CHURCH BELLS RING
BARKING
Why you have to go out this early, I'll never know.
Hurry up. Come back to bed.
See? You've woken him up, too, now, you rascal.
Douglas. Douglas!
Douglas! Come here, you little...
Help! Do...
SCREAMS
# Do you remember the first time
# That my eyes set on you
# Your smile came from nowhere
# For some time never Or sometimes soon
# The road is a long one
# I was lonely passing through
# I was only passing through. #
Thanks for the lift.
Oh, no problem. I was on my way home from a job, anyway.
Oh!
Love!
How're you doing? Oh!
Oh, Jean, it was awful!
I-I let Douglas out this morning, and he just ran off into the field.
When I followed, I saw a man lying there
with a sword sticking out of him.
A sword?
Yeah. It was horrible.
Oh. This is the lady that found him.
I'm sorry, I-I just can't...
Oh, I know. It's a lot to take in, isn't it, love?
Is-Is Cooper here?
Yeah, he's making coffee.
Come on, then, let's get you in.
If that's all right? Of course.
Come on.
IN FRENCH:
Erm, do you need a lift anywhere? Sorry? It's OK, I'm a taxi driver.
Oh.
Er... No, thank you. I-I think I need a walk to clear my head.
OK.
Jean, er, may I have a word?
Yeah, of course.
Oh, Richard, just make sure she's OK.
The shock can take you by surprise.
Of course.
Oh.
This fencing foil was found in the hand of the deceased man.
Well, I think that's actually an epee de combat,
circa 19th century.
Yeah.
It's also solid silver.
A matching one was sticking out of his chest.
Oh.
Well, the end has been sharpened.
Hm.
Also... he was wearing this.
Hm.
Well, they're not fake.
Those are real diamonds?
Hm. And what's more, I think that might be Cartier.
The other one is missing.
That's interesting. Can I have a look at the other epee?
I think that might be more appropriate back at the station.
Yes. Of course. Of course.
Yeah.
HE SIGHS
Oh.
Cooper's with Glo.
You all right?
Yeah, yeah, it's just, it's not nice seeing your mates upset, is it?
No. Look, I've got to pop back to the station with Caron.
He wants me to look at something.
Oh. No problem. I'm still knackered after that night drive,
so I'm gonna nip to La Couronne, get breakfast,
then get my head down for a bit.
Yeah, you will.
KNOCKING
Is everything OK in there?
It's Dom.
DOM EXCLAIMS
What is going on?!
Last night, we got a cryptic message from Celine
saying that they just can't go on.
We only picked up the message this morning.
Fearing the worst, we rushed down here immediately.
So where's Niall and Celine, then?
SHE SIGHS
Looks like their finances got worse
and they had to do a midnight flit back to Ireland.
Their finances got worse?
Well, do you remember when Niall's mother visited a couple of years ago
and there was all that palaver with her gambling in the pub?
Yeah. They nearly lost their licence, didn't they?
Yeah. It didn't stop there.
They were forever bailing his mother out of her gambling debts.
They were so short of money a couple of years ago that we...
Bought La Couronne from them.
We couldn't bear the thought of it going under.
We kept it very hush-hush, of course. Niall is a very proud man.
Didn't want to bring shame on his mother.
Blimey!
You kept that very quiet, didn't you?
Well, I hope they're all right.
You know, I often wondered why you two never paid for a drink.
Dominic, we need your help.
La Couronne is the beating heart of our community.
We have to keep her alive.
We also have this very important reception for the new mayor
this afternoon. I personally offered her the pub.
Look, I-I am more than happy to help in any way I can.
Oh, thank you, Dominic!
But-But-But I have just done
a five-hour round trip through the night,
so I am exhausted, but, you know,
I promise to help get a plan together later.
Oh. We knew we could rely on you.
Oh, thanks, old chap.
Oh, you are so wonderful. Yeah...
CLACKING OF COMPUTER KEYS
I hope I'm still driving when I'm nearly 80 years old.
Well, if you drive anything like my grandad,
I am not gonna be a passenger.
Now, Georges Allaire was a bit of a gangster in his younger days.
Gangster?
Yes. Back in the '70s, he ran a notorious street gang in Paris.
Hm.
Well...
if this cuff link is Cartier,
well,
on its own, it's worth between 10 and 15,000 euros.
