1
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偷吃...偷吃的臭騷貨

2
00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:17,099
偷吃...的臭騷貨,偷吃...

3
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:18,267
那是啥啊?

4
00:00:18,268 --> 00:00:21,062
珊莫現在做了抖音短片來罵我

5
00:00:21,063 --> 00:00:24,233
偷吃...的臭騷貨,偷吃...偷吃的臭騷貨

6
00:00:24,816 --> 00:00:26,192
都已經一週了

7
00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:27,736
我都沒感覺了

8
00:00:29,947 --> 00:00:32,823
我不想說,但這首歌真不錯

9
00:00:32,824 --> 00:00:34,033
朗朗上口

10
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:36,870
- 有種...
- 對啊

11
00:00:37,663 --> 00:00:42,667
偷吃...偷吃的臭騷貨

12
00:00:42,668 --> 00:00:43,668
偷吃...的臭騷貨

13
00:00:43,669 --> 00:00:45,796
- 偷吃的臭騷貨...
- 我聽得到耶

14
00:00:46,463 --> 00:00:47,713
抱歉

15
00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:49,841
跟你爸媽的晚餐如何?

16
00:00:49,842 --> 00:00:52,552
很好,我教我爸玩《決勝時刻》

17
00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:54,846
我們整晚沒睡,嘴砲12歲的小鬼們

18
00:00:54,847 --> 00:00:57,641
- 他們痛宰你們兩個,對吧?
- 對,那些討厭鬼

19
00:00:58,851 --> 00:01:01,060
還有,你記得我的軍中弟兄荷黑吧?

20
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:02,436
我躲著他的那個人

21
00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:05,690
他要回來這裡,我要去見他

22
00:01:05,691 --> 00:01:08,985
太好了,在心理治療業界
我們會說你有起色了

23
00:01:08,986 --> 00:01:10,361
謝了

24
00:01:10,362 --> 00:01:13,406
還有,我覺得這身傷最棒的地方

25
00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:16,159
是讓我發現可以坐著洗澡

26
00:01:16,869 --> 00:01:19,078
- 我覺得我再也不會站著洗澡了
- 一點也沒錯

27
00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:22,708
在我買淋浴間凳子之前
好像從來都沒洗過腳耶

28
00:01:23,667 --> 00:01:24,501
噁心死了

29
00:01:25,294 --> 00:01:26,962
爸,你又說太多了

30
00:01:27,838 --> 00:01:29,464
妳怎麼還沒走?

31
00:01:31,425 --> 00:01:32,800
終於來了,要走了嗎?

32
00:01:32,801 --> 00:01:34,886
不行,等等,我要再把水瓶裝滿

33
00:01:34,887 --> 00:01:36,596
好,那得花個一小時

34
00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:38,347
我現在就要開始聊健走時的話題了

35
00:01:38,348 --> 00:01:41,809
查理跟我簽好了文件
我們決定要領養小孩

36
00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:43,019
好耶

37
00:01:43,020 --> 00:01:44,187
- 嘿
- 恭喜啊

38
00:01:44,188 --> 00:01:45,938
- 謝謝
- 你怎麼會決定要領養

39
00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:48,733
而不是去找到你喜歡的寶寶
然後請莉茲去幫你偷過來?

40
00:01:48,734 --> 00:01:50,526
我很樂意去偷寶寶

41
00:01:50,527 --> 00:01:51,819
我們知道

42
00:01:51,820 --> 00:01:54,739
所以呢,這樣的話
開派對時我就能激動地說

43
00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:56,574
“就像是寶寶領養了我們”

44
00:01:56,575 --> 00:01:58,242
那樣最棒了

45
00:01:58,243 --> 00:01:59,577
- 對
- 你會做得很棒

46
00:01:59,578 --> 00:02:01,329
我很開心看到你當個老爸,兄弟

47
00:02:01,330 --> 00:02:03,873
我也是,但我擲硬幣輸給了查理

48
00:02:03,874 --> 00:02:07,085
我們那時要決定誰要發胖
誰要保持大肌肌好身材

49
00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:09,712
各位,不過我們不能太興奮

50
00:02:09,713 --> 00:02:12,132
因為史都華說可能要等很久

51
00:02:12,716 --> 00:02:13,716
可是我不懂耶

52
00:02:13,717 --> 00:02:16,886
你是怎麼完成梅賓那筆交易
而不惹毛夥伴的?

53
00:02:16,887 --> 00:02:20,097
跟你說,我一進入海裡
然後我就全部想清楚了

54
00:02:20,098 --> 00:02:23,309
- 恭喜啊
- 進入海裡?我喜歡

55
00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:25,395
那是我解決問題時最喜歡的方式

56
00:02:27,606 --> 00:02:28,648
總之呢,我...

