1
00:00:00,801 --> 00:00:02,771
God, are we old. Jesus God.

2
00:00:03,637 --> 00:00:05,767
I mean, I'm just fucking
sitting here,

3
00:00:05,773 --> 00:00:08,643
making sloppy joes, waiting
for my friends to come over.

4
00:00:09,177 --> 00:00:10,007
So sad.

5
00:00:11,379 --> 00:00:13,009
Hopefully there's enough
for everybody.

6
00:00:14,282 --> 00:00:15,282
Oh, I have chips.

7
00:00:16,617 --> 00:00:19,947
This is like coming
to Grandma's house for lunch.

8
00:00:19,953 --> 00:00:22,293
Sloppy joes and chips.

9
00:00:23,057 --> 00:00:24,987
Anybody want some juice?

10
00:00:24,992 --> 00:00:27,732
SmartLess.

11
00:00:31,199 --> 00:00:33,669
SmartLess.

12
00:00:49,817 --> 00:00:52,487
- How are you?
- [Jason] Pretty good.

13
00:00:52,486 --> 00:00:55,716
All right, I need keys, and
I need a phone.

14
00:00:55,723 --> 00:00:56,663
- Hi.
- [Will] Hi.

15
00:00:58,426 --> 00:01:01,926
[Jason] It's not a great day
to wear a Swade shirt,

16
00:01:01,929 --> 00:01:05,729
but I'm assuming it's gonna be
air-conditioned on the inside.

17
00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:10,773
Jay.

18
00:01:11,672 --> 00:01:13,612
So hilarious.

19
00:01:14,442 --> 00:01:15,482
Gas-X.

20
00:01:16,277 --> 00:01:17,747
- [Jason] Hi!
- [Sean] Hi.

21
00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:21,450
- [Jason] How was your rest
last night?
- It was great.

22
00:01:21,449 --> 00:01:22,819
- Yeah?
- How about yours?

23
00:01:22,816 --> 00:01:26,316
- Pretty good. Seven hours.
- Yeah?

24
00:01:26,320 --> 00:01:28,560
How does it feel right now?
Doesn't it feel weird to have

25
00:01:28,556 --> 00:01:31,326
- taken a couple days off, and
now we're back?
- Yes.

26
00:01:31,325 --> 00:01:35,325
And we're here. We just came
from our own homes.
It's bizarre.

27
00:01:35,329 --> 00:01:37,169
Self-drive, you know?

28
00:01:37,165 --> 00:01:39,595
[Will] It feels like, "Oh,
should we bother?"

29
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,030
[Sean chuckles] With the
shows?

30
00:01:41,502 --> 00:01:42,442
Yeah.

31
00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:44,974
Like, do we need to do this?

32
00:01:45,773 --> 00:01:47,783
- Right, Jay?
- Yes, yes.

33
00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:48,935
- Don't you think?
- You wanna cancel?

34
00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:52,184
Is that an option?

35
00:01:52,180 --> 00:01:54,750
- [Sean laughs]
- No, I'm actually friggin'
pumped for tonight.

36
00:01:54,748 --> 00:01:56,178
Me too. I'm super excited.

37
00:01:56,184 --> 00:01:57,694
God, I'm gonna be the one dragging.

38
00:01:57,685 --> 00:02:01,215
You wanna take a quick nappy
after we're done with this?
You have time.

39
00:02:01,222 --> 00:02:03,322
- You have two hours.
- I'll be fine.

40
00:02:03,324 --> 00:02:05,894
Are you sick? Did you not
get rest last night?

41
00:02:06,527 --> 00:02:07,757
- I'm just tired.
- Oh...

42
00:02:08,596 --> 00:02:10,256
...don't mind if I do.

43
00:02:10,264 --> 00:02:13,604
Careful of the sugar.
It'll drop you off a cliff.

44
00:02:13,601 --> 00:02:14,701
[Sean] Not me.

45
00:02:31,452 --> 00:02:33,292
Homework, okay?

46
00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:34,757
It's important.

47
00:02:35,223 --> 00:02:36,723
[indistinct]

48
00:02:36,724 --> 00:02:39,734
And it had to be done in
these chairs.
I had them flown in.

49
00:02:39,727 --> 00:02:40,987
Um...

50
00:02:43,231 --> 00:02:46,401
This is what
keeps me classy.
I need to be in classy stuff.

51
00:02:47,601 --> 00:02:49,741
- I'm gonna go potty.
- [Will] What day off?

52
00:02:49,737 --> 00:02:51,907
- Somebody in here?
- [Jason] You have to shit
again?

53
00:02:51,905 --> 00:02:54,875
- No, I gotta go potty.
I gotta evacuate.
- I did. Twice.

54
00:02:54,875 --> 00:02:56,135
- [Jason] Since we've been
here?
- [Will] Yeah.

55
00:02:56,244 --> 00:02:57,584
[Sean] Will you just move
this way? Just a little bit?

56
00:02:57,578 --> 00:02:59,608
- [Will] Twice. In there.
- [Sean] What'd he say?

57
00:02:59,613 --> 00:03:00,683
[woman laughing]

58
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:02,351
Nothing. Don't tell him yet.
'Cause he sits.

59
00:03:03,417 --> 00:03:04,817
- 'Cause he sits.
- [Sean] 'Cause I sit?

60
00:03:06,987 --> 00:03:09,317
[loud yelling]

61
00:03:13,727 --> 00:03:14,827
That was free shit.

62
00:03:14,828 --> 00:03:17,268
[Jason] Everything okay?
You tear anything?

63
00:03:18,932 --> 00:03:22,272
- Yeah, a little bit. I tore
one up in there.
- [Will] I know.

64
00:03:22,270 --> 00:03:24,410
I'm sorry, the building asked
me to take a photo.

65
00:03:25,105 --> 00:03:26,865
[all laughing]

66
00:03:27,408 --> 00:03:28,908
It's just for insurance.

67
00:03:34,515 --> 00:03:37,415
Jason, since you're a guest.
And you're gonna sit far side
of the couch?

68
00:03:37,418 --> 00:03:38,818
I think so, yeah.

69
00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:41,489
Yeah, 'cause I'm gonna sit far
side as well, 'cause I spent
the last

70
00:03:41,489 --> 00:03:44,059
- four shows looking at the
back of the guests.
- Oh, okay. Okay.

71
00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:47,997
And so, like, I'm mad at it
and I'm dressing it up with
a smile.

72
00:03:47,995 --> 00:03:51,295
- But I was super angry.
- Uh, seems like you're still angry.

73
00:03:51,299 --> 00:03:53,829
No, I'm not. I'm smiling.

74
00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:57,204
[Sean] Wait. Can I just ask
you something? Can we talk
through the thing?

75
00:03:57,305 --> 00:03:58,835
- Yeah, we're gonna walk it.
- [Sean] We're gonna walk it.

76
00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:03,409
When we land in our
spot, we'll be able to pause.
And then we can do our...

77
00:04:03,411 --> 00:04:05,581
They'll give us the sign that
our mics are hot and

78
00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:09,679
we'll do our regular cold
opens. Everybody cool with
that? Is that kosher?

79
00:04:09,683 --> 00:04:13,853
- I guess. It passes the test.
- Well, let me tell you something.

80
00:04:13,854 --> 00:04:18,094
Sometimes in life,
things come at you. And you
gotta be ready for 'em.

81
00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:23,801
Because you never know,
when you're gonna
get another chance.

82
00:04:23,797 --> 00:04:27,097
- [Sean snaps fingers]
- Sorry, I turned it into
Backstage: The Musical.

83
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:32,110
- Isn't that how all they all
start in Broadway?
- Chance. Chance, chance.

84
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:33,705
Musicals. They always start
like that.

85
00:04:33,707 --> 00:04:37,947
- Hey don't worry about
shutting the door.
- [Will] Sometimes it's harder,

86
00:04:37,945 --> 00:04:40,205
- [in sing-song voice] to take
a chance.
- Hey, man.

87
00:04:40,213 --> 00:04:42,883
This is a family show.

88
00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:45,353
Oh, come on in!

89
00:04:45,353 --> 00:04:48,163
- [Sean] Oh, Archie A!
Archie Abel!
- Hi, bud.

90
00:04:48,155 --> 00:04:50,385
- Hi, Abe. Hi, Watt.
- Hi, dad.

91
00:04:51,158 --> 00:04:52,658
[Will] What's up?

92
00:04:52,660 --> 00:04:54,560
- [toilet flushes]
- Success.

93
00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:04,944
No. Let me show you what the
move of a germaphobe is.
You ready?

94
00:05:04,938 --> 00:05:08,108
This is something I've just
incorporated into my program.

95
00:05:09,076 --> 00:05:10,636
Right here. Ready? Oh.

96
00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:13,254
This doesn't count because
it doesn't have a faucet.

97
00:05:13,246 --> 00:05:16,746
But if it had turnies on it,
what you do is,

98
00:05:16,750 --> 00:05:19,920
you wash your hands. You get
'em all clean.

99
00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:24,990
And you dry your hands while
the water is still running,
so you don't touch

100
00:05:24,992 --> 00:05:28,732
the little hoo-hahs.
The little levers.

101
00:05:28,729 --> 00:05:30,999
The faucet. The handles.
Whatever the--

102
00:05:30,998 --> 00:05:34,968
So the water would still be
on, the water would still be
on, I'm wasting water, but I'm

103
00:05:34,968 --> 00:05:37,408
okay about it for
a brief moment.

104
00:05:37,405 --> 00:05:40,005
Then you turn them off
with this.

105
00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:43,007
You then go handle, here,
kick, and throw.

106
00:05:45,613 --> 00:05:46,513
Backstage?

107
00:05:47,515 --> 00:05:49,015
Yeah, that'll be cool.

108
00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:50,416
[man] They can stand on the
side if they want to.

109
00:05:50,418 --> 00:05:51,218
[both] Yeah.

110
00:05:54,154 --> 00:05:56,494
Love you, love you, love you.

111
00:05:56,490 --> 00:05:59,560
See you soon. Bye bye bye. Okay.

112
00:06:02,262 --> 00:06:07,072
[sings vocal exercises]

113
00:06:07,067 --> 00:06:10,697
You see Archie coming in, he's
like... When you see he's got
his buddy with him, he's like,

114
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:11,874
-"Hey, Dad."
- I know. [laughs]

115
00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:13,242
Is he not normally like that?

116
00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:16,010
No, he's just being very,
like, "Hey, Dad. What's going
on?"

117
00:06:16,009 --> 00:06:18,449
- [man] So cute.
- [Sean] I know, so sweet.

118
00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:21,283
My baby.

119
00:06:21,281 --> 00:06:22,951
- I love both of them so much.
- [Will] Yeah.

120
00:06:26,609 --> 00:06:27,909
- Hey, J. Did we figure out
your mic yet?
- [Jason] I mean...

121
00:06:27,911 --> 00:06:29,751
For fuck's sake. Hello?

122
00:06:35,051 --> 00:06:37,291
- Okay.
- Will they be walking past
here?

123
00:06:38,621 --> 00:06:40,421
[Will] Will they be here by
the end of tonight?

124
00:06:40,423 --> 00:06:42,763
[Jason] Okay. Hey, thanks
for working with us.

125
00:06:42,758 --> 00:06:45,558
- Oh, Jesus.
- [Jason] You're really fast.

126
00:06:45,561 --> 00:06:46,731
- [man] Sammy.
- Watch your head.

127
00:06:48,798 --> 00:06:50,128
- We're ready?
- No, we're not...

128
00:06:50,133 --> 00:06:51,733
Did you say the guest
is ready?

129
00:06:52,903 --> 00:06:54,573
- [Will] Okay, so it's a he.
- Oh, is it a male?

130
00:06:54,570 --> 00:06:56,340
[Will] So it's a he. Great.
Good to know.

131
00:06:59,075 --> 00:07:01,905
[audience cheering]

132
00:07:01,912 --> 00:07:04,182
[all three] Hello Los Angeles!

133
00:07:04,180 --> 00:07:07,550
[audience continue cheering]

134
00:07:09,585 --> 00:07:12,515
We legit can't believe you
guys listened to the podcast.

135
00:07:12,522 --> 00:07:14,932
Yeah, that's really been
a min-blower.

136
00:07:14,925 --> 00:07:17,285
So, first of all, thank you
for doing that.

137
00:07:17,293 --> 00:07:20,503
We do feel like when you
listen to the podcast,

138
00:07:20,496 --> 00:07:22,566
since you could fast forward
all the crap parts,

139
00:07:22,565 --> 00:07:25,495
or just go to a different
episode, here you're trapped.

140
00:07:25,501 --> 00:07:29,141
- [Will] Yeah.
- So we feel like we do have
to juice it a little bit so--

141
00:07:29,139 --> 00:07:33,009
Do you feel like people maybe
double time or double speed
your questions?

142
00:07:33,009 --> 00:07:33,939
They have to.

143
00:07:34,510 --> 00:07:36,450
[audience laughing]

144
00:07:37,948 --> 00:07:40,418
'Cause that's a really good
<i>SmartLess</i> hack.

145
00:07:40,416 --> 00:07:45,056
They did laugh and applaud
like they know exactly what
you're talking about.

146
00:07:45,055 --> 00:07:48,385
But Sean, you got a hard out
tonight, right? 'Cause you
gotta get back to camp?

147
00:07:48,391 --> 00:07:52,331
- I... [laughs]
- [Will] Yeah, 'cause you're
dressed like... [all laugh]

148
00:07:52,328 --> 00:07:54,998
- He's got his whistle in his pocket.
- [Will] Yeah.

149
00:07:54,998 --> 00:07:57,368
- And the other
one is giving a high five.
- [Will laughs] No.

150
00:07:59,135 --> 00:08:01,965
You look very, very cute.

151
00:08:01,972 --> 00:08:06,242
I look a little child-like,
which is very scary for
a 51 year-old.

152
00:08:06,242 --> 00:08:09,652
I was trying to think of
a good LA story, like when I
first moved here.

