♪
Well, happy spirit week, children.
Kindly have your money ready to give to tina for jeans day.
Fifty cents is a small price to pay
To show your school spirit.
Adult mark: Spirit week!
Five whole days to show how much we loved
The place we hated.
[loud snap] [students gasp]
The only spirit you should be concerned with, children,
Is the holy spirit!
The purpose of jeans day is to raise funds to replace
The broken hand on our statue of saint bonaventure.
Not to... [scoffs]
"express yourselves."
Adult mark: I didn't even own jeans.
I liked having a uniform.
My fashion sense was second to none,
And that "nun" was sister rose!
Sister rose: When we give up our uniforms,
We give up our most precious gift.
Our uniformity.
Our sameness as catholics is what makes us unique!
When our lord was crucified,
The two men beside him were also wearing crosses.
Nice jeans. What kind are they?
Guess.
Levi's?
Lees? Wranglers?
Oh, well, it's all for a good cause.
I wonder what happened to the statue's hand.
Heh, maybe sister rose strapped it off.
Wait...
Where are your jeans?
Oh, I don't own any.
You know, I'm more of a slacks man.
[laughter]
Fox: How do you not have jeans?
What are you, a nun? [laughter]
Ms. Fowler: Alright, settle, settle.
Adult mark: The last thing I needed was another reason
To be made fun of.
I desperately needed a new outfit to fit in!
Kids were finally able to show their individuality--
By hanging out with other kids dressed just like them.
Jeans day had split the student population into two groups:
Bangers and preps.
The only other gang was...
Me.
Ritche: Alright. See ya.
Adult mark: The only guy in worse pants was ritche.
Mark: Oh, what happened to your jeans?
Did you fall off your skateboard?
Ritche: No. I bought 'em like this.
Hope you got a discount.
Dude! This is fashion!
Are you sure?
'cause I don't think there's enough fabric to qualify.
Middle fox: Whoops.
You got holes in your jeans!
I know.
Yeah? Well, good, 'cause...
They actually look pretty deadly.
Ritche: Thank you.
You're welcome...
Dick!
Ritche: Hey!
See, he likes 'em!
Please don't take fashion advice from morons.
Oh...
I should take it from the only kid in slacks?
Just so you know, we think your jeans are wicked.
Girls: Hi!
Adult mark: That was it.
I had to get jeans.
But what kind?
Black jeans!
I had found my own personal style.
It was gary's!
♪ auntie mary had a canary, up the leg of her drawers! ♪
♪ when she was creeping, he was peeping
Up the leg of her drawers! ♪
What are you so happy about? You finally divorcing him?
I've been asked to join the st. Bridget's choral group.
Isn't that for nuns?
Well, their "herd," or whatever it's called,
Dying out.
Sister rose said she heard me in church and said I'll do, so...
They need new blood!
Yeah! To suck on.
[clears throat]
Mom, dad...
I'm getting older now,
And I think it's time that I owned jeans.
Jeans? Good god!
What's wrong with the pair of pants you've got on now?
Everyone at school has jeans now!
The nuns have lost total control.
It's a mad house!
Mike, maybe you could lend your brother--
Nope.
Pop: You know, I was 15 before I got my second pair of pants.
And that was only because poor uncle edmund died.
Please!
If I go to school wearing dress pants tomorrow,
I'll never live it down.
Mom, will you take me?
Well, I have my first choir practice tonight,
So your father will have to take you shopping.
Mike sr: [sighs]
Alright, I'll make sure he gets a...
Suitable pair of dungarees.
[sighs]
[organ music]
Oh, it's so nice to get out of the house.
My crowd's got me drove!
Sister rose: Attention, vocalists!
The outside world is slipping.
This is where jeans leads us:
A nuns' choir without nuns.
Since there's no time to rehearse,
We'll be singing a simple song to the tune of
"she'll be coming around the mountain."
Oh, that sounds fun!
It most certainly is not!
More nun, less fun.
And a-one, and a-two...
Mike sr: Alright, let's go. Cab is here.
Adult mark: Jeans!
I was over the moon, thinking of how everyone would react
The next day at school.
♪ what if I were romeo in black jeans? ♪
♪ what if I was heathcliff?
♪ it's no myth!
♪ maybe she's just looking for
Someone to dance with... ♪
Where'd you get your jeans, mark?
They make everyone else's look like garbage!
♪
Indeed they do, ritche.
Wait! Don't sit.
Let us see your jeans for just a little bit longer?
♪ looking for some parallel
Can be an endless game. ♪
[slow applause]
No more homework for you from now on, mark!
Beautiful dungarees!
Are you sure this is the right place?
We should find an adequate pair of dungaree work pants here.
Will they even carry my size?
