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00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:17,400
[man] When you go to prison,
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00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:21,200
everybody has their titles and stuff
for themselves or other people.
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00:00:23,240 --> 00:00:26,600
People look at, like, an aggravated
stalking charge and they laugh about it.
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00:00:26,680 --> 00:00:30,360
They're like, "Oh, you're a stalker?
Like, pfft! What kind of shit is that?"
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00:00:30,440 --> 00:00:32,600
"You're in the bushes
with the binoculars?"
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00:00:32,680 --> 00:00:33,880
"No, like..."
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00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:38,200
And I could see where some people,
that is the case, you know, but...
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00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:42,000
Everybody's situation is different.
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00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:45,160
So, to people I don't know, I just...
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00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:46,800
I... I try to laugh it off.
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00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:50,080
Because for me, it brings up a lot of hurt
and hard feelings,
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00:00:50,880 --> 00:00:54,400
and it brings up all the trauma
that Rachel and I went through.
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[woman] The only thing
that I want clear is...
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00:01:12,560 --> 00:01:14,840
I might have empathy for John,
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but what he did to me,
I will never forgive him for.
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00:01:24,640 --> 00:01:28,600
Just because I understand it,
doesn't mean I have to accept it.
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00:01:30,280 --> 00:01:31,480
I don't accept it.
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[sniffles]
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[man 1] I'd rather be considered
a murderer than a stalker,
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you know what I mean?
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[woman] I wanted the intensity of,
like, of her feeling watched.
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[man 2] Anybody could be a stalker.
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00:02:01,640 --> 00:02:03,440
[man 3] It's all boogeyman talk.
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00:02:05,280 --> 00:02:07,280
[man 4] I'm not still that crazy.
Like...[chuckles]
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00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:49,800
[Anderson] The stalking thing kind of
boils down for me as an abandonment issue.
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00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:57,920
I get hung up on a person
because I felt abandoned by them.
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It makes me just want
to cling on to them more.
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Then I get angry about it and it's like,
"Well, you love me, you should be here."
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It's anger from being hurt.
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And looking back, I can say
that was the start of problems
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that led me to the situation I'm in now.
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00:03:20,760 --> 00:03:22,280
I'm John R. Anderson III.
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00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:26,200
I'm incarcerated
at Hill Correction Facility.
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00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:28,440
I've been charged
with aggravated stalking.
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[gentle guitar music playing]
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I grew up in the country.
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My dad taught me how to hunt, fish.
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I was good in school, played sports,
played baseball a lot.
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I think I've always steered towards
having a serious relationship.
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Even when I first started having
girlfriends in middle school
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and early years in high school,
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I was always gettin' flowers
or makin' little mix tapes.
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00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:06,600
I was always more... serious. It wasn't
like, "We're just hanging out for fun."
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00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:09,880
It was like, "Is there a connection?
Some kind of little intimacy?"
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00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:14,280
I'm one of those people. From the start,
I can tell if I'm gonna like you or not,
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00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:17,000
and Rachel and I, we just clicked.
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00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:20,280
Like, I don't know.
We were two peas in a pod.
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00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:43,400
My name is Rachel.
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00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:49,880
I met John in 2015. On a blind date.
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I was working, like,
three jobs at the time
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and I was raising my son by myself.
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So I wasn't interested in
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00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:04,920
any kind of relationship, really.
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00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:12,840
John's very funny and very witty, and...
55
00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:17,480
at that point in time,
he had a Harley-Davidson motorcycle.
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00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:21,120
He was, like, my type of man.
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00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:24,120
And I always told him
that it was his green eyes that...
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00:05:25,840 --> 00:05:27,840
got me that very first night.
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00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:33,040
It's not something
that we just jumped into.
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We were gonna take this slow,
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because I wanted to get to know
the person before,
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like, bringing my son into the situation.
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00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:47,560
There was a lot of give and take
in the beginning,
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00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:49,960
because he's a diesel mechanic,
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00:05:50,040 --> 00:05:52,920
so he worked six days a week,
ten-hour days.
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00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:57,360
He was always going out with his friends,
and was always around girls,
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00:05:57,440 --> 00:06:01,360
and his friends were always trying
to get him to party all the time.
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00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:05,680
I didn't know that he was drinking
all the time.
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00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:08,240
I just thought that
it was a weekend type of thing.
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00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:11,880
I didn't do that.
I worked and went home to my kid.
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00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:15,640
But he was always good with Gauge.
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Like, Gauge looked at him
like he was his father.
