1 00:00:06,049 --> 00:00:07,967 [rock riff plays] 2 00:00:09,010 --> 00:00:11,763 I can't believe I get to go to school with you guys. 3 00:00:11,846 --> 00:00:14,015 I'm nervous, but in a good way. 4 00:00:14,098 --> 00:00:16,017 Like at the end of an escalator. 5 00:00:17,477 --> 00:00:19,020 Gosh, I love this feeling. 6 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:21,314 You are literally a Smurf. 7 00:00:23,316 --> 00:00:26,069 And I have my best friends with me to show me the ropes. 8 00:00:26,152 --> 00:00:27,695 [rock music playing] 9 00:00:27,779 --> 00:00:30,364 You have to know who is who at Point Place High. 10 00:00:30,448 --> 00:00:31,616 There's the jocks. 11 00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:35,036 Hey, woman. Can I borrow five dollars? 12 00:00:35,119 --> 00:00:37,330 I repeatedly asked you not to call me "woman." 13 00:00:37,413 --> 00:00:39,415 But you're a girl, and girls are baby women, 14 00:00:39,499 --> 00:00:41,709 so vis-a-vis, can I get that five dollars? 15 00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:43,503 [locker clangs] 16 00:00:43,586 --> 00:00:46,422 -Why does he talk like that? -This is a really bad school. 17 00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:49,467 That's where the horniest guys here hang out. 18 00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:50,384 Hey, girl. 19 00:00:52,804 --> 00:00:54,222 Ugh! As if! 20 00:00:55,014 --> 00:00:57,809 That's the Point Place Mafia. They think they rule the school. 21 00:00:57,892 --> 00:01:00,478 I don't care how many people died in that traffic pile-up. 22 00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:03,815 I want chocolate milk in the vending machine by end of day. 23 00:01:06,609 --> 00:01:07,610 Who's that? 24 00:01:08,778 --> 00:01:11,531 Stay away from them. Those are the baddest bitches at school. 25 00:01:11,614 --> 00:01:15,243 The staff approaching retirement. They've got nothing to lose. 26 00:01:15,326 --> 00:01:17,453 What the hell are you looking at, new kid? 27 00:01:18,746 --> 00:01:21,374 -Grandma? -Go, go, go, go, go, go, go. 28 00:01:23,960 --> 00:01:25,586 [rock music ends] 29 00:01:25,670 --> 00:01:27,713 Even in your fantasies, you're the nerd. 30 00:01:28,297 --> 00:01:31,342 Let's not rush this. We still have one more night left of summer, 31 00:01:31,425 --> 00:01:33,886 and we always spend it together on the roof of the school. 32 00:01:33,970 --> 00:01:35,012 [sighs] Really? 33 00:01:35,096 --> 00:01:37,306 Yeah. Kind of sets the tone for the year. 34 00:01:37,390 --> 00:01:40,560 Inside that school, they're trying to put us in a box. 35 00:01:40,643 --> 00:01:44,355 You can't put us in a box… if we're on top of the box. 36 00:01:45,064 --> 00:01:48,734 And I like to pee off the roof and try to make it into the trash can. 37 00:01:49,861 --> 00:01:53,322 Hey, everyone has their reasons, and that's why it's so special. 38 00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:56,534 We need good snacks this time. 39 00:01:57,034 --> 00:02:00,246 Last year, this one brought a watermelon with no knife. 40 00:02:01,414 --> 00:02:03,541 I didn't know how hard they were to peel. 41 00:02:04,167 --> 00:02:05,918 Cops, cops, everybody be cool. 42 00:02:06,752 --> 00:02:08,004 It's just my mom. 43 00:02:08,087 --> 00:02:09,964 Actually, today I'm more cop than mom. 44 00:02:10,882 --> 00:02:14,218 Mom Cop. I'd watch the hell out of that. 45 00:02:15,136 --> 00:02:18,181 Listen, I love that Leia's found her people. 46 00:02:18,264 --> 00:02:21,475 Seeing her surrounded with friends who love her warms my heart. 