1
00:00:06,049 --> 00:00:07,967
[rock riff plays]

2
00:00:09,135 --> 00:00:10,344
My head is pounding.

3
00:00:11,137 --> 00:00:12,764
This hangover's killing me.

4
00:00:13,264 --> 00:00:15,349
The field party was three days ago.

5
00:00:15,892 --> 00:00:17,852
Sorry I know how to party, Gwen.

6
00:00:18,603 --> 00:00:21,314
That field party ruined both of our lives.

7
00:00:21,397 --> 00:00:23,191
Things are so weird with Leia.

8
00:00:24,025 --> 00:00:27,111
I'm not built to last this long
without the attention of a lady.

9
00:00:27,904 --> 00:00:29,530
Bro, buy a Playboy.

10
00:00:31,157 --> 00:00:32,742
Hey, guys, and et cetera.

11
00:00:33,868 --> 00:00:35,745
Please, look at me, Leia.

12
00:00:35,828 --> 00:00:37,622
I-- I get that you're mad.

13
00:00:37,705 --> 00:00:40,708
All right? I wish I hadn't told
so many other girls I love them,

14
00:00:40,792 --> 00:00:44,670
but back then I was throwing it around
loosey-goosey like I was feeding ducks.

15
00:00:45,296 --> 00:00:47,423
And then you banged all those ducks.

16
00:00:49,050 --> 00:00:50,718
Those ducks are people.

17
00:00:51,260 --> 00:00:54,472
And how am I supposed to know you mean it
with me when you've said it so many times?

18
00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:56,182
Shh. Your voice.

19
00:00:57,016 --> 00:00:58,726
I can't take your voice right now.

20
00:00:59,268 --> 00:01:02,396
All right, we gotta get going.
We're meeting Nikki at the mall.

21
00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:03,523
And I get to spend time

22
00:01:03,606 --> 00:01:06,859
with the last two girls in the world
you haven't said "I love you" to.

23
00:01:07,902 --> 00:01:09,070
Come on!

24
00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:12,782
Nikki gave me the last
Cheddar Bay biscuit at Red Lobster.

25
00:01:12,865 --> 00:01:14,492
In the moment, I meant it!

26
00:01:17,078 --> 00:01:18,121
[sighs]

27
00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:21,040
Women, right?

28
00:01:22,250 --> 00:01:23,501
I can't be this for you.

29
00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:27,213
Where the hell is Nate when I need him?

30
00:01:29,048 --> 00:01:30,800
No one can know about this.

31
00:01:30,883 --> 00:01:33,177
Yes. That was the last time.

32
00:01:33,261 --> 00:01:34,137
Definitely.

33
00:01:35,805 --> 00:01:36,806
One for the road?

34
00:01:36,889 --> 00:01:38,266
Waiting on you, cowboy.

35
00:01:38,891 --> 00:01:40,017
[both gasp]

36
00:01:40,101 --> 00:01:41,602
[Nate panting]

37
00:01:41,686 --> 00:01:43,146
How are you so out of breath?

38
00:01:43,229 --> 00:01:46,190
-I did all the work.
-It's from cheering you on.

39
00:01:49,527 --> 00:01:50,611
Nik, I can't.

40
00:01:51,195 --> 00:01:52,113
[both exhale]

41
00:01:52,196 --> 00:01:54,615
-Who are we kidding?
-We're so good at it.

42
00:01:54,699 --> 00:01:56,951
[theme music playing]

43
00:01:57,034 --> 00:01:58,828
♪ Hanging out down the street ♪

44
00:01:58,911 --> 00:02:00,872
♪ The same old thing we did last week ♪

45
00:02:00,955 --> 00:02:03,040
♪ Not a thing to do ♪

46
00:02:03,124 --> 00:02:05,293
♪ But talk to you ♪

47
00:02:05,376 --> 00:02:07,920
♪ We're all all right
We're all all right ♪

48
00:02:08,421 --> 00:02:10,423
Hello, Wisconsin!

49
00:02:13,092 --> 00:02:16,387
Oh. Hey, is Gwen over here?
The credit card company keeps calling,

50
00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:19,807
and I need someone who can do
a British accent to tell them I died.

51
00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:23,644
You know,
you don't have to tell me everything.

52
00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:26,939
Better yet, don't tell me anything.

53
00:02:27,815 --> 00:02:29,108
We're headed to the mall.

54
00:02:29,192 --> 00:02:30,985
-Love you, Grandpa.
-Bye, sweetie.

