1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:07,880 MUSIC: Ritual Union by Little Dragon 2 00:00:16,120 --> 00:00:19,000 Five, six. Five, six, seven, eight. 3 00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:23,399 # Ritual union's 4 00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:27,320 # Got me in trouble again 5 00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:35,759 # I was wonderin' of a white dress 6 00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:37,079 # And the mistress 7 00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:40,359 # And a spirit holding my hand... # 8 00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:42,839 Yes, that was the best we've got it. Yes! 9 00:00:42,840 --> 00:00:44,439 I got none of it right. 10 00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:46,359 MUSIC STOPS 11 00:00:46,360 --> 00:00:48,719 OK. OK, let's learn the next section. 12 00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:50,319 DOORBELL RINGS Right, so we go... 13 00:00:50,320 --> 00:00:52,839 Ba...Ba. Twisty...Twisty. I'll get it. 14 00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:57,239 So, Ba, Ba. Ba. Twisty. Throw. Hiya. 15 00:00:57,240 --> 00:00:58,359 All right? How's it going? 16 00:00:58,360 --> 00:01:00,039 It's going good, yeah, how are you? 17 00:01:00,040 --> 00:01:02,919 Yeah, all right, thanks. 18 00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:04,199 Sorry we're a bit not dressed. 19 00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:05,639 We've been learning a dance routine. 20 00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:07,559 Oh, yeah? Class. Let's see. 21 00:01:07,560 --> 00:01:10,399 Yes! No way. Absolutely not. Oh, come on. He'll love it. 22 00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:12,839 I erm... I actually better head to my room, 23 00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:14,799 just got loads of work to do. Really? 24 00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:17,119 Yeah. This was great, though. Let's finish it another time. 25 00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:19,359 Shall we just do it one more time for Nathan to see? 26 00:01:19,360 --> 00:01:21,879 I, erm, I've really got to crack on, I'm sorry, Nathan. 27 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:23,599 It was really lovely to see you, though. 28 00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:27,599 I wish we could catch up properly. Erm, maybe next time. 29 00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:28,640 DRINK POURS 30 00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:31,720 Thank you. 31 00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:36,759 SOFTLY GIGGLES 32 00:01:36,760 --> 00:01:38,200 Come on, sit down. 33 00:01:51,840 --> 00:01:55,279 VOICEOVER: We've all been there. At one point or another, 34 00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:58,159 we've all felt someone backing out of a relationship, 35 00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:01,360 in slow motion, hoping we won't realise. 36 00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:11,479 Now, I know that the best way to deal with this is 37 00:02:11,480 --> 00:02:13,199 to stay calm, 38 00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:17,400 give them space and remain dignified. 39 00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:25,479 But, like all the important lessons, that took me a while to learn. 40 00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:26,520 LAUGHTER 41 00:02:49,880 --> 00:02:50,920 KEYS CLACK RAPIDLY 42 00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:53,879 You coming down for dinner? 43 00:02:53,880 --> 00:02:54,999 No, no, go ahead. 44 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,359 I'm doing job applications and then blogging. 45 00:02:57,360 --> 00:03:00,679 Don't eat in front of your laptop again. 46 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:02,879 We are in a boom of mediocre girls making a name 47 00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:05,759 for themselves by being moderately funny on the internet. 48 00:03:05,760 --> 00:03:08,119 I can't waste a minute. This is my time. 49 00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:09,999 OK. I guess it's just me, 50 00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:13,480 Birdy, Nell and our fourth housemate Nathan. 51 00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:16,919 I know, right? 52 00:03:16,920 --> 00:03:18,919 And she doesn't even warn us any more? 53 00:03:18,920 --> 00:03:22,079 I don't know how this happened. Why is he here ALL the time? 54 00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:24,439 Right? And he can't quite get 55 00:03:24,440 --> 00:03:27,359 the boyfriend-of-a-housemate vibe right either. 56 00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:29,759 Yeah, and it's super simple - talk a tiny bit, 57 00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:32,199 but not too much and always offer to make tea. 58 00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:34,759 If in doubt, just act like a really respectful waiter 59 00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:36,079 in a high-end restaurant. 60 00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:40,399 And why is he constantly watching televised sports? 61 00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:42,399 It is a permanent rotation 62 00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:46,399 of football, rugby, cricket, snooker. 63 00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:49,839 How many different ways can men push balls around? 64 00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:52,759 I have learnt so much about sport in the past month, 65 00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:54,759 all of it against my will. 66 00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:58,119 Why do I know when the "transfer window" closes, Amara? WHY? 67 00:03:58,120 --> 00:03:59,919 I've been doing the calculations, 68 00:03:59,920 --> 00:04:00,959 and I think he's used up, 69 00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:04,559 like, £7 of hot water in this week alone. 70 00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:06,239 Sure. I've got it all recorded, 71 00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:07,839 just in case we ever need to use it. 72 00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:10,280 Maybe you should put the book away for a bit, babes. 73 00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:16,079 I just don't understand why they're seeing so much of each other 74 00:04:16,080 --> 00:04:17,519 so early on. 75 00:04:17,520 --> 00:04:21,079 Neither do I. But I s'pose it's not really any of our business. 76 00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:24,479 Oh, see? This is where you let me down, Amara. 77 00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:26,239 Stop being so relaxed. 78 00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:27,919 I need you to be livid. 79 00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:29,879 Stay here with me in the madness. 80 00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:31,279 Grab a pen. 81 00:04:31,280 --> 00:04:33,640 Take tabs of how often he's using the kettle. 82 00:04:34,560 --> 00:04:35,760 Nutter. 83 00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:42,639 I mean, can you ever have all three? 84 00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:44,079 No, I don't think so. 85 00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:45,759 What about David Attenborough? 86 00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:49,399 That is a really good point, Nathan. Really, really good point. 87 00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:50,799 What you guys talking about? 88 00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:53,039 The three motivations for a career. 89 00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:56,999 Bread, cred or integ. Bread money. Credibility recognition. 90 00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:58,519 Integ satisfaction. 