1
00:00:36,912 --> 00:00:38,080
嘿

2
00:00:40,332 --> 00:00:41,833
妳肚子餓嗎?

3
00:00:41,834 --> 00:00:43,961
幹...

4
00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:46,546
這是個錯誤,抱歉

5
00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:49,298
不,不是你的問題,我只是...
我的天啊,我真是個爛人

6
00:00:49,299 --> 00:00:50,466
不是,妳不是

7
00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:53,219
珊莫是我最好的朋友,好嗎?
這件事絕對不能讓她知道

8
00:00:53,220 --> 00:00:56,138
絕對不能讓任何人知道,我...

9
00:00:56,139 --> 00:00:58,642
早安,大佬,剛出爐的雞蛋三明治

10
00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:00,519
你有睡好嗎?

11
00:01:01,019 --> 00:01:03,981
- 有
- 走吧,天氣很棒喔

12
00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:07,109
他都不敲門嗎?

13
00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:09,319
雞蛋三明治剛出爐的時候就不會敲

14
00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:12,154
妳應該看看尚恩的表情

15
00:01:12,155 --> 00:01:15,032
他好生氣又難過

16
00:01:15,033 --> 00:01:17,869
就像我又懷了第三個兒子那樣

17
00:01:17,870 --> 00:01:19,328
嘿,別那麼自責

18
00:01:19,329 --> 00:01:20,663
誰沒有把公司

19
00:01:20,664 --> 00:01:22,665
賣給生意夥伴那個疏遠的父親過呢?

20
00:01:22,666 --> 00:01:24,584
- 妳怎麼會這麼說?
- 因為妳開了個玩笑

21
00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:26,294
所以我以為現在是開玩笑模式,我就...

22
00:01:26,295 --> 00:01:29,547
- 沒有,我可以開玩笑,妳不能...
- 好,冷靜,來吧

23
00:01:29,548 --> 00:01:31,716
抱抱我,對不起,來啦

24
00:01:31,717 --> 00:01:35,052
來...妳會撐過去的,好嗎?

25
00:01:35,053 --> 00:01:36,095
- 幹
- 好

26
00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:38,139
現在妳的臉埋在我的奶子裡
那我可以開玩笑了嗎?

27
00:01:38,140 --> 00:01:40,350
不行,但我喜歡這樣

28
00:01:46,565 --> 00:01:47,982
你應該看看莉茲的表情

29
00:01:47,983 --> 00:01:50,651
- 我沒沉住氣,兄弟
- 嘿,人都會犯錯

30
00:01:50,652 --> 00:01:52,528
聽我說,在我最低潮的日子

31
00:01:52,529 --> 00:01:55,407
有一次我哈草嗨慘了
嗑掉了半個艾莉絲的生物課專題

32
00:01:56,074 --> 00:01:59,076
為我自己說句話
那是用扭扭糖做的人類DNA模型

33
00:01:59,077 --> 00:02:01,454
她的分數是D,但很好吃

34
00:02:01,455 --> 00:02:03,707
好,感謝你總是能感同身受

35
00:02:04,875 --> 00:02:07,127
我竟然那樣吼她

36
00:02:11,048 --> 00:02:12,132
幹

37
00:02:16,553 --> 00:02:17,971
幹

38
00:02:20,015 --> 00:02:21,933
也許我該一輩子躲著莉茲吧

39
00:02:21,934 --> 00:02:23,643
我試過了,沒用的,尚恩

40
00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:24,728
她會找到你

41
00:02:26,396 --> 00:02:27,813
嘿,妳的膝蓋在流血耶

42
00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:29,524
- 別問
- 發生什麼事了?

43
00:02:29,525 --> 00:02:33,070
我的天啊,你是不懂“別問”的意思嗎?

44
00:02:33,654 --> 00:02:34,947
抱歉,親愛的

45
00:02:35,531 --> 00:02:38,074
- 你怕她,對吧?
- 又怎樣?你也怕莉茲啊

46
00:02:38,075 --> 00:02:39,701
當然啊,她超可怕的

47
00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:41,953
所有事情都好慘

48
00:02:41,954 --> 00:02:43,121
沒有啦

49
00:02:44,957 --> 00:02:46,415
我知道你可以怎麼挽救

50
00:02:46,416 --> 00:02:49,044
吉米說我該帶這個來找你

51
00:02:51,046 --> 00:02:52,839
我真是喜歡吉米開口說話啊

52
00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:55,758
一定會很好玩,因為我從沒受過治療

53
00:02:55,759 --> 00:02:58,011
- 真是難以相信
- 出招吧

54
00:03:24,288 --> 00:03:29,167
《誠實診療室》

55
00:03:29,168 --> 00:03:32,129
{\an8}我知道妳覺得自己這樣是為我好

56
00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:35,673
{\an8}我不該失控生氣的,我很抱歉

57
00:03:35,674 --> 00:03:37,341
{\an8}不,我應該先跟你談才對

58
00:03:37,342 --> 00:03:38,760
{\an8}我很抱歉

59
00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:41,220
{\an8}- 我們沒事了
- 好

60
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:42,513
(可怕的鄰居把合夥生意賣掉)

61
00:03:42,514 --> 00:03:43,598
很好

62
00:03:43,599 --> 00:03:45,850
(尚恩有情緒反應,他們解決了)

63
00:03:45,851 --> 00:03:48,437
{\an8}莉茲,我要試著真心地說

64
00:03:49,021 --> 00:03:50,397
{\an8}我很高興妳來這裡

65
00:03:51,690 --> 00:03:52,607
{\an8}就這樣?

66
00:03:52,608 --> 00:03:57,195
{\an8}怎樣?妳要我脫了褲子
用屁股幫妳鼓掌嗎?

67
00:03:57,196 --> 00:03:58,280
{\an8}好

68
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:01,032
{\an8}- 你付他多少錢啊?
- 沒付錢

69
00:04:01,033 --> 00:04:02,409
{\an8}好,聽起來很合理

70
00:04:04,620 --> 00:04:05,954
{\an8}感謝誇獎

71
00:04:06,955 --> 00:04:09,707
{\an8}這是個好主意
比起健走,我比較喜歡吃甜甜圈

72
00:04:09,708 --> 00:04:10,917
{\an8}拜託,你看看那寶寶

73
00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:13,169
{\an8}不管是男生還是女生,一定撐不完全程吧

74
00:04:13,170 --> 00:04:15,922
{\an8}男生還是女生?
她身上的粉紅色運動衫寫著“艾蜜莉”耶

75
00:04:15,923 --> 00:04:18,633
{\an8}- 輪到我抱了
- 好

76
00:04:18,634 --> 00:04:22,720
{\an8}嗨,妳真可愛

77
00:04:22,721 --> 00:04:24,055
{\an8}你昨天也這麼跟我說

78
00:04:24,056 --> 00:04:25,932
{\an8}如果大家都可愛的話,那就誰也不可愛了

79
00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:27,476
{\an8}你好像有當奶爸的天分耶,查理

80
00:04:28,727 --> 00:04:31,437
{\an8}別向我們推銷你那套催生計畫,老吉

81
00:04:31,438 --> 00:04:33,606
{\an8}我們在交往的時候就有共識了

82
00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:34,774
{\an8}我們都不想要小孩

83
00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:36,609
{\an8}不是,是你不想要小孩

84
00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:39,320
{\an8}我說我沒小孩也無所謂,不是我不想要

85
00:04:39,321 --> 00:04:42,114
{\an8}- 你是誰啊?到底是怎麼回事啊?
- 也許該讓他們獨處

86
00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:43,659
{\an8}為何?這是個很私密的時刻耶