47 00:02:21,559 --> 00:02:22,810 But know this. 48 00:02:22,894 --> 00:02:25,605 You're all delinquents, and I trust none of you. 49 00:02:26,731 --> 00:02:32,403 What? We're just six American teenagers working hard and dreaming big. 50 00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:34,155 Gwen, sweetie, zip it. 51 00:02:35,281 --> 00:02:36,490 Everybody listen up. 52 00:02:37,033 --> 00:02:38,159 I see you. 53 00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:39,660 I've been you. 54 00:02:39,744 --> 00:02:42,330 And if you corrupt my daughter, I will destroy you. 55 00:02:44,332 --> 00:02:46,042 As for you, if you screw this up, 56 00:02:46,125 --> 00:02:49,295 you're going to the same all-girls school I was forced to go to. 57 00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:51,589 Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow. 58 00:02:53,132 --> 00:02:55,009 Does she get to wear the uniform? 59 00:02:56,802 --> 00:02:58,137 Ask me that again. 60 00:02:59,388 --> 00:03:00,431 No, ma'am. 61 00:03:02,099 --> 00:03:04,560 Okay, Mom. Let's go have a cup of tea. 62 00:03:04,644 --> 00:03:06,437 -They get it. -Really? Does he get it? 63 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:07,730 Does she get it? 64 00:03:07,813 --> 00:03:10,358 If you mess with her, you're gonna get it. 65 00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:13,903 -Mom, calm down. -I am calm. Don't touch me. 66 00:03:15,905 --> 00:03:18,032 You know, that is so insulting. 67 00:03:19,951 --> 00:03:22,286 We're still getting Leia blazed on the roof, right? 68 00:03:23,621 --> 00:03:26,165 Yeah. We're delinquents. This is what we do. 69 00:03:26,958 --> 00:03:28,668 [theme music playing] 70 00:03:28,751 --> 00:03:30,586 ♪ Hanging out down the street ♪ 71 00:03:30,670 --> 00:03:32,672 ♪ The same old thing we did last week ♪ 72 00:03:32,755 --> 00:03:34,840 ♪ Not a thing to do ♪ 73 00:03:34,924 --> 00:03:36,926 ♪ But talk to you ♪ 74 00:03:37,009 --> 00:03:39,595 ♪ We're all all right We're all all right ♪ 75 00:03:40,179 --> 00:03:42,056 Hello, Wisconsin! 76 00:03:43,140 --> 00:03:47,353 I am so excited that school is starting tomorrow. 77 00:03:47,937 --> 00:03:52,733 Oh! Did I tell you that nurse's outfit I found on the sale rack is a bust? 78 00:03:52,817 --> 00:03:55,695 You don't need fishnets to check a kid for lice. 79 00:03:56,612 --> 00:04:00,032 Hold up. School's starting tomorrow? Why is it starting on a Saturday? 80 00:04:04,537 --> 00:04:07,957 Do you just wander through life 81 00:04:09,292 --> 00:04:11,502 until someone tells you what day it is? 82 00:04:12,503 --> 00:04:15,631 I'll be honest. Most days, you don't need to know what day it is. 83 00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:20,428 What's this? Where's the backpack I got for Leia? 84 00:04:20,511 --> 00:04:23,347 Oh. I returned it. Not enough pockets. 85 00:04:23,431 --> 00:04:24,890 But check this one out. 86 00:04:24,974 --> 00:04:30,313 This big pocket has a tiny pocket inside just for ChapStick. 87 00:04:30,896 --> 00:04:33,190 Come on. That is adorable. 88 00:04:35,151 --> 00:04:38,612 Okay. I get that this is coming from a good place, 89 00:04:38,696 --> 00:04:42,908 or a place that's so deeply rooted in who you are we'll never change it, 90 00:04:44,368 --> 00:04:46,245 but don't you think you shoulda run this by me? 91 00:04:46,329 --> 00:04:51,208 The backpack you bought her, Donna, had one big pocket. 92 00:04:52,084 --> 00:04:54,337 That's how you lose a ChapStick. 93 00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,590 Red, am I being unreasonable here? 94 00:04:57,673 --> 00:05:00,092 Always right, honey. Never been wrong. 95 00:05:02,219 --> 00:05:04,680 Interesting. You're in charge of Leia the whole summer, 96 00:05:04,764 --> 00:05:08,017 but now Donna's bopping in and out. How exactly is that gonna work? 97 00:05:08,934 --> 00:05:10,353 [quietly] Why? 98 00:05:12,897 --> 00:05:16,275 It's simple. I'm her mom, so I get final say on things. 