1 00:00:02,303 --> 00:00:03,302 [music playing on tv] 2 00:00:03,437 --> 00:00:04,770 Alright, come on. Flip it over. 3 00:00:04,905 --> 00:00:06,438 My show isn't over yet! 4 00:00:06,573 --> 00:00:07,772 [sighs] 5 00:00:07,808 --> 00:00:10,308 -[music swells and fades] -there. 6 00:00:10,378 --> 00:00:12,210 -Your turn. -Oh, finally! 7 00:00:12,212 --> 00:00:14,880 Whoa, it's my turn! I want to watch the weather! 8 00:00:14,882 --> 00:00:16,314 Then look out the window, pop! 9 00:00:16,384 --> 00:00:19,718 The long-range weather forecast, clever clogs! 10 00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:20,986 Like you need it! 11 00:00:21,055 --> 00:00:23,054 You're 80! 12 00:00:23,056 --> 00:00:25,723 Adult mark: In our house, you had to book your tv slot 13 00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:27,625 Weeks in advance. 14 00:00:27,661 --> 00:00:30,229 Casablanca's playing on the great money movie 15 00:00:30,231 --> 00:00:31,930 In two weeks' time. 16 00:00:31,932 --> 00:00:33,865 6 pm sharp. 17 00:00:33,901 --> 00:00:37,369 No talking, no telephone calls. 18 00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:41,106 Let's all do our part to make this happen, hey? 19 00:00:41,108 --> 00:00:42,874 Tv: And now for our long-range forecast. 20 00:00:42,943 --> 00:00:44,543 Tuesday, fog. 21 00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:46,211 Wednesday, fog. 22 00:00:46,213 --> 00:00:47,813 Thursday, foggy. 23 00:00:47,948 --> 00:00:49,814 Friday, foggy with a chance of rain. 24 00:00:49,850 --> 00:00:52,117 Mark: This is not entertaining. 25 00:00:52,119 --> 00:00:53,552 Breaking news! 26 00:00:53,621 --> 00:00:57,022 Vocm's own mike critch has won the edward r. Murrow award 27 00:00:57,157 --> 00:00:59,558 For ethics in broadcasting! 28 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:00,758 Way to go, dad! 29 00:01:00,795 --> 00:01:02,160 Mary: Mike, I'm so proud! 30 00:01:02,229 --> 00:01:03,428 It's no big deal. 31 00:01:03,431 --> 00:01:04,630 Any cash with it? 32 00:01:04,765 --> 00:01:06,431 No, but they're having a fancy award night 33 00:01:06,434 --> 00:01:07,933 With a steak dinner and everything! 34 00:01:07,935 --> 00:01:09,768 A night out! What'll I wear? 35 00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:11,703 Oh, that's wonderful! 36 00:01:11,772 --> 00:01:13,038 Your award, I mean. 37 00:01:13,173 --> 00:01:15,507 Oh, gosh! Oh, mike! 38 00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:17,575 Adult mark: I never missed an award show. 39 00:01:17,611 --> 00:01:20,778 The oscars, the tonys, the marks... 40 00:01:20,815 --> 00:01:23,114 Wow, best person! 41 00:01:23,150 --> 00:01:24,516 Thank you. 42 00:01:24,651 --> 00:01:27,986 [applause] 43 00:01:28,055 --> 00:01:30,188 Mark: [on tv] I am humbled. 44 00:01:30,324 --> 00:01:34,392 First off, this doesn't mean I'm better than anyone here tonight. 45 00:01:34,462 --> 00:01:38,730 It just says it, right here, on the award. 46 00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:40,265 [applause] 47 00:01:40,334 --> 00:01:42,601 I want to thank all the little people, 48 00:01:42,670 --> 00:01:44,870 The kindergartners. 49 00:01:44,939 --> 00:01:47,072 But mostly, fox. 50 00:01:47,074 --> 00:01:48,874 [audience chanting "mark, mark!"] 51 00:01:48,943 --> 00:01:50,275 Thank you. 52 00:01:50,311 --> 00:01:53,278 Pop: Mark, you're right in front of the television! 53 00:01:53,314 --> 00:01:54,680 Mark: Uh... 54 00:01:54,815 --> 00:01:57,549 What's wrong with you...? 55 00:01:57,585 --> 00:01:58,750 Sorry. 56 00:01:58,819 --> 00:02:00,352 Well, great money movie's comin' on. 57 00:02:00,354 --> 00:02:01,486 Pipe down! 58 00:02:01,522 --> 00:02:03,755 Mary, hold my calls, would ya? 59 00:02:03,757 --> 00:02:07,959 [music playing on tv] 60 00:02:08,028 --> 00:02:11,062 ♪ 61 00:02:11,098 --> 00:02:13,698 Adult mark: I got the bus just when my father 62 00:02:13,767 --> 00:02:15,167 Was coming on the radio. 63 00:02:15,169 --> 00:02:16,702 Hey! 64 00:02:16,704 --> 00:02:20,138 Dick: [on radio] and now, the vocm news with mike critch. 65 00:02:20,174 --> 00:02:23,575 Aww... Is that the baby's daddy? 66 00:02:23,710 --> 00:02:27,312 Middle fox: Vocm, voice of the child's... 67 00:02:27,314 --> 00:02:28,646 Man! 68 00:02:28,682 --> 00:02:29,781 What? 69 00:02:29,783 --> 00:02:31,016 Mike sr: [on radio] this just in, 70 00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:32,483 Crime spree at coleman's! 71 00:02:32,620 --> 00:02:33,985 Late last night, early this morning, 72 00:02:34,021 --> 00:02:35,787 Police were called to coleman's supermarket. 