1
00:00:06,049 --> 00:00:08,009
[rock riff plays]

2
00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:12,263
So, we're just hanging out
like it's any normal day?

3
00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:15,224
No one's got anything to say
about the hat?

4
00:00:16,059 --> 00:00:18,436
[all hesitating]

5
00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:22,273
Usually, in situations like this,
Ozzie says the thing we're all thinking.

6
00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:26,611
And then we go,
"No, we weren't thinking that."

7
00:00:27,236 --> 00:00:30,239
Well, I think I look cute, like Blossom.
Right, Jay?

8
00:00:31,699 --> 00:00:33,242
Uh…

9
00:00:34,202 --> 00:00:35,119
Where's Ozzie?

10
00:00:35,870 --> 00:00:37,705
We haven't seen him
since Etienne stood him up.

11
00:00:37,789 --> 00:00:39,248
Oh, he must be heartbroken.

12
00:00:39,332 --> 00:00:40,917
-Poor guy.
-Can you even imagine?

13
00:00:41,876 --> 00:00:44,212
["Un-Break My Heart"
by Toni Braxton playing]

14
00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:49,967
♪ Un-break my heart ♪

15
00:00:50,051 --> 00:00:54,305
♪ Say you'll love me again ♪

16
00:00:54,388 --> 00:01:00,394
♪ Undo this hurt you caused
When you walked out the door ♪

17
00:01:00,478 --> 00:01:02,688
♪ And walked out of my life ♪

18
00:01:03,314 --> 00:01:07,360
♪ Un-cry these tears ♪

19
00:01:07,443 --> 00:01:11,739
♪ I cried so many nights ♪

20
00:01:11,823 --> 00:01:17,954
♪ Un-break my heart ♪

21
00:01:18,037 --> 00:01:21,541
♪ My heart ♪

22
00:01:24,127 --> 00:01:25,545
[song fades out]

23
00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:31,467
What's going on? Is there a gas leak?

24
00:01:32,051 --> 00:01:33,386
Ozzie, you're okay!

25
00:01:33,469 --> 00:01:35,596
I was until I saw your denim dick hat.

26
00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:39,016
-No.
-We weren't thinking that!

27
00:01:39,100 --> 00:01:39,976
What hat?

28
00:01:40,059 --> 00:01:42,103
[theme music playing]

29
00:01:42,186 --> 00:01:44,063
♪ Hanging out down the street ♪

30
00:01:44,147 --> 00:01:46,107
♪ The same old thing we did last week ♪

31
00:01:46,190 --> 00:01:48,359
♪ Not a thing to do ♪

32
00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:50,444
♪ But talk to you ♪

33
00:01:50,528 --> 00:01:52,864
♪ We're all all right
We're all all right ♪

34
00:01:53,573 --> 00:01:55,491
Hello, Wisconsin!

35
00:01:56,075 --> 00:01:58,494
Ozzie, we missed you.
How are you holding up?

36
00:01:58,578 --> 00:02:01,747
It was pretty bad at first,
but I wasn't about to sit around

37
00:02:01,831 --> 00:02:04,709
and be a mopey loser
like these two were after their breakup.

38
00:02:04,792 --> 00:02:06,169
Come on, I wasn't that bad.

39
00:02:06,252 --> 00:02:09,672
Nobody called animal control
because of the sounds I made when I cry.

40
00:02:10,965 --> 00:02:14,343
Yeah, and I started writing
all those letters to Mr. Bean

41
00:02:14,427 --> 00:02:15,636
for other reasons.

42
00:02:17,346 --> 00:02:20,808
Tonight's all about moving on.
We're going to a field party, people.

43
00:02:20,892 --> 00:02:22,685
[chuckles] Hell yeah!

44
00:02:22,768 --> 00:02:24,228
Cole's away, which is good

45
00:02:24,312 --> 00:02:26,689
because he's not ready to meet
field-party Gwen.

46
00:02:26,772 --> 00:02:28,649
She drinks a lot, she hates clothes,

47
00:02:28,733 --> 00:02:31,819
and one time,
she tried to start her own government.

48
00:02:32,612 --> 00:02:34,447
We gotta load up on supplies.

49
00:02:34,530 --> 00:02:38,993
Cheap beer, cheaper beer…
and if that runs out, I failed you.

50
00:02:41,537 --> 00:02:42,371
Ooh.

51
00:02:42,455 --> 00:02:44,999
By the way, Leia,
you are gonna love this party.

