Previously on the Real Housewives Ultimate Girls Trip.
Welcome to California!
These girls are legends.
This is going to be epic.
We're going to do all these trips,
we're going to go to everybody's city.
So, it's like, seven girls.
They're starting in the OC and then heading into my town,
Beverly Hills.
If you are under-insured and don't have life insurance,
this is out, press hard three copies
and we'll get you insured.
Is Vicki going to kill us?
Oh, my God!
This is amazing!
This is so cute.
The government came knocking on our door.
I pay my taxes on time, all the time,
no penalties, no interest, no nothing!
Vicki's actually being like, a quintessential mean girl.
I thought I was gonna be the mean girl.
I mean, I was like looking forward to it.
Cheers to the OGs!
15 years ago,
Slade ridiculed me
and said I looked like Miss Piggy.
I got a new face because of him.
- He's a pig. - He's a pig.
[screaming]
[gasping]
[squealing]
Take me back to Beverly Hills.
I'm really upset about Gizelle right now.
She's out of my life.
That's a pot stirrer, right there.
[upbeat music]
- Hi. - Hey, T.
How are you?
Are you ready to go to Beverly Hills?
- Yes. - I am, too.
[kisses]
- It feels good out here. - Yes.
Love that hair, it's gonna be good color for you.
- Hey, Vicki. - Hi, sweetie.
- Hi, Vicki, good morning to you!
Good morning, good morning. Good morning.
Good morning!
Alright, ready?
You wanna wait 'til Kyle's here?
She was with me, we just left the room together!
You just left her, was she ready to go?
She was right behind me.
But then, you know, my mind, like a goldfish,
I set out and start talking and I forgot that she was back.
[laughing]
- She wasn't behind you no more. - She wasn't even over here.
Hey, girl. [sniffling]
I'm just having a moment.
Oh, baby girl.
What happened?
Today's my 30-year anniversary.
It makes me sad, you know,
he sent me a text and it just set me off.
He said today's always such a hard day and...
[sniffling]
...I love you, and...
He said I don't know how we got here.
That's what he said.
I thought we were stronger than that, you know?
Y'know, I really had thought that.
My heart is breaking for Kyle,
because they've got everything that everybody's looking for
and 30 years of marriage,
now all of a sudden, it's dissolving.
The thing that bothered me the most, honestly,
was people saying that we gave them hope
that true love existed.
- Happy anniversary, my love. - I love you.
And now, that went out the window for them.
But I understand people thinking like that.
I still feel like, like...
Not ashamed, that's the wrong word.
- You should be. - I feel like...
You let your family down, you let your kids down,
you're showing them that it's okay to bail out
when things get tough, it's not okay.
For me, it's like, you guys
were the epitome of staying together for forever.
Supposed to grow old together, supposed to...
Your life together, your grandkids, y'know?
Yeah.
Anyway, I'm getting better.
No, you're not gonna get better.
That's what happened to Don and I.
I was out and about and...
You had to grow apart.
I wish somebody would have come up to me
when I decided to divorce Don 16 years ago,
to say, "Stop."
I feel sometimes during in our marriage,
we both had questioned each other's commitment
and I want you to know that from this day forward
I'd like to start new.
I hate divorce. God hates divorce.
I feel like I failed my marriage.
How did I get here again?
I was caught in this being on a reality show
and traveling and nobody told me,
like shape up Vicki,
this TV life that you're living is temporary.
And 20 years from now when you're older,
it's gonna be 50 years.
40 years, and...
It's still gonna bother me then?
Of course it is. It still bothers me with Don.
But once we're divorced,
I would hope it doesn't bother me.
No, I've been divorced from Don since 2014.
And every time a birthday comes up or an anniversary,
I think, what happened?
I mean, when I hear Vicki
say that the pain still lives within her,
it scares me.
I wanna be past this.
I don't want to be Aunt Vicki.
Hey girls, the sprinter van is here.
- Oh, it is? - Yes!
Let's go to Beverly Hills! Come on!
Oh, sh--, okay.
Kyle, you, okay?
- Aw, what's wrong? - You okay?
It's, um, no, today's my 30-year anniversary.
- And I just-- - Aw!
Regardless of where we're at, it's just sad, you know?
God, you're a bad bitch, I don't...
You done walk in it. Walk in your bad bitchness.
Kyle doesn't know all of us very well,
but like, we've all been through it.
I'm gonna cry.
So, we know the pain,
we know the other side of it,
and we're just gonna have to give her some extra love
to get her on the other side.
Well, anybody want a glass of something to drink.
