In 2002, playboy was doing
Their first-ever nationally televised search
For a "playboy" centerfold.
Announcer: Fox tonight,
12 sexy girls next door find out what it takes
To become a "playboy" playmate.
It was similar to, like,
An "america's next top model" but for playmates.
On the show, there were different levels
Of undress that were happening.
I didn't even know how to pose in a sexual way.
Posing naked for the first time...
Was terrifying.
I was very insecure about my body.
Once I posed for the show, I was no longer jill scott.
I was now jill that posed naked.
It's so wrong.
♪♪
That's the dark side, is what people say,
You know, behind your back
Or to your parents or to your kids.
We signed up for it, you know?
We kinda knew what we were going into.
But with "playboy," you can either thrive in it...
Or it can chew you up and spit you out.
[motor revving]
My name is hugh hefner.
I'm editor-publisher of "playboy" magazine.
Reporter: Playboy is one
Of the most famous brand names in the world.
It was simply to include sex as
One natural part of a package for a male audience.
Woman: When I made the choice to do "playboy,"
I didn't realize all the choices that I was making
That came with that choice.
Woman #2: We don't judge the men for buying the "playboy"s,
But we judge the women for posing for "playboy."
Jill: I was never jill anymore.
I was jill that posed for "playboy."
Woman #3: I just gave in and knew that I was
Probably gonna go to hell.
Woman #4: It got to a certain point
Where it wasn't fun anymore.
Sondra: This process was very painful,
But I should be able to tell my story as I lived it.
♪♪
Growing up, my first "playboy" memory
Would just be, in general, the beautiful women.
It was, you know, carmen electra,
Pam anderson, anna nicole, the--the start of it all--
Marilyn monroe, the most beautiful women.
When I found my dad's "playboy"s,
I just thought the women were beautiful,
And I just wanted to look like that.
I wanted to be like that.
♪♪
Playboy opened up a world
That I would have never known,
But that could be good or bad.
In 2001, the playboy brand had a bit of a renaissance.
♪♪
At the time, hefner had just broken up with his wife.
He was back on the market.
Photographer: This way now, girls. This way.
Playboy also was in the market to try to mainstream their brand
'cause the print media was going out of business.
Hefner saw his business dying.
So, it's not surprising
That any company would do whatever they have to
To kind of sell what they need to to other people.
So, 2001, there was several years
Of house shows that were being pretty mainstream on mtv,
Like "the real world,"
"road rules,"
"making the band."
It was the peak of reality shows.
I don't know anybody that didn't spend their afternoons watching
"real world" or "road rules" on mtv.
This was the, like, explosion of reality tv.
So, if playboy could come up with a television show,
It could lead to other things. Playboy could be mainstream.
♪♪
And so the chance to pick a "playboy" playmate on television
Was something that really hadn't been seen before.
So, ultimately, playboy got a sale
For a 2-hour special on fox,
And I was appointed the showrunner.
Our goal was to ultimately give everybody
A glimpse what it's like picking a "playboy" centerfold
Without being perverse.
Hefner: This is the portal to the possibility of hollywood
Or modeling or some moment in the sun as a celebrity.
"who wants to be a playboy centerfold?"--
It was similar to, like, an "america's next top model,"
But for playmates.
The prize was becoming the centerfold,
Being playmate, mis July 2002.
♪♪
So, the dream of being a centerfold, obviously, is
For the fame, but it is very lucrative.
It's very lucrative.
A centerfold gets $25,000 for playmate of the month
And $100,000 for playmate of the year,
And you can actually turn that into a whole career.
♪♪
When we were out casting
For "who wants to be a playboy centerfold?",
There were thousands of submissions.
D.J.: Star 98.7, los angeles.
Right now, down at playboy studio west,
Hugh hefner is looking for 12 finalists
To compete for "playboy"'s playmate of the month.
We really spread a pretty wide net in the process
Because we were looking for something
That playboy had--had embodied for years and years and years--
That real experience
Of someone being plucked out of hometown usa
And brought to los angeles and living the dream.
Hef always said that--that when he was picking playmates,
He wanted it to be the girl next door.