52
00:02:45,082 --> 00:02:48,920
I mean, the two of us cuddling
near the campfire under the stars?

53
00:02:49,629 --> 00:02:52,381
I have a feeling this is gonna be
a night we'll never forget.

54
00:02:54,967 --> 00:02:58,179
A night we'll never forget?
What do you think that means?

55
00:02:58,679 --> 00:02:59,764
[gasps] He's gonna propose!

56
00:03:00,723 --> 00:03:02,934
No, that's crazy.
[laughs] He got me a puppy.

57
00:03:03,017 --> 00:03:05,144
[gasps] A puppy with a ring on its tail.

58
00:03:05,228 --> 00:03:08,189
Or… he's gonna tell you he has herpes.

59
00:03:08,981 --> 00:03:11,609
Either way, it's a big next step
in our relationship.

60
00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:13,861
[rock music playing]

61
00:03:16,948 --> 00:03:20,117
Thanks for agreeing
to teach Leia how to drive.

62
00:03:20,201 --> 00:03:22,954
You know,
it just makes me feel so nostalgic.

63
00:03:23,037 --> 00:03:26,332
Wasn't it just yesterday
she was a baby with a tiny tushy

64
00:03:26,415 --> 00:03:28,626
that I used to pinch and pinch?

65
00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:30,169
[laughs]

66
00:03:30,962 --> 00:03:32,964
Until Donna had a talk with me.

67
00:03:33,506 --> 00:03:35,591
Are you sure Red's okay with this?

68
00:03:35,675 --> 00:03:38,094
Yes, he is because he doesn't know.

69
00:03:38,177 --> 00:03:42,431
Now, here. I mapped out
the safest route for you to take.

70
00:03:42,515 --> 00:03:44,016
There's not a billboard in sight.

71
00:03:44,100 --> 00:03:47,478
Leia likes to read every single one.
It's so annoying.

72
00:03:50,064 --> 00:03:51,065
Bob?

73
00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:57,446
We agreed to one meal a day,
and you already blew that on breakfast.

74
00:03:58,155 --> 00:04:01,325
-Bob is just here admiring my chili.
-[Red] Hm.

75
00:04:01,409 --> 00:04:04,328
Kitty asked me
to take Leia for driving lessons.

76
00:04:04,870 --> 00:04:05,871
Bob.

77
00:04:06,664 --> 00:04:09,750
I know, but he looks so funny
when he's mad.

78
00:04:09,834 --> 00:04:10,918
[laughs]

79
00:04:11,002 --> 00:04:15,131
Kitty, you're putting Leia's life
in his hands?

80
00:04:15,214 --> 00:04:17,174
He got trapped in his own lawn chair.

81
00:04:17,258 --> 00:04:19,635
I was trying
to get a pebble out of my sandal,

82
00:04:19,719 --> 00:04:21,846
and then all hell broke loose.

83
00:04:22,346 --> 00:04:26,726
Red, I know you wanted to teach her,
but you are kind of an angry driver.

84
00:04:26,809 --> 00:04:31,272
Last week, you threw a cup of coffee
at that funeral procession.

85
00:04:31,355 --> 00:04:33,316
The roads are for the living.

86
00:04:33,899 --> 00:04:35,276
All right, look.

87
00:04:35,359 --> 00:04:37,820
I'm her grandpa, this is my job.

88
00:04:37,903 --> 00:04:40,823
I'm her grandpa too! Midge swore to me.

89
00:04:42,199 --> 00:04:44,785
So get used to it, Red. I'm teaching her.

90
00:04:44,869 --> 00:04:45,870
The hell you are.

91
00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:47,955
Okay, let's… Let's calm down.

92
00:04:48,039 --> 00:04:51,584
I just think
that everybody is a little hungry.

93
00:04:53,502 --> 00:04:55,129
[rock music plays]

94
00:04:59,008 --> 00:05:01,260
Please lower your expectations about Jay.

95
00:05:01,344 --> 00:05:02,178
I am.

96
00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:04,638
What if he carves
our initials into a tree,

97
00:05:04,722 --> 00:05:07,016
and then every year
we come back to visit the spot,

98
00:05:07,099 --> 00:05:09,226
until one year we find
the tree has been cut down?

99
00:05:09,310 --> 00:05:10,853
Decades pass, we're in a lumberyard.

100
00:05:10,936 --> 00:05:13,230
We find a piece of wood
with the carving on it.