Kyle, you want--
I need some non-alcoholic champagne, guys.
Here's your drink, girl! Let's go!
- Let's go! - Get in to it!
Ah!
- To Kyle, to 30 years. - To 30 years!
To whatever the future holds.
- That's right. - Cheers.
Oh, it doesn't have a bottom on yours.
I know!
I have some things to talk about.
Okay.
Um, so this morning, I got a little visitor
called Lisa Barlow.
- Me! - Yeah!
Last night when I was driving back with Vicki,
Vicki was upset.
You have to talk to Gizelle about--
She's getting nothing from me.
Now, guess what? She's invisible to me.
I don't want a spot with her now,
she's an arms length away.
I don't need her in my life.
When she's like, "I'm keeping Gizelle out,"
I was like, and she's like, "I'm gonna put her in a box."
Um...
Lisa did tell me that, um...
Uh, Vicki, I don't know what's going on,
you're on the phone and you're on your computer.
I have a lot of work to do in the next two hours.
So I don't have to do it when I get there.
Um, Lisa did tell me that after last night,
which was loud, but you know, fun,
you said you wanted to put me in a box.
Mm-hm.
It was like you were trying to
stir something up that wasn't there.
And so I go, "I'm going to put you over there for now,
because I don't understand why you did that."
I wasn't prepared right now,
'cause I'm literally in the middle
of quoting huge clients
so I'm not prepared to have this conflict.
It's not a conflict, this is just a conversation.
But it's conversation-conflict for me.
You went into a relationship that I've been at for 17 years
and put yourself in that place,
that was not your spot to do that.
I don't even know you.
But it doesn't matter,
this is about being accountable, owning your sh--.
Okay, you guys, I'm gonna stay working, you guys fight,
okay, I'm out, I'm seriously not--
- No, you're not out. - No, no, no, no.
I have several things I could be doing right now,
but I'm not doing it, because I'm here,
I am present so close the computer.
Now.
This is about being accountable, owning your sh--.
Okay, you guys, I'm gonna stay working, you guys fight.
- Okay, I'm out. - No, you're not out.
I don't know why Vicki thinks that we're gonna have like,
calm and like, zen moments in the sprinter van.
- Look at me. - Yes.
[bleep] you!
[bleep] you, bitch, are you kidding me?
Who the [bleep] do you think you are?
Tamra made us slower. Made us slower.
But how much more do I have to bleed out for you
before you stop----ing me with other people?
You're recording us? I have had enough!
How the key in them bitches?
- They're on a jet! - A jet?
I don't know you, but I've heard you don't have a lot of friends.
Because a lot of them are like you,
disrespectful and you're two hours late,
that's why I don't have a lot of friends.
Oh, my----ing God.
Girl, that mother----ing hot chili cheese Frito [bleep].
I don't wanna scissor you!
Can you please take me to McDonalds?
So let's close the laptop case
and engage.
What you said to me on the yacht,
I don't even know why you would be upset
that I told her that.
I don't want her to think that I'm talking bad about her to you
or you or you, 'cause I'm not.
But you did talk bad about her to Luann also.
Just that you said, you know, basically the same thing.
Yeah, the same thing I said to her!
Said that you were being really mean and--
She can! And she'll admit it.
It's not talking bad about her, it's who she is.
Because I'm an honest person.
I don't appreciate Gizelle getting involved,
it's not her business.
I've had conversations like that
with Tamra in the past
and I will again in the future if it goes sideways.
Stop letting him tell you what to think.
He doesn't tell me what to think!
Ever!
You're supposed to be my friend!
My friend, my soulmate, my sister!
Then act that way!
I said I don't think he's good for you.
How do you know what's good for me?
That's my opinion!
Gizelle did not need to come in.
Nothing I said to Gizelle that I wouldn't say to Tamra's face.
And I have told her.
Tamra, Shannon and I are fine.
And I shouldn't have said
anything to Gizelle, I shouldn't.
No, I don't think Gizelle's the problem, though.
I'm not the problem, if I'm in a box,
I want the box to be pink with a pink bow on top.
But I never said anything to either one of you,
all of you that I wouldn't say to Tamra.
She is mean sometimes, not all the time.
I can be mean too.
And there are times when you say that...
Vicki, after you're done with this,
you were mean to me yesterday.
I was? What'd I do?
I heard things that you were saying,
like, you were saying that I changed the most.
I think Teresa changed the most.
What?
Oh.
- Teresa changed the most? - Don't you think?
- Um, okay. - Wow, look at that.
See, this is how I am, sometimes I have to process things.
Like it doesn't hit me at that moment.