91 00:04:58,520 --> 00:05:00,759 You mean being smug. 92 00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:02,719 No, I mean your integrity. 93 00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:04,039 And you think you're integ. 94 00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:06,759 Oh, so true, all teachers think they're integ. 95 00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:07,959 I do not think I'm integ. 96 00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:09,079 Yeah, you do. 97 00:05:09,080 --> 00:05:12,399 With your 8am starts and your unions. 98 00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:14,359 OK, I'm sorry that I'm the only one in this house 99 00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:15,679 who's qualified for anything. 100 00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:17,639 And I get in for 7.30, actually, 101 00:05:17,640 --> 00:05:18,999 not that any of you'd know that 102 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:20,999 cos most days you're all asleep when I leave. 103 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:22,919 I think you're missing a category. 104 00:05:22,920 --> 00:05:23,999 Which? 105 00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:25,239 Incred. 106 00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:27,119 What's "incred"? 107 00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:28,719 Whether you want to be incredible. 108 00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:31,839 Whether you want your work to leave a legacy in the world. 109 00:05:31,840 --> 00:05:33,239 Definitely not me. 110 00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:35,399 No... No! 111 00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:37,959 I will not have the classification system derailed like this. 112 00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:40,239 "Incred" is not a category. 113 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:43,679 It's something you've made up cos you think people can still get jobs 114 00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:46,839 by being precocious to some bigwig who says, 115 00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:48,599 "I'm taking a chance on you, kid." 116 00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:49,679 See, I'd love that. 117 00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:50,799 I've got to blog. 118 00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:53,439 What about? The ethics of reusing a nude. 119 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:54,959 Go leave that legacy in the world. 120 00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:57,159 Honestly, Nathan, you've got to read her blog. 121 00:05:57,160 --> 00:05:58,639 It is so funny. 122 00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:00,959 It's better than any magazine you'll ever buy. 123 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:02,920 I'll check it out. 124 00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:18,840 TELEPHONE RINGS 125 00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:29,559 SCREAMING Oh, God! 126 00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:32,919 I'm-I'm sorry for the surprise visit. 127 00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:34,919 Do you know, I don't have a number for any of you. 128 00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:36,479 Who are you? 129 00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:38,199 I'm James, I'm your landlord. 130 00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:39,879 What the fuck is going on? 131 00:06:39,880 --> 00:06:42,719 This is James our landlord, apparently. 132 00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:46,479 I have got a leather sofa for you. 133 00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:48,279 We don't need a leather sofa, we've got a sofa. 134 00:06:48,280 --> 00:06:50,719 Yeah, but you're not gonna want to turn it down when you see it. 135 00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:52,239 We don't have room for another sofa. 136 00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:53,799 OK, well, just come out to the van 137 00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:55,719 and take a look before you make your mind up. 138 00:06:55,720 --> 00:06:56,959 Why are you trying to flog us a sofa? 139 00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:58,679 I'm not trying to "flog" it to you, fuck sa... 140 00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:01,839 I'm tryna, tryna give it to you for free. 141 00:07:01,840 --> 00:07:03,399 No, thank you. 142 00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:04,999 What's going on? 143 00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:06,759 HE SIGHS 144 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:07,799 No, they don't want it. 145 00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:10,799 I don't know, not enough room, apparently. 146 00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:11,959 Look, just st-st-st... 147 00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:15,719 Stay in the van, and we'll dump it at number 32. 148 00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:18,359 Because I think the tenants are on holiday. 149 00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:21,239 Yeah. 150 00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:22,959 Do I know you? 151 00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:25,799 You present Dodgy Dealers. 152 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:27,999 Yeah, that's the one, yeah. 153 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:31,199 Giving Ripped-off Britain a right to reply. 154 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:32,399 Well, while you're here, 155 00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:34,840 can you take a look at the damp on the wall. 156 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:40,839 Yeah, I-I think that will just clear up by itself, to be honest. 157 00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:42,759 Hmm. I don't think it will. 158 00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:43,959 Eh? 159 00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:48,759 Well, can't you girls see it as like, bohemian? 160 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:51,719 Like you're a group of artists in The East Village in 161 00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:52,879 the '70s? 162 00:07:52,880 --> 00:07:55,119 Splattering canvasses with your own blood? 163 00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:56,719 Well, I... No. MOBILE PHONE RINGS 164 00:07:56,720 --> 00:07:58,399 Fine, well, I'll... 165 00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:01,159 I'll speak to my business partner, get 'em to come round 166 00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:02,879 at the weekend, take a look. Hello? 167 00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:05,480 Yeah. No, I want to keep it out of court. 168 00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:09,679 Yeah, well, it's a roof, you know, yeah, 169 00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:13,840 well, roofs sag, don't they? You know, they do, yeah. 170 00:08:16,240 --> 00:08:18,759 Why is the presenter of Dodgy Dealers in our house? 171 00:08:18,760 --> 00:08:20,039 He's our landlord. 172 00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:22,159 I've got to go. Good luck with your interview. 173 00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:25,440 Have you got your sandwich? Yes. Love you. Bye. 174 00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:29,119 You look great. 175 00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:31,799 I'm so nervous. I should probably go. 176 00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:33,319 The actual interview isn't until midday, 177 00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:35,199 but I want to familiarise myself with the location. 178 00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:36,319 It's seven. 179 00:08:36,320 --> 00:08:38,599 Yeah, but. You can never be too prepared. 