101
00:05:13,314 --> 00:05:15,858
Jay buys it
and turns it into a cutting board,

102
00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:18,277
and then we use it to make a salad.

103
00:05:19,528 --> 00:05:23,532
Okay, Leia, let's remember
Jay comes from a long line of Kelsos.

104
00:05:23,616 --> 00:05:27,161
I heard there was one on the Mayflower,
and the whole boat showed up pregnant.

105
00:05:27,244 --> 00:05:29,330
I know, but he's different with me.

106
00:05:29,413 --> 00:05:30,706
I've de-Kelso'd him.

107
00:05:30,790 --> 00:05:33,834
Now, he walks right by
the Susan B. Anthony statue in the library

108
00:05:33,918 --> 00:05:35,378
without honking her boobs.

109
00:05:36,295 --> 00:05:37,588
[rock riff plays]

110
00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:40,758
Let's go, kiddo! Time for driving lessons.

111
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:42,885
This is really bad timing.
Gwen and I are going--

112
00:05:42,968 --> 00:05:45,304
Hey! You're trying to make off
with my granddaughter

113
00:05:45,388 --> 00:05:46,722
while I'm taking a sauna?

114
00:05:46,806 --> 00:05:49,141
It's not a sauna, Bob.

115
00:05:49,225 --> 00:05:52,019
You just put
a space heater in your closet.

116
00:05:52,978 --> 00:05:53,938
Kitty!

117
00:05:54,814 --> 00:05:56,315
He's stealing Leia!

118
00:05:57,066 --> 00:05:59,693
Now? It's happening now?
Oh! I've got the chills.

119
00:05:59,777 --> 00:06:02,405
I haven't felt this way
since potty training.

120
00:06:02,488 --> 00:06:03,906
I'm gonna get my camera.

121
00:06:04,824 --> 00:06:06,867
Can't this happen
literally any other time?

122
00:06:06,951 --> 00:06:08,244
Can it, Gwen!

123
00:06:08,327 --> 00:06:09,620
Leia, car.

124
00:06:10,955 --> 00:06:13,165
Tell Jay I'll get there as soon as I can,

125
00:06:13,249 --> 00:06:15,584
and that my heart is open
and ready to receive him.

126
00:06:15,668 --> 00:06:17,711
Mm... I'm not saying that.

127
00:06:19,338 --> 00:06:20,798
If you're going, I'm going.

128
00:06:26,595 --> 00:06:28,764
How long were you in that sauna?

129
00:06:28,848 --> 00:06:31,225
Your arm feels like a wet dog.

130
00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:33,602
I get that a lot.

131
00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:40,693
I am just gonna sit back here quietly.
You won't even know I'm here.

132
00:06:40,776 --> 00:06:41,944
Okay, start her up.

133
00:06:42,653 --> 00:06:44,280
-[engine starts]
-[Kitty] Cheese!

134
00:06:44,363 --> 00:06:45,698
-[camera clicks]
-Grandma!

135
00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:49,243
Just making sure the camera works.

136
00:06:49,326 --> 00:06:50,995
[rock music plays]

137
00:06:54,457 --> 00:06:56,750
All right. There's gonna be
a lot of drinking tonight.

138
00:06:57,334 --> 00:07:01,297
So let's be safe and responsible
and make smart decisions.

139
00:07:03,507 --> 00:07:04,508
[distant keys jangle]

140
00:07:04,592 --> 00:07:06,427
Now we're gonna have to walk home again.

141
00:07:08,012 --> 00:07:09,930
I don't know what your plan's for tonight,

142
00:07:10,014 --> 00:07:12,892
but I don't want to end up comforting Leia
when you crush her soul.

143
00:07:12,975 --> 00:07:15,811
You don't have to worry.
I'm planning on telling her I love her.

144
00:07:16,437 --> 00:07:18,939
Dude. I'm so excited for you.

145
00:07:19,023 --> 00:07:21,609
God, I remember that feeling
when you first said it to me.

146
00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:23,152
I was floatin'.

147
00:07:24,445 --> 00:07:27,615
I know you too well. So if you're
really gonna say that to Leia,

148
00:07:27,698 --> 00:07:29,783
it better not be a line just to get laid.

149
00:07:29,867 --> 00:07:31,494
It's not a line, okay?

150
00:07:31,577 --> 00:07:35,164
It's how I really feel.
I was going to tell her last week,

151
00:07:35,247 --> 00:07:37,666
but with all the humidity,
my hair was wack.