Was she really trying to like, insult me?
But then, I'm like, oh, see?
It was insulting.
She was being rude.
Beautiful, you're beautiful. It was a compliment.
I mean, I think I've aged, y'know, gracefully.
But that was never, ever relayed like, oh, you're uglier.
At one point, she yelled, "Pay your taxes!"
I wasn't referencing you actually,
I was referencing somebody else on my cast.
Oh, well...
But you were looking at her.
I don't even want to relive this.
Because I did already, it just happened 10 years ago.
Okay, this is a great clothing store.
It's all high-end Gucci, amazing Valentino...
Oh, my God.
I'm having a Ramona moment.
[laughing]
She is so rude.
Rude!
Really nice stuff there.
High-end. High-end.
So, anyway, I don't really wanna talk about like, y'know,
what happened 10 years ago either
because that's what, y'know, gives me anxiety.
My whole thing is like,
I don't like to keep getting reminded of that,
it's a cross that I have to carry, like,
I've been carrying for 10 years,
it's been 10 years, like I don't...
I want to take that cross off already. So thank you, Vicki.
Thanks for being a bitch.
Is that the only thing
that made you feel like Vicki was coming for you?
Wait, there was a, wait...
I didn't know about the overrated comment.
Oh, that was another thing. But you just apologized.
That wasn't yesterday, that was 12 years ago!
Why? Why would she be the most overrated Housewife?
Okay, because Andy asked me a question.
My question is, who do you think
is the most overrated Housewife of all...
[laughter]
Ooh.
I'm gonna say Teresa.
[audience shouting]
At that time, you were getting Dancing with the Stars,
Apprentice, Traitors, and I was like, why?
- That's a good thing, right? - It was incredible.
Maybe it came from jealousy.
Well, that's what I was just gonna say.
- There you go. Okay! - There you go. Bingo.
- That's great clarity. - Uh, yes, thank you.
Listen, I have to give my hat off to Vicki
because that's a real OG.
She's not dragging out the drama,
she's like, "Yeah, I said it, and I didn't mean it like that
and I did and did you take it and that's what it was."
You know, I think everybody has this idea that Teresa's
ready to flip a table on a dime.
She really is not like that.
I love that you said that.
She heard "I'm sorry" and she was like...
"Oh, okay."
"Okay, feed me and tell me I'm pretty."
Like, it was over.
See, that's honest and vulnerable.
- Yeah. - Yeah, I love that.
Me too.
Coming up...
I'm telling you I'm defensive right now because you're
telling me I'm controlling and I'm not controlling!
I don't think you're controlling,
I know you're controlling.
How about everybody lay off me for a minute and just have fun!
We're here, guys!
Alright, let's go!
[cheering]
We're here!
We're in Kyle's town! [chuckling]
- Yeah! - OC was the first.
Beverly Hills came in and was like, thanks guys,
let me show you how it's done.
Okay, the party's started!
That's the one franchise where I'm like,
oh, my gosh, I'm viscerally stimulated.
They're all gorgeous.
Goodbye, Kyle.
I swear to you, I'm done with it!
Goodbye, Kyle!
I love Camille, I think she's from Jersey.
My name's Camille Grammer,
I'm a dancer and I have been my whole life.
Were people doing coke in your bathroom?
Oh, come on!
Tom's house was broken into and he confronted the burglar
and then had to go have eye surgery
and then my son had to go over--
Recently?
And then my son rolled his car five times on the way home,
yeah, I'm under a lot of stress.
Wait, what?
I think it was season one,
Kyle and Kim were in a limo.
You stole my goddamn house!
You better----ing take that back right now.
You better stop right now!
[bleep]. Stop it.
I was all in after that.
- We're here, guys! - Yay!
- Beverly Hills! - Woo!
We made it, we made it, we made it!
- Welcome to Beverly Hilton! - Thank you.
Thank you for being here.
I have spent a lot of time in this hotel over the years.
- Also because of Kathy. - I can imagine.
Yeah, I don't think I've ever been in here.
We're in this iconic hotel in iconic Beverly Hills.
Kyle's sister's hotel,
the amazing Kathy Hilton, I'm obsessed with you.
It's hard for me to sit there
and pretend like everything's great.
And hunky-dory. When it's not.
Who is Hunky Dory?
Is that a nickname for someone?
Welcome to Beverly Hills, girls.
- Oh, my gosh! - This is where the party is!
I haven't stayed here in like, 15 years.
What did she say, the Oscars are here?
Yes.
I thought we could all be at the hotel for the first night,
because, well, it's less work for me.
