- ♪ Ha, I needed some shit with some bop in it ♪
- ♪ Let's go ♪
[engine revving]
- As usual, my day is packed
with important Hollywood business.
Luckily, I got my clones on my grind.
- ♪ I'm still with the shits, I'm a hot nigga ♪
♪ Oh, you asking for pictures with niggas? ♪
♪ What's your name? Get the fuck out the spot, nigga ♪
♪ Tryin' to figure which deal I'ma take ♪
♪ I woke up, couple mil on my plate ♪
- Kevin Hart? - Hey.
- Oh, man. It's you.
- Oh, man, listen, no problem.
Let me tell you something about Kevin Hart.
Kevin Hart loves the kids, okay?
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
- Well, I'll bet that you can't.
As a matter of fact, I know you can't.
You know why?
- Why? - 'Cause I don't lose.
Here's what I'm willing to do, little man.
If you beat me in this race, you see that car over there?
- Yeah. - That's a brand-new Pagani.
It's yours. You can have it.
Sports car in case you didn't know.
- Yeah, I know what that is.
Oh, it's on, homey. - Yeah, it is on.
- See you at the finish line.
- What you will see
is the back of my feet, little boy.
- You can what?
- Smoke you. - You can smoke me.
What you need to do is lower your tone.
That's what you need to do.
All right, that's it. Little boy, line it up.
[gunshot] Oh, shit!
Hey, they shooting! They shoot--
[cell phone ringing] God damn it, where that boy go?
Hello?
- Hey. We're here at the "Essence" photo shoot.
Where are you, best man?
- God damn it, I forgot that that was today.
- Well, how long is it gonna take you?
'Cause I need the publicity.
- Let me finish running this six miles,
and I'll see you when I get back.
- Come on, Kevin, it's gonna take your little legs two days
to run six miles.
Come on! Bring your little ass on!
- Just get your ass over here.
- All right, bye. Hey!
God damn it!
[Baby Keem and Kendrick Lamar's "Family Ties"]
- ♪ Jump in that, summon that bitch ♪
♪ Jump in that, jump in that fire ♪
[upbeat music]
- We just got back from Vegas, and we had the best time.
Like, we went straight from the club to the airport.
It was so lit.
Like, we don't even need to sleep.
Who needs to sleep? Huh, babe?
- Oh, my God. - Babe!
- Yeah, another club?
- What? - Yo, what--what?
- Oh, my God. What are you doing?
- Yeah, I'll get more bottles. Sure, I got it, whatever.
- So, speaking of bottles,
I have a great idea for tonight.
What if we go to Delilah's
and then to J. Cole's after-party,
and then after the after-party, we can go to New York
for my girl Tiffany's birthday party at Nobu.
- Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Or hear me out.
Um, maybe we could stay at the crib,
get a little cheese, wine, play a little Scrabble.
- Scrabble? - Yeah.
- My man is so cute.
He wants to play Scrabble. [laughs]
But he only has, like, 15 words in his vocabulary.
I love him, like, really love him,
but "E.I., E.I." is not a word.
Babe, we'll stay at home,
and we can pop-- pop bottles at home.
- Yay. - Yay. Turn up.
- Okay, sweetheart, um, are we done here?
- She's done.
We could use some s-spackle on you.
- What? There goes your tip.
- Can somebody make a run to Home Depot?
- You know the drill.
- Thank you for the car, Kevin Hart.
- Yeah, thanks for the car, you bitch.
Hey, close that for me.
[engine turning over] - [laughs]
[child shouts indistinctly]
- It's a rental! [engine revving]
It's--it's a rental car!
I don't even own it. I don't own it.
[cell phone ringing] So jokes on him.
Hey. Hey, babe.
I-I didn't forget. Yes, the mani-pedi, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I know, I know.
H-here's what I'll do. Here's what I'll do.
Why don't you meet me on the set of "Shaw Deal," right?
I'll set up a drive-on for you,
and--and I-- and I'll just see you there.
Okay? [chuckles]
I love you.
