1
00:00:06,049 --> 00:00:07,967
[rock riff plays]

2
00:00:08,718 --> 00:00:10,219
You guys are so lucky.

3
00:00:10,303 --> 00:00:13,598
The closest I ever been to Paris is
when "It's a Small World" broke down

4
00:00:13,681 --> 00:00:15,141
in front of the cancan dancers.

5
00:00:16,100 --> 00:00:17,769
Nine months later, Gwen was born.

6
00:00:17,852 --> 00:00:18,686
[both laugh]

7
00:00:18,770 --> 00:00:21,522
Well, I have really studied up
on my French.

8
00:00:21,606 --> 00:00:26,152
Beef, boeuf. Ham, jambon.
Sausage, saucisson.

9
00:00:27,403 --> 00:00:30,990
If Red doesn’t get all three of those
every day, he gets cranky.

10
00:00:31,574 --> 00:00:33,618
Don't worry about a thing, Red.

11
00:00:33,701 --> 00:00:37,288
I am going to watch those kids
like a hawk.

12
00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:40,750
And at night,
I'm gonna watch 'em like a bat.

13
00:00:41,918 --> 00:00:44,879
Upside down, in my back stretcher.

14
00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:48,966
Bob, you are in charge

15
00:00:49,675 --> 00:00:52,095
because I had no other option.

16
00:00:52,970 --> 00:00:55,139
It was either you or her.

17
00:00:55,223 --> 00:00:56,516
You made the right call.

18
00:00:57,600 --> 00:00:58,976
I start a lot of fires.

19
00:01:01,104 --> 00:01:04,649
You can count on me, Red.
When have I ever let you down?

20
00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:06,984
Leia, quick, hug your grandpa goodbye.

21
00:01:09,320 --> 00:01:10,863
I know it's a long shot,

22
00:01:10,947 --> 00:01:14,659
but if you see a poodle in a beret
eating a croissant,

23
00:01:14,742 --> 00:01:15,910
I need that picture.

24
00:01:15,993 --> 00:01:18,037
[chuckles] See ya in two weeks.

25
00:01:20,915 --> 00:01:23,251
[sternly] See ya in two weeks.

26
00:01:23,835 --> 00:01:25,545
Have a great time. Love you.

27
00:01:25,628 --> 00:01:26,796
[Kitty] Love you too.

28
00:01:26,879 --> 00:01:30,383
So, you don't really
have to watch me and my friends.

29
00:01:30,466 --> 00:01:33,094
-I won't tell if you won't.
-No can do.

30
00:01:33,177 --> 00:01:36,347
I'm glued to your hip
for the next two weeks.

31
00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:37,348
[rock riff plays]

32
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:38,516
Mmm!

33
00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:42,436
I love that you can eat a burrito
for any meal these days.

34
00:01:42,937 --> 00:01:44,355
You already said that.

35
00:01:45,314 --> 00:01:48,025
Is this what you kids do down here?

36
00:01:48,109 --> 00:01:49,026
Pretty boring.

37
00:01:50,820 --> 00:01:53,322
You need a Fonzie in this crew.

38
00:01:54,824 --> 00:01:57,493
Looks like it'll be me. Hey!

39
00:01:59,579 --> 00:02:01,038
You already said that too.

40
00:02:01,122 --> 00:02:03,124
[theme music playing]

41
00:02:03,207 --> 00:02:05,042
♪ Hanging out down the street ♪

42
00:02:05,126 --> 00:02:07,086
♪ The same old thing we did last week ♪

43
00:02:07,170 --> 00:02:09,297
♪ Not a thing to do ♪

44
00:02:09,380 --> 00:02:11,424
♪ But talk to you ♪

45
00:02:11,507 --> 00:02:13,843
♪ We're all all right
We're all all right ♪

46
00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:16,470
Hello, Wisconsin!

47
00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:21,517
How many square feet
you think this place is? 250, 280?

48
00:02:21,601 --> 00:02:23,895
-What do you think, Gwen?
-I do not care.

49
00:02:25,271 --> 00:02:27,190
I'm gonna go hit the head. Oh.

50
00:02:27,815 --> 00:02:32,737
It's just number one,
so I'll be back in ten minutes tops.

51
00:02:35,198 --> 00:02:36,741
Look, we got to get rid of him.

52
00:02:36,824 --> 00:02:40,119
I mean, he's up there forgetting
the stories he already told us right now.

