This is Conrad.
And yes, he's matching the color of eggs
he's about to break
so he can make delicious popovers,
just like he has every morning for the last 3,525 days.
I'm Will, by the way, Conrad's best friend.
We met in the fifth grade when he lined up his M&Ms by color
before he would eat them. Yeah, he still does that.
Let's not even talk about his sock drawer
or his five different toothbrushes
or the long list of librarians, proofreaders,
and drill sergeants he's dumped
because they weren't exacting enough.
This will make a whole lot more sense later on
because you see, today,
Conrad's compulsive routine meets its match.
Oh, shoot! I gotta go.
That's Conrad's boss Frank coming in.
-Late, and you're using my oven.
You want maybe I should throw you in there too.
-Sorry, Frank. I got here early and lost track of time--
-Yeah, if Regina sees those piece of crap popovers,
you'll be looking for your next paycheck elsewhere.
Now, next door, pick this up.
I need the mushroom powder in ten minutes
before Regina gets here, or. you're a dead man.
Nine minutes 50 seconds, you're still here.
-I need a steamed almond milk latte,
with almond like only a fifth full,
with a teaspoon of cinnamon and milk,
and a half packet of sugar, but brown sugar,
and several pumps of vanilla.
Oh, and a few more things.
A tall flat white--
-Okay, tall? We don't speak Starbucks here.
-I was just reading off the list, dude. Calm down.
And, then a medium flat white, a caramel macchiato,
and I think it's a regular coffee,
it just says "R COFFEE".
-No, no, no, no, you know. Totally, what's this?
-Excuse you? -Sorry.
-Conrad, do you have any other place to be?
I have a long line and you're falling on my counter
like it's an ATM at a strip club.
-Hi. Yes, no.
Frank needs a carton of heavy cream and.
.that powder thing.
-What powder thing?
-Ah, yes. That.
-Yeah, I can't read that. That's in hieroglyphics.
What does that say?
-Excuse me, Mr. Conrad,
can't you just call Frank whoever and ask him?
-Yeah, and can you do it today,
because we have people who have places to go.
Dude, hurry up.
-It says Lion's Mane Mushroom Powder,
and trust me, it's amazing.
-That's not a mushroom.
-It's not?
-Of course, that's the powder he wants.
-It is? -It is.
-Okay, Conrad, do it today because we are online--
-Are you sure about this? -And I hate you.
-It didn't say unicorn's mane.
-Okay, that will be 100 dollars,
15 dollars for the cream,
and 85 dollars for the five ounces of powder.
-I hope you're right.
-I'm always right.
-Oh, I. really like your confidence.
-I noticed.
-And I have to have confidence. I'm an influencer.
-You don't say?
-Yes, my job is to convince the rest of the world
that I'm better than they are, that I know everything,
and that they absolutely have to have what I'm pimping.
You bought it, didn't you?
Ah!
-Ah, would you mind if I text you
when I get back to work just to--
-Have your boss tell me thank you?
-Confirm that I'm not fired.
-Give me your phone.
-Uh, umm.
-You just trusted me with your boss's money,
so I hope you can trust me
with your own personal electronic device.
-Otherwise, that kinda makes you a butthole, dude.
-You know, you're kind of bossy.
-And you're kind of running out of time.
And you're holding up the line.
-Gigi here is going to go postal if she doesn't get
her Happy Sparkle latte in T-5 minutes.
-Yeah, don't let this polka-dot dress fool you.
I can crush your neck with one quick squeeze.
I'm a ninja.
-Hi, Conrad, I'm Molly.
Tell your eccentric boss, you're welcome.
-Boss. Oh, crap. Look, I gotta go.
-Thank you. Thank you.
-My favorite ladies. The usual?
- Oh, no! That's it. You're done.
I've had it to here.
One more scratch, and it's weed-killer for you.
Man, ten years.
Ten years I've been fighting this losing battle.
-Hey, Tommy, I have something Frank asked me to get.
-What you want me to do with that?
Put it in the tree?
Kid.
-And now, for Conrad's famous secret specialty.
Take a stick of butter, swirl the pan with it and--
-You better not be using steel wool
in the cast iron pan, boy.
-Steel wool, are you nuts? Is he nuts?
-Sorry, guys, I can just put it in the dishwasher.
-Dishwasher, do you have a death wish?
Does he have a death wish?
-Okay, I got it. I can just, you know--
-Listen to me, you touch that pan once more
without asking, and I will break your fingers.
Nobody touches that pan but Regina.
-Okay, I'm certainly attached to my finger so.
Uh-oh.
-I'm kind of attached to them too.
Delish.
Can't let a good mesa go to waste.
You get my powder, you Boy-O?
-It's in the bag there, Reg. Right, Boy-O?
-Yeah, yeah. -Move.
-It's in the bag? -Yeah.
-What the hell is this shit? -So sorry.
There was this girl in line, she said she was always right.
-What girl? -Look.
Look at this.
Look. There's a ladybug in there.
-Oh god, Tommy.
-That's good luck, right? Take it out.
-That's it?
Just that cost you 100 smackers?
-Tommy, you done out there yet?
-No, I'm not done yet.
-I'll handle those bitches.
-It was 85 for the powder, and 15 for the cream.
He didn't charge me for the ladybug.
-That's highway robbery. That's highway robbery!
-It's fine. It's good, it's fine.
This is really good stuff. It's okay.
-Who knew fungi was so expensive?
-That's a whole monster rabbit hole for another time.
This stuff, this stuff, Frank, is medicinal.
Go get the mop, Conny boy. Santo had another accident.
-Uh. -Would you look at this?
-No. -Come on boy, gotta move.
-Medicinal, really?
-Yeah, it's medicinal.
Find yourself in California..
-You never would've ordered this crap
if we had stayed home in New York where we belong.
What are you talking about?
This is a restaurant.
-You were right about the powder.
It's for the restaurant. What are you talking about?
But it's not food.
Man, you're such a grouch.
- You're a grouch. - Well, grouch is my--
Yay! And not fired. Congratulations.
-Can I treat you to coffee to thank you?
You're a grouch.
I still don't know how you could read that.
-A girl never reveals her secret.
-So what made you want to be?
-He's not bothering you, Molly?
Need me to rough him up?
-I'm good, Hal, but thank you.
-Why does everyone keep threatening me, anyway?
-Because you're pretty and they're jealous?
-Molly's my favorite, she comes here every day.
Piss her off, and you piss me off.
-So, what kind of influencer are you?
-Beauty products.
They sent me new products to try out,
and I use them, and comment,
and give an overall review on a live stream.
-And that pays your bills?
