1 00:00:08,883 --> 00:00:10,510 So, you and Jay? 2 00:00:11,219 --> 00:00:12,137 It happened. 3 00:00:12,220 --> 00:00:14,180 ♪ Everybody dance now ♪ 4 00:00:21,604 --> 00:00:23,440 ♪ Give me the music ♪ 5 00:00:24,941 --> 00:00:26,860 ♪ Everybody dance now ♪ 6 00:00:28,987 --> 00:00:30,488 Why are we dancing? 7 00:00:30,572 --> 00:00:31,948 Don't worry about it. 8 00:00:33,074 --> 00:00:35,160 ♪ Everybody dance now ♪ 9 00:00:45,211 --> 00:00:47,213 ♪ Everybody dance now ♪ 10 00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:50,550 Good morning, Red. Good morning, Kitty. 11 00:00:53,178 --> 00:00:54,179 Morning, sweetie. 12 00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:57,348 - You want some orange juice? - Coffee is fine. 13 00:00:57,432 --> 00:01:00,393 - Since when do you drink coffee? - Uh, since last night. 14 00:01:01,102 --> 00:01:02,228 For no reason. 15 00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:06,066 Oh! 16 00:01:06,858 --> 00:01:07,942 Ooh, whoa. 17 00:01:08,485 --> 00:01:10,862 Having a lot of firsts lately. 18 00:01:13,573 --> 00:01:14,949 What's up with her? 19 00:01:15,033 --> 00:01:20,288 Well, I didn't want to embarrass her, but I heard some noises last night. 20 00:01:20,789 --> 00:01:22,582 I think she's constipated. 21 00:01:25,001 --> 00:01:26,836 ♪ Hanging out down the street ♪ 22 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,880 ♪ The same old thing we did last week ♪ 23 00:01:28,963 --> 00:01:31,091 ♪ Not a thing to do ♪ 24 00:01:31,174 --> 00:01:33,259 ♪ But talk to you ♪ 25 00:01:33,343 --> 00:01:35,845 ♪ We're all all right We're all all right ♪ 26 00:01:36,429 --> 00:01:38,389 Hello, Wisconsin! 27 00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:41,851 I've never felt closer to anyone in my whole life. 28 00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:45,647 - Everything feels different now. - It was so much more than sex. 29 00:01:46,272 --> 00:01:47,107 We made love. 30 00:01:48,691 --> 00:01:49,526 Hey, guys. 31 00:01:50,819 --> 00:01:52,946 It wasn't just her first time, okay? 32 00:01:53,029 --> 00:01:55,782 Last night, I lost my lovemaking virginity. 33 00:01:56,866 --> 00:01:59,160 Boo! 34 00:01:59,244 --> 00:02:02,622 You're making it really hard to be happy for you guys. 35 00:02:02,705 --> 00:02:04,499 See, I know she just said hard. 36 00:02:06,084 --> 00:02:07,752 That's not funny to me anymore. 37 00:02:08,878 --> 00:02:10,547 It's beautiful. 38 00:02:12,090 --> 00:02:15,426 That poor couch. It's not your fault. 39 00:02:16,010 --> 00:02:18,847 The couch was so into it, I'm counting it as a threesome. 40 00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:23,518 You know what this means? I'm the only virgin left. 41 00:02:23,601 --> 00:02:25,895 All in good time. You'll get there, buddy. 42 00:02:26,896 --> 00:02:28,314 Oh, don't you dare. 43 00:02:29,232 --> 00:02:31,359 I've done plenty of stuff that you haven't done. 44 00:02:31,442 --> 00:02:33,361 Like, I don't brag about it, 45 00:02:34,070 --> 00:02:37,240 but I was brought up on stage at a magic show. 46 00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:40,076 Me too, by Penn and Teller. 47 00:02:44,205 --> 00:02:46,374 This is not a good look for you right now. 48 00:02:47,667 --> 00:02:49,711 Crap, I forgot. I have to walk my dog. 49 00:02:50,628 --> 00:02:52,172 But don't go anywhere, okay? 50 00:02:52,255 --> 00:02:54,465 If these guys are gone when I'm back, 51 00:02:54,549 --> 00:02:56,968 I'd like to make love for the second time in my life. 52 00:02:58,553 --> 00:03:00,180 You don't go anywhere either. 53 00:03:01,097 --> 00:03:02,390 Ew! 54 00:03:04,684 --> 00:03:05,935 I didn't know he had a dog. 55 00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:09,105 Yeah, it goes straight for the crotch like all the Kelsos. 56 00:03:11,357 --> 00:03:13,985 We had sex. I should have known he had a dog. 57 00:03:14,068 --> 00:03:17,155 - Haven't you been to his house? I've never been to his house. 58 00:03:17,238 --> 00:03:19,157 I basically had sex with a stranger. 59 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:21,993 Anyone been to North Carolina? 