99 00:05:16,359 --> 00:05:20,738 Well, I'm her grandma, and I've been doing a grand job so far. 100 00:05:21,238 --> 00:05:23,449 Listen. I was a teenager here. 101 00:05:23,949 --> 00:05:26,285 We did all kinds of bad stuff right under your nose. 102 00:05:26,369 --> 00:05:28,746 For real, I'm worried about your sense of smell. 103 00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:32,792 If you're talking about that pet skunk you had in the basement, 104 00:05:32,875 --> 00:05:37,004 I knew all about it, so have a little respect. 105 00:05:38,172 --> 00:05:41,592 -Is this seriously gonna be a thing? -Only if you make it one. 106 00:05:43,594 --> 00:05:45,513 Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! 107 00:05:46,889 --> 00:05:48,808 [rock riff playing] 108 00:05:52,186 --> 00:05:53,521 It's a Mercedes now. 109 00:05:54,105 --> 00:05:56,857 Have you ever heard the phrase "putting lipstick on a pig?" 110 00:05:56,941 --> 00:06:00,736 Heard it? I've done it. And she looked beautiful. 111 00:06:01,570 --> 00:06:05,866 You guys! My parents just found out that I dropped AP Gov for music theory. 112 00:06:05,950 --> 00:06:07,410 They completely lost their minds 113 00:06:07,493 --> 00:06:09,453 and got rid of my guitar without telling me. 114 00:06:09,537 --> 00:06:12,164 How could they do that? You love that guitar. 115 00:06:12,248 --> 00:06:14,291 You wrote that song, "I Love My Guitar." 116 00:06:14,375 --> 00:06:17,878 Those were just lyrics you made up when I was tuning it. 117 00:06:17,962 --> 00:06:20,423 Just like your other song. "Strummy Strum Strum." 118 00:06:21,549 --> 00:06:23,968 ♪ Strummy strum Strummy strum strum strum… ♪ 119 00:06:24,051 --> 00:06:26,637 Do not get that song stuck in my head again. 120 00:06:27,513 --> 00:06:29,014 Wait, so where's your guitar now? 121 00:06:29,098 --> 00:06:32,601 At the pawn shop my mom goes to when my parents have a big fight. 122 00:06:32,685 --> 00:06:35,563 She sells her wedding ring and makes my dad buy it back. 123 00:06:36,313 --> 00:06:39,233 Yeah, these are the people that are calling the shots in my life. 124 00:06:39,942 --> 00:06:43,654 Leia, you've got to come to the roof. You know how Ozzie hates everything? 125 00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:44,572 He loves this. 126 00:06:44,655 --> 00:06:47,741 I only hate stupid things. It's not my fault everything's stupid. 127 00:06:48,534 --> 00:06:50,995 Jay, you know I want to, but I can't. 128 00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:52,329 My mom will kill me. 129 00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:54,165 What if instead of the roof 130 00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:57,501 we do something during the day on the ground and inside the school? 131 00:06:58,586 --> 00:06:59,753 That's just school. 132 00:07:00,546 --> 00:07:03,215 Leia, I know your mom just tried to lay down the law, 133 00:07:03,299 --> 00:07:05,342 but that's exactly why you have to go. 134 00:07:05,426 --> 00:07:08,137 What if we get caught? I can't go to Catholic school. 135 00:07:08,220 --> 00:07:10,055 My calves won't hold up the socks. 136 00:07:11,056 --> 00:07:13,392 It's not gonna happen. I thought of everything. 137 00:07:13,476 --> 00:07:16,187 Like this year, they locked the ladder to the roof. 138 00:07:16,270 --> 00:07:19,190 But easy fix… your grandma works there. 139 00:07:19,273 --> 00:07:20,941 [scoffs] I'll swipe her keys. 140 00:07:21,442 --> 00:07:24,612 No way. You cannot steal my grandma's work keys. 141 00:07:24,695 --> 00:07:27,948 -That's next level. She could get fired. -Okay. I get it. 142 00:07:28,449 --> 00:07:30,534 [sighs] I'll have to find a different way up. 143 00:07:30,618 --> 00:07:32,703 Or down. Parachutes. 