55
00:02:31,068 --> 00:02:34,322
I took 20 bucks from your purse,
and I'll be home before tomorrow.

56
00:02:34,906 --> 00:02:36,699
You let her talk to you like that?

57
00:02:36,782 --> 00:02:40,077
Oh, it's fine. She's just like me
when I was her age.

58
00:02:40,161 --> 00:02:43,831
Independent, rebellious,
banned from Wrigley Field.

59
00:02:45,249 --> 00:02:48,878
Yes, I will be right there.
I am so excited.

60
00:02:48,961 --> 00:02:52,423
Okay, you know how my ankle
has still been bothering me?

61
00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:55,885
Well, my friend, what's-her-name,
got me an appointment with the guy

62
00:02:55,968 --> 00:02:58,012
who helped fix her whatever-it-was.

63
00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:00,806
Good for her for getting that figured out.

64
00:03:01,933 --> 00:03:03,267
What kind of doctor is this?

65
00:03:03,351 --> 00:03:06,187
Well, he's not really a doctor.
He's a medicologist.

66
00:03:07,355 --> 00:03:10,107
Which I actually think
is better than a doctor.

67
00:03:10,775 --> 00:03:12,610
Sounds like a quack.

68
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:15,196
He has a business card, Red.

69
00:03:15,905 --> 00:03:17,323
And so does Bob.

70
00:03:18,074 --> 00:03:22,161
And his says
"International Bikini Inspector."

71
00:03:24,830 --> 00:03:27,875
If people pay you to do it, it's a job.

72
00:03:27,959 --> 00:03:29,961
[rock music plays]

73
00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:36,801
I bet Jay would say he loved this one.

74
00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:39,595
[mockingly] I love this one.
And I love this one.

75
00:03:39,679 --> 00:03:41,847
[genuinely] Ooh.
I actually do love this one.

76
00:03:43,516 --> 00:03:44,558
Hey, there you guys are.

77
00:03:44,642 --> 00:03:47,436
What happened to you? We waited
for half an hour by the fountain.

78
00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:48,479
The fountain?

79
00:03:49,105 --> 00:03:52,191
Oh, I thought we said "a mountain."
I was at the state park.

80
00:03:53,985 --> 00:03:55,903
Forty bucks for a miracle bra?

81
00:03:55,987 --> 00:03:57,154
Are you kidding me?

82
00:03:57,238 --> 00:04:00,283
You know they paid some kid overseas
30 cents to make this.

83
00:04:00,366 --> 00:04:03,202
Classic patriarchal pink tax BS.

84
00:04:03,286 --> 00:04:05,997
What could possibly justify this price?

85
00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:07,456
I'm a woman now.

86
00:04:10,042 --> 00:04:11,877
It really does work miracles.

87
00:04:12,378 --> 00:04:14,922
I think I just got dumber,
and I don't mind.

88
00:04:16,465 --> 00:04:17,800
I wish I had 40 bucks,

89
00:04:17,883 --> 00:04:20,636
but I spent all my holiday money
on a label maker.

90
00:04:21,178 --> 00:04:24,807
We could always forget
to take them off and walk out of here.

91
00:04:24,890 --> 00:04:26,434
We are not shoplifting.

92
00:04:29,353 --> 00:04:31,355
[dance music playing]

93
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:38,779
[music stops]

94
00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:42,241
-What do you think you're doing?
-Looking amazing?

95
00:04:42,325 --> 00:04:43,367
Run!

96
00:04:43,451 --> 00:04:45,202
[rock music plays]

97
00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:51,917
I really screwed things up with Leia.

98
00:04:52,501 --> 00:04:54,795
How can I trick her
into trusting me again?

99
00:04:54,879 --> 00:04:57,089
Have you considered not tricking her?

100
00:04:57,840 --> 00:05:00,217
Don't screw around. This is serious.

101
00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:02,178
We need a great idea.

102
00:05:02,261 --> 00:05:04,096
[rock riff plays]

103
00:05:05,097 --> 00:05:07,308
What if I made a clone of myself?

104
00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:10,978
Leia could love him,
since he's never done anything wrong.

105
00:05:12,271 --> 00:05:14,565
But how will she know
that the clone's not me?

106
00:05:16,567 --> 00:05:17,401
Wig.

107
00:05:17,943 --> 00:05:19,070
I'll get her a wig.

108
00:05:21,572 --> 00:05:22,615
I got a secret.