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Gauge was just an infectious child.
Like, he...
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00:06:35,080 --> 00:06:37,080
He was my little rock star, you know?
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00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:40,880
He... I gave him a little Mohawk,
and he'd throw up the little rock horns
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00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:42,880
and he'd ride on my Harley with me.
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00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:45,880
And it was great, but...
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00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:49,720
I'd have Gauge with me,
and people would say things to me.
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00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:51,840
"Who's that kid you got with you, John?"
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00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:54,120
For me, at first, it mattered.
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But the more that I fell in love
with Gauge, like,
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the more it became irritating.
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00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:00,800
Like, "This is my kid.
What are you talking about?"
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00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:10,440
[Rachel] It was one of those relationships
where if I was chasing John,
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00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:11,760
he was backing off.
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00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:14,280
And if he was chasing me,
I was backing off.
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00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:17,400
So as soon as I'd tell him,
"Okay, I'm done,"
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00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:21,960
he'd be at my door at 11 o'clock at night,
telling me how sorry he was.
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00:07:22,040 --> 00:07:23,840
But we were just so...
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00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:26,760
I don't know, in...
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00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:29,120
dumb love, I guess.
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00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:34,200
We stayed together
through all of that and then...
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00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:36,880
I found out I was pregnant.
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00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:39,680
[birdsong]
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00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:46,360
At that time, we were looking
at moving to Arkansas.
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His uncle lives in Arkansas,
so we went to go visit him.
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It is just a beautiful place,
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00:07:56,240 --> 00:08:00,120
and so we started looking
for houses down there.
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00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:20,440
[Rachel] After Jax was born,
we were going down to Arkansas,
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00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:22,840
staying there at his uncle's house,
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00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:27,560
just trying to complete the contract with
the lady that was selling us the house.
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00:08:28,520 --> 00:08:33,640
And Jax was only four months old
when Gauge died.
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[birdsong]
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[Anderson] To this day, I don't have
an answer what happened.
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00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:46,960
There was a storm,
and some trees had blown over.
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00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:51,000
We were usin' the loader tractor
to move the trees
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00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:53,320
off the fence on the horse pasture.
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Gauge was helpin' me.
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He, um... he fell off the tractor,
and I accidentally ran him over.
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00:09:01,880 --> 00:09:02,920
Uh...
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00:09:09,680 --> 00:09:11,720
Rachel was there when it happened.
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00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:15,920
She was just up at the house,
and she came down and she was holding him.
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00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:18,800
She could still feel his heartbeat
and stuff.
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00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:22,520
We just couldn't get the ambulance there
fast enough
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00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:25,040
and we couldn't get him to the hospital
fast enough.
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00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:27,160
Uh...
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00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:30,560
So Gauge... Gauge isn't no more with us.
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She knows I'm a very careful,
safe kind of person. Um...
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00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:43,000
I've been a diesel mechanic my whole life.
I've been around tractors, ag equipment,
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combines, construction equipment.
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00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:50,760
So, like, she knows it wasn't a matter of
me bein' reckless or... or doin' anything...
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00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:54,200
unsafe with him on the tractor.
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00:09:54,280 --> 00:09:56,720
But instantly...
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00:09:57,920 --> 00:10:00,760
I... I felt responsible and guilty,
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00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:03,840
and, you know, I felt like
I just killed my son.
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00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:07,360
We, uh...
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00:10:08,920 --> 00:10:10,520
We lost our child.
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00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:13,760
And...
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00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:17,800
[sniffles]
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00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:20,040
And both of us became different people.
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00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:33,160
After Gauge died, I, um...
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00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:40,280
I turned into, like, a shell of a person.
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00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:48,200
It's very difficult to explain,
I guess. Um...
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00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:49,480
[sniffles]
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00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:53,560
I didn't wanna do anything.
I didn't wanna eat, I didn't wanna...
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00:10:56,040 --> 00:10:58,440
I couldn't hold Jax at all.
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00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:03,320
I think he could just feel
how heartbroken I was.
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00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:04,440
[sniffles]
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00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:07,280
Because he would scream, I mean...
140
00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:14,000
So John had to take on
all of that responsibility
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00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:19,000
for a four-month-old child and me,
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00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:21,960
because I couldn't do it.
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00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:23,520
[sniffles]
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00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:27,800
He really did try before he fell apart.
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00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:52,840
[Rachel] John was working
for the first, I think, year.
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00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:57,040
And it got to a point where
he wasn't getting enough jobs
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00:11:57,120 --> 00:11:59,200
to be able to support us.
