1 00:00:14,098 --> 00:00:16,100 [background chatter] 2 00:00:19,395 --> 00:00:22,356 -All right, you ready to hear this? -No, but go on. 3 00:00:22,940 --> 00:00:26,069 So, I'm walkin' along the High Line on my way to dinner 4 00:00:26,152 --> 00:00:27,612 just to get a little hit of nature. 5 00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:29,739 Plus, it's my secret shortcut in that part of town. 6 00:00:29,822 --> 00:00:32,784 I don't need a tour guide. You're on the High Line, and then? 7 00:00:32,867 --> 00:00:37,288 And I'm passing all these expensive new condos, thinking, "You know what?" 8 00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:39,749 "You really must be a exhibitionist to live in one of these." 9 00:00:39,832 --> 00:00:42,794 It's like a storefront window in Amsterdam where prostitutes advertise. 10 00:00:42,877 --> 00:00:46,255 Not that I'm judgin' prostitutes. A girl gotta do what a girl gotta do. 11 00:00:46,339 --> 00:00:48,174 -Suzanne! -Right. 12 00:00:48,257 --> 00:00:50,593 So just as I had that thought, 13 00:00:51,094 --> 00:00:53,846 I see Colin in one of these apartments 14 00:00:53,930 --> 00:00:56,390 carryin' a bunch of movin' boxes 15 00:00:56,474 --> 00:00:57,975 with Tyler. 16 00:01:06,651 --> 00:01:07,568 [sighs] 17 00:01:08,194 --> 00:01:10,238 Colin left me for Tyler? 18 00:01:10,321 --> 00:01:13,866 Oh God, I wish I didn't see it. I'm always seein' shit I shouldn't be seein'. 19 00:01:13,950 --> 00:01:16,619 I can't even get on a subway without a penis in my face. 20 00:01:16,702 --> 00:01:20,289 Do you have any idea what a cliché move this is? 21 00:01:20,373 --> 00:01:21,666 He is half Colin's age. 22 00:01:21,749 --> 00:01:24,627 Yeah, it's the same thing men have been doin' to women forever. 23 00:01:24,710 --> 00:01:27,463 Who knew gay guys were just as awful as straight guys? 24 00:01:27,547 --> 00:01:29,006 Yeah, just with better haircuts. 25 00:01:29,090 --> 00:01:31,634 Wait, how does Colin even know Tyler? 26 00:01:31,717 --> 00:01:32,969 I have no id-- 27 00:01:35,096 --> 00:01:36,889 -Oh my God. -What? 28 00:01:36,973 --> 00:01:39,392 They met at our company Christmas party this past year. 29 00:01:39,475 --> 00:01:42,103 -I fucking introduced them. -[scoffs] 30 00:01:42,186 --> 00:01:47,608 And later that night, we were looking at Tyler's Instagram account together 31 00:01:47,692 --> 00:01:51,404 and laughing at his ridiculously thirsty selfies. 32 00:01:51,487 --> 00:01:53,447 You know what? It sounds like you two 33 00:01:53,531 --> 00:01:55,783 have a lot to discuss at your next therapy session. 34 00:01:55,867 --> 00:01:57,827 Oh, no, no, we are done with therapy. 35 00:01:58,661 --> 00:02:02,123 Colin texted me that there is "nothing more to work on," 36 00:02:02,206 --> 00:02:03,499 and now I know why. 37 00:02:03,583 --> 00:02:06,294 -Oh, baby, I am so sorry. -Huh. 38 00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:09,797 -Ugh. -[laughs] Ooh… 39 00:02:11,299 --> 00:02:13,134 What are you doing? Wait, what-- 40 00:02:13,217 --> 00:02:16,095 -I have to let him know that I know. -Oh, no, no, no. No. Give me that. 41 00:02:16,179 --> 00:02:17,680 -Are you kidding? -Give me this! 42 00:02:17,763 --> 00:02:20,308 No angry texts, no drunk texts, no communication at all. 43 00:02:20,391 --> 00:02:22,476 It makes you look weak. Plus, it doesn't work. 44 00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:24,854 If it did, I'd be married eight times by now. 45 00:02:24,937 --> 00:02:26,147 -[sighs] -Look. 46 00:02:26,230 --> 00:02:29,150 I'm putting together the presentation for Claire Lewis. 47 00:02:29,734 --> 00:02:32,737 Are you still gonna be okay to show Chrystie Street tomorrow? 48 00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:34,780 If not, you know I got you, right? 49 00:02:34,864 --> 00:02:36,949 Thanks, but I need to be working right now. 50 00:02:37,033 --> 00:02:39,327 Work is what's going to keep me sane. 51 00:02:39,410 --> 00:02:42,788 All right, well, this may sound crazy right about now, but… 52 00:02:43,539 --> 00:02:45,875 -I really do believe in you and Colin. -[sighs] 53 00:02:47,418 --> 00:02:48,628 He's a Scorpio, right? 