- Paul! - Mom!
- I can't go anywhere near keri until the hearing.
- The important thing is you're safe now.
- Thank you.
- I've been supervising visits with his kids for 2 months.
It's just so hard to understand
How he could go from being so sweet and loving with the girls,
And then just...
- So they told me to come here, that, uh, it would help my case.
- I just need you to understand that I'm with laura now,
And, uh, I really want to make this relationship work, so...
- If you don't want to be in your kid's life, that's fine.
Please don't use your girlfriend as excuse.
And now I'm worried about losing this kid I love like crazy.
Anyways, I guess you can relate.
Now that I'm about to become a mother,
I find myself thinking about mom.
I just wish we would talk about her sometime.
- We could do that, sometime.
- You can't force your father to be more present.
- We have never been a priority for you.
Just get the fuck out.
(laughing)
♪ ♪ ♪
- ♪ happy birthday to you ♪
♪ happy birthday, dear mia ♪
♪ happy birthday to you ♪
(laughing)
- It's my birthday tomorrow.
- Happy birthday.
- I'm gonna be 40.
- How are you feeling about that?
- Well, it's my third time, so I'm starting to get used to it.
Sorry.
It's an inside joke,
Between me and, well, I guess me.
Does that count as self-love?
Telling jokes only I get?
- Depends on if the joke's on you.
- Hmm.
It's also the age my mom was when she died.
That freaks me out a bit.
I'm worried about what comes next.
- Do you feel like you're ready
To talk about what it meant to you to lose your mother?
- That's painful.
Sometimes, I blame her for dying.
- I like it.
- Uh, this would be jared's room
If I'm allowed to have him overnight.
- I thought all that was settled.
- Apparently not.
And this will be the nursery.
- Oh! Do you like your room, little one?
You talk to it, don't you?
It's important for it to hear your voice.
Just sing a few lullabies to it every evening
So that he, she or they don't inherit our trademark anxiety.
Makes a big difference.
- Well, it hears my voice constantly.
I don't need to sing or speak to it.
And what if it hates lullabies
Or cooing or whatever, like me?
- Well, you'll be happy here.
- Yep, it's a really nice place.
- You freaking out?
- Everything ok?
- Yeah, paul's really calmed down.
Our lawyers are talking.
Maybe we won't have to hide out much longer.
- Hmm. Ok.
- We all want to get out of here.
- And go where, though?
- Not sure yet.
- Ok, well, if you need anything, uh, I'm around.
- Yeah.
All right, girls, we gotta go.
- Where's jared?
- He's with his dad today.
- Oh, ok.
- All right, have a good time!
- Bye, mom! - Bye. I love you guys.
- They'll be fine.
(chuckling)
- Bye. - Bye.
- Thank you, daddy! I love it.
- Mine's so pretty! - Mine too!
- Just ride them around here to start, all right? Ok?
- Ok!
- So, this is probably the last time
You'll have to supervise us.
- Keri mentioned that.
- Yeah, she might even withdraw the assault charges too.
- Really?
- Hey, I'd appreciate it if you, uh,
If you testified in my favour,
You know, strengthened my case.
- What?
- I'm only asking you to tell the truth here,
That these visits went well, that I cooperated in good faith.
You know, I didn't have to agree to any of this.
- I know.
- I've changed.
You can see that, right?
- Are you still angry with keri?
- No, not at all.
- Think you'll be able to handle it
When you find out she's seeing someone?
- She is?
- No. But she will.
Think you'll be able to keep it together when that time comes?
- Yeah, I've--I've moved on.
- I know it's not as easy as that. I mean...
I have to deal with bryson and his new girlfriend,
And I gotta admit, it, uh, hurts like hell.
It's hard not to think about dark thoughts, ugly thoughts.
- What--what do you do with those thoughts?
- I can't force him to love me.
And I'm seeing a therapist.
It's helpful. - Wa-watch out!
- Come with us! - Yes, come!
- I'm gonna win.
- Do you mind if I take a bike ride with my girls?
I'll meet you back here in an hour.
- Yeah.
- You can follow me in your car if it makes you feel any better.
Up to you.