109
00:05:23,616 --> 00:05:24,867
It's a sexy secret.

110
00:05:27,036 --> 00:05:28,537
I'm interested in your clone.

111
00:05:30,748 --> 00:05:31,957
Not for weird stuff.

112
00:05:32,458 --> 00:05:35,920
I just want a square dance partner,
and I'm afraid to ask a non-clone.

113
00:05:36,879 --> 00:05:38,881
I do want you to learn
how to square dance.

114
00:05:38,964 --> 00:05:40,216
That is important to me.

115
00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:43,219
So you can have my clone.

116
00:05:44,804 --> 00:05:46,222
Now I'm back to nothing.

117
00:05:48,557 --> 00:05:50,351
The Back to the Future car.

118
00:05:51,477 --> 00:05:53,145
Where are we on that plutonium?

119
00:05:54,146 --> 00:05:55,773
The guy never called me back.

120
00:05:58,192 --> 00:06:02,071
Even if he did, I… [chuckles]
…I'm never telling my secret. [chuckles]

121
00:06:03,364 --> 00:06:04,865
What am I supposed to do, guys?

122
00:06:04,949 --> 00:06:07,493
Find every girl
I've ever lied to and apologize,

123
00:06:07,576 --> 00:06:09,954
so Leia knows
that I've really changed? [scoffs]

124
00:06:11,205 --> 00:06:15,459
Where are you getting that from?
That was a smart and normal thought.

125
00:06:18,379 --> 00:06:19,588
I thought you said it.

126
00:06:20,756 --> 00:06:23,467
[laughing] It's sex. I'm doing sex.

127
00:06:23,551 --> 00:06:24,635
[rock music plays]

128
00:06:32,977 --> 00:06:34,019
Hello?

129
00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:37,690
I'm not in my body right now.

130
00:06:40,860 --> 00:06:41,777
I'm back.

131
00:06:43,112 --> 00:06:46,574
I was visiting you as a child.
You really grew into those teeth.

132
00:06:48,117 --> 00:06:49,994
Kiefer. Kiefer Lee Roth.

133
00:06:50,494 --> 00:06:51,328
Please, sit.

134
00:07:03,048 --> 00:07:06,802
So, um, um… I am having
some trouble with my ankle.

135
00:07:06,886 --> 00:07:08,512
Uh, ankle. Ankle.

136
00:07:09,847 --> 00:07:12,099
But, uh, that's not the problem.

137
00:07:13,434 --> 00:07:16,645
Let's find your real pain.
I need to scan you.

138
00:07:16,729 --> 00:07:19,440
-Will it hurt?
-Like you're being burned alive.

139
00:07:20,649 --> 00:07:22,651
But you won't feel it. [chuckles]

140
00:07:34,830 --> 00:07:37,666
Mother was distant, wasn't she?

141
00:07:37,750 --> 00:07:39,793
-Oh, how did you know?
-Shut up!

142
00:07:40,878 --> 00:07:41,879
[exclaims]

143
00:07:42,463 --> 00:07:44,507
Our chakras are on the same energy plane.

144
00:07:44,590 --> 00:07:45,758
-Do you feel that?
-I do.

145
00:07:45,841 --> 00:07:47,718
-No, you don't.
-I don't.

146
00:07:48,761 --> 00:07:52,389
Yet. But I'm going to rock your chakras.

147
00:07:52,473 --> 00:07:54,016
[rock music plays]

148
00:07:57,269 --> 00:07:59,980
-Thanks, Bryson. I got it from here.
-Yeah, thanks, Bryson.

149
00:08:00,064 --> 00:08:01,982
For protecting the bras of America.

150
00:08:04,443 --> 00:08:07,821
Okay. Before we get started,
I just have to ask you one question.

151
00:08:08,572 --> 00:08:12,159
-Are your parents important in this town?
-What?

152
00:08:12,243 --> 00:08:15,371
I brought the mayor's son in here
for smoking in the bathroom,

153
00:08:15,454 --> 00:08:17,665
and they stopped picking up my trash.

154
00:08:18,249 --> 00:08:19,959
My mom's sort of famous.

155
00:08:20,042 --> 00:08:23,045
She's the lady who ran onto the field
and tackled Sammy Sosa.

156
00:08:25,422 --> 00:08:26,257
All righty.

157
00:08:26,882 --> 00:08:27,758
Whoa.

158
00:08:28,717 --> 00:08:31,095
That's my old prescription.
[clears throat]

159
00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:33,472
-I just need your name to get started.
-Janet.

