burning with
the man's snide insults,
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you followed him
out of the casino.
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When he paused
to gain his bearings
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in some lonely
and obscure spot,
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your fury erupted
like Krakatoa.
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You took a loose paving stone
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and pounded him
into aspic jelly.
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[blows landing]
[heartbeat pounding]
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When the adrenaline subsided,
naturally, you panicked.
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Stripped the corpse
of its valuables
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and dumped it in the harbor...
[water splashes]
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Before wandering back
to your hotel in a daze.
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Such was the confusion
of your mingled bloodlust
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and inebriation that
when you returned
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to your room--
[gasps]
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You found your hands
still clutched
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to the blood-smirched
belongings of your victim.
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Oh, I know it didn't
happen that way.
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You know it didn't
happen that way,
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but it's a theory
that will be given
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a great deal of credibility
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once hotel management gets
that pesky safe of yours open.
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And surprise, they find
the dead man's bloody wallet
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and wristwatch are inside.
[laughs]
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How's that for
a curveball, Lucky?
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You probably want that
combination and soon.
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I'll give you a hint.
The first digit is two,
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as in the number of homeruns
you need
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to see our hometown hero
Swat Fleischacker hit today.
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Am I making myself clear?
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We have a way of speaking
in Gotham City.
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Two diggers for
our hometown boy.
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You had better see to it.
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All right,
now, let's play ball!
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narrator:
Gotham, ambition and guile
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flash-frozen in
grimacing stonework.
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Join us now for another tale
of life and death
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in Gotham City.
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March 7th finds
the Penguin desperate
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for a show of strength to
counter rumors of turmoil
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within his crime empire.
But he is only desperate
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00:06:30,566 --> 00:06:32,301
because the rumors are true.
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The Penguin's wall of crime
may encircle the city,
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00:06:35,438 --> 00:06:36,839
but its bricks are mortared
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00:06:36,939 --> 00:06:39,074
with the legal genius
of Harvey Dent.
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And thanks to the Batman,
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Harvey is no longer
with the organization.
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Safely spirited away in the
dead of night to Wayne Manor,
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Two-Face is finally free
of the Penguin's predations.
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00:06:50,586 --> 00:06:52,455
But the sudden appearance
of the Scarecrow
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suggests that his fortunes
have not necessarily improved.
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- [crowd shouting]
- Get some, get some!
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narrator: The noble homestead,
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defiled and debauched
by deviants.
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Stately Wayne Manor
is utterly besieged
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as is the central nervous
system
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00:07:05,868 --> 00:07:08,704
of its namesake occupant,
Bruce Wayne.
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00:07:08,804 --> 00:07:11,140
Caught unawares,
he succumbs to a gas attack
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from the nefarious
Dr. Jonathan Crane,
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now revealed to be
the pharaoh of panic himself,
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- the Scarecrow.
- [coughing]
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- Breathe deeply,
little Brucie.
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It's such a short trip from
the breath to the blood,
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- from the blood to the brain.
- I--I--
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- Oh, I've got such things
in store for you.
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You two, take him
to his resting place.
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The rest of you, Eyeball, Scud,
search the house.
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Roust the staff.
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I think it's just
one butler somehow.
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As for Dent,
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he's dangerous
and I'm bored with him.
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When you find that
conjoined monstrosity,
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put it out of its misery.
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narrator:
At their master's command,
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the crank-addled delinquents
fan out
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amidst the fine furnishings
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and a shambling miasma
of profanity.
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Where are you, Harvey?
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Ollie, ollie, oxen free!
[discordant notes]
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00:08:02,391 --> 00:08:04,393
Well, what have we here?
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[snorts] Of course this house
has its own pipe organ.
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Oh, now, that's just
an invitation, isn't it?
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♪ Oh ♪
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♪ The hip bone's connected
to the thigh bone ♪
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narrator: Upstairs,
faithful Alfred realizes
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00:08:23,579 --> 00:08:26,615
the time is now if
he and Two-Face wish to escape
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a rapidly approaching tide
of recreational sadists.
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00:08:30,219 --> 00:08:32,688
- Mr. Dent, I realize
you are somewhat poorly,
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00:08:32,755 --> 00:08:36,091
but if you could perhaps
find the strength, I recommend
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00:08:36,191 --> 00:08:38,627
we escape whatever
these hooligans have in mind.
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00:08:38,727 --> 00:08:40,029
[as the Other] No problem.
194
00:08:40,095 --> 00:08:41,964
- Where do you keep the heaters?
- Heaters?
195
00:08:42,064 --> 00:08:43,299
- [as Harvey]
Bruce doesn't keep firearms
196
00:08:43,399 --> 00:08:44,700
in the house, you clod.
197
00:08:44,767 --> 00:08:46,569
He detests them
for obvious reasons.
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00:08:46,635 --> 00:08:49,738
- [as the Other] Oh, right.
The parents got plugged.
199
00:08:49,805 --> 00:08:51,307
- [as Harvey]
Oh, have some tact,
200
00:08:51,407 --> 00:08:53,309
- you thoughtless ignoramus.
- [as the Other] Hey!
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00:08:53,409 --> 00:08:55,110
Don't talk to me like that
around the help.
202
00:08:55,210 --> 00:08:56,645
- Oh, I don't care.
- [as Harvey] The butler is
203
00:08:56,745 --> 00:08:58,447
several times
your mental superior and--
204
00:08:58,547 --> 00:08:59,882
- [growls as the Other]
- Please, sirs,
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00:08:59,949 --> 00:09:01,584
do exclude me
from the squabble.
206
00:09:01,650 --> 00:09:04,386
narrator: Alfred projects
preternatural calm,
207
00:09:04,453 --> 00:09:06,922
but a squabble
can only mean one thing:
208
00:09:06,989 --> 00:09:09,992
the effects of the JoyCure
are wearing off.
