1 00:00:03,204 --> 00:00:06,144 [Will] One, two. Testing. Testing. 2 00:00:06,140 --> 00:00:08,640 - Testing. One, two. Testing. - [Sean] Testing, testing. One, two. 3 00:00:08,642 --> 00:00:11,352 - Is this mic hot? Is it hot? - Is it hot? 4 00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:12,305 - Are we hot? - Is it hot? 5 00:00:12,313 --> 00:00:13,353 - Is it hot? - Testing one, two. Testing. 6 00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:14,817 - Testing, testing, one, two. - Testing. 7 00:00:14,815 --> 00:00:15,745 Testing, one two. 8 00:00:15,749 --> 00:00:16,819 The crowd can already hear us. 9 00:00:16,817 --> 00:00:18,247 - Oh, okay wait. So wait. - Testing. 10 00:00:18,252 --> 00:00:19,792 I got... I got a really quick game. 11 00:00:19,787 --> 00:00:21,257 It's called... It's called "Quick, Quick, Quick." 12 00:00:21,255 --> 00:00:22,515 - Okay. - And I'm gonna say "Quick, quick, quick." 13 00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:23,923 And I'm gonna say "Name three something." 14 00:00:23,924 --> 00:00:24,864 - All right, okay. - Okay. Okay. 15 00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:25,928 So, for you, quick, quick, quick 16 00:00:25,926 --> 00:00:28,256 name three brands of soap. 17 00:00:28,262 --> 00:00:32,002 Um, uh, Dove, Ivory and, um, Irish Spring. 18 00:00:31,999 --> 00:00:33,369 Stop. Quick. Okay, so, quick, quick, quick 19 00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:35,637 - [laughing] - name... name three problems... dental problems. 20 00:00:35,636 --> 00:00:36,736 Go, name three dental problems go. 21 00:00:36,737 --> 00:00:37,937 - Oh, you've got an abscess. - Quick, quick, quick. 22 00:00:37,938 --> 00:00:39,008 - You got a cavity. - Quick, quick. 23 00:00:39,006 --> 00:00:40,766 - And you've got a punch in the mouth. - Okay. 24 00:00:40,774 --> 00:00:41,984 [laughs breathily] 25 00:00:41,975 --> 00:00:43,705 [all laugh] 26 00:00:43,711 --> 00:00:45,511 - Okay, what about you? Quick, quick, quick... - Quick, quick, quick. 27 00:00:45,513 --> 00:00:48,383 - Three great... - Sports teams. 28 00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:50,282 [laughs] 29 00:00:50,284 --> 00:00:51,324 - Uh, the... - Quick! 30 00:00:51,319 --> 00:00:53,389 - The birds, the dinosaurs. - No! 31 00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:54,817 - Okay. - Oh, god. 32 00:00:54,822 --> 00:00:56,692 [laughing] The dinosaurs! 33 00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:57,960 Listen, let's just forget this. 34 00:00:57,958 --> 00:01:00,288 Let's just get down to what we came here to do. 35 00:01:00,294 --> 00:01:01,634 - The last show of... - Of... 36 00:01:02,130 --> 00:01:03,800 [all] SmartLess! 37 00:01:03,797 --> 00:01:04,967 [crowd cheering] 38 00:01:15,476 --> 00:01:16,306 [robotic voice reading] 39 00:01:21,749 --> 00:01:22,679 Smart. 40 00:01:23,484 --> 00:01:24,324 Less. 41 00:01:35,763 --> 00:01:36,603 Thank you. 42 00:01:40,168 --> 00:01:41,268 [trunk closing] 43 00:01:44,172 --> 00:01:45,772 [producer speaking] 44 00:01:53,881 --> 00:01:55,551 Uh, you know what? I'm gonna take Sean's seat. 45 00:01:56,317 --> 00:01:57,187 'Cause he doesn't know. 46 00:01:58,452 --> 00:01:59,352 And he's gonna be like, "Where is?" 47 00:02:00,921 --> 00:02:02,891 And I'll be like, "Oh, there you go." 48 00:02:06,594 --> 00:02:07,434 No, I'm not. 49 00:02:09,397 --> 00:02:11,597 Double back. Because... 50 00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:13,296 ...that seat... 51 00:02:14,768 --> 00:02:15,598 ...doesn't recline. 52 00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:19,211 And, um, Sean doesn't like to recline. 53 00:02:19,907 --> 00:02:20,737 I bought the outfit. 54 00:02:22,543 --> 00:02:25,413 Oh. Every angle. 55 00:02:25,413 --> 00:02:27,683 Hey, Sean! Did you get the memo about the puffer? Oh, you did. 56 00:02:27,681 --> 00:02:29,251 - You got the memo about the puffer jacket. - [laughs] 57 00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:31,591 Where do we sit? 58 00:02:32,052 --> 00:02:33,592 Um, okay, so. 59 00:02:34,121 --> 00:02:35,261 They put you... 60 00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:37,430 ...here. 61 00:02:41,929 --> 00:02:43,899 - Uh oh. - [Will] Department of Homeland Security. 62 00:02:44,732 --> 00:02:46,132 Well, what I'm gonna do is, 63 00:02:46,234 --> 00:02:49,004 is I'm gonna jackass my own bags out of this car, it's looking like. 64 00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:50,443 Watch this. 65 00:02:52,072 --> 00:02:52,912 Oi! 66 00:02:54,107 --> 00:02:55,777 Slip and slide there. Where're we going? 67 00:02:56,610 --> 00:02:58,480 This plane is nice. 68 00:02:58,479 --> 00:03:01,049 - Right? - [Jason] I mean, private plane. 69 00:03:01,048 --> 00:03:02,248 On tour. 70 00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:04,447 [Will] Yeah, man. 71 00:03:04,452 --> 00:03:07,292 [Jason] Um, hi back here. 72 00:03:07,288 --> 00:03:09,658 - Hey, guys. - [Will] Let me introduce you to everybody, Jason. 73 00:03:09,657 --> 00:03:12,027 [Jason] You don't... You have no idea what everyone's name is. 74 00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:13,255 - Okay, this is Shawn. - [Jason] No way. 75 00:03:13,261 --> 00:03:14,961 This is Wyatt, this is Michelle. 76 00:03:14,962 --> 00:03:15,862 - That's Paul. - [Sean] It's Melissa. 77 00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:17,573 - Melissa, Melissa, Melissa. - Mark. 78 00:03:17,565 --> 00:03:18,765 - And Reuben. - [Sean] Melissa. Melissa. 79 00:03:18,766 --> 00:03:20,166 - What'd I say? - [Jason] Did he get any of that right? 80 00:03:20,268 --> 00:03:21,338 - I meant to... I mean Melissa. - [Melissa laughs] 81 00:03:21,335 --> 00:03:23,165 - You've never been good at that. - Enjoy. Enjoy man. 82 00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:26,908 This is above the line only out here, man. 83 00:03:26,907 --> 00:03:28,637 Hey, why're they lockin' me out? 84 00:03:28,642 --> 00:03:30,282 Motherfuckers. 85 00:03:30,278 --> 00:03:32,078 [Will] Wait, wait, wait, don't do that. 86 00:03:32,079 --> 00:03:33,549 [Jason] Oh, you gotta hit the button. 87 00:03:33,947 --> 00:03:34,847 Don't! 88 00:03:36,116 --> 00:03:37,286 Just relax. 89 00:03:38,852 --> 00:03:40,022 [man] You guys are all right? 90 00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:41,420 [Jason] Don't touch it! 91 00:03:41,422 --> 00:03:42,692 Uh oh. 92 00:03:42,690 --> 00:03:44,930 [Jason] Well, guys, it looks like we're bunking together. 93 00:03:46,294 --> 00:03:47,904 [whimpering] 94 00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:49,195 [Will] You have to ask the pilot. 95 00:03:49,297 --> 00:03:50,427 [pilot] Okay, well, we'll do this. 96 00:03:50,431 --> 00:03:51,531 I'm gonna call that guy up front. 97 00:03:51,532 --> 00:03:53,572 He's gonna get something... something to open it up. 98 00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:56,997 Great, this is what you get for flyin' bargain basement. 99 00:03:57,004 --> 00:03:58,514 [pilot laughs] 100 00:03:58,506 --> 00:04:00,106 Taxi cab of the skies. [sighs] 101 00:04:08,148 --> 00:04:10,378 Hey guys, how's that little gag workin' out? 102 00:04:13,053 --> 00:04:14,463 Was it funny? 103 00:04:14,455 --> 00:04:15,715 "Hey, let's lock him in there! 104 00:04:16,824 --> 00:04:17,994 So dumb. 105 00:04:18,826 --> 00:04:20,026 [man] The angle right here? 106 00:04:20,027 --> 00:04:22,157 It's hitting, it's not tucking in. 107 00:04:22,162 --> 00:04:25,202 They had to cancel D.C. 'cause they couldn't get there. 108 00:04:25,198 --> 00:04:26,328 [laughs] 109 00:04:26,334 --> 00:04:28,344 [Jason] Was it a good laugh? 110 00:04:28,336 --> 00:04:30,096 - It was probably worth it. - [Sean laughs] 111 00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:31,003 [Will] Sorry. 112 00:04:33,541 --> 00:04:35,881 You guys are not supposed to break the airplane before we fly. 113 00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:37,476 All right, guys, let's go, wheels up. 114 00:04:41,482 --> 00:04:45,722 Tonally speaking, about what we're doing on that stage. 115 00:04:45,719 --> 00:04:47,959 What people are used to, 116 00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:52,355 and we're not promising anything different, is the podcast. 117 00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:55,960 And the podcast is just the three of us talking to one another. 118 00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:58,173 - Mmm-hmm. - [Jason] Very rarely talk to the audience. 119 00:04:58,165 --> 00:05:03,395 So I think it's totally natural for us to come out and say, 120 00:05:03,404 --> 00:05:06,974 "Hey Chicago, great to be here." 121 00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:12,814 But then it's almost, like, we now sort of agree to ignore you, audience. 122 00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:16,553 And now we're going to just do our podcast thing. 123 00:05:16,550 --> 00:05:17,950 [Will] Here's the thing to remember, 124 00:05:17,951 --> 00:05:19,891 even though we're doing the podcast, 125 00:05:19,887 --> 00:05:21,987 people have paid a lot of money to engage with us, 126 00:05:21,989 --> 00:05:23,489 the first time they're seeing us. 127 00:05:23,491 --> 00:05:26,891 So we should remember and feel free and open to engage. 128 00:05:26,894 --> 00:05:29,904 - Yeah. - [Will] Here's my proposal, which is... 129 00:05:29,897 --> 00:05:32,497 SmartLess music comes up, we walk out. 130 00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:33,630 Now we're standing... 131 00:05:34,468 --> 00:05:35,798 - ...downstage. - Right. 132 00:05:35,803 --> 00:05:37,443 [Will] We have our usual banter. 133 00:05:37,438 --> 00:05:39,808 "Look at Jason, can you believe that he fit into these jeans?" 