54 00:02:48,711 --> 00:02:49,962 Yeah, why? 55 00:02:50,046 --> 00:02:54,675 Child, please, Scorpios can never make up their mind. You watch. He'll be back. 56 00:02:55,468 --> 00:03:00,681 [suspenseful music playing] 57 00:03:15,321 --> 00:03:16,280 [yells] 58 00:03:33,339 --> 00:03:36,592 [suspenseful music fades] 59 00:04:15,923 --> 00:04:17,174 [sighs] 60 00:04:19,719 --> 00:04:22,305 [Netflix ident music] 61 00:04:22,388 --> 00:04:23,597 [snarls] 62 00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:28,269 [sighs] 63 00:04:28,352 --> 00:04:30,354 [theme music playing] 64 00:04:34,358 --> 00:04:36,360 [birdsong] 65 00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:00,843 No. 66 00:05:02,178 --> 00:05:03,721 No! No… 67 00:05:04,388 --> 00:05:06,057 [echoing] No! 68 00:05:06,140 --> 00:05:07,683 [gasping] 69 00:05:10,728 --> 00:05:11,937 [sighs] 70 00:05:15,941 --> 00:05:16,817 [alert chimes] 71 00:05:16,901 --> 00:05:19,070 -[jazz playing] -F-- [groans] 72 00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:24,617 -Michael. -Oh, hey, Diane, I'm really-- 73 00:05:24,700 --> 00:05:28,120 Colin's Architectural Digest ended up in my box again. 74 00:05:28,204 --> 00:05:30,164 You know why I keep getting his magazines? 75 00:05:30,247 --> 00:05:32,249 -Why? -Because you boys don't check your box. 76 00:05:32,333 --> 00:05:35,878 And he's got an issue of The Economist just sittin' there on the ledge. 77 00:05:35,961 --> 00:05:37,421 It's a common area. 78 00:05:37,505 --> 00:05:40,549 Is he really so busy that he can't fetch his mail? 79 00:05:42,635 --> 00:05:43,469 I got it. 80 00:05:43,552 --> 00:05:46,055 If he wants last month's issue, it's in my bathroom. 81 00:05:46,639 --> 00:05:47,765 Kidding. 82 00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:50,351 -[jazz continues] -[distant car horns blaring] 83 00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:23,801 Michael! 84 00:06:25,803 --> 00:06:27,430 We've been here 15 minutes. 85 00:06:28,556 --> 00:06:31,142 Is everything okay? Are you crying? 86 00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:35,146 Oh, I'm fine. Allergies. I'm so sorry to be late. 87 00:06:36,021 --> 00:06:38,315 It's a little rude, but we waited. 88 00:06:39,525 --> 00:06:40,401 Thank you. 89 00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:44,071 [man sighs] 90 00:06:44,155 --> 00:06:49,368 So two split bedrooms, two full baths, and we are on the A line, 91 00:06:49,452 --> 00:06:51,620 which is the best layout in the building. 92 00:06:52,872 --> 00:06:55,291 It also has newly upgraded windows, 93 00:06:55,374 --> 00:06:58,335 per a recent building assessment that you are not responsible for. 94 00:06:58,419 --> 00:06:59,336 Why are they moving? 95 00:06:59,420 --> 00:07:01,714 They have one child and another on the way, 96 00:07:01,797 --> 00:07:04,675 so they are moving into something bigger in New Jersey. 97 00:07:05,301 --> 00:07:06,510 Oh, how sad. 98 00:07:07,511 --> 00:07:10,347 I grew up in New Jersey, so I feel your pain. 99 00:07:11,557 --> 00:07:13,142 Where are you guys moving from? 100 00:07:13,642 --> 00:07:17,104 We live separately in Brooklyn. This would be our first place together. 101 00:07:18,105 --> 00:07:19,064 Huh! 102 00:07:19,648 --> 00:07:20,941 That is so major. 103 00:07:22,151 --> 00:07:25,321 It really is the best feeling in the world 104 00:07:25,404 --> 00:07:28,824 to both find something that you love together and then call it your home. 105 00:07:29,742 --> 00:07:31,994 -Home is where the heart is. -Exactly. 106 00:07:32,661 --> 00:07:34,038 And where it should stay. 107 00:07:35,748 --> 00:07:37,917 Do you mind if we wander around on our own? 108 00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:39,376 Yeah, yeah. Take your time. 109 00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:44,798 How's your hot husband? 110 00:07:47,009 --> 00:07:48,260 Fine. Why? 111 00:07:48,344 --> 00:07:50,804 I'm just asking. You got really lucky. 