IAN SIGHS
BEEPS
LAUGHTER IN DISTANCE
DOG BARKS IN DISTANCE
Oh, my God, you won't believe it! What?
The ants are back.
No way! Yeah. You're kidding?
HE SCOFFS
How do you know? They're all over the bin.
I'm beginning to admire them.
THEY CHUCKLE
HE BLOWS
Whew! I've just slaughtered about a million of them.
Great.
HE CHUCKLES
Should have a great time.
Think I'll get some more powder.
Let me know if you need anything.
I was thinking I might get some of that revitalising shower gel,
see what that does.
Great!
SHE SPITS, WATER RUNS
TAPPING
All set? Yep.
I think the bread maker's arriving today. Oh, great. Yeah.
They...they said that I've got a package coming,
and I haven't ordered anything else. Well...
HE CHUCKLES
You'll have a great time.
It should be very interesting.
Oh, I haven't got my...
What are the chances of me leaving this in the room?
THEY CHUCKLE
Remember that conference I went to in Burnley, I think it was....
Have you seen my jacket? Which one?
Ah... Cos I've got so many jackets!
# To the side, to the side
# To the side And around
# Through the middle and To the side, to the side
# To the side And around
# Through the middle and To the side, to the side
# To the side To the side
# To the side and around And around and around
# To the side Two, three, four... #
Where's THAT gone, then?
# Through the midpoint Left side... #
A CAPPELLA SINGING OVERLAPS
MUSIC: Partita For 8 Voices by Roomful Of Teeth
That's so weird!
Right...
Enjoy the peace and quiet.
Oh! Toast.
Come on.
Toast breath. Oh, get over it.
Keep your phone on. Yep.
Bye!
CAR LOCKS
Hey. Good morning.
Big crowd.
Who are you with, sir? Jamie, MacKinley & MacKinley.
KEYS JANGLE
Sorry! I couldn't find a space, and it's a one-way system.
Don't worry. Sorry.
You good? Yep.
You need to sign in with the robots. Yep.
Have you been inside yet?
Excuse me, do you have any revitalising shower gel?
Yeah, shower gel's just there, sir.
Yeah, I'm just looking for the revitalising one.
Revitalising? Yeah.
Er...
OK...
No, but he wants the revitalising one. It's the same stuff.
It's just normal shower gel,
but they've written "revitalising" on it.
You should know that, Michael.
No, it was just the revitalising thing.
It's just a type of shower gel.
How do you not know that? Yeah...
I've had it up to here. OK.
This way, sir. Oh...
And it's got "revitalising" written on it?
Yeah.
Is that a brand, or...?
No, it's just what it does. It revitalises you.
I think it's, uh...
..it's got herbs in it or extracts that give you
a bit of a boost in the morning.
I could do with some of that myself! Yeah!
IAN CHUCKLES
HE SCOFFS
Right.
RUSTLING
LOUD CRUNCH
Much appreciated. All your help. No problem.
Just need that little boost.
Anything to get through the day without crying.
Ahh, it's been a bit of a strange one, but...
Yeah, it's been a bit of a strange day.
Has it? Yeah.
Do you think it'll get better?
HE CHUCKLES I think it'll probably get worse!
Hi. Sorry. My coin's got stuck in a locker.
OK.
It's this way.
Sorry.
SPLASHING, LAUGHTER
Yeah, I just put me coin in and...
Here, here. I just put me coin in and just...
That's one of the broken ones.
Yeah, I didn't realise that.
I'll be back in a minute. All right, thanks.
Somebody get their coin stuck?
Yeah.
Oh, you're not actually supposed to use this one, sir.
Yeah, I know, me brain's in about a million places today.
Don't worry. It's... I think Maxine's across it.
She's otherwise...engaged.
Oh...
How's your day been? Oh... Good.
Good.
Yours?
HE SCOFFS
Uh... Where do I start?
HE CHUCKLES
Henry. My good man.
Jamie! Good to see you!
This is Henry, who runs, uh... the entire world?