144 00:07:34,246 --> 00:07:35,080 See, babe? 145 00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:36,874 We've got options. 146 00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:40,794 Come on, Leia. I really want us to all be together. 147 00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:44,590 -Let's do it. -Hell yeah! Death to parents! 148 00:07:46,675 --> 00:07:48,344 Or just regular "hell yeah." 149 00:07:49,178 --> 00:07:51,805 Wait. How am I gonna get out of here without my mom knowing? 150 00:07:51,889 --> 00:07:55,309 Leia, we're delinquents. This is what we do. 151 00:07:56,977 --> 00:07:59,355 [rock music playing] 152 00:08:01,607 --> 00:08:02,983 Thanks again for the ride. 153 00:08:03,901 --> 00:08:06,195 Smoother, right? That's German engineering. 154 00:08:07,238 --> 00:08:08,447 [bell dings] 155 00:08:10,533 --> 00:08:13,202 [bell dinging rapidly] 156 00:08:13,285 --> 00:08:14,703 [bell stops] 157 00:08:14,787 --> 00:08:16,038 Yes? 158 00:08:17,748 --> 00:08:19,124 Why are your hands so wet? 159 00:08:19,208 --> 00:08:21,043 You can't ask me that. 160 00:08:21,794 --> 00:08:24,088 And even if I told you, you wouldn't believe it. 161 00:08:24,672 --> 00:08:27,049 Hey, Fenton. You work here now? 162 00:08:27,132 --> 00:08:28,050 You know this guy? 163 00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:29,093 He's our landlord. 164 00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:31,637 Former landlord. I fell on hard times 165 00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:34,431 and had to pawn all my things to this dreadful place. 166 00:08:34,515 --> 00:08:38,894 I only work here to keep my eyes on them. Get your sweaty bratwursts off my lamp! 167 00:08:40,896 --> 00:08:43,023 Um, I'm just here for this guitar. 168 00:08:43,524 --> 00:08:44,567 Oh. 169 00:08:44,650 --> 00:08:47,403 Her. Um, she's a collector's item. 170 00:08:47,486 --> 00:08:50,281 Once belonged to the littlest Brady Bunch boy. 171 00:08:51,824 --> 00:08:53,492 You can have it for $800. 172 00:08:53,576 --> 00:08:55,661 What? My parents sold it to you yesterday. 173 00:08:55,744 --> 00:08:59,498 I'm sorry, honey. I need the funds. I'm addicted to teeth whitening. 174 00:08:59,582 --> 00:09:02,835 I'd rather die than let these chompers go yellow. 175 00:09:02,918 --> 00:09:05,254 Ah! Back away from the snakeskin boots! 176 00:09:05,337 --> 00:09:07,131 You do not have the arches! 177 00:09:09,008 --> 00:09:12,052 Uh, you don't understand. This guitar means the world to me. 178 00:09:12,136 --> 00:09:13,512 Oh. [sighs] 179 00:09:13,596 --> 00:09:15,389 You delicate girl. [chuckles] 180 00:09:15,472 --> 00:09:17,725 I didn't realize it meant the world to you. 181 00:09:17,808 --> 00:09:19,893 Oh, I'm getting very emotional. Now it's $1,000. 182 00:09:21,478 --> 00:09:23,272 Come on. Why are you being such a jerk? 183 00:09:23,355 --> 00:09:25,733 Yes. I'm a little stinker. 184 00:09:26,567 --> 00:09:28,611 But I have something you want. 185 00:09:29,153 --> 00:09:31,614 And that's how empires are made. 186 00:09:35,576 --> 00:09:37,620 He's like a Batman villain. 187 00:09:39,330 --> 00:09:41,540 -The Pawn-guin. -I'm not in the mood. 188 00:09:41,624 --> 00:09:43,125 [rock music plays] 189 00:09:48,005 --> 00:09:49,632 How's it been going with these two? 190 00:09:50,215 --> 00:09:51,508 It's been real quiet. 191 00:09:52,176 --> 00:09:53,927 But it's the kind of quiet 192 00:09:54,011 --> 00:09:57,806 where you don't know if they're retreating or reloading. 193 00:09:59,767 --> 00:10:02,353 I made shrimp fajitas for dinner tonight. 194 00:10:03,062 --> 00:10:04,938 Oh, you know I'm allergic to shrimp. 