112 00:07:51,388 --> 00:07:52,431 [gasps] 113 00:07:54,266 --> 00:07:55,518 [sighs] 114 00:07:56,060 --> 00:07:57,394 [both laughing] 115 00:07:59,271 --> 00:08:00,523 [woman] Stop! 116 00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:06,862 It's not even officially on the market yet. 117 00:08:06,946 --> 00:08:09,281 It's an estate sale. The family just wants to get rid of it. 118 00:08:09,365 --> 00:08:11,700 -That's why it's so cheap. -Did somebody die in here? 119 00:08:11,784 --> 00:08:15,329 -[laughs] No, they'd have to disclose it. -Good. You know I'm afraid of ghosts. 120 00:08:15,412 --> 00:08:20,000 Well, if I see any, I will invite them out to… 121 00:08:21,252 --> 00:08:22,461 -[Colin gasps] -…our terrace! 122 00:08:22,545 --> 00:08:24,213 -Wow! -I know! 123 00:08:24,797 --> 00:08:27,633 So I ran the numbers, and if we both break open our piggy banks 124 00:08:27,716 --> 00:08:29,426 and scrape together the down payment, 125 00:08:29,510 --> 00:08:31,595 our monthly would be cheaper than living apart. 126 00:08:33,138 --> 00:08:35,975 You gonna make me throw dinner parties and have game nights and friends? 127 00:08:36,058 --> 00:08:37,017 Yes. 128 00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:39,019 Good. 129 00:08:39,103 --> 00:08:40,688 -Okay. -[chuckling] 130 00:08:40,771 --> 00:08:42,356 -[Michael] Hmm? -[Colin] Mm. 131 00:08:49,238 --> 00:08:52,366 I bet your husband has some hot friends. Fix me up. 132 00:08:53,576 --> 00:08:54,577 [scoffs] 133 00:08:55,995 --> 00:08:57,413 [sighs] 134 00:08:57,496 --> 00:08:59,456 I think they're going to make an offer. 135 00:09:00,249 --> 00:09:03,377 You'll have to get 'em up to two. We already turned down 1.9. 136 00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:05,713 -When? -Last month. They don't need the money. 137 00:09:05,796 --> 00:09:08,591 Everyone needs the money. Except maybe you don't. 138 00:09:09,091 --> 00:09:11,135 With your hot, rich husband. 139 00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:15,598 We have our own separate bank accounts. It's not any of your fuckin' business. 140 00:09:15,681 --> 00:09:18,517 Why so touchy? I was just making conversation. 141 00:09:18,601 --> 00:09:20,436 It's really nice. 142 00:09:20,936 --> 00:09:23,439 Can we have a minute to sit here and feel the vibe of the place? 143 00:09:23,522 --> 00:09:28,152 Sure, yeah. Take all the time you need. I'll wait for you in here. 144 00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:34,033 [sighs] 145 00:09:35,576 --> 00:09:36,869 [sighs] 146 00:09:38,829 --> 00:09:40,205 [sighs] 147 00:10:05,981 --> 00:10:07,608 Motherfucker! 148 00:10:08,359 --> 00:10:11,487 We're leaving, but they love it. I'll see if I can nudge them up to two. 149 00:10:12,529 --> 00:10:13,614 I like them. 150 00:10:14,823 --> 00:10:16,700 I'd really like to see them get this. 151 00:10:18,202 --> 00:10:19,370 I don't trust you. 152 00:10:19,453 --> 00:10:21,830 Is there something wrong with the apartment? Noise? 153 00:10:21,914 --> 00:10:23,666 Mice? A bad smell? 154 00:10:23,749 --> 00:10:25,125 It's better you tell me now. 155 00:10:25,209 --> 00:10:26,752 Nothing, I promise. 156 00:10:27,628 --> 00:10:29,713 I'm just rooting for love. 157 00:10:38,180 --> 00:10:39,640 This is who Colin left me for. 158 00:10:39,723 --> 00:10:40,557 [Billy] Oh! 159 00:10:40,641 --> 00:10:42,142 He's cute. How old is he? 160 00:10:42,226 --> 00:10:46,605 He's not cute. He's diabolical. And that blond hair looks like a dye job. 161 00:10:46,689 --> 00:10:49,983 I wonder how I'd look with blond hair. It would really pop on screen. 162 00:10:51,276 --> 00:10:52,986 So how did you find out? 163 00:10:53,070 --> 00:10:56,240 Suzanne. She saw them together moving into Colin's new apartment. 164 00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:58,200 What kind of friend tells you these things? 165 00:10:58,283 --> 00:11:00,411 What, was she gonna not tell me? She saw them. 166 00:11:00,494 --> 00:11:02,413 Is that the hot guy you hate from work? 167 00:11:02,913 --> 00:11:04,581 -I think I follow him. -Unfollow him. 168 00:11:04,665 --> 00:11:07,126 This is from our company's Christmas party. I introduced them. 169 00:11:07,209 --> 00:11:08,335 -[sighs] -[Billy] That's cold. 170 00:11:08,419 --> 00:11:10,754 -Having an affair with someone from work. -Not an affair. 