180 00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:41,319 It's one of the most prestigious companies in the world. 181 00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:43,959 Look, don't be afraid 182 00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:45,959 to eat this mid-morning because you talk... 183 00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:47,479 Too fast when I'm hungry, I know. 184 00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:49,719 Deep breaths. 185 00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:50,759 THEY EXHALE 186 00:08:50,760 --> 00:08:52,319 You're gonna be great! 187 00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:53,399 Call me when you're done. 188 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:54,479 Love you. Love you. Bye. 189 00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:56,560 Bye. Good luck with the interview. 190 00:09:00,680 --> 00:09:02,559 No leafleting today? 191 00:09:02,560 --> 00:09:06,519 No shifts. Doing job applications. 192 00:09:06,520 --> 00:09:09,039 Look at you in your corporate wardrobe. 193 00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:11,359 I never thought I'd see the day when you were out of leggings. 194 00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:12,759 I know. Mental. 195 00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:14,039 How does it feel? 196 00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:16,839 I can't believe it's every day like this forever. 197 00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:19,199 I am so tired every lunchtime. 198 00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:24,199 And I look at the clock and there's five more hours to go. 199 00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:25,559 But, at least... 200 00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:28,479 Ugh. I wish I could do what you've done. 201 00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:29,799 Which is? 202 00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:32,960 Give up my dreams and sell out for an ASOS wardrobe. 203 00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:36,439 What's in today's? 204 00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:38,079 Marmite and lettuce. 205 00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:40,319 It's all we had in the fridge. 206 00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:42,560 Sorry. See ya later. Bye! 207 00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:45,840 DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES 208 00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:56,240 Morning. 209 00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:45,760 MUSIC: Rhapsody in Blue 210 00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:04,320 MUSIC: 7h du Matin by Jacqueline Taieb 211 00:12:03,480 --> 00:12:05,439 March 1979. 212 00:12:05,440 --> 00:12:08,799 My mum gets a job at Peter Jones as a Saturday girl. 213 00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:11,839 The John Lewis lineage in my family begins. 214 00:12:11,840 --> 00:12:14,359 My first week at university. 215 00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:17,079 To make my room in halls feel like home, 216 00:12:17,080 --> 00:12:20,879 I pack a dressing gown, bedding and a pair of mugs, 217 00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:24,599 all from John Lewis. And guess what? 218 00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:25,960 It feels like home. 219 00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:30,279 John Lewis and its products have walked me through womanhood, 220 00:12:30,280 --> 00:12:34,439 and this is one of the many reasons I feel qualified for a career here. 221 00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:36,960 From the shop floor, to head office. 222 00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:44,519 I'm now going to talk you through what I love about each 223 00:12:44,520 --> 00:12:46,079 and every department. 224 00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:49,679 First, the very fabric of the company... 225 00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:51,720 ..haberdashery. 226 00:12:58,520 --> 00:12:59,560 PHONE VIBRATES 227 00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:07,119 MUSIC: Kickstarts by Example 228 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,839 # ..And I don't want to let you down 229 00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:11,079 # Kick-kickstarts again 230 00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:14,399 # Start to think it could be fizzling out 231 00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:16,319 # Kinda shocked because I never really had... # 232 00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:18,799 RADIO: What's happening, guys? You're listening to Kit Roberts. 233 00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:22,119 I want you to get in touch with the show, text us in on 85628. 234 00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:25,359 I want hear your stories about how you met your loved one. 235 00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:28,760 ..after this, Love At First Sight by Kylie Minogue. 236 00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:32,039 OK, let's start again. 237 00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:34,239 Five, six, seven and... 238 00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:39,079 # Thought I was going crazy 239 00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:42,719 # Just having one of those days, yeah 240 00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:45,919 # Didn't know what to do 241 00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:47,159 # Then there was you... # 242 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:48,439 LAUGHTER 243 00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:49,959 What are you doing, you freak?! 244 00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:52,199 I told you we were practising our dance. 245 00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:53,799 You can't take over the living room. 246 00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:56,439 And Mum is going to kill you if she knows you've been eating in here. 247 00:13:56,440 --> 00:13:58,999 It's just crisps. Oh, get out! No! 248 00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:02,039 My Bat Mitzvah is in two weeks and we need to rehearse. 249 00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:05,679 Samuel, are any of your friends coming? 250 00:14:05,680 --> 00:14:07,519 A couple, why? 251 00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:10,279 She means is Dan coming? I dunno. 252 00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:12,399 Can you text him and ask? 253 00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:14,479 No. I'll give you £10. 254 00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:15,559 You haven't got £10. 255 00:14:15,560 --> 00:14:18,639 Yes, I have, you stupid fat head - its my birthday money from Grandma. 256 00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:20,640 And I'll give you £5 if he comes. 257 00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:30,040 TEXT ALERT PINGS 258 00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:33,760 Yeah, he's coming. 259 00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:37,760 THEY SQUEAL 260 00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:40,399 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 261 00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:42,439 We can't do the dance if Dan's going to be there. 