1 00:00:14,647 --> 00:00:15,915 Where am I? 2 00:00:16,015 --> 00:00:17,384 Where are you? 3 00:00:17,484 --> 00:00:19,552 Well, now what kind of question is that, son? 4 00:00:19,652 --> 00:00:21,421 - Father? - You didn't fall asleep, 5 00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:23,590 - did you, Bruce? - Mother? 6 00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:25,592 Mother, it's-it's dark. 7 00:00:25,692 --> 00:00:27,227 - Well, it is a movie theater, Bruce. 8 00:00:27,327 --> 00:00:28,728 - Welcome to the Monarch Theater. 9 00:00:28,828 --> 00:00:30,597 - Sit back and enjoy the show. - Oh, no. 10 00:00:30,697 --> 00:00:32,332 - Bruce, settle down now, dearest. 11 00:00:32,399 --> 00:00:33,867 - It can't be. - The cartoon short 12 00:00:33,933 --> 00:00:35,001 is starting, Bruce. 13 00:00:35,068 --> 00:00:36,569 Who knows what evil dwells 14 00:00:36,669 --> 00:00:39,039 in the heart of the dark of the city? 15 00:00:39,105 --> 00:00:41,041 One lone defender of the night. 16 00:00:41,107 --> 00:00:44,577 Look! In the shadows. On the rooftops. 17 00:00:44,677 --> 00:00:46,246 It's a specter. It's a shade. 18 00:00:46,346 --> 00:00:48,882 It's Bat-Mite! 19 00:00:48,948 --> 00:00:50,450 - Yuh-oh! 20 00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:52,752 - Argus Studios Consolidated Cartoons presents 21 00:00:52,852 --> 00:00:54,220 Bat-Mite in... 22 00:00:54,287 --> 00:00:56,289 "The Thomas and Martha Wayne Murders." 23 00:00:58,425 --> 00:00:59,959 - What is this? What's happening? 24 00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:02,429 - I saw the Mite Lite, Commissioner Gorgon. 25 00:01:02,529 --> 00:01:03,730 What can I do to crush 26 00:01:03,797 --> 00:01:05,532 the city's malefactors tonight? 27 00:01:05,598 --> 00:01:07,133 - Ah, Bat-Mite, finally. 28 00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:09,636 I need you to escort the Wayne family 29 00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:12,539 from the Monarch Theater through Crime Alley. 30 00:01:12,605 --> 00:01:14,140 And when I get back, 31 00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:17,243 I better not find them in a puddle of blood! 32 00:01:17,310 --> 00:01:18,745 Is that clear? 33 00:01:18,812 --> 00:01:20,313 - You can count on me, Commissioner. 34 00:01:20,413 --> 00:01:21,714 - No. - What's wrong, Bruce? 35 00:01:21,781 --> 00:01:23,149 Something the matter, son? 36 00:01:23,249 --> 00:01:25,652 - Yeah, something the matter, Brucie? 37 00:01:25,752 --> 00:01:26,986 - What? - Yoo-hoo. 38 00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:28,721 Up here on the screen, mac. 39 00:01:28,788 --> 00:01:31,291 What's the matter? Don't you like the cartoon? 40 00:01:31,391 --> 00:01:33,960 - This isn't happening. This didn't happen. 41 00:01:34,060 --> 00:01:36,429 - Yeah, past and present have gone all screwy 42 00:01:36,496 --> 00:01:38,832 here in Bruce's bean, haven't they? 43 00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:42,001 It's the Scarecrow's fear toxin, of course. 44 00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:43,436 But don't worry. 45 00:01:43,503 --> 00:01:45,438 Just like I told the Commish, 46 00:01:45,505 --> 00:01:47,340 I got everything under-- 47 00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:49,476 - All right, youse mugs, this is a stickup. 48 00:01:49,576 --> 00:01:51,177 - Yuh-oh! 49 00:01:51,277 --> 00:01:52,745 - I'll take that necklace you're wearing, lady. 50 00:01:52,812 --> 00:01:54,180 - Save us, Bat-Mite! 51 00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:56,583 - Never fear, Bat-Mite is here! 52 00:01:56,649 --> 00:01:58,184 I am vengeance. 53 00:01:58,284 --> 00:01:59,953 I am judgment. 54 00:02:00,019 --> 00:02:01,788 I am righteous justice. 55 00:02:01,855 --> 00:02:03,523 I am originally from upstate, 56 00:02:03,623 --> 00:02:06,493 but small-town life doesn't really suit my style. 57 00:02:06,593 --> 00:02:09,028 So a few years back, I sold everything I owned 58 00:02:09,128 --> 00:02:10,864 and I bought a van, and I said, 59 00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:13,032 "If you don't do this now, you're gonna wake up one day 60 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:14,801 full of regrets, Bat-Mite." 61 00:02:14,868 --> 00:02:16,870 And-- 62 00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:18,972 Yuh-oh! 63 00:02:19,038 --> 00:02:20,340 See you around, pally. 64 00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:22,942 - Bat-Mite! - Yuh-oh! 65 00:02:23,009 --> 00:02:25,478 - Whose puddle of blood is this? 66 00:02:25,545 --> 00:02:28,848 And don't you dare say the Waynes'! 67 00:02:30,950 --> 00:02:33,686 - Psst. Hey, Brucie. It looks like you were right. 68 00:02:33,786 --> 00:02:38,057 It looks like your parents are daisy food, again. 69 00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:41,060 - This isn't happening. Focus. 70 00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:43,229 This is just convulsions in your subconscious. 71 00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:45,732 - Oh, boo-hoo. So sue me. 72 00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:48,635 I'm just the vengeance of the night over here. 73 00:02:48,701 --> 00:02:50,803 If you're so sure you could do a better job... 74 00:02:50,870 --> 00:02:52,906 - Well, Thomas, that cartoon was dreadful. 75 00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:54,741 - I've seen enough. - I agree, Martha. 76 00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:57,177 Gather Bruce and let's leave discreetly. 77 00:02:57,243 --> 00:02:58,912 We'll use the exit onto the alley. 78 00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:02,482 - You're about to get your chance to prove it! 79 00:03:02,549 --> 00:03:06,219 Gotham, an oil slick on the road to salvation. 80 00:03:06,319 --> 00:03:09,255 Join us now for another tale of life and death 81 00:03:09,355 --> 00:03:10,723 in Gotham City. 82 00:03:10,823 --> 00:03:11,991 March 8th. 83 00:03:12,058 --> 00:03:13,226 Bruce Wayne is lost 84 00:03:13,326 --> 00:03:14,694 in the mists of his mind 85 00:03:14,761 --> 00:03:16,729 and at the mercy of the Scarecrow. 86 00:03:16,829 --> 00:03:18,264 Meanwhile, the Penguin mounts 87 00:03:18,364 --> 00:03:20,400 an aggressive effort at damage control, 88 00:03:20,500 --> 00:03:24,404 his fearsome reputation eroded by imprudent ambition. 89 00:03:24,504 --> 00:03:26,005 Without Harvey Dent, 90 00:03:26,072 --> 00:03:28,408 he stands to lose his grip on the underworld. 91 00:03:28,508 --> 00:03:30,410 And without the Joker's head on a pike, 92 00:03:30,510 --> 00:03:32,412 he will lose his precariously-situated 93 00:03:32,512 --> 00:03:34,948 influence over the police department. 94 00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:38,117 Oswald Cobblepot has badly miscalculated. 95 00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:40,553 And his only hope is that Catwoman 96 00:03:40,620 --> 00:03:42,121 can adjust the final tally. 97 00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:46,859 Arkham Asylum for the Criminally Insane. 