1 00:00:02,043 --> 00:00:04,083 Good afternoon, madam. Yeah, stay street smart. 2 00:00:04,083 --> 00:00:06,403 I need two officers to infiltrate a gang dealing drugs 3 00:00:06,403 --> 00:00:07,483 on Brightmarsh Estate. 4 00:00:07,483 --> 00:00:09,163 We're just doing a spot of drug dealing. 5 00:00:09,163 --> 00:00:11,163 This mission, it doesn't exist. 6 00:00:12,283 --> 00:00:15,323 I need you to bury this body. THEY SCREAM 7 00:00:15,323 --> 00:00:18,363 We need to find out who Clinton was talking to. 8 00:00:18,363 --> 00:00:20,803 That person can get us out of this mess. Oh, crap. 9 00:00:20,803 --> 00:00:23,123 What? Needs his finger for everything. 10 00:00:23,123 --> 00:00:24,523 THEY GRUNT AND SCREAM 11 00:00:24,523 --> 00:00:27,203 I mean, there is enough info here to put the lot of them away. 12 00:00:27,203 --> 00:00:29,243 DRILL WHIRS 13 00:00:29,243 --> 00:00:31,403 I don't think he is investigating the gang. 14 00:00:31,403 --> 00:00:33,763 I think he's investigating the pigs. 15 00:00:36,243 --> 00:00:38,363 # La-ah-ah 16 00:00:39,483 --> 00:00:42,843 # Ah-ah, ah-ah-ah 17 00:00:44,323 --> 00:00:46,283 # La-ah, ah-ah-ah 18 00:00:47,963 --> 00:00:51,963 # La-ah, oh-oh 19 00:00:53,163 --> 00:00:57,763 # Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. # 20 00:00:59,603 --> 00:01:01,123 There's nothing there. 21 00:01:02,243 --> 00:01:04,003 I hacked off his finger for nothing. 22 00:01:04,003 --> 00:01:06,683 KNOCK AT DOOR Dom? Don't come in! 23 00:01:06,683 --> 00:01:08,843 I-I've got my arse out. Oh. 24 00:01:08,843 --> 00:01:11,163 Have you seen the pickle jar? 25 00:01:20,243 --> 00:01:22,123 CAR ALARM BLARES 26 00:01:22,123 --> 00:01:24,003 CAR HORN BEEPS 27 00:01:28,523 --> 00:01:30,043 Kay, Kay! What...? 28 00:01:30,043 --> 00:01:31,643 What's happening? 29 00:01:31,643 --> 00:01:32,803 I'm sorry, Pastor Tomi. 30 00:01:32,803 --> 00:01:35,843 Why are you waxing my car at 7am? 31 00:01:35,843 --> 00:01:38,083 It's a service to God to wax your car, Pastor Tomi. 32 00:01:38,083 --> 00:01:41,163 I know, but why do you have to do it at 7am? 33 00:01:41,163 --> 00:01:44,403 I feel like I've been letting my discipleship slide lately, 34 00:01:44,403 --> 00:01:46,083 but spiritually, I've been in a malaise. 35 00:01:46,083 --> 00:01:48,243 I don't know what... Kay, Kay, Kay, Kay, Kay. What? 36 00:01:48,243 --> 00:01:50,283 It's streaking. Oh, sorry. 37 00:01:50,283 --> 00:01:52,523 Not... not to get all Nebuchadnezzar on your ass, 38 00:01:52,523 --> 00:01:54,403 but the kids notice streaks, huh? 39 00:01:54,403 --> 00:01:56,683 And where there are streaks, their ears are blocked 40 00:01:56,683 --> 00:01:58,363 to the message of God. 41 00:01:58,363 --> 00:02:01,003 I'm on it, Pastor T. Oh, and, Kay? 42 00:02:01,003 --> 00:02:02,763 You are loved. 43 00:02:03,963 --> 00:02:06,043 Hallelujah. 44 00:02:06,043 --> 00:02:09,923 # Hallelujah... # 45 00:02:09,923 --> 00:02:12,243 DOOR SHUTS LOUDLY Good night... morning. I... 46 00:02:12,243 --> 00:02:13,603 7am. 47 00:02:16,643 --> 00:02:19,083 # Pastor T says I'm loved 48 00:02:19,083 --> 00:02:21,123 # Pastor T says she love me, so... 49 00:02:21,123 --> 00:02:23,123 PHONE VIBRATES 50 00:02:26,443 --> 00:02:28,683 Hello. Where are you? 51 00:02:28,683 --> 00:02:30,723 I'm looking at an empty corner. 52 00:02:30,723 --> 00:02:33,243 Yeah. No. Er, yeah. We're going to be there later. 53 00:02:33,243 --> 00:02:36,203 It's just, er... you know, strategic. 54 00:02:36,203 --> 00:02:39,003 We're creating scarcity. It drives prices up. 55 00:02:39,003 --> 00:02:41,603 Yeah, well, you'd better have my money by tomorrow night, 56 00:02:41,603 --> 00:02:43,483 or I'm going to fuck you lot up, yeah? 57 00:02:43,483 --> 00:02:46,843 Fuck us up, like not consider us for promotion? 58 00:02:46,843 --> 00:02:48,083 Hello? 59 00:02:51,443 --> 00:02:53,083 # The Lord is good... # 60 00:02:54,123 --> 00:02:55,683 Hi, Dom. Thanks for calling me. 61 00:02:55,683 --> 00:02:58,123 You don't need to say that every time I ring you. 62 00:02:58,123 --> 00:03:00,883 Listen, we need to get out there and sell our package. 63 00:03:00,883 --> 00:03:02,563 I can't right now. 64 00:03:02,563 --> 00:03:04,803 I'm waxing Youth Pastor Tomi's Audi. 65 00:03:04,803 --> 00:03:09,043 What? We have a package to shift, for real this time. 66 00:03:09,043 --> 00:03:10,883 There's no Clinton to give us the money. 67 00:03:10,883 --> 00:03:12,403 I'm well aware there's no Clinton, 68 00:03:12,403 --> 00:03:14,883 having spent an entire night BURYING him. 69 00:03:14,883 --> 00:03:18,043 And that's exactly why I'm now immersed in spiritual duty. 70 00:03:18,043 --> 00:03:21,603 How is it spiritual duty to wax some dude's Audi? 71 00:03:21,603 --> 00:03:24,443 Because that dude is Youth Pastor Tomi. 72 00:03:24,443 --> 00:03:26,443 Kay, you know what happens 73 00:03:26,443 --> 00:03:29,243 when you don't hand over your money on payday? 