1 00:00:03,500 --> 00:00:08,417 [birds chirping] 2 00:00:08,500 --> 00:00:16,042 ♪ 3 00:00:16,125 --> 00:00:17,750 When I look at these photos, 4 00:00:17,875 --> 00:00:20,250 I realize I had a really good childhood. 5 00:00:23,042 --> 00:00:24,958 My mom started bringing me to the Playboy Mansion 6 00:00:25,042 --> 00:00:29,333 as an infant, and it was just so magical. 7 00:00:39,167 --> 00:00:41,375 My mom with Hef. 8 00:00:44,042 --> 00:00:47,000 He looks like he couldn't have more joy 9 00:00:47,125 --> 00:00:51,875 and love and respect for her, 10 00:00:51,958 --> 00:00:57,917 and she looks...happy, but I see... 11 00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:01,500 kind of like... 12 00:01:01,583 --> 00:01:04,292 a sadness in her eyes at the same time. 13 00:01:04,375 --> 00:01:14,333 ♪ 14 00:01:16,292 --> 00:01:20,417 When you look at this picture, and you see Hef's smiling face, 15 00:01:20,500 --> 00:01:23,500 that's the face that lit up when I... 16 00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:26,042 when he saw me in the room and came up to me 17 00:01:26,125 --> 00:01:27,583 and made me feel so seen and special. 18 00:01:30,542 --> 00:01:32,208 That's the part where I struggle with-- 19 00:01:32,292 --> 00:01:35,083 well, how can I hold good memories with someone 20 00:01:35,083 --> 00:01:38,333 who is capable of...that? 21 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:46,792 [motor revving] 22 00:01:46,875 --> 00:01:48,375 My name is Hugh Hefner, 23 00:01:48,458 --> 00:01:49,792 and I'm the publisher of "Playboy" magazine. 24 00:01:49,875 --> 00:01:51,167 REPORTER: Playboy is one 25 00:01:51,208 --> 00:01:53,917 of the most famous brand names in the world. 26 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:56,292 It was simply to include sex as 27 00:01:56,375 --> 00:01:59,250 one natural part of a package for a male audience. 28 00:01:59,333 --> 00:02:01,167 WOMAN: When I made the choice to do "Playboy," 29 00:02:01,208 --> 00:02:03,375 I didn't realize all the choices that I was making 30 00:02:03,375 --> 00:02:05,667 that came with that choice. 31 00:02:05,750 --> 00:02:08,542 WOMAN #2: We don't judge the men for buying the "Playboy"s, 32 00:02:08,667 --> 00:02:11,208 but we judge the women for posing for "Playboy." 33 00:02:11,208 --> 00:02:13,250 JILL: I was never Jill anymore. 34 00:02:13,333 --> 00:02:16,000 I was Jill that posed for "Playboy." 35 00:02:16,042 --> 00:02:18,042 WOMAN #3: I just gave in and knew that I was 36 00:02:18,125 --> 00:02:19,833 probably gonna go to hell. 37 00:02:19,875 --> 00:02:21,333 WOMAN #4 It got to a certain point 38 00:02:21,417 --> 00:02:24,125 where it wasn't fun anymore. 39 00:02:24,208 --> 00:02:26,375 SONDRA: This process was very painful, 40 00:02:26,542 --> 00:02:30,708 but I should be able to tell my story as I lived it. 41 00:02:41,208 --> 00:02:43,500 HEFNER: That's Sondra Theodore, a really special lady. 42 00:02:43,583 --> 00:02:46,667 Oh. Hef tells me you're gonna be in the July issue. 43 00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:50,125 What, uh, what decided you to become a Playmate? 44 00:02:50,208 --> 00:02:52,917 Well, I was very undecided about it at first, 45 00:02:53,042 --> 00:02:55,000 and then I talked to people at "Playboy." 46 00:02:55,083 --> 00:02:57,000 I thought, what the heck? It might be fun. 47 00:02:57,042 --> 00:03:02,167 ♪ 48 00:03:02,208 --> 00:03:04,167 "Playboy"-- Once you've done "Playboy," 49 00:03:04,292 --> 00:03:06,625 it follows you throughout your life 50 00:03:06,708 --> 00:03:10,500 because there's a phenomenon about 51 00:03:10,583 --> 00:03:12,917 being a Playmate, and you could be 110, 52 00:03:13,042 --> 00:03:15,917 and a man will still get all flustered 53 00:03:16,042 --> 00:03:18,875 and treat you differently. 54 00:03:18,958 --> 00:03:22,583 You'll always be that young pinup girl in their mind. 55 00:03:22,667 --> 00:03:24,542 And so, yeah, it follows you your whole life, 56 00:03:24,625 --> 00:03:29,667 and it's really hard to hide from. 57 00:03:33,875 --> 00:03:35,875 [sighs heavily] 58 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:37,500 I'm Sondra Theodore, 59 00:03:37,583 --> 00:03:40,167 and I was, uh, Hugh Hefner's girlfriend 60 00:03:40,292 --> 00:03:43,375 between 1976 and 1981. 61 00:03:43,458 --> 00:03:45,792 ♪ 62 00:03:45,875 --> 00:03:50,708 And I was Miss July 1977 in the magazine. 63 00:03:52,208 --> 00:03:55,750 When season one of this show reached out to me, 64 00:03:55,833 --> 00:03:59,500 I didn't know if I could tell the world my story 65 00:03:59,583 --> 00:04:03,417 because I had not been able to tell anybody my story. 66 00:04:03,500 --> 00:04:08,167 But I knew that I had to tell the truth 67 00:04:08,250 --> 00:04:11,417 because it was still living inside of me. 68 00:04:12,750 --> 00:04:15,792 I've never known anybody who had to have that much sex. 69 00:04:15,875 --> 00:04:19,000 He had to get more and more. 70 00:04:19,042 --> 00:04:20,667 It got uglier and uglier 71 00:04:20,792 --> 00:04:23,167 with, you know, bringing the men into the bedroom, 72 00:04:23,250 --> 00:04:26,083 and I didn't wanna be with another man. 73 00:04:26,167 --> 00:04:29,333 It didn't matter how it made me feel, 74 00:04:29,458 --> 00:04:33,000 and sometimes it was...painful. 75 00:04:33,083 --> 00:04:38,458 Men that force themselves on you, it doesn't feel good. 76 00:04:38,542 --> 00:04:41,625 It--It hurts, and I would tell him that. 77 00:04:41,708 --> 00:04:45,833 "Please don't, no. Please." I-I-I would use those words. 78 00:04:45,958 --> 00:04:49,542 "He hurts me." Didn't matter. 79 00:04:49,625 --> 00:04:53,625 I really did not anticipate saying as much as I did. 80 00:04:53,708 --> 00:04:56,500 But as I, uh, started talking, 81 00:04:56,542 --> 00:04:59,417 I found myself saying things 82 00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:02,000 that I never thought I'd say to anybody. 83 00:05:02,042 --> 00:05:06,458 The group sex, it was at least five nights a week. 84 00:05:06,542 --> 00:05:09,000 I wasn't gay, but he would whisper in my ear, 85 00:05:09,042 --> 00:05:11,875 "You know, go talk to her. 86 00:05:11,875 --> 00:05:15,333 Go talk to her and see if she wants to party." 87 00:05:15,417 --> 00:05:17,000 Finally, one day, I just, 88 00:05:17,083 --> 00:05:19,667 "Oh, jeez! Okay, I'll try it once." 89 00:05:22,208 --> 00:05:25,500 Yeah, yeah, one of the first. 90 00:05:28,250 --> 00:05:31,792 [voice breaking] I've never used that word, that. 91 00:05:31,875 --> 00:05:36,500 Because I would never do that. That sounds...naughty. 92 00:05:36,583 --> 00:05:39,208 That sounds...nasty. 93 00:05:39,292 --> 00:05:45,125 I was told it was a party. It was... 94 00:05:45,208 --> 00:05:47,292 getting together to have some fun. 95 00:05:51,833 --> 00:05:56,500 This process was very painful. It tore me apart from my family. 96 00:05:56,542 --> 00:05:58,875 ♪ 97 00:05:58,958 --> 00:06:01,292 KATIE: One of the things that bothered me 98 00:06:01,375 --> 00:06:03,167 about season one of this show 99 00:06:03,208 --> 00:06:05,708 is they only focused on one side. 100 00:06:05,792 --> 00:06:08,250 They didn't, you know, bring up 101 00:06:08,333 --> 00:06:10,333 anything that was good about Hef. 102 00:06:10,417 --> 00:06:11,708 It was all the bad. 103 00:06:11,792 --> 00:06:14,167 They didn't show the happy times, 104 00:06:14,250 --> 00:06:17,250 the times that I grew up hearing about. 