Adult mark: In the summer of 1987,
I became a working man.
My brother had always mowed the lawn at vocm.
But now that he was leaving the nest for university,
It fell to me to keep the grass at an even two inches.
The only problem was, I was deathly allergic.
And very, very weak.
[lawnmower starts]
["walkin' on sunshine" by katrina and the waves plays]
Adult mark: For the first time in my life,
I wanted summer to end.
I had played my cards close to my wheezing chest.
Summer had separated me from my school crush,
And the drama made me feel like I was living
In one of the old movies that I loved.
Fox: I'm coming with you to your weird house.
Mark: No.
You're getting on that bus, where you belong.
You'll be alone all summer, nerd!
You're saying this only to make me go.
I'm saying it because it's true.
If that bus leaves to school and you're not on it,
You'll regret it. Fox: No.
Mark: Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon,
And for the rest of your life.
[bus starts]
Fox: But what about us?
We'll always have recess.
I guess.
See on the bus, dumbass.
Mark: No...
No...
No!
Nooo!
Dick: No, boy!
Nooo!
♪
Mark: Oh, no.
Oh, no!
[kettle whistling]
Mark: Pop! Gross!
Pop: A sink is a sink.
Your father is still on the toilet!
Mark: So? Wait your turn!
Pop: Are you mad?
Do you know how many people I know
Who have lost their teeth?
Gumming their food with smiles like ducks.
You know, I'm the only one from my class
That can actually eat an apple without glue.
I've got teeth like a zipper!
Mary: Here.
Put your teeth to use.
You're up early.
Nobody in this house has ever wanted to go to school.
And you smell... Nice.
[sighs] yeah, um...
Two squirts of mike's drakar noir.
Mary: Oh! Mark: Too much?
Just enough.
Pop: Smells like puberty to me.
Mark: Pop! Pop: Well, it's true.
I mean, you're becoming a man now!
Sudden interest in girls, hair popping up everywhere,
A set of permanent teeth...
Mary: Well, he still has one baby tooth,
So he's still my baby!
[kisses]
Mike sr: Mary?
Can you help me with my tie?
One of my babies.
Adult mark: While I had shamed my old man at work...
Mike jr: I'm home!
Adult mark: ... My brother filled him with pride.
By working at the radio station
To help pay for university,
He was rebelling by slowly becoming my father.
Hi. Bye.
Mike sr: How was your day at work?
Oh, you mean "night"?
Yeah, I'm friggin' wiped, but...
Finally getting the hang of the board.
So, you think maybe I could come in for a day shift sometime?
Even hop on air? 'cause I think I could--
You've got bigger fish to fry than radio.
The first critch to go to university.
Mary: Oh, that university still hasn't cashed
That tuition cheque!
I wish they'd hurry up and get the money out of the account.
I'm terrified to buy anything!
Mike jr: Ah, I wouldn't worry too much about that.
Alright, I'm heading to bed.
Pop: Make sure you brush your teeth first!
You remember len marshall, right?
It turns out he's got false teeth.
I mean, I never knew this, but it came out in conversation.
No, and literally came out, the dentures...
Flew out onto the table!
Turns out they belong to his dead wife.
But he's such a cheapskate that he wouldn't get a new set.
Her jaw was bigger than his.
She had a head like a melon.
Mike jr: Night, pop. Pop: Morning.
Mark: Right, I'm off.
Don't want to miss my bus!
See ya!
Ah, gawd.
Puberty.
[upbeat music]
[indistinct chatter]
[music slows]
Adult mark: No fox.
But her brothers were there.
New year, same dork.
Where's fox?
Silver fox: Aww, you hear that?
Little nerd wants to know where our sister is.
Middle fox: Our sister's too hot for you!
Mark: You think your own sister's hot?
Silver fox: Yeah... What the hell, man?
Middle fox: What? No, gross!
Silver fox: Wait...
You don't know!
