1 00:00:01,585 --> 00:00:04,463 ♪ upbeat music ♪ 2 00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:08,300 So, let me get this straight. 3 00:00:08,300 --> 00:00:10,636 You told our neighbor who's been so rude, 4 00:00:10,636 --> 00:00:13,013 that we'd take care of his big creepy dog, 5 00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:14,515 just so he can jet off to Cabo. 6 00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:16,350 I think it'll be fun having a dog around the house. 7 00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:18,185 Look at him. He's so sweet. 8 00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:20,229 - Ring, ring. - Oh, that is the call. 9 00:00:20,229 --> 00:00:22,064 That is the call. Okay. JERRY: Ring, ring. 10 00:00:22,064 --> 00:00:23,148 Where is my phone? 11 00:00:23,148 --> 00:00:24,900 Uh, I think the dog's sitting on it. 12 00:00:24,900 --> 00:00:26,818 Oh, okay. I gotta take this. Shoo-shoo. 13 00:00:26,818 --> 00:00:27,861 Bye-bye. 14 00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:29,863 JERRY: Ring, ring. 15 00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:31,031 Ring, ring. 16 00:00:32,573 --> 00:00:35,118 Oh my God. The dog swallowed my phone. 17 00:00:35,118 --> 00:00:37,788 Don't worry, this too shall pass. 18 00:00:37,788 --> 00:00:40,123 Laugh, laugh, laugh with the delightful callback. 19 00:00:40,123 --> 00:00:41,250 And that's our show. 20 00:00:41,250 --> 00:00:42,960 Very funny. Looking good. 21 00:00:43,627 --> 00:00:44,837 It's good. 22 00:00:44,837 --> 00:00:46,463 Okay. I hate to admit it. 23 00:00:46,463 --> 00:00:48,507 You were right about the Josie joke. 24 00:00:48,507 --> 00:00:50,425 Cleveland is funnier than Milwaukee. 25 00:00:50,425 --> 00:00:52,344 And yet in real life? Milwaukee, funnier. 26 00:00:52,344 --> 00:00:54,638 Hey Gordon, Hannah. Really nice rewrite last night. 27 00:00:54,638 --> 00:00:56,390 - Good, good. - I just have a few tiny concerns 28 00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:57,933 about a couple of spots specifically-- 29 00:00:57,933 --> 00:01:00,269 Yeah, you know what? Hold that thought. Just hold. Let me grab a pen. 30 00:01:00,978 --> 00:01:02,354 Be right with you. 31 00:01:02,354 --> 00:01:04,147 HANNAH: What the hell? 32 00:01:04,606 --> 00:01:06,900 Yeah. So I thought it played much better, right? 33 00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:08,402 Not an idiot. 34 00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:09,444 What? 35 00:01:09,444 --> 00:01:11,405 Well, your dad, he's not grabbing a pen. 36 00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:13,532 - No, he just said he's-- - He's not coming back. 37 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:18,495 How can I help? 38 00:01:18,495 --> 00:01:21,081 Well, he never wants to hear any of my thoughts or concerns. 39 00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:22,749 I'm sorry. Maybe you should just 40 00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:23,876 work out your shit with him. 41 00:01:23,876 --> 00:01:26,336 I don't think you realize how hurtful it is 42 00:01:26,336 --> 00:01:28,380 to have him just walk out on me like that. 43 00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:30,215 I mean, I might have some idea. 44 00:01:30,215 --> 00:01:31,258 Focus, Hannah, please. 45 00:01:31,258 --> 00:01:33,177 We're, we're talking about me. 46 00:01:34,303 --> 00:01:37,514 ♪ upbeat music ♪ 47 00:01:44,897 --> 00:01:46,273 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 48 00:01:46,273 --> 00:01:47,900 It's women you've never met, 49 00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:49,735 in a house you've never been to, 50 00:01:49,735 --> 00:01:51,069 doing who knows what? 51 00:01:51,069 --> 00:01:52,613 Yep. The woman who leads it 52 00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:54,698 is supposed to be amazing. 53 00:01:54,698 --> 00:01:57,492 They call it a night of female self-discovery. 54 00:01:57,492 --> 00:01:59,494 They also call it a pyramid scheme. 55 00:01:59,494 --> 00:02:00,579 Surprise, surprise. 56 00:02:00,579 --> 00:02:03,916 The least introspective person in the world mocks my journey. 57 00:02:03,916 --> 00:02:05,542 No, I think it's great. 58 00:02:05,542 --> 00:02:07,961 Paying big bucks to let the shaman of Brentwood 59 00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:09,755 cleanse your aura while you drink Chardonnay 60 00:02:09,755 --> 00:02:11,715 and burn vagina-scented candles. 61 00:02:11,715 --> 00:02:13,800 Ha, ha. At least I'm trying to improve myself. 62 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:14,801 What have you done lately? 63 00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:17,221 Up your budget to a higher class of hooker? 64 00:02:17,221 --> 00:02:18,639 [laughs] - Well, actually the cost 65 00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:20,641 of a regular hooker is way up. 66 00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:22,059 They say it's the supply chain. 