1 00:00:00,880 --> 00:00:04,000 The following programme contains strong language. 2 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:12,200 # WILBERT HARRISON: Let's Stick Together # 3 00:00:19,440 --> 00:00:22,400 (POSH ACCENT): Good morning, gentlemen. 4 00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:31,720 (INHALES AND EXHALES SHARPLY) 5 00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:34,720 My show, my terms. 6 00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:37,360 I propose that we reunite, 7 00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:40,800 for the purposes of making Just Barbara. 8 00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:42,960 And as Britain's topmost comedy writers, 9 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:45,800 we also have some terms... And some conditions... 10 00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:50,240 That will need to be met. That will also need to be met. 11 00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:53,040 More pay. Double the money. 12 00:00:53,080 --> 00:00:57,200 Photographs of our faces to appear on the screen credits. 13 00:00:57,240 --> 00:01:00,680 Like Galton and Simpson. Caption before the show title. 14 00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:04,080 Yeah, to read "Bill Gardiner and Tony Holmes present"... 15 00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:05,800 Anything else? 16 00:01:05,840 --> 00:01:08,400 A slap-up lunch. Hmm. 17 00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:10,720 And what do I get in return? 18 00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:14,160 Some extremely well-crafted gags. 19 00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:17,600 Quite well-crafted gags. 20 00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:21,640 Well, thank you for outlining your terms, gentlemen. 21 00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:26,400 I will take them into...serious consideration. 22 00:01:28,560 --> 00:01:30,680 Right, done that. (ALL LAUGH) 23 00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:33,360 Have whatever ya like, lads, it's good to have you back. 24 00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:36,640 (ALL CHEER) (POSH ACCENT): Eunice, bring on the biscuits. 25 00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:39,960 # Bring on the chocolates, yes please. #Smashing, I'm starving! 26 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:43,240 Oh, shit.Oh, crumbs.You chancers are lucky to have a job. 27 00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:45,000 Thank you for the terms and conditions, 28 00:01:45,039 --> 00:01:48,520 they are utterly ridiculous. (GASPS)Now, do get out. 29 00:01:48,560 --> 00:01:50,280 (CLEARS THROAT) 30 00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:53,160 Thanks, boss. Sorry to disturb. 31 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:54,920 Thank you so much. Sorry, Ted. 32 00:01:54,960 --> 00:01:57,280 (WHISPERS): Out! (WHIMPERS) 33 00:01:57,320 --> 00:02:00,680 # EMMA FRANKIN: Piece Of My Heart # 34 00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:04,680 # But when you hold me in your a-arms 35 00:02:04,720 --> 00:02:06,720 # I'll say it again 36 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:08,960 # So, come on 37 00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:10,680 # Come on 38 00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:12,160 # Come on 39 00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:14,640 # Come on, and take it 40 00:02:14,680 --> 00:02:18,560 # Take another little piece of my heart now, baby 41 00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:20,120 # Hey # Break it 42 00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:24,320 # Break another little bit of my heart now, baby 43 00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:25,920 # You can # Have a 44 00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:29,520 # Have another little piece of my heart now, baby 45 00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:36,480 # You know you got it if it makes you feel good 46 00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:38,560 # You're out on the street... # 47 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:41,760 Oh, yes, Ted, of course, Ted. Can I lick your arse, Ted(?) 48 00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:43,800 Oh, give it a rest, Bill. What were you doing? 49 00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:46,400 Uh, standing there thinking about shoes. 50 00:02:46,440 --> 00:02:49,680 Ah, the old familiar Bill and Tony tang of fags, 51 00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:53,440 sweat and desperation.Er, excuse me, I'm always expensively perfumed. 52 00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:57,200 Well, he dowsed himself just for you, in eau de odour. 53 00:02:57,240 --> 00:03:00,400 Great example there of a gag that only works on the page, Tony. 54 00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:03,520 And here's one that only works on the finger, Bill. 55 00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:05,400 So, chaps... 56 00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:08,240 any thoughts on act one? What, of the sitcom? 57 00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:11,080 No, the Merchant of Venice(!) Yeah, of course the fucking sitcom. 58 00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:13,720 Alright, give us a chance. (SCOFFS) 59 00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:16,560 Well, I just, I thought I saw a piece of paper with words on it. 60 00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:18,600 No, er, y-you must be thinking of this. 61 00:03:18,640 --> 00:03:21,360 What's that, Tone? It's from the director general. 62 00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:23,400 Oh, crikey, the director general? Yeah, 63 00:03:23,440 --> 00:03:25,800 it's just welcoming us back, but there are some new taste 64 00:03:25,840 --> 00:03:29,120 and decency rules for the old green book.Oh. 65 00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:33,240 Oh, great(!)"Firstly, the word 'bottom' can now be used 66 00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:35,800 "only in the context of scraping barrels 67 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:38,880 "or to indicate the underside of an object, 68 00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:43,560 "NOT to describe the fleshy mounds attached to a human nethers. 69 00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:47,840 "This area will now be referred to as 'upper leg lumps' 70 00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:50,200 "or 'chunky back-balls'." 71 00:03:50,240 --> 00:03:53,680 "'Balls' must only be used in the context of tennis, 72 00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:57,760 "but not in the context of a gentleman's hairy baggage, 73 00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:02,480 "and 'nuts' must only be mentioned as something you put in your mouth." 74 00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:05,560 (INHALES SHARPLY) "We hope you will find these guidelines useful 75 00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:08,120 "for your new shit-com." "Just bra-bra." 76 00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:13,440 "Yours sincerely, Director General Sir Nigel Mingeworthy Wankerton." 77 00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:15,600 (LAUGHS) Well, I just... (SIGHS) 78 00:04:15,640 --> 00:04:19,600 Oh, wow. Yes, that's very, very helpful(!)(LAUGHS) 79 00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:24,760 But, erm, lads, you... Oh, you forgot his, er, PS at the end. 80 00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:28,600 "I would also like to invite you all over to my house for drinks, 81 00:04:28,640 --> 00:04:31,880 "where I will be serving my own mouth-watering cock." 82 00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:35,240 Excuse me? Tails! Cocktails! 83 00:04:35,280 --> 00:04:37,400 (LAUGHS) Hmm.God.(LAUGHS) 84 00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:39,480 (LIGHTER CLICKS) Erm... 85 00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:41,240 Sophie. 86 00:04:41,280 --> 00:04:43,400 (CLOCK TICKS) 87 00:04:44,280 --> 00:04:46,200 Would you like a cup of tea? 88 00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:48,360 # JOHNNIE TAYLOR: You Can't Get Away From It # 89 00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:51,280 Yes, I-I would love a cup of tea. 90 00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:53,159 Thank you, Dennis. 91 00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:59,280 # You can't get away from it 92 00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:03,520 # No matter how hard you try 93 00:05:03,560 --> 00:05:08,480 # Cos if you really lover someone 94 00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:12,560 # You can't ever say goodbye 95 00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:15,600 # Now they can walk on you 96 00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:19,120 # Lie about you... # 97 00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:21,640 (BUCKET WHEELS SQUEAK) (SIGHS) 98 00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:26,040 (SQUEAKING CONTINUES) (SIGHS) 99 00:05:30,280 --> 00:05:33,720 You wanna put some oil on that, Marie. 