105 00:06:17,333 --> 00:06:19,625 There was a part of them that did really wonderful things 106 00:06:19,708 --> 00:06:21,625 for my mother and for her family. 107 00:06:21,708 --> 00:06:23,167 ♪♪ 108 00:06:23,292 --> 00:06:24,833 When I was young, 109 00:06:24,875 --> 00:06:27,625 "Playboy" was not naked woman orgies at the Mansion. 110 00:06:27,708 --> 00:06:30,958 It was family time. It was magic. 111 00:06:31,042 --> 00:06:32,000 It was a safe space. 112 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:33,833 ♪ 113 00:06:33,875 --> 00:06:35,833 My mom started bringing me to the Playboy Mansion 114 00:06:35,917 --> 00:06:37,083 as an infant. 115 00:06:37,167 --> 00:06:38,667 ♪ 116 00:06:38,708 --> 00:06:40,833 SONDRA: 10 years after I broke up with Hef, 117 00:06:40,917 --> 00:06:46,500 I had managed to get married, and I was a mom. 118 00:06:46,583 --> 00:06:48,667 I ended up going back to the Mansion 119 00:06:48,708 --> 00:06:50,583 because all my friends were there, 120 00:06:50,667 --> 00:06:52,250 and they were all taking their kids up there, 121 00:06:52,333 --> 00:06:57,083 and Katie was probably the most singled out Mansion baby. 122 00:06:57,167 --> 00:06:59,417 They called them Mansion babies 123 00:06:59,500 --> 00:07:02,500 because we all had babies about the same time, 124 00:07:02,583 --> 00:07:04,583 but Katie got the royal treatment. 125 00:07:04,708 --> 00:07:06,500 KATIE: It was just so fun. 126 00:07:06,583 --> 00:07:08,583 I just remember me and my brother, like, 127 00:07:08,667 --> 00:07:11,208 running around, like, a little wonderland for us. 128 00:07:11,292 --> 00:07:13,375 So, when people are like, 129 00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:15,083 "You grew up, like, going to the Playboy Mansion?" 130 00:07:15,208 --> 00:07:17,000 I'm like, yeah, but it wasn't like I was, like, growing up, 131 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:18,500 and then, oh, I'm playing, 132 00:07:18,583 --> 00:07:20,167 and there's, like, a naked woman. 133 00:07:20,250 --> 00:07:22,167 That wasn't my Playboy Mansion. 134 00:07:22,250 --> 00:07:24,833 Hef was very family-oriented. 135 00:07:24,958 --> 00:07:30,500 It was completely tame and innocent. 136 00:07:33,875 --> 00:07:36,833 Yeah, I've known--I mean, he's been a part of my whole world. 137 00:07:38,292 --> 00:07:41,000 He was my, like, Uncle Hef. 138 00:07:41,042 --> 00:07:43,875 Hugh Hefner was not a predator to me. He was family. 139 00:07:43,958 --> 00:07:47,167 I never experienced anything predatory 140 00:07:47,208 --> 00:07:49,000 on his property or with him. 141 00:07:49,083 --> 00:07:50,750 ♪♪ 142 00:07:50,833 --> 00:07:53,292 I don't really know if it was all a lie. 143 00:07:53,375 --> 00:07:56,875 I feel-- I felt like he was genuine, 144 00:07:56,958 --> 00:08:00,125 But maybe that's something I'm still processing 145 00:08:00,208 --> 00:08:04,125 and I'm still unraveling and coming to terms with. 146 00:08:13,667 --> 00:08:17,208 I had not told my children the details. 147 00:08:19,958 --> 00:08:25,500 I tried to talk to Katie about my trauma sooner, 148 00:08:25,583 --> 00:08:28,042 before she had to see it on television. 149 00:08:28,125 --> 00:08:32,583 Not only was it incredibly hard for me to verbalize it, 150 00:08:32,667 --> 00:08:35,125 she didn't want to hear it. 151 00:08:35,208 --> 00:08:37,417 Well, who wants to hear about their parents having sex... 152 00:08:37,500 --> 00:08:40,458 [chuckles] let alone trauma? 153 00:08:40,542 --> 00:08:43,542 It was too much for her to hear. 154 00:08:43,625 --> 00:08:46,208 She said, "I don't want to know about it, Mom. 155 00:08:46,292 --> 00:08:48,208 It's not my story. It's yours." 156 00:08:48,292 --> 00:08:54,750 No, it's our story because you are my story. 157 00:08:56,667 --> 00:08:58,250 It's our story. 158 00:08:58,333 --> 00:09:00,833 ♪ 159 00:09:00,917 --> 00:09:04,250 KATIE: The Playboy Mansion was a part of my whole life. 160 00:09:04,333 --> 00:09:07,667 I was still on Team Hef, 161 00:09:07,708 --> 00:09:10,500 like, the illusion of you raised me around this man 162 00:09:10,542 --> 00:09:13,167 that was so wonderful to us, 163 00:09:13,208 --> 00:09:16,333 and you told me all these great stories of your times together. 164 00:09:16,375 --> 00:09:19,667 ♪ 165 00:09:19,708 --> 00:09:23,250 Yeah, this is still--I guess I'm having a hard time with this 166 00:09:23,333 --> 00:09:26,125 'cause I don't want to say, 167 00:09:26,208 --> 00:09:29,000 "Oh, well, he wasn't a monster to me, so..." 168 00:09:29,083 --> 00:09:35,167 but...'cause he wasn't, but then how can someone... 169 00:09:35,208 --> 00:09:37,833 I don't know. It's like, it's very complicated. 170 00:09:37,917 --> 00:09:42,500 ♪♪ 171 00:09:42,542 --> 00:09:44,583 With Katie believing they're still good in Hef, 172 00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:47,125 because there was. 173 00:09:47,208 --> 00:09:50,417 There was a side to him that he was good at times. 174 00:09:50,542 --> 00:09:53,375 He filled my heart with so much love. 175 00:09:53,500 --> 00:09:56,583 ♪♪ 176 00:09:56,667 --> 00:09:58,333 And I don't believe that he could have done that 177 00:09:58,417 --> 00:10:01,625 if he had been truly all evil, 178 00:10:01,708 --> 00:10:04,958 and I just think that he slipped slowly 179 00:10:05,042 --> 00:10:08,917 into this powerful man that could get away with anything. 180 00:10:08,917 --> 00:10:17,333 ♪ 181 00:10:17,375 --> 00:10:18,583 And it got the best of him. 182 00:10:23,083 --> 00:10:27,583 ♪ 183 00:10:29,917 --> 00:10:31,333 [sighs] 184 00:10:31,375 --> 00:10:36,250 I feel like it's another lifetime. 185 00:10:36,333 --> 00:10:38,333 ♪ 186 00:10:38,417 --> 00:10:39,667 It was. 187 00:10:39,750 --> 00:10:41,708 I feel sad that it didn't turn out 188 00:10:41,833 --> 00:10:42,917 the way it should have. 189 00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:45,667 ♪ 190 00:10:45,750 --> 00:10:48,000 We've gone through a lot. 191 00:10:48,083 --> 00:10:50,333 What happened to me at the Mansion 192 00:10:50,417 --> 00:10:52,000 and my relationship with Hef 193 00:10:52,083 --> 00:10:55,000 followed me to all my future relationships, 194 00:10:55,083 --> 00:10:57,292 but things got much worse for Katie 195 00:10:57,375 --> 00:11:00,333 when her father and I divorced. 196 00:11:00,417 --> 00:11:03,542 The divorce was very hard on Katie and her brother. 197 00:11:03,542 --> 00:11:05,625 She had so much anger. 198 00:11:06,667 --> 00:11:08,542 Once I got divorced, 199 00:11:08,667 --> 00:11:11,917 I'd been alone for many years before I remarried 200 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:15,625 because I had been beaten down. 201 00:11:15,708 --> 00:11:18,375 I had been left for a younger girl, 202 00:11:18,458 --> 00:11:19,833 a Playmate, no less. 203 00:11:19,917 --> 00:11:21,667 It was humiliating for me. 204 00:11:21,792 --> 00:11:25,375 So, when I met my second husband, 205 00:11:25,458 --> 00:11:27,833 thought it would be safer because he wouldn't cheat on me, 206 00:11:27,875 --> 00:11:29,542 because he wasn't in the business. 