I mean, I'm totally vibing Marilyn right now.
I fully expect you to have a cig right here.
Darling!
And I don't know if I want all of this energy in my house yet.
I feel bad for Kyle, we gotta make her have fun tonight.
I know, we are going to make her have fun.
Oh! So cozy!
Oh, okay, I do, I sleep with a pillow between my legs.
Look what I do!
I sleep with a housewife between my legs!
[laughing]
Kyle, you know, hanging on by a thread with the marriage.
I hope she's gonna hang on.
Oh, my God!
- Okay. - This is bomb!
Hey, Boo-Boo.
We're just having a pajama party.
It's a PJ party, Hollywood gowns, glitz and giggles.
PJs.
The truth is, um, today's been just a little bit
of an odd day for me.
[laughing sarcastically] 30 years strong. Thanks.
I was thinking tonight would be a good night to stay in
and relax and really get to know each other.
I know, I love a big event,
I just sometimes just want my girls.
I love small parties for us
because we can really let our hair down.
Fire!
[screaming]
No! [screaming]
Cheers to the girls weekend!
Cheers, bitch!
[screaming]
[cheering]
Sonja, put the dog down.
[screaming]
[laughing]
[champagne cork pops]
Hey! I did it.
That was exciting.
Oh, my screen looks dirty.
Kleenex.
Is this where the pajama party is?
- Hello! - Hello, oh, we're twinning!
Of course we are.
- Yes! - Good to see you.
- Oh, you look so pretty. - Thank you, so do you.
Knockedy-knockedy.
Hi!
- Hi, oh, and she's in pink. - Look at you!
You look gorgeous.
That's beautiful.
[phone ringing]
What is wrong with this?
[laughing]
Hi, baby, how are you?
Hi, handsome.
Do you like it?
Well, it's Hollywood glam night.
You're such a dude.
[laughing]
It smells so good, what candle is that?
I'm ready to party!
[cheering]
Drinking!
Oh, she leads with Coco and Chanel!
Yes!
It's a total lead with Coco and Chanel.
[laughing]
- You want to pop more Chanel? - Yeah!
If I had to name my boobs,
I think Louis would have to name my boobs, yeah.
'Cause he's always in there.
No. Complaints.
Well, they used to be double Ds.
And now they're Cs, so I dunno?
Little cutie pies?
- If you name yours... - Um, John Barlow's.
John Barlow's, shut up!
That's the difference between
an East Coast girl and a West Coast girl.
On the East Coast, you wear barely there make-up,
all cute and bony, you move to the West Coast
and you go home with full glam and a boob job.
No, that's cute. That's giving cute.
Isn't that true?
And I have my little Tiffany box over there.
Michael is a German from Munich
that I met out in the Hamptons.
We have found balance
because I travel a lot
and he's working a lot so the balance is this.
We see each other when we see each other.
Of course not.
Oh, no, I can't do that.
[laughing]
Not right now, 'cause there's a lot of cameras in front of me.
And to many guys standing around, look.
- Hello! - Hi, how are you?
[kisses]
You wear this around the house, girl?
No. I wore it for you, ladies.
Guys, um, the food is here.
This is a hungry heffer trip,
I'm talking about, I've been eating non-stop.
Like, we could just put it out.
Ms. Beverly Hills, we do not lay our food
upon the table ourselves.
I could do it.
- Okay! - Geez.
Who ordered, this looks like shawarma or something.
- Okay. - What's a shawarma?
Hello!
Oh, wow!
I really got into the 1920s.
- I know. - Mmm. How you doin'?
I think I might want a glass of wine.
Oh, is that kebob? Can we pass the kebob?
If you want this bread, you could eat with your hand.
Too many carbs. Too many carbs.
[laughing] What is that?
Is that your leftover that was in your mouth?
I was eating that.
Well, why did you put it on my plate?
Oh.
[gags]
Really?
Sharing is caring, Vicki.
- Well, I put it in my mouth-- - Control freak.
I mean, come on.
I am controlling what I put it in my body,
that is not going back in my body.
Well, it's a piece of kebob.
I just had half of it.
Why did you put it on my plate?
Because I don't have one, how's that?
[laughing]
- I don't have cooties. - Wait, what, who's got cooties?
[squeals]
You are something else.
Luann claims to be so proper and you know, countess.
[laughing]
And when she ate the kebob, the meat,
and put it on my plate, what she didn't want,
I thought I was gonna throw up.
Luann, girl.
Do you have a strong gag reflex?
Absolutely, 100%.
It's time for Will! Vicki! Gag?