74 00:03:29,243 --> 00:03:31,843 OK, boys, I'll be honest. 75 00:03:31,843 --> 00:03:33,883 It's going to be a little... short. 76 00:03:33,883 --> 00:03:35,723 Put your hand out. Come on, boys. Man... 77 00:03:35,723 --> 00:03:37,763 Hey, put your hand out, man. 78 00:03:40,683 --> 00:03:43,043 HE SCREAMS 79 00:03:51,683 --> 00:03:53,683 Give me half an hour to finish up. 80 00:03:56,643 --> 00:03:58,803 SIREN BLARES Right, I need a description, please. 81 00:03:58,803 --> 00:04:01,563 Yeah. Two of them, a guy and a girl. 82 00:04:01,563 --> 00:04:03,283 Late twenties. Mm-hm. 83 00:04:03,283 --> 00:04:05,763 Is it racist to say they were black? 84 00:04:05,763 --> 00:04:07,163 Not if they were black. 85 00:04:07,163 --> 00:04:09,363 Well, yeah, they were black. 86 00:04:09,363 --> 00:04:11,483 And she kind of looked like, er... 87 00:04:11,483 --> 00:04:14,083 Is it racist to say she looked like Missy Elliott? 88 00:04:14,083 --> 00:04:16,163 Well, not if she looked like Missy Elliott. 89 00:04:16,163 --> 00:04:18,763 Well, yeah, she did. Um... 90 00:04:18,763 --> 00:04:21,763 He was wearing a onesie with... with spaceships on it. 91 00:04:23,323 --> 00:04:25,643 Is it racist to say he looked like, erm... 92 00:04:26,843 --> 00:04:28,123 ..Tupac Shakur? 93 00:04:29,563 --> 00:04:31,883 Point is, they were street guys. 94 00:04:31,883 --> 00:04:34,083 You know, urban. 95 00:04:35,563 --> 00:04:36,923 Want a bite of my eclair? 96 00:04:36,923 --> 00:04:39,123 No. Are you hearing what I'm saying? 97 00:04:39,123 --> 00:04:41,443 Yes. Yes. You went through his texts. Through his texts, 98 00:04:41,443 --> 00:04:42,763 his WhatsApp, his email - 99 00:04:42,763 --> 00:04:44,843 there is absolutely nothing on his phone. 100 00:04:44,843 --> 00:04:48,603 Well, have you tried searching Brightmarsh on his emails? 101 00:04:48,603 --> 00:04:51,643 Oh, my gosh, Kay, another genius idea! OK. 102 00:04:51,643 --> 00:04:53,923 I mean, I was sitting there thinking, "How do we get back 103 00:04:53,923 --> 00:04:56,123 "our lives from the brink of death?" 104 00:04:56,123 --> 00:04:58,203 And it never occurred to me to do this... 105 00:04:58,203 --> 00:05:02,043 What was it? Searching his emails thing you speak of. OK, fine. 106 00:05:02,043 --> 00:05:03,883 And how am I spelling Brightmarsh? 107 00:05:03,883 --> 00:05:05,043 Officer Ogundare. 108 00:05:05,043 --> 00:05:07,963 Ah, Aunty. Oh, I'm so happy to see you. 109 00:05:07,963 --> 00:05:09,683 Someone has to do something. 110 00:05:09,683 --> 00:05:12,243 This estate used to be so nice. 111 00:05:12,243 --> 00:05:15,963 But now, I'm so frightened to go to the shop. Mm. 112 00:05:15,963 --> 00:05:18,323 There are needles in the grass where the children play. 113 00:05:18,323 --> 00:05:19,763 I'm so sorry. That's really bad. 114 00:05:19,763 --> 00:05:22,243 And when I call the police, they just do nothing. 115 00:05:22,243 --> 00:05:24,003 Yeah. OK, so... so... so the thing is, 116 00:05:24,003 --> 00:05:25,563 I'm not actually a PCSO any more. 117 00:05:25,563 --> 00:05:27,803 Oh. But you were so good. 118 00:05:27,803 --> 00:05:29,843 Thank you. No, I do miss it. 119 00:05:29,843 --> 00:05:32,203 So, what are you doing now? Hey! 120 00:05:32,203 --> 00:05:34,843 Oh, sorry, I don't have any change. 121 00:05:34,843 --> 00:05:37,123 Oh, no, don't mess about, boss. I need my hit. 122 00:05:37,123 --> 00:05:38,763 Aunty, I don't know this man. 123 00:05:38,763 --> 00:05:40,723 Kay? Yeah, I got you. 124 00:05:43,243 --> 00:05:45,283 There you go. Bye, Aunty. 125 00:05:47,803 --> 00:05:49,123 She has got a point, though. 126 00:05:49,123 --> 00:05:53,843 I think the cops are allowing drugs to be dealt on Brightmarsh. 127 00:05:53,843 --> 00:05:55,883 What do you think, Shakes? 128 00:05:55,883 --> 00:05:57,083 Speaking truth. 129 00:05:59,923 --> 00:06:01,523 DI Blair. 130 00:06:01,523 --> 00:06:02,603 Hmm. 131 00:06:02,603 --> 00:06:04,283 DI Blair. 132 00:06:04,283 --> 00:06:05,803 DI... KNOCK AT DOOR 133 00:06:05,803 --> 00:06:09,043 Sorry, ma'am. Last week's overtime just needs your signature. Right. 134 00:06:09,043 --> 00:06:12,523 Yes. Oh, DI Blair didn't report for his shift today. 135 00:06:12,523 --> 00:06:14,323 DI Blair? Yeah, I presume he's unwell, 136 00:06:14,323 --> 00:06:16,123 but no-one's heard from him. 137 00:06:16,123 --> 00:06:18,083 Right. OK, right. Well, yes. 138 00:06:18,083 --> 00:06:19,763 Thank you. Oh. 139 00:06:29,523 --> 00:06:31,963 INDISTINCT CHATTER 140 00:06:31,963 --> 00:06:34,563 Oh, thank you. 141 00:06:34,563 --> 00:06:36,443 Jesus loves you anyway. 