152
00:07:37,750 --> 00:07:39,126
[rock music plays]

153
00:07:43,464 --> 00:07:46,634
Leia, driving is a big responsibility.

154
00:07:46,717 --> 00:07:49,011
This isn't just a car.

155
00:07:49,845 --> 00:07:53,474
This is a three-ton killing machine.

156
00:07:53,557 --> 00:07:55,434
One small mistake,

157
00:07:55,518 --> 00:07:58,521
and the inside of this car
becomes a human blender,

158
00:07:58,604 --> 00:08:00,731
and we all swap rectums.

159
00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:02,566
Nice and easy.

160
00:08:02,650 --> 00:08:05,986
And if you want to eat a sandwich,
you just steer with your knees.

161
00:08:06,779 --> 00:08:08,030
Guess what you honk with.

162
00:08:08,113 --> 00:08:09,031
Honey, don't guess.

163
00:08:09,114 --> 00:08:11,825
Reach for the radio knob? Dead.

164
00:08:12,368 --> 00:08:16,121
Thinking about playing grab-ass
with your boyfriend? Dead.

165
00:08:17,122 --> 00:08:19,917
Sneeze? Not your fault. Dead.

166
00:08:20,543 --> 00:08:24,922
I like to think of the steering wheel
as an antipasto tray.

167
00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:29,134
You want to have your hands
on the gabagool and the prozhoot.

168
00:08:29,635 --> 00:08:31,637
What are these words?

169
00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:37,101
Forty-one thousand people died last year
doing what you're doing right now.

170
00:08:37,643 --> 00:08:39,019
Grandpa, too sad.

171
00:08:40,271 --> 00:08:43,315
It's like a thinly sliced Italian ham.

172
00:08:43,399 --> 00:08:46,402
Bob. This isn't a deli lesson!

173
00:08:46,485 --> 00:08:49,029
-I like to keep it fun.
-Dead!

174
00:08:49,530 --> 00:08:50,864
-What did I do?
-Nothing.

175
00:08:50,948 --> 00:08:53,033
I… just wish he was dead.

176
00:08:53,117 --> 00:08:55,119
[rock riff plays]

177
00:08:57,288 --> 00:08:59,039
What did you just say to me?

178
00:09:00,833 --> 00:09:02,418
I'm gonna kick his ass.

179
00:09:03,586 --> 00:09:05,588
Uh, how many of those have you had?

180
00:09:05,671 --> 00:09:08,424
Pshh! You don't have to go
all party mom on me.

181
00:09:08,507 --> 00:09:11,260
I'm pregaming with this punch.
It's not that strong.

182
00:09:11,343 --> 00:09:13,929
Dude, they used a cup of that
to start the campfire.

183
00:09:14,930 --> 00:09:15,931
Oh.

184
00:09:16,015 --> 00:09:18,475
Now he's pretending to be asleep
like a little bitch.

185
00:09:19,101 --> 00:09:19,977
Let's dance.

186
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:22,438
Don't take off your jacket.
You'll get cold.

187
00:09:23,689 --> 00:09:25,232
Damn. I am the party mom.

188
00:09:25,316 --> 00:09:27,026
[rock riff plays]

189
00:09:27,109 --> 00:09:29,028
[chuckles] Oh, Nik, you look good.

190
00:09:30,195 --> 00:09:32,364
Ozzie was right.
Tonight's about moving on.

191
00:09:32,448 --> 00:09:35,618
So I'm gonna go talk to some guys
and get some numbers.

192
00:09:35,701 --> 00:09:37,161
Yeah, totally.

193
00:09:37,828 --> 00:09:41,498
I was gonna get some guys' numbers too.
But they're gonna be girls.

194
00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:44,960
You wanna make this interesting?
Most numbers wins.

195
00:09:45,044 --> 00:09:47,046
-Wins what?
-I don't know.

196
00:09:48,130 --> 00:09:49,340
Pizza Hut coupon?

197
00:09:49,965 --> 00:09:51,091
It's that serious?

198
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:53,344
You're going down.

199
00:09:53,427 --> 00:09:56,680
'Cause I have a secret weapon.
Just walk up to a chick and say,

200
00:09:57,848 --> 00:09:59,308
"My uncle just died,"

201
00:09:59,808 --> 00:10:01,101
and then they're hooked.

202
00:10:02,061 --> 00:10:04,855
-There is no way that works.
-Worked on you.

203
00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:08,942
Oh my God,
there was never an Uncle Ronnie?