100 00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:35,640 It's like you're strangling a budgie. 101 00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:37,400 She was right on the end of the telephone, 102 00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:39,800 and you couldn't rouse yourself to say hello. 103 00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:43,320 (SIGHS) God.You know it wasn't like that.Well, What was it like? 104 00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:45,680 She wanted to hear your voice, 105 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:47,720 hear you say it was alright. 106 00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:50,840 Well, I can't do that. 107 00:05:50,880 --> 00:05:52,600 (SIGHS) 108 00:05:52,640 --> 00:05:54,360 Didn't think it was that bad. 109 00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:57,560 It was a bit cheeky chops, but it made me smile. 110 00:05:57,600 --> 00:06:01,160 (SIGHS) I'm not talking about the telly show, 111 00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:05,280 sister of mine, I'm talking about what happened with her mother. 112 00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:08,760 We decided- You decided. 113 00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:11,000 I always warned you that all this cloak 114 00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:13,600 and dagger nonsense would come back to bite us on the bum side. 115 00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:15,720 Backside. I didn't get a say. (SIGHS) 116 00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:19,200 Oh, change the bloody record, Marie. 117 00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:21,320 I'm sorry that you never had a kiddie of your own. 118 00:06:21,360 --> 00:06:24,320 I have made my peace with that, but I have not made my peace with... 119 00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:27,520 (SIGHS) Our Sophie, doesn't have a clue what's going on!Our Sophie? 120 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:29,440 Don't call her that. I will call her what I like. 121 00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:32,280 She's our Barbara. She's not our Barbara anymore. 122 00:06:32,320 --> 00:06:34,120 We've lost her. 123 00:06:34,159 --> 00:06:36,400 And I miss her. 124 00:06:37,840 --> 00:06:40,080 I miss her! (CRYING) 125 00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:45,800 And you think I don't? 126 00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:47,800 (SEAGULLS CRY) 127 00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:50,880 Alright, alright, alright, not that. Er... 128 00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:53,240 Right, erm... What about this? 129 00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:58,000 Er, Barbara goes on a cookery course, 130 00:06:58,040 --> 00:07:00,880 er, finally meets the perfect fella, 131 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:03,080 cos he CAN cook, 132 00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:06,400 but he... He... He's not falling for her charms.No, 133 00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:09,480 wouldn't happen.Well, why not? Some men are great in the kitchen. 134 00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:13,280 No, that's not what I meant. (SIGHS)I meant...the charm. 135 00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:15,680 Sophie, you'll just have to tell us, 136 00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:19,840 what is it like out there for a modern young woman? 137 00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:22,360 Well, I'm not really out there. 138 00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:25,360 I'm... I'm... I'm more out but in. 139 00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:29,000 I know the feeling.Come on, Soph, you've been with different fellas, 140 00:07:29,040 --> 00:07:31,440 and you've been engaged a couple of times.Oh, my God. 141 00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:33,760 You make me sound like Elizabeth Taylor. 142 00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:35,640 How many times she been divorced? Five, six? 143 00:07:35,680 --> 00:07:39,159 Teen?Yes, well, let's not shame a woman for being divorced. 144 00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:41,240 Yes, alright then, Den. Come on, what about you? 145 00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:45,040 You must've, er, done some, catting around before you met Edith. 146 00:07:45,080 --> 00:07:49,400 I met Edith during fresher's week at Cambridge.Oh! 147 00:07:49,440 --> 00:07:51,960 (THEY MOCK) 148 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:56,040 So, there's actually a week where the students get fresh with each other? 149 00:07:56,080 --> 00:07:59,000 Well, it's... It's not that sort of fresh. 150 00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:01,160 Exactly that kind of fresh from what I've heard. 151 00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:04,320 Erm, Bill... (CLEARS THROAT) 152 00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:06,960 ..why don't you, er, tell us about your experiences? 153 00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:11,200 Well, my experiences are going in my book. 154 00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:13,720 You'll have to pay if you want to read about those. 155 00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:16,360 Tony, what about you? Well, thanks for asking, Bill. 156 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:19,840 I-I would love to share the personal aspects of my private life 157 00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:21,560 for you to rip the piss out of(!) 158 00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:24,680 How about Barbara's just ended it with her boyfriend, and- 159 00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:26,880 They have break-up sex. Or make-up sex. 160 00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:28,920 Make-up sex? 161 00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:31,360 Sex with make-up? Is that a thing? Oh, it's a thing. 162 00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:34,120 There's no sex going on at all. 163 00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:45,240 Shall we just go for that slap-up lunch? 164 00:08:47,840 --> 00:08:50,600 Alright. Come on, let's get on. 165 00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:58,120 No, no, no, no, no, the best punishment in Dante's Divine Comedy 166 00:08:58,160 --> 00:09:00,360 is the one inflicted on the gluttons. 167 00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:04,240 (ALL LAUGH) Pushed into a stinking pit of mud 168 00:09:04,280 --> 00:09:06,880 and watched over by a three-headed hound. 169 00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:09,240 Now, that's funny! (ALL LAUGH) 170 00:09:09,280 --> 00:09:11,280 (CLEARS THROAT) 171 00:09:11,320 --> 00:09:14,240 Your ex could learn a thing or two about the classics. (CLEARS THROAT) 172 00:09:14,280 --> 00:09:17,760 Ah, I think Dennis is aware of the legacy. 173 00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:21,120 I wish he were aware of the urgency of giving you a divorce. 174 00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:24,360 Can't expect to be sitting here like a chump, twiddling my thumbs. 175 00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:26,480 I'm sorry, Vernon, it's... 176 00:09:26,520 --> 00:09:29,360 it's not that simple, I... Oh. 177 00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:32,280 Goodness. (PEOPLE CHATTER) 178 00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:36,840 So... That's awkward. 179 00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:39,800 Edith and Vernon Whitshit. Mahindra. 180 00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:43,760 What are you doing standing there like a pillar of salt? 181 00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:47,520 Den, you make a run for it, we'll, uh, cover it with dance. 182 00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:53,080 We were just talking about Dante's Divine Comedy. 183 00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:58,080 Sorry to hear about your own fall from grace on the other channel. 184 00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:02,960 It was hardly the fiery pit of hell. Um... (CLEARS THROAT) 185 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:06,440 We were just thinking about doing a piece on Pipe Smoke, 186 00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:08,240 looking at... 187 00:10:08,280 --> 00:10:12,400 modern comedy in the context of the classics. 