262 00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:45,599 Can we not? No, because we will look like losers 263 00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:48,079 and we will die. We will literally die. 264 00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:50,279 THEY SQUEAL 265 00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:54,240 What have I said about eating crisps in the no food room? 266 00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:56,799 Mum, I... 267 00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:58,519 SONG CONTINUES 268 00:14:58,520 --> 00:15:01,040 # Cos, baby, when I... # 269 00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:23,119 And good morning to you. 270 00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:24,160 LINE RINGS 271 00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:49,440 Hey. Hey, babe, how'd you get on? 272 00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:56,560 Does it annoy you that Birdy's here a lot? 273 00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:02,039 No? Is she here a lot? 274 00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:04,559 Yeah. Like, three times a week. 275 00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:06,720 Then Nathan's at ours three times a week. 276 00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:10,319 I barely noticed. 277 00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:12,399 I think they just go straight into his room 278 00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:16,239 to eat stir-fries and watch The OC or whatever it is they do. 279 00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:20,279 She invited him round the other night without telling any of us. 280 00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:22,440 We were in the middle of learning a dance. 281 00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:27,600 Dance. What for? 282 00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:29,960 Not for anything. 283 00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:35,439 Are you gonna perform it anywhere? 284 00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:37,519 No. 285 00:16:37,520 --> 00:16:40,880 So then, what was the point? 286 00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:45,400 You're being a snob. 287 00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:49,399 I'm sorry I like to have fun. 288 00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:51,399 I'm sorry I don't like to sit around listening 289 00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:53,439 to miserable songs by The Cookie Monster. 290 00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:56,120 OK, his name is Tom Waits. 291 00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:01,879 And I'm not being a snob, I'm just telling you not 292 00:17:01,880 --> 00:17:04,960 to do that dance in public anywhere. 293 00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:12,720 Cos I don't want people to laugh at you, Maggie. 294 00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:16,799 Because I'm very protective of you. 295 00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:19,439 God, you're such a twat. 296 00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:20,480 HE SCOFFS 297 00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:23,079 Where are you going? 298 00:17:23,080 --> 00:17:25,520 Home. I've got to write. 299 00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:29,200 OK. 300 00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:42,240 This is for you. 301 00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:45,759 What is it? 302 00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:47,960 Some songs I thought you might like. 303 00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:50,919 A mix tape? 304 00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:55,320 Yeah. So now you can listen to some actual music. 305 00:17:56,560 --> 00:17:58,239 If you think I'm such a dumb bitch, 306 00:17:58,240 --> 00:17:59,879 why do you keep sleeping with me? 307 00:17:59,880 --> 00:18:05,120 Because you're so fit and it drives me mental. 308 00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:09,399 So you don't fancy me because of my personality? 309 00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:14,000 Maggie, I fancy you in spite of your personality. 310 00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:22,479 I can stay a bit longer. 311 00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:25,319 Good. 312 00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:26,559 WHISPERS: Say it again. 313 00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:28,240 WHISPERS: You're a dumb bitch. 314 00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:36,639 You're a hot dumb bitch with a shit personality. 315 00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:37,680 SHE LAUGHS 316 00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:51,200 MOBILE PHONE VIBRATES 317 00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:00,559 Hey. Hey. How did it go? 318 00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:03,159 Rubbish. They turned me down on the spot. 319 00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:05,599 Oh, no - why? 320 00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:06,719 I don't know. 321 00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:10,079 Something about "wrong energy for the counter", I dunno. 322 00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:12,159 I'm so, so sorry, little bird. 323 00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:13,799 It's OK. 324 00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:15,679 Right, I'm about to come home. 325 00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:17,839 Me and Nell are gonna make commiseration fajitas, 326 00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:19,759 I'll take you to the pub, and then we can basically 327 00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:20,919 just stay there all weekend. 328 00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:22,879 Aw, that's so nice of you, erm, 329 00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:25,959 but Nathan's gonna cook me dinner tonight. 330 00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:27,960 Oh. Right. 331 00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:32,479 You should join us. 332 00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:34,919 Really? Yeah, yeah. With Street. 333 00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:36,999 Great. I mean, 334 00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:39,719 I-I don't think Nathan 335 00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:44,679 and Street have ever actually shared a meal together but, 336 00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:48,399 yeah, yeah, let's do it. Let me know what I can pick up. 337 00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:50,559 OK, perfect. I'll let Nathan know. 338 00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:52,199 OK, great. Love you. Bye. 339 00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:53,320 Bye, love you. 340 00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:04,760 LAUGHTER 341 00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:08,200 Hey. Hey. 342 00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:11,519 You guys know each other. 343 00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:13,719 Hi. 344 00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:16,199 Yeah, sorry to hear about the job. 345 00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:17,240 It's OK. 346 00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:24,159 What have you guys been doing today? 347 00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:27,160 Nothing much really, just, hung out. 348 00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:31,640 We worked out how many CDs we could balance on Maggie's nipples. 349 00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:35,359 Cool! 350 00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:36,679 How many? 351 00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:37,959 Only like, one on each. 352 00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:41,599 Well, yeah, but then we got them really, really cold 353 00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:43,600 and it was two on each. 354 00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:49,759 What are you cooking? 355 00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:52,999 Er, recipe from a Mr Jamie Oliver. 