Why is it so expensive?
It's the name.
Cartier.
They're renowned for working with platinum before anybody else was.
You see, platinum was rarely used in jewellery
Why?
It's not as malleable as gold. It's a very difficult metal to work with.
Would these cuff links be desirable?
They tick all the right boxes.
Superbly made, it's very pretty.
Enough to get the dealers excited.
A motive for murder?
If somebody wanted to complete their collection,
I wouldn't rule it out.
Well, nothing on the local police database
for stolen swords or cuff links.
Now, Cartier always issue a certificate of authentication,
so maybe when you search his house, it'll reveal something.
Hey!
Did you enjoy your breakfast?
I haven't had any yet. It's all going off in there.
What do you mean?
Niall and Celine have done a midnight flit.
Financial worries, apparently.
I don't know. And get this -
Jeremy and Judith have owned the pub for the last few years!
Yes!
Is that why they've never paid for a drink?
That is exactly what I said!
Oh!
Look, you can have some breakfast at the shop if you want.
I can offer you a croissant.
Yeah, go on, then. I'm starving.
You all right?
Oh, Judith's in a state about a do for the new mayor.
Bonjour, Charlie!
Hiya, love!
I've been teaching Charlie how to be northern,
and she's been teaching me how to be French.
Oh, have you now?
You'll do for me.
See?
CHUCKLES
That teapot looks like a bit of a tricky pourer.
This is a French Regency chocolate pot.
Oh. Is that made out of chocolate?
SHE CHUCKLES
IN FRENCH
That's what my mother always used to say to me.
Hey, mine too!
Seriously? Yeah.
We have something in common finally.
Yes, sarcastic mums. Who would have guessed that?
THEY LAUGH
Simone's coming through with the croissants.
I thought it was pewter.
I couldn't see the hallmark because of the tarnishing
but after a clean, it turns out to be silver.
Hm. Lovely. Oh, talking of hallmarks...
..what do you make of this?
Hm...
Now, I think it's Cartier,
but there's something that's not quite right.
Yes, I know what you mean.
What is it? Hi.
What are we looking at?
Oh.
This.
Where did you take this picture?
Do you recognise it?
I said where did you take this picture? What's wrong, Simone?
I made this copy for someone. A few years ago.
You made that?
Cartier said it was a five-year waiting list,
the client didn't wanna wait, so... I copied them.
Good grief, Simone.
You are some talent.
Merci.
Who-Who did you make it for?
Er, I really don't wanna say.
Erm, Simone... It's, erm...
This cuff link, your copy,
was found on the shirt of a man who'd been murdered.
You have to tell us.
You must swear that you will not tell him it was me who told you.
Of course not.
He's... He's a British man.
His name is John Marsdeon.
Right. Do you know where he lives?
He's one of the most dangerous men in France.
If he knew I had given you his home address,
there is no telling what he might do.
Simone,
a man has been killed.
I'm not happy about this.
He's very unpredictable.
Watch yourselves.
Thank you, Simone.
Right, come on, let's go.
Really?
Do you think this is a good idea, or do you think we should call Caron?
Caron will tell us not to go.
Yes, exactly.
Please, Dom!
Oh, come on, then.
Look, isn't it wonderful?
I mean, look at all these lovely silver... utensils.
Darling, they're tools, you know, wrenches and ratchets and stuff.
Jeremy, you sound all... Bruce Springsteen.
How macho.
CLATTERING Oh.
Oh, hello, you two.
I don't know if you've heard what's happened at the pub.
Yeah, Dom rang me. I hope Niall and Celine are OK.
Yes, it's a very unfortunate business.
But the show must go on.
We've got a very important party booked in this afternoon,
and we desperately don't want to disappoint them.
So we were wondering if we could use your van
to pick up some supplies from the hypermarche.
Course. Anything I can do to help.
Eh...
I used to work as a barmaid.
Oh! Really?
Yeah, I had a bar job for years. Everyone up north did.
How quaint!
I even worked in a fun pub dancing on the bar.
Would it be too much to ask
if we could borrow you as well for a couple of hours?
What, to dance on the bar?
No, of course not.
No, no, to talk us through things.
Er... yeah.
Tremendous.
Can we go now?
Oh. Er...
All right, then.