134 00:05:39,807 --> 00:05:41,407 - Or whatever the thing is, you know what I mean? - [laughs] 135 00:05:41,409 --> 00:05:45,979 - And we don't sit down until we introduce the guest? - Until we get the guest. 136 00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:48,319 - But then all that initial banter... - I don't know. 137 00:05:48,416 --> 00:05:51,176 ...before guest is engaged with the audience. 138 00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:52,694 It seems too performative. 139 00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:54,186 - I... I agree. - [Will] Well, here... 140 00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:57,157 We are doing a performance so we gotta keep that in mind. 141 00:05:57,157 --> 00:05:59,487 No. But that... But that's exactly what I'm asking right now. 142 00:05:59,493 --> 00:06:00,993 - I know. I know. I know. So. - Now I think that might be a mistake. 143 00:06:00,994 --> 00:06:03,004 But hang on. Let me just finish. Let me just finish. 144 00:06:02,996 --> 00:06:05,426 Whether we do that standing up or sitting down... 145 00:06:05,433 --> 00:06:07,843 ...I don't think that we can put... 146 00:06:07,835 --> 00:06:10,035 ...rules on what it's gonna be. 147 00:06:10,037 --> 00:06:12,737 Because we're not leaving ourselves open to being in the moment, 148 00:06:12,740 --> 00:06:14,070 and being part of the process 149 00:06:14,074 --> 00:06:15,444 if we pretend that they're not there. 150 00:06:15,443 --> 00:06:16,713 I'm not... not suggesting that. 151 00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:18,810 [Will] So, that's great. So we just gotta stay open to that. 152 00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:23,715 [Sean] Will, did you see this menu? 153 00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:25,547 It's all salads. 154 00:06:25,553 --> 00:06:27,923 I know. How did we agree that we're ordering from here? 155 00:06:27,921 --> 00:06:29,621 I can't. I can't. 156 00:06:29,623 --> 00:06:31,863 Jason, this is your kind of place. 157 00:06:31,859 --> 00:06:33,689 Entree level salads? 158 00:06:33,694 --> 00:06:36,264 - Yeah. - I was thinking about that, I was thinking about... 159 00:06:36,263 --> 00:06:40,203 ...how annoying I'm gonna be to these room service folks about... 160 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:42,300 "Hey, did you have an entree level salad?" 161 00:06:42,302 --> 00:06:43,902 "No. Just dinner salads." 162 00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:46,074 "Okay, I'll have four dinner salads, 163 00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:47,913 can you combine them in a mixing bowl?" 164 00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:48,978 - No. -"We don't have a mixing bowl." 165 00:06:48,976 --> 00:06:51,106 "Okay, then just bring the four dinner salads. 166 00:06:51,111 --> 00:06:52,511 Do you have a side of chicken?" 167 00:06:52,513 --> 00:06:55,723 They're gonna see your room number light up and they're gonna go... 168 00:06:55,716 --> 00:06:57,146 [Will] Yeah, yeah, yeah. 169 00:06:57,150 --> 00:06:59,090 And then I'm gonna cap it all off 170 00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:01,516 with a gluten-free oatmeal request in the morning. 171 00:07:01,522 --> 00:07:02,562 And I'm gonna get hanged up. 172 00:07:03,824 --> 00:07:07,334 - Hung up. - Don't... Don't peel that and keep it low. 173 00:07:07,327 --> 00:07:10,027 - That's alarming. - Do you use the built-in holder? 174 00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:12,500 Or are you one of those dingbats that pulls it off... 175 00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:14,300 ...infects it with your dirty dick beater, 176 00:07:14,301 --> 00:07:16,271 - and then put it in your mouth? - [laughs] 177 00:07:18,071 --> 00:07:20,871 No! And by the way, it's not called the holder. 178 00:07:20,874 --> 00:07:22,414 [laughs] 179 00:07:27,270 --> 00:07:28,700 Sean and I are ordering from The Palm. 180 00:07:28,704 --> 00:07:29,944 - [Sean] Yeah. - Right? 181 00:07:29,940 --> 00:07:31,540 - Yeah, it's steak. - Great. 182 00:07:31,541 --> 00:07:35,781 Yeah, I'm gonna try and keep it fairly tight. 183 00:07:35,778 --> 00:07:38,108 I put on weight when I go outta town. 184 00:07:38,114 --> 00:07:39,954 I... I don't wanna let it get away from me. 185 00:07:39,950 --> 00:07:43,550 I'm gonna... There's gonna be, uh, a lot of fun eating opportunities 186 00:07:43,553 --> 00:07:44,963 and I gotta have some discipline. 187 00:07:46,289 --> 00:07:48,519 Very large person in here waiting to get out. 188 00:07:48,524 --> 00:07:51,294 - Well, let's talk more about it, for sure. - Can we? 189 00:07:51,294 --> 00:07:54,204 Well let's keep it, first and foremost, at all times, 190 00:07:54,197 --> 00:07:56,467 food and weight loss and how much, you know. 191 00:07:56,466 --> 00:07:57,626 'Cause it's really interesting. 192 00:07:59,302 --> 00:08:01,972 - Did I, um... - Talk about it nonstop, yeah. 193 00:08:01,972 --> 00:08:03,772 - [laughs brightly] - [Jason] What? 194 00:08:03,773 --> 00:08:06,183 Oh man, and I got a zit the other day. 195 00:08:06,176 --> 00:08:07,836 I saw that, don't pick it. 196 00:08:07,843 --> 00:08:08,843 Now it's bleeding again. 197 00:08:10,313 --> 00:08:12,053 - Did you bring a medical kit? - [Sean] Yeah. 198 00:08:12,048 --> 00:08:13,318 What else do you have in there? 199 00:08:13,316 --> 00:08:15,016 Do you have hydrogen peroxide? 200 00:08:15,018 --> 00:08:17,348 We brought Dr. Pimple Popper, she's on the plane too. 201 00:08:17,353 --> 00:08:19,993 - Is she here? - Don't. Don't. Don't. Jay, don't... don't rub it. 202 00:08:19,990 --> 00:08:21,990 Oh, tell me grandma. 203 00:08:21,992 --> 00:08:23,232 What should I do? 204 00:08:23,226 --> 00:08:24,656 [laughs] 205 00:08:24,660 --> 00:08:26,300 I'm still young enough to have acne. 206 00:08:26,296 --> 00:08:28,726 That's... That's a problem. 207 00:08:28,731 --> 00:08:29,901 - And a bleeding zit. - You know what that means. 208 00:08:30,866 --> 00:08:32,096 Hit by a bus. 209 00:08:32,102 --> 00:08:35,012 I'm gonna get... I think I might get, and we have to cut this, 210 00:08:35,005 --> 00:08:36,005 get a little surf and turf. 211 00:08:38,274 --> 00:08:39,714 Oh, make sure you cut that. 212 00:08:39,709 --> 00:08:40,809 - [man] Yeah, why are we cuttin' that? - Yeah. 213 00:08:40,810 --> 00:08:43,380 'Cause it's... it's kind of extravagant, no? 214 00:08:44,547 --> 00:08:47,347 Please tell me somebody got that, are you long on that? 215 00:08:47,350 --> 00:08:49,120 [laughs] 216 00:08:52,188 --> 00:08:54,488 [Jason gasps] Look what... Look what's happening. 217 00:08:54,490 --> 00:08:56,190 - Oh, nice. - [Jason] Thank you. 218 00:08:57,927 --> 00:09:00,397 [Sean] Do you have anything sweat, like pastries or anything? 219 00:09:00,396 --> 00:09:02,926 - [Jason] Uh oh. - Um, we have cookies, shortbread cookies. 220 00:09:03,033 --> 00:09:04,273 Can I see them? 221 00:09:04,267 --> 00:09:06,837 - [Will] Oh, my god. - [Jason] So you're gonna start off today 222 00:09:06,836 --> 00:09:10,666 with a bone-in ribeye steak rare. 223 00:09:10,673 --> 00:09:11,673 Yeah. 224 00:09:11,674 --> 00:09:13,144 Medium-rare and don't look at my order. 225 00:09:13,143 --> 00:09:14,743 - Why are you looking at my order. - [Jason] Why? 'Cause don't... 226 00:09:14,744 --> 00:09:16,054 don't copy me then. 227 00:09:16,046 --> 00:09:18,946 If you wanna keep your... your... your fat intake secret. 228 00:09:19,049 --> 00:09:21,349 It's not fat. It's gonna be quite lean actually. 229 00:09:21,351 --> 00:09:22,591 - Will it? - Yeah. I'm having a... 230 00:09:22,585 --> 00:09:23,845 - I'm having a salad. - Well, we'll see. 231 00:09:23,853 --> 00:09:24,793 I'm gonna be sitting right next to you. 232 00:09:24,787 --> 00:09:26,117 I'm gonna have a salad and a steak 233 00:09:26,122 --> 00:09:28,162 - Can't wait for our little dining room table. - [sighs] 234 00:09:29,059 --> 00:09:30,459 Wow, that really changed. 235 00:09:30,460 --> 00:09:32,800 It's hard... This is emotional abuse. 236 00:09:32,795 --> 00:09:35,195 - 'Cause it starts as an attack. - I hurt you, 237 00:09:35,198 --> 00:09:37,098 - and then I get soft. - And then... yeah. Yeah. 238 00:09:37,100 --> 00:09:38,930 You don't know what's comin', ever. 239 00:09:38,934 --> 00:09:40,944 Yeah. Is that how you grew up? 240 00:09:40,936 --> 00:09:41,966 - Yes. - Is it? 241 00:09:43,206 --> 00:09:44,666 - Head on a swivel. - Look at the tears. 242 00:09:44,674 --> 00:09:46,744 - [laughs] - [Will] What was the hardest part of that? 243 00:09:48,078 --> 00:09:49,478 - Of growing up? - Yeah. 244 00:09:50,846 --> 00:09:51,806 With the head on the swivel. 245 00:09:51,814 --> 00:09:53,484 [sighs] That's a hot hand. 246 00:09:53,483 --> 00:09:56,093 [Sean and Will laugh] 247 00:09:56,086 --> 00:09:58,446 [Jason] You're making my knee sweat. 248 00:09:58,454 --> 00:10:00,064 [Will] Yeah, I'm gonna have that steak when we get in there 249 00:10:00,056 --> 00:10:01,686 'cause it's gonna be dinner time. 250 00:10:03,393 --> 00:10:04,933 And, uh, that's appropriate. 251 00:10:06,596 --> 00:10:08,726 All right, so I have to dental floss... 252 00:10:08,731 --> 00:10:10,331 - ...after every meal-- - [Sean] Oh, my god. 253 00:10:10,333 --> 00:10:11,873 ...because I get stuff 'caught in my teeth. 254 00:10:11,867 --> 00:10:13,967 Especially raspberries, strawberry seeds. 255 00:10:13,969 --> 00:10:17,309 And I can't floss unless I've got all the germs off my fingers 256 00:10:17,307 --> 00:10:19,007 - because, you know... - Oh, my god. 257 00:10:19,008 --> 00:10:20,608 I'm putting my fingers in my mouth. 