1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:02:50,625 --> 00:02:51,583 [Jeff] You missed a bit. 4 00:02:51,625 --> 00:02:53,416 Christ’s sake fuckin’... 5 00:02:53,458 --> 00:02:54,291 [Jeff] I won a hat. 6 00:02:54,333 --> 00:02:56,083 [Michael] What? 7 00:02:56,125 --> 00:02:57,666 - [Jeff] At the fête. For the village hall roof. 8 00:02:57,708 --> 00:03:00,166 - Christ and fucking baby Moses in a basket, Jeffrey! 9 00:03:00,208 --> 00:03:01,750 [Jeff] What? 10 00:03:01,791 --> 00:03:03,791 - [Michael] That's a fucking awful hat. 11 00:03:03,833 --> 00:03:04,625 Boots! 12 00:03:16,416 --> 00:03:18,875 - [Jeff] I've not found any infections. 13 00:03:18,916 --> 00:03:21,458 As long as we all just stick to the rules, it'll be fine. 14 00:03:22,125 --> 00:03:23,375 - [Michael] I don't know how they think 15 00:03:23,416 --> 00:03:24,333 they'll close the Moor. 16 00:03:24,375 --> 00:03:25,541 [Jeff] Well they have. 17 00:03:25,583 --> 00:03:27,000 [Michael] No, they haven't. 18 00:03:27,041 --> 00:03:29,208 How do you close the fucking countryside? 19 00:03:29,250 --> 00:03:31,916 [Jeff] Signs, bits of tape. 20 00:03:31,958 --> 00:03:33,041 [Michael] Oh, thank God. 21 00:03:33,083 --> 00:03:34,750 Well, as long as they got bits of tape. 22 00:03:36,083 --> 00:03:37,000 There, look! 23 00:03:37,041 --> 00:03:38,416 Dotty? 24 00:03:38,458 --> 00:03:39,416 - She's turning circles. Champion! 25 00:03:39,458 --> 00:03:41,041 Well spotted, Herriot! 26 00:03:52,875 --> 00:03:54,375 - [Jeff] She's gonna pop any minute. 27 00:03:54,416 --> 00:03:55,833 Hey, you're glad I'm here now. 28 00:03:55,875 --> 00:03:57,875 - [Michael] Need you like a hole in the hernia. 29 00:03:57,916 --> 00:03:59,500 Shut up. 30 00:03:59,541 --> 00:04:01,416 I'll give you a hand then we can wet the baby's head. 31 00:04:01,458 --> 00:04:03,083 Give me a hand? 32 00:04:03,125 --> 00:04:04,458 Jeffrey, how many cattle do you think 33 00:04:04,500 --> 00:04:06,250 I've calved in my time? 34 00:04:06,291 --> 00:04:07,875 How many? 35 00:04:07,916 --> 00:04:10,166 - Well, I don't fucking know, do we? Loads! 36 00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:11,250 Go home. 37 00:04:11,291 --> 00:04:12,791 [Jeff] Hang on. 38 00:04:12,833 --> 00:04:13,750 Got you a present! 39 00:04:38,708 --> 00:04:41,833 - [Jeff] That calf is desperate to be born. Come on, Dotty. 40 00:04:43,125 --> 00:04:43,875 Right? My turn. 41 00:04:45,500 --> 00:04:49,625 Capital of Norway. 42 00:04:49,666 --> 00:04:50,458 Helsinki. 43 00:04:51,333 --> 00:04:53,500 Who sang... 44 00:04:53,541 --> 00:04:55,041 - You can still make the pub quiz, you know. 45 00:04:55,083 --> 00:04:57,333 No, I'm keeping you company. 46 00:04:57,375 --> 00:04:59,041 Aren't you just. 47 00:04:59,083 --> 00:05:00,833 who sang... 48 00:05:00,875 --> 00:05:02,875 - It's like being trapped with Michael fucking Aspells. 49 00:05:02,916 --> 00:05:04,958 A Whiter Sade of Pale? 50 00:05:06,666 --> 00:05:08,250 Come on. 51 00:05:08,291 --> 00:05:09,291 Everyone knows this one. 52 00:05:12,250 --> 00:05:13,250 Abba. 53 00:05:13,291 --> 00:05:14,875 Abba? 54 00:05:14,916 --> 00:05:16,708 - I'm gonna put your head through that wall 55 00:05:16,750 --> 00:05:18,250 if you're not careful. 56 00:05:18,291 --> 00:05:19,875 [Jeff] Abba! (laughing) 57 00:05:19,916 --> 00:05:21,500 Chuck you in the slurry pit. 58 00:05:21,541 --> 00:05:22,541 [Jeff] Abba. 59 00:05:22,583 --> 00:05:23,875 - No one will miss you, you know. 60 00:05:23,916 --> 00:05:25,583 Doesn't sound a bit like Abba. 61 00:05:29,708 --> 00:05:30,958 [Michael] Oh, she's grand. 62 00:05:32,250 --> 00:05:33,041 [Jeff] Yep. 63 00:06:01,375 --> 00:06:02,375 - [Jeff] What is known-? 64 00:06:02,416 --> 00:06:04,125 [Michael] Oh fuck off. 65 00:06:04,166 --> 00:06:07,875 - What is known as "The Old Lady of Thread Needle Suite?" 66 00:06:10,166 --> 00:06:11,750 You? 67 00:06:29,291 --> 00:06:31,625 - [Jeff] Which author wrote- 68 00:06:32,500 --> 00:06:35,041 Hey! 69 00:07:05,541 --> 00:07:08,000 - Here's a question. Why you here? 70 00:07:08,041 --> 00:07:09,750 - You're a miserable sod, you know that? 71 00:07:09,791 --> 00:07:11,500 Yeah. 72 00:07:11,541 --> 00:07:12,125 Come on then. 73 00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:14,916 What? 74 00:07:14,958 --> 00:07:17,250 - You got a proper tasty bit waiting for you back home, 75 00:07:17,291 --> 00:07:19,291 probably cooking you a slap up dinner, 76 00:07:19,333 --> 00:07:22,000 and yet you been sat here, best part of two hours, 77 00:07:22,041 --> 00:07:23,541 boring the arse off me. 78 00:07:23,583 --> 00:07:25,583 I haven't. 79 00:07:25,625 --> 00:07:27,791 - We had half an hour of who said what at the village fete, 80 00:07:27,833 --> 00:07:31,333 another half an hour on Mrs Kelly's rabbit's intestines- 81 00:07:31,375 --> 00:07:32,500 That was actually fascinating. 82 00:07:32,541 --> 00:07:34,333 - [Michael] Holly's grade three cello, 83 00:07:34,375 --> 00:07:37,375 what worktops Helen wants for your new kitchen, 84 00:07:37,416 --> 00:07:39,125 I'm surprised you got breath in you. 85 00:07:42,375 --> 00:07:44,000 You better not be fucking billing me. 86 00:07:44,041 --> 00:07:44,875 No! 87 00:07:45,875 --> 00:07:47,541 Tell you, I had your missus 88 00:07:47,583 --> 00:07:51,041 I'd be home like fucking shot, ay? 89 00:07:53,125 --> 00:07:55,250 What have you done, Herriot? 90 00:08:14,583 --> 00:08:15,750 Got a name yet? 91 00:08:18,041 --> 00:08:18,875 Arabella? 92 00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:21,458 No? 93 00:08:21,500 --> 00:08:22,916 Gladys? 94 00:08:22,958 --> 00:08:25,000 - Who'd call a fucking cow Gladys? 95 00:08:25,041 --> 00:08:25,750 I would. 96 00:08:25,791 --> 00:08:26,583 You would. 97 00:08:27,416 --> 00:08:29,083 Victoria. 98 00:08:29,125 --> 00:08:30,625 Oh, Victoria. 99 00:08:30,666 --> 00:08:33,125 - These is the last of Sheila names, see? 100 00:08:33,166 --> 00:08:37,875 So we got Elizabeth and Anne, Diana, Margaret, Zara, 101 00:08:39,375 --> 00:08:42,250 Beatrice, Mary. 102 00:08:42,291 --> 00:08:44,416 We lost Camilla to the bloat in February. 103 00:08:45,875 --> 00:08:46,625 Who's missing? 104 00:08:48,125 --> 00:08:50,250 Ah- Eugenie's with her newborn in the south shed. 105 00:08:51,791 --> 00:08:53,916 I'm running out of Royals. 106 00:08:53,958 --> 00:08:55,083 Fergie. 107 00:08:56,500 --> 00:08:58,166 Hey, what about Jeffrey? 108 00:08:58,208 --> 00:09:01,416 - Jesus, you can't call a cow Jeffrey. 109 00:09:01,458 --> 00:09:03,625 They shouldn't let bloody humans be called Jeffrey. 110 00:09:05,125 --> 00:09:06,708 Did I ever tell you bout the time we let 111 00:09:06,750 --> 00:09:08,791 Trev name the newborns? 112 00:09:08,833 --> 00:09:11,625 He must have been about eight or nine. 113 00:09:11,666 --> 00:09:15,000 Sheila's idea o'course, bloody disaster. 114 00:09:15,041 --> 00:09:17,833 Tell you, I get out one morning and the little buggers 115 00:09:17,875 --> 00:09:19,833 found an hole in the hedge. 116 00:09:19,875 --> 00:09:22,625 So there I was, out down them fields in nothin' 117 00:09:22,666 --> 00:09:24,625 but boots and jarmers calling 118 00:09:24,666 --> 00:09:27,291 "Ay Sheila! I found Bagpuss, 119 00:09:27,333 --> 00:09:30,458 but there's no sign of Professor Yaffle". 120 00:09:30,500 --> 00:09:33,625 Well of course Sam Ellacott across the way hears, 121 00:09:33,666 --> 00:09:36,833 so as I walks in to Tavvi market next week, 122 00:09:36,875 --> 00:09:38,250 they're all there- 123 00:09:38,291 --> 00:09:40,041 - [Both] Singing the bloody theme tune. 124 00:09:46,708 --> 00:09:47,708 How is Trev? 125 00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:51,875 I hear he did all the arrangements of the service, 126 00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:56,708 sorted all the flowers and food and whatnot. 127 00:09:59,208 --> 00:10:00,083 Up his street, innit? 128 00:10:24,833 --> 00:10:26,083 Here's one for you. 129 00:10:33,708 --> 00:10:34,791 Nightingale? 130 00:10:34,833 --> 00:10:35,708 Bloody useless. 131 00:10:35,750 --> 00:10:37,125 [Jeff] All right. 132 00:10:37,166 --> 00:10:39,666 - It's like trying to teach a dog to drive. 133 00:10:39,708 --> 00:10:41,000 Try again. 134 00:10:41,041 --> 00:10:42,000 Great tit? 135 00:10:42,041 --> 00:10:44,500 Only one tit round here. 136 00:10:44,541 --> 00:10:45,416 Nightjar. 137 00:10:48,500 --> 00:10:50,041 It's strange. 138 00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:52,916 - [Michael] You hardly ever see 'em, only hear them. 139 00:10:53,875 --> 00:10:55,125 They fly silent. 140 00:10:56,041 --> 00:10:58,125 Bad luck is nightjars. 141 00:10:58,166 --> 00:10:59,375 It's a bird of death. 142 00:11:00,500 --> 00:11:01,375 Whoooooooo! 143 00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,916 - Ellacott's full a shit, isn't he? 144 00:11:09,958 --> 00:11:11,375 Reckons it's coming down this way. 145 00:11:12,708 --> 00:11:14,916 That's not why you're here is it? 146 00:11:14,958 --> 00:11:17,291 No, it's no where near here. 147 00:11:17,333 --> 00:11:18,458 - [Michael] Mike Leach at Hexworthy 148 00:11:18,500 --> 00:11:20,541 just lost his entire herd. 149 00:11:20,583 --> 00:11:23,291 Everything he had is being piled up and burnt. 150 00:11:23,333 --> 00:11:25,291 - They're just being- that's precautions. 151 00:11:25,333 --> 00:11:27,083 You're gonna be fine. 152 00:11:27,125 --> 00:11:29,458 - [Michael] Yeah, course I fucking will. 153 00:11:29,500 --> 00:11:31,333 Nothing wrong with my cows. 154 00:11:31,375 --> 00:11:33,250 [Jeff] I know. 155 00:11:33,291 --> 00:11:34,750 - You think something's up with Dotty? 