[gags] [retches]
She's gonna throw up!
[gags] [laughter]
[gagging]
Everyone get out!
[gagging] [screaming]
Vicki, you don't suck penis?
What are you talking about? She's talking about food!
No, I never said I didn't, I did!
- You need to loosen up. - I'm good. I'm perfect.
Are you?
Luann, you did make a strong suggestion
in the sprinter that Vicki get some penis.
- Quick. - What?
Vicki get some dick.
She doesn't let her hair down half of the time.
- Yeah. - Right?
Have sex, possibly.
I'm in a relationship, committed relationship.
What does that mean?
- Give some penis? - No.
Get some penis.
Well, even though you have a man,
are your orgasms that good?
[laughing]
I don't think I have to talk to you about that.
No, we're in a pajama party with girls,
so if you can't talk to girls about orgasms...
Why are you not talking about with yourself?
Oh, I will tell you, I have the best orgasms.
- I have no problem with that. - Me too. Amen to that.
Listen, in the sprinter van, you're on the computer...
Yes, always. Uh-huh.
Right. And you have to work, work, work.
Take that time to be efficient.
I bet if one of us had filled out that damned clipboard,
she'd talk to us.
If one of us would have signed up,
she would have turned over and said,
"So, what's your date of birth?"
Let's see what happens. I filled out the form.
I don't think about 22 hours-- [laughing]
She said no she didn't!
Vicki! So you are alive!
You just waiting for us to die to insure us!
Email it to my office, I'll take care of it tomorrow.
[laughing]
I think for Vicki, this is her love language.
Clients.
Here we are in a very iconic place,
it's like, let your hair down, girl.
Good!
[laughing]
Good!
Good! Oh!
Okay.
Oh my gosh, I'm crying laughing.
You're not that convincing.
You're kind of cutting me down, I don't like that.
- I'm not cutting you down. - I'm defensive right now.
Don't be defensive.
I'm telling you I'm defensive right now,
because you're telling me I'm controlling
and I'm not controlling.
I don't think you're controlling I know you're controlling.
- You don't know me. - Maybe I know you better
- than you know yourself. - No, I know me.
But Luann, what makes you think you know her better than--
It's been 24 hours!
How about you lay off me for a minute and just have fun?
Coming up...
I saw Mauricio, I immediately text you.
You know what I mean.
Then you said you would've laid horizontal with him.
What?
Wait, what?
But Luann, what makes you think you know her better than--
It's been 24 hours!
Vicki's so bothered by Luann.
Frankly, it's hilarious.
How about you lay off me for a minute and just have fun?
She has a lot of angry growls.
I wonder if she does that in bed.
She already knows Vicki better than Vicki knows herself.
That's a miracle.
Oh, I am like a scanner.
You're putting yourself on this pedestal.
I'm not putting myself on a----ing pedestal.
Listen, honestly, you are actually polar opposites
how you live your lives.
So that's why it must be...
She must think, "Oh, my gosh! You're reckless and she's--"
Ooh, not reckless! Not reckless, that was a read!
My suggestion, relax where you are.
Don't tell me what to do.
Oh, my God, I mean, I just thought, there's no point
in giving these women any advice.
This is only day two, I would like to remind everybody.
Day two!
[groans]
- Porsha, you knocked over... - That booty.
Now it's a party!
Opa!
Well, it's synthetic, it'll dry quickly.
Luann! [laughing]
Okay, ladies, just shake ya rump!
Okay, so Porsha, can I tell you,
I cannot do like a strip tease?
Like, if I... I can't do it without bustin' out laughing.
What?
Like, if I'm trying to like, be sexy with somebody
and I'm trying to like strip tease and take my clothes off...
It's just movement, that's all.
Show us, show us.
Just do like you said, whiff...
- Check he's here. - Yes.
- Whiff, you whiff. - Yes. Whiff.
What is whiffing?
I don't wanna know.
- And then leg back down... - Okay.
...and then another whiff.
Oh.
- And that's the second move. - Okay.
Is this a thing?
Like, I never heard this.
Just... y'know...
[laughter]
I have no guarantees yet.
- I got the leg... - The whiff it!
Whiff, whiff!
Whoa!
[laughing]
Uh-oh, uh-oh!
[screaming]
Okay, that's it, oh and it moves! Oh, my God!
Kyle secretly is a Black girl in a white girl body.
- Woo! - Yeah, girl!
[cheering]
That's pretty good.
Namaste!
It moves, guys.
It. Moves!
- So, Lisa... - Lisa!
What-what you be doin'?
My splits only go this way.
[cheering]
Okay!