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00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:01,640
So I had to go get a job.
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00:12:12,560 --> 00:12:15,960
John then started to find friends,
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00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:19,720
and those friends were doing drugs.
151
00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:23,760
He was starting to smoke...
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00:12:24,280 --> 00:12:27,000
I don't know if it was crack first
or meth.
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00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,600
And I'd sit there and watch him do it.
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00:12:32,520 --> 00:12:36,440
I understood why he was trying
to numb the pain.
155
00:12:37,560 --> 00:12:41,560
The guilt of... he could have prevented
the accident.
156
00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:45,840
That's a lot for somebody to have to...
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00:12:46,560 --> 00:12:47,560
deal with.
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00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:55,040
[Anderson] My addiction
really kicked into overdrive.
159
00:12:59,960 --> 00:13:03,560
I was usin' meth,
and I was... I was bad on meth.
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00:13:04,160 --> 00:13:07,120
I'd never experienced nothin' like it. I...
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00:13:07,640 --> 00:13:08,640
I, uh...
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00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:11,960
I was hallucinating things, and...
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00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:18,840
I couldn't... I couldn't close my eyes
without seeing his face.
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00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:22,600
[breathing shakily] Um...
165
00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:26,240
Poor Rachel, she just... she shut down.
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00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:29,880
She didn't... She just... She shut down.
167
00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:34,440
And we went on like this
for about a year and a half.
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00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:40,160
Neither one of us took time
to seek out help, or counseling, or...
169
00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:42,680
or anything to help work through it.
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00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:46,280
And...
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00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:49,320
as much as we needed each other,
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00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:52,560
I feel like we just pushed
each other apart.
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00:13:58,560 --> 00:14:00,960
[Rachel] When they say
things can't get worse in your life,
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00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:02,480
well, they really can.
175
00:14:05,240 --> 00:14:08,280
With me not being able to function,
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00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:11,840
I guess I wasn't giving him
what he needed.
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00:14:12,680 --> 00:14:19,320
So he found a girl
that worked at the docks on the lake.
178
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:21,360
And...
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00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:24,200
cheated on me with her.
180
00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:28,960
I think she was 19 years old.
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00:14:29,560 --> 00:14:32,360
And at that time, John was 35.
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00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:34,920
She was very young.
183
00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:40,800
And I told him that he wasn't gonna
ruin our family, that we can fix it.
184
00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:45,120
And that was the first time he hit me.
185
00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:50,880
He hit me across the face so hard
that I hit the floor,
186
00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:55,920
and then he took my keys
and left for the night.
187
00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:02,800
At this point, John was seeing
and hearing people
188
00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:05,200
because he was strung out on meth.
189
00:15:07,120 --> 00:15:11,520
He'd go to the bathroom or something,
and he would leave his phone on record.
190
00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:14,320
And he would listen to the recordings,
191
00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:19,120
and scream at me and yell at me
that I was cheating on him
192
00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:23,440
when it was the TV that was talking.
193
00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:29,520
After that, it just got worse.
194
00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:33,480
[heavy string music playing]
195
00:15:40,160 --> 00:15:47,120
[Rachel] It was my birthday that he swore
he heard a man's voice in the garage.
196
00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:54,600
He picked me up in the kitchen
by my neck,
197
00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:59,600
drug me down the hall,
and threw me on the bed...
198
00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:07,600
and proceeded to hit me in my ribs,
my chest, my legs, and my head.
199
00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:11,240
And choked me to the point
where I threw up.
200
00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:20,240
It was that moment where I knew
that I just had to get away from him.
201
00:16:20,320 --> 00:16:23,440
That he wasn't gonna change.
He wasn't gonna get any better.
202
00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:27,160
I just made my mind up,
and I couldn't stay another second.
203
00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:32,000
[ethereal music playing]
204
00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:52,920
[Rachel] I felt a sense of relief
on the eight-hour drive to Illinois...
205
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:56,840
knowing that I wasn't gonna
have to deal with him.
206
00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:09,120
[Anderson] Everything that I was doin'
to Rachel after I started doin' meth,
207
00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:12,760
I felt like she was doin' it back to me,
and it wasn't true at all.
208
00:17:12,840 --> 00:17:15,240
Like, it was just my own mind
playing tricks on me.
209
00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:17,400
And...
210
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:21,760
it ended up bringing a lot of violence
in between with Rachel and I.
211
00:17:23,080 --> 00:17:24,920
But when she left,
212
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:29,840
I felt that I had just lost
another child and my wife.