67 00:02:22,059 --> 00:02:23,852 You're gross and whatever you're paying those women 68 00:02:23,852 --> 00:02:25,395 is not enough. [Kelly laughs] 69 00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:27,356 Oh really, Kelly? Well, that's it. 70 00:02:27,356 --> 00:02:30,400 I'm not letting you rub your cock against my arm anymore. 71 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:32,736 Honey, I wouldn't let my cock touch any part of you. 72 00:02:32,736 --> 00:02:34,780 I wear a condom just to return your texts. 73 00:02:34,780 --> 00:02:36,615 [Bree laughs] 74 00:02:36,615 --> 00:02:38,617 I'll be right back. KELLY: Okay, honey. 75 00:02:38,617 --> 00:02:40,160 Hey, if they do tarot cards, 76 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,538 can you ask my grandma where she hid all her jewelry? 77 00:02:42,538 --> 00:02:44,373 That's not how tarot works! 78 00:02:47,626 --> 00:02:49,002 Did you find a pen yet? 79 00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:51,547 Hannah, stop giving in to these people. 80 00:02:51,547 --> 00:02:53,632 You gotta learn to give yourself a little distance. 81 00:02:53,632 --> 00:02:55,884 "These people." You mean the human beings that we work with. 82 00:02:55,884 --> 00:02:58,637 Who are the reason you can afford a house, and a second family. 83 00:02:58,637 --> 00:03:00,430 Can I tell you something about actors? 84 00:03:00,430 --> 00:03:03,350 They are bottomless pits of need. 85 00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:05,602 Oh, they didn't get nominated for this. 86 00:03:05,602 --> 00:03:08,647 Oh, the designer didn't give me a free tux for that. 87 00:03:08,647 --> 00:03:10,816 The Rolex watch they got in the gift bag, 88 00:03:10,816 --> 00:03:12,776 wasn't as nice as the Porsches they gave 89 00:03:12,776 --> 00:03:14,319 to the cast of Will & Grace. 90 00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:15,779 Wait. Seriously, they gave them Porsches? 91 00:03:15,779 --> 00:03:17,698 Yeah, just the shitty ones, the Boxsters. 92 00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:19,992 [knock on door] - Hey, sorry to bother you guys. 93 00:03:19,992 --> 00:03:24,079 But, um, I'm having a little bit of a problem. 94 00:03:24,079 --> 00:03:25,956 And I was hoping we could talk. 95 00:03:25,956 --> 00:03:27,416 Of course, Zack, we can talk. 96 00:03:27,416 --> 00:03:29,293 What's on your mind? Tell us. 97 00:03:29,293 --> 00:03:31,253 I'm kind of in the middle of a custody dispute 98 00:03:31,253 --> 00:03:32,379 with my ex-girlfriend. 99 00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:35,382 - Oh, you have a kid? - No, a dog. 100 00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:36,300 GORDON: Ah. 101 00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:37,634 Okay, you know what, Zack buddy? 102 00:03:37,634 --> 00:03:38,635 I really do wanna hear this. 103 00:03:38,635 --> 00:03:40,053 Let me just go grab a pen. 104 00:03:41,930 --> 00:03:43,098 [door shuts] - Yeah. Okay. 105 00:03:43,098 --> 00:03:45,225 We can, we can talk until he gets back. 106 00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:46,435 It's my little Butternut. 107 00:03:46,852 --> 00:03:49,438 She's the sweetest, cutest dog you've ever seen. 108 00:03:49,438 --> 00:03:51,899 Oh, is that why you looked so sad after the run-through? 109 00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:53,984 Yeah. Every dog reminds me of her. 110 00:03:53,984 --> 00:03:55,277 Even stuffed ones. 111 00:03:55,277 --> 00:03:56,987 Marcy and I got her when we were together. 112 00:03:56,987 --> 00:03:58,989 But she's so mad at me for breaking up with her, 113 00:03:58,989 --> 00:04:00,365 she won't let me see Butternut. 114 00:04:00,365 --> 00:04:01,950 But that is a long story. 115 00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:02,868 Yeah, you don't have to-- 116 00:04:02,868 --> 00:04:05,037 We met at my friend David's bar mitzvah. 117 00:04:06,038 --> 00:04:07,873 She was right behind me in the grind train. 118 00:04:07,873 --> 00:04:09,416 We're star-crossed lovers. 119 00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:11,502 Just like in my movie Bromeo and Juliet. 120 00:04:14,171 --> 00:04:16,715 So how did, how'd it go with the Kramer vs. Kramer, 121 00:04:16,715 --> 00:04:17,799 but with dogs. 122 00:04:17,799 --> 00:04:19,760 Oh, okay. Okay, maybe you have a point. 123 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,762 Yeah. I've been doing this a long time. 124 00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:23,055 You know the truth is... 125 00:04:23,722 --> 00:04:25,349 I'm a little in over my head. 126 00:04:26,016 --> 00:04:28,018 And I need to learn what you know. 127 00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:31,063 So, can I sit you down some time and ask you some questions? 128 00:04:31,063 --> 00:04:32,981 Yeah. Of course. 