God--
Got to walk. The hell I'm going!
- JB, stop doing my poses.
- I've been doing forever. - No, you haven't.
- Since third grade, I been holding my chin.
- You watching me like a hawk every fucking second.
- Hey. - Damn.
- Hey, Kevin.
- Thanks for coming. - Hey, it's Pimp-a-Smurf.
- Oh, that's just great. Terrific, Nick.
- You're later than Nick's girlfriend.
- Yeah, you're a little late.
- Aren't you--aren't you supposed to be with the--
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, everything's under control.
Everybody's where they're supposed to be.
- Good, good, good, good.
- What the hell y'all whispering about?
- What? - Y'all just whispering.
- We talking amongst ourselves. - We're doing a photo shoot.
- Everything ain't got to be loud, JB.
I'm talking about The Rock and how I'm kicking his ass
with all my fundraising I got going on.
Taking the air out of all those muscles is what I'm doing.
- You know, actually, I hear The Rock's doing
a comedy fundraiser.
He's got all the best-- Chappelle, Seinfeld.
- Smoove. - Smoove.
- Yeah, throw me in there.
- You a dirty motherf-- - You a dirty motherfucker.
- You dirty as fuck.
- You supposed to be helping me, JB.
- I'm helping your ass out by telling you.
And matter of fact, I'm gonna help your ass out.
Know why? My whole act is about you!
- Oh. - How about that?
- You know what? I got something for you.
I got--On the same night, you know what I'ma do?
I'ma do something bigger.
I'ma do a wrestling event on the same night.
- Wrestling-- that's a great idea.
Much better.
- Yeah, 'cause that dumb shit you got,
playing that gentrified "Verse Us,"
you ain't gonna earn no money with that.
- You my man, Robin, but who wants to see you and Bieber?
- Black women. - Yeah.
- Eh, but it's too watered down.
Might as well call it "Whitey's Worzuz"
[laughter] - Why is it always about race?
You used to like my music, brother.
- Only when it featured Black people.
- Okay, hey, why don't you just slow down Harriet Turban.
Now, if y'all want to talk about race,
we need to talk about what I just did at that marathon.
I just destroyed that 10K marathon.
- So did Trina try to kick your ass
for missing a TV shoot for your 10K, Kevin?
- No, she did not,
because I know how to handle Trina, Boris.
And this isn't, "The Price is Right."
Why don't you stop smiling like that?
You look stupid.
Why don't you just focus on not being attractive anymore?
Talking about falling off. Come on, here's your money.
[hip-hop music]
- Damn, Trina.
I am Kevin Hart. You know what that means?
I'm the top comedian in the world.
You know what? Maybe the universe.
- You're probably the greatest comedian to ever live.
- Say it again, Trina.
- Probably the greatest comedian to ever live.
- Okay, then don't fuck up my Netflix deal
like you did Mo'Nique, you know? Go on.
- No, you're absolutely right, Kevin, and I'm ashamed
and embarrassed that I accepted their terms
after the first round.
I'll go back and fix it,
and I promise I'll never let it happen again.
- You goddamn right. You gonna learn today.
- [laughs]
- No, after all, you are my greatest,
richest, most amazing client.
- Okay, cut, cut! I'm so--I'm sorry.
Just--Um, what's going on? Is this--
- Kevin sent it over last night.
- Kevin! - Yeah.
- Kevin, what is this? Why did you change the script?
- Why are you yelling?
- Well, 'cause I just-- I would never say that and I--
- Stop, stop. - Yeah.
- Let's take a second to breathe, right?
- Mm-hmm, yeah. - Right?
- Enjoy the fact that we're all here.
- Right. - We're alive.
- Right, yeah.
- And that we get to see each other.
We're in each other's presence. You look amazing.
Let's just stop and--and give you
what you deserve, right? Your flowers.
I mean, lipstick and the shoes, they're doing it for me.
They really are. - Thank you.
- Let's talk about the pages. You said I changed them?
- Yeah. - I don't--I don't know.