188 00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:14,680 Well, I'm sure everyone's looking forward to that. 189 00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:16,520 We should have you on as a guest. 190 00:10:16,560 --> 00:10:19,360 Oh, uh, are we... Are we sure about that? 191 00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:22,640 I'm sure there are more qualified people than me to talk about that. 192 00:10:22,680 --> 00:10:25,080 Yes, and we'll make sure they're on the programme too. Ha! 193 00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:28,640 Alright, w-well, we should be getting on. Show won't write itself. 194 00:10:28,680 --> 00:10:31,200 Er, well, from what I've seen of the previous series, 195 00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:34,560 it certainly looked as if this one was making it up as she went along. 196 00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:36,720 (LAUGHS) 197 00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:42,480 (CLICKS TONGUE) Oh, I've got an appointment. 198 00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:45,240 And, erm, we... We should get back to our editorial. 199 00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:47,720 Whaddaya say, Mahindra? 200 00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:51,200 Continue this on air? 201 00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:54,000 Join us on Pipe Smoke. 202 00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:56,480 Defend modern comedy. 203 00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:03,720 How am I going to bear working next to Den for months on end? 204 00:11:04,920 --> 00:11:08,640 Maybe I should explore other options. 205 00:11:08,680 --> 00:11:12,160 Hang on, you were only just banging on about how excited you were 206 00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:16,760 to be "back in the room" with Tony and Bill and Den. 207 00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:19,240 Yeah, but it's not the same. It's not fun. 208 00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:22,080 Alright, it's work. It's not supposed to be fun. 209 00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:24,640 This is great. I'm loving this conflict.Oi! Oi! 210 00:11:24,680 --> 00:11:27,960 W-What's that? Where'd you get that? What is that?(CAMERA WHIRRS) 211 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:30,400 I can't get a job in front of the camera, 212 00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:33,320 since I'm apparently too much of a risk, which... 213 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,240 either means I'm too much of a woman 214 00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:38,160 or too much of a, not white. 215 00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:41,920 So, I decided to seize the means of production 216 00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:45,280 and get behind it. That's brilliant, Diane. 217 00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:48,560 Thanks. Oh, my God, she was at Pandy's party! 218 00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:51,400 Lynda Jay? Are you sure? She was really nice. We had a chat. 219 00:11:51,440 --> 00:11:54,720 She gave me her number. Sophie, she is a snake. 220 00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:57,680 She's made a career taking other women down. 221 00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:01,880 You didn't say anything? 222 00:12:03,080 --> 00:12:05,120 No. 223 00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:07,800 I mean, we did... We talked about my dad, 224 00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:11,200 but obviously I didn't say anything. Cos he's not even speaking to me, 225 00:12:11,240 --> 00:12:13,520 so I've no clue what's going on. 226 00:12:13,560 --> 00:12:17,720 What's he trying to hide? Whole thing's driving me doolally. 227 00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:21,760 Er... Er, have you thought about trying to find your mum?(SIGHS) 228 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:24,000 Well, where would I even start? 229 00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:26,840 All I know is she liked a bit of ballroom dancing. 230 00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:30,200 I mean, what use is that?I mean, it can't be that hard, though, can it? 231 00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:32,800 Someone surely could find her. 232 00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:35,520 Diane could have a dig. 233 00:12:35,560 --> 00:12:37,280 Couldn't you? 234 00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:39,560 I can't believe you said yes. 235 00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:42,280 "Welcome to Pipe Smoke, 236 00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:44,960 "the show where boring bastards blow smoke 237 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:48,440 "up other boring bastards' bum holes."Oh, yeah. 238 00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:53,120 "I'm Vernon Whitfart." "I'm Vernon Fuckfield." 239 00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:55,480 "I'm Vernon-" Chaps, chaps.(LAUGHS) 240 00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:58,280 This whole mispronouncing his name thing, it's old hat. 241 00:12:59,560 --> 00:13:02,680 His name is Venereal Whitfelch. (THEY SPIT) 242 00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:05,560 "Majorie. Tell me about yourself." 243 00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:09,120 What do you... Like what? 244 00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:12,080 My name is Marjorie. Mm-hmm.I-I work in a... 245 00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:15,080 I work in a shop, in...in the shoes department. 246 00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:17,760 And do you have a boyfriend? 247 00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:20,920 I have a Roger. (LAUGHS) 248 00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:24,040 And what does Roger do? Er, well, 249 00:13:24,080 --> 00:13:26,360 plenty of things. M-Mostly carpentry. 250 00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:28,920 So, he's good with his hands? (LAUGHS) 251 00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:31,520 "Do grow up, you two." (BOTH LAUGH) 252 00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:33,920 Oh, so go on. Is it love? 253 00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:37,440 I've never been in love before. I mean, how wouldIknow? 254 00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:39,320 When you know, you know. 255 00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:43,040 It's a really special feeling. (BOTH LAUGH) 256 00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:46,120 I mean, I get a special feeling when Rog has a noodle in my nick-nocks... 257 00:13:46,160 --> 00:13:48,320 (THEY GASP) ..but that's not love, is it? 258 00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:50,600 Oh, Marjorie! Mar-jor-ie!What? 259 00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:53,400 I mean, you do know it's a setup, right, Dennis? 260 00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:56,680 That Pipe Smoke lot, they hated Jim and Barbara. 261 00:13:56,720 --> 00:13:58,680 They slagged it off every week. 262 00:13:58,720 --> 00:14:00,440 And he was really mean about Soph. 263 00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:03,480 This is Dennis' right to reply. 264 00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:07,240 A head-to-head with Verble Wartcock. (LAUGHS) 265 00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:11,520 Right, well, if you ARE going on national television... 266 00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:15,840 we need to get you kitted out. In what, an asbestos suit? 267 00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:17,680 No, no, no, Dennis needs to make an impact. 268 00:14:17,720 --> 00:14:21,240 Like Scarlett O'Hara in her red dress. 269 00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:23,280 I think I'd look good in a red dress. 270 00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:25,120 (LAUGHS) Mm. 271 00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:27,080 Mm, no. 272 00:14:27,120 --> 00:14:28,880 (CATCHY MUSIC PLAYS IN BAR) 273 00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:30,920 What you need... 274 00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:35,080 ..is a revenge suit. 275 00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:36,880 # SMALL FACES: What'cha Gonna Do About It # 276 00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:39,200 # What you gonna do about it?... # 277 00:14:41,245 --> 00:14:44,040 # ROY ORBISON: Oh, Pretty Woman # 278 00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:48,960 (BELL RINGS) Hey!Oh!Oh!Watch out! 279 00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:53,600 My name is Mr Edwards. If you'd like to follow me, please. 