I hope not. You need to grow into 'em.
Oh, here we go.
Oh, do you like, uh, blue...
Or more blue?
Ooh...
"irregular"!
That sounds like a pretty good brand.
I-I don't think "irregulars" is a brand.
♪ he'll be coming down from heaven when he comes! ♪
♪ he'll be coming down from heaven! ♪
♪ it's too late for confession! ♪
♪ he'll be coming down--
Stop, stop!
[sighs] that was atrocious.
Ms. Fowler: What-- sister rose: Again.
♪ he'll be coming down from heaven-- ♪
I said sing it!
Not kill it.
[choir gasps]
♪ he'll be coming down--
Sister rose: Enough!
You try.
♪ he'll be coming down from heaven,
Too late for confession! ♪
♪ he'll be coming down from heaven when he comes! ♪
Congratulations, mary.
It's your solo now.
Mary: Oh!
Sister rose: Can't be any worse now, can it?
Oh...
Will you come out?
Mark: I'd rather not, if you don't mind.
Mark!
Well, come over here where I can see 'em.
[groans]
Adult mark: The old man bought pants
The way some people would buy a car.
They handle well.
Solid construction.
Should get a few miles out of them, eh?
What do you think?
They're loud.
Pants shouldn't be loud.
And the fabric, it's...
Chafing me.
I think we should keep looking.
They're fine.
Mark: What...?
Got a good waist. Plenty of allowance.
Lots of length there.
Look, we can tape up the bottoms until you grow into 'em.
How's your penis?
Is there room for your penis? Where's your penis?
Stop talking about the penis!
It's fine!
I'll take 'em.
Good!
Do you people take a cheque?
Mark: [sighs] mike sr: Go change.
Mark: Uh-- mike sr: Go on!
Clerk: Do you have id?
Mike sr: I don't have any id!
♪
[laughter]
I don't get it.
I've got black jeans just like him.
He's got levi's.
And you've got...
A sack with legs?
Watch out, boys!
If the wind picks up, he'll end up down by the harbour.
[laughter]
Adult mark: When it came to fashion sense,
I had been beaten senseless.
Is he gone?
You'd better lay low for a little bit longer.
Maybe change schools?
What type of jeans are they?
No-name hand-me-downs.
I just bedazzled them.
Ah!
Concise.
Look at those suck holes.
At least with the uniforms,
Nobody can tell how much money you got...
Or don't got.
Adult mark: Now, at least, there were three groups:
Bangers, preps, and us.
I don't get fashion.
Ritche's jeans are held together by safety pins and he's famous!
For what it's worth, I think your jeans are "bedazzl-ing."
Yours aren't all that bad, either.
They're cute.
You could grow into them.
You think?
Yeah, they'll fit real nice when you're 47.
You could also wear them over your snowsuit in winter.
[chuckles]
Ugh... They're leaking.
Alright, ladies, from the top.
♪ he'll be coming down from heaven when he comes. ♪
♪ he'll be coming down from heaven,
It's too late for confession. ♪
♪ he'll be coming down from--
A-ha!
It's you!
Perhaps your solo has made you over-confident.
♪ this is your nooote...
♪ this is my nooote...
No.
♪ this is your nooote...
♪ that's the same nooote...?
Again.
One, two, three...
♪ he'll be coming down from heaven when-- ♪
[loud snap] [choir gasps]
No!
Perhaps it would be better if you just mimed the lyrics
For this part.
♪ he'll be coming down from heaven when he comes! ♪
Sing, mary!
[mary mouthing words]
Sister rose: Silently...
♪ he'll be coming down from heaven... ♪
♪
Adult mark: If fox could bedazzle her jeans,
So could I.
Couldn't be that hard.
[door opens]
Hey, my bladder doesn't wear a watch!
Mark: Uh... Pop: What are you doing?
Fashion?
Fashion! Huh.
You know, when I was a boy, I used to dress to impress.
Why do you think I took dead uncle edmund's pants?
Took?
Ah, you know, I always thought that clothes made the man.
Well, what do these jeans make me?
Ooh, ahh.
Listen, I'll help you with these, but now I need to whiz.
Out, out!
Mark: Okay!
[upbeat music]
A little more bleach.
Adult mark: It was a case of the blind leading the blind.
Pop was beating my pants fashion-senseless.
That should do it.
Adult mark: I was a slacks man--
A crisp pleat, a sharp cuff,
And a nice break around the shoe.
That I understood.
This'll shrink them up nicely.
♪
Adult mark: But denim just wasn't in my "jean" pool.
Nice.
Ah, yes! Right.
Adult mark: So I had to stand there and watch
As pop drowned my pants in his own "jean" pool.
Ah...
Ah, needs a...
A slight trim.