Well, not yet.
Won't be long!
Oh! So, how's everything going this year?
I may not be running the world, Jamie,
but what I am running is late for a meeting, so...
Oh, of course, yes, go, go. Sorry.
No, go, go. Please. Nice to meet you. And you, yes.
Give my love to your dad.
Do you want anything? Er, no, I'm good, thanks.
Was that Henry...? You sure?
Yeah. Er, I try... Just have something.
Yeah, it'll be interesting to hear about the opportunity
for growth in online legal services.
HE CLEARS THROAT
Excuse me. Oh, sorry.
No, I am interested in this idea of the solicitor as entrepreneur.
Through history, the solicitor has been a clerical role,
but now, in the digital age, with the advent of ABS structures
and with working from home a more feasible option,
there's an opportunity...
.to build hubs or networks of legal advice and practice
online, that will really empower the user.
HE SNIFFS
It could... Oh, sorry.
It could be a subscription system
or perhaps follow an insurance model that, um...
..that provides the... Sorry. No, it's...
..that provides the user with access to material online
or...or perhaps it guarantees instant chat
with a legal professional, 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
PACKAGING RUSTLES
A plaintiff could type the variables of their complaint into
a vast database of precedent...
..and offer resolution that way, freeing up time...
Thank you very much.
..in the courts.
Sorry. Thanks. Sorry.
SHE LAUGHS
MICROPHONE FEEDBACK
SHE EXHALES
Hi. Yeah.
Sorry about that. No worries at all.
Are you well? Great, yeah.
You? Yeah.
That's great, Ian. Great. Have a super day, man.
THUD
DRYER WHIRRS
DRYER BEEPS, WHIRRING STOPS
QUIET TAP
Hello?
DRYER BEEPS
How can I help you?
There's no bath in my fucking bedroom.
Is the shower working?
PHONE RINGS
Hello, Hembridge Plaza, can you hold, please?
Look, this isn't about the shower.
Well, there are no baths in any of the bedrooms, sir.
To get a bath, you would need to have booked into one of our suites.
Hayley? I need you out front.
I can have a look at the availability
of any suites for an upgrade. Uh...
No. They've all checked in.
Is there anything else I can help you with today?
I just find that a pathetic excuse.
You're welcome to put in a complaint, sir.
PHONE RINGS
Shika, line one.
Louise.
Have you mentioned the phone call? I'm trying to...! Yep.
Hello, this is Emma's phone.
Please leave a message and I'll get ba...
Hello, this is Emma's phone. Please leave a me...
Hello, this is Emma's phone. Please leave...
CHATTER AND LAUGHTER OUTSIDE
Hello, this is Emma's phone.
Please leave a message and I'll get ba...
CAR ALARM BLARES
Hello, this is Emma's phone.
Please leave a message and I'll get back to...
Sorry, is that the toilet?
Kitchen. Pardon?
It's a kitchen.
Oh, um... Do you know where the toilet is?
Jog on.
I'm just asking where the toilet is.
DOOR OPENS
HE SCOFFS
That's a kitchen.
Ah!
THERE you are! I was just heading to the loo.
I was trying to call you.
Yeah, sorry my phone died ages ago.
I'll fucking sack you or something.
SHE CHUCKLES
Pardon? Nothing. I was joking.
My phone died. Calm down, I was joking!
I have that little arrow thing...
God, OK, whatever. I was joking. Shut up.
No, it was just, it was interesting because they developed
this whole digital services strategy at McMahon's and...
..I was asking them about how we could develop something similar.
Yeah, stop.
I can't stand here.
I haven't done anything...?
Have some fucking respect!
HE PULLS ON HANDLE FORCEFULLY
HE HITS CAR, ALARM BLARES
KEYS JANGLE
Oh, I see, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But it affects her decision making.
Drinking doesn't help.
Well, yes, we shouldn't, er...
I mean, a conference is pretty much the worst situation to put her in.
That's not something I'm able to...
She's haunted. You know she is.