That would be what would-- to him, what made it special
Is the girl that you never thought would do it,
Not the girl that you knew would.
My name is shallan. I'm 20 years old,
And I'm from las vegas.
Playboy was not my dream.
I had just moved back to las vegas.
I got a job at spago as a hostess,
And you get all different types of people
That come into spago's that was in caesar's palace.
And this woman and another woman walk up,
And she said, "can I ask you a couple questions?
Are your boobs real?"
In my mind, I'm thinking, I'm not sure
If this woman's hitting on me. I just politely smiled
And said, "yes, they are." [laughs]
And so she gave me her card, and she said, "listen,
We're doing the last round of casting for this show.
I think you'd be great for, but it's with 'playboy.'"
My face just looked like this.
So, I let her know I was only 20,
So she told me I should talk to my mom.
I had never even seen a "playboy" before.
♪♪
So, my mom thought it would be really important
For me to go pick up a "playboy," look at it,
And see if the photos made me comfortable or not,
See if it even seemed like something I could possibly do.
But I was shy, so to pick up, you know, the magazine
That had the black cover on it, like, quietly pay for it,
I remember looking at the "playboy" and thinking,
Wow, these women are gorgeous.
I thought there is no way
That they could make me look like those girls.
You know, 'cause those girls-- they just don't look real.
I felt like I was peeling through the pictures,
Kind of getting, uh, nervous, 'cause I knew whatever it was
Was a big opportunity.
It's just whether or not I could be comfortable enough
To go through with it, and I'm like,
What I told my mom is,
I don't know if I'm gonna be able to get naked.
She goes, "well, there's only one way to find out." [laughs]
I was incredibly shy,
And the idea of walking around in a swimsuit
Made me uncomfortable.
I was scared, but, um, tired of being scared.
I don't know--I feel like everyone's done that before,
Where there's a lot of opportunities that led up
To this opportunity, where I wondered what could have been,
But I was just too afraid to do something.
My mother said, "well, what are you thinking?"
And I told her, "I don't know."
I was sitting there, and all I could think about was,
What if I'm 80 years old,
And I have this story of what could have been,
What I could have said yes to.
I could either be 80 years old and be like,
"you know, somebody tried to cast me once,"
Or I could be, "hey, let me show you these crazy pictures.
Grandma was hot once." [laughs]
So, I went ahead and I said yes.
I want to say it was about two days later
That I had to fly to l.A. For the casting.
I was not very good at makeup.
Uh, my hair was a lot like this, and I was in, like, cargo pants.
So, I'm getting on the airplane with these girls.
These girls had the heels. They had the lashes.
They had the lips. They had the hair.
What am I doing here? [laughs]
Like, why am I even here?
Is this a waste of time? Is this a joke?
Am I, like, the, okay, they have to throw that girl in there?
Right?
We get there, and right away
They take us to playboy studio west.
Uh, they have me put on a bathing suit,
Put on a robe within a handful of minutes,
And the whole time, this crew is filming me.
-I'm billy. -Shallan.
-Shallan? -Shallan.
We're just gonna take about 10 or so polaroids.
Okay. I've never done anything like that before, so...
-Oh, really? Okay. -Really.
Then you are just like the girl next door.
The casting just kind of threw you in, like, hard,
Like, "all right, take your top off.
We got to get a polaroid."
And I'm like... [gasps]
And they're like, "it's now or never."
♪♪
Announcer: One by one, the ladies will be eliminated
Until the chosen one becomes the magazine's miss July.
Hi, I'm carmella.
I'm from westlake, ohio, and I'm 19.
I was so young. So young.
♪♪
I grew up in cleveland, ohio.
I was not a very pretty young girl.
I got made fun of at school.
I used to go home crying every day from school.
I was a super shy, very intimidated little girl.
But by the time I turned 19, playboy came to town
For "who wants to be a playboy centerfold?"
It was on the local news
And explained the premise of the show,
And I looked at the tv, and I'm like,
"I'm gonna do that."
So, I take it you're interested in being in "playboy"?
Yes, I wanna be a playmate.