But if I did, I'm sorry.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you.
Is it this? Is this the page?
- Yeah, that's--well, it's--it was right--oh.
- Look, look, it's no more. All right?
This page is no more. Let's go back to what you want.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
- I've heard of some long-term side effects from COVID
that were interesting.
This is crazy.
I mean, I love it, but it's crazy, right?
Thank you, Kev.
- Yeah, yeah. Wow.
- Wow. Wow is really--wow.
- Let's get it, right? - Okay.
- Let's make a good show. - Yeah.
- Can't make a good show without good people,
and we got great ones.
She's so special, right?
- Yeah. - [laughs]
- Hey. - Kev, what's up, brother?
Kevin Hart now. What's up, brother?
- Yes, hey.
- Go on, get you some of them Bugles.
- Oh, no. - You don't want none?
- No, I'm sorry.
The gesture means everything, but I can't.
- Man, listen, hey, Kev,
I know you and the fellas got that poker game tonight, right?
- Yeah. - I indulge in the card arts.
- Mm. - Listen, bro...
what do you think if I slide through?
Can I come through, Kev?
- What do you mean what do I think?
Absolutely.
- Listen, that little thou-wow,
that's a little steep.
- Okay, well, say no more. It's on me.
I understand.
Everybody can't play those stakes.
- It's on you? - Yes.
- So you not-- you not playing?
- No, I'll take care of it.
- Here, take that. Put your number in that phone.
- Okay, I'll tell you what. - Yeah.
- I'm gonna--I'm gonna send you a message.
And in this mess--Here you go. You got Boris' number.
Here's Nick, right? JB, Duane, and myself.
So, if you can't get me, you get them, okay?
- So you gave me all the guys' numbers?
- You have every one of their numbers,
but more importantly, hey, what you have is company.
We'd love to have you. All right?
That's a nice shirt.
It's a nice shirt. Good for you.
- Jesus Christ. - You see his shirt?
- Whew! - What a guy. Everything good?
- Yeah, great. - Happy?
- Yes, I'm very happy. Thank you.
- You're happy. - I am happy.
And I'm glad that you're concerned about it.
Thank you very much. - No problem.
Your feelings are what's important.
Oh. - Guess who.
- Um...
I'm afraid to guess, because if it isn't
who I want it to be, then I'm gonna cry.
- Aw. - I'm gonna cry.
It's who I want it to be!
- Kevin. - It's who I wanted it to be!
I wanted it to be you! - Aw.
Baby. - Oh.
Okay, are you ready for your mani and pedi,
because those feet need some TLC after that race?
- [sighs] After the race? - Yeah.
- The only place that I want to race is back into your arms.
- Oh, my gosh.
Ever since therapy, Kevin has been keeping his promise
to spend more time with me.
I'm so, so grateful.
I don't know who to sleep with, him or Dr Phil.
- Hey, any changes, anything you need from me,
you got me, all right?
- Thank you. - All right, thank you.
- You guys have a great day. - All right.
- Oh, we will. - You have a better one.
[humming melody] No thou-wow!
[hip-hop music]
- Speak for yourself.
- I'm retiring the credit card.
- This reminds me of when I did a campaign for Rémy Martin.
- Oh, shit. - The rapper?
- All right. - Now let's bring out the star.
- Who's that? all: Oh!
- Thank you, fellas. - Look at you, man.
- Check her out. - Look at me!
- Look at this. - Outstanding.
- Lucky man. - You already know that.
- Fellas looking handsome... [phone buzzing]
But nobody's looking better than my man.
- Oh, thank you. - Bullshit.
- Yo. Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo. - What?
- We got a 911 situation.
- Hey, man, what the fuck you clapping at
all up in my face for?
Clap it again in my face, I swear to God it'll be
"Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" up in here.
- Who else saw this? - Just a few people on YouTube.
- Damn it. Uh, me and Duane got to go.
Both: What? - This is my photo shoot, bro.
You're the best man.
- Which is why I'm making the best decision, okay?