87
00:04:44,326 --> 00:04:45,827
{\an8}- 正是因為這樣啊,麥可
- 沒關係

88
00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:47,954
{\an8}我想要寶寶

89
00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:49,580
{\an8}但如果沒有的話

90
00:04:49,581 --> 00:04:52,875
{\an8}我就是那個超脫一切慾望
讓這段婚姻得以走下去的英雄

91
00:04:52,876 --> 00:04:56,420
{\an8}我也可以當
至少假裝有考慮過這件事的英雄

92
00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:57,839
{\an8}真是太勇敢了

93
00:04:57,840 --> 00:04:59,882
{\an8}好啊,想要的話
可以去見我們的領養顧問

94
00:04:59,883 --> 00:05:01,969
{\an8}- 他是我們的朋友
- 那樣就太好了

95
00:05:02,928 --> 00:05:05,097
{\an8}我是說如果布萊恩想要的話

96
00:05:06,265 --> 00:05:08,433
{\an8}查理,你在開玩笑嗎?布萊恩是英雄耶

97
00:05:09,101 --> 00:05:11,018
{\an8}好,有人便便囉

98
00:05:11,019 --> 00:05:12,937
{\an8}- 我能幫忙換尿布嗎?可以嗎?
- 好啊,麻煩了

99
00:05:12,938 --> 00:05:14,606
{\an8}來吧,妳這個臭小妞

100
00:05:15,107 --> 00:05:16,774
{\an8}“你好像有當奶爸的天分耶,查理”?

101
00:05:16,775 --> 00:05:19,193
{\an8}別怪我,不想結束我們友情的人是你

102
00:05:19,194 --> 00:05:21,572
{\an8}我...還有味道啦

103
00:05:24,241 --> 00:05:25,492
嘿,孩子

104
00:05:26,952 --> 00:05:29,580
你爸整個重回你的生活中了

105
00:05:30,706 --> 00:05:32,039
所以不能一直躲著他

106
00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:33,875
你們兩個有聊過了嗎?

107
00:05:33,876 --> 00:05:35,334
他知道你住在哪裡嗎?

108
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,044
拜託喔,保羅,你上週問過我了

109
00:05:37,045 --> 00:05:39,131
而且你可以從我的表情看得出來
答案是沒有

110
00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:42,800
好

111
00:05:42,801 --> 00:05:45,094
為何總是要一直聊到我爸?

112
00:05:45,095 --> 00:05:48,598
嘿,我知道你爸做了什麼事
導致你們的關係損壞

113
00:05:48,599 --> 00:05:50,392
但你還沒跟我說

114
00:05:51,101 --> 00:05:52,143
我怎麼知道的?

115
00:05:52,144 --> 00:05:54,395
我處理這種事情超級久了

116
00:05:54,396 --> 00:05:56,647
為何你想要在廚房裡對我進行治療?

117
00:05:56,648 --> 00:05:59,483
你跟吉米以前常常在辦公室以外的地方聊

118
00:05:59,484 --> 00:06:01,861
- 我想我也來試試看好了
- 才離你辦公室門3公尺遠耶

119
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,405
一小步一小步地來

120
00:06:06,950 --> 00:06:08,451
說吧

121
00:06:08,452 --> 00:06:09,828
抱歉,我得去上班了

122
00:06:13,081 --> 00:06:14,165
妳怎麼還在這裡?

123
00:06:14,166 --> 00:06:16,210
因為我在你的抽屜裡便便了

124
00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:19,171
冷靜點,我只是把鑰匙給忘了

125
00:06:20,631 --> 00:06:22,925
所以我才討厭離開辦公室

126
00:06:30,140 --> 00:06:31,266
(你上當了)

127
00:06:33,018 --> 00:06:34,477
嘿,跟莉茲聊得還順利嗎?

128
00:06:34,478 --> 00:06:37,898
她沒有在我的辦公桌便便
所以應該算很成功吧

129
00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:42,027
我還是無法讓尚恩開口聊他爸的事

130
00:06:43,237 --> 00:06:45,154
我還試過在辦公室外跟他聊

131
00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:46,907
嘿,你對他用了吉式療法耶

132
00:06:47,491 --> 00:06:49,992
我的病患都這樣稱呼
我的非典型療法,所以...

133
00:06:49,993 --> 00:06:52,411
- 好,我是不會那樣說的
- 走著瞧吧

134
00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:53,829
嘿,尚恩跟我還是很要好

135
00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:55,706
要我去試試看讓他開口聊他爸嗎?我...

136
00:06:55,707 --> 00:06:57,500
不要,你別再插手了

137
00:06:57,501 --> 00:06:59,085
你已經不是他的治療師了

138
00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:00,253
所以別多管閒事

139
00:07:00,254 --> 00:07:02,214
好喔,保羅,我就不多管閒事

140
00:07:02,965 --> 00:07:04,632
- 最好是
- 怎樣?我可以不管事啊

141
00:07:04,633 --> 00:07:06,425
- 我不管的事可多了
- 說一個來聽聽

142
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,261
從沒對靈魂飛輪有興趣

143
00:07:08,262 --> 00:07:10,304
- 希望我有更好的例子可說
- 我瞭解你

144
00:07:10,305 --> 00:07:14,016
只要尚恩有需要,你就會堅持不住

145
00:07:14,017 --> 00:07:16,561
你無法不伸手幫忙

146
00:07:16,562 --> 00:07:21,065
只要我決心不去做一件事,我就可以不做

147
00:07:21,066 --> 00:07:22,859
{\an8}“我在這裡尿尿了”是什麼意思?

148
00:07:22,860 --> 00:07:23,944
哪裡?

149
00:07:24,987 --> 00:07:26,821
{\an8}真他媽...給我啦

150
00:07:26,822 --> 00:07:30,450
{\an8}- 保羅,這是你寫的?
- 是你那個討厭的瘋子鄰居啦

151
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:35,831
我很擔心尚恩

152
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:37,748
跟他爸一起工作

153
00:07:37,749 --> 00:07:40,835
他很快就會開始暴怒了

154
00:07:40,836 --> 00:07:42,837
(卡瓊餐車)

155
00:07:42,838 --> 00:07:45,841
真是太好吃了,你有吃過嗎?

156
00:07:47,259 --> 00:07:49,052
把你從家裡踢出去真的很難過

157
00:07:50,345 --> 00:07:53,306
但我知道你需要的
只是爸來逼你一下,對吧?

158
00:07:53,307 --> 00:07:55,267
我的意思是,瞧瞧你現在的成就

159
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:58,145
瞧瞧我們現在的樣子,對吧?

160
00:07:58,937 --> 00:08:01,189
你媽剛開始很怕

161
00:08:01,190 --> 00:08:03,400
而我說:“不行
妳得讓他去當個男子漢”

162
00:08:05,235 --> 00:08:06,320
你還好嗎?

163
00:08:06,862 --> 00:08:08,071
沒事,我很好

164
00:08:10,199 --> 00:08:13,326
我很愛那輛餐車,卻莫名其妙地送了出去

165
00:08:13,327 --> 00:08:15,745
- 我很遺憾
- 對,真是爛啊

166
00:08:15,746 --> 00:08:17,538
我之前跟一個不在乎我的傢伙上床

167
00:08:17,539 --> 00:08:19,790
所以我現在得闖進他家
去把我的東西拿回來

168
00:08:19,791 --> 00:08:21,209
包括我最愛的按摩器

169
00:08:21,210 --> 00:08:23,336
- 真是太不堪了
- 那個很貴嗎?

170
00:08:23,337 --> 00:08:24,962
對啊,我們有很多是各出一半

171
00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:27,632
妳們兩個都輸給我了,查理想要寶寶

172
00:08:27,633 --> 00:08:29,800
- 那不算是個問題
- 對,寶寶很棒

173
00:08:29,801 --> 00:08:31,761
- 去養寶寶就對了
- 誰要生寶寶?