I'm nervous, but I'm kind of excited, though.
♪♪
The audition process in and of itself
Was, uh, very intimidating.
There's no preparation.
It was--it's--it's a freak out. It's a freak-out moment.
I didn't even know how to pose in a sexual way.
I was 19, so it was definitely new
And, um...Awkward.
My name is lauren anderson. I'm 21 years old,
And I'm from gainesville, florida.
I would like to be a veterinarian someday.
Animals are-- are definitely my passion.
Playboy wasn't on--
I mean, no, that was not something
That I had a dream of being.
I was in college at the university of florida,
And I was studying to be a veterinarian.
Being in "playboy" when
The situation presented itself, I was in my senior year.
I had done a little bit of local modeling,
And my agent, uh, called me and said that playboy
Was coming to do the "college girls" issue.
She said, "just go. You don't have to do it, you know?
Just go see what it's all about."
And I-I went, and, um,
I told them that I would not pose fully nude,
But they said, okay,
And--and they still selected me to represent my university,
And I was only topless.
You know, playboy is--it has-- they have this way
Of just making you feel totally comfortable,
Even when you're--even when you're standing there
Without a top on.
When I was in high school, middle school,
I always was worried about my body and what it looked like.
And even though I was thin, again,
I-I didn't have a perfect body. Nobody has a perfect body.
But I had these boobs that were, you know,
Yes, you know, boys loved 'em,
But they were these boobs that were a real issue for me.
This is the "college girls" issue that I was in,
Representing the university of florida
For "girls of the sec,"
And there's mine.
-Producer: How old were you? -Just turned 21.
So shortly after I did the "college girls" issue,
I got a call from playboy that they were doing a--
Their first-ever nationally, um, televised search
For a "playboy" centerfold
And asked if I wanted to go and audition in miami.
I kind of went, just like, oh, that--
That would be a cool experience.
She had driven down from, um,
Her college at university of florida.
Lauren was very confident.
Um, you can tell she is competitive,
And she definitely understood what she was doing there
And what her goals were, um,
But she was insecure in her own body in some ways,
Which made her interesting to us.
Very nice right there. One, two, and three.
-[camera shutter clicks] -very--that is beautiful.
Excellent. Arch your back.
-Three. -[camera shutter clicks]
Ugh. Tugs at my heartstrings, seeing myself like that.
It's pretty uncomfortable, though.
That--that--that shot that's on all fours,
That was a little odd. I don't remember doing that.
You know, I feel like when I'm-- I'm watching that,
I'm just this kid.
Even though I'm an adult, obviously,
And just posing on all fours
And, you know, posing in a bikini,
Like, it's no big thing,
And then jump in my mustang and head back to college.
[laughs]
I was just so young and innocent.
My name is jill scott.
I'm 21 years old, and I'm from atlanta, georgia.
[laughs]
When I was 20,
I worked at a club in atlanta,
And I ran into a girl that I also worked with at hooters.
She ran up to me, and she was like,
"oh, my gosh, I just shot for 'playboy.'"
And I was like, "I would love to--
What? I would love to do that."
So within a week, I was doing my test shots for "playboy."
That was my first time ever, ever posing nude.
It just--it never bothered me. It...
I ended up doing, like, 20 special editions.
"playboy college girls,"
"playboy nudes," "playboy lingerie."
So, the...Photographer that shot me
For these special editions called me one day and said,
"get--get your butt down to atlanta." [laughs]
She didn't even tell me what it was about.
She just said, "they're doing a casting call."
So, I get there, and they took a headshot.
The raw polaroid.
There's no hair. There's no makeup.
There's no lighting. It is what you look like.
The--the girls that I saw in my audition were flawless.
Fake boobs, spray-tanned, itty-bitty waist.
So, I had no idea if I should have even been there,
Or if I was just really good drama.
Hey, let's take this girl that's never even seen a "playboy,"
That hasn't done anything, and let's just throw her in.
[blows raspberry] see what happens.
I would definitely put you onto the next round.
-Really? -Absolutely. Absolutely.
So, you're in there for the interview.
