1 00:00:03,247 --> 00:00:06,183 One, two. Testing. Testing. 2 00:00:06,183 --> 00:00:08,685 - Testing. One, two. Testing. - Testing, testing. One, two. 3 00:00:08,685 --> 00:00:11,388 - Is this mic hot? Is it hot? - Is it hot? 4 00:00:11,388 --> 00:00:12,356 - Are we hot? - Is it hot? 5 00:00:12,356 --> 00:00:13,390 - Is it hot? - Testing one, two. Testing. 6 00:00:13,390 --> 00:00:14,858 - Testing, testing, one, two. - Testing. 7 00:00:14,858 --> 00:00:15,792 Testing, one two. 8 00:00:15,792 --> 00:00:16,860 The crowd can already hear us. 9 00:00:16,860 --> 00:00:18,295 - Oh, okay wait. So wait. - Testing. 10 00:00:18,295 --> 00:00:19,830 I got... I got a really quick game. 11 00:00:19,830 --> 00:00:21,298 It's called... It's called "Quick, Quick, Quick." 12 00:00:21,298 --> 00:00:22,566 - Okay. - And I'm gonna say "Quick, quick, quick." 13 00:00:22,566 --> 00:00:23,967 And I'm gonna say "Name three something." 14 00:00:23,967 --> 00:00:24,901 - All right, okay. - Okay. Okay. 15 00:00:24,901 --> 00:00:25,969 So, for you, quick, quick, quick 16 00:00:25,969 --> 00:00:28,305 name three brands of soap. 17 00:00:28,305 --> 00:00:32,042 Um, uh, Dove, Ivory and, um, Irish Spring. 18 00:00:32,042 --> 00:00:33,410 Stop. Quick. Okay, so, quick, quick, quick 19 00:00:33,410 --> 00:00:35,679 name... name three problems... dental problems. 20 00:00:35,679 --> 00:00:36,780 Go, name three dental problems go. 21 00:00:36,780 --> 00:00:37,981 - Oh, you've got an abscess. - Quick, quick, quick. 22 00:00:37,981 --> 00:00:39,049 - You got a cavity. - Quick, quick. 23 00:00:39,049 --> 00:00:40,817 - And you've got a punch in the mouth. - Okay. 24 00:00:43,754 --> 00:00:45,556 - Okay, what about you? Quick, quick, quick... - Quick, quick, quick. 25 00:00:45,556 --> 00:00:48,425 - Three great... - Sports teams. 26 00:00:50,327 --> 00:00:51,362 - Uh, the... - Quick! 27 00:00:51,362 --> 00:00:53,430 - The birds, the dinosaurs. - No! 28 00:00:53,430 --> 00:00:54,865 - Okay. - Oh, god. 29 00:00:54,865 --> 00:00:56,733 The dinosaurs! 30 00:00:56,733 --> 00:00:58,001 Listen, let's just forget this. 31 00:00:58,001 --> 00:01:00,337 Let's just get down to what we came here to do. 32 00:01:00,337 --> 00:01:01,672 - The last show of... - Of... 33 00:01:02,173 --> 00:01:03,840 SmartLess! 34 00:01:21,792 --> 00:01:22,726 Smart. 35 00:01:23,527 --> 00:01:24,361 Less. 36 00:01:35,806 --> 00:01:36,640 Thank you. 37 00:01:53,924 --> 00:01:55,592 Uh, you know what? I'm gonna take Sean's seat. 38 00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:57,228 'Cause he doesn't know. 39 00:01:58,495 --> 00:01:59,396 And he's gonna be like, "Where is?" 40 00:02:00,964 --> 00:02:02,933 And I'll be like, "Oh, there you go." 41 00:02:06,637 --> 00:02:07,471 No, I'm not. 42 00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:11,642 Double back. Because... 43 00:02:12,509 --> 00:02:13,344 ...that seat... 44 00:02:14,811 --> 00:02:15,646 ...doesn't recline. 45 00:02:17,514 --> 00:02:19,250 And, um, Sean doesn't like to recline. 46 00:02:19,950 --> 00:02:20,784 I bought the outfit. 47 00:02:22,586 --> 00:02:25,456 Oh. Every angle. 48 00:02:25,456 --> 00:02:27,724 Hey, Sean! Did you get the memo about the puffer? Oh, you did. 49 00:02:27,724 --> 00:02:29,293 You got the memo about the puffer jacket. 50 00:02:30,794 --> 00:02:31,628 Where do we sit? 51 00:02:32,095 --> 00:02:33,630 Um, okay, so. 52 00:02:34,164 --> 00:02:35,299 They put you... 53 00:02:36,633 --> 00:02:37,468 ...here. 54 00:02:41,972 --> 00:02:43,940 - Uh oh. - Department of Homeland Security. 55 00:02:44,775 --> 00:02:46,176 Well, what I'm gonna do is, 56 00:02:46,277 --> 00:02:49,045 is I'm gonna jackass my own bags out of this car, it's looking like. 57 00:02:49,646 --> 00:02:50,481 Watch this. 58 00:02:52,115 --> 00:02:52,949 Oi! 59 00:02:54,150 --> 00:02:55,819 Slip and slide there. Where're we going? 60 00:02:56,653 --> 00:02:58,522 This plane is nice. 61 00:02:58,522 --> 00:03:01,091 - Right? - I mean, private plane. 62 00:03:01,091 --> 00:03:02,293 On tour. 63 00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:04,495 Yeah, man. 64 00:03:04,495 --> 00:03:07,331 Um, hi back here. 65 00:03:07,331 --> 00:03:09,700 - Hey, guys. - Let me introduce you to everybody, Jason. 66 00:03:09,700 --> 00:03:12,068 You don't... You have no idea what everyone's name is. 67 00:03:12,068 --> 00:03:13,304 - Okay, this is Shawn. - No way. 68 00:03:13,304 --> 00:03:15,005 This is Wyatt, this is Michelle. 69 00:03:15,005 --> 00:03:15,906 - That's Paul. - It's Melissa. 70 00:03:15,906 --> 00:03:17,608 - Melissa, Melissa, Melissa. - Mark. 71 00:03:17,608 --> 00:03:18,809 - And Reuben. - Melissa. Melissa. 72 00:03:18,809 --> 00:03:20,210 - What'd I say? - Did he get any of that right? 73 00:03:20,311 --> 00:03:21,378 I meant to... I mean Melissa. 74 00:03:21,378 --> 00:03:23,213 - You've never been good at that. - Enjoy. Enjoy man. 75 00:03:24,581 --> 00:03:26,950 This is above the line only out here, man. 76 00:03:26,950 --> 00:03:28,685 Hey, why're they lockin' me out? 77 00:03:28,685 --> 00:03:30,321 Motherfuckers. 78 00:03:30,321 --> 00:03:32,122 Wait, wait, wait, don't do that. 79 00:03:32,122 --> 00:03:33,590 Oh, you gotta hit the button. 80 00:03:33,990 --> 00:03:34,891 Don't! 81 00:03:36,159 --> 00:03:37,328 Just relax. 82 00:03:38,895 --> 00:03:40,063 You guys are all right? 83 00:03:40,063 --> 00:03:41,465 Don't touch it! 84 00:03:41,465 --> 00:03:42,733 Uh oh. 85 00:03:42,733 --> 00:03:44,968 Well, guys, it looks like we're bunking together. 86 00:03:47,938 --> 00:03:49,239 You have to ask the pilot. 87 00:03:49,340 --> 00:03:50,474 Okay, well, we'll do this. 88 00:03:50,474 --> 00:03:51,575 I'm gonna call that guy up front. 89 00:03:51,575 --> 00:03:53,610 He's gonna get something... something to open it up. 90 00:03:53,610 --> 00:03:57,047 Great, this is what you get for flyin' bargain basement. 91 00:03:58,549 --> 00:04:00,150 Taxi cab of the skies. 92 00:04:08,191 --> 00:04:10,427 Hey guys, how's that little gag workin' out? 93 00:04:13,096 --> 00:04:14,498 Was it funny? 94 00:04:14,498 --> 00:04:15,766 "Hey, let's lock him in there! 95 00:04:16,867 --> 00:04:18,034 So dumb. 96 00:04:18,869 --> 00:04:20,070 The angle right here? 97 00:04:20,070 --> 00:04:22,205 It's hitting, it's not tucking in. 98 00:04:22,205 --> 00:04:25,241 They had to cancel D.C. 'cause they couldn't get there. 99 00:04:26,377 --> 00:04:28,379 Was it a good laugh? 100 00:04:28,379 --> 00:04:30,146 It was probably worth it. 101 00:04:30,146 --> 00:04:31,047 Sorry. 102 00:04:33,584 --> 00:04:35,919 You guys are not supposed to break the airplane before we fly. 103 00:04:35,919 --> 00:04:37,521 All right, guys, let's go, wheels up. 104 00:04:41,525 --> 00:04:45,762 Tonally speaking, about what we're doing on that stage. 105 00:04:45,762 --> 00:04:47,998 What people are used to, 106 00:04:47,998 --> 00:04:52,403 and we're not promising anything different, is the podcast. 107 00:04:52,403 --> 00:04:56,006 And the podcast is just the three of us talking to one another. 108 00:04:56,006 --> 00:04:58,208 - Mmm-hmm. - Very rarely talk to the audience. 109 00:04:58,208 --> 00:05:03,447 So I think it's totally natural for us to come out and say, 110 00:05:03,447 --> 00:05:07,017 "Hey Chicago, great to be here." 111 00:05:07,017 --> 00:05:12,856 But then it's almost, like, we now sort of agree to ignore you, audience. 112 00:05:12,856 --> 00:05:16,593 And now we're going to just do our podcast thing. 113 00:05:16,593 --> 00:05:17,994 Here's the thing to remember, 114 00:05:17,994 --> 00:05:19,930 even though we're doing the podcast, 115 00:05:19,930 --> 00:05:22,032 people have paid a lot of money to engage with us, 116 00:05:22,032 --> 00:05:23,534 the first time they're seeing us. 117 00:05:23,534 --> 00:05:26,937 So we should remember and feel free and open to engage. 118 00:05:26,937 --> 00:05:29,940 - Yeah. - Here's my proposal, which is... 119 00:05:29,940 --> 00:05:32,543 SmartLess music comes up, we walk out. 120 00:05:32,543 --> 00:05:33,677 Now we're standing... 121 00:05:34,511 --> 00:05:35,846 - ...downstage. - Right. 122 00:05:35,846 --> 00:05:37,481 We have our usual banter. 123 00:05:37,481 --> 00:05:39,850 "Look at Jason, can you believe that he fit into these jeans?" 124 00:05:39,850 --> 00:05:41,452 Or whatever the thing is, you know what I mean? 125 00:05:41,452 --> 00:05:46,022 - And we don't sit down until we introduce the guest? - Until we get the guest. 126 00:05:46,022 --> 00:05:48,358 - But then all that initial banter... - I don't know. 127 00:05:48,459 --> 00:05:51,227 ...before guest is engaged with the audience. 128 00:05:51,227 --> 00:05:52,729 It seems too performative. 