195 00:10:05,022 --> 00:10:06,148 [mimics gun cocking] 196 00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:10,194 Well, you've always been picky. 197 00:10:12,154 --> 00:10:14,740 Well. My tongue swells and I can't talk. 198 00:10:14,823 --> 00:10:17,117 In that case, they're chicken fajitas. 199 00:10:19,495 --> 00:10:23,165 I know you're in the middle of a thing, but it's pronounced fa-jee-tas. Carry on. 200 00:10:26,502 --> 00:10:28,629 Okay, let's start over. 201 00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:31,548 I think I overreacted about the backpack. 202 00:10:32,049 --> 00:10:34,927 -Thank you for always thinking of Leia. -You're welcome. 203 00:10:35,010 --> 00:10:37,388 -It's just that when I'm here-- -Oh, there's more. 204 00:10:39,598 --> 00:10:42,726 When I'm here, I need to know that you'll respect my decisions 205 00:10:42,810 --> 00:10:43,894 when it comes to her. 206 00:10:44,395 --> 00:10:46,939 So before you do anything, can you please run it by me? 207 00:10:47,022 --> 00:10:49,191 Well, that sounds perfectly reasonable. 208 00:10:49,817 --> 00:10:51,276 I'm glad we talked. 209 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:52,277 That was sweet. 210 00:10:52,945 --> 00:10:55,447 She will have one more thing to say. 211 00:10:57,032 --> 00:10:58,867 I have one more thing to say. 212 00:11:00,411 --> 00:11:02,621 And it comes from a place of love. 213 00:11:03,789 --> 00:11:09,378 [intensely] Why do you always try to control everything I do? 214 00:11:09,461 --> 00:11:11,839 [shouting] It is suffocating! 215 00:11:21,557 --> 00:11:22,725 Now she's done. 216 00:11:24,101 --> 00:11:26,103 [rock music playing] 217 00:11:34,153 --> 00:11:34,987 Oh my God! 218 00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:38,615 [laughing] Leia! 219 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:44,163 Sorry, I had a dream about that once, and I was not gonna take a chance. 220 00:11:45,289 --> 00:11:47,916 It's a decoy in case someone comes in here. 221 00:11:48,834 --> 00:11:49,877 [panting] 222 00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:53,046 I wanted to use the inflatable man my mom has wine with, but… 223 00:11:54,131 --> 00:11:55,799 she was having wine with him. 224 00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:57,968 [rock riff plays] 225 00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:00,637 [chuckling quietly] 226 00:12:02,765 --> 00:12:03,640 Grandma? 227 00:12:03,724 --> 00:12:06,602 It's a little late. Where are you kids headed? 228 00:12:07,269 --> 00:12:09,563 It's a "night before the first day of school" tradition. 229 00:12:10,814 --> 00:12:11,774 Same. 230 00:12:15,986 --> 00:12:19,531 Grandma, it's the last night of summer. I just wanna hang out with my friends. 231 00:12:19,615 --> 00:12:21,450 -Is that okay? -I'm not sure. 232 00:12:21,950 --> 00:12:24,453 Your mother wants final say on every decision. 233 00:12:24,536 --> 00:12:29,208 What do I know? I'm just a six-time Mom of the Year award winner. 234 00:12:30,334 --> 00:12:32,294 And you know who gave me those? 235 00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:33,378 Her husband. 236 00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:36,173 So… 237 00:12:36,799 --> 00:12:38,675 Well, your mom would say no. 238 00:12:40,135 --> 00:12:41,512 So… 239 00:12:42,012 --> 00:12:42,846 go have fun. 240 00:12:44,973 --> 00:12:47,100 Thank you, Mrs. Forman. You're the best. 241 00:12:47,184 --> 00:12:50,979 I am the best. Thank you for seeing me. 242 00:12:51,063 --> 00:12:53,065 [rock music playing] 243 00:12:59,738 --> 00:13:00,989 I got cantaloupes this year 244 00:13:01,073 --> 00:13:03,867 'cause Ozzie had so many problems with the watermelon. 245 00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:07,704 Did you bring a knife? 