53
00:02:40,620 --> 00:02:41,954
Let's not be hasty.

54
00:02:42,580 --> 00:02:43,831
We could use a Fonz.

55
00:02:45,041 --> 00:02:46,626
I've been saying that for years.

56
00:02:47,126 --> 00:02:48,878
Bob's not going to be a problem.

57
00:02:48,961 --> 00:02:52,465
Three weeks ago he made a joke
about my jacket having too many pockets.

58
00:02:52,548 --> 00:02:55,801
You know… the one with the perfect
amount of pockets?

59
00:02:56,969 --> 00:02:59,931
So I decided to use the Internet
for what it's intended for.

60
00:03:01,057 --> 00:03:01,891
Revenge.

61
00:03:01,974 --> 00:03:03,059
[noir tune playing]

62
00:03:03,142 --> 00:03:06,938
I found Bob's AOL screen name
and assumed a female persona.

63
00:03:07,605 --> 00:03:10,107
We began flirting
in a rare coin chat room.

64
00:03:10,858 --> 00:03:13,819
I fed his ego
by laughing at all of his coin jokes.

65
00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:17,782
His punchline was always,
"That makes cents."

66
00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:21,244
He found this way funnier than I did.

67
00:03:21,327 --> 00:03:22,536
[chuckling]

68
00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:28,084
Using a perfect blend of Meg Ryan's charm
and Gerald Ford's politics,

69
00:03:29,335 --> 00:03:31,212
the sparks began to fly.

70
00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:34,215
He couldn't type his feelings fast enough.

71
00:03:36,425 --> 00:03:40,388
So I suggested we meet up sometime,
and… what a shock, Bob agreed.

72
00:03:40,471 --> 00:03:41,973
Yes!

73
00:03:42,765 --> 00:03:44,517
Hoo! A million times.

74
00:03:46,060 --> 00:03:47,520
Yes!

75
00:03:49,522 --> 00:03:51,232
[noir tune fades out]

76
00:03:52,108 --> 00:03:54,694
So awaiting him in his inbox
are the details

77
00:03:54,777 --> 00:03:58,281
for a hot date tonight… with Linda Takada.

78
00:03:58,364 --> 00:03:59,907
Wait, that's your mom's name.

79
00:04:00,408 --> 00:04:02,201
I know. I panicked. It's gross.

80
00:04:03,953 --> 00:04:06,414
I'm just saying, if I know Bob,

81
00:04:06,497 --> 00:04:09,917
and I really do,
he's up there checking his email.

82
00:04:10,876 --> 00:04:12,545
Leia, something came up.

83
00:04:12,628 --> 00:04:17,174
I got to take off for a couple of hours.
It's a family emergency.

84
00:04:18,384 --> 00:04:20,720
Oh, okay. Any family I know?

85
00:04:20,803 --> 00:04:23,931
If I play my cards right,
might be soon. [chuckles]

86
00:04:24,015 --> 00:04:25,725
[rock music plays]

87
00:04:29,353 --> 00:04:31,188
Here's why being upstairs is better.

88
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:32,898
When we're downstairs,

89
00:04:32,982 --> 00:04:35,776
we have to walk up the stairs
to get upstairs.

90
00:04:37,653 --> 00:04:40,156
When we're upstairs,
we're already here. [chuckles]

91
00:04:40,239 --> 00:04:42,658
Every day is like your first day ever.

92
00:04:44,285 --> 00:04:45,953
-Hey, what'd I miss?
-Nothing.

93
00:04:48,372 --> 00:04:50,750
-What's with the face?
-What do you mean?

94
00:04:52,126 --> 00:04:54,128
There’s stuff on it
that shouldn’t be there.

95
00:04:54,754 --> 00:04:56,213
-I think it's cool.
-Thank you.

96
00:04:56,297 --> 00:04:57,465
Of course you do.

97
00:04:57,548 --> 00:05:00,384
You've lived in each other's pants
for the last two years.

98
00:05:00,468 --> 00:05:02,261
[chuckling] No, no.

99
00:05:02,345 --> 00:05:03,596
It's not like that.

100
00:05:03,679 --> 00:05:04,805
We're just friends.

101
00:05:04,889 --> 00:05:09,352
Since the pregnancy scare,
all the sexual tension between us is gone.

102
00:05:09,435 --> 00:05:11,312
Yeah, a lot of things feel different.