-Restaurant boy. So what's that all about?
-Oh. Actually, I want to be a chef one day.
I love to cook.
-Does it love you? -What?
- Meaning, are you any good? - I think I am.
-Uh-huh. You want to be impulsive?
-Huh? -Lake Balboa.
It's breezy, it's pretty, and they have a fish.
-Wait, only one fish? -You drive.
-What? Right now? -No, next month.
Come on.
It's beautiful.
-It certainly is.
I don't think I've been here before.
-Your loss, it's my favorite. Come on.
-What? Oh!
-Hi! I'm Molly, and I want a pretzel, please.
-Hi, I'm Jack, and, you could do better.
Perfectly salted pretzel for a perfect little lady.
-You're lucky I don't condone violence.
-You're lucky that I didn't drink milk growing up.
-Can I have some ketchup too, please?
-You know, it was, so nice to meet you.
Cash.
This is the fish, by the way.
Oh!
-Sorry.
Okay, you look like you're sucking on your own blood.
Ketchup with a pretzel?
-Yup. -That's not how that works.
-It's not?
-Even that guy over there agreed with me.
-It's bread, isn't it?
Like a hotdog bun, or a hamburger bun?
Who cares?
-Look, no. Bun and ketchup
without the meat is just well. wrong.
I mean, everyone knows that pretzels go with mustard,
not with ketchup.
-You need to expand your mind.
Let me guess you wanted to be a chef since you were three,
and asked for an easy-bake oven
when the other boys wanted crossbows
and remote-controlled Monster trucks.
-Well, not always. My interest changed in college.
-What did you want to be before Gordon Ramsay?
-Paul McCartney.
-A good chef is also a rock star.
So, it stands to reason you made a lateral move.
Not a lifelong dream, but a more recent one.
Duly noted. Let's move to the boat.
-The boat?
-Come on.
-Uh.
- All aboard.
-That's for a train.
-Fine, then stay out there.
-Okay, uh...
-Don't start singing, "Row, row, row your boat", please.
It brings back bad childhood memories.
-You drive a hard bargain.
Then I ask the question again, are you any good, chef?
-I could show you.
I can make you dinner sometime this week,
tomorrow, tonight?
-Can't. I'm hosting a videogaming challenge on Twitch.
-What, you're on Twitch?
-Hell, yeah. My daily meditation practice is GTA.
-Well, I-- wait. I thought I was the only one.
Hey, are they ever coming out with Six?
-Right? It's been Five for like a decade.
-Right?
By the way, you just revealed a secret about yourself.
-Crap, you're right.
How could I have been so utterly careless.
They must have drugged my pretzel.
-No, it's the ketchup.
You made the pretzel Gods angry.
-Okay, dinner tomorrow night?
-I like Pinot Noir and I'm a vegetarian.
Even though I like red things.
-Whoa-whoa-oh! Ketchup from a packet is gross.
It has to come from a bottle.
-I like seafood too.
-Doesn't that make you not a vegetarian?
-Pescatarian. We just sat in a fish.
Would I have done that if I was a true vegetarian?
It's just easier to say vegetarian
then add the fish part.
People's brains process it differently, trust me.
Uh, can you give me a ride home?
Another secret; I hate driving, so I don't, whenever possible.
A ferret on a leash?
The craziest thing I've ever seen.
-What?
-Nothing. -No, what's so funny?
-Nothing.
-What's so funny? Come on.
-You made a little toot noise.
-No, no, no. That was-- that was the door.
-Um, no.
-I am so embarrassed.
Look, please don't make that my nickname.
-Toot Toot late.
No, no, no. It's fine.
It means you're human.
Gotta go. I have my Twitch.
Bye.
every table in the goddamn restaurant
before you get this one.
Jesus, can't even hold the door.
Is that the way your mother taught you to dress a table?
Very sloppy.
Very sloppy. Geez.
How was your date yesterday?
-Uh, wait. How did you know I had a date?
-We own a restaurant, we know everybody's business.
-Plus, you mentioned a girl.
-Good, I think.
-Did you-- you know?
-That's kind of personal, right?
-Oh, that's a yes. -That's a yes.
-But I-I-I didn't say that. -We're happy for you.
-Well, unless she makes you late,
because then, I will never be happy for you.
-I want to cook her dinner.
I was gonna make the crab cake dish.
-I will not be held responsible if she dies
because you screwed up my recipe.
-I'll give you a teaspoon of the mushroom powder.
-What?
-A teaspoon, not a needle nose more.
-You're giving him the mushroom powder?
-Yeah, come on-- -Eighty-five dollars per jar,
for a little jar this big, and you're giving it to him?
-A teaspoon.
A teaspoon.
-Hey, what's up, Will?
Hey, I'm in the hometown of your boy, McCartney.
Gonna say, what's up.
-You're in Liverpool?
I'm so jealous.
Wait. Isn't it like 4 AM there?
So what're you gonna get up to?
-Are you brushing your teeth?
- No. - Yes, you are.
I know you.
Are you still doing that like five times a day
with five different toothbrushes?
Whatever.
Listen, I'm about to hit up Strawberry Fields too, bro.
That's cool, but, look,
I gotta go. I have a date.
-Oh, I see where your loyalties lie.
Sex is better than McCartney.
Sex is better than the Beatles, huh?
- Yeah. - All right, man. Later.
And well, I'll see you tomorrow night.
-All right, mate, good luck. Hope you find another singer.
-What are you doing?
-It has to be right in the middle of the potholder.
-It doesn't need to be perfect.
-Yes, it does.
This is Frank's specialty.
Now, I-- I don't normally cook for--
-Girls?
Dates?
Human beings?
I'm your guinea pig, if you can actually pull it off
for tomorrow night. I feel so used.
-I-- there was...
-Kidding. Let's try it, Toot.
-All right.
-You know, I really like your dress.
It goes-- it goes well with your earrings.
-Flattering me so I'll give you a better review.
But thanks. I guess it's new.
-I guess?
-I have a confession to make, Father.
-Continue, my child.
-I'm a shopaholic.
Impulsive buyer, really.
-Well, that seems to be a theme with you.
-I apparently get so in the zone that I buy things
and I don't even remember doing it.
They just show up in my closet.
-Weird. Like shopping blackouts?
-Oh, well, let's eat.
This looks amazing.
Need some help there? Do I need the green too?
-Crabcake sans green.
Sorry.
-It's. not bad.
-No, it's shit.
-Yeah, it's shit.
-You want to go out someplace?
-Oh god, yes.
-Sorry I jacked it up.
-It's okay. We learn from our mistakes, right?
