1
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,924
[rock riff plays]
2
00:00:10,885 --> 00:00:13,471
Gwen, my grandparents get back
from Paris this week.
3
00:00:13,555 --> 00:00:18,518
- And I don't want there to be a huge mess.
- Oh yeah. Worry about me and not that.
4
00:00:20,437 --> 00:00:21,396
I see the hole, Gwen.
5
00:00:21,479 --> 00:00:24,482
I see it now. I see it when I'm sleeping.
I see the fricking hole!
6
00:00:29,070 --> 00:00:31,906
Grandpa… it's been over a week.
7
00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:34,284
Are you sure
we shouldn't have hired professionals?
8
00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:36,828
Hey, your great-uncle Spogiera
9
00:00:36,911 --> 00:00:39,539
watched them build
the Empire State Building.
10
00:00:40,749 --> 00:00:42,000
Show some respect.
11
00:00:43,126 --> 00:00:48,631
But we're almost done.
Just got a few more doodads and whatnots.
12
00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:51,551
[in Italian] Your head
is like an empty bucket.
13
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:54,012
[in English] Italian burn.
14
00:00:54,095 --> 00:00:56,347
Well, you can both relax.
15
00:00:56,431 --> 00:00:59,100
We have till Friday
to put on the finishing touches.
16
00:00:59,184 --> 00:01:01,686
Yesterday, you said they get back Tuesday.
17
00:01:02,187 --> 00:01:05,607
Tell me you wrote it down.
Our lives are on the line, Bob.
18
00:01:06,107 --> 00:01:08,068
I don't need to write it down.
19
00:01:08,151 --> 00:01:11,613
They're coming back
on the same day I get my haircut.
20
00:01:11,696 --> 00:01:12,697
When is that?
21
00:01:12,781 --> 00:01:14,282
That, I don't remember.
22
00:01:15,158 --> 00:01:17,077
Grandpa, that means they're coming back--
23
00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:18,369
Today!
24
00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:23,666
My kitchen!
25
00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:27,170
Someone's gonna die.
26
00:01:27,670 --> 00:01:29,380
[theme music playing]
27
00:01:29,464 --> 00:01:31,299
{\an8}♪ Hanging out down the street ♪
28
00:01:31,382 --> 00:01:33,343
{\an8}♪ The same old thing we did last week ♪
29
00:01:33,426 --> 00:01:35,553
{\an8}♪ Not a thing to do ♪
30
00:01:35,637 --> 00:01:37,639
{\an8}♪ But talk to you ♪
31
00:01:37,722 --> 00:01:40,100
{\an8}♪ We're all all right
We're all all right ♪
32
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:42,852
{\an8}Hello, Wisconsin!
33
00:01:43,353 --> 00:01:44,729
It's over, people.
34
00:01:44,813 --> 00:01:47,190
{\an8}They'll board up the basement
and send me to Chicago.
35
00:01:47,690 --> 00:01:49,818
{\an8}I'll die before I go back.
36
00:01:49,901 --> 00:01:52,320
{\an8}Don't worry.
We're gonna run away together.
37
00:01:52,403 --> 00:01:55,824
{\an8}I'll be Thelma. You'll be Louise.
We both have the hair for it.
38
00:01:56,950 --> 00:02:00,411
{\an8}- It'll be us against the world, babe.
- I think the world's gonna win.
39
00:02:01,496 --> 00:02:03,206
{\an8}My parents can't know about this.
40
00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:06,209
{\an8}They lost it when they found out
I got a belly button ring.
41
00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:08,128
{\an8}Your parents are tough.
42
00:02:09,254 --> 00:02:10,338
{\an8}Can I see it?
43
00:02:11,005 --> 00:02:12,966
{\an8}I'm not worried
about the hole in her belly.
44
00:02:13,049 --> 00:02:15,260
{\an8}I'm worried about the hole in my kitchen!
45
00:02:15,343 --> 00:02:17,720
{\an8}No, I'm not worried.
I just wanted to see it.
46
00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:20,765
{\an8}Guys, we're good.