204
00:10:09,777 --> 00:10:11,654
Whose grave did we visit?

205
00:10:12,529 --> 00:10:14,907
The closest "Ronnie" to the parking lot.

206
00:10:16,617 --> 00:10:18,619
Ah, sorry, bro, this seat's saved.

207
00:10:19,745 --> 00:10:20,621
For me?

208
00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:24,124
Stacy. [chuckles] What are you doing here?

209
00:10:24,208 --> 00:10:27,836
I can't believe you saved me a spot
right where we had our first kiss.

210
00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:31,131
-Do you remember that night?
-I haven't thought about it in a while.

211
00:10:31,215 --> 00:10:33,050
I think about it all the time too.

212
00:10:33,550 --> 00:10:35,260
I mean, it was such a whirlwind.

213
00:10:35,344 --> 00:10:40,683
We'd just met. But when you said,
"I love you," I fell hard and permanently.

214
00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:43,102
Oh, yeah.

215
00:10:45,396 --> 00:10:46,438
I did say that.

216
00:10:47,189 --> 00:10:51,110
-But you know, I didn't--
-Think we'd ever see each other again?

217
00:10:51,193 --> 00:10:54,655
It's like we both swallowed magnets,
and we're being pulled back together.

218
00:10:54,738 --> 00:10:55,614
[laughs]

219
00:10:55,698 --> 00:10:59,868
-For real, I have a girlfriend.
-And I have a boyfriend. And it's you!

220
00:11:00,536 --> 00:11:01,787
[breathes deeply]

221
00:11:01,870 --> 00:11:02,871
[rock riff plays]

222
00:11:02,955 --> 00:11:07,292
Ooh, billboard! "Lakefront Furniture.
It's where you buy home."

223
00:11:07,376 --> 00:11:09,712
You don't have to
read them out loud, you know.

224
00:11:11,797 --> 00:11:13,882
Remember, before you could talk,

225
00:11:14,842 --> 00:11:21,056
I would make you say things like,
"I love Grandma's blueberry muffins."

226
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:25,310
-Um this is my first time on the highway.
-Oh, that's right.

227
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:27,104
-[gasps]
-[horn honks]

228
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:28,772
-[tires squeal]
-Hands on the wheel!

229
00:11:28,856 --> 00:11:30,357
Gabagool! Gabagool!

230
00:11:30,441 --> 00:11:31,608
[brakes screech]

231
00:11:32,693 --> 00:11:34,486
[panting]

232
00:11:40,576 --> 00:11:43,370
[in baby voice] That was scawy.

233
00:11:43,454 --> 00:11:45,456
[rock riff plays]

234
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:48,125
It's been really tough
since Uncle Ronnie died.

235
00:11:49,334 --> 00:11:50,753
He fell into a volcano.

236
00:11:51,253 --> 00:11:53,547
That's horrible. Where was he?

237
00:11:54,965 --> 00:11:55,799
Detroit.

238
00:11:57,718 --> 00:11:59,470
There's no volcanoes in Detroit.

239
00:11:59,970 --> 00:12:02,306
My dad's a volcanologist, you dumbass!

240
00:12:03,098 --> 00:12:06,226
No way. Wait! Can I have his number?

241
00:12:06,310 --> 00:12:07,394
[rock riff plays]

242
00:12:07,478 --> 00:12:11,273
Thanks. I haven't done this in a while.
You have terrible handwriting.

243
00:12:12,107 --> 00:12:13,817
Chisel Stevonagin?

244
00:12:15,527 --> 00:12:17,321
Oh, hi, I'm Nikki. Can I have--

245
00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:21,116
You don't need any more informat… Okay.

246
00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:22,284
[rock riff plays]

247
00:12:22,367 --> 00:12:24,161
Uncle Ronnie was out hiking, and

248
00:12:24,787 --> 00:12:28,499
next thing you know,
he was ripped apart by a pack of snakes.

249
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:31,335
Uh, snakes are primarily solitary hunters.

250
00:12:32,544 --> 00:12:33,837
Weird lie, dude.

251
00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:37,591
Why are all the girls here so smart?

252
00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:38,842
[rock riff plays]

253
00:12:40,511 --> 00:12:41,553
That'll be all.

254
00:12:45,724 --> 00:12:47,726
I am so wasted.

255
00:12:48,310 --> 00:12:50,020
He's wasted.

256
00:12:52,397 --> 00:12:53,398
Aw…

257
00:12:54,024 --> 00:12:54,858
Empty.