[laughs]
So, when the women were selected,
Hefner was very good at that part of verbalizing
What this woman had or what this woman lacked
Or what they thought was important here
Or what they thought were contenders there.
Jill scott. Any reactions?
She looks like a texas cheerleader to me.
Mm-hmm. She looks like a very logical candidate.
So, I got the final phone call,
And they said, "you've made it. You're coming to l.A.,"
Which I've never even been on a plane before. [laughs]
Being one of 12 girls chosen in the entire country was surreal.
-You've been picked. -[screams and laughs]
[loud cheers and laughter]
I wasn't sure if I could go through with it,
But I was really excited.
-Hi. Is this shallan? -Yes, it is.
You're coming out to california.
[laughs]
I was shocked when they picked me.
You were one of the people that, um, was chosen.
Yay. [laughs]
I wasn't terrified of posing. I wasn't terrified of "playboy."
I was terrified of living in a house
And competing with 11 other women.
Carmella: I was so excited,
Nervous, shocked.
There were just such a range of emotions
That I felt terrified,
And especially coming from such a small town,
It was so difficult for me to leave.
But I had dreams, and big ones.
Next thing I knew, I was landing at lax
And completely freaking out.
♪♪
When you first walk in the house,
All the furniture was beautiful,
And it, you know, just didn't really seem real.
Everybody just sort of walked around
Talking to each other about, you know,
"what do you do?" or--and, you know,
"what modeling have you done?"
That's all the chatter was,
Comparing ourselves to everybody else.
I was, um, savannah's miss hawaiian tropic.
We talked with "playboy," and we really came up
With a 3-pronged attack
Of how we're going to feature the women,
Because we need to show the audience
That there was a process, right?
How they look in a bikini,
How they look over here by the banister.
And, obviously, in this process,
There were different levels of undress that were happening.
The audition process with cameras--
That--I mean, that was really intense,
But that is nothing compared to the actual experience
Of filming a reality show.
You were just filmed 24/7.
They were filming everything at all times.
You start to open your eyes,
And literally there's somebody standing over a bed,
Like, with the camera in your face
Watching you wake up.
And like most house reality shows,
There were definitely characters that everyone was playing,
And--and whether or not you realized it,
The production company itself
Had already picked which character you were gonna be.
I believed that they decided
I'd be the quiet, relatable underdog.
From the beginning, I was typecast as the wild child.
I am definitely the wild girl from atlanta.
I drank and ended up showing my...Clit piercing.
Let me see.
I am, too. Oh, my god. Look at mine. [laughs]
So, one night, we went out to a bar in l.A.
[cheers and laughter]
Woman: Jill is the total wild child,
The one that you get around,
And you just can't wait to see what she's gonna do next.
Woman #2: Playmates can be really wild,
But I think she just got a little too wild.
Not to say that we're not here to have fun.
We just drank, and I just got on a table and danced.
I know I wasn't the only one, but they cut it
To make me look like I was the only one.
But your first night here,
You don't wanna get trashed and wasted,
And we're all here, like, on business.
It's really important that we do well and we look well,
And you don't wanna do anything to jeopardize that.
The way I saw it is we were filming for "playboy."
We were con--we were competing for centerfold,
Not for catholic schoolgirl of the month.
You know, they wanted fun and wild.
That's the bunny. That's the--the whole logo.
A bunny is fun, and they have a lot of sex.
♪♪
When I made the show, it was definitely a dream come true.
This could be something that would--
Really would change my life,
And I don't mean in acting or, you know,
What I can get away from all the things at home.
You know, I had a chaotic childhood.
Um...
Well, yeah, I mean, my mom's [bleep]
Snuck in my room at night, so, you know, there was that.
Mm.
Yeah. Yeah.
♪♪
Once my dad found out that I'd been molested...
The court did not...
They--they didn't charge him the way that they should
Because I'd been running away, but I'd been running away
Because I'd been-- being molested.
And that definitely sticks with, you know,
In probably a lot of the choices that I made.
♪♪
So, I did not become, like,
The bad girl of the show on purpose.
I felt free, like... [laughs] I was across the country.