258 00:10:20,610 --> 00:10:24,010 So this is my little routine that you guys are just gonna have to get used to. 259 00:10:25,215 --> 00:10:26,245 Okay. 260 00:10:34,724 --> 00:10:35,634 No. 261 00:10:40,596 --> 00:10:43,666 I don't think... [stammers] we're not halfway done with the flight, 262 00:10:43,666 --> 00:10:45,536 and I don't think I can do any more with him. 263 00:10:45,535 --> 00:10:47,535 Not with him, not anymore. 264 00:10:58,781 --> 00:11:00,721 This is a real nice aircraft. 265 00:11:01,617 --> 00:11:02,747 What's that? 266 00:11:02,752 --> 00:11:04,352 This is a real nice aircraft. 267 00:11:04,354 --> 00:11:06,264 Yeah. Now, I'm gonna turn off, transfer. 268 00:11:06,256 --> 00:11:07,316 And now I can't hear you at all. 269 00:11:08,491 --> 00:11:10,331 Much better. [sighs] 270 00:11:11,894 --> 00:11:15,034 Watch how infrequently he, uh, turns the page. 271 00:11:26,642 --> 00:11:27,882 Like, an actual improvement. 272 00:11:28,978 --> 00:11:29,978 You know? 273 00:11:31,214 --> 00:11:33,254 Like, if we could do the show like this, it'd be great. 274 00:12:11,354 --> 00:12:12,224 [Jason yawning] 275 00:12:19,829 --> 00:12:21,459 [pilot on speaker] We're about, uh, one minute to landing. 276 00:12:21,464 --> 00:12:23,804 So we need to sit down, have our safety belts on. 277 00:12:23,799 --> 00:12:24,669 Thank you. 278 00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:33,010 - [Will grunts] - [Jason] Well that's... It's not warm. 279 00:12:35,144 --> 00:12:36,284 [Will] Can you believe we're actually here? 280 00:12:36,279 --> 00:12:37,349 [Sean] I can't. It's wild. 281 00:12:38,948 --> 00:12:40,448 [Jason] Dulles. It's called Dulles. 282 00:12:40,450 --> 00:12:41,850 [Sean laughing] 283 00:12:41,851 --> 00:12:43,651 [Will] I said the airport was named after Jason, 284 00:12:43,653 --> 00:12:44,793 'cause it's called "dullest." 285 00:12:44,787 --> 00:12:46,457 - [Sean laughs] - [Will] Right? Oh, no, sorry. 286 00:12:46,456 --> 00:12:48,256 - [Will and Jason] It's Dulles. - [Will] Yeah, sorry. 287 00:12:48,258 --> 00:12:49,058 [Sean] Dullest. 288 00:12:55,064 --> 00:12:56,804 [Jason] I gotta tell ya. 289 00:12:56,799 --> 00:12:59,499 I am, uh, excited for our, um... 290 00:12:59,502 --> 00:13:01,442 - I'm excited to eat. I know. - ...our dinner. 291 00:13:04,907 --> 00:13:07,737 So do you guys wanna shower first or... 292 00:13:08,978 --> 00:13:10,148 I showered right before the plane. 293 00:13:11,314 --> 00:13:13,424 Are you a morning showerer or a night showerer? 294 00:13:13,416 --> 00:13:15,176 I'm a night showerer actually, 295 00:13:15,285 --> 00:13:16,845 but this morning I took a shower in the morning. 296 00:13:16,852 --> 00:13:19,392 So you don't shower when you get up in the morning? 297 00:13:19,389 --> 00:13:22,629 I mean, if I have a gig or something to go to, I do. 298 00:13:22,625 --> 00:13:24,585 [Jason] A gig. How long you been singing? 299 00:13:24,594 --> 00:13:25,964 [both laugh] 300 00:13:25,961 --> 00:13:27,561 Um, let me ask you a question. 301 00:13:27,563 --> 00:13:29,933 After you empty your body... 302 00:13:29,932 --> 00:13:33,402 ...that's when you put on your day clothes and you enter the world? 303 00:13:33,403 --> 00:13:36,473 - Well no, I don't... - You don't shower after you... 304 00:13:36,472 --> 00:13:38,772 Pooping has no... Pooping has no, like... 305 00:13:38,774 --> 00:13:40,144 You poop all day long. 306 00:13:40,142 --> 00:13:42,042 - No, wait, oh, woah! - You don't take a shower every time you poo. 307 00:13:42,044 --> 00:13:43,814 Do you have, uh, a GI problem? 308 00:13:43,813 --> 00:13:45,053 You know, I was thinking about this, 309 00:13:45,047 --> 00:13:47,977 because you mentioned this the other day as well to me, 310 00:13:47,983 --> 00:13:49,893 Jason, you're like, "Well, you don't shower after you poop?" 311 00:13:49,885 --> 00:13:51,715 And I'm like, "Who showers after they poop?" 312 00:13:51,721 --> 00:13:53,321 That's... You'd have to shower, like, two, three times a day. 313 00:13:53,323 --> 00:13:55,123 - Like what kind of damage are you doing in a-- - Just shower... 314 00:13:55,124 --> 00:13:58,434 No, no, all you need to do is just shower at the top of the day, 315 00:13:58,428 --> 00:14:00,628 and make sure your poop precedes that. 316 00:14:00,630 --> 00:14:01,960 Yeah, I... yeah. 317 00:14:01,964 --> 00:14:04,134 - Okay? I mean. - So wake up, have some coffee-- 318 00:14:04,133 --> 00:14:06,173 - But stuff happens. Literally, shit happens. - Empty yourself. 319 00:14:06,168 --> 00:14:10,838 - So. - Then... Then shower, dress, and... and drive to work. 320 00:14:10,840 --> 00:14:13,380 [stammers] Like, I have a 9 to 5 job? 321 00:14:13,376 --> 00:14:15,076 - Yeah, what're you talkin' about? - Where wherever you're goin'. 322 00:14:15,077 --> 00:14:18,007 Can't you just wake up a couple hours before you're supposed to be there. 323 00:14:18,013 --> 00:14:19,823 Get your business handled, you know, with your coffee-- 324 00:14:19,815 --> 00:14:22,815 You've never had a situation where you've had to go in the middle of the day? 325 00:14:22,818 --> 00:14:24,348 [Jason] You know who shits in the middle of the day? 326 00:14:24,354 --> 00:14:25,494 People that don't get up in time 327 00:14:25,488 --> 00:14:26,918 to take care of their business in the morning. 328 00:14:26,922 --> 00:14:28,692 [Sean laughs] 329 00:14:28,691 --> 00:14:30,861 So you got... You do your business in the morning 330 00:14:30,860 --> 00:14:32,900 and then you shower and then you're all good for the whole day? 331 00:14:32,895 --> 00:14:35,255 Yeah. And that's it, I don't... I don't have so much... 332 00:14:35,365 --> 00:14:37,925 - I think it's-- - But he doesn't consume... he doesn't consume any food. 333 00:14:37,933 --> 00:14:40,673 Yeah, I don't eat so much food in the middle of the day, 334 00:14:40,670 --> 00:14:43,740 that I have to create more room by pushing stuff out of me. 335 00:14:43,739 --> 00:14:45,039 [laughs raucously] 336 00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:46,940 Okay, why don't you just try eating a little bit less 337 00:14:46,942 --> 00:14:48,382 and you'll only shit once a day. 338 00:14:48,378 --> 00:14:49,508 [Sean laughs] 339 00:14:49,512 --> 00:14:52,922 And by the way, I think I'm similar to most people 340 00:14:52,915 --> 00:14:53,915 walking the planet. 341 00:14:54,884 --> 00:14:56,454 - I know you think that. - Yeah. 342 00:14:56,452 --> 00:14:57,622 But I don't think you are. 343 00:14:57,620 --> 00:14:58,720 [Sean] Hmm. 344 00:14:58,721 --> 00:15:01,191 Also, you're asking, like, the questions of, like, 345 00:15:01,190 --> 00:15:03,090 a wide-eyed 9-year-old right now. 346 00:15:03,092 --> 00:15:04,462 [both laugh] 347 00:15:05,861 --> 00:15:07,261 [Sean] I will be showering tonight. 348 00:15:07,262 --> 00:15:08,602 I won't shower tonight. I'm gonna take a bath tonight. 349 00:15:08,598 --> 00:15:10,468 Because... Because, uh... A bath? 350 00:15:10,466 --> 00:15:11,396 Yeah. 351 00:15:12,835 --> 00:15:13,695 You're gonna what? 352 00:15:13,703 --> 00:15:15,673 Why are you taking baths? 353 00:15:16,406 --> 00:15:17,166 First of all. 354 00:15:17,673 --> 00:15:19,213 First of all. 355 00:15:19,208 --> 00:15:24,208 - The concept of sitting in a pot of your own juice... - [both laughing] 356 00:15:24,213 --> 00:15:29,223 ...is something reserved for broccoli, uh, lobsters, um... 357 00:15:29,218 --> 00:15:31,618 "Something reserved for." 358 00:15:31,621 --> 00:15:36,431 And... And for humans that needed to clean before plumbing was invented. 359 00:15:38,528 --> 00:15:39,858 - Guys! - There it is, Washington Monument. 360 00:15:39,862 --> 00:15:40,962 - Washington Monument! - Oh, my god. 361 00:15:40,963 --> 00:15:42,503 - [Jason] There's the Capitol. - [Sean] Wow! 362 00:15:42,498 --> 00:15:45,668 Hey, where's the grassy knoll where JFK got assassinated? 363 00:15:45,668 --> 00:15:47,668 That's in Dallas you stupid dick. 364 00:15:47,670 --> 00:15:49,270 [laughs heartily] 365 00:15:50,506 --> 00:15:51,336 God. 366 00:15:52,608 --> 00:15:55,478 Do me a favor, when we're out, like, on this, 367 00:15:55,478 --> 00:15:56,608 and we're out in front of people-- 368 00:15:56,612 --> 00:15:58,352 - Try not to talk. - ...can you guys not talk at all. 369 00:15:58,448 --> 00:15:59,618 - Yeah. - Both of you. 370 00:15:59,615 --> 00:16:00,845 Just don't say anything. 371 00:16:02,117 --> 00:16:03,347 And that would be really helpful. 372 00:16:04,253 --> 00:16:05,563 What's that right there? 373 00:16:05,555 --> 00:16:06,985 That's the same thing we just [laughs] passed. 374 00:16:06,989 --> 00:16:08,759 [both laugh] 375 00:16:19,869 --> 00:16:21,799 [Sean] Jason, what size are your feet? 376 00:16:21,804 --> 00:16:24,274 - [Jason] Uh, they're 12. - [Sean] Are they really? 377 00:16:24,273 --> 00:16:25,613 - Yeah. - [Sean] They're huge. 378 00:16:26,876 --> 00:16:28,236 - [Jason] Hi there. - Thank you. 379 00:16:28,243 --> 00:16:29,683 - [Will] Thank you. - [Jason] Look at Marguerite. 380 00:16:29,679 --> 00:16:31,509 - She's got it all dialed. - [Will] Hello. Hi. 381 00:16:31,514 --> 00:16:34,554 Marguerite, you are the best tour manager ever. 382 00:16:37,352 --> 00:16:38,922 Dibs. 383 00:16:38,921 --> 00:16:40,321 - On whatever it is. - [Sean] On... On... 384 00:16:40,322 --> 00:16:41,922 - On a room? [laughs] - On whatever the thing is. 385 00:16:41,924 --> 00:16:42,994 Dibs. 386 00:16:45,495 --> 00:16:46,995 - Okay. - [Sean] Oh, my god. 387 00:16:46,996 --> 00:16:48,126 [Jason] And strippers. 388 00:16:48,130 --> 00:16:49,970 [Jason imitates sexy music] 389 00:16:49,965 --> 00:16:51,525 [gasps] Cheese plates! 390 00:16:52,568 --> 00:16:53,868 - Yay! - [Sean] This is crazy. 391 00:16:58,508 --> 00:16:59,338 [Will] All right. 