160
00:08:34,223 --> 00:08:35,975
Ms. Jackson, if you're nasty.

161
00:08:38,394 --> 00:08:40,980
Listen, kid, if you lie to me
on this form,

162
00:08:41,063 --> 00:08:43,524
I'm gonna have to walk down the hall
and get another form.

163
00:08:43,607 --> 00:08:45,943
Which means
I'm gonna have to talk to Angela.

164
00:08:46,443 --> 00:08:48,112
Angela is my ex-wife.

165
00:08:49,154 --> 00:08:51,865
Okay. You and your friend Bryson
have done a great job,

166
00:08:51,949 --> 00:08:53,784
but I'm gonna wait
until the real cops come.

167
00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:55,494
Bryson is not my friend.

168
00:08:55,578 --> 00:08:58,914
And I'm not calling the real cops,
because there were three of you.

169
00:08:58,998 --> 00:09:02,042
Yet you were the only one
my homeboy brought in here.

170
00:09:03,127 --> 00:09:04,253
Yeah. So?

171
00:09:08,007 --> 00:09:11,218
Oh, damn. There I was,
behaving like any teenager,

172
00:09:11,302 --> 00:09:13,804
but I forgot I had to be
the Black teenager.

173
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,139
Mm-hmm. It's, uh…

174
00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:18,642
It's exhausting having to run things
through the racism filter, isn't it?

175
00:09:18,726 --> 00:09:22,521
Yeah. I forgot to because this time
I was actually stealing something.

176
00:09:23,272 --> 00:09:26,025
[chuckles] I appreciate the confession.

177
00:09:27,860 --> 00:09:28,777
Oh, you're good.

178
00:09:29,486 --> 00:09:30,904
[rock riff plays]

179
00:09:30,988 --> 00:09:33,907
Okay, you stay over there.
I'll stay over here.

180
00:09:33,991 --> 00:09:36,243
And we're gonna have
a real conversation about this.

181
00:09:36,327 --> 00:09:39,163
Yeah. What are we doing?
We don't want to get back together.

182
00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:43,083
Definitely not. No, it's…
It's just easy, and it's comfortable,

183
00:09:43,167 --> 00:09:44,918
and it's fun, and it means nothing.

184
00:09:45,002 --> 00:09:47,671
-We're officially never doing that again.
-Perfect.

185
00:09:49,632 --> 00:09:50,549
Whoa.

186
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:53,927
Bigger.

187
00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:57,848
Oh yeah, I went shopping today.

188
00:09:59,391 --> 00:10:01,352
Yeah, never is a strong word.

189
00:10:05,773 --> 00:10:09,193
-Oh by the way, I think Gwen got arrested.
-Gwen who?

190
00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:10,527
[rock music plays]

191
00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:16,116
[muttering indistinctly]

192
00:10:18,494 --> 00:10:19,620
Kitty!

193
00:10:20,621 --> 00:10:22,122
What is that?

194
00:10:22,706 --> 00:10:25,084
Oh, this is my medicologist.

195
00:10:25,167 --> 00:10:27,169
He's here to help cleanse the house.

196
00:10:27,252 --> 00:10:28,253
Kiefer Lee Roth.

197
00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:34,677
So, I just…
I just threw away the mayonnaise.

198
00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:38,055
Kiefer said
it's a breeding ground for fear.

199
00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:40,516
We're the only species to eat mayo,

200
00:10:40,599 --> 00:10:42,351
and that's why we can't fly.

201
00:10:44,436 --> 00:10:47,773
-Where the hell are your shoes?
-Oh, you mean foot prisons?

202
00:10:47,856 --> 00:10:49,191
They were holding me back.

203
00:10:49,274 --> 00:10:52,695
Like my, uh, toothbrush,
and my… my young family.

204
00:10:54,488 --> 00:10:55,656
Would you like some olive oil?

205
00:11:05,249 --> 00:11:06,250
[sighs]

206
00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:09,753
Lubricates your bowels
so you can release your toxins.

207
00:11:11,046 --> 00:11:12,339
I like my toxins.

208
00:11:12,423 --> 00:11:13,882
[scoffs] Hmm.

209
00:11:14,383 --> 00:11:16,635
I'm sensing a lot of clenched energy.

210
00:11:17,136 --> 00:11:20,639
When was the last time
you just, uh, sang for yourself?

211
00:11:21,140 --> 00:11:23,976
When's the last time
you had a foot up your ass?

