This is what happens when we go shopping together.
Oh, it's fine. Just...whatever. They taste the same.
Of course they don't!
Oh, it's just a chicken.
How do they taste different? So let's...
They taste more chicken-y.
Well, they're chickens. Here we go. HE CHUCKLES
Yeah, well, of course they taste more chicken-y. It's...
It's because... Yeah. Well done. ..they're chickens.
Well, you're just ignoring me, so let's...
Oh, my God, I don't bloody ignore you!
I'm the one person on this planet who hangs on your every bloody word.
BOTH: Sorry.
You're making this about you.
That was painful. It's just a chicken.
I'm not...
I'm not trying to make us buy a fucking Dyson.
What? Nothing.
Aww, don't be boring.
I... It... I just felt like maybe you were judging me
for buying the wrong chicken.
Do I look like the sort of person who judges people?
Yes. That's exactly what you look like.
SHE LAUGHS
All right.
Oh, bloody hell!
An argument about a chicken.
HE CHUCKLES
We're becoming like those terrible old people.
Oh, I've been one of them for years.
MEN AND WOMEN SPEAKING IN RHYTHM: To the side, to the side.
What else? To the side. And around.
Through the middle and... To the side.
To the side. To the side. And around.
Through the middle and... To the side. To the side.
And around. Yeah, yeah, get them.
And around, and around. And around, and around.
To the side. Two, three, four. Five. Six. Seven, eight.
Through the midpoint. Two, three, four.
Of a line drawn from the... Left side. Five, six...
OVERLAPPING SPEECH
MUSIC: Partita For 8 Voices No. 1 Allemande by Roomful Of Teeth
No, a really big one.
Tadpole?
Sorry. Sorry... Sorry, love.
THEY CHUCKLE
CAR DOOR SHUTS
It's a shithole.
Mm.
Yeah, it's a complete fucking shithole.
DOOR OPENS
Hi. Thanks for coming.
You all right, love? Yeah, fine.
Up the stairs, straight ahead. Yep.
Welcome, welcome. In you come.
That's all her stuff on there.
Can I get you a drink of anything?
No, thanks.
How was your journey? Fine.
No, I'm pleased we're having this little break.
Who knows what's really going on?
Women are never actually as simple as they want you to think they are.
Grow up.
Pardon?
Grow up.
With respect, Ian, you have no idea
the kind of shit I've been through.
You treat people like a pig.
That didn't even make sense.
Did you get everything? Yeah.
You got all the stuff on the bed? Yep.
Did you get everything? Yes! DOOR OPENS
I'll call you later.
I didn't need that.
OK, Adam. Your dad was so rude.
Don't manipulate me. He was rude to me. He was vile!
Please. This is my dad.
Did you say something to him?
You didn't, did you?
Did you?
No, of course I didn't.
You shouldn't get involved. I didn't get involved.
So you weren't rude to him, or...?
Were you rude to him?
I didn't say anything.
SCOFFING
You didn't say anything
he might interpret as rude? SIGHS
I didn't say anything.
We have to let her fight her own battles. Yeah, I know.
When was it?
Last Wednesday?
Wednesday night, Thursday morning.
Did you report it?
They filled in some forms.
Yeah.
Scumbags.
So, how was your week?
Yeah. Er, it...
Yeah.
My... My car, er...
HE SOBS
Jesus Christ.
HE SNIFFLES
Already.
HE CHUCKLES
Ah, yeah.
MUFFLED CHATTER
Morning, team.
Hey. Jamie!
How you feeling?
Fantastic. Always.
Gosh, sounds like you had a bad one.
Oh, it's man flu.
You girls would've sailed through it.
Er, this is Duncan - work experience.
OK.
It's a real pleasure to meet you.
Hello. Hi.
Just a few things from the week.
Absolutely. Yes. Er, take a seat.
Good to hear you're feeling better.
Yes. Thank you.
PHONE VIBRATES
I'll just put this on silent before we start.
Morning.
Morning, love.
You sleep well?
APP CHIMES
Toast?
APP CHIMES
One minute.
APP CHIMES
Can I get you anything to eat? APP CHIMES
Toast?
APP CHIMES
If you're hungry, there's porridge.
I got you Cheerios. APP CHIMES
Or I could make you some toast?