392 00:17:02,411 --> 00:17:03,251 This is good. 393 00:17:04,313 --> 00:17:05,523 Got a bath. 394 00:17:05,515 --> 00:17:06,315 Huh. 395 00:17:08,784 --> 00:17:09,924 Take a nice bath. 396 00:17:14,957 --> 00:17:16,127 Bed, it's all I need. 397 00:17:18,093 --> 00:17:18,933 [sighs] 398 00:17:20,596 --> 00:17:21,796 Thinkin' about what it is used to be. 399 00:17:24,299 --> 00:17:25,939 If I was a younger man, we woulda just... 400 00:17:26,669 --> 00:17:27,539 ...torn it up. 401 00:17:29,572 --> 00:17:31,442 And now I'm just thinkin', like... 402 00:17:31,541 --> 00:17:34,141 [sighs] "How early is too early for me to go to sleep?" 403 00:17:34,810 --> 00:17:35,910 [laughs] 404 00:17:36,779 --> 00:17:39,549 That's legit what I'm thinkin' about. 405 00:17:39,549 --> 00:17:42,279 At what point can I go to bed and not get shit for it? 406 00:17:42,284 --> 00:17:43,754 [Sean] Jay, what room do you want? 407 00:17:43,753 --> 00:17:45,393 [Jason] I don't care, I'll take whatever's left. 408 00:17:45,387 --> 00:17:46,817 [Sean] You can have that one. 409 00:17:46,822 --> 00:17:48,822 - The nice one. - [softly] Jason gets the nice one. 410 00:17:49,559 --> 00:17:50,959 But you know what? 411 00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:52,360 We gotta give it to him because... 412 00:17:53,596 --> 00:17:55,826 ...'cause he'll just... he'll l never stop complaining. 413 00:17:56,932 --> 00:17:58,832 And we don't have... 414 00:17:58,834 --> 00:18:00,574 ...I don't have the strength to put up with it. 415 00:18:01,336 --> 00:18:02,166 You know? 416 00:18:02,738 --> 00:18:03,838 So... 417 00:18:03,839 --> 00:18:04,939 [loudly] Hope you're happy, dude! 418 00:18:07,943 --> 00:18:08,843 [whispering] I do hope he's hap... 419 00:18:08,844 --> 00:18:09,954 I also hope he's not happy. 420 00:18:16,241 --> 00:18:17,081 [car honking] 421 00:18:19,777 --> 00:18:21,607 [Jason] Why did Marguerite just send us a menu 422 00:18:21,613 --> 00:18:23,883 for after the show, back here at the hotel? 423 00:18:23,881 --> 00:18:25,151 Why do you think? 424 00:18:25,150 --> 00:18:27,090 - Because no one asked her to. - 'Cause I knew you'd be... 425 00:18:27,085 --> 00:18:28,415 No, because I knew you'd be grumpy. 426 00:18:28,420 --> 00:18:30,120 No, I... I can wait until-- 427 00:18:30,122 --> 00:18:31,922 [Sean] We're gonna have dinner, though. 428 00:18:32,024 --> 00:18:34,394 We're gonna eat pre-show [stammers] a little, 429 00:18:34,392 --> 00:18:36,362 but I'm not gonna stuff myself before the show. 430 00:18:36,361 --> 00:18:37,401 - [Sean] I will. - I bet you will. 431 00:18:37,395 --> 00:18:38,325 And then... [laughs] 432 00:18:40,165 --> 00:18:42,395 And then post show... 433 00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:44,040 Let's take a look at what's on the table over here. 434 00:18:45,037 --> 00:18:46,437 - [Sean] Yeah. - [Will] From last night. 435 00:18:47,805 --> 00:18:48,905 Look at this! 436 00:18:48,906 --> 00:18:49,806 Look at all this shit. 437 00:18:49,807 --> 00:18:51,037 This food, all this stuff. 438 00:18:51,043 --> 00:18:52,913 This is all you, Bateman. 439 00:18:52,910 --> 00:18:54,050 You ate all that shit. 440 00:18:54,779 --> 00:18:56,479 So I'm protecting us against-- 441 00:18:56,481 --> 00:18:57,751 [Jason] The rice cakes, the almonds... 442 00:18:58,350 --> 00:18:59,720 The Skinny Pop. 443 00:18:59,717 --> 00:19:01,847 - The carrots. - [singsong] Skinny Pop! 444 00:19:01,853 --> 00:19:03,663 - Is that what I ate? - Plus your... your dinner. 445 00:19:04,889 --> 00:19:06,519 Which was a superfood salad 446 00:19:06,524 --> 00:19:08,734 with a grilled chicken cut up on it. 447 00:19:08,726 --> 00:19:10,526 [Will grunts] Anyway. 448 00:19:10,528 --> 00:19:13,528 Please remember your attitude, remember your face. 449 00:19:13,531 --> 00:19:15,501 - All of it. - Again, is it smiling right now? 450 00:19:15,500 --> 00:19:16,870 - 'Cause that's what I'm telling my face to do. - It's not. 451 00:19:16,868 --> 00:19:17,868 - It's the opposite of smiling. - [Sean laughs] 452 00:19:17,869 --> 00:19:19,139 I'm happy right now. 453 00:19:19,137 --> 00:19:21,737 It's so heavy and hanging. 454 00:19:21,739 --> 00:19:23,639 We're gonna have such a big meal at 5, 455 00:19:23,641 --> 00:19:26,211 there's no way we're gonna wanna eat when we come back to the room. 456 00:19:26,211 --> 00:19:30,521 What're you gonna do, you gonna fuckin' hunker down before the... the show? 457 00:19:30,515 --> 00:19:33,385 - You're gonna go out there just all... all... - [Sean] Yeah. 458 00:19:33,385 --> 00:19:35,485 Yeah. All bloated. 459 00:19:35,487 --> 00:19:38,917 - Man, you guys have never played in the NHL. - [Sean laughs] 460 00:19:40,358 --> 00:19:41,528 [Jason] Here he comes. 461 00:19:42,127 --> 00:19:43,897 Oh, yeah! 462 00:19:43,895 --> 00:19:46,095 - Restuff your junk again. - [Sean laughs] 463 00:19:46,098 --> 00:19:48,528 [Jason] Put one more wrap on your unit and then come back out. 464 00:19:48,533 --> 00:19:50,103 [Will laughs] You wish! 465 00:19:50,102 --> 00:19:53,742 What we does is he... he wraps his unit in toilet paper to build up girth. 466 00:19:53,738 --> 00:19:56,408 'Cause it's very long but it's super, super skinny, 467 00:19:56,408 --> 00:19:58,578 and he's got a complex about it. 468 00:19:58,576 --> 00:20:00,846 He'll mummify it, you know, with toilet paper, 469 00:20:00,845 --> 00:20:04,115 if he ever has to do a scene in underwear or anything like that. 470 00:20:04,116 --> 00:20:06,076 Uh, Sean, ask him about that. 471 00:20:06,084 --> 00:20:07,424 Okay. Hey, Will! 472 00:20:07,419 --> 00:20:08,789 Just a little bit... 473 00:20:10,722 --> 00:20:11,622 ...of cream to... 474 00:20:12,324 --> 00:20:13,564 ...moisturize. 475 00:20:13,558 --> 00:20:15,628 I mean... 476 00:20:15,627 --> 00:20:18,927 [sighs] I know that it looks it but I'm not getting any younger. 477 00:20:18,930 --> 00:20:20,600 He'll build, like, a sleeping bag around it, 478 00:20:20,598 --> 00:20:22,268 kinda, like, with toilet paper. 479 00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:23,970 [laughs] 480 00:20:25,103 --> 00:20:25,943 He does not do that. 481 00:20:26,971 --> 00:20:28,911 Yeah. He bubble wraps it. 482 00:20:28,906 --> 00:20:30,106 Definitely have less hair... 483 00:20:30,808 --> 00:20:31,738 ...then I used to have. 484 00:20:32,977 --> 00:20:33,807 That part is troubling. 485 00:20:34,846 --> 00:20:37,646 I'm actually kinda hungry. Are you? 486 00:20:37,649 --> 00:20:39,779 Uh, [laughs] I've have some rice cakes. 487 00:20:39,784 --> 00:20:41,254 I'm okay. 488 00:20:41,253 --> 00:20:42,653 [Sean laughs] 489 00:20:47,359 --> 00:20:48,329 I'm gonna have a rice cake. 490 00:20:49,261 --> 00:20:50,431 [Jason] All right, I'm gonna get dressed. 491 00:20:57,502 --> 00:21:00,642 Oh, I don't think we can both be wearing white soled sneakers 492 00:21:00,638 --> 00:21:02,638 so go ahead and switch. 493 00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:03,710 - Oh! [laughs] - [Jason] Switch out. 494 00:21:03,708 --> 00:21:04,978 - Oh, okay. - [Jason] Yeah. 495 00:21:04,976 --> 00:21:07,246 You know, I was first. I was definitely first. 496 00:21:07,245 --> 00:21:08,575 - [Sean] Huh, it's weird. - [Jason] Huh. 497 00:21:08,580 --> 00:21:09,910 [Will] Hey, it's cool, it's a good look. 498 00:21:09,914 --> 00:21:12,424 You both look like you're, uh, you know, sports casters 499 00:21:12,417 --> 00:21:15,687 for NFL today or something, you know? 500 00:21:15,687 --> 00:21:17,987 - That's a nice jacket. - [Will] "They're wearing their dress sneakers." 501 00:21:17,989 --> 00:21:19,189 Hey, we're young! 502 00:21:19,191 --> 00:21:20,731 - You fuckin' tools. - We gotta go. 503 00:21:20,725 --> 00:21:21,585 Ready to go? 504 00:21:22,294 --> 00:21:23,264 [Jason] Let's do it. 505 00:21:23,261 --> 00:21:25,331 [Sean] I'm nervous about the unknown. 506 00:21:25,330 --> 00:21:26,260 You know? 507 00:21:27,699 --> 00:21:29,029 Like, we've never done this. 508 00:21:30,202 --> 00:21:31,202 But I'm also excited. 509 00:21:33,405 --> 00:21:34,865 I'm excited. I'm ecstatic. 510 00:21:36,441 --> 00:21:37,281 Excited. 511 00:21:39,311 --> 00:21:40,211 [sighs] 512 00:21:40,812 --> 00:21:41,712 I'm nervous. 513 00:21:50,722 --> 00:21:51,922 That looks like a government building. 514 00:21:51,923 --> 00:21:53,093 - State-- - Department of State! 515 00:21:53,090 --> 00:21:54,860 State Department, man. 516 00:21:54,859 --> 00:21:57,089 [Jason] Oh! And then what is the monument in front of us? 517 00:21:57,094 --> 00:21:58,404 [Will] Is that the Lincoln Memorial? 518 00:21:58,396 --> 00:21:59,456 - [Jason] That's the Lincoln Memorial. - [Sean] Oh, it is? 519 00:21:59,464 --> 00:22:00,634 [Jason] And then to our left... 520 00:22:00,632 --> 00:22:01,802 [Will] Washington Monument. 521 00:22:01,799 --> 00:22:03,439 [Sean] How do you know all that, Will? 522 00:22:03,435 --> 00:22:06,135 Ooh, there's a helicopter goin' that way, do you think that's the, uh, president? 523 00:22:06,238 --> 00:22:06,998 No? 524 00:22:08,039 --> 00:22:09,309 - Hey, Mike? - Yeah? 525 00:22:09,307 --> 00:22:12,977 Can we go take the van and park it in front of the Jefferson, 526 00:22:12,977 --> 00:22:15,247 or the Lincoln behind us, and get out, 527 00:22:15,247 --> 00:22:18,817 walk inside real quick and then come back to the van? 528 00:22:18,816 --> 00:22:22,246 Yeah, let's do little five minute stops at each one of these monuments. 529 00:22:22,254 --> 00:22:24,024 Michael, were you part of the January 6 riot? 530 00:22:25,257 --> 00:22:26,117 [Mike speaking] 531 00:22:26,123 --> 00:22:26,993 Oh, okay. 532 00:22:27,992 --> 00:22:29,492 Go ahead, keep that conversation going. 