[laughing]
That is an unorthodox split.
Okay?
Okay, Teresa, we gotta see something.
Woo!
[laughing] Oh, wow!
[screaming]
Yes, Countess Queen!
[cheering]
Okay!
Whiff! Whiff! Whiff!
Whiff! Whiff!
[laughing]
Okay, it's Vicki's turn!
Come on, Vicki!
Come on, you guys, we gotta talk dirty to Vicki.
We want to buy a life insurance policy!
[laughing]
We're ready to die!
I'm ready to die!
Insure me!
You guys are all so beautiful, I would not look that--
You're gorgeous, we're not slayed, bitch, come on.
We are all gonna fill out that form!
We're all gonna file that form!
We're all pre-approved!
Insure us!
You're gonna get six paperwork!
[laughing]
No pre-nups!
We are gonna respect Vicki.
[laughing]
- You're smart, our dance. - Yes!
How can you even do that?
Wait, I wanna know, were you always like this?
- What? - Like, fun?
- Yes! - Like, just like, free?
[laughing]
You know, I had so much fun tonight.
I haven't laughed this...
hard in a long time.
And it just feels good.
I feel like every time I'm with my cast
and you think you're gonna laugh,
somebody----ing wrecks it
and it's usually at my expense.
Jen.
Guys, somebody's shoes are floating out there.
Oh, my God! I hope they're not my St. Laurent ones.
Guess what, I am----ing richer than all of you,
and I don't need to - ing be here.
Shut the [bleep] up and listen to me.
[bleep] and get that----ing wig off your head.
Oh, my God.
Having a great time together and laughing
and like, this is why you have girlfriends.
Before I even became a Housewife,
I don't know if I told you, but I was actually a housewife.
I had businesses prior to getting married
but I sold them, wanting to be what he wanted.
Oh, wow, Porsha.
Kordell loves to dress me,
I'm his Barbie doll, um...
He's very particular about what I wear.
Okay, that's what I asked you,
was it a strip club and I don't want to go to a strip club.
Why?
Kordell would not be okay with that.
And I watched you guys on TV.
Aw!
You can have it all, I can be both--
You, you and then you came along
and, you know what I mean, not you, you were...
I was late. I was late to the party.
But I watch the [bleep] out of you now.
But I just want to say, this is like,
it's a real moment.
I am grateful to be with y'all.
I'm a fan of y'all.
Even though I'm so amazing...
[laughing]
I am humbled to be here with y'all.
I love all y'all.
Coming up...
She did a shrine for Slade
who told Vicki that she looked like Porky Pig.
Miss Piggy.
Porky.
[upbeat music]
I need my outfit for today.
[phone rings]
Mom, I've only been gone three days.
[laughing]
I thought I was gone for a week or two.
Oh, my God, I ain't gonna be able to make it!
[laughing]
Good morning.
Um, okay, you look like a monster.
[horror music]
- I know. - I know.
What are you doing?
I am finishing up little details in my house.
What are you wearing for your ugly leather pants party?
I'm wearing couture.
Today we are going to Sutton's house
for a ugly leather pants luncheon, of course.
You're upset because you're jealous.
Period.
Jealous of what? Your ugly leather pants?
Sutton, come here for a second.
Sutton, Sutton!
And if we're going to have fun
and acknowledge some of these iconic moments
on these different franchises, we had to include that.
I can't wait to see you.
I can't wait to see you too.
- Bye. - Love you, bye.
This is your ugly leather pants? They're gorgeous.
Well, I just feel like, no, there's no such thing
as ugly leather pants.
There's some ugly ones out there.
But like, I love leather pants, I'm a leather pant girl.
Me too. [laughing]
- So, what's the... - Amazing.
Uh-oh!
- Oh! - Ah!
Doing a flashback! Are you kidding me?
Are you still jealous?
I'm not jealous at all! [laughing]
- You still look cute! - Hi!
I was thinking about it,
it's been five and a half years since I've put this on.
Are you kidding?
I put it on this morning,
and I'm like, it's kind of ugly.
[laughing]
- Hi, ladies. - Hi!
- How are you? - Good! How are you?
- Good. Good to see you. - Hi!
- Welcome, hi, how are you? - Hi!
Hi! Oh, my gosh!
Hi, Sutton!
Hi! Oh, my gosh, hi, gorgeous!
- Hello! - You look so cute!
[laughter]
It's weird to think that we're at a luncheon at Sutton's
and I feel like I can exhale.
You have a habit of losing your sh--
in ridiculous circumstances too.
- Name 'em. - That--
- Name 'em. - What you did was ridiculous.