129 00:05:52,729 --> 00:05:54,230 - I... I agree. - Well, here... 130 00:05:54,230 --> 00:05:57,200 We are doing a performance so we gotta keep that in mind. 131 00:05:57,200 --> 00:05:59,536 No. But that... But that's exactly what I'm asking right now. 132 00:05:59,536 --> 00:06:01,037 - I know. I know. I know. So. - Now I think that might be a mistake. 133 00:06:01,037 --> 00:06:03,039 But hang on. Let me just finish. Let me just finish. 134 00:06:03,039 --> 00:06:05,476 Whether we do that standing up or sitting down... 135 00:06:05,476 --> 00:06:07,878 ...I don't think that we can put... 136 00:06:07,878 --> 00:06:10,080 ...rules on what it's gonna be. 137 00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:12,783 Because we're not leaving ourselves open to being in the moment, 138 00:06:12,783 --> 00:06:14,117 and being part of the process 139 00:06:14,117 --> 00:06:15,486 if we pretend that they're not there. 140 00:06:15,486 --> 00:06:16,753 I'm not... not suggesting that. 141 00:06:16,753 --> 00:06:18,855 So, that's great. So we just gotta stay open to that. 142 00:06:22,258 --> 00:06:23,760 Will, did you see this menu? 143 00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:25,596 It's all salads. 144 00:06:25,596 --> 00:06:27,964 I know. How did we agree that we're ordering from here? 145 00:06:27,964 --> 00:06:29,666 I can't. I can't. 146 00:06:29,666 --> 00:06:31,902 Jason, this is your kind of place. 147 00:06:31,902 --> 00:06:33,737 Entree level salads? 148 00:06:33,737 --> 00:06:36,306 - Yeah. - I was thinking about that, I was thinking about... 149 00:06:36,306 --> 00:06:40,243 ...how annoying I'm gonna be to these room service folks about... 150 00:06:40,243 --> 00:06:42,345 "Hey, did you have an entree level salad?" 151 00:06:42,345 --> 00:06:43,947 "No. Just dinner salads." 152 00:06:43,947 --> 00:06:46,116 "Okay, I'll have four dinner salads, 153 00:06:46,116 --> 00:06:47,951 can you combine them in a mixing bowl?" 154 00:06:47,951 --> 00:06:49,019 - No. -"We don't have a mixing bowl." 155 00:06:49,019 --> 00:06:51,154 "Okay, then just bring the four dinner salads. 156 00:06:51,154 --> 00:06:52,556 Do you have a side of chicken?" 157 00:06:52,556 --> 00:06:55,759 They're gonna see your room number light up and they're gonna go... 158 00:06:55,759 --> 00:06:57,193 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 159 00:06:57,193 --> 00:06:59,129 And then I'm gonna cap it all off 160 00:06:59,129 --> 00:07:01,565 with a gluten-free oatmeal request in the morning. 161 00:07:01,565 --> 00:07:02,599 And I'm gonna get hanged up. 162 00:07:03,867 --> 00:07:07,370 - Hung up. - Don't... Don't peel that and keep it low. 163 00:07:07,370 --> 00:07:10,073 - That's alarming. - Do you use the built-in holder? 164 00:07:10,073 --> 00:07:12,543 Or are you one of those dingbats that pulls it off... 165 00:07:12,543 --> 00:07:14,344 ...infects it with your dirty dick beater, 166 00:07:14,344 --> 00:07:16,312 and then put it in your mouth? 167 00:07:18,114 --> 00:07:20,917 No! And by the way, it's not called the holder. 168 00:07:27,313 --> 00:07:28,747 Sean and I are ordering from The Palm. 169 00:07:28,747 --> 00:07:29,983 - Yeah. - Right? 170 00:07:29,983 --> 00:07:31,584 - Yeah, it's steak. - Great. 171 00:07:31,584 --> 00:07:35,821 Yeah, I'm gonna try and keep it fairly tight. 172 00:07:35,821 --> 00:07:38,157 I put on weight when I go outta town. 173 00:07:38,157 --> 00:07:39,993 I... I don't wanna let it get away from me. 174 00:07:39,993 --> 00:07:43,596 I'm gonna... There's gonna be, uh, a lot of fun eating opportunities 175 00:07:43,596 --> 00:07:44,998 and I gotta have some discipline. 176 00:07:46,332 --> 00:07:48,567 Very large person in here waiting to get out. 177 00:07:48,567 --> 00:07:51,337 - Well, let's talk more about it, for sure. - Can we? 178 00:07:51,337 --> 00:07:54,240 Well let's keep it, first and foremost, at all times, 179 00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:56,509 food and weight loss and how much, you know. 180 00:07:56,509 --> 00:07:57,676 'Cause it's really interesting. 181 00:07:59,345 --> 00:08:02,015 - Did I, um... - Talk about it nonstop, yeah. 182 00:08:02,015 --> 00:08:03,816 What? 183 00:08:03,816 --> 00:08:06,219 Oh man, and I got a zit the other day. 184 00:08:06,219 --> 00:08:07,886 I saw that, don't pick it. 185 00:08:07,886 --> 00:08:08,887 Now it's bleeding again. 186 00:08:10,356 --> 00:08:12,091 - Did you bring a medical kit? - Yeah. 187 00:08:12,091 --> 00:08:13,359 What else do you have in there? 188 00:08:13,359 --> 00:08:15,061 Do you have hydrogen peroxide? 189 00:08:15,061 --> 00:08:17,396 We brought Dr. Pimple Popper, she's on the plane too. 190 00:08:17,396 --> 00:08:20,033 - Is she here? - Don't. Don't. Don't. Jay, don't... don't rub it. 191 00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:22,035 Oh, tell me grandma. 192 00:08:22,035 --> 00:08:23,269 What should I do? 193 00:08:24,703 --> 00:08:26,339 I'm still young enough to have acne. 194 00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:28,774 That's... That's a problem. 195 00:08:28,774 --> 00:08:29,942 - And a bleeding zit. - You know what that means. 196 00:08:30,909 --> 00:08:32,145 Hit by a bus. 197 00:08:32,145 --> 00:08:35,048 I'm gonna get... I think I might get, and we have to cut this, 198 00:08:35,048 --> 00:08:36,049 get a little surf and turf. 199 00:08:38,317 --> 00:08:39,752 Oh, make sure you cut that. 200 00:08:39,752 --> 00:08:40,853 - Yeah, why are we cuttin' that? - Yeah. 201 00:08:40,853 --> 00:08:43,422 'Cause it's... it's kind of extravagant, no? 202 00:08:44,590 --> 00:08:47,393 Please tell me somebody got that, are you long on that? 203 00:08:52,231 --> 00:08:54,533 Look what... Look what's happening. 204 00:08:54,533 --> 00:08:56,235 - Oh, nice. - Thank you. 205 00:08:57,970 --> 00:09:00,439 Do you have anything sweat, like pastries or anything? 206 00:09:00,439 --> 00:09:02,975 - Uh oh. - Um, we have cookies, shortbread cookies. 207 00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:04,310 Can I see them? 208 00:09:04,310 --> 00:09:06,879 - Oh, my god. - So you're gonna start off today 209 00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:10,716 with a bone-in ribeye steak rare. 210 00:09:10,716 --> 00:09:11,717 Yeah. 211 00:09:11,717 --> 00:09:13,186 Medium-rare and don't look at my order. 212 00:09:13,186 --> 00:09:14,787 - Why are you looking at my order. - Why? 'Cause don't... 213 00:09:14,787 --> 00:09:16,089 don't copy me then. 214 00:09:16,089 --> 00:09:18,991 If you wanna keep your... your... your fat intake secret. 215 00:09:19,092 --> 00:09:21,394 It's not fat. It's gonna be quite lean actually. 216 00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:22,628 - Will it? - Yeah. I'm having a... 217 00:09:22,628 --> 00:09:23,896 - I'm having a salad. - Well, we'll see. 218 00:09:23,896 --> 00:09:24,830 I'm gonna be sitting right next to you. 219 00:09:24,830 --> 00:09:26,165 I'm gonna have a salad and a steak 220 00:09:26,165 --> 00:09:28,201 Can't wait for our little dining room table. 221 00:09:29,102 --> 00:09:30,503 Wow, that really changed. 222 00:09:30,503 --> 00:09:32,838 It's hard... This is emotional abuse. 223 00:09:32,838 --> 00:09:35,241 - 'Cause it starts as an attack. - I hurt you, 224 00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:37,143 - and then I get soft. - And then... yeah. Yeah. 225 00:09:37,143 --> 00:09:38,977 You don't know what's comin', ever. 226 00:09:38,977 --> 00:09:40,979 Yeah. Is that how you grew up? 227 00:09:40,979 --> 00:09:42,014 - Yes. - Is it? 228 00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:44,717 - Head on a swivel. - Look at the tears. 229 00:09:44,717 --> 00:09:46,785 What was the hardest part of that? 230 00:09:48,121 --> 00:09:49,522 - Of growing up? - Yeah. 231 00:09:50,889 --> 00:09:51,857 With the head on the swivel. 232 00:09:51,857 --> 00:09:53,526 That's a hot hand. 233 00:09:56,129 --> 00:09:58,497 You're making my knee sweat. 234 00:09:58,497 --> 00:10:00,099 Yeah, I'm gonna have that steak when we get in there 235 00:10:00,099 --> 00:10:01,734 'cause it's gonna be dinner time. 236 00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:04,970 And, uh, that's appropriate. 237 00:10:06,639 --> 00:10:08,774 All right, so I have to dental floss... 238 00:10:08,774 --> 00:10:10,376 - ...after every meal-- - Oh, my god. 239 00:10:10,376 --> 00:10:11,910 ...because I get stuff 'caught in my teeth. 240 00:10:11,910 --> 00:10:14,012 Especially raspberries, strawberry seeds. 241 00:10:14,012 --> 00:10:17,350 And I can't floss unless I've got all the germs off my fingers 242 00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:19,051 - because, you know... - Oh, my god. 243 00:10:19,051 --> 00:10:20,653 I'm putting my fingers in my mouth. 