207 00:11:29,625 --> 00:11:33,583 He wasn't, um, a celebrity of any kind, 208 00:11:33,708 --> 00:11:35,708 that he was normal so that he would appreciate me 209 00:11:35,833 --> 00:11:39,958 for who I was, but then it-- it went all sour. 210 00:11:40,042 --> 00:11:41,542 I mean, it just didn't work out that way. 211 00:11:41,625 --> 00:11:43,708 ♪ 212 00:11:43,792 --> 00:11:47,167 KATIE: She remarried when I was, like, in sixth grade, 213 00:11:47,250 --> 00:11:50,958 and she settled for this man that was just, like, 214 00:11:51,042 --> 00:11:53,333 rigid and born again Christian. 215 00:11:57,042 --> 00:11:58,333 Oh, God, yeah. 216 00:11:58,417 --> 00:12:02,417 Like, we've had the most in-insane journey. [laughs] 217 00:12:02,500 --> 00:12:04,250 Yeah, it's been really hard. 218 00:12:04,375 --> 00:12:07,208 Been so mad at her. 219 00:12:08,917 --> 00:12:11,458 And I realize now the dynamic she had with Hef 220 00:12:11,542 --> 00:12:15,667 really set the tone for her future choices in life 221 00:12:15,708 --> 00:12:17,958 and her sense of worth. 222 00:12:19,167 --> 00:12:24,583 You know, my mom was always surrounded by so many women, 223 00:12:24,708 --> 00:12:26,250 and then when she got remarried, 224 00:12:26,375 --> 00:12:28,333 everything really changed for her then, 225 00:12:28,417 --> 00:12:30,000 and he isolated her. 226 00:12:30,125 --> 00:12:37,083 And ever since then, everything really got bad. [sighs] 227 00:12:37,167 --> 00:12:38,750 ♪ 228 00:12:38,833 --> 00:12:41,333 When Katie was entering junior high, 229 00:12:41,375 --> 00:12:42,750 my second husband and I, 230 00:12:42,833 --> 00:12:44,833 we moved out of town with the kids. 231 00:12:44,875 --> 00:12:47,917 I thought I was doing something good for them, 232 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:51,042 that they would have a better life outside of Los Angeles 233 00:12:51,042 --> 00:12:53,708 'cause I knew a lot of my friends' kids 234 00:12:53,792 --> 00:12:54,958 were getting into trouble. 235 00:12:54,958 --> 00:12:58,000 But Katie had a hard time at school, 236 00:12:58,042 --> 00:13:00,083 and I didn't find out right away 237 00:13:00,167 --> 00:13:02,500 about Katie being bullied and how bad it was. 238 00:13:02,542 --> 00:13:07,000 I was...12, going on 13, 239 00:13:07,042 --> 00:13:10,500 and I think my brother had maybe told, like, one guy, 240 00:13:10,542 --> 00:13:13,458 like, "Oh, yeah, my mom was a 'Playboy' Playmate." 241 00:13:13,542 --> 00:13:19,708 So, when people found out that my mom had dated Hugh Hefner 242 00:13:19,792 --> 00:13:22,375 and was a "Playboy" model, I was told, 243 00:13:22,458 --> 00:13:24,833 "Oh, your mom's a glorified prostitute. 244 00:13:24,875 --> 00:13:26,333 You're a slut." 245 00:13:29,375 --> 00:13:32,042 I was, like, so innocent. 246 00:13:32,167 --> 00:13:35,833 I was, like, gonna be a virgin till I got married, 247 00:13:35,917 --> 00:13:37,167 and, like, I was like my mom. 248 00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:39,083 I was, like, the sweet, innocent little girl. 249 00:13:39,167 --> 00:13:40,875 ♪ 250 00:13:40,875 --> 00:13:43,917 And so 'cause my mom posed for "Playboy," 251 00:13:44,042 --> 00:13:47,625 I'm a slut, and my mom's a prostitute? 252 00:13:47,708 --> 00:13:50,708 It was just very... 253 00:13:50,792 --> 00:13:53,708 like, confusing for me. 254 00:13:53,792 --> 00:13:55,833 It's like, how does that make me a slut? 255 00:13:58,375 --> 00:14:02,292 They weren't used to their mom being called these names. 256 00:14:02,292 --> 00:14:05,125 They never heard that before from--from my circle of friends. 257 00:14:05,208 --> 00:14:08,000 And if I had known this was going on, I... 258 00:14:08,042 --> 00:14:10,167 I would have done something. 259 00:14:10,292 --> 00:14:13,000 I found out later they battered her so much 260 00:14:13,083 --> 00:14:14,583 that she became that bad girl. 261 00:14:14,667 --> 00:14:17,333 ♪ 262 00:14:17,375 --> 00:14:20,250 Her and her friends were drinking in junior high. Really? 263 00:14:20,375 --> 00:14:21,875 I had my first drink at the Mansion. 264 00:14:21,958 --> 00:14:23,792 I just was so straight, 265 00:14:23,875 --> 00:14:25,833 so it was even harder for me to accept 266 00:14:25,917 --> 00:14:28,333 that my beautiful daughter was not studying. 267 00:14:28,458 --> 00:14:29,708 She was out drinking. 268 00:14:29,792 --> 00:14:32,542 ♪ 269 00:14:32,625 --> 00:14:35,333 I just watched her fall away from her studies, 270 00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:39,500 fall away from her sports that she loved, 271 00:14:39,542 --> 00:14:41,500 and she started acting out. 272 00:14:41,542 --> 00:14:46,125 Nothing I could do or say could stop it. 273 00:14:47,958 --> 00:14:49,958 KATIE: We never did anything together. 274 00:14:50,042 --> 00:14:52,083 The only thing I did with her 275 00:14:52,167 --> 00:14:54,417 is, like, being forced to go to church. 276 00:14:54,542 --> 00:14:57,833 So, it's like all I did was get yelled at and get in trouble 277 00:14:57,917 --> 00:15:01,167 and to be told that I'm doing something wrong. 278 00:15:05,042 --> 00:15:07,833 [voice breaking] Um... I think it's just really sad. 279 00:15:07,917 --> 00:15:10,583 Life is--can be really sad. 280 00:15:13,250 --> 00:15:18,250 [sniffles] Not mad. I'm just... just sad about it. 281 00:15:18,333 --> 00:15:21,417 ♪ 282 00:15:24,250 --> 00:15:27,750 I turned to drugs and alcohol. 283 00:15:27,875 --> 00:15:30,958 ♪♪ 284 00:15:31,042 --> 00:15:34,167 Things got so bad that I had no control over her, 285 00:15:34,250 --> 00:15:36,042 and when she got physical with me, 286 00:15:36,167 --> 00:15:38,333 I called her dad, and I said, 287 00:15:38,417 --> 00:15:40,958 "She's got to come be with you for a while." 288 00:15:40,958 --> 00:15:43,292 I was kicked out of the house 289 00:15:43,417 --> 00:15:47,333 and ended up moving back to Los Angeles 290 00:15:47,417 --> 00:15:52,333 and having a very strained relationship with my mother. 291 00:15:54,708 --> 00:15:56,458 Yeah, I went to outpatient. 292 00:15:56,542 --> 00:16:00,625 It's, like, just to go for, like, part of the day. 293 00:16:00,708 --> 00:16:02,208 No. [scoffs] 294 00:16:05,083 --> 00:16:07,875 You know, I would be, like, a 17-year-old girl 295 00:16:07,958 --> 00:16:10,250 getting hit on by guys in their 30s. 296 00:16:10,333 --> 00:16:13,667 SONDRA: When she started acting up, 297 00:16:13,750 --> 00:16:16,417 I felt like she blamed me for a lot of things, 298 00:16:16,500 --> 00:16:19,750 [voice breaking] And I was very young when I had them, 299 00:16:19,833 --> 00:16:21,500 and I tried my best. 300 00:16:21,583 --> 00:16:23,958 I was just desperately trying to be normal. 301 00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:29,125 And I tried to make up for it by being a supermom, 302 00:16:29,208 --> 00:16:39,167 and I didn't realize how much I had buried the hurt. 303 00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:44,000 It's hard to put into words. Um... 304 00:16:44,833 --> 00:16:46,625 Thanks. 305 00:16:52,292 --> 00:16:54,292 ♪ 306 00:16:54,375 --> 00:16:58,792 My mom gave this necklace to me when I was 19 years old, 307 00:16:58,875 --> 00:17:01,208 and it's because when she was 19, 308 00:17:01,292 --> 00:17:03,250 Hef gave her this necklace. 309 00:17:03,333 --> 00:17:04,625 It says "Baby Blue." 310 00:17:04,708 --> 00:17:08,792 ♪ 311 00:17:08,792 --> 00:17:11,667 SONDRA: "Baby Blue" came about the first night we met. 312 00:17:11,750 --> 00:17:13,708 He brought me in the house, and we danced. 