212
00:11:25,519 --> 00:11:26,520
Last Thursday.

213
00:11:27,813 --> 00:11:30,149
Hey, uh, where's your nearest restroom?

214
00:11:30,232 --> 00:11:31,817
My toxins are callin'.

215
00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:33,652
It's just-- It's just inside there.

216
00:11:33,736 --> 00:11:36,029
Oh, that's too close.
Uh, I'll go upstairs.

217
00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:39,074
Kitty.

218
00:11:40,451 --> 00:11:43,746
When you wanted
to sell Amway, I said sure.

219
00:11:43,829 --> 00:11:46,915
And when you thought
your mom came back as a crow,

220
00:11:46,999 --> 00:11:50,544
I fed it seeds and a cup of Sanka.

221
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:52,463
But this…

222
00:11:53,172 --> 00:11:55,132
This is a bridge too far.

223
00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:57,342
I know it all sounds a little whack-a-doo,

224
00:11:57,426 --> 00:12:01,430
but I'm telling you,
Kiefer is a genius in his own right.

225
00:12:01,513 --> 00:12:03,682
That was crazy.

226
00:12:04,641 --> 00:12:07,853
Hey, do you guys mind
if I cry in your bed for a while?

227
00:12:08,437 --> 00:12:09,855
[rock music plays]

228
00:12:13,859 --> 00:12:16,320
I know you took my lunch, Angela!

229
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:18,614
Tuna sandwiches don't just walk away!

230
00:12:20,157 --> 00:12:21,200
[sighs]

231
00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:23,952
God, she sucks.

232
00:12:24,453 --> 00:12:26,789
Yeah, you're the one having a bad day.

233
00:12:26,872 --> 00:12:28,707
Look, I know this isn't fun,

234
00:12:28,791 --> 00:12:31,210
but this isn't gonna be
the last time you're singled out.

235
00:12:31,293 --> 00:12:34,463
I mean, how many times have you had
your hair touched by a stranger,

236
00:12:34,546 --> 00:12:37,341
or been told you don't need sunscreen,

237
00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:42,095
or been asked for your autograph because
someone thinks you're… Scary Spice?

238
00:12:42,596 --> 00:12:43,764
Moesha.

239
00:12:44,973 --> 00:12:47,142
-It's always Moesha.
-[scoffs]

240
00:12:47,226 --> 00:12:50,103
Moesha. I should have got that.

241
00:12:50,187 --> 00:12:54,149
Well, I can guarantee you
that you will not be profiled here again.

242
00:12:54,650 --> 00:12:57,569
-Smile.
-[camera clicks, whirs]

243
00:12:57,653 --> 00:13:00,656
You are banned for a year.
Company policy. You understand.

244
00:13:01,490 --> 00:13:02,407
She was framed.

245
00:13:02,491 --> 00:13:05,702
This is all inadmissible.
I'll put the system on trial.

246
00:13:06,662 --> 00:13:07,996
You called my mom?

247
00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:10,916
Company policy. You understand.
She's free to go.

248
00:13:12,417 --> 00:13:14,127
-Thanks, Officer Cutie.
-Mom!

249
00:13:16,672 --> 00:13:18,173
Should I get bangs again?

250
00:13:19,550 --> 00:13:21,552
[rock music plays]

251
00:13:25,097 --> 00:13:27,850
Again, I'm so sorry for my past behavior.

252
00:13:28,725 --> 00:13:30,727
Thanks for being so cool about this.

253
00:13:35,107 --> 00:13:36,191
For your troubles.

254
00:13:39,862 --> 00:13:42,030
At least that one
didn't kick you in the nads.

255
00:13:43,031 --> 00:13:46,827
I'd rather they go for the nads.
This face is my ticket out of this town.

256
00:13:46,910 --> 00:13:48,537
-[knocking on door]
-[sighs]

257
00:13:48,620 --> 00:13:49,580
Next one's here.

258
00:13:49,663 --> 00:13:52,249
Oh, please, please be an easy one.

259
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:54,710
Or at least one
that's not wearing any rings.

260
00:13:56,295 --> 00:13:58,547
Jay! I got your message.

261
00:13:59,047 --> 00:14:00,674
I'm so excited.

262
00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:02,259
Did your girlfriend die?

263
00:14:04,052 --> 00:14:05,512
Oh. Hey, Stacy.

264
00:14:06,638 --> 00:14:07,598
Nice rings.