156 00:11:34,791 --> 00:11:37,458 - [Jeff] Jesus Christ Michael. You'd know if there was. 157 00:11:37,500 --> 00:11:39,125 [Michael] Why you here, then. 158 00:11:39,166 --> 00:11:40,333 You kicking me out? 159 00:11:40,375 --> 00:11:41,458 Yes. 160 00:11:41,500 --> 00:11:42,333 Fine. 161 00:11:44,583 --> 00:11:46,625 - What the bloody hell's going on, Jeffrey? 162 00:11:46,666 --> 00:11:48,250 This is getting really boring. 163 00:11:48,291 --> 00:11:49,625 - Well, just tell me why you're here, then. 164 00:11:49,666 --> 00:11:52,125 - [Jeff] The scintillating conversation. 165 00:11:52,166 --> 00:11:54,625 Look, be serious Jeffrey. 166 00:11:54,666 --> 00:11:55,375 Something's up. 167 00:11:58,125 --> 00:11:59,250 Come on then, spit it out. 168 00:12:03,791 --> 00:12:04,875 I don't know. 169 00:12:07,333 --> 00:12:09,000 I just can't seem to put a foot right. 170 00:12:13,458 --> 00:12:16,375 Been sleeping on a camp bed in the study for three weeks. 171 00:12:16,416 --> 00:12:19,583 Then every morning I tidy it away so Holly doesn't see. 172 00:12:19,625 --> 00:12:22,541 It's constant eggshells all the time. 173 00:12:22,583 --> 00:12:24,791 - You don't know you're born, you got it made bey. 174 00:12:24,833 --> 00:12:26,375 Oh, have I? 175 00:12:26,416 --> 00:12:28,916 - [Michael] Lovely house, beautiful little girl. 176 00:12:28,958 --> 00:12:30,291 I tell you, I had your missus- 177 00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:32,291 Take her. You can have her. 178 00:12:36,166 --> 00:12:40,041 Oh. Shit. Shit. Sorry. 179 00:12:40,083 --> 00:12:41,708 Shit. I didn't mean- 180 00:12:43,875 --> 00:12:46,375 How um, how is it? 181 00:12:49,583 --> 00:12:52,125 - It's the little things, that's a bugger. 182 00:12:52,166 --> 00:12:55,125 You just catch yourself. 183 00:12:55,166 --> 00:12:57,166 Some mornings I come down and before I know it 184 00:12:57,208 --> 00:12:58,708 I made two cups of tea. 185 00:13:00,791 --> 00:13:02,375 It’s funny, was about this time of year. 186 00:13:03,958 --> 00:13:08,958 Came back one day, there's a letter, you know, test results, 187 00:13:09,583 --> 00:13:12,000 just sitting there propped up against a pot of daffs. 188 00:13:14,541 --> 00:13:16,333 She didn't see out the year. 189 00:13:18,166 --> 00:13:20,166 No fucking age is it, 58? 190 00:13:21,708 --> 00:13:22,458 No. 191 00:13:23,875 --> 00:13:24,708 It's very cruel. 192 00:13:28,625 --> 00:13:30,458 Remember that year? 193 00:13:30,500 --> 00:13:31,916 Who was it went breech? 194 00:13:31,958 --> 00:13:32,666 [Michael] Jojo. 195 00:13:32,708 --> 00:13:34,291 Jojo. 196 00:13:34,333 --> 00:13:36,333 And we were out here for hours. 197 00:13:36,375 --> 00:13:38,291 Pissing bloody icicles! 198 00:13:38,333 --> 00:13:39,291 Freezing cold. 199 00:13:41,083 --> 00:13:43,916 And when we finally got back in the kitchen there she was. 200 00:13:43,958 --> 00:13:46,041 The magnificent Sheila, 201 00:13:46,083 --> 00:13:47,958 four in the morning cooking us a fry-up. 202 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:49,416 Yeah. 203 00:13:49,458 --> 00:13:50,750 - [Jeff] I could have kissed her. 204 00:13:50,791 --> 00:13:51,750 You did kiss her. 205 00:13:51,791 --> 00:13:53,083 Oh yeah. 206 00:13:53,125 --> 00:13:54,500 - Remind me to knock your block off for that. 207 00:13:54,541 --> 00:13:56,583 (laughing) 208 00:13:56,625 --> 00:13:58,166 Great big heart she had. 209 00:13:58,208 --> 00:13:59,666 And arse to match. 210 00:14:02,291 --> 00:14:03,750 - I should have come to the funeral. 211 00:14:03,791 --> 00:14:04,916 - [Michael] Don't want to hear this again. 212 00:14:04,958 --> 00:14:05,833 No, no. But I should. 213 00:14:07,541 --> 00:14:09,208 I should have come back from Surrey. 214 00:14:09,250 --> 00:14:10,958 It's just, Helen and her mother wanted- 215 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:14,375 - [Michael] You gotta do for your family. That's how it is. 216 00:14:18,666 --> 00:14:19,833 It's got to burst. 217 00:14:22,291 --> 00:14:24,041 Whenever this is, 218 00:14:24,083 --> 00:14:26,666 this rain cloud hanging over us. 219 00:14:28,625 --> 00:14:31,250 Oh Christ I've gone all serious. 220 00:14:31,291 --> 00:14:33,041 Which case it probably is time to leave. 221 00:14:34,458 --> 00:14:36,750 You can take it from here anyway. She'll be fine now. 222 00:14:41,458 --> 00:14:42,833 You know your trouble bey? 223 00:14:45,708 --> 00:14:49,000 "Eat before cider. Or the cider eats you." 224 00:14:50,833 --> 00:14:52,000 A very fine point. 225 00:14:56,958 --> 00:14:57,416 Jeffrey! 226 00:14:59,666 --> 00:15:01,250 You'd be in charge anyway, wouldn't you? 227 00:15:01,291 --> 00:15:02,458 If it comes down here. 228 00:15:03,291 --> 00:15:05,416 So you make sure it's all right. 229 00:15:05,458 --> 00:15:06,791 [Jeff] You're gonna be fine. 230 00:15:06,833 --> 00:15:09,166 - You know you're bloody irritating as hell. 231 00:15:09,208 --> 00:15:10,750 I'm going, I'm going! 232 00:15:10,791 --> 00:15:12,125 No, shut up a minute. 233 00:15:18,458 --> 00:15:21,250 You're the only one I trust with my girls. 234 00:15:21,291 --> 00:15:22,958 Nothing's gonna happen. 235 00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:23,833 Swear it. 236 00:15:33,291 --> 00:15:34,791 - [Radio] Although it has been less than a month 237 00:15:34,833 --> 00:15:38,208 since the discovery of foot and mouth in Essex, 238 00:15:38,250 --> 00:15:41,250 the Ministry of Agriculture admitted today that this 239 00:15:41,291 --> 00:15:43,833 was an epidemic on a potentially huge scale. 240 00:15:45,250 --> 00:15:48,083 The government's chief scientist and chief vet told 241 00:15:48,125 --> 00:15:50,416 reporters it was much worse than the last outbreak 242 00:15:50,458 --> 00:15:52,875 in Britain in 1967. 243 00:15:52,916 --> 00:15:54,416 In order to stop the rapid spread 244 00:15:54,458 --> 00:15:56,500 of the disease across the country, 245 00:15:56,541 --> 00:15:58,708 the government has decided to extend the policy 246 00:15:58,750 --> 00:16:00,916 of contiguous cull and that all animals within 247 00:16:00,958 --> 00:16:03,541 a three kilometer radius of an infected farm 248 00:16:03,583 --> 00:16:06,833 are to be slaughtered and then burned on site. 249 00:16:06,875 --> 00:16:09,041 The nationwide ban on all livestock movement 250 00:16:09,083 --> 00:16:10,000 is to remain in place. 251 00:16:25,125 --> 00:16:26,583 [Jeff] Oh fuck. 252 00:16:54,666 --> 00:16:56,458 [Michael] Herriot! 253 00:16:56,500 --> 00:16:57,291 Herriot! 254 00:17:00,750 --> 00:17:03,583 - Give me a minute. I just need to talk to him. 255 00:17:03,625 --> 00:17:05,125 Just him! 256 00:17:05,166 --> 00:17:08,916 You lot don't step one fucking toe on my property! 257 00:17:25,083 --> 00:17:27,291 Michael. Can you not please? 258 00:17:35,375 --> 00:17:36,416 Is that thing loaded? 259 00:17:36,458 --> 00:17:37,583 Get in, you fanny. 260 00:17:48,083 --> 00:17:51,750 'Scuse the mess, butler's on holiday and all that! 261 00:17:52,833 --> 00:17:54,708 There's one over there look, by them papers. 262 00:17:54,750 --> 00:17:56,125 What? 263 00:17:56,166 --> 00:17:58,041 - [Michael] Mug, probably need a rinse mind. 264 00:17:58,083 --> 00:18:00,500 Got milk, sugar, the works. 265 00:18:00,541 --> 00:18:02,875 Soon as I get this bugger lit. 266 00:18:02,916 --> 00:18:04,083 I don't want any tea. 267 00:18:04,125 --> 00:18:06,250 - Even got me little saucepan look. 268 00:18:06,291 --> 00:18:08,875 Egg? I'll do you an egg? 269 00:18:08,916 --> 00:18:09,958 No, thank you. 270 00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:11,333 - [Michael] But you love a dippy egg! 271 00:18:12,875 --> 00:18:15,750 Tell you what, while I do me Gordon blur, where is he, ah... 272 00:18:18,458 --> 00:18:20,416 Be a good boy. Roll this fag. 273 00:18:21,750 --> 00:18:22,875 Michael, what are you doing. 274 00:18:22,916 --> 00:18:24,541 [Michael] Roll us a fag! 275 00:18:24,583 --> 00:18:27,666 - You can't go round threatening people with a shotgun! 276 00:18:27,708 --> 00:18:30,500 Well it's just a threat innit? 277 00:18:30,541 --> 00:18:33,250 Come on Herriot. You don't half look a tit you know. 278 00:18:34,250 --> 00:18:36,583 Take that stupid jonny off and roll us a fag. 279 00:18:36,625 --> 00:18:37,583 I'm gaspin'. 280 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:48,416 "Go to work on an egg". 281 00:18:48,458 --> 00:18:51,166 That's what they say, do you remember that one? 282 00:18:51,208 --> 00:18:54,333 "Go to work on an egg". Clever that. 283 00:18:55,958 --> 00:18:58,291 Thinking of getting chickens again. 284 00:18:58,333 --> 00:19:00,166 Used to have 'em 285 00:19:00,208 --> 00:19:02,375 but it's a bugger keeping the foxes from getting 'em. 286 00:19:02,416 --> 00:19:03,958 Get out in the morning, 287 00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:05,541 find fucking chicken confetti everywhere. 288 00:19:06,833 --> 00:19:08,875 Still, nice having chickens innit though, 289 00:19:08,916 --> 00:19:11,166 clucking about the place. 290 00:19:11,208 --> 00:19:14,375 Make it seem a bit more Darling Buds of fucking May. 291 00:19:19,375 --> 00:19:19,958 [Jeff] Here. 292 00:19:20,583 --> 00:19:21,416 Oh, ta! 293 00:19:25,041 --> 00:19:26,791 Are you okay? 294 00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:29,916 - Oh yeah. Tip top me, top of the pops, now I got you here. 295 00:19:31,208 --> 00:19:32,125 It's almost nine. 296 00:19:34,833 --> 00:19:37,625 They're supposed to, well at nine they start. 