Wait up, wait up!
- Look...
I get that it's your body,
But surgery, that's...
- Why is it such a thing for you?
- Because it's... It makes me sad.
It's mom's nose and my nose.
And people pay good money for our noses.
- You need to stop with that.
- Stop with what?
- Well, it's always "we," "us," "ours" with you.
We are not the same person, mia.
- Ok...
What are you talking about?
- You tore into dad in front of everyone,
And then you name-checked me,
Like it had anything to do with me.
"liz and I have never been a priority for you."
- Are you serious?
That was two months ago.
Please don't act like he didn't hurt you too.
- But that doesn't mean I--I want to humiliate him
In front of our friends and in front of our family.
It just wasn't the same for me, mia.
I didn't leave home like you did,
And I--I didn't fight with joan every waking second
After we moved in with her.
- Yeah, you didn't have to. I did that for you.
- And you're not 15 anymore.
I accept dad for who he is,
And I will take any time with him that I can get.
I don't want to change him,
And I don't want to put him on blast.
- I'm sorry.
It won't happen again.
He did send me a message.
Uh, we're gonna finally talk before dinner, so...
(sighing)
- Wow. You seem thrilled about it.
- No, no, it's... The baby's kicking.
- What?
Oh! Oh!
Hi there, you! Hi, baby!
(chuckling)
- (robert): My dear mimi,
I'm writing to you before I see you
Because I know I won't be able to find the words
When we're face to face.
Coffee's not too hot?
- No, it's perfect.
- Speaking about your mother is, uh, difficult for me.
It takes me back to that day, finding her in the bedroom,
You girls abandoned and helpless beside her.
The horror on your little faces, I'll never forget it.
You don't find it hard to sleep at night
If you have one this late in the day?
- Oh no, I'm usually ok if I have it before 5:00.
- That may be why I can't talk about it to this day;
I'm too ashamed.
If you only knew how much I wish I could go back,
Do it differently.
It's amazing how little wind there is here.
You know, if it wasn't for the traffic...
- Oh, come on, the traffic's not that bad.
- But now I want to make it up to you,
Because I would give anything to have my little mimi back.
I'd like to see you before your birthday dinner,
Just me and you.
I love you, dad.
- Thanks, daddy.
For the coffee and for the walk.
- My pleasure.
- ♪ happy birthday, dear mia ♪
♪ happy birthday to you ♪
- Wow!
(all cheering)
- Yeah! - Thank you.
- So, how about a little digestif
To wash down the cake, huh?
- Daddy! You're driving.
- No, no, no, no!
Your father booked us a hotel, so we don't have to rush off.
His little mimi doesn't turn 40 every day!
(chuckling)
- M! Chloe made you a tinder profile,
And you've already got a few bites!
- Ugh!
- They're actually not terrible, you'll see.
- Oh my god. You guys are so cringe.
(laughing)
- Mimi, did I ever tell you about your first birthday cake?
Well, it was an angel food cake.
Your mom made the mistake
Of leaving a jar of hot caramel beside you.
And while we were cleaning up,
You were throwing things all over the floor.
And when your mom bent down to pick them up,
You took the jar of hot caramel and poured it all over her head.
- No!
- She had to cut her hair
Because she couldn't get it all out!
(all laughing)
Let me know when you want to paint your new place.
I'll come into town and give you a hand.
- Ok.
- Seriously, call me.
I want to be there.
- Thanks for a lovely evening, dad.
- Thank you.
- Bye, liz! - Bye.
- Love you.
- And?
- It's good.
(phone ringing)
- It was a good night.
- Hey...
- Oh! There. See?
Told you he wouldn't forget your birthday.
(laughing)
- Hi.
- Hi. Uh, paul is here.
He really wants to talk to you.
I'll put him on.
- Hey. Uh, do you know where keri is?
- Uh, no.
- I did something stupid.
(sighing)
(doorbell ringing)
- Hey, come.
- What did you do?
- I'd go into a tailspin every time.
Then I would cool off.
I'd be nice and loving and apologetic.
We'd have make-up sex.
But then the cycle would start all over again.
When she told me she was leaving me, I...
