Good afternoon, madam. Yeah, stay street smart.
I need two officers to infiltrate a gang dealing drugs
on Brightmarsh Estate.
We're just doing a spot of drug dealing.
This mission, it doesn't exist.
I need you to bury this body. THEY SCREAM
We need to find out who Clinton was talking to.
That person can get us out of this mess. Oh, crap.
What? Needs his finger for everything.
THEY GRUNT AND SCREAM
I mean, there is enough info here to put the lot of them away.
DRILL WHIRS
I don't think he is investigating the gang.
I think he's investigating the pigs.
# La-ah-ah
# Ah-ah, ah-ah-ah
# La-ah, ah-ah-ah
# La-ah, oh-oh
# Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. #
There's nothing there.
I hacked off his finger for nothing.
KNOCK AT DOOR Dom? Don't come in!
I-I've got my arse out. Oh.
Have you seen the pickle jar?
CAR ALARM BLARES
CAR HORN BEEPS
Kay, Kay! What...?
What's happening?
I'm sorry, Pastor Tomi.
Why are you waxing my car at 7am?
It's a service to God to wax your car, Pastor Tomi.
I know, but why do you have to do it at 7am?
I feel like I've been letting my discipleship slide lately,
but spiritually, I've been in a malaise.
I don't know what... Kay, Kay, Kay, Kay, Kay. What?
It's streaking. Oh, sorry.
Not... not to get all Nebuchadnezzar on your ass,
but the kids notice streaks, huh?
And where there are streaks, their ears are blocked
to the message of God.
I'm on it, Pastor T. Oh, and, Kay?
You are loved.
Hallelujah.
# Hallelujah... #
DOOR SHUTS LOUDLY Good night... morning. I...
7am.
# Pastor T says I'm loved
# Pastor T says she love me, so...
PHONE VIBRATES
Hello. Where are you?
I'm looking at an empty corner.
Yeah. No. Er, yeah. We're going to be there later.
It's just, er... you know, strategic.
We're creating scarcity. It drives prices up.
Yeah, well, you'd better have my money by tomorrow night,
or I'm going to fuck you lot up, yeah?
Fuck us up, like not consider us for promotion?
Hello?
# The Lord is good... #
Hi, Dom. Thanks for calling me.
You don't need to say that every time I ring you.
Listen, we need to get out there and sell our package.
I can't right now.
I'm waxing Youth Pastor Tomi's Audi.
What? We have a package to shift, for real this time.
There's no Clinton to give us the money.
I'm well aware there's no Clinton,
having spent an entire night BURYING him.
And that's exactly why I'm now immersed in spiritual duty.
How is it spiritual duty to wax some dude's Audi?
Because that dude is Youth Pastor Tomi.
Kay, you know what happens
when you don't hand over your money on payday?
OK, boys, I'll be honest.
It's going to be a little... short.
Put your hand out. Come on, boys. Man...
Hey, put your hand out, man.
HE SCREAMS
Give me half an hour to finish up.
SIREN BLARES Right, I need a description, please.
Yeah. Two of them, a guy and a girl.
Late twenties. Mm-hm.
Is it racist to say they were black?
Not if they were black.
Well, yeah, they were black.
And she kind of looked like, er...
Is it racist to say she looked like Missy Elliott?
Well, not if she looked like Missy Elliott.
Well, yeah, she did. Um...
He was wearing a onesie with... with spaceships on it.
Is it racist to say he looked like, erm...
..Tupac Shakur?
Point is, they were street guys.
You know, urban.
Want a bite of my eclair?
No. Are you hearing what I'm saying?
Yes. Yes. You went through his texts. Through his texts,
his WhatsApp, his email -
there is absolutely nothing on his phone.
Well, have you tried searching Brightmarsh on his emails?
Oh, my gosh, Kay, another genius idea! OK.
I mean, I was sitting there thinking, "How do we get back
"our lives from the brink of death?"
And it never occurred to me to do this...
What was it? Searching his emails thing you speak of. OK, fine.
And how am I spelling Brightmarsh?
Officer Ogundare.