73 00:02:35,922 --> 00:02:38,624 A male suspect allegedly absconded with steaks 74 00:02:38,626 --> 00:02:41,793 And cheddar, hiding them down the front of his pants. 75 00:02:41,795 --> 00:02:43,461 The police gave chase, apprehending the man 76 00:02:43,531 --> 00:02:48,400 As he urinated against a fence, exposing his meats and cheeses. 77 00:02:48,402 --> 00:02:51,336 The suspect is scheduled for a bail hearing in provincial court 78 00:02:51,372 --> 00:02:54,473 When we will learn the name of the "beef bandit." 79 00:02:54,608 --> 00:02:59,677 Mike critch for the award-winning vocm news. 80 00:02:59,713 --> 00:03:01,880 Mm, stunning! 81 00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:03,682 Yes! 82 00:03:03,751 --> 00:03:05,884 How it's done! [chuckles] 83 00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:07,352 [laughter on bus] 84 00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:09,621 Adult mark: The kids loved to make fun of dad. 85 00:03:09,657 --> 00:03:13,659 The only way to beat 'em was to join 'em. 86 00:03:13,794 --> 00:03:15,494 Ohhh! 87 00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:17,162 Oh, don't catch me! 88 00:03:17,231 --> 00:03:19,297 Oh, don't look at my meats and cheeses, ohhh! 89 00:03:19,333 --> 00:03:22,234 -Ohhh! -Sit down, dumbass! 90 00:03:22,236 --> 00:03:25,103 Whoa! I was just making fun of my dad! 91 00:03:25,105 --> 00:03:28,273 You mean my dad. 92 00:03:28,342 --> 00:03:30,508 -Your dad? -Shut up! 93 00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:33,578 When everyone finds out, my life is over. 94 00:03:33,581 --> 00:03:37,181 He put meat down his pants. 95 00:03:37,218 --> 00:03:39,184 It's not that bad. 96 00:03:41,789 --> 00:03:44,056 Okay, it's bad. 97 00:03:44,058 --> 00:03:45,590 But no one's gonna know it's him. 98 00:03:45,593 --> 00:03:47,192 When he has his court date, 99 00:03:47,261 --> 00:03:49,127 Your dad is gonna broadcast his name 100 00:03:49,196 --> 00:03:51,730 And the whole bus will know. 101 00:03:51,799 --> 00:03:53,398 I'll ask him not to. 102 00:03:53,434 --> 00:03:55,066 He won't rat out your dad. 103 00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:56,201 Trust me. 104 00:03:56,270 --> 00:03:59,871 He's an award-winning man of ethics. 105 00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:02,207 I promise. 106 00:04:02,276 --> 00:04:05,277 ♪ 107 00:04:05,279 --> 00:04:08,012 Mike sr: [indistinct] 108 00:04:08,048 --> 00:04:11,349 Are you sure? When's the announcement? 109 00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:14,552 Any word from the chief? 110 00:04:14,622 --> 00:04:17,289 Mike jr: Dick, would you... 111 00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:20,425 I dunno, eat meat that had been down a man's pants? 112 00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:23,295 -Depends on the type. -Mm. 113 00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:25,364 -Ground? -Frig no. 114 00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:28,834 Striploin? 115 00:04:28,836 --> 00:04:32,037 Friggin' right. That's an expensive cut. 116 00:04:34,508 --> 00:04:37,275 What if it had been down the back of his pants? 117 00:04:39,980 --> 00:04:41,246 I stand by my answer. 118 00:04:41,315 --> 00:04:42,614 Mike sr: [background] bye, now. 119 00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:43,548 Mike jr: Good man. 120 00:04:43,684 --> 00:04:45,216 More breaking news, boys! 121 00:04:45,218 --> 00:04:48,353 Police in newfoundland are finally going to be issued guns! 122 00:04:48,355 --> 00:04:50,555 Because of buddy with the cheese in his pants? 123 00:04:50,591 --> 00:04:52,658 Hey, this is two big scoops in a day! 124 00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:55,494 Good work, dad! 125 00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:57,095 Enough. 126 00:04:59,333 --> 00:05:02,400 Reporter: [on tv] don't more guns mean more danger? 127 00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:04,135 Officer butt: [on tv] not at all. 128 00:05:04,171 --> 00:05:06,738 The guns will be kept under lock and key. 129 00:05:09,176 --> 00:05:11,543 Geez, I... I had the keys here a minute ago. 130 00:05:11,612 --> 00:05:13,811 Oh, he wouldn't know his arse from his elbow! 131 00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:17,015 -Reporter: For cjqn news, I'm-- -[channel switches] 132 00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:18,717 -What's this, then? -Hm? 133 00:05:18,786 --> 00:05:20,185 -This? -Oh, um... 134 00:05:20,187 --> 00:05:22,354 Yeah, did-- didn't I mention it? 135 00:05:22,356 --> 00:05:23,755 Yeah, I got cable. 