258
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:57,986
Does that look like the garbage?

259
00:12:59,571 --> 00:13:00,656
[rock riff plays]

260
00:13:00,739 --> 00:13:02,324
How's it going with the numbers?

261
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:05,410
I got a five, a one, and a seven.

262
00:13:05,994 --> 00:13:07,746
That's not enough numbers.

263
00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:10,332
Hey, I'm having a bad night too.

264
00:13:10,415 --> 00:13:13,210
Remember how I used to say "I love you"
to get girls to sleep with me?

265
00:13:14,086 --> 00:13:15,379
Well, they remember too.

266
00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:17,548
It's like my past
has come back to haunt me.

267
00:13:18,048 --> 00:13:20,467
-[sighs]
-I used to have a ghost that haunted me.

268
00:13:20,551 --> 00:13:24,179
He would stand over my bed whispering
to me that my nipples were on backwards.

269
00:13:24,263 --> 00:13:25,430
[stifling laughter]

270
00:13:25,514 --> 00:13:26,640
Dude, that was me.

271
00:13:29,977 --> 00:13:31,645
Why was I such a bad person?

272
00:13:33,021 --> 00:13:35,315
-Hey, Jay. It's been a while.
-Oh no.

273
00:13:35,899 --> 00:13:38,110
Do not lie to her about volcanoes.

274
00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:41,071
Back off. He's mine.

275
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:42,489
Uh, I don't think so.

276
00:13:42,573 --> 00:13:44,867
When we hooked up, he told me he loved me.

277
00:13:45,993 --> 00:13:49,371
Stacy, Amy.
You two actually have a lot in common.

278
00:13:50,956 --> 00:13:52,124
Ladies.

279
00:13:52,916 --> 00:13:54,668
Why fight over that choice cut of meat

280
00:13:54,751 --> 00:13:57,963
when this charming bratwurst
is looking for a bun?

281
00:13:58,964 --> 00:13:59,882
-Ew.
-What?

282
00:13:59,965 --> 00:14:00,799
Later.

283
00:14:04,845 --> 00:14:09,016
[chuckles] I realize that that sounded
like I was saying "your vaginas," but…

284
00:14:09,099 --> 00:14:10,267
I meant it sweet.

285
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:11,727
[rock music plays]

286
00:14:14,271 --> 00:14:16,356
Bob… give me back those keys!

287
00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:19,693
Are you gonna apologize
for running over my foot?

288
00:14:19,776 --> 00:14:23,530
I am not going to apologize
for something I did on purpose.

289
00:14:25,449 --> 00:14:29,202
I am so sorry
about your grandpas' behavior.

290
00:14:29,953 --> 00:14:32,372
All that arguing was so distracting.

291
00:14:32,456 --> 00:14:34,249
Well, what about when you hugged her,

292
00:14:34,333 --> 00:14:36,543
and we did a half a mile
in a pumpkin patch?

293
00:14:36,627 --> 00:14:41,381
[gasps] Remember that pumpkin costume
I made for your fourth grade harvest play?

294
00:14:41,465 --> 00:14:43,842
Oh! Let's go see if it still fits.

295
00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:47,137
Okay, let's speed this up.
I know you all love me,

296
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:50,515
and it was fun learning all those new
swear words, Grandma.

297
00:14:50,599 --> 00:14:54,227
But this isn't a competition.
There's enough of me to go around,

298
00:14:54,311 --> 00:14:57,648
and I will try to give each of you
an equal slice of amazing.

299
00:14:58,482 --> 00:15:02,527
You're right, kiddo.
I got a little carried away.

300
00:15:02,611 --> 00:15:05,614
And I got even more carried away than him.

301
00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:09,660
Cool. Grandma,
can I talk to you outside for a second?

302
00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:16,083
Between you and me, Jay has
something special planned for tonight

303
00:15:16,166 --> 00:15:19,711
at the most romantic party ever,
and I need a ride there before it ends.

304
00:15:19,795 --> 00:15:21,630
Well, I'm gonna need a picture of you

305
00:15:21,713 --> 00:15:23,882
in that pumpkin costume,
whether it fits or not.

306
00:15:23,966 --> 00:15:26,009
We are getting you in there.

307
00:15:26,093 --> 00:15:26,969
Grandma.

308
00:15:27,052 --> 00:15:29,513
I told your parents to have more kids,
and they didn't,

309
00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:31,390
so this is what we're working with.