129 00:04:32,981 --> 00:04:36,068 I'd be happy to toss a few pearls your way. 130 00:04:36,068 --> 00:04:38,237 Great. Um, I don't know. How about dinner? 131 00:04:38,237 --> 00:04:39,112 Are you free tonight? 132 00:04:39,696 --> 00:04:41,198 I could be. Yes. 133 00:04:41,198 --> 00:04:42,866 Yeah. Why don't we do one of those 134 00:04:42,866 --> 00:04:44,576 old school places on Hollywood Boulevard. 135 00:04:44,576 --> 00:04:46,703 You know, where there's an elderly man who still has to work 136 00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:49,164 and he makes you a Caesar salad right at the table. 137 00:04:49,164 --> 00:04:50,832 And half the desserts are served on fire. 138 00:04:50,832 --> 00:04:53,126 You had me at elderly man who still has to work. 139 00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:54,127 Great. 140 00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:57,172 ♪ 141 00:04:59,258 --> 00:05:01,844 - Oh, it's so refreshing. - Delicious. Yeah. 142 00:05:01,844 --> 00:05:03,637 I think I could drink this literally all day. 143 00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:05,931 [phone ringing] And I'm going to. So where-- 144 00:05:05,931 --> 00:05:07,808 Well, this can't be good. 145 00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:09,601 Oh, it's really good. 146 00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:11,520 Guess what? - What? 147 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:13,021 I'm on mushrooms. 148 00:05:13,689 --> 00:05:14,982 Seriously? 149 00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:17,442 Oh yeah. We took mushrooms. Lots of 'em. 150 00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:19,236 Wow. Check you out. 151 00:05:19,236 --> 00:05:22,447 It's no big deal. I'm just finding my authentic self 152 00:05:22,447 --> 00:05:23,782 that's uniquely me. 153 00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:26,034 Just like Gwyneth Paltrow and her Goop show. 154 00:05:26,034 --> 00:05:28,537 And you're calling me because? 155 00:05:28,537 --> 00:05:30,372 Because I wanted you to know that 156 00:05:30,372 --> 00:05:32,624 you were completely wrong about my night 157 00:05:32,624 --> 00:05:34,376 of female self-discovery. 158 00:05:34,376 --> 00:05:36,628 Except for the vagina candle. We did do that. 159 00:05:36,628 --> 00:05:38,672 [hangs up] - Wow. 160 00:05:41,383 --> 00:05:43,510 Oh, shit. Shit. Shit. 161 00:05:44,386 --> 00:05:45,721 [groans] 162 00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:48,932 Right this way, Mr. Gilman. 163 00:05:48,932 --> 00:05:50,934 [indistinct chatter] 164 00:05:54,313 --> 00:05:55,898 Reed. 165 00:05:55,898 --> 00:05:57,691 I thought I was meeting Hannah. 166 00:05:57,691 --> 00:05:59,943 Oh, me too. 167 00:05:59,943 --> 00:06:03,280 Hannah sends her regrets, along with these drinks. 168 00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:05,866 She also wanted me to give you this pen. 169 00:06:06,241 --> 00:06:08,869 She said you were always running out. 170 00:06:10,454 --> 00:06:14,333 [laughs] It's-- it's delicious. 171 00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:17,586 Mm! 172 00:06:17,586 --> 00:06:19,129 Mmm. 173 00:06:19,463 --> 00:06:22,049 ♪ upbeat music ♪ 174 00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:24,051 ♪ 175 00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:33,143 Well, this is it. 176 00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:35,687 [exhales] 177 00:06:38,148 --> 00:06:39,316 I'm nervous. 178 00:06:39,983 --> 00:06:41,652 It really means a lot to me that you're here. 179 00:06:41,652 --> 00:06:44,112 Well, I want everyone on the show to feel like they can come to me 180 00:06:44,112 --> 00:06:46,448 with their problems and to think of me as a friend. 181 00:06:46,448 --> 00:06:47,741 Awesome. 182 00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,535 Hey, this weekend you should come by my house. 183 00:06:49,535 --> 00:06:50,827 I just put in a recording studio, 184 00:06:50,827 --> 00:06:52,538 and I'm gonna try rapping for the first time. 185 00:06:54,623 --> 00:06:56,959 - Zack? - Marcy. 186 00:06:56,959 --> 00:06:58,544 What the hell are you doing here? 187 00:06:58,544 --> 00:07:01,922 - Well, I, um-- - Say the thing we talked about. 188 00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:04,383 I want my frickin' dog and I want her now. 189 00:07:04,383 --> 00:07:05,259 That wasn't the thing. 190 00:07:05,259 --> 00:07:07,636 Butternut wants nothing to do with you. 191 00:07:07,636 --> 00:07:09,137 You A-hole. - Okay, 192 00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:10,973 why don't we all just take a breath-- 193 00:07:10,973 --> 00:07:13,058 Oh, is this your new skank girlfriend? 194 00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:15,102 Yeah. And we do it all the time. 195 00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:17,312 Jesus Chri-- No, no. 196 00:07:17,312 --> 00:07:18,897 Hi. I'm Hannah. I work with Zack. 197 00:07:18,897 --> 00:07:20,524 Whatever you guys can come in. 198 00:07:24,486 --> 00:07:26,864 Oh, wow. That's a lot of toys. 199 00:07:26,864 --> 00:07:29,283 What? They're not toys. 200 00:07:29,283 --> 00:07:31,577 They're celebrity-themed collectibles. 