Got to phone Malcolm. Yeah, of course. Yeah.
Eight o'clock for breakfast?
See you down there? Yeah. Night.
OK, night.
DOOR BEEPS
Not a bad day?
Hmm... I've had worse.
CHUCKLES: Yeah.
Night, Cheryl. Night.
LOCK BEEPS
CAR ALARM BLARES
HE BREATHES DEEPLY
CAR ALARM BLARES
CAR ALARM BLARES, PHONE RINGS
Hello, love.
Morning.
What time is it? Half eight.
Thanks.
It's hot.
She just has her own way of thinking about the world.
To be honest, I kind of wish you hadn't said anything
cos I feel like whatever I say now is bound to be wrong.
Well, you know, welcome to my childhood.
She's basically just a massive bitch.
She judges people really quickly. It's lightning fast.
She has this incredible mind.
She's a very strong flavour, as a mother.
Thanks. Do you want to order some drinks? No, we'll wait. Thanks.
No problem.
She's amazing. She's really successful. OK.
But don't have too strong an opinion on anything.
But then also don't just agree with her either, because she hates that.
Shall I go for a wee now, or...?
Definitely, yes!
Jesus. Go! Go on. Hurry up.
Are the toilets through here? That way.
Lucky I asked!
THEY CHUCKLE
I was about to bring over some menus for you guys.
Do you want me to hold back on them as well?
Er, yeah. If that's OK. Yeah, no problem, yeah.
We're just waiting for someone. Yeah, yeah, no problem at all, yeah.
Are you all right with your guitar,
or do you want me to put that round the back?
Um... No, it's all right. If that's all right with you.
Yeah, of course, of course. Not a problem at all.
Do you, um... Do you play?
Yeah. Oh, cool, cool.
I'm a singer-songwriter.
Oh, wow. Oh, that's so cool.
Would I have heard of you?
Er, no. I'm just gigging at the moment, building up my profile.
Ah, that's cool, yeah. Thanks, yeah.
So, do you write your own songs, or...?
Sorry, questions! Um...
No, it's fine, erm... Yeah, I write all my own stuff.
I'll actually only play things I've written.
Wow, I love that. That's, um...so real, yeah.
Yeah, I try to keep it real.
So... Sorry, I'm holding you up. No, no!
But are you doing a gig today, then?
Yeah. I sing some lunchtimes at this bar my friend works at.
No-one's really listening, so it's a good place to try stuff out.
Blue Eagle? The Empress.
Ah, someone said they had something similar at the Blue Eagle but...
Cool, cool.
Sorry, I'll, um... I'll... Yeah, no.
..I'll bring the menus over when everyone's arrived.
Thanks. Yeah. See you in a bit. Yeah.
Did I miss it?
Sorry. Mark, from the cafe.
Sorry, you mentioned you'd be doing a set, yeah?
Sorry, I thought I'd come and see it, but...
I've just finished. Oh, OK... OK.
Sorry. No, now it just feels like a weird thing to just turn up.
Erm...
HE CHUCKLES
Are you staying for a drink?
I've got to head off. Yeah? Are you going this way? Yeah.
Of course you are - there's no other door!
How did it go? Er, it was OK.
I mean, it's so cool, you having the guts
to just stand up there and do it, you know?
Well, whether it's any good or not is another thing.
Do YOU think it's good?
Uh... I don't know, I hope so!
Then, it's good, right?
I mean, who cares what other people think?
What you doing now?
I was just going to hang out. Got work at three.
Ah, OK. Do you need someone to hang with?
Sorry. No, I... Sorry. No... I don't want to impose.
No, as long as I'm not imposing on you. God, no! No.
I'm meant to be helping my dad, but...
Uh, shall we?
Yeah. Yeah? Cool. OK, OK!
So, where you working at the moment?
I mean, she hated me!
HE LAUGHS
Sorry, sorry. It was like I was nowhere near good enough.
Did you see Adam giving me looks? I mean, I noticed something but...