171 00:11:10,838 --> 00:11:13,424 He left me for Tyler, then didn't have the balls to admit it. 172 00:11:13,507 --> 00:11:15,509 But it's good Colin's with a young guy. 173 00:11:15,592 --> 00:11:18,053 Let him have his middle-aged fling. 174 00:11:18,137 --> 00:11:20,597 He will quickly realize that having a twink boyfriend 175 00:11:20,681 --> 00:11:23,684 is a shallow, empty life that leads nowhere. 176 00:11:23,767 --> 00:11:24,643 No offense. 177 00:11:24,727 --> 00:11:27,730 Actually, it leads to a life of mind-blowing sex. 178 00:11:28,313 --> 00:11:30,566 -You remember sex, don't you? -Vaguely. 179 00:11:31,275 --> 00:11:32,651 And you're really not helping. 180 00:11:32,735 --> 00:11:33,819 Our company has a table 181 00:11:33,902 --> 00:11:36,155 at the Central Park Conservancy dinner tomorrow. 182 00:11:36,238 --> 00:11:37,489 Tyler is gonna be there. 183 00:11:37,573 --> 00:11:40,701 I'm afraid I might stick a steak knife in his neck. 184 00:11:40,784 --> 00:11:42,536 That's a nice butch fantasy. 185 00:11:42,619 --> 00:11:46,582 But what you should do is just play it cool until it fizzles out. 186 00:11:46,665 --> 00:11:47,499 Really? 187 00:11:48,876 --> 00:11:50,794 You really don't think it's over? 188 00:11:50,878 --> 00:11:53,672 No. I do not think it's over. 189 00:11:53,756 --> 00:11:56,842 I agree. Couples break up and get back together all the time. 190 00:11:57,342 --> 00:11:59,052 -Look at the Jonathans. -That's right. 191 00:11:59,136 --> 00:12:01,597 They broke up for a couple months a few years ago 192 00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:03,515 when Jonathan had that thing with Jorge, 193 00:12:03,599 --> 00:12:06,518 the Mexican travel agent who he thought looked like Ricky Martin. 194 00:12:06,602 --> 00:12:08,604 He almost moved to Puerto Vallarta. 195 00:12:08,687 --> 00:12:10,230 I thought he just loved it there. 196 00:12:10,314 --> 00:12:11,857 You can like it for two weeks. 197 00:12:11,940 --> 00:12:14,109 Then it's like being trapped at a gay quinceañera. 198 00:12:14,193 --> 00:12:17,196 The point is it was a fling. 199 00:12:17,279 --> 00:12:19,406 He got it out of his system, and they're back together. 200 00:12:19,490 --> 00:12:20,991 Thanks. That does give me some hope. 201 00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:23,535 Okay, this is starting to sound like a cautionary tale. 202 00:12:23,619 --> 00:12:25,871 Please, do not have a baby with Colin. 203 00:12:25,954 --> 00:12:27,706 I'll have nobody left to go to dinner with. 204 00:12:27,790 --> 00:12:31,418 Exactly. And we're too old to find a new friend. 205 00:12:31,502 --> 00:12:34,338 [jazzy music playing] 206 00:12:44,223 --> 00:12:46,600 -Hey, Jack. Hey, Millie. -[Millie whines] 207 00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:48,435 [panting] 208 00:12:50,687 --> 00:12:53,649 I really am sorry about you and Colin. 209 00:12:53,732 --> 00:12:54,775 What do you mean? 210 00:12:55,734 --> 00:12:56,985 Didn't you split up? 211 00:12:58,070 --> 00:13:00,989 -What makes you think that? -The boxes, the suitcases. 212 00:13:01,073 --> 00:13:02,616 The U-Haul parked out front. 213 00:13:03,325 --> 00:13:06,537 Some hot little number was helping him. 214 00:13:06,620 --> 00:13:10,165 It looked like the beginning of one of my favorite poems, 215 00:13:10,249 --> 00:13:11,708 Pack My Box. [chuckles] 216 00:13:12,209 --> 00:13:14,336 I still have the VHS somewhere. 217 00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:17,089 -If you want to check it out. -Oh, thanks. 218 00:13:17,172 --> 00:13:20,843 My VCR was stolen in 1992. 219 00:13:21,343 --> 00:13:22,302 Anyway, 220 00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,972 I don't care what people say. 221 00:13:25,055 --> 00:13:27,891 I always thought you were the good-looking one. 222 00:13:29,601 --> 00:13:30,561 Thank you? 223 00:13:33,188 --> 00:13:34,690 Did he say anything to you? 224 00:13:34,773 --> 00:13:35,607 Yes. 225 00:13:35,691 --> 00:13:37,025 "Goodbye." Hah! 226 00:13:38,026 --> 00:13:40,028 -Don't you just hate men? -[bell dings] 227 00:13:40,112 --> 00:13:43,448 [pensive music playing] 228 00:13:51,999 --> 00:13:54,459 Is Colin ever going to pick up his Wall Street Journal, 229 00:13:54,543 --> 00:13:56,295 or is he just gonna let them pile up? 230 00:13:56,378 --> 00:13:57,629 I'll take care of it. 231 00:13:57,713 --> 00:14:00,757 [upbeat music playing] 232 00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:10,267 Happy Central Park Conservancy. 