47
00:02:20,849 --> 00:02:22,433
{\an8}We were just innocent little kids
48
00:02:22,517 --> 00:02:25,812
{\an8}left under the care
of this reckless guardian.
49
00:02:25,895 --> 00:02:28,606
{\an8}No, no. I'm not going down like that.
50
00:02:28,690 --> 00:02:30,942
{\an8}I will throw you all under the bus.
51
00:02:32,902 --> 00:02:35,405
{\an8}- Even me?
- Yours is the only name I know.
52
00:02:38,575 --> 00:02:39,784
{\an8}Hey.
53
00:02:39,868 --> 00:02:43,371
{\an8}Before you start yelling… how was Paris?
54
00:02:43,955 --> 00:02:45,331
{\an8}It was nice.
55
00:02:45,874 --> 00:02:47,667
{\an8}The weather was good.
56
00:02:47,750 --> 00:02:50,295
{\an8}The food was… so-so.
57
00:02:52,046 --> 00:02:53,923
{\an8}And there is a hole
58
00:02:54,883 --> 00:02:56,593
{\an8}in my house!
59
00:02:57,969 --> 00:03:00,305
{\an8}All of my cups are broken!
60
00:03:00,388 --> 00:03:04,017
{\an8}My teacups, my coffee cups, my gravy cup.
61
00:03:04,642 --> 00:03:08,062
{\an8}I know it's a boat! I am upset!
62
00:03:09,647 --> 00:03:11,107
{\an8}- We didn't mean--
- No talking!
63
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:13,067
{\an8}I am bringing down the hammer!
64
00:03:13,151 --> 00:03:18,656
{\an8}None of you will ever see
the pictures of my trip.
65
00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:21,826
{\an8}Not even the ones of the kids smoking.
66
00:03:23,912 --> 00:03:25,788
{\an8}That is cruel but fair.
67
00:03:27,081 --> 00:03:29,959
{\an8}I speak for everyone
when I say we've learned our lesson.
68
00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:33,254
{\an8}You're not getting off that easy.
69
00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:37,217
{\an8}I need a name, and I need an ass!
70
00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:45,475
{\an8}My name's Nate, and this is my ass.
71
00:03:47,769 --> 00:03:49,145
{\an8}It was all my fault, okay?
72
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:54,359
{\an8}I was speeding and air drumming,
and I drove my van into your house.
73
00:03:55,401 --> 00:03:57,028
{\an8}The rest of you can go.
74
00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:03,826
{\an8}You are going to pay me back in misery.
75
00:04:04,786 --> 00:04:10,833
{\an8}I am going to tell you the names
of every porcelain figurine you murdered.
76
00:04:11,417 --> 00:04:13,586
{\an8}Starting with Annette.
77
00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:17,924
{\an8}She was the swan that held my napkins!
78
00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:21,719
{\an8}Bro.
79
00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:24,389
{\an8}What are you doing? You need your ass.
80
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:27,475
{\an8}This is a good thing. I saved everyone
81
00:04:27,558 --> 00:04:30,186
{\an8}so Nikki will think I'm a hero
and fall back in love with me.
82
00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:33,231
That… will work.
83
00:04:33,314 --> 00:04:34,649
[laughing] I know.
84
00:04:35,441 --> 00:04:37,735
You're the only person
I can tell about this, so…
85
00:04:38,611 --> 00:04:40,321
I need you to put it in the vault.
86
00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:47,412
Better hold that key just in case.
87
00:04:50,248 --> 00:04:51,082
Cold.
88
00:04:53,501 --> 00:04:55,336
[Kitty] My whisk is flat!
89
00:04:57,422 --> 00:04:58,798
Good luck, bro.
90
00:05:01,884 --> 00:05:04,429
Her whisk is flat!
91
00:05:05,388 --> 00:05:11,978
Which means I have to take her
to Bed, Bath, and Beyond!
92
00:05:15,064 --> 00:05:17,859
My own personal hell.
93
00:05:18,693 --> 00:05:21,571
So, welcome to yours.
94
00:05:21,654 --> 00:05:23,906
You're gonna take me suit shopping?
95
00:05:24,449 --> 00:05:26,409
- No.