209
00:09:10,092 --> 00:09:13,295
And the peace and harmony
inside Two-Face along with it.
210
00:09:13,395 --> 00:09:14,663
[as Harvey] How dare you?
211
00:09:14,763 --> 00:09:16,665
- [as the Other]
Oh, don't faint, precious.
212
00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:18,801
narrator: With waxing dread,
Alfred realizes
213
00:09:18,901 --> 00:09:20,669
the window
to avoid catastrophe
214
00:09:20,769 --> 00:09:22,805
has nearly slammed shut
on his fingers.
215
00:09:22,905 --> 00:09:24,840
- Gentlemen, please.
both: Huh?
216
00:09:24,940 --> 00:09:26,809
- The situation has become
quite urgent.
217
00:09:26,909 --> 00:09:28,611
There is a ruffian
arriving imminently
218
00:09:28,677 --> 00:09:31,347
and he is going to find
the two of us unarmed.
219
00:09:31,447 --> 00:09:35,017
- Counselor, come out,
come out wherever you are.
220
00:09:35,117 --> 00:09:36,518
- [as Two-Face]
We can take 'em.
221
00:09:36,619 --> 00:09:38,287
- You're going to have to.
Listen carefully.
222
00:09:38,354 --> 00:09:39,855
There are twin suits of armor
223
00:09:39,955 --> 00:09:41,624
at the end of the hall
fully dressed for battle.
224
00:09:41,690 --> 00:09:44,026
- [as the Other] If it's twins,
we like the plan already.
225
00:09:44,126 --> 00:09:47,196
- I'll engage the ruffian
in a wrestling hold.
226
00:09:47,296 --> 00:09:49,465
- [as Two-Face] You?
- Well, I was rather a grappler
227
00:09:49,531 --> 00:09:52,301
in my youth, but yes, I'll only
manage to hold him for moment.
228
00:09:52,368 --> 00:09:54,937
So you need to rush
down the hall to the armor,
229
00:09:55,004 --> 00:09:57,339
procure a weapon,
and come to my rescue.
230
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- [as Harvey] Got it.
[door slams]
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00:09:58,941 --> 00:10:00,209
- Come out, come out--
- [groans]
232
00:10:00,309 --> 00:10:03,112
- Now, Mr. Dent.
[grunting]
233
00:10:03,178 --> 00:10:05,614
- [as Harvey] Uh, Alfredo,
we're at the armor.
234
00:10:05,681 --> 00:10:07,383
- Very good, sir.
If you would kindly...
235
00:10:07,483 --> 00:10:09,852
[grunts]
Only grab a mace.
236
00:10:09,952 --> 00:10:11,153
Now, Mr. Dent.
237
00:10:11,220 --> 00:10:12,221
- [as Harvey]
Okay, but there's two.
238
00:10:12,321 --> 00:10:13,522
Yes, just grab one.
239
00:10:13,622 --> 00:10:14,890
- [as Harvey]
Okay, but which one?
240
00:10:14,990 --> 00:10:16,458
- I assure you,
it doesn't matter.
241
00:10:16,525 --> 00:10:17,893
- [as Harvey]
I assure you it does.
242
00:10:17,993 --> 00:10:19,795
- Just flip a coin--
oh, ah, of course.
243
00:10:19,862 --> 00:10:21,030
The right one.
244
00:10:21,130 --> 00:10:22,398
- [as Harvey]
His right or right--
245
00:10:22,498 --> 00:10:23,966
- His right.
- [as Harvey] Thank you.
246
00:10:24,033 --> 00:10:25,834
narrator: Two-Face
labors through a fog
247
00:10:25,901 --> 00:10:28,671
of drug-induced confusion,
but seizing the iron cudgel,
248
00:10:28,737 --> 00:10:31,573
he is suddenly invigorated by
the promise of violence.
249
00:10:31,674 --> 00:10:33,242
- [screams as Two-Face]
narrator: A promise
250
00:10:33,342 --> 00:10:35,744
soon fulfilled
to his exacting standards.
251
00:10:35,844 --> 00:10:37,846
- [as the Other]
Good plan, Alfredo.
252
00:10:37,913 --> 00:10:40,416
- We knew we liked you.
- Yes, very good, sir.
253
00:10:40,516 --> 00:10:43,018
Now, if you please, run toward
the bottom of the stairs.
254
00:10:43,085 --> 00:10:46,255
Master Bruce's study locks
securely from the inside.
255
00:10:46,355 --> 00:10:47,823
I'll be right behind you.
256
00:10:47,890 --> 00:10:49,525
narrator: The two make haste
for sanctuary,
257
00:10:49,591 --> 00:10:51,660
but the remainder
of the hunting party
258
00:10:51,727 --> 00:10:53,829
catches a scent
of their quarry.
259
00:10:53,896 --> 00:10:55,264
- There they are.
After 'em.
260
00:10:55,364 --> 00:10:56,932
- Give me the shotgun, Scud.
[gun cocks]
261
00:10:57,032 --> 00:10:58,400
- [gunshot]
- [groans as Harvey]
262
00:10:58,500 --> 00:11:00,235
- Mr. Dent!
- [as Harvey] Just buckshot.
263
00:11:00,335 --> 00:11:02,871
We're... [groans]
Fine.
264
00:11:02,938 --> 00:11:05,107
Keep moving. We're almost--
265
00:11:05,207 --> 00:11:06,275
[door slams shut]
266
00:11:06,375 --> 00:11:07,943
There. [groans]
267
00:11:08,043 --> 00:11:10,579
narrator: Two-Face slumps
to the floor of the study,
268
00:11:10,679 --> 00:11:12,281
heaving and bloody.