142 00:06:36,443 --> 00:06:37,963 What are you doing? What? 143 00:06:37,963 --> 00:06:39,963 You just showed that guy something. Oh, yeah. 144 00:06:39,963 --> 00:06:42,483 It was these copies of Youth Pastor Tomi's EP. 145 00:06:42,483 --> 00:06:44,803 Trying to raise money for a full-length album. 146 00:06:44,803 --> 00:06:46,523 Well, can you not? It's weird. 147 00:06:46,523 --> 00:06:47,963 It might scare customers off. 148 00:06:47,963 --> 00:06:49,963 I don't think you could put these customers off. 149 00:06:49,963 --> 00:06:51,523 Just trying to get the shakes to stop. 150 00:06:51,523 --> 00:06:53,003 Well, who buys CDs now anyway? 151 00:06:53,003 --> 00:06:55,803 Youth pastor? This dude looks 50 years old. 152 00:06:55,803 --> 00:06:57,403 No, no, no, he gets through to the kids 153 00:06:57,403 --> 00:06:58,963 through his lyrical stylings, OK? 154 00:06:58,963 --> 00:07:00,923 He's the first man to put the Gospel to drill, 155 00:07:00,923 --> 00:07:04,043 and he's doubled our 15-to-35s in a year. 156 00:07:04,043 --> 00:07:06,643 Look, this is the one way I can mitigate how bad I feel 157 00:07:06,643 --> 00:07:07,883 about what we're doing here. 158 00:07:07,883 --> 00:07:10,803 Right, customer. Put that shit away. Don't make people uncomfortable. 159 00:07:10,803 --> 00:07:12,323 Look at that. Talk about transport. 160 00:07:12,323 --> 00:07:14,003 Punters travelling from far and wide. 161 00:07:14,003 --> 00:07:17,163 Yeah, well, you know, we're good at our jobs. What can I say? 162 00:07:17,163 --> 00:07:19,603 It's all about good customer service, keep telling you. 163 00:07:19,603 --> 00:07:21,483 All right? 164 00:07:21,483 --> 00:07:22,603 You got shit, yeah? 165 00:07:22,603 --> 00:07:24,283 Yes, we have got shit. 166 00:07:24,283 --> 00:07:27,523 Yes, we have S-H-I-T, and we have gospel rap. 167 00:07:27,523 --> 00:07:30,763 But focusing on the S-H-I-T, how much do you want? 168 00:07:30,763 --> 00:07:33,323 All right, sweet. Well, how much you got, innit? 169 00:07:33,323 --> 00:07:35,323 Oh, you're in luck, cos we've got a lot. 170 00:07:35,323 --> 00:07:37,083 Oh, yeah, well, how much is a lot, though? 171 00:07:37,083 --> 00:07:39,123 Well, I mean, there's this. Hold that. 172 00:07:39,123 --> 00:07:42,683 Oh, yeah, that's calm, that is. And then there is this one, so... 173 00:07:42,683 --> 00:07:45,963 Yeah, yeah, well, I think I'll take all of it. 174 00:07:45,963 --> 00:07:47,923 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. OK, big spender. 175 00:07:47,923 --> 00:07:50,563 So, wait, I'll calculate that. That's going to cost about... 176 00:07:50,563 --> 00:07:52,483 Let me get that money for you, yeah? Gun. Gun. 177 00:07:52,483 --> 00:07:54,923 Yes. I'm standing right next to you. I see it. 178 00:07:54,923 --> 00:07:57,723 Hey. OK, mate, you know what? I like the look of you. 179 00:07:57,723 --> 00:08:00,963 10% off if you shake my hand right now. 180 00:08:00,963 --> 00:08:03,523 Come on, 20% off, and.... 181 00:08:03,523 --> 00:08:05,763 ..we'll throw in one of his CDs. 182 00:08:05,763 --> 00:08:08,483 Nah, you, man, ain't cut out for this game, innit? 183 00:08:08,483 --> 00:08:11,683 OK, 30% and you can touch my left boob. 184 00:08:11,683 --> 00:08:13,203 It is the better one. 185 00:08:14,683 --> 00:08:16,083 Argh! 186 00:08:17,963 --> 00:08:21,563 OK. Fake gun. Hope your mother's proud of you. 187 00:08:21,563 --> 00:08:24,683 Please don't take our drugs! SHE SOBS 188 00:08:24,683 --> 00:08:27,203 Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. 189 00:08:27,203 --> 00:08:28,763 Oh, fuck! 190 00:08:28,763 --> 00:08:31,163 This is all your fault! How was it my fault? 191 00:08:31,163 --> 00:08:33,003 You distracted me with those CDs. 192 00:08:33,003 --> 00:08:35,003 Well, you were the one that were waving the drugs 193 00:08:35,003 --> 00:08:37,283 right in front of him. Well, you should have stopped me. 194 00:08:37,283 --> 00:08:39,163 I mean, what's the point in working in pairs 195 00:08:39,163 --> 00:08:41,403 if one doesn't stop the other from doing stupid shit? 196 00:08:41,403 --> 00:08:43,923 I stopped you doing your stupid shit. Like what? 197 00:08:43,923 --> 00:08:46,523 Selling those CDs! OK, look, we need to think constructively. 198 00:08:46,523 --> 00:08:48,443 We need to come up with a plan. Agreed. 199 00:08:48,443 --> 00:08:50,763 I mean, this sort of thing must happen all the time. Yeah. 200 00:08:50,763 --> 00:08:52,923 Right. The gang must have a protocol in place. 201 00:08:52,923 --> 00:08:54,883 I mean, let's not forget we're in a gang, yeah? 202 00:08:54,883 --> 00:08:56,483 All for one. One for all. 203 00:08:56,483 --> 00:08:58,203 OK, it's a criminal enterprise, Kay, 204 00:08:58,203 --> 00:09:00,043 it's not The Three Musketeers. 205 00:09:00,043 --> 00:09:02,643 Yeah, but they must have insurance against this type of thing. 206 00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:04,523 Oh, what, like a Churchill of the underworld? 207 00:09:04,523 --> 00:09:07,443 Their insurance is, we don't give them three grand tomorrow, 208 00:09:07,443 --> 00:09:09,563 they break our legs. 209 00:09:09,563 --> 00:09:11,083 So, what are we going to do? 210 00:09:13,003 --> 00:09:14,363 SHE SIGHS 211 00:09:16,403 --> 00:09:18,923 Well, I think I'm at least entitled to know what it's for. 212 00:09:18,923 --> 00:09:21,883 I mean, some people might say you shouldn't have kids 213 00:09:21,883 --> 00:09:25,243 if you're not prepared to, like, shell out three K now and then 214 00:09:25,243 --> 00:09:26,803 without giving them a grilling. 215 00:09:26,803 --> 00:09:30,203 Dom, there's actually something your father needs to tell you. 216 00:09:30,203 --> 00:09:33,243 Oh, no, you're not pregnant, are you? 217 00:09:33,243 --> 00:09:35,243 I hear those geriatric births are a bitch. 218 00:09:35,243 --> 00:09:36,923 I've got to have surgery on my heart. 219 00:09:36,923 --> 00:09:38,763 Coronary artery bypass graft. 220 00:09:38,763 --> 00:09:41,123 Yeah, it's a major operation. 221 00:09:41,123 --> 00:09:43,443 Yes, I know. Thank you. SHE TUTS 222 00:09:43,443 --> 00:09:45,363 Sorry about her, Dad. Carry on. 223 00:09:45,363 --> 00:09:47,883 He has to avoid all stress. 224 00:09:47,883 --> 00:09:49,163 That's doctor's orders. 225 00:09:49,163 --> 00:09:52,323 So, we all need to be extra kind to your dad for now. 226 00:09:52,323 --> 00:09:54,883 All right, feel free to hijack my father's medical condition 227 00:09:54,883 --> 00:09:57,003 to morally lord it over me, Julie. 228 00:09:57,003 --> 00:09:58,243 Dom. 229 00:09:58,243 --> 00:09:59,723 So, what do you need the money for? 230 00:09:59,723 --> 00:10:01,523 I am starting a business. 231 00:10:02,963 --> 00:10:05,043 What business? It's called... 232 00:10:06,323 --> 00:10:08,483 ..Coffee Go. Yeah, it's an app. 233 00:10:08,483 --> 00:10:13,523 It's, like, if you want a coffee, but can't be arsed to get it, 234 00:10:13,523 --> 00:10:14,843 we'll go and get it. 235 00:10:14,843 --> 00:10:18,083 Oh, I'll have a mocha. 236 00:10:18,083 --> 00:10:20,003 SHE COUGHS Basic bitch. 237 00:10:20,003 --> 00:10:21,323 And how much will that be? 238 00:10:21,323 --> 00:10:24,923 Well, firstly, Julie, I don't get the mochas, you know, 239 00:10:24,923 --> 00:10:26,523 because I'm the CEO. Right. 240 00:10:26,523 --> 00:10:28,603 Don't humour her, Julie. She's obviously lying. 241 00:10:28,603 --> 00:10:30,883 What do you want the money for? 242 00:10:30,883 --> 00:10:34,243 You want to go to Ayia Napa with your mates in the summer. 243 00:10:34,243 --> 00:10:35,283 Yeah. 244 00:10:36,323 --> 00:10:38,003 Charmel's 30th. 245 00:10:38,003 --> 00:10:40,363 I suggest you get a job and start saving. 246 00:10:41,363 --> 00:10:44,123 Right, I've taken a load of shit to the pawnbrokers, 247 00:10:44,123 --> 00:10:46,043 and that's everything I own except my bed. 248 00:10:46,043 --> 00:10:48,243 And Cash Converters don't take beds, by the way. 249 00:10:48,243 --> 00:10:50,243 And I'm just shy of 1,500. 250 00:10:50,243 --> 00:10:53,003 Great. Great. So, let's tally up everything you own. 251 00:10:53,003 --> 00:10:55,763 OK, well, the only thing I have of monetary value 252 00:10:55,763 --> 00:10:58,243 is this laptop, but I need it 253 00:10:58,243 --> 00:10:59,923 because I'm editing a music video 254 00:10:59,923 --> 00:11:01,963 for Youth Pastor Tomi. Youth Pastor Tomi. 255 00:11:01,963 --> 00:11:03,243 Right. 256 00:11:03,243 --> 00:11:05,443 MUSIC PLAYS OVER LAPTOP 257 00:11:05,443 --> 00:11:06,923 Er, so... 258 00:11:06,923 --> 00:11:09,203 ..this album you guys are raising money for - 259 00:11:09,203 --> 00:11:11,043 how much have you got so far? 260 00:11:11,043 --> 00:11:12,563 Nearly 4,000. Target's 20. 261 00:11:12,563 --> 00:11:17,003 20 thou...? Kay, you can record a song on a computer these days. 262 00:11:17,003 --> 00:11:20,123 OK. It's got to sound professional for its spiritual message to reach 263 00:11:20,123 --> 00:11:22,003 the widest possible audience. 264 00:11:22,003 --> 00:11:23,723 Ed Sheeran records at Abbey Road. 265 00:11:23,723 --> 00:11:25,283 So, are you telling me 266 00:11:25,283 --> 00:11:27,363 that Ed Sheeran deserves better than God? 267 00:11:27,363 --> 00:11:29,523 Think hard before you answer me, Dom. 268 00:11:29,523 --> 00:11:31,523 OK, where's this money, Kay? 269 00:11:31,523 --> 00:11:34,323 Why? Because we're going to help ourselves to a loan from it. 270 00:11:34,323 --> 00:11:36,043 HE CHUCKLES No. Impossible. 271 00:11:36,043 --> 00:11:37,363 Why? Where is it? 272 00:11:37,363 --> 00:11:38,763 Because it's in the church hall 273 00:11:38,763 --> 00:11:41,243 in the cupboard where we keep the ping pong bats. 274 00:11:41,243 --> 00:11:42,363 So why is it impossible? 275 00:11:42,363 --> 00:11:44,683 It's Youth Pastor Tomi's album fund! 276 00:11:44,683 --> 00:11:46,963 Oh, Christ's sake. Yep. That's the name of the album. 277 00:11:46,963 --> 00:11:49,843 We have until tonight to deliver the money. 278 00:11:49,843 --> 00:11:52,683 Sh! We have less than half. How are you so calm? 279 00:11:52,683 --> 00:11:55,723 I have prayed, and I believe, with all my heart, 280 00:11:55,723 --> 00:11:58,163 that He will deliver us a solution to this. 281 00:11:58,163 --> 00:11:59,523 We just have to have faith. 282 00:11:59,523 --> 00:12:02,083 Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get ready 283 00:12:02,083 --> 00:12:04,363 for Youth Ministry this evening. 284 00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:08,043 Hello. Hello. 285 00:12:08,043 --> 00:12:09,883 Help yourself to some biscuits and crisps. 286 00:12:09,883 --> 00:12:13,083 Oh, and don't forget Jesus Is A Vibe, 17.99. 50% off. 287 00:12:13,083 --> 00:12:15,603 It's really... Are these free? What are you doing here? 288 00:12:15,603 --> 00:12:18,883 You've been trying to get me to come to your church for years. Here I am. 289 00:12:18,883 --> 00:12:20,283 No. "No"? 290 00:12:20,283 --> 00:12:23,483 Isn't there something in the Bible about not turning people away? 291 00:12:23,483 --> 00:12:26,083 You're thinking of the verse right now, aren't you? 292 00:12:26,083 --> 00:12:27,363 Ha! 293 00:12:29,243 --> 00:12:32,083 These people are, like, your community, right? 294 00:12:32,083 --> 00:12:33,443 Your friends? 295 00:12:33,443 --> 00:12:37,003 I'm sure if you told them what you were going through 296 00:12:37,003 --> 00:12:40,643 and, you know, what you've done, they'll help, right? 297 00:12:40,643 --> 00:12:42,803 Don't! Stop. That's not funny. 298 00:12:42,803 --> 00:12:45,643 I'm not joking. You tell me where the ping-pong cupboard is right now, 299 00:12:45,643 --> 00:12:47,643 or I'll tell them what you do after Bible study. 300 00:12:47,643 --> 00:12:49,883 Right. That's it. Time to go. Not going. 301 00:12:49,883 --> 00:12:52,803 Don't... Time to go, though. I want to know where... Time to go! 302 00:12:52,803 --> 00:12:56,483 I want to go... Hey! Hey! Hey! Ha-ha! Oh, you brought us a newbie. 303 00:12:56,483 --> 00:12:58,883 Yeah, guilty! 304 00:12:58,883 --> 00:13:00,363 This is Pastor Tomi? 305 00:13:00,363 --> 00:13:02,363 Yeah. Pastor T? 306 00:13:02,363 --> 00:13:06,123 Oh, my God. This guy is always talking about you. 307 00:13:06,123 --> 00:13:07,443 I'm such a fan. 308 00:13:07,443 --> 00:13:10,803 Also, Jesus Is A Vibe has not been off my Discman. 309 00:13:10,803 --> 00:13:13,603 Tune. Thank you. 310 00:13:15,403 --> 00:13:17,203 Welcome. Oh, thank you. 311 00:13:18,243 --> 00:13:19,643 Welcome. 312 00:13:20,963 --> 00:13:22,883 Kay, light massage. I'm on in five. 313 00:13:22,883 --> 00:13:23,923 Yes. 314 00:13:26,243 --> 00:13:27,403 Oh. 315 00:13:28,563 --> 00:13:31,003 Oh. Tell me! Tell me where it is! 316 00:13:31,003 --> 00:13:32,123 Tell me! 317 00:13:32,123 --> 00:13:35,803 GOSPEL MUSIC PLAYS 318 00:13:35,803 --> 00:13:37,323 MUSIC STOPS 319 00:13:37,323 --> 00:13:40,203 - Say hallelujah! - Hallelujah! 320 00:13:40,203 --> 00:13:41,683 Saints. 321 00:13:41,683 --> 00:13:44,443 Why are we so afraid of God's blessings? 322 00:13:44,443 --> 00:13:49,923 God gave us the wisdom to build the computer. 323 00:13:49,923 --> 00:13:51,443 Mm-hm. MAN: Preach! 324 00:13:51,443 --> 00:13:53,003 God loves things. 325 00:13:54,043 --> 00:13:56,083 God loves products. 326 00:13:57,403 --> 00:13:58,843 Mmm? The Bible is a... 327 00:13:58,843 --> 00:14:00,323 Product. 328 00:14:00,323 --> 00:14:01,643 The Bible is a... 329 00:14:01,643 --> 00:14:03,803 Product! These patent leather shoes are a... 330 00:14:03,803 --> 00:14:05,163 Product! 331 00:14:05,163 --> 00:14:07,483 Pastor Tomi's 12 Weeks To Prosperity programme is a... 332 00:14:07,483 --> 00:14:08,723 Product! 333 00:14:08,723 --> 00:14:11,003 The Audi Cabriolet is a vehicle 334 00:14:11,003 --> 00:14:14,483 for vanquishing the villainy of Satan. 335 00:14:14,483 --> 00:14:16,723 Say hallelujah! Hallelujah! 336 00:14:16,723 --> 00:14:18,643 Especially when I'm in the driving seat. 337 00:14:18,643 --> 00:14:21,723 And that is why we are looking to raise at least £20,000 338 00:14:21,723 --> 00:14:25,243 for me to record an album to sing of His glory here on Earth 339 00:14:25,243 --> 00:14:26,923 and top the charts in heaven. 340 00:14:26,923 --> 00:14:29,163 Say hallelujah. Hallelujah! 341 00:14:29,163 --> 00:14:33,083 Now, let's take a moment to honour a very special young man, 342 00:14:33,083 --> 00:14:34,603 Brother Kayode. 343 00:14:34,603 --> 00:14:38,043 He's one of our most prolific fundraisers. 344 00:14:38,043 --> 00:14:42,803 And tonight, he is being made a senior vice president. 345 00:14:42,803 --> 00:14:45,163 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 346 00:14:46,443 --> 00:14:50,923 All in recognition of his exemplary fundraising efforts, 347 00:14:50,923 --> 00:14:54,083 not to mention the considerable donations he has made 348 00:14:54,083 --> 00:14:56,523 from his own pockets. Say Kayode! Kayode! 349 00:14:56,523 --> 00:14:57,763 Let us bow our heads and pray. 350 00:14:57,763 --> 00:15:02,363 Dear Lord, we ask that you bless the street teamers this week 351 00:15:02,363 --> 00:15:05,723 in their fundraising efforts that will help augment 352 00:15:05,723 --> 00:15:08,683 the Pastor Tomi Recording Contract Fund. 353 00:15:08,683 --> 00:15:10,483 Pastor, Pastor? Mm? 354 00:15:11,803 --> 00:15:13,003 And also, please make sure 355 00:15:13,003 --> 00:15:16,203 that Jason's mother survives her lung transplant. Hallelujah. Amen. 356 00:15:16,203 --> 00:15:17,483 Amen. 357 00:15:17,483 --> 00:15:18,643 Beloved ones, 358 00:15:18,643 --> 00:15:21,723 is there anyone who has anything to share in fellowship, 359 00:15:21,723 --> 00:15:24,643 freely, of their own accord? Please, speak. 360 00:15:25,843 --> 00:15:27,083 Yes. 361 00:15:27,083 --> 00:15:28,523 Hi, Pastor. 362 00:15:28,523 --> 00:15:31,363 I'm Dom. Long-time sinner. First-time worshipper. 363 00:15:31,363 --> 00:15:32,763 Welcome, Dom. 364 00:15:32,763 --> 00:15:35,043 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 365 00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:40,163 I have a situation I'd like to bring to the group. 366 00:15:40,163 --> 00:15:46,603 I have a friend, you know, good guy, Christian guy, and, well, 367 00:15:46,603 --> 00:15:51,523 for reasons beyond his control, he has accrued a drug debt. 368 00:15:51,523 --> 00:15:53,643 The ping-pong cupboard's over there! 369 00:15:53,643 --> 00:15:56,283 Kayode. Hmm? Dom, is still talking. 370 00:15:56,283 --> 00:15:58,203 Sorry, Pastor Tomi. I'm sorry, everybody. 371 00:15:58,203 --> 00:16:00,803 I just... I just realised that she... 372 00:16:00,803 --> 00:16:03,163 Because she's a first-time person here at the church, 373 00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:05,443 that she hasn't received her orientation. 374 00:16:05,443 --> 00:16:08,323 So... I haven't. HE CLEARS HIS THROAT 375 00:16:08,323 --> 00:16:11,923 So, the toilets are back there, and teas and coffees 376 00:16:11,923 --> 00:16:13,083 are through there. 377 00:16:13,083 --> 00:16:16,763 And give me a shout if you need some help around the urn. 378 00:16:16,763 --> 00:16:18,043 Please, continue. 379 00:16:19,603 --> 00:16:21,083 Oh, God, it's gone. 380 00:16:21,083 --> 00:16:23,563 Your friend who is a Christian has accrued a what? 381 00:16:23,563 --> 00:16:24,883 A drug debt. 382 00:16:24,883 --> 00:16:27,083 Drug debt. That's it. Thank you. 383 00:16:27,083 --> 00:16:32,563 So, my friend, he might have sorted it out now, I think. 384 00:16:32,563 --> 00:16:35,603 I'm thinking, in this moment, yeah... I think we're good. 385 00:16:35,603 --> 00:16:37,763 And that is because you've been purified. 386 00:16:37,763 --> 00:16:40,323 Everyone say hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. 387 00:16:40,323 --> 00:16:42,923 Praise and Worship team are ready to take us out again. 388 00:16:42,923 --> 00:16:45,003 MUSIC STARTS Yeah. Oh, yeah. 389 00:16:45,003 --> 00:16:47,003 # Lower # Lower, lower 390 00:16:47,003 --> 00:16:49,203 # Lower # Lower, lower, lower 391 00:16:49,203 --> 00:16:50,883 # Lower # Lower, lower 392 00:16:50,883 --> 00:16:52,723 # Lower, yeah! # Lower, lower 393 00:16:52,723 --> 00:16:55,643 # Lower # Lower, lower... # 394 00:16:55,643 --> 00:16:57,563 See you next Sunday. All right? 395 00:16:57,563 --> 00:16:59,203 Get home safe, OK? 396 00:16:59,203 --> 00:17:00,243 Shall we? 397 00:17:01,363 --> 00:17:03,483 It's locked, and it's staying that way. 398 00:17:04,683 --> 00:17:06,123 Yeah, but... 399 00:17:06,123 --> 00:17:08,043 ..you probably have the key on you, don't you? 400 00:17:08,043 --> 00:17:10,283 And lying's a sin, Kay. 401 00:17:10,283 --> 00:17:12,083 SHE SIGHS OK. 402 00:17:12,083 --> 00:17:14,643 You raised half of that money. 403 00:17:14,643 --> 00:17:16,763 Some of it is your money. 404 00:17:16,763 --> 00:17:19,203 And it's for a nonsense cause. 405 00:17:19,203 --> 00:17:20,843 I mean, come on. SHE CHUCKLES 406 00:17:20,843 --> 00:17:22,203 The guy is clearly a sham. 407 00:17:22,203 --> 00:17:24,603 Where in the Bible does it say God loves products? 408 00:17:24,603 --> 00:17:27,123 As Pastor Tomi said, Jesus didn't live in a time 409 00:17:27,123 --> 00:17:29,163 where people were blessed with products. 410 00:17:29,163 --> 00:17:31,563 OK. Wait. What are you doing? Where's the key, Kay? 411 00:17:31,563 --> 00:17:33,243 Are you frisking me? Yeah. Where is it? 412 00:17:33,243 --> 00:17:36,083 No, don't frisk me. You can't just frisk without probable cause, Dom. 413 00:17:36,083 --> 00:17:38,803 Yes, I can do it with permission. No! Don't! That's legal. 414 00:17:38,803 --> 00:17:41,163 THEY GRUNT 415 00:17:41,163 --> 00:17:43,643 Argh! Ow! 416 00:17:44,923 --> 00:17:46,203 You bit me. 417 00:17:46,203 --> 00:17:47,923 Kay, we have no choice. 418 00:17:47,923 --> 00:17:49,603 There's always a choice. 419 00:17:49,603 --> 00:17:51,083 What? What do we do instead, then? 420 00:17:51,083 --> 00:17:52,763 I told you. Have faith. 421 00:17:52,763 --> 00:17:54,243 God will come through for us. 422 00:17:54,243 --> 00:17:56,163 Are you...? OK, I am done with this. 423 00:17:56,163 --> 00:17:57,403 I've raised my half. 424 00:17:57,403 --> 00:17:59,843 I'm going to take that to Breeze and tell him to come after you 425 00:17:59,843 --> 00:18:01,163 for your half. Fine. 426 00:18:01,163 --> 00:18:02,323 Not fine, Kay! 427 00:18:02,323 --> 00:18:04,643 They will beat the living shit out of you. 428 00:18:04,643 --> 00:18:06,523 I have faith. Oh, my God. 429 00:18:06,523 --> 00:18:08,083 You're delusional. 430 00:18:08,083 --> 00:18:09,803 OK. 431 00:18:09,803 --> 00:18:11,083 Wait up. 432 00:18:11,083 --> 00:18:12,363 I'm coming. 433 00:18:16,563 --> 00:18:18,203 Stop. 434 00:18:18,203 --> 00:18:20,123 Look. What? 435 00:18:22,723 --> 00:18:25,163 There's a pound coin on the floor. 436 00:18:26,363 --> 00:18:27,643 Huh? 437 00:18:27,643 --> 00:18:29,843 And it was outside a newsagent's. 438 00:18:29,843 --> 00:18:33,683 Newsagents tend to trade in pound sterling, Kay. 439 00:18:33,683 --> 00:18:36,363 What's your point? No, no, no. Don't you see? 440 00:18:36,363 --> 00:18:38,243 This? This is the miracle. 441 00:18:39,683 --> 00:18:41,803 Er... Yes! 442 00:18:41,803 --> 00:18:43,323 £1. 443 00:18:43,323 --> 00:18:45,363 What? SHE SIGHS 444 00:18:45,363 --> 00:18:47,443 Have a good luck. 445 00:18:50,603 --> 00:18:52,643 What is that? Scratch card. 446 00:18:52,643 --> 00:18:55,203 Do you have anything sharp or... 447 00:18:55,203 --> 00:18:57,243 Ooh! Your nail. Can I have your nail, please? 448 00:18:58,443 --> 00:19:00,803 OK. Yeah, that's nice. 449 00:19:04,643 --> 00:19:08,403 Prepare to witness the power of faith. 450 00:19:09,603 --> 00:19:11,123 Yeah. 451 00:19:21,363 --> 00:19:23,643 Well, we've still got 40 minutes, so... 452 00:19:24,803 --> 00:19:26,243 Yeah. See you, Kay. 453 00:19:26,243 --> 00:19:27,563 No... Dom. 454 00:19:27,563 --> 00:19:29,483 Dom. 455 00:19:29,483 --> 00:19:31,523 Look, He will come through for me. 456 00:19:31,523 --> 00:19:33,163 I'm telling you. 457 00:19:45,203 --> 00:19:46,843 SHE GRUNTS 458 00:19:50,963 --> 00:19:52,683 OK. OK. 459 00:19:53,963 --> 00:19:55,963 Dom? Oh, my God! 460 00:19:55,963 --> 00:19:58,203 Do not do that again. 461 00:19:58,203 --> 00:20:00,163 What are you doing here? 462 00:20:00,163 --> 00:20:01,843 I came to get the money, OK? 463 00:20:01,843 --> 00:20:04,323 Because I don't want to see you get your hands broken, 464 00:20:04,323 --> 00:20:05,763 even though you deserve it. 465 00:20:05,763 --> 00:20:07,883 And I'm sorry, but, also, I'm not sorry. 466 00:20:07,883 --> 00:20:09,243 So... 467 00:20:09,243 --> 00:20:10,883 Wait, what are you doing here? 468 00:20:11,963 --> 00:20:13,563 I came to get the money. 469 00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:18,683 Let's get this over with. 470 00:20:27,243 --> 00:20:30,003 You know, God forgives those who trespass 471 00:20:30,003 --> 00:20:33,723 and walk through the valley of the shadows of stuff. 472 00:20:33,723 --> 00:20:36,283 The Bible's very clear about that. 473 00:20:47,843 --> 00:20:50,803 PCSOs Dom and Kayode. 474 00:20:50,803 --> 00:20:53,563 Tev was just about to put you on his naughty list. 475 00:20:53,563 --> 00:20:55,363 It's a Google doc. 476 00:20:55,363 --> 00:20:57,243 Yeah, it's all there. 477 00:21:00,123 --> 00:21:03,883 Nice. Nice. 478 00:21:03,883 --> 00:21:06,403 I knew you wouldn't let us down, fam. 479 00:21:08,283 --> 00:21:09,723 Keep it. 480 00:21:11,283 --> 00:21:13,403 Thanks. We're upping your pack. 481 00:21:13,403 --> 00:21:15,243 What? No! 482 00:21:15,243 --> 00:21:18,163 Excuse me? I just mean we... 483 00:21:18,163 --> 00:21:19,643 ..we can't sell all that. 484 00:21:19,643 --> 00:21:20,883 This is too much. 485 00:21:22,123 --> 00:21:26,603 And... and, you know, I mean, what's a bit more money, right? 486 00:21:26,603 --> 00:21:29,443 I mean, is it going to make any of us happier? Shut up. 487 00:21:29,443 --> 00:21:31,163 I'll see you in a week. Mm-hm. 488 00:21:31,163 --> 00:21:33,083 Don't be late. 489 00:21:33,083 --> 00:21:34,483 Don't be short. 490 00:21:40,563 --> 00:21:42,923 We are not cut out for this shit. 491 00:21:42,923 --> 00:21:45,323 Can't wait to get the hell out of this mess. 492 00:21:51,283 --> 00:21:53,363 "I intend to repay the money, 493 00:21:53,363 --> 00:21:57,923 "but nonetheless, I have fallen far short in my discipleship. 