57
00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:32,109
我只是順道過來,跟我的師傅討論工作的

58
00:02:32,110 --> 00:02:33,528
- 就是我
- 那傢伙

59
00:02:33,529 --> 00:02:36,072
然後,他還跟我說妳會在這裡

60
00:02:36,073 --> 00:02:39,575
所以我決定穿上我最緊身的褲子

61
00:02:39,576 --> 00:02:41,285
來提醒妳說

62
00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:44,247
那個在妳語音信箱裡
約妳出去的傢伙還活著喔

63
00:02:44,248 --> 00:02:45,581
- 好喔
- 真可惜

64
00:02:45,582 --> 00:02:47,250
我好像變胖了一點

65
00:02:47,251 --> 00:02:51,003
因為這條褲子
讓我小弟弟區域的血流都不暢通了

66
00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:52,505
真的很緊

67
00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:54,924
我要快點去把這條褲子脫掉了

68
00:02:54,925 --> 00:02:56,092
- 下次見
- 再見

69
00:02:56,093 --> 00:02:57,845
- 再見,德睿克
- 再見

70
00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:00,848
妳怎麼能讓那顆翹屁股就這樣走掉?

71
00:03:01,598 --> 00:03:04,058
我肯定會好好把握,如果我是女人的話

72
00:03:04,059 --> 00:03:06,102
好消息,德瑞克,不需要是女人也可以

73
00:03:06,103 --> 00:03:08,146
- 加入吧
- 加入什麼啊?

74
00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:09,897
好,聽我說

75
00:03:09,898 --> 00:03:13,442
我會承認,好,我主動疏遠了一點

76
00:03:13,443 --> 00:03:17,530
在我媽的事情之後
德德二號的確有打電話來關心她

77
00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:20,867
但我沒有接起來
因為我沒主動聯絡他,我很過意不去

78
00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:22,869
- 畢竟上次是我臨時有事
- 哇

79
00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:26,289
而且現在我有點害怕
因為如果我們搞上了

80
00:03:26,290 --> 00:03:28,541
那麼他就會是我上過最性感的傢伙

81
00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:29,625
- 對啊
- 對

82
00:03:29,626 --> 00:03:30,877
其中一個最性感的

83
00:03:30,878 --> 00:03:32,712
不對,是到目前最性感的

84
00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:34,130
你有看到那傢伙嗎?

85
00:03:34,131 --> 00:03:37,301
我只差那麼一點就想為了
和德德們來場三人行而拋棄一切耶

86
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:39,343
好喔,感謝你把我算進去

87
00:03:39,344 --> 00:03:40,678
另一個也要在才行

88
00:03:40,679 --> 00:03:44,892
好,對啦,他真的很帥

89
00:03:45,475 --> 00:03:47,561
但誰是小加上過第二性感的呢?

90
00:03:49,104 --> 00:03:50,730
- 奇斯?
- 我的天啊,奇斯

91
00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:52,773
- 奇斯超帥的
- 奇斯,對

92
00:03:52,774 --> 00:03:55,151
- 他帥慘了
- 我還會傳訊給他

93
00:03:55,152 --> 00:03:57,320
所以第一名是德睿克

94
00:03:57,321 --> 00:03:59,488
然後相差不遠的第二名是奇斯

95
00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:01,575
- 對
- 接著是...

96
00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:03,952
吉米

97
00:04:05,287 --> 00:04:06,246
吉米

98
00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:08,748
- 喬伊
- 我的天啊

99
00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:11,000
- 我的天啊
- 住在車上的喬伊?那個喬伊?

100
00:04:11,001 --> 00:04:12,543
- 對啊
- 對,車很酷

101
00:04:12,544 --> 00:04:14,128
而且他老二很大

102
00:04:14,129 --> 00:04:15,588
不可能贏得了

103
00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:16,881
- 對
- 喬伊去死吧

104
00:04:16,882 --> 00:04:20,343
兄弟,你還好嗎?
我是說,我會把你排在第四名啦

105
00:04:20,344 --> 00:04:22,679
我是他媽的第三,而且你們都知道

106
00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:24,264
去健走吧

107
00:04:50,207 --> 00:04:55,087
《誠實診療室》

108
00:04:55,712 --> 00:04:58,381
{\an8}偷吃...偷吃的臭騷貨

109
00:04:58,382 --> 00:05:00,634
{\an8}偷吃的...臭騷貨,偷吃...

110
00:05:02,219 --> 00:05:03,219
{\an8}珊莫很有天分

111
00:05:03,220 --> 00:05:04,637
{\an8}我知道,好朗朗上口喔

112
00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:06,889
{\an8}- 對
- 我知道你等一下要見艾莉絲

113
00:05:06,890 --> 00:05:09,601
{\an8}所以我只是想讓你知道
她面對了什麼狀況

114
00:05:10,602 --> 00:05:11,436
{\an8}哈囉

115
00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:12,855
進來吧,丹

116
00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:16,316
不好意思,不過你剛剛坐在哪裡?