269
00:11:12,381 --> 00:11:16,018
All else is eerily silent,
undisturbed,
270
00:11:16,085 --> 00:11:17,720
save for the patient serenity
271
00:11:17,786 --> 00:11:20,756
of the great
grandfather clock.
272
00:11:20,856 --> 00:11:23,092
- [as Two-Face]
Awful quiet out there.
273
00:11:23,192 --> 00:11:24,927
Do you think they--
[pounding on door]
274
00:11:25,027 --> 00:11:27,463
- Come out, come out, come out,
come out, little lambchops.
275
00:11:27,563 --> 00:11:30,766
It's time to get cleaned and
dressed and seared and eaten.
276
00:11:30,866 --> 00:11:33,936
- The door's reinforced, boss.
I mean, heavy duty.
277
00:11:34,036 --> 00:11:35,704
- Then we do this
with chemicals.
278
00:11:35,771 --> 00:11:37,740
- Oh, dear.
- Put on your masks.
279
00:11:37,806 --> 00:11:40,576
Flood the entire mansion
with the cheap stuff.
280
00:11:40,642 --> 00:11:41,944
30 parts per million.
281
00:11:42,044 --> 00:11:46,315
No, 80.
And cut it with CX nerve gas.
282
00:11:46,415 --> 00:11:48,450
We want these nightmares
to hurt.
283
00:11:48,550 --> 00:11:49,785
Oh, dear!
284
00:11:49,885 --> 00:11:50,886
narrator:
Alfred has mere moments
285
00:11:50,953 --> 00:11:52,287
to devise an escape.
286
00:11:52,387 --> 00:11:53,822
- The windows--
- [groans as Two-Face]
287
00:11:53,922 --> 00:11:55,491
narrator: Are no option
for Two-Face,
288
00:11:55,591 --> 00:11:57,826
who at present should be
occupying a stretcher.
289
00:11:57,926 --> 00:11:59,328
Let it rip, boys!
290
00:11:59,428 --> 00:12:00,996
narrator: They cannot remain
where they are.
291
00:12:01,096 --> 00:12:03,732
The door is sturdy,
but it is not airtight.
292
00:12:03,799 --> 00:12:05,901
In point of fact,
the only airtight
293
00:12:05,968 --> 00:12:07,469
and hermetically sealed
environment
294
00:12:07,569 --> 00:12:10,339
- on the estate grounds is--
- The Batcave.
295
00:12:10,439 --> 00:12:12,007
- [as Two-Face]
Come again, Alfredo?
296
00:12:12,107 --> 00:12:13,675
narrator:
Alfred has no choice.
297
00:12:13,776 --> 00:12:17,012
- Mr. Dent,
we're going downstairs.
298
00:12:17,112 --> 00:12:18,347
- [as Two-Face] Huh?
299
00:12:18,447 --> 00:12:20,516
[mechanism clicking]
[door creaks open]
300
00:12:20,616 --> 00:12:22,084
narrator:
Two-Face can be forgiven
301
00:12:22,151 --> 00:12:23,252
if he doesn't understand
302
00:12:23,318 --> 00:12:25,087
exactly what he's witnessing.
303
00:12:25,154 --> 00:12:27,689
A megadose of JoyCure
mingled with blood loss
304
00:12:27,790 --> 00:12:29,658
and a whiff of
the Scarecrow's gas
305
00:12:29,758 --> 00:12:32,995
is a stiff cocktail
for the ruddiest sot.
306
00:12:33,095 --> 00:12:34,530
But Two-Face could swear
307
00:12:34,630 --> 00:12:37,099
the butler just walked him
into the clock
308
00:12:37,166 --> 00:12:40,135
and down, down.
How far down?
309
00:12:40,202 --> 00:12:42,004
- [as Two-Face] What is this?
310
00:12:42,104 --> 00:12:44,773
Some kind of safe room?
311
00:12:44,840 --> 00:12:46,975
The safest in the city, sir.
312
00:12:47,042 --> 00:12:49,711
Authorization, Alfred one.
313
00:12:49,812 --> 00:12:52,881
narrator: The mismatched eyes
of Two-Face blink and strain
314
00:12:52,981 --> 00:12:56,618
through a heavy veil of drugs,
distress, and disbelief.
315
00:12:56,685 --> 00:12:58,787
- [as Harvey]
I can't believe it.
316
00:12:58,854 --> 00:13:01,223
It's not possible.
317
00:13:01,323 --> 00:13:03,892
Bruce Wayne is--
318
00:13:03,992 --> 00:13:06,228
- Yes, Mr. Dent,
Bruce Wayne is--
319
00:13:06,328 --> 00:13:07,896
- [as the Other]
Bruce Wayne
320
00:13:07,996 --> 00:13:10,833
- is a filthy liar.
- What? No.
321
00:13:10,899 --> 00:13:12,968
- [as Harvey]
He said he was there for us.
322
00:13:13,035 --> 00:13:16,171
- [as the Other] He always said
he wanted to help us.
323
00:13:16,238 --> 00:13:19,308
Sure, but all this time,
he had an angle.
324
00:13:19,374 --> 00:13:23,245
- [as Harvey]
Bruce Wayne is Batman.
325
00:13:23,345 --> 00:13:25,714
And I thought I was
the two-faced bastard.
326
00:13:25,814 --> 00:13:27,516
- Mr. Dent, I assure you--
327
00:13:27,583 --> 00:13:30,018
- [as the Other]
The old double life gimmick
328
00:13:30,085 --> 00:13:31,553
and we fell for it.
329
00:13:31,653 --> 00:13:34,056
- Please, Mr. Dent,
you need medical attention.