103
00:05:11,395 --> 00:05:14,607
I wanna be more in the moment,
take some chances.

104
00:05:14,690 --> 00:05:18,277
So far, it's just these face gems
and a body wash that attracted bees,

105
00:05:18,361 --> 00:05:19,653
but I'm on a journey. So…

106
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:23,240
When you get to where you're going,
wash your face.

107
00:05:25,076 --> 00:05:26,285
We've got a big problem.

108
00:05:27,453 --> 00:05:30,164
Leia told Purple Hair Paula
that we have the house to ourselves.

109
00:05:30,247 --> 00:05:32,083
She has the biggest mouth at school.

110
00:05:32,166 --> 00:05:33,959
She told me I was gay.

111
00:05:36,754 --> 00:05:39,757
She's gonna tell everyone.
It's gonna turn into a giant party.

112
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:43,552
I mean, if she told me about this,
I'd be on my way over here right now.

113
00:05:44,220 --> 00:05:47,348
People aren't just gonna show up
at my house uninvited, right?

114
00:05:47,431 --> 00:05:48,724
That's so rude.

115
00:05:48,808 --> 00:05:49,892
[chuckles softly]

116
00:05:52,269 --> 00:05:54,230
That's literally what we do every day.

117
00:05:54,814 --> 00:05:56,941
[knocking, clattering]

118
00:05:59,485 --> 00:06:01,445
[singsong] They're here.

119
00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:03,697
[rock riff plays]

120
00:06:03,781 --> 00:06:06,450
You didn't have to walk us
all the way to the gate.

121
00:06:06,534 --> 00:06:07,952
I wish it was about me being nice,

122
00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:10,788
but a lot of dudes say goodbye
to their gals at the gate.

123
00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:12,706
I like to scoop up the crying ones.

124
00:06:13,207 --> 00:06:15,000
Hey, bring me back a T-shirt.

125
00:06:15,084 --> 00:06:18,337
I wear a child's large
and just slice it down the front.

126
00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:20,881
[strains, giggles]

127
00:06:20,965 --> 00:06:22,967
[indistinct announcement over PA]

128
00:06:23,551 --> 00:06:27,680
Red, I've been thinking about this a lot,
so I'm just gonna say it.

129
00:06:28,180 --> 00:06:31,142
Do you think French animals have accents?

130
00:06:33,602 --> 00:06:34,937
Here's the thing, Kitty.

131
00:06:36,147 --> 00:06:37,815
I'm not getting on that plane.

132
00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:41,402
If your tummy is upset,
we are sitting right next to the bathroom,

133
00:06:41,485 --> 00:06:43,237
because you booked it.

134
00:06:43,988 --> 00:06:46,282
No, that's… that's not the problem.

135
00:06:47,116 --> 00:06:48,909
Did you ever wonder why,

136
00:06:48,993 --> 00:06:52,913
all those years when you and the kids
flew to Disney World,

137
00:06:52,997 --> 00:06:55,082
I drove down and met you there?

138
00:06:55,166 --> 00:06:57,418
'Cause you didn't wanna pay
for a rental car.

139
00:06:57,501 --> 00:07:01,422
And when we took the train to Seattle
when my uncle died?

140
00:07:02,047 --> 00:07:03,466
You wanted to see the Rockies.

141
00:07:03,549 --> 00:07:05,509
I could give a crap about the Rockies.

142
00:07:06,343 --> 00:07:09,054
Oh my goodness, you are afraid to fly.

143
00:07:09,138 --> 00:07:11,974
Why didn't you say something
before we got to the airport?

144
00:07:12,057 --> 00:07:15,186
I was hoping we'd get into
a car accident on the way here.

145
00:07:16,437 --> 00:07:18,814
And God bless Sherri, she tried.

146
00:07:18,898 --> 00:07:20,900
[rock music playing]

147
00:07:22,735 --> 00:07:25,696
There's way too many people out there.
There's a keg and a DJ.

148
00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:27,198
And people are stretching.

149
00:07:27,281 --> 00:07:29,116
Why are they stretching?

150
00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:31,160
Ooh, there's another girl with face gems.

151
00:07:31,243 --> 00:07:34,079
Except she looks like she's
trying too hard. I'm gonna go tell her.

152
00:07:37,208 --> 00:07:40,169
What are they doing
to my grandma's decorative frog?

153
00:07:41,045 --> 00:07:42,588
Its mouth is for flowers.