201 00:07:32,661 --> 00:07:34,955 - Where's Butternut? - Why should I tell you that? Huh? 202 00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:37,165 You never told me when you spent all night 203 00:07:37,165 --> 00:07:39,918 playing Dance Dance Revolution with Becca. 204 00:07:39,918 --> 00:07:43,297 For the millionth time, we're just dance friends. 205 00:07:43,297 --> 00:07:45,674 No one is just dance friends with Becca. 206 00:07:45,674 --> 00:07:48,177 I'm sorry to interrupt. You know, I just realized I, um, 207 00:07:48,177 --> 00:07:50,220 I gotta go grab a-- a pen. 208 00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:52,806 You know what? You should both go. 209 00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:55,225 I'm just thinking about what's best for Butternut. 210 00:07:55,225 --> 00:07:57,686 No you're not. You're just using Butternut as a weapon 211 00:07:57,686 --> 00:07:58,812 to get back at Zack for leaving. 212 00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:01,190 Oh, suddenly the hottie just can read my mind? 213 00:08:01,190 --> 00:08:03,483 The point is, Zack wants to be in Butternut's life, 214 00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:05,068 and you should want that too. 215 00:08:07,738 --> 00:08:09,323 We could share her. 216 00:08:09,323 --> 00:08:10,782 I could take her to work with me. 217 00:08:10,782 --> 00:08:13,327 So she's supposed to just sit in your trailer all day? 218 00:08:13,327 --> 00:08:15,954 Well, I'll put a bed in my office. She can hang out there whenever she wants. 219 00:08:15,954 --> 00:08:18,123 [sighs] Fine. 220 00:08:20,751 --> 00:08:22,085 Thank you so much for being here. 221 00:08:22,085 --> 00:08:23,754 Yeah, I'm so psyched for you to see your dog. 222 00:08:23,754 --> 00:08:25,881 Oh my God. It's gonna be like those Instagram videos 223 00:08:25,881 --> 00:08:28,175 where doggies are, are reunited with their owners 224 00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:29,885 after not seeing them for a while. 225 00:08:30,636 --> 00:08:32,804 [dog snarling] 226 00:08:32,804 --> 00:08:34,765 - The fuck. - Butternut! 227 00:08:34,765 --> 00:08:36,058 [snarling] 228 00:08:36,058 --> 00:08:38,268 Oh, she remembers me! 229 00:08:38,268 --> 00:08:40,521 Aw [laughs] 230 00:08:40,521 --> 00:08:42,356 [snarling continues] 231 00:08:42,356 --> 00:08:44,983 Oh, and she grew more hair! 232 00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,781 Oh, here we go. [phone ringing] 233 00:08:52,908 --> 00:08:54,076 BREE: [on phone] Clay! 234 00:08:54,076 --> 00:08:55,911 - What, Bree? - I'm lost. 235 00:08:55,911 --> 00:08:57,788 A hummingbird invited me to her nest, 236 00:08:57,788 --> 00:08:59,289 but we got separated. 237 00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:01,083 Do you see the house you were at? 238 00:09:01,083 --> 00:09:03,293 Or any of the other entitled white women? 239 00:09:03,293 --> 00:09:06,255 - No. - Bree, tell me exactly what you see. 240 00:09:06,255 --> 00:09:08,423 When my eyes are open or closed? 241 00:09:08,423 --> 00:09:10,092 When they're open, I see a fence. 242 00:09:10,092 --> 00:09:11,677 When they're closed, dragons. 243 00:09:12,678 --> 00:09:15,556 Okay. Look, I'm coming to get you. 244 00:09:15,556 --> 00:09:17,349 Do you know how to drop a pin? 245 00:09:17,349 --> 00:09:19,476 I don't have a fucking pin! 246 00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:21,019 Not that kind of pin. 247 00:09:21,019 --> 00:09:22,896 - Listen to me. - Okay. 248 00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:24,064 CLAY: When we hang up, 249 00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:26,984 I want you to hold up your phone and say, 250 00:09:26,984 --> 00:09:29,987 "Hey Siri, send Clay my location." 251 00:09:29,987 --> 00:09:31,655 Okay, okay. 252 00:09:31,655 --> 00:09:32,865 Repeat that. 253 00:09:32,865 --> 00:09:34,408 Sarah, send me on vacation! 254 00:09:34,408 --> 00:09:36,410 ♪ 255 00:09:48,130 --> 00:09:50,424 You a Clippers fan by any chance? 256 00:09:50,424 --> 00:09:51,633 Not really. 257 00:09:51,633 --> 00:09:52,885 Lakers? 258 00:09:52,885 --> 00:09:54,219 Actually, I've been living in New York 259 00:09:54,219 --> 00:09:55,304 for the last 15 years, so. 260 00:09:55,304 --> 00:09:56,638 It's Nicks. 261 00:09:56,638 --> 00:09:58,724 Not a big NBA guy. 262 00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:02,477 So what the fuck would you bring up New York for? 263 00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:05,689 You, you're something else, man. 264 00:10:05,689 --> 00:10:07,024 Okay. 265 00:10:07,024 --> 00:10:09,026 What, what is your problem with me? 266 00:10:09,026 --> 00:10:10,777 Well, for one you don't like basketball. 