265
00:14:08,223 --> 00:14:10,392
They're mood rings.
They're all different colors.

266
00:14:10,475 --> 00:14:11,351
Isn't that weird?

267
00:14:12,853 --> 00:14:13,979
No, that tracks.

268
00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:17,983
Look, Stacy.

269
00:14:18,066 --> 00:14:21,945
I think you have the wrong idea,
and that's entirely my fault, okay?

270
00:14:22,029 --> 00:14:25,324
I should have never led you on,
and I'm sorry.

271
00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:28,619
I hate it when we fight like this.

272
00:14:29,578 --> 00:14:31,496
I don't think that's what's going on here.

273
00:14:31,580 --> 00:14:33,332
You calling me a liar?

274
00:14:33,415 --> 00:14:34,291
No, ma'am.

275
00:14:37,419 --> 00:14:39,713
I don't know how to make this
any clearer for you,

276
00:14:39,796 --> 00:14:43,008
but Leia is my girlfriend, okay?

277
00:14:43,091 --> 00:14:44,635
She's the only one I want.

278
00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:46,887
Okay, I get it.

279
00:14:47,471 --> 00:14:48,972
[singsong] I don't like it.

280
00:14:50,015 --> 00:14:51,475
[tearfully] But I get it.

281
00:14:54,728 --> 00:14:59,024
-Thanks for being so cool about this.
-Jay, it's over! Stop being so clingy!

282
00:15:01,735 --> 00:15:03,236
Never mind, officer. She left.

283
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:05,322
[rock music plays]

284
00:15:05,864 --> 00:15:09,076
I'm so glad you're okay.
I thought you were gonna go to jail,

285
00:15:09,159 --> 00:15:11,370
and I was gonna commit a crime
to join you.

286
00:15:12,329 --> 00:15:15,123
Leia, I'm fine.
Can we talk about anything but this?

287
00:15:15,207 --> 00:15:16,750
Okay. Um…

288
00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:19,252
-Well, I'm still really upset with Jay.
-Or that.

289
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:22,381
I can't believe
that guy was so hard on you.

290
00:15:22,464 --> 00:15:25,884
Back in my day, you could get
out of trouble with a flirt and a flash.

291
00:15:26,468 --> 00:15:28,971
But, apparently,
that's against the law now too.

292
00:15:30,138 --> 00:15:32,432
See, Leia? Everything's fine.

293
00:15:32,516 --> 00:15:34,059
I got a cool mom.

294
00:15:34,142 --> 00:15:36,687
What does that mean?
You should be thanking me.

295
00:15:36,770 --> 00:15:39,982
When I got caught shoplifting,
Grandma made me sleep in a canoe.

296
00:15:41,149 --> 00:15:42,776
I woke up in the next town.

297
00:15:43,944 --> 00:15:45,988
You're lucky you got a mom who gets you.

298
00:15:46,071 --> 00:15:48,699
You don't get anything.
We were all leaving the store.

299
00:15:48,782 --> 00:15:50,909
Why do you think
I was the only one who got caught?

300
00:15:50,993 --> 00:15:51,952
[scoffs softly]

301
00:15:52,035 --> 00:15:52,911
Forget it.

302
00:15:53,996 --> 00:15:57,082
I don't know, honey.
My money would have been on the virgin.

303
00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:01,211
-Gwen told you?
-You can tell from a mile away, kid.

304
00:16:03,422 --> 00:16:05,424
[rock music plays]

305
00:16:08,719 --> 00:16:11,847
Good morning, Kiefer.
What's going on? Are you moving?

306
00:16:12,514 --> 00:16:14,016
Yeah, uh… I'm, uh…

307
00:16:14,099 --> 00:16:15,017
I'm moving.

308
00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:20,063
Yeah, to a different location
with better auras and all that crap.

309
00:16:20,981 --> 00:16:22,733
Well, how exciting!

310
00:16:22,816 --> 00:16:25,152
-Yeah, yeah.
-And Red thought you were a quack.

311
00:16:25,235 --> 00:16:27,154
A quack? Me? Ha!

312
00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:30,157
Kitty, I have
a pretty bad cocaine problem.

313
00:16:32,367 --> 00:16:34,494
I do a lot of cocaine.

314
00:16:34,578 --> 00:16:37,456
And when I can't find it,
I do other stuff.

315
00:16:37,539 --> 00:16:38,582
Worse stuff.

316
00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:40,959
Stuff that I buy from a lion tamer.