246 00:13:08,622 --> 00:13:09,832 These need them too? 247 00:13:13,210 --> 00:13:14,294 [cantaloupe plops] 248 00:13:15,254 --> 00:13:17,130 Look at us. We're on the roof. 249 00:13:17,214 --> 00:13:20,843 Leia Forman's on the roof. Gwen Runck is on the roof! 250 00:13:20,926 --> 00:13:23,804 Keep yelling like that, and the police will be on the roof. 251 00:13:23,887 --> 00:13:25,556 Sorry, first roof. 252 00:13:26,348 --> 00:13:28,267 So, how did you get us up here? 253 00:13:28,350 --> 00:13:30,811 Oh. I, uh, picked the lock with my pocket knife. 254 00:13:30,894 --> 00:13:33,188 You have a knife? I just tossed my cantaloupe. 255 00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:38,443 It sucks we struck out at the pawn shop. 256 00:13:38,527 --> 00:13:39,528 It's fine. 257 00:13:40,696 --> 00:13:42,781 I think today was the wake-up call I needed. 258 00:13:43,282 --> 00:13:45,325 No more music. 259 00:13:45,409 --> 00:13:46,702 No more dreams. 260 00:13:48,078 --> 00:13:50,497 I guess I'll just be the first Filipina president. 261 00:13:51,206 --> 00:13:52,291 Or some dumb shit. 262 00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:57,087 That wouldn't be so bad. You'd get to live on Mount Rushmore. 263 00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:00,924 You know what sucks most about this whole thing? 264 00:14:03,677 --> 00:14:08,682 My parents act like… they're looking out for me. 265 00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:09,641 But… 266 00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:13,186 the truth is is that they don't believe in me. 267 00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:17,733 I don't even know what to say. 268 00:14:21,570 --> 00:14:23,322 But I think Jay Leno might. 269 00:14:26,909 --> 00:14:28,660 [imitating Leno] Actually, I don't. 270 00:14:29,912 --> 00:14:32,456 This is a pretty heavy situation. 271 00:14:34,708 --> 00:14:38,962 Look, you can see the cows lining up to go into the cow day care. 272 00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:42,966 Do you ever wonder why you don't see them come out? 273 00:14:45,010 --> 00:14:47,971 Guys! I made it into the trash can! 274 00:14:50,599 --> 00:14:52,225 And all around the trash can. 275 00:14:53,185 --> 00:14:54,895 [rock riff plays] 276 00:14:56,146 --> 00:14:58,106 My daughter. My backpack. 277 00:15:03,779 --> 00:15:04,780 Leia? 278 00:15:12,537 --> 00:15:13,497 Whoa. 279 00:15:14,539 --> 00:15:15,582 Delinquents! 280 00:15:17,501 --> 00:15:19,252 Oh my God! 281 00:15:20,170 --> 00:15:22,506 I knew you were gonna steal my backpack. 282 00:15:24,091 --> 00:15:25,258 Bigger problems! 283 00:15:26,802 --> 00:15:29,388 She snuck out with her friends. I knew this would happen. 284 00:15:29,471 --> 00:15:31,139 Did you check all the bathrooms? 285 00:15:31,682 --> 00:15:34,810 Because when I wake up, and Kitty's not there, 286 00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:39,731 next morning I always find a copy of the Reader's Digest 287 00:15:39,815 --> 00:15:41,817 in the john downstairs. 288 00:15:43,402 --> 00:15:46,029 And that's how you stay married for 40 years. 289 00:15:47,072 --> 00:15:48,407 She's not here. 290 00:15:48,490 --> 00:15:51,410 You know how I know that? There's a fricking alien in her bed. 291 00:15:51,910 --> 00:15:56,790 Well, wherever she is, I'm sure she's safe and making memories with her friends. 292 00:15:57,874 --> 00:15:59,334 You seem a little too calm. 293 00:15:59,918 --> 00:16:01,586 I stay cool under pressure. 294 00:16:03,588 --> 00:16:05,090 I'm an award-winning mom. 295 00:16:07,926 --> 00:16:10,095 -Uh-huh. What did you do? -I didn't do anything. 