267 00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:12,446 Fucking-A. I'm serious. 268 00:10:12,446 --> 00:10:14,781 No, I know that. You're always serious. 269 00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:16,533 And you overthink everything, 270 00:10:16,533 --> 00:10:17,993 then you're never happy. 271 00:10:17,993 --> 00:10:19,620 You are never happy. 272 00:10:19,620 --> 00:10:22,623 I, you get a script, and instead of thinking, gee, 273 00:10:22,623 --> 00:10:25,709 what can I do to make this the funniest, and the best it can be? 274 00:10:25,709 --> 00:10:28,295 You decide that, no, right away it stinks. 275 00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:29,796 The script stinks and I stink 276 00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:31,673 and everything needs to be rewritten. 277 00:10:32,424 --> 00:10:34,927 And what makes it especially galling, 278 00:10:34,927 --> 00:10:36,345 is that you actually have the rare gift 279 00:10:36,345 --> 00:10:37,846 of being fucking funny. 280 00:10:37,846 --> 00:10:39,556 I'm telling you, your comedic timing when 281 00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:42,434 you don't get in your own way, swear to George Burns, 282 00:10:42,434 --> 00:10:43,644 it's impeccable. 283 00:10:43,644 --> 00:10:45,187 It's like, like music. 284 00:10:45,187 --> 00:10:48,357 You could be one of the greatest comedic actors of all time. 285 00:10:48,357 --> 00:10:49,942 You remember those hilarious movies 286 00:10:49,942 --> 00:10:52,611 that Sir Laurence Olivier and Daniel Day-Lewis did? 287 00:10:52,611 --> 00:10:54,112 What...? No. 288 00:10:54,112 --> 00:10:56,657 Exactly. 'Cause they couldn't do it. 289 00:10:56,657 --> 00:10:58,867 But you, you have the superpower, man. 290 00:10:58,867 --> 00:11:01,411 You, you can make millions of people laugh. 291 00:11:01,411 --> 00:11:03,664 And to put that out into the world, 292 00:11:03,664 --> 00:11:08,377 to bring people a little joy at the end of their shit day. 293 00:11:08,377 --> 00:11:10,420 Fuck you for not appreciating that. 294 00:11:10,420 --> 00:11:11,505 'Cause I swear to God, 295 00:11:11,505 --> 00:11:13,006 that is as good and honorable thing 296 00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:14,508 as a man can do. 297 00:11:18,303 --> 00:11:19,471 Uh... 298 00:11:20,806 --> 00:11:22,432 Well, Gordon, I'm speechless. 299 00:11:22,808 --> 00:11:23,851 Oh. 300 00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:26,562 Shit, if I knew that's all it took, 301 00:11:26,562 --> 00:11:28,480 I would've complimented you years ago. 302 00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:32,025 CLAY: Bree! 303 00:11:34,528 --> 00:11:35,571 Damn. 304 00:11:36,154 --> 00:11:37,155 Duchess? 305 00:11:38,907 --> 00:11:42,202 Got a big movie producer here who wants to meet you. 306 00:11:45,414 --> 00:11:47,082 Oh, shit. 307 00:11:47,082 --> 00:11:50,335 - Die dragon! - Whoa! Jesus. 308 00:11:50,335 --> 00:11:52,421 [groans] 309 00:11:55,507 --> 00:11:56,675 You're joking. 310 00:11:58,260 --> 00:12:00,345 Okay, here we go. 311 00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:02,139 In the truck and I'll drive you home. 312 00:12:02,139 --> 00:12:05,893 Whoa, toxic masculinity much? 313 00:12:05,893 --> 00:12:07,686 Bree, I'm not fucking around. 314 00:12:07,686 --> 00:12:09,271 I have some place I need to be. 315 00:12:09,271 --> 00:12:11,398 And these aren't the type of people you keep waiting. 316 00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:14,151 Okay, Clay. 317 00:12:16,445 --> 00:12:19,698 It is too blue in here. 318 00:12:19,698 --> 00:12:21,992 No, no! 319 00:12:22,534 --> 00:12:24,119 [with Scottish accent] But do they call me 320 00:12:24,119 --> 00:12:26,496 MacGregor the ship builder? No. 321 00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:29,166 You see that pier? I built that pier meself 322 00:12:29,166 --> 00:12:30,375 with me own hands. 323 00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:32,836 It could withstand the-- the mightiest of storms, 324 00:12:32,836 --> 00:12:36,131 but do they ever call me MacGregor the pier builder? 325 00:12:36,131 --> 00:12:37,174 No! 326 00:12:37,174 --> 00:12:39,259 But you fuck one goat. 327 00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:41,512 [laughing] 328 00:12:43,972 --> 00:12:46,642 He's MacGregor the goat fucker. 329 00:12:46,642 --> 00:12:48,852 How have you never heard that joke? 330 00:12:48,852 --> 00:12:50,437 Oh my God. [Reed laughing] 331 00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:52,856 You need, you need to read less. 332 00:12:52,856 --> 00:12:54,441 Oh, God. You are funny. 333 00:12:55,567 --> 00:12:56,944 I didn't write damn the thing. 334 00:12:56,944 --> 00:12:58,362 Who writes those things? I don't-- 335 00:12:58,362 --> 00:13:00,155 Somewhere there's a genius in a basement. 336 00:13:00,155 --> 00:13:04,117 No, no, Gordon. I mean you are funny. 337 00:13:04,493 --> 00:13:06,078 I don't say that enough. 