280 00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:59,120 # Pretty woman walkin' down the street 281 00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:00,920 # Pretty woman 282 00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:02,800 # The kind I'd like to meet 283 00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:05,280 # Pretty woman... 284 00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:07,120 Thank you very much 285 00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:09,280 # You're not the truth 286 00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:14,200 # No one could look as good as you 287 00:15:15,520 --> 00:15:17,080 # Mercy... 288 00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:20,880 Needs more pizazz. Next. 289 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,600 # Pretty woman 290 00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:24,480 # Won't you pardon me?... 291 00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:28,400 I like it. 292 00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:30,680 He's not a cage dancer on Ready, Steady, Go!. 293 00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:36,280 Very, er... Johnny Morris in... 294 00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:38,000 Animal Magic. 295 00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:40,360 Er, it needs to shout louder. 296 00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:42,240 # Grrrow... 297 00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:45,720 Abracadabra.I feel like I'm about to saw someone in half. 298 00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:48,320 What about a suit something like this, hm? 299 00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:50,440 Nothing shouts passion like purple. 300 00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:52,840 Except for when it shouts, "Here comes the Pope." 301 00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:57,120 Nathan, go and fetch the purple rolls of silk to show Mr Mahindra. 302 00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:01,400 Yeah, I'll help. 303 00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:05,080 # Pretty woman, yeah, yeah, yeah 304 00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:08,960 # Pretty woman, look my way 305 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:16,200 # Pretty woman, say you'll stay with me 306 00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:18,960 # Cos I need you 307 00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:22,480 # I'll treat you right 308 00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:26,000 # Come to me, baby 309 00:16:26,040 --> 00:16:34,960 # Be mine toni-i-ight 310 00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:36,040 # Pretty woman. # 311 00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:40,440 You are pushing your luck, mate. 312 00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:42,280 It's Savile Row, not Hampstead Heath. 313 00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:45,080 I wasn't gonna get busted in there. I meant pushing it with me. 314 00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:48,440 Soph got us back together. We owe it to her to do a good job... 315 00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:51,960 ..alright, but you're too busy getting tugged off in a tailors. 316 00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:55,280 Ugh, and everyone thinks you're the cuddly one.Fuck off, mate! 317 00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:57,640 I'm just saying we both need to get our heads in the game. 318 00:16:57,680 --> 00:17:00,160 Yeah, well I'm trying. It's hard with star-crossed lovers 319 00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:02,640 in the writers' room. It's hardly a fun factory, is it? 320 00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:05,680 I know, but if we don't step things up, 321 00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:07,839 Ted Sargent is gonna flush us 322 00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:10,000 and our scripts straight down the shitter. 323 00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:12,200 OK, well, you go home and step things up. 324 00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:14,000 I'm stepping off over there. 325 00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:16,280 What... What, another one of your secret clubs? 326 00:17:16,319 --> 00:17:19,160 No. I'm having a drink with my literary agent 327 00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:22,160 to discuss what she calls my magnum opus. 328 00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:24,839 Right, Bill, a-about this book. 329 00:17:24,880 --> 00:17:29,200 You're not, you know, using real names and... 330 00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:33,240 ..putting in personal details and that?Yeah. 331 00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:36,760 Yeah, there's a whole chapter all about you, Tone. 332 00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:39,320 Is that a problem? 333 00:17:39,360 --> 00:17:41,280 (LAUGHS) 334 00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:44,800 # SMALL FACES: All Or Nothing # # All or nothing 335 00:17:44,840 --> 00:17:45,880 # Yeah, yeah 336 00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:48,680 # All or nothing 337 00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:50,680 # Come on, ha, yeah! 338 00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:52,720 # All or nothing 339 00:17:52,760 --> 00:17:55,120 # Yeah! 340 00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:56,600 # All or nothing 341 00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:59,040 # Yeah, yeah, yeah 342 00:17:59,080 --> 00:18:02,520 # All or nothing # I guess I'm singing to myself 343 00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:04,720 # All or nothing 344 00:18:04,760 --> 00:18:08,040 # Yeah, yeah, for me, yeah. # 345 00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:15,320 (KNOCK ON DOOR) Come in! 346 00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:17,960 Young lady for you, sir. 347 00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:20,240 Please, don't make it sound like I ordered one. 348 00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:24,120 I'm so sorry to bother you. And yet here you are. 349 00:18:25,120 --> 00:18:27,920 I-I'm not sure if it tickles the tonsils 350 00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:30,600 or has an unexpected finish, but thank you. 351 00:18:30,640 --> 00:18:33,000 For the other day. On the phone. 352 00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:35,000 I trust you got your way with Mr Sargent. 353 00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:37,440 I did. Yes. If you'll excuse me. 354 00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:42,880 Charming to see you, Sophie, but why are you here? 355 00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:46,000 Er, you said to stop by, so I'm stopping by. 356 00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:48,920 OK, I'm running late, and you find me un peu deshabille. 357 00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:51,440 Un peu deshabille. Oui. 358 00:18:51,480 --> 00:18:54,720 Vous parlez Francais? Beg pardon? 359 00:18:54,760 --> 00:18:56,560 Do you speak French? 360 00:18:57,440 --> 00:18:59,160 I speak fluent American. 361 00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:02,760 (AMERICAN ACCENT): Say, Mr Allen, let me fix you a highball!' 362 00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:04,600 (LAUGHS) I don't know what a highball is. 363 00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:07,880 Give me that before you smash the stemware.I want you to be my agent. 364 00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:09,920 Please. 365 00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:13,040 Unusually for you, Sophie Straw, your timing's off. 366 00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:16,400 I have to be at Buckingham Palace 15 minutes ago. 367 00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:19,680 Are you the queen's agent? Er... 368 00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:21,760 I leave that to 007. (LAUGHS) 369 00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:24,320 One of my, uh, Brit clients is getting a knighthood 370 00:19:24,360 --> 00:19:26,160 for services to the acting industry. Ooh. 371 00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:29,280 Though his services to the cocaine industry have been more significant. 372 00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:31,000 Oh, ho-ho. You didn't hear me say that. 373 00:19:31,040 --> 00:19:34,320 No... No.We'll, uh... We'll talk next time I'm in town. 374 00:19:34,360 --> 00:19:37,480 Oh... OK. 375 00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:40,320 (SNIFFLES) I just...