153
00:08:09,645 --> 00:08:11,345
Oh, settle in, everybody.

154
00:08:12,815 --> 00:08:14,475
- Somebody's prepped
a little bit.
- No.

155
00:08:14,484 --> 00:08:16,194
I was... Just before I...

156
00:08:16,186 --> 00:08:17,846
Does it involve the 101?

157
00:08:19,322 --> 00:08:20,692
[all laughing]

158
00:08:20,690 --> 00:08:24,530
- Boy, traffic is terrible.
- Oh, God.

159
00:08:24,527 --> 00:08:27,657
No, when I first moved here
and I got <i>Will Grace,</i>
I went to--

160
00:08:27,663 --> 00:08:30,073
- Hold for applause.
- Yeah. [audience cheers]

161
00:08:32,402 --> 00:08:35,842
[Sean] I didn't have two
nickels to rub together. I had
no money.

162
00:08:35,838 --> 00:08:38,308
And the producers invited us
out to a dinner.

163
00:08:38,308 --> 00:08:42,008
So I drove my Toyota Corolla,
which had a hubcap missing,
and a window out...

164
00:08:42,012 --> 00:08:43,382
- ...with the, you know--
- Plastic?

165
00:08:43,379 --> 00:08:45,179
- Yeah, plastic.
- And duct tape?

166
00:08:45,181 --> 00:08:46,721
Yes, absolutely. 100 per cent.

167
00:08:46,716 --> 00:08:48,016
- Come on.
- I swear to God.

168
00:08:48,018 --> 00:08:50,318
- And so I drove--
- Is that the car you drove
from Chicago?

169
00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:53,790
- Yes, yes. And it broke down
in Colorado.
- It is?

170
00:08:53,789 --> 00:08:55,859
- And I paid some guy,
I don't know.
- A mechanic, hopefully.

171
00:08:55,858 --> 00:08:57,688
I don't know. [laughs]

172
00:08:57,693 --> 00:09:00,933
Not just some guy on the road.

173
00:09:01,031 --> 00:09:06,041
So I get to the restaurant,
extra early because I'm so
nervous about--

174
00:09:06,036 --> 00:09:08,136
- Were you embarrassed about...
- I was embarrassed of my car

175
00:09:08,138 --> 00:09:11,138
because it was, like, pieced
together with scotch tape.

176
00:09:11,141 --> 00:09:16,151
So I got there, I went in.
And then before the dinner
was over, I kinda left early

177
00:09:16,146 --> 00:09:19,216
so that I could get my car
from the valet and leave
before they could see me.

178
00:09:19,215 --> 00:09:21,045
So, I'm like, "Bye, everybody.
Oh, my God I'm so excited."

179
00:09:21,051 --> 00:09:23,751
I come out to the valet and
I'm standing there.

180
00:09:23,753 --> 00:09:27,893
And then Jimmy Burrows,
Debra, Megan, Eric,

181
00:09:27,890 --> 00:09:30,390
the producers, couple writers,
and now we're all
standing there.

182
00:09:30,393 --> 00:09:31,963
I'm like, "Oh, my God."

183
00:09:32,062 --> 00:09:36,802
And so, he pulls the car up,
and it's, like, you know,
barely getting there.

184
00:09:36,799 --> 00:09:39,069
- [clunking noises]
- The last hubcap rolls off.

185
00:09:39,069 --> 00:09:42,339
And I say to the valet, I go,
'What did you do to my car?"

186
00:09:42,338 --> 00:09:44,508
[all laughing]

187
00:09:45,075 --> 00:09:46,975
Oh, my God.

188
00:09:47,077 --> 00:09:50,677
First of all, it was a Porsche
and now it's not a Porsche anymore.

189
00:09:50,680 --> 00:09:53,580
Now, ironically you did end up
getting a Porsche?

190
00:09:53,583 --> 00:09:55,623
- They gave everybody a Porsche
on the show.
- Right.

191
00:09:55,618 --> 00:09:58,248
Which is also embarrassing,
but I also didn't have money
when they gave me a Porsche,

192
00:09:58,254 --> 00:10:00,964
so I'm like, give me the
fucking money. What do
I need another car for?

193
00:10:00,956 --> 00:10:03,326
But it was very, very kind
of them.

194
00:10:03,326 --> 00:10:05,696
- You sold it, right?
- Right away.

195
00:10:07,197 --> 00:10:09,427
I had to pay my rent.

196
00:10:09,432 --> 00:10:12,272
- [Jason] So let's get a guest
out here.
- All right. Let's get a guest.

197
00:10:12,268 --> 00:10:14,668
[audience cheering]

198
00:10:14,670 --> 00:10:19,140
Our guest tonight is a force,
a comedic firehose.

199
00:10:19,142 --> 00:10:23,452
This man can't be contained.
His energy and positivity is
infectious, y'all.

200
00:10:23,446 --> 00:10:28,116
He's done tons of movies,
TV shows, released multiple
comedy albums and specials.

201
00:10:28,118 --> 00:10:31,148
He's got 45 nominations for
everything from Emmys
to Grammys.

202
00:10:31,154 --> 00:10:34,824
He's got a frickin' video game
I think. Somehow though,
he's been nice enough

203
00:10:34,824 --> 00:10:37,634
to pull it over to the side,
give us a little time for a
chat and giggle.

204
00:10:37,627 --> 00:10:41,697
Here on the SmartLess couch,
gang, buckle up it's the one
and only, Kevin Hart!

205
00:10:41,697 --> 00:10:44,027
[all cheering]

206
00:10:50,773 --> 00:10:52,543
[indistinct speech]

207
00:10:53,276 --> 00:10:56,576
- Will!
- Hey, buddy.

208
00:10:56,579 --> 00:10:59,419
Man, I can't wait. He owes me
a movie.

209
00:11:00,150 --> 00:11:01,480
Right?

210
00:11:01,484 --> 00:11:03,854
- Hello, hello, hello.
- Kevin Hart!

211
00:11:06,622 --> 00:11:07,792
[Kevin] What up?

212
00:11:08,758 --> 00:11:10,228
I want you...

213
00:11:10,226 --> 00:11:13,056
I want you guys to lower your
expectations because I've been drinking.

214
00:11:13,163 --> 00:11:14,963
[audience cheering]

215
00:11:14,964 --> 00:11:18,404
- Just lower. Lower 'em down.
- That's fair. Fair warning.

216
00:11:18,401 --> 00:11:19,741
- It's tequila.
- Whoa.

217
00:11:19,735 --> 00:11:21,495
- Wow. Good for you.
- [Sean] Is that really?

218
00:11:21,504 --> 00:11:25,484
- And then behind there is just
a chest full of weed, right?
- Some shit. Some shit here.

219
00:11:25,475 --> 00:11:29,175
- Good for you.
- Sit back on the couch.

220
00:11:29,179 --> 00:11:30,809
What? What's your fucking
problem?

221
00:11:30,813 --> 00:11:32,223
[Jason] Yeah!

222
00:11:32,215 --> 00:11:35,985
- Sean's in charge of blocking.
- Yeah, he really just pushed
me back.

223
00:11:35,985 --> 00:11:38,345
Get the fuck back, Kevin.

224
00:11:38,354 --> 00:11:41,924
By the way, I'm such a huge
fan. You've been on my list
to come on as well,

225
00:11:41,924 --> 00:11:43,594
but I can't believe Jason
had you out.

226
00:11:43,593 --> 00:11:47,333
I cornered him and he really
didn't have a chance to say no
I apologize for that.

227
00:11:47,330 --> 00:11:50,530
No, you didn't corner me.
Look, you guys got a good
thing going here.

228
00:11:50,533 --> 00:11:54,303
You got a great thing.
Actually, you got a fantastic
thing. You got a fucking crowd

229
00:11:54,304 --> 00:11:55,774
full of people to support you guys.

230
00:11:55,771 --> 00:11:57,511
- [audience cheering]
- [Will] That's them.

231
00:11:57,507 --> 00:11:59,007
[Kevin] And I'll be honest.

232
00:11:59,008 --> 00:12:02,448
I'll be honest. And this is
only for you guys, I thought
it was <i>Ozark.</i>

233
00:12:02,445 --> 00:12:05,215
- [all laughing]
- [Kevin] I did.

234
00:12:05,215 --> 00:12:09,485
I just found out just now
this isn't <i>Ozark.</i>

235
00:12:12,755 --> 00:12:17,225
No, on a serious note,
Jason Bateman, to me,
is Hollywood Royalty.

236
00:12:17,227 --> 00:12:20,527
- That's the tequila talking.
- Definition. Will falls in
this category too.

237
00:12:20,530 --> 00:12:22,030
- Sean...
- [Kevin] Uhh...

238
00:12:22,031 --> 00:12:24,901
- You shouldn't have pushed him.
- [Kevin] He did push me.

239
00:12:24,900 --> 00:12:26,300
Congratulations, you guys.

240
00:12:26,302 --> 00:12:27,672
[all laughing]

241
00:12:28,938 --> 00:12:32,408
Now, this is very foreign
to us.

242
00:12:32,408 --> 00:12:35,948
- But you have spent a lot of
time in front of audiences.
- Yeah, yeah.

243
00:12:35,945 --> 00:12:37,705
- Doing stand-up,
doing specials.
- Yeah.

244
00:12:37,713 --> 00:12:42,993
You played in front of 55,000
people in Philadelphia for
your last special?

245
00:12:42,985 --> 00:12:44,785
Yeah, I'll tell you guys.
This is intimate.
This is nice.

246
00:12:46,522 --> 00:12:50,392
Kevin, we first met over 20
years ago.
You were a stand-up.

247
00:12:50,393 --> 00:12:51,663
Wha...?

248
00:12:51,661 --> 00:12:52,961
- [Will] True. It was true.
- Do you have an apology
to make?

249
00:12:54,264 --> 00:12:56,834
And I got this great photo
that's now at my house.

250
00:12:56,832 --> 00:13:02,272
And, like, Kevin, Seth Rogen,
me, Amy, January Jones,

251
00:13:02,272 --> 00:13:06,812
Jason Segal, Nick Stoller,
Judd Apatow...

252
00:13:06,809 --> 00:13:08,409
Guess who I was. Guess.

253
00:13:08,411 --> 00:13:10,481
No. Not gonna do it.

254
00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:13,280
- Take a guess. Say it. Say it.
- You're not gonna get me
cancelled tonight.

255
00:13:14,784 --> 00:13:16,294
I'm gonna make it
one more day.

256
00:13:17,587 --> 00:13:18,987
I've got...

257
00:13:18,988 --> 00:13:22,688
I've got questions that I've
gone over here that are
cancel-proof.

258
00:13:22,692 --> 00:13:25,832
All right,
you passed that test.
All right.

259
00:13:25,828 --> 00:13:28,398
Can I guess?
You're the black one!

260
00:13:28,398 --> 00:13:29,298
There you go!

261
00:13:30,466 --> 00:13:34,296
Yes. Yes. By the way,
you're done, buddy.

262
00:13:36,872 --> 00:13:39,112
You're done. That's right.

263
00:13:41,143 --> 00:13:43,313
By the way, I'm a huge
<i>Shark Tank</i> fan,

264
00:13:43,313 --> 00:13:45,923
- and I saw you on <i>Shark Tank,</i>
and I was blown away.
- Thank you, man.

265
00:13:45,915 --> 00:13:47,175
Were you pitching something
or judging?

266
00:13:47,182 --> 00:13:48,882
- [Sean] No no.
- What the fuck is that?

267
00:13:50,420 --> 00:13:52,420
- I've not seen the show.
- I'm the shark.

268
00:13:52,422 --> 00:13:54,562
So you weren't pitching, like,
"I got an idea?"

269
00:13:55,491 --> 00:13:56,591
- [Jason] I don't know!
- No, no, no.

270
00:13:56,592 --> 00:13:58,362
I'm Kevin Hart, bitch!

271
00:13:58,361 --> 00:13:59,731
[all laughing]

272
00:14:01,464 --> 00:14:03,034
I'm not pitching the idea.

273
00:14:03,032 --> 00:14:08,342
But hang on. If I've got some
great idea for the new Swift
or something,

274
00:14:08,338 --> 00:14:10,968
I don't wanna fund that.
I want Mark Cuban
to fund that.

275
00:14:10,973 --> 00:14:13,113
So I'm gonna go on the
show and I'm gonna pitch him.

276
00:14:13,108 --> 00:14:16,678
That's stupid 'cause you could
just call Mark Cuban.

277
00:14:16,679 --> 00:14:19,009
[all laughing]

278
00:14:19,014 --> 00:14:23,154
If you go on national television...

279
00:14:23,152 --> 00:14:25,122
It's true, I've built an
extra step there.

280
00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:26,590
It's stupid.

281
00:14:26,589 --> 00:14:30,189
I always knew you had all
these things going on,
but I just didn't know

282
00:14:30,192 --> 00:14:34,362
at that extent. I mean,
you have this huge successful
company that makes

283
00:14:34,364 --> 00:14:37,034
all off these projects and
these things come to life.

284
00:14:37,032 --> 00:14:39,902
Is there a goal in mind where,
like, if I can reach that,

285
00:14:39,902 --> 00:14:42,202
I can maybe settle down and
calm down a little bit?

286
00:14:42,204 --> 00:14:45,814
There definitely is. But I
think that for me, that would

287
00:14:45,808 --> 00:14:49,648
be very selfish, knowing my background.

288
00:14:49,645 --> 00:14:54,015
If I go, "I'm done," I tap
out, and I'm just gonna ride
out and be good,

289
00:14:54,016 --> 00:14:57,046
when I have the opportunity
to create other opportunities,

290
00:14:57,052 --> 00:15:00,962
then I think I'm doing a
disservice to those that need
a service.

291
00:15:00,956 --> 00:15:05,226
It's my fucking job to try
to give to those that can
benefit off of it.

292
00:15:05,227 --> 00:15:07,157
That's my job.

293
00:15:07,162 --> 00:15:09,932
It's why I do this podcast.
To help these guys out.