174
00:08:31,762 --> 00:08:33,346
- 布萊恩
- 看不出來你懷孕了耶

175
00:08:33,347 --> 00:08:35,389
- 我沒有要寶寶
- 有的,你會的

176
00:08:35,390 --> 00:08:36,599
婚姻就是這樣

177
00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:39,186
如果有一個人想要,那就已經決定了

178
00:08:39,852 --> 00:08:41,854
你們要養寶寶,不然你們就要分手了

179
00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:44,023
或是你會想通

180
00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:46,985
因為你跟查理的愛是堅不可摧的

181
00:08:47,986 --> 00:08:49,070
我也想要個德瑞克

182
00:08:49,071 --> 00:08:51,406
那麼我有個史上最大的巧合

183
00:08:51,990 --> 00:08:54,242
這位是我之前工作上的麻吉同事

184
00:08:54,243 --> 00:08:55,576
德睿克

185
00:08:55,577 --> 00:08:57,495
大家好,莉茲

186
00:08:57,496 --> 00:09:00,665
- 嗨,兄弟,你好嗎?
- 很高興見到妳

187
00:09:00,666 --> 00:09:02,458
- 你真香啊
- 謝謝

188
00:09:02,459 --> 00:09:04,920
你每次都好香,好了

189
00:09:05,546 --> 00:09:06,587
好

190
00:09:06,588 --> 00:09:09,006
信不信由你,但小加剛剛說她想要...

191
00:09:09,007 --> 00:09:11,884
- 別說
- 沒什麼,她什麼都不想要

192
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:13,553
- 什麼都不要?
- 對

193
00:09:13,554 --> 00:09:15,555
好喔,聽起來像在騙人,但我就配合吧

194
00:09:15,556 --> 00:09:17,932
- 我們要在這裡吃,還是...沒有啊
- 沒有...

195
00:09:17,933 --> 00:09:20,226
- 這裡的氣氛太悲傷了
- 對

196
00:09:20,227 --> 00:09:22,020
我們小德德想要歡欣愉悅

197
00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:26,399
還有,順道一提

198
00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:28,067
想要個德睿克是沒有問題的

199
00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:29,986
- 好
- 再次恭喜你要有寶寶了

200
00:09:29,987 --> 00:09:32,155
- 我沒有要養寶寶
- 好喔

201
00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:36,033
- 我真等不及看他的寶寶
- 沒有寶寶,沒有喔

202
00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:38,953
我的人生需要來點希望
不然我會超沮喪的

203
00:09:38,954 --> 00:09:42,582
我只差一點點就要去坐在我的浴缸裡
邊哭邊喝酒了

204
00:09:42,583 --> 00:09:44,375
我想要那樣,而且要跟妳一起

205
00:09:44,376 --> 00:09:46,460
我實際上會坐在浴缸的另外一邊

206
00:09:46,461 --> 00:09:47,712
我們可以腳腳碰腳腳

207
00:09:47,713 --> 00:09:49,547
然後像這樣用腳趾十趾交扣

208
00:09:49,548 --> 00:09:51,549
- 我家的浴缸夠大
- 我知道

209
00:09:51,550 --> 00:09:53,634
- 我們現在就去吧
- 我的天...等等,不行

210
00:09:53,635 --> 00:09:56,012
我們都說了我們不要這樣
我們不要落入深淵

211
00:09:56,013 --> 00:09:57,763
我們要積極正面

212
00:09:57,764 --> 00:09:59,140
我有啊

213
00:09:59,141 --> 00:10:00,266
為了要讓自己開心

214
00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:02,935
我要去收容所,幫等著被撲殺的狗狗拍照

215
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:04,270
妳真的好適合當派對策劃師

216
00:10:04,271 --> 00:10:07,315
網站上的照片都好醜

217
00:10:07,316 --> 00:10:09,483
我會去拍好看的照片
這樣牠們就會被成功領養

218
00:10:09,484 --> 00:10:11,861
- 而且你要一起去
- 我死都不要去

219
00:10:11,862 --> 00:10:14,572
我會把你的寶寶情結
當成是個認真的問題喔

220
00:10:14,573 --> 00:10:15,781
本來就是個認真的問題

221
00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:17,618
- 我依然覺得不是
- 對啊

222
00:10:39,181 --> 00:10:41,182
- 到底是怎麼了啦?
- 抱歉

223
00:10:41,183 --> 00:10:43,851
因為你一直在敲手指的時候
我就知道你壓力很大

224
00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:46,771
但保羅跟我都認為
兩個治療師同時給建議對你沒有幫助

225
00:10:46,772 --> 00:10:49,023
- 所以我不插手
- 一定很爽嘛

226
00:10:49,024 --> 00:10:52,818
你拋棄了我,所以如果我崩潰的話
那也不是你的錯,如果我狀態變好

227
00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:55,154
- 是因為你把我交給更優秀的人
- 哇

228
00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:59,158
你只用一句話就讓我覺得
內疚、低級和自己很渣

229
00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:00,576
- 這就是我的目的
- 嘿

230
00:11:00,577 --> 00:11:02,662
我竟然得叫共享計程車去練習

231
00:11:02,663 --> 00:11:03,746
我們應該幫我買一輛車了

232
00:11:03,747 --> 00:11:04,998
是“我們”要付錢嗎?

233
00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:10,169
她會覺得很內疚,因為她會發現我正要去

234
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:11,587
看一輛我想買給她的二手車

235
00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:14,131
所以你現在不跟她說
是因為你之後要打她的臉?

236
00:11:14,132 --> 00:11:15,467
是因為父愛,寶貝

237
00:11:15,968 --> 00:11:17,594
好,晚點見吧

238
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:20,471
你要跟我一起去嗎?

239
00:11:20,472 --> 00:11:22,516
讓腦子放空一下?

240
00:11:23,058 --> 00:11:24,268
好啊,有何不可?

241
00:11:26,562 --> 00:11:27,895
好,帥哥

242
00:11:27,896 --> 00:11:30,941
放輕鬆,來個輕鬆的微笑

243
00:11:32,317 --> 00:11:34,360
- 不是你啦
- 我知道,但妳要承認我笑得很迷人

244
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:36,028
好,去幫我找隻眼神柔和的來

245
00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:37,947
牠們的眼神都一樣啊

246
00:11:37,948 --> 00:11:41,326
都像又大又詭異的彈珠
加上批判人的眼神,天啊

247
00:11:42,286 --> 00:11:43,578
好的,來吧

248
00:11:43,579 --> 00:11:45,454
該你來拍照了

249
00:11:45,455 --> 00:11:47,748
- 我知道
- 你有跟狗相處過嗎?

250
00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:50,042
- 這一隻有三隻那麼重,好,坐下
- 天啊

251
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:51,044
好

252
00:11:51,545 --> 00:11:53,921
查理跟我不能養寶寶,我們太忙了

253
00:11:53,922 --> 00:11:55,756
你在週二下午3點跑來這裡耶

254
00:11:55,757 --> 00:11:57,551
這是我身為頂客族的權利

255
00:11:58,260 --> 00:11:59,261
雙薪、無子女家庭

256
00:11:59,845 --> 00:12:02,096
我們會花光環遊世界的錢

257
00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:04,265
毛伊島、尼泊爾、巴黎

258
00:12:04,266 --> 00:12:06,809
我很確定巴黎那邊不准人生寶寶

259
00:12:06,810 --> 00:12:07,727
他們准喔

260
00:12:07,728 --> 00:12:09,897
他們只是都愛抽菸
然後不准人家用體香劑

261
00:12:10,522 --> 00:12:12,190
你知道怎麼著?我們帶狗狗們去公園吧

262
00:12:12,191 --> 00:12:13,357
可以這麼做嗎?

263
00:12:13,358 --> 00:12:15,443
你可以,你是收容所的頭號捐款人

264
00:12:15,444 --> 00:12:17,612
- 什麼?
- 我捐了兩千美金,當你的結婚禮物

265
00:12:17,613 --> 00:12:18,946
兩千?