533 00:22:29,494 --> 00:22:31,004 - Ask him what his personal politics are. - [laughs] 534 00:22:32,430 --> 00:22:33,770 [Will] Wait, did we just do a big loop? 535 00:22:34,366 --> 00:22:35,396 Yeah. 536 00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:38,000 Mike, you're single-handedly the worst tour guide 537 00:22:38,002 --> 00:22:41,972 I've ever had in any city, at any point in my life. 538 00:22:41,973 --> 00:22:45,683 We're just driving in circles, I just wanna get out of the van. 539 00:22:45,677 --> 00:22:48,907 We can't flip a U-ie and get back there to the Jefferson, huh? 540 00:22:48,913 --> 00:22:49,913 Or the Lincoln? 541 00:22:49,914 --> 00:22:51,684 [Mike] Uh... 542 00:22:51,683 --> 00:22:53,893 [Jason] We're driving further and further. 543 00:22:58,856 --> 00:23:01,586 If you can slow down, Mike, just a little bit, pal? Thank you. 544 00:23:02,427 --> 00:23:03,757 That's sarcasm. 545 00:23:03,761 --> 00:23:08,301 Let's get to that Lincoln Memorial as soon as you possibly can. 546 00:23:08,300 --> 00:23:10,100 - Holy shit! - [laughs] 547 00:23:10,101 --> 00:23:11,601 Motherfucker. 548 00:23:11,603 --> 00:23:12,473 [laughs] 549 00:23:14,672 --> 00:23:16,942 - Are your flashers on right now, Mike? - [both laugh] 550 00:23:16,941 --> 00:23:18,811 [laughs] 551 00:23:20,177 --> 00:23:21,947 - [Will] Wow. - [Jason] Careful, jogger. 552 00:23:21,946 --> 00:23:23,316 [police sirens wailing] 553 00:23:25,783 --> 00:23:26,823 They're comin' for you, Mike. 554 00:23:26,818 --> 00:23:28,148 There's a minimum speed. 555 00:23:28,653 --> 00:23:30,323 [both laugh] 556 00:23:33,558 --> 00:23:36,088 It's usually driving slow is the giveaway that you're high, 557 00:23:36,093 --> 00:23:37,503 by the way, Mike. 558 00:23:37,495 --> 00:23:38,825 - [Mike] Wow. - [chuckles] 559 00:23:39,897 --> 00:23:41,327 [Mike] Keep goin'. 560 00:23:41,333 --> 00:23:42,673 [Will] Oh god, that feels better. 561 00:23:42,667 --> 00:23:44,567 - God. - Hey, look! The Marines or somethin'. 562 00:23:46,203 --> 00:23:48,343 - The Marines of something. - Sean. Sean, they're not single. 563 00:23:48,340 --> 00:23:49,240 - [Sean] Oh. [laughs] - [laughs] 564 00:23:51,843 --> 00:23:53,353 [Sean] Wow, this is so cool. 565 00:23:53,345 --> 00:23:54,705 [Jason] Did you guys see Rocky? 566 00:23:54,712 --> 00:23:56,682 [Will] This is where he fought Mr. T, right? 567 00:23:56,681 --> 00:23:57,881 At the top of the steps. 568 00:23:57,882 --> 00:24:00,022 - No, that's over at the Washington Monument. - Oh, okay. 569 00:24:00,017 --> 00:24:00,887 Okay. 570 00:24:03,087 --> 00:24:05,857 I actually think that this grade. I don't think it's to code. 571 00:24:05,857 --> 00:24:07,587 - [Sean laughs] I... - To be honest. 572 00:24:07,592 --> 00:24:08,692 [Jason] Stairs are too short. 573 00:24:08,693 --> 00:24:09,993 - [Sean] This is crazy. - I don't wanna be the guy... 574 00:24:11,062 --> 00:24:12,202 [Sean] It is a little slippery. 575 00:24:12,196 --> 00:24:13,726 [Will] They're too shallow and too steep. 576 00:24:15,600 --> 00:24:16,970 You'd never get away with this now. 577 00:24:19,404 --> 00:24:21,574 God. How many people walk on this every day? 578 00:24:21,573 --> 00:24:22,443 It's amazing. 579 00:24:37,489 --> 00:24:38,689 It's pretty wild, huh? 580 00:24:40,291 --> 00:24:43,461 Uh, this is the Maxell Tape guy, right? 581 00:24:43,461 --> 00:24:45,561 - No, this is Thomas Jefferson. - Oh. 582 00:24:45,563 --> 00:24:46,833 - Yeah. - [laughs] 583 00:24:49,667 --> 00:24:51,897 [Will whispers] By the way, look how chiseled he is. 584 00:24:51,903 --> 00:24:54,773 [Jason] Definitely, uh, did not have a lot of sodium last night. 585 00:24:54,772 --> 00:24:56,012 [Will laughing] No sodium. 586 00:24:56,007 --> 00:24:57,267 [Sean] All right. Let's go. 587 00:24:58,209 --> 00:25:00,179 Oh now, look at that, that's next. 588 00:25:00,177 --> 00:25:01,577 [Sean] Yeah, isn't it... Look at the view. 589 00:25:01,579 --> 00:25:03,519 [Jason] Should we walk over there? 590 00:25:03,515 --> 00:25:05,245 [Sean] All the way down there? 591 00:25:05,249 --> 00:25:06,949 [Jason] Well, yeah. What is it, a quarter mile? 592 00:25:07,885 --> 00:25:09,145 Take us 10 minutes. 593 00:25:09,153 --> 00:25:11,223 [Sean] Well, we have to be at the venue by 3, is that right? 594 00:25:11,222 --> 00:25:13,532 [Will] Yeah. 595 00:25:13,525 --> 00:25:16,085 [Jason] Why don't we keep our walk going all the way to the Capitol? 596 00:25:16,093 --> 00:25:17,033 [Will] That's a long way. 597 00:25:17,028 --> 00:25:18,228 What do you mean a long way? 598 00:25:18,229 --> 00:25:20,059 - It's not even a mile. - How far is it from our venue? 599 00:25:21,699 --> 00:25:23,069 Well, we're gonna have a van for that. 600 00:25:25,036 --> 00:25:27,566 - Yeah, what's the name-- - When's the last time you had a chance to walk 601 00:25:27,572 --> 00:25:30,442 from the Lincoln Memorial all the way to the Capitol? 602 00:25:30,442 --> 00:25:33,082 - Been a few years. - Sorry, since January Sixth. 603 00:25:33,077 --> 00:25:35,177 - Oh, man. - Have you guys seen Ozark? 604 00:25:35,179 --> 00:25:36,049 Oh, god. 605 00:25:37,081 --> 00:25:38,781 - So good. - [quietly chuckling] 606 00:25:38,783 --> 00:25:39,823 [sighs] 607 00:25:42,554 --> 00:25:44,494 [Will] Look at that. Look how impressive that is. 608 00:25:46,290 --> 00:25:47,120 All right, Willy, come here. 609 00:25:52,497 --> 00:25:55,467 - The Jefferson Memorial. - It's the Washington Monument. 610 00:25:55,467 --> 00:25:56,827 The Washington Monument. 611 00:25:57,502 --> 00:25:58,472 Wow. 612 00:26:00,037 --> 00:26:01,107 All right, so to the White House. 613 00:26:01,105 --> 00:26:03,365 By the way, Jason, wait a minute. 614 00:26:03,475 --> 00:26:05,475 - That's a long-ass walk. - Yup. 615 00:26:05,477 --> 00:26:07,777 - Yup. - That is not longer than what we just did. 616 00:26:07,779 --> 00:26:10,519 No, but that... that to the... the White House? 617 00:26:10,515 --> 00:26:11,915 [Jason] Oh, you know what we could do? 618 00:26:14,852 --> 00:26:17,392 - It's so much better than walking? - You know... 619 00:26:18,490 --> 00:26:20,060 - Have you noticed? - Pop it. 620 00:26:20,057 --> 00:26:21,087 Ba-boom. 621 00:26:21,092 --> 00:26:23,092 - Here we go, cutting in. Come on, Sean. - Got it. 622 00:26:23,528 --> 00:26:24,528 Oh, Jesus. 623 00:26:24,529 --> 00:26:25,499 That was close. 624 00:26:25,497 --> 00:26:26,897 That was super close, you guys. 625 00:26:26,898 --> 00:26:29,628 How far up the Capitol steps do you think we can get on these? 626 00:26:29,634 --> 00:26:31,704 Watch this, they put this here for me. 627 00:26:31,703 --> 00:26:33,813 [Will] Jump it! 628 00:26:33,805 --> 00:26:36,665 - There it is. - Wait, is that the back of it or the front of it? 629 00:26:36,674 --> 00:26:38,014 - [Will] Front. - [Sean] Can we get closer? 630 00:26:38,009 --> 00:26:39,379 [Jason] Yeah, let's get closer. 631 00:26:39,376 --> 00:26:41,006 It's just amazing that nobody's here. 632 00:26:41,012 --> 00:26:42,182 I know, it's wild. 633 00:26:42,179 --> 00:26:44,019 [Jason] Do you know where we're goin'? 634 00:26:44,015 --> 00:26:45,515 [Sean] No. I... I can look. 635 00:26:45,517 --> 00:26:46,917 - Hey, fellow Birders. - Hi. 636 00:26:46,918 --> 00:26:48,718 - Yeah. - [laughs] 637 00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:51,020 - [Will] Look at that. - White House right here. 638 00:26:51,022 --> 00:26:52,192 Pretty cool. 639 00:26:52,189 --> 00:26:53,419 [Will] Fuckin' A. 640 00:26:58,095 --> 00:26:58,995 [grunts] 641 00:27:02,834 --> 00:27:04,674 - [Sean laughs] - [Will] Hey, guys! 642 00:27:10,542 --> 00:27:14,182 [Jason] Wow. You're telling me there's gonna be somebody in every one of those seats? 643 00:27:14,178 --> 00:27:16,778 - [woman speaking] - So we get up there and then what? 644 00:27:18,382 --> 00:27:19,222 Wow. 645 00:27:21,452 --> 00:27:22,322 This is wild. 646 00:27:23,821 --> 00:27:25,861 Dude. What have we done? 647 00:27:25,857 --> 00:27:26,957 Oi! 648 00:27:28,660 --> 00:27:29,560 Okay. 649 00:27:30,027 --> 00:27:31,157 [Will] Crazy. 650 00:27:31,162 --> 00:27:33,932 This is crazy. I think we're... 651 00:27:33,931 --> 00:27:36,201 Not to quote myself, but we made a huge mistake. 652 00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:37,640 [man laughing] 653 00:27:37,635 --> 00:27:39,695 - [Jason] Guess who's hungry? - [woman speaking] 654 00:27:39,704 --> 00:27:41,214 - [Jason] Oh, yeah? - [woman] Yep. 655 00:27:41,205 --> 00:27:43,435 - Get seated. Find your spot. - [Jason] So I'm gonna rehearse my sitting. 656 00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:45,680 - Let me tell you what doesn't look good. - Oh, there's your smiley face. 657 00:27:45,677 --> 00:27:47,137 [laughs] 658 00:27:48,580 --> 00:27:50,750 [gasps] Look what Marguerite did. 659 00:27:52,984 --> 00:27:54,854 And I just did one of those. 660 00:27:54,852 --> 00:27:57,352 Should we have snacks out for our guest? 661 00:27:57,354 --> 00:27:59,294 [Marguerite] Oh, we're gonna have coffee mugs, stuff like that. 662 00:27:59,290 --> 00:28:01,430 By the way, speaking of coffee. 663 00:28:02,727 --> 00:28:04,257 Wouldn't mind a coffee run right now. 664 00:28:04,261 --> 00:28:07,601 If you've ever noticed, Jason needs, like, four handlers. 665 00:28:07,599 --> 00:28:10,199 - Because he has so many requests and complaints. - Endless. 666 00:28:10,201 --> 00:28:12,971 Large, almond milk latte with two sticks, please. 667 00:28:12,970 --> 00:28:13,910 [Will] Can you imagine the relief 668 00:28:13,905 --> 00:28:16,205 of the crew when they wrapped Ozark? 669 00:28:16,207 --> 00:28:18,777 Go ahead, take his order. What do you need now? 670 00:28:18,776 --> 00:28:20,476 [Jason] Are we gonna have this much echo tonight? 671 00:28:20,477 --> 00:28:22,607 - No. Really? - Jesus fucking Christ. 672 00:28:22,614 --> 00:28:24,284 - [Sean laughing] - [laughs] 673 00:28:24,281 --> 00:28:25,881 So let me ask you this. 674 00:28:25,883 --> 00:28:27,893 Hey, people over here. 675 00:28:27,885 --> 00:28:29,245 Where does it get real ugly? 676 00:28:29,854 --> 00:28:30,964 Nah, already? 