Ah, Aunty. Oh, I'm so happy to see you.
Someone has to do something.
This estate used to be so nice.
But now, I'm so frightened to go to the shop. Mm.
There are needles in the grass where the children play.
I'm so sorry. That's really bad.
And when I call the police, they just do nothing.
Yeah. OK, so... so... so the thing is,
I'm not actually a PCSO any more.
Oh. But you were so good.
Thank you. No, I do miss it.
So, what are you doing now? Hey!
Oh, sorry, I don't have any change.
Oh, no, don't mess about, boss. I need my hit.
Aunty, I don't know this man.
Kay? Yeah, I got you.
There you go. Bye, Aunty.
She has got a point, though.
I think the cops are allowing drugs to be dealt on Brightmarsh.
What do you think, Shakes?
Speaking truth.
DI Blair.
Hmm.
DI Blair.
DI... KNOCK AT DOOR
Sorry, ma'am. Last week's overtime just needs your signature. Right.
Yes. Oh, DI Blair didn't report for his shift today.
DI Blair? Yeah, I presume he's unwell,
but no-one's heard from him.
Right. OK, right. Well, yes.
Thank you. Oh.
INDISTINCT CHATTER
Oh, thank you.
Jesus loves you anyway.
What are you doing? What?
You just showed that guy something. Oh, yeah.
It was these copies of Youth Pastor Tomi's EP.
Trying to raise money for a full-length album.
Well, can you not? It's weird.
It might scare customers off.
I don't think you could put these customers off.
Just trying to get the shakes to stop.
Well, who buys CDs now anyway?
Youth pastor? This dude looks 50 years old.
No, no, no, he gets through to the kids
through his lyrical stylings, OK?
He's the first man to put the Gospel to drill,
and he's doubled our 15-to-35s in a year.
Look, this is the one way I can mitigate how bad I feel
about what we're doing here.
Right, customer. Put that shit away. Don't make people uncomfortable.
Look at that. Talk about transport.
Punters travelling from far and wide.
Yeah, well, you know, we're good at our jobs. What can I say?
It's all about good customer service, keep telling you.
All right?
You got shit, yeah?
Yes, we have got shit.
Yes, we have S-H-I-T, and we have gospel rap.
But focusing on the S-H-I-T, how much do you want?
All right, sweet. Well, how much you got, innit?
Oh, you're in luck, cos we've got a lot.
Oh, yeah, well, how much is a lot, though?
Well, I mean, there's this. Hold that.
Oh, yeah, that's calm, that is. And then there is this one, so...
Yeah, yeah, well, I think I'll take all of it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. OK, big spender.
So, wait, I'll calculate that. That's going to cost about...
Let me get that money for you, yeah? Gun. Gun.
Yes. I'm standing right next to you. I see it.
Hey. OK, mate, you know what? I like the look of you.
10% off if you shake my hand right now.
Come on, 20% off, and....
..we'll throw in one of his CDs.
Nah, you, man, ain't cut out for this game, innit?
OK, 30% and you can touch my left boob.
It is the better one.
Argh!
OK. Fake gun. Hope your mother's proud of you.
Please don't take our drugs! SHE SOBS
Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.
Oh, fuck!
This is all your fault! How was it my fault?
You distracted me with those CDs.
Well, you were the one that were waving the drugs
right in front of him. Well, you should have stopped me.
I mean, what's the point in working in pairs
if one doesn't stop the other from doing stupid shit?
I stopped you doing your stupid shit. Like what?
Selling those CDs! OK, look, we need to think constructively.
We need to come up with a plan. Agreed.
I mean, this sort of thing must happen all the time. Yeah.
Right. The gang must have a protocol in place.
I mean, let's not forget we're in a gang, yeah?
All for one. One for all.
OK, it's a criminal enterprise, Kay,
it's not The Three Musketeers.
Yeah, but they must have insurance against this type of thing.
Oh, what, like a Churchill of the underworld?
Their insurance is, we don't give them three grand tomorrow,
they break our legs.
So, what are we going to do?