I was like, "It's not my fault!"
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
We can go in if you like. Nah, I'm good.
What do you think of this one?
Which one?
I just don't get how... Thank you. ..you get to a position...
Thank you. ..where it's like fireworks
and you want to spend the rest of your lives together,
to a position where you're just sat there existing.
Oh... Don't.
Is it like that with YOUR parents?
Well, I should say first of all, I'm adopted. Oh, OK.
And, yeah, and... Sorry. That's OK.
..my parents are actually white, which...
Oh, wow. God, right.
Is that a thing, or nothing, or...?
It used to be. I think.
But they're my parents. Yeah.
My mum's really cool.
My dad's a bit...
Oh, come on, he adores you.
Thanks. Oh, please.
You're his daughter! Of course he adores you.
My family don't really communicate.
Well, it's 2.15. Is your work far, or...?
Ten minutes? OK.
Well, why don't we drink these and then I'll walk you to work?
Then I'll hurry home to an ear-bashing from my dad.
HE CHUCKLES
So, do you even know your biological parents?
I'm not interested.
Hmm, OK. Yeah.
Oh, my God. No! Help, help, help, help!
That was... That was too close!
Just... That's it! There you go, there you go.
That's it.
SHE LAUGHS
Hey, what happened? There's a roundabout!
MUSIC THUMPS, CHATTER
His place is just down there... No problem.
I'm not, I'm not saying this to put any pressure on you, but, like...
..I feel like you should be straight with people,
which means some people do find me a little bit annoying.
But, um... Um, OK...
I really like you.
And I mean, really like you.
As in, I feel that we could talk for 1,000 years
and I wouldn't get bored.
Just the 1,000? Yeah, no, 2,000 or, 3,000 yeah.
Whatever, totally. I mean, a million. Forever!
It's weird, isn't it?
It's intense, yeah.
And obviously, I don't want to objectify you, but...
..you're really beautiful.
I was like, "Oh, my God," when you walked in the Crumb.
I couldn't stop looking at you.
But, yeah, you probably get this from everyone,
so, erm, yeah, shut up, Mark.
I've definitely said too much.
I just feel you should be open and honest about these things
and the worst that can happen is you say you hate my guts
and the best is, uh...
Well, yeah, sorry. Whatever. You don't have to answer.
I like you too.
OK.
And is...is that in like a...?
And sorry for asking, but I've just misread these things before.
Is that in like a...just, I'd be a nice friend way,
or could there be something more?
There's...more.
OK.
I just need to...
Yeah, no. Of course. Of course.
Me and Adam have been together for eight months now.
Eight? Wow.
And I moved into his, like... Yeah, no, I get it.
I totally get it.
I mean, I know we've only met for one day, but if me and Adam did...
I'd marry you.
I'm not even joking, I'm not even joking.
Mark... You're the most beautiful, funny, kind,
and fascinating person I've ever met.
Why wouldn't I marry you?
I didn't realise this horrible world
could make something as perfect as you.
Good line. It just came out!
SHE LAUGHS
Yeah.
Yeah!
I won't take your number.
That's OK.
He checks my phone.
He shouldn't do that.
I know.
But I'll find you - at work.
Yeah, no, of course. Just ask for Mark.
Obviously! Thanks!
THEY LAUGH
You're so funny.
I don't think we should kiss.
You might feel bad about it in the morning.
Um, but obviously I want to kiss you everywhere.
Mark...!
Ah, you see, you see. You see? I'm too forward.
Everyone says it. I'm just too forward.
I ruin everything. I'm an idiot.
Oh...
I'm so glad I met you.
Oh... Ah, yeah. Totally.
Yep.
Right...
Wow...
ON PHONE: Hello, this is Emma's phone. Please leave a message...
LOUD MUSIC PLAYS FROM HOUSE
RINGING TONE
ALARM BLARES OVER PHONE
Hello, love. Is Mum there?
DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES
Hi. How was it?
Good. Yeah.
You all right?