(sighing)
I wanted to kill her.
- She said to me: "I don't need this in my life."
And she was right.
She didn't deserve to be treated that way.
That's when I realized that my head wasn't screwed on straight.
I was making her pay for my mistakes.
I've been angry for as long as I can remember.
Ever since I was a kid.
My anger is not her fault.
- The hardest part was owning up to what I've done.
It was horrible.
All of it.
She would forgive me. She did.
But I wasn't able to forgive myself.
- Paul...
So?
- Well, that was, uh, pretty intense.
But, uh, thank you.
Uh, that really helped.
So, I'll see you next week, then.
- No, I think I'm good.
I'm not like these guys.
I mean, it's not-- it's not that bad.
- You know where to find us. - Yeah, thanks.
- I'm glad you came back.
It's gonna motivate me to keep showing up.
(keri laughing)
- Well, I was pretty rusty.
(phone dinging)
- Could have fooled me.
- Everything ok?
Nothing serious, I hope.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, it is serious?
- No, no, no. It's not serious. Everything's fine.
- See you next week.
- I'm sorry.
I'm supposed to meet someone here for dinner.
- Paul is waiting for you in the kitchen.
This is for you.
Follow me, please.
(chuckles nervously)
Paul.
- Keri...
- Hi. - Hey, uh, this is simon.
He's the chef here.
And he was kind enough to open the restaurant
Just for us tonight.
He's also my new boss. Uh, yeah.
Hey, can you start browning the butter for the veggies?
Yeah, heavy on the thyme, man.
She can't get enough of it.
And I'll get to work on the sea bream.
You're gonna love this.
- I thought you wanted to talk custody.
- I do.
And, uh, and--and we will.
It's just we-- we have to eat, right?
Also, it's just, uh...
One small way to say I'm sorry.
- Did you really mean everything you wrote in your email?
- I did.
- It's really beautiful, paul.
(moaning)
(both moaning)
- Whoa!
- Jesus!
I feel like we're teenagers staying out past our curfew.
(laughing)
- Yeah, just a couple of sinners,
Hiding out in a seedy motel.
- Like when we used to hook up behind my boyfriend's back.
- Poor mark. I don't think he ever got over it.
- He never got over it.
(both laughing)
(thunder rumbling)
(laughing)
What is that?
- I figured there might not be a lot of plants at the shelter,
So I thought you could...
You could use a little green in your life.
- You don't have to.
- Well, even if I live to be 100,
I'll, uh, I'll never have enough time to make it up to you, so...
- Think you'll be able to handle it
When you find out she's seeing someone?
- She is? - No. But she will.
(knocking on door)
(shower running)
(shower stops)
(shower curtain opening)
- Did you meet someone?
- Did I meet someone at the women's shelter?
- Who's steve?
- He's, um, a friend.
- What kind of friend?
- He's a guy from yoga.
It's motivating, you know, having a yoga buddy.
- And that's all you do together?
- We go for coffee after, sometimes.
- Well, your yoga buddy
Sure sends you a lot of fucking texts.
- He suggests shows that he thinks I would like,
That sort of stuff.
- So, you come here to fuck me
While you keep him on the back burner, huh?
- That's not true. It's nothing.
You and I hadn't even
Started seeing each other again.
- You just can't get enough of men falling all over you, huh?
I love you, and I'm trying to show you that I've changed,
And you're starting something with this asshole.
You love it, don't you?
Having all these dicks on standby like a fucking slut.
- No, you can't speak to me like that anymore.
(keri crying)
Paul, no, don't touch me!
Just leave me alone! Just don't touch me!
Just forget about me. Forget about us.
I never want to see you again. - I didn't mean...
- You fucking psycho!
(breathing heavily, crying)
- So I went to the shelter to, uh, to apologize,
And they threatened to call the cops.
A woman outside told me--
- How did you know the location of the shelter?
- Well, that--that's where I drop off keri after.
- Ah, so that's why you agreed to supervised visits.
You're seeing her in secret.
- Keri asked me not to tell you.
- Did you even go to counselling,
Or was that just all bullshit too?
- No, I went.
A couple of times. - A couple of times?