- Name 'em. - Well, be quiet so--
- Name 'em. - Let me talk, Jesus!
Name 'em!
Oh, my God! I love seeing everybody
in these leather pants, it's hilarious.
Good to see you.
- You look gorgeous. - You look great!
I think we're all here because we watch you.
I didn't know Sutton prior to this.
But for her honoring me,
it was really special and I really appreciated it
because it's true,
if we bombed out season one, two,
there would have been no other franchises.
Oh. No.
Ladies, I'm going to invite you in for lunch now.
Oh, we're going in for lunch.
I love that we're doing this.
Yeah, let's go in.
This is lovely!
This is like, quintessential Beverly Hills, I love it.
Oh, you did do place cards!
Luann is moving.
I have to move my place card
because I'm sitting next to Vicki.
I just need a little break.
You did?
And I wanted to sit next to Sutton.
I love that you're like, mmm...
[giggling]
I love the stash.
Thank you.
Is this... What is... What kind of fish is this?
- Roasted sea bass. - Sea bass, okay.
- Chic, c'est le vie. - It is.
Sutton is a very high-class bougie bitch.
And I'm here for it.
I think Beverly Hills understands an experience
and I do too.
Goddammit, if I sit down
and your eight people don't come serve me,
I'm leaving.
I don't know about you, but in Orange County,
we just deliver our own lunch to our guests, like...
We don't have wait service.
So ladies, okay, so you started in Orange County.
- What was the highlight? - The boat. Yeah, the boat.
So there was cardboard cutouts
of all of us on our first season.
- Life-sized. - What happened after the yacht?
We went to Quiet Storm.
I had on an afro, like...
That's a better name for the place, Quiet Storm.
We were reliving what happened 20 years ago,
we were at the Quiet Woman, we played Bunko,
I got mad at Gretchen...
She did a shrine for Slade.
And told Vicki she looked like Porky Pig.
Miss Piggy!
Porky!
Miss Piggy!
Making it worse than it already was.
We all do look like some kind of animal.
I was a Muppet, I wasn't a real pig,
I was a Muppet doll.
[laughing]
So, Luann broke the frame,
we had Shannon-Tamra drama
and we go, we're gonna leave that in OC.
Then Shannon stole her man.
Oh!
- Shannon stole her man. - She didn't steal my man.
At the Love Hotel premiere party,
Shannon was canoodling
with the man that was interested the entire time in me.
He was my man. I was staying at his house.
Well, I have a question!
Gizelle, you did Love Hotel with Shannon.
- We did. - How was that?
She did end up kissing my man.
But that's a whole 'nother story.
You need to stop about that!
Are you in a position where she...
You feel she needed to call you and say, "by the way..."
- Yes. - Like, give you a heads up.
I saw Mauricio, I immediately text you.
You know what I mean?
And then you said you would have laid horizontal with him.
- What? - What?!
I just found that out last night.
- Wait, what? - No.
I didn't know that until last night.
She said, if it wasn't for Kyle, she would have slept with
Mauricio by now and lay horizontal with him.
- Good to see you. - How are you? Nice to see you.
So do you.
Mauricio is married to Kyle Richards
who is a Beverly Hills Housewife.
Mauricio would definitely be somebody
that I spend some quality time with.
Horizontal.
Wait, I don't... Can you guys explain horizontal?
Okay, so... But... Kyle...
[laughing]
But, but, but, but, but, yeah.
Wait, vertical's up and down. Horizontal is like this.
I am stuck. [laughing]
So 69ing?
Gizelle, you're in the hot seat.
- I am. - You are in the hot seat.
I'm glad I have all red.
So, Porsha and I did chat with him...
- Don't bring me into this! - No, I'm not!
We had joked about Mauricio in the past
and I was rehashing that joke
that you and I have discussed in the past.
I didn't know that you said that.
Kyle.
Your husband is very attractive, okay?
I'm sure I'm not the only one that wanna get horizontal.
Yeah, right now, I'm just gonna walk you around,
looking for a watering hole.
Okay, Mauricio, we're gonna let you go,
'cause these ladies right here, are a hot mess.
Gizelle, I do not appreciate that.
But not anymore!
- Well-- - I would never.
I apologize for the joke.
Thank you.
- Thank you. - I accept.
I don't know Gizelle well yet, do I think she feels bad
about what she said about Mauricio?
Probably.
Do I think she would maybe act on that anyway?
Maybe!
[laughing]
So, we have dessert.
I love when they come in, you can just feel the wind.
- Hoo! - Oh, my God!