APP CHIMES
What bread is it?
APP CHIMES
DOOR BEEPS
INAUDIBLE
And did you mention it to Ian?
And the guys?
One of my problems...
Er, one of my many problems
is that because I'm a leader at work,
I feel the need to be a leader out of work, too.
It's social-normative.
It's actually a really complex thing.
You know, when I was very young,
I had to take a lot of responsibility in the care of my...
I was disappointed in you.
I'm sorry, you were...?
The drugs.
Oh, yeah.
I know. It's a bit silly, with my job, to...
It's morally bankrupt.
It's not silly, it's repellent.
You're rotting your septum.
You're rotting the rest of your nose.
And how do you think your drugs get to you?
How do you think they get to you?
Answer me.
Fucking answer me.
Well, I know this guy...
Do you even think about the little boys you're dragging into gangs?
Does that even cross your mind?
Hundreds of little boys all over the country
whose future's going up your fucking nose?
I'm trying to do quite a bit of work on myself...
Yeah, well, stop the drugs, then.
It's pathetic.
You're like a child. And eating in bed?
Jesus.
You know, you laugh at Ian, but he is a fucking good person.
He... He is.
He is a g-good, good person.
Shall we carry on through the...?
Duncan?
Coffees for everyone.
OK.
And crisps, chocolate, whatever.
Thanks, Emma. Yeah. Thanks.
Will Jamie be OK if I...?
It's none of his fucking business.
Right.
MUFFLED ARGUING
I'll need to bring my pressure washer.
Is it getting bad? Yeah, see the moss?
CLEARS THROAT
Tea?
Er, yeah. Thanks.
Right.
Yeah, so have a look around.
See if there's anything you want for your new place.
Thanks. Yeah. Did I overfill it?
Sorry. It's good.
Did you ever go in her room?
No.
THEY CHUCKLE
Ah, she can't yell at you now.
It can be a bit of a relief when someone dies.
It's...
A whole set of expectations just lifts from your shoulders.
CHUCKLES
So, er, I was making a start in here.
Just let me know what you...
Thank you. Yeah. Will do.
Just don't want to get it wrong, or...
No, no, don't worry about that.
But yeah, I-I was making a start in here
and I remembered this was under the bed.
It's my...
My first Jess box.
HE CHUCKLES
CHUCKLING: Your what?
Do you remember that?
HE CHUCKLES
What's that? Me, apparently.
HE CHUCKLES Did I draw that?
You'd never been more proud.
It was on the fridge for months.
I'm not very good at throwing things away.
THEY CHUCKLE
Oh!
Case in point.
Do you remember that?
Aye, it was in this river and we followed it for ages.
You don't remember it?
No.
Ah, now...
No!
Oh.
THEY LAUGH
Why did you keep that?
What? It's brilliant!
SHE LAUGHS
Well, you've improved, obviously.
Ha! You'd hope so.
Oh, that's so embarrassing. Moving on.
Yeah. Er, so, where do you want me to start?
Well, I was going to say, actually,
er, I was looking through the Jess Box -
this one is when you first came to us through...
..to when you were eight, maybe?
And there's another one in there and the rest are at home.
It's sad, eh?
THEY CHUCKLE
So sad. Yeah.
But I found this.
It's, well, it's nothing, really.
It's just a letter I wrote when you first came to us.
Huh. What sort of letter?
Who knows?
THEY LAUGH
No, I... I just remember writing it.
After everything with our Nicholas
and then everything we went through to be able to adopt you...
..and then it was hard for you when you first arrived, and I...
I think I was just trying to find a way to talk to you.
And...yeah.
Yeah, it was a big change.
No idea what it says. Probably a load of nonsense.
Ha! Knowing you.
Yeah.
But, er...
No, you can have it if you want.
But you don't have to have it.
Up to you.
If you think it's silly...
No.
It's funny to think when I sealed that envelope,
you were still a stranger to me.
And now look at us.
HE CHUCKLES
Yeah, but you... You don't have to open it now if you don't...
Do you want me to open it?
It's up to you.
It's probably just a load of silly nonsense.
Yeah. Yeah, well, you know me.
The spelling will all be wrong.
I bet the pen ran out. Yeah.
Well, I might as well open it.
Yeah. Yeah, do.
Yeah, I'm sure it's...