213
00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:37,800
It was like, with all the hurt and pain
that I was carryin', that just hurt more.
214
00:17:37,880 --> 00:17:41,560
And it just... it was so overwhelming,
I don't even know how to explain it.
215
00:17:45,040 --> 00:17:46,520
I felt betrayed, really.
216
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:50,960
And then I became so obsessed with,
"Where's my son?"
217
00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:57,320
I would try to ask friends and family
where she went. Nobody would tell me.
218
00:17:57,400 --> 00:18:01,120
They would lie to me and tell me,
"Oh, she's... she's somewhere down there."
219
00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:03,256
"She's safe," or whatever.
So I'm gettin' aggravated.
220
00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:04,960
Rachel won't talk to me. I'm aggravated.
221
00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:08,160
Like, she was doin' it
just to take my son from me and hurt me.
222
00:18:08,760 --> 00:18:10,760
[uneasy music playing]
223
00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:16,240
[Rachel] By that time, John had figured
out that I wasn't in Arkansas anymore.
224
00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:20,360
So he started sending me text messages.
225
00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:29,680
He was telling me that he was gonna
pour my son down the toilet
226
00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:36,160
if I didn't tell him where I was
and bring his family back to him.
227
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:51,360
He started sending me videos of him
228
00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:56,200
pouring white ashes down the toilet.
229
00:18:56,280 --> 00:19:00,240
And of course, I freaked out
and had a panic attack.
230
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:19,560
After he did that, I just... There was...
231
00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:23,200
That was the end.
That was it. I got a restraining order.
232
00:19:51,040 --> 00:19:54,040
[man] For most stalking cases,
before they're called a crime,
233
00:19:54,120 --> 00:19:56,320
there has to be a protection order
in place.
234
00:19:57,160 --> 00:20:01,360
It's the first step from going
from a non-criminal behavior
235
00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:02,840
to a criminal behavior.
236
00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:09,400
My name is Ryan Williams.
237
00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:12,360
I'm an associate professor
of criminology and criminal justice
238
00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:14,600
at the University of Illinois
in Springfield.
239
00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:31,720
[Williams] Orders of protection
can be very helpful.
240
00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:34,480
It escalates the seriousness
of the offense.
241
00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:37,720
A small misdemeanor to now
automatic felony.
242
00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:42,960
So before when you drove by their work,
it was mischievous, it was problematic.
243
00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:44,360
Now it's a felony.
244
00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:49,920
But protection orders are based
on a deterrent model of behavior.
245
00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:55,360
Unfortunately, a lot of stalking behavior
is done by people
246
00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:59,160
who aren't acting rationally,
who don't have much to lose.
247
00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:03,880
Like in John's case, you can just ignore
the orders completely,
248
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:06,400
and feel that they don't apply to you
whatsoever.
249
00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:25,240
[Williams] John exhibited
very serious behaviors
250
00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:28,160
prior, with his other relationships.
251
00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:31,840
It's someone who just won't accept
252
00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:35,440
that their behavior is harmful.
253
00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:39,000
To the point where I'm surprised
254
00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:43,400
that there weren't worse outcomes
in all of these cases.
255
00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:57,920
[man] If John can't control women,
256
00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:02,200
then anger and aggression
and all that stuff comes out.
257
00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:06,840
Each time it's escalated,
and that scares me.
258
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:11,440
There's always a stick of dynamite
in there somewhere.
259
00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:17,720
My name is Rick Anderson,
and I'm John's uncle.
260
00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:23,080
And, as of this date, I am
the only relative that'll talk to John.
261
00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:38,920
[Rick] When John was younger,
John and his first wife were married.
262
00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:43,840
But John cheated on her
during the wedding.
263
00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:47,280
His wife just said enough's enough.
264
00:22:47,360 --> 00:22:48,600
She moved out.
265
00:22:49,640 --> 00:22:51,240
John kind of snapped.
266
00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:56,240
And back then, when he got mad,
he would show up at your house.
267
00:22:56,320 --> 00:23:00,160
Or just sit in a car and wait for you
to come out of work.
268
00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:02,680
Kind of like the beginning of stalking.
269
00:23:23,040 --> 00:23:26,280
[Rick] He broke into her house,
hid in the closet,
270
00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:28,560
and at two o'clock in the mornin',
271
00:23:28,640 --> 00:23:31,000
was standin' at the end of the bed
of the girl.
272
00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:36,920
So all relationships with his
first wife and his second girlfriend
273
00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:39,040
just broke and fractured.