244 00:10:20,653 --> 00:10:24,056 So this is my little routine that you guys are just gonna have to get used to. 245 00:10:25,258 --> 00:10:26,292 Okay. 246 00:10:34,767 --> 00:10:35,668 No. 247 00:10:40,639 --> 00:10:43,709 I don't think... we're not halfway done with the flight, 248 00:10:43,709 --> 00:10:45,578 and I don't think I can do any more with him. 249 00:10:45,578 --> 00:10:47,580 Not with him, not anymore. 250 00:10:58,824 --> 00:11:00,759 This is a real nice aircraft. 251 00:11:01,660 --> 00:11:02,795 What's that? 252 00:11:02,795 --> 00:11:04,397 This is a real nice aircraft. 253 00:11:04,397 --> 00:11:06,299 Yeah. Now, I'm gonna turn off, transfer. 254 00:11:06,299 --> 00:11:07,366 And now I can't hear you at all. 255 00:11:08,534 --> 00:11:10,369 Much better. 256 00:11:11,937 --> 00:11:15,073 Watch how infrequently he, uh, turns the page. 257 00:11:26,685 --> 00:11:27,920 Like, an actual improvement. 258 00:11:29,021 --> 00:11:30,022 You know? 259 00:11:31,257 --> 00:11:33,292 Like, if we could do the show like this, it'd be great. 260 00:12:19,872 --> 00:12:21,507 We're about, uh, one minute to landing. 261 00:12:21,507 --> 00:12:23,842 So we need to sit down, have our safety belts on. 262 00:12:23,842 --> 00:12:24,710 Thank you. 263 00:12:30,483 --> 00:12:33,051 Well that's... It's not warm. 264 00:12:35,187 --> 00:12:36,322 Can you believe we're actually here? 265 00:12:36,322 --> 00:12:37,390 I can't. It's wild. 266 00:12:38,991 --> 00:12:40,493 Dulles. It's called Dulles. 267 00:12:41,894 --> 00:12:43,696 I said the airport was named after Jason, 268 00:12:43,696 --> 00:12:44,830 'cause it's called "dullest." 269 00:12:44,830 --> 00:12:46,499 Right? Oh, no, sorry. 270 00:12:46,499 --> 00:12:48,301 - It's Dulles. - Yeah, sorry. 271 00:12:48,301 --> 00:12:49,101 Dullest. 272 00:12:55,107 --> 00:12:56,842 I gotta tell ya. 273 00:12:56,842 --> 00:12:59,545 I am, uh, excited for our, um... 274 00:12:59,545 --> 00:13:01,480 - I'm excited to eat. I know. - ...our dinner. 275 00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:07,786 So do you guys wanna shower first or... 276 00:13:09,021 --> 00:13:10,188 I showered right before the plane. 277 00:13:11,357 --> 00:13:13,459 Are you a morning showerer or a night showerer? 278 00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:15,227 I'm a night showerer actually, 279 00:13:15,328 --> 00:13:16,895 but this morning I took a shower in the morning. 280 00:13:16,895 --> 00:13:19,432 So you don't shower when you get up in the morning? 281 00:13:19,432 --> 00:13:22,668 I mean, if I have a gig or something to go to, I do. 282 00:13:22,668 --> 00:13:24,637 A gig. How long you been singing? 283 00:13:26,004 --> 00:13:27,606 Um, let me ask you a question. 284 00:13:27,606 --> 00:13:29,975 After you empty your body... 285 00:13:29,975 --> 00:13:33,446 ...that's when you put on your day clothes and you enter the world? 286 00:13:33,446 --> 00:13:36,515 - Well no, I don't... - You don't shower after you... 287 00:13:36,515 --> 00:13:38,817 Pooping has no... Pooping has no, like... 288 00:13:38,817 --> 00:13:40,185 You poop all day long. 289 00:13:40,185 --> 00:13:42,087 - No, wait, oh, woah! - You don't take a shower every time you poo. 290 00:13:42,087 --> 00:13:43,856 Do you have, uh, a GI problem? 291 00:13:43,856 --> 00:13:45,090 You know, I was thinking about this, 292 00:13:45,090 --> 00:13:48,026 because you mentioned this the other day as well to me, 293 00:13:48,026 --> 00:13:49,928 Jason, you're like, "Well, you don't shower after you poop?" 294 00:13:49,928 --> 00:13:51,764 And I'm like, "Who showers after they poop?" 295 00:13:51,764 --> 00:13:53,366 That's... You'd have to shower, like, two, three times a day. 296 00:13:53,366 --> 00:13:55,167 - Like what kind of damage are you doing in a-- - Just shower... 297 00:13:55,167 --> 00:13:58,471 No, no, all you need to do is just shower at the top of the day, 298 00:13:58,471 --> 00:14:00,673 and make sure your poop precedes that. 299 00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:02,007 Yeah, I... yeah. 300 00:14:02,007 --> 00:14:04,176 - Okay? I mean. - So wake up, have some coffee-- 301 00:14:04,176 --> 00:14:06,211 - But stuff happens. Literally, shit happens. - Empty yourself. 302 00:14:06,211 --> 00:14:10,883 - So. - Then... Then shower, dress, and... and drive to work. 303 00:14:10,883 --> 00:14:13,419 Like, I have a 9 to 5 job? 304 00:14:13,419 --> 00:14:15,120 - Yeah, what're you talkin' about? - Where wherever you're goin'. 305 00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:18,056 Can't you just wake up a couple hours before you're supposed to be there. 306 00:14:18,056 --> 00:14:19,858 Get your business handled, you know, with your coffee-- 307 00:14:19,858 --> 00:14:22,861 You've never had a situation where you've had to go in the middle of the day? 308 00:14:22,861 --> 00:14:24,397 You know who shits in the middle of the day? 309 00:14:24,397 --> 00:14:25,531 People that don't get up in time 310 00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:26,965 to take care of their business in the morning. 311 00:14:28,734 --> 00:14:30,903 So you got... You do your business in the morning 312 00:14:30,903 --> 00:14:32,938 and then you shower and then you're all good for the whole day? 313 00:14:32,938 --> 00:14:35,307 Yeah. And that's it, I don't... I don't have so much... 314 00:14:35,408 --> 00:14:37,976 - I think it's-- - But he doesn't consume... he doesn't consume any food. 315 00:14:37,976 --> 00:14:40,713 Yeah, I don't eat so much food in the middle of the day, 316 00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:43,782 that I have to create more room by pushing stuff out of me. 317 00:14:45,083 --> 00:14:46,985 Okay, why don't you just try eating a little bit less 318 00:14:46,985 --> 00:14:48,421 and you'll only shit once a day. 319 00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:52,958 And by the way, I think I'm similar to most people 320 00:14:52,958 --> 00:14:53,959 walking the planet. 321 00:14:54,927 --> 00:14:56,495 - I know you think that. - Yeah. 322 00:14:56,495 --> 00:14:57,663 But I don't think you are. 323 00:14:57,663 --> 00:14:58,764 Hmm. 324 00:14:58,764 --> 00:15:01,233 Also, you're asking, like, the questions of, like, 325 00:15:01,233 --> 00:15:03,135 a wide-eyed 9-year-old right now. 326 00:15:05,904 --> 00:15:07,305 I will be showering tonight. 327 00:15:07,305 --> 00:15:08,641 I won't shower tonight. I'm gonna take a bath tonight. 328 00:15:08,641 --> 00:15:10,509 Because... Because, uh... A bath? 329 00:15:10,509 --> 00:15:11,444 Yeah. 330 00:15:12,878 --> 00:15:13,746 You're gonna what? 331 00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:15,714 Why are you taking baths? 332 00:15:16,449 --> 00:15:17,215 First of all. 333 00:15:17,716 --> 00:15:19,251 First of all. 334 00:15:19,251 --> 00:15:24,256 The concept of sitting in a pot of your own juice... 335 00:15:24,256 --> 00:15:29,261 ...is something reserved for broccoli, uh, lobsters, um... 336 00:15:29,261 --> 00:15:31,664 "Something reserved for." 337 00:15:31,664 --> 00:15:36,469 And... And for humans that needed to clean before plumbing was invented. 338 00:15:38,571 --> 00:15:39,905 - Guys! - There it is, Washington Monument. 339 00:15:39,905 --> 00:15:41,006 - Washington Monument! - Oh, my god. 340 00:15:41,006 --> 00:15:42,541 - There's the Capitol. - Wow! 341 00:15:42,541 --> 00:15:45,711 Hey, where's the grassy knoll where JFK got assassinated? 342 00:15:45,711 --> 00:15:47,713 That's in Dallas you stupid dick. 343 00:15:50,549 --> 00:15:51,383 God. 344 00:15:52,651 --> 00:15:55,521 Do me a favor, when we're out, like, on this, 345 00:15:55,521 --> 00:15:56,655 and we're out in front of people-- 346 00:15:56,655 --> 00:15:58,390 - Try not to talk. - ...can you guys not talk at all. 347 00:15:58,491 --> 00:15:59,658 - Yeah. - Both of you. 348 00:15:59,658 --> 00:16:00,893 Just don't say anything. 349 00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:03,395 And that would be really helpful. 350 00:16:04,296 --> 00:16:05,598 What's that right there? 351 00:16:05,598 --> 00:16:07,032 That's the same thing we just [laughs] passed. 352 00:16:19,912 --> 00:16:21,847 Jason, what size are your feet? 353 00:16:21,847 --> 00:16:24,316 - Uh, they're 12. - Are they really? 354 00:16:24,316 --> 00:16:25,651 - Yeah. - They're huge. 355 00:16:26,919 --> 00:16:28,286 - Hi there. - Thank you. 356 00:16:28,286 --> 00:16:29,722 - Thank you. - Look at Marguerite. 357 00:16:29,722 --> 00:16:31,557 - She's got it all dialed. - Hello. Hi. 358 00:16:31,557 --> 00:16:34,593 Marguerite, you are the best tour manager ever. 359 00:16:37,395 --> 00:16:38,964 Dibs. 360 00:16:38,964 --> 00:16:40,365 - On whatever it is. - On... On... 361 00:16:40,365 --> 00:16:41,967 - On a room? - On whatever the thing is. 362 00:16:41,967 --> 00:16:43,035 Dibs. 363 00:16:45,538 --> 00:16:47,039 - Okay. - Oh, my god. 364 00:16:47,039 --> 00:16:48,173 And strippers. 