266
00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:21,657
我可以用來買電動腳踏車耶,莉茲
或是去整形我的小腿

267
00:12:21,658 --> 00:12:24,202
- 你的小腿很好看,拜託
- 我很滿意,好,走吧

268
00:12:24,203 --> 00:12:25,204
哇,牠好會跳喔

269
00:12:26,205 --> 00:12:27,206
嘿...

270
00:12:27,915 --> 00:12:31,459
- 我好像擋住妳的車了,抱歉
- 沒關係,德德二號

271
00:12:31,460 --> 00:12:34,629
而且很好笑耶,我還以為你會喜歡跑車

272
00:12:34,630 --> 00:12:36,464
真的嗎?那樣不會看起來像渣男嗎?

273
00:12:36,465 --> 00:12:39,425
這個嘛,反正你也用墨鏡
把真面目遮起來了

274
00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:41,093
- 什麼墨鏡?
- 哇

275
00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:43,346
我等一下再去撿,那是醫生幫我配的眼鏡

276
00:12:43,347 --> 00:12:44,472
- 對,你很需要
- 對

277
00:12:44,473 --> 00:12:46,849
- 可以幫妳搬嗎?還是...可以嗎?
- 謝了

278
00:12:46,850 --> 00:12:48,851
- 我去撿你的渣男墨鏡
- 謝謝

279
00:12:48,852 --> 00:12:51,062
- 不客氣
- 好,這裡面都裝了什麼?

280
00:12:51,063 --> 00:12:54,315
有牙刷、幾件花俏的胸罩

281
00:12:54,316 --> 00:12:57,735
- 有夾心餅乾,酷喔
- 好...好啦,其實那些不是我的

282
00:12:57,736 --> 00:13:00,656
但我是用完全拋棄自尊換來的

283
00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:04,909
這是分手箱啊,我是過來人

284
00:13:04,910 --> 00:13:07,870
- 妳想知道我怎麼報復我的前任嗎?
- 想啊

285
00:13:07,871 --> 00:13:10,122
我想她想了好幾個月,然後難過了好久

286
00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:11,874
- 她超崩潰的
- 一定的

287
00:13:11,875 --> 00:13:13,501
是啊,我還是會偶爾去餵她的貓吃飯

288
00:13:13,502 --> 00:13:15,003
- 給她顏色看看
- 好好教訓她

289
00:13:17,047 --> 00:13:19,257
- 是我的手機
- 但妳的手機在妳手上耶

290
00:13:19,258 --> 00:13:21,133
那是我的另一支手機

291
00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:22,719
在按摩器底下的那支?

292
00:13:24,763 --> 00:13:27,474
喂,這是小加的工作手機
她會再回電給你

293
00:13:28,392 --> 00:13:29,225
妳最喜歡哪個?

294
00:13:29,226 --> 00:13:30,142
- 我喜歡紅色的
- 這個

295
00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:31,894
- 對,那支很棒
- 妳怎麼叫那支?

296
00:13:31,895 --> 00:13:32,854
克里夫,因為...

297
00:13:32,855 --> 00:13:35,399
- 又大又紅
- 又大又紅

298
00:13:36,984 --> 00:13:38,652
(減速)

299
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:43,447
封路了,你們要繞路喔

300
00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:44,740
你們不能直接封整條路

301
00:13:44,741 --> 00:13:47,202
只因為你們要翻新種族歧視潘的家

302
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:49,328
你們也許只知道她叫做潘

303
00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:52,498
- 我們也知道她是種族歧視潘
- 拜託,把三角錐拿走啦

304
00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:54,835
好,路通囉

305
00:13:56,378 --> 00:13:57,920
路又封了,太慢了

306
00:13:57,921 --> 00:13:59,298
你不用欺負人吧

307
00:13:59,965 --> 00:14:02,508
你很嗆喔,不然你是要怎樣?

308
00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:05,636
嘿,放輕鬆,尚恩...
不值得動怒,好好呼吸

309
00:14:05,637 --> 00:14:06,804
呼吸,嘿

310
00:14:06,805 --> 00:14:09,140
尚恩,回來車上,嘿

311
00:14:09,141 --> 00:14:10,600
回來車上,尚恩

312
00:14:10,601 --> 00:14:12,436
拜託,尚恩

313
00:14:14,938 --> 00:14:17,232
拜託,為了我

314
00:14:18,942 --> 00:14:20,319
真的太糟了

315
00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:22,737
那些傢伙會知道我們住哪

316
00:14:22,738 --> 00:14:23,863
沒有啦,才不會

317
00:14:23,864 --> 00:14:26,115
你停在一個街區外,然後執意要走過來

318
00:14:26,116 --> 00:14:30,244
因為那是我這輩子看過最大隻的人

319
00:14:30,245 --> 00:14:31,495
- 他是真的很大隻
- 尚恩

320
00:14:31,496 --> 00:14:34,583
不知道我是怎麼了
我腦子變得像以前那樣一片空白

321
00:14:36,043 --> 00:14:37,752
我一整天都跟我爸一起工作

322
00:14:37,753 --> 00:14:39,171
我真的很緊繃

323
00:14:41,465 --> 00:14:42,299
為何?

324
00:14:48,472 --> 00:14:50,349
我剛從阿富汗回來的時候

325
00:14:51,683 --> 00:14:52,935
一切對我來說都沒有意義

326
00:14:54,144 --> 00:14:57,564
我找不到活下去的理由

327
00:14:58,607 --> 00:14:59,608
然而...

328
00:15:01,777 --> 00:15:03,319
他表現得好像什麼問題也沒有

329
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:04,905
嘿,這很糟糕

330
00:15:05,614 --> 00:15:08,283
但你不能怪你爸看不懂你在想什麼

331
00:15:08,909 --> 00:15:11,869
我有跟他說我很痛苦

332
00:15:11,870 --> 00:15:14,122
你知道那有多難做到嗎?

333
00:15:15,624 --> 00:15:18,252
我是真的在乞求他幫幫我...

334
00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:21,170
你知道他做了什麼嗎?

335
00:15:21,171 --> 00:15:22,713
他叫我就這樣算了吧

336
00:15:22,714 --> 00:15:24,173
那他媽是怎樣啊?

337
00:15:24,174 --> 00:15:25,843
然後他就不願意談了

338
00:15:26,635 --> 00:15:29,303
但後來我喜歡上打架,我開始打架

339
00:15:29,304 --> 00:15:31,597
然後他給我來愛之深責之切那一套

340
00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:32,807
把我踢出家門

341
00:15:32,808 --> 00:15:36,602
而現在因為我過得很好
他就以為是他的功勞嗎?

342
00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:38,063
全都是因為他?

343
00:15:40,023 --> 00:15:41,692
我懂,嘿,尚恩

344
00:15:43,110 --> 00:15:46,320
你當時非常痛苦,你父親讓你失望,我懂

345
00:15:46,321 --> 00:15:48,781
嘿,事情他媽的很複雜,好嗎?

346
00:15:48,782 --> 00:15:51,701
- 他是個好人,好嗎?
- 我知道,我明白

347
00:15:51,702 --> 00:15:53,870
- 他是愛我的,好嗎?
- 我知道他愛你

348
00:15:53,871 --> 00:15:56,289
他為了我辛勤工作,而我讓他不好過

349
00:15:56,290 --> 00:16:00,168
所以我不想聽到你說我父親的壞話

350
00:16:00,169 --> 00:16:02,211
我明白,我不會再多說一句,嘿...