-Yeah. Well, I probably put in too much coconut and lemon.
-The vegetable broth tasted a little old
or off or something too.
-Actually, it was chicken broth.
You know, I thought I had vegetable,
but I didn't, so I substituted.
-You did what now? Chicken broth!
I haven't eaten meat since I was 12.
-Oh my God! I'm so sorry. I didn't...
-Oh, I'm so sorry.
I didn't realize someone was already sitting here.
-What?
-The table! I didn't know it was already spoken for.
I'll move.
-No, look. I'm sorry about the food.
I'll get you anything you want on the menu.
-Anything?
-Yes.
-I mean, wow. That's super swell of you.
I don't even know you. But you're cute.
So, thank you. Hi. I'm Vanessa.
-What's that?
-My hand, and my name?
My name is Vanessa, and the mystery man
who wants to buy a stranger dinner is?
-Ah-ha! Role-play. All right, being impulsive.
Okay, I get it, I get it. Okay. Okay. Um.
Hi, I'm Conrad, nice to meet you.
You're from the South, I take it?
-Oklahoma.
So, what do you do, Conrad?
-I'm. I'm a famous chef.
-I just work part time at an animal shelter.
-Come on, you can do better than that.
-I'm sorry?
-As a job?
-Well, thanks for the vote of confidence,
but it's a starting off point.
I hope to be a real vet one day. I do love animals.
I'm taking online courses. I'll have the steak.
-I thought you were vegetarian?
-Veterinarian, yes, vegetarian no.
I love my meat. What?
You thought because I love animals, I don't eat meat?
It's not like I'd eat my patients.
Well, this is fun. Let's do this again.
-Yeah.
Normally, in this moment,
a dude would say, check, please,
but not my boy Conrad.
Nope. Conrad invites Vanessa out
for a walk in the park the next day
like he's in some damn Jane Austen novel.
-So, animals, what else?
-I make the best damn BBQ you'll ever have.
-Oh. Cook for me sometime?
-I'll invite you over. The backyard barbecue.
I hope it'll be up to your standards, being a chef.
When you're not on the cover of cooking magazine,
what keeps you busy?
-I play acoustic guitar.
I used to be in a band in college
with my best friend Will.
-I once wanted to be in music too. But.
You're a good guy, Conrad. I feel really safe around you.
-You hungry?
-Yes. But not for food.
Yours?
-I just love this bed.
-You do?
-A Packers fan? You're from Wisconsin?
-Yeah, I am. My band members gave it to me in college.
-Oh, not again. Who are you?
-Vanessa, are you okay?
Molly?
-Nope, I'm Silk.
Not my bra, dummy. That's my name, bitch.
-Wait, your name is Silk?
-Right, so not even close to either of those
other two names you just mentioned.
How did you get me to come home with you?
Did you get me tacos and tequila?
That's my kryptonite.
-So, uh. what is your story?
-Kind of you to assume I'm not just a burlesque dancer.
I'm also in a rock band.
You want to be tied up?
- Ouch.
-Don't be a pussy, you are supposed to feel some pain.
Otherwise, where's the fun?
-I didn't even know I had rope. Where did you even find it?
-In the laundry. It was an unopened clothesline
with a heart posted on it from your mom
with a reminder to hang your silk underwear.
Silk, that's me.
Your mom must be freakin' psychic.
She get you this crappy bed too?
-You know, actually, this is kind of hot.
-Told you, 99.9 percent of the time, I'm 110 percent right.
Oh, dang it. I have to go.
I have rehearsal. -What! But, I don't, hey...
-We got a gig this Saturday at the Federal.
-Look, umm.
-If you want to come. -Oh, the Federal?
Ha-ha-ha. Yeah, sure.
I'll come see you at the Federal.
You know I'm a musician too, right?
-Fun fact, I did not know.
-Hey, what are you doing? Are you leaving?
Hey, hey, you can't just leave me here like this.
-That's part of the fun, hon. You gotta figure it out. Bye!
-Silk! No, no, hey, hey! You can't do this.
Come on. Silk. Silk. Come on. Aww!
Silk! Silk! Come on! Ow!
How many leftovers do we got?
We got five. -We got five.
-Geez, what are we going to do with that?
Oh, look who decided to show up.
-What, noon was too early for you, Your Highness?
-Sorry, I got a little...
-With you, with who?
-Her name is Silk.
-Silk, her name is Silk?
What is her sister's name, Polyester?
-Hey, Regina found a bunch of dishes in the back
under the stairwell. -Yeah, how'd you miss those?
-Yeah, dumbass, how could you miss those?
Frank, where the heck is my cast-iron?
-I'm sorry, Regina, I had to hide it
from steel wool boy over there. It's in the oven.
-Steel wool? Your shoe's untied.
-That never gets old.
-God, I love that woman.
- She scares me.
-Hey, I told you I don't care how many women you date.
They just can't make you late.
This, uh, this Silk chick, she's off the list.
She's off the list. -Yes, she is.
And put the damn stuff away.
Now.
He's on a very short leash, this kid,
I'm telling you.
Should we tell him where we left off?
I don't care, let him start from the beginning.
Hey.
Want to try again with those crab cakes?
-Sure, Molly, tonight?
Great, your chateau, 7 PM.
-Oh, man, I already used all the powder Tommy gave me.
Conrad, where did you put my boning knife?
I've got some boning to do. Right now.
-Okay, chef. This is amazeballs.
Oh my God, I'm so glad you didn't die or anything.
Oh crap, don't choke, please.
-No! Kidding. It's good.
-You want to know what the secret ingredient is?
-If you say bone marrow.
-Lion's Mane Mushroom powder.
-Your boss let you use it?
-He knows it's a special dinner for a special lady.
-Aww, that's so sweet.
-So, how's blogging?
-Aww! It's not blogging. It's live streaming.
Big diff. And. not great.
-Why, I thought you were going to be a millionaire,
like tomorrow?
-Well, you have to do it every day to keep
increasing your followers, but I just get busy.
It's hard to keep up on a daily basis.
-You know, I could lend you some money if you--
-Oh God, no, I don't take charity, from anyone.
Also, that shopping thing.
-You bought more stuff that you don't remember?
-Apparently. Even some toaster that's just for marshmallows.
-I feel you should put a surveillance camera
in your bedroom, you know, just so you can see what happens.
-Maybe.
-Then you can see if the shopping gnomes
come out at night and start filling up your closet.
Those buggers are quick, man,
and they bite if they're provoked.
-They're not the only ones.
-Wait, he is never up this early.
Hang on a second.
Yo, Kill Will. What's up? Everything okay?
Dude, I'm back in town for a while.