365 00:16:50,008 --> 00:16:51,577 Cheese plates! 366 00:16:52,611 --> 00:16:53,912 - Yay! - This is crazy. 367 00:16:58,551 --> 00:16:59,384 All right. 368 00:17:02,454 --> 00:17:03,288 This is good. 369 00:17:04,356 --> 00:17:05,558 Got a bath. 370 00:17:05,558 --> 00:17:06,358 Huh. 371 00:17:08,827 --> 00:17:09,962 Take a nice bath. 372 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:16,168 Bed, it's all I need. 373 00:17:20,639 --> 00:17:21,840 Thinkin' about what it is used to be. 374 00:17:24,342 --> 00:17:25,978 If I was a younger man, we woulda just... 375 00:17:26,712 --> 00:17:27,580 ...torn it up. 376 00:17:29,615 --> 00:17:31,483 And now I'm just thinkin', like... 377 00:17:31,584 --> 00:17:34,186 "How early is too early for me to go to sleep?" 378 00:17:36,822 --> 00:17:39,592 That's legit what I'm thinkin' about. 379 00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:42,327 At what point can I go to bed and not get shit for it? 380 00:17:42,327 --> 00:17:43,796 Jay, what room do you want? 381 00:17:43,796 --> 00:17:45,430 I don't care, I'll take whatever's left. 382 00:17:45,430 --> 00:17:46,865 You can have that one. 383 00:17:46,865 --> 00:17:48,867 - The nice one. - Jason gets the nice one. 384 00:17:49,602 --> 00:17:51,003 But you know what? 385 00:17:51,003 --> 00:17:52,404 We gotta give it to him because... 386 00:17:53,639 --> 00:17:55,874 ...'cause he'll just... he'll l never stop complaining. 387 00:17:56,975 --> 00:17:58,877 And we don't have... 388 00:17:58,877 --> 00:18:00,613 ...I don't have the strength to put up with it. 389 00:18:01,379 --> 00:18:02,214 You know? 390 00:18:02,781 --> 00:18:03,882 So... 391 00:18:03,882 --> 00:18:04,983 Hope you're happy, dude! 392 00:18:07,986 --> 00:18:08,887 I do hope he's hap... 393 00:18:08,887 --> 00:18:09,988 I also hope he's not happy. 394 00:18:19,820 --> 00:18:21,656 Why did Marguerite just send us a menu 395 00:18:21,656 --> 00:18:23,924 for after the show, back here at the hotel? 396 00:18:23,924 --> 00:18:25,193 Why do you think? 397 00:18:25,193 --> 00:18:27,128 - Because no one asked her to. - 'Cause I knew you'd be... 398 00:18:27,128 --> 00:18:28,463 No, because I knew you'd be grumpy. 399 00:18:28,463 --> 00:18:30,165 No, I... I can wait until-- 400 00:18:30,165 --> 00:18:31,966 We're gonna have dinner, though. 401 00:18:32,067 --> 00:18:34,435 We're gonna eat pre-show [stammers] a little, 402 00:18:34,435 --> 00:18:36,404 but I'm not gonna stuff myself before the show. 403 00:18:36,404 --> 00:18:37,438 - I will. - I bet you will. 404 00:18:37,438 --> 00:18:38,373 And then... 405 00:18:40,208 --> 00:18:42,443 And then post show... 406 00:18:42,443 --> 00:18:44,079 Let's take a look at what's on the table over here. 407 00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:46,481 - Yeah. - From last night. 408 00:18:47,848 --> 00:18:48,949 Look at this! 409 00:18:48,949 --> 00:18:49,850 Look at all this shit. 410 00:18:49,850 --> 00:18:51,086 This food, all this stuff. 411 00:18:51,086 --> 00:18:52,953 This is all you, Bateman. 412 00:18:52,953 --> 00:18:54,089 You ate all that shit. 413 00:18:54,822 --> 00:18:56,524 So I'm protecting us against-- 414 00:18:56,524 --> 00:18:57,792 The rice cakes, the almonds... 415 00:18:58,393 --> 00:18:59,760 The Skinny Pop. 416 00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:01,896 - The carrots. - Skinny Pop! 417 00:19:01,896 --> 00:19:03,698 - Is that what I ate? - Plus your... your dinner. 418 00:19:04,932 --> 00:19:06,567 Which was a superfood salad 419 00:19:06,567 --> 00:19:08,769 with a grilled chicken cut up on it. 420 00:19:08,769 --> 00:19:10,571 Anyway. 421 00:19:10,571 --> 00:19:13,574 Please remember your attitude, remember your face. 422 00:19:13,574 --> 00:19:15,543 - All of it. - Again, is it smiling right now? 423 00:19:15,543 --> 00:19:16,911 - 'Cause that's what I'm telling my face to do. - It's not. 424 00:19:16,911 --> 00:19:17,912 It's the opposite of smiling. 425 00:19:17,912 --> 00:19:19,180 I'm happy right now. 426 00:19:19,180 --> 00:19:21,782 It's so heavy and hanging. 427 00:19:21,782 --> 00:19:23,684 We're gonna have such a big meal at 5, 428 00:19:23,684 --> 00:19:26,254 there's no way we're gonna wanna eat when we come back to the room. 429 00:19:26,254 --> 00:19:30,558 What're you gonna do, you gonna fuckin' hunker down before the... the show? 430 00:19:30,558 --> 00:19:33,428 - You're gonna go out there just all... all... - Yeah. 431 00:19:33,428 --> 00:19:35,530 Yeah. All bloated. 432 00:19:35,530 --> 00:19:38,966 Man, you guys have never played in the NHL. 433 00:19:40,401 --> 00:19:41,569 Here he comes. 434 00:19:42,170 --> 00:19:43,938 Oh, yeah! 435 00:19:43,938 --> 00:19:46,141 Restuff your junk again. 436 00:19:46,141 --> 00:19:48,576 Put one more wrap on your unit and then come back out. 437 00:19:48,576 --> 00:19:50,145 You wish! 438 00:19:50,145 --> 00:19:53,781 What we does is he... he wraps his unit in toilet paper to build up girth. 439 00:19:53,781 --> 00:19:56,451 'Cause it's very long but it's super, super skinny, 440 00:19:56,451 --> 00:19:58,619 and he's got a complex about it. 441 00:19:58,619 --> 00:20:00,888 He'll mummify it, you know, with toilet paper, 442 00:20:00,888 --> 00:20:04,159 if he ever has to do a scene in underwear or anything like that. 443 00:20:04,159 --> 00:20:06,127 Uh, Sean, ask him about that. 444 00:20:06,127 --> 00:20:07,462 Okay. Hey, Will! 445 00:20:07,462 --> 00:20:08,829 Just a little bit... 446 00:20:10,765 --> 00:20:11,666 ...of cream to... 447 00:20:12,367 --> 00:20:13,601 ...moisturize. 448 00:20:13,601 --> 00:20:15,670 I mean... 449 00:20:15,670 --> 00:20:18,973 I know that it looks it but I'm not getting any younger. 450 00:20:18,973 --> 00:20:20,641 He'll build, like, a sleeping bag around it, 451 00:20:20,641 --> 00:20:22,310 kinda, like, with toilet paper. 452 00:20:25,146 --> 00:20:25,980 He does not do that. 453 00:20:27,014 --> 00:20:28,949 Yeah. He bubble wraps it. 454 00:20:28,949 --> 00:20:30,151 Definitely have less hair... 455 00:20:30,851 --> 00:20:31,786 ...then I used to have. 456 00:20:33,020 --> 00:20:33,854 That part is troubling. 457 00:20:34,889 --> 00:20:37,692 I'm actually kinda hungry. Are you? 458 00:20:37,692 --> 00:20:39,827 Uh, I've have some rice cakes. 459 00:20:39,827 --> 00:20:41,296 I'm okay. 460 00:20:47,402 --> 00:20:48,369 I'm gonna have a rice cake. 461 00:20:49,304 --> 00:20:50,471 All right, I'm gonna get dressed. 462 00:20:57,545 --> 00:21:00,681 Oh, I don't think we can both be wearing white soled sneakers 463 00:21:00,681 --> 00:21:02,683 so go ahead and switch. 464 00:21:02,683 --> 00:21:03,751 - Oh! - Switch out. 465 00:21:03,751 --> 00:21:05,019 - Oh, okay. - Yeah. 466 00:21:05,019 --> 00:21:07,288 You know, I was first. I was definitely first. 467 00:21:07,288 --> 00:21:08,623 - Huh, it's weird. - Huh. 468 00:21:08,623 --> 00:21:09,957 Hey, it's cool, it's a good look. 469 00:21:09,957 --> 00:21:12,460 You both look like you're, uh, you know, sports casters 470 00:21:12,460 --> 00:21:15,730 for NFL today or something, you know? 471 00:21:15,730 --> 00:21:18,032 - That's a nice jacket. - "They're wearing their dress sneakers." 472 00:21:18,032 --> 00:21:19,234 Hey, we're young! 473 00:21:19,234 --> 00:21:20,768 - You fuckin' tools. - We gotta go. 474 00:21:20,768 --> 00:21:21,636 Ready to go? 475 00:21:22,337 --> 00:21:23,304 Let's do it. 476 00:21:23,304 --> 00:21:25,373 I'm nervous about the unknown. 477 00:21:25,373 --> 00:21:26,307 You know? 478 00:21:27,742 --> 00:21:29,076 Like, we've never done this. 479 00:21:30,245 --> 00:21:31,246 But I'm also excited. 480 00:21:33,448 --> 00:21:34,915 I'm excited. I'm ecstatic. 481 00:21:36,484 --> 00:21:37,318 Excited. 482 00:21:40,855 --> 00:21:41,756 I'm nervous. 483 00:21:50,765 --> 00:21:51,966 That looks like a government building. 484 00:21:51,966 --> 00:21:53,133 - State-- - Department of State! 485 00:21:53,133 --> 00:21:54,902 State Department, man. 486 00:21:54,902 --> 00:21:57,137 Oh! And then what is the monument in front of us? 487 00:21:57,137 --> 00:21:58,439 Is that the Lincoln Memorial? 488 00:21:58,439 --> 00:21:59,507 - That's the Lincoln Memorial. - Oh, it is? 489 00:21:59,507 --> 00:22:00,675 And then to our left... 490 00:22:00,675 --> 00:22:01,842 Washington Monument. 491 00:22:01,842 --> 00:22:03,478 How do you know all that, Will? 492 00:22:03,478 --> 00:22:06,180 Ooh, there's a helicopter goin' that way, do you think that's the, uh, president? 493 00:22:06,281 --> 00:22:07,047 No? 494 00:22:08,082 --> 00:22:09,350 - Hey, Mike? - Yeah? 495 00:22:09,350 --> 00:22:13,020 Can we go take the van and park it in front of the Jefferson, 496 00:22:13,020 --> 00:22:15,290 or the Lincoln behind us, and get out, 497 00:22:15,290 --> 00:22:18,859 walk inside real quick and then come back to the van? 498 00:22:18,859 --> 00:22:22,297 Yeah, let's do little five minute stops at each one of these monuments. 