294
00:15:09,932 --> 00:15:11,772
[all laughing]

295
00:15:11,767 --> 00:15:13,737
Good for you, Will.

296
00:15:13,736 --> 00:15:17,766
So you say you're not gonna
pack up and retire
anytime soon.

297
00:15:17,773 --> 00:15:20,243
Are you gonna squeeze in any
more of these great movies

298
00:15:20,242 --> 00:15:21,912
- with Dwayne Johnson before
that?
- [Sean] Yeah.

299
00:15:21,911 --> 00:15:23,611
'Cause the chemistry is just awesome.

300
00:15:23,613 --> 00:15:27,083
You guys think this
relationship is so great.
My back hurts.

301
00:15:27,082 --> 00:15:28,522
[all laughing]

302
00:15:28,518 --> 00:15:30,688
Carrying that guy is tough.

303
00:15:30,686 --> 00:15:36,426
Carrying that big mother
fucker to the finish line
is tough.

304
00:15:36,426 --> 00:15:41,596
So, not to be creepy, but if
you took all your clothes off
right now, are we looking at--

305
00:15:41,597 --> 00:15:44,667
- Not creepy.
- Not to be creepy.

306
00:15:44,667 --> 00:15:48,667
You basically have body
builder shape. Have done for
a while. That's admirable.

307
00:15:48,671 --> 00:15:50,241
That takes a lot of discipline.

308
00:15:50,239 --> 00:15:54,339
Here's the thing, man.
It's all about the walk away
to the bathroom, right?

309
00:15:54,444 --> 00:15:58,214
Like, if you're married,
every morning you get up.

310
00:15:58,213 --> 00:16:03,453
And you go to the bathroom.
That bathroom walk away is
always viewed by your partner.

311
00:16:03,453 --> 00:16:05,293
And, in my mind,

312
00:16:05,287 --> 00:16:08,617
You're working out
a lot on the back of yourself.

313
00:16:08,624 --> 00:16:11,294
Hands, buttocks, back, black.

314
00:16:11,293 --> 00:16:14,103
- The fuck are you talking
about, man? All right.
- Hey, let him finish, man.

315
00:16:14,096 --> 00:16:16,026
You wanna know where
to fuck your life up?

316
00:16:16,031 --> 00:16:19,671
You walk to the bathroom and
you hear suddenly, "Ugh!"

317
00:16:20,102 --> 00:16:21,702
[all laughing]

318
00:16:21,704 --> 00:16:23,614
It will destroy you.

319
00:16:23,606 --> 00:16:26,876
So in the back of my mind,
I don't ever wanna hear that.

320
00:16:26,876 --> 00:16:32,946
So when I walk away, I tiptoe.
And I make sure that I don't
hear my wife go, "Ugh!"

321
00:16:32,948 --> 00:16:34,048
Right.

322
00:16:34,049 --> 00:16:36,389
That means she's no longer
happy with that.

323
00:16:36,486 --> 00:16:37,716
It's also all about keeping
it in shape.

324
00:16:37,720 --> 00:16:39,590
When I walk away
I need you to know,

325
00:16:39,589 --> 00:16:41,119
that's what you just fucked.

326
00:16:41,123 --> 00:16:42,763
Like, that's, that's...

327
00:16:43,859 --> 00:16:45,959
- Like, that's my--
- Okay.

328
00:16:45,961 --> 00:16:47,261
Yeah, that's my take away.

329
00:16:47,262 --> 00:16:50,172
You know, so, I'm just doing
the math here.

330
00:16:50,165 --> 00:16:52,495
- So you're walking away
from her...
- Go ahead.

331
00:16:52,502 --> 00:16:54,342
- She's looking at your rear
and she's saying...
- Yeah

332
00:16:54,336 --> 00:16:56,606
-"I just fucked that so..."
- Take that in.

333
00:16:56,606 --> 00:16:58,006
I'm just doing the math.

334
00:16:58,007 --> 00:17:00,177
- Wait a minute, hold on.
- Yeah, exactly.

335
00:17:00,175 --> 00:17:01,505
- [Will] Yeah.
- Let's go back.

336
00:17:01,511 --> 00:17:03,351
- Still rolling.
- All right, let me switch
it up.

337
00:17:03,345 --> 00:17:05,675
My husband
understands that.

338
00:17:05,681 --> 00:17:06,621
Good luck.

339
00:17:07,249 --> 00:17:08,179
Good luck.

340
00:17:09,051 --> 00:17:10,251
Oh, shit!

341
00:17:13,388 --> 00:17:14,658
I love...

342
00:17:14,657 --> 00:17:17,257
- I love a cancelled checkmate.
- [Kevin] All right.

343
00:17:17,259 --> 00:17:18,259
By the way.

344
00:17:19,529 --> 00:17:20,529
He's off the...
[laughs]

345
00:17:22,064 --> 00:17:24,534
He's no longer on
the cancelled, need, or read.

346
00:17:24,534 --> 00:17:26,404
As black people,
we've given him a pass.

347
00:17:26,401 --> 00:17:28,141
- Thank you, thank you,
thank you.
- [Kevin] All right.

348
00:17:28,871 --> 00:17:30,771
- Now we should--
- Checkmate.

349
00:17:34,967 --> 00:17:36,127
By the way, the walking away
thing I love because you don't
ever look behind you.

350
00:17:36,134 --> 00:17:37,244
You just walk away.

351
00:17:37,235 --> 00:17:38,565
If you ever look back,
that's a sign of insecurity.

352
00:17:38,570 --> 00:17:40,210
- That's right.
- Yeah, you don't ever wanna
look back.

353
00:17:40,205 --> 00:17:42,975
How do you feel... Jason,
how do you about Amanda
as you walk away?

354
00:17:42,975 --> 00:17:44,335
He looks back all the time.

355
00:17:46,844 --> 00:17:48,254
You check it all the time.

356
00:17:48,246 --> 00:17:50,616
My move is a little bit
more like a moonwalk
to the bathroom so...

357
00:17:50,615 --> 00:17:51,875
[Will] Do you...

358
00:17:51,984 --> 00:17:56,124
If you walk backward
just T-shirt and your
shirt talking?

359
00:17:56,121 --> 00:17:58,521
I don't think, Jason,
wears drawers.

360
00:17:58,523 --> 00:18:01,633
I think it's just a T-shirt,
dick and ass out.

361
00:18:01,626 --> 00:18:03,356
And he's just like...

362
00:18:03,361 --> 00:18:05,331
- That's how I picture it too.
- [Kevin] Yeah, yeah.

363
00:18:05,330 --> 00:18:07,000
This body showers
with a T-shirt on.

364
00:18:06,999 --> 00:18:08,469
Winnie the Pooh.

365
00:18:08,466 --> 00:18:10,996
- [Jason] Yeah, yeah.
- Winnie the Pooh
is what I picture you as.

366
00:18:11,903 --> 00:18:13,013
[Will] Yeah.

367
00:18:13,005 --> 00:18:15,065
Wait, do you all...
Does anybody sleep naked?

368
00:18:15,073 --> 00:18:16,813
- Do you sleep--
- I'm a naked sleeper.

369
00:18:16,808 --> 00:18:17,838
- Do you?
- Yeah, yeah.

370
00:18:17,842 --> 00:18:19,642
- Yeah, fuck yeah.
- Really?

371
00:18:19,644 --> 00:18:21,314
Would you keep all this
enclosed?

372
00:18:21,313 --> 00:18:22,283
Oh, no.

373
00:18:24,016 --> 00:18:25,916
Are we looking at your sleep
outfit right now?

374
00:18:26,018 --> 00:18:29,548
Absolutely, I'm going night
night in between shows
in this.

375
00:18:29,554 --> 00:18:31,594
Do it. By the way,
just a favor,
don't say night night.

376
00:18:31,589 --> 00:18:32,459
What do you...

377
00:18:34,226 --> 00:18:35,186
Sean, what do you wear?

378
00:18:35,193 --> 00:18:36,363
Always the same thing.

379
00:18:36,361 --> 00:18:38,931
I wear shorts and
a long sleeves, like,
loose shirt

380
00:18:39,031 --> 00:18:42,171
because Scotty leaves the air
conditioning at, like,
you know, 20 below.

381
00:18:42,167 --> 00:18:44,237
Okay and what kind of shorts?

382
00:18:44,236 --> 00:18:45,266
- What?
- [Sean] Shorts?

383
00:18:45,270 --> 00:18:46,940
- I know, I know.
- Yeah, yeah.

384
00:18:47,039 --> 00:18:49,169
[Sean] Yeah, because when
the air conditioning is on

385
00:18:49,174 --> 00:18:52,044
and you wear sweats
and then the comforter
it's too hot

386
00:18:52,044 --> 00:18:54,714
- So, I wear shorts
with one leg in, one leg out,
- Yeah.

387
00:18:54,712 --> 00:18:56,382
and then a long sleeve

388
00:18:56,381 --> 00:18:58,151
- so you don't have to have
the cover on you.
- Yeah.

389
00:18:58,150 --> 00:18:59,280
It acts as the cover.

390
00:18:59,284 --> 00:19:00,424
What kind of shorts?

391
00:19:00,418 --> 00:19:01,848
Are we talking, like,
a thick shorts are we, like,--

392
00:19:01,853 --> 00:19:03,223
[Sean] Yeah, like,
a flannel shorts

393
00:19:03,221 --> 00:19:06,121
Just because, to really match
my... Don't look at me
like that.

394
00:19:06,124 --> 00:19:07,494
What do you mean?

395
00:19:07,492 --> 00:19:08,862
- [Sean] What?
- What do you mean?

396
00:19:08,860 --> 00:19:11,830
In the one area your ass needs
to be clean, you sweating
it out.

397
00:19:11,829 --> 00:19:14,099
- You got a flannel shorts.
- [Sean] No!

398
00:19:14,099 --> 00:19:15,629
It's too cold to sweat anywhere.

399
00:19:15,633 --> 00:19:20,373
Bullshit, that's a flannel
shorts, under a fucking duvet,
with a cover.

400
00:19:20,372 --> 00:19:21,672
You stink.

401
00:19:21,673 --> 00:19:23,313
- You fucking stink.
- You know what?

402
00:19:23,308 --> 00:19:25,138
You stain your sheets sleeping naked.

403
00:19:25,877 --> 00:19:26,707
[Kevin] By the way,

404
00:19:27,545 --> 00:19:29,375
good point,
which is why we go black.

405
00:19:29,381 --> 00:19:30,581
Black sheets.

406
00:19:31,316 --> 00:19:33,886
I thought about that.

407
00:19:33,885 --> 00:19:35,645
You just got recancelled Sean.

408
00:19:35,653 --> 00:19:36,723
Recancelled.

409
00:19:36,721 --> 00:19:38,161
I'm back on top, bitch.

410
00:19:40,425 --> 00:19:42,955
Everybody who sleeps naked,
you're staining your sheets

411
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:44,530
from getting up in the middle
of the night and going to pee.

412
00:19:44,529 --> 00:19:46,259
- You know, what I'm saying?
- Only if you don't shower before.

413
00:19:46,264 --> 00:19:48,904
There's a couple drops there,
so you're gonna have to change
your sheets more often.

414
00:19:48,900 --> 00:19:49,870
Next question.

415
00:19:49,867 --> 00:19:52,967
Wait, no wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.

416
00:19:52,970 --> 00:19:55,210
- Who's staining your sheets?
- Who's dropping what?

417
00:19:55,207 --> 00:19:56,937
- Do you pee blood?
- [Sean] No, no

418
00:19:58,276 --> 00:20:01,476
Who's dick is still dripping
when they get back in the bed?

419
00:20:01,479 --> 00:20:04,049
- I'm saying if you don't shake
it off enough...
- What are you doing?

420
00:20:04,048 --> 00:20:07,418
But I don't have to worry
about that
because I wear shorts.

421
00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:10,960
Now, do you pee sitting down?

422
00:20:12,757 --> 00:20:14,927
- I almost punched you
in the fucking face just now.
- [Jason] No.

423
00:20:16,528 --> 00:20:18,158
You pee sitting down, right?

424
00:20:18,163 --> 00:20:20,063
You're not old enough yet.

425
00:20:20,064 --> 00:20:21,504
I'm 42.

426
00:20:21,499 --> 00:20:24,439
I peed sitting down for years
because I think it's rude
when, like,

427
00:20:24,436 --> 00:20:26,566
somebody comes over to your...
Like, a guy is coming over
to your house or whatever,

428
00:20:26,571 --> 00:20:29,211
and they pee and it splashes
and the don't clean it up.

429
00:20:29,207 --> 00:20:32,307
So, you know what guys?
Just sit down, it takes care
of all the splashing.

430
00:20:36,448 --> 00:20:38,218
[Jason] There he is.
[Will] Uh-oh

431
00:20:40,718 --> 00:20:43,118
And it stretches out
your back.

432
00:20:43,121 --> 00:20:45,561
- Yeah.
- [Jason] Your back's gonna
start getting tight on you

433
00:20:45,557 --> 00:20:46,457
at about 50.

434
00:20:46,458 --> 00:20:48,558
Sean, did you just say

435
00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:50,860
- just wanna make sure
I heard this.
- No, you misheard me.

436
00:20:50,862 --> 00:20:52,262
I know I fucking heard you.

437
00:20:52,264 --> 00:20:53,504
I fucking heard you.

438
00:20:53,498 --> 00:20:55,368
A lot of guys are, like, "Bah,
I don't fucking care, bah."

439
00:20:55,367 --> 00:20:57,697
And then it's just, like...
And then they walk away.

440
00:20:57,702 --> 00:20:59,772
So, you know, whoever comes
into my house I always say,

441
00:20:59,771 --> 00:21:01,311
"Hey please be neat
and wipe the seat."

442
00:21:03,308 --> 00:21:04,178
Wait, is there a sign?

443
00:21:04,176 --> 00:21:05,176
Did you have a sign?

444
00:21:05,177 --> 00:21:06,207
No, but that's a good idea.