136 00:05:23,791 --> 00:05:25,490 We can't afford cable! 137 00:05:25,559 --> 00:05:26,958 Oh, relax. 138 00:05:27,027 --> 00:05:28,025 I'm paying for it. 139 00:05:28,062 --> 00:05:30,695 -Oh, pssht. -Oh, just pipe down. 140 00:05:30,698 --> 00:05:34,433 Now, this film has partial nudity, 141 00:05:34,568 --> 00:05:36,368 And I want to see which part. 142 00:05:36,370 --> 00:05:39,504 You know, if you're throwin' money around, we have bills. 143 00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:43,241 Tv: Up next on moviemax, sylvester stallone as rambo 144 00:05:43,310 --> 00:05:44,776 In "first blood." 145 00:05:44,911 --> 00:05:48,079 [dramatic music] 146 00:05:48,082 --> 00:05:49,881 Narration: Sylvester stallone. 147 00:05:49,917 --> 00:05:53,618 This time, he's fighting for his life. 148 00:05:53,654 --> 00:05:55,987 First blood. 149 00:05:56,056 --> 00:05:58,189 ♪ 150 00:05:58,225 --> 00:06:01,058 Well, I suppose we don't need to get rid of the cable 151 00:06:01,095 --> 00:06:03,461 Right this second, now, do we? 152 00:06:05,733 --> 00:06:07,999 I need to use the washroom. 153 00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:10,001 Teachers pee? Gross. 154 00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:12,036 Ms. Fowler: Continue with your math assignments. 155 00:06:12,072 --> 00:06:16,040 Mark, if anyone makes any noise, write their name on the board. 156 00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:17,809 [sighs] 157 00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:19,144 Adult mark: Of course she chose 158 00:06:19,213 --> 00:06:22,246 The son of the most ethical man in town! 159 00:06:26,019 --> 00:06:27,953 Hey! Cut it out! 160 00:06:28,088 --> 00:06:29,554 I'll allow it. 161 00:06:29,623 --> 00:06:32,290 Critches ain't snitches. 162 00:06:34,862 --> 00:06:36,094 Hey! 163 00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:38,530 The cheese bandit strikes again! 164 00:06:38,665 --> 00:06:39,698 [laughter] 165 00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:41,032 Quit it, ritche. 166 00:06:41,168 --> 00:06:44,502 The whole world's wondering, where's the beef? 167 00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:46,237 It's down my pants! 168 00:06:46,273 --> 00:06:47,772 [laughter] 169 00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:49,908 Adult mark: My father had won an award for his ethics, 170 00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:51,776 But now I faced an ethical dilemma. 171 00:06:51,779 --> 00:06:54,613 Did I protect fox, or rat out my best friend? 172 00:06:54,615 --> 00:06:55,680 I'm being serious. 173 00:06:55,816 --> 00:06:58,049 Settle down or I'll-- 174 00:06:58,185 --> 00:06:59,250 You'll what? 175 00:06:59,386 --> 00:07:02,587 Critches aren't snitches, right? 176 00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:04,322 [scrawls on blackboard] 177 00:07:04,391 --> 00:07:05,991 You wouldn't dare. 178 00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:07,893 It doesn't have to be this way. 179 00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:10,127 Just... Stop talking! 180 00:07:10,264 --> 00:07:11,696 Sit down, loser! 181 00:07:11,832 --> 00:07:13,198 Hey, she just talked! 182 00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:14,899 Write her name down! 183 00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:16,134 What the heck? 184 00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:17,769 Don't make me do this. 185 00:07:17,838 --> 00:07:20,405 Come on, you love jokes! Hey! 186 00:07:20,474 --> 00:07:23,308 Is that a ribeye in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? 187 00:07:23,310 --> 00:07:25,777 -Shut up! -Fox talked! 188 00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:27,478 I bet it's 'cause she's a girl. 189 00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:29,747 Mark: Oh! Okay. 190 00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:31,816 Not fair! 191 00:07:31,819 --> 00:07:33,952 [dramatic music] 192 00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:35,319 Marion: Stop writing our names! 193 00:07:35,321 --> 00:07:36,821 Adult mark: It was like a fever dream. 194 00:07:36,824 --> 00:07:37,989 Ritche: What are you doing, man? 195 00:07:38,025 --> 00:07:39,291 Adult mark: Something came over me, 196 00:07:39,293 --> 00:07:40,959 And before I knew what I was doing... 197 00:07:41,028 --> 00:07:42,560 Well, that's a first. 