Oh, blimey!
Ha. There you go.
Sorry. We'll be here all day. Yep.
You put the date?
Always.
Yeah, no, it's probably, er... Yeah.
If you'd like a hug,
then that's something I'd like, too,
but if you don't, that's also fine.
SHE SOBS
Sorry. No... No. No problem.
Oh, God, sorry.
No, I... I got a bit teary, too.
Did you? Yeah.
Sorry. No.
Oh, God, look at me. What a state.
THEY CHUCKLE
Sorry. No.
Sorry.
I had a showdown with Jamie today.
Did you? Did you really? Yep.
That guy is so slimy.
Slimy! THEY LAUGH
Oh, he is, though!
Great word.
He's such a creep.
THEY CONTINUE LAUGHING
HE COUGHS
LAUGHTER
LAUGHTER CONTINUES
MAN: No, no, actually, that is the bus. Run, run, run!
MUFFLED SHOUTING
LAUGHTER
And it's just come on today?
You talking to me?
Yeah. Oh.
Has the leg thing just come on today?
Yeah, this afternoon.
Hmm, weird.
Yeah, I don't know if it's the...
Ugh, fucking hell. Oh...
I don't know if it's the trousers or the cold.
HE WINCES
Show us.
It's that, in there.
HE WINCES
It's inflamed.
Yeah, that's where I've been scratching it.
Weird. PHONE CHIMES
Oh, I know I shouldn't do it, but it feels so good.
Cor! SHE CHUCKLES
It went off in March.
It'll be all right.
It's only you.
HE CHUCKLES
HE SIGHS
Sorry.
There was a time when I'd have done anything
to be this close to your groin.
HE LAUGHS
Yeah.
METAL ROCK PLAYS
MUSIC TURNS OFF
Shall we get you a coffee?
Is this good?
Yeah, yeah.
Do your sugars?
Er, yeah. Thanks.
We could just put it in an email.
Yeah, well, I...
I need to look him in the eye.
ON INTERCOM: Hello?
Hi, I'm here to see Jamie MacKinley.
DOOR BUZZES
I've got a Dan here to see you?
He says it's personal.
He'll be with you in a moment. Thank you.
DOOR OPENS
Hi, Jamie. How can I help you?
I'm Emily's dad.
Emily O'Donnell. Yes!
She did work experience here a few weeks ago.
Yes. Of course. Yes. Er, come in. Come in.
Er, Emily did well.
I mean, I hope she got what she wanted from us.
You never know with these schemes,
because, you know, we give a load of feedback
but we never get any from them, so... Take a seat.
How is she?
She... She says you had sex with her.
Sorry?
She says you had sex with her.
She said that?
Er...when?
Well, she says you took her back to your place,
you...got her drunk and had sex with her.
She's lying, Dan.
Honestly, mate, she's... I'd know.
You come in here, like, I welcome you into my office,
and you sit there
and you're accusing me of sleeping with your daughter?
She wouldn't lie.
Well, sh...
She's actually got really low self-esteem.
Which is crazy, because she's clever,
she's really funny when she's just with us,
and she's obviously very beautiful.
So...
..she's turned what happened between the two of you
into this...catastrophe.
And we've told her it was just a mistake and it doesn't matter,
we've all made them, but to her, it's...
She's very sensitive.
She's got the most beautiful heart.
She's so kind. She'd be kind to anyone.
But then there's also a lot of darkness,
and, er...
I think it's fear, mostly. I think it's fear.
But...
..you've broken her.
She wouldn't go to swimming this week.
She just screams at her mum, which is something that's...
And all so...what?
So you can get a bit of sex or a boast to everyone in the office?
And yeah, you'll say, "Oh, she knew what she was doing,"
or, "She's 17 now, so she's old enough to do these things."
But she isnae old enough to understand them.
She isnae old enough to think about
what the consequences might be
for her in the long term, emotionally.
So, when she calls you up and you don't even bother to answer...
Did you see she'd called you?
There... There were some missed calls, yeah.
You haven't WhatsApped her back,
even though we can see you've read the bloody WhatsApps.
What do you want me to say?
I-I don't know.
Look who's come to see you!
What's this? What's this? CHUCKLING
They let you out, then?
Just about! Come here.
She's found herself a flat.
No. Already? Yep.