445
00:21:08,079 --> 00:21:10,649
Um, all right, come on,
all right, so we're out
of the bathroom,

446
00:21:10,648 --> 00:21:11,548
we're out of the bedroom

447
00:21:11,549 --> 00:21:12,679
I'm traumatized
because he said--

448
00:21:12,684 --> 00:21:13,894
Wait, what about, what about--

449
00:21:13,885 --> 00:21:14,815
I'll let it go.

450
00:21:14,819 --> 00:21:16,289
I'll let it fucking go.

451
00:21:16,288 --> 00:21:19,188
But I don't like you saying
that we're all nasty
and pee on the seat.

452
00:21:19,191 --> 00:21:20,461
I've never peed
on the fucking seat.

453
00:21:20,458 --> 00:21:21,888
No I'm not saying,
I'm not saying

454
00:21:21,893 --> 00:21:22,893
He's got better aim.

455
00:21:22,894 --> 00:21:24,064
It was very racist what
he said.

456
00:21:24,061 --> 00:21:26,331
He suggested
that black people--

457
00:21:26,331 --> 00:21:28,201
You're on thin fucking ice Sean.

458
00:21:29,033 --> 00:21:31,043
It's gonna be tonight and
it's gonna be,

459
00:21:31,035 --> 00:21:33,535
"Dear diary, Kevin Hart scares
the shit out of me."

460
00:21:36,741 --> 00:21:39,511
By the way, by the way

461
00:21:39,511 --> 00:21:41,751
Sean has been growing on me
more and more

462
00:21:41,746 --> 00:21:43,746
- as I've been spending time
with him.
- I know, I know.

463
00:21:43,748 --> 00:21:45,018
Oh, thank you.

464
00:21:45,016 --> 00:21:46,976
- Come on, man, right?
- Thank you.

465
00:21:46,984 --> 00:21:49,394
- Me and you, you already know
where we sit.
- Yeah, yeah.

466
00:21:49,387 --> 00:21:50,587
- That's right, that's right.
- [Kevin] Right?

467
00:21:50,588 --> 00:21:52,718
I didn't cancel you,
you didn't cancel me.
[Sean] No.

468
00:21:52,724 --> 00:21:54,234
All right, we're back
on track.

469
00:22:02,667 --> 00:22:03,837
[indistinct chatter]

470
00:22:04,936 --> 00:22:06,466
Jesus Christ, what a shitshow.

471
00:22:06,471 --> 00:22:07,911
[man] He did not look good.

472
00:22:07,905 --> 00:22:09,835
These guys don't know
what the fuck their doing
out there.

473
00:22:10,875 --> 00:22:12,305
What a fucking shitshow.

474
00:22:13,645 --> 00:22:15,945
Jesus Christ,
who's producing this thing?

475
00:22:15,947 --> 00:22:17,677
[Jason] It wasn't that good
or what?

476
00:22:18,316 --> 00:22:19,146
[man] One more?

477
00:22:19,817 --> 00:22:21,617
[woman speaking indistinctly]

478
00:22:21,619 --> 00:22:23,289
- But we're gonna Q and A it.
- Okay.

479
00:22:26,891 --> 00:22:28,391
What time is the T and A?

480
00:22:29,994 --> 00:22:30,964
[woman] In the next five,
10 minutes.

481
00:22:36,534 --> 00:22:39,274
[Jason] Does that guy
have a sense of rhythm
onstage or what?

482
00:22:39,871 --> 00:22:41,071
Yeah, so good.

483
00:22:41,639 --> 00:22:43,109
Good guest, good show.

484
00:22:43,107 --> 00:22:46,277
He reads the room so well.

485
00:22:46,278 --> 00:22:47,448
Yeah, that was a great guest.

486
00:22:47,445 --> 00:22:48,975
From doing standup
for 20 years.

487
00:22:48,980 --> 00:22:50,280
[Jason] Right.
[Will] ...or longer.

488
00:22:50,282 --> 00:22:52,382
[Jason] He knew we had
to punch him in the neck,
right away.

489
00:22:52,384 --> 00:22:53,994
[Will] He knew when to do it,
how to do it.

490
00:22:54,886 --> 00:22:56,646
[Sean] Yeah, it was great,
super fun.

491
00:22:58,956 --> 00:23:01,786
- Dad.
- Hi, boys.
What'd you guys think?

492
00:23:02,460 --> 00:23:03,600
[Will] How was it?

493
00:23:03,595 --> 00:23:06,295
[Sean] Did you hear that,
at the end he was like...

494
00:23:06,298 --> 00:23:07,868
Are you guys gonna stay
for the second show?

495
00:23:07,865 --> 00:23:09,765
No, might as well go home.

496
00:23:09,767 --> 00:23:11,867
Go chill, I'll be home after.

497
00:23:11,869 --> 00:23:13,309
Are you guys
gonna get some dinner?

498
00:23:15,139 --> 00:23:16,439
Yeah, get some pizza.

499
00:23:16,441 --> 00:23:18,111
Okay, come here.

500
00:23:18,109 --> 00:23:19,309
[woman] Are you guys ready?

501
00:23:19,311 --> 00:23:20,611
[Jason] Yeah.

502
00:23:20,612 --> 00:23:22,182
I'll see you guys
at home later.

503
00:23:22,747 --> 00:23:23,717
You guys gonna split?

504
00:23:23,715 --> 00:23:25,375
- Yes.
- Thank you.

505
00:23:25,383 --> 00:23:26,923
- Thank you so much.
- [woman] Of course.

506
00:23:26,918 --> 00:23:28,588
Um, and I'll see you guys
at home after.

507
00:23:29,321 --> 00:23:31,121
- Okay.
- [woman] See ya later.

508
00:23:31,122 --> 00:23:32,322
[Jason] Oh, my gosh,
look at this.

509
00:23:32,324 --> 00:23:33,494
An actual ticket.

510
00:23:33,491 --> 00:23:34,691
Now hang on a second.

511
00:23:35,660 --> 00:23:37,830
What the fuck is up
with this bigger font?

512
00:23:37,829 --> 00:23:39,329
[Will] Jason Bateman,
Sean Hayes--

513
00:23:39,331 --> 00:23:42,001
And then in the biggest font
on the whole ticket--

514
00:23:41,999 --> 00:23:43,469
Well, that's the draw dude.

515
00:23:43,468 --> 00:23:44,798
- [Jason] Oh.
- They're gonna put the draw
in big.

516
00:23:46,338 --> 00:23:47,668
[Jason] And it's free?

517
00:23:47,672 --> 00:23:48,812
We're not charging anything?

518
00:23:49,507 --> 00:23:50,777
Zero.

519
00:23:50,775 --> 00:23:51,875
It must be the backstage.

520
00:23:53,845 --> 00:23:55,175
[Jason] No, I really have
an issue with the font.

521
00:23:55,179 --> 00:23:56,649
The font's way too big.

522
00:23:56,648 --> 00:23:57,518
[Will] Let me see it.

523
00:23:58,850 --> 00:23:59,920
Save that for my scrapbook.

524
00:24:00,885 --> 00:24:01,785
[Jason] Put it in your hope chest.

525
00:24:03,888 --> 00:24:04,888
[toilet flushes]

526
00:24:07,359 --> 00:24:09,559
That's two flushers
by the way.

527
00:24:09,561 --> 00:24:10,701
[Will laughs]

528
00:24:11,863 --> 00:24:13,403
- [Will] It's a double.
- [Sean] Fuck off.

529
00:24:13,398 --> 00:24:14,828
Somebody loves...

530
00:24:14,832 --> 00:24:17,542
Inspector said it to me,
"Your name that size, huh?"

531
00:24:18,370 --> 00:24:19,940
About the font on the ticket.

532
00:24:19,937 --> 00:24:21,267
Yeah, what the fuck?

533
00:24:21,373 --> 00:24:23,713
- Why is his name
bigger than ours, Sean?
- Oh, that's so funny.

534
00:24:24,876 --> 00:24:26,106
Yeah, that's--
[Jason] It's not funny.

535
00:24:26,110 --> 00:24:27,480
- It's clearly a mistake.
- [Jason] I don't think
it's funny.

536
00:24:28,212 --> 00:24:29,712
It's a mistake.

537
00:24:29,714 --> 00:24:32,184
- And it says on the back,
Bateman is raging.
- [Jason] Who did you contact?

538
00:24:32,183 --> 00:24:34,293
Who did you contact
to make that happen, Will?

539
00:24:36,588 --> 00:24:37,558
That's not a mistake.

540
00:24:38,656 --> 00:24:39,956
It's a mistake.

541
00:24:39,957 --> 00:24:42,757
Mitch said, "We heard
the fans--

542
00:24:44,228 --> 00:24:45,758
And we fonted appropriately.

543
00:24:46,464 --> 00:24:47,304
He said, Mitch said,

544
00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:51,740
"We did an exit poll
from the first couple
of shows

545
00:24:51,736 --> 00:24:53,066
and we said to the fans,

546
00:24:53,070 --> 00:24:57,210
Who really stood out
on the ticket?"
they called it.

547
00:24:57,208 --> 00:24:58,708
They didn't actually mean
the physical...

548
00:24:59,310 --> 00:25:00,780
And then people said me.

549
00:25:00,778 --> 00:25:03,308
I didn't wanna say anything,
obviously, 'cause I love you
guys a lot.

550
00:25:03,415 --> 00:25:04,845
And I think you guys
have been doing a great job.

551
00:25:04,849 --> 00:25:06,949
It's great to meet you too.
I'm right here man.

552
00:25:06,951 --> 00:25:08,151
It's great to meet you too.

553
00:25:08,152 --> 00:25:09,722
- Are you a--
- Okay?

554
00:25:09,721 --> 00:25:11,221
- I just washed my hands.
- Are you a friend
of Scottie's?

555
00:25:11,723 --> 00:25:12,893
- Yeah.
- Okay.

556
00:25:12,890 --> 00:25:14,730
Hey, guys, save a little
something for the stage, huh.

557
00:25:14,726 --> 00:25:16,686
[Will] Oh Okay, thanks man!

558
00:25:16,694 --> 00:25:19,704
First today in showbiz
and everything's so...

559
00:25:19,697 --> 00:25:22,127
Really appreciate the note
you fucking dick.

560
00:25:22,133 --> 00:25:23,443
[Jason and Sean laugh]

561
00:25:24,569 --> 00:25:25,439
[Sean] Where'd you get that?

562
00:25:26,203 --> 00:25:27,303
What this lip balm?

563
00:25:27,304 --> 00:25:28,674
- [Sean] Give me some of that.
- I brought it from home.

564
00:25:28,673 --> 00:25:30,243
Because I thought about
what am I doing tonight,

565
00:25:30,241 --> 00:25:32,541
Oh, I'm doing a show,
maybe I should have some
lip balm.

566
00:25:32,544 --> 00:25:34,184
That's where I got it

567
00:25:34,178 --> 00:25:36,048
Oh, so wait let's keep it.

568
00:25:36,748 --> 00:25:37,678
[Will sighs]

569
00:25:39,216 --> 00:25:40,846
Are we all three?

570
00:25:40,852 --> 00:25:42,022
What? I'm just wiping it off.

571
00:25:42,019 --> 00:25:44,189
- No, not on the inside
of your palm.
- You pathetic

572
00:25:44,188 --> 00:25:46,458
motherfuckers,
you're my fucking stick.

573
00:25:49,961 --> 00:25:51,461
Why do you move it,
not your face?

574
00:25:51,463 --> 00:25:54,503
- Isn't this how you do it?
- That's how I wash my legs
in the shower.

575
00:25:54,499 --> 00:25:56,299
I put my thing here
and I move my leg like that.

576
00:25:57,569 --> 00:25:58,469
[Jason] Huh.
[Will and Sean] Yeah.

577
00:25:59,270 --> 00:26:00,170
Um.

578
00:26:01,372 --> 00:26:02,472
[laughs]

579
00:26:15,642 --> 00:26:17,442
- What are you listening?
- Calm down about it.

580
00:26:17,444 --> 00:26:20,384
Now again, check in
with your face very quickly.

581
00:26:21,181 --> 00:26:22,921
Right now, I'm smiling.
Am I not?

582
00:26:23,984 --> 00:26:26,794
It is the definition
of a furrowed brow.

583
00:26:26,786 --> 00:26:28,456
But I'm elated right now.

584
00:26:28,455 --> 00:26:30,655
Okay, again, it doesn't...

585
00:26:31,691 --> 00:26:33,491
I've gotta go get
some work done.

586
00:26:33,493 --> 00:26:36,403
- Oh, my God!
- It comes across as so heavy.

587
00:26:36,396 --> 00:26:39,666
What if I had some sort of,
like, strings put and
there's just a little thing...

588
00:26:39,666 --> 00:26:41,136
Like hula hoop
and you just pull 'em.

589
00:26:41,135 --> 00:26:44,395
That goes eyebrow and side,
so, I'm smiling.

590
00:26:45,940 --> 00:26:47,070
[Jason] To do what? Start now?

591
00:26:48,075 --> 00:26:49,005
[Jason] Here we go.

592
00:26:50,077 --> 00:26:50,947
Here we go.

593
00:26:51,511 --> 00:26:53,051
- All right.
- Okay.

594
00:26:53,047 --> 00:26:55,717
- Last show, last show.
- [Sean] Last show, I hope
there's not a lot of stares.

595
00:26:55,715 --> 00:26:58,485
But if there are stares
it's good
because I haven't exercised

596
00:26:58,485 --> 00:26:59,945
- in about six months.
- [Will] You know
what's amazing?

597
00:26:59,954 --> 00:27:01,024
[Jason] Terrible,
finish strong.

598
00:27:01,021 --> 00:27:03,261
[Will] I feel like we've come,
like, a really long way.

599
00:27:03,257 --> 00:27:04,617
Like, I feel
like this journey...

600
00:27:04,624 --> 00:27:06,334
Can I just talk a second
about the journey

601
00:27:06,326 --> 00:27:07,956
- with you guys?
- [Jason] No, please don't.