198 00:07:42,696 --> 00:07:44,362 Mark the narc, is it? 199 00:07:44,498 --> 00:07:46,564 Uh, uh... 200 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:49,167 Adult mark: Busted for busting. 201 00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:52,503 Hey, mike. 202 00:07:52,505 --> 00:07:54,772 What do you think of this ad copy? 203 00:07:54,774 --> 00:07:56,241 [radio voice] "this is dick dunphy! 204 00:07:56,376 --> 00:07:58,776 "I'll be broadcasting live this afternoon 205 00:07:58,846 --> 00:08:00,245 "from coleman's supermarket 206 00:08:00,314 --> 00:08:03,314 "where the deals are practically criminal. 207 00:08:03,450 --> 00:08:05,450 "I'll be giving out as many packs of 208 00:08:05,519 --> 00:08:08,753 "kraft singles and hot dogs as you can fit in your pants. 209 00:08:08,889 --> 00:08:12,123 "make off like a bandit at coleman's." 210 00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:14,859 Mike jr: Oh! 211 00:08:14,862 --> 00:08:16,394 This is why you're the master. 212 00:08:16,463 --> 00:08:17,862 Hm! 213 00:08:17,865 --> 00:08:20,865 Hey, dad, you should do an update on the beef bandit. 214 00:08:20,868 --> 00:08:22,433 I mean, it's the hottest story in town right now. 215 00:08:22,503 --> 00:08:25,270 Nothing new to report until we get a name. 216 00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:28,339 [phone rings] 217 00:08:28,375 --> 00:08:30,609 Vocm newsroom. Mike critch speaking. 218 00:08:30,744 --> 00:08:31,743 Mike, it's me. 219 00:08:31,812 --> 00:08:34,879 Oh, hello, officer butt. 220 00:08:34,882 --> 00:08:38,049 Wondering if you heard anything about a lost gun? 221 00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:41,219 [quietly] you lost your gun? 222 00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:43,220 No, no! 223 00:08:43,257 --> 00:08:46,357 Why, did anyone say they found one? 224 00:08:46,393 --> 00:08:48,693 You know I have a duty to report this. 225 00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:50,495 Not if you want any more hot tips, 226 00:08:50,497 --> 00:08:53,565 Like the one I gave you about the steak and cheese bandit. 227 00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:56,033 I'd lose me job, mike. 228 00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:00,572 [sighs] 229 00:09:00,574 --> 00:09:01,906 Was that a tip? 230 00:09:01,942 --> 00:09:04,109 You get a name? 231 00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:05,310 No. 232 00:09:05,445 --> 00:09:08,045 Ah, it was nothin'. 233 00:09:08,081 --> 00:09:14,252 [dramatic music] 234 00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:16,054 Dick: [indistinct] 235 00:09:16,123 --> 00:09:17,255 Mike jr: Twenty... 236 00:09:17,257 --> 00:09:19,658 [explosion and dogs barking on tv] 237 00:09:19,793 --> 00:09:22,860 [zapping sounds] 238 00:09:22,930 --> 00:09:24,796 Pop: Hm... 239 00:09:24,798 --> 00:09:27,966 Ooh! This thing's some hot! 240 00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:29,634 We should call cable atlantic. 241 00:09:29,636 --> 00:09:31,069 -[gunshots on tv] -no! 242 00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:33,371 No, no. We won't be doing that. 243 00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:36,875 You see, the cable company doesn't technically know 244 00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:38,276 We've got cable. 245 00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:40,211 No, it's a descrambler. 246 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:43,214 You bloody shagger! This is illegal! 247 00:09:43,283 --> 00:09:45,916 Mike is liable to just turn himself in! 248 00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:47,051 Fine. 249 00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:49,020 Say goodbye to rambo ii, then. 250 00:09:49,156 --> 00:09:52,157 No... 251 00:09:54,828 --> 00:09:57,529 [in a whisper] let's keep it between ourselves for now. 252 00:09:57,664 --> 00:09:59,497 -[switches channel] -mary: The beaver! 253 00:09:59,499 --> 00:10:01,833 Oh, how interesting. 254 00:10:01,835 --> 00:10:04,035 Dad, can I talk to you about the beef bandit? 255 00:10:04,170 --> 00:10:05,570 I don't know who he is. 256 00:10:05,572 --> 00:10:07,038 You gotta wait till tomorrow like everyone else. 257 00:10:07,173 --> 00:10:09,974 I already know who it is, dad. 258 00:10:09,977 --> 00:10:11,743 The beef bandit is fox's dad. 259 00:10:11,812 --> 00:10:13,511 Fox's father is the thief? 260 00:10:13,647 --> 00:10:15,913 Adult mark: Mark the narc strikes again! 261 00:10:16,049 --> 00:10:17,214 You can't say anything! 262 00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:18,983 It'll ruin fox's life! 263 00:10:18,986 --> 00:10:21,186 And she will end mine! 264 00:10:21,188 --> 00:10:23,688 It's gonna come out whether I report it or not. 265 00:10:23,757 --> 00:10:26,257 But you're the one who the kids listen to on the bus. 266 00:10:26,393 --> 00:10:28,259 I promised her you wouldn't. 267 00:10:28,328 --> 00:10:29,427 Please! 268 00:10:29,429 --> 00:10:31,462 For me. 269 00:10:31,498 --> 00:10:33,330 Look, it's not personal. 270 00:10:33,467 --> 00:10:35,767 Not personal? I'm your son! 271 00:10:35,902 --> 00:10:37,402 If I make an exception for family, 272 00:10:37,471 --> 00:10:38,903 Then I'm no better than he is! 273 00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:39,938 Right, mary? 274 00:10:40,073 --> 00:10:41,473 Couldn't agree more! 275 00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:44,809 Spot on, son! 276 00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:46,611 We gotta get rid of that descrambler. 277 00:10:46,746 --> 00:10:49,547 Pop: Just as soon as rambo comes out of the jungle. 278 00:10:49,549 --> 00:10:51,782 Yes! 279 00:10:54,888 --> 00:10:56,554 Pop: Mm. 280 00:10:58,492 --> 00:11:01,025 Oh. Hello, fox. 281 00:11:01,028 --> 00:11:02,761 I didn't realize the time. 282 00:11:02,763 --> 00:11:04,829 We were just finishing up some homework. 283 00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:08,033 Sorry, I didn't know you were about to eat. 284 00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:09,434 Adult mark: But I did. 285 00:11:10,771 --> 00:11:12,303 Dad could say no to me, but could he say no to the face 286 00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:15,239 Of the poor girl he was about to send to the orphanage-- 287 00:11:15,275 --> 00:11:17,208 Or, at least, her mom's house? 288 00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:20,045 Go on. You sit down, hm? 289 00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:22,847 Uh, uh-- yeah, no, uh, that's my seat. 290 00:11:22,849 --> 00:11:25,950 But the seat next to dad's open, though. 291 00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:32,990 Mary: There you go, dear. 292 00:11:33,994 --> 00:11:35,660 Ah. 293 00:11:35,662 --> 00:11:39,564 There's nothing like a meal with your family. 294 00:11:39,633 --> 00:11:42,901 Uh, I hear you're getting some big award? 295 00:11:42,903 --> 00:11:44,602 Oh, it's nothing. 296 00:11:44,738 --> 00:11:48,306 Mary: Did you know he broke the beef bandit story, too, huh? 297 00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:50,275 Pop: It's quite a story! 298 00:11:50,410 --> 00:11:54,078 Apparently this fella sticks the goods down his trousers. 299 00:11:54,147 --> 00:11:55,613 And then... 300 00:11:55,682 --> 00:11:57,148 Then he's gotta pee! 301 00:11:57,184 --> 00:11:59,283 Ha, imagine the pressure! 302 00:11:59,352 --> 00:12:00,618 [laughs] 303 00:12:00,620 --> 00:12:02,821 Adult mark: Imagine? I was living it! 304 00:12:02,823 --> 00:12:05,523 Mary: People putting pork down their pants... 305 00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:06,491 Perverts! 306 00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:08,026 Mark: But doesn't the bible say 307 00:12:08,028 --> 00:12:10,161 You can steal to feed your family? 308 00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:11,496 Adverbs 6:30? 309 00:12:11,498 --> 00:12:13,164 How about "thou shalt not steal"? 310 00:12:13,299 --> 00:12:14,832 You familiar with that one? 311 00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:17,969 No offence, fox. 312 00:12:18,104 --> 00:12:20,605 Oh my god, mark! 313 00:12:20,674 --> 00:12:22,840 Wha-- 314 00:12:22,876 --> 00:12:25,510 Whoa, she's making a getaway! 315 00:12:25,512 --> 00:12:28,245 Check her pants for cheddar on the way out! [laughs] 316 00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:30,181 Pop! Fox... 317 00:12:30,183 --> 00:12:31,249 Please. 318 00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:32,516 I was just trying to help! 319 00:12:32,552 --> 00:12:34,318 I knew I shouldn't have trusted you! 320 00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:35,853 He's gonna tell everyone! 321 00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:38,656 He says he has no choice. 322 00:12:38,792 --> 00:12:40,525 I expect my dad to let me down. 323 00:12:40,527 --> 00:12:42,726 But you...? 324 00:12:42,763 --> 00:12:44,328 You're just like everyone else. 325 00:12:44,463 --> 00:12:47,265 No! No, wait... 326 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:48,199 [door closes] 327 00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:51,936 [police siren] 328 00:12:58,912 --> 00:13:01,279 What the frig you want? 329 00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:03,714 This may seem strange, but... 330 00:13:03,750 --> 00:13:05,750 I want to know why you did it. 331 00:13:05,752 --> 00:13:09,220 What difference does it make? 332 00:13:09,222 --> 00:13:10,354 Was it to eat? 333 00:13:10,390 --> 00:13:12,357 Look, I'm not an animal. 334 00:13:12,492 --> 00:13:15,226 I don't eat nudding that touches my privates. 335 00:13:15,361 --> 00:13:17,762 I shoplifts meats and cheese 336 00:13:17,831 --> 00:13:20,564 And sells 'em to the pizza joint. 337 00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:21,633 But... 338 00:13:21,768 --> 00:13:23,635 Why? 339 00:13:23,637 --> 00:13:28,840 You ever worry about how you're gonna feed your kids, mike? 340 00:13:28,842 --> 00:13:31,109 Yeah, some newsman you are. 341 00:13:31,111 --> 00:13:34,111 You don't know nudding about the real world. 342 00:13:36,983 --> 00:13:38,315 Anything you want to say? 343 00:13:38,351 --> 00:13:41,118 Nothing that's fit to put on the radio. 344 00:13:43,190 --> 00:13:46,925 Look, I'm not a bad guy, mike. I just... 345 00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:49,727 Never had a chance. 346 00:13:52,966 --> 00:13:55,132 You let me know if you need any meats and cheeses 347 00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:56,668 When I get outta here. 348 00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:58,069 I knows a guy! 349 00:13:58,071 --> 00:14:00,204 [chuckles] 350 00:14:00,207 --> 00:14:02,640 [door buzzer] 351 00:14:04,144 --> 00:14:07,612 Mary: I saw your advertisement on the television, 352 00:14:07,614 --> 00:14:10,147 And I would like to enter your contest. 353 00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:12,216 Oh, yes, I am a cable subscriber! 354 00:14:12,285 --> 00:14:13,217 Pop: Wha-- 355 00:14:13,286 --> 00:14:16,220 That's right, 303 kenmount road. 356 00:14:16,223 --> 00:14:18,356 Pop: Shh! It's a trap! 357 00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:20,091 It's a trap! 358 00:14:20,093 --> 00:14:23,027 For frig sake! I'm trying to win us a new tv! 359 00:14:23,029 --> 00:14:25,229 The cable company said they're giving one away to anyone 360 00:14:25,232 --> 00:14:26,497 Who has the movie channel! 361 00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:31,035 It's a trap to catch people with descramblers! 362 00:14:31,170 --> 00:14:35,239 You have got us headed to the big house! 363 00:14:35,308 --> 00:14:36,841 Think they've got cable? 364 00:14:36,910 --> 00:14:38,243 Mary: Oh! 365 00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:42,246 ♪ 366 00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:43,448 [sighs] 367 00:14:47,921 --> 00:14:49,921 You're here late. 368 00:14:49,990 --> 00:14:52,056 Oh... Yeah, I'm just, uh, 369 00:14:52,191 --> 00:14:54,525 Working on my speech for the awards banquet. 370 00:14:54,660 --> 00:14:56,661 I'm having a bit of trouble with it. 371 00:14:56,663 --> 00:14:57,828 What? 372 00:14:57,864 --> 00:15:00,131 The award's for ethics, isn't it? 373 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,400 That's your whole shtick! 374 00:15:02,535 --> 00:15:05,603 I mean, come on, just say what you always told us growing up. 375 00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:07,939 "there's the right way and the wrong way." 376 00:15:07,941 --> 00:15:10,274 "it's either a truth or a lie." 377 00:15:10,277 --> 00:15:13,678 "it's good guys versus bad guys!" 378 00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:18,383 You know, all that crap. 379 00:15:18,385 --> 00:15:19,883 Hey, come on. 380 00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:22,486 You got this. 381 00:15:22,522 --> 00:15:27,491 [sentimental music] 382 00:15:27,527 --> 00:15:31,095 ♪ 383 00:15:42,709 --> 00:15:44,375 Adult mark: Dad won a major prize, 384 00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:47,244 But to him, the greatest prize of all was the free meal. 385 00:15:47,314 --> 00:15:50,247 Uh, just to be sure, there's no charge for this at all, right? 386 00:15:50,317 --> 00:15:53,584 Yes, sir, no charge. Although tips are appreciated. 387 00:15:53,586 --> 00:15:55,720 No, thank you. 388 00:15:55,789 --> 00:15:58,922 Adult mark: But food reminded me of someone. 389 00:15:58,959 --> 00:16:00,224 Something wrong with your steak? 390 00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:01,659 What if it's stolen? 391 00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:03,928 I wouldn't want to be an accomplice to a meat crime. 