154
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:46,550
That's it. I'm going out there
and telling everyone they need to leave.

155
00:07:46,634 --> 00:07:48,677
Jay, please make sure no one gets in here.

156
00:07:49,595 --> 00:07:51,722
You mean guard this place like Road House?

157
00:07:53,224 --> 00:07:56,685
-I don't know what that means.
-You don't have to know what it means.

158
00:07:57,186 --> 00:07:59,230
Just say,
"Guard this place like Road House."

159
00:07:59,730 --> 00:08:01,190
Just say it.

160
00:08:02,858 --> 00:08:05,986
-Guard this place like Road House.
-You will not regret this.

161
00:08:06,862 --> 00:08:10,574
-You wanna help me Road House this house?
-That gave me tingles.

162
00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:13,661
[rock music playing]

163
00:08:16,539 --> 00:08:19,458
Listen up! I'm Leia Forman,
and this is my house.

164
00:08:19,542 --> 00:08:20,960
[all whooping and cheering]

165
00:08:21,043 --> 00:08:21,961
[girl] Yeah!

166
00:08:22,044 --> 00:08:23,462
And you all need to leave!

167
00:08:23,546 --> 00:08:24,797
[all] Boo!

168
00:08:25,381 --> 00:08:29,134
Boo you! I'm serious. My grandparents
aren't coming back for two weeks, and--

169
00:08:29,218 --> 00:08:31,595
[all cheering excitedly]

170
00:08:31,679 --> 00:08:33,889
No. No. Forget what I just said.

171
00:08:34,473 --> 00:08:36,642
Hey, you wanna bong this beer?

172
00:08:36,725 --> 00:08:40,020
-How many mouths have been on that thing?
-I don't know. I found it on the floor.

173
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:42,147
Come on, we dare you.

174
00:08:42,231 --> 00:08:43,148
You dare me?

175
00:08:44,108 --> 00:08:45,234
Give me that thing.

176
00:08:46,527 --> 00:08:49,029
-Hey, you. [chuckles]
-Cole!

177
00:08:49,113 --> 00:08:51,073
I was hoping you were gonna show up.

178
00:08:51,156 --> 00:08:54,034
Otherwise, I was gonna have to
make out with that weird guy

179
00:08:54,118 --> 00:08:56,036
slow-dancing with the basketball pole.

180
00:08:59,957 --> 00:09:01,709
So, uh, bad news.

181
00:09:01,792 --> 00:09:05,045
They moved up soccer practice,
so I leave for college tomorrow.

182
00:09:05,129 --> 00:09:07,673
What? And they just told you?

183
00:09:07,756 --> 00:09:10,718
Actually, I read the schedule wrong.
June looks like July.

184
00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:13,053
If you stop reading halfway through.

185
00:09:13,637 --> 00:09:17,600
Okay, we knew this was gonna happen.
I guess it's just sooner than we thought.

186
00:09:17,683 --> 00:09:20,978
Since it's my last night here,
I was thinking we could spend it together.

187
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:24,398
Well, I'd rather just rip the Band-Aid off
and say goodbye now, so…

188
00:09:25,858 --> 00:09:27,568
You don't even wanna talk about it?

189
00:09:30,029 --> 00:09:32,740
My way or the highway.

190
00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:36,827
Dude… I was gonna say the catchphrase.

191
00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:41,790
What? No, I said I was gonna say it first,
and you were gonna say it next time.

192
00:09:41,874 --> 00:09:43,917
[scoffs] That is what we agreed on.

193
00:09:44,001 --> 00:09:44,877
I'm sorry.

194
00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:45,919
[rock riff plays]

195
00:09:48,756 --> 00:09:52,051
Here you go. Some liquid courage.

196
00:09:54,386 --> 00:09:56,889
Your sleeping pill is floating in here.

197
00:09:58,641 --> 00:10:00,351
I am shocked.

198
00:10:00,976 --> 00:10:02,811
And I wasted a pill.

199
00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:06,899
I don't get it.
You flew back and forth to Korea.

200
00:10:06,982 --> 00:10:09,735
And that was the scariest part of the war.

201
00:10:10,402 --> 00:10:11,820
I hate to butt in here.

202
00:10:12,488 --> 00:10:14,698
Airplanes are scarier than you think.

203
00:10:15,532 --> 00:10:20,579
You see, they're a petri dish
full of germs, pathogens, microbes…

204
00:10:20,663 --> 00:10:21,830
No one asked you.