297 00:19:39,500 --> 00:19:41,000 For fuck's sake. 298 00:19:44,583 --> 00:19:45,333 [Jeff] Here. 299 00:19:50,958 --> 00:19:52,750 [Michael] Cheers mate. 300 00:19:52,791 --> 00:19:54,958 We should get that pan on. 301 00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:57,541 Was going to do your dippy egg, weren't I? 302 00:19:57,583 --> 00:19:59,166 Or a coffee. 303 00:19:59,208 --> 00:20:01,791 - Why in fuck would I have fucking coffee out here? 304 00:20:01,833 --> 00:20:03,666 This look like the fucking Ritz hotel? 305 00:20:03,708 --> 00:20:05,666 - Well I don't know what you got stashed in your cool box! 306 00:20:05,708 --> 00:20:07,166 - You're in a bloody cattle shed, mate. 307 00:20:07,208 --> 00:20:09,458 - [Jeff] You were gonna make tea. 308 00:20:09,500 --> 00:20:11,541 - Yeah, tea. Tea's normal, innit? 309 00:20:11,583 --> 00:20:13,333 Oh, excuse me, 310 00:20:13,375 --> 00:20:14,958 one minute you're Gordon blur doing me a dippy egg- 311 00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:16,000 Do you want a dippy egg? 312 00:20:16,041 --> 00:20:17,041 Not really. 313 00:20:17,083 --> 00:20:18,208 - [Michael] Do you want a cup of tea? 314 00:20:18,250 --> 00:20:19,000 No. 315 00:20:19,041 --> 00:20:20,208 Well off you fuck then! 316 00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:28,000 Hi. 317 00:20:28,041 --> 00:20:30,166 - That your little friends, is it? 318 00:20:30,208 --> 00:20:32,666 - We're just talking. Hang on, I'll be out in a minute. 319 00:20:34,333 --> 00:20:36,541 - Um. You stay here and make the tea. 320 00:20:36,583 --> 00:20:38,000 I'll go and talk to them. 321 00:20:38,041 --> 00:20:39,500 Right? 322 00:20:39,541 --> 00:20:40,291 I'm coming now. 323 00:21:21,083 --> 00:21:22,625 [Jeff] It's just me. 324 00:21:22,666 --> 00:21:24,291 [Michael] They going? 325 00:21:24,333 --> 00:21:25,833 - [Jeff] They want to call the police. 326 00:21:25,875 --> 00:21:27,291 I'm gonna have to let them in. 327 00:21:27,333 --> 00:21:29,083 - No wait- 328 00:21:29,125 --> 00:21:30,458 - [Jeff] It's nearly nine o'clock, Michael. 329 00:21:30,500 --> 00:21:32,833 You got your doodah, mobile? 330 00:21:32,875 --> 00:21:35,291 Got the number here somewhere. 331 00:21:35,333 --> 00:21:36,000 For MAFF? 332 00:21:36,958 --> 00:21:38,500 What have they told you? 333 00:21:38,541 --> 00:21:40,041 Just keep banging on if I don't let the arseholes in 334 00:21:40,083 --> 00:21:42,916 I won't get no compensation. 335 00:21:42,958 --> 00:21:44,500 But it's not about the fucking money is it? 336 00:21:44,541 --> 00:21:46,875 It's like talking to a brick wall. 337 00:21:46,916 --> 00:21:48,125 [Jeff] I've heard the money. 338 00:21:48,166 --> 00:21:50,291 Well, it's kind of a respectable offer. 339 00:21:50,333 --> 00:21:52,000 Nah. Got you here now han't I? 340 00:21:52,041 --> 00:21:54,166 You can talk some bloody sense into 'em. 341 00:21:54,208 --> 00:21:55,708 [Jeff] I don't what I can say. 342 00:21:56,625 --> 00:21:57,375 Jesus Christ-! 343 00:21:58,708 --> 00:22:01,625 - Just tell them you done the tests, 344 00:22:01,666 --> 00:22:02,916 they'll listen to you won't they? 345 00:22:04,500 --> 00:22:06,458 - I don't think you'll get anywhere with MAFF. 346 00:22:06,500 --> 00:22:10,625 This is national policy. It's coming from MAFF. 347 00:22:10,666 --> 00:22:12,208 - But it...this, what's happening's 348 00:22:12,250 --> 00:22:14,625 all on account a Ellacott's herd, 349 00:22:14,666 --> 00:22:16,750 just cos we share the hedge by the stream. 350 00:22:16,791 --> 00:22:19,083 But there's no cows in that field. 351 00:22:19,125 --> 00:22:22,333 Hasn't been for months. That can't be right can it? 352 00:22:22,375 --> 00:22:23,916 - No, but- 353 00:22:23,958 --> 00:22:26,250 - So we'll tell em. You tell 'em you know me Jeffrey 354 00:22:26,291 --> 00:22:29,875 and I've had them disinfectant baths out for weeks. 355 00:22:29,916 --> 00:22:32,125 And the mats, washed the gates. 356 00:22:32,166 --> 00:22:34,666 You could eat your dinner off them fence posts, 357 00:22:34,708 --> 00:22:38,208 amount of time I scrubbed 'em! They're not ill. 358 00:22:38,250 --> 00:22:39,166 No. 359 00:22:39,208 --> 00:22:40,666 [Michael] So we'll tell them. 360 00:22:40,708 --> 00:22:42,000 - I don't think it's gonna make- 361 00:22:50,083 --> 00:22:53,541 - You're playing silly buggers now, are ya? 362 00:23:12,791 --> 00:23:14,666 - [On Phone] Ministry of Agriculture, Fisheries and Food. 363 00:23:14,708 --> 00:23:16,375 How can I help? 364 00:23:16,416 --> 00:23:17,250 Hello? 365 00:23:18,458 --> 00:23:19,250 Hello? 366 00:23:37,208 --> 00:23:40,916 - You happy? Are you? Pleased with yourselves?! 367 00:23:42,750 --> 00:23:44,166 [Jeff] What's going on? 368 00:23:44,208 --> 00:23:45,750 - [Michael] Look at the state of him. 369 00:23:45,791 --> 00:23:48,458 All this fucking soot and ash. 370 00:23:48,500 --> 00:23:51,291 Poor little buggers don't stand a chance. 371 00:23:51,333 --> 00:23:52,666 Not that they care. 372 00:23:52,708 --> 00:23:53,875 They won't be happy until 373 00:23:53,916 --> 00:23:55,791 the whole fucking country's on fire! 374 00:23:55,833 --> 00:23:58,208 - He's not dead. No. Still breathing. 375 00:23:58,250 --> 00:23:59,750 Is he? 376 00:23:59,791 --> 00:24:01,000 Hmm? Just dazed I think. 377 00:24:01,041 --> 00:24:02,416 Poor little thing. 378 00:24:07,041 --> 00:24:09,208 Let's put him over here look, 379 00:24:09,250 --> 00:24:10,958 and he can see some sun when he wakes up. 380 00:24:17,375 --> 00:24:19,416 [Jeff] Dapper little chap. 381 00:24:19,458 --> 00:24:20,666 What sort is he? 382 00:24:20,708 --> 00:24:21,958 [Michael] What sort? 383 00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:22,750 The bird. 384 00:24:23,958 --> 00:24:25,166 - For the cleverest bloke I know, 385 00:24:25,208 --> 00:24:26,833 you don't half know fuck all. 386 00:24:28,166 --> 00:24:28,916 Quail. 387 00:24:30,291 --> 00:24:31,750 Quail. 388 00:24:31,791 --> 00:24:36,791 - [Michael] Come on then. There you go. There you go. 389 00:24:37,625 --> 00:24:38,833 Come on. Come on. 390 00:24:41,750 --> 00:24:44,125 The state of all this. 391 00:24:44,166 --> 00:24:48,041 Old Sheils'd go batty she seen what it done to her nets. 392 00:24:48,083 --> 00:24:49,583 - Yeah, it's been driving Helen mad. 393 00:24:51,166 --> 00:24:54,583 Holly came in covered, it was all over her bike. 394 00:24:54,625 --> 00:24:56,333 All this from Ellacott's? 395 00:24:56,375 --> 00:24:57,125 Yep. 396 00:24:58,625 --> 00:25:01,125 That was you, was that? 397 00:25:01,166 --> 00:25:01,875 Yes. 398 00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:06,250 Where's the phone to? 399 00:25:08,750 --> 00:25:10,750 Must have got cut off. 400 00:25:12,833 --> 00:25:14,583 Where's that number? 401 00:25:14,625 --> 00:25:15,958 Michael? 402 00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:17,500 I'm going to have to let them in. 403 00:25:17,541 --> 00:25:18,916 You what? 404 00:25:18,958 --> 00:25:20,500 - I, I've been trying to tell you. 405 00:25:20,541 --> 00:25:23,416 - Don't be daft, we're gonna get all this sorted look. 406 00:25:23,458 --> 00:25:25,333 - [Jeff] This is national policy. 407 00:25:25,375 --> 00:25:27,416 - But you know the right things to say. 408 00:25:27,458 --> 00:25:29,041 It doesn't work like that. 409 00:25:29,083 --> 00:25:31,791 - Oh, come on bey this don't make no sense. 410 00:25:31,833 --> 00:25:34,625 You tested all my girls yourself. Right? 411 00:25:34,666 --> 00:25:37,416 And all those tests come back negative, right? 412 00:25:37,458 --> 00:25:38,750 - Yes. But- 413 00:25:38,791 --> 00:25:40,416 - [Michael] Then why have I got this? 414 00:25:40,458 --> 00:25:42,375 This fucking shitty little bit of paper, 415 00:25:42,416 --> 00:25:44,416 telling me that every living thing within three miles 416 00:25:44,458 --> 00:25:46,375 is gonna be slaughtered? You tell me that. 417 00:25:47,958 --> 00:25:49,000 - The order's from the top- 418 00:25:49,041 --> 00:25:51,333 Order's from the top? 419 00:25:51,375 --> 00:25:54,041 They can't just waltz here and do what they like. 420 00:25:54,083 --> 00:25:56,125 - Yes they can. That's exactly what they can do. 421 00:25:56,166 --> 00:25:57,583 But this is my farm. 422 00:25:59,291 --> 00:26:00,916 I'm sorry. 423 00:26:00,958 --> 00:26:04,666 - But there's nothing wrong with any one of my girls. 424 00:26:04,708 --> 00:26:05,750 Is it? 425 00:26:05,791 --> 00:26:06,791 Is there? 426 00:26:06,833 --> 00:26:07,833 Doesn't matter. 427 00:26:07,875 --> 00:26:09,250 The government have decided. 428 00:26:09,291 --> 00:26:11,083 Oh have they?! 429 00:26:11,125 --> 00:26:13,791 Well trot along like a good little boy taking orders! 430 00:26:13,833 --> 00:26:15,875 I haven't got a choice! 431 00:26:15,916 --> 00:26:16,708 Bollocks have you! 432 00:26:19,791 --> 00:26:24,041 Come on bey. You and me, we hold our ground 433 00:26:24,083 --> 00:26:26,625 and we'll fucking Butch and Sundance the lot of them! 434 00:26:26,666 --> 00:26:27,500 Yeah?! 435 00:26:29,583 --> 00:26:31,125 No. 436 00:26:31,166 --> 00:26:32,375 [Michael] No? Fucking no? 437 00:26:33,791 --> 00:26:35,625 It's out of my hands, Michael. 438 00:26:35,666 --> 00:26:36,750 [Michael] Out of your hands?! 439 00:26:36,791 --> 00:26:39,500 It ain't right! It ain't right! 440 00:26:40,833 --> 00:26:43,750 - Michael! I've never seen anything like it! 441 00:26:43,791 --> 00:26:47,125 It it, it's like a war! 442 00:26:47,166 --> 00:26:48,833 It's just bleeding across the countryside 443 00:26:48,875 --> 00:26:50,625 and they can't contain it. 444 00:26:50,666 --> 00:26:53,791 - Well it's not here! There's nothing wrong with my girls! 