392 00:16:03,997 --> 00:16:05,830 -You name names. -Enough! 393 00:16:05,899 --> 00:16:07,198 This is a special night. 394 00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:08,932 -You gonna finish that? -What? 395 00:16:08,969 --> 00:16:11,268 Pop: No, I think the boy's got a good point. 396 00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:13,604 I mean, how do I know this steak hasn't been 397 00:16:13,739 --> 00:16:15,740 Down somebody's trousers? 398 00:16:15,809 --> 00:16:17,675 Waiter: Freshly grated parmesan? 399 00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:19,543 Yes, please. 400 00:16:19,579 --> 00:16:20,745 Hm? 401 00:16:21,815 --> 00:16:23,147 Pop: Oh lord, the pigs! 402 00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:26,083 We walked straight into the lion's den! 403 00:16:26,119 --> 00:16:28,486 Why did you let me make that call? 404 00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:31,756 Did you hear that the kirklands, they got nabbed for that ad? 405 00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:33,257 -So-- -are you gonna eat that? 406 00:16:33,259 --> 00:16:34,425 -He took my steak! -What? 407 00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:36,360 Mike jr: The steak. You gonna finish the-- 408 00:16:36,363 --> 00:16:40,497 Pop: Oh, no, no. I've lost my appetite. 409 00:16:40,499 --> 00:16:41,599 [sighs] 410 00:16:44,037 --> 00:16:46,970 Adult mark: No matter how embarrassed fox was of her dad, 411 00:16:47,007 --> 00:16:51,475 I still couldn't help being proud of mine. 412 00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:55,312 [upbeat jazz continues in background] 413 00:16:57,249 --> 00:16:59,684 Still mad at me? 414 00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:01,719 No. I understand. 415 00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:03,788 It's not personal. 416 00:17:03,923 --> 00:17:05,823 I mean, you wouldn't be winning an award for ethics 417 00:17:05,892 --> 00:17:08,259 If you took a dive for your own son, now, would you? 418 00:17:08,394 --> 00:17:09,761 Officer butt: Attention, folks! 419 00:17:09,896 --> 00:17:14,432 And the edward r. Murrow award for ethics in broadcasting 420 00:17:14,501 --> 00:17:18,936 Goes to a man whom we in the force trust. 421 00:17:19,005 --> 00:17:20,471 Ladies and gentleman, 422 00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:22,673 Vocm's mike critch! 423 00:17:22,675 --> 00:17:25,610 [applause] 424 00:17:25,745 --> 00:17:27,278 Thank you. 425 00:17:33,086 --> 00:17:34,552 Mike sr: Uh, thank you. 426 00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:38,956 I'm particularly honoured to accept this award for ethics, 427 00:17:38,992 --> 00:17:41,358 Because, as I always tell my boys, 428 00:17:41,428 --> 00:17:44,361 Doing the right thing... 429 00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:50,234 [sentimental music] 430 00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:52,904 ...Isn't always easy. 431 00:17:53,039 --> 00:17:55,640 Life isn't black and white. 432 00:17:55,775 --> 00:17:57,742 It's mostly grey. 433 00:17:57,877 --> 00:18:02,513 And the greyer I get, the more I can see that. 434 00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:06,184 There's no good guys and bad guys. 435 00:18:06,186 --> 00:18:10,321 Just people trying their best to get by. 436 00:18:12,192 --> 00:18:15,459 Sometimes when you set out to do the "right" thing, 437 00:18:15,462 --> 00:18:18,963 You end up doing more harm than good. 438 00:18:18,965 --> 00:18:24,135 So, try and err on the side of kindness. 439 00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:28,005 That's something I learned from my son. 440 00:18:28,041 --> 00:18:32,944 And that's who I'd like to thank most tonight, is my family. 441 00:18:33,079 --> 00:18:34,879 Thank you for showing me 442 00:18:34,881 --> 00:18:37,281 That it's never too late to do the right thing. 443 00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:38,483 Well, jesus, he knows. 444 00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:39,917 -What? -Yeah. 445 00:18:39,919 --> 00:18:41,953 Thank you, and goodnight. 446 00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:44,087 [applause] 447 00:18:44,124 --> 00:18:45,623 Alright, let's have this out. 448 00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:46,891 It's gone. 449 00:18:47,026 --> 00:18:49,961 Nobody need know. 450 00:18:50,096 --> 00:18:52,129 How did you find out? 451 00:18:52,165 --> 00:18:54,832 Everybody knows about them. 452 00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:56,367 About the guns? 453 00:18:56,502 --> 00:18:57,768 Guns? 454 00:18:57,804 --> 00:19:00,171 I'm talking about my descrambler. 