And that is to get out of here.
I'll see you at the next wedding.
Who we fooling?
This thing isn't gonna last anyway.
No offense, Ang. By the way, money shot.
- Get your little friend.
- That's the one you use for the wedding album.
- Something going on, Boris. - I know.
What you want to do? - Let's go.
- Wait, this way.
Sorry. Happy birthday.
- Congratulations.
- What in the hell? - Where y'all going?
[quirky music]
- You don't listen!
I told you I want the same goddamn trailer
as LeBron had in "Space Jam."
What is this shit, huh? What is this shit?
- [chokes] - [screams]
- Oh, who the white woman? Move.
Hey!
You better be lucky. You better be lucky.
[grunting]
- Oh, Mommy. Oh, Mommy.
[smooth R&B music]
- Go, go, go!
[engine turning over]
Hey!
[tires squealing] That car's not under warranty.
- Where the fuck is he going? - I got it.
I got him. I got him.
- Go figure it out, Duane!
God damn it.
- Whoa!
Get the fuck away from me! - Hey, hey!
- Get the fuck away! - Whoa!
- Get the fuck away from me! - Whoa, what's going on?
- You just choked me, you asshole!
- Man, I-I was probably going through something.
My sugar--my sugar probably dropped.
I just--I just needed a Snickers or something.
- You said get the Snickers off the crafty
'cause you hate nougat.
- I--Wait, hold on. What did you--
Say that again.
- [sighs]
Jesus Christ. I hate nougats.
Get back. - Hey, Greg?
- Yes? - I called the police.
- Oh-- - Good, thank you.
Thank you, Karen. - You called the what?
Hey, hey! God damn it, don't you...
- Stay away from her. - Don't you call the cops!
Hey!
- Hi, Karen. It's Karen.
[giggles] How are you? He's about 5'3" to 6'7".
So any Black person that fits that description.
[crying] Can you please just come?
I don't know what to do.
I feel so threatened, and I'm scared, and I just--
[sobbing]
- Put it down. Let's all settle down.
- Kevin, look, this-- this, uh--this whole shoot
has been a-a shit show. - No.
- No, no, no, maybe--maybe we should just--
I should just, you know, hire somebody else.
- I'm--I'm--I'm--I'm going through something, right?
- Okay. - I'm going through something.
That's why you're--you're seeing what you're seeing.
And I got to get my stuff together.
- Okay. - Right?
You want to talk turkey? - Okay.
- Let's--let's talk turkey, okay.
- Turkey. Go ahead. - Right now I got the turkey.
I'm about to put it in the oven,
but before I do, let me season it.
- Let's season it up.
- Can I season it up? - Do it up.
- What if I want to let you direct
my next three movies, huh?
You, they're yours.
- Three? All three? - Three, in the bag.
- Boom, boom, boom? - All three of them, yours.
- No--no--no--no sequels. "Get Harder 2," that's not--
- "Get Hard." Now, wait a minute now.
"Get Hard" was a good-- that was--
- It was okay. - It's a good movie, right?
- Not great, but it was okay. - Okay, I get it.
I mean, but we can--we can--
- No, we're good. We're good.
I think we're good. - Okay, okay.
But if that--are we-- they're yours.
Are we good? - No, we're--we're--
- You say action-- - Come on.
I feel bad about--come on. - Okay, come on, man.
- Here we go. - All right?
It's just a misunderstanding.
- No, I know. And I love you.
- All right, tempers get to flaring and flying.
- Foo! I'm good. - Okay, hey, hey.
Are we-- - Karen?
- Where'd she go? - No, she's--she's fine.
- How the fuck she get back there?
- She's just-- - Hey, hang up the phone.
- Hang up, hang up. Stay safe.
- Thank you. O-okay. - All right.
- Thank you, man. - Okay, you're my guy.
- I'll make it worth your time. - No, you're my guy.
- All right. - You're my guy.
I love you. You're my guy.
I love you. Oh, boy. [sighs]
[hip-hop music]
- Come on here, my queen. Oh, beautiful.