For once, I'm doing something for me,
And I'm far away from home.
You don't like it? Kiss my ass. Just kidding.
[laughs]
I just...
Probably hadn't hit a wild phase yet in my life.
I struggled from the time that I literally landed at lax
And felt so out of place.
I just wanted to tell you you're all welcome.
I know some of you have been going through
A little emotional thing related to being away from home.
And any of you who are having any kind of mixed emotions...
♪♪
-...Don't have. -[laughter]
It's gonna be a grand adventure
And something you're never gonna forget.
It was probably
About 24 hours of being there and then seeing the other girls
And seeing kinda how the competition was going,
And we hadn't shot any nudes yet.
I knew it was coming.
I'm sure that the anticipation of that
Made it a hundred times worse.
-What do you think it is? -I don't know.
What is it? Is it the nudity that bothers you,
Or is it being a-- -obviously, I've never shot
A nide before, and I think that.
-You've never shot modeling? -No, I never shot any nudes.
I don't know. I just don't feel like it's me.
I wanna go home. I'm out of my element.
I'm out of my comfort zone.
[line rings]
-Woman: Hello? -Hi.
-I think I'm gonna come home.
-Why? -It's just not me. I mean,
This is--honestly, I mean, it's how I feel. It's not me.
Well, carmella, everybody has discomfort the first time around
When they're doing things, but, you know, you--
I just feel that it's not me, though. I'm more of, like--
Like, a modest person that wants to do, like,
Like, a--a commercial or something like that.
It's just I don't want to do it,
And then be like, well, I wasn't comfortable doing it,
And now I'm still not comfortable doing it.
But, carmella, the thing is, all that you've done
Is make the trip out there.
Have you gone through any of the motions yet?
No, you haven't,
So the accomplishment that you're telling me
You're glad that you went,
What, that you got on a plane and went to l.A.?
Carmella: Well, I'm not--
I'm definitely not gonna reconsider. Like, I'm...
I feel pretty strongly about it.
♪♪
-Okay. [sighs] -I hope you're--
You sure you don't wanna change your mind?
-I really don't. -Well, just call me
When you get there. -Okay.
-Love you. -All right, bye-bye.
[hangs up receiver]
Um...Sad. It makes me feel sad.
I had a total freak-out moment, and I probably,
As a 19-year-old, needed the support,
Needed the support that it was okay to come home
And that it was okay that I'm not ready.
So, yeah, it's emotional. It's hard. It's hard.
I felt like I disappointed my mom.
♪♪
Even though this was a reality show,
You weren't voting at home.
It was hef. It was hef and hef's team,
And, really, mostly hef that was making
The deciding factors as to who would make it to the next round.
Half these girls, at minimum, are good candidates for...
-Woman: Yep. -Man: Mm-hmm, yeah.
-...For playmates... -Man: Yes, we all agree.
...You know, which puts us in a very nice place.
Once we were at six contestants,
We all did the fully nude photo shoot.
♪♪
The fully nude photo shoot upped everything.
It upped the ante, it upped the drama,
It upped the competition, and a lot of the tension,
Just because everything got more real.
Posing naked for the first time was terrifying.
♪♪
So, you walk in on set. There's lights everywhere.
I was shaking on my heels, just...
My eyes just kind of looked...
"turn your hip this way. Turn that way.
I need to put light on this angle.
I need to fix this. I need to fix that."
♪♪
In a way, you are the product.
♪♪
I feel like you weren't even seen necessarily
As a person when you were shooting.
It was almost like a mannequin.
♪♪
I was very insecure about my body.
Even though I was a contestant on this show,
My body image was a big issue for me.
To pose naked,
It was definitely something inside of me
That I had to really overcome
Because it was probably my biggest issue with myself.
♪♪
When I shot my fully nude shoot,
I had shot before for "playboy,"
But not on that scale and not at such a big studio
That so many amazing women have shot before me.
♪♪
[sighs] you know, if I had to be honest,
I felt they already knew who they were gonna pick,
So I felt mine was a little rushed.
♪♪
After we filmed the nude photo shoot,
They cut three girls and left three finalists.