117
00:05:17,234 --> 00:05:18,193
那裡

118
00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:21,153
他受不了溫熱的座位

119
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:23,657
{\an8}那你們兩個有很多可聊的了

120
00:05:25,576 --> 00:05:27,077
{\an8}請坐吧,丹

121
00:05:28,287 --> 00:05:30,038
{\an8}史丹的婚禮就在明天

122
00:05:31,248 --> 00:05:34,584
{\an8}他是我最好的朋友,但他會忙著結婚

123
00:05:34,585 --> 00:05:37,920
{\an8}而單獨跟一群陌生人坐同一桌
是我最痛苦的事

124
00:05:37,921 --> 00:05:40,799
{\an8}所以我覺得我做不到

125
00:05:41,425 --> 00:05:43,635
{\an8}丹,你知道我一直都在說要積極向前嗎?

126
00:05:44,219 --> 00:05:46,804
{\an8}與史丹建立友誼就是一大突破

127
00:05:46,805 --> 00:05:51,058
{\an8}但我想這或許也讓你停下腳步了

128
00:05:51,059 --> 00:05:52,810
{\an8}停下腳步也可以是積極向前

129
00:05:52,811 --> 00:05:54,354
{\an8}停下腳步不可能是積極向前

130
00:05:54,938 --> 00:05:57,232
{\an8}嘿,友誼的重點就是彼此相挺

131
00:05:58,108 --> 00:05:59,693
{\an8}你想要挺史丹嗎?

132
00:06:02,112 --> 00:06:04,822
{\an8}要,我想要為了他出席

133
00:06:04,823 --> 00:06:06,449
那你就要去參加那婚禮

134
00:06:06,450 --> 00:06:10,077
我懷疑去不去得了
我又害怕又固執,這可是致命組合耶

135
00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:13,789
丹,很抱歉,但在治療病患來說
我他媽最近順得要命

136
00:06:13,790 --> 00:06:16,709
我可能根本無敵了,這表示你跟我

137
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:18,294
我們要衝破這堵牆

138
00:06:18,295 --> 00:06:19,754
一次治療就要做到?

139
00:06:19,755 --> 00:06:21,381
你說得對,這樣太誇張了

140
00:06:22,007 --> 00:06:24,425
好,我們就一整天待在一起吧

141
00:06:24,426 --> 00:06:27,804
你跟我要把這問題解決掉,從現在開始

142
00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:32,642
{\an8}靠,你知道怎麼著?
我之後還約了另一個病患

143
00:06:32,643 --> 00:06:34,101
{\an8}而且還要去洗牙

144
00:06:34,102 --> 00:06:35,895
{\an8}好,我得去打幾通電話

145
00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:38,106
{\an8}然後我們就來解決問題,現在就開始

146
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,402
那是你自己坐熱的,丹,沒事啦

147
00:06:44,530 --> 00:06:46,239
謝謝你又幫我送咖啡來

148
00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:47,990
即使我五分鐘後就有課,所以...

149
00:06:47,991 --> 00:06:49,158
- 沒關係
- 好

150
00:06:49,159 --> 00:06:51,410
我本來想要向妳介紹我自己
但我就長話短說

151
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:52,328
就這樣吧

152
00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:54,080
我是麻州人

153
00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:55,414
對盤尼西林過敏

154
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:58,502
有義式白醬的菜我都喜歡
但不太能耐受乳製品

155
00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:02,506
我見過克雷格列表網站的克雷格本人
真可怕的傢伙

156
00:07:04,132 --> 00:07:05,883
哇,這一串裡面就有兩個解嗨點耶

157
00:07:05,884 --> 00:07:06,926
哪些?

158
00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:09,136
這個嘛,絕對包括
義式白醬會害你拉肚子的部分

159
00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:10,264
很值得啦

160
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:13,933
媽的

161
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:15,769
- 怎麼了?
- 是凱莎,別看她

162
00:07:17,980 --> 00:07:20,982
哇,好喔,她要來了
她危險嗎?我們要逃跑嗎?

163
00:07:20,983 --> 00:07:23,192
不用,她拿田徑獎學金,肯定追得上我們

164
00:07:23,193 --> 00:07:24,527
- 天啊
- 嘿

165
00:07:24,528 --> 00:07:25,821
還好嗎?

166
00:07:27,281 --> 00:07:30,867
我的家庭系統論報告的交期到了
差不多就是現在

167
00:07:30,868 --> 00:07:32,869
妳可以讀一下,給我建議嗎?

168
00:07:32,870 --> 00:07:33,870
我來搞清楚一下

169
00:07:33,871 --> 00:07:37,123
妳要我讀、改
然後讓妳交來給我再讀一次?

170
00:07:37,124 --> 00:07:38,249
對,拜託

171
00:07:38,250 --> 00:07:39,542
真夠膽,我喜歡

172
00:07:39,543 --> 00:07:41,336
- 來,給我吧
- 謝謝

173
00:07:42,754 --> 00:07:44,380
抱歉,又來了

174
00:07:44,381 --> 00:07:46,716
沒關係,因為我現在要利用妳的愧疚

175
00:07:46,717 --> 00:07:48,259
逼妳之後跟我來一場真正的約會

176
00:07:48,260 --> 00:07:50,094
- 真的嗎?
- 我現在就跟你去約會

177
00:07:50,095 --> 00:07:51,179
- 等等,啥?
- 什麼?