- I should only be an hour. - Okay, cool.
I got time to get me a foot massage
and, uh, before you go, give me my sugar.
- New countertops and a she-shed
will make a sister overlook some things--
a few things...
a lot of things...
several things...
okay, all the things.
- Peace. [car horn honks]
- Prince Alibaba.
Hi, Nick, we see you. It's just us.
- Make sure. Stay ready so you never get ready, sister.
- Yes. Yes, sir.
- All right, all right. Down.
All right. - Oh.
- Appreciate you, cock brother number one.
- Hey, you never texted me back, man.
- My brother, I have never had the opportunity to allow you
to meet my royal acquaintance, therefore,
I don't know you, nigga.
- All right, cool. I'll see you tonight.
- Bye, babe.
- How did he get my number? [engine turning over]
- I will put the cock brothers on him.
We cock strong out here.
- Your cock is strong, sir. Yes, come on, let's go.
[clock ticking]
- But, Nick, we have you on tape saying, "White kids suck."
- You ain't got me on tape.
I have said some horrible things
about white people in my day,
but I have never said that publicly.
Sometimes the white kids that stay down the block...
- Really? - Them motherfuckers suck.
- Shh, shh. - Um...
- White kids suck. White kids suck.
[dramatic music]
- Mm.
♪ ♪
- That's one of the Wayans.
- It does look like you. - In the eyes.
That's one of the Wayans. That ain't me.
- I mean, honestly, it could be anybody.
How do we know that this is legitimate?
I mean, I would hate for Nick to lose his job
over one of those deepfake tapes.
- Agreed. That's why we're investigating.
Uh, we're not gonna make any hasty decisions
until we have all the facts.
As far as we're concerned,
Nick is still the host of "Costume Star."
- Investigate? Am I on trial here, huh?
Y'all treat me like I'm one of the Chicago Six.
- It was actually seven.
- It was actually six, Trina, all right?
'Cause the Black man ain't had shit to do with that,
just like I ain't got shit to do with this.
I don't care what tape you got. Me and Bobby Seale--
- Okay, all right, got it.
Ten. - Six!
- Do we know where the tape originated?
- That's confidential.
- Like the plot to take down DaBaby?
- Okay, Nick. All right, you know what?
I'm gonna ask you to just step outside for a moment, okay?
And let me talk to them privately, okay?
- You all want to have some beige conversation, huh?
I need you to be Angela Davis beige.
- I got you. - Not Sade, Angela.
- No, no, no. The clone is at the condo.
I told him to stay put.
Yo, I got to go.
What's up, Nick?
- Man, what you doing here?
- What? What you mean what am I doing here, Nick?
- Yeah. - I'm here to support you, man.
I heard that white whipping you took.
- Devils is busy.
- We got to stick together, Nick.
- That's what's up, Black man. You know what's going on, man--
- Next up for host, Duane Martin.
- Present.
[dramatic music]
- You here to audition for my job, Duane?
- Why would I do something like that, Nick?
Why would you accuse me
of doing something like that, Nick, huh?
It's me, man. Nick--
You know, I'm--I'm going through a lot right now.
Everybody's blaming me for everything.
They think--
I'm so disappointed. I was so here for you.
My heart was so open, and my, my--
[breathes deeply]
[Young Thug's "Ski"]
- All right, guys. Everybody ante.
Two chips in. Two chips in.
All right, and we'll do 1,000 per person, okay?
- Here you go.
- Before the game, let's address
the elephant in the room, JB. - JB.
- You have to pay when you lose.
- You got to pay, JB. - Okay? You cannot--
- Stop the bullshit, JB.
- You can't keep showing up to the next game
as if you paid your debt for the last game...
- That's right. - When you didn't pay it.
- I always pay my debt.
You want me to pay as soon as the game is over?
I'm just gonna pay right there?
- Okay, can--can we-- can we make it very clear
that after today you pay?
- I pay. - Thank you.
Uh, I wish y'all could have been with me on set today.