Give me five minutes. I'll get changed.
Are you sure it's a good idea to question this bloke without Caronn?
I mean, he sounds well dodgy.
It's an antiques-based enquiry, Dom. I'm saving him time.
Hm!
HE YAWNS
BELL PLAYS 'LA MARSEILLAISE'
IN FRENCH:
Oh, this'll look nice in the pub garden, won't it, darling?
You can't even tell the flowers are fake so I can't kill them.
Keeping plants alive is not your forte, my love.
You have to leave room for some stock.
Mixers, lemons and stuff. Oh, don't worry.
We can just balance them on top. I'm not sure that's...
How wonderful. We should stock up.
Concentrate on the essentials. That's exactly what we are doing.
You need to get some bar snacks. That's what the caviar is for.
No... Crisps, pork scratchings,
scampi fries.
Scampi what?
Have you never had a scampi fry?
I've had linguistine.
Right.
I am going to change your life. Follow me.
Oh!
FRENCH:
Look, darlings, tell me who sent you to this address or you both die now.
I'm not kidding, sweeties.
Oh.
S-Simone. Simone the copier.
Simone?
Oh, I love Simone.
Well, she's no harm.
Last I heard, though, she was banged up,
which is a shame, cos she's a belting copier.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
And where's that accent from?
Manchester.
Oh.
And I... I reckon yours is from Gorton.
Fancy someone knowing where Gorton is so far from home.
My mam still lives there. I'm John Marsden.
Pleased to meet you.
You're joking!
I used to underage drink in there.
Where it all began.
LAUGHING
And where are you from? Stoke.
Great (!)
So how can I help you, Jean White?
Well, I think it's us that can help you.
Ooh!
I'm just, erm...
I'm-I'm just getting my phone out of my bag.
Oh, it's fine, automatic reaction.
Right.
Erm...
Does this belong to you?
Hang on, let me get my specs. These belonged to Dr Crippen, apparently.
I had to get the lenses changed, obviously,
but weird and wonderful architects, they're a passion of mine.
That's supposedly the noose from the last UK public hanging in 1868.
But is John Marsden telling the truth?
HE LAUGHS
Right, what am I looking at?
Oh, yeah. They're definitely mine. Simone did a great job on 'em.
Cartier said there was a five-year waiting list,
but I saw them in Vogue and simply had to have 'em
for a Christmas do I was going to.
This was found in possession of a man called Georges Allaire.
Do you know him?
Oh, that old cretin!
He worked for me for years till I sacked him.
He obviously took a souvenir with him, the cheeky monkey.
He was found dead this morning.
Oh, I see.
And you think I had summat to do with that?
Trust me, Jean, if I did, you would never know.
Right, however lovely it is to have unexpected guests,
you too should leave now, and thank your lucky stars
that Jean's mam lives down the road from mine,
otherwise you'd be leaving in a box.
See you, loves.
You did what?
I thought I was saving time.
I would not go near John Marden's house without a warrant,
armed guards and a team of lawyers. He is a very dangerous man!
We're very aware of that.
You could have been killed.
Who would be responsible if anything happened to either of you? Me!
How dare you put me in that situation?
I thought we respected each other.
Of course, yeah. Your actions tell me differently.
KNOCKING
The swords were on loan to San Victoire Museum.
They were stolen in transit on their way back to Paris months ago.
That's why there was nothing on the local police database.
Thank you.
I also did a little digging. Georges Allaire and his accomplice
David Monroe were recognised in police photographs by the driver.
And then what happened?
They were both put in a line-up.
David was picked out, but Georges played his little old man routine.
The driver lost confidence
and would not commit to a positive identification.
I presume David stayed loyal to Georges?
Don't they always?
Very good work, Richard.
Thank you, sir.
Now, you must both promise me
you will never put me in that position again.
We're sorry.
Now, will you come to the museum with me?
TEXT ALERT
Well, you never have to ask twice when there's a museum involved.
You all right?
Gloria wants me to meet her at La Couronne urgently.
She's written it in capital letters, with an angry face emoji.
Oh. Oh.
I'd better go.
Hiya.
I got your text. Are you OK?
Oh, am I pleased to see you. What's so urgent?
It's Jeremy and Judith, they're driving me mad.
You've got to help me. Oh, no, no, no, no.