(SOFTLY): Alright 376 00:19:40,360 --> 00:19:43,360 (BREATHES SHAKILY) 377 00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:47,320 (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) Damn it. 378 00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:51,440 It's right over left and under. 379 00:19:53,120 --> 00:19:54,840 Do you want me to...? 380 00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:58,400 Yeah. In... In the States they're all elastic. 381 00:19:58,440 --> 00:20:02,360 The fishy comes through the hole to the bunny, 382 00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:04,920 and they kiss. What happened? Last time we met, 383 00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:08,040 you wanted to cement your name on the TV comedy walk of fame.I... 384 00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:11,000 I... I do. I do. But I-I... 385 00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:14,240 I might need to explore some other options further afield. 386 00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:16,560 In a film, perhaps. 387 00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:18,840 Might this be for personal reasons? 388 00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:21,000 Oh, that would be very unprofessional.Although, 389 00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:22,920 that's something I can work with. Hmm. 390 00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:26,080 This movie, the lead actress dropped out suffering from exhaustion. 391 00:20:26,120 --> 00:20:28,480 She's currently exhausted somewhere in the Caribbean, 392 00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:31,320 on top of Warren Beatty. Oh.They need a replacement. 393 00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:33,320 Oh, I told you, I can't speak French. 394 00:20:33,360 --> 00:20:35,800 Who cares? You can do the accent. Plus, 395 00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:39,120 all these "nouvelle vague" films? They're all about the pout. 396 00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:41,280 # GILLIAN HILLS: Tut Tut Tut Tut # 397 00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:43,280 (SINGER SINGS IN FRENCH) 398 00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:47,520 No?Looks like you're pushing a kidney stone, 399 00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:50,000 but not bad. Can you get on a plane tonight? 400 00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:52,760 Oh, I can't go and do a film right now. 401 00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:56,200 Sophie, this business is 1% talent, 99% opportunity. 402 00:20:56,240 --> 00:21:00,760 Are you saying I'm 1% talented? I'm saying this is the opportunity. 403 00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:06,920 Put the booze kettle on, Marj. 404 00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:09,480 Let me tell you about my day. 405 00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:13,000 (WOMEN LAUGH AND CHATTER) Marj! 406 00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:17,880 Marj, I feel like I'm trapped in one of my own worst nightmares. 407 00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:20,080 What's the entire staff of Lewis Peters doing here? 408 00:21:20,120 --> 00:21:22,520 Making placards. Yeah, I can see that. 409 00:21:22,560 --> 00:21:24,320 In aid of what? 410 00:21:24,360 --> 00:21:26,520 For the equal pay picket that I keep telling you about. 411 00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:29,360 Us girls get paid way less than men for doing the same job 412 00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:32,160 for the same amount of hours.And you think these signs will sort it? 413 00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:35,440 Well- What's "wombat power"? 414 00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:38,440 Oh, that's meant to say "womban". N, not a T. 415 00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:41,560 Er, oi, Sharon, finish your placard! Yeah? Alright, I'm coming down. 416 00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:43,560 "It's time to get Eve." 417 00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:46,120 Who's Eve, and why do we have to get her?Even. 418 00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:48,120 "It's time to get even." OK. 419 00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:51,280 Er, everybody, remember, if you're doing a slogan, 420 00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:54,680 leave enough space for all of the words to fit, yeah? 421 00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:56,640 Stop picking holes in my placards, you. 422 00:21:56,680 --> 00:21:58,800 Hey, you can't take these into work! 423 00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:01,520 Old Miss Syksey'll blow a ruddy gasket. 424 00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:05,320 "Old Miss Sykesy" is the Union Rep! 425 00:22:05,360 --> 00:22:08,000 Cocking hell! Sorry, Miss Sykes. Don't be. 426 00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:11,200 We could do with more gobby girls like you on our side. 427 00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:13,040 (LAUGHS) 428 00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:16,680 I never had you pegged as a union type, Miss Sykes. 429 00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:18,560 Neither would I, but one day, 430 00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:20,480 I realised that all the men I started out with 431 00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:23,960 in the stockroom owned their own houses and drove flashy cars, 432 00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:27,480 and every summer, they holidayed in Majora. 433 00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:31,600 I rent a shitty bed-sitting room, travel by bus 434 00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:35,280 and holiday one weekend a year in Margate, with my mother. 435 00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:39,840 Hmm.I have been passed over and paid less for 30 years. 436 00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:44,000 So, yes, I think it's time to get a little bit "fighty", don't you? 437 00:22:44,040 --> 00:22:48,480 Yes. I once saw Clive's pay cheque. 438 00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:52,400 He got double what I got, but I just thought I was lucky to be there. 439 00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:54,720 Well, come along. Hold a placard with us. 440 00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:58,840 We could do with bringing a little publicity and glamour to the cause. 441 00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:02,680 I can't, I'm sorry. 442 00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:04,880 Oh, Linda, you're placard's coming apart. 443 00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:08,440 Diane! Where have you been? 444 00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:10,200 Been doing some research. 445 00:23:10,240 --> 00:23:12,600 Oh, never mind that. You should be writing about this. 446 00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:15,160 (SIGHS) Where have all the eggs gone? 447 00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:18,600 I'm starving!Oh, I-I've taken the eggs for ammunition, dear. You know, 448 00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:22,400 if it all kicks off, I shall be aiming for a policeman's helmet. 449 00:23:22,440 --> 00:23:24,360 (LAUGHS) Oh, my God! 450 00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:27,200 (SIGHS) (WOMEN CHATTER)Erm, I think we need a bit of peace and quiet. 451 00:23:28,320 --> 00:23:32,560 Alright, everyone, sorry, can we pack up and that? 452 00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:34,920 Beg your pardon, Miss Sykes. Sir. 453 00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:37,160 Don't apologise, Marjorie. 454 00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:39,840 We really appreciate you helping the cause.Ooh, what's this? 455 00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:41,800 Research. 456 00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:43,720 Found out where your mum works. 457 00:23:55,360 --> 00:23:57,480 (LIGHTER TOP SHUTS) 458 00:23:57,520 --> 00:23:59,240 (DOOR CLOSES) 459 00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:02,400 (FOOTSTEPS APPROACH) 460 00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:04,480 Hello, you. 461 00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:06,440 Oh... You alright? 462 00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:09,320 Yeah. Work was the usual. 463 00:24:09,360 --> 00:24:11,200 They loved all my illustrations for the book. 464 00:24:11,240 --> 00:24:14,480 Oh, that's great.Then told me to completely change them. 465 00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:17,440 Oh. (SIGHS) Baby's a bit...kicky. 