313 00:17:13,792 --> 00:17:17,625 ♪ 314 00:17:17,708 --> 00:17:20,875 And it was Barry White's "Baby Blue panties." 315 00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:22,458 ♪♪ 316 00:17:22,458 --> 00:17:24,333 KATIE: He nicknamed her "Baby Blue," 317 00:17:24,417 --> 00:17:27,042 and even with everything I know now, 318 00:17:27,125 --> 00:17:30,000 this necklace still means a lot to me. 319 00:17:30,042 --> 00:17:32,750 It just reminds me how strong my mom is. 320 00:17:32,875 --> 00:17:34,667 ♪♪ 321 00:17:34,792 --> 00:17:36,667 Katie loves that necklace. 322 00:17:36,792 --> 00:17:40,000 She holds onto it like you'd hold onto a dream. 323 00:17:40,083 --> 00:17:42,958 And I wore that baby blue necklace 324 00:17:43,042 --> 00:17:45,333 during my "Playboy" centerfold shoot. 325 00:17:45,458 --> 00:17:49,500 My first "Playboy" shoot was a surprise to me. 326 00:17:49,583 --> 00:17:51,917 I wasn't planning on becoming a Playmate. 327 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:55,083 That was not my goal. 328 00:17:55,167 --> 00:17:57,250 When I was called into the studio, 329 00:17:57,333 --> 00:17:58,833 it was to do a cover, 330 00:17:58,875 --> 00:18:01,583 and the cover shot was going to be the back of my legs 331 00:18:01,583 --> 00:18:05,417 from the butt down so there would be no nudity. 332 00:18:05,542 --> 00:18:07,417 I had said, I will not do any nudity. 333 00:18:09,250 --> 00:18:10,792 And when I got there, 334 00:18:10,875 --> 00:18:13,417 that's when they were putting makeup on my face. 335 00:18:13,542 --> 00:18:16,667 And I was so green, I-I didn't question that. 336 00:18:16,792 --> 00:18:18,042 You know, why would they put makeup on my face 337 00:18:18,125 --> 00:18:19,667 if they're going to do back of my legs? 338 00:18:19,750 --> 00:18:21,875 ♪♪ 339 00:18:21,958 --> 00:18:24,125 [camera shutter clicks] 340 00:18:24,125 --> 00:18:28,208 It took about two hours, but one strap off, 341 00:18:28,292 --> 00:18:30,792 one strap off, and I finally was naked. 342 00:18:30,875 --> 00:18:33,417 [camera shutter clicks] 343 00:18:33,500 --> 00:18:36,500 But they showed me the Polaroids, and it was like, 344 00:18:36,583 --> 00:18:40,583 oh, that's me? Because of the lighting and the makeup, 345 00:18:40,583 --> 00:18:42,458 and I looked-- and I looked so pretty. 346 00:18:42,542 --> 00:18:43,583 ♪ 347 00:18:43,708 --> 00:18:47,292 And--And that helped me keep going, 348 00:18:47,375 --> 00:18:49,333 and the rest is history. [laughs] 349 00:18:49,417 --> 00:18:54,208 [camera shutter clicking] 350 00:18:57,208 --> 00:18:59,167 [bird cawing in distance] 351 00:18:59,208 --> 00:19:01,833 In 2011, I was caring for my mother 352 00:19:01,917 --> 00:19:03,667 because she had Alzheimer's. 353 00:19:03,750 --> 00:19:05,292 Things that were important 354 00:19:05,375 --> 00:19:07,333 started really showing themselves. 355 00:19:07,417 --> 00:19:11,833 She came to me, and she told me of her rape. 356 00:19:11,958 --> 00:19:13,375 She was raped at 16. 357 00:19:13,500 --> 00:19:16,500 ♪♪ 358 00:19:16,542 --> 00:19:19,917 That was a trigger I didn't even think about 359 00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:25,167 because things that had happened to me were suddenly-- 360 00:19:25,208 --> 00:19:27,917 I could see that they had been wrong... 361 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:31,667 that I had been put through things 362 00:19:31,708 --> 00:19:34,167 that a girl should never have been put through. 363 00:19:34,208 --> 00:19:38,208 And I was seeing it clearly, 364 00:19:38,333 --> 00:19:43,000 but I wasn't ready to tell anyone. 365 00:19:43,042 --> 00:19:44,750 -Oh, my God. -[laughs] 366 00:19:44,875 --> 00:19:46,458 It has been a journey. 367 00:19:46,542 --> 00:19:50,208 Around this time, Miki Garcia contacted me through Facebook. 368 00:19:50,292 --> 00:19:51,833 All right. 369 00:19:51,958 --> 00:19:54,833 Okay, come over here. You know, we can look at these. 370 00:19:54,833 --> 00:19:58,417 ♪ 371 00:19:58,500 --> 00:20:02,208 All right. So, this is your area, isn't it? 372 00:20:02,292 --> 00:20:05,292 Miss January 1973. Miki Garcia. 373 00:20:05,375 --> 00:20:06,792 MIKI: [chuckles] Yeah. 374 00:20:06,875 --> 00:20:10,333 I was Miss January 1973. 375 00:20:10,417 --> 00:20:13,042 I was one of the first Hispanic Playmates. 376 00:20:13,125 --> 00:20:14,500 I was proud of that, 377 00:20:14,542 --> 00:20:17,333 and then I became Director of Playmate Promotions. 378 00:20:17,375 --> 00:20:21,917 I myself believed the "Playboy" promise-- 379 00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:25,125 all these opportunities for women. 380 00:20:25,208 --> 00:20:28,500 I was touting the brand. 381 00:20:28,542 --> 00:20:30,208 Look, I have my mommies in there. 382 00:20:30,292 --> 00:20:31,542 -Okay, let's see. -That's the-- 383 00:20:31,667 --> 00:20:32,833 -Look how-- -That's my bridal shower. 384 00:20:32,917 --> 00:20:34,333 -Look how proud she is of you. -She is so proud. 385 00:20:34,458 --> 00:20:36,542 -Look at that. -Yeah, she was so young. 386 00:20:36,625 --> 00:20:39,000 -She is so proud of you. -Is that the Mansion? 387 00:20:39,083 --> 00:20:40,625 That's, yeah, the bridal shower. 388 00:20:40,708 --> 00:20:43,083 Miki's caring for her mother, 389 00:20:43,167 --> 00:20:45,333 and so we became close because of this. 390 00:20:45,417 --> 00:20:48,083 -Look at that face. -She's so happy. 391 00:20:48,167 --> 00:20:49,708 And I never got to meet her. 392 00:20:49,792 --> 00:20:51,333 I know. 393 00:20:51,417 --> 00:20:54,125 And then she told me about the porn sites. 394 00:20:54,208 --> 00:20:56,667 So, when I searched my name on Google, 395 00:20:56,750 --> 00:21:00,833 I saw our pictures had been put on porn sites, 396 00:21:00,958 --> 00:21:02,667 and that's when my perspective 397 00:21:02,708 --> 00:21:04,542 at my time with "Playboy" changed. 398 00:21:04,625 --> 00:21:06,500 ♪ 399 00:21:06,542 --> 00:21:10,500 We were promised that our pictures would be art, 400 00:21:10,542 --> 00:21:12,958 always revered as art. 401 00:21:12,958 --> 00:21:15,167 HEFNER: The notion in terms of "Playboy" from the beginning 402 00:21:15,250 --> 00:21:17,500 was not to be the most explicit magazine around. 403 00:21:17,583 --> 00:21:20,333 It was simply to include sex as one natural part 404 00:21:20,417 --> 00:21:22,417 of a package for a male audience. 405 00:21:22,500 --> 00:21:24,583 SONDRA: We were the girls next door. 406 00:21:24,667 --> 00:21:26,958 It was acceptable on coffee tables back then. 407 00:21:27,042 --> 00:21:28,500 ♪♪ 408 00:21:28,583 --> 00:21:30,333 And when I went and found 409 00:21:30,375 --> 00:21:33,958 my beautiful pictures on these sites, it was... 410 00:21:34,042 --> 00:21:37,625 To know that your picture, your image, your name's 411 00:21:37,708 --> 00:21:41,208 being used as a carnival barker to get into these porn sites... 412 00:21:41,292 --> 00:21:43,250 ♪ 413 00:21:43,333 --> 00:21:46,042 ...this is so violating. 414 00:21:46,125 --> 00:21:48,000 ♪ 415 00:21:48,083 --> 00:21:51,500 I was...yeah, I was angry, and I was--I was sick by it. 416 00:21:51,583 --> 00:21:54,917 It's--It's an awful feeling. 