We lost a bandmember, so I'm chilling
while we're on the hunt for a new one.
-That's great. I mean, it sucks that you lost a band member but.
- You want to meet up? - What, tonight?
Yeah, what you got going on?
-Oh. Holy hell!
I got to be on stage in two hours.
My manager's going to kill me. -Tonight?
-Hey, bitch, I told you I'm playing
at the Federal tonight, it's Saturday.
You're coming to see me, right?
Tell the doorman you're on the Friends of Hendrix list
for flawed attitude. 9 PM. See you there, dork.
-I guess I'm going to a concert.
-Where's your VIP wristband?
-Uh, I was told that I didn't need one.
-Hey Mason, is this guy with you?
-Friend of Silk's.
You're with Silk?
And watch it all burn ♪
-All right, Clark Kent, we've got five minutes.
-Come with me.
-I'm so sorry!
-Hey, bitch.
-Who's this bum?
-Conrad. Conrad, my gangster manager Jimbo.
-Hi, how's it going?
-I'm still getting ready, but stand in the front
where I can see you.
Wait up for me afterwards, asshole.
And come to the house for the pool party tomorrow.
-So, how do you know Silk?
-I met her not that long ago. How do you know her?
-Shit, I have known Silk for years, man.
She just goes MIA for days, sometimes months at a time.
She's an awesome musician and a great singer,
so when she decides to surface, we do a gig. Here we are.
-Does she always show up though?
-What successful rock musician does?
You know she has like a lot of personalities, right?
-Yeah, I know. I've met a few.
-Yes, I've lost count on how many I've met.
All I know is, I love them and they make us look good.
-You know, I play guitar too.
-Hey, she's a charming human being, man,
so don't do anything to make me have to hurt you, all right?
All right, man, so this is the green room,
bandmembers only, so get out.
-Oh, I have been touring my ass off.
You should've come to Ibiza, man.
It was wild, man.
-No, duh, Will.
-You're a chef, can't you like whip some of that up?
-Your Pinot Noir, whiskey and Coke.
-Oh, thank you.
Besides, you kill it with the acoustics.
Probably could've gotten you a touring musician gig.
Would have been like old times.
-You know it was always just to get chicks.
-Yes, and you traded your sitar for a soufflé.
-You showed me how lucrative a music career was.
That's what killed the dream.
-No no no, what killed the dream is
you couldn't handle anyone else packing up your gear
without the label facing front.
-Okay, that is totally not true.
-It's a guitar case, Conrad.
It's called being a touring musician, Conrad.
It's not supposed to be pretty and organized.
So who was playing tonight?
-She was actually really good.
-Yeah?
-And you know I'm a tough critic when it comes to music.
-No, you're anal when it comes to music.
Oh, okay, so she was good.
So how long is this one going to last?
A month?
I just know you always find something wrong with them.
They leave makeup on my white towels,
they rearrange my action figures.
What did the last one do?
Oh, she didn't finish her cereal in the morning.
Like I've heard it all, you always have an excuse.
-Not this time, alright. She's different.
-Uh-huh. Is that why you're drinking Pinot Noir
like a 60-year-old woman?
-Here you go.
-Thank you.
-You two handsome boys need anything else?
-No. We're good.
-I'm Kristen.
Holler if you need me.
-I do. I mean, I will. I mean, I'm Will.
-You got it.
-Yeah, that was stupid.
-What about Jan?
-Oh, Jan and I are splitsville.
Yeah. She just didn't get me at all.
She's the one we're replacing in the band.
I got her name tattooed on my thigh.
You want to see it?
-What? Oh, no, no, no. I'm good, man, thank you.
-It's a cool tattoo.
-Yeah, no. It's generous, but.
-Oh, okay.
-Look, man. She, she was a party girl
and you, you're a poet.
-Let's not label people, okay.
Why don't you tell me about your lady
that you are not going to drop
for squeezing the end of the toothpaste wrong?
-I mean, I've been seeing her for weeks now.
And.
well, she kind of has multiple personalities.
-Yes, what woman doesn't?
-No, I'm serious.
Like I thought it was role-playing at first,
but she legit doesn't remember the conversations
from when she's someone else.
-Oh. Hell no. You need to run in the other direction.
-No, that's-- each one of them is pretty cool,
I just never know when she's going to switch.
-Okay, this can get really dark, really fast.
Alright, I once dated this bipolar chick.
One second she wanted to have sex,
the next, she wanted to blowtorch me.
With an actual blowtorch.
-Have you talked to her?
-I don't feel like it's my place really.
-It's not your place?
Dude, what if one of them consents to sex
and the other one doesn't?
Uh-uh. You don't mess with people like that.
-You know, I didn't think about it that way.
Okay, yeah. I'll ask her at the party tomorrow.
-Good.
-Hey, your advice has gotten better, by the way.
- Thanks.
Asshole.
A rocker pool party, and I wasn't invited?
I see how it is.
-Hell, yes.
But Conrad was on a mission,
and I suppose that's more important than free booze
and potentially seeing scantily clad women.
I'm a considerate friend.
I can't believe you came wearing a speedo, dude.
You gotta show what you got.
You know what I'm saying? I mean, what are you?
Some kind of vampire rocker?
You can't get in the water now?
-Hey, dork!
I say that affectionately.
Want some tequila?
-Oh, no, no, no. Backwash, it's a thing.
-Dude, you're so weird, it's alcohol.
It kills all the germs. Get this guy some hard liquor.
-This better not be a game to you.
-Nice to see you too.
-Hi, I'm Anya, nice to meet you.
Gigi has said a lot about you.
-Hi, Anya, it's nice to meet you too.
And uh. oh.
Oh, congratulations. Who's the lucky father?
-It's mine. My egg and some dude's sperm.
Anya is my girlfriend.
-Let me guess, you're a basketball player.
-Actually she is. -I am.
-So is this really her house?
-She's been hurt before.
That's when the switching gets worse.
-I'm just going to grab an ice bottle.
-When she's depressed or manic, she cycles more.
I met her as Sarah.
-Wait, who is Sarah?
-Her Aussie Lesbian alter.
We dated for a hot second,
and then when I found out about the others,
I just didn't feel right dating someone
who was only a lesbian 20 percent of the time.
So, we stayed friends.
-An Aussie, huh?
Pretty sexy.
- What? - Don't be a dick.
And don't break her heart.
-She's literally my favorite girlfriend ever.
I mean it. -Yeah. Well, remember,
my girl's a basketball player,
and I'm a ninja.
-Tequila shot. Drink up.
-Hey, so where are you from, originally?
Are you okay?
Silk? Silk?