338 00:13:06,078 --> 00:13:08,121 - You never say it. - Well, but I should. 339 00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:10,123 Because it's true. Okay? 340 00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:12,209 And you are smart. 341 00:13:12,209 --> 00:13:14,044 And that's why I get so-- 342 00:13:15,087 --> 00:13:16,421 Never mind. Forget it. 343 00:13:16,421 --> 00:13:17,673 No. What, what, what? 344 00:13:17,673 --> 00:13:19,174 Say it, you schmuck. 345 00:13:19,174 --> 00:13:20,717 What-- That's why what? 346 00:13:22,594 --> 00:13:24,638 It's why I get so frustrated. 347 00:13:24,638 --> 00:13:28,433 You are smart. You are quick. 348 00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:30,352 You are perceptive, 349 00:13:30,352 --> 00:13:34,189 and more sensitive than you want anyone to think. 350 00:13:34,189 --> 00:13:37,401 But I don't understand why you, 351 00:13:37,401 --> 00:13:39,194 why you don't go there. 352 00:13:39,194 --> 00:13:40,404 Why you don't dig deeper. 353 00:13:40,404 --> 00:13:41,738 I mean, we could have told stories 354 00:13:41,738 --> 00:13:44,783 about things that real families go through. 355 00:13:44,783 --> 00:13:46,118 - Yeah, well. - You know what I mean? 356 00:13:46,118 --> 00:13:49,621 And instead, you know, what did we do? 357 00:13:49,621 --> 00:13:53,500 We did an entire episode based on a Y2K pun. 358 00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:54,710 Ugh. 359 00:13:54,710 --> 00:13:57,171 Why too gay? Yes. [Reed groans] 360 00:13:57,171 --> 00:13:59,631 Boy, that Brian Boitano. He could land a triple axel. 361 00:13:59,631 --> 00:14:00,591 Couldn't land a single joke. 362 00:14:00,591 --> 00:14:02,217 See, that's what I mean. 363 00:14:02,217 --> 00:14:03,760 I am trying to tell you something 364 00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:05,137 that I've wanted to say for a long time. 365 00:14:05,137 --> 00:14:06,555 That's hard for me to say. - Okay. 366 00:14:06,555 --> 00:14:08,682 And you, you always have to go for the joke. 367 00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:10,475 I didn't hear a laugh. Did you hear a laugh? 368 00:14:10,475 --> 00:14:13,187 You could be so good if you just tried. 369 00:14:13,187 --> 00:14:15,772 No, Gordon. Why? Why don't you try? 370 00:14:15,772 --> 00:14:17,524 Wait, wait, you have so much potential. 371 00:14:18,066 --> 00:14:20,277 What are you? My fourth grade teacher now? 372 00:14:20,277 --> 00:14:21,445 Gordon, I mean it. 373 00:14:22,779 --> 00:14:25,866 You are better than that genius in the basement. 374 00:14:27,618 --> 00:14:29,119 Very nice of you to say. 375 00:14:30,078 --> 00:14:31,163 Thank you. 376 00:14:32,748 --> 00:14:35,083 ♪ 377 00:14:39,588 --> 00:14:42,216 I think that's the guy who invented fire. 378 00:14:43,592 --> 00:14:45,052 'Cause he's not young. 379 00:14:46,136 --> 00:14:47,763 [dog snarling, growling] 380 00:14:47,763 --> 00:14:49,097 Who's daddy's little girl? 381 00:14:49,097 --> 00:14:50,057 You are. 382 00:14:50,057 --> 00:14:52,267 Yes, you are. That's right! 383 00:14:53,352 --> 00:14:55,771 [sighs] Well, I have to admit. 384 00:14:55,771 --> 00:14:58,482 I haven't seen her this happy in a really long time. 385 00:14:58,482 --> 00:15:01,610 Oh, do you wanna cuddle with your Aunt Hannah? 386 00:15:01,610 --> 00:15:04,655 You know, I really don't think that's necessary. 387 00:15:04,655 --> 00:15:06,907 Oh, she's got kisses to spare. 388 00:15:06,907 --> 00:15:08,408 Just don't kiss her straight on the mouth, 389 00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:10,118 because sometimes she spits up a little. 390 00:15:10,118 --> 00:15:12,287 Oh, well. God, self-control initiate. 391 00:15:13,664 --> 00:15:15,165 [dog growling] 392 00:15:15,165 --> 00:15:16,124 Ah... 393 00:15:18,961 --> 00:15:21,547 What happened to us, Zack? 394 00:15:21,547 --> 00:15:25,175 Well, you got jealous of every woman I worked with, 395 00:15:25,175 --> 00:15:27,010 and I like working with women who aren't scared 396 00:15:27,010 --> 00:15:28,095 of my girlfriend. 397 00:15:28,095 --> 00:15:30,013 Yeah. I guess that wasn't cool of me. 398 00:15:30,013 --> 00:15:31,640 I've grown up a lot since then. 399 00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:32,933 Ahh! 400 00:15:32,933 --> 00:15:34,560 Maybe we just weren't right for each other. 401 00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:37,062 - How can you say that? - We're totally different. 402 00:15:37,062 --> 00:15:39,690 I'm an early riser, you stay up late at night. 403 00:15:39,690 --> 00:15:41,358 I like watching Rick and Morty, 404 00:15:41,358 --> 00:15:43,151 you like watching things that aren't Rick and Morty. 405 00:15:44,528 --> 00:15:46,947 Okay. We can share custody. 406 00:15:46,947 --> 00:15:48,365 You can take her half the week, 407 00:15:48,365 --> 00:15:50,450 and we can trade off on holidays and weekends. 408 00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:51,577 BOTH: I get Halloween. 