1 00:00:03,517 --> 00:00:05,353 (door opens) 2 00:00:08,661 --> 00:00:11,032 (footsteps approaching) 3 00:00:17,144 --> 00:00:19,181 (chains jingling) 4 00:00:36,015 --> 00:00:37,451 Hello. 5 00:00:39,222 --> 00:00:42,562 I'm Alan Strauss. 6 00:00:43,396 --> 00:00:45,233 Dr. Strauss. 7 00:00:46,402 --> 00:00:49,709 -Y-You're...? -Candace. 8 00:00:49,809 --> 00:00:51,580 Sorry. 9 00:00:54,252 --> 00:00:55,688 I'm Sam's mother. 10 00:00:57,358 --> 00:00:58,393 Oh. 11 00:01:00,197 --> 00:01:03,236 Is this... your house? 12 00:01:04,405 --> 00:01:07,746 Sam moved back in with me when he split up with Mary. 13 00:01:07,846 --> 00:01:11,152 -Ah, I see. -Did he... 14 00:01:12,923 --> 00:01:14,593 You know about Mary, don't you? 15 00:01:14,693 --> 00:01:17,431 I'm sorry, I can't really discuss that. 16 00:01:17,532 --> 00:01:19,101 Of course. Yes. 17 00:01:19,201 --> 00:01:23,110 So, you know who I am? 18 00:01:23,243 --> 00:01:25,614 Of course I do. 19 00:01:25,715 --> 00:01:27,518 I loved your book. 20 00:01:28,754 --> 00:01:30,391 When his father left, 21 00:01:30,457 --> 00:01:32,628 I started reading all these books. 22 00:01:32,762 --> 00:01:35,167 You know, self-help. 23 00:01:35,267 --> 00:01:38,440 The Cactus and the Mirage was one of my favorites. 24 00:01:38,541 --> 00:01:42,315 I had Sam read it, too, but it didn't really help him, 25 00:01:42,415 --> 00:01:44,218 so I... 26 00:01:44,285 --> 00:01:46,356 told him he should try real therapy. 27 00:01:46,456 --> 00:01:48,327 This isn't trying real therapy. 28 00:01:48,460 --> 00:01:49,663 Of course. 29 00:01:49,763 --> 00:01:52,067 I know how terrible this is. 30 00:01:52,134 --> 00:01:54,773 -Believe me, I know. -(chains jingling) 31 00:01:58,113 --> 00:01:59,682 Unlock me. 32 00:01:59,816 --> 00:02:01,486 I don't have a key. 33 00:02:01,620 --> 00:02:03,591 (sighs) Well... 34 00:02:03,658 --> 00:02:05,829 call the police. Then we can help Sam. 35 00:02:05,929 --> 00:02:07,464 CANDACE: Please understand. 36 00:02:07,599 --> 00:02:11,206 I don't support him in this at all. 37 00:02:11,306 --> 00:02:13,811 I'm not... like him. 38 00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:18,086 But I can't turn in my own son. 39 00:02:18,152 --> 00:02:20,157 You're his mother. Can't you tell him to stop this? 40 00:02:20,290 --> 00:02:22,596 He's trying to stop. I know it's-it's... 41 00:02:22,696 --> 00:02:25,266 Candace, please. 42 00:02:25,333 --> 00:02:28,507 I have kids. A son and a daughter. 43 00:02:28,641 --> 00:02:31,513 They need me, just like he needs you. 44 00:02:33,250 --> 00:02:34,819 I know this isn't right. 45 00:02:36,355 --> 00:02:38,060 But you have to help him. 46 00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:40,330 He's my baby. 47 00:02:42,468 --> 00:02:44,271 ♪ 48 00:02:57,799 --> 00:03:00,203 (truck approaching) 49 00:03:03,443 --> 00:03:06,550 (truck door opens, closes) 50 00:03:07,919 --> 00:03:10,223 (footsteps crunching in gravel) 51 00:03:19,676 --> 00:03:21,179 You ever had pho? 52 00:03:21,279 --> 00:03:23,851 -Yes. -Not like this, you haven't. 53 00:03:29,796 --> 00:03:31,198 (Sam exhales) 54 00:03:31,298 --> 00:03:32,400 (door opens) 55 00:03:34,204 --> 00:03:36,743 (liquid pouring) 56 00:03:36,877 --> 00:03:40,885 (water runs, stops) 57 00:03:47,733 --> 00:03:49,335 I'm gonna get bowls. 