98 00:03:46,926 --> 00:03:48,528 Superintendent of Operations 99 00:03:48,595 --> 00:03:50,964 Dr. Jeremiah Arkham has a problem. 100 00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:53,132 - Nurse! Has anyone seen the new nurse? 101 00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:54,968 He came into work today to find 102 00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:57,637 someone had changed the entry code to his office. 103 00:03:57,737 --> 00:03:59,939 This is irritating but not unusual. 104 00:04:00,039 --> 00:04:02,242 The security keypads are known for their glitches. 105 00:04:02,308 --> 00:04:04,811 The unusual part is, 106 00:04:04,911 --> 00:04:06,312 when he entered his code incorrectly... 107 00:04:06,412 --> 00:04:07,981 - Huh? 108 00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:09,816 The basement of the asylum flooded. 109 00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:12,652 And every time he enters his code incorrectly... 110 00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:14,320 - Son of a-- 111 00:04:14,420 --> 00:04:16,489 The water rises another 12 inches. 112 00:04:16,589 --> 00:04:17,824 That does it. 113 00:04:17,924 --> 00:04:19,225 Dr. Arkham knows well 114 00:04:19,292 --> 00:04:20,660 that a problem of this nature 115 00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:23,396 has one, and only one, possible source. 116 00:04:23,463 --> 00:04:24,664 - Riddler. 117 00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:28,167 where did Noah find a leakum? 118 00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:31,471 in the bottom of his Arkham. 119 00:04:34,340 --> 00:04:36,676 Not funny. Not funny. 120 00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:38,344 - I'll tell you what's not funny. 121 00:04:38,444 --> 00:04:40,280 I booked a room in a sanatorium. 122 00:04:40,346 --> 00:04:43,283 This dump is clearly a sanitarium. 123 00:04:43,349 --> 00:04:45,084 Did you think I wouldn't notice? 124 00:04:46,753 --> 00:04:49,922 Ugh, they're synonyms with different Latin roots. 125 00:04:49,989 --> 00:04:51,291 Why did I think you'd get that? 126 00:04:51,357 --> 00:04:53,026 You're a plebeian from a diploma mill. 127 00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:56,262 - How is it that every time I take away your privileges, 128 00:04:56,329 --> 00:04:57,830 life gets harder for me? 129 00:04:57,930 --> 00:04:59,932 - Well, in military terms, that's called 130 00:04:59,999 --> 00:05:03,436 getting your ass kicked on the battlefield, Jeremiah. 131 00:05:03,503 --> 00:05:06,306 Is it really that hard to understand? 132 00:05:06,372 --> 00:05:07,707 I'm kidding. I know that it is. 133 00:05:07,807 --> 00:05:10,009 - What's it gonna take, huh? Tell me. 134 00:05:10,109 --> 00:05:12,045 - Well, you'd have to go back to school 135 00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:14,013 and attend a real college this time. 136 00:05:14,113 --> 00:05:17,050 And then, um-- oh, you mean about me? 137 00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:18,484 - You know, I thought I'd taken everything 138 00:05:18,551 --> 00:05:19,852 that I could from you. 139 00:05:19,952 --> 00:05:21,888 Well, you certainly tried. 140 00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:24,324 Indeed, alone in a bare cell, 141 00:05:24,390 --> 00:05:27,226 Riddler is bound tightly in full restraints-- 142 00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:28,661 double-straitjacketed, 143 00:05:28,728 --> 00:05:30,963 cuffed to a gurney, legs in irons, 144 00:05:31,030 --> 00:05:33,066 unable to even scratch his nose. 145 00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:35,234 It's a nigh-unbearable 146 00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,236 suppression of basic personal freedoms 147 00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:40,740 that is known in the Asylum as "full Joker protocol." 148 00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:43,710 - And still you escalate the juvenile mischief. 149 00:05:43,810 --> 00:05:45,378 Now I realize I've taken everything 150 00:05:45,478 --> 00:05:46,979 except the only thing you care about. 151 00:05:47,046 --> 00:05:48,748 - The true meaning of Christmas? 152 00:05:48,848 --> 00:05:50,717 Your precious intellect. 153 00:05:50,817 --> 00:05:51,984 Wait, what are you saying? 154 00:05:52,051 --> 00:05:53,720 - I'm saying 300 CCs twice daily 155 00:05:53,820 --> 00:05:56,089 of a Haloperidol-Diazepam cocktail 156 00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:57,590 will have you struggling to finish 157 00:05:57,690 --> 00:05:59,359 the junior crossword puzzle 158 00:05:59,425 --> 00:06:02,261 and me clocking out at a decent hour for once. 159 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,063 - You wouldn't dare. You're a doctor. 160 00:06:04,163 --> 00:06:06,532 - Yes, but you know what I finally realized? 161 00:06:06,599 --> 00:06:10,069 My job is just to turn you into a respectable citizen. 162 00:06:10,169 --> 00:06:13,272 Nobody's paying me to deliver you undamaged. 163 00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:14,707 Riddler is momentarily 164 00:06:14,774 --> 00:06:16,209 without a ready response. 165 00:06:16,275 --> 00:06:17,744 Where is that nurse? 166 00:06:17,844 --> 00:06:19,545 - I'm sorry, Doctor. 167 00:06:19,612 --> 00:06:21,714 Finally. Give me the syringe. 168 00:06:21,781 --> 00:06:23,783 I'm sorry it's come to this, Edward. 169 00:06:23,883 --> 00:06:25,251 Well, no, I'm not. 170 00:06:25,351 --> 00:06:26,886 I'll admit it. This is personal. 171 00:06:26,953 --> 00:06:28,621 And ever since I made this decision, 172 00:06:28,721 --> 00:06:32,725 I've felt an indescribable lightness and serenity. 173 00:06:32,792 --> 00:06:34,260 Nurse, I said give me the sedative. 174 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:36,262 - If you say so, Doctor. - What are you-- 175 00:06:36,362 --> 00:06:38,097 Dr. Arkham manages to cling 176 00:06:38,197 --> 00:06:40,767 to just enough consciousness to realize... 177 00:06:40,867 --> 00:06:44,470 You're...not...a...nurse. 178 00:06:44,570 --> 00:06:46,539 Before crumpling to the floor in a heap. 179 00:06:46,606 --> 00:06:47,907 - I'll be honest, 180 00:06:47,974 --> 00:06:49,709 I have no idea what I just shot him with 181 00:06:49,776 --> 00:06:51,077 or how long he'll be out. 182 00:06:51,144 --> 00:06:52,645 So let's make this quick, okay? 183 00:06:52,745 --> 00:06:53,980 I have a favor to ask. 184 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:55,648 Well, well, well. 185 00:06:55,748 --> 00:06:59,752 What has ears like a cat and claws like a cat 186 00:06:59,819 --> 00:07:02,588 and rude 'tude like a cat but isn't a cat? 187 00:07:02,655 --> 00:07:05,725 - Oh, shut up, Eddie. 188 00:07:05,792 --> 00:07:07,393 Well, this is unexpected. 189 00:07:07,460 --> 00:07:09,328 Do I have something worth stealing? 190 00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:10,630 The toilet is an antique, 191 00:07:10,730 --> 00:07:12,165 but I don't think it's valuable. 