466 00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:19,880 Er... What...? What baby? 467 00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:22,560 (LAUGHS) (LAUGHS) Come here. 468 00:24:23,600 --> 00:24:25,440 Mwah. 469 00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:27,160 Oh! 470 00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:28,920 (GRUFF VOICE): Hello, mate. 471 00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:32,600 Hm. Oh, don't... Don't... Don't read that, it's shit. 472 00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:35,080 You always say that about the first draft. 473 00:24:35,120 --> 00:24:37,920 First draft? I haven't even finished the first page. 474 00:24:39,360 --> 00:24:43,400 I-I-I-I keep thinking about that wanky "pram in the hall" quote. 475 00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:48,360 God, what was that? "There's no more...sombre enemy of good art-" 476 00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:52,320 I-I-I-I don't know who I am if...if...if I can't write. 477 00:24:52,360 --> 00:24:54,240 What's the new show about? 478 00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:57,400 Blah. Not our sex life again, I hope. 479 00:24:57,440 --> 00:24:59,560 No. 480 00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:01,360 But Bill'd love that. 481 00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:05,200 He's...started needling me again. 482 00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:08,960 (LIGHTER TOP OPENS) (LIGHTER CLICKS) 483 00:25:11,120 --> 00:25:12,920 (LIGHTER TOP SHUTS) 484 00:25:16,360 --> 00:25:18,320 Do you ever wish you were Bill? 485 00:25:18,360 --> 00:25:22,160 What-No, it's OK. I know you still think about it. 486 00:25:23,120 --> 00:25:25,400 I think about other men too. 487 00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:28,200 What...? What? 488 00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:29,960 Really? F... Fuck! 489 00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:34,080 Sh-Should, er... Should we talk, talk about this or...? 490 00:25:34,120 --> 00:25:37,840 I don't know. (LAUGHS) I don't want to be Bill... 491 00:25:39,160 --> 00:25:41,720 ..alright?But you know, i-i-i-it's not simple, 492 00:25:41,760 --> 00:25:45,040 and I hate how everyone assumes that having a baby solves everything. 493 00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:47,400 I-I-I'm still absolutely terrified. 494 00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:50,920 Oh, God, me too. (GROANS) 495 00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:54,400 Juney, if we're like this now, 496 00:25:54,440 --> 00:25:56,200 what we gonna be like when the baby arrives 497 00:25:56,240 --> 00:25:58,120 and there really is a massive pram in the hall? 498 00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:01,960 We will move the pram to the kitchen. 499 00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:05,160 (LAUGHS) 500 00:26:06,720 --> 00:26:08,560 Are we...? 501 00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:10,680 Are we just a couple of freaks? (LAUGHS) 502 00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:13,600 Hell yeah. (LAUGHS) 503 00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:18,520 (TRAIN HORN BLOWING) (PEOPLE CHATTER) 504 00:26:21,360 --> 00:26:24,880 (INDISTINCT PA ANNOUNCEMENT) 505 00:26:28,160 --> 00:26:31,400 (WIND WHISTLES) 506 00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:35,360 # THE ZOMBIES: The Way I Feel Inside # 507 00:26:35,400 --> 00:26:39,120 # The way I feel inside 508 00:26:39,160 --> 00:26:42,280 # My heart, for you?... 509 00:26:42,320 --> 00:26:44,240 GEORGE: "Go on, give us a smile, love." 510 00:26:46,760 --> 00:26:49,400 (LAUGHS ON VIDEO) "Cheeky! Come on." 511 00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:52,920 # In your mind 512 00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:54,600 # Could you ever be 513 00:26:54,640 --> 00:26:56,360 # Really close to me? 514 00:26:56,400 --> 00:26:59,720 # I can tell the way you smile 515 00:26:59,760 --> 00:27:02,280 # If I feel that I 516 00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:04,080 # Could be certain, then 517 00:27:04,120 --> 00:27:06,160 # I would say the things 518 00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:09,480 # I want to stay tonight... # 519 00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:18,400 (GENTLE OLD-FASHIONED MUSIC PLAYS IN VENUE) 520 00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:03,760 How'd you find me? 521 00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:06,960 Well, the only thing I knew about you... 522 00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:10,200 ..ballroom dancing. 523 00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:14,080 My friend, Diane, did the rest. 524 00:28:14,120 --> 00:28:16,680 I suppose there are a few trophies with my name on it. 525 00:28:18,120 --> 00:28:20,160 A couple of pieces in the papers. 526 00:28:21,240 --> 00:28:24,040 But they don't give first prize to home breakers, 527 00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:25,880 so that was the end of that. Well, 528 00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:28,960 I'm sorry you never got your happy-ever-after after all. 529 00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:31,160 Gave up on happy a long time ago. 530 00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:38,760 So, these letters you wrote when I was just a kid... 531 00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:42,720 ..what did they say? 532 00:28:47,400 --> 00:28:49,160 Nothing. It's, uh... 533 00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:53,400 silly stuff. But if it were just silly stuff, 534 00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:55,520 why... Why didn't my dad let me see them? 535 00:28:56,480 --> 00:28:59,600 He had nothing to hide! I don't understand-I've got cleaning to do. 536 00:29:09,440 --> 00:29:11,840 (DANCERS CHATTER) 537 00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:22,000 One time I wrote to you about a butterfly... 538 00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:26,240 ..that landed right in the palm of my hand. 539 00:29:26,280 --> 00:29:28,320 And you loved butterflies, so... 540 00:29:30,280 --> 00:29:33,760 So, I told it to fly all the way to Blackpool... 541 00:29:37,240 --> 00:29:39,080 ..and give you a kiss from me. 542 00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:52,680 (SIGHS) 543 00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:56,040 (SIGHS) 544 00:30:01,565 --> 00:30:03,320 # EILEEN: These Boots Are Made For Walking # 545 00:30:03,360 --> 00:30:06,240 # These boots are made for walking 546 00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:08,120 # And that's just what they'll do... # 547 00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:13,360 (CLEARS THROAT) Friends... 548 00:30:15,200 --> 00:30:18,240 ..fellow workers...women. 549 00:30:19,560 --> 00:30:23,480 I-I stand here today not as your...mighty leader, 550 00:30:23,520 --> 00:30:25,960 as some have dubbed me, but... 551 00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:28,280 as your humble representative. 552 00:30:28,320 --> 00:30:30,560 (THEY MURMUR IN AGREEMENT) 553 00:30:32,560 --> 00:30:38,000 "In 1964, Harold Wilson puffed on his pongy pipe 554 00:30:38,040 --> 00:30:41,560 "and made promises to us, working women." 555 00:30:41,600 --> 00:30:43,520 He lured us in, 556 00:30:43,560 --> 00:30:46,760 and it won him the election. (WOMEN MURMUR IN AGREEMENT) 557 00:30:46,800 --> 00:30:49,520 As soon as he entered Number 10, 558 00:30:49,560 --> 00:30:52,600 he pulled out and abandoned us. 559 00:30:52,640 --> 00:30:54,400 Typical man. (WOMEN SCOFF IN AGREEMENT) 560 00:30:54,440 --> 00:30:58,840 Our bosses must give us equal pay. WOMEN: Mm-hmm. 561 00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:01,000 And I say to you, 562 00:31:01,040 --> 00:31:04,840 our loyal supporters... 563 00:31:04,880 --> 00:31:06,760 (CAMERA WHIRRS) 564 00:31:06,800 --> 00:31:12,200 # We shall overcome... God, she's like Eva Peron. 565 00:31:12,240 --> 00:31:15,480 Mm-hmm. # We shall overcome 566 00:31:15,520 --> 00:31:20,760 (HIGH-PITCHED): # Someday... Yeah, or Minnie Mouse, maybe. 567 00:31:20,800 --> 00:31:25,760 (LAUGHS) Join in. ALL: Deep in my heart 568 00:31:25,800 --> 00:31:30,560 # I do believe... # 569 00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:33,960 Did you see how much Irene had stuck on her sign? 570 00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:36,120 A for effort. She was trying, she was trying. 571 00:31:36,160 --> 00:31:38,080 Not great on execution. 572 00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:41,280 You're just gonna...I have a word. Oh, you'll have a word, will you? 573 00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:45,360 Hi. Hey, come and have a beer. We're celebrating.Nah, 574 00:31:45,400 --> 00:31:49,440 I'm alright, thanks. I'm gonna make a cup of Bovril in a bit. 575 00:31:49,480 --> 00:31:52,160 Does anyone want one? Well, that's it, everyone. 576 00:31:52,200 --> 00:31:56,400 The very real Sophie Straw prefers Bovril to beer.