58 00:03:49,401 --> 00:03:51,640 Sam, hold on a second. 59 00:03:51,740 --> 00:03:53,744 When you were gone, 60 00:03:53,844 --> 00:03:56,884 I heard someone moving around upstairs, 61 00:03:56,984 --> 00:03:58,788 and I called up to them 62 00:03:58,921 --> 00:04:01,359 and asked them to come down. 63 00:04:01,426 --> 00:04:02,762 Did they come down? 64 00:04:04,933 --> 00:04:07,337 -So you met my mother. -Yes. 65 00:04:07,437 --> 00:04:11,514 I was a little surprised. Y-You said she was dead. 66 00:04:11,614 --> 00:04:14,520 Yeah, my parents aren't dead. 67 00:04:14,620 --> 00:04:16,456 I-I lied about that, too. 68 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:18,861 Sorry. 69 00:04:20,765 --> 00:04:22,635 One of the reasons that I didn't want 70 00:04:22,769 --> 00:04:24,540 to go into therapy 71 00:04:24,606 --> 00:04:26,442 was because I know it's all 72 00:04:26,543 --> 00:04:29,415 "mothers, mothers, mothers." My mother is not my problem. 73 00:04:29,516 --> 00:04:31,853 Let me get the bowls. 74 00:04:31,953 --> 00:04:34,726 (footsteps ascending stairs) 75 00:04:34,826 --> 00:04:37,765 (exhales shakily) 76 00:04:47,785 --> 00:04:49,856 I'm going to 77 00:04:49,990 --> 00:04:52,427 need you to take off this chain. 78 00:04:53,797 --> 00:04:56,202 There's no way to do this work effectively 79 00:04:56,302 --> 00:04:57,805 with the therapist tied up. 80 00:04:57,939 --> 00:05:00,210 The chain's on your leg, not on your mouth. 81 00:05:00,310 --> 00:05:03,417 Sam, I present no physical threat to you. 82 00:05:03,483 --> 00:05:06,288 You're young and strong, 83 00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:09,496 and I-I... I sit in a chair all day. 84 00:05:09,629 --> 00:05:13,436 What do you imagine would happen if I attacked you? 85 00:05:15,774 --> 00:05:16,910 (sighs) 86 00:05:17,010 --> 00:05:19,782 I... I pictured this with you chained to the floor. 87 00:05:19,849 --> 00:05:22,454 I understand, and I am asking you 88 00:05:22,522 --> 00:05:24,057 to adjust that 89 00:05:24,191 --> 00:05:27,464 so I can help you more effectively. 90 00:05:27,565 --> 00:05:32,274 Sam, there is no way that this is going to work 91 00:05:32,341 --> 00:05:34,411 unless you take off this chain. 92 00:05:38,219 --> 00:05:40,423 She usually doesn't come down here. 93 00:05:45,701 --> 00:05:47,705 -(grunting) -(gurgling) 94 00:05:51,880 --> 00:05:53,349 (sighs) 95 00:05:53,450 --> 00:05:57,257 Before, when we were in my office... 96 00:05:57,357 --> 00:06:00,363 you told me that your mother took care of you 97 00:06:00,463 --> 00:06:02,067 when your father was being violent. 98 00:06:02,167 --> 00:06:03,603 "Mothers, mothers, mothers." 99 00:06:03,704 --> 00:06:06,943 It's just one part of things, Sam, but we can't ignore it. 100 00:06:09,215 --> 00:06:12,387 Your mother told me that he left. 101 00:06:13,356 --> 00:06:16,395 Can you tell me about that? 102 00:06:16,529 --> 00:06:17,899 He left us. 103 00:06:17,999 --> 00:06:19,969 How old were you? 104 00:06:21,706 --> 00:06:22,575 Fourteen. 