192 00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:14,333 I told you I need a favor. 193 00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:15,802 And I don't have a lot of time. 194 00:07:15,902 --> 00:07:17,970 I came down here on a simple little errand 195 00:07:18,070 --> 00:07:19,672 to reallocate some resources. 196 00:07:19,772 --> 00:07:22,341 - To steal something? - Don't even call it theft. 197 00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:24,410 It offends my professional integrity. 198 00:07:24,477 --> 00:07:27,680 I just need access to Dr. Arkham's personal files, 199 00:07:27,780 --> 00:07:30,616 which should be like taking candy from a baby. 200 00:07:30,683 --> 00:07:33,085 Instead, I get here to find-- 201 00:07:33,152 --> 00:07:35,254 what did you do to his security system anyway? 202 00:07:35,321 --> 00:07:37,690 - Oh, it's a tangled mess for certain. 203 00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:39,358 But like most hopeless puzzles, 204 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:42,428 it has an oh-so-elegant solution 205 00:07:42,495 --> 00:07:45,465 if one carefully considers the clues. 206 00:07:45,531 --> 00:07:47,800 Riddle me this! 207 00:07:47,867 --> 00:07:50,503 I have no form, no face or features-- 208 00:07:50,603 --> 00:07:52,371 - Nope! Not doing the riddle thing. 209 00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:55,141 - Oh, come on! - I'll figure it out myself. 210 00:07:55,208 --> 00:07:56,342 Thanks anyway. 211 00:07:56,442 --> 00:07:57,944 - How is the lady in the cat ears 212 00:07:58,010 --> 00:08:00,112 not the fun one at the party? 213 00:08:00,179 --> 00:08:01,514 - Are you going to tell me how to disarm 214 00:08:01,614 --> 00:08:03,282 your ridiculous booby trap or not? 215 00:08:03,349 --> 00:08:05,318 - And what could you possibly have to offer me 216 00:08:05,384 --> 00:08:06,519 as an incentive? 217 00:08:06,619 --> 00:08:08,221 Well, riddle me this. 218 00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:11,524 Which side of a cat has the most fur? 219 00:08:11,624 --> 00:08:12,792 What? 220 00:08:14,827 --> 00:08:17,730 - The outside. 221 00:08:17,830 --> 00:08:20,666 You look pretty uncomfortable in those restraints, Eddie. 222 00:08:20,733 --> 00:08:22,168 I have a car waiting. 223 00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:24,570 It'll take you anywhere you want to go. 224 00:08:24,670 --> 00:08:27,139 You must be getting tired of the Padded Cell Motel. 225 00:08:27,206 --> 00:08:30,009 - Pfft, I escape this dump all the time. 226 00:08:30,076 --> 00:08:32,078 What makes you think I need your help? 227 00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:34,146 - I don't know, Eddie. It sounds like if you stay 228 00:08:34,213 --> 00:08:35,848 under Arkham's care, you're gonna need help 229 00:08:35,915 --> 00:08:37,250 with a whole lot, 230 00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,652 starting with basic drool maintenance. 231 00:08:39,719 --> 00:08:43,422 - And what's in Arkham's office that's so important, anyway? 232 00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:44,690 Evidence bag. 233 00:08:44,757 --> 00:08:47,260 one switchblade, 234 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:50,229 one deck of playing cards, red suits only, 235 00:08:50,329 --> 00:08:52,431 one high-voltage joy buzzer, 236 00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:55,701 $69 in counterfeit $3 bills. 237 00:08:55,768 --> 00:08:58,437 Ugh, $69. What a hack. 238 00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:00,907 What's your interest in that professional 239 00:09:01,007 --> 00:09:02,675 lowest common denominator? 240 00:09:02,742 --> 00:09:03,943 Just the price on his head. 241 00:09:04,043 --> 00:09:05,711 - Well, now you have my interest. 242 00:09:05,778 --> 00:09:07,280 Arkham's file boxes contain 243 00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:08,714 everything the Joker had on him 244 00:09:08,781 --> 00:09:10,216 when the Batman first brought him in. 245 00:09:10,283 --> 00:09:11,951 - Bunch of trash. What could you possibly want 246 00:09:12,051 --> 00:09:13,753 - to do with that? - Nothing. 247 00:09:13,853 --> 00:09:17,390 I'm interested in the one item Dr. Arkham conveniently forgot 248 00:09:17,456 --> 00:09:20,893 to catalogue-- a personal journal. 249 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:24,030 - Get out. - Filled to the margins 250 00:09:24,096 --> 00:09:26,132 with deeply personal secrets. 251 00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:27,600 - Good God, you don't mean-- 252 00:09:27,700 --> 00:09:28,901 - If I'm going to hunt him down, 253 00:09:28,968 --> 00:09:30,603 I need to get into his head. 254 00:09:30,703 --> 00:09:33,906 To get into his head, I need the Joker's secret diary. 255 00:09:33,973 --> 00:09:35,975 The deepest, darkest secret thoughts 256 00:09:36,075 --> 00:09:37,743 of the Joker laid bare? 257 00:09:37,810 --> 00:09:40,646 Surely Pandora had less to fear from her box. 258 00:09:40,746 --> 00:09:44,083 Stay tuned as we lift the lid on a future tale 259 00:09:44,150 --> 00:09:46,652 of life and death in Gotham City. 260 00:09:51,123 --> 00:09:52,725 - Happy Mardi Gras, Gotham City. 261 00:09:52,792 --> 00:09:54,560 Yes, it's Fat Tuesday and that means-- 262 00:09:54,627 --> 00:09:56,295 - The Gotham Gaslamps return to town 263 00:09:56,395 --> 00:09:58,497 for this crucial series with Central City. 264 00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:01,500 - Central City hurler Lucky Bucky Sawfield 265 00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:03,803 very restrained on the mound today. 266 00:10:03,903 --> 00:10:06,305 - Lou, I almost want to say he looks spooked. 267 00:10:06,405 --> 00:10:08,174 - Something has gotten into him for sure. 268 00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:09,742 We'll probably never know what. 269 00:10:09,809 --> 00:10:11,677 Anyway, today's game brought to you 270 00:10:11,777 --> 00:10:16,449 by Oswald Cobblepot's fabulous Iceberg Lounge and Casino. 271 00:10:16,515 --> 00:10:17,750 - If you know what's good for you, 272 00:10:17,817 --> 00:10:19,251 you'll play the Cobblepot way. 273 00:10:19,318 --> 00:10:20,620 The Iceberg Lounge. 274 00:10:20,686 --> 00:10:22,188 Oswald Cobblepot doesn't ask twice. 275 00:10:24,824 --> 00:10:26,325 - It would be 276 00:10:26,425 --> 00:10:28,127 Basil Karlo's last film 277 00:10:28,194 --> 00:10:31,464 and gain a notorious place in the annals of film history 278 00:10:31,530 --> 00:10:33,766 and the study of criminal insanity. 279 00:10:33,833 --> 00:10:36,469 The film was titled, "The Second Skin." 280 00:10:36,535 --> 00:10:39,038 - Yuh-oh, Brucie! 281 00:10:39,138 --> 00:10:42,008 - You again. - Who else? 282 00:10:42,108 --> 00:10:44,644 - You are just a construct of my mind. 283 00:10:44,710 --> 00:10:47,380 A fantasy made of psychedelic chemicals 284 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,548 and surplus brain architecture. 