60 00:03:22,076 --> 00:03:23,286 'Cause… 'Cause I have. 61 00:03:25,413 --> 00:03:27,332 Bunch of North Carolina virgins. 62 00:03:32,253 --> 00:03:36,090 It was amazing. It's like our souls mated. 63 00:03:36,591 --> 00:03:40,637 And I think that's why they call it soul mates and not soul humps. 64 00:03:42,639 --> 00:03:44,557 I'm so happy for you. 65 00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:46,976 Hey, that's exactly how I cried right after. 66 00:03:49,479 --> 00:03:52,315 Dude, I'm… I'm sorry to ruin your moment, but… 67 00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:56,152 I saw Nikki kissing some other guy at the Hub. And… 68 00:03:56,736 --> 00:03:58,780 He was hotter than both of us. 69 00:04:01,032 --> 00:04:02,116 That's impossible. 70 00:04:04,118 --> 00:04:05,370 I'm sorry, bro. 71 00:04:06,162 --> 00:04:09,165 You deserve the same happiness that Leia and I have. 72 00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:12,919 Okay? Forget about Nikki. Go out there and find another girl. 73 00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:14,504 Yeah. 74 00:04:15,213 --> 00:04:16,631 That'd probably help. 75 00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:20,510 Okay, I'm in. Where should we go? 76 00:04:20,593 --> 00:04:22,470 Oh. I can't tonight. 77 00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:26,099 Leia might wanna make love again, and I wanna be there for that. 78 00:04:27,308 --> 00:04:30,979 But you got this. Go out there and talk to the first cute girl you see. 79 00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:33,815 I'm having a really good time. 80 00:04:38,987 --> 00:04:41,906 I think Jay meant talk to a girl who's not your mom. 81 00:04:42,490 --> 00:04:43,574 I'm just scared. 82 00:04:44,075 --> 00:04:47,495 I've been out of the game for years. I don't even know how to talk to girls. 83 00:04:47,578 --> 00:04:51,040 All you gotta do is pick a gal and say, "I like your boots." 84 00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:54,127 "But I'd like them better if they were the only things you had on." 85 00:04:54,210 --> 00:04:56,296 I'mma take a lap. You got a ride home. Right? 86 00:04:57,255 --> 00:04:59,924 Wait, Mommy, can you just sit with me a little longer? 87 00:05:02,051 --> 00:05:05,054 Listen, hon, you're the light of my life and all, 88 00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:06,973 but you're cramping my style. 89 00:05:07,056 --> 00:05:09,475 Why don't we both go talk to people our own ages? 90 00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:12,478 Or, for me, someone in the middle of our two ages. 91 00:05:23,114 --> 00:05:24,032 Boots on. 92 00:05:29,078 --> 00:05:32,165 - What? - I don't know. My mom told me to say that. 93 00:05:32,749 --> 00:05:35,460 Oh. You do what your mom says so you don't get spanked? 94 00:05:35,543 --> 00:05:38,629 - No. She doesn't spank me. - Do you want me to spank you? 95 00:05:39,881 --> 00:05:41,591 What did I do? Why am I in trouble? 96 00:05:42,592 --> 00:05:44,469 You're hilarious. 97 00:05:44,552 --> 00:05:48,014 Thanks, I was, uh… I was being funny on purpose. 98 00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:51,225 Can I buy you some wings? 99 00:05:51,309 --> 00:05:53,811 Sure. Do you need to ask your mom for some money? 100 00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:56,814 You're hilarious too. 101 00:05:56,898 --> 00:05:58,608 I have so much money. 102 00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:02,653 But that lady who looks like me has it in her purse. 103 00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:08,034 Could you put a couple beers on my tab? 104 00:06:08,117 --> 00:06:09,494 It's under Betsy Kelso. 105 00:06:12,497 --> 00:06:13,581 New plan. 106 00:06:14,165 --> 00:06:15,500 Do you have any money? 107 00:06:20,671 --> 00:06:21,923 What's wrong? 108 00:06:22,673 --> 00:06:24,092 Are we out of wine? 109 00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:26,511 She's gone, Red. 110 00:06:27,678 --> 00:06:31,641 It was so sudden. Everything was fine, and then… dead. 111 00:06:32,850 --> 00:06:34,811 Don't make me guess! 112 00:06:34,894 --> 00:06:36,938 You always get annoyed. 