296 00:16:10,178 --> 00:16:13,765 -Did you know Leia went out? -You bet your sweet cheeks I did! 297 00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:17,519 It was my call, and I made it. 298 00:16:17,602 --> 00:16:20,272 You let my daughter go out in the middle of the night 299 00:16:20,355 --> 00:16:21,565 just to spite me? 300 00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:22,858 You're unbelievable. 301 00:16:22,941 --> 00:16:24,943 Oh, it is not that big a deal. 302 00:16:25,027 --> 00:16:28,030 Why do you smell like an ashtray? 303 00:16:29,197 --> 00:16:32,993 I let our granddaughter walk out into the dead of night. 304 00:16:33,076 --> 00:16:34,578 Let's focus on that, Red. 305 00:16:36,913 --> 00:16:39,041 This is ridiculous. Let's just go find her. 306 00:16:47,591 --> 00:16:48,884 I've been framed. 307 00:16:49,718 --> 00:16:51,720 [rock riff plays] 308 00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:55,348 Sometimes I come up here to catch teachers having affairs. 309 00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:58,226 That's how I got an A in woodshop. 310 00:16:59,436 --> 00:17:01,271 I can't believe we get to do this all year now. 311 00:17:02,189 --> 00:17:04,483 Oh, did you think I was gonna talk to you at school? 312 00:17:05,233 --> 00:17:07,819 I know you're kidding, so I'm not even gonna worry about it. 313 00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:09,696 We'll talk about it tomorrow. 314 00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:11,531 Right? 315 00:17:12,115 --> 00:17:13,992 Right? Tell me you're kidding right now. 316 00:17:14,076 --> 00:17:15,035 I'm kidding. 317 00:17:15,911 --> 00:17:18,580 I knew it. It was funny for both of us the whole time. 318 00:17:20,165 --> 00:17:21,958 [off-key chord strums] 319 00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:25,545 I thought that would sound better. 320 00:17:26,922 --> 00:17:30,133 It'll sound much better if you play it. 321 00:17:30,217 --> 00:17:31,510 My guitar? 322 00:17:32,302 --> 00:17:33,553 How did you get this? 323 00:17:33,637 --> 00:17:34,805 [rock chord plays] 324 00:17:34,888 --> 00:17:36,431 Oh. You're back. 325 00:17:36,515 --> 00:17:40,268 If I don't leave here with that guitar, someone's gonna murder my entire family. 326 00:17:40,352 --> 00:17:41,770 I hope you said goodbye. 327 00:17:43,313 --> 00:17:45,273 I'm not leaving here without that guitar. 328 00:17:45,357 --> 00:17:47,776 -So what's it gonna take? -Do you know Bette Midler? 329 00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:50,570 -No. -Then you have nothing I want. 330 00:17:52,823 --> 00:17:54,491 How about I trade my van for that guitar? 331 00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:55,951 Hmm… 332 00:17:56,034 --> 00:17:57,869 Car for a guitar. 333 00:17:57,953 --> 00:17:59,496 Mmm… [smacks lips] 334 00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:01,581 Car for a-- Deal. 335 00:18:03,625 --> 00:18:05,544 And I need a ride to the school. 336 00:18:05,627 --> 00:18:06,753 Every day? 337 00:18:06,837 --> 00:18:07,963 No, just right now. 338 00:18:08,046 --> 00:18:09,047 Oh. 339 00:18:09,631 --> 00:18:11,424 I thought I almost had a friend. 340 00:18:13,468 --> 00:18:14,803 You did that for me? 341 00:18:16,012 --> 00:18:18,682 But you loved your van. You shouldn't have done that. 342 00:18:19,266 --> 00:18:20,100 Listen. 343 00:18:21,226 --> 00:18:24,104 Your parents might not believe in you, but I do. 344 00:18:25,689 --> 00:18:26,523 Nate. 345 00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:29,317 ["Always Be My Baby" by Mariah Carey playing] 346 00:18:29,401 --> 00:18:31,903 [sighs] Damn, you make it hard not to love you. 347 00:18:33,697 --> 00:18:35,157 -You said "hard." -Stop talking. 