499 00:22:22,297 --> 00:22:24,064 Michael, were you part of the January 6 riot? 500 00:22:26,166 --> 00:22:27,034 Oh, okay. 501 00:22:28,035 --> 00:22:29,537 Go ahead, keep that conversation going. 502 00:22:29,537 --> 00:22:31,038 Ask him what his personal politics are. 503 00:22:32,473 --> 00:22:33,808 Wait, did we just do a big loop? 504 00:22:34,409 --> 00:22:35,443 Yeah. 505 00:22:35,443 --> 00:22:38,045 Mike, you're single-handedly the worst tour guide 506 00:22:38,045 --> 00:22:42,016 I've ever had in any city, at any point in my life. 507 00:22:42,016 --> 00:22:45,720 We're just driving in circles, I just wanna get out of the van. 508 00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:48,956 We can't flip a U-ie and get back there to the Jefferson, huh? 509 00:22:48,956 --> 00:22:49,957 Or the Lincoln? 510 00:22:49,957 --> 00:22:51,726 Uh... 511 00:22:51,726 --> 00:22:53,928 We're driving further and further. 512 00:22:58,899 --> 00:23:01,636 If you can slow down, Mike, just a little bit, pal? Thank you. 513 00:23:02,470 --> 00:23:03,804 That's sarcasm. 514 00:23:03,804 --> 00:23:08,343 Let's get to that Lincoln Memorial as soon as you possibly can. 515 00:23:08,343 --> 00:23:10,144 Holy shit! 516 00:23:10,144 --> 00:23:11,646 Motherfucker. 517 00:23:14,715 --> 00:23:16,984 Are your flashers on right now, Mike? 518 00:23:20,220 --> 00:23:21,989 - Wow. - Careful, jogger. 519 00:23:25,826 --> 00:23:26,861 They're comin' for you, Mike. 520 00:23:26,861 --> 00:23:28,195 There's a minimum speed. 521 00:23:33,601 --> 00:23:36,136 It's usually driving slow is the giveaway that you're high, 522 00:23:36,136 --> 00:23:37,538 by the way, Mike. 523 00:23:37,538 --> 00:23:38,873 Wow. 524 00:23:39,940 --> 00:23:41,376 Keep goin'. 525 00:23:41,376 --> 00:23:42,710 Oh god, that feels better. 526 00:23:42,710 --> 00:23:44,612 - God. - Hey, look! The Marines or somethin'. 527 00:23:46,246 --> 00:23:48,383 - The Marines of something. - Sean. Sean, they're not single. 528 00:23:48,383 --> 00:23:49,283 Oh. 529 00:23:51,886 --> 00:23:53,388 Wow, this is so cool. 530 00:23:53,388 --> 00:23:54,755 Did you guys see Rocky? 531 00:23:54,755 --> 00:23:56,724 This is where he fought Mr. T, right? 532 00:23:56,724 --> 00:23:57,925 At the top of the steps. 533 00:23:57,925 --> 00:24:00,060 - No, that's over at the Washington Monument. - Oh, okay. 534 00:24:00,060 --> 00:24:00,928 Okay. 535 00:24:03,130 --> 00:24:05,900 I actually think that this grade. I don't think it's to code. 536 00:24:05,900 --> 00:24:07,635 - I... - To be honest. 537 00:24:07,635 --> 00:24:08,736 Stairs are too short. 538 00:24:08,736 --> 00:24:10,037 - This is crazy. - I don't wanna be the guy... 539 00:24:11,105 --> 00:24:12,239 It is a little slippery. 540 00:24:12,239 --> 00:24:13,774 They're too shallow and too steep. 541 00:24:15,643 --> 00:24:17,011 You'd never get away with this now. 542 00:24:19,447 --> 00:24:21,616 God. How many people walk on this every day? 543 00:24:21,616 --> 00:24:22,483 It's amazing. 544 00:24:37,532 --> 00:24:38,733 It's pretty wild, huh? 545 00:24:40,334 --> 00:24:43,504 Uh, this is the Maxell Tape guy, right? 546 00:24:43,504 --> 00:24:45,606 - No, this is Thomas Jefferson. - Oh. 547 00:24:45,606 --> 00:24:46,874 Yeah. 548 00:24:49,710 --> 00:24:51,946 By the way, look how chiseled he is. 549 00:24:51,946 --> 00:24:54,815 Definitely, uh, did not have a lot of sodium last night. 550 00:24:54,815 --> 00:24:56,050 No sodium. 551 00:24:56,050 --> 00:24:57,317 All right. Let's go. 552 00:24:58,252 --> 00:25:00,220 Oh now, look at that, that's next. 553 00:25:00,220 --> 00:25:01,622 Yeah, isn't it... Look at the view. 554 00:25:01,622 --> 00:25:03,558 Should we walk over there? 555 00:25:03,558 --> 00:25:05,292 All the way down there? 556 00:25:05,292 --> 00:25:06,994 Well, yeah. What is it, a quarter mile? 557 00:25:07,928 --> 00:25:09,196 Take us 10 minutes. 558 00:25:09,196 --> 00:25:11,265 Well, we have to be at the venue by 3, is that right? 559 00:25:11,265 --> 00:25:13,568 Yeah. 560 00:25:13,568 --> 00:25:16,136 Why don't we keep our walk going all the way to the Capitol? 561 00:25:16,136 --> 00:25:17,071 That's a long way. 562 00:25:17,071 --> 00:25:18,272 What do you mean a long way? 563 00:25:18,272 --> 00:25:20,107 - It's not even a mile. - How far is it from our venue? 564 00:25:21,742 --> 00:25:23,110 Well, we're gonna have a van for that. 565 00:25:25,079 --> 00:25:27,615 - Yeah, what's the name-- - When's the last time you had a chance to walk 566 00:25:27,615 --> 00:25:30,485 from the Lincoln Memorial all the way to the Capitol? 567 00:25:30,485 --> 00:25:33,120 - Been a few years. - Sorry, since January Sixth. 568 00:25:33,120 --> 00:25:35,222 - Oh, man. - Have you guys seen Ozark? 569 00:25:35,222 --> 00:25:36,090 Oh, god. 570 00:25:37,124 --> 00:25:38,826 So good. 571 00:25:42,597 --> 00:25:44,532 Look at that. Look how impressive that is. 572 00:25:46,333 --> 00:25:47,167 All right, Willy, come here. 573 00:25:52,540 --> 00:25:55,510 - The Jefferson Memorial. - It's the Washington Monument. 574 00:25:55,510 --> 00:25:56,877 The Washington Monument. 575 00:25:57,545 --> 00:25:58,513 Wow. 576 00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:01,148 All right, so to the White House. 577 00:26:01,148 --> 00:26:03,417 By the way, Jason, wait a minute. 578 00:26:03,518 --> 00:26:05,520 - That's a long-ass walk. - Yup. 579 00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:07,822 - Yup. - That is not longer than what we just did. 580 00:26:07,822 --> 00:26:10,558 No, but that... that to the... the White House? 581 00:26:10,558 --> 00:26:11,959 Oh, you know what we could do? 582 00:26:14,895 --> 00:26:17,431 - It's so much better than walking? - You know... 583 00:26:18,533 --> 00:26:20,100 - Have you noticed? - Pop it. 584 00:26:20,100 --> 00:26:21,135 Ba-boom. 585 00:26:21,135 --> 00:26:23,137 - Here we go, cutting in. Come on, Sean. - Got it. 586 00:26:23,571 --> 00:26:24,572 Oh, Jesus. 587 00:26:24,572 --> 00:26:25,540 That was close. 588 00:26:25,540 --> 00:26:26,941 That was super close, you guys. 589 00:26:26,941 --> 00:26:29,677 How far up the Capitol steps do you think we can get on these? 590 00:26:29,677 --> 00:26:31,746 Watch this, they put this here for me. 591 00:26:31,746 --> 00:26:33,848 Jump it! 592 00:26:33,848 --> 00:26:36,717 - There it is. - Wait, is that the back of it or the front of it? 593 00:26:36,717 --> 00:26:38,052 - Front. - Can we get closer? 594 00:26:38,052 --> 00:26:39,419 Yeah, let's get closer. 595 00:26:39,419 --> 00:26:41,055 It's just amazing that nobody's here. 596 00:26:41,055 --> 00:26:42,222 I know, it's wild. 597 00:26:42,222 --> 00:26:44,058 Do you know where we're goin'? 598 00:26:44,058 --> 00:26:45,560 No. I... I can look. 599 00:26:45,560 --> 00:26:46,961 - Hey, fellow Birders. - Hi. 600 00:26:46,961 --> 00:26:48,763 Yeah. 601 00:26:48,763 --> 00:26:51,065 - Look at that. - White House right here. 602 00:26:51,065 --> 00:26:52,232 Pretty cool. 603 00:26:52,232 --> 00:26:53,467 Fuckin' A. 604 00:27:02,877 --> 00:27:04,712 Hey, guys! 605 00:27:10,585 --> 00:27:14,221 Wow. You're telling me there's gonna be somebody in every one of those seats? 606 00:27:14,221 --> 00:27:16,824 So we get up there and then what? 607 00:27:18,425 --> 00:27:19,259 Wow. 608 00:27:21,495 --> 00:27:22,362 This is wild. 609 00:27:23,864 --> 00:27:25,900 Dude. What have we done? 610 00:27:25,900 --> 00:27:27,001 Oi! 611 00:27:28,703 --> 00:27:29,604 Okay. 612 00:27:30,070 --> 00:27:31,205 Crazy. 613 00:27:31,205 --> 00:27:33,974 This is crazy. I think we're... 614 00:27:33,974 --> 00:27:36,243 Not to quote myself, but we made a huge mistake. 615 00:27:37,678 --> 00:27:39,747 Guess who's hungry? 616 00:27:39,747 --> 00:27:41,248 - Oh, yeah? - Yep. 617 00:27:41,248 --> 00:27:43,483 - Get seated. Find your spot. - So I'm gonna rehearse my sitting. 618 00:27:43,483 --> 00:27:45,720 - Let me tell you what doesn't look good. - Oh, there's your smiley face. 619 00:27:48,623 --> 00:27:50,791 Look what Marguerite did. 620 00:27:53,027 --> 00:27:54,895 And I just did one of those. 621 00:27:54,895 --> 00:27:57,397 Should we have snacks out for our guest? 622 00:27:57,397 --> 00:27:59,333 Oh, we're gonna have coffee mugs, stuff like that. 623 00:27:59,333 --> 00:28:01,468 By the way, speaking of coffee. 624 00:28:02,770 --> 00:28:04,304 Wouldn't mind a coffee run right now. 625 00:28:04,304 --> 00:28:07,642 If you've ever noticed, Jason needs, like, four handlers. 626 00:28:07,642 --> 00:28:10,244 - Because he has so many requests and complaints. - Endless. 627 00:28:10,244 --> 00:28:13,013 Large, almond milk latte with two sticks, please. 