113 00:06:40,024 --> 00:06:41,317 Was it Aunt Carol? 114 00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:43,653 She died six years ago. 115 00:06:45,488 --> 00:06:46,989 How can you not remember? 116 00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:50,868 An open casket. She was showing way too much cleavage. 117 00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:54,789 That's why I'm getting buried in a turtleneck. 118 00:06:55,623 --> 00:06:58,209 Okay, I'm not guessing again. Who died? 119 00:06:58,292 --> 00:07:00,002 My vacuum. 120 00:07:01,129 --> 00:07:03,589 I was doing my pattern pass on the rug, 121 00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:07,051 and she started to sputter. And I said, "Are you okay?" 122 00:07:07,135 --> 00:07:11,472 And she made a noise that sounded like, "No." 123 00:07:12,765 --> 00:07:16,686 So… you're not upset about anything else? 124 00:07:17,228 --> 00:07:19,105 It's just the vacuum? 125 00:07:19,188 --> 00:07:21,482 "Just the vacuum"? 126 00:07:21,566 --> 00:07:23,943 Well, if it's a problem, I'll get rid of it. 127 00:07:24,026 --> 00:07:25,778 You will not! 128 00:07:27,363 --> 00:07:28,990 I want you to take her to the shop 129 00:07:29,073 --> 00:07:31,033 and see if they can bring her back to life. 130 00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:33,619 It's not worth it, Kitty. 131 00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:37,623 This vacuum is so old, it was made in America. 132 00:07:39,208 --> 00:07:41,210 Is that how you're gonna be with me, Red? 133 00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:44,338 Not worth saving? Just pull the plug? Get a new wife? 134 00:07:45,381 --> 00:07:46,841 A new wife? 135 00:07:46,924 --> 00:07:48,426 No, thank you. 136 00:07:50,261 --> 00:07:51,679 What if she's crazy? 137 00:07:51,762 --> 00:07:53,222 I'm off to the shop. 138 00:07:56,851 --> 00:07:58,728 I want to hear about every dog. 139 00:07:58,811 --> 00:08:01,481 Start from the beginning. Names, breeds, personalities. 140 00:08:01,564 --> 00:08:04,192 Okay. Fred, Lab, prankster. 141 00:08:04,275 --> 00:08:07,069 And then it was Muffin, Yorkie, nerd. 142 00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:12,283 And now, it's David Hasselhoff, Corgi, whore. 143 00:08:15,119 --> 00:08:16,287 Hey, guys. 144 00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:19,165 How's everyone enjoying the best day ever? 145 00:08:19,248 --> 00:08:22,502 Uh, you might want to find another seat. That's the sex couch. 146 00:08:23,002 --> 00:08:24,545 Then this is where I belong. 147 00:08:26,464 --> 00:08:27,465 So, what happened? 148 00:08:28,299 --> 00:08:32,845 I want to tell you about some sex I had, but… out of respect to Nik, I... I can't. 149 00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:35,056 - I'm fine. - It was bonkers! 150 00:08:35,139 --> 00:08:39,602 Dude. It was like two wild animals fighting over a piece of meat. 151 00:08:41,270 --> 00:08:42,522 And I was the meat. 152 00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:47,109 Maybe it is the couch. 153 00:08:49,445 --> 00:08:52,114 I mean, so, who was she? Does she go to our school or… 154 00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:54,158 No, she's older than us. 155 00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:55,952 - That's hot. - Yeah. 156 00:08:57,203 --> 00:08:59,413 And so is the exact difference in our age. 157 00:09:00,331 --> 00:09:02,333 - So, what's her name? - Betsy. 158 00:09:02,833 --> 00:09:05,670 And, uh, I know that 'cause I screamed it a lot. 159 00:09:06,170 --> 00:09:07,880 Betsy. You know, that's weird. 160 00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:10,132 - I have a sister named Betsy. - Oh yeah. 161 00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:12,051 You have a sister? 162 00:09:14,053 --> 00:09:15,930 What do you guys talk about? 163 00:09:16,931 --> 00:09:21,018 Your Betsy can't be my sister because she's studying in Spain. 164 00:09:21,102 --> 00:09:23,354 The girl from last night just got back from Spain. 165 00:09:27,525 --> 00:09:28,359 What town? 166 00:09:31,862 --> 00:09:33,447 - Salamanca! - Salamanca! 