317
00:16:41,043 --> 00:16:42,085
[exhales deeply]

318
00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:45,047
I hope this doesn't change
anything between us.

319
00:16:45,130 --> 00:16:47,257
It changes a lot!

320
00:16:48,258 --> 00:16:51,470
Usually does, yeah. Okay, quick question.

321
00:16:52,179 --> 00:16:53,555
Do you have any cocaine?

322
00:16:54,556 --> 00:16:55,474
No.

323
00:16:56,266 --> 00:16:58,143
I've never even been to Miami.

324
00:16:59,770 --> 00:17:03,607
How about 1,000 dollars?
Do you have 1,000 American dollars?

325
00:17:04,274 --> 00:17:07,527
I can't believe you are a fraud.
I am so disappointed.

326
00:17:07,611 --> 00:17:12,282
Kitty, I don't have time to talk about
who is a fake healer and who isn't.

327
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:15,118
I owe some very bad people a lot of money.

328
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:18,163
Will you run away with me?

329
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:22,626
No, I will not!

330
00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:23,835
And this…

331
00:17:24,961 --> 00:17:27,839
This belongs in a pasta salad.

332
00:17:29,424 --> 00:17:30,300
Oh.

333
00:17:30,884 --> 00:17:33,595
Hey! Hey! Do you want to buy a boombox?

334
00:17:33,678 --> 00:17:35,806
Only ten American dollars!

335
00:17:36,348 --> 00:17:38,642
[rock riff plays]

336
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:40,102
Where's the mayonnaise?

337
00:17:42,104 --> 00:17:45,899
Leia… your grandma
is going through something.

338
00:17:45,982 --> 00:17:50,487
And she will either come to her senses,
or this is the beginning of the end.

339
00:17:53,281 --> 00:17:54,449
I messed up, Red.

340
00:17:54,533 --> 00:17:56,076
And there we go.

341
00:17:56,868 --> 00:17:59,079
Kiefer is not a healer.

342
00:17:59,162 --> 00:18:02,332
He's a fraud.
That's why my mom pooped on my windshield.

343
00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:04,000
She was trying to warn me.

344
00:18:06,503 --> 00:18:08,380
Go ahead. Tell me I'm stupid.

345
00:18:08,463 --> 00:18:10,340
Don't beat yourself up.

346
00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:12,425
We all make mistakes.

347
00:18:12,509 --> 00:18:14,803
You remember when I lost my wedding ring,

348
00:18:14,886 --> 00:18:16,596
and we had to get it replaced?

349
00:18:18,306 --> 00:18:21,059
-No.
-Well, another mistake!

350
00:18:21,143 --> 00:18:22,144
[chuckles]

351
00:18:22,227 --> 00:18:23,103
Ah, come here.

352
00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:26,815
It's gonna be okay.

353
00:18:26,898 --> 00:18:31,278
Wait, so, you really messed up,
but you didn't get mad,

354
00:18:31,361 --> 00:18:34,030
question your entire relationship,
or steal a bra?

355
00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:36,199
No, I'm not mad at all.

356
00:18:38,076 --> 00:18:41,705
I gave Kiefer 700 dollars
to cleanse our house.

357
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:46,751
Not mad at all.

358
00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:49,254
[rock riff plays]

359
00:18:50,213 --> 00:18:52,340
I am so sorry, Mrs. Purdy.

360
00:18:52,424 --> 00:18:55,468
I had no idea
that Vanessa was lost at sea.

361
00:18:57,387 --> 00:18:58,513
I'll pray for her.

362
00:18:59,264 --> 00:19:00,223
[phone beeps]

363
00:19:01,558 --> 00:19:02,392
Count it!

364
00:19:04,686 --> 00:19:06,897
-Hi, Jay.
-I think we're about to die.

365
00:19:08,315 --> 00:19:10,942
-What are you doing back here?
-I couldn't give up on us.

366
00:19:11,026 --> 00:19:14,362
I know what you want, and I can be her.

367
00:19:15,071 --> 00:19:17,282
Look at me. I dress like this,

368
00:19:17,365 --> 00:19:20,410
and I talk like this,
and I'm Jay's girlfriend.

369
00:19:22,329 --> 00:19:24,039
She does sound like her!

370
00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:29,336
-What the hell's going on here?
-What the hell's going on here?

371
00:19:30,629 --> 00:19:31,755
Back off.

372
00:19:31,838 --> 00:19:33,882
Ooh… Don't talk to her like that.