178
00:07:51,180 --> 00:07:54,600
妳總是說要照顧自己
我是說,這就是在“照顧”自己

179
00:07:55,350 --> 00:07:57,685
而且,我有可靠消息指出
說她的小妹妹正在閉關中

180
00:07:57,686 --> 00:07:58,978
那妳的小妹妹就開門營業了?

181
00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:00,063
妳很不得體耶

182
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:02,481
不過,對喔,全年無休

183
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,150
我不知道妳有什麼毛病,凱莎

184
00:08:04,151 --> 00:08:06,153
但妳最好去修補一下妳跟妳爸的關係

185
00:08:07,196 --> 00:08:09,071
凱莎,他媽的別來搞我的局

186
00:08:09,072 --> 00:08:11,116
德睿克,約會吧,今天下午

187
00:08:12,201 --> 00:08:13,744
- 好喔
- 哇

188
00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:18,624
我不得不出手啊,我需要把握機會

189
00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:20,167
真是夠了

190
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:22,210
這會影響我的分數嗎?

191
00:08:22,211 --> 00:08:24,213
我就跟妳直話直說了,凱莎,是有可能

192
00:08:24,755 --> 00:08:25,589
有可能喔

193
00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:32,720
好,怎麼會有人想坐在共享桌?

194
00:08:32,721 --> 00:08:34,972
這是經典的暴露療法,丹

195
00:08:36,015 --> 00:08:38,017
你知道那些引起恐懼的情況

196
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:41,230
會活化杏仁核中的這一小群神經元嗎?

197
00:08:41,938 --> 00:08:45,399
暴露療法有助於抑制那些恐懼神經元

198
00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:46,693
- 不會吧
- 是的

199
00:08:47,361 --> 00:08:48,653
我一點也沒聽懂

200
00:08:48,654 --> 00:08:50,239
相信我就對了,很有用

201
00:08:51,406 --> 00:08:54,367
舉例來說,我曾經怕蜘蛛
所以我買了一本關於蜘蛛的書

202
00:08:54,368 --> 00:08:56,118
我瞭解了牠們奇怪的小習性

203
00:08:56,119 --> 00:08:59,706
到最後我可以抓起一隻

204
00:09:01,625 --> 00:09:04,210
而現在,如果我看到一隻
那種詭異的小王八蛋

205
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:07,172
我會死盯著牠那八隻小眼睛說
“我才是老大”

206
00:09:09,550 --> 00:09:11,300
- 酷耶
- 你點了煎餅啊?

207
00:09:11,301 --> 00:09:13,261
是啊,真他媽的好吃

208
00:09:13,262 --> 00:09:15,180
對,那你呢?

209
00:09:17,266 --> 00:09:19,893
對啊,我點了這煎餅

210
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,689
- 對,真是他媽的好吃
- 對啊

211
00:09:27,860 --> 00:09:28,776
失陪一下

212
00:09:28,777 --> 00:09:30,946
- 這是...
- 嘿,都還好嗎?

213
00:09:31,655 --> 00:09:32,990
你今天早上有看到彩虹嗎?

214
00:09:34,157 --> 00:09:37,828
現在他走了,我們不用聊天了,所以...

215
00:09:38,495 --> 00:09:40,705
- 這裡有點力場
- 嘿

216
00:09:40,706 --> 00:09:43,040
我得去我女兒的學校處理點事情

217
00:09:43,041 --> 00:09:45,961
謝天謝地,這真是個餿主意

218
00:09:46,962 --> 00:09:49,715
嘿,你確定你不待在這裡了?

219
00:09:50,215 --> 00:09:52,509
嘿,很抱歉我打斷了你的順子

220
00:09:56,263 --> 00:10:00,016
康納回學校之後,到現在都沒打電話給我

221
00:10:00,017 --> 00:10:03,227
你有被自己生出來的東西搞失蹤過嗎?

222
00:10:03,228 --> 00:10:04,146
沒有

223
00:10:05,898 --> 00:10:09,192
嘿,來迷你酒廠一趟吧

224
00:10:09,193 --> 00:10:10,735
我要給妳看個東西

225
00:10:10,736 --> 00:10:14,113
希望是一張列出迷你酒廠同義詞的清單

226
00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:15,156
真是太假掰了

227
00:10:15,157 --> 00:10:17,533
- 是好的假掰嗎?
- 可能吧

228
00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:18,619
下回見囉

229
00:10:22,331 --> 00:10:24,790
保羅,嗨,真巧

230
00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:26,417
是位是我朋友麥克

231
00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:28,794
不用,不需要介紹,我要進去了

232
00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:29,880
好喔

233
00:10:32,466 --> 00:10:34,218
- 這是給我的?
- 對

234
00:10:36,178 --> 00:10:37,136
你要吃那個嗎?