205
00:10:23,332 --> 00:10:24,750
Let the man talk.

206
00:10:25,334 --> 00:10:26,585
Well, think about it.

207
00:10:26,669 --> 00:10:30,172
300 people using the same bathroom,
and we can't roll down a window?

208
00:10:30,255 --> 00:10:31,757
We’re all breathing in feek.

209
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:34,009
What's "feek"?

210
00:10:34,718 --> 00:10:37,971
It’s what we in the anti-germ community
call fecal matter.

211
00:10:39,515 --> 00:10:43,102
You hear that, Kitty?
We'd be breathing in feek.

212
00:10:44,937 --> 00:10:46,188
I don't like you.

213
00:10:48,399 --> 00:10:52,111
All I'm saying is that if she loved you,
she wouldn’t be taking that job in Spain.

214
00:10:52,194 --> 00:10:54,279
You can teach English
right here in America.

215
00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:57,991
What are you doing?
The guy's got a Celica with a phone in it.

216
00:10:58,075 --> 00:10:59,785
I hit the lottery over here.

217
00:10:59,868 --> 00:11:01,620
Okay, Red is afraid of flying.

218
00:11:01,704 --> 00:11:03,414
-What?
-Our flight leaves in an hour.

219
00:11:03,497 --> 00:11:07,042
And that guy is
filling Red's head with lies or…

220
00:11:07,126 --> 00:11:09,670
or truths I choose to ignore.

221
00:11:10,587 --> 00:11:12,798
All right, don't worry. I got this.

222
00:11:14,425 --> 00:11:19,054
I know a guy who flew one time.
Diarrhea-ed himself to death.

223
00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:22,349
Hey, young fella, I'm bored.

224
00:11:22,433 --> 00:11:25,185
You wanna get drunk,
hook up, and never talk again?

225
00:11:26,270 --> 00:11:27,855
Can I wash your hands first?

226
00:11:28,522 --> 00:11:29,690
I've done weirder.

227
00:11:31,942 --> 00:11:33,652
It's been nice talking to you, Red.

228
00:11:33,736 --> 00:11:34,570
Ugh…

229
00:11:37,656 --> 00:11:38,741
Okay.

230
00:11:39,324 --> 00:11:41,702
I didn't think
it was gonna come to this, but…

231
00:11:43,704 --> 00:11:46,540
How would you like to join
the Mile High Club?

232
00:11:51,253 --> 00:11:53,672
With any woman on the plane.

233
00:11:54,673 --> 00:11:57,176
I really want to go to Paris.

234
00:11:58,427 --> 00:12:00,429
[rock music playing]

235
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:08,479
Remember when Swayze was like,
"Be nice. Until it's time to not be nice."

236
00:12:08,562 --> 00:12:12,441
[chuckles] Or when he said,
"Time to take out the trash."

237
00:12:12,524 --> 00:12:13,567
[gasps] Or…

238
00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:16,069
[both] When he ripped
that dude's throat out!

239
00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:19,573
-It's the perfect movie.
-Yeah.

240
00:12:19,656 --> 00:12:22,242
-Why are there people down here?
-[hesitates, chuckles]

241
00:12:22,326 --> 00:12:24,995
They were already here, so this… this is…

242
00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:27,623
It's kind of like…
We don't know what to do.

243
00:12:28,832 --> 00:12:31,084
Yeah, I feel like that all the time, man.

244
00:12:32,878 --> 00:12:33,712
Leo?

245
00:12:33,796 --> 00:12:37,132
You didn't think I was gonna miss
my own retirement party, did you?

246
00:12:37,216 --> 00:12:38,091
[chuckles]

247
00:12:38,175 --> 00:12:42,095
Hey, that'd be worse
than missing your own retirement party.

248
00:12:42,596 --> 00:12:44,097
I'm not gonna do that.

249
00:12:45,015 --> 00:12:47,476
It's his retirement party.
I had to let him in.

250
00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:50,896
Hey. Who wants to get stupid?

251
00:12:52,815 --> 00:12:56,235
Absolutely not.
My grandpa Red is gonna kill me.

252
00:12:56,735 --> 00:12:59,112
Why is my grandpa's name Red?

253
00:13:00,072 --> 00:13:02,991
Read a book. Read a book.

254
00:13:03,617 --> 00:13:05,786
Reeds are in a saxophone.