[squealing]
- This is so cute! - This is hilarious!
I have a feeling I know what this is about.
Let the mouse go.
[laughing]
You've had your fun, let the mouse go.
- Really? - Seriously.
- Honestly? - Let the mouse go.
Is there anything you said--
You had your fun, let it go.
Oh, what's this?
What's this? A game?
We're going to play a little game
called Let The Mouse Go.
Our mouse hid his $25,000 sunglasses.
Oh, my God.
Look at those beautiful glasses.
They were $25,000.
They're unbelievable.
Did you know, $25,000.
[laughter]
Each relic found will lead to your next clue.
Okay.
And eventually to a pair of $25,000 sunglasses
that contain a key to Let The Mouse Go.
Kyle and Crystal!
You will be team captains. Choose your team first.
I'm picking this side.
So I'll take this side and you take that side, that's fine.
This is your first clue.
Okay. Okay.
"Inside where you get cozy and lounge and bout and slump,
rest what was once in competition
with Lisa Vanderpump."
- What? What is that? - Let's go to the cozy room.
I don't even know exactly what we are fighting for here.
I have my shoes off, that's easy.
I don't know if I'm going to get a million dollars,
I mean, I'm at Sutton's house, I might get a million dollars
to win this game.
- I wanna win! - I wanna win!
"Where you cook your meals and make your tea with honey,
lies an iconic famous blue bunny."
Oh, blue bunny!
I brought the bunny because I never gave it to my grandson.
'Cause I didn't feel like it had good energy.
Is there a tea set here, hold on.
That blue bunny!
[squealing]
[cheering]
"She picked them all day on her Malibu ridge,
so they can be found out front instead of her fridge."
It must be...
Ooh, out front.
Kyle, get out of there!
Oh, no, I found Sutton's vibrator! Sh--!
Don't look in those drawers!
[laughing]
- I got it! - Okay, you did?
- I found it! Look! Look! - Okay, amazing, okay.
If my name was Maloof,
I would definitely call it the Maloof Feu.
"In the room where the chefs
cook and snacks you're made to sneak,
lies a very noisy item that Dorit thought was chic."
- Oh, a wind chime! - Okay, wind chime.
- Yeah, but is there... - One of these...
Wait it has to have a note, it has to have a note!
- Wait, what is it? - Oh, oh, oh!
Do you see it?
Oh, yeah!
I got so inspired by the way I was feeling,
that I wanted to have organic lemons.
- You went a little overboard. - I did.
Okay, whether an apple, orange, or peach,
they give you quite a label, but what they hold here
can be found under the patio table.
That's outside, that's outside, right?
I haven't done this since I was a child.
- I love this. - Wind chime.
Okay, where's a wind chime?
- I found it! I found it! - Yay!
We have a wind chime.
Oh, wind chime!
Of my hand and yours.
Jamie, that is the chicest wind chime I have ever--
Thank you, darling.
"Where a bird sits, looking serene and so rough,
lies a famous e-cig that Miss Dubois puffed."
A cigarette?
She was like... [inhaling]
And I'm thinking, that's Jack Nicholson
from The Shining.
Here, here, here. It's a diamond!
Teresa, hear, read.
"In a tiny little room where the sweats and stress of the day
lies a pricy pair of sunglasses that cost 25K."
Sauna! The sauna!
The pool house should be this way!
[squealing]
We won!
Aw, they got it!
- The key! The key! - You gotta unlock somebody!
Take the key, unlock that mouse.
Oh, sh--, there's a mouse? Oh, my God!
What are we looking for?
I dunno, they're going straight to the mouse.
- We got you, buddy! - Get him out!
Get him outside the cage!
Hurry, hurry, hurry!
[cheering]
We freed him!
Let the mouse go! Let the mouse go!
We lost!
- I hate losing! - Did they win?
No, they got the mouse out of the house.
Now all I'm left with is the Maloof hoof.
They're done!
The mouse is gone!
- We let the mouse go. - That was really cute.
That was really fun!
- That was fun. - Y'all were fast!
So what did you guys win? Is the question.
You win a ticket to Kyle's white party.
There's a lot of Housewives here so there'll be many situations.
I feel like you don't like me.
I will never ask you for life insurance policy.
Get off of my husband!
You are making this up.
It's going down tonight.
Woo!
Oh, my gosh, I love that they have trees.
Lisa, she did mention that you were telling non-truths.
Gizelle, royal pieces of sh--.
Royal pieces of sh--?
- How are you? - Hi. Good, how are you.
- Good, thank you. - Good.
My theory is correct. She is a bitch.