105 00:06:23,376 --> 00:06:25,547 And what do you remember about that? 106 00:06:28,787 --> 00:06:30,725 He left us. 107 00:06:30,825 --> 00:06:33,296 So, he didn't hit me anymore. 108 00:06:33,396 --> 00:06:35,834 Did you see him after that? 109 00:06:39,408 --> 00:06:41,513 This is the house you grew up in? 110 00:06:42,516 --> 00:06:45,053 (clears throat) Yup. 111 00:06:46,523 --> 00:06:50,597 Do you have memories, um, like... 112 00:06:52,067 --> 00:06:55,507 Did he hurt you in this room? 113 00:06:57,044 --> 00:06:58,781 If I was in this room... 114 00:06:58,915 --> 00:07:01,586 -(bowl thuds) -it was in this room. 115 00:07:02,989 --> 00:07:05,561 And you'd be here and... 116 00:07:05,661 --> 00:07:07,999 And he'd say something 117 00:07:08,099 --> 00:07:11,540 that I was supposed to do, and if I didn't do it 118 00:07:11,607 --> 00:07:13,577 within one second... 119 00:07:14,545 --> 00:07:17,117 I didn't know what he meant sometimes. I-- He was... 120 00:07:17,217 --> 00:07:19,689 (scoffs) I needed time to think, 121 00:07:19,789 --> 00:07:21,091 but... 122 00:07:22,896 --> 00:07:24,364 Like, one time, 123 00:07:24,464 --> 00:07:25,801 he got a whole load of grout 124 00:07:25,902 --> 00:07:28,473 for the kitchen and the bathroom, and... 125 00:07:28,574 --> 00:07:30,811 he got a deal, right, 126 00:07:30,945 --> 00:07:34,485 so he ordered a ton of it, and it came in these boxes. 127 00:07:34,586 --> 00:07:37,759 And he was yelling at me, "Break 'em down." 128 00:07:37,825 --> 00:07:40,631 Screaming. "Break 'em down." 129 00:07:40,764 --> 00:07:43,303 I didn't know what he meant 130 00:07:43,403 --> 00:07:45,440 because I'd never heard that before 131 00:07:45,541 --> 00:07:48,981 'cause he... he wasn't pointing at the boxes. 132 00:07:49,081 --> 00:07:51,452 (inhales sharply, exhales) 133 00:07:51,553 --> 00:07:55,494 Then he just, he just went at me, 134 00:07:55,594 --> 00:07:58,099 like he did. 135 00:08:03,175 --> 00:08:05,681 You said your mom got it, too. 136 00:08:06,216 --> 00:08:09,221 She's a good mother. 137 00:08:09,355 --> 00:08:12,027 She made me sandwiches every day. 138 00:08:12,127 --> 00:08:13,830 She did the laundry. 139 00:08:17,605 --> 00:08:21,145 It's a terrible situation for a mother and a son. 140 00:08:28,995 --> 00:08:31,667 ♪ 141 00:08:31,767 --> 00:08:34,939 (Alan breathing deeply) 142 00:08:43,557 --> 00:08:45,595 RABBI: Everyone, please. Everyone, please. 143 00:08:45,695 --> 00:08:48,033 -(overlapping chatter) -RABBI: People! 144 00:08:48,166 --> 00:08:51,072 People. People! 145 00:08:51,205 --> 00:08:52,942 I have something to say. 146 00:08:53,043 --> 00:08:57,050 People, people. I have something to say. 147 00:08:57,150 --> 00:08:59,523 -(chatter quiets) -RABBI: I understand that 148 00:08:59,623 --> 00:09:02,194 the mother of the chatan has some 149 00:09:02,261 --> 00:09:03,964 words she'd like to share 150 00:09:04,064 --> 00:09:06,168 with the new couple. 