417 00:21:54,917 --> 00:21:57,542 No woman deserves to be on porn sites 418 00:21:57,625 --> 00:21:59,792 unless she wants to be. No person does. 419 00:21:59,875 --> 00:22:02,958 ♪ 420 00:22:03,042 --> 00:22:05,417 And to know that it's there, 421 00:22:05,500 --> 00:22:08,833 it's done, it's on the Internet, it'll never be gone. 422 00:22:08,917 --> 00:22:12,458 The thought of, God, my grandkids are gonna grow up 423 00:22:12,542 --> 00:22:15,750 and think that Grandma was a porn star? 424 00:22:15,875 --> 00:22:18,708 Uh, that's not the legacy I wanted to give my kids. 425 00:22:18,792 --> 00:22:22,125 I had a neighbor say to me, "Hey, you're that porn lady." 426 00:22:22,208 --> 00:22:23,458 Wh-- D-- What? 427 00:22:23,542 --> 00:22:27,417 We had no say on it. We did not get paid. 428 00:22:27,500 --> 00:22:31,125 We did not even get told. This was kept hush, 429 00:22:31,208 --> 00:22:35,792 and a lot of the girls believed that it was out of his hands 430 00:22:35,875 --> 00:22:38,875 that it happened, and he couldn't control it. 431 00:22:38,875 --> 00:22:42,125 At the time, I was like, well, wasn't it 432 00:22:42,208 --> 00:22:44,333 just the company who sold it, not him? 433 00:22:44,417 --> 00:22:47,667 So, I thought she could have been 434 00:22:47,667 --> 00:22:49,875 a little bit more, like, forgiving, 435 00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:53,542 and that it was maybe not his sole decision to make. 436 00:22:53,667 --> 00:22:55,292 ♪♪ 437 00:22:55,375 --> 00:22:57,625 SONDRA: All I know is he took the girls 438 00:22:57,708 --> 00:22:59,625 that made him who he was. 439 00:22:59,708 --> 00:23:01,667 He did not protect us. He sold us out 440 00:23:01,792 --> 00:23:06,208 and...left us in the gutter. 441 00:23:06,208 --> 00:23:08,333 ♪ 442 00:23:08,417 --> 00:23:10,375 And at this point, I just 443 00:23:10,458 --> 00:23:14,500 couldn't accept any more of that universe. 444 00:23:14,583 --> 00:23:17,292 KATIE: But even though my mom 445 00:23:17,375 --> 00:23:19,958 didn't continue her relationship with Hef, 446 00:23:20,042 --> 00:23:22,542 when I moved back to L.A., I started hanging out 447 00:23:22,625 --> 00:23:25,333 at the Mansion again without my mother. 448 00:23:25,375 --> 00:23:27,667 ♪ 449 00:23:27,750 --> 00:23:29,833 Especially when I turned, like, 17, was really when 450 00:23:29,875 --> 00:23:32,583 I started, you know, going there quite often. 451 00:23:32,667 --> 00:23:34,458 ♪ 452 00:23:34,542 --> 00:23:38,542 I would go on a very, like, family, like, regular-- 453 00:23:38,542 --> 00:23:42,000 where all the regulars go on Sunday nights, 454 00:23:42,125 --> 00:23:45,083 where he had the buffet dinner and a movie night. 455 00:23:46,708 --> 00:23:48,667 And I would go to the parties. 456 00:23:48,750 --> 00:23:51,333 [electronic dance music playing] 457 00:23:51,417 --> 00:23:54,417 Partying in the Mansion was... It was... 458 00:23:54,500 --> 00:23:55,958 the place to be. 459 00:23:56,042 --> 00:23:59,042 ♪ 460 00:23:59,125 --> 00:24:01,833 I would go with, like, a girlfriend and, you know, 461 00:24:01,875 --> 00:24:05,625 dress in little cutesy, little outfits, and it was fun. 462 00:24:05,708 --> 00:24:06,875 ♪ 463 00:24:06,958 --> 00:24:09,750 And nothing like an open bar. [laughs] 464 00:24:09,875 --> 00:24:12,583 [indistinct conversations] 465 00:24:12,583 --> 00:24:15,750 And she'd call me from there 466 00:24:15,833 --> 00:24:17,792 and say, you know, "God, everybody loves you, Mom. 467 00:24:17,875 --> 00:24:20,542 They're, you know, they said that you were the best. 468 00:24:20,667 --> 00:24:22,833 You were so nice," and she was proud of that. 469 00:24:22,875 --> 00:24:26,250 But I could tell she'd been drinking, and she was underage. 470 00:24:26,333 --> 00:24:30,000 ♪ 471 00:24:30,042 --> 00:24:33,167 She'll kill me if I tell you this. Um... 472 00:24:33,250 --> 00:24:36,917 I found out later that she'd been out with Hef 473 00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:40,333 and a couple of his girlfriends at a very young age, 474 00:24:40,417 --> 00:24:43,875 and that, to me, was just not appropriate. 475 00:24:56,542 --> 00:24:59,417 I was not taking drugs at the Playboy Mansion. 476 00:24:59,500 --> 00:25:01,583 I didn't do drugs at the Playboy Mansion. 477 00:25:01,708 --> 00:25:04,667 Like, a pot cookie. Like, nothing--There were no drugs. 478 00:25:04,708 --> 00:25:08,042 That was definitely not... where I did drugs. 479 00:25:08,125 --> 00:25:09,375 [scoffs] Just to be clear. 480 00:25:09,458 --> 00:25:11,583 ♪ 481 00:25:11,667 --> 00:25:13,958 I think it was normal for young girls 482 00:25:14,042 --> 00:25:15,292 to be up there underage. 483 00:25:15,375 --> 00:25:18,375 ♪ 484 00:25:18,458 --> 00:25:21,000 You know, my experiences at the parties 485 00:25:21,042 --> 00:25:23,000 were all very positive, 486 00:25:23,083 --> 00:25:25,583 and I know there's probably women who had, 487 00:25:25,667 --> 00:25:28,750 you know, negative experiences at the parties. 488 00:25:30,583 --> 00:25:33,917 But for me, just made me feel, like, safe. 489 00:25:39,542 --> 00:25:43,458 You know, that's her perspective on how she likes to say that. 490 00:25:43,542 --> 00:25:46,375 That actually kind of annoyed me when I watched that episode 491 00:25:46,458 --> 00:25:49,625 with her saying, "You can't have her." 492 00:25:49,708 --> 00:25:51,875 It was like that was always, like, a joke to me. 493 00:25:51,958 --> 00:25:55,083 And then I saw him indoctrinating my daughter. 494 00:25:55,167 --> 00:25:56,500 Wait, what? 495 00:25:56,583 --> 00:25:57,542 Well, he-- he never touched her, 496 00:25:57,625 --> 00:25:59,833 or I would have killed him. 497 00:25:59,875 --> 00:26:02,042 But the same thing when she would walk in, 498 00:26:02,042 --> 00:26:04,083 he singled her out, made her feel special. 499 00:26:04,167 --> 00:26:06,833 And I'd say to him, "You can't have her. Don't you touch her." 500 00:26:08,625 --> 00:26:14,000 I never felt ever in my entire time up there 501 00:26:14,083 --> 00:26:16,500 that he would ever do anything inappropriate with me. 502 00:26:16,542 --> 00:26:18,000 ♪ 503 00:26:18,083 --> 00:26:20,542 But he would see me across the room 504 00:26:20,625 --> 00:26:23,208 and come on gallivanting over, 505 00:26:23,292 --> 00:26:27,542 and he just showered me with the most loving adoration 506 00:26:27,625 --> 00:26:29,833 and just made me feel so special. 507 00:26:29,958 --> 00:26:32,792 Every time I was there, though, he always saw me 508 00:26:32,875 --> 00:26:37,167 and, like, lit up, and it was just the cutest thing. 509 00:26:37,208 --> 00:26:39,083 She was too young to know. 510 00:26:39,083 --> 00:26:41,333 She was too naive to know that side of him. 511 00:26:41,375 --> 00:26:46,208 He was so good at making you feel like the only person 512 00:26:46,292 --> 00:26:50,750 in the world when he wanted to, and that's what he did with her. 513 00:26:50,875 --> 00:26:54,542 She was wrapped up into his fantasies 514 00:26:54,625 --> 00:26:56,208 as I was, as everybody is. 515 00:26:56,292 --> 00:26:58,917 ♪ 516 00:26:59,042 --> 00:27:02,500 And he singled her out... 517 00:27:02,583 --> 00:27:05,167 so that she felt like me. 518 00:27:05,208 --> 00:27:09,000 ♪ 519 00:27:13,042 --> 00:27:16,083 KATIE: The Playboy Mansion was a family place for me. 520 00:27:16,167 --> 00:27:18,833 I mean, there are, like, people that I considered, like, 521 00:27:18,917 --> 00:27:23,292 you know, aunts and uncles were there, you know? 522 00:27:26,958 --> 00:27:29,167 Um, yeah, I was a wild child. 