602
00:27:07,962 --> 00:27:10,972
- [Jason] Wasn't that what your
original podcast gonna be?
- [Sean] Yeah.

603
00:27:10,965 --> 00:27:12,465
[Will] But why won't you
be open to talk about

604
00:27:12,466 --> 00:27:14,126
your feelings
and about the journey?

605
00:27:14,134 --> 00:27:15,974
[Sean] Not right before
we go on.

606
00:27:15,970 --> 00:27:17,300
[Will] Why? It's journey time.

607
00:27:22,509 --> 00:27:24,509
- [Will] Wait, wait, wait.
- [Jason] I think
it's the other way.

608
00:27:24,511 --> 00:27:26,151
- [Will] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [Jason] It's definitely
the other way.

609
00:27:27,481 --> 00:27:29,981
All I'm saying
is an experience,

610
00:27:29,984 --> 00:27:32,854
an experience is something
that you have.

611
00:27:32,852 --> 00:27:36,762
And so when you're having
an experience, you should talk
about it.

612
00:27:36,756 --> 00:27:38,086
- Hi, hi, hi.
- Hi.

613
00:27:38,092 --> 00:27:39,292
We should share.

614
00:27:39,293 --> 00:27:41,263
- Well, the experience
we're doing right now,
- Share.

615
00:27:41,261 --> 00:27:45,131
is we're walking underneath
the stage to get up
to the stage.

616
00:27:45,132 --> 00:27:47,672
Yeah, so we were just underneath
where we're gonna be.

617
00:27:47,667 --> 00:27:49,667
I mean, that is a great

618
00:27:49,669 --> 00:27:52,369
- metaphor for life.
- This is such a boring conversation.

619
00:27:52,372 --> 00:27:58,882
It's, like, Sean, is life not
to you just like a...
It's, like, life.

620
00:27:58,878 --> 00:28:01,878
Try to have better material
when we're onstage.

621
00:28:04,751 --> 00:28:06,791
[Will] Nobody wants to talk
about life anymore.

622
00:28:06,786 --> 00:28:08,456
One, two testing.

623
00:28:08,455 --> 00:28:11,585
Testing, testing one,
two testing.

624
00:28:12,259 --> 00:28:13,429
Is this mike hot?

625
00:28:13,427 --> 00:28:14,387
Is it hot?

626
00:28:14,394 --> 00:28:16,034
Are we hot?

627
00:28:16,030 --> 00:28:18,370
- Testing one, two, testing, testing.
- Testing, testing one, two.

628
00:28:18,365 --> 00:28:19,365
Testing one, two.

629
00:28:19,366 --> 00:28:20,466
They can hear us.

630
00:28:20,467 --> 00:28:23,237
Oh, okay wait, so wait,
I got a really quick game.

631
00:28:23,237 --> 00:28:25,037
It's called Quick Quick Quick.

632
00:28:25,039 --> 00:28:27,739
I'm gonna say Quick Quick
Quick, name three something, right?

633
00:28:27,741 --> 00:28:29,041
- Okay, okay.
- So, for you, so,

634
00:28:29,043 --> 00:28:31,883
Quick Quick Quick
name three brands of soap.

635
00:28:31,878 --> 00:28:34,908
Um, Dove, Ivory and, um,

636
00:28:34,914 --> 00:28:36,324
Quick, okay.

637
00:28:36,316 --> 00:28:39,386
So, Quick Quick Quick
name three problems
with dental problems,

638
00:28:39,386 --> 00:28:40,786
go, name three dental problems.

639
00:28:40,787 --> 00:28:42,417
- You've got an abscess,
you've got a cavity.
- Quick Quick Quick.

640
00:28:42,422 --> 00:28:44,562
And you've got a punch
in the mouth.

641
00:28:44,558 --> 00:28:47,288
[all laughing]

642
00:28:47,294 --> 00:28:49,264
- Okay, what about you?
Quick Quick Quick
- Quick Quick Quick...

643
00:28:49,263 --> 00:28:52,133
Three great sports teams.

644
00:28:53,867 --> 00:28:55,897
- Quick!
- Uh, the birds...

645
00:28:55,902 --> 00:28:57,072
- The dinosaurs, okay.
- No.

646
00:28:57,071 --> 00:28:58,541
- Okay.
- Oh, God.

647
00:28:58,538 --> 00:29:00,408
The dinosaurs!

648
00:29:00,407 --> 00:29:01,637
Listen, let's just forget this.

649
00:29:01,641 --> 00:29:03,841
Let's just get down
to what we came here to do.

650
00:29:03,843 --> 00:29:05,213
The last show of...

651
00:29:05,712 --> 00:29:07,182
[All] <i>SmartLess!</i>

652
00:29:15,922 --> 00:29:18,762
Hello, Los Angeles!

653
00:29:20,294 --> 00:29:22,664
It's our last show of...

654
00:29:22,662 --> 00:29:26,372
We're so excited that you guys
wasted your money to
come here tonight.

655
00:29:26,366 --> 00:29:27,996
- [Jason] A lot of money.
- [Sean] Yeah.

656
00:29:28,102 --> 00:29:29,872
We've been on the road
for the last couple of weeks.

657
00:29:29,869 --> 00:29:31,369
And we went all over
the country.

658
00:29:31,371 --> 00:29:33,111
We started in DC.

659
00:29:33,107 --> 00:29:35,207
And then we went to Boston,
and then we went to New York

660
00:29:35,209 --> 00:29:37,339
and Chicago and Madison, Wisconsin.

661
00:29:37,344 --> 00:29:38,784
- Huh!
- Yeah, great place.

662
00:29:38,778 --> 00:29:42,118
We had an incredible special appearance

663
00:29:42,116 --> 00:29:44,476
- by, Tracey.
- By my sister Tracey.

664
00:29:47,587 --> 00:29:51,427
And, uh, I think that Tracey
got a warmer reception
than we did.

665
00:29:51,425 --> 00:29:52,755
- Yeah for sure, for sure.
- Definitely.

666
00:29:52,759 --> 00:29:54,029
[Jason] People were freaked out.

667
00:29:54,128 --> 00:29:55,128
[Will] Anyway thank you
for coming here.
[Sean] Yeah, yeah.

668
00:29:55,129 --> 00:29:56,799
We're gonna sit down
and start the show.

669
00:29:56,796 --> 00:29:58,566
[Sean] Oh, boy.
[Will] Ugh.

670
00:29:58,565 --> 00:30:01,135
Are you happy to be done
with the tour, both of you?

671
00:30:01,135 --> 00:30:02,965
- [Will] Yeah.
- Well I'm happy and sad.

672
00:30:02,969 --> 00:30:04,539
What's the happy part?

673
00:30:04,538 --> 00:30:08,478
The happy part is that...
Uh, the happy part is the--

674
00:30:08,475 --> 00:30:10,605
- We're really searching
for the happy part.
- No, no, no.

675
00:30:10,610 --> 00:30:13,780
I'm happy because I feel like
it was a success,

676
00:30:13,780 --> 00:30:15,380
I had a great time
with you guys.

677
00:30:15,382 --> 00:30:17,482
I feel very happy
that we did it.

678
00:30:17,484 --> 00:30:19,954
- But sad
because it'll be gone.
- Yeah.

679
00:30:19,953 --> 00:30:22,123
It could've really been
a shit show. Right?

680
00:30:22,122 --> 00:30:23,492
[Will] Yeah.

681
00:30:23,490 --> 00:30:25,760
We didn't know...
We still don't know
what the hell we're doing.

682
00:30:25,759 --> 00:30:30,499
And to think that people
would be engaged and
entertained with us talking,

683
00:30:30,497 --> 00:30:31,997
uh, is stunning.

684
00:30:31,998 --> 00:30:33,498
People are so nice.

685
00:30:33,500 --> 00:30:36,970
They come backstage and they
say nice things all through
this whole tour.

686
00:30:36,970 --> 00:30:41,310
Sometimes I do think
I have a little bit
of face blindness.

687
00:30:41,308 --> 00:30:43,608
Because sometimes
I really truly don't recognize people

688
00:30:43,610 --> 00:30:44,980
and I make an ass
out of myself.

689
00:30:44,978 --> 00:30:46,648
Remember Traci Lords
the pornstar?

690
00:30:46,646 --> 00:30:47,506
- Sure.
- No.

691
00:30:53,153 --> 00:30:54,093
No, no.

692
00:30:54,087 --> 00:30:55,117
Did I say sure?

693
00:30:55,121 --> 00:30:56,261
You did, really quickly.

694
00:30:56,256 --> 00:30:58,056
I said it pretty fast.

695
00:30:58,057 --> 00:30:59,687
- Yeah.
- It was a little fast.

696
00:30:59,693 --> 00:31:01,433
Are we still rolling?
Can we go back?

697
00:31:02,762 --> 00:31:05,102
So, she came on as a guest
star in <i>Will and Grace.</i>

698
00:31:05,199 --> 00:31:06,269
And I'm such an idiot.

699
00:31:06,266 --> 00:31:08,196
She sat down and
I literally said,

700
00:31:08,202 --> 00:31:10,872
"Oh, my God, I loved you
in <i>The Hand that Rocks
the Cradle.</i>

701
00:31:10,870 --> 00:31:12,240
I thought she was Rebecca
De Mornay.

702
00:31:15,475 --> 00:31:17,435
It's not nearly as bad,
uh, uh...

703
00:31:17,444 --> 00:31:20,084
Some fancy folks have come out
and seen us.

704
00:31:20,079 --> 00:31:21,979
Peter Dinklage came
and said hi to us.

705
00:31:23,383 --> 00:31:24,783
In New York.

706
00:31:24,784 --> 00:31:26,294
And I was talking about
the kids.

707
00:31:26,286 --> 00:31:28,716
And I said, "And how old
are your little one?

708
00:31:32,959 --> 00:31:36,399
- Just about the dumbest thing
you could possibly say.
- No.

709
00:31:36,396 --> 00:31:37,396
- Yeah.
- No?

710
00:31:37,397 --> 00:31:39,297
The dumbest thing
was repeating it right now.

711
00:31:39,299 --> 00:31:40,469
Yeah.

712
00:31:40,467 --> 00:31:41,497
[all laughing]

713
00:31:42,902 --> 00:31:43,772
[Will] That was...

714
00:31:45,104 --> 00:31:46,114
That was the dumbest.

715
00:31:46,105 --> 00:31:47,435
Yeah, good note.

716
00:31:47,441 --> 00:31:48,341
But you know what?

717
00:31:49,008 --> 00:31:50,708
- They got your back.
- Yeah.

718
00:31:50,710 --> 00:31:52,610
Because if there's one thing
I know about this day and age,

719
00:31:52,612 --> 00:31:54,582
is that people
on the internet...

720
00:31:54,581 --> 00:31:56,251
- They don't talk.
- ...they got your back.

721
00:31:56,250 --> 00:31:57,250
[Jason] Yeah.

722
00:31:58,151 --> 00:31:58,991
So, thank you.

723
00:32:02,856 --> 00:32:05,056
We have a lot of fun,
we have a lot of fun together,

724
00:32:05,058 --> 00:32:07,028
we have a lot of fun
with you guys.

725
00:32:07,026 --> 00:32:08,726
[all applauding]

726
00:32:08,728 --> 00:32:10,158
And for the first time,

727
00:32:10,264 --> 00:32:11,734
we all know who the guest is.

728
00:32:11,731 --> 00:32:15,131
Because we're at the end
of the tour and we've invited
a really good friend,

729
00:32:15,134 --> 00:32:18,174
our pal, the hilarious,
the kind,

730
00:32:18,272 --> 00:32:20,142
the generous, the amazing,

731
00:32:20,139 --> 00:32:21,909
Mr. Jimmy Kimmel.

732
00:32:22,909 --> 00:32:24,909
[all cheering]

733
00:32:31,351 --> 00:32:32,721
[Jason] Jimmy Kimmel!

734
00:32:32,719 --> 00:32:33,889
[Jimmy] I appreciate it.

735
00:32:35,455 --> 00:32:37,385
I have to say,
this is very exciting for me

736
00:32:37,391 --> 00:32:40,131
because I've never seen Jason
up this late.

737
00:32:41,761 --> 00:32:45,731
And by the way can I tell you
one thing?
Not that this is a...

738
00:32:45,732 --> 00:32:51,072
If I had, like, if I had one
magic wish in my whole life...

739
00:32:51,070 --> 00:32:52,310
- Like one.
- You would be at home.

740
00:32:52,306 --> 00:32:53,306
...for my whole life,

741
00:32:53,307 --> 00:32:54,307
- It's right now, right?
- One.

742
00:32:54,908 --> 00:32:56,938
It would happen right now.

743
00:32:56,943 --> 00:33:01,783
And it would be... I'd say,
ladies and gentlemen welcome
Peter Dinklage.

744
00:33:04,851 --> 00:33:07,691
That would be my...
I would spend it...

745
00:33:09,323 --> 00:33:10,223
On...

746
00:33:11,157 --> 00:33:11,987
On that.

747
00:33:14,394 --> 00:33:17,534
- [Will] Very special.
- Great merch by the way.
So great.

748
00:33:17,531 --> 00:33:19,871
Which mall kiosk did you
get this made in?

749
00:33:21,835 --> 00:33:25,965
And I didn't know Zazzle
was making motel keychains.

750
00:33:25,972 --> 00:33:27,872
Guess who's idea
the keychains were?

751
00:33:27,874 --> 00:33:28,944
Who use this?

752
00:33:28,942 --> 00:33:30,112
Hang on a second.

753
00:33:30,109 --> 00:33:32,379
I may have said "Key fob."

754
00:33:32,379 --> 00:33:37,349
- That's like a "motel,
destroy-my-marriage, and-cheat
- on-my wife, key fob."

755
00:33:37,351 --> 00:33:39,551
Wait, wait, what's happening?

756
00:33:39,553 --> 00:33:41,693
- No, but that's,
like, terrible.
- Oh, there we go.

757
00:33:42,989 --> 00:33:44,859
There's a "key fob"
for the audience.