Are you okay?
- You're wasting your breath, mate.
I'm a lesbian.
-Uh, let me start with, I'm Conrad.
-You don't smell like a cologne wearing dingo,
so hi, I'm Sarah.
-Okay. Well, you're a girl,
so wonder if I could ask your advice about a girl.
-All right.
-Well, great.
Little old-fashioned any good?
-Just because it has old in the name
doesn't mean it's for old people.
Far out, you millennials. Here, take a sip.
-That's. actually not bad. For an old-der person's drink.
-Okay, so. This chick.
-This girl, woman.
She's like a roller coaster, and I don't know why.
I feel like there's so much about her I don't know.
I'd like to.
-Why don't you just ask her?
-I'm kind of afraid to because I don't want to lose her.
I'm usually the guy that walks out the door,
but this time, I don't want to be.
I don't know what to do.
-Oh, you like this girl.
How romantic, young puppy love.
-Wait. Young?
-When I was in my 30s, which was decades ago,
I thought I was in love once too.
Here's the thing. Women need communication.
If you're wondering how she's feeling,
you just need to talk to her about it.
-I mean, I kind of tried that, but--
-It's all in how you ask, mate.
If someone is an alcoholic, you don't just say,
you're off your face, mate,
so stop being a piss pot and get it together.
-I get that, but what if she still gets defensive
and won't talk to me?
-She might, in which case you need to decide
if you want to hang there or cut your losses.
-I'm not abandoning her.
Also, she's actually really hot
so maybe we could do a threesome sometime.
- You never know. For the right lady.
Now he said she switched at the party
to avoid a discussion.
I reminded him again about the blowtorch,
so of course, my boy accepted an invite from Vanessa
for a backyard barbecue to try again.
-We're almost done here, sugar.
Hope you brought your appetite.
-So, what kind of music do you like, Vanessa?
-Jazz.
-If you have a guitar, I could play for you.
-Just a moment.
Had this forever.
I don't know if it's tuned or anything, though.
-Let's find out.
-You're good.
-You know, I wanted to ask you about the other day, uh, night.
You said you're from Oklahoma but then.
-Ever done it in the backyard?
-Um, no, but listen, I really wanted to
talk to you about this so--
-Let's be impulsive now.
-Hmm.
Did I forget something?
Hey.
Hey. I'm sorry to bother you so late,
but I just.
I haven't seen you in a few days and I miss you.
-I miss you too. Molly?
Hey, can you come over for a little bit?
-Yes. I've got some time before work.
I'll be right there.
Molly? Molly?
The door was unlocked, so I let myself in.
Hey... this room is really you.
Are you okay? Is everything okay?
With work, home?
I haven't really asked you much about home.
-There's nothing really to talk about.
I just wanted you here.
I needed to feel safe.
-Look, are you sure there's nothing?
Because I want you to feel like you can tell me anything.
Even if it's uh,
you want me to wear your underwear.
- Would you?
-Just don't asked me to wear lipstick,
that's going a bit too far.
Hey, what's with the number seven?
You have a lot of them.
-I'm obsessed with the number, Toot.
-I'm really curious about--
-I said I'm fine.
Can you get me my robe off the bed? Please?
-Yeah, of course.
Hmm.
Huh?
There you go. We'll talk later.
I said to Conrad, man, it's time to go.
But no, he wouldn't give up.
So he arranged to meet them at their favorite spot.
-Coffee bombing, huh?
Usually that's not a good sign.
-Can I get you something?
-Sit down.
-Molly, I need to talk to you about something.
-Are you breaking up with me?
-No.
Oh my God, no. No. No. But I haven't been fair to you.
-Are you cheating on me?
-Yes. No. I mean, no.
It depends on how you look at it exactly.
-How you look at it?
If you're screwing other women.
-It's complicated.
Do you know about the others?
-The others?
How the hell would I know about your other women?
-No, about your others?
-Oh, you think I'm cheating on you?
-Not exactly. Do you know about Vanessa, Silk?
-Who?
-Your other selves?
I know I should've asked you sooner,
but do you know about your other personalities
and how they come out at various random times
and none of them seem to remember me at first,
but thankfully, they all seem to like me,
but I never want one of them to be jealous or anything.
What?
-Don't. -Don't what?
-Say another word to her about the other parts.
-I'm sorry, who are you?
-Rita. -Oh, lovely Rita, meter maid.
-Molly doesn't know about Vanessa, Silk, and Sarah.
Neither do they about her.
-And what are you?
-I keep her safe. I keep them all safe.
I'm aware of the other parts of system,
but I'm the only one who is,
and I intend to keep it that way.
-Kind of selfish really, you know?
Not to share.
-You care about these girls?
Keep Your mouth shut.
Or I will take them away from you.
Don't ever threaten what's mine.
-Okay, good. I wasn't trying to.
-Bring this up again, and we're gone.
Do we understand each other?
What did you want to talk to me about?
Hey, have you seen Regina?
You always know where she is.
I need to talk to her.
I'm not happy about it right now.
-You are a cruel human being.
-You're one to talk,
taking advantage of my generosity.
I told you a scoop, not half of the bottle.
-What?
-The mushroom powder.
You don't need that much to make the dish.
-No, the truth is, I messed it up the first time.
And I wanted to try it again, but I spilled it.
-I thought the other night, you said you're going out
with another girl.
Which one of the three were you going out with?
-There are five of them, actually.
At least as far as I know.
-Five?
-Yes but the thing is, they're all the same girl,
and none of them know about each other.
Well, one does, but she's a scary one
who threatened to chop off my balls.
Actually, she didn't threaten that,
but you could see it in her eyes,
it was horrifying.
-Take off your apron and get outside.
-I thought Frank was supposed be the mean one.
-Now.
Take it off!
Sit down.
-Am I fired?
-What do you want, Conrad?
-To be a chef.
-Wow.
That's the first time I've heard you say that with conviction.
Let's you and I keep talking, okay?
-You know, you're a lot easier to talk to than Frank.
I think he hates me.
-He's in love with Regina, that's the problem.
He always has been.
And she wants to sleep with literally everyone but him.
Including you.
Yeah.
-So I'm screwed, is what you're saying.
-Listen. I got a good friend.
He's a hypnotherapist,
he works in people with head problems.
I think you and your girl, you should talk with him.
I'm going to give him a call.
-I don't think she'd be receptive.
-Tell her it's about something else.
Paul does hypnotherapy for parties and stuff all the time.
-It feels slightly dishonest, but okay.
Okay.
Good.
-Tommy said great things about you.
Thanks for coming over. Is it Doctor or Paul?