356 00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:55,959 The patron saint to all heterosexual men. 357 00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:57,440 LAUGHS 358 00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:03,399 There you go. 359 00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:06,239 Well, at least they gave you clear feedback. 360 00:21:06,240 --> 00:21:08,999 Yeah, yeah. And they said they'd keep me in mind for other roles. 361 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:11,159 And it will all be worth it when we finally have jobs. 362 00:21:11,160 --> 00:21:13,999 We will never take them for granted. 363 00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:16,559 Nah. 364 00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:19,279 What? 365 00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:21,999 We want work, we get work, 366 00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:23,439 then we resent work. 367 00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:26,119 That's how it goes. 368 00:21:26,120 --> 00:21:27,919 15 Minute Meals, my fuckin' arse, 369 00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:30,599 more like hour and a half beef fuckin' stroganoff. 370 00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:31,999 This looks amazing! 371 00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:34,399 Thank you, Nathan. Yeah, thanks, mate. 372 00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:37,479 Well, help yourself, I've gotta go to cook the rice. 373 00:21:37,480 --> 00:21:39,799 Maybe I shouldn't have done the presentation. 374 00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:40,839 Are you kidding? 375 00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:42,799 You definitely should have done the presentation. 376 00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:44,759 The presentation was knockout. 377 00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:45,879 How do you know? 378 00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:48,000 She showed me. It was quality. 379 00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:51,119 Well, fuck those guys. 380 00:21:51,120 --> 00:21:52,759 They weren't right for you. 381 00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:55,399 Fuck them! 382 00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:58,359 And another toast. 383 00:21:58,360 --> 00:22:01,879 To our one-month anniversary. 384 00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:03,599 One month since what? 385 00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:06,799 Our first date. We have you guys to thank for it, really. 386 00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:09,039 I am so sorry the present didn't arrive on time. 387 00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:10,600 Oh, it's OK, baby. 388 00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:14,159 Isn't an anniversary a year? 389 00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:15,480 Uh-huh. 390 00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:21,319 That beef was really chewy. 391 00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:23,839 No. It was perfect. 392 00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:25,559 I've got an idea. 393 00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:27,839 Let's open The Vault. 394 00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:30,119 No, no, no, no, I don't think so. 395 00:22:30,120 --> 00:22:31,559 Er, what's The Vault? 396 00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:34,359 The Vault is this metaphorical thing we open. 397 00:22:34,360 --> 00:22:36,359 We throw in our darkest thoughts, 398 00:22:36,360 --> 00:22:37,639 then we close The Vault 399 00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:40,719 and we're never allowed to mention what was put in it. 400 00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:41,879 Until we reopen The Vault. 401 00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:43,879 Oooh, I like the sound of this. 402 00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:45,799 No, the, the Vault should only be opened 403 00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:49,399 with very old friends who have known each other for a very long time. 404 00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:51,999 I think we should do it. 405 00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:55,279 I declare The Vault officially open! 406 00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:57,319 Nathan, why don't you go first. 407 00:22:57,320 --> 00:22:59,599 Start us off with something light. 408 00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:01,479 Right. 409 00:23:01,480 --> 00:23:02,960 OK. 410 00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:05,560 Um... 411 00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:10,920 Oh, God, this is hard, isn't it? 412 00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:14,520 Er, OK. 413 00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:18,960 I hate all art. 414 00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:23,439 I hate galleries. 415 00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:24,920 All of 'em... 416 00:23:27,760 --> 00:23:30,279 OK, perfect, 417 00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:33,079 great one to get us rolling. Birdy, your go. 418 00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:34,999 No, I-I-I can't think of one. 419 00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:37,479 Yes, you can. No, no, I can't. 420 00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:39,279 I've got one for you. 421 00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:41,799 You don't like it when men say they're feminists. 422 00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:43,559 I didn't say, I didn't say that. 423 00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:44,679 Yes, you did. 424 00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:48,959 And you also said you hate it when they act like they think sexual 425 00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:50,399 harassment's the worst thing, 426 00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:54,919 when really we know they think murder is the worst thing. 427 00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:56,999 I don't remember saying that. 428 00:23:57,000 --> 00:24:01,159 I do. Because I think it's one of the best things you've ever said. 429 00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:03,839 I think that all women should have 430 00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:06,720 the same opportunities and rights as men. 431 00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:18,080 I'll be sad if you were murdered. 432 00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:21,400 Oh, yeah, how sad? 433 00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:25,199 Well, I probably wouldn't cry at the time, 434 00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:28,359 but then like years later when someone really important 435 00:24:28,360 --> 00:24:32,919 to me would die, like my mum or Elvis Costello, 436 00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:34,439 well, I'd be devastated 437 00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:36,199 and I'd realise that 438 00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:40,520 I'm actually crying about that murdered Maggie girl, too. 439 00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:46,560 Baby. That is romantic. 440 00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:03,160 Maybe I should have only cooked it for the actual 15 minutes. 441 00:25:43,800 --> 00:25:46,039 BANGING AND MOANING THROUGH THE WALL 442 00:25:46,040 --> 00:25:48,880 That's quite an interesting vibe they've got going there. I know. 443 00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:55,559 Let's drown them out. 444 00:25:55,560 --> 00:25:59,479 BRIAN COX ON RADIO: 13.73 billion years after the Big Bang 445 00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:02,399 what happens? Well, the universe shrinks, 446 00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:05,800 the universe gets hotter and hotter and hotter. 447 00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:19,079 WHISPERS: Maggie. Can I ask you a question? 