SHE SIGHS
Well, I think I'm at least entitled to know what it's for.
I mean, some people might say you shouldn't have kids
if you're not prepared to, like, shell out three K now and then
without giving them a grilling.
Dom, there's actually something your father needs to tell you.
Oh, no, you're not pregnant, are you?
I hear those geriatric births are a bitch.
I've got to have surgery on my heart.
Coronary artery bypass graft.
Yeah, it's a major operation.
Yes, I know. Thank you. SHE TUTS
Sorry about her, Dad. Carry on.
He has to avoid all stress.
That's doctor's orders.
So, we all need to be extra kind to your dad for now.
All right, feel free to hijack my father's medical condition
to morally lord it over me, Julie.
Dom.
So, what do you need the money for?
I am starting a business.
What business? It's called...
..Coffee Go. Yeah, it's an app.
It's, like, if you want a coffee, but can't be arsed to get it,
we'll go and get it.
Oh, I'll have a mocha.
SHE COUGHS Basic bitch.
And how much will that be?
Well, firstly, Julie, I don't get the mochas, you know,
because I'm the CEO. Right.
Don't humour her, Julie. She's obviously lying.
What do you want the money for?
You want to go to Ayia Napa with your mates in the summer.
Yeah.
Charmel's 30th.
I suggest you get a job and start saving.
Right, I've taken a load of shit to the pawnbrokers,
and that's everything I own except my bed.
And Cash Converters don't take beds, by the way.
And I'm just shy of 1,500.
Great. Great. So, let's tally up everything you own.
OK, well, the only thing I have of monetary value
is this laptop, but I need it
because I'm editing a music video
for Youth Pastor Tomi. Youth Pastor Tomi.
Right.
MUSIC PLAYS OVER LAPTOP
Er, so...
..this album you guys are raising money for -
how much have you got so far?
Nearly 4,000. Target's 20.
20 thou...? Kay, you can record a song on a computer these days.
OK. It's got to sound professional for its spiritual message to reach
the widest possible audience.
Ed Sheeran records at Abbey Road.
So, are you telling me
that Ed Sheeran deserves better than God?
Think hard before you answer me, Dom.
OK, where's this money, Kay?
Why? Because we're going to help ourselves to a loan from it.
HE CHUCKLES No. Impossible.
Why? Where is it?
Because it's in the church hall
in the cupboard where we keep the ping pong bats.
So why is it impossible?
It's Youth Pastor Tomi's album fund!
Oh, Christ's sake. Yep. That's the name of the album.
We have until tonight to deliver the money.
Sh! We have less than half. How are you so calm?
I have prayed, and I believe, with all my heart,
that He will deliver us a solution to this.
We just have to have faith.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get ready
for Youth Ministry this evening.
Hello. Hello.
Help yourself to some biscuits and crisps.
Oh, and don't forget Jesus Is A Vibe, 17.99. 50% off.
It's really... Are these free? What are you doing here?
You've been trying to get me to come to your church for years. Here I am.
No. "No"?
Isn't there something in the Bible about not turning people away?
You're thinking of the verse right now, aren't you?
Ha!
These people are, like, your community, right?
Your friends?
I'm sure if you told them what you were going through
and, you know, what you've done, they'll help, right?
Don't! Stop. That's not funny.
I'm not joking. You tell me where the ping-pong cupboard is right now,
or I'll tell them what you do after Bible study.
Right. That's it. Time to go. Not going.
Don't... Time to go, though. I want to know where... Time to go!
I want to go... Hey! Hey! Hey! Ha-ha! Oh, you brought us a newbie.
Yeah, guilty!
This is Pastor Tomi?
Yeah. Pastor T?
Oh, my God. This guy is always talking about you.
I'm such a fan.
Also, Jesus Is A Vibe has not been off my Discman.
Tune. Thank you.
Welcome. Oh, thank you.
Welcome.
Kay, light massage. I'm on in five.
Yes.
Oh.
Oh. Tell me! Tell me where it is!
Tell me!
GOSPEL MUSIC PLAYS
MUSIC STOPS
- Say hallelujah! - Hallelujah!