167 00:09:35,992 --> 00:09:38,828 I'm really glad I let you tell this story. 168 00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:45,585 - You're late. - It is so good to see you, little bro. 169 00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:47,587 No. Nuh-uh. We are not doing nice "hellos." 170 00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:50,131 You lost that privilege when you crunched my bro. 171 00:09:51,966 --> 00:09:54,010 - Hi, Nate. - Betsy, it's, uh… 172 00:09:54,510 --> 00:09:56,345 It's really great to see you again. 173 00:09:57,013 --> 00:10:00,933 Stop it. Don't pretend something seriously disgusting didn't just happen. 174 00:10:01,726 --> 00:10:04,186 I didn't think it was disgusting. Nate, did you? 175 00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:06,397 - I did not. It was very nice. - Thank you. 176 00:10:07,523 --> 00:10:08,357 Thank you. 177 00:10:10,234 --> 00:10:14,030 - This can never happen again. - You sure we can't hook up anymore? 178 00:10:14,113 --> 00:10:15,239 You're so great at it. 179 00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:18,534 A dancer's only as good as their partner. 180 00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:21,287 - I taught you that line. - I taught you that line. 181 00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:25,416 Wait. Maybe since she's your half-sister, we could do half stuff. 182 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,544 - I call top half. - I call bottom half. 183 00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:33,007 That was a great idea. You are so smart. 184 00:10:33,090 --> 00:10:35,718 Stop it. You're just saying he's smart to manipulate him. 185 00:10:35,801 --> 00:10:38,512 That is not what's happening. I'm really into him. 186 00:10:39,096 --> 00:10:39,930 Aw… 187 00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:42,099 Hey, no, don't listen to her, bro. 188 00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:45,394 I know exactly what she's doing because she's just like me. 189 00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:46,687 But that's exactly it. 190 00:10:46,771 --> 00:10:50,024 You can trust that I really like Nate 'cause you really like Nate. 191 00:10:50,107 --> 00:10:52,234 We have a sibling connection. 192 00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:53,569 Like that thing twins have. 193 00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:55,946 When one cuts themself, the other feels the pain. 194 00:10:56,030 --> 00:10:57,657 I saw a thing on that. 195 00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:01,243 If you take him from me, know who's gonna feel that pain? 196 00:11:01,327 --> 00:11:03,454 You! My brother. 197 00:11:03,537 --> 00:11:05,539 Do you really wanna break your own heart? 198 00:11:05,623 --> 00:11:08,376 Crap, I never thought about it like that. 199 00:11:08,459 --> 00:11:10,503 Now you can see it 'cause you're so smart. 200 00:11:10,586 --> 00:11:11,671 Thank you. 201 00:11:14,465 --> 00:11:15,424 You're evil. 202 00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:18,010 You stay away from my friend. 203 00:11:18,094 --> 00:11:20,554 Ooh. That's a "no" for me, big dog. 204 00:11:20,638 --> 00:11:22,139 Okay, forget you. 205 00:11:22,848 --> 00:11:26,602 Nate, my brother from another mother, you got to promise me, 206 00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:29,563 you'll stay away from my sister from another mother. 207 00:11:30,564 --> 00:11:31,399 I swear. 208 00:11:32,108 --> 00:11:34,318 Misters before sisters. 209 00:11:34,902 --> 00:11:36,779 - You suck. - Dad stayed with my mom. 210 00:11:36,862 --> 00:11:39,949 - Not for those three years in the middle. - We don't talk about that! 211 00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,077 Where's my old vacuum? 212 00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:48,416 Well, I took it to the shop, like you asked, and it is dead. 213 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:54,630 Did the guy at the shop say it was dead? What exactly did he say? 214 00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:57,717 He said it was… …dead. 215 00:11:58,467 --> 00:12:01,721 I don't love having you as my emergency contact anymore. 