448 00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:21,439 Yeah. 449 00:26:21,440 --> 00:26:24,280 When's my month anniversary present coming? 450 00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:29,999 That is my worst nightmare. 451 00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:33,159 I know. Mine, too. 452 00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:34,480 That's what I like about you. 453 00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:37,920 It's simple. Just fun. 454 00:26:39,680 --> 00:26:41,719 "Just fun?" 455 00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:44,520 Yeah. It's great. I love it. 456 00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:51,920 You're just a dumb bitch who asks for nothing. 457 00:26:57,640 --> 00:26:58,920 What? 458 00:27:02,440 --> 00:27:04,720 Oh, come on, Maggie, that turned you on a few hours ago. 459 00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:08,160 It's fine. 460 00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:14,319 OK, I know it's not, 461 00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:17,120 but I'm choosing to ignore the subtext. 462 00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:28,800 MUSIC: Saturday Night by Whigfield 463 00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:38,559 Maggie. You have to talk to him. 464 00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:39,919 No, you talk to him. 465 00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:42,079 I'll stand with you, but I can't talk. 466 00:27:42,080 --> 00:27:43,360 OK, fine. 467 00:27:49,440 --> 00:27:52,679 You look amazing, like, literally like a model. 468 00:27:52,680 --> 00:27:54,440 So, do you? 469 00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:04,879 Hey, Dan. 470 00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:06,999 Who, are you? I'm Maggie. 471 00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:08,359 How do you know my name? 472 00:28:08,360 --> 00:28:11,679 We've met before, at, er, Samuel's birthday party. 473 00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:13,319 We haven't. 474 00:28:13,320 --> 00:28:15,519 We have. I'd remember you. 475 00:28:15,520 --> 00:28:18,239 Really? Yeah, I'd definitely remember a lanky minger 476 00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:19,920 with no tits. 477 00:28:31,280 --> 00:28:33,519 The call it Camden Breakfast, apparently. 478 00:28:33,520 --> 00:28:35,319 Really? I have never heard of it. 479 00:28:35,320 --> 00:28:36,879 Yes. Specific to the region. 480 00:28:36,880 --> 00:28:38,880 I think we should have it every day. 481 00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:46,599 Are you OK? 482 00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:48,559 Yeah, fine, why? 483 00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:50,679 You just didn't seem like yourself last night. 484 00:28:50,680 --> 00:28:52,719 Are you joking? I was worried because you didn't seem 485 00:28:52,720 --> 00:28:55,439 like yourself. Really? Why? 486 00:28:55,440 --> 00:28:57,119 You just seemed wiggy. 487 00:28:57,120 --> 00:28:59,479 What? I was worried because I thought you seemed wiggy. 488 00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:03,319 Like how? Like, you were acting like my cousin. 489 00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:06,079 Like Dennis? No, not my actual cousin, 490 00:29:06,080 --> 00:29:09,999 I mean, you were acting so formal and proper with me, 491 00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:12,400 like, we didn't know each other that well. 492 00:29:13,720 --> 00:29:15,839 I was fine. Are you fine? 493 00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:17,599 I'm great. As long as you're OK. 494 00:29:17,600 --> 00:29:20,479 Stop say... I'm fine. 495 00:29:20,480 --> 00:29:22,319 Great. Great! 496 00:29:22,320 --> 00:29:23,360 LAUGHTER 497 00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:29,799 Nathan's great. Such a good host. 498 00:29:29,800 --> 00:29:33,760 Aw. You and Street are a great couple. So full of beans. 499 00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:40,839 You weren't pissed off with me opening The Vault, were you? 500 00:29:40,840 --> 00:29:43,239 Not at all. Right, well we should get going, 501 00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:44,719 we'll be late for Nell and Amara. 502 00:29:44,720 --> 00:29:47,359 Oh, did I not say? I-I-I can't come. 503 00:29:47,360 --> 00:29:48,599 Why, what are you doing? 504 00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:50,999 I'm watching Nathan play 5-a-side. 505 00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:52,600 Aww! 506 00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:55,560 Hey! 507 00:29:57,400 --> 00:29:59,479 Permission to open The Vault. Permission denied. 508 00:29:59,480 --> 00:30:02,599 Why? Because you violated the rules of the Vault. 509 00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:03,839 Like when? 510 00:30:03,840 --> 00:30:06,359 Like last time we opened it, just the two of us 511 00:30:06,360 --> 00:30:08,359 and then the next day Amara asks if it's true 512 00:30:08,360 --> 00:30:10,799 I hate all white men who teach martial arts. 513 00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:14,679 Oh, come on, she normally keeps it to herself. 514 00:30:14,680 --> 00:30:16,719 That's not a Vault thing. 515 00:30:16,720 --> 00:30:18,079 Hi, guys. 516 00:30:18,080 --> 00:30:20,879 So, I see you're here on the Groupon deal, 517 00:30:20,880 --> 00:30:22,719 erm, which I'm sure you're aware entitles you 518 00:30:22,720 --> 00:30:25,239 to one sandwich each, but if you wanted to order anything else off 519 00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:29,720 the menu, then you are welcome to pay the surplus. 520 00:30:32,280 --> 00:30:34,960 Just another round, then, I'm guessing. Lovely, thank you. 521 00:30:39,240 --> 00:30:40,999 He. Is. Peng. 522 00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:43,519 I know. 523 00:30:43,520 --> 00:30:45,959 OK, Vault opened. 524 00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:48,639 I hate The Beatles. 525 00:30:48,640 --> 00:30:49,879 They bum me out. 526 00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:52,359 I will leave the room if someone plays them. 527 00:30:52,360 --> 00:30:54,279 BUT, I wish I could buy, like, 528 00:30:54,280 --> 00:30:56,879 a flat-pack of information about their music 529 00:30:56,880 --> 00:30:59,159 and have someone assemble it in my brain, 530 00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:02,759 so I'd know what to say when fit men talk about them. 531 00:31:02,760 --> 00:31:05,679 I don't like Australian people. 532 00:31:05,680 --> 00:31:08,679 If you want to talk about Nathan, we can just talk about Nathan. 533 00:31:08,680 --> 00:31:10,919 This is nothing to do with Nathan. 534 00:31:10,920 --> 00:31:12,439 I wasn't even thinking about him. 535 00:31:12,440 --> 00:31:14,999 I just hate that because there's so much beach there, 536 00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:18,679 they think they're like this relaxed, horny country, 537 00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:20,679 when they're not even that fun. 538 00:31:20,680 --> 00:31:22,519 So you can surf, so what? 539 00:31:22,520 --> 00:31:24,999 That doesn't replace having a personality. 540 00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:29,159 And the way they go on about the weather like it's an achievement. 541 00:31:29,160 --> 00:31:31,759 I think it's pathetic it's sunny there all the time. 542 00:31:31,760 --> 00:31:33,199 It should be cold sometimes. 543 00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:36,199 Like, grow up and face reality maybe? 544 00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:40,079 And the way they're always saying. "no worries, no worries." 545 00:31:40,080 --> 00:31:41,439 Sometimes, it is worries. 546 00:31:41,440 --> 00:31:44,839 Sometimes, it's good to be worried about things. 547 00:31:44,840 --> 00:31:46,399 You finished? 