758
00:33:45,692 --> 00:33:46,832
Um...

759
00:33:46,826 --> 00:33:49,026
- [together] Jimmy, I got--
- Oh, you have mugs too.

760
00:33:49,028 --> 00:33:50,898
- Yo, yo, yeah.
- [Jason and audience laugh]

761
00:33:50,897 --> 00:33:54,367
My oldest, she...
So, Jimmy, you were one
of-- you were on our show

762
00:33:54,368 --> 00:33:56,898
quite early on.
Not as early as you should
have been.

763
00:33:56,903 --> 00:33:58,573
[laughs]

764
00:33:58,572 --> 00:34:02,042
But you were an early listener
and you were somebody who
had a lot of notes.

765
00:34:02,041 --> 00:34:03,381
- Yeah, I still do.
- [Jason chuckles]

766
00:34:03,377 --> 00:34:06,077
First of all, I love
the podcast. Honestly,
no kidding around.

767
00:34:06,079 --> 00:34:07,279
I love listening to it.

768
00:34:07,381 --> 00:34:08,821
You're sweet.

769
00:34:08,815 --> 00:34:11,385
And doing it in person
with you guys, like, 'cause
when you're listening

770
00:34:11,385 --> 00:34:14,885
or doing it on Zoom
as we did it, you don't get
to smell the cigarette smoke

771
00:34:14,888 --> 00:34:16,488
- coming off of Will.
- [audience laughing]

772
00:34:16,490 --> 00:34:18,560
Or [scoffs] or the feet.

773
00:34:18,558 --> 00:34:20,058
Or get to see his feet.

774
00:34:20,059 --> 00:34:21,399
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

775
00:34:21,395 --> 00:34:24,955
You have no socks on
or do you have those weird
sort of hide--

776
00:34:24,964 --> 00:34:28,004
- That just hide in the bottom
of the shoe.
- Oh, no seams?

777
00:34:28,001 --> 00:34:29,601
[Jason] Yeah.

778
00:34:29,603 --> 00:34:31,443
- [all laughing]
- [Will] Right?

779
00:34:31,438 --> 00:34:33,938
No, prove it to me right now.

780
00:34:33,940 --> 00:34:35,070
Okay.

781
00:34:35,074 --> 00:34:36,944
Oh, oh-oh. Oh.

782
00:34:37,444 --> 00:34:38,284
[cheering]

783
00:34:41,214 --> 00:34:42,584
You know what I feel like
right now?

784
00:34:42,582 --> 00:34:45,952
We're going to find some
weird sex thing about you
that you, like,

785
00:34:45,952 --> 00:34:48,192
you're really into, like,
showing women your feet
or something, like...

786
00:34:48,187 --> 00:34:49,257
No, I, uh,

787
00:34:49,255 --> 00:34:50,415
[audience laughing]

788
00:34:50,424 --> 00:34:52,934
You show the feet because
people who get spray tanned,

789
00:34:52,926 --> 00:34:54,856
and I know some people
who've had it done,

790
00:34:54,861 --> 00:34:56,801
you can see streaks
on their feet.

791
00:34:56,796 --> 00:34:59,026
- [John] Jimmy, I--
- You know what--
Sorry, go ahead...

792
00:34:59,032 --> 00:35:03,702
- Oh, no no. I was gonna
ask a real question.
- [all chuckling]

793
00:35:03,703 --> 00:35:05,613
[John] Now, you've been doing
your show for so long,

794
00:35:05,605 --> 00:35:07,505
and I've heard rumors that
you're going to be done
in a year.

795
00:35:07,507 --> 00:35:10,037
I've heard other rumors that
you're going to do for seven
more years, like...

796
00:35:10,043 --> 00:35:11,213
What, how, what're
you feeling?

797
00:35:11,210 --> 00:35:12,450
Yeah, let's make
some news, Jimmy.

798
00:35:12,446 --> 00:35:14,946
- [Jason] Right here.
- [Jimmy] I want to...

799
00:35:14,948 --> 00:35:16,078
- [Jimmy] Die.
- [John] Talk very slowly.

800
00:35:16,082 --> 00:35:17,252
- [Jimmy] I wanna die.
- [Will] Die on stage.

801
00:35:17,250 --> 00:35:18,620
- [Jason chuckles]
- [audience laughing]

802
00:35:18,618 --> 00:35:19,548
[Jimmy] On stage?

803
00:35:19,553 --> 00:35:21,193
You wanna die on live TV.

804
00:35:21,187 --> 00:35:22,217
Wouldn't that be the best?

805
00:35:23,457 --> 00:35:25,557
I mean, the show itself
is pre-taped, right?

806
00:35:25,559 --> 00:35:28,289
So what does ABC do if I die

807
00:35:28,294 --> 00:35:30,034
- during the show?
- Do they air it?

808
00:35:30,029 --> 00:35:30,929
Do they run that night's show?

809
00:35:30,930 --> 00:35:32,600
- Yes, of course.
- Sure.

810
00:35:32,599 --> 00:35:33,699
Yes.

811
00:35:33,700 --> 00:35:34,770
We wanna see that.

812
00:35:34,768 --> 00:35:36,368
- Of course.
- They tease the hell
out of it.

813
00:35:36,470 --> 00:35:38,910
- Yeah.
- I mean, the ratings would
be tremendous.

814
00:35:38,905 --> 00:35:42,535
I once had an overdose
of Advil on the show.

815
00:35:42,542 --> 00:35:44,212
Where my head,
I know it sounds ridiculous.

816
00:35:44,210 --> 00:35:45,110
What's that look like?

817
00:35:45,111 --> 00:35:47,111
My head started to swell up,

818
00:35:47,113 --> 00:35:49,623
and by the end of the show
my head was really big.

819
00:35:49,616 --> 00:35:52,916
- Come on.
- And then I went directly
to Cedars-Sinai.

820
00:35:52,919 --> 00:35:55,719
- Sean there,
by the way, we did.
- [mouthing]

821
00:35:55,722 --> 00:35:58,362
- I have seen Sean at the...
- Have you really?

822
00:35:58,758 --> 00:35:59,858
Yeah!

823
00:35:59,859 --> 00:36:00,959
[all laughing]

824
00:36:00,960 --> 00:36:04,300
Sean, how well do you know
your way around Cedars?

825
00:36:04,297 --> 00:36:05,397
Oh, like the back
of my hand.

826
00:36:05,499 --> 00:36:06,699
- Absolutely.
- [Jimmy] You do? For real?

827
00:36:06,700 --> 00:36:08,330
Yeah, because I get--
here we go.

828
00:36:08,334 --> 00:36:10,174
I get A-fib, right?

829
00:36:10,169 --> 00:36:12,009
You know what
atrial fibrillation is, right?

830
00:36:12,005 --> 00:36:13,335
Where your heart
goes like this...

831
00:36:13,339 --> 00:36:14,909
- [all applauding]
- [all laughing]

832
00:36:14,908 --> 00:36:16,738
- Yeah. Exactly.
- I don't know
what we're talking.

833
00:36:16,743 --> 00:36:19,513
It goes like this and so
I'm like Norm from Cheers.

834
00:36:19,513 --> 00:36:20,853
I just go in there like,
"Hey, Sean."

835
00:36:20,847 --> 00:36:22,147
Come on right and..."

836
00:36:22,148 --> 00:36:25,848
Uh, and they put propofol in
which is fantastic.

837
00:36:25,852 --> 00:36:28,692
And then they
[imiates defibrillator]
knock my heart back

838
00:36:28,688 --> 00:36:29,818
and I go home.

839
00:36:29,823 --> 00:36:31,093
And it happens all the time.

840
00:36:31,090 --> 00:36:32,830
- They do that--
really with the padels?
- Yeah. They do.

841
00:36:32,826 --> 00:36:35,256
Yeah, one time they put me out
and I don't think
they gave me enough.

842
00:36:35,261 --> 00:36:37,561
And I'm not kidding,
they went...

843
00:36:37,564 --> 00:36:39,204
and I woke up and I go,

844
00:36:39,198 --> 00:36:40,528
"This is amazing."

845
00:36:41,067 --> 00:36:42,237
[all laughing]

846
00:36:43,236 --> 00:36:44,666
Yeah, I thought it was--

847
00:36:44,671 --> 00:36:47,911
I thought it was
the most incredible feeling
in that moment.

848
00:36:47,907 --> 00:36:49,777
Wait, do they say clear,

849
00:36:49,776 --> 00:36:51,406
- like they do in the movies?
- I don't know. I'm out.

850
00:36:51,410 --> 00:36:52,950
[Jason laughing]

851
00:36:52,946 --> 00:36:55,576
Sean, do you have a nickname?

852
00:36:55,582 --> 00:36:57,752
- Sean, do you have a nickname?
- [Will] Do you have
a nickname?

853
00:36:57,751 --> 00:37:00,421
Well, cause I feel like
I just came up with
a great nickname for Sean.

854
00:37:00,419 --> 00:37:02,459
- Is it paddles?
- It's paddles.

855
00:37:02,556 --> 00:37:04,116
[all laughing]

856
00:37:04,624 --> 00:37:05,664
[all applauding]

857
00:37:05,659 --> 00:37:06,689
Paddles.

858
00:37:07,961 --> 00:37:10,261
- I mean, come on.
- [Will] That's so good.

859
00:37:10,263 --> 00:37:12,833
Oh, now, you're having us
over tomorrow

860
00:37:12,832 --> 00:37:14,432
for, uh, Superbowl.

861
00:37:14,433 --> 00:37:16,373
- Very nice of you. Thank you.
- [Will] Yeah.

862
00:37:16,369 --> 00:37:18,399
I'm making
smoked chicken wings,

863
00:37:18,905 --> 00:37:21,035
vegan chili, ribs,

864
00:37:21,040 --> 00:37:24,810
big sandwich that
has grilled zucchini
and melted cheese

865
00:37:24,811 --> 00:37:26,611
and arugula on it.

866
00:37:26,613 --> 00:37:28,013
Could we do part of that
with no zucchini?

867
00:37:28,014 --> 00:37:30,054
Yeah, can you take
the zucchini off?

868
00:37:30,049 --> 00:37:32,119
- Just if I can make a request.
- Yeah.

869
00:37:32,118 --> 00:37:33,118
[Jimmy] First of all,

870
00:37:33,119 --> 00:37:34,289
I made it for you

871
00:37:34,287 --> 00:37:36,457
because you eat
like a princess.

872
00:37:36,455 --> 00:37:37,315
Yeah.

873
00:37:39,258 --> 00:37:40,588
[all laughing]

874
00:37:40,594 --> 00:37:42,734
Is half
of that marinating right now?

875
00:37:42,729 --> 00:37:44,059
Like, did you prep today?

876
00:37:44,063 --> 00:37:45,873
I grilled the zucchini today, yeah.

877
00:37:45,865 --> 00:37:48,125
- Okay. Toss it. Yeah.
- You can toss it out.

878
00:37:48,134 --> 00:37:50,044
[all laughing]

879
00:37:51,337 --> 00:37:53,207
Wait, but why--

880
00:37:53,206 --> 00:37:54,466
Who makes the--
what--

881
00:37:54,473 --> 00:37:56,343
- Look how mad you are.
- I've never even heard--

882
00:37:56,342 --> 00:37:57,842
Why you so mad?

883
00:37:57,844 --> 00:38:00,154
- Because who's heard
of a zucchini sandwich?
- I think he's hungry,

884
00:38:00,146 --> 00:38:01,716
he needs popcorn.

885
00:38:01,715 --> 00:38:04,375
He hasn't had anything to eat
like for 45 minutes.

886
00:38:04,383 --> 00:38:05,623
[chuckles]

887
00:38:05,619 --> 00:38:07,089
- My blood sugar's dropping.
- [Will] You know what I mean?

888
00:38:07,086 --> 00:38:09,086
Let's get some popcorn.
Can we get some popcorn?

889
00:38:09,088 --> 00:38:10,918
- [Will] I just wanna get some
popcorn for Jason.
- Can we get some popcorn?

890
00:38:10,924 --> 00:38:12,634
[Will] Let's get some popcorn.
Thanks, ma'am.

891
00:38:12,626 --> 00:38:14,326
Oh, this is great.
Thank you so much.

892
00:38:14,327 --> 00:38:15,327
Bring it right over here.

893
00:38:15,328 --> 00:38:16,658
[Will] Oh, thank you.

894
00:38:16,663 --> 00:38:17,963
Hold on! Who's that?

895
00:38:17,964 --> 00:38:19,634
- [Will] Wait, wait,
can we just--
- [Sean] Jennifer Aniston?

896
00:38:19,633 --> 00:38:20,673
- What?
- What?

897
00:38:20,667 --> 00:38:22,197
[all cheering]

898
00:38:27,563 --> 00:38:28,863
[all cheering]

899
00:38:28,864 --> 00:38:30,704
[all applauding]

900
00:38:37,106 --> 00:38:38,306
[Jason] Join the table.

901
00:38:38,307 --> 00:38:39,507
Which way do we go?

902
00:38:39,508 --> 00:38:40,708
- Go this way.
- No, no, no.

903
00:38:40,709 --> 00:38:41,979
I just wanna say--

904
00:38:42,078 --> 00:38:42,908
Are you not mic'd?

905
00:38:42,911 --> 00:38:44,351
So you're not gonna
sit down and talk?

906
00:38:44,346 --> 00:38:46,216
- Look, oh--
- Talk into this.

907
00:38:46,215 --> 00:38:48,075
Looking a little snacky, JB.

908
00:38:48,084 --> 00:38:49,524
Yeah. He's looking snacky.

909
00:38:49,518 --> 00:38:50,688
[Jennifer] Give me your shoes
right now.

910
00:38:50,686 --> 00:38:52,716
[Will laughing]
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

911
00:38:52,721 --> 00:38:54,091
- You want my shoes?
- Give 'em.

912
00:38:54,090 --> 00:38:55,860
There he goes
with his feet again.