235
00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:40,556
你是說這個我付了錢
然後拿到桌上來的東西?

236
00:10:40,557 --> 00:10:41,642
我不知道耶

237
00:10:42,893 --> 00:10:45,603
嘿,保羅...不會吧,你有朋友?

238
00:10:45,604 --> 00:10:47,397
我們沒有要貼標籤

239
00:10:48,023 --> 00:10:49,857
我是阿雷,我們彼此相愛

240
00:10:49,858 --> 00:10:51,276
太可愛了

241
00:10:52,319 --> 00:10:53,486
我只是想要讓你知道

242
00:10:53,487 --> 00:10:56,073
你剛剛看到我跟麥克見面
完全是清清白白的

243
00:10:56,990 --> 00:11:01,328
當妳特別跑進來,而且過度解釋的時候

244
00:11:02,079 --> 00:11:04,331
那我絕對會相信妳

245
00:11:04,915 --> 00:11:09,961
另外,你可以幫我一個大忙
不要跟德瑞克提起這件事嗎?

246
00:11:09,962 --> 00:11:11,963
劇情又更複雜了,德瑞克登場囉

247
00:11:11,964 --> 00:11:13,089
我不喜歡他

248
00:11:13,090 --> 00:11:18,344
聽我說,麥克跟我只是老朋友
而我先生不喜歡他

249
00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:20,596
我覺得有必要問一下

250
00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:23,683
麥克這傢伙...順道一提,真是個蠢名字

251
00:11:23,684 --> 00:11:24,851
同意

252
00:11:24,852 --> 00:11:26,228
他結婚了嗎?

253
00:11:27,312 --> 00:11:29,605
- 沒有
- 他會聽妳說話嗎?

254
00:11:29,606 --> 00:11:32,984
他看起來對妳的問題感到在乎嗎?

255
00:11:32,985 --> 00:11:35,571
會,這就是友誼啊

256
00:11:36,530 --> 00:11:37,906
對,好喔

257
00:11:38,866 --> 00:11:40,575
- 阿雷,你單身
- 對

258
00:11:40,576 --> 00:11:44,370
你會跟美女混,只為了當朋友嗎?

259
00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:45,538
會,有一個

260
00:11:45,539 --> 00:11:46,665
看吧?

261
00:11:47,165 --> 00:11:49,333
我一直在等她做錯事

262
00:11:49,334 --> 00:11:50,419
然後就...

263
00:11:51,170 --> 00:11:55,090
所以就是兩票投給“麥克想上妳”

264
00:11:55,674 --> 00:11:58,551
好,七爺和八爺,你們都錯了

265
00:11:58,552 --> 00:12:00,094
沒有人想要上我

266
00:12:00,095 --> 00:12:04,808
我是說,當然大家都想上我
但你們知道我的意思

267
00:12:07,102 --> 00:12:08,228
你是怎麼認識她的?

268
00:12:08,937 --> 00:12:10,772
她有一次差點拉在我的辦公桌上

269
00:12:11,523 --> 00:12:17,195
所以,衝突的開端是
珊莫播放了《偷吃的臭騷貨》影片

270
00:12:17,196 --> 00:12:18,988
給整個食堂的人看

271
00:12:18,989 --> 00:12:21,073
- 好
- 艾莉絲搶過珊莫的手機

272
00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:23,784
丟進了一個田園沙拉醬的料桶裡

273
00:12:23,785 --> 00:12:26,121
接下來就是尖叫、推擠,然後...

274
00:12:29,458 --> 00:12:30,708
我在聽你說

275
00:12:30,709 --> 00:12:32,835
好,接下來就是尖叫、推擠

276
00:12:32,836 --> 00:12:36,589
然後不知怎麼著,教美術的普里查老師

277
00:12:36,590 --> 00:12:38,342
被罵是個孤獨的臭老婊

278
00:12:39,843 --> 00:12:41,844
- 她就回家去哭了
- 好

279
00:12:41,845 --> 00:12:47,434
我將此事件稱之為“田園門”
因為我很愛雙關語哏

280
00:12:48,477 --> 00:12:49,686
這根本不算是雙關語

281
00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:53,105
光是在事件的後面加個“門”
不是雙關語

282
00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:54,440
算了,繼續說吧

283
00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:57,110
艾莉絲和珊莫都被勒令停學

284
00:12:57,778 --> 00:13:00,822
我是說,這種暴力場面
已經很久沒發生過了,就是...

285
00:13:01,907 --> 00:13:03,407
自從你上次來過以後

286
00:13:03,408 --> 00:13:04,868
這就引出了一個問題...

287
00:13:06,703 --> 00:13:08,621
你跟艾莉絲還好嗎?