274
00:23:42,360 --> 00:23:45,200
If I was Rachel even now,
275
00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:47,880
I would be worried about John.
276
00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:20,000
[Judi] John wanted Rachel back,
277
00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:22,800
and he would do anything and anything
to get her back.
278
00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:28,280
He knew how much
Rachel and I had a bond together.
279
00:24:28,360 --> 00:24:31,520
And if he couldn't have her, no one would.
280
00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:43,680
[dog barking]
281
00:24:44,680 --> 00:24:48,400
[Judi] When he first got up here,
he called repetitively.
282
00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:52,520
But it comes up as somebody else
on the phone.
283
00:24:52,600 --> 00:24:55,400
This is how freakin' smart this idiot is.
284
00:24:57,120 --> 00:25:00,080
He'd call me, "Let me talk to her.
Just let me talk to her."
285
00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:02,080
"I love her. I want to talk to her."
286
00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:06,880
And then he'd curse.
"I know she's there. Let me talk to her."
287
00:25:06,960 --> 00:25:10,160
"You're a fuckin' bitch.
Let me talk to her now."
288
00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:13,680
I mean, it's scary. It's totally scary.
289
00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:22,560
He's stalking the house.
290
00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:34,000
He'd pull up in the driveway,
it was winter, in his big-ass truck.
291
00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:38,360
Sits there, spins the tires.
292
00:25:39,160 --> 00:25:42,240
We're freakin' out, cryin',
callin' the cops.
293
00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:46,840
I'm lookin' for Jax. He's under the table.
294
00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:51,680
He said, "Grandma,
I did what Mommy told me. I hid."
295
00:25:52,240 --> 00:25:54,200
"I hid like Mommy tells me."
296
00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:56,320
It broke my heart.
297
00:25:57,600 --> 00:26:00,040
That my grandson has to hide
298
00:26:00,120 --> 00:26:02,960
'cause Mommy's tellin' him
to hide from him,
299
00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:06,640
because he's gonna
hurt and kill his mother. [sniffles]
300
00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:13,240
It's painful to watch your daughter
go through that.
301
00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:30,400
[Rachel] It was just an always constant,
like, "He's watching me."
302
00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:34,240
Like, "He knows when I'm home,
he knows when I'm not home."
303
00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:38,960
It's a lot of mind control
and a lot of... fear.
304
00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:44,320
I mean, it's always continuous,
non-stop calling, texting.
305
00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:49,600
He would, um... leave me voicemails
telling me he's gonna kill himself.
306
00:26:49,680 --> 00:26:53,960
He would send me pictures of, uh... nooses
307
00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:58,480
that he had hanging from the rafters
in his mom's basement.
308
00:26:59,520 --> 00:27:03,200
He told me that when we die,
we die together,
309
00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:06,160
and it doesn't matter
if he has to shoot me in the head first,
310
00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:09,520
that he will, we will die together.
311
00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:15,600
I always felt like he was
right around the corner,
312
00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:20,280
like I'm on my toes waiting
for him to just jump out of the bushes.
313
00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:24,320
And that's basically what happened.
314
00:27:29,880 --> 00:27:31,960
She wouldn't answer her phone. I...
315
00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:34,680
I'd get to the point where I'd go online,
316
00:27:34,760 --> 00:27:37,680
there's apps online where you can use
different caller numbers,
317
00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:39,480
this and that, different phone numbers.
318
00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:41,200
And I was doin' all that crazy shit.
319
00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:45,320
But she wouldn't talk to me.
So I went to her work.
320
00:27:57,760 --> 00:28:00,640
When she pulled up into her work,
I was sittin' there.
321
00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:03,080
I'd got there, like, two minutes
before she did,
322
00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:06,240
and, uh... I'd walked up to the vehicle,
323
00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:09,320
and as soon as she'd seen me,
she was just instantly scared.
324
00:28:10,080 --> 00:28:14,120
And for whatever reason,
that just triggered, like, anger in me.
325
00:28:15,800 --> 00:28:20,200
And it was just a bad scene at her work,
and the cops ended up comin'.
326
00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:31,680
The warehouse I was working at,
there wasn't a gate.
327
00:28:31,760 --> 00:28:33,520
Anybody could just go in and out.
328
00:28:36,120 --> 00:28:38,880
I had pulled into the parking lot
329
00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:42,320
and was grabbing my stuff
to go inside the building.
330
00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:45,880
There's a car,
and it's just sitting there...