When I tell y'all Gail is killing me--
Dude, the performance, everything, the whole nine.
- Yeah, we heard you were cussing out some people.
- Shit, I think I might have to cuss some people out on my set.
- Yeah. - [whispering] White people.
- Yeah, we get it.
- Wait, what-- it's not shocking anymore.
You're not dropping big news on us
when you say "white people."
We don't expect it to be anybody else
at this point, Nick.
Stop messing up my stories.
I'm trying to give good news to the table.
You keep... - Keep dealing.
- Cutting me off. - Man, why you--?
- All right, uh, I want to put this in the air now.
Don't be shocked when you hear Oscar buzz.
That's right-- I will be getting a call,
but this time it will be about a nomination.
Mark my words.
- After all they did to you,
you gonna chase that white man's award.
- Ain't nobody chasing no white man's award.
I'm talking about getting nominated, Nick.
[cell phone ringing] You just stay off my ass, man.
- Oscar's a black name. Oscar Robinson.
Oscar "Mooshay", Oscar Mayer, Oscar the Grouch.
That was a green brother in the trash can in Harlem, Uptown.
- It's Micheaux, not Mooshay.
- Everybody knows it's Mooshay.
- I don't know who "Mooshow" is.
- Why is Trina here? - All y'all wrong.
- Buzz her in.
- So is that where you and Duane snuck off to?
The photo shoot?
[dramatic note]
- Uh...
Yes. Yes. Where else would I be?
Boris, come on, man. Stop.
- Boris is right.
How your ass gonna be in two places at one goddamn time?
- Exactly. - Shah told me she saw
a photo of you and Akira getting a mani-pedi.
- Okay, you know what? - What was that about?
- You know what? I'll tell you exactly what it's about.
- What was that all about?
- First of all, good scheduling.
That's what it's about. Good scheduling.
Second of all, I don't want to start any trouble
'cause it's not what I'm here to do,
but I want to tell you this,
and I want to tell you in the nicest way possible.
She's a fucking liar.
You hear me? She's a fucking liar, JB.
- You know what I'm gonna do? - Yeah.
- I'ma tell her ass you said that, too.
- You can tell her. - And then what I'ma do?
I'ma set one of those celebrity boxing matches up
and--and have her fuck you up.
- What is wrong with a brother taking care of himself
getting a mani and pedi?
I take care of my cuticles. Let me see your cuticles.
- You take care of your what? - Cuticles.
- Listen to this dumb shit here.
Explain it to me.
Tell me how you go in your office and you clean up
those little boxes that people work in.
- That's a cubicle, you dummy. Cubicle.
- I said "cuticle." Cu-ticle.
- Okay. Learn something new every day.
- Can we just play? - Yeah, it's fine, we can play.
Go back to play-- - What's up, fellas?
Hope y'all like Italian.
- Is this the--What? - What's up, Kev?
- What--what is happening?
- What's going on, boy? How you feel?
What's up, OG? - Hey, hey.
- Bless. What's up, Big?
- Hey. - JB Smoove, what's up?
- Hey. - I thought this was family.
What are you doing here? - Don't do that, man.
You told me if I come through, you'd spot that thou-wow.
Let me get a couple chips.
- I spot you a thou-wow?
- Yeah. Come on, don't be like that, brother.
- These clones are out of control--
shopping sprees, choking directors.
Now I got Chef Bum-ardee in the damn kitchen.
I got to have a talk with myselves.
And you gave me the guys' numbers, okay?
- I gave you the guys' numbers?
- Is that you who's calling me all the time?
- Of course that's me.
You don't never pick up the phone.
Nick, you still ain't text me back, man.
- Nigga, I don't know you! - [chuckles]
- Why he on me like I owe him child support?
- Well, man, you probably do. - Maybe he's your son.
- Can I talk to him?
I ain't the one to start no trouble, man,
but I know who set you up.
[dramatic note]
- Wait, what? - Yeah.
- No. - We don't--
- Are we gossiping now? Is that what we're doing?