523 00:27:29,208 --> 00:27:33,000 I was definitely having fun, but not really. [laughs] 524 00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:36,625 ♪ 525 00:27:36,708 --> 00:27:38,958 Kind of like what my mom was going through. 526 00:27:39,042 --> 00:27:40,875 It was like, I can look back, and it was-- 527 00:27:40,958 --> 00:27:42,667 you know, you think you're having fun, 528 00:27:42,750 --> 00:27:45,042 but it's really, you're--you're lost, 529 00:27:45,208 --> 00:27:49,375 and you're just trying to escape through substances and parties. 530 00:27:49,458 --> 00:27:52,667 ♪ 531 00:27:52,792 --> 00:27:55,292 The last time I went to the Mansion, 532 00:27:55,292 --> 00:27:58,875 I actually felt a very ominous energy. 533 00:27:58,958 --> 00:28:00,875 ♪ 534 00:28:00,958 --> 00:28:04,292 Used to be a place where I'd go, and I felt free and alive, 535 00:28:04,375 --> 00:28:05,958 and it didn't feel like that. 536 00:28:06,042 --> 00:28:07,208 ♪♪ 537 00:28:07,292 --> 00:28:09,542 I don't know if it had to do with the fact 538 00:28:09,625 --> 00:28:11,750 that Hef was being assisted, 539 00:28:11,875 --> 00:28:15,750 like, to, you know, he couldn't walk on his own. 540 00:28:15,833 --> 00:28:19,417 Seeing him in that state was very alarming. 541 00:28:19,500 --> 00:28:21,250 ♪ 542 00:28:21,333 --> 00:28:24,125 SONDRA: Katie asked me, "Aren't you going to go say goodbye? 543 00:28:24,208 --> 00:28:25,792 He's dying." 544 00:28:25,875 --> 00:28:30,333 And I said, "No. There's nothing I could say to him. 545 00:28:30,417 --> 00:28:31,708 I don't want to see him." 546 00:28:31,833 --> 00:28:33,875 She didn't understand that, 547 00:28:34,000 --> 00:28:39,833 and...I don't think I could have stood in front of him 548 00:28:39,875 --> 00:28:45,333 for all the money in the world because I felt the evil. 549 00:28:45,375 --> 00:28:50,125 I felt...almost afraid to-- to confront him. 550 00:28:50,208 --> 00:28:51,958 ♪ 551 00:28:52,042 --> 00:28:56,167 It was shocking and upsetting and sad, 552 00:28:56,250 --> 00:28:57,875 and it was the last time I ever went there. 553 00:28:57,958 --> 00:29:00,500 And it was maybe, like, a year or nine months 554 00:29:00,583 --> 00:29:04,000 before he passed away, and I just-- 555 00:29:04,083 --> 00:29:07,333 I couldn't go back. The magic was gone. It was over. 556 00:29:07,417 --> 00:29:10,500 The man who's been called an American icon, 557 00:29:10,625 --> 00:29:13,417 "Playboy" announcing tonight that founder Hugh Hefner, 558 00:29:13,542 --> 00:29:16,042 the man who introduced the world to "Playboy" magazine, 559 00:29:16,167 --> 00:29:20,333 has died at home at the age of 91. 560 00:29:20,417 --> 00:29:24,000 KATIE: I went to his memorial. I was so mad at my mom. 561 00:29:24,042 --> 00:29:26,583 I thought, oh, at least she'll show up to the memorial. 562 00:29:26,667 --> 00:29:28,833 She'll be there for him for this. 563 00:29:28,917 --> 00:29:31,333 And, of course, she didn't show up. Of course. 564 00:29:31,417 --> 00:29:36,083 And it was like, again, still me being very confused 565 00:29:36,167 --> 00:29:39,958 by why she had to only think about the bad times now. 566 00:29:40,042 --> 00:29:41,958 Why couldn't she remember the good times? 567 00:29:42,042 --> 00:29:43,500 I guess it's 'cause I didn't realize how bad 568 00:29:43,583 --> 00:29:45,417 the bad times were for her. 569 00:29:45,500 --> 00:29:47,708 [bird caws in distance] 570 00:29:47,792 --> 00:29:53,917 When COVID hit, I decided to temporarily move in with my mom. 571 00:29:54,042 --> 00:29:57,000 Being in your 30s, like, 572 00:29:57,083 --> 00:29:59,167 living with your mom, is a whole thing. 573 00:29:59,292 --> 00:30:03,083 But we also had nice moments and would, like, cook dinner. 574 00:30:03,208 --> 00:30:05,417 We rescued, like, a lot of kittens, 575 00:30:05,500 --> 00:30:08,292 and we're, like, bottle-feeding kittens together, 576 00:30:08,375 --> 00:30:09,792 and that was a beautiful experience. 577 00:30:09,875 --> 00:30:11,167 And, you know, Janet would, like, pop by 578 00:30:11,250 --> 00:30:13,833 and, like, have dinner with us sometimes, 579 00:30:13,917 --> 00:30:16,000 and they always had, like, a good laugh. 580 00:30:16,042 --> 00:30:19,792 I'm Janet. I'm a friend of both Sondra and Katie, 581 00:30:19,875 --> 00:30:21,667 and I'm Sondra's neighbor. 582 00:30:21,708 --> 00:30:25,000 SONDRA: Janet I had met up here. 583 00:30:25,042 --> 00:30:27,750 She's really the only person I hung out with up here. 584 00:30:27,833 --> 00:30:30,417 A mutual friend introduced me to Sondra, 585 00:30:30,500 --> 00:30:32,917 and we became fast friends. 586 00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:36,375 SONDRA: And then when Katie came to the mountain, 587 00:30:36,458 --> 00:30:37,833 I introduced her to Janet, 588 00:30:37,917 --> 00:30:41,417 and they had their own bond happen. 589 00:30:41,542 --> 00:30:43,375 [bird caws in distance] 590 00:30:43,458 --> 00:30:47,083 When I agreed to do season one of this show, 591 00:30:47,208 --> 00:30:50,958 the day of filming, they asked her to leave, 592 00:30:51,042 --> 00:30:54,000 and Katie was very incensed by this. 593 00:30:54,042 --> 00:30:56,625 She was--She was livid. 594 00:30:56,708 --> 00:30:58,708 [Katie scoffs] 595 00:30:58,833 --> 00:31:02,167 I was very upset with my mom. 596 00:31:02,250 --> 00:31:04,875 I'm like, "Why--What's--Why do you have to do this publicly? 597 00:31:04,958 --> 00:31:06,708 Why can't you just have your truth, 598 00:31:06,708 --> 00:31:10,333 and why do you have to blast it all over the world? 599 00:31:10,417 --> 00:31:12,292 You know, He's dead. Like, let's just move on. 600 00:31:12,375 --> 00:31:14,333 Like, leave the past in the past." 601 00:31:16,250 --> 00:31:20,250 Katie at that point, only knew that things had not been 602 00:31:20,375 --> 00:31:22,958 the fairy tale that they appeared to be. 603 00:31:23,042 --> 00:31:26,875 But I had not been able to tell my children my story. 604 00:31:26,958 --> 00:31:30,083 But as I, uh, started talking, 605 00:31:30,167 --> 00:31:34,333 I found myself unleashing my--my pain. 606 00:31:34,375 --> 00:31:37,833 And I did a lot of talking to those ghosts, 607 00:31:37,917 --> 00:31:41,917 and I like, okay, you didn't get away with it. 608 00:31:42,042 --> 00:31:44,708 I was on an emotional roller coaster 609 00:31:44,792 --> 00:31:46,083 the whole process. 610 00:31:46,167 --> 00:31:49,375 When it was over, it made me feel so good, 611 00:31:49,458 --> 00:31:53,000 because no one else was gonna do this. 612 00:31:53,083 --> 00:31:54,833 I mean, obviously, nobody wants to do it. 613 00:31:54,917 --> 00:31:56,500 They're still not doing it. 614 00:31:56,542 --> 00:31:58,250 But it needed to be done. 615 00:31:58,333 --> 00:32:03,125 I felt like I could die today, and I did something important. 616 00:32:09,042 --> 00:32:13,250 [birds chirping] 617 00:32:13,333 --> 00:32:17,000 SONDRA: Living in these mountains is like... 618 00:32:17,042 --> 00:32:21,625 it's heaven, it's--it's peace. It's... 619 00:32:21,708 --> 00:32:25,167 knowing I'm okay, knowing that I can walk out of the house, 620 00:32:25,208 --> 00:32:30,083 and nobody's gonna judge me, and I'm okay as I am. 621 00:32:30,167 --> 00:32:31,500 And that is amazing, 622 00:32:31,583 --> 00:32:33,917 because I always had to live up to something, 623 00:32:34,042 --> 00:32:39,458 and to not have that is freedom. 