330
00:13:34,156 --> 00:13:37,092
- [as Harvey] We don't like
to be played, Alfredo.
331
00:13:37,192 --> 00:13:38,927
- [as Two-Face]
It's a guarantee.
332
00:13:39,027 --> 00:13:41,063
When we get played,
333
00:13:41,163 --> 00:13:45,701
someone...gets...hurt.
334
00:13:45,767 --> 00:13:47,769
Mr. Dent, don't!
335
00:13:47,870 --> 00:13:50,606
[crashing and
electrical zapping]
336
00:13:50,706 --> 00:13:54,943
narrator: The betrayal he long
suspected, seemingly realized.
337
00:13:55,043 --> 00:13:56,912
The wrath of Two-Face scorned
338
00:13:57,012 --> 00:13:59,548
is a two mega-ton bomb
in free fall.
339
00:13:59,615 --> 00:14:03,585
See it detonate in a future
tale of life and death
340
00:14:03,685 --> 00:14:06,021
in Gotham City.
341
00:14:06,088 --> 00:14:09,524
- My fellow Americans,
Honest Abe Fetterman here.
342
00:14:09,591 --> 00:14:11,627
Four score and seven years ago,
343
00:14:11,727 --> 00:14:14,096
I brought forth in Gotham City
344
00:14:14,196 --> 00:14:19,067
insane savings!
[electric guitar wails]
345
00:14:19,134 --> 00:14:21,403
But now, everything must go!
346
00:14:21,470 --> 00:14:23,472
I'm talking blenders!
I'm talking toasters!
347
00:14:23,572 --> 00:14:25,140
Washers, dryers!
That's right,
348
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:27,042
Honest Abe's Hardware
and Household Appliances
349
00:14:27,109 --> 00:14:30,579
is shutting its doors for good.
350
00:14:30,646 --> 00:14:32,814
But we're passing
the savings on to you.
351
00:14:32,915 --> 00:14:34,116
Just look at these deals.
352
00:14:34,216 --> 00:14:37,386
- An electric waffle iron.
- $900.
353
00:14:37,452 --> 00:14:39,955
- Energy Star rated
air conditioning unit.
354
00:14:40,055 --> 00:14:41,757
$600,000.
355
00:14:41,823 --> 00:14:45,093
- And right here is
a 19-inch color television set
356
00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:46,728
for the incredible price of--
357
00:14:46,795 --> 00:14:48,330
oh, my God,
this can't be right.
358
00:14:48,430 --> 00:14:50,332
499...
359
00:14:50,432 --> 00:14:56,571
734,850,000.52!
360
00:14:56,638 --> 00:15:03,512
$499,734,850,000.52!
361
00:15:03,612 --> 00:15:05,013
That's right, Gotham City.
362
00:15:05,113 --> 00:15:10,585
With prices like these,
I must be insane!
363
00:15:10,652 --> 00:15:14,423
- And of course, he was.
Hi, I'm Abraham Fetterman Jr.
364
00:15:14,489 --> 00:15:15,691
and I want to thank
the community
365
00:15:15,791 --> 00:15:17,259
for their support
for my father,
366
00:15:17,326 --> 00:15:18,760
Honest Abe Fetterman,
367
00:15:18,827 --> 00:15:21,163
during his recent struggle
with mental illness.
368
00:15:21,263 --> 00:15:22,664
It wasn't easy for him to close
369
00:15:22,764 --> 00:15:24,933
his beloved hardware and
household appliance store
370
00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:27,336
and agree to be committed
to Arkham Asylum,
371
00:15:27,436 --> 00:15:29,604
but we all agree it was
for the best
372
00:15:29,671 --> 00:15:30,872
and he's happier there.
373
00:15:30,973 --> 00:15:32,374
And I understand
they're letting him wear
374
00:15:32,474 --> 00:15:34,609
his Abe Lincoln costume
on the inside,
375
00:15:34,676 --> 00:15:37,546
which probably means they
found out the same way I did
376
00:15:37,646 --> 00:15:39,715
that if you try to take it
off him, he will bite you.
377
00:15:39,815 --> 00:15:41,883
Kindness gets you nowhere
with that man.
378
00:15:41,984 --> 00:15:44,820
Anyhow, from all of us
at the Honest Abe family,
379
00:15:44,886 --> 00:15:46,321
minus Honest Abe,
380
00:15:46,388 --> 00:15:48,457
who will be making
no further public statements,
381
00:15:48,523 --> 00:15:49,992
thanks for the memories,
Gotham City.
382
00:15:50,058 --> 00:15:53,562
chorus: ♪ Honest Abe's
Hardware and ♪
383
00:15:53,662 --> 00:15:56,898
♪ Household Appliances ♪
384
00:15:56,999 --> 00:16:01,470
♪ The prices are
literally insane ♪
385
00:16:01,536 --> 00:16:03,739
narrator: Gotham,
a cat's cradle
386
00:16:03,839 --> 00:16:05,874
strung from
high-tension wires.
387
00:16:05,974 --> 00:16:08,910
Join us now, for another tale
of life and death
388
00:16:09,011 --> 00:16:11,013
in Gotham City.
389
00:16:12,647 --> 00:16:13,682
Robin to Batman.
390
00:16:13,749 --> 00:16:15,584
[radio static]
Come on.
391
00:16:15,684 --> 00:16:17,219
narrator:
Batman and Robin communicate
392
00:16:17,319 --> 00:16:19,721
over a heavily modified
WayneTech Mark 7
393
00:16:19,821 --> 00:16:22,991
crystal-fiber satellite linkup
supported by a network
394
00:16:23,058 --> 00:16:26,261
of ideally located private
relay towers around Gotham.
395
00:16:26,361 --> 00:16:28,764
- Robin to Batcave.