Adult mark: For the first time in their lives,
The fox brothers knew something that someone else didn't.
Mark: What?
What is it? Where is she?
Middle fox: He don't even know she got a boyfriend,
And we're not gonna tell him!
What?
Adult mark: A boyfriend?
I'd been listening to a mixtape of lies.
Unless they were the ones lying to me.
Silver fox: I wants the window! Middle fox: I wants it!
[loud smack] middle fox: Ah!
Adult mark: But chances were, the fox brothers
Weren't smart enough for that.
Middle fox: Awww, b'y! My head!
♪
Ritchie: Mark! Hey!
Grade eight! I'm stoked!
Mark: Hey.
Ritchie: These are my new friends.
They live by me! Isn't that crazy?
Adult mark: New friends?
Had everyone forgotten about me?
Ritchie: Check it out.
I can skateboard now!
Wanna try?
No, thank you.
I don't skate...
Or ride a bike.
I'm not into transit.
[tires squealing]
["rock you like a hurricane" by the scorpions plays]
♪ here I am ♪
♪ rock you like a hurricane ♪
Ritchie: That kid looks too young to drive.
Adult mark: Millard mcginty!
A tenth-grader brazen enough to drive on a learner's permit
Without an adult present in the car!
Ritchie: Wait...
♪
♪ lust is in cages 'til storm breaks loose ♪
♪ just have to make it with someone I choose ♪
Ritchie: Are they dating? Mark: Shut up.
Ritchie: I didn't do anything!
♪ the wolf is hungry, he runs the show... ♪
Silver fox: Ha! Told ya.
[engine revs]
[emotional music]
♪
[school bell rings]
Yes, michael f. Critch junior is the name.
Well, no, that can't be right.
Well, 'cause I registered him myself.
Cancelled?
Are you sure?
Well, thank you so much. You've been very helpful.
That sneaky little shagger.
♪
[indistinct chatter]
Ow!
Middle fox: Stop staring at my sister's desk, perv.
Adult mark: While his sister had outgrown me,
Her brother had devolved,
Repeating the grade for the second time.
Just pick on someone your own size.
Oh, that's right.
Everyone your size is in high school.
Just 'cause I failed again
Don't make you the same age as me.
Attention, students.
I have some...
Unsettling news.
I know that many of you expected that sister margaret
Would be your teacher this year.
I am sorry to be the one to tell you this,
But sister margaret is dead.
[students gasping]
Mark: But... How?
Sister rose: Metaphorically.
She was "killed" by your new teacher, ms. Fowler.
Come in!
Get it over with.
[upbeat music]
Hello, children.
Sister?
Sister rose: I told you! Sister margaret is gone.
And in her place we have...
Ms. Fowler.
Oh, yes, mark?
What is happening?
Well, over the summer--
Sister rose: Ms. Fowler renounced her vows.
Vows of poverty, obedience, and...
Chastity.
"for a spirit of harlotry has led them astray.
"and they have played the harlot,
"departing from their vows." hosea 4:12.
Fox: You dumped god?
Wicked!
Sister rose: Yes, child. It is most certainly wicked!
Fox: Wicked means good, sister.
Mark: What's so "good" about this?
You can't just love god in June
And love somebody else in September!
Ms. Fowler: Well, I'm not in love--
Fox: Shut up!
Maybe she just got lonely.
Mark: Well, maybe god at least deserved a phone call!
I... I mean, a prayer.
Sister rose: See what you have done?
If it were up to me, I'd cast you from the faculty
Like lucifer from heaven!
Ms. Fowler: Uh, for the record, I still love jesus,
Just not in...
That way.
Take out your scribblers, children.
Adult mark: As fox had blossomed into womanhood,
Sister margaret had gone from nun to fun.
Even a nun hit puberty before I did.
Mike jr: Mom! What the hell?
Mary: Rise and shine, professor pants-on-fire.
I called the school.
I... I was gonna tell you.
I swear. I-I tried, but...