285 00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:51,717 - Oh, are we getting personal now? 286 00:10:51,817 --> 00:10:55,721 - You are the contents of my mental wastebasket. 287 00:10:55,821 --> 00:10:58,124 Doubt, regret, pain. 288 00:10:58,190 --> 00:11:00,693 You are nothing but broken pieces 289 00:11:00,793 --> 00:11:03,062 - of defeated enemies. - Nothing? 290 00:11:03,162 --> 00:11:05,698 Hey, come on! Can nothing do this? 291 00:11:07,566 --> 00:11:09,735 - Come along, Bruce. We're leaving the theater. 292 00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:11,737 - We'll cut through the alley. - No, no. 293 00:11:11,837 --> 00:11:15,875 - Oh, yes. Movie night is over. 294 00:11:15,975 --> 00:11:19,845 And that means it's almost showtime. 295 00:11:19,912 --> 00:11:21,347 Father, no! Don't do it! 296 00:11:21,414 --> 00:11:23,249 - Yes, Thomas, let's go through the alley. 297 00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:24,684 Alfred's waiting with the car. 298 00:11:36,829 --> 00:11:38,497 - Not the alley, Mother. Not again. 299 00:11:38,564 --> 00:11:40,433 Yes, Bruce, again. 300 00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:42,935 But this time, you can save them, 301 00:11:43,035 --> 00:11:47,873 unless the fear consumes you...again. 302 00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:05,291 - So this is it. Crime Alley. 303 00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:07,526 Gee, I wonder why they call it-- 304 00:12:07,593 --> 00:12:09,295 - All right, nobody move. This is a stickup. 305 00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:11,530 - Okay, thank you. I got no further questions. 306 00:12:11,597 --> 00:12:13,466 - I'll take that necklace you're wearing, lady. 307 00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:15,768 - Leave her alone, you! - Quick, Bruce! 308 00:12:15,868 --> 00:12:17,403 This is the chance you've been waiting for! 309 00:12:17,470 --> 00:12:19,905 Use your Bat-Mite junior crime-fighting kit! 310 00:12:19,972 --> 00:12:22,308 - Yes, I have to--what is this? 311 00:12:25,244 --> 00:12:27,246 - What's the matter? When it really counts, 312 00:12:27,313 --> 00:12:29,582 all your precious toys are just useless junk? 313 00:12:30,950 --> 00:12:32,785 - Oh. 314 00:12:32,885 --> 00:12:35,287 - Oh, boy. Run! 315 00:12:35,387 --> 00:12:36,822 You gotta hide. 316 00:12:36,922 --> 00:12:38,891 That mugger is looking to finish the job. 317 00:12:38,958 --> 00:12:41,494 - Don't you feel the fear? - Yes. 318 00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:43,395 I have--I have to run. 319 00:12:43,462 --> 00:12:45,064 - I have to-- 320 00:12:45,131 --> 00:12:47,433 - Oh, you gotta do better than that. 321 00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:49,168 You have to hide! 322 00:12:49,268 --> 00:12:51,237 He'll be after you 323 00:12:51,303 --> 00:12:55,441 your...entire...life. 324 00:12:55,508 --> 00:12:56,742 Unless you do something. 325 00:12:58,644 --> 00:13:01,280 Psst, maybe in here. 326 00:13:01,347 --> 00:13:02,615 What is this place? 327 00:13:02,681 --> 00:13:04,283 It's a cave, I think. 328 00:13:04,350 --> 00:13:06,018 Perfect place to hide. 329 00:13:06,118 --> 00:13:07,953 Yes, I can hide in the cave. 330 00:13:08,020 --> 00:13:10,623 - Come on, little boy. Where you hidin'? 331 00:13:10,689 --> 00:13:13,359 - But if he finds you, what then? 332 00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:15,961 That guy is a Wayne-killing machine, 333 00:13:16,028 --> 00:13:17,363 boy howdy. 334 00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:21,300 To really feel safe, you'll need a disguise. 335 00:13:21,367 --> 00:13:23,035 Here, take this. 336 00:13:23,135 --> 00:13:24,336 A cape? 337 00:13:24,436 --> 00:13:26,005 - This is a cape. - Exactly. 338 00:13:26,105 --> 00:13:29,775 Nice fit, but I still see Bruce under there. 339 00:13:29,842 --> 00:13:32,611 You better take this mask too. 340 00:13:32,678 --> 00:13:34,046 There we go. Perfect. 341 00:13:34,146 --> 00:13:36,315 Nobody would ever guess you're a Wayne. 342 00:13:36,382 --> 00:13:37,883 You got the cape. You got the mask. 343 00:13:37,983 --> 00:13:41,487 Congratulations. You look ridiculous. 344 00:13:41,554 --> 00:13:42,721 Ridiculous? 345 00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:45,357 - Completely absurd. Look at you! 346 00:13:45,457 --> 00:13:47,459 "I shall become a bat." 347 00:13:47,526 --> 00:13:50,029 What a schnook. 348 00:13:50,129 --> 00:13:52,298 You're the heir to the Wayne legacy. 349 00:13:52,364 --> 00:13:53,899 What would your father think? 350 00:13:53,999 --> 00:13:58,170 - My father would be proud of me, 351 00:13:58,237 --> 00:14:00,472 of my mission for Gotham City. 352 00:14:00,539 --> 00:14:02,741 - My father was a fighter. 353 00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:05,411 Your father was a doctor, Brucie. 354 00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:08,080 He lived by "do no harm." 355 00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:12,318 Not exactly your MO, huh, Mr. Vengeance of the Night? 356 00:14:12,384 --> 00:14:15,387 You've crippled way more people than he ever saved. 357 00:14:15,487 --> 00:14:16,922 - No. I-- - And what would 358 00:14:17,022 --> 00:14:18,858 your dear old mama think of this dark thing 359 00:14:18,924 --> 00:14:20,559 you made yourself into? 360 00:14:20,659 --> 00:14:23,429 She'd blame herself, of course. 361 00:14:23,529 --> 00:14:25,431 What a dope she was. 362 00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:28,200 She thought she taught you kindness. 363 00:14:28,267 --> 00:14:30,035 - No. 364 00:14:30,102 --> 00:14:33,272 Boy, I thought you were afraid of the mugger. 365 00:14:33,372 --> 00:14:36,075 But we found what you were really afraid of, 366 00:14:36,175 --> 00:14:38,844 didn't we, Brucie? 367 00:14:38,911 --> 00:14:42,781 You're afraid you've disappointed them. 368 00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:45,751 You're afraid you've dishonored them. 369 00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:49,889 And you're right, Brucie. 370 00:14:49,955 --> 00:14:52,925 It's kind of funny when you think about it. 371 00:14:53,025 --> 00:14:54,627 Ever since that night in the alley, 372 00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:58,797 you've been trying to do right by old Mom and Dad. 373 00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:01,367 To be the justice they never got. 374 00:15:02,801 --> 00:15:07,406 But get this. Your entire life's work? 375 00:15:07,473 --> 00:15:10,576 All it's done... 376 00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:15,948 is turn you into something your parents could never love. 377 00:15:16,048 --> 00:15:17,783 No. No. 378 00:15:17,883 --> 00:15:20,319 - No. No. 379 00:15:25,057 --> 00:15:26,392 Gotham, 380 00:15:26,458 --> 00:15:29,261 where foul play always scores the run. 381 00:15:29,328 --> 00:15:30,996 Join us now for another tale 382 00:15:31,096 --> 00:15:33,933 of life and death in Gotham City. 383 00:15:33,999 --> 00:15:35,601 - Folks, tell 'em "heads up" 384 00:15:35,668 --> 00:15:36,969 over in Gotham Heights, 385 00:15:37,069 --> 00:15:39,138 'cause that one is out of here. 386 00:15:39,238 --> 00:15:40,506 Sold out Gotham Stadium 387 00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:42,508 on a bitter cold March evening. 