216 00:12:02,221 --> 00:12:05,015 But I got you this fancy new one. 217 00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:06,434 Do you even love me? 218 00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:08,602 Oh… 219 00:12:08,686 --> 00:12:10,229 Come on. Just try it. 220 00:12:10,312 --> 00:12:11,731 How does it even work? 221 00:12:14,066 --> 00:12:15,151 I don't know… 222 00:12:18,070 --> 00:12:19,947 What is… No! Get out. 223 00:12:21,490 --> 00:12:22,658 - I… - Don't… 224 00:12:33,085 --> 00:12:34,795 This thing has no soul. 225 00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:43,929 Hey! 226 00:12:46,348 --> 00:12:48,559 I mean, uh… Ahh! 227 00:12:51,312 --> 00:12:52,354 Did you miss me? 228 00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:56,776 - I don't think you should be here. - No, I shouldn't. 229 00:12:57,276 --> 00:13:00,154 - But isn't that what's hot about it? - Betsy… 230 00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:02,198 I promised Jay. 231 00:13:03,532 --> 00:13:05,242 You're such a good guy, Nate. 232 00:13:05,743 --> 00:13:08,037 I can see how much you care about Jay. 233 00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:11,499 - Just wish he cared as much about you. - What are you talking about? 234 00:13:11,582 --> 00:13:12,792 He cares about me. 235 00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:15,711 He puts sunscreen on my back in the places I can't reach. 236 00:13:16,253 --> 00:13:18,589 I'm just saying, if he really cared about you, 237 00:13:18,672 --> 00:13:21,801 why is he asking you to give up on something that makes you happy? 238 00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:23,677 Jay said it-- 239 00:13:23,761 --> 00:13:25,054 Shh… 240 00:13:26,931 --> 00:13:29,642 It's always "Jay, Jay, Jay…" 241 00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:33,270 When's it gonna be time for Nate, Nate, Nate? 242 00:13:34,355 --> 00:13:36,065 Oh, I know. Right now. 243 00:13:41,278 --> 00:13:42,571 Salamanca. 244 00:13:45,950 --> 00:13:46,867 It's so quiet. 245 00:13:48,452 --> 00:13:51,372 Things are supposed to make noise when they're sucking. 246 00:13:53,582 --> 00:13:56,919 When you get older, I'm gonna tell you why that's funny. 247 00:13:58,045 --> 00:14:00,047 Well, the worst part is I'm stuck with it. 248 00:14:00,631 --> 00:14:02,508 Well, not if it breaks. 249 00:14:02,591 --> 00:14:04,426 Oh, this thing is brand new. 250 00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:05,553 I know. 251 00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:07,930 But if it breaks… 252 00:14:09,056 --> 00:14:11,058 - Oh… - Hmm. 253 00:14:16,438 --> 00:14:18,065 You're gonna have to do better than that. 254 00:14:18,148 --> 00:14:20,693 If you were gonna murder someone, how would you do it? 255 00:14:20,776 --> 00:14:21,610 Poison. 256 00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:26,907 I'm gonna go home and think about how fast you answered that question. 257 00:14:28,909 --> 00:14:32,329 How am I supposed to learn about Jay when he's barely in any yearbooks? 258 00:14:32,413 --> 00:14:34,832 I mean, in fourth grade, he's not in it at all. 259 00:14:34,915 --> 00:14:37,042 That's the year he refused to wear pants, 260 00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:40,671 making it illegal for an adult to take his picture. 261 00:14:41,463 --> 00:14:44,884 Leia, nobody knows everything about the person they're dating. 262 00:14:44,967 --> 00:14:46,385 I dated Nate for two years, 263 00:14:46,468 --> 00:14:48,846 and I just found out his two front teeth are fake. 264 00:14:50,472 --> 00:14:52,433 A deer kicked him in the face. 265 00:14:52,516 --> 00:14:55,311 He tried to scare it… and he did. 266 00:14:57,605 --> 00:15:00,024 What if Jay has some horrible secret? 267 00:15:00,107 --> 00:15:02,818 This is the guy I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with. 268 00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:05,863 The rest of your life? Couldn't have been that good. 269 00:15:06,614 --> 00:15:07,489 What? 270 00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:10,618 My parents started dating when they were our age. 271 00:15:11,118 --> 00:15:13,412 - And they're still together. - Who cares? 