628 00:28:13,013 --> 00:28:13,948 Can you imagine the relief 629 00:28:13,948 --> 00:28:16,250 of the crew when they wrapped Ozark? 630 00:28:16,250 --> 00:28:18,819 Go ahead, take his order. What do you need now? 631 00:28:18,819 --> 00:28:20,520 Are we gonna have this much echo tonight? 632 00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:22,657 - No. Really? - Jesus fucking Christ. 633 00:28:24,324 --> 00:28:25,926 So let me ask you this. 634 00:28:25,926 --> 00:28:27,928 Hey, people over here. 635 00:28:27,928 --> 00:28:29,296 Where does it get real ugly? 636 00:28:29,897 --> 00:28:30,998 Nah, already? 637 00:28:30,998 --> 00:28:32,499 The closer you get to camera. 638 00:28:32,499 --> 00:28:33,567 You're definitely out of the light by here. 639 00:28:34,969 --> 00:28:35,870 What did he say? 640 00:28:35,870 --> 00:28:36,971 - Cheers to that. - Nothing. 641 00:28:36,971 --> 00:28:37,838 Oi. 642 00:28:42,476 --> 00:28:45,112 Get some food, 'cause you're a real squeaky wheel right now. 643 00:29:01,451 --> 00:29:03,753 This is fucking crazy that we're here and that we're doin' this. 644 00:29:03,753 --> 00:29:06,389 - Yes. Amazing. - What are you talking about, the podcast or the tour? 645 00:29:06,389 --> 00:29:07,657 - Both. - All of it. 646 00:29:07,657 --> 00:29:09,326 The podcast started with you saying 647 00:29:09,326 --> 00:29:12,562 you were gonna do some bullshit, boring sobriety podcast. 648 00:29:12,562 --> 00:29:14,131 Right? Something about hiking. 649 00:29:14,131 --> 00:29:15,398 What was it called, The Campground? 650 00:29:15,398 --> 00:29:17,300 The Journey. 651 00:29:17,300 --> 00:29:19,502 I mean, close enough. I don't have the energy to tell you. 652 00:29:19,502 --> 00:29:21,471 The Journey was about sobriety, god bless. 653 00:29:21,471 --> 00:29:22,839 It wasn't about sobriety. 654 00:29:22,839 --> 00:29:25,175 But it was something that was... 655 00:29:25,175 --> 00:29:26,676 It was about people's experiences. 656 00:29:26,676 --> 00:29:30,580 And that triggered a typical shitty response from me going, 657 00:29:30,580 --> 00:29:33,483 "Oh, boy. Let me just be on that so, you can try to... 658 00:29:33,483 --> 00:29:35,752 maybe the two of us will keep people awake." 659 00:29:35,752 --> 00:29:37,154 By the way, he chose the word trigger, 660 00:29:37,154 --> 00:29:40,290 which is amazing 'cause when he wants to talk about his experience 661 00:29:40,290 --> 00:29:41,458 he feels very triggered. 662 00:29:41,458 --> 00:29:43,693 So I was just kinda ribbing you, 663 00:29:43,693 --> 00:29:47,464 and then the very next night I see you at our friend's house and I said, 664 00:29:47,464 --> 00:29:49,166 "Oh, well you know, Will and I are gonna do a podcast." 665 00:29:49,166 --> 00:29:50,467 - And then-- - That got me. 666 00:29:50,467 --> 00:29:52,202 - ...a couple of days later-- - You called a meeting. 667 00:29:52,202 --> 00:29:53,870 - 'Cause we couldn't do anything during COVID, right? - Right. 668 00:29:53,870 --> 00:29:55,538 - Isn't that the way it all worked out? - Yes. 669 00:29:55,538 --> 00:29:57,840 Wait, you know what before we do any more time in here, 670 00:29:57,840 --> 00:29:59,476 I wanna send Marguerite out for something. 671 00:29:59,909 --> 00:30:00,743 Yeah. 672 00:30:02,412 --> 00:30:03,246 What did you order? 673 00:30:04,314 --> 00:30:06,449 Gas-X and sugar-free Red Bull. 674 00:30:06,449 --> 00:30:07,750 Thank god, because if you didn't... 675 00:30:08,518 --> 00:30:09,852 ...I was gonna order it for you. 676 00:30:11,554 --> 00:30:14,957 Well, you don't wanna be uncomfortable out there and we just had dinner. 677 00:30:14,957 --> 00:30:18,895 I know. Oh god, could that possibly happen out there? 678 00:30:18,895 --> 00:30:21,564 - I will get gassy if I have... if I have gluten. - And just clench... 679 00:30:21,564 --> 00:30:22,665 You can't just clench? 680 00:30:22,665 --> 00:30:25,368 I can clench, but I'd rather not. 681 00:30:25,368 --> 00:30:30,173 And if I know that it's gonna be one that isn't gonna make any noise... 682 00:30:30,173 --> 00:30:31,040 Yeah? 683 00:30:31,874 --> 00:30:33,075 I'll go for it. 684 00:30:35,678 --> 00:30:38,348 Have... Have you never farted on a talk show? 685 00:30:38,348 --> 00:30:40,583 While I'm on the show? 686 00:30:40,583 --> 00:30:41,918 Well, if you gotta go. 687 00:30:41,918 --> 00:30:44,587 It's only gonna smell if you haven't shit for a couple days. 688 00:30:47,924 --> 00:30:50,560 Until the Gas-X and the sugar free Red Bull? 689 00:30:57,367 --> 00:30:58,635 Oh! 690 00:30:58,635 --> 00:31:00,503 - Marguerite, thank you so much. - Thank you, honey. 691 00:31:04,006 --> 00:31:05,242 Thank you. 692 00:31:05,242 --> 00:31:06,843 Some of these are really good. 693 00:31:06,843 --> 00:31:07,710 Do you guys want some? 694 00:31:08,545 --> 00:31:09,812 Look at these old men. 695 00:31:09,812 --> 00:31:11,848 Tylenol, Gas-X, candy. 696 00:31:17,153 --> 00:31:18,355 You want some Gas-X? 697 00:31:18,355 --> 00:31:19,856 - No. Not anymore. - Did you take some? 698 00:31:20,290 --> 00:31:21,758 I took four. 699 00:31:21,758 --> 00:31:24,126 - Dude. - Because I just had a bunch of kale for dinner. 700 00:31:24,126 --> 00:31:27,597 You know, I didn't want to have fucking steak and lobster like you dicks. 701 00:31:27,597 --> 00:31:29,832 You know, I try to keep it real, you know, but... 702 00:31:29,832 --> 00:31:31,834 Real close to the toilet, I guess. 703 00:31:34,003 --> 00:31:35,272 I mean. 704 00:31:35,272 --> 00:31:36,606 This guy's gearin' up. 705 00:31:36,606 --> 00:31:38,275 - He's comin' back, he's back. - What? What. 706 00:31:40,377 --> 00:31:42,279 You guys are gonna crash from that sugar. 707 00:31:42,279 --> 00:31:43,946 - Am I? - You are. 708 00:31:43,946 --> 00:31:45,014 Thanks, doctor. 709 00:31:47,717 --> 00:31:48,585 Man. 710 00:31:49,819 --> 00:31:51,888 You guys heard about that crazy accident? 711 00:31:51,888 --> 00:31:52,855 What is it? 712 00:31:52,855 --> 00:31:53,956 - Did you know about this? - What? 713 00:31:53,956 --> 00:31:55,658 This guy dropped his peanut butter in the chocolate. 714 00:31:55,658 --> 00:31:57,560 Did you know about this? 715 00:32:00,430 --> 00:32:03,099 It's so dumb! 716 00:32:03,099 --> 00:32:05,768 You are the dumbest person alive. 717 00:32:05,768 --> 00:32:06,969 Isn't that how those commercials started? 718 00:32:06,969 --> 00:32:08,605 "You got your peanut butter in my chocolate." 719 00:32:08,605 --> 00:32:10,940 Well, thanks for breaking it down, genius. 720 00:32:14,311 --> 00:32:16,413 Mmm. 721 00:32:16,413 --> 00:32:17,980 You guys wanna talk to a baby? 722 00:32:19,682 --> 00:32:20,717 No, I don't. 723 00:32:20,717 --> 00:32:22,051 And why do you have to do it 724 00:32:22,051 --> 00:32:24,321 where we all have to hear it. 725 00:32:24,321 --> 00:32:25,722 I'll go out here. I'm gonna say goodnight to my baby. 726 00:32:25,722 --> 00:32:27,324 Just fucking... Just make a phone call. 727 00:32:27,324 --> 00:32:28,325 Jesus, this guy. 728 00:32:40,069 --> 00:32:41,638 Yeah. You know. 729 00:32:44,641 --> 00:32:46,343 You stupid idiots. 730 00:32:52,114 --> 00:32:54,250 Do you... Do you honestly do, uh, voice exercises? 731 00:32:54,351 --> 00:32:55,685 Have to. 732 00:32:55,685 --> 00:32:58,154 ♪ Sean, do you think We could do Broadway? ♪ 733 00:32:58,154 --> 00:32:59,989 ♪ Yes ♪ 734 00:32:59,989 --> 00:33:01,624 ♪ We could ♪ 735 00:33:01,624 --> 00:33:04,594 ♪ But do you think there's a chance we could be in the same show? ♪ 736 00:33:05,428 --> 00:33:07,063 ♪ Yes, yes ♪ 737 00:33:07,063 --> 00:33:09,399 - ♪ Yes, yes ♪ - ♪ Is there a chance that we won't be a no go? ♪ 738 00:33:10,199 --> 00:33:11,834 See, that's Broadway, Jason. 739 00:33:11,834 --> 00:33:13,370 That's talent. This is what we're doing. 740 00:33:13,370 --> 00:33:14,704 - Do you... Do you-- - Wake up. 741 00:33:14,704 --> 00:33:16,673 - Do you have a stage voice? - No. 742 00:33:16,673 --> 00:33:17,940 I've never done that before. 743 00:33:19,041 --> 00:33:20,610 Have you ever done theater? 744 00:33:20,610 --> 00:33:22,011 - Yes. - Wait, you said it like 745 00:33:22,011 --> 00:33:24,046 it was to be... like, you were proud that you've never done that. 746 00:33:24,046 --> 00:33:26,616 - No, I was proud that I was able to do it. - Oh, okay. 747 00:33:26,616 --> 00:33:28,117 It sounded okay. 748 00:33:28,117 --> 00:33:29,452 It sounded... It sounded good. 749 00:33:29,452 --> 00:33:30,753 - Not good. I don't have a good voice. - But here's the thing. 750 00:33:30,753 --> 00:33:33,856 You can kind of dance and kind of sing. 751 00:33:33,856 --> 00:33:37,394 Thanks, hey, you know what, you're actually okay at doing things. 752 00:33:38,861 --> 00:33:41,097 No, but you're always like, "I can't move, I can't sing.", 753 00:33:41,097 --> 00:33:43,232 - I can't. - It's like, you can carry a tune and you can move. 754 00:33:43,232 --> 00:33:45,535 - I don't know if I can carry a tune. - Can you carry a tune, Jason? 