233 00:14:10,851 --> 00:14:13,896 Well, whatever you are selling tonight, I am buying. 234 00:14:13,979 --> 00:14:16,732 -[laughs]You're not exactly my customer. -Ha-ha! 235 00:14:16,815 --> 00:14:19,109 -Uh, thought you might need this. -Why? 236 00:14:19,735 --> 00:14:20,694 Good news, bad news. 237 00:14:20,777 --> 00:14:23,030 -Bad news first. -Tyler's sitting next to you. 238 00:14:23,113 --> 00:14:25,198 Ugh. And did he bring his new boyfriend? 239 00:14:25,282 --> 00:14:27,743 No. He doesn't have a plus-one. None of us do. 240 00:14:28,243 --> 00:14:30,621 But now for some better news. Claire Lewis is here. 241 00:14:30,704 --> 00:14:31,788 Did you talk to her? 242 00:14:31,872 --> 00:14:34,958 I started to, but then she just handed me her empty champagne glass 243 00:14:35,042 --> 00:14:36,501 and said, "I'll take another, dear." 244 00:14:36,585 --> 00:14:37,753 [chuckles] Where is she? 245 00:14:37,836 --> 00:14:39,963 Inside, bidding on the silent auction. 246 00:14:40,047 --> 00:14:42,466 I'm gonna go say hi and tell her how excited we are 247 00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:44,885 -about selling her apartment. -Mm! Nice. 248 00:14:44,968 --> 00:14:46,595 [chuckles] 249 00:14:46,678 --> 00:14:47,512 Thank you. 250 00:14:48,263 --> 00:14:49,890 No, no. That's for Claire. 251 00:14:52,601 --> 00:14:54,478 Claire! Michael Lawson. 252 00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:55,979 I'm sorry. Do I know you? 253 00:14:56,063 --> 00:14:58,023 Michael Lawson, Stanley's friend? 254 00:14:58,774 --> 00:15:01,568 Uh, broker who came to see your beautiful home. 255 00:15:01,652 --> 00:15:06,281 Oh! Yes. I'm sorry, the broker. There have been so many of those. 256 00:15:07,032 --> 00:15:09,201 And you're wearing a tux. 257 00:15:09,284 --> 00:15:11,662 You know, all men look the same in a tux. 258 00:15:11,745 --> 00:15:14,915 Every time I see a fat ass in a monkey suit, I think it's my husband. 259 00:15:15,707 --> 00:15:16,875 [laughs] 260 00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:19,711 -You bidding on something? -Ah! 261 00:15:19,795 --> 00:15:22,089 A week at the Amanyara in Turks and Caicos. 262 00:15:22,172 --> 00:15:24,925 -Ah. -I thought I could bring my daughter. 263 00:15:25,467 --> 00:15:29,054 Although she doesn't want me to call her my daughter since she's nonbinary now. 264 00:15:29,137 --> 00:15:32,057 Actually, the idea of sharing a room with her, 265 00:15:32,140 --> 00:15:34,434 I mean them, excuse me, 266 00:15:35,060 --> 00:15:36,853 would be the opposite of a vacation. 267 00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:42,985 But maybe I'll have a new love in my life by the "one-year expiration date." 268 00:15:43,068 --> 00:15:45,278 "Breakfast and airfare not included." 269 00:15:45,362 --> 00:15:47,781 -I'm sure you will. -Right. 270 00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:50,659 And maybe I'll also have a unicorn that shits money. 271 00:15:52,327 --> 00:15:54,538 My partner and I are excited 272 00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:58,250 to be showing you the presentation we put together for your apartment. 273 00:15:58,333 --> 00:16:01,837 Um, your timing of the market is just top-notch. 274 00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:04,923 Well, I've always been known for my perfect timing. 275 00:16:05,048 --> 00:16:06,008 [chuckles] 276 00:16:06,091 --> 00:16:07,467 Right as he left, 277 00:16:07,551 --> 00:16:11,138 I asked my husband why he started shaving his balls all of a sudden. 278 00:16:11,221 --> 00:16:13,682 Did he want them to match his hairless head? 279 00:16:13,765 --> 00:16:15,183 Do you know what he said to me? 280 00:16:16,101 --> 00:16:18,562 "I'm so glad you asked, Claire." 281 00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:21,231 "Perfect timing. I did it for Layla." 282 00:16:22,983 --> 00:16:25,485 -This is where you say, "Who's Layla?" -Oh. 283 00:16:26,153 --> 00:16:26,987 Who's Layla? 284 00:16:27,070 --> 00:16:29,448 His 25-year-old Pilates instructor 285 00:16:29,531 --> 00:16:33,452 with whom he's decided to spend the second half of his life. 286 00:16:33,535 --> 00:16:34,995 The second half! 287 00:16:35,078 --> 00:16:38,957 Because clinically obese men often live to 130. 288 00:16:43,295 --> 00:16:45,839 -Where are you sitting? -Oh, over there with some friends. 289 00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:49,009 My shrink told me it's important for me to start going out, 290 00:16:49,092 --> 00:16:53,305 even when I don't feel like it, which is what I am doing here. 291 00:16:53,847 --> 00:16:55,515 Well, I'm glad that you are, 292 00:16:55,599 --> 00:16:57,517 -because you look amazing. -[scoffs] 293 00:16:57,601 --> 00:17:03,648 And you should not be denying the world the pleasure of you. 294 00:17:03,732 --> 00:17:05,484 You've already got the meeting. 295 00:17:06,777 --> 00:17:09,780 -I'm gonna go find my table. -All right. Have a great evening. 296 00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:11,907 Don't outbid me now. 297 00:17:11,990 --> 00:17:13,992 I promise not to. [chuckles] 298 00:17:28,215 --> 00:17:29,257 [woman] Adopt a bench, 299 00:17:29,341 --> 00:17:33,303 dedicate a paving stone, donate flowers, endow a tree. 300 00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:34,763 There are so many ways 301 00:17:34,846 --> 00:17:37,766 to support this glorious park that belongs to all New Yorkers. 302 00:17:37,849 --> 00:17:40,227 Now, please, enjoy your meal. 303 00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:45,232 -Looks like Tyler is a no-show. -Yeah, no surprise. 304 00:17:45,315 --> 00:17:47,692 -[upbeat music playing] -He doesn't wanna face me. 305 00:17:47,776 --> 00:17:50,028 But he can't keep running forever. 306 00:17:50,112 --> 00:17:54,282 You'd be amazed the lengths people will go to avoid confrontation. 307 00:17:54,366 --> 00:17:56,660 -Textbook narcissistic behavior. -Yeah! 308 00:17:56,743 --> 00:18:00,122 Some will even secretly move their things out of your apartment 309 00:18:00,205 --> 00:18:02,332 before breaking up with you. [chuckles] 310 00:18:04,292 --> 00:18:05,585 Ugh. 311 00:18:06,086 --> 00:18:07,170 There he is. 312 00:18:08,088 --> 00:18:09,339 [groans] 313 00:18:09,881 --> 00:18:13,135 I'm sure that he saw me and now he's afraid to come to our table. 314 00:18:16,138 --> 00:18:18,098 -No. -What are you doing? 315 00:18:18,181 --> 00:18:20,392 I gotta talk to him. I mean, that is bullshit, right? 316 00:18:20,475 --> 00:18:22,978 -Not here. You've been drinking all night. -Let go of me. 317 00:18:23,061 --> 00:18:24,771 Don't get into a fight at a charity event. 318 00:18:24,855 --> 00:18:26,690 -It's tacky. -Stop handling my-- 319 00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:28,942 You can't possibly know how to fight! Gah-- 320 00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:33,071 ♪ Don't you know you've gotta stand up… ♪ 321 00:18:34,698 --> 00:18:36,658 Tyler! Tyler. 322 00:18:37,534 --> 00:18:38,451 Hello, Michael. 323 00:18:38,535 --> 00:18:40,829 I'd really like to know exactly when this started. 324 00:18:40,912 --> 00:18:41,746 When what started? 325 00:18:41,830 --> 00:18:44,833 Please. You know you're avoiding me. 326 00:18:44,916 --> 00:18:47,294 You're too much of a coward to sit in your own seat. 327 00:18:47,377 --> 00:18:49,087 I'm sitting with my mother. 328 00:18:49,171 --> 00:18:52,257 She's a co-host of this event, and we have our own table. 329 00:18:52,340 --> 00:18:56,178 The only reason Empire Realty bought a table is thanks to me. 330 00:18:56,261 --> 00:18:57,304 That's why you're here. 331 00:18:57,387 --> 00:18:59,931 I know what's going on with you and Colin. 332 00:19:00,015 --> 00:19:03,476 My neighbor saw you helping him move out of my building. 333 00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:06,897 [chuckles] I thought Colin not telling you about me might make things awkward. 334 00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:09,441 "Awkward"? Are you fucking kidding me? 335 00:19:10,317 --> 00:19:14,613 You break up my relationship, and you think it might be awkward? 336 00:19:14,696 --> 00:19:16,698 What the hell are you talking about? 337 00:19:16,781 --> 00:19:18,200 I'm sorry Colin left you, 338 00:19:18,283 --> 00:19:21,578 but the only thing going on between us is that I found an apartment for him. 339 00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:24,206 Wh-- And you expect me to believe that? 340 00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:27,876 Suzanne saw you with him in his apartment on the High Line, dude. 341 00:19:27,959 --> 00:19:30,045 I helped him move a few things in. 342 00:19:30,128 --> 00:19:33,215 I provide that level of service to all of my clients. 343 00:19:33,298 --> 00:19:35,258 It's called going the extra mile. 344 00:19:35,342 --> 00:19:37,969 -I-- -But I am not having an affair with Colin. 345 00:19:38,053 --> 00:19:39,346 [laughs] 346 00:19:40,055 --> 00:19:40,889 He's old. 347 00:19:41,556 --> 00:19:43,934 Not that old. A few years older than me. 348 00:19:44,017 --> 00:19:45,352 Really? You're the younger one? 349 00:19:46,978 --> 00:19:50,607 Look, if it makes you feel any better, I've seen no evidence of another guy. 350 00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:53,109 I really don't think he left you for anybody. 351 00:19:53,193 --> 00:19:56,321 I've gotta get to my table. Sorry. 352 00:19:57,614 --> 00:19:59,574 Oh, uh, one more thing. 353 00:19:59,658 --> 00:20:01,910 Would you stop bugging Claire Lewis about her apartment? 354 00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:03,954 It's really embarrassing. 355 00:20:04,037 --> 00:20:07,040 I've told you before, she's my mother's friend. 356 00:20:07,123 --> 00:20:08,541 I'm getting the listing. 357 00:20:17,634 --> 00:20:19,803 You look gorgeous enough to make me straight tonight. 358 00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:21,596 Oh! [laughs] 359 00:20:22,430 --> 00:20:24,224 [Claire] You are so… 360 00:20:32,274 --> 00:20:33,400 [sighs] 361 00:20:34,359 --> 00:20:36,194 -How'd it go? -Ah… 362 00:20:37,654 --> 00:20:39,823 Colin's not having a fling. 363 00:20:41,449 --> 00:20:44,786 He didn't leave me for Tyler. He didn't leave me for anyone. 364 00:20:46,037 --> 00:20:49,040 He just wanted to leave me. 365 00:20:51,251 --> 00:20:53,086 Which somehow feels even worse. 366 00:21:01,678 --> 00:21:03,305 [sighs] It felt so satisfying 367 00:21:03,388 --> 00:21:06,433 to tell myself this story that Colin left me for Tyler 368 00:21:06,516 --> 00:21:08,184 because it made him look so shallow, 369 00:21:08,268 --> 00:21:11,104 but really Tyler was just helping him plot his escape 370 00:21:11,187 --> 00:21:13,523 like I was holding him hostage. 371 00:21:14,316 --> 00:21:17,027 [sighs] I just don't know what to do with all this anger. 372 00:21:17,527 --> 00:21:20,155 You know what? You're gonna put it into your work. 373 00:21:20,655 --> 00:21:23,992 Wait until Claire sees the presentation we put together for her. 374 00:21:24,075 --> 00:21:26,494 I don't care what kind of friend she is to his mother. 375 00:21:26,578 --> 00:21:30,290 There's no way she's entrusting her apartment to that millennial fraud. 376 00:21:30,373 --> 00:21:32,125 -Mm. -We're not getting played on this one. 377 00:21:32,208 --> 00:21:33,752 [simultaneous phone alerts] 378 00:21:35,253 --> 00:21:36,087 [in unison] Shit. 379 00:21:37,088 --> 00:21:40,175 "Unfortunately, Miss Lewis is unable to meet with you at this time." 380 00:21:40,258 --> 00:21:42,052 "Thank you for your consideration." 381 00:21:42,635 --> 00:21:43,762 "Dictated, not read." 382 00:21:46,181 --> 00:21:47,057 We got played. 383 00:21:55,190 --> 00:21:56,232 Not this time. 384 00:22:01,696 --> 00:22:03,406 Excuse me, sorry. Emergency. 385 00:22:04,657 --> 00:22:05,909 71st and Park. 386 00:22:10,872 --> 00:22:11,706 Claire! 387 00:22:14,834 --> 00:22:15,919 Claire! 