913
00:38:55,857 --> 00:38:57,087
[all cheering]

914
00:38:59,695 --> 00:39:01,755
- [Will] No streaks!
- [Jennifer] No streaks.

915
00:39:01,763 --> 00:39:03,433
- [Will exclaiming]
- [Jason] Zero tan on the feet.

916
00:39:03,432 --> 00:39:04,332
I'm gonna take these.

917
00:39:04,333 --> 00:39:05,303
[Will] Okay. Yeah.
I don't need 'em.

918
00:39:05,301 --> 00:39:06,971
- Jennifer Aniston!
- Jennifer Aniston!

919
00:39:06,968 --> 00:39:09,368
Oh, my God, Jenny!
Oh, my God!

920
00:39:10,172 --> 00:39:11,642
[all applauding]

921
00:39:13,142 --> 00:39:15,982
I thought I heard that laugh backstage.

922
00:39:15,977 --> 00:39:18,847
- That's a good food delivery.
- Can we grab
his sparkling water, please?

923
00:39:18,847 --> 00:39:20,417
[all laughing]

924
00:39:20,416 --> 00:39:21,646
By the way,
it's so funny,

925
00:39:21,650 --> 00:39:24,590
because it was so nice
of you guys plotted

926
00:39:24,586 --> 00:39:27,156
when I came out
when these guys came out

927
00:39:27,156 --> 00:39:28,756
and it felt
like real enthusiasm

928
00:39:28,757 --> 00:39:30,527
- and it definitely
made me feel good.
- I know.

929
00:39:30,526 --> 00:39:32,126
And then Jennifer Aniston
comes out

930
00:39:32,128 --> 00:39:33,658
and you're like...
[screaming]

931
00:39:34,163 --> 00:39:35,033
[Jason] The best.

932
00:39:35,831 --> 00:39:36,971
Here you go, buddy.

933
00:39:37,866 --> 00:39:38,966
When we were on the road,

934
00:39:38,967 --> 00:39:41,267
the food chain
was off the charts.

935
00:39:41,270 --> 00:39:42,640
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.

936
00:39:42,638 --> 00:39:45,308
Constantly engaging,
"What are you having?
What are you eating?

937
00:39:45,307 --> 00:39:47,637
"I'm not gonna have that now.
It's way too late."

938
00:39:47,643 --> 00:39:48,843
It was crazy.

939
00:39:48,844 --> 00:39:51,684
Well, I get nightmares
if I have it too late.

940
00:39:53,415 --> 00:39:54,375
Right?

941
00:39:54,383 --> 00:39:56,993
You eat too late
and the demons come.

942
00:39:56,985 --> 00:39:59,285
[all laughing]

943
00:39:59,288 --> 00:40:03,488
Jason Bateman might be
the most interesting person
I know.

944
00:40:03,492 --> 00:40:04,692
- And I'm not joking.
- [Will and Sean] Yeah.

945
00:40:04,693 --> 00:40:05,863
[all cheering]

946
00:40:05,861 --> 00:40:07,961
You know,
it's like you did play
<i>Teen Wolf</i>

947
00:40:07,963 --> 00:40:10,703
and it's like in a way
you are a teen wolf.

948
00:40:10,699 --> 00:40:12,569
Because you appear
to be normal

949
00:40:12,568 --> 00:40:14,298
and then
there's this other guy

950
00:40:14,303 --> 00:40:16,843
who's this raging maniac, right?

951
00:40:16,838 --> 00:40:17,738
[all laughing]

952
00:40:17,739 --> 00:40:18,739
Right?

953
00:40:18,740 --> 00:40:19,840
Yes! Right!

954
00:40:19,841 --> 00:40:22,141
You never--
you never met the maniac.

955
00:40:22,144 --> 00:40:23,384
I didn't meet the maniac

956
00:40:23,379 --> 00:40:24,979
but I didn't know
the maniac,

957
00:40:24,980 --> 00:40:28,180
the maniac might have
been doing something
illegal backstage.

958
00:40:28,184 --> 00:40:29,854
I remember that.
I was there that night too.

959
00:40:29,851 --> 00:40:30,751
Andy Dick.

960
00:40:30,752 --> 00:40:32,022
- Were you there that night?
- Yeah.

961
00:40:32,954 --> 00:40:34,594
- Wait a second!
- Yeah.

962
00:40:34,590 --> 00:40:35,860
[all laughing]

963
00:40:35,857 --> 00:40:37,157
With you, dude.

964
00:40:37,159 --> 00:40:38,929
This reminds me
of the other time

965
00:40:38,927 --> 00:40:40,327
- I think we've already
told this on the podcast.
- Yeah.

966
00:40:40,329 --> 00:40:41,859
I think we were doing
<i>Arrested Development</i>
and he's like,

967
00:40:41,863 --> 00:40:43,403
"Man, I wish
we partied together."

968
00:40:43,399 --> 00:40:44,329
Because Will had shut it down

969
00:40:44,333 --> 00:40:45,633
and I was still
a year or two away.

970
00:40:45,634 --> 00:40:48,004
It would have been awesome,
if we put in and I go,
"We did."

971
00:40:48,003 --> 00:40:49,743
[all laughing]

972
00:40:49,738 --> 00:40:51,068
We went out
and we had a big night

973
00:40:51,072 --> 00:40:53,212
and we got all hammered
and then he like...

974
00:40:54,109 --> 00:40:56,609
Not cool.
But he got into his car

975
00:40:56,612 --> 00:40:58,282
and he sped away
and I was like,

976
00:40:58,280 --> 00:40:59,780
"This guy's a badass."

977
00:40:59,781 --> 00:41:01,221
You know?

978
00:41:01,217 --> 00:41:04,117
He doesn't give a shit.
He had a candle
on his dashboard.

979
00:41:04,220 --> 00:41:05,020
Oh!

980
00:41:05,020 --> 00:41:06,590
[all laughing]

981
00:41:06,588 --> 00:41:07,688
So bad!

982
00:41:07,689 --> 00:41:09,929
He had a lit candle
on his fucking dashboard.

983
00:41:09,925 --> 00:41:12,855
Yeah. Wait a minute.
Why did you light a candle
on your dashboard?

984
00:41:12,861 --> 00:41:13,831
Oh...

985
00:41:13,829 --> 00:41:14,899
Were your headlights out?

986
00:41:16,131 --> 00:41:17,801
[all laughing]

987
00:41:18,634 --> 00:41:19,504
[Jason] I don't know.

988
00:41:19,501 --> 00:41:21,341
I was driving a vehicle

989
00:41:21,337 --> 00:41:23,267
that had a dashboard

990
00:41:23,272 --> 00:41:25,842
that had a little cut out
on top of it.

991
00:41:25,841 --> 00:41:28,841
That just screamed
for put a regal candle
on there.

992
00:41:28,844 --> 00:41:30,354
[all laughing]

993
00:41:30,346 --> 00:41:32,806
That was just
my roadie candle.

994
00:41:32,814 --> 00:41:34,724
What a fucking idiot.

995
00:41:34,716 --> 00:41:37,246
And I would light that thing

996
00:41:37,253 --> 00:41:40,693
and it would be blazing
on my dashboard

997
00:41:40,689 --> 00:41:42,859
while I'm driving
when I shouldn't,

998
00:41:42,858 --> 00:41:46,128
so that the cops can see,
"This dick's got a candle.

999
00:41:46,127 --> 00:41:47,027
I gotta pull--"

1000
00:41:47,028 --> 00:41:48,998
It's so stupid.

1001
00:41:48,997 --> 00:41:52,127
By the way, instead of mugs,
instead of keychains,

1002
00:41:52,133 --> 00:41:53,673
maybe dashboard candles,

1003
00:41:53,669 --> 00:41:54,999
that's the <i>SmartLess.</i>

1004
00:41:55,003 --> 00:41:56,443
[all applauding]

1005
00:41:56,438 --> 00:41:58,268
- You're gonna sell
a lot of those.
- [Sean] That's a great idea.

1006
00:41:58,274 --> 00:41:59,644
Jimmy, it's been so fun
having you.

1007
00:41:59,641 --> 00:42:01,741
- Thank you for--
- [Jason] Jimmy!

1008
00:42:01,743 --> 00:42:03,113
[all cheering]

1009
00:42:03,111 --> 00:42:04,911
- [Will] We-- we love you.
- Jimmy Kimmel!

1010
00:42:04,913 --> 00:42:06,753
We thank you.
You're the best.

1011
00:42:06,748 --> 00:42:07,748
[Jimmy] Wow. Thanks.

1012
00:42:07,749 --> 00:42:09,549
I know, you know what?

1013
00:42:09,551 --> 00:42:10,551
[all applauding]

1014
00:42:10,552 --> 00:42:12,552
I appreciate it.

1015
00:42:12,554 --> 00:42:16,764
I appreciate all of you
coming here tonight and...

1016
00:42:18,294 --> 00:42:21,304
I also wanna make
one more comment

1017
00:42:21,297 --> 00:42:22,927
- about the show if you will?
- [Will] Yeah. Go ahead.

1018
00:42:23,599 --> 00:42:24,629
[Will] Thank you, Jen.

1019
00:42:24,633 --> 00:42:26,303
[all laughing]

1020
00:42:26,302 --> 00:42:29,042
- You can't do the rest
without shoes?
- You guys realize...

1021
00:42:29,338 --> 00:42:30,508
No.

1022
00:42:30,506 --> 00:42:32,966
I'll tell you what,
America's sweetheart
can't throw.

1023
00:42:32,974 --> 00:42:34,614
[all laughing]

1024
00:42:38,146 --> 00:42:40,416
She can do a lot
but she can't throw shoes.

1025
00:42:40,416 --> 00:42:41,316
Go ahead, Jimmy. Yeah.

1026
00:42:41,317 --> 00:42:42,417
Now, I love this show,

1027
00:42:42,418 --> 00:42:44,318
I'm glad that I feel like,

1028
00:42:44,320 --> 00:42:46,860
it's so exciting
to see all these people

1029
00:42:46,855 --> 00:42:48,615
come to see you guys do this

1030
00:42:48,624 --> 00:42:52,334
and which really came out
of just a very
private conversation

1031
00:42:52,328 --> 00:42:53,658
between the three of you

1032
00:42:53,662 --> 00:42:55,362
and sometimes really good

1033
00:42:55,364 --> 00:42:56,674
and sometimes
not so good guests.

1034
00:42:56,665 --> 00:42:57,725
- And--
- [all laughing]

1035
00:42:58,334 --> 00:43:00,004
And I'm so happy for you

1036
00:43:00,001 --> 00:43:03,241
and I hope you guys
are appreciative of this--

1037
00:43:03,339 --> 00:43:05,039
- of the magic that this is.
- Beyond.

1038
00:43:05,040 --> 00:43:06,510
- Because it is magical thing.
- Yeah.

1039
00:43:06,508 --> 00:43:07,708
[all cheering]

1040
00:43:07,709 --> 00:43:08,939
These people are here.

1041
00:43:08,944 --> 00:43:10,514
[all applauding]

1042
00:43:10,512 --> 00:43:13,182
And to hear the way,
the dismissive way

1043
00:43:13,181 --> 00:43:15,621
you talk about them
off the air is just...

1044
00:43:16,885 --> 00:43:19,015
- I just find it offensive.
- I know. Me too.

1045
00:43:19,020 --> 00:43:19,920
And I tell them all the time.

1046
00:43:19,921 --> 00:43:20,861
I find it very offensive.

1047
00:43:20,856 --> 00:43:22,356
I'm with you.

1048
00:43:22,358 --> 00:43:23,858
But these are the best.

1049
00:43:23,859 --> 00:43:25,859
- Yeah. These are the best.
- [Jimmy] These guys are best.

1050
00:43:25,861 --> 00:43:26,801
[all cheering]

1051
00:43:26,795 --> 00:43:28,355
- Uh, thank you, buddy.
- Thanks, guys.

1052
00:43:28,364 --> 00:43:29,374
Thanks for having me.

1053
00:43:29,365 --> 00:43:31,395
- Jimmy Kimmel!
- [Jason] Jimmy Kimmel!

1054
00:43:31,400 --> 00:43:32,770
[all applauding]

1055
00:43:33,602 --> 00:43:34,772
Good times.

1056
00:43:34,770 --> 00:43:35,770
That was fun.

1057
00:43:36,638 --> 00:43:37,808
Thank you guys so much.

1058
00:43:37,806 --> 00:43:39,576
I mean
it's just been incredible.

1059
00:43:39,575 --> 00:43:40,705
I'm not-- No.

1060
00:43:40,709 --> 00:43:42,439
I'm feeling
Sean thinking right now.

1061
00:43:42,444 --> 00:43:44,384
There's a fucking smoke
coming out of his ears

1062
00:43:44,380 --> 00:43:46,450
- trying to work a bye.
- You know
what he's trying to do.

1063
00:43:46,448 --> 00:43:47,378
[Sean] No.

1064
00:43:47,383 --> 00:43:48,723
[all cheering]

1065
00:43:48,717 --> 00:43:51,647
You know, I just wish
we could have spent more time
with Jen.

1066
00:43:51,653 --> 00:43:52,823
- You know...
- Yeah.

1067
00:43:52,821 --> 00:43:54,121
- [all cheering]
- But...

1068
00:43:55,391 --> 00:43:57,791
It feels so nice to...

1069
00:43:57,793 --> 00:43:59,563
...to be here.

1070
00:43:59,561 --> 00:44:00,801
[Jason] Get on here!

1071
00:44:00,796 --> 00:44:02,996
Keep going. Keep going.
Keep going.

1072
00:44:02,998 --> 00:44:04,398
[all cheering and applauding]

1073
00:44:06,868 --> 00:44:09,838
Come on! Come on! Yeah!

1074
00:44:14,042 --> 00:44:15,982
[Jennifer]
I don't wanna do this.

1075
00:44:15,977 --> 00:44:19,247
[Jason] Just say,
"Hi, everybody.
Thank you for coming."

1076
00:44:19,247 --> 00:44:21,247
Hi, everybody.
Thank you for coming.