I had a summer job slicing lemons in a holiday camp once.
Wreaked havoc with my paper cuts.
I only offered them a lift to the cash and carry.
So why are you behind the bar?
The new mayor is having a celebration here for her staff later
and Judith is insisting on going through with it.
No, sorry, I'll ask again, why are YOU behind the bar?
They needed help.
SIGHS
You are too kind, you, Glo.
Kind or gullible, I'm not sure.
You need to learn how to say no. Put your foot down.
Oh, Judith!
How many times do I have to show you how to change a barrel?
I just don't think my hands are as masculine as yours. Oh, Dominic!
Thank you for coming to help. You can take over from Gloria.
No, no, I've got to...
I really don't know what we would do without our friends.
SIGHS
All right.
Put my foot down, eh?
Hm!
When life gives you lemons...
Pardon?
Well, I believe that every object carries its own history and energy.
Energy?
I know it sounds daft, but I've got this mixing bowl my gran gave me
and every time I use it for baking, well, everything turns out better.
It's like it retains her energy.
Since I lost my wife,
every possession in our home retains a memory.
Hey. It's OK, Caron.
It's only me.
So, do those possessions offer any comfort?
Sometimes.
But not always.
Do you know what, Caron?
I think you should have a clear-out.
And if you need a hand, I'd be happy to help.
I became quite the expert at letting go when Rory died.
Thank you, Jean.
FOOTSTEPS
Monsieur Caron?
Oh.
CLEARS HIS THROAT
Here is an inventory
of everything that was stolen from the ambushed van.
Thank you.
And the swords were definitely loaded onto the van?
Of course.
They had been on loan from Paris and they were due to be returned.
Did you see anyone suspicious in the museum that day?
Not that I can remember.
To get to the loading bay, you'd need one of these.
Very good.
Thank you for your assistance.
Pleasure.
Of course.
Oof!
What a haul!
Where have I seen that theodolite before?
Theodolite?
Here, it's here on the inventory.
It's an instrument for measuring vertical and horizontal angles,
but this one's particularly exquisite.
That's supposedly the noose from the last UK public hanging, 1868.
But is John Marsden telling the truth?
LAUGHING
I know where I've seen it.
Where?
Marsden's house.
Are you sure?
I'm positive.
It's obvious.
Allaire must have done the museum job for Marsden.
When he was sacked, he must have helped himself to the cuff links
and Marsden's killed him for it,
with his own loot. The swords!
We need to get Monsieur Marsden in for questioning.
I know.
I suggest you make yourself scarce.
If he even has a whiff of your involvement,
your life would be in danger.
Gloria, you have to change the other barrel as well.
You've got to learn to do it yourself, Judith.
But you're a mechanic!
Jeremy and Judith have got this do on so we're all pitching in.
Oh! Oh, no, the vol-au-vents!
I've not had a vol-au-vent since 1984.
LAUGHING
Oh, please, love.
Judith?
ALARM STOPS
Do you know what you're doing back there?
Yeah, I think I'll be all right.
IN FRENCH
BELL RINGS
Caron and mini Caron!
What a lovely surprise.
I'd say unexpected, but I saw you on my CCTV.
You look good on camera, Caron.
Monsieur Marsden,
myself and Gendarme Richard would like you to accompany us
to the station to help us with our enquiries.
Oh, look at you. Aren't you gorgeous?
HE LAUGHS
Laugh.
THEY LAUGH
Gendarme Richard is a black belt in three martial arts disciplines.
Ooh! Small but deadly. You should come work for me.
Laugh. Laugh.
LAUGHING
As I said, we would like you to accompany us to the station.
Am I under arrest? No.
We'd like to ask you a few questions to help us with our enquiries.
Does it do your head in?
Pardon?
The uncertainty of me.
I do not understand.
My unpredictability.
Never knowing what I'm gonna do next.
SPEAKS IN FRENCH
Tell him to meet me at the police station.
My solicitor. I'm sure you understand.
Of course.
OK, well, give me a few minutes to change.
I can't be seen in loungewear outside the house.
I'm not living in the UK now.
Laugh.
Andrea, at last. My saviour.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. The cavalry's here.
Come on, everybody, out, out, out. Let the professionals take over.
Do stay for the party, though. It's the least I can do to say thank you.