Today's the day where they have to pick three
To move on to shoot their "playboy" centerfold.
Christina.
Playmate candidate number two is lauren.
♪♪
And our final playmate candidate is shallan.
♪♪
I never thought I'd win.
I never thought I was good enough.
It hurt my feelings so bad because
That dream of being a centerfold was over.
[crying] I love you all. Y'all...
[door creaks]
Maybe that's why I had the tears,
Because I just didn't wanna go home.
♪♪
So, the final challenge for the three of us left
Was a centerfold shoot.
♪♪
To shoot the actual centerfold that comes
In and out of the magazine.
It's "playboy." it's like the number-one selling magazine
In the world, and these are the real shots
That will go in the magazine, you know, if they're chosen.
I was very concerned about being fully nude.
I didn't want to show my body, um, but I was there competing,
So my competitive nature kicked in.
Then I wanted to win.
♪♪
I-I-I never thought I could have photos
That looked quite so beautiful.
♪♪
So, we did our centerfold shoot.
The three of us then just went back to the house
And waited for hef to look at the centerfolds
And for them to decide the winner of the show.
What I like most about shallan, is, uh, is the face.
Lauren--you cannot beat that schoolgirl fantasy.
I think shallan makes the biggest impression in person.
Lauren is the most photogenic,
But I am going to go with...
♪♪
Then they sat the three of us down
On a couch in the living room.
I have three envelopes here.
Inside the envelope contains an invitation
To become a "playboy" playmate.
You come this far.
I mean, once we're there, I mean, we all wanted to win.
You realized, wow, I might-- I might actually do this.
♪♪
When I opened the envelope
And saw that it said, "congratulations,"
You know, I was happy that I-I had come all this way
And that it was worth it.
I think if I hadn't won,
Maybe it might not have made me feel more confident
And a-a stronger person.
Even with all these body image issues,
It made me feel something
That I didn't know I felt that I had inside.
♪♪
Lauren was announced, and christina and I--
We were at the hotel with a tail--
Our tails between our legs,
Waiting to go home in the morning.
And we got a phone call, and it was hef asking us,
How would we like to be playmates, too?
Yeah, it was pretty intense. We were both really excited.
Like, really excited.
You know, I stayed the winner of the show,
And that's what mattered to me.
So, I was happy when christina and shallan became playmates.
It's sad that the experience is over,
But I'm glad I did it, and I'm glad I won. [laughs]
So, thank you.
I watched the show, yes, when it came on.
I had a--we had a house party at my mom's house.
We had lots of people over,
And every-- we all watched it, yes.
Well, they didn't show the-- the naked parts on national tv,
So that was-- they didn't show those parts,
Or they blurted out.
Announcer: Wanna find the perfect playmate?
Take a behind-the-scenes look
At "girl next door: The search for a playboy centerfold."
When the women came to the show, obviously, they knew
They were signing up for the fox television show.
And in the paperwork that they signed, ultimately, you know,
Playboy was going to do their version of the show itself.
"who wants to be a playboy centerfold?"
My job was to, um, edit the show for the fox tv show,
And for the uncensored version,
Playboy had a team that was gonna come in and make
The uncensored version.
And so they all fully understood that going into it.
Once the show aired, it--it was hard for me.
When I first saw the unedited version,
It was shocking.
♪♪
Everything that I did, it was on the unedited version.
This was obviously before social media,
But there were still blogs.
♪♪
There was nothing positive.
Went from girl to girl to girl.
They broke us all down.
Everything bad about us.
I think that they fed off of what they saw on the show.
It was okay for the men on the show.
They were breaking us down.
-Jill. -This girl's face is fantastic,
But there's some body problems.
The only problem that I have with her physically
Is the breasts.
She's a little long in the torso.
She's a little thick in the body.
Which led to people online
Feeling that they could do the same.
♪♪
But they're kind of nastier
'cause there's nobody to filter them, you know,
Or edit them.
The very first article I read, he was quoting me as saying,
"I'd never seen a 'playboy' before."
And his--and then he said, "yeah, right.