409 00:15:51,577 --> 00:15:52,828 Cool. 410 00:15:52,828 --> 00:15:54,913 You can take her tonight if you want. 411 00:15:54,913 --> 00:15:56,999 Really? Oh, sick. 412 00:15:56,999 --> 00:15:59,209 Hannah said that she can watch her while I'm at rehearsal. 413 00:15:59,209 --> 00:16:00,752 I did say that. Yeah. 414 00:16:01,378 --> 00:16:03,589 Hey, Marcy, I just want you to know, 415 00:16:03,589 --> 00:16:05,382 that I don't regret you and me. 416 00:16:05,382 --> 00:16:07,467 Because something really good came out of us. 417 00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:08,927 This little ray of sunshine. 418 00:16:10,929 --> 00:16:11,847 Oh. 419 00:16:11,847 --> 00:16:15,058 I think something just came out of this little ray of sunshine. 420 00:16:15,058 --> 00:16:16,393 BOTH: Aw. 421 00:16:16,393 --> 00:16:18,604 ♪ 422 00:16:21,899 --> 00:16:24,109 [shuts off engine] - Where are we? 423 00:16:24,109 --> 00:16:26,320 Look, I don't have time to take you home first. 424 00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:27,779 So just sit here, 425 00:16:27,779 --> 00:16:30,657 and look at all the pretty water bottles and shit. 426 00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:32,618 What is this? Your whore's house? 427 00:16:32,618 --> 00:16:33,911 Your crack den? 428 00:16:33,911 --> 00:16:34,953 Oh, do you really wanna play 429 00:16:34,953 --> 00:16:37,331 the drug card right now, duchess? 430 00:16:37,331 --> 00:16:39,666 Now this is not a great neighborhood. 431 00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:42,294 So just lock the doors and sit. 432 00:16:42,294 --> 00:16:43,879 Do you understand? 433 00:16:43,879 --> 00:16:46,256 You are a bad seed, Clay Barber. 434 00:16:46,256 --> 00:16:47,758 A bad seed. 435 00:16:48,926 --> 00:16:49,885 Stay. 436 00:16:54,348 --> 00:16:55,349 Oh my God. 437 00:17:00,103 --> 00:17:02,272 [banging] 438 00:17:04,107 --> 00:17:05,609 [cat yelps] 439 00:17:07,277 --> 00:17:08,403 Ugh! 440 00:17:10,197 --> 00:17:12,783 [dogs barking] 441 00:17:16,286 --> 00:17:18,330 [groaning] 442 00:17:22,501 --> 00:17:23,544 [gasps] 443 00:17:35,222 --> 00:17:37,432 Thank you for sharing with us, Janice. 444 00:17:37,432 --> 00:17:38,350 Keep coming back. 445 00:17:39,184 --> 00:17:42,020 So, is anyone celebrating today? 446 00:17:45,190 --> 00:17:46,817 Hello. My name is Clay. 447 00:17:46,817 --> 00:17:48,193 ALL: Hi, Clay. 448 00:17:48,193 --> 00:17:51,113 I'm an alcoholic and I'm celebrating 30 days sober. 449 00:17:51,113 --> 00:17:54,241 [Bree squeals] [items clattering] 450 00:17:56,159 --> 00:17:57,202 [quietly] Hello. 451 00:17:58,287 --> 00:18:00,789 This is an AA meeting. 452 00:18:01,331 --> 00:18:03,250 That's right, love. 453 00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:04,751 Come on in, take a seat. 454 00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:06,128 That's not necessary. She was just-- 455 00:18:06,128 --> 00:18:07,963 My name is Bree. 456 00:18:07,963 --> 00:18:09,173 ALL: Hi Bree. 457 00:18:09,173 --> 00:18:12,050 - Please don't. - And I'm on mushrooms. 458 00:18:13,343 --> 00:18:14,595 REED: Okay, so-- 459 00:18:14,595 --> 00:18:17,055 What is the one thing you don't wanna hear 460 00:18:17,055 --> 00:18:19,141 after blowing Willie Nelson? 461 00:18:19,141 --> 00:18:20,893 What? 462 00:18:20,893 --> 00:18:22,186 I'm not Willie Nelson. 463 00:18:22,186 --> 00:18:23,896 [laughing] 464 00:18:23,896 --> 00:18:26,690 - Okay. Yeah. - Is that, is that good? Is that good? 465 00:18:26,690 --> 00:18:29,026 GORDON: Look at that. Look at that! 466 00:18:29,026 --> 00:18:30,694 Chuck Lorre gets a star 467 00:18:30,694 --> 00:18:32,487 on the Hollywood walk of fame. 468 00:18:32,487 --> 00:18:33,906 How is that possible? 469 00:18:33,906 --> 00:18:35,407 Holy sh-- You know, 470 00:18:36,033 --> 00:18:38,202 maybe like 10 years ago. 471 00:18:38,202 --> 00:18:40,871 I finally get the nerve to do another pilot. 472 00:18:40,871 --> 00:18:42,998 Network passes. 473 00:18:42,998 --> 00:18:46,126 Why? 'Cause they had to put three new Chuck Lorre 474 00:18:46,126 --> 00:18:49,254 shows on the air to go with his 11 other shows. 475 00:18:49,254 --> 00:18:51,215 - Oh, fuck that guy. - Right? 476 00:18:51,215 --> 00:18:53,592 No, you, you should have a star. 477 00:18:53,842 --> 00:18:55,677 - Yes. - I mean, you know. 478 00:18:55,677 --> 00:18:58,263 Let me, let me say this to Chuck Lorre. 479 00:18:58,263 --> 00:18:59,389 What are you doing? 480 00:18:59,389 --> 00:19:01,558 I'm gonna piss on Chuck Lorre's star. 481 00:19:01,558 --> 00:19:04,353 - [laughing] No, wait, Gordon, no. - No, I need to do this. 482 00:19:04,353 --> 00:19:06,021 - You can't do this. - I hate this guy. 483 00:19:06,021 --> 00:19:08,440 I hate this guy. Don't try and stop me. 484 00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:10,817 - [laughing] I'm not gonna. - No. 485 00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:11,944 Give a minute. 