272 00:15:13,495 --> 00:15:15,998 My mom found my dad at his wedding. 273 00:15:17,499 --> 00:15:20,461 Your parents set unreasonable expectations for you. 274 00:15:20,544 --> 00:15:23,547 But that's how I always thought it would happen for me. 275 00:15:23,631 --> 00:15:25,174 Even before I met Jay. 276 00:15:26,383 --> 00:15:28,260 Now I'm worried I rushed into it. 277 00:15:29,970 --> 00:15:30,888 "Rush?" 278 00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:34,892 We've been hearing about this crap for a full-ass year! 279 00:15:36,393 --> 00:15:40,314 I know I'm overanalyzing it, but the first time's a big deal. 280 00:15:40,397 --> 00:15:43,233 Leia, did you like having sex with Jay? 281 00:15:43,317 --> 00:15:45,027 You bet your biscuit I did. 282 00:15:46,111 --> 00:15:48,072 Dude, she had sex before you did. 283 00:15:50,991 --> 00:15:52,242 Then do it again. 284 00:15:52,743 --> 00:15:55,412 It won't be your first time, and you can stop freaking out. 285 00:15:55,496 --> 00:15:56,705 That's a great idea. 286 00:15:57,456 --> 00:16:00,542 But Jay's just been so upset with this sister thing. 287 00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:04,171 - Are you sure he'll want to do it again? - You're good. 288 00:16:12,304 --> 00:16:15,349 Kitty, did you stab the new vacuum? 289 00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:18,143 No. 290 00:16:18,769 --> 00:16:23,816 But I know exactly what happened… because I was there. 291 00:16:24,775 --> 00:16:27,736 I was using it because I love it. 292 00:16:28,487 --> 00:16:31,281 And someone had left a knife on the floor. 293 00:16:31,365 --> 00:16:34,868 I'm assuming it was you because you're careless with cutlery. 294 00:16:36,245 --> 00:16:41,083 - Go on. - Well, the vacuum… sucked it up. 295 00:16:42,042 --> 00:16:46,839 And it came flying into the bag, and it did one of these, 296 00:16:46,922 --> 00:16:48,507 and I swear on your life, 297 00:16:48,590 --> 00:16:53,887 it shot out of the canister and did a complete U-turn in midair. 298 00:16:53,971 --> 00:16:55,764 And then, because of physics, 299 00:16:55,848 --> 00:17:01,145 it did it over and over and over and over again. 300 00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:06,233 And you're sticking with that story? 301 00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:08,193 Fine. 302 00:17:08,902 --> 00:17:11,030 I miss my old vacuum, Red. 303 00:17:11,697 --> 00:17:13,782 I wish you asked me before getting rid of it. 304 00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:15,951 I didn't even get to say goodbye. 305 00:17:16,535 --> 00:17:17,661 You're right. 306 00:17:17,745 --> 00:17:19,955 But you know what might make you feel better? 307 00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:24,835 If we sang "Happy Birthday" to the toaster. 308 00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:35,929 I know you think I'm being silly, but if something means a lot to me, 309 00:17:36,430 --> 00:17:39,600 I would like to think it would mean something to you. 310 00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:44,313 And, for your information, that toaster was a Christmas gift. 311 00:17:44,396 --> 00:17:47,441 It has the same birthday as Jesus. 312 00:17:52,154 --> 00:17:53,614 The second time was even better. 313 00:17:54,114 --> 00:17:55,949 Think it'll keep getting better forever? 314 00:17:56,033 --> 00:17:57,367 No. 315 00:17:59,411 --> 00:18:00,746 Oh, I mean, maybe. 316 00:18:02,414 --> 00:18:03,415 Absolutely. 317 00:18:04,458 --> 00:18:05,542 It doesn't matter. 318 00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:09,129 And it also doesn't matter that I don't know everything about you. 319 00:18:09,213 --> 00:18:12,132 The fun part is we get to keep learning about each other. 320 00:18:12,716 --> 00:18:13,926 Sure. 321 00:18:15,010 --> 00:18:17,805 Like, I didn't know you like shrimp and grits. 322 00:18:17,888 --> 00:18:20,182 Oh, this was here when we sat down. 323 00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:26,814 Son of a bitch. 