331
00:28:47,560 --> 00:28:50,680
and he's running full force at my vehicle.
332
00:28:51,760 --> 00:28:58,280
So I'm trying to lock my truck
and call 911 at the same time.
333
00:28:58,360 --> 00:29:03,840
By that point, he's trying to break
my driver side window,
334
00:29:03,920 --> 00:29:07,640
screaming at the top of his voice,
335
00:29:07,720 --> 00:29:10,160
basically that
he was gonna fucking kill me.
336
00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:15,840
He goes back to the back passenger door
and gets it open.
337
00:29:18,040 --> 00:29:21,880
I jump out of the vehicle,
screaming for somebody to help me,
338
00:29:21,960 --> 00:29:24,920
and I saw a man in his car.
339
00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:26,840
And I'm running to him.
340
00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:30,760
He's getting out of the vehicle, you know,
calmly asking me what's wrong,
341
00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:32,920
and I'm like, "He's gonna...
he's gonna kill me."
342
00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:38,480
At that point, John figured out
that I left the keys in the truck.
343
00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:43,880
So he's trying to come run me over.
344
00:29:50,040 --> 00:29:53,680
He figured out he couldn't get to me
without running into other vehicles.
345
00:29:53,760 --> 00:29:56,200
So he got back out of the vehicle,
346
00:29:56,280 --> 00:29:58,840
still screaming at me
that he was gonna kill me.
347
00:29:58,920 --> 00:30:03,520
The guy tackled him to the ground
and held him there.
348
00:30:39,360 --> 00:30:41,720
[Rachel] After the police came
and arrested him,
349
00:30:41,800 --> 00:30:45,440
I felt relief like I've never
felt it before.
350
00:30:45,520 --> 00:30:51,560
He... finally wasn't able
to come and hurt me.
351
00:30:56,120 --> 00:30:57,560
Oh... I was free.
352
00:30:58,800 --> 00:31:00,720
I was free from him.
353
00:31:02,760 --> 00:31:05,240
I was free from all of it.
354
00:31:28,680 --> 00:31:33,040
[woman] Stalking, especially
in domestic violence in relationships,
355
00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:36,960
does not necessarily get the attention
that it should get.
356
00:31:39,840 --> 00:31:43,520
It's overlooked in the law
and how it's treated.
357
00:31:44,800 --> 00:31:49,560
It's a matter of "What are we going to do
to make sure that this behavior stops?"
358
00:31:53,520 --> 00:31:54,880
My name is Ali Friend.
359
00:31:54,960 --> 00:31:58,920
I was the lead prosecutor
in the domestic violence unit
360
00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:00,440
in DeKalb County.
361
00:32:14,400 --> 00:32:17,320
[Friend] It's hard for me to know
what was going through John's mind,
362
00:32:17,400 --> 00:32:19,120
as far as why he did what he did.
363
00:32:19,760 --> 00:32:22,960
But I think he was just wanting to do
anything possible
364
00:32:23,040 --> 00:32:25,720
to regain control over Rachel's life.
365
00:32:25,800 --> 00:32:29,760
And if that meant taking her life,
then that's what was gonna happen.
366
00:32:33,080 --> 00:32:35,920
He brought a nylon strap
367
00:32:36,000 --> 00:32:39,640
that was fashioned in a way
that looked like a noose.
368
00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:45,480
There was several acts of strangulation
that had occurred
369
00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:47,800
while they were living in Arkansas.
370
00:32:50,000 --> 00:32:53,480
It seemed as though he was going
to finally follow through
371
00:32:53,560 --> 00:32:57,320
on his original threats when he used
to strangle her in the past.
372
00:33:18,800 --> 00:33:23,800
[Friend] Aggravated stalking
is punishable by up to two to five years
373
00:33:23,880 --> 00:33:26,120
in the Illinois Department of Corrections.
374
00:33:26,200 --> 00:33:28,600
Or a period of probation.
375
00:33:30,280 --> 00:33:34,200
I believed that probation was not
an appropriate outcome for him,
376
00:33:34,280 --> 00:33:38,680
and I believed that he needed to be
removed and punished and sent to prison.
377
00:33:39,320 --> 00:33:43,880
So he was also charged with
aggravated driving under the influence.
378
00:33:43,960 --> 00:33:49,040
Because aggravated DUI, in our state,
carries the most serious penalty,
379
00:34:03,320 --> 00:34:09,480
It is hard to believe that stalking
is a lower felony offense than a DUI.