548 00:31:46,400 --> 00:31:48,039 Yeah. 549 00:31:48,040 --> 00:31:49,240 Here we are. 550 00:31:57,160 --> 00:31:59,159 You're dribbling. I... 551 00:31:59,160 --> 00:32:00,599 GIGGLING 552 00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:03,000 It's him, it's him. Oh, my God! 553 00:32:04,240 --> 00:32:06,079 What did I miss? 554 00:32:06,080 --> 00:32:08,919 We couldn't see any of his photos on his profile, so we found his nan. 555 00:32:08,920 --> 00:32:10,919 Does it say if he's single? 556 00:32:10,920 --> 00:32:12,599 Does it say where he lives? 557 00:32:12,600 --> 00:32:14,399 DOORBELL RINGS 558 00:32:14,400 --> 00:32:15,640 Love his jacket. 559 00:32:22,600 --> 00:32:24,439 Hey, I'm here about the damp. 560 00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:27,240 Oh, yeah, yeah, it's in the kitchen just through here. 561 00:32:31,880 --> 00:32:33,759 Do you mind if I leave you to it? 562 00:32:33,760 --> 00:32:35,599 Our favourite programme's about to start. 563 00:32:35,600 --> 00:32:36,800 Yeah, it's fine. 564 00:32:39,560 --> 00:32:41,439 POP MUSIC PLAYS 565 00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:43,999 She makes us watch the news. She can do this for us. 566 00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:46,999 This is going to be a good episode as well, I think. Me too. 567 00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:50,679 I think Jade and Kyle might get back together. Do you? 568 00:32:50,680 --> 00:32:53,279 POP MUSIC PLAYS 569 00:32:53,280 --> 00:32:55,999 I would fuck Kyle Kudos to pieces. 570 00:32:56,000 --> 00:32:58,199 Same. No way. 571 00:32:58,200 --> 00:33:02,959 I know he's rank as a genre of person but he is objectively buff. 572 00:33:02,960 --> 00:33:04,559 You have to admit it. 573 00:33:04,560 --> 00:33:05,880 Look. 574 00:33:07,280 --> 00:33:10,719 I just don't think I could ever be sexually intimate with someone 575 00:33:10,720 --> 00:33:13,719 who thinks it's, like, a groovy vibe to wear rosary beads 576 00:33:13,720 --> 00:33:16,719 and order a bottle of vodka with a sparkler in it. 577 00:33:16,720 --> 00:33:20,239 Maggie, can you not talk shit about my man, please? 578 00:33:20,240 --> 00:33:21,559 Hi. 579 00:33:21,560 --> 00:33:23,639 As much as I enjoy spending my Saturday night 580 00:33:23,640 --> 00:33:25,679 in a graduate house-share looking at damp, 581 00:33:25,680 --> 00:33:27,440 I'd like to get this sorted. 582 00:33:31,480 --> 00:33:32,999 Thanks. 583 00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:34,599 How long's the stain been there? 584 00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:37,879 Since we moved in, just over a month ago. 585 00:33:37,880 --> 00:33:40,080 OK, I'll rent you a dehumidifier. 586 00:33:42,000 --> 00:33:44,239 TELEVISION: I don't want him to embarrass himself. 587 00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:45,959 I know, that's the thing. 588 00:33:45,960 --> 00:33:47,120 Yeah. 589 00:33:48,320 --> 00:33:50,159 Well, we are. 590 00:33:50,160 --> 00:33:53,079 Because that's the only thing that gets rid of damp. 591 00:33:53,080 --> 00:33:54,520 80 quid a week. 592 00:33:56,120 --> 00:33:58,719 Same one we used at number 14. 593 00:33:58,720 --> 00:34:00,839 And then, they'll get off our backs. 594 00:34:00,840 --> 00:34:03,159 Yeah? Well, I'm about to do it now 595 00:34:03,160 --> 00:34:05,039 and I'm going to use your card details, 596 00:34:05,040 --> 00:34:07,119 so it doesn't matter if you agree with me or not 597 00:34:07,120 --> 00:34:08,400 because you are not in... 598 00:34:09,640 --> 00:34:10,759 Cunt. 599 00:34:10,760 --> 00:34:12,159 Was that our landlord? 600 00:34:12,160 --> 00:34:13,560 Yeah, ex-husband. 601 00:34:14,960 --> 00:34:17,439 So, what do you think of the new girl? 602 00:34:17,440 --> 00:34:19,159 Like her. 603 00:34:19,160 --> 00:34:22,319 Like her but don't think she's a romantic interest. 604 00:34:22,320 --> 00:34:23,919 What is she, then? 605 00:34:23,920 --> 00:34:26,119 Comic relief. She's like mustard. 606 00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:27,919 You just want a little bit on the side. 607 00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:29,959 She's like the relish of the whole show. 608 00:34:29,960 --> 00:34:32,279 She's there to brings out the flavour of the sausage. 609 00:34:32,280 --> 00:34:34,039 Right, so who's the sausage? 610 00:34:34,040 --> 00:34:35,400 Kyle, obviously. 611 00:34:36,480 --> 00:34:38,919 Do you work in TV? She watches TV. 612 00:34:38,920 --> 00:34:41,159 I write about TV. Where? 613 00:34:41,160 --> 00:34:42,479 My blog. 614 00:34:42,480 --> 00:34:43,520 Depressing. 615 00:34:46,600 --> 00:34:48,839 I make this show. 616 00:34:48,840 --> 00:34:50,279 You do not! 617 00:34:50,280 --> 00:34:53,119 I do. I'm the executive producer. 618 00:34:53,120 --> 00:34:56,159 We are obsessed with Heirs and Graces. 619 00:34:56,160 --> 00:34:57,639 I can see that. 620 00:34:57,640 --> 00:34:59,879 I've reviewed the past two series. 621 00:34:59,880 --> 00:35:01,479 Please, could I send them to you? 622 00:35:01,480 --> 00:35:03,079 I would love for you to read them. 623 00:35:03,080 --> 00:35:05,959 And if you ever need anyone to do anything - 624 00:35:05,960 --> 00:35:08,959 make tea, send emails, brush Bohemia's hair - 625 00:35:08,960 --> 00:35:10,239 I would love to do it. 626 00:35:10,240 --> 00:35:12,719 Anything. I can send you my CV. 627 00:35:12,720 --> 00:35:14,319 Where are you working, now? 628 00:35:14,320 --> 00:35:16,239 I work in sales. 629 00:35:16,240 --> 00:35:17,919 What's your star sign? Virgo. 630 00:35:17,920 --> 00:35:19,199 Rising? Gemini. 631 00:35:19,200 --> 00:35:20,599 Moon? 632 00:35:20,600 --> 00:35:22,560 Taurus. She's moon in Taurus. 633 00:35:24,520 --> 00:35:26,959 Why don't you come into the offices on Monday? Yes! 634 00:35:26,960 --> 00:35:28,199 Just for a chat. 635 00:35:28,200 --> 00:35:31,079 Purple Turtle Productions, late afternoon. I'd love that. 636 00:35:31,080 --> 00:35:33,799 The dehumidifier will be here tomorrow, you spoilt brats. 637 00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:35,399 Thank you. What's your name? 638 00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:37,000 Maggie. Roisin. 639 00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:43,519 See, incred. 640 00:35:43,520 --> 00:35:45,160 Oh, for God's sake! 641 00:35:46,720 --> 00:35:49,439 That has never ever happened ever before. 642 00:35:49,440 --> 00:35:52,239 She took a chance on me. She didn't take a chance on you! 643 00:35:52,240 --> 00:35:53,640 She took a chance on me, kid. 644 00:35:57,320 --> 00:35:59,079 Hello, reception. 645 00:35:59,080 --> 00:36:00,520 Yeah. Yes, of course. 646 00:36:02,560 --> 00:36:03,840 You can go through. 647 00:36:08,240 --> 00:36:09,999 Sorry. Is it just down...? 648 00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:11,360 Yeah, straight ahead. 649 00:36:14,320 --> 00:36:16,079 So, I read your blog. Oh. 650 00:36:16,080 --> 00:36:17,639 Your TV reviews are great. 651 00:36:17,640 --> 00:36:19,799 Your observations really made me laugh. 652 00:36:19,800 --> 00:36:20,959 Thank you. 653 00:36:20,960 --> 00:36:23,399 Some of that stuff though dates right back. 654 00:36:23,400 --> 00:36:25,759 Yeah, yeah, I need to delete a load of it. 655 00:36:25,760 --> 00:36:27,239 Hmm, yeah. You should. 656 00:36:27,240 --> 00:36:29,719 All those girl about town feels a bit fat 657 00:36:29,720 --> 00:36:33,039 and wants a boyfriend stories made me feel sad. Yeah. 658 00:36:33,040 --> 00:36:37,679 And sad not just to be a woman but like to be alive, you know? 659 00:36:37,680 --> 00:36:39,720 I do know, yeah. 660 00:36:43,840 --> 00:36:46,559 So, tell me why you like the show. 661 00:36:46,560 --> 00:36:48,399 Because it's real. 662 00:36:48,400 --> 00:36:50,399 It's easy to slag these shows off 663 00:36:50,400 --> 00:36:53,079 but I think we're going to look back on them in the future 664 00:36:53,080 --> 00:36:55,119 and think they're kind of extraordinary 665 00:36:55,120 --> 00:36:57,079 because they don't have an ending. 666 00:36:57,080 --> 00:36:59,399 Their lives and relationships continue, 667 00:36:59,400 --> 00:37:01,239 after the director shouts cut. 668 00:37:01,240 --> 00:37:03,559 Imagine finishing Casablanca 669 00:37:03,560 --> 00:37:06,839 and knowing a beautiful friendship really did just begin. 670 00:37:06,840 --> 00:37:10,159 That those two guys are out there, somewhere in Morocco. 671 00:37:10,160 --> 00:37:12,039 Little old men, propping up a bar. 672 00:37:12,040 --> 00:37:14,479 Imagine how much more interested you'd be in that story. 