255
00:13:05,869 --> 00:13:08,038
Bill Clinton plays the saxophone.

256
00:13:08,539 --> 00:13:10,207
Is that why you're retiring?

257
00:13:11,208 --> 00:13:13,210
Pretty much. So, man, you know…

258
00:13:14,211 --> 00:13:17,130
But don't worry,
my son's coming to town to take over.

259
00:13:17,631 --> 00:13:21,385
And I'm gonna open up a… a…
a bed and breakfast with my dog.

260
00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:23,053
[chuckles]

261
00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:25,389
Yeah, and if that doesn't work out,

262
00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:29,059
I still got four years of eligibility
to play college football.

263
00:13:30,936 --> 00:13:32,646
I never thought about retiring.

264
00:13:33,438 --> 00:13:37,317
[chuckles] I'm gonna be one of those
old guys who still looks super young.

265
00:13:37,818 --> 00:13:40,779
I mean, we're talking hair dye, facelifts.

266
00:13:41,405 --> 00:13:43,949
I'll tape stuff up. I'll pull stuff down.

267
00:13:44,658 --> 00:13:47,411
I'm gonna look like this… forever.

268
00:13:50,414 --> 00:13:52,624
I've gotta get something off my chest.

269
00:13:53,792 --> 00:13:56,128
I'm not a bouncer with nothing to lose.

270
00:13:57,421 --> 00:13:59,214
I have a heart full of feelings.

271
00:13:59,965 --> 00:14:02,092
Thinking I'm all Swayze. That's…

272
00:14:02,676 --> 00:14:03,677
[chuckles]

273
00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:04,678
…cwazy.

274
00:14:06,805 --> 00:14:10,517
Leo, thanks for inviting me
to your retirement party.

275
00:14:11,101 --> 00:14:14,313
I can't have a party at my house
'cause my grandpa would kill me.

276
00:14:15,647 --> 00:14:17,900
Hey, you're welcome here anytime, man.

277
00:14:17,983 --> 00:14:19,026
[rock riff plays]

278
00:14:19,109 --> 00:14:21,570
[phone ringing]

279
00:14:23,071 --> 00:14:24,865
Hello. Oh.

280
00:14:25,616 --> 00:14:26,700
Hi, Mr. Pinciotti.

281
00:14:26,783 --> 00:14:29,453
Just called to make sure
you kids are okay.

282
00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:31,705
Hey, don't tell anyone this,

283
00:14:31,788 --> 00:14:35,626
but I was supposed to meet a gal,
Linda, from the Internet,

284
00:14:36,126 --> 00:14:37,252
but she stood me up.

285
00:14:37,336 --> 00:14:39,463
That was probably her plan all along.

286
00:14:40,172 --> 00:14:41,256
It doesn't matter.

287
00:14:41,340 --> 00:14:46,511
I met a new gal, and she's smarter,
funnier, and more interesting.

288
00:14:50,474 --> 00:14:52,059
More interesting?

289
00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:55,729
Yeah, the whole thing just makes cents.

290
00:14:55,812 --> 00:14:56,647
[chuckling]

291
00:14:56,730 --> 00:14:58,815
Not funny.

292
00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:01,151
And you don't even know her.

293
00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:03,862
She could be anyone.
She could be a kid on the Internet.

294
00:15:05,739 --> 00:15:07,574
I just got dumped by Leia's grandpa.

295
00:15:08,367 --> 00:15:11,954
Sweet, we're both single.
Want to streak this party together?

296
00:15:12,037 --> 00:15:13,538
Here's the problem. I…

297
00:15:14,289 --> 00:15:17,250
I shaved to see what it'd look like,
but now it looks like I never had it.

298
00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:22,047
Dude, you could have just said no.

299
00:15:23,173 --> 00:15:24,633
Wait, what do you mean you're single?

300
00:15:24,716 --> 00:15:27,761
-Cole's leaving for college tomorrow.
-Are you gonna do long distance?

301
00:15:27,844 --> 00:15:30,055
I don't know. He told me, and I bailed.

302
00:15:30,138 --> 00:15:31,890
Gwen, take it from someone

303
00:15:31,974 --> 00:15:35,143
who just got out of a fake relationship
based on revenge.

304
00:15:35,227 --> 00:15:36,645
You need closure.