(SEVERAL LAUGH) 577 00:31:56,440 --> 00:31:58,200 ("These Boots Are Made For Walking" PLAYS) 578 00:31:58,240 --> 00:32:00,120 (SIGHS) (GLASS THUDS) 579 00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:03,920 (SIGHS) I've had a long day. 580 00:32:03,960 --> 00:32:06,560 Bit strange. Yeah, we've had a mad one as well, 581 00:32:06,600 --> 00:32:09,640 haven't we, girls? We got a mention in the paper for the picket. 582 00:32:09,680 --> 00:32:12,200 Now, there's no actual picture, 583 00:32:12,240 --> 00:32:15,680 erm, but it's still great that they're noticing us. 584 00:32:15,720 --> 00:32:18,280 Da-da-da-daaa. 585 00:32:18,320 --> 00:32:20,800 Oh, that's great. Well done. 586 00:32:27,080 --> 00:32:29,720 She's probably just tired or something.She is fine, 587 00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:31,640 thank you. 588 00:32:32,840 --> 00:32:35,040 (SIGHS) Fine. 589 00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:41,720 Ahem. Oh. Oh yeah. 590 00:32:41,760 --> 00:32:44,520 Yeah, alright, don't make a big song and dance about it. 591 00:32:44,560 --> 00:32:46,480 Make up your mind. 592 00:32:49,840 --> 00:32:51,560 (SIGHS) 593 00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:54,000 Can you not embarrass me in front of my friends, please? 594 00:32:54,040 --> 00:32:56,200 Oh, I'm sorry if I'm embarrassing you in my own flat. 595 00:32:56,240 --> 00:32:58,560 MY flat, actually. 596 00:32:58,600 --> 00:33:01,320 Are you that put out by the fact that I am in the papers? 597 00:33:01,360 --> 00:33:03,760 You can't stand anybody else having the limelight? 598 00:33:03,800 --> 00:33:05,880 If that's what you think of me, you don't know me. 599 00:33:05,920 --> 00:33:08,240 Well you only know the me that you want me to be, don't ya? 600 00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:10,200 Your little friend, Marjorie. 601 00:33:10,240 --> 00:33:12,680 That's not fair! I said well done. 602 00:33:12,720 --> 00:33:14,920 You haven't even asked me how I am 603 00:33:14,960 --> 00:33:17,560 or where I've been. Oh, showbiz party, was it? 604 00:33:17,600 --> 00:33:19,640 A photoshoot for Vogue? Ladies, ladies, 605 00:33:19,680 --> 00:33:21,960 maybe we can calm it down a bit, yeah? Thank you, Roger. 606 00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:24,840 I think we're capable of having a conversation without a man telling us 607 00:33:24,880 --> 00:33:27,400 how to do it.Don't have a go at Roger, he's only trying to help. 608 00:33:27,440 --> 00:33:30,240 What's the matter with you? Nothing. Everything! 609 00:33:30,280 --> 00:33:32,560 I just want a bit of bloody privacy! 610 00:33:32,600 --> 00:33:35,960 Oh, right, well yesterday, you wanted to be Lucille Ball. 611 00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:38,240 Today it's Greta Garbo. 612 00:33:38,280 --> 00:33:40,520 (PEOPLE CHATTER IN OTHER ROOM) 613 00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:43,040 Stupid placards everywhere. 614 00:33:45,160 --> 00:33:46,880 (SIGHS) 615 00:33:49,800 --> 00:33:51,640 (SIGHS) 616 00:33:51,680 --> 00:33:53,360 Look, she'll be fine tomorrow. 617 00:33:53,400 --> 00:33:57,160 Yeah, you say that, but you don't know what she's like. 618 00:34:01,320 --> 00:34:05,840 # Yes, they belong to only me 619 00:34:07,440 --> 00:34:12,639 # For eternity... 620 00:34:17,920 --> 00:34:19,880 (CAR HORN HONKS) 621 00:34:19,920 --> 00:34:21,679 (HONKING CONTINUES) 622 00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:24,840 Ugh! 623 00:34:26,080 --> 00:34:29,679 # Always be mine 624 00:34:29,719 --> 00:34:32,760 # You're mine... # 625 00:34:37,040 --> 00:34:39,000 Hello? 626 00:34:39,040 --> 00:34:41,400 (CLOCK TICKS) (DOG BARKS OUTSIDE IN DISTANCE) 627 00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:46,480 Pandy, can I stop here for a bit? 628 00:34:50,520 --> 00:34:53,080 (GASPS) Oh, bum... 629 00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:02,120 (SIGHS) 630 00:35:02,160 --> 00:35:04,280 # THE TROGGS: Lost Girl # 631 00:35:09,360 --> 00:35:11,240 # The times we had 632 00:35:11,280 --> 00:35:13,120 # The times we spent 633 00:35:13,160 --> 00:35:15,080 # The day we met 634 00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:16,880 # By accident 635 00:35:16,920 --> 00:35:18,680 # Was easy come 636 00:35:18,720 --> 00:35:20,600 # Was easy go 637 00:35:20,640 --> 00:35:22,360 # It seems a pity 638 00:35:22,400 --> 00:35:24,360 # Cos I love you so 639 00:35:24,400 --> 00:35:25,720 # Yes, I did... # 640 00:35:27,360 --> 00:35:29,480 (KNOCK ON DOOR) 641 00:35:34,840 --> 00:35:38,880 Hats off for rising to the challenge, Mahindra. Many wouldn't. 642 00:35:38,920 --> 00:35:41,280 I look forward to it. 643 00:35:41,320 --> 00:35:43,480 Vernon will give you a...a short briefing. 644 00:35:43,520 --> 00:35:47,360 Rather tautological. Obviously it's short, it's a briefing. 645 00:35:47,400 --> 00:35:50,680 Ahem. You can have that for one of your comedy scripts. 646 00:35:54,600 --> 00:35:56,600 Right, so just a reminder of protocol. 647 00:35:56,640 --> 00:36:00,520 We're live on air, so be mindful of anything that might be slanderous, 648 00:36:00,560 --> 00:36:02,800 and uh, do, of course, 649 00:36:02,840 --> 00:36:04,640 keep it clean, chaps. 650 00:36:05,520 --> 00:36:07,360 (CREW CHATTER) 651 00:36:10,800 --> 00:36:14,640 Right, well I'm needed in the control booth, so I'll... 652 00:36:15,720 --> 00:36:18,880 ..leave you men to it. See you out there. 653 00:36:20,840 --> 00:36:22,840 New suit? 654 00:36:24,680 --> 00:36:26,360 Mm. Hmm. 655 00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:31,840 (DOOR CLOSES)Yes, a shame we're in black and white. Ahem. 656 00:36:31,880 --> 00:36:33,760 (LIGHT MUSIC ON TV) 657 00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:35,480 Right. (BURPS) Oh, 658 00:36:35,520 --> 00:36:37,600 sorry, nervous burps. 659 00:36:37,640 --> 00:36:40,720 Don't you worry. Den'll be fine. I gave him a bunch of jokes to use. 660 00:36:40,760 --> 00:36:44,160 Oh, just nob gags, ideal for an intellectual discussion programme(!) 661 00:36:44,200 --> 00:36:48,480 Mm."Coming up this evening, a late-night discussion on Pipe Smoke, 662 00:36:48,520 --> 00:36:53,240 "with Vernon Whitfield, taking a closer look at situation comedy." 663 00:36:53,280 --> 00:36:55,920 WOMAN: Gentleman, please take your places. 664 00:36:55,960 --> 00:36:58,040 MAN: Clear the floor please. Thank you. 665 00:36:58,080 --> 00:37:03,120 Going live in five, four, three... 666 00:37:06,000 --> 00:37:08,240 (INTRIGUING THEME MUSIC ON TV) 667 00:37:08,280 --> 00:37:11,840 (GASPS) It's starting. Oh."Modern situation comedy. 668 00:37:11,880 --> 00:37:14,960 "'Inane, infantile, imbecilic.'" 669 00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:16,840 "These are just some of the charges..." 670 00:37:16,880 --> 00:37:19,440 Oh, now I've got hiccups! (BURPS)Oh, budge up lads. 671 00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:24,280 "However, fans argue that..." Shush, you two, it's starting. 672 00:37:25,360 --> 00:37:28,640 What? I'm part of the team. 673 00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:30,360 (BURPS) 674 00:37:30,400 --> 00:37:34,400 "Tonight, I shall be examining these assertions on Pipe Smoke." 675 00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:39,240 Hello, Reverend, sir. Good evening. 676 00:37:39,280 --> 00:37:41,680 Professor. 677 00:37:44,840 --> 00:37:46,960 I shall enjoy ,this Mahindra. 678 00:37:47,000 --> 00:37:49,440 I've screwed your wife, and now I'm going to screw you. 679 00:37:54,280 --> 00:37:56,000 My guests tonight: 680 00:37:56,040 --> 00:37:59,480 light entertainment comedy producer Dennis Mahindra. 681 00:37:59,520 --> 00:38:02,520 Den looks like he's sat on a spike. Has he swallowed a wasp? 682 00:38:02,560 --> 00:38:05,440 Great suit, though. Looks OK. 683 00:38:05,480 --> 00:38:07,200 Come on, Den. You've chosen to work in 684 00:38:07,240 --> 00:38:11,880 what some would consider a far lesser art form than, say, theatre. 685 00:38:11,920 --> 00:38:15,600 I'm curious, what drew you to the situation comedy genre? 686 00:38:16,720 --> 00:38:21,240 Well, I-If indeed we may class it as a genre.(LAUGHS) 687 00:38:22,760 --> 00:38:25,520 Well, I... 688 00:38:26,640 --> 00:38:29,600 "Would you care to expand on that for our viewers?""Er..." 689 00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:32,240 (SIGHS) Come on, Dennis. 690 00:38:32,280 --> 00:38:35,720 Erm-Clearly not. Turning to you, Professor Lomax. 691 00:38:35,760 --> 00:38:38,480 "Professor..."Come on, Den, get your balls back in the game! 692 00:38:38,520 --> 00:38:40,320 Well, Shakespeare is a genius, 693 00:38:40,360 --> 00:38:46,640 and frankly any attempt to compare his work with the work 694 00:38:46,680 --> 00:38:50,480 of my friend here's situation comedy is quite frankly absurd. 695 00:38:50,520 --> 00:38:54,000 (LAUGHS) If I may say...Come on, Dennis...the language that you 696 00:38:54,040 --> 00:38:58,320 and your comedy chaps use is...gratuitous. 