-Paul. Paul is fine.
-Okay.
-So it's going to be just the two of you, right?
-Yeah, yeah, she has a shopping addiction thing so.
-Ah, okay, and where would you like to set up?
-Oh, just right here.
-Hi, I brought over a Pinot Noir,
I think you'll love it.
-Molly, hi. This is Paul.
He can, um, hypnotize people.
-Oh.
-I thought maybe it was something we could try
for, you know, your shopping addiction.
I know you like to be spontaneous
and try new things and stuff.
-Oh really?
-I wish that you had told her about this before,
instead of springing it on her. It's not for everyone.
-I think it could be fun.
-Are you sure?
-I'm in. Just don't make it worse.
-All right. Here comes the fun part.
-Okay.
-Just close your eyes.
that's right.
I'm gonna ask you to count backwards from 10
and when you reach 1,
you're only going to be aware of the sound of my voice.
And you're going to answer whatever questions I ask you.
Do you understand? -I do.
-Count backwards from 10.
-Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three.
-Very good.
Do you hear me, Molly?
-Yes.
I'm not Molly.
-I'm sorry, who are you?
-There's somebody else here.
-Who?
-Vanessa.
-Is she dissociating?
-Is she what?
-Vanessa, welcome. I'm glad you're here.
-I'm not Vanessa.
-Who am I talking to now?
-Sarah.
-You didn't tell me she has DID.
-What?
-Dissociative identity disorder. Multiple personalities.
If I had known that, I never would've put her under.
It's not safe.
-Safe? Who's safe?
-Sarah. Sarah, it's okay. It's all right.
You're safe. Sarah?
-This isn't Sarah.
-You are? -Silk.
But it's not just me.
You're going to need more chairs, man.
-Silk, it's okay. You're safe. You are safe. Breathe.
-You're going to ruin it.
-Who am I talking to now? -Rita, you stupid dick!
I know what your little game here is, Conrad,
and it's not go to work.
-What game are you referring to, Rita?
-Bite me.
-I will not be disrespected by you, Rita.
I'm going to shut this down.
-No. No.
No.
Please don't, don't leave yet.
-My name is Paul Forrester and I'm a psychologist.
I'm here to help you.
-I can't talk to you. She doesn't want me to.
-You don't have to say anything you don't want to,
this is a safe space.
-It was him.
-Who?
-He did it.
-Who?
-Papa.
-Does anybody else know about this?
-No.
-Silk, I want to remind you that Conrad is in the room.
Are you okay with that?
-Yes. Because I love him.
-Silk, do you know Molly, Vanessa, Rita, and Sarah?
Do you know that they are all part of you?
-Please don't erase us.
-No. I won't erase you.
I think we need a real doctor.
Look, I've got a PhD in clinical psychology,
I just do these parlor tricks
on the side for fun for friends.
That is not what this woman needs.
-Hey, feeling any better now?
-You tricked me.
That was not cool.
You brought someone in here and made me think I'm crazy.
Create false memory?
-No, you're not crazy.
I mean, maybe a little challenged
at staying as one person, I mean, alter all the time.
-Bullshit!
Everything he said is bullshit.
I don't have DID, I'm not a freak.
Nothing's wrong with me.
-Molly, I think you are wonderful.
Look, I should've told you but I was worried that you would--
-Break up with you? Yup, accurate. Goodbye, Conrad.
I didn't want to tell him I told you so,
but you know, I did tell him so,
but did he listen to me?
Hell no.
Even with the best intentions,
you don't mess with people like that.
Hey Instagram, oh , look at the little puppy.
A male in my life who doesn't suck.
Oh, dogged on Instagram.
Hi, friends.
Oh, look, snickerdoodle coffee the bestest.
Oh, wait.
You thought my boy Conrad was going to give up?
Hell no. He is one determined mother.
-You said I couldn't call you.
But I know you like your snickerdoodle flavored coffee.
So I'm just gonna leave it right here.
Right on the door.
Just make sure the Amazon thief does not steal it.
I know he likes his gourmet coffee.
-Did the boss do his job?
-I'm sorry?
-Paul, did he fix your girl? What happened?
-Oh, no.
She dumped me.
-Tough break, kid.
Hey, you never told me about the dish.
Crabcakes.
How'd they come out?
-Oh, Molly said they were good.
After she was done fake choking and giving me a heart attack.
-Hey, I'll tell you what.
Why don't you stay late today? Make it for me.
Yeah.
Oh. kid.
Kid.
I don't know what to tell you.
-I guess I'm one for three.
-I mean, this is almost.
this is almost as good as Frank's.
-What?
Yes, I win.
-Now, listen. Don't get cocky, but how about tomorrow night,
you come help Reggie with the pizza, okay?
-What about Frank?
-He'll live, he's a big boy. Talent is talent.
End of story.
-Why is he helping me?
-Try this.
Come on, try it.
Come on. Try it.
-Your boy did good.
What is steel wool still doing here?
-Frank, come on. Come in here, try this. Hurry up.
-Frank.
Frank.
It's terrific. Are you happy?
Don't even think about it.
Now clock out so you stop costing us money.
I just love that walk.
Yum.
-What?
-I just-- I wanted to say.
have you ever told her how you feel?
-What the hell are you talking about?
-Regina.
-What the hell difference does it make?
She'd never go for a guy like me.
She could have any guy she wants.
-Yeah, but that's just it.
I mean, how do you know until you ask?
She might be waiting for you to make the first move.
-What about you? Have you ever, you know--?
-Me? -Yeah.
-No. Oh God no, I would never--
She's more of a match for you.
-Maybe, but if she turns me down, you're a dead man.
-Fair enough.
Inspired by his advice to Frank,
Conrad thought Molly might respond to a bolder approach.
-Hey. Molly.
Oh, the humanity.
Wow, that was actually cringeworthy!
Can you call 911
because I'm about to die from embarrassment.
You know, better yet, call the cops
because I'd like to report a murder.
You just killed my love of music.
You know, I'm lactose intolerant,
and I can fart out a better song than that.
That was good.
-You know, I'm not a religious person,
but I'm actually praying for deafness.
There is nothing like good singing.
And you know what? That was nothing like it.
-Thank you, Hal.
How does it feel to have that little talent?
I'm going to pass you a paper bag,
try to play your way out of it.
-Not bad. Not bad.
All right, it was pretty weak,
but not a fourth-grader playing violin weak.
-You are just full of encouragement.
-Look.
Maybe she just needs time.
I don't know a whole lot about what she's got
but if she was ever able to merge them all
back into one thingy, who would you pick?
-What, pick? -Idiot.