- No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no.
You ain't gonna be disrespecting my guest.
- What you know, man? - Yeah.
He don't wear a costume, steals Black music,
Elvis hair.
- Robin. - Robin, Robin.
- I asked Robin to AirDrop me
the Spanish version of "What's Going On."
He sent the wrong file. Now I know all what's going on.
- I knew it was that bird motherfucker.
- Let that out, Nick.
- Ooh!
I should drive over Robin's house right now
and go straight Turner on that motherfucker!
Nat, Ike, Truck, Tina!
I got better plans. [giggles]
I got better plans for that ass, Robin.
- Now, hold on, Nick.
You getting a heavy level of chap brewing on your lips.
You need to calm down.
Don't get your turban in a bunch.
Now, Robin may be a piece of shit at times,
but he would never do that to you, Nick.
He would never do that to you. Now, come on.
Let's just play an innocent game.
- Nigga...
I got the receipts.
You want to see?
Don't do this to me, baby. Let me see.
Lettin' everybody play with my phone.
[cell phone beeps] Any one of y'all got a charger
for a Motorola Razr flip phone?
- Yeah, yeah, let me see it. What kind is it?
- Oh, it's a Moto Razr. - Is it?
I'm just trying to make sure it's the one that I got.
Yeah, yeah, I got this. Here we go right here.
Let's just put this in this goddamn lasagna
and get your ass out of here.
Take it out! - Kevin, be nice.
- Ain't no--ain't no eggplant in it?
No peas? Carrots?
- I don't know how I attract these levels of uncomfort.
But if that--was that okay to y'all?
- Who is this guy? - What do you mean?
That's Trina's man. I got no idea.
- What's he doing here? - I thought it was Trina.
- He said you gave him our numbers!
- Okay, obviously, guys, if I'd have done that,
then I would have said I did it--I didn't do that.
I didn't--I didn't know he was coming here tonight.
- A white man... - Okay.
- Is trying to ruin me... - Okay, Nick, Nick.
- Again!
- The first time-- in the white man's defense,
you ruined yourself.
- ♪ Rep your city, rep your city ♪
[cheers and applause]
All right. Yes, yeah.
Yeah!
Yeah, yeah, all right.
Settle down. Settle down.
Now, I want you guys all to understand
that normally "Verse Us" features conglomerates,
major artists of our generation going head-to-head, right?
Tonight's gonna be a little different,
and I'ma tell you why, 'cause we're raising money for kids.
Keep that in your mind. It's a good cause, all right?
Now, with that being said,
our first artist coming up here tonight,
he's got, like, maybe one, maybe two hits,
depending on who you are-- might like it, might not.
Without further ado, Robin Thicke!
[cheers and applause]
- All right, hit it.
[Robin Thicke's "Wanna Love You Girl" plays]
Hey.
♪ ♪
♪ She's the kinda girl you want to marry ♪
- Yo, yo, yo, what up, bro?
Listen, we got a little bit of a problem.
- What do you mean we got a problem?
- Not a big problem, just a little bit about your height.
- Something wrong with the clones?
- Nothing's wrong with the clones.
Look, who's handling the clones?
- You are. - Right.
Nothing's wrong with the clones.
But Beib went to a Triple-A meeting.
- A Triple-A-- - No, no, double A.
What is it? Triple, double?
- What do you mean? An AA meeting?
- Yea, the thing-- the drink thing.
He had the shakes. - Well, it's anonymous.
They're not gonna know he's not there.
I'm trying to raise money, Duane.
What am I gonna do now?
- I got a plan, right? This one is gonna work.
You got to trust me on this, okay?
- I got to trust you? - We don't need Beibs.
- It's bad enough I'm over here dealing with El Salvador.
Okay, I'm already in the shit show.
- I got you.
- ♪ I want to love you ♪
Whoo!
[cheers and applause]
- Um...wow.
I know everybody was expecting
Justin Bieber to be here... [audience groans]
But he's going through some stuff.