388 00:22:16,753 --> 00:22:20,131 Michael, what did I say about loud voices in the lobby? 389 00:22:20,924 --> 00:22:21,758 [whispers] I'm sorry. 390 00:22:21,841 --> 00:22:23,218 -[Michael sighs] -[concierge scoffs] 391 00:22:23,301 --> 00:22:24,344 It's okay, Freddy. 392 00:22:25,762 --> 00:22:28,139 Claire, don't list your apartment with Tyler. 393 00:22:28,890 --> 00:22:30,642 Nobody is going to work harder for you 394 00:22:30,725 --> 00:22:33,520 or understand more about what you are going through than I will. 395 00:22:33,603 --> 00:22:37,649 [laughs] Oh really? You? You understand what I'm going through? 396 00:22:37,732 --> 00:22:40,151 Yes. I just got left, too, 397 00:22:40,235 --> 00:22:42,112 after 17 years. 398 00:22:42,195 --> 00:22:44,114 I don't even know what happened. 399 00:22:44,697 --> 00:22:48,535 And I am still looking for any tiny excuse or stupid reason 400 00:22:48,618 --> 00:22:50,870 to make me believe that it's not real. 401 00:22:50,954 --> 00:22:52,163 But it is real. 402 00:22:54,332 --> 00:22:55,333 I got left 403 00:22:55,417 --> 00:22:58,336 by a man I thought I was gonna spend the rest of my life with. 404 00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:01,464 Michael, I'm so sorry. 405 00:23:02,674 --> 00:23:05,009 But do you honestly think it's the same thing? 406 00:23:05,093 --> 00:23:09,806 Do you have any idea what it's like to be single again for a woman at my age? 407 00:23:10,432 --> 00:23:14,769 Do you have any idea what it's like to be single again for a gay man at my age? 408 00:23:14,853 --> 00:23:16,062 I'm a dinosaur. 409 00:23:16,646 --> 00:23:17,814 You're still cute. 410 00:23:17,897 --> 00:23:19,274 You're still gorgeous! 411 00:23:21,818 --> 00:23:22,735 [chuckles] 412 00:23:24,571 --> 00:23:26,906 Tyler was taking six percent. 413 00:23:27,699 --> 00:23:30,034 Can you shave a point off your commission? 414 00:23:32,078 --> 00:23:33,621 Yeah, if that's what it takes. 415 00:23:33,705 --> 00:23:36,040 Oh! His mother's gonna be so pissed. 416 00:23:36,124 --> 00:23:39,711 It's gonna be worth it. I am gonna work my ass off for you, 417 00:23:39,794 --> 00:23:42,005 and we're gonna have fun. 418 00:23:42,088 --> 00:23:45,008 Oh, good. I could use some fun. 419 00:23:46,301 --> 00:23:48,553 Uh, but, Michael, one more thing. 420 00:23:49,179 --> 00:23:53,391 If you're a man, I don't give a damn how old you are or who you sleep with, 421 00:23:53,475 --> 00:23:54,934 you've still got a better deal. 422 00:23:56,352 --> 00:23:58,563 Just admit it. Admit it. 423 00:23:58,646 --> 00:24:00,273 ["You Ain't Alone" by Alabama Shakes] 424 00:24:00,356 --> 00:24:02,317 I guess we'll have to compare notes, Claire. 425 00:24:03,485 --> 00:24:04,819 Oh! 426 00:24:04,903 --> 00:24:06,738 I look forward to that. 427 00:24:06,821 --> 00:24:10,241 And to you getting me a shit ton of money for my apartment. 428 00:24:10,325 --> 00:24:11,784 [laughs] 429 00:24:13,786 --> 00:24:16,539 -♪ Are you scared to tell somebody… ♪ -[sighs] 430 00:24:17,123 --> 00:24:19,375 -♪ How you feel about somebody? ♪ -[chuckles] 431 00:24:26,007 --> 00:24:30,470 ♪ Are you scared What somebody's gonna think? ♪ 432 00:24:37,227 --> 00:24:42,524 ♪ Or are you scared to wear your heart Out on your sleeve? ♪ 433 00:24:42,607 --> 00:24:43,900 [sighs] 434 00:24:50,865 --> 00:24:54,702 ♪ Are you scared of me? ♪ 435 00:24:54,786 --> 00:24:57,247 ♪ 'Cause I'm scared ♪ 436 00:24:57,330 --> 00:25:01,793 ♪ The bomb's gonna take me away ♪ 437 00:25:01,876 --> 00:25:04,629 ♪ Oh, but I really don't know ♪ 438 00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:07,924 ♪ What I got to say ♪ 439 00:25:10,093 --> 00:25:12,095 ♪ Oh, all right ♪ 440 00:25:12,679 --> 00:25:13,763 ♪ All right ♪ 441 00:25:14,264 --> 00:25:16,266 ♪ All right, all right ♪ 442 00:25:17,392 --> 00:25:18,351 ♪ All right ♪ 443 00:25:18,935 --> 00:25:19,936 ♪ Hey ♪ 444 00:25:20,520 --> 00:25:26,693 ♪ Ooh ♪ 445 00:25:27,819 --> 00:25:29,821 ♪ One, two, three ♪ 446 00:25:30,947 --> 00:25:35,034 ♪ Are you too scared to dance for me? ♪ 447 00:25:38,496 --> 00:25:40,498 ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