Computer, do you copy?
396
00:16:28,864 --> 00:16:31,033
[radio static]
You gotta be kidding me.
397
00:16:31,099 --> 00:16:33,335
narrator: It's possible for
any system to fail,
398
00:16:33,402 --> 00:16:36,038
even one designed
by the Batman,
399
00:16:36,104 --> 00:16:38,040
or so Robin tells himself.
400
00:16:38,106 --> 00:16:39,708
What's the alternative?
401
00:16:39,775 --> 00:16:43,278
Batman and the Batcave
are both somehow offline?
402
00:16:43,378 --> 00:16:44,880
Preposterous.
403
00:16:44,946 --> 00:16:46,948
And so the Boy Wonder
puts it from his mind
404
00:16:47,049 --> 00:16:49,518
to focus more keenly
on the task at hand.
405
00:16:49,584 --> 00:16:51,019
[comm beeping]
406
00:16:51,086 --> 00:16:52,687
- Come in, Commissioner Gordon.
- Gordon here.
407
00:16:52,754 --> 00:16:54,689
- Is this Robin?
- Yes, sir.
408
00:16:54,756 --> 00:16:56,958
My communications with
the Batman are non-functional.
409
00:16:57,059 --> 00:16:59,594
- Do you have comms?
- Negative. Is that normal?
410
00:16:59,694 --> 00:17:01,229
Not normal, no.
411
00:17:01,296 --> 00:17:03,632
I was just about to end
my patrol early and investigate
412
00:17:03,732 --> 00:17:05,767
when I saw suspicious activity
at the old
413
00:17:05,867 --> 00:17:08,537
Honest Abe's Hardware and
Household Appliances store.
414
00:17:08,603 --> 00:17:10,972
- That's on the edge of
Burma Shave Boys territory.
415
00:17:11,073 --> 00:17:12,974
Probably a gang
of those urchins scrounging
416
00:17:13,074 --> 00:17:14,476
for abandoned valuables,
isn't it?
417
00:17:14,576 --> 00:17:16,978
- That could be,
but I had a hunch.
418
00:17:17,079 --> 00:17:18,547
Joker has been
bouncing around town
419
00:17:18,613 --> 00:17:20,615
from one makeshift
safehouse to the next
420
00:17:20,715 --> 00:17:22,784
- since Penguin put the hit out.
- Yeah?
421
00:17:22,884 --> 00:17:25,821
- Batman always says there's
a method to his madness.
422
00:17:25,921 --> 00:17:27,823
I think he's set up shop
in Honest Abe's.
423
00:17:27,923 --> 00:17:29,991
- The Joker?
Of all the places in Gotham,
424
00:17:30,092 --> 00:17:31,493
what in the world
makes you think
425
00:17:31,593 --> 00:17:33,061
he's in an abandoned
hardware store?
426
00:17:33,128 --> 00:17:34,596
- It's the initials,
Commissioner.
427
00:17:34,663 --> 00:17:37,432
Probably pretty irresistible
to the Joker.
428
00:17:37,499 --> 00:17:40,001
- Initials?
- Honest Abe's--
429
00:17:40,102 --> 00:17:41,303
- H-A--
430
00:17:41,403 --> 00:17:43,905
- Hardware and
Household Appliances.
431
00:17:43,972 --> 00:17:47,509
- H-A, H-A.
432
00:17:47,609 --> 00:17:49,177
"Ha, ha, ha."
433
00:17:49,277 --> 00:17:51,513
- They say the best jokes are
the ones you have to explain.
434
00:17:51,613 --> 00:17:53,148
- Yeah, well,
if it is the Joker--
435
00:17:53,248 --> 00:17:54,683
- Sorry to interrupt,
Commissioner,
436
00:17:54,783 --> 00:17:56,485
but we're no longer dealing
in hypotheticals.
437
00:17:56,585 --> 00:17:59,354
narrator: A long purple sedan
with darkened headlamps
438
00:17:59,454 --> 00:18:01,523
slithers down the alley
like a viper.
439
00:18:01,623 --> 00:18:04,292
[engine rumbling]
440
00:18:04,359 --> 00:18:05,660
[door opens]
441
00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:07,696
- [footsteps]
- [whistling]
442
00:18:07,796 --> 00:18:09,331
It's the Joker all right.
443
00:18:09,431 --> 00:18:11,700
I've never been
this close to him, you know?
444
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:14,336
- Not without Batman.
- Okay, now, now, fall back.
445
00:18:14,436 --> 00:18:16,872
I'll send a unit.
I'll send two.
446
00:18:16,972 --> 00:18:18,373
He's unloading crates.
447
00:18:18,473 --> 00:18:20,008
Batman would
plant surveillance.
448
00:18:20,108 --> 00:18:21,476
- Batman would tell you
to get out of there
449
00:18:21,543 --> 00:18:22,811
and report to him.
450
00:18:22,878 --> 00:18:24,146
- Can't test that theory,
Commissioner.
451
00:18:24,212 --> 00:18:25,847
Batman isn't
answering my calls.
452
00:18:25,947 --> 00:18:28,984
- [whistling]
[rolling door clanking]
453
00:18:29,050 --> 00:18:30,318
- [whispers]
He went inside.
454
00:18:30,385 --> 00:18:31,786
I can slip in
the basement window
455
00:18:31,853 --> 00:18:33,522
and plant an eavesdropper
in the storefront.
456
00:18:33,622 --> 00:18:35,624
- Robin, I know
I don't give you orders,
457
00:18:35,690 --> 00:18:37,392
but I hope I've earned
enough of your respect
458
00:18:37,492 --> 00:18:40,896
that you'll listen to me
when I beg you.