So, you guys, instead of having him,
you guys got--you got me, okay?
all: Boo! - No.
Yeah. Yeah.
Well, speaking of boo, I want to dedicate
this next song to my boo...
Akira.
all: Aw.
- This is--this is for you.
♪ Oh ♪
- He's gonna kill him. Robin's gonna kill.
- He's gonna suck so bad. [both chuckling]
- Oh, my God, he's gonna die on that stage.
- Let's go, let's go. One, two, three, hit it!
♪ Sweet lady ♪
♪ Would you be my ♪
♪ Sweet love for a lifetime? ♪
♪ I'll be there when you need me ♪
- What the--
♪ ♪
[vocalizing]
- ♪ My sweet lady ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Now, any other day ♪
♪ I would play it cool ♪
♪ But I can't now 'cause I want you ♪
♪ See, I'm hooked on how you flex your style ♪
♪ And I want to talk for a little while ♪
♪ I've never really-- ♪
- Yo! I tried to tell him. I had a plan.
I heard the clone singing in the shower.
I wasn't looking.
And I was like, "Damn,
I wish there was a way I could manage his music career."
- ♪ Sweet lady, would you be my ♪
♪ Sweet love for a lifetime? ♪
♪ I'll be there when you need me ♪
♪ Just call me, my sweet lady ♪
♪ Sweet lady ♪
- I don't know what's going on.
Last time I heard Kevin sing, he sounded like shit!
Something fishy going on here.
- ♪ When you need me, just call me ♪
♪ My sweet lady ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
[cheers and applause]
- Wow.
- The devil's in the building.
All this running around lying and sneaking around, Kevin.
Whoo-whee, I know what's going on here, man.
And now your ass can sing, huh?
I know you're part of that Illuminati.
I know what's happening, Kevin, huh?
It's time for Operation: Stalk Kevin Hart.
- Thank you so much, man. You're--you're an inspiration.
- It's okay. You set me up.
- I love you, man. - All right.
- No, you set me up, motherfucker.
[dramatic note]
- Who's a motherfucker?
- Gosh. - Kevin, come here, baby.
- What? What you talking about?
- You know what I'm talking about--that tape.
- Oh, oh, yeah, the tape.
- Goddamn right I saw the tape. This motherfucker's a fake.
- Hey, man. - This ain't hip-hop.
He lip syncing! He from Malibu!
- Oh, you want to do something about it, cuz?
Come on. - I'll whup your white ass.
- You got a white baby mama. - That's beside the point!
This grouches up on my on my Jadakiss shit.
- Toro, motherfucker. - [grunts]
[people screaming]
- It's not too hard, is it?
- No. - Okay.
- I love having you here to myself.
- I love being here for you...
for you to have me to yourself.
[chuckles] You're my priority. I told you that.
I want to make you the priority for everything--
just you, all about you.
Always will be about you. Nothing else matters but you.
- Oh, my God, that feels so good, you saying that.
[sighs]
Shit, I'm about to put the drawz on him.
Come here. - Ooh.
Okay. Oh, God.
[door beeps]
[distant dog barking] - Oh, God.
- Oh, my God, that feels so good.
- Stuff is starting to tingle a little bit.
- Good, I like that.
Okay, shh.
Baby, I'm gonna rock your world.
- [whispering] Akira.
- [moaning]
I'm gonna make you the happiest man in the world.
- Oh, my God. - Oh, my God.
- Oh, oh.
- Oh, we're gonna have twins, baby!
- What the hell is going on, huh?
[gasps]
[dramatic note]
- Oh, my God. What the fuck?
Wait.
K-Kevin?
Wait.
What the fuck?
♪ Got a story, back it up ♪
♪ Yeah, you told me you was with your homeys ♪
♪ You never phone me just to say "what's up?" ♪
♪ I can't believe a word you say ♪
♪ Word you say, no more ♪
♪ Why do you got two plates on your receipt from the store? ♪
♪ Why you buying clothes you can't afford? ♪
♪ Who are you trying to impress? ♪