388 00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:45,177 Perfect Gotham City baseball weather. 389 00:15:45,277 --> 00:15:48,480 Tonight, a homecoming for two-time winter league champs 390 00:15:48,580 --> 00:15:50,849 the Gotham Gaslamps as they face 391 00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:54,620 the down and dirty Demons of Central City. 392 00:15:54,687 --> 00:15:56,855 Star slugger Swat Fleischacker has hit 393 00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:59,625 - his first homer of the night. - Unbelievable! 394 00:15:59,692 --> 00:16:02,127 - And one more homer will break the league record! 395 00:16:02,194 --> 00:16:03,529 The crowd goes wild. 396 00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:05,364 And the Penguin crows knowingly 397 00:16:05,464 --> 00:16:07,266 to the various nefarious gathered 398 00:16:07,333 --> 00:16:09,101 in his luxurious box seats. 399 00:16:09,168 --> 00:16:11,637 - See? What did I tell you, Frenchy? 400 00:16:11,704 --> 00:16:14,306 Swat Fleischacker is hot tonight. 401 00:16:14,373 --> 00:16:15,808 - Yeah, funny, 'cause it sure looks like 402 00:16:15,874 --> 00:16:17,509 it's the pitcher who's sweatin'. 403 00:16:17,609 --> 00:16:19,545 - Sawfield pausing again to mop sweat from his brow. 404 00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:22,147 - Very sweaty for a cold night, isn't he, Lou? 405 00:16:22,214 --> 00:16:24,483 - Who, old Lucky Bucky Sawfield? 406 00:16:24,550 --> 00:16:26,051 Indeed. 407 00:16:26,151 --> 00:16:28,387 Must have a lot on his mind. 408 00:16:28,487 --> 00:16:30,823 Wonder what it could concern. 409 00:16:30,889 --> 00:16:32,958 I told you the fix was in. 410 00:16:33,025 --> 00:16:35,394 - Hot dogs! - Over here, boy! 411 00:16:35,494 --> 00:16:38,230 Who needs sustenance? I'm positively depleted. 412 00:16:38,330 --> 00:16:40,833 Maxie, would you want a wienie, old boy? 413 00:16:40,899 --> 00:16:44,536 - That's one homer, Oswald. You promised us two. 414 00:16:44,636 --> 00:16:47,206 - I got long green at stake on nothing but your say-so. 415 00:16:47,306 --> 00:16:48,674 Oh, patience. 416 00:16:48,741 --> 00:16:50,542 Tonight's your lucky night, boys. 417 00:16:50,642 --> 00:16:54,179 - The dice of Zeus always fall luckily. 418 00:16:54,246 --> 00:16:56,548 But still, betting on double taters is 419 00:16:56,648 --> 00:16:58,684 - very risky, Oswald. - Oh, stop fidgeting, Maxie, 420 00:16:58,751 --> 00:17:01,086 and eat your hot dog like a good little god. 421 00:17:01,186 --> 00:17:04,189 Trust me, there's plenty of game left. 422 00:17:04,256 --> 00:17:06,025 The fix is in. 423 00:17:06,091 --> 00:17:07,993 But despite his ample assurances, 424 00:17:08,060 --> 00:17:09,762 it's now the bottom of the ninth 425 00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:12,331 and Swat has yet to hit that second dinger. 426 00:17:12,398 --> 00:17:13,932 - You're out! 427 00:17:14,032 --> 00:17:16,235 - Strike three, and Hobart is out of there. 428 00:17:16,335 --> 00:17:17,936 Lucky Bucky is on fire, 429 00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:20,539 and I think the crowd has soured a little, Stiv. 430 00:17:20,606 --> 00:17:22,408 - That they have. And ruh-roh! 431 00:17:22,508 --> 00:17:25,444 Here comes the Central City mascot Speedy the Demon Dog 432 00:17:25,544 --> 00:17:26,845 to rub it in. 433 00:17:29,214 --> 00:17:31,450 - Speedy the Demon Dog feeling pretty chesty 434 00:17:31,550 --> 00:17:33,786 in the absence of Lampy, the Gaslamps' mascot. 435 00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:36,055 - Lampy would never have tolerated 436 00:17:36,121 --> 00:17:38,457 this kind of disrespect from a visiting mascot. 437 00:17:38,557 --> 00:17:40,225 May he rest in power. 438 00:17:40,292 --> 00:17:42,227 Yes, the Demons have taken the swagger 439 00:17:42,294 --> 00:17:43,796 out of the hometown team. 440 00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:46,365 And the confines of the Penguin's private box 441 00:17:46,432 --> 00:17:49,101 is no sanctuary from the pessimism of the crowd. 442 00:17:49,201 --> 00:17:51,804 - Last chance for that homer approaches, 443 00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:53,138 citizen Cobblepot. 444 00:17:53,238 --> 00:17:56,742 Drama, gentlemen, drama! 445 00:17:56,809 --> 00:17:59,812 We have to make it look good, don't we? 446 00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:03,082 And what a great finish this will be for the fans. 447 00:18:03,148 --> 00:18:05,317 One for the ages. You'll see. 448 00:18:05,417 --> 00:18:06,785 We better see, Oswald. 449 00:18:06,885 --> 00:18:09,221 It would go a long way to restoring my faith 450 00:18:09,288 --> 00:18:12,458 in your, let's call it, prominence. 451 00:18:12,558 --> 00:18:14,093 What's that supposed to mean? 452 00:18:14,159 --> 00:18:16,795 - Peanuts! Get your bag of peanuts! 453 00:18:16,895 --> 00:18:19,731 - It means you are stretched thin, 454 00:18:19,798 --> 00:18:21,733 and everyone knows it. 455 00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:23,001 Is that a fact? 456 00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:24,603 - Too much on your plate, they say. 457 00:18:24,670 --> 00:18:27,005 Taking over the police, the merger with Dent-- 458 00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:28,640 where is Dent anyway, Oswald? 459 00:18:28,740 --> 00:18:29,842 Cracker Jack! 460 00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:31,577 I got your crunchy Cracker Jacks 461 00:18:31,643 --> 00:18:32,945 with the toy inside! 462 00:18:33,011 --> 00:18:36,014 - My, my. Seems Speedy the Demon Dog 463 00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:39,351 isn't the only one feeling chesty tonight, 464 00:18:39,451 --> 00:18:41,153 eh, Frenchy, old smoke? 465 00:18:41,253 --> 00:18:43,188 - I think your tailfeathers are draggin', Ozzie. 466 00:18:43,288 --> 00:18:46,258 And you're lucky the Bat is busy with the Scarecrow. 467 00:18:46,325 --> 00:18:47,926 You gonna try to tell me I'm wrong? 468 00:18:47,993 --> 00:18:51,663 - I'm going to try to forget you said that, Frenchy. 469 00:18:51,763 --> 00:18:55,367 I pick the winners and losers in this town. 470 00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:57,669 The fools that forget that? 471 00:18:57,769 --> 00:19:00,472 Those aren't the winners, old bean. 472 00:19:00,539 --> 00:19:02,708 - And next up on deck for the Gaslamps, 473 00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:05,210 Swat Fleischacker! 474 00:19:05,310 --> 00:19:08,147 - Fireworks! Get your free fireworks! 475 00:19:08,213 --> 00:19:10,115 - Did she say free fireworks? - That's right! 476 00:19:10,182 --> 00:19:13,952 Happy Mardi Gras, everybody! Free fireworks for everyone! 477 00:19:14,019 --> 00:19:17,022 Get your firecrackers. Get your Roman candles. 