Well, that's fantastic.
Thank you.
Well done. You must feel great.
Yeah. It's a... It's a friend of a friend of a friend.
Do you want your slippers?
Yeah. Thanks.
This is lovely, Mum.
Mm, yeah. One of your best.
Mm! It is, isn't it?
Mm, lovely spices.
Spovely lices.
THEY LAUGH
Spovely lices! You're so funny.
It's nice with the coriander.
Yeah. The what?
The Coronation Street?
LAUGHTER
The coriander. The green stuff.
There's green stuff in it? Yuck!
Oh! Your mother's always trying to poison me.
THEY LAUGH
Typical of your mother to put green stuff in it.
No, Mum, this is so lovely.
It's all right.
She went and bought all the food,
she cooked it specially, and she brought it here for us.
Heated it up, did the rice.
And she's been at work all day. Mm!
Superwoman!
She's on the phone.
She's lost a bit of weight.
She lights up the house.
We just bounce off each other. It's so funny.
Thank me.
I always thank you. What do you mean?
I'm always saying thank you. Just fucking thank me, Dad, don't...
OK, OK. Jesus Christ.
Thank you.
OK.
Hmm! Kaia.
Which one? Oh, that's such a shame.
She don't have to do that.
Oh, she's crazy, Dad.
LAUGHTER
You all right?
I'm showing him Kaia.
Bit different.
Is she the one with the violin?
Cello.
Do you need to see a picture of Ghisele?
Oh, God, not her, too!
LAUGHTER
So she's started seeing this guy, Jamal. He's, er...
How you feeling? Great.
Just got a million emails to deal with.
Oh, God.
It's my own fault.
You need to get somewhere to put all your paperwork!
Yeah, yeah. SHE CHUCKLES
I think, in our family, we could benefit
from maybe talking about things a bit more.
OK.
I think if you were able to open up a bit more with Grandpa,
your relationship could really heal.
Thanks, love.
LAPTOP CHIMES
Another email? Yep.
THEY CHUCKLE
I just think there's so many things we don't even talk about.
Like, I mean, your son died.
He did.
Yep.
You actually had him inside you for nine months,
and that's... Six.
Six?
LAPTOP CHIMES
But, you see, I didn't even know that because we never talk about it.
So it's always been like a thing, you know,
"Mum and Dad lost a baby,"
but we never talk about what it was like for you
to actually live through that.
I had your dad.
Yeah, but...
LAPTOP CHIMES
..I can't imagine he was much.
He was perfect, actually.
Come on.
We looked after each other.
But it was you that had to, like...
I don't know.
I think I just wanted to say, whatever Grandpa's like,
he's old, so... Whatever, you just need to kind of ignore him.
But I think you're amazing, and we need to say these things.
I think we need to be a lot more open in our family.
Did you actually give birth to Nicholas?
I did.
Yep.
And he was alive?
Did you actually have to hold him in your hands?
I can't believe they made you hold him.
Was he alive when you held him?
SHE SOBS
LAPTOP CHIMES
SOBBING INTENSIFIES
SHE WAILS
No, I'm good, honestly.
It's your last meal. Relax.
No, I like doing it.
What?
You like peeling vegetables?
Yes.
Have you seen this?
What?
Dad!
There's no veg in the oven? It's parboiling.
It's what? Parboiling.
What are you talking about? Parboiling!
Wow. You two are great.
What's parboiling?
You boil the veg for about ten minutes and then put it in the oven.
SHE LAUGHS Parboiling?
It just cooks better.
Really? DOOR SHUTS
OK.
There was a lot of talk about legal business practice.
Oh, kill me. THEY LAUGH
Your mother actually enjoys this sort of thing.
It goes way over our heads.
Oh, God, yeah.
I was much more across it than Jamie.
Well, not hard.
THEY LAUGH
I mean, it would be hard to be less across something than Jamie.
And I made some good contacts for my website idea,
so, all in all... There's more.
I've got enough.
Ah, thanks.
Nearly done.
Great. Thanks.
TAP RUNS
Thank you. That's everything.
OK.
No, it's been nice being here.
Well, come back whenever you want.
Oh, don't say that.
THEY CHUCKLE
How is everything?
Fine. Yeah.
It's over - with Adam.
Ah.
How do you feel about that?