380
00:34:10,960 --> 00:34:16,040
I just think that nobody
wants to believe that it's that bad.
381
00:34:16,120 --> 00:34:20,400
But for a victim or a survivor
who's in that relationship,
382
00:34:20,920 --> 00:34:24,040
it is that bad
and one day could lead to death.
383
00:35:00,600 --> 00:35:02,600
[birdsong]
384
00:35:09,960 --> 00:35:12,640
[Rachel] I get letters
from John every day
385
00:35:12,720 --> 00:35:18,840
to the point where it is very odd
if I don't get a letter a day.
386
00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:24,840
We are not talking.
387
00:35:24,920 --> 00:35:29,080
I don't respond to him, and I just
continue to get pictures and letters,
388
00:35:29,160 --> 00:35:30,720
and it's just never-ending.
389
00:35:33,240 --> 00:35:35,320
It is very conflicting to get the letters
390
00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:38,200
and to decide whether
I'm gonna open them or not.
391
00:35:38,280 --> 00:35:41,920
But now, with him being in prison,
reading the letters,
392
00:35:42,000 --> 00:35:44,280
I know what's going on inside of his head.
393
00:35:44,360 --> 00:35:47,600
and it's easier for me to,
I guess, sleep at night
394
00:35:48,120 --> 00:35:54,720
knowing that he is apologetic
instead of... still angry with me.
395
00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:12,680
[Anderson] I've always
wrote Rachel letters.
396
00:36:12,760 --> 00:36:15,560
2020, I wrote her a letter, like,
every day, like...
397
00:36:15,640 --> 00:36:17,520
Or not every day. Every week, I mean.
398
00:36:17,600 --> 00:36:19,720
I'm not still that crazy. [chuckles]
Like, every week.
399
00:36:19,760 --> 00:36:21,960
Just to stay in contact.
And I know she reads 'em.
400
00:36:22,040 --> 00:36:23,040
I know she gets 'em.
401
00:36:23,080 --> 00:36:27,160
I figure, you know, if she... if she wants
to turn 'em in and get me in trouble,
402
00:36:27,240 --> 00:36:28,840
then... then so be it, you know?
403
00:36:28,920 --> 00:36:32,680
If that's her prerogative and what
she feels she needs to do, then so be it.
404
00:36:53,920 --> 00:36:56,560
[Anderson] I didn't go to prison
and forget about my son.
405
00:36:56,640 --> 00:36:59,680
I get to talk to him on the phone,
and he... he's funny, 'cause he's like,
406
00:36:59,760 --> 00:37:02,640
"I don't know you. I don't...
I don't know what you look like."
407
00:37:02,720 --> 00:37:06,520
I gotta remind him, like, "You do know.
Like, I was there raising you."
408
00:37:07,040 --> 00:37:09,360
"You know, you were...
you were two when I last seen you."
409
00:37:09,440 --> 00:37:12,760
"I'm sorry that you don't remember that,
but trust me, I remember."
410
00:37:19,680 --> 00:37:24,280
My goal was to be home by Jax's
fifth birthday, which was last Sunday.
411
00:37:24,880 --> 00:37:27,920
And, you know, I made it a week later.
412
00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:30,680
I go home next...
Today's Friday, I go home Monday.
413
00:37:50,600 --> 00:37:52,080
[birdsong]
414
00:38:00,120 --> 00:38:06,160
[Rachel] John's release day is coming,
and he wants to see his son.
415
00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:11,520
When John finally sees Jax
416
00:38:11,600 --> 00:38:16,640
and is able to, like, keep him
overnight or for the weekend,
417
00:38:17,160 --> 00:38:21,280
it is a concern that he will just run away
with my child,
418
00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:23,600
and I won't ever find him.
419
00:38:24,640 --> 00:38:26,520
That's always in the back of my mind.
420
00:38:29,040 --> 00:38:31,320
I'm hoping he can turn over a new leaf.
421
00:38:32,480 --> 00:38:35,840
But I'm worried about him
going back to the old John
422
00:38:35,920 --> 00:38:38,640
and coming to try to hurt me again.
423
00:38:41,360 --> 00:38:45,600
I feel that if he reverts back
to the drugs,
424
00:38:45,680 --> 00:38:50,440
that he'll feel that he doesn't
have a reason to live anymore,
425
00:38:50,520 --> 00:38:54,520
and then that means that he would be
coming for me also.
426
00:38:56,760 --> 00:38:58,760
I did obtain security cameras.