Yeah, great, yeah. You?
Yeah, I've got the afternoon off. Oh, great.
Make up for the conference. I texted you.
Yeah, I can't... I can't find me phone. Mm.
Smells nice.
The bread-maker?
The bread-maker? Yeah.
How's the bread?
Works as toast.
THEY CHUCKLE
Well...that's why it was so cheap.
So, how was it?
Yeah. Really good.
How was your evening?
Yeah. Quiet.
You having one? No, I've just had one.
It looks good. Yeah.
Did you get to talk to anyone about your website?
Yeah. Yeah, it was good, actually.
Oh, good.
Yeah. I made some good contacts.
That's great. Yeah.
Yeah, I met a girl there. Lola.
Nice name. Yeah.
And she specialises in building websites for legal firms.
Oh, amazing. Yeah.
Yeah, perfect.
And then we had the networking event this morning,
so I could cement the contacts from yesterday
and I actually made a couple of new ones, too. So, yeah...
WATER POURS
SPOON STIRS
FRIDGE DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES
SPOON STIRS
How was Jamie?
SPOON CLATTERS
He was good.
That's GREAT about your website.
Yeah, I'm building a bit of interest.
Well, it's a great idea.
How was last night?
Fine.
I had a nice chat with that Lola from McMahon's.
Yeah, yeah. Met her colleagues, they were all really nice.
And then... Yeah.
Yeah. What did Jamie do?
HE CHUCKLES
He was there for some of it.
I bet he was the life and soul, wasn't he?
Uh, he actually went to bed quite early.
Yeah? LAUGHS: Yeah.
What did YOU do?
Hi. Hi.
Sorry. I just... I just wanted to check everything was OK.
Everything's fine. Good.
I was just worried you might have thought
I was looking for another job or... Ah, I couldn't give less of a fuck.
OK. Great. Because you were...
Yeah, you're talking to someone who couldn't give less of a fuck.
DOOR BEEPS AND OPENS
No bath!
Yeah. One of the guys... So funny.
One of the guys was saying he had no shower gel.
"One of the guys"? No, he was just one of the team from McMahon's.
Have a look.
Yeah. My room's the same. Come in. Have a look.
No, I know, it's... Ah, do what you want.
MUSIC PLAYS ON TV
I just find the whole thing so funny!
Go and have a look.
Go on.
TV TURNS OFF
It's hilarious, right? Ha...
I guess they're trying to squeeze more rooms into their limited space.
Which, you know, does make sense.
But what they needed to consider was the knock-on effect of that
further down the line for the people who actually pay to stay here.
Get a glass.
Thanks.
Um, I'm OK. You sure? Yeah.
Just have one. I'm fine, honestly.
HE CLEARS THROAT
Cheers. Cheers.
No, it was interesting to talk to them.
Come on, sit down. It's just me and you now.
Come on. Sit on the bed.
LAUGHS: What?
No, nothing. Sorry.
Relax. Yeah.
Oh, sorry.
No, I do think there's a lot we could...
MOUTH FULL: You know that Henry?
He fucked my mum.
TRICKLING
Or I think he did.
They all used to go on holiday together, skiing.
I don't know how much skiing they did.
TOILET FLUSHES
How do you feel about that?
She'd have fucked anything. Apart from my dad.
He's 86. She's dead.
I'm good.
Just have one. I'm good.
What's wrong with you?
HE SCOFFS
Nothing, no, just...
HE CLEARS THROAT
Mm...
Yeah, I was talking to this girl, Lola,
about the MacKinley & MacKinley website.
Fun!
No, she actually has some interesting ideas
for digital expansion.
And I told her some of the ideas I was banging on about earlier,
and, actually.... I've got some blow, if you're into it.
Erm...
Doesn't matter. No.
HE SNIFFS
I'm OK, but...
Do you mind if I do some?
What is it? Blow. Cocaine.
Oh, it's fine. I don't need it.
You brought cocaine? Yeah, it's fine.
It's fine. I don't need it, you know?