478 00:19:17,122 --> 00:19:18,557 What the devil is this? 479 00:19:18,657 --> 00:19:20,626 It's Harley Quinn and her crew, 480 00:19:20,692 --> 00:19:22,995 decked out in full Mardi Gras regalia 481 00:19:23,061 --> 00:19:24,663 and distributing pyrotechnics 482 00:19:24,730 --> 00:19:26,665 to the rowdy crowd by the fistful. 483 00:19:26,732 --> 00:19:28,133 I say, Clown Woman, 484 00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:29,902 what the devil do you think you're doing? 485 00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:31,737 Hey there, Tuxedo Bandido. 486 00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:33,739 What's it look like I'm doing, mac? 487 00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:36,742 It's Mardi Gras, and I'm here to bring the bang! 488 00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:39,411 - You can't give the crowd explosives. 489 00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:40,979 There's a game going on. 490 00:19:41,046 --> 00:19:43,248 - Oh, do not worry about that, pally. 491 00:19:43,348 --> 00:19:45,584 I told everyone wicked seriously 492 00:19:45,684 --> 00:19:48,687 to, no matter what wait, till the game was totally over 493 00:19:48,754 --> 00:19:50,255 before settin' off any-- 494 00:19:50,355 --> 00:19:51,924 - Uh-oh. - Wh-what? 495 00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:54,760 - Well, how do you like that? Always one wise guy, right? 496 00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:57,262 - And Fleischacker steps in. - Folks, this could be 497 00:19:57,362 --> 00:19:59,331 for the game and the league record. 498 00:19:59,398 --> 00:20:01,567 - The famously distractible Swat Fleischacker 499 00:20:01,667 --> 00:20:03,268 can't let the moment get to him. 500 00:20:03,368 --> 00:20:06,038 - Aww, come on, youse guys. 501 00:20:06,104 --> 00:20:08,440 - What did I say? - W-w-what did you think 502 00:20:08,540 --> 00:20:09,942 was going to happen? 503 00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:11,677 As Penguin burbles with agitation, 504 00:20:11,743 --> 00:20:13,912 Swat Fleischacker steps out to the plate, 505 00:20:14,012 --> 00:20:15,614 swinging the famous Sluggerella. 506 00:20:15,714 --> 00:20:17,516 And Harley's eyes light up 507 00:20:17,583 --> 00:20:18,784 like a slot machine. 508 00:20:18,884 --> 00:20:20,552 - That's that bat 509 00:20:20,619 --> 00:20:23,355 - with the magic feeling! - Swat steps up to the plate. 510 00:20:23,422 --> 00:20:25,624 - Folks, so much is riding on this moment. 511 00:20:25,724 --> 00:20:28,093 This is Harley's thought precisely. 512 00:20:28,193 --> 00:20:31,530 Mine. Now. 513 00:20:31,597 --> 00:20:34,132 - Sawfield winds up... and the pitch. 514 00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:36,201 What a meatball. Slow and over the plate. 515 00:20:36,268 --> 00:20:38,904 Fleischacker digs in and-- 516 00:20:38,971 --> 00:20:40,872 - Strike one. 517 00:20:40,939 --> 00:20:44,243 No! Focus, you idiot. 518 00:20:44,309 --> 00:20:46,245 But the louder it gets in the stadium... 519 00:20:46,311 --> 00:20:47,546 The quieter it gets 520 00:20:47,613 --> 00:20:48,814 in Harley's head. 521 00:20:48,914 --> 00:20:50,382 This is it. 522 00:20:50,449 --> 00:20:52,985 Now begins the Harlequinade. 523 00:20:53,085 --> 00:20:54,620 - Folks, it's mayhem. 524 00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:56,154 Hard to see through the smoke. 525 00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:57,823 - The Central City pitcher seems afraid 526 00:20:57,923 --> 00:20:59,224 to come off the mound. 527 00:20:59,291 --> 00:21:00,892 - And Swat Fleischacker seems dazed. 528 00:21:00,959 --> 00:21:02,728 - What's going on down there? 529 00:21:02,794 --> 00:21:04,329 - Well, Lou, I think he just got hit in the head 530 00:21:04,429 --> 00:21:05,764 by a female clown. 531 00:21:05,831 --> 00:21:07,566 - That is what's happening, Stiv. 532 00:21:07,633 --> 00:21:10,469 A female clown is going absolutely Gashouse Gorilla 533 00:21:10,569 --> 00:21:12,137 on the slugger with his own bat! 534 00:21:12,237 --> 00:21:14,106 Well, I think we can call 535 00:21:14,172 --> 00:21:16,275 the hitting streak at 59 games, Stiv. 536 00:21:16,341 --> 00:21:18,844 Swat is not gonna play the next game. 537 00:21:20,445 --> 00:21:22,681 - The bulk of the crowd is now on the field 538 00:21:22,781 --> 00:21:24,249 detonating explosives, 539 00:21:24,316 --> 00:21:27,152 and at least one hot dog cart is on fire, Lou. 540 00:21:27,252 --> 00:21:29,321 - Okay, there's definitely a propane tank 541 00:21:29,421 --> 00:21:31,023 on board there, Stiv. Gonna need 542 00:21:31,123 --> 00:21:33,025 to monitor that closely, but first... 543 00:21:33,125 --> 00:21:35,193 Oh, boy, the clown has 544 00:21:35,294 --> 00:21:37,329 thoroughly tenderized Swat Fleischacker... 545 00:21:37,429 --> 00:21:38,997 - And has now turned her fury 546 00:21:39,097 --> 00:21:40,832 on Speedy the Demon Dog. 547 00:21:40,932 --> 00:21:43,368 - The Central City mascot desperate to find 548 00:21:43,468 --> 00:21:45,504 a place to hide from a bat-swinging madwoman. 549 00:21:45,604 --> 00:21:47,339 - For God's sake, she's gaining on you! 550 00:21:47,439 --> 00:21:49,007 Run, Speedy! 551 00:21:49,107 --> 00:21:50,542 Oh, but not behind the burning hot dog cart. 552 00:21:50,642 --> 00:21:53,045 - No! Get out of there, you crazy mutt! 553 00:21:53,145 --> 00:21:55,881 It's gonna-- 554 00:21:58,483 --> 00:22:00,018 The dog is gone. 555 00:22:00,118 --> 00:22:02,554 In his place, a gentle rain of sausages. 556 00:22:04,723 --> 00:22:07,392 Thus concludes the Harlequinade. 557 00:22:07,492 --> 00:22:08,894 An irreverent intermission 558 00:22:08,994 --> 00:22:12,064 amidst life and death in Gotham City. 559 00:22:16,068 --> 00:22:17,169 Where are we now? 560 00:22:17,235 --> 00:22:18,570 Practically nowhere. 561 00:22:18,670 --> 00:22:21,807 We're so deep inside your mind now, Bruce, 562 00:22:21,873 --> 00:22:25,077 it's miles in every direction. 563 00:22:25,177 --> 00:22:28,513 And I thought your house was ridiculously big and empty. 564 00:22:28,580 --> 00:22:30,415 Hello! 565 00:22:30,515 --> 00:22:33,885 Was that a tumbleweed? Classic. 566 00:22:33,985 --> 00:22:36,421 You know in the cowboy movies when the good guy is 567 00:22:36,521 --> 00:22:38,523 just a little bitty speck on a horse 568 00:22:38,590 --> 00:22:43,395 in the middle of a huge desert, and his canteen is empty, 569 00:22:43,495 --> 00:22:46,098 and then he loses his horse? 570 00:22:46,198 --> 00:22:48,033 You just lost your horse, Kemosabe. 571 00:22:48,100 --> 00:22:49,601 Why is it so empty? 572 00:22:49,701 --> 00:22:52,204 - Well, this is where normal people keep 573 00:22:52,270 --> 00:22:54,272 happy memories, Bruce. 574 00:22:54,373 --> 00:22:57,442 You know, loving and laughing and learning a little something 575 00:22:57,542 --> 00:22:58,777 along the way? 576 00:22:58,877 --> 00:23:00,212 The stuff that makes us human. 577 00:23:00,278 --> 00:23:02,614 So, uh...you do the math. 578 00:23:02,714 --> 00:23:04,750 - You lie. - It's easy math, Bruce. 