She looks like the town's teeter-totter."
And I was, like, on the floor, bawling. It, like, destroyed me.
[crying]
Why would I cry now?
Which is... [exhales deeply]
Of course, one of the reasons why even now I'm like, oh, god.
[cries]
Mm.
[laughs] I don't know, but everyone's had a go,
Just a troll. But being 20, it hit deep.
So, then I didn't look at anything else.
My mom's like, "well... [sighs] you picked this world.
You picked this life.
So, you're either gonna have to hide away from everything
Or get the toughest skin
And know that most people aren't gonna agree with you,
And most people won't have nice things to say."
That was it.
The three girls that won, their life changed.
You know, so they--they went on tour. You know what I mean?
Like, they didn't really have to go back to real life.
You know, I'm from a smaller town.
I mean, I'm outside of atlanta, you know?
Lived there my whole life,
So, I mean, everyone knew who I was.
[sighs] I was an easy target.
♪♪
After the show, the jealousy and the judgment
In my small town, it really brought me down.
I guess people just wanted to come after me.
At the time of filming,
I was a single mother, and my daughter was 2.
So, a group of girls from my small town
Started attacking me using cps.
That's child protective services.
They contacted them, and they told them lies,
And they used "playboy," you know,
As the--the main attack.
♪♪
When you hear "playboy" and nudity and a little girl,
They assume that you're a bad mother
And that you're a slut.
♪♪
They removed my daughter...
From my house.
[voice breaking] yeah, it was really tough.
And I demanded a meeting,
And I said, you know, "I want to know, like, what are you doing?
Like, why are you coming after me?
What could I have done?
I want to see what you have on me.
I want to see this file that is tearing a family apart."
And they opened it up,
And it was all...
"playboy" pictures.
♪♪
I had to spend the next year fighting to keep my daughter.
I had to hire two attorneys. I had to take drug tests.
I had to take hair follicle tests.
I-I-I couldn't even tell you how hard that time was,
And it broke me, you know?
It--it--it broke me.
I had to climb out of many of dark times.
But the vindication came when the judge stood up
And said, "this woman has done nothing wrong.
You guys have come after her. She has done nothing.
She has done everything and more that you have asked.
Today, this is--ends."
Once the fight was over,
I moved and I left the state, and I never went back.
I never wanted my daughter
To endure the judgment that I had to endure.
And I never wanted to raise another child
In that town, in that mindset, in that environment.
Y-yes, does she know? Yeah. Yeah. She does.
Does she resent me some? Yeah, she does.
I mean, you know, even though everything we've talked about,
You know, I could not help that people did what they did,
But...She resents it, me.
Mm-hmm.
[chuckles] yeah. It sucks.
It's the textbook of a blessing and a curse.
People are, you know, it--
People are--people are terrible.
[cries]
It's not... [chuckles]
It's like, just I'm sorry.
[sniffles]
♪♪
Why do we judge?
Why don't we just tell every woman,
Like, "you're beautiful" and be happy for them
And genuinely happy,
And if you're not, just-- just go your own way?
I don't know,
And I think playboy definitely brings out that question.
As soon as someone finds out that I have been in "playboy,"
There's an immediate judgment there.
♪♪
People are uncomfortable with nudity, you know,
And it's--it's--that's why
They're uncomfortable with "playboy."
They think because I showed my body,
That means I act a certain way.
You know? I showed my body.
But meanwhile, I'm in college studying
To be a veterinarian, a senior.
You know, I--now I have children. I am a wife.
Yes, I showed my body, too, at one point, but there--it's--
The two--it's not related.
You know, you posed for "playboy," showed your body,
But then there's also a whole nother human being behind that.
Jill: Once I posed for "playboy" and I was on the show,
I was no longer jill scott.
I was now jill that posed naked.
It's so wrong.
♪♪
Should we really be able to offer
This much of an opinion on someone else's life?
Like, this is an inside job. Like, at a certain point,
We need to start taking a look at what's in here.
Like, maybe we should learn to criticize ourselves
A little more and less with someone else.