He was really good for me.
What?
Nothing. No.
What?
Nothing, honestly.
Oh, my God, can we just talk openly for once?
If you've got something to say, then just say it.
We weren't so sure about him, were we?
HE GRUMBLES
I hated him.
OK.
Well, he was different.
I like that in people.
I knew what I was doing.
We were both weird, so... I don't think you're weird.
Ah, you're not weird.
Er... You're just... You're not weird.
You just find it easier to think you are.
No. Look at how I dress when I'm gigging.
No, he was good because he helped me see
I need to change some things about myself that...
He was controlling you like a fucking pig.
I wouldn't change a thing.
Right.
Hey. All done?
Yeah, sorry. No worries.
Back? Front? Whatever.
I certainly won't miss Mum waking everyone up at six.
How do I wake everyone up? Because you're noisy.
No... No, I'm not!
Oh, you do. She does, doesn't she?
She does! Yeah. I'm not. I know I'm not.
And I definitely won't miss using the toilet after Dad
when he's got a job interview.
THEY ALL LAUGH Yeah!
Er... What else won't I miss?
Hi. How are you? It's so good to see you.
You all right?
Do we go in?
Oh, hi, I'm Jessica. Hi, lovely to meet you.
I should take her things up.
Can't just stand here, we'll embarrass her.
If we go in, we'll embarrass her.
HE SIGHS
KETTLE BOILS
CAR OUTSIDE
CAR HORN BEEPS
You done the back door? Yeah.
We did well to get her to open up.
Are you...? Yeah. Oh.
She was. She was really good with you.
Yeah, I loved the peeling of the vegetables thing.
What? HE CHUCKLES
She's a grown-up. She peels vegetables now.
I said to her,
"Who are you and what have you done with me daughter?"
HE CHUCKLES
I said to her,
"Who are you and what have you done with me daughter?"
She found it really funny. BOTH CHUCKLE
Are you going to read, or...? I'll read my phone.
I think it was good we said that about Adam.
Can I just...? Sorry.
It felt good to be able to be honest with her.
Can you not breathe in my face?
Where d'you want me to breathe? Just anywhere that isn't my face.
Is that better? Shall I just stop breathing?
HE CHUCKLES I'll just never breathe again.
BOTH CHUCKLE
Yeah, that would actually solve a couple of things. Ha!
Don't get serious.
I'm not. You're swallowing.
I'm allowed to swallow.
You always swallow when you're getting serious.
Thank you for being there. SHE LAUGHS
There it is.
Can I just talk?
I, er, I often think about...
..what I'd have been like these past few months without you.
Oh, you'd have had a great time.
I'd fall apart if you didn't hold me together.
I know I've been a bit dark recently.
Really? I haven't noticed.
Sorry.
No, it's OK.
It's all a bit pathetic, I know, when you've got your job
and all your amazing ideas and ambitions.
Oh, well...
God. It's all just...
I keep scraping at the world, trying to find something.
But there's only you.
That's a good thing, yeah?
Of course.
THEY KISS
MEN AND WOMEN SPEAKING IN RHYTHM: To the side. To the side.
To the side. And around.
Through the middle and... To the side. To the side.
To the side. And around. Through the middle and... To the side.
To the side. To the side. To the side. Turn around.
And around and around... And around and around. To the side.
..two, three, four... And across.
..five, six, seven, eight... Through the midpoint.
At the line drawn from the... Left side. ..six, seven and left...
ALL, GETTING LOUDER: ..and around and around and around!
THEY SING A CAPPELLA: # Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah-ah-ah
# Ah-ah, ah-ah
# Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah-ah-ah
# Ah-ah, ah-ah
# Ah-oh...
WOMEN'S VOICES: # Ah-ah, ah-ah... #
WOMEN AND MEN SPEAKING: A square divided horizontally...
Cut the diamond out... The wall is boarded and divided...
MULTIPLE VOICES: # Mm, mm-mm... #
A red diagonal line from the lower left corner toward the upper...
MULTIPLE VOICES IN A CAPPELLO: # Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah-ah-ah
# Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah-ah-ah... #
12 lines from the mid-point of each of the sides.
# Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah-ah-ah
# Ah
# Ah-ah, ah
# Ah, ah-ah-ah
# Ooh-ooh, ooh... #