351
00:16:02,212 --> 00:16:04,381
我們坐下,我們坐下一會兒

352
00:16:08,844 --> 00:16:11,430
- 我很抱歉
- 沒關係

353
00:16:30,073 --> 00:16:31,074
謝了

354
00:16:40,876 --> 00:16:42,878
不知道潘要把她家改裝成怎樣

355
00:16:49,259 --> 00:16:50,843
你跟那隻狗狗在一起好可愛

356
00:16:50,844 --> 00:16:53,846
我感覺得到牠的蛋蛋貼在我大腿上
而且真的很熱

357
00:16:53,847 --> 00:16:56,516
你愛牠,就像你會愛寶寶那樣

358
00:16:56,517 --> 00:16:57,684
我沒辦法,莉茲

359
00:16:58,644 --> 00:17:00,311
我知道我會是個爛爸爸

360
00:17:00,312 --> 00:17:01,979
冷靜點啦,頂客兄

361
00:17:01,980 --> 00:17:04,525
- 當父母是...
- 我想我們的狗狗需要透透氣了

362
00:17:06,193 --> 00:17:07,402
糟了

363
00:17:08,779 --> 00:17:09,946
嘿,哇,狗狗

364
00:17:12,324 --> 00:17:13,866
等等...

365
00:17:13,867 --> 00:17:15,617
每次我妹打來,她都會這樣說

366
00:17:15,618 --> 00:17:18,371
“妳不會相信發生了什麼事”
結果都是些雞毛蒜皮的事

367
00:17:18,372 --> 00:17:20,539
像是我媽的假髮在大賣場掉下來之類的

368
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:22,791
- 假髮都是會掉的,對
- 沒錯

369
00:17:22,792 --> 00:17:24,876
- 嘿,你們兩個還在這啊?
- 嘿

370
00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:27,213
加妳妹,妳不是要去教課嗎?

371
00:17:27,214 --> 00:17:29,382
別在我的新朋友面前叫我“加妳妹”吧?

372
00:17:29,383 --> 00:17:31,384
- 為何?
- 我之後再跟你說

373
00:17:31,385 --> 00:17:32,802
- 聊得很開心,對
- 好,謝了

374
00:17:32,803 --> 00:17:36,765
好,不過他說得對
我的確得去教育下一代了

375
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:39,934
好,聽起來不錯喔

376
00:17:39,935 --> 00:17:41,477
- 很高興認識妳
- 我也是

377
00:17:41,478 --> 00:17:43,646
- 再見,老德
- 再見,小德

378
00:17:43,647 --> 00:17:47,067
- 我戴上渣男墨鏡囉
- 我看到了

379
00:17:48,819 --> 00:17:51,070
- 妳得跟他交往
- 什麼?我不要

380
00:17:51,071 --> 00:17:52,697
- 妳很清楚妳想上他
- 我太忙了

381
00:17:52,698 --> 00:17:55,283
老實說,我還在為了
跟吉米的詭異關係在療傷

382
00:17:55,284 --> 00:17:56,367
- 是啊
- 我覺得現在

383
00:17:56,368 --> 00:18:00,454
對我來說最健康的做法
是讓我的妹妹閉關一下

384
00:18:00,455 --> 00:18:02,915
- 嘿,別往我下面看啊
- 什麼?妳在那裡揮手耶

385
00:18:02,916 --> 00:18:04,917
- 我是對我的小妹妹揮
- 抱歉,隨便妳啦

386
00:18:04,918 --> 00:18:07,670
我得去找到剪刀,而且不能去問莉茲

387
00:18:07,671 --> 00:18:10,716
所以,我得花個一整天吧

388
00:18:13,969 --> 00:18:15,970
妳爸是真的不讓妳去紋身嗎?

389
00:18:15,971 --> 00:18:17,388
他沒辦法阻止我一輩子的

390
00:18:17,389 --> 00:18:20,183
妳覺得我該紋在這裡,還是這裡?

391
00:18:20,184 --> 00:18:22,393
不知道耶,你覺得呢?

392
00:18:22,394 --> 00:18:24,103
我覺得兩處都很棒

393
00:18:24,104 --> 00:18:25,606
你根本都沒看她

394
00:18:28,734 --> 00:18:29,943
好...

395
00:18:31,695 --> 00:18:33,989
有點不對勁喔

396
00:18:38,744 --> 00:18:39,785
我忘了拿酪梨醬

397
00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:41,371
不能沒有酪梨醬啦

398
00:18:43,832 --> 00:18:45,666
- 她知道了啦
- 她不知道

399
00:18:45,667 --> 00:18:48,628
- 我求你表現得酷一點
- 我很酷啊

400
00:18:48,629 --> 00:18:50,796
我根本就像LL酷酷

401
00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:52,007
他的名字不是這樣啦

402
00:18:53,258 --> 00:18:56,719
- 我把錢包丟在你房間了嗎?
- 沒有,但那個房間永遠都不會乾淨

403
00:18:56,720 --> 00:19:00,014
- 它被我們做的事給玷污了
- 老天爺啊

404
00:19:00,015 --> 00:19:02,517
- 嘿,爸
- 嘿,我要出門,需要什麼嗎?

405
00:19:02,518 --> 00:19:04,019
沒有,愛你喔

406
00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:07,146
我也是,再見,康納

407
00:19:07,147 --> 00:19:08,481
愛你喔

408
00:19:08,482 --> 00:19:09,691
我不愛,抱歉

409
00:19:10,943 --> 00:19:11,944
好喔

410
00:19:12,611 --> 00:19:13,695
兄弟

411
00:19:14,363 --> 00:19:16,239
好,妳一定不會驚訝

412
00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:18,658
妳爸都沒跟我們大家說妳要來

413
00:19:18,659 --> 00:19:20,535
因為這不關你的事,吉米

414
00:19:20,536 --> 00:19:23,121
這是我的孤獨堡壘

415
00:19:24,456 --> 00:19:25,706
- 她很搞笑,啊?
- 對

416
00:19:25,707 --> 00:19:27,042
就像搞笑的梅索太太

417
00:19:27,876 --> 00:19:29,168
幹嘛?我也會看電視

418
00:19:29,169 --> 00:19:31,712
梅格要來發表主題演講

419
00:19:31,713 --> 00:19:33,214
是關於永續能源

420
00:19:33,215 --> 00:19:34,423
- 在加州理工學院
- 真厲害

421
00:19:34,424 --> 00:19:36,717
- 不,沒啥大不了的,沒什麼
- 很不得了耶

422
00:19:36,718 --> 00:19:38,386
拜託,我等不及了

423
00:19:38,387 --> 00:19:40,054
嘿,我得跟你聊一下

424
00:19:40,055 --> 00:19:41,305
那我就...

425
00:19:41,306 --> 00:19:43,642
好,等聽到“汪汪”,我再回來

426
00:19:46,562 --> 00:19:47,563
幹嘛?

427
00:19:48,438 --> 00:19:50,439
尚恩跟我說了他爸的事

428
00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:52,775
我沒插手,但他差點跟別人打架了

429
00:19:52,776 --> 00:19:54,151
他沒事

430
00:19:54,152 --> 00:19:56,238
然後他就...對啦,跟我提起了

431
00:19:57,030 --> 00:19:59,907
就是呢,尚恩最低潮的時候求助於他爸爸

432
00:19:59,908 --> 00:20:03,411
他爸直接忽視他的要求,完全不理他

433
00:20:03,412 --> 00:20:06,707
他無預警地就跟你說了這些?

434
00:20:09,877 --> 00:20:10,877
對啊

435
00:20:10,878 --> 00:20:15,256
他本來只是在說
跟他爸一起工作讓他很緊繃

436
00:20:15,257 --> 00:20:17,425
然後就...是啊

437
00:20:17,426 --> 00:20:20,094
我問說:“為什麼?”

438
00:20:20,095 --> 00:20:22,221
- 你說了啥?
- “為什麼?”

439
00:20:22,222 --> 00:20:23,764
- “為什麼?”
- “為什麼?”

440
00:20:23,765 --> 00:20:25,600
- 你說了:“為什麼?”
- 我說了:“為什麼?”

441
00:20:25,601 --> 00:20:27,643
我們為何要一直重複這麼說?

442
00:20:27,644 --> 00:20:31,022
我說得很隨興,像這樣:“為什麼?”