151 00:09:09,007 --> 00:09:13,048 (murmuring) 152 00:09:18,694 --> 00:09:20,732 We don't have women sing. 153 00:09:20,832 --> 00:09:23,737 Rabbi, it's my son's wedding. 154 00:09:33,289 --> 00:09:37,698 BETH: Hi. I'm Ezra's mom. 155 00:09:38,667 --> 00:09:41,005 -(overlapping chatter) -Where are you going? 156 00:09:41,105 --> 00:09:43,777 BETH: I'm also the cantor at Temple Sinai. 157 00:09:43,910 --> 00:09:46,617 (murmuring continues) 158 00:09:46,717 --> 00:09:49,121 (Beth clears throat) 159 00:09:49,221 --> 00:09:51,693 (strums guitar) 160 00:09:55,032 --> 00:09:57,103 (sighs) 161 00:09:58,774 --> 00:10:00,944 (thunder rumbles) 162 00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:10,764 Talk to me, Sam. 163 00:10:12,602 --> 00:10:14,471 I know you're struggling with your feelings 164 00:10:14,573 --> 00:10:16,743 about the manager at the restaurant. 165 00:10:18,647 --> 00:10:22,020 Is there anything else you can tell me about it? 166 00:10:22,154 --> 00:10:24,124 (thunder rumbling) 167 00:10:25,628 --> 00:10:26,797 Uh... 168 00:10:26,897 --> 00:10:28,967 You should help me. 169 00:10:39,054 --> 00:10:41,793 Hmm... 170 00:10:45,768 --> 00:10:47,772 I have a thought for us. 171 00:10:47,838 --> 00:10:50,510 -Mm-hmm. -You know, 172 00:10:50,611 --> 00:10:53,517 your mother is an impressive woman, 173 00:10:53,617 --> 00:10:56,188 and she would clearly do anything 174 00:10:56,321 --> 00:10:58,125 to help you feel better, 175 00:10:58,192 --> 00:11:00,765 help you live the life that you want to live, 176 00:11:00,832 --> 00:11:03,837 and I think that she can help us now. 177 00:11:04,806 --> 00:11:08,146 We are all part of family systems. 178 00:11:08,213 --> 00:11:10,216 You, me, everyone. 179 00:11:10,349 --> 00:11:13,122 Changes to those systems 180 00:11:13,189 --> 00:11:15,026 can have a profound effect on us, 181 00:11:15,126 --> 00:11:17,698 even at your age. 182 00:11:17,799 --> 00:11:18,968 And I was thinking 183 00:11:19,034 --> 00:11:21,572 that it might be beneficial 184 00:11:21,673 --> 00:11:24,311 if we were to do some family therapy work 185 00:11:24,411 --> 00:11:25,847 with you and your mother. 186 00:11:29,088 --> 00:11:29,956 Mm. 187 00:11:30,056 --> 00:11:31,826 She's been through enough. 188 00:11:33,864 --> 00:11:36,804 She doesn't need to be dragged into what we're doing here. 189 00:11:36,870 --> 00:11:38,607 I think that's kind of you, 190 00:11:38,707 --> 00:11:40,945 and I can see why you'd want to protect her. 191 00:11:41,045 --> 00:11:42,280 But I don't think you need 192 00:11:42,380 --> 00:11:45,687 to worry about her feeling dragged into this. 193 00:11:45,787 --> 00:11:49,127 I think she might find it helpful, too. 194 00:11:51,700 --> 00:11:53,068 Sam. 195 00:11:54,839 --> 00:11:57,411 You don't have to take this next step alone. 196 00:11:57,512 --> 00:12:01,987 There is someone who wants to be there with you. 197 00:12:02,087 --> 00:12:06,228 She doesn't want you struggling with this by yourself. 198 00:12:18,252 --> 00:12:20,222 (birds chirping) 199 00:12:30,243 --> 00:12:33,249 He was always a very physical man, 200 00:12:33,382 --> 00:12:37,224 and it was always a very intense relationship. 