288
00:13:08,622 --> 00:13:13,961
據我所知,你們去刺了父女刺青

289
00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:18,507
對,但刺得很有品味
而且是刺在一個得體的位置

290
00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:20,925
適切的位置

291
00:13:20,926 --> 00:13:25,054
我是說適切而得體的位置
不是奇怪的位置

292
00:13:25,055 --> 00:13:28,808
我想要向你表達的是我們很好

293
00:13:28,809 --> 00:13:30,059
一切都回歸正常了

294
00:13:30,060 --> 00:13:33,020
爸,這個人是誰?

295
00:13:33,021 --> 00:13:34,564
那是我的病患,親愛的

296
00:13:34,565 --> 00:13:37,984
這個病患其實不太想
因為高中時期種下的問題跑來這裡

297
00:13:37,985 --> 00:13:40,153
大家的問題都是在高中時期種下的,丹

298
00:13:42,197 --> 00:13:43,198
我們聊完了

299
00:13:43,949 --> 00:13:47,159
那麼,你得跟我們說什麼?

300
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,745
是我們的未來家長簡歷,對吧?

301
00:13:49,746 --> 00:13:52,748
我就說你的頭銜聽起來
像約砲程式的使用者名稱

302
00:13:52,749 --> 00:13:55,918
“兩個老爸尋找第三咖”嗎?
以前都很有用,以後也會有用

303
00:13:55,919 --> 00:13:58,754
約砲程式是什麼啊?眨眼

304
00:13:58,755 --> 00:14:01,340
- 他剛剛說眨眼了?
- 他說了眨眼

305
00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:03,426
總而言之,有好消息

306
00:14:03,427 --> 00:14:05,178
很少有這麼快的

307
00:14:05,179 --> 00:14:08,932
但你們的簡歷一定是沒問題
因為有一個母親選了你們

308
00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:11,350
我的天啊,何時?

309
00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:15,021
她明天就要進行引產
晚餐前孩子就屬於你們了

310
00:14:15,022 --> 00:14:16,772
- 他媽的
- 我安排了按摩...

311
00:14:16,773 --> 00:14:18,650
- 真是太開心了
- 來不及取消了

312
00:14:21,945 --> 00:14:24,739
所以,妳應該是要被禁足
直到勒令停學結束

313
00:14:24,740 --> 00:14:25,823
只有今天而已

314
00:14:25,824 --> 00:14:28,744
這間該死的學校
還真知道要怎麼教訓人,對吧?

315
00:14:29,328 --> 00:14:31,954
所以我在日落前哪都不能去?

316
00:14:31,955 --> 00:14:34,082
沒有,妳可以去一個地方

317
00:14:35,209 --> 00:14:36,792
妳可以去跟珊莫聊開

318
00:14:36,793 --> 00:14:38,295
我幹嘛要?

319
00:14:39,046 --> 00:14:42,089
我已經為了康納的事跟珊莫道歉超多次

320
00:14:42,090 --> 00:14:45,802
不好意思,我不是完人
我他媽的在悲痛當中耶

321
00:14:48,180 --> 00:14:49,473
幹嘛?

322
00:14:51,892 --> 00:14:53,267
我也曾經跟妳一樣

323
00:14:53,268 --> 00:14:56,771
晃來晃去,覺得沒人比我還要慘

324
00:14:56,772 --> 00:15:00,066
可是,孩子,媽媽死掉了
不代表我們可以晃來晃去

325
00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:02,027
覺得其他人都沒有痛苦的事

326
00:15:03,153 --> 00:15:06,280
我是說,妳知道珊莫的生活中
還有其他什麼事嗎?

327
00:15:06,281 --> 00:15:09,867
這個嘛,她跟我說過
她已經很多年沒跟她爸說話了

328
00:15:09,868 --> 00:15:11,161
那一定很難過

329
00:15:12,204 --> 00:15:13,038
還有呢?

330
00:15:14,206 --> 00:15:15,207
還有...

331
00:15:16,750 --> 00:15:18,377
她都在偷賣她媽的藥

332
00:15:19,294 --> 00:15:20,127
別的呢?

333
00:15:20,128 --> 00:15:24,508
她說跟康納交往
是她很久以來發生過最棒的事

334
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:29,263
幹

335
00:15:29,888 --> 00:15:30,722
幹

336
00:15:31,515 --> 00:15:32,765
老爸當得真好

337
00:15:32,766 --> 00:15:34,434
我最近超順的

338
00:15:35,102 --> 00:15:35,936
謝了

339
00:15:40,023 --> 00:15:42,567
- 你還在這裡真是奇怪
- 同意

340
00:15:42,568 --> 00:15:44,610
- 你餓了嗎?我餓了
- 我可以吃點東西

341
00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:47,155
- 你看,有蜘蛛
- 我是老大

342
00:15:51,994 --> 00:15:53,370
啊?