- [sighs]
96
00:05:26,492 --> 00:05:29,662
But be prepared for pain,
97
00:05:29,746 --> 00:05:34,334
sweat, tears, and humiliation!
98
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,587
That sounds a lot like suit shopping.
99
00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:39,672
[rock music playing]
100
00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:44,469
Nate is such a hero.
101
00:05:44,552 --> 00:05:45,595
Grandpa Bob?
102
00:05:46,429 --> 00:05:47,305
Disappointing.
103
00:05:48,639 --> 00:05:50,767
- Why did Nate do that?
- I don't know.
104
00:05:51,976 --> 00:05:52,935
Nobody knows.
105
00:05:54,645 --> 00:05:55,772
I feel so bad.
106
00:05:55,855 --> 00:05:58,483
This is why I'm happy
I was born without a conscience.
107
00:05:59,817 --> 00:06:01,611
You sound like a serial killer.
108
00:06:02,737 --> 00:06:03,946
They get stuff done.
109
00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:07,408
We should get him something
to make up for all this.
110
00:06:07,492 --> 00:06:10,411
Something he'll love.
What's he really into?
111
00:06:11,329 --> 00:06:13,206
Professional wrestling.
112
00:06:14,332 --> 00:06:16,834
On his birthday, we have to save
an extra piece of cake
113
00:06:16,918 --> 00:06:18,878
in case Rowdy Roddy Piper stops by.
114
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:20,797
It always ends in tears.
115
00:06:21,964 --> 00:06:23,049
Before bed,
116
00:06:24,175 --> 00:06:26,761
Nate poses wearing nothing
but his title belt.
117
00:06:27,470 --> 00:06:28,638
How do you know that?
118
00:06:29,305 --> 00:06:30,223
Sleepovers.
119
00:06:31,599 --> 00:06:34,310
They have one every week.
It's called the Sleepover Crew.
120
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:36,896
Don't say that name out loud.
It gives them power.
121
00:06:37,563 --> 00:06:38,815
What's that I'm hearing?
122
00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:40,441
Oh. Jealous.
123
00:06:40,525 --> 00:06:41,359
Jealous.
124
00:06:43,528 --> 00:06:44,654
Who's the Party Animal?
125
00:06:44,737 --> 00:06:47,615
He's a wrestling superstar.
You sound ridiculous.
126
00:06:49,492 --> 00:06:50,493
You like wrestling?
127
00:06:50,576 --> 00:06:53,329
Sweaty, muscle-bound guys
grappling in theatrical costumes,
128
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:54,831
calling each other names?
129
00:06:55,373 --> 00:06:57,125
These are a few of my favorite things.
130
00:06:58,376 --> 00:07:01,587
Problem solved. We'll get him
another of these little naked guys.
131
00:07:01,671 --> 00:07:03,005
No more of those.
132
00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:06,300
Every time he takes a bath,
there's, like, 20 of them in there.
133
00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:08,594
What was wrong with my idea?
134
00:07:08,678 --> 00:07:09,887
You never said it.
135
00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:10,847
Oh.
136
00:07:11,514 --> 00:07:14,434
Well, there's a wrestling convention
in Milwaukee.
137
00:07:14,517 --> 00:07:16,227
The Party Animal's gonna be there.
138
00:07:16,978 --> 00:07:18,646
I really never said any of that?
139
00:07:19,230 --> 00:07:22,275
- Then let's all go and get this signed.
- You know what we need?
140
00:07:22,775 --> 00:07:24,152
Someone who doesn't go.
141
00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:28,281
Yeah, I've been
in one of those figurine baths.
142
00:07:28,990 --> 00:07:30,450
I think I've paid my dues.
143
00:07:31,075 --> 00:07:32,535
Fine. We'll do it.
144
00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:35,913
- You better pee before we leave.
- I don't have to go.
145
00:07:35,997 --> 00:07:37,248
I've heard that before.
146
00:07:37,832 --> 00:07:40,001
Go have a seat and see what comes out.
147
00:07:40,084 --> 00:07:41,878
[rock music playing]
148
00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:49,552
All right, Mr. Forman.
Finished cleaning the driveway.
149
00:07:50,428 --> 00:07:51,804
No cavities, so, uh…
150
00:07:51,888 --> 00:07:53,639
see you in six months. [chuckles]
151
00:07:54,223 --> 00:07:57,059
I'm glad you still have
your sense of humor.
152
00:07:57,143 --> 00:08:00,480
When the laughter dies,
I know I've done my job.
153
00:08:01,063 --> 00:08:03,941
Now, go get rid of that hornet's nest
in the backyard.
154
00:08:04,525 --> 00:08:05,735
That's dangerous.
155
00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:08,196
I need a special suit for that.
156
00:08:08,279 --> 00:08:09,197
A suit?
157
00:08:10,114 --> 00:08:12,325
I wonder if Men's Wearhouse is open.
158
00:08:12,408 --> 00:08:14,368
Okay! I'm going.
159
00:08:15,203 --> 00:08:18,247
[in Italian] You want me to do everything,
lazy son of a bitch.
160
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:20,625
[in English] You kissed
Aunt Maria with that mouth?
161
00:08:20,708 --> 00:08:24,504
[in Italian] My Maria,
I dream of kissing her again.
162
00:08:24,587 --> 00:08:25,838
[in English] I miss her too.
163
00:08:25,922 --> 00:08:27,632
- Maria.
- [both crying]
164
00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:33,137
Red, we're gonna cut out early
'cause we're too sad.
165
00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:36,599
- See you tomorrow.
- No!
166
00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:39,519
[in Italian] Tomorrow is our special day.
167
00:08:41,479 --> 00:08:44,106
[in English] I promised him Six Flags.
168
00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:45,274
See you next week.
169
00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:47,693
Don't bother. You're fired.
170
00:08:47,777 --> 00:08:49,862
For what? We didn't do anything.
171
00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:52,949
We didn't do anything.
172
00:08:54,575 --> 00:08:57,286
[whispering] It's cool. They're sleeping.
173
00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,163
- [all shouting]
- Save yourself!
174
00:08:59,247 --> 00:09:01,082
- [hornets buzzing]
- [rock riff plays]
175
00:09:02,124 --> 00:09:05,836
You seriously took one of those
action figure baths with Nate?
176
00:09:06,337 --> 00:09:09,048
It's how I got him
to take a bath in the first place.
177
00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:11,217
Hey, girls.
178
00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:13,469
Mrs. Forman,
you seem like you're feeling better.
179
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:16,806
Well, my blender was spared,
so I made some margaritas.
180
00:09:16,889 --> 00:09:18,891
[laughs, snorts]
181
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:20,851
I gave it some thought,
182
00:09:20,935 --> 00:09:25,231
and I'm only punishing myself
if I don't show you my vacation pictures.
183
00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:30,069
There's three more bags upstairs.
184
00:09:32,321 --> 00:09:33,281
[sniffs]
185
00:09:33,364 --> 00:09:34,991
Freshly developed pictures.
186
00:09:35,491 --> 00:09:36,492
Who wants a hit?
187
00:09:38,869 --> 00:09:41,372
Okay, let's do this in order.
188
00:09:42,081 --> 00:09:44,917
Oh no. My pickled eggs.
189
00:09:45,001 --> 00:09:47,795
I'm supposed to take them
out of the juice right now.
190
00:09:47,878 --> 00:09:52,383
Right. Those things will get salty,
and people will bring it up every Easter.
191
00:09:53,634 --> 00:09:54,927
Seriously? Pickling?
192
00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:56,804
I pickle.
193
00:09:58,264 --> 00:10:01,267
Okay. So this is us
at our layover in Atlanta.
194
00:10:01,350 --> 00:10:04,895
It's a picture, so you can't tell.
The sidewalks are moving.
195
00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:08,816
And this is the lady who took our picture.
196
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:12,653
Her name is Diane.
She's a stay-at-home mom from Tulsa.
197
00:10:14,155 --> 00:10:19,035
And this is a picture of a picture
of her kids in her wallet.
198
00:10:19,118 --> 00:10:20,911
[laughing heartily]
199
00:10:20,995 --> 00:10:22,622
[disinterested chuckle]
200
00:10:22,705 --> 00:10:25,166
[rock riff plays]
201
00:10:25,249 --> 00:10:27,585
Hey, everybody! Ready to party?
202
00:10:27,668 --> 00:10:29,045
[all] Yeah!
203
00:10:29,128 --> 00:10:30,755
I can't believe Nate's missing this.
204
00:10:30,838 --> 00:10:33,424
I mean we're breathing the same air
as the Party Animal.
205
00:10:33,924 --> 00:10:36,135
Like, if he burps, we can suck that down.
206
00:10:37,803 --> 00:10:40,389
I still can't figure out
why Nate took the blame.
207
00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:42,808
[sighs] Who knows?
I mean, life's a mystery.
208
00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:46,145
I mean, we're made of stuff
that's billions of years old,
209
00:10:46,228 --> 00:10:47,563
but we can't buy beer?
210
00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:52,068
- That's what we should be talking about.
- What? You're acting so weird.
211
00:10:52,151 --> 00:10:54,278
Nate told you why he did it, didn't he?
212
00:10:54,362 --> 00:10:55,696
[sighs]
213
00:10:55,780 --> 00:11:00,076
He did, okay? But it's in the vault,
and my crotch is locked.
214
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:02,953
Pretty sure I can get in there.
215
00:11:03,037 --> 00:11:05,039
Damn it. We didn't think of that.
216
00:11:09,710 --> 00:11:10,544
Hey, there.
217
00:11:11,796 --> 00:11:14,548
That is an incredibly convincing Goldust.
218
00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:19,804
- Did your girlfriend help you with that?
- Oh. No, I don't have a girlfriend.
219
00:11:20,888 --> 00:11:22,682
Did your wife help you with that?
220
00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:25,059
Wrong direction, dude. [chuckles]
221
00:11:25,142 --> 00:11:28,020
- Uh, did your…
- We don't have to play this game.
222
00:11:29,063 --> 00:11:31,315
- Want to split a popcorn?
- I already had some.
223
00:11:31,982 --> 00:11:34,026
- Why did I just say that?
- Come with me.
224
00:11:35,277 --> 00:11:36,862
I can't tell you why he did it.
225
00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:39,782
- So Nate's more important than me?
- No.
226
00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:41,450
So I'm more important than Nate?
227
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:43,661
Don't make me choose between my babies.
228
00:11:44,787 --> 00:11:46,205
Welcome to the party!
229
00:11:46,288 --> 00:11:48,249
Hold on. We're in the middle of something.
230
00:11:48,332 --> 00:11:50,376
Leia, have some respect.
231
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:51,919
He owns a tiger.
232
00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:55,297
He got out.
Don't walk your dogs in Orlando.
233
00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:57,800
Can I ask you something?
234
00:11:57,883 --> 00:12:00,553
Who's more important,
your girlfriend or your best friend?
235
00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:02,638
Did my girlfriend send you here?
236
00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:05,933
'Cause you can tell Becca
I am where I said I'd be.
237
00:12:07,143 --> 00:12:08,185
But say it nicer.
238
00:12:09,061 --> 00:12:10,938
Leia, we're here to get this thing signed.
239
00:12:11,021 --> 00:12:13,190
Now that's a guy
that gets what we're doing here.
240
00:12:14,191 --> 00:12:15,484
Nobody's signing dick
241
00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:18,904
until you unlock your crotch
and show me Nate's secret.
242
00:12:20,614 --> 00:12:22,992
You guys are too weird. Next!
243
00:12:24,326 --> 00:12:25,870
[rock riff plays]
244
00:12:27,163 --> 00:12:28,539
Whoa.
245
00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:34,670
So… did Bob and Geppetto come back
and actually get some work done?
246
00:12:35,171 --> 00:12:36,714
Uncle Spogiera did come back,
247
00:12:36,797 --> 00:12:39,341
but he was shaking a rosary
and spitting on the ground.
248
00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:40,760
[Red chuckles]
249
00:12:42,136 --> 00:12:45,890
I did all this.
I'm kind of the handyman around my place.
250
00:12:45,973 --> 00:12:47,433
Well.
251
00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:50,144
That's a solid job
252
00:12:50,644 --> 00:12:54,565
for a guy with hornet venom
racing through his veins.
253
00:12:55,733 --> 00:12:59,236
Nothing hurts, but I can only see
in black and white now.
254
00:13:00,863 --> 00:13:03,032
This must've been
what your childhood was like.
255
00:13:04,700 --> 00:13:07,870
Did you fix up your van too?
256
00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:12,416
'Cause that looks pretty good
for a car that drove through a house.
257
00:13:14,126 --> 00:13:15,294
Uh-huh.
258
00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:21,634
So… you took the fall
to protect your knuckleheaded friends.
259
00:13:22,593 --> 00:13:23,594
Yeah.
260
00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:25,930
But it was worth it.
261
00:13:26,597 --> 00:13:27,556
[hesitates]
262
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:29,975
Nikki probably thought it was cool of me.
263
00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:32,394
I made a huge mistake
breaking up with her,
264
00:13:32,478 --> 00:13:33,938
and I really want her back.
265
00:13:34,021 --> 00:13:35,940
He did it for a girl.
266
00:13:37,775 --> 00:13:40,402
Of course, a lot of guys
have done a lot worse.
267
00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:43,155
- [chuckles lightly]
- Why do you think I flew to Paris?
268
00:13:44,365 --> 00:13:46,951
It sure as hell wasn't to see Paris.
269
00:13:48,285 --> 00:13:49,703
Oh. Hey, Nik.
270
00:13:49,787 --> 00:13:53,082
Wish I could talk, but I'm too busy
doing all this hard labor.
271
00:13:53,165 --> 00:13:54,333
[chuckles]
272
00:13:57,711 --> 00:14:01,090
Okay. I can't talk.
This is my chance to escape.
273
00:14:01,173 --> 00:14:05,052
Mrs. Forman showed me a picture
of a woman that looked like her grandma.
274
00:14:05,135 --> 00:14:07,847
Then went to go find a picture
of her grandma to prove it.
275
00:14:09,139 --> 00:14:10,140
I'm leaving now.
276
00:14:11,642 --> 00:14:12,560
[gasps]
277
00:14:14,395 --> 00:14:15,646
There you are.
278
00:14:17,314 --> 00:14:20,025
Same mustache. It's uncanny.
279
00:14:22,236 --> 00:14:24,238
[rock music playing]
280
00:14:26,824 --> 00:14:29,743
Hey. Party Animal, can you please
sign this for my friend?
281
00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:31,954
Party's over, kids.
I gotta head to Wichita
282
00:14:32,037 --> 00:14:34,039
for a grand opening of a Cracker Barrel.
283
00:14:34,123 --> 00:14:35,499
I'm not making an appearance.
284
00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:38,460
It's just… I've never seen
a brand-new one before.
285
00:14:39,795 --> 00:14:41,714
I'm gonna take a leak and hit the road.
286
00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:46,552
This sucks.
I was just trying to be a good friend,
287
00:14:46,635 --> 00:14:48,304
and you put me in a really tough spot.
288
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:51,307
Why? Because I want us
to be honest with each other?
289
00:14:51,390 --> 00:14:54,476
Fine. If we're being so honest,
tell me one of Gwen's secrets.
290
00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:55,436
Okay.
291
00:14:56,437 --> 00:14:57,938
She was born with a tail.
292
00:14:58,439 --> 00:15:00,357
And before she could walk,
293
00:15:00,441 --> 00:15:02,818
she'd use it to push herself
around the kitchen.
294
00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:06,447
Okay. As much as I want that
to be true, it's not.
295
00:15:09,033 --> 00:15:10,159
So tell me a real one.
296
00:15:11,493 --> 00:15:13,954
Is there any way out of this
where I'm not wrong?
297
00:15:15,205 --> 00:15:17,750
That's what I thought,
so I'm right about that.
298
00:15:18,876 --> 00:15:22,671
Crap. This is all my fault, and now
we don't have anything to give to Nate.
299
00:15:26,634 --> 00:15:27,676
Where have you been?
300
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,720
You're not gonna believe this,
301
00:15:29,803 --> 00:15:32,222
but I made out with that guy
in the gold makeup.
302
00:15:32,806 --> 00:15:33,682
Yeah, you did.
303
00:15:34,975 --> 00:15:36,393
Did you get the autograph?
304
00:15:36,477 --> 00:15:38,520
Nope. We're going home with nothing.
305
00:15:38,604 --> 00:15:39,438
Not nothing.
306
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:43,067
Something great happened to me,
and that's all I care about.
307
00:15:43,859 --> 00:15:45,027
Let's get out of here.
308
00:15:46,654 --> 00:15:47,613
Where'd Leia go?
309
00:15:47,696 --> 00:15:49,782
[rock riff plays]
310
00:15:49,865 --> 00:15:51,659
- Hello there.
- What the hell?
311
00:15:51,742 --> 00:15:55,287
- You're not supposed to be in here.
- Trust me, I don't wanna be.
312
00:15:55,371 --> 00:15:58,040
But I really need you right now.
313
00:15:58,123 --> 00:16:00,292
You the one sending me
those creepy letters?
314
00:16:00,376 --> 00:16:02,628
I don't know what to do
with your mom's ashes.
315
00:16:02,711 --> 00:16:04,296
And we are not getting married.
316
00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:06,840
No, I just really need you to sign this.
317
00:16:06,924 --> 00:16:09,677
No. It sets an uncomfortable precedent.
318
00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:13,180
Look… if you don't sign this,
319
00:16:13,263 --> 00:16:16,100
I'll tell Becca I saw you
going into the Best Western
320
00:16:16,183 --> 00:16:17,768
with a Cracker Barrel waitress.
321
00:16:18,686 --> 00:16:19,770
She'd believe that.
322
00:16:21,063 --> 00:16:22,523
I will ruin you.
323
00:16:29,530 --> 00:16:30,698
You didn't cross the T.
324
00:16:30,781 --> 00:16:33,450
Look, little lady,
Donny Electric is in that stall.
325
00:16:33,951 --> 00:16:35,202
You should get outta here.
326
00:16:36,161 --> 00:16:37,663
[rock riff plays]
327
00:16:38,789 --> 00:16:40,290
Well, there you are.
328
00:16:40,374 --> 00:16:41,542
[laughs]
329
00:16:41,625 --> 00:16:43,293
Now, where were we?
330
00:16:43,377 --> 00:16:45,212
That's a joke. Paris!
331
00:16:46,255 --> 00:16:48,590
Hey, Mrs. Forman. How'd you find me?
332
00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:49,800
She's just lucky.
333
00:16:51,719 --> 00:16:53,012
Respect!
334
00:16:53,595 --> 00:16:57,558
I wish I could stay, but I've gotta go
read Scripture to blind dogs.
335
00:16:59,059 --> 00:17:01,395
Go save those furry little souls.
336
00:17:02,646 --> 00:17:03,689
Blind dogs?
337
00:17:03,772 --> 00:17:05,232
I read to dogs.
338
00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:09,945
Okay, have you ever seen a baguette?
339
00:17:10,779 --> 00:17:13,198
How about a bag of baguettes?
340
00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:15,576
[fake squeal] Super cool!
341
00:17:15,659 --> 00:17:18,078
Now, this one's a hoot. This is a bidet.
342
00:17:19,329 --> 00:17:24,084
I tricked Red into trying it,
and boy, did he get his feathers ruffled.
343
00:17:26,837 --> 00:17:28,839
[rock music playing]
344
00:17:30,591 --> 00:17:34,386
And the new alien overlords appreciate me
for my great foot rubs,
345
00:17:34,470 --> 00:17:36,680
and they offer to spare me
and my loved ones.
346
00:17:36,764 --> 00:17:38,849
So then I turn to her, and I say,
347
00:17:39,641 --> 00:17:42,895
"Loved ones?
I guess that includes you, girl."
348
00:17:43,771 --> 00:17:44,646
Huh?
349
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:48,067
So, that's how I'd win back Nikki
if there was an alien invasion.