443
00:20:31,023 --> 00:20:33,691
- 真他媽的
- 他當時很煩躁,保羅

444
00:20:33,692 --> 00:20:36,068
我沒有時間叫他閉上眼睛

445
00:20:36,069 --> 00:20:37,945
去想像一個又大又黑的龍捲風

446
00:20:37,946 --> 00:20:40,948
是一朵雲,而且我很清楚你是知道的

447
00:20:40,949 --> 00:20:43,159
好,我知道我大老遠開車過來
一定會被你唸

448
00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:44,493
但我還是來了,你知道為何嗎?

449
00:20:44,494 --> 00:20:47,456
因為我只在乎能幫上尚恩,你呢?

450
00:20:48,207 --> 00:20:50,208
我瞭解他,你有讀我寫的病例記錄嗎?

451
00:20:50,209 --> 00:20:51,585
你不用回答我

452
00:20:52,503 --> 00:20:55,547
因為不管什麼事,你都不再聽我說了

453
00:20:56,131 --> 00:20:57,716
而我們應該要合作才對

454
00:20:58,425 --> 00:21:01,928
我們應該合作無間,就像蝙蝠俠跟羅賓

455
00:21:01,929 --> 00:21:04,055
你甚至可以當蝙蝠俠,你的聲音很像他

456
00:21:04,056 --> 00:21:07,141
- 我會讓你付出代價的
- 蝙蝠俠就是會這麼說

457
00:21:07,142 --> 00:21:09,352
保羅,你為何還是這麼氣我?

458
00:21:09,353 --> 00:21:12,563
你還想要教訓我嗎?因為我已經懂了

459
00:21:12,564 --> 00:21:13,856
我搞慘了尚恩

460
00:21:13,857 --> 00:21:17,318
但拜託別跟我說你生氣
是因為他對我敞開心房

461
00:21:17,319 --> 00:21:19,404
跟我說了他不願意跟你說的事

462
00:21:20,155 --> 00:21:22,699
拜託跟我說你沒那麼自大又愛面子

463
00:21:26,954 --> 00:21:28,163
再見,吉米

464
00:21:30,332 --> 00:21:31,457
保羅

465
00:21:31,458 --> 00:21:32,584
汪汪

466
00:21:35,087 --> 00:21:36,839
你看起來比我預期中開心

467
00:21:38,465 --> 00:21:41,093
我想我這次可能是吵贏了吧

468
00:21:42,219 --> 00:21:43,803
跟我說說那是什麼感覺

469
00:21:43,804 --> 00:21:44,929
我還在消化中

470
00:21:44,930 --> 00:21:48,224
- 不如妳來跟我說加州理工的事吧
- 天啊

471
00:21:48,225 --> 00:21:50,518
不行,我都要吐了,我沒辦法聊

472
00:21:50,519 --> 00:21:52,520
- 是嗎?妳很緊張?
- 是啊,超緊張

473
00:21:52,521 --> 00:21:54,063
那是...我的演講...

474
00:21:54,064 --> 00:21:57,441
太長了

475
00:21:57,442 --> 00:22:00,320
哇,好喔,對,這樣很不錯

476
00:22:01,154 --> 00:22:03,531
不過妳在這裡搞混了結構主義和功能主義

477
00:22:03,532 --> 00:22:05,408
- 這間房子真棒
- 謝謝妳

478
00:22:05,409 --> 00:22:08,327
但妳如果沒寫好這份報告
就永遠都買不起這種房子,好嗎?

479
00:22:08,328 --> 00:22:11,581
- 所以,給我專心
- 好啦

480
00:22:11,582 --> 00:22:13,291
- 不過真的挺讚的,對吧?是啊
- 對

481
00:22:13,292 --> 00:22:15,544
每間浴室都有加熱地磚,所以...

482
00:22:16,420 --> 00:22:18,672
- 有時候我會直接坐在地板上
- 讚啊

483
00:22:21,466 --> 00:22:22,425
- 嘿
- 抱歉

484
00:22:22,426 --> 00:22:24,093
我不知道妳在忙,所以我會長話短說

485
00:22:24,094 --> 00:22:27,805
我不禁一直想起妳妹妹閉關的事

486
00:22:27,806 --> 00:22:29,849
真的嗎?好的,這位是凱莎

487
00:22:29,850 --> 00:22:31,976
就算你說得很小聲,她還是聽得見喔

488
00:22:31,977 --> 00:22:33,394
所以妳不讓他上妳嗎?

489
00:22:33,395 --> 00:22:35,229
給我回去做妳的報告

490
00:22:35,230 --> 00:22:38,316
- 太好了,現在她以為我們有一腿
- 什麼?酷喔

491
00:22:38,317 --> 00:22:41,903
好,聽我說,我會認為
另一個德睿克很適合妳

492
00:22:41,904 --> 00:22:45,449
是因為妳都在照顧人

493
00:22:46,950 --> 00:22:50,287
所以也許該是有人來照顧妳的時候了

494
00:22:50,829 --> 00:22:52,163
我把他的號碼傳給妳了

495
00:22:52,164 --> 00:22:53,706
- 妳應該打給他
- 什麼?兄弟

496
00:22:53,707 --> 00:22:55,791
我們不知道會不會有結果

497
00:22:55,792 --> 00:22:59,004
小加,但妳值得擁有幸福

498
00:23:01,548 --> 00:23:02,799
很感人

499
00:23:03,592 --> 00:23:05,260
- 謝謝你
- 妳是最棒的

500
00:23:05,761 --> 00:23:06,928
我也想要個德瑞克

501
00:23:06,929 --> 00:23:08,430
大家都想喔

502
00:23:09,681 --> 00:23:12,308
我們有狗了喔,你還不能見牠

503
00:23:12,309 --> 00:23:14,268
因為牠的腿正在縫合

504
00:23:14,269 --> 00:23:17,271
- 還要進行很昂貴的眼部手術
- 我很期待

505
00:23:17,272 --> 00:23:19,482
- 布萊恩,這位是史都華
- 嗨

506
00:23:19,483 --> 00:23:22,194
他就是麥可的領養顧問朋友

507
00:23:24,238 --> 00:23:25,071
這麼快?

508
00:23:25,072 --> 00:23:26,447
- 對
- 哇

509
00:23:26,448 --> 00:23:30,701
那麼,要怎麼開始呢?

510
00:23:30,702 --> 00:23:33,704
這個嘛,如果你想要知道
我們都有哪些寶寶

511
00:23:33,705 --> 00:23:35,414
我的後車廂有幾個

512
00:23:35,415 --> 00:23:36,999
- 什麼?
- 我開玩笑的

513
00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:38,210
我喜歡搞笑

514
00:23:39,628 --> 00:23:42,839
我是從塔扎納開車過來的
可以快速借用一下你們的廁所嗎?

515
00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:44,131
就在走廊那邊

516
00:23:44,132 --> 00:23:45,508
非常感謝

517
00:23:45,509 --> 00:23:46,717
查理,不好意思

518
00:23:46,718 --> 00:23:48,636
我一整天都在想寶寶的事

519
00:23:48,637 --> 00:23:51,098
而我連狗都照顧不好

520
00:23:52,057 --> 00:23:54,225
- 我覺得我還沒準備好
- 沒關係

521
00:23:54,226 --> 00:23:55,978
我也不該沒跟你說,就找史都華過來

522
00:23:56,687 --> 00:23:57,521
我...

523
00:23:59,022 --> 00:24:00,607
我怎麼會這麼害怕說實話?

524
00:24:03,944 --> 00:24:05,863
我真的很想當爸爸

525
00:24:08,156 --> 00:24:10,325
我想要耶誕節準備三隻襪子

526
00:24:11,451 --> 00:24:14,996
還有,我想要開車的時候,回頭說

527
00:24:14,997 --> 00:24:17,541
“我發誓我會把車掉頭”

528
00:24:20,043 --> 00:24:21,712
而且我想跟你一起當爸爸

529
00:24:22,629 --> 00:24:24,756
你心裡沒有一部分也想要擁有這些嗎?