310
00:15:31,473 --> 00:15:33,308
[rock riff plays]

311
00:15:33,392 --> 00:15:35,060
Why am I dressed like Nate?

312
00:15:35,143 --> 00:15:37,396
When you came out of the lake
from skinny-dipping,

313
00:15:37,479 --> 00:15:39,314
you picked up the first clothes you saw.

314
00:15:39,398 --> 00:15:40,774
I went skinny-dipping?

315
00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:44,319
There are people from my math class here.

316
00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:50,200
Etienne must have really messed you up
'cause this isn't like you.

317
00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:52,494
It's not just that I lost a boyfriend. I…

318
00:15:53,161 --> 00:15:55,622
I lost the only other gay person
in my life who I could talk to.

319
00:15:55,706 --> 00:15:58,375
-What about the guy at the ice-cream shop?
-I was wrong.

320
00:15:59,167 --> 00:16:00,836
He just holds the cones weird.

321
00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:04,006
You don't realize how lucky you are.

322
00:16:04,089 --> 00:16:06,550
You could throw a rock
and hit a dozen straight people,

323
00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:08,969
but I'm all by my myself
in this stupid town.

324
00:16:11,013 --> 00:16:12,681
Ow! Are you kidding me?

325
00:16:12,764 --> 00:16:14,933
I'm sorry. I've never tried
to throw something before.

326
00:16:15,017 --> 00:16:16,518
I didn't know I was that good at it.

327
00:16:17,227 --> 00:16:20,313
Jocky guy throws a rock at the lesbian.
How original.

328
00:16:20,397 --> 00:16:21,273
Oh…

329
00:16:21,356 --> 00:16:23,650
There's been a grave misunderstanding.

330
00:16:26,069 --> 00:16:26,945
I'm gay too.

331
00:16:27,029 --> 00:16:28,196
No way.

332
00:16:28,947 --> 00:16:30,615
All right, if you're doing okay,

333
00:16:30,699 --> 00:16:33,076
Mama's gonna take her top off
and try the rope swing.

334
00:16:35,871 --> 00:16:37,998
This is awesome.
I'll have to introduce you to everyone.

335
00:16:38,081 --> 00:16:39,332
How many of us are there?

336
00:16:39,416 --> 00:16:42,127
Well, with you there's three.

337
00:16:42,711 --> 00:16:43,837
-Three?!
-Yeah.

338
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:46,256
You, me, and Jimmy
from the ice cream shop.

339
00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:47,299
I knew it.

340
00:16:47,382 --> 00:16:49,384
[rock music playing]

341
00:16:51,595 --> 00:16:55,599
We shouldn't be arguing over who gets
special moments with our granddaughter.

342
00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:59,227
Absolutely. I'm glad we found
a mature way to settle this.

343
00:16:59,936 --> 00:17:01,772
I get to take her to…

344
00:17:02,481 --> 00:17:04,941
Oh… Oboe recital.

345
00:17:05,025 --> 00:17:05,859
[laughs]

346
00:17:05,942 --> 00:17:07,277
That's the worst one.

347
00:17:08,570 --> 00:17:10,530
You can't tell if they're good or bad.

348
00:17:15,577 --> 00:17:18,413
Walk her down the aisle at her wedding.

349
00:17:19,122 --> 00:17:20,499
Suck it, Bob.

350
00:17:22,834 --> 00:17:24,044
Ha-ha!

351
00:17:24,127 --> 00:17:27,089
Pick great-grandkid's middle name.

352
00:17:27,631 --> 00:17:28,590
That's easy.

353
00:17:29,341 --> 00:17:30,425
Bob.

354
00:17:30,509 --> 00:17:32,094
And what if it's a girl?

355
00:17:32,803 --> 00:17:33,970
Boob.

356
00:17:34,638 --> 00:17:36,056
My fault for asking.

357
00:17:36,139 --> 00:17:37,557
[rock riff plays]

358
00:17:39,935 --> 00:17:41,603
-How'd you do?
-Decent.

359
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:44,523
Hey, you got a number.

360
00:17:45,857 --> 00:17:47,025
I wrote it myself.

361
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:51,029
It's my mom's work.
She said never ever call it.

362
00:17:52,364 --> 00:17:55,200
-I'm sure you cleaned up.
-Most of these guys are idiots.

363
00:17:55,867 --> 00:17:58,036
And surprisingly, way sweatier than you.