Dad.
Mary: You're gonna break his heart.
Mike jr: I thought I wanted to leave, and then...
I started working at the station, and...
I like it. Like, a lot.
Mary: You entitled little arsehole!
Why should you be the only one in the family
Who gets to do what he likes?
Mike jr: Mom! For the first time in my life,
I feel like I'm... Good at something!
Please?
I've never felt this way about anything before.
You think you could at least give me a chance?
You're gonna have to be the one to tell your father.
Because if you're gonna be running around his back,
You're gonna have to do it to his face.
[door shuts]
What ya doing?
Pop: Len marshall died.
Mark: The guy with his wife's teeth?
Yes, how did you know?
Mark: Well, you told me this morning.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Pop: Ah...
He was my last living childhood friend.
That's it!
I'm an endangered species now.
If you liked him so much, then why are you
Cutting him out of all your pictures?
Pop: Because I can't stand to see dead eyes
Staring at me from the walls.
When somebody dies, they're dead to me.
Full stop.
Do you want me to go to the funeral with you?
Pop: No, I'm not going. Mark: Why not?
Pop: Well, he's not coming to mine, is he?
Mark: Hm. Pop: Funny.
Best friends never get to go to each other's funeral.
Adult mark: Pop acted like he was letting go,
But his friend's death had left a hole
Bigger than even he could cut.
Mark: Pop? Pop: Mm-hm?
Mark: What's the worst part of losing someone you love...
Like?
There's a difference, you know,
Between telling a story and sharing one.
Now, I could tell you about the time that me and len
Stole apples from a barrel when we were kids.
But if len was here,
He'd probably argue, "nah, they're weren't apples,
"they were oranges," you know?
There's just...
No one to reminisce with.
They're not memories.
They're just ghost stories now.
You could make new memories.
Change doesn't have to be the end.
Not all your friends are gone.
[chuckles] you're right.
Onwards.
Mark: Onwards.
[both chuckle]
Mark: [sighs]
[sentimental music]
♪
[sighs]
Ritchie: Am I doing it?
Ah!
Ritchie: How 'bout now?
Adult mark: At school, they vaccinated us for polio
And measles, but if they really wanted to protect us,
They would have vaccinated us for love.
Fox: Oh my god.
Really?
Millard: You are now fringed.
That means that you're mine now,
And I'm yours.
Take a picture, it lasts longer.
What?
Fox: Millard, don't.
Stop staring at her.
Mark: I-I wasn't. I'm not.
Silver fox: Aw!
He was her little boyfriend.
He's still in love.
[kissy noises]
[brothers laugh]
Is that true? Did you go out with him?
[tense music]
Adult mark: First love feels like it can never end...
Until it does.
No...?
[brothers laugh]
[emotional music]
♪
Millard: What's wrong?
Fox: Nothing. I'm late.
Millard: Wait, what? Are you--
Adult mark: The only way to know you really had love
Is to lose it.
Silver fox: Ow! What was that for?
Middle fox: [laughs]
Ow! B'y!
♪
Dick: Always cut on the angle.
That's it. Perfect!
Radio's in your blood, buddy.
Mike jr: Can we turn it on? Dick: Yes, b'y.
Dick: That's it now. Yeah.
There you go.
Give'r.
[jingle music plays on tape]
♪ you're a part of the wide world... ♪
Dick [on tape]: It's the vocm morning show!
Stay in bed a little longer, me lovelies, with dick dunphy!
Mike sr: [sighs] good god.
Dick: So, ya tell yer old man yet?
Mike jr: Nah. My mom says I should, but...
I don't think I have the heart for it.
Dick: He'll get over it.
What do you need university for, anyway, man?
That's for eggheads, brother.
You belong in radio.
Oh... Thanks, dick.
And hey, maybe I can be as good as you someday.
[knocking on window]
Mike sr: You greasy prick, god forgive me!
You got that boy ruined!