530
00:24:25,757 --> 00:24:26,758
當然有

531
00:24:28,510 --> 00:24:30,678
小提醒,你們的廁所沒衛生紙了

532
00:24:30,679 --> 00:24:32,054
謝謝你,史都華

533
00:24:32,055 --> 00:24:34,390
如果伴侶那麼想要某個東西

534
00:24:34,391 --> 00:24:35,558
怎麼拒絕得了?

535
00:24:35,559 --> 00:24:37,894
布萊恩,當父母真的棒極了

536
00:24:37,895 --> 00:24:40,146
前六年,你說什麼他們都相信

537
00:24:40,147 --> 00:24:42,565
你在萬聖節都喜歡扮雪兒吧?

538
00:24:42,566 --> 00:24:44,192
- 對
- 好,我要你想像一下

539
00:24:44,193 --> 00:24:46,986
抱著一個打扮成她前夫桑尼的寶寶

540
00:24:46,987 --> 00:24:50,240
我的天啊,寶寶長得出鬍子嗎?
還是我得去買?

541
00:24:51,909 --> 00:24:55,119
我在開玩笑
但我開玩笑的成分只有七成五

542
00:24:55,120 --> 00:24:56,621
我肯定是個爛家長

543
00:24:56,622 --> 00:25:00,374
我是個膚淺的自戀狂
而且被虛榮心牢牢困住

544
00:25:00,375 --> 00:25:02,543
儘管我很喜歡自己這樣

545
00:25:02,544 --> 00:25:04,670
我很刻薄,又愛批評人

546
00:25:04,671 --> 00:25:06,215
我就跟我爸一樣

547
00:25:07,216 --> 00:25:10,134
你們也知道,身為父親,他的表現不太好

548
00:25:10,135 --> 00:25:11,594
我就跟你一樣

549
00:25:11,595 --> 00:25:14,639
我當時好怕,我說我永遠都不會有小孩

550
00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:18,893
幸好德瑞克有種詭異的能力
能看著對方的眼睛

551
00:25:18,894 --> 00:25:22,230
說一切都會好好的
而對方每次都會相信他

552
00:25:22,231 --> 00:25:23,689
然後會爆哭

553
00:25:23,690 --> 00:25:28,362
我很高興我聽了他的話
因為當我生下了寶寶

554
00:25:28,946 --> 00:25:31,280
- 換成你就是開箱
- 哇

555
00:25:31,281 --> 00:25:33,241
就突然間懂了

556
00:25:33,242 --> 00:25:35,535
布萊恩,你對自己很嚴苛

557
00:25:35,536 --> 00:25:38,956
但你已經是我認識的人當中
極有同理心的一個

558
00:25:39,456 --> 00:25:41,082
當你看見一個很需要你的人

559
00:25:41,083 --> 00:25:43,544
你會深呼吸,然後伸手去幫忙

560
00:25:44,461 --> 00:25:46,004
如果這樣不適合當父親,那誰適合?

561
00:25:47,381 --> 00:25:48,924
- 謝了
- 嘿,拿來了

562
00:25:49,424 --> 00:25:50,508
我想要他施展那個魔法

563
00:25:50,509 --> 00:25:52,719
老德,他需要特餐

564
00:25:54,513 --> 00:25:55,931
好,看著我,布萊恩

565
00:25:57,349 --> 00:25:58,433
不管發生了什麼事...

566
00:26:00,769 --> 00:26:02,938
一切都會好好的

567
00:26:05,399 --> 00:26:06,275
成功了

568
00:26:06,984 --> 00:26:08,234
他成功了

569
00:26:08,235 --> 00:26:09,361
你還好嗎?

570
00:26:13,156 --> 00:26:14,283
你睡不著嗎?

571
00:26:15,909 --> 00:26:16,994
因為病患的事

572
00:26:17,786 --> 00:26:18,787
我早該猜到的

573
00:26:19,288 --> 00:26:20,454
妳怎麼不睡呢?

574
00:26:20,455 --> 00:26:22,665
我很緊張演講的事

575
00:26:22,666 --> 00:26:24,168
妳會表現得很棒

576
00:26:24,835 --> 00:26:25,961
給我喝一點

577
00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:35,469
我在擔心一個孩子

578
00:26:35,470 --> 00:26:38,639
有很多關於爸爸的情結還沒解決

579
00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:40,517
我的天啊

580
00:26:41,101 --> 00:26:42,311
是我嗎?

581
00:26:44,271 --> 00:26:46,439
聽起來會很像心理學的胡扯

582
00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:48,858
但幾週前我跟他說

583
00:26:48,859 --> 00:26:51,945
如果不直面自己的過往

584
00:26:53,655 --> 00:26:55,573
過往就會向他反撲

585
00:26:55,574 --> 00:27:00,036
我擺脫不了一種感覺
就是即將有很糟糕的事情

586
00:27:00,037 --> 00:27:01,162
將要發生了

587
00:27:01,163 --> 00:27:02,455
你現在是靈媒了?

588
00:27:02,456 --> 00:27:05,166
如果做這行做得跟我一樣久

589
00:27:05,167 --> 00:27:08,212
就會感受到風雨欲來

590
00:27:09,671 --> 00:27:11,882
尚未處理的創傷

591
00:27:17,137 --> 00:27:19,473
躲避著的衝突

592
00:27:22,601 --> 00:27:24,061
(蔻妮)

593
00:27:26,522 --> 00:27:28,690
響兩聲,臭女人

594
00:27:33,403 --> 00:27:38,033
就像那些陳舊的骷髏頭正在偷偷逼近

595
00:27:39,117 --> 00:27:40,702
然後狠咬我們一口

596
00:27:49,044 --> 00:27:50,379
聽起來很扯嗎?

597
00:27:51,088 --> 00:27:52,296
有點

598
00:27:52,297 --> 00:27:54,131
但這是個好機會讓我跟你說

599
00:27:54,132 --> 00:27:56,759
媽要來這裡聽我的演講

600
00:27:56,760 --> 00:27:58,303
等她來到這裡...

601
00:27:59,471 --> 00:28:00,848
她也想見你

602
00:28:01,431 --> 00:28:02,683
很好喔

603
00:28:04,017 --> 00:28:05,184
我問妳一件事

604
00:28:05,185 --> 00:28:09,940
妳覺得我自大嗎?

605
00:28:12,109 --> 00:28:14,319
不好意思,我以為你在開玩笑

606
00:28:16,029 --> 00:28:17,738
好,讓我想想

607
00:28:17,739 --> 00:28:20,283
有一次,你是如此地沉迷於工作

608
00:28:20,284 --> 00:28:22,870
所以對我不理不睬長達18年

609
00:28:23,871 --> 00:28:25,539
妳大可以直接說對

610
00:28:29,084 --> 00:28:32,044
我很喜歡你早上8點幫我送咖啡來

611
00:28:32,045 --> 00:28:34,047
但我不禁好奇

612
00:28:34,798 --> 00:28:37,592
- 你是早起的人嗎?
- 我是,這是我今天第三場約會

613
00:28:37,593 --> 00:28:39,927
- 好,我們可能不太適合
- 好

614
00:28:39,928 --> 00:28:42,013
不過我已經用烤箱烤了些楓糖培根

615
00:28:42,014 --> 00:28:43,472
所以,你還是留下來吧

616
00:28:43,473 --> 00:28:47,768
還有,我已經排好了
陷阱音樂風混音版的《魔戒》配樂

617
00:28:47,769 --> 00:28:50,271
有30分鐘長,聽完之後,我就得去上班了

618
00:28:50,272 --> 00:28:52,773
壞消息是我得花這約會的15分鐘

619
00:28:52,774 --> 00:28:56,694
去換一套比較不顯乳溝的衣服
如果你不介意的話

620
00:28:56,695 --> 00:28:58,696
因為我的病患們應付不了這一件

621
00:28:58,697 --> 00:29:01,658
- 會分心,對,超分心
- 是嗎?謝謝

622
00:29:02,242 --> 00:29:04,243
- 你看了?
- 只用眼睛偷看

623
00:29:04,244 --> 00:29:06,580
- 真搞笑
- 很漂亮

624
00:29:07,164 --> 00:29:08,831
當然我妹就是會打來

625
00:29:08,832 --> 00:29:11,501
- 手機給我,讓我來應付
- 好喔,加油

626
00:29:11,502 --> 00:29:13,878
喂,這是小加某某某的辦公室

627
00:29:13,879 --> 00:29:15,838
- 她無法接電話
- 讚喔

628
00:29:15,839 --> 00:29:17,132
不好意思,什麼?