494 00:21:57,923 --> 00:22:01,163 "I must return to you my medal and the cherished office 495 00:22:01,163 --> 00:22:03,003 "of Senior Vice President." 496 00:22:04,483 --> 00:22:06,643 How the hell did we get here, Hooty? SHE CRIES 497 00:22:08,123 --> 00:22:10,243 How the hell did we get here? 498 00:22:11,683 --> 00:22:13,203 PHONE CHIMES 499 00:22:13,203 --> 00:22:14,443 Oh. 500 00:22:14,443 --> 00:22:17,483 Have some self-respect, Thirsty Kirsty! 501 00:22:23,243 --> 00:22:25,483 DANCE MUSIC THROBS INSIDE HOUSE 502 00:22:36,123 --> 00:22:37,803 Hello. 503 00:22:37,803 --> 00:22:39,203 Hi. 504 00:22:47,403 --> 00:22:49,003 You Dave's Net with the ketamine? 505 00:22:49,003 --> 00:22:50,843 Please say yes. 506 00:22:50,843 --> 00:22:53,403 Sorry. I'm just... I'm just looking for Youth Pastor Tomi. 507 00:22:53,403 --> 00:22:55,003 Have you... have you seen him? 508 00:23:03,043 --> 00:23:05,763 Have you seen Youth Pastor Tomi? Youth Pastor... Youth Pastor... 509 00:23:05,763 --> 00:23:07,043 No? 510 00:23:26,923 --> 00:23:30,003 HE SNIFFS Youth Pastor Tomi! Oh! 511 00:23:30,003 --> 00:23:31,363 Kay. 512 00:23:32,523 --> 00:23:35,323 Welcome to the youth outreach programme. 513 00:23:35,323 --> 00:23:37,443 HE YELLS 514 00:23:43,003 --> 00:23:44,963 There was... there was drugs. 515 00:23:44,963 --> 00:23:47,043 There was... there was nudity. 516 00:23:47,043 --> 00:23:49,403 Nobody was using a coaster. SHE SCOFFS 517 00:23:49,403 --> 00:23:51,963 And he was using the church money to fund all of this! 518 00:23:51,963 --> 00:23:54,203 He's a complete fraud! Oh, my gosh. 519 00:23:54,203 --> 00:23:56,483 Who could have guessed it? I know. 520 00:23:56,483 --> 00:23:59,843 Pastor Tomi, the man who lifted me out of a gambling addiction. 521 00:23:59,843 --> 00:24:03,563 Wait, what? Anyway, the church council now know everything. 522 00:24:03,563 --> 00:24:05,603 He's... he's been suspended. 523 00:24:05,603 --> 00:24:07,083 Oh. 524 00:24:09,523 --> 00:24:10,963 Kay, 525 00:24:10,963 --> 00:24:12,843 if we hadn't taken the money, 526 00:24:12,843 --> 00:24:14,923 you wouldn't have written the letter. 527 00:24:14,923 --> 00:24:17,563 You would never have gone to Pastor Tomi's flat. 528 00:24:17,563 --> 00:24:20,203 And you would never have discovered the party with the drugs 529 00:24:20,203 --> 00:24:23,163 and - your words - nudey ladies. 530 00:24:23,163 --> 00:24:26,283 And he would just still be out here taking money from the congregation 531 00:24:26,283 --> 00:24:28,243 to fund his sinful lifestyle. 532 00:24:28,243 --> 00:24:30,003 So... 533 00:24:30,003 --> 00:24:31,043 Huh. 534 00:24:33,043 --> 00:24:35,003 God works in mysterious ways! 535 00:24:35,003 --> 00:24:36,563 HE LAUGHS 536 00:24:36,563 --> 00:24:37,923 OK, glad you got your mojo back. 537 00:24:37,923 --> 00:24:42,163 # Glory, glory, hallelu-uuu... # Too much, too much, Kay! 538 00:24:42,163 --> 00:24:43,963 Sorry. You always have to go too far. 539 00:24:43,963 --> 00:24:45,843 PHONE CHIMES 540 00:24:45,843 --> 00:24:47,603 Oh, that's Clinton's phone. 541 00:24:47,603 --> 00:24:50,163 Well, it could be a clue. It's not a clue. 542 00:24:50,163 --> 00:24:53,243 It's some cam with an anxious attachment style. 543 00:24:54,563 --> 00:24:56,363 I only ever date black women. 544 00:24:57,363 --> 00:24:58,763 Give me that. 545 00:25:01,763 --> 00:25:05,123 Clinton told me he only ever dated black women. 546 00:25:05,123 --> 00:25:06,363 Right? Well... 547 00:25:09,163 --> 00:25:11,723 ..that is a white lady. 548 00:25:11,723 --> 00:25:13,643 Yes, definitely a white lady. 549 00:25:13,643 --> 00:25:15,763 But then again, I thought Meghan Markle... Kay, 550 00:25:15,763 --> 00:25:17,003 it's a white lady. 551 00:25:17,003 --> 00:25:18,603 And, and look at this. 552 00:25:18,603 --> 00:25:20,003 Look at all these messages. 553 00:25:20,003 --> 00:25:24,483 But... but no flirting, no banter, not even an aubergine emoji. 554 00:25:24,483 --> 00:25:28,403 I think this is the person that Clinton was working with. 555 00:25:28,403 --> 00:25:30,683 I think this is the person that we've been looking for. 556 00:25:30,683 --> 00:25:32,963 This is the person who's going to get us out of this shit! 557 00:25:32,963 --> 00:25:34,403 Kay, you are a genius. 558 00:25:34,403 --> 00:25:37,763 Well, that's what happens when you're filled with the spirit. 559 00:25:37,763 --> 00:25:38,963 So, what do we do? 560 00:25:38,963 --> 00:25:41,523 We're going to text Thirsty Kirsty. 561 00:25:41,523 --> 00:25:42,883 OK. 562 00:25:44,483 --> 00:25:45,683 What shall we send? 563 00:25:45,683 --> 00:25:48,723 "Hey." "Hey, baby-licious." 564 00:25:48,723 --> 00:25:50,963 "Hey," send.