343
00:15:54,746 --> 00:15:57,456
- 妳竟然真的來了
- 我得老實說

344
00:15:57,457 --> 00:15:59,835
我其實本來不相信你有間迷你酒廠

345
00:16:00,502 --> 00:16:04,089
是真的,我有完整的後場員工
還有一個叫做海克特的酒保

346
00:16:04,673 --> 00:16:07,133
- 海克特聽起來很假
- 對啦,沒有海克特

347
00:16:07,134 --> 00:16:09,093
而且我也不知道怎麼釀啤酒

348
00:16:09,094 --> 00:16:10,970
好,我想也是,對啊

349
00:16:10,971 --> 00:16:12,055
不過...

350
00:16:13,974 --> 00:16:15,100
看看這個吧

351
00:16:16,226 --> 00:16:19,271
哇,你做了啥?

352
00:16:20,981 --> 00:16:24,025
好啦,放在一個酒廠不怎麼合理,不過...

353
00:16:24,026 --> 00:16:27,738
管他的,我就做一支新的啤酒
取名叫獵犬愛爾啤酒什麼的

354
00:16:28,238 --> 00:16:29,405
喝醉的人都喜歡狗狗

355
00:16:29,406 --> 00:16:31,490
我就是這樣開始收養狗狗的

356
00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:35,120
我喝梅洛紅酒喝醉了
然後第二天就決定要拯救全世界的狗狗

357
00:16:38,457 --> 00:16:41,084
嘿,我看得出妳最近很不如意

358
00:16:41,835 --> 00:16:44,379
我只希望妳透過我的眼睛看到妳自己

359
00:16:45,005 --> 00:16:49,258
妳很酷、很風趣而且有才華

360
00:16:49,259 --> 00:16:50,969
我是說,看看這些照片

361
00:16:53,347 --> 00:16:55,557
妳看世界的方式和其他人都不同

362
00:16:57,518 --> 00:17:01,313
我無法跟你說這對我的意義有多大

363
00:17:01,813 --> 00:17:06,234
小莉莉,為了妳,我什麼都願意做

364
00:17:17,496 --> 00:17:21,458
抱歉,我得走了,我不能這樣

365
00:17:25,963 --> 00:17:27,047
幹

366
00:17:28,966 --> 00:17:32,385
對於第三次的首次約會來說
去騎單車的風險有點大

367
00:17:32,386 --> 00:17:36,055
不過,幸好我有這套超可愛的單車服裝

368
00:17:36,056 --> 00:17:39,225
而且我覺得超棒的

369
00:17:39,226 --> 00:17:40,852
哇

370
00:17:40,853 --> 00:17:42,645
那是我很漂亮的意思嗎?

371
00:17:42,646 --> 00:17:44,564
還是小妹妹的形狀太明顯了?

372
00:17:44,565 --> 00:17:46,941
是真該死,妳超美的意思

373
00:17:46,942 --> 00:17:48,901
好,那我想我就...

374
00:17:48,902 --> 00:17:50,404
留下這套吧

375
00:17:51,321 --> 00:17:53,406
好的,拜託跟我說不需要騎太遠

376
00:17:53,407 --> 00:17:55,658
只要差不多180公尺就到公園了

377
00:17:55,659 --> 00:17:58,369
我們去坐坐,喝點酒

378
00:17:58,370 --> 00:18:00,830
聊聊我們有多想騎單車,但從來都沒做到

379
00:18:00,831 --> 00:18:02,498
我喜歡把“差一點就去運動了”

380
00:18:02,499 --> 00:18:03,625
- 當作喝酒的藉口
- 對啊

381
00:18:05,294 --> 00:18:07,378
好,你喜歡哪種酒...

382
00:18:07,379 --> 00:18:08,671
謝天謝地妳在家

383
00:18:08,672 --> 00:18:12,175
抱歉打擾妳需要小妹妹形狀全都露的活動

384
00:18:12,176 --> 00:18:13,551
我就知道

385
00:18:13,552 --> 00:18:14,803
很可愛啊

386
00:18:15,429 --> 00:18:19,223
他們明天就要給我們寶寶,我超崩潰的

387
00:18:19,224 --> 00:18:22,185
查理派我去買補給品
但我不知道寶寶需要什麼

388
00:18:22,186 --> 00:18:25,314
所以我慌了手腳
就買了20片尿布和一件小雞衣服

389
00:18:26,231 --> 00:18:27,982
好可愛,讓我的卵巢抖了一下

390
00:18:27,983 --> 00:18:29,735
對我來說不是很好就是很糟糕

391
00:18:32,654 --> 00:18:34,865
我們本來不該這麼快就配對成功

392
00:18:35,532 --> 00:18:37,034
我只讀了一本寶寶書

393
00:18:37,993 --> 00:18:38,994
開始讀一本寶寶書

394
00:18:39,912 --> 00:18:41,078
好啦,我買了一本寶寶書

395
00:18:41,079 --> 00:18:42,288
說實話啦

396
00:18:42,289 --> 00:18:43,706
我連一本寶寶書都沒有

397
00:18:43,707 --> 00:18:45,958
- 說出來了
- 沒有時間在家裡做兒童安全保護

398
00:18:45,959 --> 00:18:47,793
買汽車座椅、一人吃兩人補

399
00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:49,670
我要我的九月懷胎啊

400
00:18:49,671 --> 00:18:51,964
你怎麼不跟你老公說你還沒準備好?