No. Of the 5, 6, 7 person-- whatever,
which one would you want to be the one?
-They're actually all really cool.
-Hm.
-Even the lesbian.
-There's a lesbian in there?
-Yeah.
-Have you ever asked about a threesome?
-Actually.
-That would be a horrible insensitive joke, Conrad.
Dude, which one is the main one?
Like the real one?
-I don't know.
That therapist guy Paul thinks it's Silk.
-Hmm. Well, if she ever comes back,
you gotta be okay with that one.
-Yeah, I know.
-Dude, of all the women that I've seen you date
over the last ten years, why this one?
I mean, I remember that hot swimsuit model that you ghosted
because she took your Paul McCartney action figure
out of the box and started playing with it.
-It was meant to be in the box. What is wrong with some people?
-Dude, you ever think maybe it's you?
I love you, but come on.
-Yeah. Maybe. You're right.
I realize I have some work to do too.
-Damn, dude.
I never thought I'd hear you say that.
I'm proud of you, man.
Show me somethin' better.
Whatever, man, whatever that was.
-I was just warming up. -Yeah, yeah, warming up.
-Yeah, that's me.
Come in. Sit down.
So, how can I help you?
-I'm sorry. I.
I was trying to be supportive. I just want to understand her.
-Well, let me be very clear that Molly is not my patient,
otherwise I wouldn't be able to discuss anything
about her with you without her consent.
-Understood. Yeah. Rita mentioned a system.
-The system is how they identify their bodies
since they cannot relate to themselves as one.
-Is. Silk the real her?
-It seems that she would be what we call the executive host
to the alters or the alternative personalities.
The idea is a tricky one, Conrad.
Sometimes it's a matter of making friends with the alters,
just being okay with that, and other times,
it's a matter of wanting to fuse the personalities,
all of the personalities and their memories into one.
Depends on the individual, but in either case,
it requires a unanimous decision from all of the personalities.
-What do you think?
-The fact that she introduced herself by name
as the alternates
means that she trusts you and she cares about you.
-Sort of like meeting the family?
-In an odd sense, yes.
-I want to help her.
-So why don't we start there?
-These flowers were homeless and I was hoping
you could spare them a room for the night.
-Please stop, Conrad.
-Nice job, asshole.
Homeless flowers! God, that was lame!
If only she could see what I can see.
She can. She can.
-Silk. -Urgh, what's that?
-Something I felt you could use.
-Should I get a restraining order?
Since you keep showing up.
-Look, please just take it.
I know you don't believe me, but maybe
if you saw it for yourself, it's a security camera.
-You mean, so I can see you coming beforehand,
so I can throw water balloons filled with acid
out my window at you.
Great idea. Super thoughtful. -Okay, fine.
You know what, you win.
I'm here if you decide you need me,
but I refuse to keep torturing myself.
Bye.
- Wow! Super attitude. Yeah!
Spark on!
-Hi, I'm Molly. And this is me. Recording.
Son of a--, where'd I leave my guitar?
I just know I had my sunglasses in here somewhere.
Oh, I'm out of ciggies! Gigi must've nicked the last one.
Don't forget to erase this in the morning.
-Please.
-Thinner. thicker.
Thinner in the middle. thick on the edge.
This is called a deep dish, Boy-O.
But I do like a deep dish ass.
Come on, Conrad, sing with me.
Sing with me.
Forget the singing, back to pizza.
Yeah, even thinner.
Nice work, steel wool.
I'm so sorry, Conrad. You were right.
Can we talk?
-New assistant chef, starting next week.
-Yes!
-I did it, Conrad.
Son of a--, where'd I leave my guitar?
I just know I had my sunglasses in here somewhere.
Oh, I'm out of ciggies! Gigi must've nicked the last one.
Don't forget to erase this in the morning.
-All the unaccounted-for time, shopping,
now it all makes sense.
I'm sorry I didn't believe you.
-I'm sorry that I wasn't honest with you about Paul.
I wanted to help. I did.
But I didn't know how. So I panicked and I--
-I started seeing him yesterday.
-Hey, this is a good thing.
-I'm sorry.
-Man, you're having the spirits at home too?
Molly and Sarah tell you you're hard-core.
-Spirits?
-That's what they put in cocktails in Europe.
I've been away too long.
-Actually thought she was possessed for a minute.
I just hoped I haven't make things worse.
-No, man. You did the right thing.
No! No way does God just roll up out of the sky
and just blast my damn magical armor?
All right, coat myself in fairy dust
and eat a long sword mofo.
-She's been seeing Paul for a few weeks now, so maybe.
-You cool with Silk being the real one?
-Yeah.
-Agh! Killed by a slap of gold, the story of my life.
-They're not called the real one, they hate that.
It's actually "host of the system."
-Right.
-Yes. Next level.
-I hate you. I hate you.
Well, if she's as talented as you say,
maybe when she's on the straight and narrow,
she can come play with us.
-I only have two controllers, I need to get another one.
-Dude, as a singer. I need a singer now
that Jane is gone?
-Oh! -Yeah.
-Oh, I get it. I failed my audition.
Okay, I'm fine.
-Dude, first of all, you're not a singer.
Second of all, you got a good thing going on
at the restaurant, be grateful.
This musician's life is not for everybody.
Staying in lousy hotels, no sleep, bad for relationships.
Like we all want to be Kendrick or Legend or.
the Spice Girls.
-So many of us are never that.
But that means that I still want to meet
your rocker-et cetera girlfriend.
-Why don't you come meet her tonight?
I'm making her dinner as soon as I get off my shift.
It's my first day as assistant chef.
-Okay.
will never turn down free food, let's go.
-All right. -Dial me back in.
Got it.
I was finally meeting Silk in person,
and I won't lie, I was a little nervous.
But Conrad assured me she'd been doing great.
However, nothing could have prepared me for that dinner.
Evening, kids.
Congratulations on your first time cooking with Regina.
I hope we all survive.
-Will, this is Molly.
-Nice to meet you. -Hey.
-I thought I was meeting Silk.
-Well, Silk was here but then she--
-Dude, what the hell we doing in this joint?
Who's this bitch?
-Who the hell are you? Hi, I'm Will.
-Silk. Pleasure to meet you, jerk-off.
I like this one, she's awesome.
I hear you are in a band? Killer singer.
-Yep, I'm a songwriter too.
-Oh, okay. Well, you know, we just lost our lead singer,
so maybe you could join the band.
What'd you think? Huh?
-Hey, mate.
-Is this still Silk?
-No, that's Sarah, lesbian.
-That's weird.
-You have a problem with gay women?
-No! No. No.
-No. Why? -You left these on the counter.