Thanks, Judith, I could murder a G and T. Oh, me too.
No free G and T, but by all means,
help yourselves to a glass of Prosecco.
I'm shattered, so I think I'm gonna get off.
Oh, no, Dominic, I insist, stay for one.
Ple-e-e-ease!
All right, I'll stay for a bit, yeah.
Judith, thank you for organising the even!
Absolutely my pleasure.
No trouble at all. An absolute breeze.
May I congratulate you on your victory?
Oh, now, these are our friends who helped us get ready today.
Hello.
Dom, actually, our newly elected mayor
I think most probably can help you out.
Oh, really? Yes, passionate
Repairing them.
Oh!
Maybe you too should get your heads together.
Dom is always banging on about the state of the roads.
Let's get a glass of champagne, shall we?
Come on!
Isn't that the poor woman who found the body this morning?
Oh, yeah!
Shall we go and say hello, make sure she's all right?
Yeah, yeah, sure.
Hello, again.
I'm so sorry, I forgot your name.
Oh. I'm Nadine.
Oh. Yeah. Hello.
Hi. How are you doing?
Um... It's still all a bit of a blur, really.
I keep thinking, was that real?
Oh, I'm exactly the same.
TEXT ALERT Oh, sorry.
Excuse me for a minute.
You can confirm your name is John Marsden?
No comment.
I already know the answer, Mr Marsden.
Well, if you already know...
No comment.
It will make it easier for both of if we had a conversation,
Monsieur Marsden.
Look, if you... Ssh.
The last person to shush me
found themselves in very disabilitating circumstances.
Do you understand?
Come on, then, what do you wanna know? I wanna get home.
They're re-running Golden Girls tonight.
Did you know Georges Allaire? You know I did.
He did a few odd jobs for me over the years.
What, like the Paris artefacts exchange robbery?
An item of the theft has been identified to be in your possession.
Who-Who's identified that?
I am not at liberty to say.
Well, I'm not at liberty to answer, then, dear.
Did you know that Allaire was in possession
of some other very expensive items stolen from you?
Really? I hadn't noticed. I have lots of expensive items, babe.
I'm a bit of a collector.
I propose that you found out Allaire had stolen from you
and consequently murdered him with the stolen swords
from the Paris exchange robbery.
Very flamboyant. Very John Marsden.
Well, that sounds sensational.
Tell me more. What time did you say he was murdered that night?
Around 9pm.
I see.
Well, your theory would be utterly marvellous
if it wasn't for the fact that I was in another country.
My jet only landed at eight this morning,
and I believe Allaire had been discovered by then.
Check the air traffic report.
Now, while we wait for that little penny to drop, how about a coffee?
She's parched. I'll have a soya latte, please.
You want anything?
SIRENS IN DISTANCE
You OK?
Yeah. Marsden was out of the country when Allaire was killed.
What? That was Caron.
Do you think he'll come after us?
No. Caron wouldn't have dropped us in it.
Oh. You mean like I did with Simone.
Dom, you had a gun pointed at your head.
Yeah, but, even so.
Besides, he wasn't even bothered about Simone.
I think I need a whiskey.
A whiskey?
I've never seen you drink whiskey.
I only drink whiskey when I'm really, really tired.
Oh, bless you.
Tell you what, I'll get you one. Got to get my bag, anyway.
SIGHS
Hey, guess what. She knows my mate Claire who works at the council.
Really? Great.
I'm gonna go say goodbye.
Oh, I'll come with you. OK.
Oh, Andrea, sorry, I'm just looking at all your whiskeys.
There's so many to choose from.
Where's my whiskey?
Who? Nadine.
Why?
I'll explain on the way.
How can we follow her when she's not left yet?
That's a very good point.
OK, right, I'll slip out the back, you keep her talking, text me
when she leaves and I'll hide behind Madeleine.
Oh.
I was just coming to say thank you to you and your friend
for being so kind.
Oh, yes, she's just nipped to the loo.
OK. Well, thank you...
Dom. Dom.
Er... Your friend didn't tell me her name?
Jean. Jean.
Please say thank you to Jean for me.
Yeah, I will. Yeah.
Bye.
Your luck just gets better, old chap.
Sorry, Jeremy, me and Jean...
Our mayor's daughter is studying astrophysics
and needs someone who knows their way round a telescope.