445 00:26:53,833 --> 00:26:55,083 You said so yourself! 446 00:26:55,125 --> 00:26:56,083 Doesn't matter! 447 00:26:57,208 --> 00:26:58,458 It's chaos! 448 00:26:59,541 --> 00:27:01,625 Last week, the slaughter team in Moretonhampstead 449 00:27:01,666 --> 00:27:03,416 spooked the herd so badly they started 450 00:27:03,458 --> 00:27:05,291 trying to jump the hedges! 451 00:27:05,333 --> 00:27:07,500 Two calves drowned in the river. 452 00:27:07,541 --> 00:27:09,958 And, and they just went ahead and built a pyre. 453 00:27:11,083 --> 00:27:12,416 And, and, and you could hear them. 454 00:27:12,458 --> 00:27:14,166 Not all those cows were dead. 455 00:27:14,208 --> 00:27:17,875 They, they, they hadn't stunned them properly or God knows. 456 00:27:20,625 --> 00:27:22,208 I- I won't let that happen to you. 457 00:27:25,291 --> 00:27:27,708 Please Michael, let me do it properly. 458 00:27:32,291 --> 00:27:34,500 If I don't do it, they'll just hire in someone else. 459 00:27:40,250 --> 00:27:42,666 - Works picked up for you, something chronic, innit? 460 00:27:44,041 --> 00:27:45,416 How can you think that? 461 00:27:45,458 --> 00:27:46,458 [Michael] Pays well, does it? 462 00:27:46,500 --> 00:27:49,125 Yeah, plenty of work for you now. 463 00:27:50,458 --> 00:27:52,333 Well that's all it is. 464 00:27:52,375 --> 00:27:53,791 Whatever they're paying you, I'll double it. 465 00:27:53,833 --> 00:27:54,875 Alright? 466 00:27:54,916 --> 00:27:56,708 Oh shut up Michael. 467 00:27:56,750 --> 00:27:58,250 You've no idea what you're talking about. 468 00:27:58,291 --> 00:27:59,125 Don't I? 469 00:28:00,625 --> 00:28:01,666 No, you don't. 470 00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:03,666 Jeffrey! 471 00:28:04,833 --> 00:28:06,416 Jeffrey! 472 00:28:06,458 --> 00:28:08,333 Yeah. You come back here! 473 00:28:09,625 --> 00:28:12,458 I don't believe you! You haven't got it in you! 474 00:28:12,500 --> 00:28:15,625 You look me in the eye and tell me what 475 00:28:15,666 --> 00:28:17,125 you're going to do my girls. 476 00:28:17,166 --> 00:28:19,708 Come on Doctor Crawford. 477 00:28:19,750 --> 00:28:21,500 You're going to go into the south shed, 478 00:28:21,541 --> 00:28:23,291 you're going to take the newborn off of Dotty. 479 00:28:23,333 --> 00:28:25,083 Take little Victoria outside, 480 00:28:25,125 --> 00:28:27,416 her legs are still a bit unstable 481 00:28:27,458 --> 00:28:28,875 and she'll be scared an' all, 482 00:28:28,916 --> 00:28:31,708 so you might have to carry her. And then what? 483 00:28:31,750 --> 00:28:33,875 - She'll be stunned with a bolt gun. 484 00:28:33,916 --> 00:28:36,333 Ah, that it? Come on Jeffrey. 485 00:28:39,458 --> 00:28:41,500 - I'll shoot her with a bolt gun here. 486 00:28:42,750 --> 00:28:45,916 Make sure that the bolt penetrates her frontal cortex. 487 00:28:45,958 --> 00:28:47,916 And then I'll push a plastic rod into the hole 488 00:28:47,958 --> 00:28:50,625 into her brain and down into her spinal cord 489 00:28:50,666 --> 00:28:52,208 to make sure that she's dead. 490 00:28:52,250 --> 00:28:55,041 - And then you'll sling her on a pyre and burn her. 491 00:28:55,083 --> 00:28:56,541 - Do you think I want to do this? 492 00:28:56,583 --> 00:28:59,500 - You swore to me, Jeffrey. You swore. 493 00:29:03,291 --> 00:29:06,916 Oi! You get off my farm or I'll blow your bloody head off! 494 00:29:06,958 --> 00:29:08,750 Calm down! 495 00:29:08,791 --> 00:29:11,000 It's all right. It's under control. 496 00:29:11,041 --> 00:29:12,708 Let me help you. 497 00:29:12,750 --> 00:29:14,125 Help? You won't do nothing. 498 00:29:14,166 --> 00:29:15,541 There's nothing I can do! 499 00:29:15,583 --> 00:29:17,416 Spineless, gutless. 500 00:29:17,458 --> 00:29:19,083 You're a worm of a man. You know that? 501 00:29:19,125 --> 00:29:21,083 A fucking waste of space. 502 00:29:21,125 --> 00:29:23,083 Waste of time I had bothering with you. 503 00:29:23,125 --> 00:29:24,250 Come on. Put it down. 504 00:29:24,291 --> 00:29:25,416 Why? 505 00:29:25,458 --> 00:29:26,916 Why shouldn't I blow your head off? 506 00:29:26,958 --> 00:29:29,708 Do everyone a bloody favor. 507 00:29:29,750 --> 00:29:31,166 - [Slaughter Team] Right! That's it. 508 00:29:31,208 --> 00:29:32,541 We're calling the police. 509 00:29:32,583 --> 00:29:33,958 Wait! Stop! 510 00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:35,750 There's no need. 511 00:29:35,791 --> 00:29:36,541 It's not loaded. 512 00:29:43,500 --> 00:29:44,333 Please Jeffrey. 513 00:29:46,250 --> 00:29:47,958 Nothing's making any sense. 514 00:29:52,750 --> 00:29:53,333 I'm so sorry. 515 00:29:55,541 --> 00:29:57,458 - Please don't let them take my girls. 516 00:29:58,416 --> 00:29:59,250 Michael. 517 00:30:00,333 --> 00:30:01,250 No! Wait! 518 00:30:02,750 --> 00:30:04,708 Just wait! 519 00:30:05,416 --> 00:30:07,541 Hang on! Just wait a minute! 520 00:30:15,791 --> 00:30:20,125 Breed and Female Champion, Devon County Show. 521 00:30:20,166 --> 00:30:21,708 That one's Dotty. 522 00:30:21,750 --> 00:30:26,541 First, First, Best in Show 523 00:30:26,583 --> 00:30:29,916 Want you to show 'em these. 524 00:30:29,958 --> 00:30:33,958 Best Heifer in Milk 1956, that was my Dad's Lillibett, look. 525 00:30:35,750 --> 00:30:40,500 Champion Dairy Pair 1992, that was Amy and Jojo. 526 00:30:42,958 --> 00:30:45,583 92's when your Holly fell in love with that bay foal 527 00:30:45,625 --> 00:30:47,708 and begged and begged us till we brought it back 528 00:30:47,750 --> 00:30:51,125 from the show, what was it called? 529 00:30:51,166 --> 00:30:52,166 Chamomile. 530 00:30:52,208 --> 00:30:54,625 Chamomile. That's it. 531 00:30:54,666 --> 00:30:57,958 And Sheila made that horrible angel thing out of butter. 532 00:30:58,000 --> 00:31:00,708 Half melted by the time we got there. 533 00:31:00,750 --> 00:31:02,958 You remember that Jeffrey? 534 00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:03,791 I remember. 535 00:31:05,041 --> 00:31:08,416 - They're my girls. That's all I got. 536 00:31:11,250 --> 00:31:12,083 Michael! 537 00:31:37,833 --> 00:31:40,458 No! 538 00:37:16,458 --> 00:37:18,833 [Michael] Hello? Hello!? 539 00:37:21,291 --> 00:37:25,375 I got my shotgun, so don't go playing silly buggers, ay? 540 00:37:33,666 --> 00:37:37,041 Just ghosts is it? Well that's about right. 541 00:37:42,208 --> 00:37:44,375 Oi! I'm warning you! 542 00:37:56,708 --> 00:37:57,666 Fuck's sake. 543 00:37:59,458 --> 00:38:01,833 This some kind of joke, is it? 544 00:38:03,291 --> 00:38:04,958 What do you want? 545 00:38:05,000 --> 00:38:06,500 You're not welcome here. 546 00:38:07,875 --> 00:38:09,541 I should blow your fucking head off. 547 00:38:09,583 --> 00:38:11,083 [Jeff] Please do. 548 00:38:11,125 --> 00:38:12,166 [Michael] Shut up. 549 00:38:12,208 --> 00:38:13,083 [Jeff] Blow my head off. 550 00:38:13,125 --> 00:38:13,958 Shut up. 551 00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:15,208 Stop talking stupid things. 552 00:38:17,125 --> 00:38:20,458 Oh, she finally kicked you out, has she? 553 00:38:20,500 --> 00:38:22,583 God knows you've been asking for it. 554 00:38:22,625 --> 00:38:23,666 Why'd you come here? 555 00:38:24,500 --> 00:38:25,500 Jeffrey! 556 00:38:26,625 --> 00:38:28,250 Why'd you come back here? 557 00:38:28,291 --> 00:38:29,833 Always used to come here. 558 00:38:29,875 --> 00:38:31,625 Oh, it's a social visit is it? 559 00:38:31,666 --> 00:38:34,250 Well, fan fucking tastic. 560 00:38:34,291 --> 00:38:36,791 Let's have some tea and fucking scones. 561 00:38:36,833 --> 00:38:40,583 Oh, while we're at it, here's a funny thing. 562 00:38:40,625 --> 00:38:45,083 Zara's guts burst all across the yard. 563 00:38:46,666 --> 00:38:50,416 Just fucking everywhere with flies and maggots, 564 00:38:50,458 --> 00:38:52,708 cos your little friends didn't see fit 565 00:38:52,750 --> 00:38:55,250 to clear up after themselves. 566 00:38:55,291 --> 00:38:57,666 Just left my girls out there in a great heap. 567 00:38:58,666 --> 00:39:00,250 The smell got so bad you could smell 568 00:39:00,291 --> 00:39:03,791 it all across the house, no escaping it there weren't. 569 00:39:05,500 --> 00:39:07,208 Imagine if old Sheila had seen that? 570 00:39:09,291 --> 00:39:12,708 Been cattle on this farm for nearly two hundred years. 571 00:39:14,083 --> 00:39:17,500 Then it was all gone. In about an hour. 572 00:39:18,333 --> 00:39:23,041 Go on, get out and don't you dare come back. 573 00:39:24,791 --> 00:39:28,458 Hey, you bastard. You get out of it! Go on! 574 00:39:28,500 --> 00:39:31,166 Jesus I heard you were bad, but fuck me. 575 00:39:32,958 --> 00:39:34,458 What? What have you done? 576 00:39:34,500 --> 00:39:35,916 Is that all yours? 577 00:39:35,958 --> 00:39:36,708 I crashed. 578 00:39:39,291 --> 00:39:42,500 - Fucking idiot! Yeah you all right? 579 00:39:42,541 --> 00:39:43,625 You broken anything? 580 00:39:43,666 --> 00:39:44,916 The windscreen is broke. 581 00:39:44,958 --> 00:39:46,875 - [Michael] Yeah, fuck the windscreen. 582 00:39:48,208 --> 00:39:49,541 - [Jeff] I think it might be a write-off. 583 00:39:49,583 --> 00:39:50,458 [Michael] Where'd it happened? 584 00:39:50,500 --> 00:39:51,666 [Jeff] Creber's Lane. 585 00:39:51,708 --> 00:39:52,833 - [Michael] And you didn't hit no-one? 586 00:39:52,875 --> 00:39:54,208 [Jeff] No. 587 00:39:54,250 --> 00:39:55,916 - [Michael] Oh no! Come on, sit up Jeffrey. 588 00:39:55,958 --> 00:39:56,916 [Jeff] Get off! 589 00:39:56,958 --> 00:39:58,500 [Michael] Alright. 