364
00:17:58,620 --> 00:18:00,914
[chuckling] I told you
I was in the normal range.

365
00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:04,042
Ugh…

366
00:18:04,709 --> 00:18:07,754
Oh my God,
is this the Christopher Walken shirt?

367
00:18:07,838 --> 00:18:09,422
[both laugh]

368
00:18:09,506 --> 00:18:12,300
Were we ever interrupted
when we were getting it on in there?

369
00:18:12,384 --> 00:18:14,052
No. You know why?

370
00:18:14,136 --> 00:18:16,054
When I hung that in the window,
people knew.

371
00:18:16,138 --> 00:18:19,224
[imitating Walken] When you see
the Walken, you don't come a-knockin'.

372
00:18:21,393 --> 00:18:22,519
You're such a weirdo.

373
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:24,855
Yeah. A total freak.

374
00:18:24,938 --> 00:18:27,649
-[both chuckling]
-[rock riff plays]

375
00:18:29,151 --> 00:18:30,902
-[rustling]
-[sighs]

376
00:18:31,403 --> 00:18:32,946
Please be a local pervert.

377
00:18:34,906 --> 00:18:35,949
Hey, handsome.

378
00:18:37,159 --> 00:18:39,578
This is such a romantic spot.

379
00:18:39,661 --> 00:18:42,664
Stacy. Uh, look,
when I said "I love you," it--

380
00:18:42,747 --> 00:18:45,167
It's okay. Love is scary.

381
00:18:45,250 --> 00:18:46,877
Now, let's make a baby. [laughs]

382
00:18:47,961 --> 00:18:50,297
What the hell, Jay? I'm gonna murder you!

383
00:18:50,881 --> 00:18:53,341
-You'll have to get through me first.
-You're adorable.

384
00:18:55,260 --> 00:18:56,303
[Jay] Ow!

385
00:18:56,928 --> 00:19:00,015
Go easy on him.
He's meeting my mother this weekend.

386
00:19:00,098 --> 00:19:01,266
[rock riff plays]

387
00:19:03,101 --> 00:19:06,438
Well, now I know why…
on the first day of school,

388
00:19:06,521 --> 00:19:10,025
everyone shows up at the nurse's office
with the same rash.

389
00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:14,946
Grandma, I'm gonna go find Jay.
Um, why don't you get some punch?

390
00:19:15,030 --> 00:19:16,531
Oh! I love punch.

391
00:19:16,615 --> 00:19:17,866
[rock riff plays]

392
00:19:17,949 --> 00:19:20,869
What are the chances your friend Gwen
will go through an experimental phase?

393
00:19:20,952 --> 00:19:22,078
100%.

394
00:19:23,955 --> 00:19:25,498
Ozzie, have you seen Jay?

395
00:19:25,582 --> 00:19:27,375
Don't care. With my gay posse.

396
00:19:28,460 --> 00:19:31,296
-Come on, Gwen, it's not what you think.
-Uh-huh.

397
00:19:31,379 --> 00:19:32,380
Perfect timing.

398
00:19:32,464 --> 00:19:35,800
I found this piece of shit in the woods
cheating on you with this rando.

399
00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:37,302
That's not what happened.

400
00:19:37,385 --> 00:19:39,471
I'm not a rando. We're in love.

401
00:19:40,764 --> 00:19:43,266
Thanks, Jay. This night's turning out
to be so romantic.

402
00:19:43,350 --> 00:19:44,517
No, Leia, you don't get it.

403
00:19:44,601 --> 00:19:47,270
I said "I love you" to a bunch of chicks,
but it didn't mean anything.

404
00:19:47,354 --> 00:19:49,773
I'd just say it to get what I wanted,
or to get out of trouble.

405
00:19:51,274 --> 00:19:52,609
I love you?

406
00:19:54,444 --> 00:19:56,029
I love you.

407
00:19:57,822 --> 00:19:59,032
[high-pitched] Love you.

408
00:20:01,785 --> 00:20:02,953
Jay Kelso?

409
00:20:04,162 --> 00:20:05,830
You told me you died!

410
00:20:05,914 --> 00:20:07,916
[soft rock riff plays and fades]

411
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:20,470
Probably shouldn't have done that.

412
00:20:21,429 --> 00:20:22,555
What, all the sex?

413
00:20:25,058 --> 00:20:25,892
Yes.

414
00:20:34,859 --> 00:20:36,695
Punch had a little kick.

415
00:20:37,862 --> 00:20:39,864
[rock music plays]