Saints.
Why are we so afraid of God's blessings?
God gave us the wisdom to build the computer.
Mm-hm. MAN: Preach!
God loves things.
God loves products.
Mmm? The Bible is a...
Product.
The Bible is a...
Product! These patent leather shoes are a...
Product!
Pastor Tomi's 12 Weeks To Prosperity programme is a...
Product!
The Audi Cabriolet is a vehicle
for vanquishing the villainy of Satan.
Say hallelujah! Hallelujah!
Especially when I'm in the driving seat.
And that is why we are looking to raise at least £20,000
for me to record an album to sing of His glory here on Earth
and top the charts in heaven.
Say hallelujah. Hallelujah!
Now, let's take a moment to honour a very special young man,
Brother Kayode.
He's one of our most prolific fundraisers.
And tonight, he is being made a senior vice president.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
All in recognition of his exemplary fundraising efforts,
not to mention the considerable donations he has made
from his own pockets. Say Kayode! Kayode!
Let us bow our heads and pray.
Dear Lord, we ask that you bless the street teamers this week
in their fundraising efforts that will help augment
the Pastor Tomi Recording Contract Fund.
Pastor, Pastor? Mm?
And also, please make sure
that Jason's mother survives her lung transplant. Hallelujah. Amen.
Amen.
Beloved ones,
is there anyone who has anything to share in fellowship,
freely, of their own accord? Please, speak.
Yes.
Hi, Pastor.
I'm Dom. Long-time sinner. First-time worshipper.
Welcome, Dom.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
I have a situation I'd like to bring to the group.
I have a friend, you know, good guy, Christian guy, and, well,
for reasons beyond his control, he has accrued a drug debt.
The ping-pong cupboard's over there!
Kayode. Hmm? Dom, is still talking.
Sorry, Pastor Tomi. I'm sorry, everybody.
I just... I just realised that she...
Because she's a first-time person here at the church,
that she hasn't received her orientation.
So... I haven't. HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
So, the toilets are back there, and teas and coffees
are through there.
And give me a shout if you need some help around the urn.
Please, continue.
Oh, God, it's gone.
Your friend who is a Christian has accrued a what?
A drug debt.
Drug debt. That's it. Thank you.
So, my friend, he might have sorted it out now, I think.
I'm thinking, in this moment, yeah... I think we're good.
And that is because you've been purified.
Everyone say hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah.
Praise and Worship team are ready to take us out again.
MUSIC STARTS Yeah. Oh, yeah.
# Lower # Lower, lower
# Lower # Lower, lower, lower
# Lower # Lower, lower
# Lower, yeah! # Lower, lower
# Lower # Lower, lower... #
See you next Sunday. All right?
Get home safe, OK?
Shall we?
It's locked, and it's staying that way.
Yeah, but...
..you probably have the key on you, don't you?
And lying's a sin, Kay.
SHE SIGHS OK.
You raised half of that money.
Some of it is your money.
And it's for a nonsense cause.
I mean, come on. SHE CHUCKLES
The guy is clearly a sham.
Where in the Bible does it say God loves products?
As Pastor Tomi said, Jesus didn't live in a time
where people were blessed with products.
OK. Wait. What are you doing? Where's the key, Kay?
Are you frisking me? Yeah. Where is it?
No, don't frisk me. You can't just frisk without probable cause, Dom.
Yes, I can do it with permission. No! Don't! That's legal.
THEY GRUNT
Argh! Ow!
You bit me.
Kay, we have no choice.
There's always a choice.
What? What do we do instead, then?
I told you. Have faith.
God will come through for us.
Are you...? OK, I am done with this.
I've raised my half.
I'm going to take that to Breeze and tell him to come after you
for your half. Fine.
Not fine, Kay!
They will beat the living shit out of you.
I have faith. Oh, my God.
You're delusional.
OK.
Wait up.
I'm coming.
Stop.
Look. What?
There's a pound coin on the floor.
Huh?
And it was outside a newsagent's.
Newsagents tend to trade in pound sterling, Kay.