590 00:39:58,541 --> 00:40:00,500 - You can sit down but you got gotta stay awake. 591 00:40:00,541 --> 00:40:01,750 It's late. 592 00:40:01,791 --> 00:40:03,375 - Yeah. And you probably got concussion. 593 00:40:05,750 --> 00:40:08,541 Oh, the state of you, Jeffrey. 594 00:40:08,583 --> 00:40:10,166 Fucking state of this. 595 00:40:11,583 --> 00:40:12,708 What were you thinking? 596 00:40:13,666 --> 00:40:15,541 I have to go to Dorking. 597 00:40:15,583 --> 00:40:17,458 - Where the bloody hell is Dorking? 598 00:40:17,500 --> 00:40:22,166 - Surrey. She's taken Holly, gone to her mother's. 599 00:40:24,083 --> 00:40:26,250 I'm not even going to see her on Christmas. 600 00:40:27,750 --> 00:40:29,166 She's my daughter too. 601 00:40:30,208 --> 00:40:31,625 - [Michael] Shut up feeling sorry for yourself. 602 00:40:31,666 --> 00:40:33,541 I don't wanna hear it. 603 00:40:53,791 --> 00:40:55,458 Smells. 604 00:40:55,500 --> 00:40:56,958 For the newborns, innit. 605 00:41:01,750 --> 00:41:03,666 What the fuck are you doing? 606 00:41:03,708 --> 00:41:04,833 I smell. 607 00:41:04,875 --> 00:41:07,166 You do smell as it happens. 608 00:41:07,208 --> 00:41:09,500 You smell to high heaven like a fucking brewery. 609 00:41:10,708 --> 00:41:12,750 Nobody wants me here. 610 00:41:12,791 --> 00:41:14,916 [Michael] What do you expect? 611 00:41:14,958 --> 00:41:16,333 Should just leave you here to rot. 612 00:41:17,416 --> 00:41:18,541 [Jeff] Go on then. 613 00:41:18,583 --> 00:41:19,291 You what? 614 00:41:19,333 --> 00:41:20,125 Fuck off. 615 00:41:20,958 --> 00:41:22,500 Leave me here to rot. 616 00:41:23,791 --> 00:41:25,166 It's as good as you deserve. 617 00:41:26,500 --> 00:41:28,541 Don't notice you're kipping in Ellacott's barn. 618 00:41:29,750 --> 00:41:32,458 They wouldn't fucking piss on you if you were on fire. 619 00:41:32,500 --> 00:41:34,750 I'm the only bloke stupid enough to bother with you 620 00:41:34,791 --> 00:41:36,333 and look where that got me. 621 00:41:39,666 --> 00:41:40,500 Where you going? 622 00:41:42,166 --> 00:41:43,125 Going away. 623 00:41:49,041 --> 00:41:51,250 - How far you think you'll get in this weather? 624 00:41:51,291 --> 00:41:53,291 End up dead in a field come morning. 625 00:41:53,333 --> 00:41:54,708 Good. 626 00:41:54,750 --> 00:41:56,083 Oh, grow up Jeffrey. 627 00:41:56,125 --> 00:41:58,250 You're bleeding for fuck's sakes. 628 00:41:58,291 --> 00:41:59,000 Sit down. 629 00:42:01,708 --> 00:42:02,833 Okay fine. 630 00:42:03,958 --> 00:42:07,416 Off you pop and good fucking riddance. 631 00:42:07,458 --> 00:42:09,166 And don't you dare come back here. 632 00:42:12,333 --> 00:42:14,083 Fuck's sake, Jeffrey! 633 00:42:15,666 --> 00:42:17,000 [Jeff] Get off! 634 00:42:17,041 --> 00:42:18,708 - [Michael] I'm trying to help you, you baby. 635 00:42:18,750 --> 00:42:19,875 Leave me alone! 636 00:42:19,916 --> 00:42:21,750 - [Michael] This is you all over this is. 637 00:42:21,791 --> 00:42:25,291 What, sad cause no one likes you no more? 638 00:42:25,333 --> 00:42:29,333 Poor Jeffrey. Boohoo. Boo fucking hoo! 639 00:42:31,083 --> 00:42:33,833 Everyone took to you when you first got here, didn't they? 640 00:42:33,875 --> 00:42:38,375 After first five minutes, Pub Quiz, Fun Run, 641 00:42:38,416 --> 00:42:41,458 fucking lovely house, beautiful little girl- 642 00:42:42,875 --> 00:42:44,166 Well I got fuck all now. 643 00:42:45,291 --> 00:42:46,416 She's selling the house. 644 00:42:47,666 --> 00:42:49,375 No wife. 645 00:42:49,416 --> 00:42:50,250 No girl. 646 00:42:51,250 --> 00:42:52,083 No car. 647 00:42:53,250 --> 00:42:56,291 Well a car with a lot of tree in it. 648 00:42:58,708 --> 00:43:02,041 I'm suspended. "Compassionate leave." 649 00:43:04,583 --> 00:43:06,375 And I'm a social pariah. 650 00:43:06,416 --> 00:43:08,791 - You're a fucking whinging bastard and all. 651 00:43:11,458 --> 00:43:12,166 I'm not laughing. 652 00:43:23,583 --> 00:43:25,083 How are you? 653 00:43:25,125 --> 00:43:26,375 You fucking joking? 654 00:43:27,750 --> 00:43:28,666 You keeping well? 655 00:43:31,333 --> 00:43:33,250 I've been having a little trouble Michael. 656 00:43:34,958 --> 00:43:35,791 With everything. 657 00:43:40,625 --> 00:43:41,166 Sorry. 658 00:43:42,625 --> 00:43:44,625 Sorry to disturb your evening. 659 00:43:54,250 --> 00:43:56,458 For fuck's sake, Jeffrey! 660 00:44:00,250 --> 00:44:01,083 Sit down. 661 00:44:09,625 --> 00:44:10,625 [Jeff] It's cold. 662 00:44:10,666 --> 00:44:12,083 Yep. 663 00:44:12,125 --> 00:44:13,125 Duck pond's frozen. 664 00:44:15,166 --> 00:44:16,291 There ain't no ducks in it. 665 00:44:19,000 --> 00:44:21,500 Hey, hey, hey, hey! Wakey wakey! 666 00:44:23,250 --> 00:44:24,083 What's the capital of Sweden, Jeffrey? 667 00:44:26,333 --> 00:44:27,666 Oslo. 668 00:44:27,708 --> 00:44:32,041 - Right. Who sang...I don't know...something? 669 00:44:32,083 --> 00:44:32,875 Lulu. 670 00:44:32,916 --> 00:44:34,666 Yeah. Very good. 671 00:44:34,708 --> 00:44:37,333 Who wrote War and Peace? 672 00:44:38,791 --> 00:44:39,875 Lulu. 673 00:44:39,916 --> 00:44:41,750 Did she? Fuck me. 674 00:44:42,916 --> 00:44:44,250 I hated it you know? 675 00:44:44,291 --> 00:44:45,833 Yeah. I don't want to hear it. 676 00:44:45,875 --> 00:44:47,375 - I had to do such horrible things. 677 00:44:47,416 --> 00:44:49,250 - Who - [Jeff] And I'm sorry. 678 00:44:49,791 --> 00:44:52,250 - Who won Euro- 679 00:44:52,291 --> 00:44:53,958 - Michael, I'm so sorry about it all. 680 00:44:54,000 --> 00:44:57,166 Who won Euro '88? 681 00:45:00,416 --> 00:45:02,458 You're always shit at the sport ones. 682 00:45:08,500 --> 00:45:09,916 [Jeff] I feel sick. 683 00:45:09,958 --> 00:45:12,875 - When was the last time you actually ate anything? 684 00:45:12,916 --> 00:45:13,500 Do you even know? 685 00:45:16,666 --> 00:45:17,750 Christ. 686 00:45:24,916 --> 00:45:26,125 Go on then. Take them. 687 00:45:29,125 --> 00:45:30,875 They're beef flavor. 688 00:45:30,916 --> 00:45:32,083 So it's a bit like dinner. 689 00:45:33,750 --> 00:45:34,958 I haven't got much else in. 690 00:45:36,875 --> 00:45:38,208 Sheila'd give me a right ticking off 691 00:45:38,250 --> 00:45:39,791 having just crisps for me dinner. 692 00:45:41,500 --> 00:45:42,625 God, she was here now, 693 00:45:42,666 --> 00:45:45,458 she'd go ballistic at the state of you. 694 00:45:45,500 --> 00:45:48,083 She'd bloody drag you in the house, shouting her head off, 695 00:45:48,125 --> 00:45:49,541 shove you in a hot bath, 696 00:45:49,583 --> 00:45:51,916 probably give you a load of my clothes. 697 00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:58,750 We was in Tavvi once, saw a wino wearing my tweed jacket. 698 00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:02,291 "Charity begins at home", she said. 699 00:46:03,916 --> 00:46:05,875 She was a wonderful woman. 700 00:46:05,916 --> 00:46:06,666 She was. 701 00:46:19,000 --> 00:46:24,083 - Church kicking out. Should've gone, really. 702 00:46:24,125 --> 00:46:26,833 Carol singing's the only good bit, innit? 703 00:46:26,875 --> 00:46:28,666 Oranges with the candle. 704 00:46:28,708 --> 00:46:32,125 - Oh yeah. I do like the oranges with the candles. 705 00:46:32,166 --> 00:46:33,875 Watch the kids from St. Mary's 706 00:46:33,916 --> 00:46:35,750 fucking up their lines in the nativity. 707 00:46:40,166 --> 00:46:42,416 - [Jeff] Remember when you were Father Christmas? 708 00:46:44,000 --> 00:46:47,208 Sitting in your grotto in the village hall? 709 00:46:48,750 --> 00:46:49,666 Don't push your luck. 710 00:46:53,875 --> 00:46:54,916 Holly worked it out. 711 00:46:56,125 --> 00:46:57,375 [Michael] What? 712 00:46:57,416 --> 00:46:58,416 It was your voice. 713 00:47:00,833 --> 00:47:05,791 She said why would Father Christmas have a Devon accent? 714 00:47:05,833 --> 00:47:06,416 Fair point. 715 00:47:08,208 --> 00:47:09,416 [Jeff] What was the song? 716 00:47:10,833 --> 00:47:13,666 "You boys and girls won't get any toys!" That one. 717 00:47:13,708 --> 00:47:15,583 - When Santa got stuck up the chimney. 718 00:47:18,000 --> 00:47:19,416 Santa stuck up the chimney. 719 00:47:21,208 --> 00:47:24,166 ♪ He began to shout ♪ 720 00:47:24,208 --> 00:47:25,708 ♪ You boys and girls- ♪ 721 00:47:25,750 --> 00:47:27,125 Girls and boys. 722 00:47:32,083 --> 00:47:33,333 Go on then. 723 00:47:33,375 --> 00:47:34,375 Fuck off. 724 00:47:37,041 --> 00:47:38,958 I don't remember. 725 00:47:40,583 --> 00:47:41,375 [Jeff] Bollocks. 726 00:47:45,666 --> 00:47:48,625 ♪ When Santa got stuck up the chimney- ♪ 727 00:47:48,666 --> 00:47:51,250 [Jeff] With the actions. 728 00:47:51,291 --> 00:47:53,791 - Do you want me to do it or not? 729 00:47:53,833 --> 00:47:54,875 [Jeff] Sorry. 730 00:47:56,541 --> 00:47:59,375 ♪ When Santa got stuck up the chimney ♪ 731 00:47:59,416 --> 00:48:02,125 ♪ He began to shout ♪ 732 00:48:02,166 --> 00:48:04,666 ♪ You girls and boys won't get any toys ♪ 733 00:48:04,708 --> 00:48:07,416 ♪ If you don't pull me out ♪ 734 00:48:07,458 --> 00:48:09,958 ♪ My beard is black, there's soot in my sack ♪ 735 00:48:10,000 --> 00:48:12,708 ♪ My nose is tickley too ♪ 736 00:48:12,750 --> 00:48:15,333 ♪ When Santa got stuck up the chimney ♪ 737 00:48:15,375 --> 00:48:18,416 ♪ Achoo, achoo, achoo ♪ 738 00:48:24,750 --> 00:48:27,416 - [Jeff] Can I come in the house? 739 00:48:29,833 --> 00:48:31,250 I don't know yet. 740 00:49:24,125 --> 00:49:26,083 ♪ I heard ♪ 741 00:49:26,125 --> 00:49:30,375 ♪ I heard you got it bad for me ♪ 742 00:49:30,416 --> 00:49:33,250 ♪ You hid it so well ♪ 743 00:49:33,291 --> 00:49:38,166 ♪ So well that I could barely see ♪ 744 00:49:38,208 --> 00:49:39,500 ♪ Now I know ♪ 745 00:49:39,541 --> 00:49:42,208 ♪ And it's more than a little crazy ♪ 746 00:49:42,250 --> 00:49:43,750 ♪ Don't you know ♪ 747 00:49:43,791 --> 00:49:45,833 ♪ I've been dreaming that you'll be my baby ♪ 748 00:49:45,875 --> 00:49:47,541 ♪ I can barely breath ♪ 749 00:49:47,583 --> 00:49:49,791 ♪ I can't wait to see you ♪ 750 00:49:49,833 --> 00:49:51,958 ♪ I can almost taste it ♪ 751 00:49:52,000 --> 00:49:53,208 ♪ 'Cause I know it's gonna be ♪ 752 00:49:53,250 --> 00:49:54,166 ♪ So sweet ♪ 753 00:49:54,208 --> 00:49:55,208 ♪ Sweet as sugar ♪ 754 00:49:55,250 --> 00:49:56,958 ♪ Always on my mind ♪ 755 00:49:57,000 --> 00:49:58,375 ♪ So bad ♪ 756 00:49:58,416 --> 00:50:02,416 ♪ Nothing sweeter that I'll never find ♪ 757 00:50:07,250 --> 00:50:08,333 ♪ I wanna sing ♪ 758 00:50:08,375 --> 00:50:09,458 ♪ Wanna sing sing ♪ 759 00:50:09,500 --> 00:50:10,791 ♪ Wanna sing ♪ 760 00:50:10,833 --> 00:50:12,000 ♪ Wanna sing sing ♪ 761 00:50:12,041 --> 00:50:13,333 ♪ Let's sing ♪ 762 00:50:13,375 --> 00:50:14,833 ♪ Let's sing sing ♪ 763 00:50:14,875 --> 00:50:18,208 ♪ When I was a little girl ♪ 764 00:50:18,250 --> 00:50:19,958 ♪ Little girl ♪ 765 00:50:20,000 --> 00:50:21,250 ♪ You got the game ♪ 766 00:50:21,291 --> 00:50:22,875 ♪ You got the goods ♪ 767 00:50:22,916 --> 00:50:26,750 ♪ You don't got nothing nothing, nothing ♪ 768 00:50:26,791 --> 00:50:30,291 ♪ Look at me, look at me, look at me ♪ 769 00:50:30,333 --> 00:50:32,250 ♪ I rigged the game ♪ 770 00:50:32,291 --> 00:50:34,083 ♪ Misunderstood ♪ 771 00:50:34,125 --> 00:50:38,083 ♪ So you better get running running, running ♪ 772 00:50:38,125 --> 00:50:40,916 ♪ Look at me, look at me, look at me ♪ 773 00:50:40,958 --> 00:50:43,166 ♪ Yeah yeah! ♪ 774 00:50:53,458 --> 00:50:56,125 ♪ I say hey boy, sitting in your tree ♪ 775 00:50:56,166 --> 00:50:58,875 ♪ Mummy always wants you to come for tea ♪ 776 00:50:58,916 --> 00:51:00,625 ♪ Don't be shy, straighten up your tie ♪ 777 00:51:00,666 --> 00:51:03,250 ♪ Get down from your tree house in the sky ♪ 778 00:51:03,291 --> 00:51:05,041 ♪ I wanna know just what it do ♪ 779 00:51:05,083 --> 00:51:07,583 ♪ Is it very big, is there room for two ♪ 780 00:51:07,625 --> 00:51:09,291 ♪ I got a house with windows and doors ♪ 781 00:51:09,333 --> 00:51:10,875 ♪ I'll show you mine if you show me yours ♪ 782 00:51:13,208 --> 00:51:14,166 ♪ Gotta let me in ♪ 783 00:51:14,208 --> 00:51:16,291 ♪ Hey hey hey ♪ 784 00:51:16,333 --> 00:51:18,500 ♪ Let the fun begin ♪ 785 00:51:18,541 --> 00:51:20,500 ♪ Hey ♪ 786 00:51:43,291 --> 00:51:45,416 - I said we shouldn't hire Dodgy Dave. 787 00:51:45,458 --> 00:51:49,125 - David is the finest disc jockey this side of Exeter. 788 00:51:49,166 --> 00:51:50,333 He's cheap, you mean. 789 00:51:50,375 --> 00:51:51,625 That's by the by. 790 00:51:51,666 --> 00:51:53,375 He works on the waltzers. 791 00:51:53,416 --> 00:51:55,958 Wooo, Sorry Princess Margaret. 792 00:52:01,708 --> 00:52:03,666 - Holly's having a blinding time eh? 793 00:52:03,708 --> 00:52:04,500 Yeah. 794 00:52:08,958 --> 00:52:10,291 Gorgeous, isn't she? 795 00:52:10,333 --> 00:52:11,458 Of course. 796 00:52:11,500 --> 00:52:12,625 Don't get that from you. 797 00:52:15,333 --> 00:52:18,916 When she walked down that aisle was like an angel 798 00:52:18,958 --> 00:52:22,000 walked in the room, made my heart stop. 799 00:52:25,625 --> 00:52:27,958 Should be proud of your girl. 800 00:52:28,000 --> 00:52:29,166 I really am. 801 00:52:29,208 --> 00:52:30,208 Should be. 802 00:52:34,416 --> 00:52:36,750 What the fuck's he doing here? 803 00:52:36,791 --> 00:52:37,708 [Jeff] Who? 804 00:52:37,750 --> 00:52:39,166 [Michael] Fucking Ellacott. 805 00:52:39,208 --> 00:52:41,083 Not enough he's selling up to the highest bidder, 806 00:52:41,125 --> 00:52:43,083 now he's got his snout in my buffet! 807 00:52:43,125 --> 00:52:45,291 Bloody shameless bastard. 808 00:52:45,333 --> 00:52:47,000 Leave it. 809 00:52:47,041 --> 00:52:48,833 - Look at him! With his cheeks full of my teriyaki skewers. 810 00:52:50,291 --> 00:52:51,750 Can buy his own now couldn't he? 811 00:52:51,791 --> 00:52:52,625 He can fucking afford it. 812 00:52:52,666 --> 00:52:54,125 You can't blame him. 813 00:52:54,166 --> 00:52:55,625 - Where's it leave the rest of us eh? 814 00:52:55,666 --> 00:52:57,583 Fucking houses everywhere. 815 00:52:57,625 --> 00:52:59,541 Wake up one morning, go for a piss 816 00:52:59,583 --> 00:53:01,666 they'll be a supermarket opened up in me toilet. 817 00:53:01,708 --> 00:53:03,250 Michael. Not now. 818 00:53:03,291 --> 00:53:05,708 Oh come on. 819 00:53:05,750 --> 00:53:09,750 You gotta have a fight at the wedding. It's tradition. 820 00:53:09,791 --> 00:53:11,708 Get this lot something to go up at. 821 00:53:42,041 --> 00:53:44,750 - God, Helen's new bit's a jumped up tosser isn't he? 822 00:53:44,791 --> 00:53:46,375 He's an estate agent. 823 00:53:46,416 --> 00:53:47,791 Course he fucking is. 824 00:53:49,208 --> 00:53:51,875 - Apparently they're considering taking the plunge. 825 00:53:51,916 --> 00:53:54,958 - Ah sod 'em. You're best off out of it mate. 826 00:53:55,000 --> 00:53:56,958 She hasn't half got an arse on her these days. 827 00:53:57,000 --> 00:53:58,958 - She has stacked in on since the divorce. 828 00:53:59,000 --> 00:54:01,041 Yeah, mother of the bride. 829 00:54:01,083 --> 00:54:02,916 More like fucking Free Willy! 830 00:54:07,583 --> 00:54:10,541 Good on you bey, not letting that batch of bastards 831 00:54:10,583 --> 00:54:14,041 upset you, like bloody mother-in-law, 832 00:54:14,083 --> 00:54:16,375 HMS Pinafore over there. 833 00:54:16,416 --> 00:54:18,833 - Barbara? Old Barbara's been having a field day. 834 00:54:18,875 --> 00:54:22,083 "Orange juice is it Jeffrey? Well that does make a change!" 835 00:54:22,125 --> 00:54:22,916 She never did like me. 836 00:54:24,583 --> 00:54:27,000 - She's another one fucking boring as sin, 837 00:54:27,041 --> 00:54:30,958 lording it over everyone with her too much perfume and her, 838 00:54:31,000 --> 00:54:33,916 what's it? Plumes. 839 00:54:35,666 --> 00:54:37,416 I said to her, I said, 840 00:54:37,458 --> 00:54:40,208 "what you come as, love - Admiral Nelson"? 841 00:54:40,250 --> 00:54:41,208 You didn't say that. 842 00:54:41,250 --> 00:54:42,833 I did! (laughing) 843 00:54:42,875 --> 00:54:45,041 - Ha! Well, good. Bollocks to her. 844 00:54:45,083 --> 00:54:46,416 Bollocks to her! 845 00:54:46,458 --> 00:54:47,208 Shhh! 846 00:54:54,291 --> 00:54:57,916 - She never had to do an ounce of all that whatnot you did. 847 00:55:00,250 --> 00:55:03,791 See bey, she was born a posh old twat 848 00:55:03,833 --> 00:55:05,916 and she'll die the same an all. 849 00:55:06,833 --> 00:55:08,916 There's no twelve steps for that. 850 00:55:13,083 --> 00:55:16,833 Anyway. Lord of the manor you now? 851 00:55:16,875 --> 00:55:18,625 Hardly. 852 00:55:18,666 --> 00:55:22,500 - We done alright. We'll double the herd by next year. 853 00:55:22,541 --> 00:55:23,833 Fix the roof... 854 00:55:23,875 --> 00:55:26,125 - [Both] Go organic, get a hot tub. 855 00:55:32,083 --> 00:55:35,250 ♪ You got the sound ♪ 856 00:55:35,291 --> 00:55:37,833 ♪ You lift me up ♪ 857 00:55:40,875 --> 00:55:43,666 - Oh Pipa is a lovely woman innit she? 858 00:55:43,708 --> 00:55:46,125 I said to her I said, 859 00:55:46,166 --> 00:55:49,833 "You got a look of Gina Lollobrigida, you. 860 00:55:49,875 --> 00:55:51,458 You ever hear that sweetheart?" 861 00:55:54,583 --> 00:55:56,583 She's not married to him, is she? 862 00:55:56,625 --> 00:55:57,833 Pipa? Yeah she is. 863 00:55:57,875 --> 00:55:58,958 That's my cousin Steve. 864 00:55:59,000 --> 00:55:59,833 Huh? 865 00:56:00,833 --> 00:56:04,250 Gina Lollobrigida. 866 00:56:04,291 --> 00:56:08,416 Fuck me, they don't make them make that anymore bey. 867 00:56:08,458 --> 00:56:11,000 You think they'd get to a certain size 868 00:56:11,041 --> 00:56:13,500 and she wouldn't be able to keep her balance no more. 869 00:56:13,541 --> 00:56:14,875 That's remarkable. 870 00:56:16,083 --> 00:56:18,375 See, Sheila had a good pair on her 871 00:56:18,416 --> 00:56:21,708 but then she had the backside to, you know, 872 00:56:21,750 --> 00:56:24,083 act like a counterbalance, sort of thing. 873 00:56:24,125 --> 00:56:25,291 [Steve] See you Jeff! 874 00:56:25,333 --> 00:56:27,875 - Cheers, Steve! See you on the 14th! 875 00:56:27,916 --> 00:56:29,125 What's happening on the 14th? 876 00:56:34,458 --> 00:56:35,000 [Jeff] Michael! 877 00:56:40,500 --> 00:56:42,333 Michael. 878 00:56:42,375 --> 00:56:45,083 - You can tell that Steve he can fuck a whistle for it! 879 00:56:45,125 --> 00:56:46,500 Sick of these people. 880 00:56:46,541 --> 00:56:47,958 Hang on! 881 00:56:48,000 --> 00:56:49,583 - Why are you always fiddling with the house? 882 00:56:49,625 --> 00:56:51,208 I'm not! 883 00:56:51,250 --> 00:56:53,041 - I let you move in out the goodness of my heart 884 00:56:53,083 --> 00:56:55,500 and suddenly it's all bloody 'insulate' that 885 00:56:55,541 --> 00:56:56,708 and 'floorboards' this. 886 00:56:56,750 --> 00:56:58,208 It's just evaluation. 887 00:56:58,250 --> 00:57:02,250 I mean why not explore some options? 888 00:57:02,291 --> 00:57:04,666 Steve reckons if we convert just one of the barns, 889 00:57:04,708 --> 00:57:08,500 then we're sitting on acres of real estate. 890 00:57:08,541 --> 00:57:10,958 - I'm sitting on my farm. Alright? 891 00:57:12,083 --> 00:57:12,958 Our farm. 892 00:57:14,375 --> 00:57:15,583 Come on. 893 00:57:16,750 --> 00:57:17,791 You're missing the party. 894 00:57:24,416 --> 00:57:25,875 - [Michael] I fucking hate 'Grand Designs' Jeffrey. 895 00:57:25,916 --> 00:57:27,291 [Jeff] I know. 896 00:57:27,333 --> 00:57:28,500 - [Michael] How come it's always fucking on? 897 00:57:28,541 --> 00:57:31,041 Night and day. It's all they ever show, 898 00:57:31,083 --> 00:57:33,500 have its own bleeding channel soon. 899 00:57:33,541 --> 00:57:34,708 - [Jeff] I didn't mean we'd actually 900 00:57:34,750 --> 00:57:36,500 get Grand Designs, round- 901 00:57:36,541 --> 00:57:38,333 - [Michael] You better fucking not! 902 00:57:38,375 --> 00:57:40,166 We're not having 'Grand Designs' round here, 903 00:57:40,208 --> 00:57:42,666 fucking putting bidets left right and center. 904 00:57:50,083 --> 00:57:51,583 ♪ I'm feeling so good ♪ 905 00:57:51,625 --> 00:57:54,333 ♪ Feeling so good ♪ 906 00:57:54,375 --> 00:57:58,208 ♪ Reaching out to the weekend ♪ 907 00:57:58,250 --> 00:58:00,208 ♪ Feeling so good ♪ 908 00:58:00,250 --> 00:58:02,291 ♪ I'm feeling so good ♪ 909 00:58:02,333 --> 00:58:04,333 ♪ Put your hands up for the Friday feeling ♪ 910 00:58:18,458 --> 00:58:21,541 - Just thinking it's a shame old Sheils ain't here. 911 00:58:21,583 --> 00:58:25,916 She bloody loved a wedding. Bloody loved a buffet and all. 912 00:58:27,541 --> 00:58:29,250 She was a wonderful woman. 913 00:58:29,291 --> 00:58:30,041 She was. 914 00:58:34,916 --> 00:58:37,500 - [Michael] Why can't I have a farm Jeffrey? 915 00:58:37,541 --> 00:58:41,666 Why does everything have to be a bloody conference center, 916 00:58:41,708 --> 00:58:45,208 fucking spa, barn conversion. 917 00:58:45,250 --> 00:58:47,375 People still gotta eat don't they? 918 00:58:47,416 --> 00:58:49,166 Still gotta grow plants, 919 00:58:49,208 --> 00:58:51,208 can't do that in a test tube yet can you? 920 00:58:53,041 --> 00:58:54,416 I don't understand people no more. 921 00:58:56,041 --> 00:58:58,250 - It's just a way we could actually make some money. 922 00:58:59,791 --> 00:59:01,041 You know how it's been. 923 00:59:02,458 --> 00:59:04,166 Soon be winter again and we'll be back to living 924 00:59:04,208 --> 00:59:06,166 by the Rayburn 'cause every other room's 925 00:59:06,208 --> 00:59:08,166 got damp patches turning to ice. 926 00:59:09,291 --> 00:59:10,875 Roof's leaking. 927 00:59:10,916 --> 00:59:12,333 The windows are so creaky 928 00:59:12,375 --> 00:59:15,041 they're basically held together with cobwebs. 929 00:59:15,083 --> 00:59:17,041 I mean why not use the barn? 930 00:59:17,916 --> 00:59:19,583 Just use some of the land. 931 00:59:20,750 --> 00:59:22,500 It's better than having it fall apart, isn't it? 932 00:59:22,541 --> 00:59:24,958 - Bloody washing and ironing and playing char lady 933 00:59:25,000 --> 00:59:26,208 to a load of posh twats? 934 00:59:26,250 --> 00:59:27,958 But nothing's working. 935 00:59:29,041 --> 00:59:31,791 Look, we tried, and we couldn't have done more, 936 00:59:31,833 --> 00:59:33,208 but milk prices just keep folding. 937 00:59:33,250 --> 00:59:34,958 What? 938 00:59:35,000 --> 00:59:36,666 So we just give everything up to people that's come down 939 00:59:36,708 --> 00:59:39,958 here and treat this whole county like it's a fucking hotel? 940 00:59:40,000 --> 00:59:42,500 Like it's all been put here for their weekend 941 00:59:42,541 --> 00:59:44,791 and their postcards. 942 00:59:44,833 --> 00:59:47,375 You don't let 'em come down here and bully you. 943 00:59:47,416 --> 00:59:49,416 I heard the lot of 'em. 944 00:59:49,458 --> 00:59:53,250 "Oh isn't it lovely. It's like an oil painting." 945 00:59:53,291 --> 00:59:56,500 But it's not a painting is it? It's proper. 946 00:59:56,541 --> 00:59:58,166 It's actually here. 947 00:59:58,208 --> 01:00:01,625 Ten years ago they would've been ankle deep in cow shit. 948 01:00:01,666 --> 01:00:04,333 - And now we've maybe got a couple of months left. 949 01:00:04,375 --> 01:00:06,375 - We would double the herd, go organic- 950 01:00:06,416 --> 01:00:07,916 With money from what? 951 01:00:09,791 --> 01:00:10,791 We're tapped out. 952 01:00:11,875 --> 01:00:12,875 This was the last of it. 953 01:00:14,875 --> 01:00:16,250 Dunno what else we can do. 954 01:00:19,666 --> 01:00:21,208 Enjoy the party. I suppose. 955 01:02:21,041 --> 01:02:25,083 - [Television] ...have sufficient building materials 956 01:02:25,125 --> 01:02:29,083 for their dream home but cannot afford the labor cost. 957 01:02:29,125 --> 01:02:30,916 Unable to borrow more from the bank, 958 01:02:30,958 --> 01:02:34,291 They've decided to build a house themselves, 959 01:02:34,333 --> 01:02:36,916 but with absolutely no experience our builders 960 01:02:36,958 --> 01:02:41,708 wonder how wise this decision might turn out to be, 961 01:02:41,750 --> 01:02:45,333 I went to visit them in Staffordshire to find out. 962 01:04:08,958 --> 01:04:11,125 - What the hell? (begins coughing) 963 01:04:11,166 --> 01:04:13,250 - [Jeff] Shut up. You're making yourself cough. 964 01:04:13,291 --> 01:04:14,750 - [Michael] Old Sheila wet her knickers, 965 01:04:14,791 --> 01:04:17,583 she saw you standing there like that in her coat. 966 01:04:17,625 --> 01:04:19,708 - [Jeff] Yes. Well someone chucked mine in the slurry pit. 967 01:04:19,750 --> 01:04:20,500 [Michael] Did they? 968 01:04:20,541 --> 01:04:21,666 [Jeff] Yes they did. 969 01:04:21,708 --> 01:04:23,333 - [Michael] Imagine you was been a knob. 970 01:04:23,375 --> 01:04:24,958 [Jeff] You imagine. 971 01:04:25,000 --> 01:04:28,083 - Hang about, you're not wearing her knickers too is you? 972 01:04:28,125 --> 01:04:32,000 Is that what's wrong, you got your knickers on too tight? 973 01:04:32,041 --> 01:04:35,666 That's it! It's cutting off circulation to your brains? 974 01:04:35,708 --> 01:04:36,708 [Jeff] Very droll. 975 01:04:43,125 --> 01:04:44,333 Where's your tablet? 976 01:04:44,375 --> 01:04:46,291 I don't want a tablet. 977 01:04:46,333 --> 01:04:48,000 Did you want some water? 978 01:04:48,041 --> 01:04:50,958 - Bollocks some water. You wanna be useful, roll us a fag. 979 01:04:51,000 --> 01:04:52,541 Absolutely not. 980 01:04:52,583 --> 01:04:54,375 - So what difference it gonna make now, eh? 981 01:04:56,958 --> 01:04:58,833 - This is a pissing stupid idea you know. 982 01:04:58,875 --> 01:05:00,583 Roll us a fag. 983 01:05:00,625 --> 01:05:02,625 - You'd be far more comfortable in bed. 984 01:05:02,666 --> 01:05:06,375 - Get on, bed! Best views in Devon up here. 985 01:05:07,666 --> 01:05:09,666 God's own country this is, Jeffrey. 986 01:05:13,708 --> 01:05:16,125 - [Jeff] Lucky you can't see the diggers from up here. 987 01:05:16,166 --> 01:05:17,583 [Michael] Diggers? 988 01:05:17,625 --> 01:05:18,958 - [Jeff] Bottom end of Church Lane. 989 01:05:19,000 --> 01:05:20,416 They're building a new estate. 990 01:05:20,458 --> 01:05:22,833 - [Michael] Christ and Baby Moses in a basket. 991 01:05:25,250 --> 01:05:27,666 - Heard what they're gonna call it? 992 01:05:27,708 --> 01:05:29,625 I'm not sure I should tell you, actually. 993 01:05:29,666 --> 01:05:31,125 It's not good for your blood pressure. 994 01:05:31,166 --> 01:05:32,375 Let me guess. 995 01:05:33,791 --> 01:05:36,958 Dingley Nightingale Twinkle fucking Glade? 996 01:05:37,000 --> 01:05:37,833 Worse. 997 01:05:39,208 --> 01:05:42,958 - Honeysuckle Badger Sparkley Lane? 998 01:05:43,000 --> 01:05:44,500 "Shepherd's Dell". 999 01:05:44,541 --> 01:05:49,041 "Shepherd's Dell"! Oh Christ! 1000 01:05:49,083 --> 01:05:50,833 Where's me shotgun? 1001 01:05:50,875 --> 01:05:53,583 Fucking shoot me in the head now that I live to see 1002 01:05:53,625 --> 01:05:57,125 Shepherd's - what the fuck's a 'dell'?! 1003 01:05:57,166 --> 01:05:58,750 - I think it's where pixies live. 1004 01:05:58,791 --> 01:06:01,541 Nah, pixies. Christ. 1005 01:06:03,083 --> 01:06:05,333 What is wrong with people? 1006 01:06:05,375 --> 01:06:06,750 The irony being, 1007 01:06:06,791 --> 01:06:09,375 the shepherd's working on the building site. 1008 01:06:09,416 --> 01:06:11,958 Who's that? Shane, whatsit? 1009 01:06:12,000 --> 01:06:13,333 Shane Dempsey. 1010 01:06:13,375 --> 01:06:14,583 Dempsey, is he? 1011 01:06:14,625 --> 01:06:15,458 Apparently. 1012 01:06:17,083 --> 01:06:19,333 - You best keep your distance then. 1013 01:06:19,375 --> 01:06:20,458 Why? 1014 01:06:20,500 --> 01:06:21,583 Don't remember do you? 1015 01:06:22,625 --> 01:06:24,291 Oh god. What? 1016 01:06:24,333 --> 01:06:27,250 - Well, back when you was, you know, being a drunk wanker. 1017 01:06:27,291 --> 01:06:28,750 Alcohol dependent. 1018 01:06:28,791 --> 01:06:31,875 - You tried it on with Shane Dempsey's missus 1019 01:06:31,916 --> 01:06:33,416 in front of everyone, 1020 01:06:33,458 --> 01:06:36,041 including him in the beer garden of the Drake. 1021 01:06:36,083 --> 01:06:37,833 Hmm? Is that all? 1022 01:06:37,875 --> 01:06:40,875 - Well you didn't have no trousers on at the time, see? 1023 01:06:40,916 --> 01:06:42,041 I didn't? 1024 01:06:42,083 --> 01:06:43,916 - No, you sicked up down yourself, 1025 01:06:43,958 --> 01:06:47,083 so you saw fit to take then off and fling them in a tree. 1026 01:06:47,125 --> 01:06:47,666 Oh shit. 1027 01:06:48,916 --> 01:06:51,666 - Ruined their Carly's Sweet 16, that did. 1028 01:06:53,625 --> 01:06:57,208 He nearly battered you to death in the car park. 1029 01:06:57,250 --> 01:06:58,583 Still. I laughed. 1030 01:07:00,000 --> 01:07:00,500 Sorry. 1031 01:07:05,125 --> 01:07:11,291 - So he's on the building sites now is he? Shame. 1032 01:07:20,416 --> 01:07:22,500 I've changed my mind. 1033 01:07:22,541 --> 01:07:25,125 I don't want to be buried in the church yard no more. 1034 01:07:26,708 --> 01:07:28,958 I want to be stuffed and put in that bottom field 1035 01:07:29,000 --> 01:07:32,833 so I can scare the out of everybody in Shepherd's Dell. 1036 01:07:34,083 --> 01:07:36,833 - Or I could just bury you with your arse sticking out. 1037 01:07:36,875 --> 01:07:39,416 - Oh yeah. Give you somewhere to park your bike. 1038 01:07:39,458 --> 01:07:40,583 Nah, it's too much work. 1039 01:07:40,625 --> 01:07:42,416 Just sling you in the compost bin. 1040 01:07:42,458 --> 01:07:43,875 You'll mulch up lovely come spring. 1041 01:07:47,708 --> 01:07:48,916 Do you want some water? 1042 01:07:48,958 --> 01:07:49,666 Tea. 1043 01:07:57,916 --> 01:07:58,750 Here. 1044 01:08:05,500 --> 01:08:06,875 Oh, I forgot. 1045 01:08:06,916 --> 01:08:08,958 I got you a present. 1046 01:08:09,000 --> 01:08:09,833 Look. 1047 01:08:13,750 --> 01:08:15,583 We got loads. 1048 01:08:15,625 --> 01:08:17,208 We should get them in some vinegar 1049 01:08:17,250 --> 01:08:18,500 and have a conker tournament. 1050 01:08:19,458 --> 01:08:21,416 Ah, that's a beauty. 1051 01:08:21,458 --> 01:08:22,833 Look at that Jeffrey. 1052 01:08:23,916 --> 01:08:25,958 Magnificent innit? 1053 01:08:26,000 --> 01:08:26,791 Yes it is. 1054 01:08:29,416 --> 01:08:31,083 It's getting late. 1055 01:08:31,125 --> 01:08:34,500 We should think about getting you home. 1056 01:08:34,541 --> 01:08:37,166 - Oh, let's stay out a bit longer eh? 1057 01:08:37,208 --> 01:08:39,166 You'd been up here ages. 1058 01:08:39,208 --> 01:08:40,541 Besides dinner will be ready soon. 1059 01:08:40,583 --> 01:08:42,708 I've made Cheesy Bean Crunch. 1060 01:08:42,750 --> 01:08:45,208 - I hate cheesy bean bollocking crunch. 1061 01:08:45,250 --> 01:08:46,416 There's protein in beans. 1062 01:08:46,458 --> 01:08:48,083 It's good for you. 1063 01:08:48,125 --> 01:08:49,916 - You'll finished me off with your bloody rabbit food. 1064 01:08:49,958 --> 01:08:51,666 Actually Michael, 1065 01:08:51,708 --> 01:08:54,500 rabbits eat their own mucus covered cecal pellets 1066 01:08:54,541 --> 01:08:55,666 as they emerge from the anus. 1067 01:08:56,750 --> 01:08:58,833 You're a flithy bastard. 1068 01:09:07,958 --> 01:09:11,625 - Goosey Fair day today, can you believe it, already? 1069 01:09:12,791 --> 01:09:14,291 Comes around quicker and quicker. 1070 01:09:16,541 --> 01:09:19,125 I used to take Holly until she got to cool to go with me. 1071 01:09:21,041 --> 01:09:25,083 I bought her a great big plastic tiara one year, 1072 01:09:25,125 --> 01:09:26,958 flashing lights all over it, 1073 01:09:28,541 --> 01:09:29,958 she wouldn't take it off. 1074 01:09:32,000 --> 01:09:34,875 Really annoyed Helen, which was a bonus, of course. 1075 01:09:36,583 --> 01:09:39,750 She was outraged I'd bought her something so 'gaudy'. 1076 01:09:41,375 --> 01:09:44,333 But that's the charm of a fair though isn't it? 1077 01:09:44,375 --> 01:09:47,750 It's sort of, gloriously...shit. 1078 01:09:49,791 --> 01:09:50,916 Helen always wanted it to be like 1079 01:09:50,958 --> 01:09:53,333 something out of Jane Austen. 1080 01:09:53,375 --> 01:09:56,791 - Trev won a goldfish one year on the shooting gallery. 1081 01:09:56,833 --> 01:09:58,333 - Don't know how I feel about that. 1082 01:09:58,375 --> 01:09:59,875 Don't worry about them. 1083 01:09:59,916 --> 01:10:03,083 Hard as fucking nails fairground goldfish, 1084 01:10:03,125 --> 01:10:04,250 could fight a dog. 1085 01:10:05,916 --> 01:10:07,958 Lived in a vase for the first six months. 1086 01:10:09,416 --> 01:10:12,875 He had that fish for bloody years, 1087 01:10:12,916 --> 01:10:14,708 lasted till he went to college. 1088 01:10:14,750 --> 01:10:16,500 What was it called? 1089 01:10:16,541 --> 01:10:18,583 'Marty Maraschino'. 1090 01:10:20,583 --> 01:10:23,291 She's buried in a matchbox beneath the rowan tree. 1091 01:10:25,083 --> 01:10:29,000 It's from Grease, pink ladies and all that, 1092 01:10:31,541 --> 01:10:33,375 you ever watch that film? 1093 01:10:33,416 --> 01:10:35,333 Oh a loop. Holly loved Grease. 1094 01:10:36,500 --> 01:10:37,416 So did Trev. 1095 01:10:41,416 --> 01:10:44,166 - Be good if he came to stay one weekend? 1096 01:10:44,208 --> 01:10:45,708 I've got his email. 1097 01:10:45,750 --> 01:10:49,375 Yeah. Perhaps. 1098 01:10:49,416 --> 01:10:51,416 - Well. I'll see when him and Jack are free. 1099 01:10:59,041 --> 01:11:00,416 What now for us then? Hmm? 1100 01:11:01,583 --> 01:11:04,250 Get the bonfire lit, toast some crumpets? 1101 01:11:07,916 --> 01:11:09,875 Or some sort of Pagan orgy? 1102 01:11:11,750 --> 01:11:13,791 I'll phone Mrs Tebbs from the post office, 1103 01:11:13,833 --> 01:11:15,791 get her to bring her sister Eunice? 1104 01:11:17,041 --> 01:11:18,916 I hear she'll do anything for a custard slice 1105 01:11:18,958 --> 01:11:19,875 and a game of bingo. 1106 01:11:41,041 --> 01:11:41,791 Smell that? 1107 01:11:43,458 --> 01:11:44,250 Autumn. 1108 01:11:45,500 --> 01:11:49,875 Smells like smoke and frost and wet moss. 1109 01:11:52,583 --> 01:11:55,583 Should get that bonfire lit, dry spell won't last. 1110 01:11:58,250 --> 01:12:01,541 Sheila'd always bake me a blackberry crumble. 1111 01:12:01,583 --> 01:12:03,375 She was a cracking cook. 1112 01:12:03,416 --> 01:12:05,166 Oh, she was. 1113 01:12:05,208 --> 01:12:07,875 That's how come she had an arse the size of Tiverton. 1114 01:12:10,500 --> 01:12:14,250 Remember that new year she come up here, 1115 01:12:14,291 --> 01:12:17,250 all that fuss she made coming up here in them stilettos? 1116 01:12:19,041 --> 01:12:20,958 Why was she wearing stilettos? 1117 01:12:21,000 --> 01:12:22,791 - Showing off to your Helen wasn't she? 1118 01:12:24,583 --> 01:12:26,541 Great night that was, 1119 01:12:26,583 --> 01:12:28,708 sitting up here watching the fireworks. 1120 01:12:30,458 --> 01:12:33,541 - Helen got so pissed she kept calling it 'the min-ellium'. 1121 01:12:33,583 --> 01:12:34,875 Happy Min-ellium! 1122 01:12:36,250 --> 01:12:37,666 - Happy Min-ellium! 1123 01:12:42,875 --> 01:12:46,041 Used to bring old Sheils up here when we was first courting. 1124 01:12:46,083 --> 01:12:48,250 Oh, that's nice. 1125 01:12:48,291 --> 01:12:50,916 - And we'd sneak back to the barn for a fumble. 1126 01:12:53,041 --> 01:12:54,833 Bloody gorgeous she was. 1127 01:12:56,208 --> 01:12:57,541 Love of my life. 1128 01:13:00,666 --> 01:13:04,291 Bloody hurry up and find yourself a bird, Jeffrey. 1129 01:13:04,333 --> 01:13:07,625 You find yourself a good woman, you'd be happy. 1130 01:13:07,666 --> 01:13:09,208 I should. God help me. 1131 01:13:09,250 --> 01:13:11,916 The only fanny I've seen in years is you. 1132 01:13:26,791 --> 01:13:30,375 - I never moved house. I ever tell you that? 1133 01:13:30,416 --> 01:13:32,250 Yeah. You did. 1134 01:13:34,208 --> 01:13:36,041 Born upstairs. 1135 01:13:36,083 --> 01:13:37,916 Well, I didn't know that. 1136 01:13:37,958 --> 01:13:41,708 - Mm. My mother was back milking the cows within the hour. 1137 01:13:52,041 --> 01:13:53,833 We had a good run, didn't we Jeffrey? 1138 01:13:53,875 --> 01:13:54,750 You finished your tea? 1139 01:13:54,791 --> 01:13:56,500 Muddled through and all. 1140 01:13:56,541 --> 01:14:00,083 - Life of Riley. Telly in the kitchen. 1141 01:14:00,125 --> 01:14:01,958 Telly in the kitchen! 1142 01:14:03,250 --> 01:14:05,833 Sheila'd never let me have a telly in the kitchen. 1143 01:14:05,875 --> 01:14:08,958 There you go, some dreams do come true. 1144 01:14:09,000 --> 01:14:10,916 Come on, my bean crunch is gonna burn. 1145 01:14:12,375 --> 01:14:13,291 It's all yours. 1146 01:14:14,875 --> 01:14:16,500 The house. 1147 01:14:16,541 --> 01:14:17,750 - It's gonna get far too cold up here 1148 01:14:17,791 --> 01:14:19,750 if you don't get a move on. 1149 01:14:19,791 --> 01:14:21,750 - No, I said the house is yours, Jeffrey. 1150 01:14:21,791 --> 01:14:23,625 Yeah. Don't be daft. 1151 01:14:23,666 --> 01:14:26,750 - I know I ain’t been the easiest bloke to live with. 1152 01:14:26,791 --> 01:14:28,833 - You're a colossal and perpetual pain in the arse. 1153 01:14:28,875 --> 01:14:30,916 No, you're a pain in the arse. 1154 01:14:30,958 --> 01:14:33,083 - I am. Now come on. It's getting cold. 1155 01:14:33,125 --> 01:14:37,958 - Yeah. Lucky bastard eh, to have had all this. 1156 01:14:38,000 --> 01:14:44,458 Have a woman like Sheila and, be here, have a life here, 1157 01:14:45,708 --> 01:14:47,708 never wanted to go anywhere else you know. 1158 01:14:51,916 --> 01:14:53,500 Went to Coventry once. 1159 01:14:53,541 --> 01:14:54,583 Oh yeah? 1160 01:14:54,625 --> 01:14:55,833 It was fucking awful. 1161 01:14:58,500 --> 01:15:01,000 Still you can go anywhere you like though eh Jeffrey? 1162 01:15:03,500 --> 01:15:04,083 You do that. 1163 01:15:05,500 --> 01:15:06,375 Don't be such a girl. 1164 01:15:44,333 --> 01:15:48,500 - What's the longest river in Africa Jeffrey? 1165 01:15:48,541 --> 01:15:49,875 The Nile. 1166 01:15:49,916 --> 01:15:51,125 Is it? 1167 01:15:51,166 --> 01:15:52,875 You are a terrible quizmaster. 1168 01:15:52,916 --> 01:15:53,750 Yeah. 1169 01:15:56,250 --> 01:16:00,166 Mmm. What you’d call a baldy git in a stupid coat? 1170 01:16:00,208 --> 01:16:01,000 Very good. 1171 01:16:07,666 --> 01:16:09,208 Hey listen. 1172 01:16:15,583 --> 01:16:17,041 Come on Jeffrey. 1173 01:16:18,166 --> 01:16:19,416 Even you know this one. 1174 01:16:24,166 --> 01:16:25,208 It's a nightjar.