677 00:28:30,955 --> 00:28:32,455 The closer you get to camera. 678 00:28:32,456 --> 00:28:33,516 [man] You're definitely out of the light by here. 679 00:28:34,926 --> 00:28:35,826 [Will] What did he say? 680 00:28:35,827 --> 00:28:36,927 - [Sean] Cheers to that. - [Jason] Nothing. 681 00:28:36,928 --> 00:28:37,798 Oi. 682 00:28:42,433 --> 00:28:45,073 Get some food, 'cause you're a real squeaky wheel right now. 683 00:28:58,472 --> 00:29:01,412 [yawning] 684 00:29:01,408 --> 00:29:03,708 This is fucking crazy that we're here and that we're doin' this. 685 00:29:03,710 --> 00:29:06,350 - [Sean] Yes. Amazing. - What are you talking about, the podcast or the tour? 686 00:29:06,346 --> 00:29:07,606 - Both. - All of it. 687 00:29:07,614 --> 00:29:09,284 The podcast started with you saying 688 00:29:09,283 --> 00:29:12,523 you were gonna do some bullshit, boring sobriety podcast. 689 00:29:12,519 --> 00:29:14,089 Right? Something about hiking. 690 00:29:14,088 --> 00:29:15,358 What was it called, The Campground? 691 00:29:15,355 --> 00:29:17,255 - [laughing] - The Journey. 692 00:29:17,257 --> 00:29:19,457 I mean, close enough. I don't have the energy to tell you. 693 00:29:19,459 --> 00:29:21,429 The Journey was about sobriety, god bless. 694 00:29:21,428 --> 00:29:22,798 It wasn't about sobriety. 695 00:29:22,796 --> 00:29:25,126 But it was something that was... 696 00:29:25,132 --> 00:29:26,632 It was about people's experiences. 697 00:29:26,633 --> 00:29:30,543 And that triggered a typical shitty response from me going, 698 00:29:30,537 --> 00:29:33,437 "Oh, boy. Let me just be on that so, you can try to... 699 00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:35,710 maybe the two of us will keep people awake." 700 00:29:35,709 --> 00:29:37,109 By the way, he chose the word trigger, 701 00:29:37,111 --> 00:29:40,251 which is amazing 'cause when he wants to talk about his experience 702 00:29:40,247 --> 00:29:41,417 he feels very triggered. 703 00:29:41,415 --> 00:29:43,645 [Jason] So I was just kinda ribbing you, 704 00:29:43,650 --> 00:29:47,420 and then the very next night I see you at our friend's house and I said, 705 00:29:47,421 --> 00:29:49,121 "Oh, well you know, Will and I are gonna do a podcast." 706 00:29:49,123 --> 00:29:50,423 - And then-- - That got me. 707 00:29:50,424 --> 00:29:52,164 - [Jason] ...a couple of days later-- - You called a meeting. 708 00:29:52,159 --> 00:29:53,829 - 'Cause we couldn't do anything during COVID, right? - Right. 709 00:29:53,827 --> 00:29:55,497 - Isn't that the way it all worked out? - Yes. 710 00:29:55,495 --> 00:29:57,795 Wait, you know what before we do any more time in here, 711 00:29:57,797 --> 00:29:59,427 I wanna send Marguerite out for something. 712 00:29:59,866 --> 00:30:00,696 [Sean] Yeah. 713 00:30:02,369 --> 00:30:03,199 What did you order? 714 00:30:04,271 --> 00:30:06,411 Gas-X and sugar-free Red Bull. 715 00:30:06,406 --> 00:30:07,706 Thank god, because if you didn't... 716 00:30:08,475 --> 00:30:09,805 ...I was gonna order it for you. 717 00:30:09,809 --> 00:30:11,509 [both laugh] 718 00:30:11,511 --> 00:30:14,911 Well, you don't wanna be uncomfortable out there and we just had dinner. 719 00:30:14,914 --> 00:30:18,854 I know. Oh god, could that possibly happen out there? 720 00:30:18,852 --> 00:30:21,522 - I will get gassy if I have... if I have gluten. - And just clench... 721 00:30:21,521 --> 00:30:22,621 You can't just clench? 722 00:30:22,622 --> 00:30:25,332 I can clench, but I'd rather not. 723 00:30:25,325 --> 00:30:30,125 And if I know that it's gonna be one that isn't gonna make any noise... 724 00:30:30,130 --> 00:30:31,000 Yeah? 725 00:30:31,831 --> 00:30:33,031 - I'll go for it. - [laughs] 726 00:30:35,635 --> 00:30:38,305 Have... Have you never farted on a talk show? 727 00:30:38,305 --> 00:30:40,535 [laughs] While I'm on the show? 728 00:30:40,540 --> 00:30:41,880 Well, if you gotta go. 729 00:30:41,875 --> 00:30:44,535 It's only gonna smell if you haven't shit for a couple days. 730 00:30:44,544 --> 00:30:46,154 [Sean and Will laugh] 731 00:30:46,146 --> 00:30:47,876 [Marguerite speaking] 732 00:30:47,881 --> 00:30:50,521 Until the Gas-X and the sugar free Red Bull? 733 00:30:50,517 --> 00:30:53,147 [laughing] 734 00:30:57,324 --> 00:30:58,594 [Jason] Oh! 735 00:30:58,592 --> 00:31:00,462 - Marguerite, thank you so much. - [Sean] Thank you, honey. 736 00:31:01,561 --> 00:31:02,631 [Marguerite speaking] 737 00:31:03,963 --> 00:31:05,203 Thank you. 738 00:31:05,199 --> 00:31:06,799 Some of these are really good. 739 00:31:06,800 --> 00:31:07,670 Do you guys want some? 740 00:31:08,502 --> 00:31:09,772 Look at these old men. 741 00:31:09,769 --> 00:31:11,809 Tylenol, Gas-X, candy. 742 00:31:14,574 --> 00:31:15,414 [burps] 743 00:31:17,110 --> 00:31:18,310 You want some Gas-X? 744 00:31:18,312 --> 00:31:19,812 - No. Not anymore. - [Will] Did you take some? 745 00:31:20,247 --> 00:31:21,717 I took four. 746 00:31:21,715 --> 00:31:24,075 - Dude. - Because I just had a bunch of kale for dinner. 747 00:31:24,083 --> 00:31:27,553 You know, I didn't want to have fucking steak and lobster like you dicks. 748 00:31:27,554 --> 00:31:29,794 You know, I try to keep it real, you know, but... 749 00:31:29,789 --> 00:31:31,789 Real close to the toilet, I guess. 750 00:31:31,791 --> 00:31:32,991 [laughs] 751 00:31:33,960 --> 00:31:35,230 I mean. 752 00:31:35,229 --> 00:31:36,559 This guy's gearin' up. 753 00:31:36,563 --> 00:31:38,233 - He's comin' back, he's back. - What? What. 754 00:31:40,334 --> 00:31:42,244 You guys are gonna crash from that sugar. 755 00:31:42,236 --> 00:31:43,896 - Am I? - You are. 756 00:31:43,903 --> 00:31:44,973 Thanks, doctor. 757 00:31:44,971 --> 00:31:46,441 [laughs] 758 00:31:47,674 --> 00:31:48,544 Man. 759 00:31:49,776 --> 00:31:51,846 You guys heard about that crazy accident? 760 00:31:51,845 --> 00:31:52,805 What is it? 761 00:31:52,812 --> 00:31:53,912 - [Will] Did you know about this? - What? 762 00:31:53,913 --> 00:31:55,623 This guy dropped his peanut butter in the chocolate. 763 00:31:55,615 --> 00:31:57,515 - [laughs] - Did you know about this? 764 00:32:00,387 --> 00:32:03,057 [laughing] It's so dumb! 765 00:32:03,056 --> 00:32:05,726 You are the dumbest person alive. 766 00:32:05,725 --> 00:32:06,925 Isn't that how those commercials started? 767 00:32:06,926 --> 00:32:08,556 "You got your peanut butter in my chocolate." 768 00:32:08,562 --> 00:32:10,902 Well, thanks for breaking it down, genius. 769 00:32:14,268 --> 00:32:16,368 Mmm. [vocalizing] 770 00:32:16,370 --> 00:32:17,940 - You guys wanna talk to a baby? - [Facebook call ringing] 771 00:32:17,937 --> 00:32:18,807 [burping] 772 00:32:19,639 --> 00:32:20,669 - [laughs] - No, I don't. 773 00:32:20,674 --> 00:32:22,014 And why do you have to do it 774 00:32:22,008 --> 00:32:24,278 where we all have to hear it. 775 00:32:24,278 --> 00:32:25,678 I'll go out here. I'm gonna say goodnight to my baby. 776 00:32:25,679 --> 00:32:27,279 [Jason] Just fucking... Just make a phone call. 777 00:32:27,281 --> 00:32:28,281 [Will] Jesus, this guy. 778 00:32:33,587 --> 00:32:36,387 [Will singing scales] 779 00:32:36,390 --> 00:32:37,520 [Sean singing scales] 780 00:32:37,524 --> 00:32:40,034 [both singing scales] 781 00:32:40,026 --> 00:32:41,596 Yeah. You know. 782 00:32:41,595 --> 00:32:44,595 [Sean singing scales operatically] 783 00:32:44,598 --> 00:32:46,298 [Jason laughs] You stupid idiots. 784 00:32:46,300 --> 00:32:47,170 [laughs] 785 00:32:48,101 --> 00:32:52,071 [operatically sings scales] 786 00:32:52,071 --> 00:32:54,211 [Jason] Do you... Do you honestly do, uh, voice exercises? 787 00:32:54,308 --> 00:32:55,638 Have to. 788 00:32:55,642 --> 00:32:58,112 [Will singing] ♪ Sean, do you think We could do Broadway? ♪ 789 00:32:58,111 --> 00:32:59,951 [singing] * Yes ♪ 790 00:32:59,946 --> 00:33:01,576 ♪ We could ♪ 791 00:33:01,581 --> 00:33:04,551 ♪ But do you think there's a chance we could be in the same show? ♪ 792 00:33:05,385 --> 00:33:07,015 ♪ Yes, yes ♪ 793 00:33:07,020 --> 00:33:09,360 - ♪ Yes, yes ♪ - ♪ Is there a chance that we won't be a no go? ♪ 794 00:33:10,156 --> 00:33:11,786 See, that's Broadway, Jason. 795 00:33:11,791 --> 00:33:13,331 That's talent. This is what we're doing. 796 00:33:13,327 --> 00:33:14,657 - [Jason] Do you... Do you-- - Wake up. 797 00:33:14,661 --> 00:33:16,631 - [Jason] Do you have a stage voice? - No. 798 00:33:16,630 --> 00:33:17,900 I've never done that before. 799 00:33:18,998 --> 00:33:20,568 [Jason] Have you ever done theater? 800 00:33:20,567 --> 00:33:21,967 - Yes. - Wait, you said it like 801 00:33:21,968 --> 00:33:23,998 it was to be... like, you were proud that you've never done that. 802 00:33:24,003 --> 00:33:26,573 - No, I was proud that I was able to do it. - Oh, okay. 803 00:33:26,573 --> 00:33:28,073 It sounded okay. 804 00:33:28,074 --> 00:33:29,414 It sounded... It sounded good. 805 00:33:29,409 --> 00:33:30,709 - Not good. I don't have a good voice. - But here's the thing. 806 00:33:30,710 --> 00:33:33,810 You can kind of dance and kind of sing. 807 00:33:33,813 --> 00:33:37,353 Thanks, hey, you know what, you're actually okay at doing things. 808 00:33:37,351 --> 00:33:38,821 [laughs] 809 00:33:38,818 --> 00:33:41,048 No, but you're always like, "I can't move, I can't sing.", 810 00:33:41,054 --> 00:33:43,194 - I can't. - It's like, you can carry a tune and you can move. 811 00:33:43,189 --> 00:33:45,489 - I don't know if I can carry a tune. - Can you carry a tune, Jason? 812 00:33:45,492 --> 00:33:47,592 - [Jason] No. I don't even sing in the shower. - Try. 813 00:33:47,594 --> 00:33:48,534 [singing] * Try ♪ 814 00:33:48,528 --> 00:33:49,698 [Sean singing] * Try ♪ 815 00:33:49,696 --> 00:33:51,226 [Will] * Try ♪ 816 00:33:51,230 --> 00:33:52,170 [normal voice] Try it. 817 00:33:52,165 --> 00:33:53,495 - Try it. - Sing for real. 818 00:33:53,500 --> 00:33:54,930 - No. - [Will] Do it. 819 00:33:54,934 --> 00:33:56,774 Right now. Five, four, three, two, one. 820 00:33:56,770 --> 00:33:58,840 - You have to. - No, we're not playing truth or dare. 821 00:33:58,838 --> 00:34:00,738 No, it's Sing for Real, Summertime. 