1077
00:44:21,249 --> 00:44:23,589
And if you were...

1078
00:44:23,585 --> 00:44:24,685
[Jason whispering]

1079
00:44:24,686 --> 00:44:27,486
Okay. I think this has been
really a lovely,

1080
00:44:27,489 --> 00:44:28,519
lovely evening

1081
00:44:28,524 --> 00:44:31,094
and I wish I just could
come up with something--

1082
00:44:31,092 --> 00:44:32,492
something sort of--

1083
00:44:32,494 --> 00:44:34,504
- Something simple.
Something really simple.
- Something to say simple.

1084
00:44:34,496 --> 00:44:36,596
What's something you say
at the end of something?

1085
00:44:36,598 --> 00:44:37,998
Oh, like...

1086
00:44:37,999 --> 00:44:38,929
goodbye?

1087
00:44:38,934 --> 00:44:40,444
[all] Bye!

1088
00:44:42,103 --> 00:44:43,613
[all applauding]

1089
00:44:44,573 --> 00:44:46,243
[piano music playing]

1090
00:44:56,652 --> 00:44:57,792
Oh, my God, Jimmy.

1091
00:44:58,319 --> 00:44:59,519
Thank you, dude.

1092
00:44:59,521 --> 00:45:01,521
- Thank you.
- Thank you so much!

1093
00:45:01,523 --> 00:45:03,793
I'd been like nervous
about this actually.

1094
00:45:03,792 --> 00:45:05,162
- Were you really?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1095
00:45:05,160 --> 00:45:07,200
[Will] That was so good.

1096
00:45:07,195 --> 00:45:09,525
- Thank you. Thank you.
- Yeah. That was fun.

1097
00:45:09,531 --> 00:45:13,001
The first night we were
just like, "What the fuck?"

1098
00:45:13,802 --> 00:45:14,802
Right?

1099
00:45:14,803 --> 00:45:16,473
That's it. That's a wrap.

1100
00:45:18,707 --> 00:45:20,837
Nice going. Great time.

1101
00:45:32,588 --> 00:45:34,058
[indistinct conversation]

1102
00:45:56,945 --> 00:45:59,075
[all] Bye!

1103
00:46:06,677 --> 00:46:07,647
So what is sloppy joe?

1104
00:46:07,645 --> 00:46:09,845
Is it ground beef
and tomato sauce?

1105
00:46:09,948 --> 00:46:13,848
No. It's ground beef,
tomato paste, tomato soup,

1106
00:46:13,952 --> 00:46:17,662
chili sauce, white vinegar,
salt and pepper,

1107
00:46:17,655 --> 00:46:20,155
- brown sugar.
- [Jason] Wow.

1108
00:46:20,158 --> 00:46:21,958
[Sean] You can have
one bite. It's not that bad.

1109
00:46:21,960 --> 00:46:22,960
When do you put
the Alpo in it?

1110
00:46:22,961 --> 00:46:24,701
- Is it before or is it...
- [Will laughs]

1111
00:46:24,695 --> 00:46:25,795
...as a finisher.

1112
00:46:25,796 --> 00:46:27,026
[all laughing]

1113
00:46:28,566 --> 00:46:31,496
I've ice cream after
if anybody wants some.

1114
00:46:31,502 --> 00:46:33,602
What are we? Is there
a four year old's birthday?

1115
00:46:33,604 --> 00:46:35,144
Yeah. Congratulations.

1116
00:46:35,139 --> 00:46:36,139
[Sean laughing]

1117
00:46:36,140 --> 00:46:37,280
What kind? What brand?

1118
00:46:37,275 --> 00:46:38,705
Haagen-Dazs.

1119
00:46:38,709 --> 00:46:41,379
- Haagen-Dazs? The best.
- Mm.

1120
00:46:41,379 --> 00:46:43,149
This is why Haagen-Dazs
is better than any ice cream

1121
00:46:43,147 --> 00:46:45,147
because you look at the label
on the vanilla...

1122
00:46:45,149 --> 00:46:48,849
It's egg, yolk, sugar
and cream. That's it.

1123
00:46:48,852 --> 00:46:49,852
Egg and yolk?

1124
00:46:50,354 --> 00:46:51,364
I think so.

1125
00:46:51,889 --> 00:46:53,019
Or egg yolk?

1126
00:46:53,491 --> 00:46:54,731
Is it egg yolk?

1127
00:46:54,725 --> 00:46:57,255
- Probably no comma in there.
- Oh, yeah.

1128
00:46:57,261 --> 00:46:58,661
[Will snickering]

1129
00:46:59,430 --> 00:47:01,670
Egg, yolk, uh...

1130
00:47:02,466 --> 00:47:03,496
[chuckling]

1131
00:47:04,068 --> 00:47:04,898
[Sean] Dumb.

1132
00:47:05,569 --> 00:47:07,569
Crea...m.

1133
00:47:07,571 --> 00:47:08,871
[Jason laughing]

1134
00:47:08,872 --> 00:47:10,412
Crea...m.

1135
00:47:13,477 --> 00:47:15,247
[Will] Oh!
Played golf yesterday.

1136
00:47:15,246 --> 00:47:16,146
[Jason] With Giles?

1137
00:47:16,147 --> 00:47:17,717
With Giles and Josh
and Harry Chung.

1138
00:47:17,715 --> 00:47:19,615
I dated a a guy
with a harry chung.

1139
00:47:19,617 --> 00:47:22,087
[all laughing]

1140
00:47:24,488 --> 00:47:25,758
You don't need to tee it up
high for him.

1141
00:47:25,756 --> 00:47:28,126
- [Will] No! No, no.
- [Sean chuckling]

1142
00:47:28,126 --> 00:47:29,286
Do you have any tattoos?

1143
00:47:29,293 --> 00:47:30,593
[Sean] No.
I've always wanted one.

1144
00:47:30,594 --> 00:47:31,864
- Have you really?
- Should we get one?

1145
00:47:32,430 --> 00:47:33,430
[Will and Jason] Hmm.

1146
00:47:33,431 --> 00:47:34,571
He's got a couple.

1147
00:47:34,565 --> 00:47:36,565
Wouldn't it be kind of fun
to get a <i>SmartLess</i> one?

1148
00:47:36,567 --> 00:47:38,897
- Not really.
- All right. Do you wanna
think about it?

1149
00:47:38,902 --> 00:47:40,302
- Nope. Just did.
- [Sean] Okay.

1150
00:47:40,304 --> 00:47:43,044
You should get the recipe
to sloppy joe.

1151
00:47:43,041 --> 00:47:44,311
[all laughing]

1152
00:47:44,308 --> 00:47:45,478
[Jason] Too long.

1153
00:47:45,476 --> 00:47:47,576
- Hey, you don't have
any tattoos, do you?
- I do not.

1154
00:47:47,578 --> 00:47:49,408
[Jason] You took the one
off your toe?

1155
00:47:49,413 --> 00:47:52,053
[chuckles] Not--
Not this guy.

1156
00:47:52,050 --> 00:47:53,850
Oh, really? Cause you wanna
get another kingdom.

1157
00:47:54,452 --> 00:47:55,492
[Sean laughing]

1158
00:47:55,486 --> 00:47:57,056
[Jason] Isn't that a thing?

1159
00:47:57,055 --> 00:47:58,155
[Sean] Wait.
Do you have a tattoo?

1160
00:47:58,156 --> 00:48:00,156
I just got Maple
and Francesca.

1161
00:48:00,158 --> 00:48:01,588
[Sean] Oh, that's right.
Isn't that nice?

1162
00:48:01,592 --> 00:48:03,532
But you got it on the most
sensitive part of your arm.

1163
00:48:03,527 --> 00:48:05,397
- That's just pure bone
here, right?
- Yeah.

1164
00:48:05,896 --> 00:48:07,366
It's well-done flab.

1165
00:48:07,365 --> 00:48:10,325
They were like,
"We've never tattooed
into bone.

1166
00:48:10,334 --> 00:48:11,244
But I guess."

1167
00:48:11,235 --> 00:48:13,065
Dust came up
as they were doing it.

1168
00:48:13,071 --> 00:48:16,071
The only reason I have
this here and this here

1169
00:48:16,074 --> 00:48:18,614
is that they're never
going away.

1170
00:48:18,609 --> 00:48:19,609
- You're right.
- You know?

1171
00:48:19,610 --> 00:48:22,250
Now I hope
this goes on forever.

1172
00:48:22,246 --> 00:48:24,446
- But what job does?
- Right.

1173
00:48:24,448 --> 00:48:26,178
We're not talking about job.
We're talking
about friendship.

1174
00:48:26,184 --> 00:48:27,154
[Sean] Yeah.

1175
00:48:27,151 --> 00:48:28,921
Well, I'd rather get
Will and Sean tattooed

1176
00:48:28,919 --> 00:48:29,819
than <i>SmartLess.</i>

1177
00:48:30,488 --> 00:48:31,888
[Sean] With our faces.

1178
00:48:31,889 --> 00:48:33,219
- Like the logo.
- We'll just see our faces.

1179
00:48:33,657 --> 00:48:35,587
Oh, that! Yes.

1180
00:48:35,593 --> 00:48:37,103
See this is a great example

1181
00:48:37,095 --> 00:48:38,595
of you being hard headed
about something,

1182
00:48:38,596 --> 00:48:41,096
because you're like,
"What if this job goes away?"

1183
00:48:41,099 --> 00:48:42,129
You can't think
of it like that.

1184
00:48:42,133 --> 00:48:43,503
Well, my friendship
with you is not gonna go.

1185
00:48:43,501 --> 00:48:45,401
I mean I'll put fucking
Will and Sean
on my goddamn forehead.

1186
00:48:45,403 --> 00:48:46,743
- Let's do it.
- Let's get the guy in here.

1187
00:48:46,737 --> 00:48:48,267
Yeah. Don't threaten me.

1188
00:48:48,272 --> 00:48:52,212
And would you want lower left
or upper right
in that scenario?

1189
00:48:52,210 --> 00:48:54,110
- Lower left. Upper right.
- [Will] Lower left.

1190
00:48:54,112 --> 00:48:55,182
You want lower left?

1191
00:48:55,179 --> 00:48:56,349
Yeah, cause it's gonna be
more in your eye line.

1192
00:48:56,347 --> 00:48:57,677
Cause you usually look
people in the eye.

1193
00:48:57,681 --> 00:49:00,021
I think upper right usually
ends up being

1194
00:49:00,118 --> 00:49:02,488
- the one that is
perceived as...
- In Billing--

1195
00:49:02,486 --> 00:49:03,516
...that is top billing.

1196
00:49:03,521 --> 00:49:05,321
[Will] In the movie poster
one sheet for sure.

1197
00:49:05,323 --> 00:49:06,663
But in this case,

1198
00:49:06,657 --> 00:49:08,727
it's the first one you see
is the closest
to the person's eye.

1199
00:49:10,194 --> 00:49:12,164
- Huh.
- You probably
didn't catch that wink.

1200
00:49:12,163 --> 00:49:14,033
- [producer] Nope.
- [all laughing]

1201
00:49:15,533 --> 00:49:18,543
- So how do you feel
about the experience--
- Of being an actor?

1202
00:49:18,536 --> 00:49:19,736
[Jason] I--

1203
00:49:19,737 --> 00:49:22,567
No. Of going on tour
now that we've had
distance time.

1204
00:49:22,573 --> 00:49:25,143
I've been thinking actually
a lot about doing it again.

1205
00:49:25,143 --> 00:49:26,643
- Really?
- Like, I can't wait
to do it again.

1206
00:49:26,644 --> 00:49:28,484
Oh, that's cool.
Well, what about it?

1207
00:49:28,479 --> 00:49:31,979
I haven't been on a boys trip
since I was in my early 20s.

1208
00:49:31,982 --> 00:49:33,852
We could go to England

1209
00:49:33,851 --> 00:49:35,391
and we could go to Australia.

1210
00:49:35,386 --> 00:49:36,316
- Whatever you like.
- [Sean] Ireland.

1211
00:49:36,320 --> 00:49:37,220
That be really fun.

1212
00:49:37,221 --> 00:49:38,661
How stupid is it though

1213
00:49:38,656 --> 00:49:41,886
that this goes all the way
across the Atlantic.

1214
00:49:41,892 --> 00:49:42,992
[Will] I know.

1215
00:49:42,993 --> 00:49:44,403
I mean, I can't believe--

1216
00:49:44,395 --> 00:49:46,355
Do they have to translate
in other--

1217
00:49:46,364 --> 00:49:48,034
Do other people do our voices?

1218
00:49:48,031 --> 00:49:50,671
- Like in other languages.
- Yeah.

1219
00:49:50,668 --> 00:49:52,838
But do you honestly think
that they'd dub our voices

1220
00:49:52,836 --> 00:49:54,366
for the podcast
in other countries?

1221
00:49:54,372 --> 00:49:56,542
Well, not English speaking.
[chuckles]

1222
00:49:56,540 --> 00:49:57,710
No, I know.

1223
00:49:57,708 --> 00:49:59,108
I'm talking about
the ones that
don't speak English.

1224
00:49:59,109 --> 00:50:00,939
Yes, well how would they
understand it?

1225
00:50:00,944 --> 00:50:01,984
[Jason clicks tongue]

1226
00:50:01,979 --> 00:50:04,079
Well, only the people
that understand English

1227
00:50:04,081 --> 00:50:05,421
- are turning it on.
- All right.

1228
00:50:05,749 --> 00:50:06,949
Right?

1229
00:50:06,950 --> 00:50:08,250
[Will] I don't know.

1230
00:50:08,252 --> 00:50:12,092
You know what the number one
speaking language
in the world is?

1231
00:50:12,089 --> 00:50:13,759
[clears throat] Well for you,
it's not English.

1232
00:50:13,757 --> 00:50:15,157
[laughs]

1233
00:50:18,061 --> 00:50:20,301
SmartLess.

1234
00:50:24,134 --> 00:50:26,474
SmartLess.