459
00:18:40,996 --> 00:18:43,665
Don't do it.
460
00:18:43,732 --> 00:18:47,502
You thinking it over?
What I said?
461
00:18:47,569 --> 00:18:50,172
Thinking about not doing it?
462
00:18:50,238 --> 00:18:52,040
Robin?
463
00:18:52,140 --> 00:18:53,542
Hello?
narrator: Too late.
464
00:18:53,642 --> 00:18:55,577
Robin is already inside.
465
00:18:55,677 --> 00:18:58,313
It's pitch dark.
Should it be this cold?
466
00:18:58,380 --> 00:19:02,484
Night vision reveals...
no sign of the Joker.
467
00:19:02,551 --> 00:19:05,487
But the Boy Wonder can still
count on his keen hearing.
468
00:19:05,554 --> 00:19:07,656
- [whistling]
- He's in the back office.
469
00:19:07,722 --> 00:19:09,558
narrator: Robin could leave
the surveillance device
470
00:19:09,658 --> 00:19:11,059
anywhere in the shop,
471
00:19:11,159 --> 00:19:13,228
but the Joker could be gone
in hours.
472
00:19:13,328 --> 00:19:15,864
Less.
What is it that Batman says
473
00:19:15,931 --> 00:19:16,998
about opportunity?
474
00:19:17,065 --> 00:19:18,733
Knock first and knock hard.
475
00:19:18,833 --> 00:19:20,835
narrator: The real coup
would be planting it
476
00:19:20,902 --> 00:19:22,771
on the clown himself.
477
00:19:22,871 --> 00:19:24,606
The whistling
seems to beckon him.
478
00:19:24,706 --> 00:19:26,441
- [exhales deeply]
I can do this.
479
00:19:26,541 --> 00:19:28,944
narrator: As Robin creeps
between the empty shelves
480
00:19:29,044 --> 00:19:30,512
of the abandoned storefront,
481
00:19:30,579 --> 00:19:32,747
the vacancy of the place
seems to howl.
482
00:19:32,847 --> 00:19:34,549
[whistling]
483
00:19:34,616 --> 00:19:36,918
narrator: If he can just get
a line of sight on the Joker,
484
00:19:37,018 --> 00:19:40,755
he can shoot the eavesdropper
from a distance undetected.
485
00:19:40,855 --> 00:19:42,290
The floor is sticky.
486
00:19:42,390 --> 00:19:44,793
What are those fumes?
487
00:19:44,893 --> 00:19:48,063
Something was burned beyond
recognition in the trashcan.
488
00:19:48,129 --> 00:19:50,865
What is it? What was it?
489
00:19:50,932 --> 00:19:53,235
And why is it so cold in here?
490
00:19:53,301 --> 00:19:54,869
[whistling]
491
00:19:54,936 --> 00:19:56,471
narrator: At last,
he gets to the door.
492
00:19:56,571 --> 00:19:58,373
[door creaks quietly]
493
00:19:58,440 --> 00:20:01,076
And peering into the light
of a single, bare bulb,
494
00:20:01,142 --> 00:20:02,744
the Boy Wonder sees--
495
00:20:02,811 --> 00:20:04,946
Oh, no.
496
00:20:05,046 --> 00:20:07,315
narrator: That he should've
listened to the Commissioner.
497
00:20:07,415 --> 00:20:10,986
- Now then, try practicing
that tune a few times.
498
00:20:11,086 --> 00:20:14,055
When you're ready,
flip to side B of
499
00:20:14,122 --> 00:20:16,157
"How to Whistle
like a Nightingale--"
500
00:20:16,258 --> 00:20:17,993
[record skipping]
nightingale--nightingale--
501
00:20:18,093 --> 00:20:21,062
narrator: A phonograph needle
in an empty room skips.
502
00:20:21,129 --> 00:20:23,798
Robin realizes
his mistake too late
503
00:20:23,898 --> 00:20:26,101
as he feels a cold hand
on his shoulder.
504
00:20:26,167 --> 00:20:29,604
- You must know how to whistle,
little birdy.
505
00:20:29,671 --> 00:20:30,739
Got any pointers?
506
00:20:30,805 --> 00:20:32,140
- [groans]
[impact]
507
00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:37,846
- These records are a real
rip-off. [laughs]
508
00:20:37,946 --> 00:20:39,514
narrator: Robin is felled.
509
00:20:39,614 --> 00:20:41,950
To find out why
the caged bird stings,
510
00:20:42,017 --> 00:20:46,521
tune in to future tales of
life and death in Gotham City.
511
00:20:46,621 --> 00:20:49,424
[upbeat electric music]
512
00:20:49,491 --> 00:20:53,128
chorus: ♪ Gotham City One ♪
513
00:20:53,194 --> 00:20:55,363
- Good evening,
Gotham movie buffs.
514
00:20:55,463 --> 00:20:57,132
I'm Jack Ryder.
515
00:20:57,198 --> 00:20:59,868
Tune in this Saturday at
midnight when I'm hosting--
516
00:20:59,968 --> 00:21:02,037
[bell tolls]
Oh, no.
517
00:21:02,137 --> 00:21:03,805
[creepy voice]
The transformation
518
00:21:03,872 --> 00:21:07,142
is happening again!
519
00:21:07,208 --> 00:21:09,177
[laughs]
520
00:21:09,277 --> 00:21:12,213
Hark!
Strikes the midnight hour
521
00:21:12,314 --> 00:21:17,652
and so the Creeper emerges from
his ancient tomb to--
522
00:21:17,719 --> 00:21:19,721
[normally]
"Tomb"? Am I a vampire?
523
00:21:19,821 --> 00:21:22,324
I thought this was, like,
a Jekyll-Hyde thing.