755 00:33:45,535 --> 00:33:47,637 - No. I don't even sing in the shower. - Try. 756 00:33:47,637 --> 00:33:48,571 ♪ Try ♪ 757 00:33:48,571 --> 00:33:49,739 ♪ Try ♪ 758 00:33:49,739 --> 00:33:51,273 ♪ Try ♪ 759 00:33:51,273 --> 00:33:52,208 Try it. 760 00:33:52,208 --> 00:33:53,543 - Try it. - Sing for real. 761 00:33:53,543 --> 00:33:54,977 - No. - Do it. 762 00:33:54,977 --> 00:33:56,813 Right now. Five, four, three, two, one. 763 00:33:56,813 --> 00:33:58,881 - You have to. - No, we're not playing truth or dare. 764 00:33:58,881 --> 00:34:00,783 No, it's Sing for Real, Summertime. 765 00:34:00,783 --> 00:34:02,419 I didn't tap in, I'm not playing. 766 00:34:02,419 --> 00:34:03,620 I'm not even standing. 767 00:34:03,620 --> 00:34:05,021 Do you know Sing for Real? 768 00:34:05,021 --> 00:34:07,890 When you make somebody sing a song and they can't do it as a bit. 769 00:34:07,890 --> 00:34:09,058 - Yeah. - You have to do it as well-- 770 00:34:09,058 --> 00:34:10,560 Sounds fun to play one of these days. 771 00:34:11,528 --> 00:34:12,995 - I'm not... - All right. 772 00:34:12,995 --> 00:34:14,497 ♪ Summertime ♪ 773 00:34:14,497 --> 00:34:16,499 ♪ And the living is easy ♪ 774 00:34:19,201 --> 00:34:21,438 - So bad. - It's so uncomfortable. 775 00:34:21,438 --> 00:34:22,905 I know, it's so uncomfortable. 776 00:34:22,905 --> 00:34:24,340 Give me another song. 777 00:34:31,436 --> 00:34:32,671 Welcome everyone. 778 00:34:32,671 --> 00:34:35,374 Please remember to turn off your cellphone. 779 00:34:35,374 --> 00:34:39,244 This is a reminder there is no photography or recording permitted. 780 00:34:39,244 --> 00:34:40,379 None at all! 781 00:34:40,379 --> 00:34:43,115 Now, please enjoy the show. 782 00:34:43,115 --> 00:34:44,716 Don't forget to enjoy! 783 00:34:46,952 --> 00:34:49,955 ♪ Now I come to you ♪ 784 00:34:49,955 --> 00:34:51,556 ♪ With open arms ♪ 785 00:34:54,459 --> 00:34:55,560 Wait, are we doin'... Are we doin' the... 786 00:34:55,560 --> 00:34:56,929 Are they doing a thing right now? 787 00:34:56,929 --> 00:34:58,030 Oh. 788 00:34:58,030 --> 00:34:59,698 ♪ With open arms ♪ 789 00:34:59,698 --> 00:35:01,133 Hey, stupid ass. 790 00:35:01,133 --> 00:35:02,601 Here we go, this is the cold open. 791 00:35:02,601 --> 00:35:03,903 - We're in it right now. - Okay. 792 00:35:05,370 --> 00:35:07,606 Let's pray to the podcast god. 793 00:35:07,606 --> 00:35:08,908 Okay, what's the prayer? 794 00:35:08,908 --> 00:35:10,375 The prayer is... 795 00:35:10,375 --> 00:35:13,212 - Please lord pod... - Podcast. 796 00:35:13,212 --> 00:35:15,047 - Pod person. Pod person. - Yeah. 797 00:35:15,047 --> 00:35:20,285 - Please shine your happy, funny, light, lovely light... - Light, lovely, light. 798 00:35:20,285 --> 00:35:21,954 - On us. - ...on our 799 00:35:21,954 --> 00:35:26,525 - stupid, stupid idea to go live with this pod. - Stupid, stupid idea. 800 00:35:26,525 --> 00:35:28,360 - And. - And? 801 00:35:28,360 --> 00:35:31,730 - Welcome to SmartLess. - Live. 802 00:35:36,201 --> 00:35:37,369 And we're walking. 803 00:35:37,369 --> 00:35:38,570 We're walking. 804 00:35:38,570 --> 00:35:40,072 We got the rock and roll flashlight on the ramp. 805 00:35:40,072 --> 00:35:40,940 Oh, come around. 806 00:35:43,108 --> 00:35:44,243 No! 807 00:35:44,576 --> 00:35:45,477 No! 808 00:35:45,477 --> 00:35:46,745 What the heck. 809 00:35:47,379 --> 00:35:48,447 Woah! 810 00:35:49,614 --> 00:35:52,084 Washington D.C. thank you for having us. 811 00:35:52,084 --> 00:35:56,788 - And please above all things manage your expectations. - Yeah. 812 00:35:57,722 --> 00:35:59,824 Because it's just the three of us 813 00:35:59,824 --> 00:36:01,760 talking to a person for an hour. 814 00:36:01,760 --> 00:36:02,962 That's it. 815 00:36:02,962 --> 00:36:03,795 - That's it. - There's no... 816 00:36:03,795 --> 00:36:04,829 That's it. 817 00:36:04,829 --> 00:36:06,231 - That's it. - So I hope you enjoy it. 818 00:36:06,231 --> 00:36:07,099 Yeah. 819 00:36:10,302 --> 00:36:12,804 We flew. And I've only been to D.C. once before. 820 00:36:12,804 --> 00:36:14,473 I loved it, but I was here very briefly. 821 00:36:14,473 --> 00:36:15,774 Sean, why don't you just relax 822 00:36:15,774 --> 00:36:17,977 and get casual, uncross your legs a little bit. 823 00:36:19,278 --> 00:36:20,145 So... 824 00:36:20,145 --> 00:36:22,314 We, uh... 825 00:36:22,314 --> 00:36:24,616 - And yeah, so we were-- - Wait, why did I bring my phone out here? 826 00:36:24,616 --> 00:36:25,584 - What am I doing? - Oh, my god. 827 00:36:25,584 --> 00:36:26,785 You brought your phone? 828 00:36:26,785 --> 00:36:28,853 I... I... Listen. I'm... I'm a doctor. 829 00:36:30,822 --> 00:36:34,426 We were driving in from the airport yesterday and I said-- 830 00:36:34,426 --> 00:36:35,995 Oh no, we were driving along, 831 00:36:35,995 --> 00:36:39,231 and there's some, uh, some parkland or whatever, and you know, and Sean... 832 00:36:39,999 --> 00:36:41,533 ...seriously said... 833 00:36:41,533 --> 00:36:43,335 "Is that where the grassy knoll is? 834 00:36:43,335 --> 00:36:44,669 Or was it right..." 835 00:36:45,704 --> 00:36:46,538 Not a bit. 836 00:36:48,873 --> 00:36:50,675 Could not be less smart. 837 00:36:53,645 --> 00:36:55,614 - Smartless. - So... 838 00:36:55,614 --> 00:37:00,019 Well, it was shocking how little both of you knew about anything. 839 00:37:00,019 --> 00:37:02,021 Well, I... What he didn't know, 840 00:37:02,021 --> 00:37:06,358 this came from the Washington Monument. 841 00:37:06,358 --> 00:37:09,394 It was a big Eff You back to Europe 842 00:37:09,394 --> 00:37:11,630 that "We made it, we did it 843 00:37:11,630 --> 00:37:13,065 and look we got a monument now." 844 00:37:13,065 --> 00:37:14,466 - And that's where this all start-- - I don't know if that's true. 845 00:37:14,466 --> 00:37:16,201 - I don't know if that's true. - It's not, Sean! 846 00:37:16,201 --> 00:37:17,902 Oh! 847 00:37:23,608 --> 00:37:25,044 Jason, this morning at one point he got, 848 00:37:25,044 --> 00:37:27,946 sort of, like... sort of mad at me when were in the hotel room. 849 00:37:28,047 --> 00:37:30,782 And I said, "Do you know what your face is doing right now?" 850 00:37:30,782 --> 00:37:31,883 'Cause the look on his face was this. 851 00:37:31,883 --> 00:37:33,318 And he goes, "Am I smiling?" 852 00:37:36,055 --> 00:37:38,457 Is it? No, you're doing the opposite of smiling. 853 00:37:38,457 --> 00:37:41,726 If anybody is north of 40 in this audience... 854 00:37:41,726 --> 00:37:43,928 This is so heavy now... 855 00:37:46,065 --> 00:37:48,400 ...that I look... I look concerned 856 00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:51,636 when I'm just supposed to be listening. 857 00:37:53,072 --> 00:37:56,575 And so I have to tell myself when I wanna just be level, 858 00:37:56,575 --> 00:37:59,711 I have to tell my face to be semi-surprised. 859 00:37:59,711 --> 00:38:02,381 It lifts... It lifts it just a little bit 860 00:38:02,381 --> 00:38:03,715 so now it's neutral. 861 00:38:03,715 --> 00:38:05,750 And then if I want to seem happy, 862 00:38:05,750 --> 00:38:07,252 I have to think ebullient. 863 00:38:08,887 --> 00:38:11,890 - Um, this is... this is your guest, isn't it? - Yeah, yeah. 864 00:38:11,890 --> 00:38:13,258 By the way, just to remind people, 865 00:38:13,258 --> 00:38:15,094 - we... I... we don't know who this is. - We do not. 866 00:38:15,094 --> 00:38:16,761 Jay and Sean legitimately don't know who it is. 867 00:38:16,761 --> 00:38:18,163 We never do. 868 00:38:18,163 --> 00:38:19,098 And that is totally legit. 869 00:38:19,098 --> 00:38:20,532 Now do you have questions on you? 870 00:38:20,532 --> 00:38:21,900 - Do you have cards? - Do you have your intro memorized? 871 00:38:21,900 --> 00:38:23,735 No, this person doesn't need an intro. 872 00:38:23,735 --> 00:38:25,404 Oh, really? 873 00:38:26,105 --> 00:38:27,606 Wow. 874 00:38:27,606 --> 00:38:31,310 This person has worn many, many hats. 875 00:38:32,244 --> 00:38:33,345 This person was a cop. 876 00:38:33,345 --> 00:38:37,682 - Oh. - A race car driver, a figure skater. 877 00:38:37,682 --> 00:38:41,019 - Elizabeth Banks. - This person is America's best friend. 878 00:38:41,120 --> 00:38:43,722 This person has been, and will always be, 879 00:38:43,722 --> 00:38:46,024 to me the funniest guy that I know. 880 00:38:46,125 --> 00:38:47,459 Mr. Will Ferrell! 881 00:38:47,459 --> 00:38:49,761 What! 882 00:38:52,931 --> 00:38:54,599 Oh, my. 883 00:39:04,343 --> 00:39:06,611 - Whoo! - I'm so mad at you. 884 00:39:06,611 --> 00:39:08,280 Okay. 885 00:39:08,280 --> 00:39:11,783 - Let's get-- - I asked you is there a dress code? 886 00:39:11,783 --> 00:39:13,352 You said... 887 00:39:13,352 --> 00:39:16,355 ...tuxedoes and cool sunglasses. 