- I got what I needed out of it, all right?
- Obviously, you did not. - Please, I--I...
Now I just need you to help me find her. Please, call her.
I'm--I'm begging you. She won't pick up if it's me.
- Why? So you can beat her up some more?
- Fuck, that was a mistake, all right?
Please, I...
I can't live without her and--and the girls. I'm...
I'm not-- I'm not gonna make it. If...
Please.
- No.
You call me when you're ready for some real change.
- Come on, ple-please don't go.
Don't go, don't go.
- Don't you dare. - I'm--I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- I always end up at square one, no matter what I do.
I get the same result every time.
- What results are you looking for?
- Change.
Hi. Um, is keri here?
- Keri!
- I don't want my life to be a waste.
- What's up?
- I want to serve some kind of purpose.
- You think if you can't change the people around you,
That your life will be wasted?
- Jesus christ, people are sick.
Mimi, come see this!
- ...Straight for the restroom.
He emerged fully armed at approximately 1:25 p.M.
And opened fire when a security guard...
- Fuck, fuck, fuck.
It kills me to know that I can't make the world
A better place or safer place.
It's all meaningless.
And it's even worse now that I'm bringing a child into the world.
- Do you feel like you have a calling? Or a mission?
Is that why you became a police officer?
- Yes.
- To what end, exactly?
Be specific.
- To catch the bad guys.
Protect the innocent.
Guess that's naive, huh?
A little girl's fantasy.
- I think you underestimate your impact as an officer.
The fact is, you have saved lives,
Protected the innocent, caught the bad guys.
The problem is it doesn't seem to satisfy you.
- It's true.
- So, who's the original bad guy?
The one you need to catch to put it all to rest?
- My dad, I guess.
He left us, and that wasn't exactly a good-guy move.
- And who's the original victim?
The one you need to save?
- Mommy's too tired to eat. Call your father.
Tell him to come get you and your sister.
(line ringing)
- Daddy? Can you come get us?
- Well, um, it's Wednesday, sweetie.
I come and pick you up on the weekend, remember? Ok?
- Ok.
If I could have just saved her,
Even for a little while...
I could have insisted that he come or call 911.
- Ok. And what would that have changed?
- Everything.
My life.
Me.
- How so?
- I wouldn't have spent my whole life feeling guilty.
And angry at him, desperate for his affection.
- Your father.
- I wouldn't have scared off every man I ever met
Acting like this insecure little girl
That couldn't believe
That anyone worth having could love her.
And I wouldn't be in this situation either.
- What situation?
- Alone. Pregnant.
With a baby that doesn't have a father.
- You were just a child, mia.
Consider jared, for example.
Would you expect him to carry such a burden, at his age?
Maybe your life would have changed.
It's just as likely that it wouldn't have.
In any event, you'll never know,
Because you can't go back in time.
And even if you could,
Once you'd gone back and changed everything,
What would that mia even be like...
Without her anger and her guilt?
(doorbell ringing)
- Where are the movers?
- I cancelled the movers.
- Yeah, well, the couch is not gonna fit in your car.
- No, I--I just, I came by to...
See jared before I...
- Before what?
- Mimi! Are we supposed to see each other today?
- No, baby.
No, I just, uh...
I just came by to tell you that...
I love you so, so much.
- I love you too.
- Are you ok?
I... And I loved you too.
- Um, mia!
(crying)
(phone chiming)
(line ringing)
- (woman): Welcome to plan b agency.
Using the keypad, select your desired destination.
For the year 2023, press 1.
For the year 2022, press 2.
(buttons beeping)
You have selected the year 1992.
State the reason for your trip.
- Mom, breakfast is ready.
- Call your father.
Tell him to come get you and your sister.
(sighing)
- Hello?
- Daddy, can you come get us, now?
- Well, uh, it's Wednesday, sweetie.
I come and pick you up on the weekend.
- Mom's dying. You have to come right now.
If you don't come now,
You'll regret it for the rest of your life.
(line ringing)
- 911, what's your emergency?
- I need an ambulance.
My mother's heart is failing.
(machine beeping)
- Hi.
- Mom!
You have to stay with us.