305
00:15:37,479 --> 00:15:40,148
I have to wait until the library opens
for Bob to find out

306
00:15:40,232 --> 00:15:42,150
what a raving bitch Linda Takada is.

307
00:15:44,361 --> 00:15:47,572
I just dared a guy
to jump off the roof, and he did it.

308
00:15:47,656 --> 00:15:49,616
[laughs, gasps] It was such a rush.

309
00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:52,577
For me. Uh, he needs ice.

310
00:15:52,661 --> 00:15:54,871
[rock music playing]

311
00:15:57,916 --> 00:16:01,753
[woman over PA] Final boarding call
for flight 0921 to Paris.

312
00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:03,588
Well, that's our flight.

313
00:16:04,506 --> 00:16:05,924
I'm sorry, Kitty.

314
00:16:06,008 --> 00:16:07,009
I love you,

315
00:16:08,135 --> 00:16:09,761
but I just can't do this.

316
00:16:09,845 --> 00:16:11,304
That's okay, honey.

317
00:16:11,388 --> 00:16:14,224
I just wanted to go
if it was fun for both of us.

318
00:16:15,017 --> 00:16:16,059
Let's head home.

319
00:16:16,143 --> 00:16:18,270
Oh, thank you for understanding.

320
00:16:18,353 --> 00:16:19,771
But before you get up,

321
00:16:20,272 --> 00:16:24,609
I'd like to talk a little bit about
what life is gonna be like for you

322
00:16:24,693 --> 00:16:26,319
if we don't go to Paris.

323
00:16:26,403 --> 00:16:27,904
What do you mean by that?

324
00:16:27,988 --> 00:16:31,992
There will be no more cleaning,
no more laundry, no more hot meals.

325
00:16:32,075 --> 00:16:35,454
In fact, I will not cook
for you ever again.

326
00:16:36,455 --> 00:16:38,040
Not because I'm a feminist.

327
00:16:38,123 --> 00:16:39,750
I… I still don't get it.

328
00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:42,878
But because I am done.

329
00:16:43,378 --> 00:16:45,213
So you have a choice to make.

330
00:16:46,256 --> 00:16:48,925
This flight is only eight hours,

331
00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:53,722
and home is for the rest of your life.

332
00:16:55,223 --> 00:17:00,520
And if you think death will save you,
I will pump you so full of vitamins,

333
00:17:00,604 --> 00:17:02,981
you will live forever.

334
00:17:04,274 --> 00:17:05,484
Hold that door.

335
00:17:09,112 --> 00:17:11,114
We are going to Paris!

336
00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:17,245
Well, a layover in Atlanta,
and then we are going to Paris.

337
00:17:19,331 --> 00:17:21,041
Have fun, you two.

338
00:17:23,835 --> 00:17:25,921
Just like a guy.
Get a couple drinks in you,

339
00:17:26,004 --> 00:17:28,715
and all of a sudden, you're not worried
about catching anything.

340
00:17:30,050 --> 00:17:31,551
There's Cinnabon on here.

341
00:17:32,928 --> 00:17:34,679
Oh. I'm gonna miss my flight.

342
00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:36,306
[grunts]

343
00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:41,019
Ohh… Oh.

344
00:17:42,604 --> 00:17:44,022
Bad news, everybody.

345
00:17:45,190 --> 00:17:47,109
Nobody's going to Denver tonight.

346
00:17:47,984 --> 00:17:49,486
Good news, everybody.

347
00:17:51,113 --> 00:17:52,030
I'm in love.

348
00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:55,534
Why does this always happen to me?

349
00:17:55,617 --> 00:17:57,619
[rock music playing]

350
00:18:00,455 --> 00:18:01,832
I dare you to kiss her.

351
00:18:02,332 --> 00:18:05,752
Every game with a high school boy
ends with this. Pick another one.

352
00:18:06,711 --> 00:18:09,005
Oh! I dare you to get up there and sing.

353
00:18:09,089 --> 00:18:10,048
[Nikki] Ugh!

354
00:18:10,132 --> 00:18:11,508
-Hey.
-Look.

355
00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:12,968
I don't know what you want,

356
00:18:13,468 --> 00:18:16,471
but I'm not about to say
a bunch of dumb crap like

357
00:18:17,097 --> 00:18:19,808
"I'm gonna miss you," and
"You're the best guy I ever dated,"

358
00:18:19,891 --> 00:18:22,644
and "Looks shouldn't matter,
but you're super hot,

359
00:18:22,727 --> 00:18:24,771
and there's nothing
you can do about that."