♪♪
Lauren: I mean, I credit hef and playboy absolutely
For changing my image of myself for the better.
I mean, 'cause it has stayed with me ever since then.
Woman: So, like, are you missing, like, school and work
And all that stuff right now?
Oh, yeah, I'm a senior and I'm in veterinary medicine,
And I'm missing two weeks of school,
Which was really hard.
My organic chemistry professor--
He told me he was gonna fail me. I said...
-Shut up. -..."all right, bye."
Yes, and he did fail me.
Because I failed that class, I did not go back to school.
♪♪
I just kind of saw myself,
My life going in a different direction
Than what it was.
My dream was to--I wanted-- I loved animals.
I wanted to take care of animals, help animals.
And so, my parents and my family actually
Helped me realize that being in the public eye,
I could help animals even more.
When I became a playmate, peta asked what I could do,
And so I used to go to capitol hill
In a lettuce bikini and pass out
Veggie dogs to all the congresspeople.
It was amazing.
I worked with playboy until I was--
My last job, I was pregnant with my first son,
So, um, until 2012.
I got married, and, um, I stopped working for playboy
And just, uh, had children.
I have a 10-year-old son and a 6-year-old son,
And I take care of them every day.
♪♪
After I decided to leave the show,
When I got home, I felt sad.
There's a part of me that wished
That I would have stayed
And that I could have overcome that anxiety.
So, I wrote hef a letter
Letting him know that I was regretful,
And he later asked me if I would test to be a playmate.
And I got to a point where I felt proud
To have the opportunity to be a "playboy" playmate.
♪♪
I was April 2003 centerfold
And playmate of the year 2004.
Posing nude is liberating.
I did it then, and I would do it now.
It is empowering. You're making a choice for you,
And...I felt good about it.
I did playboy for a reason.
It was a platform.
I utilized it to get every job that I could,
And that's why I feel like it's easy for people to look back
And rake everyone over the coals.
Uh, my experience was different.
I met my husband at the time through playboy,
Which was another great gift.
And most important, I had four amazing, beautiful children.
♪♪
Playboy was not my dream,
But falling into it so gracefully
Has turned it into... My life is a dream.
I really love where I've landed,
And I don't think I would have met my husband
Or the friends that I've made.
I have been to so many countries.
I don't think that that would have ever happened
If I had just stayed in las vegas
And not been discovered.
I think this world could have potentially
Chewed me up and spit me out
If I didn't get tougher skin and I didn't get thrown
In a couple different situations
That made me a little more well-rounded.
And I-I love who I am today.
So, today I am married.
I've been married for 13 years. I had another child.
He's 12.
Oh, my gosh, so happy.
After all these years and all these lessons, I'm really happy.
I am at a place in life where I know me.
I love me, and I-I love life.
I'm not gonna shrink. I'm gonna do the opposite, you know?
Honestly, I found my power in playboy.
You know, I found, like, my power
The way I wanted to be seen.
♪♪
I remember some of the things from the boardroom
And some of the body comments,
And today that would not be accepted.
Not only do I not think the show would be able to be made today,
I think they would cancel everyone that was part of it.
♪♪
De olveira: There's a reason why
"playboy" magazine is now extinct,
And what is the next iteration?
I don't think anybody really knows,
Um, but the business of exploitation
Is not going away.
Um, it's just done in a different form.
Do you believe there was any time
That you might have exploited women?
Never. Never, and I think you-- you could talk to the women
Who have appeared in the magazine,
And I think you would hear rather clearly that's the case.
You know, they say, "oh, you're being exploited."
I'm like, I'm not being exploited
If hugh hefner thinks I'm attractive enough
To put me in his magazine, and I get paid. It's a job.
That's something that I never understood of how people judge.
We're choosing to do it. We wanna do it.
You know, we find it beautiful. We find it sexy.
We find it attractive.
Why is that exploitation?
[scoffs] I don't know, right?
I posed nude and felt comfortable with it,
But people do. They lose their mind.
It is wild.
There's nothing wrong with following a dream.
There's nothing wrong with being naked.
I just think it's a way to shame women, you know?
But that's their problem, not mine.