524
00:21:22,390 --> 00:21:24,359
Yeah, no, it does.
It makes a difference to me.
525
00:21:24,459 --> 00:21:26,995
We just did
a whole transformat--fine.
526
00:21:27,062 --> 00:21:29,631
[creepy voice] Join me,
the Midnight Creeper,
527
00:21:29,698 --> 00:21:32,801
on Gotham City One this
Saturday as I seize control
528
00:21:32,867 --> 00:21:35,470
of your planetary airways
for a screening of
529
00:21:35,537 --> 00:21:40,308
the Argus Studios
horror classic, "Dread Castle."
530
00:21:40,375 --> 00:21:42,877
Do not resist, puny Earthlings.
You will--
531
00:21:42,977 --> 00:21:45,246
[normally] "Earthlings"?
Earthlings, okay.
532
00:21:45,347 --> 00:21:47,015
You're just
messing with me now.
533
00:21:47,082 --> 00:21:49,317
Did anyone settle
on a backstory
534
00:21:49,384 --> 00:21:51,519
for this character? No?
535
00:21:51,586 --> 00:21:53,822
Just a little creative
free-for-all to make
536
00:21:53,888 --> 00:21:56,591
Jack look like he has
no judgement whatsoever?
537
00:21:56,691 --> 00:21:57,926
Whatever.
538
00:21:58,026 --> 00:21:59,094
[defeated creepy voice]
The midnight movie
539
00:21:59,194 --> 00:22:00,395
on Gotham City One.
540
00:22:00,495 --> 00:22:01,863
[normally] I regret--
I just hate this.
541
00:22:01,930 --> 00:22:02,931
I hate every part of this.
542
00:22:03,031 --> 00:22:05,433
♪ ♪
543
00:22:05,533 --> 00:22:08,336
chorus: ♪ Gotham City One ♪
544
00:22:08,403 --> 00:22:09,938
narrator: Gotham, a dark room
545
00:22:10,038 --> 00:22:13,041
where memories drown
in a chemical bath.
546
00:22:13,108 --> 00:22:16,277
Join us once again for a tale
of life and death
547
00:22:16,378 --> 00:22:18,680
in Gotham City.
548
00:22:20,849 --> 00:22:23,618
The silence of the tomb.
549
00:22:23,718 --> 00:22:25,420
- [scraping]
- Where am I?
550
00:22:25,520 --> 00:22:27,956
narrator: It was a somewhat
rhetorical question.
551
00:22:28,056 --> 00:22:32,127
Bruce is restrained, confined,
and so heavily drugged
552
00:22:32,227 --> 00:22:35,430
any further elaboration
would be lost on him.
553
00:22:35,530 --> 00:22:37,465
It was a waste of breath
to even ask,
554
00:22:37,565 --> 00:22:39,567
unless someone can hear him.
555
00:22:39,634 --> 00:22:41,469
You're in the family plot.
556
00:22:41,569 --> 00:22:44,305
Yes, I know it's cramped,
but you'll soon disassociate
557
00:22:44,406 --> 00:22:47,375
and we'll wander the wilds of
your mind together,
558
00:22:47,442 --> 00:22:48,643
little Brucie.
559
00:22:48,743 --> 00:22:50,578
Through one of your...
560
00:22:50,645 --> 00:22:54,482
- manufactured nightmares.
- Nonsense.
561
00:22:54,582 --> 00:22:57,786
I'm here to give you
your fondest wish,
562
00:22:57,886 --> 00:23:01,222
little orphan boy.
Just like magic.
563
00:23:01,289 --> 00:23:05,326
In fact, abracadabra.
564
00:23:05,427 --> 00:23:07,495
What did you just do?
565
00:23:07,595 --> 00:23:09,998
- I've given you
a chance at happiness.
566
00:23:10,098 --> 00:23:11,966
- Bruce.
- Mother?
567
00:23:12,066 --> 00:23:14,769
- Bruce.
- Father?
568
00:23:14,836 --> 00:23:16,171
What is this?
569
00:23:16,271 --> 00:23:18,940
It's therapy, dear boy.
570
00:23:19,007 --> 00:23:22,177
In here, you're no longer
an orphan.
571
00:23:22,277 --> 00:23:23,745
Bruce, come along now.
572
00:23:23,812 --> 00:23:25,113
What are you saying?
573
00:23:25,180 --> 00:23:28,483
That night,
the Monarch theater,
574
00:23:28,583 --> 00:23:32,487
the alley,
my parents weren't killed?
575
00:23:32,587 --> 00:23:34,856
Oh, not yet.
576
00:23:34,956 --> 00:23:36,825
- Hurry, Bruce.
The picture's about to start.
577
00:23:36,925 --> 00:23:39,661
- But it is that night, Bruce.
- No.
578
00:23:39,761 --> 00:23:41,362
- And I'm afraid
the night is young.
579
00:23:41,463 --> 00:23:43,031
- If you don't step lively,
young man,
580
00:23:43,131 --> 00:23:44,299
you'll miss the cartoon short.
581
00:23:44,365 --> 00:23:45,867
- Mother, don't go
into the theater.
582
00:23:45,967 --> 00:23:47,702
- You love the cartoon short,
don't you, son?
583
00:23:47,802 --> 00:23:50,605
- Father, please.
Please take us home.
584
00:23:50,672 --> 00:23:53,141
What has gotten into you?
585
00:23:53,208 --> 00:23:55,143
- And now,
Argus Pictures presents
586
00:23:55,210 --> 00:23:58,379
the ham-fisted predicaments
of the Dim Knight,
587
00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:01,883
the world's greatest
defective, Bat-Mite.
588
00:24:01,983 --> 00:24:04,219
- This is your chance
at happiness, Bruce.