373
00:19:35,217 --> 00:19:36,927
Jay, I came down here to forgive you,

374
00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:40,055
but obviously you're not thinking about me
as much as I was thinking about you.

375
00:19:40,138 --> 00:19:41,598
Leia, sit down.

376
00:19:44,976 --> 00:19:47,312
Jay has been killing himself
trying to show you he's changed.

377
00:19:47,395 --> 00:19:49,731
He apologized to every girl
he ever lied to.

378
00:19:49,814 --> 00:19:51,900
He's been slapped, kicked, spit on,

379
00:19:51,983 --> 00:19:54,861
and we are moments away
from this girl wearing his skin!

380
00:19:56,613 --> 00:19:58,490
And you know why he's doing all that?

381
00:19:59,241 --> 00:20:00,659
Because he's crazy about you.

382
00:20:01,952 --> 00:20:03,119
Leia.

383
00:20:07,249 --> 00:20:10,961
I understand it's gonna take some time
for you to start trusting me again,

384
00:20:11,461 --> 00:20:15,715
but I'm gonna do whatever it takes,
because I really do love you.

385
00:20:16,925 --> 00:20:18,635
Aw, baby!

386
00:20:20,428 --> 00:20:22,597
Stay out of my moment!

387
00:20:24,516 --> 00:20:27,936
This didn't go exactly
how I always pictured it,

388
00:20:28,019 --> 00:20:29,813
the first or second time,

389
00:20:30,605 --> 00:20:33,775
but I don't care, because I love you too.

390
00:20:38,154 --> 00:20:40,156
I guess it is time for me to move on.

391
00:20:42,701 --> 00:20:43,535
Hey, you.

392
00:20:45,787 --> 00:20:47,956
Babe, you gotta get better at this.

393
00:20:48,039 --> 00:20:49,833
[soft rock riff plays]

394
00:20:52,002 --> 00:20:54,546
Oh, good.
You finally came out of your room.

395
00:20:54,629 --> 00:20:57,299
I knew you couldn't resist
the smell of my hot dog soup.

396
00:21:02,220 --> 00:21:05,056
Listen, honey, I don't know
if you know this,

397
00:21:05,140 --> 00:21:08,435
because I do a really good job
of keeping it from you, but…

398
00:21:08,518 --> 00:21:10,270
I don't always know what I'm doing.

399
00:21:10,770 --> 00:21:12,814
[sarcastically] No way.

400
00:21:14,107 --> 00:21:16,818
Come on, it'd help me
if you told me what I'm doing wrong.

401
00:21:16,901 --> 00:21:20,697
It's not that you're wrong,
it's just that you're so… white.

402
00:21:21,990 --> 00:21:24,034
Like, really, really white.

403
00:21:25,327 --> 00:21:27,120
You never met your great-grandma.

404
00:21:27,203 --> 00:21:29,456
When she laid down in the snow, gone.

405
00:21:32,459 --> 00:21:34,753
Sometimes, when you talk about
how alike we are,

406
00:21:34,836 --> 00:21:38,506
it feels like you're ignoring
that I'm Black, and that sucks for me.

407
00:21:38,590 --> 00:21:41,551
Oh no, that's the last thing
I'm trying to do, honey.

408
00:21:41,634 --> 00:21:43,261
I-- I'm so sorry.

409
00:21:43,345 --> 00:21:47,098
It's okay. I'm not mad at you,
but I am mad.

410
00:21:47,182 --> 00:21:51,561
I'm so mad, like, all the time! I'm mad
when it happens and I don't expect it.

411
00:21:51,644 --> 00:21:54,147
I'm mad when I do expect it
and nothing happens!

412
00:21:54,230 --> 00:21:57,025
I get it. That I don't get it.

413
00:21:59,694 --> 00:22:00,528
So…

414
00:22:01,863 --> 00:22:02,906
did we fix this?

415
00:22:03,990 --> 00:22:04,824
Racism?

416
00:22:07,285 --> 00:22:08,411
Us.

417
00:22:09,496 --> 00:22:11,831
-I feel better we're talking about it.
-Okay.

418
00:22:11,915 --> 00:22:15,877
You can always talk to me
about anything, whether I get it or not.

419
00:22:24,761 --> 00:22:25,887
Dude.

420
00:22:26,679 --> 00:22:28,932
Nik? What are you doing in my house?

421
00:22:29,015 --> 00:22:30,016
We broke up!

422
00:22:30,100 --> 00:22:31,935
[rock music plays]