I need you.
- I would love to, honey.
But I'm sick.
It's out of my hands.
- We have a match!
We're going to give you a complete cardiological overhaul.
You will live a long, healthy life.
- I'm so proud of you, pumpkin.
You were very brave.
You saved your mother's life.
- So, she's not gonna die?
(chuckling)
- No, sweetheart. No, she won't.
Ever.
Ok, so, I checked with the office and with joan,
And I can stay till the end of the week until you recover.
- Yay!
- Robert, you don't have to do that. I can make do.
- No, the doctor said that you needed help
While you were convalescing,
So just let me help, ok?
(talking, indistinct)
- Chicken's ready.
- Mmm. Good job!
(laughing)
- Good night, pumpkins.
- I can't sleep.
- Me neither.
- I'm too excited.
- I know.
You know I'm always gonna be there for you, right?
No matter what.
- Time to go to sleep, pumpkins!
It's late. You can talk in the morning.
- Close your eyes. I'll wait for you to fall asleep first.
- And even if you could,
Once you'd gone back and changed everything,
What would that mia even be like,
Without her anger and her guilt?
- Happy.
Really happy.
- And what's stopping you from shedding that anger and guilt
Now that you're 40?
- I wouldn't even know where to begin.
I'm not sure I know who I am without them.
- The duration of the requested trip
Will require a wire transfer to the following account:
Transit number 8900423...
- (james): What would that mia even be like?
- You'll see, sweetie.
You'll see.
- If you say so, mom.
But please...
Stay close by.
(line beeping)
(dog barking)
- Hey.
Thanks for coming with me.
- That was the deal.
- The new boyfriend is loaded.
He hired the best lawyers in the city,
And they're-- they're bleeding me dry.
If it's up to them, I'll never see my girls again.
- Can you blame her?
I mean, take some responsibility.
You hit her again.
So, yeah, welcome to the consequences.
- Paul, it's good to see you again.
Come, and let's talk in my office.
- Hello.
- Hi.
- Can I help you with anything?
- Sorry, I... I wasn't expecting to see a woman working here.
(woman chuckling)
- Well, if only men can help other men,
And only women can help other women,
How will we ever find common ground?
Are you here with a partner or friend?
- Neither, actually.
Um, it's a long story.
- Ok.
- Hey, can I ask you a question? - Sure.
- Why did you go into this line of work?
- Ah, that's long story too.
But if I can prevent one victim from being assaulted,
I feel like I've done good work.
And if we want the violence to truly stop,
We have no choice but to treat the suffering
Of the people inflicting it.
- How do you do that?
- I try to remind myself
There's a human being sitting in front of me.
And even if it doesn't work,
I take comfort in knowing I did everything in my power.
What kind of work do you do?
- Well, that's the million-dollar question. Um...
I'm a police officer.
But I'm still finding myself.
- And a future mom?
- And that.
- You know, it's all right to still be searching.
- I need to change.
I want to...
I want to show my girls how a good man should behave.
And, uh...
I want to stop hurting people with, uh, with my pain.
- This is the right place to do that.
- It's ok, dad. We can handle it.
- But I still want to pay for the paint.
- You don't have to do that.
- No, no, no, no. I insist, please.
- Ok.
(robert talking, indistinct)
Yeah, we'll talk to you later.
- I love you. - Bye.
- What's his excuse this time?
- Joan's sister is visiting from Italy.
- Oh, not joan's sister!
- Take him as he is, right?
- Yeah. Good.
Remind me again why you let bryson keep everything?
- I want a fresh start, for real.
- Ok, but you're gonna need some furniture and some decor.
- I want to take my time.
- Why?
- To figure out what I want.
What I really want.
- Career change at 40?
That's a bold move.
Any idea what you're gonna do?
- I don't know what I want to do.
I know what I don't want to do.
- Thought about community work?
I think you'd be good at that.
- Yeah, maybe.
I don't know.
I just want to do something
Where I feel like I'm really helping people.
(chuckling)
See, that's the problem with good beat cops.
You don't even realize how effective you really are.
(chuckling)
- Yeah.
Anyway, I, um...