822 00:34:00,740 --> 00:34:02,380 I didn't tap in, I'm not playing. 823 00:34:02,376 --> 00:34:03,576 I'm not even standing. 824 00:34:03,577 --> 00:34:04,977 [Sean] Do you know Sing for Real? 825 00:34:04,978 --> 00:34:07,848 When you make somebody sing a song and they can't do it as a bit. 826 00:34:07,847 --> 00:34:09,017 - Yeah. - You have to do it as well-- 827 00:34:09,015 --> 00:34:10,515 Sounds fun to play one of these days. 828 00:34:11,485 --> 00:34:12,945 - I'm not... - [Sean] All right. 829 00:34:12,952 --> 00:34:14,452 [singing] * Summertime ♪ 830 00:34:14,454 --> 00:34:16,464 - ♪ And the living is easy ♪ - [laughs] 831 00:34:19,158 --> 00:34:21,398 - So bad. - It's so uncomfortable. 832 00:34:21,395 --> 00:34:22,855 I know, it's so uncomfortable. 833 00:34:22,862 --> 00:34:24,302 Give me another song. 834 00:34:31,393 --> 00:34:32,633 [man on speaker] Welcome everyone. 835 00:34:32,628 --> 00:34:35,328 Please remember to turn off your cellphone. 836 00:34:35,331 --> 00:34:39,201 This is a reminder there is no photography or recording permitted. 837 00:34:39,201 --> 00:34:40,341 None at all! 838 00:34:40,336 --> 00:34:43,066 Now, please enjoy the show. 839 00:34:43,072 --> 00:34:44,672 [Jason on speaker] Don't forget to enjoy! 840 00:34:46,909 --> 00:34:49,909 [Will singing] ♪ Now I come to you ♪ 841 00:34:49,912 --> 00:34:51,512 ♪ With open arms ♪ 842 00:34:51,513 --> 00:34:53,283 [both laughing] 843 00:34:54,416 --> 00:34:55,516 Wait, are we doin'... Are we doin' the... 844 00:34:55,517 --> 00:34:56,887 Are they doing a thing right now? 845 00:34:56,886 --> 00:34:57,986 Oh. 846 00:34:57,987 --> 00:34:59,657 [Will singing] ♪ With open arms ♪ 847 00:34:59,655 --> 00:35:01,085 [Jason] Hey, stupid ass. 848 00:35:01,090 --> 00:35:02,560 Here we go, this is the cold open. 849 00:35:02,558 --> 00:35:03,858 - We're in it right now. - Okay. 850 00:35:05,327 --> 00:35:07,557 [Jason] Let's pray to the podcast god. 851 00:35:07,563 --> 00:35:08,873 [Sean] Okay, what's the prayer? 852 00:35:08,865 --> 00:35:10,325 The prayer is... 853 00:35:10,332 --> 00:35:13,172 - Please lord pod... - Podcast. 854 00:35:13,169 --> 00:35:14,999 - Pod person. Pod person. - Yeah. 855 00:35:15,004 --> 00:35:20,244 - Please shine your happy, funny, light, lovely light... - Light, lovely, light. 856 00:35:20,242 --> 00:35:21,912 - On us. - ...on our 857 00:35:21,911 --> 00:35:26,481 - stupid, stupid idea to go live with this pod. - [Will] Stupid, stupid idea. 858 00:35:26,482 --> 00:35:28,322 - [Will] And. - And? 859 00:35:28,317 --> 00:35:31,687 - [both] Welcome to SmartLess. - Live. 860 00:35:31,687 --> 00:35:32,717 [crowd cheering] 861 00:35:36,158 --> 00:35:37,328 [Jason] And we're walking. 862 00:35:37,326 --> 00:35:38,526 [Will] We're walking. 863 00:35:38,527 --> 00:35:40,027 [Jason] We got the rock and roll flashlight on the ramp. 864 00:35:40,029 --> 00:35:40,899 [man] Oh, come around. 865 00:35:43,065 --> 00:35:44,195 No! 866 00:35:44,533 --> 00:35:45,433 No! 867 00:35:45,434 --> 00:35:46,704 What the heck. 868 00:35:47,336 --> 00:35:48,396 Woah! 869 00:35:49,571 --> 00:35:52,041 Washington D.C. thank you for having us. 870 00:35:52,041 --> 00:35:56,751 - And please above all things manage your expectations. - [Will] Yeah. 871 00:35:56,745 --> 00:35:57,675 [Sean laughs] 872 00:35:57,679 --> 00:35:59,779 Because it's just the three of us 873 00:35:59,781 --> 00:36:01,721 talking to a person for an hour. 874 00:36:01,717 --> 00:36:02,917 That's it. 875 00:36:02,919 --> 00:36:03,749 - That's it. - There's no... 876 00:36:03,752 --> 00:36:04,792 That's it. 877 00:36:04,786 --> 00:36:06,186 - That's it. - So I hope you enjoy it. 878 00:36:06,188 --> 00:36:07,058 [both] Yeah. 879 00:36:10,259 --> 00:36:12,759 We flew. And I've only been to D.C. once before. 880 00:36:12,761 --> 00:36:14,431 I loved it, but I was here very briefly. 881 00:36:14,430 --> 00:36:15,730 Sean, why don't you just relax 882 00:36:15,731 --> 00:36:17,931 and get casual, uncross your legs a little bit. 883 00:36:19,235 --> 00:36:20,095 - So... - [audience laughs] 884 00:36:20,102 --> 00:36:22,272 We, uh... [laughs] 885 00:36:22,271 --> 00:36:24,571 - And yeah, so we were-- - Wait, why did I bring my phone out here? 886 00:36:24,573 --> 00:36:25,543 - What am I doing? - Oh, my god. 887 00:36:25,541 --> 00:36:26,741 You brought your phone? 888 00:36:26,742 --> 00:36:28,812 I... I... Listen. I'm... I'm a doctor. 889 00:36:29,245 --> 00:36:30,775 [audience laughs] 890 00:36:30,779 --> 00:36:34,379 We were driving in from the airport yesterday and I said-- 891 00:36:34,383 --> 00:36:35,953 Oh no, we were driving along, 892 00:36:35,952 --> 00:36:39,192 and there's some, uh, some parkland or whatever, and you know, and Sean... 893 00:36:39,956 --> 00:36:41,486 ...seriously said... 894 00:36:41,490 --> 00:36:43,290 "Is that where the grassy knoll is? 895 00:36:43,292 --> 00:36:44,632 - Or was it right..." - [Will laughs] 896 00:36:45,661 --> 00:36:46,501 Not a bit. 897 00:36:48,830 --> 00:36:50,630 Could not be less smart. 898 00:36:53,602 --> 00:36:55,572 - Smartless. - So... 899 00:36:55,571 --> 00:36:59,981 Well, it was shocking how little both of you knew about anything. 900 00:36:59,976 --> 00:37:01,976 Well, I... What he didn't know, 901 00:37:01,978 --> 00:37:06,318 this came from the Washington Monument. 902 00:37:06,315 --> 00:37:09,345 It was a big Eff You back to Europe 903 00:37:09,351 --> 00:37:11,591 that "We made it, we did it 904 00:37:11,587 --> 00:37:13,017 and look we got a monument now." 905 00:37:13,022 --> 00:37:14,422 - And that's where this all start-- - I don't know if that's true. 906 00:37:14,423 --> 00:37:16,163 - I don't know if that's true. - It's not, Sean! 907 00:37:16,158 --> 00:37:17,858 - [Sean] Oh! [laughs] - [audience laughs] 908 00:37:23,565 --> 00:37:24,995 Jason, this morning at one point he got, 909 00:37:25,001 --> 00:37:27,901 sort of, like... sort of mad at me when were in the hotel room. 910 00:37:28,004 --> 00:37:30,744 And I said, "Do you know what your face is doing right now?" 911 00:37:30,739 --> 00:37:31,839 'Cause the look on his face was this. 912 00:37:31,840 --> 00:37:33,280 And he goes, "Am I smiling?" 913 00:37:33,275 --> 00:37:34,605 [laughs] 914 00:37:36,012 --> 00:37:38,412 Is it? No, you're doing the opposite of smiling. 915 00:37:38,414 --> 00:37:41,684 [Jason] If anybody is north of 40 in this audience... 916 00:37:41,683 --> 00:37:43,893 This is so heavy now... 917 00:37:46,022 --> 00:37:48,362 ...that I look... I look concerned 918 00:37:48,357 --> 00:37:51,587 when I'm just supposed to be listening. 919 00:37:51,593 --> 00:37:53,033 [laughs] 920 00:37:53,029 --> 00:37:56,529 And so I have to tell myself when I wanna just be level, 921 00:37:56,532 --> 00:37:59,672 I have to tell my face to be semi-surprised. 922 00:37:59,668 --> 00:38:02,338 - [laughs] - It lifts... It lifts it just a little bit 923 00:38:02,338 --> 00:38:03,668 so now it's neutral. 924 00:38:03,672 --> 00:38:05,712 And then if I want to seem happy, 925 00:38:05,707 --> 00:38:07,207 I have to think ebullient. 926 00:38:07,209 --> 00:38:08,839 [laughs] 927 00:38:08,844 --> 00:38:11,854 - Um, this is... this is your guest, isn't it? - Yeah, yeah. 928 00:38:11,847 --> 00:38:13,217 By the way, just to remind people, 929 00:38:13,215 --> 00:38:15,045 - we... I... we don't know who this is. - We do not. 930 00:38:15,051 --> 00:38:16,721 Jay and Sean legitimately don't know who it is. 931 00:38:16,718 --> 00:38:18,118 We never do. 932 00:38:18,120 --> 00:38:19,060 And that is totally legit. 933 00:38:19,055 --> 00:38:20,485 Now do you have questions on you? 934 00:38:20,489 --> 00:38:21,859 - [Sean] Do you have cards? - Do you have your intro memorized? 935 00:38:21,857 --> 00:38:23,687 No, this person doesn't need an intro. 936 00:38:23,692 --> 00:38:25,362 - Oh, really? - [audience cheers] 937 00:38:26,062 --> 00:38:27,562 Wow. 938 00:38:27,563 --> 00:38:31,273 [Will] This person has worn many, many hats. 939 00:38:32,201 --> 00:38:33,301 This person was a cop. 940 00:38:33,302 --> 00:38:37,642 - Oh. - A race car driver, a figure skater. 941 00:38:37,639 --> 00:38:40,979 - Elizabeth Banks. - [Will] This person is America's best friend. 942 00:38:41,077 --> 00:38:43,677 This person has been, and will always be, 943 00:38:43,679 --> 00:38:45,979 to me the funniest guy that I know. 944 00:38:46,082 --> 00:38:47,422 Mr. Will Ferrell! 945 00:38:47,416 --> 00:38:49,716 - What! - [audience cheers] 946 00:38:49,718 --> 00:38:51,248 [Sean cheers] 947 00:38:52,888 --> 00:38:54,558 [Jason] Oh, my. 948 00:39:04,300 --> 00:39:06,570 - Whoo! - I'm so mad at you. 949 00:39:06,568 --> 00:39:08,238 [laughs] Okay. 950 00:39:08,237 --> 00:39:11,737 - Let's get-- - I asked you is there a dress code? 951 00:39:11,740 --> 00:39:13,310 - You said... - [laughs] 952 00:39:13,309 --> 00:39:16,309 ...tuxedoes and cool sunglasses. 953 00:39:16,312 --> 00:39:19,352 And I swear I don't see anyone in a tuxedo. 954 00:39:19,348 --> 00:39:20,778 [Sean and Jason laughing] 955 00:39:22,218 --> 00:39:23,218 Okay. 956 00:39:25,487 --> 00:39:26,487 It's February. 957 00:39:26,488 --> 00:39:27,358 Sure. 958 00:39:29,125 --> 00:39:30,685 It's pretty much the start of the year, 959 00:39:30,692 --> 00:39:32,862 so I thought I'd read my New Year's Resolutions. 960 00:39:32,861 --> 00:39:34,601 - [Will] Good. - [laughs] 961 00:39:34,596 --> 00:39:37,966 Stop saying "Pun unintended." 