What the hell do you know about univer--
[silence]
Gotta patch him through. You remember how?
Mike jr: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh...
Studio one.
Mic up. Fade on.
Mike sr: You bugger! You ruined his life!
Dick: Jeez, b'y, mike! I never done nudding!
The boy is good.
Almost as good as me.
Mike sr: And your mother knows about this?
I'm a newsman!
How the hell am I the last person on earth
To find out my son's a drop-out?
Dick, you are nothing but a no good--
[button clicks] [silence]
Dick: That there's the mute button.
You wants to know where that is.
Mike jr: Yeah.
[rock sting]
[school bell rings]
It's a nice day. Take your lunch outside.
Get some fresh air.
I could use a smoke.
You only live once!
[indistinct chatter in hallway]
Fox: Hey...
So, what...
Do you hate me now?
Yes.
No.
I dunno, I... I just thought that...
What?
Nothing.
Fox: I never even seen you all summer.
And summer was like another world.
And then...
I just...
I dunno.
You know?
No.
Adult mark: There was nothing more to say.
Whatever it was, it was gone.
Like glass, a broken heart might one day be fixed,
But you will always see the crack.
Mary: You promised me you would tell him.
Mike sr: I never should have let you work up there.
You can still go to university.
You can still be somebody.
Mike jr: I don't need to go to university to be somebody, dad.
Mike sr: Who are you gonna be, dick dunphy?
Mary: Jesus, mike!
Even dick dunphy doesn't want to be dick dunphy.
Mike jr: Did you ever think, even for a second, dad,
That I want to be like you?
You always say that radio is nothing to be proud of.
You know what?
I'm proud of you.
Even if you're not.
[sentimental music]
♪
Mark: [sighs]
["at this moment" by billy vera plays]
[sighs]
♪ what did you think ♪
♪ I would do at this moment ♪
♪ when you're standing before me... ♪
Well, looks like I'm not the only one who's lost someone.
Mark: [sighs]
Why can't things just stay the way they are?
Pop: [sighs]
Have you ever heard the phrase,
"there's plenty more fish in the sea?"
Yeah, well, now, a fish may love living in a pond,
But if he just swam a little bit further,
He'd find that there's a whole ocean out there.
Unless, of course, something eats him.
[chuckles] now, that reminds me...
Do you know what's for supper?
I'm not hungry.
I've got a toothache.
Pop: Really? Ooh, let me have a look!
Mark: Uh...
Pop: Let me see! Here, let me see.
Uh-oh! Oh, yeah.
Your last baby tooth is loose.
Alright, head back. Mark: Ah!
Go on, back! Hang on!
Ah! Got it!
Well... Looks like somebody's growing up.
[tooth clinks into glass] pop: Onwards.
Mark: [sighs]
Onwards.
Pop: [chuckles]
[button clicks and "at this moment" continues]
♪ when I'm faced with the knowledge ♪
♪ that you just don't love me... ♪
Adult mark: You never know the value of a moment
Until it becomes a memory.
♪ or say things to hurt you... ♪
Adult mark: If only we knew what ones we would yearn for
When we are older.
Then we could soak them in before they were gone forever.
Maybe then we would have fewer regrets.
♪ or raise my hands to you... ♪
♪ now, come on, you know me too well. ♪
♪
♪ how could I hurt you... ♪
Fox: It's over! Leave me alone.
Millard: Are you kidding? Wait, wait, wait!
Is this 'cause of that little geek?
Frig off!
[quietly] oh... He's dead.
[car starts]
♪ what do you think ♪
♪ I would give at this moment? ♪
♪ if you'd stay, I'd subtract 20 years ♪
♪ from my life. ♪
♪ I'd fall down on my knees ♪
♪ kiss the ground that you walk on ♪
♪ if I could just hold you again. ♪
[saxophone solo]
♪
♪ I'd fall down on my knees... ♪
♪
♪ if I could just hold you... ♪