201 00:12:37,324 --> 00:12:40,731 -I think Sam and I... -SAM: He was an asshole. 202 00:12:40,831 --> 00:12:42,735 It's pretty simple. 203 00:12:42,869 --> 00:12:45,907 He was a terrible father, and Sam and I... 204 00:12:46,041 --> 00:12:47,511 Worse than terrible. 205 00:12:47,612 --> 00:12:49,916 Let's try to slow down a little bit. 206 00:12:50,049 --> 00:12:53,924 In this space, let everybody finish what they're saying. 207 00:12:54,058 --> 00:12:56,863 When we go more slowly, 208 00:12:56,930 --> 00:13:00,102 usually, everyone thinks a little more clearly, 209 00:13:00,202 --> 00:13:03,009 and sometimes, when we wait, 210 00:13:03,109 --> 00:13:06,281 people don't say what we think they are going to. 211 00:13:09,254 --> 00:13:13,195 Sam and I took refuge in each other. 212 00:13:13,262 --> 00:13:16,102 I learned that from one of the books I read. 213 00:13:16,235 --> 00:13:18,072 Not yours. 214 00:13:18,139 --> 00:13:19,942 Hmm. 215 00:13:21,312 --> 00:13:23,415 That it was a refuge. 216 00:13:23,482 --> 00:13:25,119 You were in this together. 217 00:13:25,253 --> 00:13:27,324 Mm-hmm. 218 00:13:27,424 --> 00:13:29,428 ALAN: You still are. 219 00:13:29,496 --> 00:13:33,903 You are bonded to each other. 220 00:13:33,970 --> 00:13:36,141 It's very moving. 221 00:13:38,379 --> 00:13:41,085 -Sam. -Yup. 222 00:13:41,151 --> 00:13:43,389 You love your mother, 223 00:13:43,489 --> 00:13:46,929 and I think that can give us a way to help you. 224 00:13:48,934 --> 00:13:51,405 I want you to think in a new way of how 225 00:13:51,471 --> 00:13:54,512 you can protect your mother. 226 00:13:54,612 --> 00:13:58,318 As you struggle with this impulse 227 00:13:58,419 --> 00:14:01,593 to become violent, 228 00:14:01,693 --> 00:14:03,731 I want you to protect your mother 229 00:14:03,831 --> 00:14:06,468 by not acting on that impulse. 230 00:14:07,470 --> 00:14:11,178 So that she can be free from this source of pain. 231 00:14:11,278 --> 00:14:13,349 So... 232 00:14:13,449 --> 00:14:15,420 you think to yourself, 233 00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:18,159 "I will not do this, 234 00:14:18,259 --> 00:14:20,964 so that I can protect my mother." 235 00:14:26,910 --> 00:14:28,479 (sniffles) 236 00:14:40,103 --> 00:14:42,340 (Alan clears throat) 237 00:14:48,553 --> 00:14:51,492 Will you do that for me, Sam? 238 00:15:06,389 --> 00:15:08,359 (truck approaching) 239 00:15:08,426 --> 00:15:10,396 (sighs) Okay. 240 00:15:12,334 --> 00:15:14,304 (chains jingling) 241 00:15:17,210 --> 00:15:18,981 (truck door opens, closes) 242 00:15:19,081 --> 00:15:21,719 -(metallic creak) -(footsteps approaching) 243 00:15:27,431 --> 00:15:29,067 (door slides closed) 244 00:15:30,036 --> 00:15:32,406 (Sam sighs) 245 00:15:56,455 --> 00:15:58,425 SAM: Pastitsio. 246 00:16:01,465 --> 00:16:03,402 That guy at the-- 247 00:16:03,503 --> 00:16:06,074 this restaurant where I did the inspection. 248 00:16:07,578 --> 00:16:09,582 I went back there tonight. 