[upbeat music continues]
Just because we are letting... [inaudible]
[sound of crying]
You okay, my dear?
Sister rose has had it out for me
Ever since I left the order.
That's why she gave you my solo.
Well, I do have a pretty good voice.
No, it's 'cause of me.
Oh, well...
She expects us to be as holy as she is.
Ah! Holy?
Please.
That old hag's been trying to bone mark's grandfather
For the last 50 years.
I'd say it's time we knocked her off her high cross.
Sister rose: [sternly] sister cecilia...
Look, can I be honest?
Clothes don't make the man.
Seriously?
Pop: Why would you trust a man
Who buys his clothes from estate sales?
[sighs]
I mean... They don't look that bad.
Middle fox: They look so bad!
[laughter]
Adult mark: Only your friends can betray you.
Et tu, ritche?
♪
There you are.
I had to follow the sound of your jeans to find you.
My jeans are perfectly adequate!
Ample waist, generous hem, and...
And...?
Your jeans are the weird ones!
And you're acting like it doesn't even bother you
That you're different!
Wow.
You know, I'm always going to look different,
So what's a little rip in my pants?
Ritche...
Ritche: If I'm going to stand out,
It might as well be for something I chose.
I-I didn't mean--
I'm not dressing to impress anyone but myself!
You should try it,
Instead of trying to be like everyone else!
♪
I...
Adult mark: The more I tried to fit in,
The more alone I was.
Ne else!
Well, were you?
Not everyone. Just... Most of them.
Hm.
You know...
The first time I saw your grandmother,
She was wearing a dress
That she'd made out of curtain scraps.
I thought it was beautiful.
But it was only beautiful
Because she was the one who was wearing it.
So I think your friend is right.
Life is short.
So you wear whatever the heck it is
That makes you feel like you.
[sighs]
[phone ringing]
Hello?
Mark: Uh, hello, mr. Perez.
Mr. Perez: Yes?
Can I speak to ritche, please?
Mr. Perez: No, sorry.
It's a school night, and ritche doesn't have white parents.
Mark: Could you pass on a message, then?
Mm-hm?
Tell him that I was jealous and that...
I was trying to be someone I wasn't,
And that someone wasn't a good friend.
I'm sorry.
And if he can find it in his heart to forgive me,
I'll never let something as stupid as jeans
Get between us again.
Thank you.
[sighs]
Ritche!
Mark called!
He said he's sorry.
About what?
He didn't say.
♪
You look cool.
Very stylish.
Very you.
You don't look too bad yourself!
♪
Wait...
I have an idea.
♪ what if I were romeo in black jeans? ♪
♪ what if I was heathcliff?
♪ it's no myth!
♪ maybe she's just looking for
Someone to dance with! ♪
♪
I am happy to announce that we've raised
Enough money to buy a replacement hand
For the statue of saint bonaventure!
[single person claps]
Yes, well, move it along now.
And now we must exorcize this spirit.
So, without further ado,
Please welcome the st. Bridget's nuns' choir...
And others.
[in a whisper] mark! Mark...
Mary: It's me!
Choir: ♪ he'll be coming down from heaven when he comes! ♪
♪ he'll be coming down from heaven when he comes! ♪
And mary...
Ms. Fowler: ♪ ...Be coming down from heaven,
He'll be coming down from heaven when he comes! ♪
Mary: One, two, three!
♪ and they'll toil in fire forever when he comes! ♪
[muttering angrily]
♪ and they'll toil in fire forever when he comes! ♪
Ms. Fowler: ♪ when he comes! Sister rose: No!
♪ and they'll toil in fire forever... ♪
Sister rose: Stop it! Stop it!
Stop it right now!
Stop it!
♪ ...When he comes!
[ms. Fowler sings high note]
[applause and cheering]
[inaudible]
Sister rose: You!
I cast you out of this choir!
Please!
You take your choir...
And shove it up your arse!
[crowd gasps]
Sister rose: You!
Corrupter!
Even god gave it a rest on sundays, sister.
I quit!
The choir, not my job.
Sorry, sister.
Mr. Chafe: [clapping] excellent job, sister!
Excellent!
The music was fantastic, fantastic!
[applause]
Sister rose: Yes, well, it's...
It's just as I have been...
Teaching them.
Sometimes you...
Have to have a little...
Fun.
[crowd murmuring]
♪
Adult mark: Everyone wants to be part of a group.
Even if that group is small.
♪
Adult mark: Some people want you to change to fit in.
♪
Adult mark: But somehow, that never seems to work.
♪
I'll take them.
♪
Adult mark: You should only ever change
Because you want to.
♪
Middle fox: I am your father!
[laughs]
Adult mark: Your true friends will love you for who you are.
Flaws and all.
♪