427
00:38:58,840 --> 00:39:00,760
I have cameras around my house
428
00:39:00,840 --> 00:39:04,840
to make sure
that he is not stalking me again
429
00:39:04,920 --> 00:39:08,440
or trying to tamper with my vehicle.
430
00:39:10,720 --> 00:39:12,440
He gets one chance.
431
00:39:13,640 --> 00:39:18,720
If he steps out of line one more time,
he'll end up going back to jail.
432
00:39:20,080 --> 00:39:21,160
That'll be that.
433
00:39:35,440 --> 00:39:39,880
[plaintive piano music playing]
434
00:39:54,400 --> 00:39:56,400
[birdsong]
435
00:39:59,320 --> 00:40:02,840
[Anderson] You know, a lot of people like
to say that people don't really change.
436
00:40:06,120 --> 00:40:09,680
But if you're a person that's went
through some traumatic events,
437
00:40:09,760 --> 00:40:12,120
those shouldn't determine
who you are forever.
438
00:40:14,560 --> 00:40:16,760
I'm not the same person that I used to be.
439
00:40:20,240 --> 00:40:22,120
I just... I'm ready to see my family.
440
00:40:41,360 --> 00:40:44,920
[Anderson] It's been two weeks since
I've been released and, honestly,
441
00:40:45,000 --> 00:40:47,120
I don't have a solid plan yet.
442
00:40:47,960 --> 00:40:49,560
Uh, I'm still working on that.
443
00:40:50,600 --> 00:40:52,360
My biggest plan is, right now...
444
00:40:52,440 --> 00:40:55,720
is just to get back
into bein' a part of my son's life.
445
00:41:12,560 --> 00:41:15,240
[Anderson] I'm ecstatic to be able
to spend time with my son.
446
00:41:15,760 --> 00:41:17,520
He's five years old.
447
00:41:17,600 --> 00:41:19,680
He's, um... he's full of spit and vinegar.
448
00:41:19,760 --> 00:41:23,600
It's just... it's heartwarming,
you know, to see my son again.
449
00:41:23,680 --> 00:41:26,720
It gives me... gives me
somethin' to look forward to.
450
00:41:29,600 --> 00:41:31,720
With that being said,
on the days I don't see him,
451
00:41:31,800 --> 00:41:33,960
I get sad because I don't have him.
452
00:41:35,200 --> 00:41:38,000
Before all this started,
we were all one family.
453
00:41:38,080 --> 00:41:40,400
I had my son in the house
with me all the time.
454
00:41:41,120 --> 00:41:43,600
And now, here I am, a few years later,
455
00:41:44,560 --> 00:41:47,160
and I just get to see my son
a couple times a week.
456
00:41:48,920 --> 00:41:52,480
I wanna make sure that Rachel and I
are there raisin' him together.
457
00:41:55,400 --> 00:41:57,760
I don't think it's far-fetched that,
at some point,
458
00:41:57,840 --> 00:42:02,040
I would like to have my family back
together all in one household again,
459
00:42:02,120 --> 00:42:03,120
as a family.
460
00:42:03,560 --> 00:42:07,680
It's just, I think that it'll take
proof of action on my part
461
00:42:07,760 --> 00:42:10,840
to show that people can
grow and change throughout their life.
462
00:42:26,360 --> 00:42:28,000
[birdsong]
463
00:42:42,200 --> 00:42:46,760
[Rachel] Having John out of prison
is definitely... different.
464
00:42:47,880 --> 00:42:50,800
It's been a little over 90 days now,
I think.
465
00:42:55,800 --> 00:42:59,600
I know that John wants us
to be a family again...
466
00:43:01,640 --> 00:43:04,040
but you can't go back to the past.
467
00:43:05,200 --> 00:43:09,120
There's just too much scars
and everything's broken.
468
00:43:14,000 --> 00:43:20,160
Hopefully, John can stay sober
and stay wanting to better his life.
469
00:43:24,040 --> 00:43:26,840
And if John is willing
to step up to the plate,
470
00:43:26,920 --> 00:43:29,760
then he can be a father to Jax.
471
00:43:31,120 --> 00:43:36,360
I hope that me and him can become friends
for our son's sake,
472
00:43:36,440 --> 00:43:38,920
because every child needs their father.
473
00:43:40,760 --> 00:43:44,760
But he will have to change a lot
about himself
474
00:43:44,840 --> 00:43:47,880
and his addictions in order to do so.
475
00:43:50,520 --> 00:43:51,760
Only time will tell.
476
00:44:05,640 --> 00:44:11,600
[somber string music playing]