629
00:29:17,841 --> 00:29:19,468
我要怎麼自己幹自己?

630
00:29:20,427 --> 00:29:22,261
- 好,妳跟她說吧
- 給我吧

631
00:29:22,262 --> 00:29:24,222
小妹,妳要幹嘛?
我正在約會,喝咖啡配培根

632
00:29:24,223 --> 00:29:26,766
媽出車禍了,她在醫院

633
00:29:26,767 --> 00:29:29,144
因為妳一直在躲我,所以妳只能知道這些

634
00:29:30,479 --> 00:29:31,729
- 我很抱歉
- 不會

635
00:29:31,730 --> 00:29:33,606
老實說,如果很嚴重的話,她就不會掛斷

636
00:29:33,607 --> 00:29:35,274
- 但跟你說,我得去一趟
- 好

637
00:29:35,275 --> 00:29:36,651
你可以幫我一個大忙嗎?

638
00:29:36,652 --> 00:29:38,611
可以把楓糖培根從烤箱拿出來

639
00:29:38,612 --> 00:29:40,238
然後把窗戶全都打開嗎?

640
00:29:40,239 --> 00:29:41,739
這樣屋裡就不會都是楓糖培根味

641
00:29:41,740 --> 00:29:43,783
- 說培根就好,妳在趕時間吧
- 還有密碼

642
00:29:43,784 --> 00:29:46,494
鎖門的密碼是80085

643
00:29:46,495 --> 00:29:48,579
對,拼出來就是“奶子”的意思
不行,不能跟別人說

644
00:29:48,580 --> 00:29:51,332
培根、窗戶、奶子

645
00:29:51,333 --> 00:29:52,500
- 跟大家說
- 謝了

646
00:29:52,501 --> 00:29:54,837
還有,享受音樂吧

647
00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:00,925
我的寶貝

648
00:30:00,926 --> 00:30:02,594
- 妳也許應該快去看妳媽
- 對,再見

649
00:30:07,349 --> 00:30:09,059
這是啥...這誰唱的啊?

650
00:30:26,577 --> 00:30:28,244
- 你他媽在幹嘛啊?
- 我不知道

651
00:30:28,245 --> 00:30:30,747
我以為你是來這裡叫我打掃我的房間

652
00:30:36,420 --> 00:30:37,880
我是很自大

653
00:30:38,672 --> 00:30:39,797
我知道,對啊

654
00:30:39,798 --> 00:30:42,049
{\an8}你的臉大大地印在你寫的書上面

655
00:30:42,050 --> 00:30:44,178
對,因為是我寫的啊

656
00:30:45,888 --> 00:30:51,475
通常來說,我是不會在乎尚恩敞開心房

657
00:30:51,476 --> 00:30:53,853
對你說出關於他父親的事,而不是對我說

658
00:30:53,854 --> 00:30:56,022
但就在那之前,我問了他一個問題

659
00:30:56,023 --> 00:30:59,192
我完全忘了我之前就問過他,那就像...

660
00:30:59,193 --> 00:31:01,485
誰管啊?我也很健忘

661
00:31:01,486 --> 00:31:04,488
- 所以我才會做筆記
- 好,我也是

662
00:31:04,489 --> 00:31:05,574
只是...

663
00:31:06,158 --> 00:31:07,159
因為...

664
00:31:08,827 --> 00:31:12,121
因為帕金森氏症,記住事情變得越來越難

665
00:31:12,122 --> 00:31:13,373
而且...

666
00:31:16,919 --> 00:31:20,339
我很害怕我可能快不行了

667
00:31:22,257 --> 00:31:23,675
不可能的,保羅

668
00:31:26,637 --> 00:31:27,971
我跟你做個約定

669
00:31:29,431 --> 00:31:32,225
當你真的不行的時候,我會跟你說

670
00:31:32,226 --> 00:31:35,102
你的反應會不太好,而且會擺那個表情

671
00:31:35,103 --> 00:31:37,606
你可能會因此對我很刻薄

672
00:31:38,941 --> 00:31:39,942
但我還是會跟你說

673
00:31:40,776 --> 00:31:42,486
而我現在要跟你說

674
00:31:43,195 --> 00:31:44,404
媽的,老哥...

675
00:31:46,281 --> 00:31:47,574
你還是這行中最厲害的

676
00:31:54,581 --> 00:31:55,582
我知道

677
00:31:56,500 --> 00:32:01,379
還有,我很抱歉有時候我很難搞

678
00:32:01,380 --> 00:32:04,215
而且我知道你覺得我從不聽你的

679
00:32:04,216 --> 00:32:05,592
我要給你看個東西

680
00:32:06,176 --> 00:32:08,929
你不要挖苦我

681
00:32:12,057 --> 00:32:13,892
我還在跟阿雷見面

682
00:32:15,394 --> 00:32:16,853
都因為你

683
00:32:16,854 --> 00:32:18,146
你有朋友

684
00:32:19,273 --> 00:32:20,357
我讓你有了個朋友

685
00:32:21,191 --> 00:32:23,067
我不說了,但你能用訊息傳給我嗎?

686
00:32:23,068 --> 00:32:25,070
不要,快上工吧

687
00:32:26,363 --> 00:32:31,201
我一直在讀你之前傳給我
關於尚恩的筆記

688
00:32:32,619 --> 00:32:36,372
對啦,你傳來的當下我就讀了

689
00:32:36,373 --> 00:32:38,416
別再笑了啦

690
00:32:38,417 --> 00:32:41,544
當他進入解離狀態,腦子會一片空白

691
00:32:41,545 --> 00:32:42,629
那是什麼意思?

692
00:32:43,463 --> 00:32:46,507
好,毛毛尼克,這是你第一次約人一起玩

693
00:32:46,508 --> 00:32:47,633
好,我警告你喔

694
00:32:47,634 --> 00:32:52,514
這個叫做莉茲的人類
可能會取笑你的眼罩,所以...

695
00:32:54,183 --> 00:32:55,434
你哪位?

696
00:32:57,644 --> 00:32:58,729
你跑來這裡幹嘛?

697
00:32:59,521 --> 00:33:01,731
抱歉,艾莉絲忘了她的錢包

698
00:33:01,732 --> 00:33:03,775
- 我只是要放在信箱裡
- 給我吧

699
00:33:04,693 --> 00:33:05,694
好

700
00:33:09,156 --> 00:33:10,365
可以問你一件事嗎?

701
00:33:13,785 --> 00:33:16,288
- 他們都還好嗎?
- 你他媽的是在認真問?

702
00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:20,167
抱歉,對,對不起

703
00:33:27,382 --> 00:33:28,383
等等

704
00:33:31,803 --> 00:33:32,930
他們現在好多了

705
00:33:34,348 --> 00:33:35,432
我們大家都是

706
00:33:38,727 --> 00:33:39,770
謝謝你

707
00:33:43,232 --> 00:33:44,233
你還好嗎?

708
00:33:48,445 --> 00:33:49,446
還好

709
00:33:51,615 --> 00:33:52,950
是啊,我還行

710
00:34:03,085 --> 00:34:04,086
嘿

711
00:34:51,592 --> 00:34:53,594
字幕翻譯:徐懿芬