888 00:39:16,355 --> 00:39:19,391 And I swear I don't see anyone in a tuxedo. 889 00:39:22,261 --> 00:39:23,262 Okay. 890 00:39:25,530 --> 00:39:26,531 It's February. 891 00:39:26,531 --> 00:39:27,399 Sure. 892 00:39:29,168 --> 00:39:30,735 It's pretty much the start of the year, 893 00:39:30,735 --> 00:39:32,904 so I thought I'd read my New Year's Resolutions. 894 00:39:32,904 --> 00:39:34,639 Good. 895 00:39:34,639 --> 00:39:38,009 Stop saying "Pun unintended." 896 00:39:38,009 --> 00:39:39,378 - Right. - That's a good note. 897 00:39:39,378 --> 00:39:40,645 'Cause I love puns. 898 00:39:40,645 --> 00:39:42,547 - Yeah, sure. - And whenever I use it, I mean it. 899 00:39:43,282 --> 00:39:45,517 Right. 900 00:39:45,517 --> 00:39:51,190 I really wanna commit this year to referring to all money, slash cash, 901 00:39:51,190 --> 00:39:53,192 as cheese or cheddar. 902 00:39:55,560 --> 00:39:58,062 And $100 bills as blue cheese. 903 00:40:01,366 --> 00:40:04,269 So can I have a couple of those in blue cheese? 904 00:40:04,269 --> 00:40:05,404 - Sure. - Good request. 905 00:40:05,404 --> 00:40:07,239 Good for you to say, your agent calls you and says, 906 00:40:07,239 --> 00:40:08,573 "Well, we've got an offer," 907 00:40:08,573 --> 00:40:11,210 and your only thing is, "How much cheddar are they offering?" 908 00:40:11,210 --> 00:40:12,076 Right. 909 00:40:13,245 --> 00:40:16,615 Drink at least 50 liters of water a day. 910 00:40:18,650 --> 00:40:19,951 Fifty liters! 911 00:40:19,951 --> 00:40:21,453 That seems like a lot. 912 00:40:21,453 --> 00:40:25,056 Really try to stop breeding exotic big cats. 913 00:40:27,158 --> 00:40:28,993 Mostly, tigers and jaguars. 914 00:40:30,562 --> 00:40:32,464 - Really try. - Mostly. 915 00:40:32,464 --> 00:40:33,598 Mostly. 916 00:40:34,533 --> 00:40:36,968 Land voice over contract 917 00:40:36,968 --> 00:40:39,738 - for REESE'S Peanut Butter Cups. - What the fuck? 918 00:40:39,738 --> 00:40:40,772 Uh oh. 919 00:40:43,074 --> 00:40:45,244 Oh, gee, that's what he's doing. 920 00:40:47,446 --> 00:40:48,280 Good luck. 921 00:40:49,013 --> 00:40:51,115 Chicago... 922 00:40:51,115 --> 00:40:52,451 Chicago P.D. 923 00:40:53,117 --> 00:40:54,919 Chicago Fire. 924 00:40:54,919 --> 00:40:57,021 Chicago Med. 925 00:40:57,021 --> 00:40:58,990 These are the three shows you're promising to watch this year? 926 00:40:58,990 --> 00:41:00,259 No, I'm just... 927 00:41:00,692 --> 00:41:01,560 I just love 'em. 928 00:41:01,560 --> 00:41:02,627 - You love 'em? - Okay. 929 00:41:02,627 --> 00:41:04,829 It's actually an ad. 930 00:41:05,697 --> 00:41:06,698 This is actually an advertisement. 931 00:41:06,698 --> 00:41:07,999 That's a paid ad? 932 00:41:07,999 --> 00:41:09,301 It's a paid ad. 933 00:41:09,301 --> 00:41:10,635 What the fuck. 934 00:41:10,635 --> 00:41:12,637 You don't know how much blue cheese I just landed right there. 935 00:41:12,637 --> 00:41:17,376 Speaking of Chicago, you look dangerously close to Harry Caray right now. 936 00:41:17,376 --> 00:41:19,611 Chicago P.D. 937 00:41:23,081 --> 00:41:27,185 What's more excitin' then solving a homicide in Wrigley Field? 938 00:41:29,688 --> 00:41:32,190 I'm sorry, I... I got a lot more, should I just stop it? 939 00:41:33,057 --> 00:41:34,993 Are you yawning right now, Sean? 940 00:41:34,993 --> 00:41:36,695 - Am I what? - You were kind of yawning, weren't you? 941 00:41:36,695 --> 00:41:38,663 Oh, I started... I've been yawning for 20 minutes. 942 00:41:43,768 --> 00:41:45,203 That's the thing I don't understand about you guys 943 00:41:45,304 --> 00:41:47,306 who do like movie after movie after movie after movie is like, 944 00:41:47,306 --> 00:41:50,041 how do you adjust and then have the energy after 14 hours 945 00:41:50,041 --> 00:41:52,511 to just get up and go, like, be funny and-- 946 00:41:52,511 --> 00:41:54,045 Ambien. Coke. 947 00:41:55,314 --> 00:41:56,815 I got two dopp kit. 948 00:41:56,815 --> 00:41:59,584 - Okay. - One's brimming full of coke. 949 00:42:01,119 --> 00:42:03,655 Does anybody here know why it's called the dopp kit? 950 00:42:03,655 --> 00:42:05,457 - Anybody? - Germany! 951 00:42:05,457 --> 00:42:06,325 - Germany! Yeah. - Yeah. 952 00:42:06,825 --> 00:42:08,360 And what about it? 953 00:42:08,360 --> 00:42:11,095 This is all a ploy. We're trying to root out the Germans. 954 00:42:11,095 --> 00:42:11,996 - He's right there! - Yeah! There. 955 00:42:11,996 --> 00:42:13,465 - Get him! - Right there! 956 00:42:19,704 --> 00:42:21,973 Ask... Ask Will Ferrell one question. 957 00:42:23,207 --> 00:42:24,609 Oh, yeah, Sean. Go ahead, Sean. 958 00:42:25,677 --> 00:42:27,346 Why are your eyebrows gray? 959 00:42:27,346 --> 00:42:28,847 Why are your eyebrows gray? 960 00:42:28,847 --> 00:42:29,914 I... It's just... 961 00:42:30,882 --> 00:42:33,518 I just always have had gray eyebrows. 962 00:42:33,518 --> 00:42:34,953 It's kinda my trademark. 963 00:42:34,953 --> 00:42:35,987 - When you were a kid? - Yeah. 964 00:42:35,987 --> 00:42:38,357 It's that really expensive Japanese tint, 965 00:42:38,357 --> 00:42:40,124 - where you can gray... Yeah. - No way. 966 00:42:40,124 --> 00:42:41,225 - Yeah. - No, I wanna know-- 967 00:42:41,225 --> 00:42:42,361 No, it's a part of the aging process. 968 00:43:02,981 --> 00:43:04,583 Walking out there was crazy. 969 00:43:04,583 --> 00:43:06,751 We're like, "What? Why are you here?" 970 00:43:06,751 --> 00:43:08,420 I know! That's how I felt. 971 00:43:08,420 --> 00:43:10,722 What are you doing? Don't your TVs work? 972 00:43:10,722 --> 00:43:12,391 I know! 973 00:43:12,391 --> 00:43:15,627 How do you all feel about how much we interacted with the audience. 974 00:43:15,627 --> 00:43:18,397 Because it's interesting how crazy the audience gets 975 00:43:18,397 --> 00:43:20,665 - after we give them permission to interact with us. - Yeah. 976 00:43:20,665 --> 00:43:22,934 Then they feel like, "Oh, I got a little bit 977 00:43:22,934 --> 00:43:25,837 now I'll take a little more and I'll shout out answers and questions and comments." 978 00:43:25,837 --> 00:43:27,506 But it's the lesser of the two evils 979 00:43:27,506 --> 00:43:29,741 because if we didn't say anything to them, 980 00:43:29,741 --> 00:43:32,276 - and let's say the curtain was down... - Yes. 981 00:43:32,276 --> 00:43:33,778 ...and we were already there seated, 982 00:43:33,778 --> 00:43:35,647 And the curtain came up and applause, applause, "Thank you," 983 00:43:35,647 --> 00:43:37,081 and then we just start talking to each other, 984 00:43:37,081 --> 00:43:38,750 they would never engage. 985 00:43:38,750 --> 00:43:40,251 And probably the laughs wouldn't be there. 986 00:43:40,251 --> 00:43:42,120 - It's great that we come out and talk to them. - But... 987 00:43:42,120 --> 00:43:44,623 But definitely... definitely when we're sitting down 988 00:43:44,623 --> 00:43:46,791 let's talk to each other and not engage the crowd? 989 00:43:46,791 --> 00:43:48,326 Well that's what I think... 990 00:43:48,427 --> 00:43:50,629 No! 991 00:43:50,629 --> 00:43:52,431 No, no, I'm saying he's saying 992 00:43:52,431 --> 00:43:54,433 that maybe they're participating too much. 993 00:43:54,433 --> 00:43:56,735 No, no, no, I know. I'm joking because you were, like, 994 00:43:56,735 --> 00:43:57,802 "Then... Then let's not do it." 995 00:43:57,802 --> 00:43:59,438 And then, like, as the show's going you're like, 996 00:43:59,438 --> 00:44:01,740 "Hi, everybody! Look who it is!" 997 00:44:01,740 --> 00:44:04,743 And then I'm, like, "Yeah, fuck, it's right on time. 998 00:44:04,743 --> 00:44:06,578 As soon as he could. 999 00:44:06,578 --> 00:44:09,347 - As soon as I see the faces. - I know. 1000 00:44:11,450 --> 00:44:13,184 These people. 1001 00:44:13,184 --> 00:44:14,886 I can't believe they all showed up. 1002 00:44:14,886 --> 00:44:16,721 I know! I know. 1003 00:44:18,022 --> 00:44:19,458 We didn't have a clock, but that's okay. 1004 00:44:19,458 --> 00:44:21,493 Oh, my god. 1005 00:44:33,071 --> 00:44:34,238 But you're wonderful. 1006 00:44:34,238 --> 00:44:35,106 Oh, my god. 1007 00:44:43,782 --> 00:44:45,149 I'm wearing my own merch. 1008 00:44:52,757 --> 00:44:54,292 Did you not even know the name of it? 1009 00:44:57,529 --> 00:44:58,396 Oh. 1010 00:44:58,863 --> 00:45:00,064 And you thought-- 1011 00:45:00,064 --> 00:45:01,399 Wait, and you think, like, what, 1012 00:45:01,500 --> 00:45:04,002 we were just doing, like... like our list of favorite stuff? 1013 00:45:06,037 --> 00:45:07,739 Oh, like... like... What? 1014 00:45:09,641 --> 00:45:10,909 Do you think so? 1015 00:45:10,909 --> 00:45:12,343 Now that I see it on the back... 1016 00:45:13,845 --> 00:45:15,680 Yeah, but we thought it was a home run. 1017 00:45:16,848 --> 00:45:17,882 You know what I mean? I mean... 1018 00:45:24,055 --> 00:45:24,889 Oi! 1019 00:45:27,626 --> 00:45:28,560 Hello, friend.