What's your point? No, no, no. Don't you see?
This? This is the miracle.
Er... Yes!
£1.
What? SHE SIGHS
Have a good luck.
What is that? Scratch card.
Do you have anything sharp or...
Ooh! Your nail. Can I have your nail, please?
OK. Yeah, that's nice.
Prepare to witness the power of faith.
Yeah.
Well, we've still got 40 minutes, so...
Yeah. See you, Kay.
No... Dom.
Dom.
Look, He will come through for me.
I'm telling you.
SHE GRUNTS
OK. OK.
Dom? Oh, my God!
Do not do that again.
What are you doing here?
I came to get the money, OK?
Because I don't want to see you get your hands broken,
even though you deserve it.
And I'm sorry, but, also, I'm not sorry.
So...
Wait, what are you doing here?
I came to get the money.
Let's get this over with.
You know, God forgives those who trespass
and walk through the valley of the shadows of stuff.
The Bible's very clear about that.
PCSOs Dom and Kayode.
Tev was just about to put you on his naughty list.
It's a Google doc.
Yeah, it's all there.
Nice. Nice.
I knew you wouldn't let us down, fam.
Keep it.
Thanks. We're upping your pack.
What? No!
Excuse me? I just mean we...
..we can't sell all that.
This is too much.
And... and, you know, I mean, what's a bit more money, right?
I mean, is it going to make any of us happier? Shut up.
I'll see you in a week. Mm-hm.
Don't be late.
Don't be short.
We are not cut out for this shit.
Can't wait to get the hell out of this mess.
"I intend to repay the money,
"but nonetheless, I have fallen far short in my discipleship.
"I must return to you my medal and the cherished office
"of Senior Vice President."
How the hell did we get here, Hooty? SHE CRIES
How the hell did we get here?
PHONE CHIMES
Oh.
Have some self-respect, Thirsty Kirsty!
DANCE MUSIC THROBS INSIDE HOUSE
Hello.
Hi.
You Dave's Net with the ketamine?
Please say yes.
Sorry. I'm just... I'm just looking for Youth Pastor Tomi.
Have you... have you seen him?
Have you seen Youth Pastor Tomi? Youth Pastor... Youth Pastor...
No?
HE SNIFFS Youth Pastor Tomi! Oh!
Kay.
Welcome to the youth outreach programme.
HE YELLS
There was... there was drugs.
There was... there was nudity.
Nobody was using a coaster. SHE SCOFFS
And he was using the church money to fund all of this!
He's a complete fraud! Oh, my gosh.
Who could have guessed it? I know.
Pastor Tomi, the man who lifted me out of a gambling addiction.
Wait, what? Anyway, the church council now know everything.
He's... he's been suspended.
Oh.
Kay,
if we hadn't taken the money,
you wouldn't have written the letter.
You would never have gone to Pastor Tomi's flat.
And you would never have discovered the party with the drugs
and - your words - nudey ladies.
And he would just still be out here taking money from the congregation
to fund his sinful lifestyle.
So...
Huh.
God works in mysterious ways!
HE LAUGHS
OK, glad you got your mojo back.
# Glory, glory, hallelu-uuu... # Too much, too much, Kay!
Sorry. You always have to go too far.
PHONE CHIMES
Oh, that's Clinton's phone.
Well, it could be a clue. It's not a clue.
It's some cam with an anxious attachment style.
I only ever date black women.
Give me that.
Clinton told me he only ever dated black women.
Right? Well...
..that is a white lady.
Yes, definitely a white lady.
But then again, I thought Meghan Markle... Kay,
it's a white lady.
And, and look at this.
Look at all these messages.
But... but no flirting, no banter, not even an aubergine emoji.
I think this is the person that Clinton was working with.
I think this is the person that we've been looking for.
This is the person who's going to get us out of this shit!
Kay, you are a genius.
Well, that's what happens when you're filled with the spirit.
So, what do we do?
We're going to text Thirsty Kirsty.
OK.
What shall we send?
"Hey." "Hey, baby-licious."
"Hey," send.