455 00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:02,773 Guns, well, what are you talking about? 456 00:19:02,775 --> 00:19:05,376 Let's pretend this conversation never happened. 457 00:19:05,511 --> 00:19:06,510 Oh... 458 00:19:06,645 --> 00:19:08,846 Uh, what conversation? 459 00:19:08,915 --> 00:19:11,114 Don't touch my dessert. 460 00:19:11,151 --> 00:19:13,584 Mary: [gasps] oh... 461 00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:15,653 Mm! 462 00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:17,588 Adult mark: Sometimes you just have to depend 463 00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:22,593 On your heart to tell you what's right. 464 00:19:22,729 --> 00:19:24,128 Bologna on white with mayo? 465 00:19:24,197 --> 00:19:25,462 Feeling exotic? 466 00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:26,764 Give that to me, narc. 467 00:19:26,899 --> 00:19:28,733 Adult mark: We all know we should strive 468 00:19:28,868 --> 00:19:33,171 To do the right thing... 469 00:19:33,306 --> 00:19:35,206 Admit when you're wrong... 470 00:19:35,341 --> 00:19:38,175 Oh geez, not again! 471 00:19:39,212 --> 00:19:40,678 [static on tv] 472 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,747 Adult mark: Don't steal... 473 00:19:42,882 --> 00:19:44,682 And always tell the truth. 474 00:19:47,120 --> 00:19:49,119 [sound of tv show] 475 00:19:49,189 --> 00:19:50,487 Thank you. 476 00:19:50,557 --> 00:19:52,356 Adult mark: But life isn't black and white. 477 00:19:52,491 --> 00:19:54,892 Sometimes, in those shades of grey, 478 00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:59,830 We end up doing the wrong thing for the right reasons. 479 00:20:01,668 --> 00:20:06,837 For family... 480 00:20:06,906 --> 00:20:08,439 Breaking news! 481 00:20:08,574 --> 00:20:11,308 A member of the constabulary has reported his newly acquired gun 482 00:20:11,344 --> 00:20:12,843 Has gone missing. 483 00:20:12,845 --> 00:20:15,112 Mike sr: [radio] sources say this is not the first time 484 00:20:15,248 --> 00:20:16,714 The officer's weapon has been misplaced. 485 00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:20,384 Also, the beef bandit has been arraigned. 486 00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:21,852 And now, the weather. 487 00:20:21,921 --> 00:20:23,720 Looks like a good day out there! 488 00:20:23,756 --> 00:20:25,522 Sunny with a high of 5 degrees. 489 00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:27,858 Stop, or I'll say "stop" again! 490 00:20:27,927 --> 00:20:30,661 My finger is loaded! 491 00:20:30,697 --> 00:20:32,597 You're a total dork, you know that, right? 492 00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:34,265 Mm-hm. 493 00:20:34,267 --> 00:20:36,734 Adult mark: And the best reason of all... 494 00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:38,369 For love. 495 00:20:38,438 --> 00:20:39,703 It's a beaut, dad. 496 00:20:39,772 --> 00:20:40,671 You deserve it. 497 00:20:40,806 --> 00:20:42,673 Pop: Jesus murphy, pipe down! 498 00:20:42,675 --> 00:20:45,243 Mary: We can hardly hear the tv! 499 00:20:45,378 --> 00:20:47,945 Officer butt: [tv] crime stoppers is seeking assistance 500 00:20:47,947 --> 00:20:49,880 For the following crime: 501 00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:53,350 A rifle is missing from a vehicle. 502 00:20:53,386 --> 00:20:55,653 No fault of the vehicle's owner. 503 00:20:55,722 --> 00:21:00,658 We assume a roving band of gun thieves has run amok, 504 00:21:00,727 --> 00:21:03,494 Absconding with weapons hither-- 505 00:21:03,629 --> 00:21:05,829 -Mary: Frig's sakes! -Mike jr: Oh, it's dad's award! 506 00:21:05,898 --> 00:21:07,097 The metal's friggin' up the reception! 507 00:21:07,133 --> 00:21:08,332 Pop: Oh, get it off! 508 00:21:08,401 --> 00:21:09,967 Mike sr: And where do you suggest I put it? 509 00:21:09,969 --> 00:21:11,168 Why don't you put it up your-- 510 00:21:11,237 --> 00:21:12,336 [all yell] 511 00:21:12,471 --> 00:21:14,038 They can't stay in the same room anymore! 512 00:21:14,107 --> 00:21:16,273 Just let him say it! Let him say it! 513 00:21:16,309 --> 00:21:23,047 [all yelling over each other] 514 00:21:23,116 --> 00:21:26,583 ♪ 515 00:21:26,653 --> 00:21:30,721 ♪ 516 00:21:30,856 --> 00:21:34,525 ♪ 517 00:21:34,527 --> 00:21:38,795 ♪ 518 00:21:38,831 --> 00:21:43,000 ♪ 519 00:21:43,135 --> 00:21:46,636 ♪