360
00:18:25,730 --> 00:18:27,858
I'm really glad
you didn't say any of that.

361
00:18:28,859 --> 00:18:29,943
So how's this gonna work?

362
00:18:30,527 --> 00:18:32,028
We're gonna stay up all night,

363
00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:37,617
watch the sunrise over the lake… and
you'll get to college already hungover.

364
00:18:37,701 --> 00:18:39,077
[chuckles] I'm down.

365
00:18:41,037 --> 00:18:43,456
Hey! If you're gonna
do that to the mama frog,

366
00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:45,333
at least cover the baby's eyes.

367
00:18:46,376 --> 00:18:49,379
[acoustic rendition of
"You Were Meant For Me" playing]

368
00:18:50,964 --> 00:18:54,509
♪ I hear the clock at 6:00 a.m. ♪

369
00:18:55,135 --> 00:18:58,513
♪ I feel so far from where I've been ♪

370
00:18:59,264 --> 00:19:02,434
♪ I got my eggs, I got my pancakes too ♪

371
00:19:02,517 --> 00:19:04,352
Did you know Nikki could sing?

372
00:19:04,436 --> 00:19:06,146
[chuckles softly] Not like that.

373
00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:10,525
♪ Dreams last so long ♪

374
00:19:10,609 --> 00:19:13,820
♪ Even after you're gone ♪

375
00:19:15,030 --> 00:19:17,908
♪ I know that you love me ♪

376
00:19:17,991 --> 00:19:21,995
♪ And soon I know you will see ♪

377
00:19:22,078 --> 00:19:25,248
Oh no. Don't do it, dude.
You just got over her.

378
00:19:25,332 --> 00:19:26,666
[scoffs] I'm not.

379
00:19:26,750 --> 00:19:27,667
I'm doing it.

380
00:19:27,751 --> 00:19:30,086
♪ Yeah, you were meant for me ♪

381
00:19:30,921 --> 00:19:35,717
♪ And I was meant for you ♪

382
00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:36,968
It's done.

383
00:19:37,052 --> 00:19:39,054
[somber rock riff plays]

384
00:19:39,930 --> 00:19:42,682
[sighs] I looked around.
Everything seems okay.

385
00:19:42,766 --> 00:19:44,809
Someone threw up
on the couch in the basement,

386
00:19:44,893 --> 00:19:46,811
but it's already that color,
so we're good.

387
00:19:47,437 --> 00:19:50,273
Except he ate Leo's retirement brownies.

388
00:19:51,983 --> 00:19:53,610
The whole pan?

389
00:19:55,237 --> 00:19:56,571
Pan-fried chicken.

390
00:19:58,782 --> 00:20:00,700
Yeah, that's all he's been saying.

391
00:20:01,368 --> 00:20:03,245
[loud crashing]

392
00:20:03,328 --> 00:20:04,537
Pan-fried chicken!

393
00:20:09,793 --> 00:20:13,255
-I am in so much trouble!
-Hasn't that always been there?

394
00:20:21,012 --> 00:20:22,222
My bad.

395
00:20:23,223 --> 00:20:26,184
This wasn't our fault, all right?
I was the one reading the map,

396
00:20:26,268 --> 00:20:27,936
and this kitchen wasn't on there.

397
00:20:28,979 --> 00:20:30,647
Hey, Son, you made it.

398
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:31,773
Dad!

399
00:20:32,857 --> 00:20:36,403
Hey. Hey, everybody. This is my son, Son.

400
00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:39,322
He's my son. [laughs]

401
00:20:40,115 --> 00:20:41,241
Full name is Sonny,

402
00:20:41,324 --> 00:20:44,619
but he calls me Son for short
'cause it's easier for him that way.

403
00:20:44,703 --> 00:20:45,578
Right, Pop?

404
00:20:46,162 --> 00:20:47,372
No, my name's Leo.

405
00:20:48,707 --> 00:20:51,167
Why are people chatting?
There's a car in the kitchen!

406
00:20:51,251 --> 00:20:53,128
There's a car in the kitchen!

407
00:20:54,379 --> 00:20:56,965
Bro, we already went over that,
and everyone's cool with it.

408
00:20:58,508 --> 00:21:00,218
God, everyone's so nice here.

409
00:21:00,719 --> 00:21:03,513
[rock music playing]