962 00:39:37,966 --> 00:39:39,336 - Right. - That's a good note. 963 00:39:39,335 --> 00:39:40,595 'Cause I love puns. 964 00:39:40,602 --> 00:39:42,502 - [Will] Yeah, sure. - And whenever I use it, I mean it. 965 00:39:43,239 --> 00:39:45,469 [laughing] Right. 966 00:39:45,474 --> 00:39:51,154 I really wanna commit this year to referring to all money, slash cash, 967 00:39:51,147 --> 00:39:53,147 - as cheese or cheddar. - [laughs] 968 00:39:53,149 --> 00:39:54,349 [all laughing] 969 00:39:55,517 --> 00:39:58,017 And $100 bills as blue cheese. 970 00:39:58,019 --> 00:39:59,989 [all laugh] 971 00:40:01,323 --> 00:40:04,233 So can I have a couple of those in blue cheese? 972 00:40:04,226 --> 00:40:05,356 - Sure. [laughs] - [Jason] Good request. 973 00:40:05,361 --> 00:40:07,201 Good for you to say, your agent calls you and says, 974 00:40:07,196 --> 00:40:08,526 "Well, we've got an offer," 975 00:40:08,530 --> 00:40:11,170 and your only thing is, "How much cheddar are they offering?" 976 00:40:11,167 --> 00:40:12,027 - [Sean laughs] - Right. 977 00:40:13,202 --> 00:40:16,572 Drink at least 50 liters of water a day. 978 00:40:16,572 --> 00:40:17,672 [laughs] 979 00:40:18,607 --> 00:40:19,907 Fifty liters! 980 00:40:19,908 --> 00:40:21,408 That seems like a lot. 981 00:40:21,410 --> 00:40:25,010 Really try to stop breeding exotic big cats. 982 00:40:25,013 --> 00:40:26,013 [all laugh] 983 00:40:27,115 --> 00:40:28,945 Mostly, tigers and jaguars. 984 00:40:29,585 --> 00:40:30,515 [Sean laughs brightly] 985 00:40:30,519 --> 00:40:32,419 - Really try. - Mostly. 986 00:40:32,421 --> 00:40:33,561 [Will] Mostly. 987 00:40:33,555 --> 00:40:34,485 [laughs] 988 00:40:34,490 --> 00:40:36,930 Land voice over contract 989 00:40:36,925 --> 00:40:39,695 - for REESE'S Peanut Butter Cups. - What the fuck? 990 00:40:39,695 --> 00:40:40,725 [Jason] Uh oh. 991 00:40:43,031 --> 00:40:45,201 Oh, gee, that's what he's doing. 992 00:40:47,403 --> 00:40:48,243 Good luck. 993 00:40:48,970 --> 00:40:51,070 - Chicago... - [Sean laughs] 994 00:40:51,072 --> 00:40:52,412 Chicago P.D. 995 00:40:53,074 --> 00:40:54,884 Chicago Fire. 996 00:40:54,876 --> 00:40:56,976 Chicago Med. 997 00:40:56,978 --> 00:40:58,948 These are the three shows you're promising to watch this year? 998 00:40:58,947 --> 00:41:00,217 No, I'm just... 999 00:41:00,649 --> 00:41:01,519 I just love 'em. 1000 00:41:01,517 --> 00:41:02,577 - You love 'em? - Okay. 1001 00:41:02,584 --> 00:41:04,794 - [laughs] - It's actually an ad. 1002 00:41:05,654 --> 00:41:06,664 This is actually an advertisement. 1003 00:41:06,655 --> 00:41:07,955 That's a paid ad? 1004 00:41:07,956 --> 00:41:09,256 [Ferrell] It's a paid ad. 1005 00:41:09,258 --> 00:41:10,588 - [laughs] - [Will] What the fuck. 1006 00:41:10,592 --> 00:41:12,592 You don't know how much blue cheese I just landed right there. 1007 00:41:12,594 --> 00:41:17,334 Speaking of Chicago, you look dangerously close to Harry Caray right now. 1008 00:41:17,333 --> 00:41:19,573 - [exaggerated raspy voice] Chicago P.D. - [all laugh] 1009 00:41:23,038 --> 00:41:27,138 What's more excitin' then solving a homicide in Wrigley Field? 1010 00:41:27,243 --> 00:41:29,653 [laughs] 1011 00:41:29,645 --> 00:41:32,145 [normal voice] I'm sorry, I... I got a lot more, should I just stop it? 1012 00:41:33,014 --> 00:41:34,954 Are you yawning right now, Sean? 1013 00:41:34,950 --> 00:41:36,650 - Am I what? - You were kind of yawning, weren't you? 1014 00:41:36,652 --> 00:41:38,622 Oh, I started... I've been yawning for 20 minutes. 1015 00:41:38,620 --> 00:41:39,490 [laughs] 1016 00:41:43,725 --> 00:41:45,155 That's the thing I don't understand about you guys 1017 00:41:45,261 --> 00:41:47,261 who do like movie after movie after movie after movie is like, 1018 00:41:47,263 --> 00:41:50,003 how do you adjust and then have the energy after 14 hours 1019 00:41:49,998 --> 00:41:52,468 to just get up and go, like, be funny and-- 1020 00:41:52,468 --> 00:41:53,998 Ambien. Coke. 1021 00:41:54,002 --> 00:41:55,172 [laughs] 1022 00:41:55,271 --> 00:41:56,771 I got two dopp kit. 1023 00:41:56,772 --> 00:41:59,542 - Okay. - One's brimming full of coke. 1024 00:41:59,541 --> 00:42:01,081 [all laugh] 1025 00:42:01,076 --> 00:42:03,606 [Will] Does anybody here know why it's called the dopp kit? 1026 00:42:03,612 --> 00:42:05,412 - Anybody? - [man in audience] Germany! 1027 00:42:05,414 --> 00:42:06,284 - Germany! Yeah. - Yeah. 1028 00:42:06,782 --> 00:42:08,322 And what about it? 1029 00:42:08,317 --> 00:42:11,047 This is all a ploy. We're trying to root out the Germans. 1030 00:42:11,052 --> 00:42:11,952 - He's right there! - Yeah! There. 1031 00:42:11,953 --> 00:42:13,423 - Get him! - Right there! 1032 00:42:14,956 --> 00:42:16,356 [laughs] 1033 00:42:19,661 --> 00:42:21,931 Ask... Ask Will Ferrell one question. 1034 00:42:23,164 --> 00:42:24,574 [Will] Oh, yeah, Sean. Go ahead, Sean. 1035 00:42:24,566 --> 00:42:25,626 [laughs] 1036 00:42:25,634 --> 00:42:27,304 [woman in audience] Why are your eyebrows gray? 1037 00:42:27,303 --> 00:42:28,803 [Sean and Jason] Why are your eyebrows gray? 1038 00:42:28,804 --> 00:42:29,874 I... It's just... 1039 00:42:30,839 --> 00:42:33,479 I just always have had gray eyebrows. 1040 00:42:33,475 --> 00:42:34,905 It's kinda my trademark. 1041 00:42:34,910 --> 00:42:35,940 - When you were a kid? - [Ferrell] Yeah. 1042 00:42:35,944 --> 00:42:38,314 It's that really expensive Japanese tint, 1043 00:42:38,314 --> 00:42:40,084 - where you can gray... Yeah. - [Will] No way. 1044 00:42:40,081 --> 00:42:41,181 - Yeah. - [Sean] No, I wanna know-- 1045 00:42:41,182 --> 00:42:42,322 No, it's a part of the aging process. 1046 00:42:42,851 --> 00:42:44,051 [all laugh] 1047 00:42:44,620 --> 00:42:45,720 [audience cheers] 1048 00:43:02,938 --> 00:43:04,538 [Will] Walking out there was crazy. 1049 00:43:04,540 --> 00:43:06,710 We're like, "What? Why are you here?" 1050 00:43:06,708 --> 00:43:08,378 I know! [laughs] That's how I felt. 1051 00:43:08,377 --> 00:43:10,677 What are you doing? Don't your TVs work? 1052 00:43:10,679 --> 00:43:12,349 [Sean laughing] I know! 1053 00:43:12,348 --> 00:43:15,578 How do you all feel about how much we interacted with the audience. 1054 00:43:15,584 --> 00:43:18,354 Because it's interesting how crazy the audience gets 1055 00:43:18,354 --> 00:43:20,624 - after we give them permission to interact with us. - [Will] Yeah. 1056 00:43:20,622 --> 00:43:22,892 Then they feel like, "Oh, I got a little bit 1057 00:43:22,891 --> 00:43:25,791 now I'll take a little more and I'll shout out answers and questions and comments." 1058 00:43:25,794 --> 00:43:27,464 [Jason] But it's the lesser of the two evils 1059 00:43:27,463 --> 00:43:29,703 because if we didn't say anything to them, 1060 00:43:29,698 --> 00:43:32,228 - and let's say the curtain was down... - [Sean] Yes. 1061 00:43:32,233 --> 00:43:33,743 ...and we were already there seated, 1062 00:43:33,735 --> 00:43:35,595 And the curtain came up and applause, applause, "Thank you," 1063 00:43:35,604 --> 00:43:37,044 and then we just start talking to each other, 1064 00:43:37,038 --> 00:43:38,708 they would never engage. 1065 00:43:38,707 --> 00:43:40,207 And probably the laughs wouldn't be there. 1066 00:43:40,208 --> 00:43:42,078 - It's great that we come out and talk to them. - [Will] But... 1067 00:43:42,077 --> 00:43:44,577 But definitely... definitely when we're sitting down 1068 00:43:44,580 --> 00:43:46,750 let's talk to each other and not engage the crowd? 1069 00:43:46,748 --> 00:43:48,278 [Jason laughs] Well that's what I think... 1070 00:43:48,384 --> 00:43:50,594 - [Sean laughs] - [Jason] No! 1071 00:43:50,586 --> 00:43:52,386 No, no, I'm saying he's saying 1072 00:43:52,388 --> 00:43:54,388 that maybe they're participating too much. 1073 00:43:54,390 --> 00:43:56,690 [Will] No, no, no, I know. I'm joking because you were, like, 1074 00:43:56,692 --> 00:43:57,762 "Then... Then let's not do it." 1075 00:43:57,759 --> 00:43:59,399 And then, like, as the show's going you're like, 1076 00:43:59,395 --> 00:44:01,695 "Hi, everybody! Look who it is!" 1077 00:44:01,697 --> 00:44:04,697 [stammers] And then I'm, like, "Yeah, fuck, it's right on time. 1078 00:44:04,700 --> 00:44:06,540 - [laughs] - [Will] As soon as he could. 1079 00:44:06,535 --> 00:44:09,295 - As soon as I see the faces. - [Will] I know. 1080 00:44:09,405 --> 00:44:10,405 [laughs] 1081 00:44:11,407 --> 00:44:13,137 These people. 1082 00:44:13,141 --> 00:44:14,841 I can't believe they all showed up. 1083 00:44:14,843 --> 00:44:16,683 [laughs] I know! I know. 1084 00:44:16,678 --> 00:44:17,978 [laughs] 1085 00:44:17,979 --> 00:44:19,419 We didn't have a clock, but that's okay. 1086 00:44:19,415 --> 00:44:21,445 Oh, my god. 1087 00:44:27,222 --> 00:44:28,592 [both laughing] 1088 00:44:33,028 --> 00:44:34,198 But you're wonderful. 1089 00:44:34,195 --> 00:44:35,055 Oh, my god. 1090 00:44:43,739 --> 00:44:45,109 I'm wearing my own merch. 1091 00:44:50,446 --> 00:44:52,706 [Ferrell speaking] 1092 00:44:52,714 --> 00:44:54,254 [Will] Did you not even know the name of it? 1093 00:44:57,486 --> 00:44:58,346 Oh. [snorts] 1094 00:44:58,820 --> 00:45:00,020 And you thought-- 1095 00:45:00,021 --> 00:45:01,361 Wait, and you think, like, what, 1096 00:45:01,457 --> 00:45:03,957 we were just doing, like... like our list of favorite stuff? 1097 00:45:05,994 --> 00:45:07,704 [Will] Oh, like... like... What? [laughs] 1098 00:45:08,329 --> 00:45:09,599 [Will laughing] 1099 00:45:09,598 --> 00:45:10,868 [Will] Do you think so? 1100 00:45:10,866 --> 00:45:12,296 [Ferrell] Now that I see it on the back... 1101 00:45:12,300 --> 00:45:13,800 [Will laughing] 1102 00:45:13,802 --> 00:45:15,642 Yeah, but we thought it was a home run. 1103 00:45:16,805 --> 00:45:17,835 You know what I mean? I mean... 1104 00:45:24,012 --> 00:45:24,852 Oi! 1105 00:45:27,583 --> 00:45:28,523 Hello, friend.