579 00:23:04,850 --> 00:23:07,185 - It's a lot of zeroes. - That's not true. 580 00:23:07,252 --> 00:23:11,256 Alfred. Robin. Jim Gordon. Harvey Dent. 581 00:23:11,356 --> 00:23:14,626 - These are not zeroes. - No, okay, Harvey's a 0.5. 582 00:23:14,726 --> 00:23:16,361 Come on, Brucie, don't kid yourself. 583 00:23:16,428 --> 00:23:17,796 I'll add it up for you. 584 00:23:17,896 --> 00:23:21,266 Bruce Wayne died in the alley with his parents. 585 00:23:21,366 --> 00:23:23,635 What lived on is a bitter and sadistic bag 586 00:23:23,735 --> 00:23:25,737 of barely adequate coping mechanisms. 587 00:23:27,739 --> 00:23:29,441 Couldn't have said it better myself. 588 00:23:29,541 --> 00:23:31,410 Look, I'm sure this all made sense 589 00:23:31,476 --> 00:23:32,911 when you were ten years old. 590 00:23:32,978 --> 00:23:35,781 You know, the Batmobile and the Bat-computer-- 591 00:23:35,881 --> 00:23:37,416 the whole plan must have seemed 592 00:23:37,482 --> 00:23:41,052 like a totally reasonable way to deal with grief. 593 00:23:41,119 --> 00:23:44,489 But now you're nothing but a broken man 594 00:23:44,589 --> 00:23:48,660 who has tailored his fear into a mask to hide behind. 595 00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:51,096 What a sad spectacle. 596 00:23:51,163 --> 00:23:54,099 And, girlfriend, I am here for it. 597 00:23:54,166 --> 00:23:57,068 - Wait. 598 00:23:57,135 --> 00:23:59,104 That laughter. 599 00:23:59,171 --> 00:24:01,440 That glee. 600 00:24:01,506 --> 00:24:04,342 - Who are you, really? - Huh? 601 00:24:04,443 --> 00:24:06,511 I'm the Bat-Mite, chief. 602 00:24:06,611 --> 00:24:08,313 Don't you read "The Gazette"? 603 00:24:08,413 --> 00:24:10,081 Don't you own "The Gazette"? 604 00:24:10,148 --> 00:24:12,184 - You're not a newspaper cartoon. 605 00:24:12,284 --> 00:24:13,952 You don't want me to know who you really are. 606 00:24:14,019 --> 00:24:16,521 - What are you even talking about? 607 00:24:16,621 --> 00:24:18,990 Brucie, you're on drugs. 608 00:24:19,090 --> 00:24:21,026 Like, literally, you're on drugs. 609 00:24:21,126 --> 00:24:24,863 - You mock my mask, but you wear one too. 610 00:24:24,963 --> 00:24:29,000 - What are you hiding? 611 00:24:29,100 --> 00:24:31,269 Oh, Brucie. 612 00:24:31,336 --> 00:24:32,637 Sigh. 613 00:24:32,704 --> 00:24:34,206 What a letdown. 614 00:24:34,306 --> 00:24:37,609 I thought for sure you would have guessed by now. 615 00:24:37,676 --> 00:24:40,846 No idea who's behind the mask? 616 00:24:40,946 --> 00:24:42,881 No idea who's taken up 617 00:24:42,981 --> 00:24:46,351 permanent residency in your head? 618 00:24:46,451 --> 00:24:48,286 No clue about the fear 619 00:24:48,353 --> 00:24:51,323 that motivates everything you do? 620 00:24:51,389 --> 00:24:52,457 Take off the mask. 621 00:24:52,524 --> 00:24:54,693 Aww, don't you want to guess? 622 00:24:54,793 --> 00:24:57,028 I am ridicule and delirium. 623 00:24:57,128 --> 00:24:59,731 I'm malicious humor. 624 00:24:59,831 --> 00:25:01,833 I am depraved indifference 625 00:25:01,900 --> 00:25:03,502 to reason. 626 00:25:03,568 --> 00:25:05,237 Ring any bells? 627 00:25:05,337 --> 00:25:08,673 - Take off the mask. - Oh, come on, Bruce. 628 00:25:08,740 --> 00:25:10,408 You should know this one. 629 00:25:10,509 --> 00:25:13,178 I'm all you can ever think about. 630 00:25:13,245 --> 00:25:14,913 24/7. 631 00:25:19,050 --> 00:25:21,253 - You. - No, you! 632 00:25:21,353 --> 00:25:23,855 Don't you get it? 633 00:25:23,922 --> 00:25:25,891 I'm you, Bruce. 634 00:25:25,991 --> 00:25:30,829 Except I know I'm insane. 635 00:25:30,896 --> 00:25:33,698 That's why you wear the mask, Bruce. 636 00:25:33,765 --> 00:25:36,902 Because you can't bear to look at your own face 637 00:25:37,002 --> 00:25:38,403 in the mirror. 638 00:25:38,503 --> 00:25:40,772 Nothing scares you more. 639 00:25:40,872 --> 00:25:43,108 'Cause if you ever scrounged up the courage 640 00:25:43,208 --> 00:25:46,111 to look at your own true reflection, you know... 641 00:25:47,712 --> 00:25:51,850 You would see the Joker staring back at you. 642 00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:02,961 No. 643 00:26:03,061 --> 00:26:04,796 No sale. 644 00:26:04,896 --> 00:26:07,432 - Huh? - You're wrong. 645 00:26:07,532 --> 00:26:09,534 The mask isn't my fear. 646 00:26:09,601 --> 00:26:12,637 It's yours. It's theirs. 647 00:26:12,737 --> 00:26:14,472 Any who prey on the weak. 648 00:26:14,573 --> 00:26:16,908 If I have to sacrifice my humanity to safeguard 649 00:26:16,975 --> 00:26:19,210 that of the innocent people of Gotham, 650 00:26:19,277 --> 00:26:21,446 this does not scare me. 651 00:26:21,546 --> 00:26:24,382 But yes, I feel fear. 652 00:26:24,449 --> 00:26:26,651 To live is to feel fear. 653 00:26:26,751 --> 00:26:29,888 The will to live is just fear of death. 654 00:26:29,955 --> 00:26:33,291 - Hey now, Brucie, let's keep it frosty. 655 00:26:33,391 --> 00:26:36,995 - Yes, fear is my constant companion. 656 00:26:37,095 --> 00:26:40,165 I felt the power of my fear that night in the alley. 657 00:26:40,265 --> 00:26:43,501 I felt it clench like a fist in my chest. 658 00:26:43,602 --> 00:26:44,803 A fist of fear. 659 00:26:44,903 --> 00:26:47,405 - I'm sensing I pushed you too hard. 660 00:26:47,472 --> 00:26:48,773 Let's-- 661 00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:50,442 - But then I learned to strike with it. 662 00:26:50,508 --> 00:26:53,912 Now that fist cracks bones 663 00:26:53,979 --> 00:26:55,113 and loosens teeth. 664 00:26:57,115 --> 00:27:00,785 Don't you know... 665 00:27:00,852 --> 00:27:02,654 You can beat me, 666 00:27:02,754 --> 00:27:05,357 but you're just causing yourself pain. 667 00:27:05,457 --> 00:27:08,760 - And don't you know that's how I win. 668 00:27:08,827 --> 00:27:11,196 My pain is your pain. 669 00:27:11,296 --> 00:27:14,299 My fear is your fear. 670 00:27:29,681 --> 00:27:30,849 Call home. 671 00:27:30,949 --> 00:27:32,550 Alfred, can you hear-- 672 00:27:32,651 --> 00:27:35,053 - Master Bruce. - Alfred, good. 673 00:27:35,153 --> 00:27:36,821 My implant is still transmitting. 674 00:27:36,888 --> 00:27:38,490 I don't know how long I've been out. 675 00:27:38,556 --> 00:27:40,325 I'm in a hospital bed somewhere. 676 00:27:40,392 --> 00:27:41,660 Unguarded, but-- 677 00:27:41,726 --> 00:27:43,194 - Sir, you must come back at once. 678 00:27:43,294 --> 00:27:44,329 It's Two-Face. 679 00:27:47,232 --> 00:27:49,300 - Alfred? 680 00:27:49,367 --> 00:27:51,536 - A chaotic scene at Gaslamp Stadium 681 00:27:51,636 --> 00:27:54,372 and the probable end of the Gaslamps' season. 682 00:27:56,708 --> 00:27:58,643 - This package arrived for you, sir. 683 00:27:58,710 --> 00:28:00,245 - Wha-- 684 00:28:00,345 --> 00:28:03,915 - It is from Mr. Frenchy Blake and Mr. Maxie Zeus, sir. 685 00:28:04,015 --> 00:28:05,750 Security opened downstairs. 686 00:28:05,850 --> 00:28:08,553 And I'm to open it now? 687 00:28:08,653 --> 00:28:11,756 - It was delivered with urgency, sir. 688 00:28:13,558 --> 00:28:15,760 - Hmm. 689 00:28:15,860 --> 00:28:18,530 Do you know what this is, Mr. DeCondor? 