624 00:32:39,542 --> 00:32:43,583 It's an inner peace that is just--it's like a calm river. 625 00:32:46,458 --> 00:32:49,000 I haven't watched TV in 15 years, 626 00:32:49,042 --> 00:32:51,833 so where was I gonna watch this show? 627 00:32:51,917 --> 00:32:52,833 [click] 628 00:32:52,875 --> 00:32:55,333 Well, Janet had a TV. 629 00:32:55,375 --> 00:32:56,292 [door creaks] 630 00:32:56,375 --> 00:32:58,875 ♪ 631 00:32:59,000 --> 00:33:00,917 And so every Monday, I cooked dinner, 632 00:33:01,000 --> 00:33:04,125 and I took it over to her house and turn it on, 633 00:33:04,208 --> 00:33:05,458 and there it was coming. I was a wreck. 634 00:33:05,542 --> 00:33:07,833 And so each one was a revelation. 635 00:33:07,958 --> 00:33:10,000 I was just like, whoa, whoa. 636 00:33:10,083 --> 00:33:12,167 And we wouldn't look at each other. 637 00:33:12,292 --> 00:33:13,750 We just--straight ahead. 638 00:33:13,833 --> 00:33:16,333 JANET: Sondra was very still. 639 00:33:16,417 --> 00:33:18,708 She just kept her eyes on the TV. 640 00:33:18,792 --> 00:33:20,833 It was very emotional for her. 641 00:33:20,917 --> 00:33:22,542 ♪♪ 642 00:33:22,542 --> 00:33:25,292 SONDRA: And then the first time my voice cracks 643 00:33:25,375 --> 00:33:28,833 from starting to cry, I heard this... 644 00:33:28,917 --> 00:33:30,417 [voice breaks] "Oh, Sondra." 645 00:33:30,500 --> 00:33:33,458 [laughs] And she's crying, but I can't look at her. 646 00:33:33,542 --> 00:33:36,083 I can't look at her 'cause I have to hold myself together. 647 00:33:36,208 --> 00:33:37,833 It was very emotional for me, too, 648 00:33:37,917 --> 00:33:40,292 to see what she had really gone through. 649 00:33:40,375 --> 00:33:42,250 I felt so bad for her. I felt so bad 650 00:33:42,333 --> 00:33:43,958 that she lived this nightmare. 651 00:33:44,042 --> 00:33:48,833 ♪ 652 00:33:48,917 --> 00:33:53,500 KATIE: When I got to my mom's episode, immediately I'm crying. 653 00:33:53,625 --> 00:33:57,667 Felt really bad for her because she's such a good girl... 654 00:33:57,750 --> 00:34:00,000 [voice breaking] and that got, like, taken away from her. 655 00:34:00,042 --> 00:34:01,583 It's really sad. 656 00:34:01,667 --> 00:34:04,167 ♪ 657 00:34:04,250 --> 00:34:09,500 It really helped me instantly just 658 00:34:09,583 --> 00:34:15,958 stand by her and to be able to let go of my own, like, 659 00:34:16,042 --> 00:34:18,833 ego need to think Hef was a good man. 660 00:34:18,875 --> 00:34:19,917 [exhales deeply] 661 00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:29,333 ♪ 662 00:34:29,417 --> 00:34:31,375 I might have called her right after or the next day 663 00:34:31,500 --> 00:34:34,000 and just let her know that I was proud of her and-- 664 00:34:34,125 --> 00:34:36,333 and I stand by her. 665 00:34:36,417 --> 00:34:39,000 When Katie first came to terms 666 00:34:39,083 --> 00:34:41,125 with the trauma that I experienced 667 00:34:41,208 --> 00:34:44,750 and acknowledged it to me, I felt such relief, 668 00:34:44,833 --> 00:34:50,417 and yet I knew that she still had all her great memories 669 00:34:50,542 --> 00:34:54,292 of going up there as a child and as a teenager, 670 00:34:54,375 --> 00:34:57,000 and she didn't want to let go of that. 671 00:34:57,042 --> 00:35:00,542 And there's a little part of me that remembers those good times. 672 00:35:00,708 --> 00:35:04,833 Those were my friends, and I'll always love them. 673 00:35:04,917 --> 00:35:08,292 They were my youth, 674 00:35:08,375 --> 00:35:11,542 but I had to let that go to face my reality. 675 00:35:11,667 --> 00:35:15,458 ♪♪ 676 00:35:15,542 --> 00:35:17,750 JANET: She had a lot of negative response 677 00:35:17,833 --> 00:35:20,542 after the documentary was aired. 678 00:35:20,625 --> 00:35:23,833 People asking her, why did she stay so long? 679 00:35:23,917 --> 00:35:26,083 ♪♪ 680 00:35:26,208 --> 00:35:27,708 Why she put up with everything? 681 00:35:27,792 --> 00:35:29,750 ♪ 682 00:35:29,833 --> 00:35:30,917 It was very difficult for her. 683 00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:34,333 A lot of online haters coming at her. 684 00:35:34,375 --> 00:35:38,333 SONDRA: I was so surprised at how intense 685 00:35:38,417 --> 00:35:43,708 these responses were from my old friends, acquaintances. 686 00:35:43,792 --> 00:35:47,667 It was aimed at me and targeted to hurt and to defame. 687 00:35:47,708 --> 00:35:51,583 KATIE: It was definitely really upsetting for my mom when people 688 00:35:51,667 --> 00:35:55,500 that she had known were discounting her stories 689 00:35:55,583 --> 00:35:58,750 and people that were once her friends shaming my mom. 690 00:35:58,833 --> 00:36:00,917 ♪ 691 00:36:01,000 --> 00:36:02,750 Basically saying my mom's a liar, 692 00:36:02,833 --> 00:36:06,333 and all this stuff, like, posting pictures of my mom, 693 00:36:06,417 --> 00:36:07,875 like, "Lookit, she's having a great time. 694 00:36:07,958 --> 00:36:09,833 See? So she must be a liar." 695 00:36:09,875 --> 00:36:11,500 That was really upsetting to see. 696 00:36:11,542 --> 00:36:13,417 ♪ 697 00:36:13,500 --> 00:36:15,750 SONDRA: But Katie was amazing. 698 00:36:15,833 --> 00:36:19,750 She had never stood up for me, as far as I'd known, 699 00:36:19,833 --> 00:36:22,333 but she did it on social media where there-- 700 00:36:22,333 --> 00:36:25,750 there was a thread going that was just ridiculous. 701 00:36:25,833 --> 00:36:31,167 It was so targeted at me, and she reported them. 702 00:36:31,167 --> 00:36:35,125 She reported them and got it wiped off. 703 00:36:35,208 --> 00:36:37,417 And that act alone was like, "How'd you do that? 704 00:36:37,500 --> 00:36:38,917 Oh, my God, thank you so much." [laughs] 705 00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:40,500 ♪ 706 00:36:40,625 --> 00:36:42,833 But for so long, I didn't have anybody 707 00:36:42,958 --> 00:36:46,333 standing up for me that way, so I had to fight my own battle. 708 00:36:46,417 --> 00:36:50,042 It was always I was fighting my own life story, 709 00:36:50,167 --> 00:36:53,250 and I should be able to tell my story 710 00:36:53,333 --> 00:36:55,458 as I lived it, 711 00:36:55,458 --> 00:36:59,458 not fabricated by somebody else's idea of what it was. 712 00:36:59,458 --> 00:37:02,667 And I wanted to tell it like it really happened. 713 00:37:02,792 --> 00:37:05,250 JANET: There was a lot of negative feedback, 714 00:37:05,375 --> 00:37:08,625 a lot of hate mail, but the positive feedback 715 00:37:08,708 --> 00:37:12,333 from so many women, it was beautiful. 716 00:37:12,417 --> 00:37:14,333 I mean, just all these women 717 00:37:14,417 --> 00:37:16,542 were so glad to hear Sondra tell her story 718 00:37:16,667 --> 00:37:19,417 so that they could finally discuss their story 719 00:37:19,500 --> 00:37:20,833 with other people, 720 00:37:20,875 --> 00:37:24,750 so that they could heal from their past abuse. 721 00:37:26,208 --> 00:37:28,750 SONDRA: It's been an incredible gift to know 722 00:37:28,833 --> 00:37:32,458 that by working through my trauma, 723 00:37:32,542 --> 00:37:35,958 not only am I helping myself heal, I'm helping others, 724 00:37:36,042 --> 00:37:39,708 And they're telling their story for the first time. 725 00:37:39,792 --> 00:37:42,292 They're demanding that people listen to them 726 00:37:42,375 --> 00:37:46,000 and that their abusers are accountable. 