249 00:16:22,942 --> 00:16:24,078 Mmm. 250 00:16:24,144 --> 00:16:26,949 I figured I'd be okay, 251 00:16:27,049 --> 00:16:28,118 maybe, 252 00:16:28,218 --> 00:16:30,624 you know, with you here. 253 00:16:30,691 --> 00:16:33,295 I was just looking at him. 254 00:16:35,466 --> 00:16:37,070 How did that feel? 255 00:16:37,137 --> 00:16:39,308 I got my food. 256 00:16:39,408 --> 00:16:40,944 There he was. 257 00:16:41,044 --> 00:16:44,619 Mm, I sat in my car across the street, 258 00:16:44,686 --> 00:16:47,490 and I did the whole thing 259 00:16:47,625 --> 00:16:51,431 in my head, every second. 260 00:16:53,169 --> 00:16:55,306 You said with me here. 261 00:16:55,406 --> 00:16:57,511 Was this a test for yourself? 262 00:16:59,014 --> 00:17:00,182 Yeah, I guess so. 263 00:17:03,122 --> 00:17:04,457 Seems like you did well. 264 00:17:06,328 --> 00:17:09,467 I-I want to show him... 265 00:17:10,504 --> 00:17:13,810 I-I want to teach him how to behave 266 00:17:13,877 --> 00:17:16,348 to other people in the world. I... 267 00:17:17,551 --> 00:17:19,454 I still want to do it. 268 00:17:25,533 --> 00:17:27,638 (mutters): Okay. 269 00:17:30,342 --> 00:17:34,217 Mmm. Mmm. 270 00:17:35,386 --> 00:17:36,221 Thanks. 271 00:17:38,693 --> 00:17:42,166 Was it like that with the other ones who you... 272 00:17:44,672 --> 00:17:46,208 Did they do something 273 00:17:46,308 --> 00:17:49,314 that made you want to teach them a lesson? 274 00:17:49,381 --> 00:17:52,053 Yes. 275 00:17:52,153 --> 00:17:54,726 They were all-- I... 276 00:17:54,826 --> 00:17:56,696 Every one of them deserved it. 277 00:18:06,181 --> 00:18:07,952 (birds chirping) 278 00:18:08,052 --> 00:18:10,422 ♪ 279 00:18:26,623 --> 00:18:29,193 (creaking overhead) 280 00:18:33,068 --> 00:18:35,406 Candace? 281 00:18:35,540 --> 00:18:37,711 (footsteps) 282 00:18:42,353 --> 00:18:45,392 Candace, we need to talk. 283 00:18:59,488 --> 00:19:01,692 ♪ 284 00:19:12,247 --> 00:19:14,719 (guitar playing) 285 00:19:14,819 --> 00:19:18,091 (Beth singing in Hebrew) 286 00:19:18,192 --> 00:19:19,762 (others murmuring) 287 00:19:19,862 --> 00:19:22,233 (continues singing in Hebrew) 288 00:19:28,145 --> 00:19:30,884 (Beth continues singing in Hebrew) 289 00:19:41,137 --> 00:19:44,243 (continues singing in Hebrew) 290 00:19:50,123 --> 00:19:52,761 ♪ 291 00:20:03,148 --> 00:20:05,486 (Beth continues singing in Hebrew) 292 00:20:21,084 --> 00:20:23,556 (Beth continues singing in Hebrew) 293 00:20:24,291 --> 00:20:26,061 (song ends) 294 00:20:26,128 --> 00:20:27,798 (sighs) 295 00:20:36,716 --> 00:20:38,719 (truck approaching) 296 00:20:41,826 --> 00:20:44,197 (truck door opens, closes) 297 00:20:44,297 --> 00:20:46,301 (thudding overhead) 298 00:20:56,623 --> 00:20:58,693 (grunting) 299 00:21:03,168 --> 00:21:04,672 -(gasps) -(chains jingling) 300 00:21:04,772 --> 00:21:06,776 (grunting) 301 00:21:06,876 --> 00:21:09,380 MAN: No. No. No. No. 302 00:21:09,481 --> 00:21:11,685 Stop. (whimpering) 303 00:21:16,161 --> 00:21:18,566 (duct tape stretching, ripping) 304 00:21:26,715 --> 00:21:28,719 (keys jingle) 305 00:21:39,341 --> 00:21:41,478 (door opens, slams closed) 306 00:21:41,579 --> 00:21:43,749 ♪ 307 00:23:29,962 --> 00:23:32,132 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH