- REED: Hey. - Hi.
(MOUTHING)
I'm sorry, but aren't you that actor from Step Right Up?
Yes, I am. Yeah. Reed Sterling.
(LAUGHING) Wow. Oh! Wow!
This is so exciting.
- We're from Indiana. - Ah!
Yeah, we loved your show.
Oh, well, it's coming back.
We're shooting episodes right now.
-(CELL PHONE RINGS) - Oh, that explains it.
We saw your co-star here yesterday.
- Oh, which co-star? - Bree Marie Jensen.
She's staying at this hotel too. In fact...
- Hi, honey! - I just saw her fucking tits.
Would you tell those fuckers to get their shit together?
She's from New York.
Those are New York words.
I'm sorry. We're in the final dress rehearsal
and Margo Martindale's top just fell off.
- Uh, bye. - WOMAN: Bye.
NORA: How's it going?
Well, a pipe burst on the floor above me,
- so I had to switch hotels. - That sucks. I'm sorry.
It's pretty nice here, and the timing's good.
I don't work today. They're doing a pre-shoot.
(WHISPERS LOUDLY) Reed...
Reed Sterling!
Uh... Some fan.
See, I told you. Right there. That's Bree Marie Jensen.
- BREE: Hi. - Thank you.
Wow. Wow!
Uh, yeah, Bree's here.
She must be staying here too.
The studio put me up here.
- I had no idea. - BREE: Reed!
NORA: Okay. I'm going to let you go.
It seems like she really needs you.
- No, she doesn't need me. - I need you!
Oh, wow, okay.
- BREE: Reed! - You know what'd be so fun?
What if it turned out that you two had adjoining rooms?
- Okay... - It'd be like a Neil Simon play,
but with fucking.
- Okay, Nora... - Okay, I gotta go. I gotta go.
(CALL DISCONNECTS)
(HIGH-PITCHED) Reed!
(SIGHS)
God. Yes?
You see those guys over there?
Yes, I do.
I've been watching them since they checked in.
That was so important you needed to hail me?
Yes. Here's what I'm thinking.
Red jacket, widow.
Her dead husband was a rich Texas oil magnate.
- Okay. - Man-bun is her interior designer,
probably from Paris,
and track suit is her masseuse, and she never travels without him
after sustaining an injury falling off of a horse
on her very own ranch.
Oh, God, you're still playing that game.
Yes. Come on. You used to love it.
- Who are they? - Well, I don't know who they are,
- but I... - Yes.
...am an actor who's going to the gym.
Reed.
And by the way, just because you have a cane and a man bun
- doesn't mean you're from Europe. - So where's he from?
Brazil, Kinshasa, Malaysia...
Nope. Nope, I'm not playing this game.
- You played it. - I did not play it.
- BREE: You just played it. - I did not play it.
I just don't understand why we can't order sushi for lunch.
- Because the studio won't pay for it. - Even if it's my half-birthday?
What is that? Is it a millennial thing?
I think all generations love sushi.
So anyway, thank you so much again. These things can be really weird,
but I wanted to do the right thing.
Oh, in the world of HR, not even in the top 10 of weird.
-(LAUGHS) Right. - Yeah. You handled it perfectly.
Oh! Oh, my God. Well, I mean, it was nothing. I mean, you made it easy.
- So yeah. - Just doing my job.
Well, as a human, I thank you for your resources.
-(LAUGHS) - Forget I said that.
No. You're really funny.
- Oh. Thank you. - It was nice meeting you.
Nice meeting you, too.
And thank you again. I already said that over there, so...
- Goodbye. Bye. - Bye.
- Yeah. Buh-bye. - Bye.
(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)
Look at you. Who's your little friend?
No. That's not my friend.
That's Mallory from HR. I mean, maybe someday we'll be friends.
I don't know. I don't have a crystal ball.
Well, she's cute.
Um, okay, I wasn't thinking about that.
- We were more focused on the... - So that's your type.
- Good to know. - I didn't. I never said that.
Why wouldn't she be? She's an attractive woman.
You're attracted to women.
There's no reason to get all weird.
I'm not making it weird.
You're the one making it weird, you weirdo.
- Me? - If you must know,
it was a very professional meeting because a certain coworker wants to know
if he can ask out another certain coworker.
Don't ask, I'm not going to tell you who.
Never would have in a million years. But by the way, this asking-out info,
that could come in very handy for you and the looker from HR.
- Ugh, did you just wink? - I winked. Yes, I winked.
I always wink when there's love in the air.
Oh, God. Oh! Ugh, I'm very uncomfortable.
Why? What? God put us on this earth to fall in love.
- The gays too. - Oh, the gays too.
The LGTVs.
That's a brand of television.
Well, this has been life-altering. I'm gonna go to set.
Listen, if you ever want Wardrobe to fix you up with a flirty outfit...
Oh, my God.
Oh, what? The elves don't like to look sexy now?
Seems like a long way to go for a dream sequence.
I said the same thing, but I was told the flying
represents the freedom Jake seeks from the pressure of his work life.
Very artsy.
Mmm-hmm. All I'm hearing is that my nuts are going to get wrenched. (GRUNTS)
Oh. BRB, bro.
- Hey. - Hey, what did HR say?
Yeah, it's cool. You're free to ask out whoever it is.
Ah, sweet. I'm pumped.
This girl is really special.
Uh, yes, but company policy states you can only ask her out once.
- Why? - Well, because if she doesn't say yes
and then you ask her again, it's considered harassment.
Wait. I only get one shot?
That's not fair.
(CLICKS TONGUE) Well, bud, life's not fair.
You know, I'm stuck with a driver's license photo
that makes me look like John C. Reilly.
Ooh, snacks.
ALAN: I say we just dump the whole J scene.
- You always wanna cut the J scene. - A surgeon cuts to heal.
You know, can I ask you young kids something a little delicate?
Okay. Just a few injections in the forehead
and some filler here and here.
Now he's funny.
Something delicate about Hannah.
Here's my question. You guys travel in the same circle.
- Is she seeing anybody? - Not really.
But like, has she ever had a serious girlfriend?
Um...
- Now that you mention it... - I think she has some intimacy issues.
No. Hannah? Where the hell would that come from?
(ALL LAUGH)
Oh, God, he's serious.
What? Oh, you think she's emotionally closed off because of me?
No, no, of course not.
No, that was probably the other father that she grew up without.
(ALL CHUCKLE)
My father wasn't around and I went the other way
and fucked everyone in Philly.
The '83 Sixers should have given me a ring.
It's a heartwarming story. Can we get back to Hannah?
Here's the thing.
I think she kind of likes this Mallory woman from HR.
So how do we find out if she's single or...
perhaps likes girls?
Let's check her socials.
- Oh. All right. - Okay. Mallory. Hulu.
Human Resources.
Yeah, just asking. Has anyone read my draft?
- Got it. Mallory Bigsby. - Yes.
Yeah. Google says she's 36 years old.
- No mention of spouse. - Okay.
- I'll check Instagram. - I'll check Venmo.
- She's ancient. I'll check Facebook. - Just saying, turned it in two days ago.
Yeah, you turned it in on a yellow legal pad.
She's still typing it up.
Okay. Mallory Bigsby. Lots of pics with friends.
- All right. So... - And a dog.
Ooh.
No wedding ring.
-(ALL MURMURING AGREEABLY) - I like that.
- Uh-oh! Arm-in-arm with a man. -(ALL GROAN)
- Wait, it's her brother. - ALL: Yes.
Okay. Does it say there, is she gay?
She paid Barbara Long for tickets to a Janelle Monae concert.
Great sign.
Well, no. I like Barry Manilow.
- Does that mean I'm gay? - It means you've thought about it.
Okay. Mallory played golf at UCLA.
- Come on. - A photo of her at a Fran Lebowitz Q&A.
There you go.
Okay. These are clichés. It's all circumstantial...
She has two cats named Tilda and Swinton.
- And she's a lesbian. - Wow.
- You guys are better than Matlock. - Whoo!
CLAY: Hey, Jerry. You got a sec?
Yeah. What's up?
Uh... I'm in AA and I'm supposed to make amends
with people I might have wronged.
You know, back when I was overdoing it.
- Must be a hell of a list. -(CHUCKLES) Yeah.
And since you're here,
I thought I might as well pop my cherry with you.
Yeah. Okay.
I'll try to be gentle.
Back then, I either came to work drunk, stoned or hung over.
I can't even remember Season 3. (CHUCKLES)
But I shouldn't have done it, filled with regrets.
Uh... Blah, blah, blah.
Well, Clay, thanks for those heartfelt words.
- Good. - Okay, boys, take him up.
It's just like Peter Pan.
- Wow. - All cool. You came.
Look at you doing your own stunts.
Yeah. It's no big deal.
When I was a baby, my diapers were too tight from growing fast.
So, I can't even feel the harness.
So fun.
Hey, speaking of fun,
I'm going to a showing of Pulp Fiction tonight
at the Aero in Santa Monica. There's a whole costume thing.
-(PHONE RINGS) - Do you think
that might be something you'd be interested in?
- Zack, I'm sorry. - JERRY: Okay. Lift him up.
Just give me one second. Oh!
- This is Elaine. - Wait.
Did that count?
(SIGHS)
(LINE RINGING)
- It's Nora. Text me. -(LINE BEEPS)
Hey, it's me leaving an actual voicemail because I want you to hear my sincerity.
Um...
When I say there is nothing untoward going on between...
Reed, you are not gonna believe this.
What's that, waitress?
Oh. (EXHALES)
There is something going on with those three.
They were whispering.
Maybe that's because you were listening in on their conversation.
No, I don't think so.
The widow is in cahoots with man-bun
and they're pretending to be art dealers.
Okay. What kind of cahoots?
The worst kind of cahoots. They're trying to sell that unsuspecting
Asian tech titan forged masterpieces.
How bored are you?
My phone died. Who do you think they are?
Um...
Well, Bree, actually, you know what?
I don't think we should sit here and play this.
Why not?
Just because it's something that you and I used to do
when we would go on vacation together.
So?
So we're not together.
- We're not? - Don't do that.
- Are you breaking up with me? - Please don't do that.
- He's breaking up with me. - I'm not breaking up with her.
BREE: My heart is breaking open. REED: We're not together.
(ALL LAUGHING)
- Hey. - Hannah, just in time.
Look, we have a guest.
- Mallory. - Hi, again.
Yeah. Uh, what are we doing here?
Well, you know, it's just in this crazy day and age
it's so confusing what you can say anymore
in a writers' room and what you can't say.
So I thought, to get some clarity, I'd invite beautiful Mallory to help us.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure you can't say that.
Mallory is very nice.
Oh. You're a winker now, too.
Am I missing something?
No. Uh, hey, guys, I really don't think
you should be wasting Mallory's time like this.
Hey. Well, maybe you don't need the guidance,
with your honors degree from Northwestern University.
The rest of us dummies, we could use a little assistance.
- I went to Harvard. - Add it to the board.
- Well... - Damn it!
Two more and you got to give Bob a foot rub.
Hmm, they can't make me touch his feet, right?
I mean, if you made a deal.
It's a little HR joke.
-(ALL LAUGHING) - MALLORY: I don't know.
And she's funny.
So as long as we're doing this, I have a sort of a hypothetical scenario
I'd really love to drill down on.
Would it be all right for me
to compliment a female coworker on her wit and wisdom?
Yes.
How about her nice, wide childbearing hips?
Always with the hips.
The heart wants what the heart wants.
Shockingly, you can't talk about a woman's hips.
Really? That seems like a big "screw you" to evolution.
Azmina, you look like you have something you want to say.
Sometimes I feel bad about myself because Hannah is such a good cook.
Oh, my God. Uh, hey, Gordon, can I talk to you outside?
Uh-oh. (CHUCKLES)
You know what?
Even when I'm in trouble, it's always a privilege
to spend time with my single gay daughter.
HANNAH: What a weird thing to say. GORDON: What is it?
- What's up? - I got a question.
What if the room is dragging
and I want to add some levity by telling a really hilarious story
about Tony Danza's cock?
Definitely no.
That could absolutely make a lot of people feel uncomfortable.
Trust me, so could Tony Danza's cock.
(ALL CHUCKLING)
Okay. Yes.
- What the literal hell? - I'm always in trouble with you.
Do you have any idea how embarrassing that was for me?
- What were you thinking? - I don't know.
You just seem so freaked out about the idea of liking someone
that I tried to help a little bit.
Who asked you to help?
- Nobody. - Yeah.
I know. I just thought this was one of those
"I broke it, I should fix it" kind of things.
(SCOFFS) You broke it.
- I mean, didn't I? - I am the "it" that you broke?
I mean, no? Look, let me put it this way.
If me not being around
during your "becoming a woman" years
is what made you so skittish or frightened
or timid or insecure or emotionally dead.
- Whatever. - Okay.
I don't know what the term is, but if I contributed to that, then yes,
that would make me feel really badly.
Look, as much as I would love to blame you for all of my problems,
there are a number of reasons I am the way I am.
Fine. Be that as it may...
- You kind of like this woman, don't you? -(MUMBLING)
All right, well, at least you're intrigued by her.
Okay? Yes?
Well, your friends in there did some very impressive online digging.
- Oh, my... - Yes.
And your Mallory is single.
And, uh, into ladies.
- Mmm-hmm. Yes. - That's interesting.
- But... - And after that they also found
a nude picture of Selma with a very young Gabe Kaplan.
That rocked a few worlds. Uh...
But can I just give you a little piece of fatherly advice?
Life is short. So just put yourself out there.
Okay. I'm not quite ready for the fatherly advice from you yet.
- Fair enough. Co-showrunner advice. - Hmm.
Give your character some drive, make her active.
And if she fails, who gives a shit?
You know, I thought your desk was bigger.
(EXHALES DEEPLY)
(REED SIGHS)
(SIGHS)
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
- Bree? -(GASPS LOUDLY)
I fell asleep. What's going on?
Okay, so those people are not what you think they are.
- The old lady and the man-bun... - Uh-huh?
- ...are not in cahoots. - No?
He's a gigolo, and the diminutive Asian man is his secret lover.
What about the old lady?
Oh, you mean the Contessa Renata Santiago?
- Yes. - I think it's pretty obvious that
he told her that if she invested in a movie,
she could be a big-time producer.
- And what would that sound like? - Oh.
(IN SPANISH ACCENT) Darling, you have to invest in this movie,
and it's going to be a guaranteed hit.
Don't you want to go to the Oscars?
-(LAUGHS) You're insane. -(IN NORMAL VOICE) What?
She's conning them. She's trying to get them to buy
a bunch of dried-up old Texas oil wells.
I just can't see her doing that at all.
- Maybe this will help. - Oh.
(IN SOUTHERN ACCENT) My husband, Darryl,
he told me to never sell this land, but he lives with Jesus now.
And I just don't think that would be right for me
to keep all these riches for myself.
MAN: (IN BULGARIAN ACCENT) Just got a text from concierge.
Reservation at Dan Tana's 7:30 for four people.
Oh, my God.
So he's Bulgarian and there's a fourth person.
This is getting juicy.
You know what else is juicy? The chicken parm at Dan Tana's.
I haven't had that in 15 years.
- I know. Me either. - Oh.
Should we go?
To dinner? Me and you?
I mean, how else are we going to find out
what naughty things are going on here...
with them.
Oh, right. No, of course. Yeah.
No, I think we have to eat.
- We have to eat. - That's not a crime.
- It's not a crime. - No.
- Two coworkers sharing a meal. - Yeah. Nothing wrong with that.
- Totally above board. - Totally.
So you're telling me I've always been able to fly?
- Yep. - It'd have been nice to know
when I fell off the roof last week.
- Laugh, laugh, laugh! - I didn't ask to be in your dream.
I'm going back to my dream
- where I was riding tigers with Zendaya. - Ooh.
As Jake "ruminates in his dreamscape
"face-to-face with the specter of his own mortality,"
- we cut. -(CLAY GROANS)
Okay. Great.
Can you guys let me down?
Actually, leave him up there for a bit.
Ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha. Very funny.
Seriously, this thing's starting to floss my crotch and not in a good way.
Since you mentioned it, I've been thinking about Season 3.
There was an episode that year when Jake's father passed away.
It was the best goddamn script Gordon ever wrote, touching as hell,
and I thought it would be my one chance to win an Emmy.
But you were so out of it, you could barely finish a scene.
Well, you probably would have lost to Frasier anyway.
Still a smart-ass.
Jesus, Jerry, I already apologized.
Allow me to give you a little direction.
If you're playing an apology,
at least try to pretend you fucking mean it.
It's one thing to be young and drunk and stupid,
but you're a middle-aged man.
So when you mumble some insincere, perfunctory words
just so you can cross my name off a list,
well, that's just insulting.
So, I'm sorry,
I don't accept your bullshit apology.
See? That was sincere.
Take a break, everyone. Half an hour.
Are you seriously leaving me up here?
You bet your ass.
He's doing this to make you a better human being.
Fucking Dennis.
Hey, Mallory. Um...
Hi. Sorry, first of all, sorry for how weird that was in there.
Oh.
Please, I talk to a lot of comedy rooms, and that was nothing.
Yeah. The Simpsons writers just looked down
- and giggled the whole time. - Oh, yeah.
- Elaine! Hey. - Zack, hey!
It was really cool today, seeing you up there on those wires.
I've done wire work before,
when I broke into the dean's office in my movie Admissions Impossible.
(ELAINE CHUCKLES)
So listen, um, I, uh... I kind of sort of, um...
I hope this isn't inappropriate.
I have a question that I want to ask you once.
Oh.
Yeah. Um, so...
Uh...
- God. I'm so bad at this. - Hannah, I'd love to go out.
Yeah. See, now you have your one ask left.
(CHUCKLES) Um...
Cool. Okay. Great. That's amazing.
Yeah, well, I got to warn you,
if there is a second date, we'd have to sign corporate consent forms.
- Well, get those forms ready. -(BOTH LAUGH)
So earlier when I mentioned going to that movie,
I was sort of trying to ask you something,
but I'm not sure you heard what I was...
Zack, I can't go out with you.
Oh.
Okay, no misunderstanding that.
I really appreciate you asking though.
But you don't like me like that?
No, I...
I just really like my job.
Nobody ever thinks twice when a male exec dates an actress.
But if I started dating an actor from my first show,
no one would ever take me seriously.
- That's not fair. - It's definitely not fair.
But it's true.
So, um, how's Saturday night?
Yeah, that's... That's great.
Looking forward to it.
Oh. So are they.
(CHUCKLES) Okay, I'll see you then.
Yup, see you then.
Yes.
I'm really sorry, Zack.
Yeah. Me too.
- CLAY: Hey, Jerry. - How's it hanging?
Clever. I think I inverted one of my nuts.
The good one.
Well, have fun with that, sunshine.
Hey, look, I'm not good at this stuff,
and I have a lot of people I need to apologize to,
which is pretty fucking overwhelming
for a guy who's not good with feelings and shit.
(CLAY SIGHS)
But if I cost you an Emmy,
or even if I just made your job harder by being a selfish asshole,
I'm really sorry, Jerry.
You're a good guy and you deserve better.
That was perfect.
Moving on.
- Yeah? - That one felt real,
and I know from years of personal experience,
you're not that good of an actor.
- Cool. - All right.
Good day. Let's get out of here.
(CLAY GROANING)
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
- Hey. - NORA: (ON PHONE) Hey.
Is everything all right?
Yeah. I wanted to apologize for being a dick this morning.
It's just the play's... It's really stressing me out.
Oh, God, I bet. I mean, you're doing so much.
Yeah. I mean, I trust you. I know nothing's going on.
Well, I really appreciate that.
I just... I... I miss you.
I miss you too, Nora.
I love you. Bye.
(LINE DISCONNECTS)
Hey, there she is.
- Oh. - You look nice.
- Hey, so do you. - Thanks.
BREE: Um...
Would you kill me if I canceled tonight?
I'm just not hungry.
Oh. Yeah, uh, no problem.
I was... I was actually going to say the same thing.
- Oh, great. -(CHUCKLES) So, uh...
I'm gonna work on my lines then for tomorrow.
REED: I should too. If I get hungry, I can break into the mini-fridge.
- Get one of those $40 caramel corns. -(LAUGHS)
Reed... This was nice.
What was?
Remembering that we used to have fun together.
Yeah, yeah, we definitely did.
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
- Thank you. - Mmm-hmm.
BREE: Although it is gonna make me crazy that
we never figured out who those people are.
REED: It's probably for the best,
because it's never gonna be as interesting as you think it is anyway.
- What the fuck? - Are they getting arrested?
- Open the door. Open the door! - REED: I'm trying!
WOMAN: Excuse me. Is this seat taken?
Oh. No.
Zack, is that you?
I had no idea you'd be here.
No reason two coworkers who randomly bumped into each other
can't enjoy a night at the cinema.
This is a nice coincidence.
Hey, guys. It's me, Dennis.
- Dennis? - You can't tell anyone about this.
Don't worry. My lips are sealed.
(THEME FROM PULP FICTION PLAYING)