727 00:37:46,083 --> 00:37:48,292 And if I help them in any way, 728 00:37:48,375 --> 00:37:50,875 then this has been all so worth it. 729 00:37:56,375 --> 00:37:59,292 KATIE: I feel like for me, with Hef, there-- 730 00:37:59,375 --> 00:38:01,042 there's two Hefs or something. 731 00:38:01,042 --> 00:38:03,333 There's the Hef I knew and the Hef 732 00:38:03,458 --> 00:38:07,583 that I guess the truth has evolved him into. 733 00:38:07,667 --> 00:38:10,875 There are things of his legacy that I feel like, 734 00:38:11,000 --> 00:38:12,667 oh, wow, the Playboy Mansion. 735 00:38:12,750 --> 00:38:18,167 Like, that was a cool, freaking vision he manifested, you know? 736 00:38:18,208 --> 00:38:20,042 But at the same time, I feel like 737 00:38:20,125 --> 00:38:22,542 we don't need a Hugh Hefner 2.0. 738 00:38:22,542 --> 00:38:26,500 This isn't the way we wanna have men operating in society. 739 00:38:26,625 --> 00:38:31,375 I guess I wish I could have known what I knew now 740 00:38:31,500 --> 00:38:35,625 so I could have been kinder to myself and my mom. 741 00:38:35,708 --> 00:38:39,167 ♪ 742 00:38:39,250 --> 00:38:42,500 I'm proud of my mom. She's awesome. 743 00:38:42,583 --> 00:38:46,958 I mean, her art is such a visual representation 744 00:38:47,042 --> 00:38:48,875 of what a beautiful soul she is 745 00:38:48,958 --> 00:38:53,625 and proud of her for standing up to her--what's true for her. 746 00:38:53,708 --> 00:38:55,708 ♪♪ 747 00:38:55,792 --> 00:38:58,333 I knew that if we did this together, 748 00:38:58,417 --> 00:39:01,542 it would be a milestone for us, 749 00:39:01,625 --> 00:39:04,542 that it would be one of the most important experiences 750 00:39:04,625 --> 00:39:06,250 of our lifetime together. 751 00:39:06,333 --> 00:39:08,417 ♪ 752 00:39:08,500 --> 00:39:11,333 I see her pain. She saw my pain. [sniffles] 753 00:39:11,417 --> 00:39:15,667 It's okay to be sad. It's okay to feel pain, 754 00:39:15,750 --> 00:39:17,292 but you need to put it somewhere. 755 00:39:17,375 --> 00:39:20,333 You need people to understand you and... 756 00:39:20,375 --> 00:39:22,458 and still love you for it 757 00:39:22,583 --> 00:39:27,208 because I didn't feel that for a long time. 758 00:39:27,333 --> 00:39:29,000 I felt only anger. 759 00:39:29,083 --> 00:39:35,042 And now Katie and I, we are healing. Yes, we are. 760 00:39:36,458 --> 00:39:37,750 CREW #1: Okay. We're gonna roll. 761 00:39:37,833 --> 00:39:39,333 CREW #2: Marker. 762 00:39:39,417 --> 00:39:42,125 -So very surreal. -SONDRA: I know, isn't it? Yeah. 763 00:39:44,333 --> 00:39:45,542 I know. I mean, I'm just so thrilled 764 00:39:45,667 --> 00:39:48,875 that she trusted me to-- to do this. 765 00:39:48,958 --> 00:39:52,667 Yeah. It just helped me understand her better because, 766 00:39:52,750 --> 00:39:54,875 like, I just saw her as that, like, 767 00:39:54,958 --> 00:39:58,208 19-year-old girl looking for love in all the wrong places. 768 00:39:58,333 --> 00:40:00,542 -[laughs] -And I just felt, like, wanted 769 00:40:00,667 --> 00:40:03,250 to hug her and be like, "You're okay," and, like, 770 00:40:03,333 --> 00:40:06,375 you know, she was such a beautiful spirit, 771 00:40:06,458 --> 00:40:07,833 and it just made me love her more 772 00:40:07,958 --> 00:40:11,042 because I was like, what a, you know, brave soul 773 00:40:11,167 --> 00:40:14,917 to be able to share such intimate details of her life. 774 00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:16,667 I can't tell you what it means to me 775 00:40:16,750 --> 00:40:19,917 to know that she understands me. 776 00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:26,000 She understands me, and, um, and I can tell her anything now, 777 00:40:26,083 --> 00:40:27,958 and--and she won't judge me. 778 00:40:28,042 --> 00:40:30,000 She loves me, and she loves me more. 779 00:40:30,083 --> 00:40:34,125 I mean, we've come so far in the, what, two years? 780 00:40:34,208 --> 00:40:38,000 Two years ago, she was angry at me still, and now look at her. 781 00:40:38,083 --> 00:40:42,958 She's this beautiful, poised, articulate, compassionate woman 782 00:40:42,958 --> 00:40:45,333 that I always knew she could be. [cries] 783 00:40:45,375 --> 00:40:47,667 [laughs] I love you so much. 784 00:40:47,708 --> 00:40:50,667 KATIE: [muffled] Love you. 785 00:40:50,750 --> 00:40:54,625 [bird cawing in distance] 786 00:40:54,708 --> 00:40:56,625 [playing notes on piano] 787 00:40:56,708 --> 00:41:00,000 ♪ 788 00:41:00,083 --> 00:41:04,375 I have not one regret for being involved with this show because 789 00:41:04,458 --> 00:41:07,792 to have my daughter back is a beautiful thing. 790 00:41:07,875 --> 00:41:10,667 ♪ 791 00:41:10,708 --> 00:41:15,542 And I can't regret anything. I can't, because, like, 792 00:41:15,625 --> 00:41:19,750 it all--all that built me into me, who I am now. 793 00:41:19,833 --> 00:41:21,833 ♪ 794 00:41:21,875 --> 00:41:24,542 But I still... 795 00:41:24,625 --> 00:41:27,667 can't believe I didn't protect that young girl. 796 00:41:27,708 --> 00:41:31,208 I should have protected myself. [sniffles] 797 00:41:31,292 --> 00:41:33,958 But I didn't have the tools and... 798 00:41:34,042 --> 00:41:37,417 it could have happened to anybody. 799 00:41:37,500 --> 00:41:38,833 He was that good. 800 00:41:38,875 --> 00:41:41,208 ♪ 801 00:41:41,333 --> 00:41:43,500 Yeah. This is gonna work well. 802 00:41:43,583 --> 00:41:46,833 SONDRA: And I have to forgive myself eventually. 803 00:41:46,958 --> 00:41:48,833 I mean, that's the last of the healing, isn't it? 804 00:41:49,000 --> 00:41:51,833 [sniffles] 'Cause if I just can't forgive myself, 805 00:41:51,917 --> 00:41:56,375 who can, right? 806 00:41:56,458 --> 00:41:59,375 I don't know if I'll ever stop questioning 807 00:41:59,500 --> 00:42:02,458 who I could have been 808 00:42:02,542 --> 00:42:05,167 if I hadn't walked through those gates, 809 00:42:05,208 --> 00:42:10,000 but I'm damned sure going to make sure I become 810 00:42:10,083 --> 00:42:13,500 somebody I'm proud of anyway. [sniffles] 811 00:42:13,625 --> 00:42:16,375 But it took a lot to get here. 812 00:42:16,458 --> 00:42:19,000 I will live the rest of my life 813 00:42:19,042 --> 00:42:23,333 continuing to heal and understand myself. 814 00:42:23,417 --> 00:42:30,542 If I can just let this be a lesson and then help others, 815 00:42:30,625 --> 00:42:34,208 then I will be content just as I am. 816 00:42:35,792 --> 00:42:37,500 ♪ 817 00:42:37,583 --> 00:42:39,583 When it came to Playmates, 818 00:42:39,667 --> 00:42:42,792 "Playboy" was extremely controlling. 819 00:42:42,875 --> 00:42:46,583 When I chose to do the magazine, I didn't realize at the time 820 00:42:46,667 --> 00:42:48,500 that a big part of my innocence 821 00:42:48,542 --> 00:42:50,625 was actually taken at that time, too. 822 00:42:50,708 --> 00:42:52,875 Hef invited me up to his bedroom, 823 00:42:52,958 --> 00:42:56,083 and there are seven girlfriends and vibrators everywhere. 824 00:42:56,167 --> 00:42:58,750 I'm like, oh, my God. 825 00:42:58,833 --> 00:43:01,000 They figured, "we made you this Playmate, and we own it." 826 00:43:01,125 --> 00:43:02,667 INTERVIEWER: And so what happened? 827 00:43:02,750 --> 00:43:04,500 I ended up in rehab. What are you talking about? 828 00:43:04,625 --> 00:43:05,708 [laughs]