350
00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:49,068
[chuckles]
351
00:17:49,151 --> 00:17:51,612
If the president heard you talk,
352
00:17:51,695 --> 00:17:54,448
he'd do something
about all the lead in the water.
353
00:17:58,202 --> 00:18:00,829
I just… I really miss her.
354
00:18:01,622 --> 00:18:04,083
Like, when I was standing next to her, I…
355
00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:08,128
felt like I had something to be proud of.
And now it feels like I got nothing.
356
00:18:10,380 --> 00:18:12,091
I felt that same way about a girl.
357
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:15,886
Now, I can't even remember her name.
358
00:18:15,969 --> 00:18:17,596
Mary Beth Watson.
359
00:18:19,389 --> 00:18:21,725
Chicks. They rule.
360
00:18:23,811 --> 00:18:26,855
I'm gonna tell Nikki I still love her
the next chance I get.
361
00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:30,651
It's gonna work, too, so I won't have to
marry my second choice, like you.
362
00:18:30,734 --> 00:18:33,195
No… no, no, no, no, no, no.
363
00:18:33,278 --> 00:18:35,405
No, that's not what I said.
364
00:18:36,698 --> 00:18:39,076
Look… you're a nice kid.
365
00:18:39,159 --> 00:18:40,786
You're good with your hands.
366
00:18:40,869 --> 00:18:43,539
Don't put yourself down so much.
367
00:18:44,373 --> 00:18:46,166
Yeah, it's kind of a bad habit.
368
00:18:46,250 --> 00:18:49,378
Listen, if you really want her back,
369
00:18:49,461 --> 00:18:53,132
don't go jumping in her lap
like a little doggie.
370
00:18:53,215 --> 00:18:56,593
Show some confidence. Give it some time.
371
00:18:56,677 --> 00:19:00,889
She sees that…
maybe things are gonna work out for you.
372
00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:06,228
- I feel like I need to hug you.
- No, don't.
373
00:19:06,311 --> 00:19:07,354
- Come here.
- No.
374
00:19:08,063 --> 00:19:09,231
[grunts]
375
00:19:10,524 --> 00:19:13,610
Just imagine I'm Mary Beth
and melt into it.
376
00:19:17,197 --> 00:19:19,283
- Are we in the right house?
- I finally am.
377
00:19:19,366 --> 00:19:21,451
- All right, that's enough.
- Okay.
378
00:19:21,952 --> 00:19:25,873
- Nate, we brought you something.
- Party Animal signed this just for you.
379
00:19:25,956 --> 00:19:28,667
He touched this with his own hands?
380
00:19:29,751 --> 00:19:30,586
Well…
381
00:19:32,254 --> 00:19:33,380
Sure.
382
00:19:33,463 --> 00:19:35,591
[rock music plays]
383
00:19:36,216 --> 00:19:40,345
Here I am, eating a croissant
next to the Eiffel Tower.
384
00:19:41,138 --> 00:19:43,265
He gets to start with the Eiffel Tower?
385
00:19:43,348 --> 00:19:46,852
I had to watch Forrest Gump on the plane
one photo at a time.
386
00:19:47,436 --> 00:19:49,062
[in Italian] You're stunning…
387
00:19:49,605 --> 00:19:51,523
like my Maria.
388
00:19:51,607 --> 00:19:54,943
[in English] Ooh! Here's Red
in front of the Arc de Triomphe.
389
00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:57,321
[in Italian] No!
I don't like to look at the man.
390
00:19:58,488 --> 00:19:59,740
[in English] Exactly.
391
00:20:00,282 --> 00:20:01,408
Oh!
392
00:20:01,491 --> 00:20:05,370
And here I am finishing the croissant
at the flower stand.
393
00:20:06,413 --> 00:20:08,332
[in Italian] I look old…
394
00:20:08,415 --> 00:20:12,586
but the important parts are still young.
395
00:20:12,669 --> 00:20:15,214
[in English] Well, I don't know
what you're saying,
396
00:20:15,297 --> 00:20:17,257
but I know I agree with you.
397
00:20:18,133 --> 00:20:21,845
[closing theme music playing]