589
00:24:04,319 --> 00:24:06,888
A chance you've always wanted.
590
00:24:06,988 --> 00:24:08,623
A chance to save them.
591
00:24:08,690 --> 00:24:10,191
[chuckles]
592
00:24:10,291 --> 00:24:13,228
- Can you save your parents
this time, Bruce?
593
00:24:13,328 --> 00:24:14,696
[laughs]
594
00:24:14,796 --> 00:24:16,865
narrator: Life and death
in Gotham City.
595
00:24:16,965 --> 00:24:19,033
To be continued.
596
00:24:21,402 --> 00:24:23,538
"Batman:
The Audio Adventures,"
597
00:24:23,638 --> 00:24:26,574
written and directed
by Dennis McNicholas.
598
00:24:26,674 --> 00:24:30,011
Batman created by Bob Kane
with Bill Finger.
599
00:24:30,078 --> 00:24:32,247
Based on characters from DC.
600
00:24:32,347 --> 00:24:35,083
With performances
by Jeffrey Wright,
601
00:24:35,183 --> 00:24:38,186
Aristotle Athari,
Ike Barinholtz,
602
00:24:38,253 --> 00:24:41,189
Rosario Dawson, Steve Higgins,
603
00:24:41,256 --> 00:24:43,892
Toby Huss, Gillian Jacobs,
604
00:24:43,992 --> 00:24:46,594
John Leguizamo,
Dennis McNicholas.
605
00:24:46,694 --> 00:24:49,330
Tim Meadows, Seth Meyers,
606
00:24:49,397 --> 00:24:52,033
Bobby Moynihan, Chris Parnell,
607
00:24:52,100 --> 00:24:54,602
Katie Rich, Ben Rodgers,
608
00:24:54,702 --> 00:24:57,238
Paul Scheer, Pete Schultz,
609
00:24:57,338 --> 00:24:59,774
Brooke Shields, Brent Spiner,
610
00:24:59,874 --> 00:25:02,210
Kenan Thompson, Alan Tudyk,
611
00:25:02,277 --> 00:25:05,747
Bradley Whitford,
Melissa Villaseñor,
612
00:25:05,847 --> 00:25:08,449
Eli Brueggemann, Doug Bossi,
613
00:25:08,550 --> 00:25:11,352
Ronjini Brown, Chris Gibney,
614
00:25:11,419 --> 00:25:13,888
Julie Larson, Erica Phillips,
615
00:25:13,955 --> 00:25:16,457
Rosie Phillips, Tony Phillips,
616
00:25:16,558 --> 00:25:18,960
Zoey Phillips, Deirdre Quinn,
617
00:25:19,060 --> 00:25:20,595
Robbie Wyckoff.
618
00:25:20,695 --> 00:25:24,699
Executive producers,
John Berg, Angela Petrella.
619
00:25:24,766 --> 00:25:27,101
Produced by Dennis McNicholas.
620
00:25:27,201 --> 00:25:29,370
Executives
in charge of production,
621
00:25:29,437 --> 00:25:32,106
Shaleen Desai, Peter Girardi.
622
00:25:32,206 --> 00:25:34,142
Producer, Tyler Dorson.
623
00:25:34,242 --> 00:25:36,644
Production services
by Cast Media.
624
00:25:36,744 --> 00:25:38,613
Producer, Colin Thompson.
625
00:25:38,713 --> 00:25:41,316
Coordinating producer,
DJ Lubel.
626
00:25:41,416 --> 00:25:43,451
Music by Doug Bossi.
627
00:25:43,551 --> 00:25:45,753
Sound recording, design,
and mixing
628
00:25:45,820 --> 00:25:47,288
by Big Yellow Duck.
629
00:25:47,388 --> 00:25:49,958
Sound design, mixing,
dialogue editing,
630
00:25:50,058 --> 00:25:52,594
and rerecording mixing
by Chris Gibney.
631
00:25:52,660 --> 00:25:55,163
Dialogue editing and
additional post-production
632
00:25:55,263 --> 00:25:56,798
by Julie Larson.
633
00:25:56,898 --> 00:26:00,068
Original songs by Doug Bossi
and Tony Phillips.
634
00:26:00,134 --> 00:26:01,803
The characters and events
depicted
635
00:26:01,903 --> 00:26:03,638
in this podcast are fictional.
636
00:26:03,738 --> 00:26:06,074
Any similarity
to any actual person
637
00:26:06,140 --> 00:26:08,943
living or dead
or to any actual events,
638
00:26:09,010 --> 00:26:12,480
firms, places, and
institutions or other entities
639
00:26:12,580 --> 00:26:14,749
is coincidental
and unintentional.
640
00:26:14,816 --> 00:26:16,851
This podcast is protected
under the laws
641
00:26:16,951 --> 00:26:19,320
of the United States
and other countries,
642
00:26:19,420 --> 00:26:21,089
and its unauthorized
duplication,
643
00:26:21,155 --> 00:26:22,924
distribution, or exhibition
644
00:26:22,991 --> 00:26:26,427
may result in civil liability
and criminal prosecution.
645
00:26:26,494 --> 00:26:29,530
Country of first publication,
United States of America.
646
00:26:29,631 --> 00:26:33,034
"Batman the Audio Adventures,"
copyright 2022
647
00:26:33,134 --> 00:26:35,169
Warner Bros.
Entertainment Inc.
648
00:26:35,269 --> 00:26:37,805
Batman and all related
characters and elements
649
00:26:37,872 --> 00:26:40,341
are trademark and copyright
DC.
650
00:26:40,441 --> 00:26:41,976
All rights reserved.
651
00:26:42,043 --> 00:26:44,979
[jazz music]
652
00:26:45,046 --> 00:26:46,547
♪ ♪