486 00:19:14,696 --> 00:19:15,697 I can't pee. 487 00:19:17,157 --> 00:19:18,242 Hey. 488 00:19:18,242 --> 00:19:21,078 Hey, I'll do it for you. 489 00:19:22,371 --> 00:19:23,914 Seriously? 490 00:19:23,914 --> 00:19:24,748 Yep. 491 00:19:25,707 --> 00:19:26,542 What a guy. 492 00:19:27,668 --> 00:19:29,044 Go ahead. 493 00:19:29,044 --> 00:19:30,254 But do it fast. 494 00:19:33,423 --> 00:19:36,051 Jesus. That's a powerful stream you got there. 495 00:19:36,593 --> 00:19:40,305 You power wash graffiti on the weekends with that? 496 00:19:40,305 --> 00:19:43,225 For, you my friend, it is the least I can do. 497 00:19:43,976 --> 00:19:45,519 [siren blares] No! 498 00:19:47,688 --> 00:19:49,523 Okay. Just peed a little. 499 00:19:52,234 --> 00:19:54,236 ♪ 500 00:19:58,115 --> 00:19:58,949 Hey. 501 00:20:00,325 --> 00:20:01,869 Hey! 502 00:20:01,869 --> 00:20:03,620 How you feeling this morning? 503 00:20:03,620 --> 00:20:05,038 Really, just... 504 00:20:05,914 --> 00:20:07,457 chipper. 505 00:20:07,457 --> 00:20:09,668 Thanks for coming to get me last night. 506 00:20:09,668 --> 00:20:11,503 No problem. Uh, and next time 507 00:20:11,503 --> 00:20:12,754 you wanna do drugs in the woods, 508 00:20:12,754 --> 00:20:14,673 I know some guys who will do that for free. 509 00:20:14,673 --> 00:20:16,216 I'm sure you do. 510 00:20:16,216 --> 00:20:19,845 Uh, I also wanted to say that I think it's really, 511 00:20:19,845 --> 00:20:22,723 it's great what you're doing with the meetings. 512 00:20:22,723 --> 00:20:25,017 Oh yeah. Well, we got a second chance here. 513 00:20:25,017 --> 00:20:26,185 Just trying not to blow it. 514 00:20:26,185 --> 00:20:27,477 But don't tell anyone, 515 00:20:27,477 --> 00:20:29,188 I have a bad reputation to protect. 516 00:20:29,188 --> 00:20:30,731 [giggles] Okay. 517 00:20:30,731 --> 00:20:33,650 I'm glad you're exploring or whatever you want to call it. 518 00:20:33,650 --> 00:20:35,360 'Cause you used to be so uptight. 519 00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:37,821 - I wasn't uptight. - Okay. 520 00:20:37,821 --> 00:20:41,325 Vain, narcissistic, prone to meltdowns, bad at driving. 521 00:20:41,325 --> 00:20:43,035 Fake nice to waiters in a way that shows 522 00:20:43,035 --> 00:20:44,578 you think you're better than them. 523 00:20:44,578 --> 00:20:45,704 Uptight is fine. 524 00:20:47,706 --> 00:20:50,042 It's funny. I needed to stop getting loaded 525 00:20:50,042 --> 00:20:52,419 and you needed to start. [Bree laughs] 526 00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:55,839 Who knows? Fifteen years ago, if I'd had seen this side of you, 527 00:20:55,839 --> 00:20:58,717 maybe I'd have tried to get in there myself. 528 00:20:58,717 --> 00:21:00,260 - Really? - Mm-hm. 529 00:21:00,260 --> 00:21:02,596 Well, 15 years ago, if I was on drugs, 530 00:21:02,596 --> 00:21:03,972 I might have let you. - Heh. 531 00:21:03,972 --> 00:21:05,974 ♪ 532 00:21:09,853 --> 00:21:11,188 Oh. 533 00:21:12,523 --> 00:21:14,107 Hey, you. 534 00:21:14,107 --> 00:21:16,777 That was quite a cute move you pulled last night. 535 00:21:16,777 --> 00:21:17,945 Sorry about that. 536 00:21:17,945 --> 00:21:20,864 And I think you're right about getting involved in the actors' lives. 537 00:21:20,864 --> 00:21:23,075 No, it was actually really good. 538 00:21:23,075 --> 00:21:25,869 We drank and we talked and, you know, 539 00:21:25,869 --> 00:21:27,829 we said some things that needed to be said. 540 00:21:27,829 --> 00:21:29,706 Oh, I'm glad to hear that. 541 00:21:29,706 --> 00:21:31,041 Yeah, so. 542 00:21:31,041 --> 00:21:33,377 Oh, also we promised a cop a part in the show. 543 00:21:34,419 --> 00:21:36,296 - I won't ask. - Yeah. 544 00:21:36,296 --> 00:21:39,091 By the way, I love that restaurant. 545 00:21:39,091 --> 00:21:42,386 Maybe, you and I could go some time for real, 546 00:21:42,386 --> 00:21:43,929 and have a couple of drinks. 547 00:21:45,305 --> 00:21:46,890 I don't know. 548 00:21:46,890 --> 00:21:48,600 Getting involved in showrunners' lives. 549 00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:50,394 They're just, they're a bottomless pit of need. 550 00:21:50,394 --> 00:21:51,728 Call back, it's cute. 551 00:21:51,728 --> 00:21:53,689 All right. Everybody already in there? 552 00:21:53,689 --> 00:21:54,982 - Yeah. - Okay. I'll be right in. 553 00:21:55,357 --> 00:21:56,525 HUGO: Hannah. 554 00:21:56,525 --> 00:21:58,527 I'm Hugo. One of the grips. - Yeah. 555 00:21:58,527 --> 00:21:59,903 Zack was telling me you're good at 556 00:21:59,903 --> 00:22:01,572 helping people with their problems. 557 00:22:01,572 --> 00:22:03,115 - Oh. - You see, 558 00:22:03,115 --> 00:22:05,158 my wife just left me 'cause I bought a jet ski 559 00:22:05,158 --> 00:22:06,118 without telling her. 560 00:22:07,286 --> 00:22:08,537 I'm sorry to hear that. 561 00:22:08,537 --> 00:22:12,165 Um, let's talk in my office. 562 00:22:12,165 --> 00:22:13,458 Oh, sure. Yeah. 563 00:22:14,918 --> 00:22:17,504 [dog barking, snarling] 564 00:22:17,504 --> 00:22:18,881 Or some place else. 565 00:22:19,590 --> 00:22:21,592 ♪