Right. I...
And you know your aurora borealis from your aurora australis.
Yeah. It's just north and south, really.
Yeah, but maybe you can help.
Er...
Oh. Erm...
Just give her my number. I'd love to help.
Family issues, I think, or something.
BELLS RING
So why have we followed her?
Are there gonna be guns again?
Oh, good.
Mind you, I am here
because I suspect that she stabbed a man through the heart,
What?
So she's the murderer? But why?
I think it's all about revenge.
Revenge?
Yeah.
What?
HE SIGHS
I am not happy about this.
GASPS
The cuff link!
GASPS
Dom...
Go round to the front door and ring the doorbell
and distract her for a bit.
I can't do that to a woman on her own, you big nutter.
Well, just ring the doorbell and run away, then.
I haven't done that since I was ten.
Please, Dom. I'll meet you back in Madeleine.
All right.
RINGING
I'm getting too old for this.
Caron?
You are not going to believe this.
Yeah, of course.
Can I ask where you were last night?
At home. Alone.
Can anyone verify that?
I was on my own. Hm.
Why were you in possession of this cuff link?
I... found it down the road from the murder this morning.
And you forgot to mention it?
Ah.
Must have been the shock of discovering the body.
Yes, that must have been quite traumatic.
It was.
The cuff link looked expensive
and I don't get paid much as a consulate worker.
KNOCKING Hm.
DOOR OPENS
WHISPERING
Very good.
I don't think you're telling the truth, Nadine.
If it wasn't for my good friend Gloria being on the scene,
I think you might have just got away with it.
I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.
Really? Are you completely sure about that?
This is how I see it.
I think you killed Georges Allaire.
And I think it's something you wanted to do for a long, long time.
It was your lanyard that gave you away.
And your surname seemed familiar, too.
Everyone thought all the artefacts from the Paris exchange robbery
were stolen from the van en route,
but they weren't, were they, Nadine?
We have evidence that you used your council pass
to enter the museum that they.
And you were seen on the CCTV camera taking the epees
hours before the van left.
But you were very lucky with the timing of the ambush of the van,
weren't you?
Now nobody would ever suspect you.
But why?
Why use the swords to murder an old man so brutally?
It was about honour...
and revenge,
and one of the last duels ever to take place in France.
Duels?
Hm. A long time ago.
It involved Georges Allaire and a young rival called Renee Briseois,
who was taking over his patch.
So he asked him out in a dual.
It took place and Allaire was the clear winner.
In fact, it was called off after the first blood.
It became famous because, unusually for the time, it was photographed.
No-one ever saw Rennee Briseois again.
I'm guessing that he was your father? What happened, Nadine?
OK.
Enough now.
The day after the dual my father had gone.
There was no sign of him.
My mother and him were so in love and then, nothing.
When I was younger, I was so angry and confused about him.
When I got older, I needed to know why he left us.
So I decided to start looking for him.
Go on.
After exhausting every avenue,
at last, 18 months ago, I found my father.
He didn't have long to live.
I asked him why he left us.
Georges Allaire said either my father left town after the duel
or he would kill us, me and my mother.
So, he was protecting you all these years,
protecting you from Georges Allaire?
I vowed that day that I would avenge my father.
You're, erm... You're an expert fencer, aren't you, Nadine?
It was the fencers on a whiskey bottle that gave me my final clue.
I had been preparing for this moment all my life.
Allaire lived in San Victoire,
so one night, I followed him down the alley.
And into a field on the outskirts of town.
Georges Allaire. Huh?
Uh.
HE GRUNTS
'I gave him a couple of chances, but he was no match for me.
'I took the cuff link to put next to my father's picture.'
To show him revenge had finally been done.
And you murdered an old man?
No. I murdered Georges Allaire.
Georges Allaires.
What I don't understand is why you went back to the scene of the crime.
The time of death shows that you killed him
around 9pm, the night before.
This is the last thing my father ever gave me.
I didn't know it was missing until I woke up.
'I found it in his hands,
'but that's when Gloria saw me.'
I can never be without this.
It carries his energy.
SIGHS
Gloria, thank you for today. No problem.
You've been a real workhorse.
Well, I think that all went very well.
HE CHUCKLES
What?
TEXT ALERT
Dom, I think we might need...
SNORING