-Thank you. -You're welcome.
-Hey, babe. Ready to blow this joint?
-Sure, babe.
Let's go, sexy.
I think I'm missing a joke in there somewhere.
But, all right.
-Sorry, Sarah, but we're trying to talk to Silk.
-She's busy.
-Doing what, exactly?
Cleaning the blinds upstairs? Getting a massage?
-Maybe you should mind your own business,
goddamn pencil dick.
-Oh, what's happening now?
-Rita. We don't mean Silk any harm.
We just wanted to.
-Wanted what?
-Uh-huh! Out, demon lady, out.
Andale shaka, topaca, Beyonce and Baraka,
in the name of Jesus.
Huh! That's what I thought.
See, you gotta be forceful with these negative entities, Conrad.
-You thought what, jackass?
-Hey, a little help.
-Okay, you did just try to exorcise my girlfriend,
so I'm on her side.
-You know what, Silk and I could talk another time.
- Nice meeting you, Conrad. - Wow!
-You had every right to defend yourself.
He had it coming. Besides, he's a Buddhist.
I don't know what he was thinking.
-You really do care, don't you?
-I do. I care about you. As. whoever you are.
Silk, Vanessa, Molly, Sarah.
Okay, maybe not Rita.
But only because she's kind of rude and bossy and controlling,
but hey, I'm sure she's a lovely person.
-We had a rose system.
Most systems give themselves a name,
and we all like rose gold, so.
-Sarah? Are you feeling all right?
Hey.
-Where am I?
-In a restaurant.
Hi. My name's Conrad.
-Maxine. Max for short.
-Do you know who Silk is? Vanessa, Sarah, Molly, Rita?
-I know they're all me, but I haven't been out in decades.
I remember when I was seven, but everything else feels like
I was watching life from behind a glass wall.
-Now I get your obsession with the number seven.
Your birth name was Maxine,
then Maxine went dormant and Silk took over?
-Silk was next, yeah. Or, so they told me.
I trust you, right?
-Yeah, you do.
-Can you tell me more about them?
-You want to be impulsive?
Silk is an amazing singer and her band members love her.
Wears a lot of makeup to look cool and badass,
but she doesn't have to wear any at all to be beautiful.
-Tell me more.
-Well, Molly is a video blogger, she's a vegetarian.
She mostly reviews makeup but there are some outliers.
She is snarky, she is fun, and she hates driving.
Although ironically, she loves Grand Theft Auto.
-Hates driving?
How the heck can you live in LA and hate driving?
-Well, Vanessa loves barbecue and is an amazing chef.
She also loves animals although she does eat them,
but no judgment. She has great legs.
And even though Sarah is a lesbian,
and no way interested in me, she is a kind and generous soul,
and she really helped with being able to talk to.
well, all of you. -Then, thank you, Sarah.
-Yeah.
I think I'm in love with you.
-Me too.
I have so many memories from my past
that I can't even access.
-Look.
I know what it's like to start over.
My parents split when I was 12, and my dad moved away.
I. felt like I didn't know who I was anymore.
And I didn't like myself because he left.
I felt like he left because of me.
-My parents traveled a lot but they'd leave me
with my grandparents when they went away.
-Is that when Silk showed up?
-I think they were always there.
I'm still trying to understand myself.
but I guess. I wanted to keep the scary parts away.
And that. caused them to fracture.
They had walls between them.
And then one alter became two and then three.
-A pizza analogy.
DID for dummies.
-I'm sorry I'm so much trouble.
-No. Hey, by diving into your shadows,
I had to look at my own.
Started when my dad left.
I'd line up my albums and categorize them
by genre and year and color and label.
I had a spreadsheet of every battery in the house,
where it was, and its charge level.
I'd brush my teeth five times a day
with five different toothbrushes.
It's weird, I know.
-At least you remember doing it.
-I have OCD.
-I noticed.
-Yeah, no, I'm meeting with Paul and Maxine right now.
As you said, it was totally the right call,
and hey, I'm really looking forward to meeting your girl.
Cool.
-I got you a present.
-Mm-mm.
Maxine has a few things she'd like to share with you, Conrad.
-You ready?
-I have to go away.
-Go where? I can give you a ride
since I know you don't always like to drive.
-No, I mean, home to Michigan.
I need to talk to my family, tell them what happened.
They never knew.
-Let me come with you.
-I'm sorry, Conrad. You've been amazing.
But I need to figure this out on my own.
I have a whole life ahead of me now.
Understanding them.
-I know. I. I mean, it's great.
I mean, you have Paul here helping you to manage.
And you have me,
and you really expanded my mind and helped me too. I mean--
-I need to know who me is
before I can lose myself in someone else.
-Hey. I won't let you get lost. I'll get you
a little lost and found tag and everything.
-You've helped me a lot. And for that, I'm grateful.
But.
-What she's trying to tell you, Conrad,
is that she needs her own time.
-Two against one, huh?
-It's not that she doesn't care about you.
You've been there for her in a very big way.
-I'm not going to win this one, will I?
I get it. I love you.
And I want what's best for you to be happy.
Just. please don't erase me.
-To heartbreakers.
If it isn't the love of my life.
Conrad, meet my new lady.
-What?
-I took a chance and asked Kristen out.
She said yes.
-I told him I thought you were hotter,
but you were taken.
-I'm available now, actually.
-Okay, all right, all right. So how's the chef thing going?
-I gotta go, babe. -Bye, baby.
-You know, Tommy's been really happy with me.
I get to be a full-time cook by the end of next month.
-Okay! You go, boy. That's what I'm talking about.
You're not gonna have time for women
because you're going to be up to your elbows in dough.
No applause, please, no applause.
I'll be here all night.
-I miss her, man. I really do.
-That stuff was so good that you showed me.
She would've been great in the band, man.
-Hmm. Well, to Silk.
-And Molly. And Vanessa, and Sarah.
-Rita. -No, screw her.
Hell no.
-To Maxine.
-Yeah, to Maxine.
-You know, Paul's been great. I'm down to one toothbrush.
Can't seem to choose which color, though.
Old-fashioned, please.
Bourbon or wine?
Bourbon. You can keep it open.
We're only doing cash at the moment.
I don't have any cash on me.
- It's okay. There's an ATM in the back.
Oh, okay. I'll be right back.
-You know what, don't worry about it, please.
It's on me. - Thank you so much.
I'm Melinda. And the generous gentleman is?
-I'm Conrad, I'm the chef.
How ironic. I'm a food writer.
Oh, you think I'm gonna tell you who that is?
So, what do you cook, Conrad?
Hell no, that's for the sequel.