HE CLEARS THROAT
Why have you brought cocaine?
Yeah, it's fine. Just shut up about it.
Ah... This is mad.
Me and you, alone in a hotel room.
It's been a productive day.
You know I look at you at work sometimes.
I just think it's amazing...
..that a brain box like you could also be so beautiful.
Sorry, is that inappropriate?
HE CHUCKLES
HE CLEARS THROAT
You're so unique.
You know, you, you're not...
..skin deep, like it is with a teenager.
You've a...a maturity.
A physical wisdom. Like your body's felt things.
I know most men probably wouldn't notice it, but...
..I'm not most men, so...
HE SIGHS
HE SNIFFS
If there's something you've been wanting
for a very long time, Emma...
..when the opportunity comes...
..you've got to reach out and take it.
Don't have any more - you'll be sick.
I haven't had a yellow one.
Did he come into your room?
Nothing happened.
Did you go into his? No.
HE SNIFFS
FOOTSTEPS ON STAIRS
SOBBING
RAGGED BREATHING
You all right?
Yeah, I'm really good.
Just can you not fucking... Oh, fuck off!
I'm... Don't speak to me like that.
I'm not. I'm just... Sorry.
I'm just... OK.
HE CRIES
HE SIGHS
This isn't you.
It's fucking weird.
Yeah.
I haven't done anything wrong. Yeah. You can't...
I know. I-I know.
You're up to your fucking tits in self-pity.
HE CHUCKLES
Seriously.
You're up to your tits in it.
Yeah.
You're bonkers.
When actually it's just...
SHE SIGHS DEEPLY
..it's just annoying.
You need to let me help you.
Because it was you that got me through Nicholas.
You made me get out of bed every morning.
You made me shower, you made me eat.
I didn't know someone could be so wonderful.
And it was you that got us Jessica.
You were amazing. That was all you.
You wouldn't let it destroy us. You made something...
..good come out of it all.
And look at what you do with my dad...
..and what you were like with my crazy fucking mother.
HE LAUGHS
And look at all the shit your mum put you through,
and still you went round there every day, you...
HE SOBS
HE GULPS AND BREATHES DEEPLY
SHOWER RUNS
PHONE VIBRATES
Jessica rang. Last night? Yeah.
She called my mobile. Oh, nice.
Yeah.
Did you have a nice chat with her? Yeah.
She was doing a lot of her philosophising.
Right.
THEY CHUCKLE
And she's met someone.
As in? Not Adam.
Wow...
Yeah.
He's called Mark.
OK.
She said he's really sweet.
No.
What?
She didn't say sweet.
What's wrong with sweet? Oh, Jesus.
He gets her sense of humour.
He likes her music.
She doesn't fancy him. She might. No.
It's a disaster. It'll never last.
And they spent a whole day together, just talking.
Why wasn't she at work?
He wouldn't even kiss her.
Why the fuck not?!
HE LAUGHS
What's wrong with the silly bastard? Yeah.
She said she thinks she could marry him.
SHE GASPS
Fuck off.
HE LAUGHS
She doesn't believe in marriage.
Well...
She actually said marriage?
She said she thinks she could spend the rest of her life with him,
and if they got married,
they'd spend their whole time together just laughing.
Well, that'll be nice.
# To the side, to the side
# To the side And around
# Through the middle and To the side, to the side
# To the side And around
# Through the middle and To the side, to the side
# To the side To the side
# To the side and around And around and around
# To the side Two, three, four
# And across Five, six, seven, eight
# Through the midpoint Left side... #
A CAPPELLA SINGING OVERLAPS
MUSIC: Partita For 8 Voices by Roomful Of Teeth
# Horizontally and vertically Cut the diamond
# The wall is boarded and divided... #
RHYTHMIC VOCALISING
# A red diagonal line from the lower left corner
# Toward the upper... #
RHYTHMIC VOCALISING
# 12 lines from the midpoint of each of the sides... #
MULTIPLE VOICES VOCALISE