324 00:18:30,901 --> 00:18:33,737 Hey, man! What happened to "misters before sisters"? 325 00:18:33,821 --> 00:18:35,531 Oh no, I think he forgot. 326 00:18:36,824 --> 00:18:40,452 Look, why can't you just let us do our thing? We're happy. 327 00:18:40,536 --> 00:18:43,205 Can't you just be happy with any other girl? 328 00:18:43,288 --> 00:18:44,498 I mean, bro… 329 00:18:45,457 --> 00:18:47,376 - Look at this hottie. - Hey, hon! 330 00:18:49,044 --> 00:18:50,212 Hey, Mom. 331 00:18:50,838 --> 00:18:52,881 Okay, not her. Anybody else. 332 00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:55,884 - I don't know why you're so mad. - You know why I'm mad. 333 00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:59,596 - Bro, I was upset, and you blew me off. - What are you talking about? 334 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:02,391 I told you to put yourself back out there. 335 00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:05,894 Yeah. And if you'd come with me when I needed you, 336 00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:10,107 you could have been like, "Hold up. That's my sister!" 337 00:19:10,607 --> 00:19:12,901 There was a chance I was making love. 338 00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:16,989 Oh! Of course there was. It's always Jay, Jay, Jay. 339 00:19:17,072 --> 00:19:20,409 And did Betsy tell you that? She likes to say things three times. 340 00:19:20,492 --> 00:19:21,493 No. 341 00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:23,036 Hey, hey, hey. 342 00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:26,248 Hey, cowgirl. 343 00:19:30,586 --> 00:19:31,837 So you had sex, huh? 344 00:19:33,589 --> 00:19:36,842 - Gwen told you? - I can tell when people have had sex. 345 00:19:37,426 --> 00:19:38,969 Like, that guy over there? 346 00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:41,805 He just had sex in the parking lot. 347 00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:45,475 - With you? - Oh! You can do it too! 348 00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:50,564 It doesn't matter who said it. 349 00:19:50,647 --> 00:19:53,025 She's right. You haven't been a good friend to me. 350 00:19:53,108 --> 00:19:56,820 You're sleeping with my sister. That's textbook bad friend! 351 00:19:57,654 --> 00:19:59,156 I had a really hard year. 352 00:19:59,698 --> 00:20:00,782 And you know that. 353 00:20:01,283 --> 00:20:03,994 When I find a shred of happiness, you piss all over it. 354 00:20:04,578 --> 00:20:06,622 You broke a promise, okay? 355 00:20:06,705 --> 00:20:09,750 You don't get out of this because you're lonely and sad. 356 00:20:09,833 --> 00:20:11,543 Screw you, man! 357 00:20:14,129 --> 00:20:15,297 Let's get out of here. 358 00:20:15,964 --> 00:20:16,798 Oh. 359 00:20:16,882 --> 00:20:22,471 And when we did it in your room, your bed said, "Finally! A real man." 360 00:20:23,847 --> 00:20:26,099 Burn! 361 00:20:30,687 --> 00:20:33,774 I know you wanted a final goodbye. 362 00:20:33,857 --> 00:20:36,151 So, she's in there. 363 00:20:39,363 --> 00:20:44,743 They were pulling her apart for scrap metal when I got there. 364 00:20:46,161 --> 00:20:49,039 - Are you sure you want to look? - I have to. 365 00:20:54,753 --> 00:20:55,587 That's her. 366 00:20:58,340 --> 00:21:00,384 I know this sounds crazy. 367 00:21:00,467 --> 00:21:03,303 But, what if we cremated her? 368 00:21:03,387 --> 00:21:07,891 And then you could vacuum up her ashes with your new vacuum. 369 00:21:08,892 --> 00:21:10,310 Well, that's ridiculous. 370 00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:14,231 We'll just bury her in the backyard next to my old blender. 371 00:21:17,484 --> 00:21:18,485 Okay. 372 00:21:21,238 --> 00:21:22,614 Goodbye, old friend. 373 00:21:23,991 --> 00:21:25,867 Hope it's dusty in heaven. 374 00:21:28,704 --> 00:21:33,375 ♪ Amazing grace ♪ 375 00:21:33,458 --> 00:21:37,296 ♪ How sweet the sound ♪ 376 00:21:38,046 --> 00:21:40,716 ♪ That saved ♪ 377 00:21:40,799 --> 00:21:45,637 ♪ A wretch like me ♪ 378 00:21:47,639 --> 00:21:49,224 I don't know any more words.