673 00:37:14,480 --> 00:37:16,799 Except not Casablanca because that film is so boring. 674 00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:19,279 I don't understand how a film could be so, so boring. 675 00:37:19,280 --> 00:37:20,359 OK, right. 676 00:37:20,360 --> 00:37:23,399 I'm going to give you an episode of Heirs and Graces to story-produce 677 00:37:23,400 --> 00:37:24,799 and we'll take it from there. 678 00:37:24,800 --> 00:37:26,719 Really? Yeah. 679 00:37:26,720 --> 00:37:29,319 I actually can't believe I'm doing this. Neither can I. 680 00:37:29,320 --> 00:37:30,840 You start on Wednesday at 10am. 681 00:37:35,360 --> 00:37:37,599 Oh, and don't come dressed like that. 682 00:37:37,600 --> 00:37:38,720 Like what? 683 00:37:39,840 --> 00:37:41,399 Like that. 684 00:37:41,400 --> 00:37:43,799 Like the ex-wife of a French Prime Minister. 685 00:37:43,800 --> 00:37:45,799 Like an Anita Pallenberg drag act. 686 00:37:45,800 --> 00:37:47,439 Just, you know, come cazh. 687 00:37:47,440 --> 00:37:49,199 PHONE RINGS 688 00:37:49,200 --> 00:37:50,440 It's Roisin. 689 00:37:52,880 --> 00:37:54,240 SHE SQUEALS EXCITEDLY 690 00:38:02,080 --> 00:38:06,039 # I'm feeling sexy and free 691 00:38:06,040 --> 00:38:09,679 # Like glitter's raining on me 692 00:38:09,680 --> 00:38:13,719 # You're like a shot of pure gold 693 00:38:13,720 --> 00:38:17,240 # I think I'm about to explode 694 00:38:18,840 --> 00:38:22,599 # I can taste the tension like a cloud of smoke in the air 695 00:38:22,600 --> 00:38:24,639 # Now, I'm breathing like I'm running 696 00:38:24,640 --> 00:38:26,359 # Cos you're taking me there 697 00:38:26,360 --> 00:38:28,799 # Don't you know 698 00:38:28,800 --> 00:38:32,599 # You spin me out of control 699 00:38:32,600 --> 00:38:34,959 # Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh 700 00:38:34,960 --> 00:38:36,879 # We can do this all night. # 701 00:38:36,880 --> 00:38:38,119 Hi! 702 00:38:38,120 --> 00:38:39,439 # Damn, this love is skin tight 703 00:38:39,440 --> 00:38:40,719 # Baby, come on. # 704 00:38:40,720 --> 00:38:41,759 Guess what? 705 00:38:41,760 --> 00:38:42,879 What is this? 706 00:38:42,880 --> 00:38:45,519 We're using the dehumidifier as a wind-machine. 707 00:38:45,520 --> 00:38:46,599 How did it go? 708 00:38:46,600 --> 00:38:50,119 She gave me the job! Shut up! As what? A story producer. 709 00:38:50,120 --> 00:38:51,999 What does that mean? I don't even know! 710 00:38:52,000 --> 00:38:53,519 ALL: Ah! 711 00:38:53,520 --> 00:38:55,799 Where's Birdy? I haven't been able to get hold of her. 712 00:38:55,800 --> 00:38:57,159 Think she's still at work. 713 00:38:57,160 --> 00:38:59,319 We need to go out dancing. We need to celebrate. 714 00:38:59,320 --> 00:39:00,679 On a Monday? Yes! 715 00:39:00,680 --> 00:39:03,360 Oh, by the way, come see what arrived for Birdy, today. 716 00:39:07,040 --> 00:39:08,719 Who's it from? 717 00:39:08,720 --> 00:39:09,920 Who'd you think? 718 00:39:13,840 --> 00:39:16,080 SOBBING 719 00:39:18,760 --> 00:39:20,719 He's not even that fit. 720 00:39:20,720 --> 00:39:22,199 Do you think it's true? 721 00:39:22,200 --> 00:39:24,639 Do you think people think I'm ugly? 722 00:39:24,640 --> 00:39:26,919 No, you're beautiful. 723 00:39:26,920 --> 00:39:31,119 I've never even thought that I might be ugly before, but... 724 00:39:31,120 --> 00:39:32,559 ..maybe I am. 725 00:39:32,560 --> 00:39:34,079 You're not. 726 00:39:34,080 --> 00:39:36,559 Boys our age just don't get us, Maggie, 727 00:39:36,560 --> 00:39:38,759 but one day, they will. 728 00:39:38,760 --> 00:39:40,239 Will they? 729 00:39:40,240 --> 00:39:42,679 Yes, stop crying. 730 00:39:42,680 --> 00:39:44,600 I want us to do the Macarena. 731 00:39:54,080 --> 00:39:57,119 The dance. What? 732 00:39:57,120 --> 00:39:58,919 The routine, we should do it. 733 00:39:58,920 --> 00:40:01,439 What about the boys? Who cares. 734 00:40:01,440 --> 00:40:03,919 They couldn't pull either of us anyway. 735 00:40:03,920 --> 00:40:06,599 Yeah, and we hate them anyway, don't we? 736 00:40:06,600 --> 00:40:08,760 Yeah, we hate them. 737 00:40:14,960 --> 00:40:16,199 Hiya! 738 00:40:16,200 --> 00:40:17,999 Hi! Hi! 739 00:40:18,000 --> 00:40:19,200 This came for you. 740 00:40:20,400 --> 00:40:23,559 Oh, my God. 741 00:40:23,560 --> 00:40:25,320 SHE LAUGHS 742 00:40:28,560 --> 00:40:30,159 What does it say? 743 00:40:30,160 --> 00:40:32,759 Thank you for the best month of my life. 744 00:40:32,760 --> 00:40:35,280 Here's to many more, love, Nathan, two kisses. 745 00:40:37,160 --> 00:40:38,599 Sweet. 746 00:40:38,600 --> 00:40:41,760 I just can't believe it. Isn't he so cute? 747 00:40:42,960 --> 00:40:45,119 I'm just in shock. It's massive. 748 00:40:45,120 --> 00:40:46,959 Maggie's got some good news. 749 00:40:46,960 --> 00:40:48,279 Yeah? 750 00:40:48,280 --> 00:40:50,439 Yeah, I've been offered a job. 751 00:40:50,440 --> 00:40:52,799 Story Producer on Heirs and Graces. 752 00:40:52,800 --> 00:40:56,119 Mags, you got a job in television. 753 00:40:56,120 --> 00:40:58,319 You've been dreaming of this for years. 754 00:40:58,320 --> 00:41:00,360 Oh, I'm so proud of you. 755 00:41:01,800 --> 00:41:03,199 Get changed, we're going out. 756 00:41:03,200 --> 00:41:04,960 Great, great. 757 00:41:05,960 --> 00:41:07,279 SHE GROWLS 758 00:41:07,280 --> 00:41:09,999 Where we going to put it? Not in here. In your room. Upstairs. 759 00:41:10,000 --> 00:41:11,759 # It's like gold dust 760 00:41:11,760 --> 00:41:14,359 # You hear me coming through your speakers 761 00:41:14,360 --> 00:41:16,959 # You see me mashing up your airwaves 762 00:41:16,960 --> 00:41:20,919 # I know you can't get enough of my sound 763 00:41:20,920 --> 00:41:23,679 # There's no place to hurt yourself He fight, I'm going to get it 764 00:41:23,680 --> 00:41:26,679 # Tallest running for me Baby, you're going to regret it 765 00:41:26,680 --> 00:41:28,799 # I can't understand why you can't free yourself 766 00:41:28,800 --> 00:41:31,599 # Or let it go, go, go, go 767 00:41:31,600 --> 00:41:32,959 # Got you in my palm 768 00:41:32,960 --> 00:41:34,719 # Now, listen good You can't escape it 769 00:41:34,720 --> 00:41:36,479 # Bring you to my world and hold you 770 00:41:36,480 --> 00:41:37,679 # See if you can take it 771 00:41:37,680 --> 00:41:38,799 # Don't you be afraid 772 00:41:38,800 --> 00:41:42,119 # I know you're strong enough to make it go, go, go, go 773 00:41:42,120 --> 00:41:44,319 # It's like gold dust 774 00:41:44,320 --> 00:41:46,079 # You hear me coming through... # 775 00:41:46,080 --> 00:41:48,320 MUSIC: Love At First Sight By Kylie Minogue 776 00:42:19,280 --> 00:42:22,799 # Thought that I was going crazy 777 00:42:22,800 --> 00:42:26,759 # Just having one of those days, yeah 778 00:42:26,760 --> 00:42:29,759 # Didn't know what to do 779 00:42:29,760 --> 00:42:33,319 # Then, there was you 780 00:42:33,320 --> 00:42:37,519 # And everything went from wrong to right 781 00:42:37,520 --> 00:42:40,839 # And the stars came out filled up the sky 782 00:42:40,840 --> 00:42:44,519 # The music you were playing really blew my mind 783 00:42:44,520 --> 00:42:48,639 # It was love at first sight 784 00:42:48,640 --> 00:42:52,719 # Cos, baby, when I heard you 785 00:42:52,720 --> 00:42:56,759 # For the first time, I knew 786 00:42:56,760 --> 00:43:02,800 # We were meant to be as one 787 00:43:12,960 --> 00:43:16,399 # Was tired of running out of luck 788 00:43:16,400 --> 00:43:20,359 # Thinking about giving up, yeah 789 00:43:20,360 --> 00:43:24,119 # Didn't know what to do 790 00:43:24,120 --> 00:43:27,519 # Then, there was you 791 00:43:27,520 --> 00:43:30,799 # And everything went from wrong to right 792 00:43:30,800 --> 00:43:34,599 # And the stars came out filled up the sky 793 00:43:34,600 --> 00:43:38,279 # The music you were playing really blew my mind 794 00:43:38,280 --> 00:43:42,279 # It was love at first sight 795 00:43:42,280 --> 00:43:46,759 # Cos, baby, when I heard you 796 00:43:46,760 --> 00:43:50,519 # For the first time, I knew 797 00:43:50,520 --> 00:43:56,279 # We were meant to be as one 798 00:43:56,280 --> 00:43:58,599 # Meant to be as one 799 00:43:58,600 --> 00:44:01,879 # Cos, baby, when I heard you 800 00:44:01,880 --> 00:44:05,879 # For the first time, I knew 801 00:44:05,880 --> 00:44:12,320 # We were meant to be as one. #