697 00:38:58,360 --> 00:39:00,120 I'm rather surprised to see, Mr Mahindra, 698 00:39:00,160 --> 00:39:02,120 you've so little to say in defence of your work. 699 00:39:02,160 --> 00:39:03,880 Oh, I can't look. Ugh. 700 00:39:03,920 --> 00:39:07,000 Oh!I'd suggest that all situation comedy is indicative 701 00:39:07,040 --> 00:39:10,800 of an overall decline in general standards. Outlandish fashion, 702 00:39:10,840 --> 00:39:14,080 licentious music, from the likes of the Rolling Stones, and now... 703 00:39:14,120 --> 00:39:16,600 When's Vernon Whitfart ever seen the Rolling Stones? 704 00:39:16,640 --> 00:39:19,280 You rude fuck! ...all designed to appeal 705 00:39:19,320 --> 00:39:21,080 to the lowest common denominator. 706 00:39:21,120 --> 00:39:23,520 With sitcom being at the bottom of the heap. 707 00:39:23,560 --> 00:39:25,360 Hear-hear. Come on, Dennis, he's a bully. 708 00:39:25,400 --> 00:39:28,680 I don't agree.Well, I'm afraid you've rather muffed the opportunity 709 00:39:28,720 --> 00:39:31,440 the mount a case for the defence, Mr Mahindra. (LAUGHS)Hear-hear. 710 00:39:31,480 --> 00:39:33,440 "Wouldn't you say gentlemen?" (LAUGHS)Right. 711 00:39:33,480 --> 00:39:35,800 "That settles that." "Well, not quite."I can't look. 712 00:39:35,840 --> 00:39:38,320 "If you'd let me answer the question..." 713 00:39:39,400 --> 00:39:44,080 I would certainly argue that comedies 714 00:39:44,120 --> 00:39:47,160 such as, er, Steptoe and Son. 715 00:39:47,200 --> 00:39:49,720 The Likely Lads and Jim and Barbara, 716 00:39:49,760 --> 00:39:53,520 they create a...a much needed space for working-class representation. 717 00:39:54,640 --> 00:39:58,520 Ah, "panem et circenses", as the Romans said.(BOTH LAUGH) 718 00:39:58,560 --> 00:40:01,680 Keep the masses happy with bread and circuses. 719 00:40:01,720 --> 00:40:05,120 Oh, my Christ, that Vernon's so far up his own bum hole, 720 00:40:05,160 --> 00:40:08,040 he's coming out of his own mouth. Yes, if we take a show like, erm, 721 00:40:08,080 --> 00:40:10,760 like Till Death Us Do Part, now, you see, 722 00:40:10,800 --> 00:40:12,920 that gives us the character of Alf Garnett. 723 00:40:12,960 --> 00:40:17,760 (SCOFFS)You know, a-a misguided soul railing against modern Britain 724 00:40:17,800 --> 00:40:19,600 like a sort of contemporary King Lear. 725 00:40:19,640 --> 00:40:22,280 Shall we all just refresh our memories with a clip 726 00:40:22,320 --> 00:40:26,120 from one of Mr Mahindra's situation comedy episodes? 727 00:40:26,160 --> 00:40:29,400 (CATCHY THEME MUSIC ON TV) 728 00:40:31,920 --> 00:40:33,760 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING ON TV) 729 00:40:33,800 --> 00:40:36,640 "Ow!" 730 00:40:36,680 --> 00:40:38,680 (SIGHS) 731 00:40:38,720 --> 00:40:40,800 Oh. 732 00:40:40,840 --> 00:40:43,520 What's all this racket? Jim!Ah! 733 00:40:43,560 --> 00:40:45,800 "I've done it. I fixed the pipes." 734 00:40:45,840 --> 00:40:47,840 "Oh, darling, well done." 735 00:40:47,880 --> 00:40:51,040 But, you know, you could've just turned off all the water with this. 736 00:40:51,080 --> 00:40:53,840 (TOILET SEAT HINGES CREAK) Oh. 737 00:40:53,880 --> 00:40:57,640 (SCREAMS ON TV) 738 00:40:59,160 --> 00:41:00,880 Oh, dear. (CLEARS THROAT) 739 00:41:00,920 --> 00:41:04,760 Well, I'm afraid that rather says it all, don't you think? Bishop? 740 00:41:04,800 --> 00:41:08,000 Morally bereft and utterly puerile. 741 00:41:08,040 --> 00:41:11,000 A corrupting influence on the youth of today. 742 00:41:11,040 --> 00:41:12,920 Well said, sir. I... 743 00:41:12,960 --> 00:41:16,560 I fail to see any comparison between Shakespeare and that. 744 00:41:16,600 --> 00:41:20,440 Frankly, all I can see on that screen is an idiotic young tart 745 00:41:20,480 --> 00:41:22,560 running around trying to flush a lavatory. 746 00:41:22,600 --> 00:41:24,280 (LAUGHS) 747 00:41:29,360 --> 00:41:31,280 Oh, now you've done it, Vernon. 748 00:41:31,320 --> 00:41:34,800 You have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. 749 00:41:34,840 --> 00:41:37,800 Here we go, dive, dive, dive. 750 00:41:37,840 --> 00:41:40,800 Sophie Straw is an intelligent, instinctive, 751 00:41:40,840 --> 00:41:46,000 hugely charismatic comic performer of great technical ability, 752 00:41:46,040 --> 00:41:47,760 and I completely disagree... Oh, do you? 753 00:41:47,800 --> 00:41:51,440 ..with your base summarisation of that scene, 754 00:41:51,480 --> 00:41:54,240 and so would the 20 million other people who watched that episode. 755 00:41:54,280 --> 00:41:57,280 Oh, quantity be damned, it's quality that counts. 756 00:41:57,320 --> 00:42:00,320 Clearly you never paid attention at Cambridge University 757 00:42:00,360 --> 00:42:02,800 when they taught you about Aristotle's poetics. 758 00:42:02,840 --> 00:42:04,800 This is what television comedy can do best. 759 00:42:04,840 --> 00:42:09,000 Oh, it does, does it?Yes. It can cut through all of this pomposity. 760 00:42:09,040 --> 00:42:12,440 Pomposity?Pomposity?Yes, it is pomposity. It's exactly what it is. 761 00:42:12,480 --> 00:42:16,640 Go on.There you go.Sophie and the stories that we're trying to tell, 762 00:42:16,680 --> 00:42:19,320 that's the future, gentlemen. The future! 763 00:42:19,360 --> 00:42:21,520 Well, that's not a future I want to be part of. 764 00:42:21,560 --> 00:42:24,280 You can't stand in the way of progress.I'm sorry... Progress, no. 765 00:42:24,320 --> 00:42:28,920 All this is... All this filth is is a scatological cartoon, 766 00:42:28,960 --> 00:42:32,240 but according to you, as long as the great unwashed are laughing, 767 00:42:32,280 --> 00:42:35,280 it's perfectly alright.I think I see what's happening here.Oh, yeah? 768 00:42:35,320 --> 00:42:37,880 Go on, both barrels. "Yes, yes." 769 00:42:37,920 --> 00:42:40,280 You...and your cronies... 770 00:42:40,320 --> 00:42:44,800 Cronies?..you feel that comedy belongs to you. 771 00:42:44,840 --> 00:42:46,680 Of course, it doesn't belong to you, does it? 772 00:42:46,720 --> 00:42:48,800 It doesn't belong to me. It belongs to everybody. 773 00:42:48,840 --> 00:42:51,360 I'm heartened to hear it doesn't belong to you.It has the power 774 00:42:51,400 --> 00:42:54,880 to challenge the establishment.Or your type, your ilk. Let's face it, 775 00:42:54,920 --> 00:42:58,240 you wouldn't be happy even if comedy did belong to you. 776 00:42:58,280 --> 00:43:01,440 And you wouldn't be happy until you saw somebody on the television 777 00:43:01,480 --> 00:43:06,440 taking an actual big fucking steaming shit!(ALL GASP) 778 00:43:06,480 --> 00:43:10,000 (CONTINUOUS TONE) 779 00:43:10,040 --> 00:43:12,200 (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) 780 00:43:14,920 --> 00:43:17,680 (PEOPLE MURMUR) (TONE CONTINUES ON TV) 781 00:43:19,200 --> 00:43:21,480 Well, someone didn't read the green book. 782 00:43:21,520 --> 00:43:24,320 Vernon Fuckfield. 783 00:43:27,360 --> 00:43:29,320 (TONE CONTINUES) 784 00:43:29,360 --> 00:43:31,600 (CREW WHISPER) 785 00:43:33,000 --> 00:43:37,600 MAN: "Due to technical difficulties, the current programme 786 00:43:37,640 --> 00:43:40,440 "has been interrupted." He's broken television."For which, 787 00:43:40,480 --> 00:43:43,840 "of course, we apologise. In the meantime, 788 00:43:43,880 --> 00:43:48,000 "we have the pleasure of showing you a programme about basket weaving." 789 00:43:49,560 --> 00:43:51,480 (MIC FEEDBACK) Ugh. 790 00:43:56,920 --> 00:43:58,680 (FOOTSTEPS RECEDE) 791 00:44:05,840 --> 00:44:07,760 (PEOPLE CHATTER) 792 00:44:12,800 --> 00:44:14,640 Looking for something? 793 00:44:16,240 --> 00:44:18,320 I hope you're pleased with yourself. 794 00:44:18,360 --> 00:44:20,640 Vernon's on the phone to the director general. 795 00:44:21,760 --> 00:44:23,840 VIA SPEAKER: "You got the show shut down." 796 00:44:23,880 --> 00:44:26,080 Well, I... I think Vernon did a... 797 00:44:26,120 --> 00:44:28,040 good job of that all by himself. 798 00:44:28,080 --> 00:44:31,000 Actually, watching you was sort of thrilling. 799 00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:34,320 You were positively gladiatorial. 800 00:44:35,840 --> 00:44:39,040 Made me rather wish you'd fought that hard over me. 801 00:44:46,000 --> 00:44:48,720 (PANTING) 802 00:44:49,960 --> 00:44:51,680 (GASPS) 803 00:44:51,720 --> 00:44:53,560 (BREATHES DEEPLY) 804 00:44:53,600 --> 00:44:56,800 "Actually, it was damn sexy." 805 00:45:02,360 --> 00:45:04,840 # DIONNE WARWICK: Walk On By # 806 00:45:06,280 --> 00:45:09,360 # If you see my walking down the street 807 00:45:09,400 --> 00:45:11,920 # And I start to cry 808 00:45:11,960 --> 00:45:14,240 # Each time we meet 809 00:45:14,280 --> 00:45:17,520 # Walk on by 810 00:45:19,360 --> 00:45:22,840 # Walk on by 811 00:45:22,880 --> 00:45:25,240 # Make believe 812 00:45:25,280 --> 00:45:27,240 # That you don't see the tears 813 00:45:27,280 --> 00:45:29,840 # Just let me grieve 814 00:45:29,880 --> 00:45:33,520 # In private cos each time I see you 815 00:45:33,560 --> 00:45:37,320 # I break down and cry... # 816 00:45:37,360 --> 00:45:39,320 (PROJECTOR WHIRRING) 817 00:45:39,360 --> 00:45:41,960 # FABIENNE DELSOL: Laisse Tomber Les Filles # 818 00:45:42,000 --> 00:45:44,560 (SINGER SINGS IN FRENCH) 819 00:46:04,920 --> 00:46:07,160 (SPEAKS FRENCH): 820 00:46:10,640 --> 00:46:12,960 (SINGING CONTINUES) 821 00:46:18,560 --> 00:46:20,640 (SINGING CONTINUES) 822 00:46:44,080 --> 00:46:46,120 (SINGING FADES AND MUSIC STOPS) 823 00:46:46,160 --> 00:46:48,800 Subtitles by Sky Access Services www.skyaccessibility.sky