690 00:28:18,596 --> 00:28:22,267 - It is difficult to identify with confidence, sir. 691 00:28:22,367 --> 00:28:23,735 Indeed it is. 692 00:28:23,835 --> 00:28:28,173 Especially when it's in this many bloody pieces. 693 00:28:28,239 --> 00:28:32,277 It is a penguin, Mr. DeCondor. 694 00:28:32,377 --> 00:28:35,280 A dead penguin. 695 00:28:35,380 --> 00:28:38,116 - I have already prepared the downstairs meat locker 696 00:28:38,216 --> 00:28:39,684 to receive guests, sir. 697 00:28:39,751 --> 00:28:41,586 Who shall I bring to you first? 698 00:28:41,686 --> 00:28:44,122 Mr. Zeus or Mr. Blake? 699 00:28:44,222 --> 00:28:46,524 No, Mr. DeCondor. 700 00:28:46,591 --> 00:28:49,194 We're beyond that now. 701 00:28:49,260 --> 00:28:51,262 This isn't an insult that's answered 702 00:28:51,362 --> 00:28:54,365 with a few broken thumbs. 703 00:28:54,432 --> 00:28:57,802 This is mutiny. 704 00:28:57,902 --> 00:29:01,706 They think they perceive weakness? 705 00:29:01,773 --> 00:29:04,809 I'll give them a show of force. 706 00:29:04,909 --> 00:29:08,580 I don't want their spirits broken. 707 00:29:08,646 --> 00:29:12,383 I want their spirits burned alive 708 00:29:12,450 --> 00:29:14,986 in a ceramics kiln. 709 00:29:15,086 --> 00:29:19,758 I want their defiance reduced to greasy ashes. 710 00:29:19,824 --> 00:29:22,427 I want the flames of hell 711 00:29:22,494 --> 00:29:25,964 imported directly from the source. 712 00:29:26,064 --> 00:29:28,767 - Do you mean-- - Yes, Mr. DeCondor. 713 00:29:28,833 --> 00:29:32,971 Extend an invitation to the Santa Priscan cartel. 714 00:29:33,071 --> 00:29:35,140 Tell them I'm prepared to negotiate 715 00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:37,742 their expansion into Gotham City 716 00:29:37,809 --> 00:29:41,179 in exchange for a little help 717 00:29:41,279 --> 00:29:44,682 reestablishing the rightful order 718 00:29:44,783 --> 00:29:46,651 in the underworld. 719 00:29:50,021 --> 00:29:52,257 Life and death in Gotham City. 720 00:29:52,323 --> 00:29:53,758 Epilogue. 721 00:29:53,825 --> 00:29:56,795 - Alfred? Harvey? Robin, come in. Do you copy? 722 00:29:56,861 --> 00:29:59,197 - The house is empty. 723 00:29:59,297 --> 00:30:00,865 Where are Alfred and Harvey? 724 00:30:00,965 --> 00:30:02,367 Where is Robin? 725 00:30:02,467 --> 00:30:04,202 And where is the Scarecrow? 726 00:30:04,302 --> 00:30:06,771 - And now it's time for the Midnight Movie Matinee 727 00:30:06,838 --> 00:30:08,540 with your host, the Creeper. 728 00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:11,209 Tonight's feature, "Dread Castle," 729 00:30:11,309 --> 00:30:13,011 starring Julie Madison and-- 730 00:30:13,111 --> 00:30:16,047 Not tonight, Gotham City. 731 00:30:16,147 --> 00:30:19,450 Tonight, the Scarecrow is running the spook house. 732 00:30:19,517 --> 00:30:24,455 And tonight's movie is very, very special. 733 00:30:25,390 --> 00:30:27,559 Gather up the kiddies. 734 00:30:27,659 --> 00:30:30,461 - This is cinema history. - Oh, no. 735 00:30:30,528 --> 00:30:33,031 For the first time ever, 736 00:30:33,131 --> 00:30:37,035 I present "The Second Skin," 737 00:30:37,135 --> 00:30:41,372 starring the great Basil Karlo. 738 00:30:41,472 --> 00:30:45,577 I guarantee when you feast your eyes on this, 739 00:30:45,677 --> 00:30:48,880 you're gonna want to feast on your eyes. 740 00:30:48,980 --> 00:30:50,982 Life and death in Gotham City. 741 00:30:51,049 --> 00:30:53,484 To be continued in part two. 742 00:30:54,719 --> 00:30:57,088 The Audio Adventures," 743 00:30:57,188 --> 00:31:00,091 written and directed by Dennis McNicholas. 744 00:31:00,191 --> 00:31:03,561 Batman created by Bob Kane with Bill Finger. 745 00:31:03,661 --> 00:31:05,830 Based on characters from DC. 746 00:31:05,897 --> 00:31:08,700 With performances by Jeffrey Wright, 747 00:31:08,766 --> 00:31:11,736 Aristotle Athari, Ike Barinholtz, 748 00:31:11,836 --> 00:31:14,772 Rosario Dawson, Steve Higgins, 749 00:31:14,873 --> 00:31:17,442 Toby Huss, Gillian Jacobs, 750 00:31:17,542 --> 00:31:20,178 John Leguizamo, Dennis McNicholas, 751 00:31:20,245 --> 00:31:22,881 Tim Meadows, Seth Meyers, 752 00:31:22,947 --> 00:31:25,583 Bobby Moynihan, Chris Parnell, 753 00:31:25,683 --> 00:31:28,119 Katie Rich, Ben Rodgers, 754 00:31:28,219 --> 00:31:30,788 Paul Scheer, Pete Schultz, 755 00:31:30,889 --> 00:31:33,358 Brooke Shields, Brent Spiner, 756 00:31:33,424 --> 00:31:35,760 Kenan Thompson, Alan Tudyk, 757 00:31:35,860 --> 00:31:39,297 Bradley Whitford, Melissa Villaseñor, 758 00:31:39,397 --> 00:31:42,033 Eli Brueggemann, Doug Bossi, 759 00:31:42,100 --> 00:31:44,903 Ronjini Brown, Chris Gibney, 760 00:31:44,969 --> 00:31:47,438 Julie Larson, Erica Phillips, 761 00:31:47,538 --> 00:31:50,041 Rosie Phillips, Tony Phillips, 762 00:31:50,108 --> 00:31:52,477 Zoey Phillips, Deirdre Quinn, 763 00:31:52,577 --> 00:31:54,145 Robbie Wyckoff. 764 00:31:54,245 --> 00:31:58,249 Executive producers, John Berg, Angela Petrella. 765 00:31:58,316 --> 00:32:00,652 Produced by Dennis McNicholas. 766 00:32:00,752 --> 00:32:02,921 Executives in charge of production, 767 00:32:02,987 --> 00:32:05,657 Shaleen Desai, Peter Girardi. 768 00:32:05,757 --> 00:32:07,659 Producer, Tyler Dorson. 769 00:32:07,759 --> 00:32:10,228 Production services by Cast Media. 770 00:32:10,295 --> 00:32:12,163 Producer, Colin Thompson. 771 00:32:12,263 --> 00:32:14,899 Coordinating producer, DJ Lubel. 772 00:32:14,966 --> 00:32:17,001 Music by Doug Bossi. 773 00:32:17,101 --> 00:32:19,304 Sound recording, design, and mixing 774 00:32:19,404 --> 00:32:20,838 by Big Yellow Duck. 775 00:32:20,939 --> 00:32:23,508 Sound design, mixing, dialogue editing, 776 00:32:23,608 --> 00:32:26,177 and rerecording mixing by Chris Gibney. 777 00:32:26,277 --> 00:32:28,780 Dialogue editing and additional post-production 778 00:32:28,846 --> 00:32:30,348 by Julie Larson. 779 00:32:30,448 --> 00:32:33,584 Original songs by Doug Bossi and Tony Phillips. 780 00:32:33,651 --> 00:32:35,353 The characters and events depicted 781 00:32:35,453 --> 00:32:37,155 in this podcast are fictional. 782 00:32:37,255 --> 00:32:39,657 Any similarity to any actual person, 783 00:32:39,757 --> 00:32:42,493 living or dead, or to any actual events, 784 00:32:42,593 --> 00:32:46,030 firms, places, and institutions or other entities 785 00:32:46,130 --> 00:32:48,299 is coincidental and unintentional. 786 00:32:48,366 --> 00:32:50,468 This podcast is protected under the laws 787 00:32:50,535 --> 00:32:52,870 of the United States and other countries, 788 00:32:52,971 --> 00:32:54,639 and its unauthorized duplication, 789 00:32:54,706 --> 00:32:56,474 distribution, or exhibition 790 00:32:56,541 --> 00:32:59,978 may result in civil liability and criminal prosecution. 791 00:33:00,044 --> 00:33:03,147 Country of first publication, United States of America. 792 00:33:03,214 --> 00:33:05,316 the Audio Adventures," 793 00:33:05,383 --> 00:33:06,818 copyright 2022, 794 00:33:06,884 --> 00:33:08,720 Warner Brothers Entertainment Incorporated. 795 00:33:08,820 --> 00:33:11,356 Batman and all related characters and elements 796 00:33:11,456 --> 00:33:13,891 are trademark and copyright DC. 797 00:33:13,992 --> 00:33:15,526 All rights reserved.