348 00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:37,993 ♪ Do do doop dum ♪ 349 00:18:38,076 --> 00:18:39,286 Okay, somebody take this. 350 00:18:39,369 --> 00:18:41,872 ♪ Do do doop do doop da dum ♪ 351 00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:44,624 ♪ Do do doop dum ♪ 352 00:18:44,708 --> 00:18:46,293 Are you crying? 353 00:18:47,252 --> 00:18:48,086 I'm just… 354 00:18:48,879 --> 00:18:50,422 I'm so happy for that guy. 355 00:18:52,340 --> 00:18:54,050 And I left my Game Boy in his van. 356 00:18:54,134 --> 00:18:56,970 ♪ No way, you're never gonna shake me ♪ 357 00:18:57,053 --> 00:19:01,016 ♪ Ooh, darling 'Cause you'll always be my baby ♪ 358 00:19:01,099 --> 00:19:02,809 [song ends] 359 00:19:02,893 --> 00:19:06,271 Are we gonna watch these two perv out or end this summer on a high note? 360 00:19:07,355 --> 00:19:08,648 [rock riff plays] 361 00:19:09,858 --> 00:19:11,526 I'm a crazy good cantalouper. 362 00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:14,029 Maybe I should go pro. 363 00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:19,826 But if you go pro, you can't do it in the Olympics. 364 00:19:22,621 --> 00:19:24,247 Did you get better at kissing? 365 00:19:24,998 --> 00:19:26,666 I think my mouth just missed you. 366 00:19:26,750 --> 00:19:29,211 Like when you pick up your grandma at the airport. 367 00:19:29,753 --> 00:19:31,296 So is my mouth your grandma? 368 00:19:32,631 --> 00:19:34,925 I don't know. Let me check. 369 00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:36,760 [chuckling lightly] 370 00:19:38,762 --> 00:19:40,805 Tonight's been so amazing. 371 00:19:40,889 --> 00:19:41,723 Thank you. 372 00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:44,434 I'm never gonna forget it. 373 00:19:46,311 --> 00:19:47,812 What was I just talking about? 374 00:19:48,813 --> 00:19:50,523 I don't know. [chuckles] 375 00:19:50,607 --> 00:19:53,443 But I had to make this happen for you. 376 00:19:55,403 --> 00:19:56,321 I love you. 377 00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:59,532 [acoustic guitar tune playing] 378 00:20:00,492 --> 00:20:04,996 ♪ Strummy strum, strummy strum strum strum Strummy strummy strum strum ♪ 379 00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:10,001 ♪ Strummy strum, strummy strum strum strum Strummy strummy strum strum strum ♪ 380 00:20:10,085 --> 00:20:14,965 ♪ Strummy strum, strummy strum strum strum Strummy strummy strum strum strum ♪ 381 00:20:15,465 --> 00:20:20,011 ♪ Strummy strum, strummy strum strum strum Strummy strummy strum strum strum ♪ 382 00:20:20,512 --> 00:20:25,100 ♪ Strummy strum, strummy strum strum strum Strummy strummy strum strum strum ♪ 383 00:20:25,642 --> 00:20:30,730 ♪ Strummy strum, strummy strum strum strum Strummy strummy strum strum strum ♪ 384 00:20:30,814 --> 00:20:33,108 ♪ Strummy strum, strummy strum, strum-- ♪ 385 00:20:38,446 --> 00:20:42,075 Smoking grass on the school roof. 386 00:20:43,034 --> 00:20:48,039 That is the most dumbass thing that has ever been… 387 00:20:49,666 --> 00:20:50,709 dumbassed! 388 00:20:52,794 --> 00:20:55,839 Leia, this is so bad. Did you think I wouldn't find you? 389 00:20:55,922 --> 00:20:57,465 I know all the spots. 390 00:20:58,466 --> 00:21:00,927 Where are my keys? Is that how you got up here? 391 00:21:02,012 --> 00:21:03,638 Did you steal her keys? 392 00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:06,182 I told you not to do that. 393 00:21:06,975 --> 00:21:08,560 [Donna] Leia, let's go, now. 394 00:21:09,227 --> 00:21:11,438 -Yeah, but I was gonna put them back. -Stop. 395 00:21:12,147 --> 00:21:13,773 You just ruined everything. 396 00:21:20,030 --> 00:21:21,948 I thought I smelled a good time. 397 00:21:22,032 --> 00:21:24,743 [closing theme music plays]