I just wanted to come in person
And tell you that no matter where I end up,
I really hope you still stay in my life.
My baby's gonna need a good male role model.
And you are.
- Well, uh, don't come crying to me if the kid ends up a cop.
(both laughing)
I'm gonna miss you, mia.
Come here.
You take care.
- Ah, total clean slate.
No job, no boyfriend.
I don't know if I'm more excited or scared.
I'm sorry. Tell me if this is getting too deep.
- What makes you think I'm not deep too?
- I know you are.
- Ok. And, uh, how's that?
- Just a hunch.
- Any other feelings in there?
- Excuse me, are you flirting with a pregnant woman?
- Oh, I--I hadn't noticed.
(laughing)
- I know, right? You can't even tell from the back.
(both laughing)
No, seriously, what I do need
Is a solid male role model for my kid.
- Mmm.
For now.
- Count me in.
(chuckling softly)
- She, uh, she laughed at me, in front of everyone.
When I told her how humiliating that was,
She--she brushed me off.
So that's--that's when I lost it.
You shut your fucking mouth!
Next thing I knew, I had her against the wall,
And then I wanted to, uh, I wanted to choke her, and, uh...
My little girl saw me.
I--I scared her.
What did I do?
(screaming)
(crying)
- So...
On some level,
You think that by hurting her, it'll stop your own suffering.
Is that right?
(crying)
Are you prepared to take a long, hard look
At your part in all of this
In order to stop the hurt?
Ok.
Because once you do that,
That's when the real work can start.
(crying)
Ok.
(crying)
- ♪ hush, little baby, don't say a word ♪
♪ mama's gonna buy you a mocking... ♪
(sighing)
What am I supposed to sing?
- (liz): Huh? - To the baby.
- What?
- Like, does it have to be a lullaby?
- I was sleeping, you know.
Um, hmm... Any song you love?
Just try something.
- ♪♪ when your day is long ♪
♪ and the night ♪
♪ the night is yours alone ♪♪
(phone ringing)
Hello?
- He's making a lot of progress,
Doing a lot of self-reflection.
He's on the right track, but I think he hit a deep wound today.
His shame...
We didn't think he should go home alone,
And we--we didn't know who else to call, so...
- I understand.
We'll take my car. - No, uh, you can go home.
They--they shouldn't have called you. Thanks.
- Paul...
- Please, uh...
Tell my daughters, uh...
I love them.
- Don't do this.
- Look, I've been going to this help centre
Almost every day for a month now.
Where did it get me, huh?
I'm a piece of shit, just like my father.
- No. You're doing the work.
He didn't, that's the difference.
- They'll be better off without me.
- If you die...
Don't you see that's gonna hurt them even more?
On top of everything, you want them to carry that burden?
Your girls need their father.
They need you.
(paul crying)
What would you be prepared to do if you had one more chance?
- Anything.
I swear, anything.
- Give me your credit card.
- What?
- Come on, hand it over.
(line ringing)
- What are you doing?
- Welcome to plan b agency.
For english, press 9.
♪♪ if you're on your own ♪
♪ in this life ♪
♪ the days and nights are long ♪
♪ when you think you've had too much ♪
(doorbell ringing)
♪ of this life ♪
- Paul whitman?
- Uh, yeah.
♪ hang on ♪
Hey! What do you think you're doing?
Put me down!
Hey!
♪ well, everybody hurts ♪
♪ sometimes ♪
♪ everybody cries ♪
(baby cooing)
♪ well, everybody hurts ♪
♪ sometimes ♪
♪ hold on ♪
♪ everybody hurts ♪
♪ hold on ♪
♪ hold on ♪♪
- Mimi!
This is my brother, leo.
I picked his name.
- Well, we might not have been the best couple.
But...
As parents, we'll do all right.
- He's, um, a friend.
He's a guy from yoga.
It's motivating, you know, having a yoga buddy.
We go for coffee after, sometimes.
- Ok.
♪ ♪ ♪
♪♪ well, everybody hurts ♪
♪ sometimes ♪
♪ so hold on ♪
♪ hold on ♪
♪ everybody hurts ♪♪
Closed captions: Mels