401
00:18:51,965 --> 00:18:54,300
不行,另一個德睿克,我反覆太多次了

402
00:18:54,301 --> 00:18:56,469
打從我們開始討論寶寶的事

403
00:18:56,470 --> 00:18:58,596
你可能不瞭解我這點,但我是真的很善變

404
00:18:58,597 --> 00:19:00,848
- 我有注意到
- 我沒有那麼善變啦

405
00:19:00,849 --> 00:19:02,726
我的天啊,我連善變這點都在反覆耶

406
00:19:03,644 --> 00:19:05,561
我向查理保證說我已經準備好了

407
00:19:05,562 --> 00:19:08,147
現在如果我說還沒準備好
他就永遠不會再相信我

408
00:19:08,148 --> 00:19:09,982
他已經覺得我對寶寶的事有遲疑

409
00:19:09,983 --> 00:19:10,900
而且順道一提

410
00:19:10,901 --> 00:19:13,152
如果狗狗門太小的話
我們家還得加裝寶寶門

411
00:19:13,153 --> 00:19:14,487
有寶寶門這種東西嗎?

412
00:19:14,488 --> 00:19:16,113
- 沒有
- 沒有

413
00:19:16,114 --> 00:19:18,407
拜託幫我,我求求妳

414
00:19:18,408 --> 00:19:20,744
布萊恩,坐下,好嗎?

415
00:19:21,662 --> 00:19:23,496
聽好,我知道你覺得既艱難又可怕

416
00:19:23,497 --> 00:19:27,250
- 對
- 但我向你保證我會好好思考

417
00:19:27,251 --> 00:19:31,671
在德睿克跟我去運動十秒
接著就喝個爛醉的時候

418
00:19:31,672 --> 00:19:33,589
- 不行
- 行

419
00:19:33,590 --> 00:19:35,008
沒事,沒關係

420
00:19:35,843 --> 00:19:39,762
不如這樣吧?
你打給查理和你信任的所有人

421
00:19:39,763 --> 00:19:41,806
我們進入海裡,然後想辦法

422
00:19:41,807 --> 00:19:43,516
- 好
- 好嗎?

423
00:19:43,517 --> 00:19:45,643
好,聽起來很棒,我喜歡,就這樣吧

424
00:19:45,644 --> 00:19:48,856
- 好,我去幫你倒杯水
- 謝謝,我好渴

425
00:19:49,648 --> 00:19:50,649
他怎麼會知道?

426
00:19:51,275 --> 00:19:52,692
我喜歡他

427
00:19:52,693 --> 00:19:56,487
他讓我同時感受到平靜和飢渴

428
00:19:56,488 --> 00:19:57,573
我也是

429
00:19:58,365 --> 00:20:02,118
如果我今晚上不了他,那我會殺了你

430
00:20:02,119 --> 00:20:03,494
- 好
- 好嗎?

431
00:20:03,495 --> 00:20:05,288
- 我能理解
- 好

432
00:20:05,289 --> 00:20:06,622
我懂你的意思

433
00:20:06,623 --> 00:20:08,541
但我還以為你很開心要見到荷黑

434
00:20:08,542 --> 00:20:11,711
我本來很開心,但那是因為
他以前是我們隊上唯一一個

435
00:20:11,712 --> 00:20:13,172
狀態一直都很好的人

436
00:20:13,755 --> 00:20:15,840
但他現在想見我是因為他很痛苦

437
00:20:15,841 --> 00:20:17,341
對,人都會痛苦

438
00:20:17,342 --> 00:20:20,220
我知道,但我能給他什麼建議?

439
00:20:21,054 --> 00:20:23,973
被踢出自己家,搬去跟治療師住?

440
00:20:23,974 --> 00:20:26,809
我是說,我是最不適合讓他依靠的人

441
00:20:26,810 --> 00:20:28,770
是我就不會用那些當開頭

442
00:20:29,771 --> 00:20:32,815
不過,丹,你也許能跟尚恩說

443
00:20:32,816 --> 00:20:34,817
是什麼讓你更容易向我敞開心房

444
00:20:34,818 --> 00:20:37,612
是因為他看起來就像棵悲傷的橡樹嗎?

445
00:20:37,613 --> 00:20:40,072
隨你想怎麼說,保羅,但今天早上

446
00:20:40,073 --> 00:20:42,825
有個女人說我是她上過的男人中
最性感的前五名

447
00:20:42,826 --> 00:20:44,327
所以是第五名?

448
00:20:44,328 --> 00:20:46,455
第四名,接受吧

449
00:20:47,122 --> 00:20:48,290
管他的,丹

450
00:20:49,625 --> 00:20:50,626
這個嘛

451
00:20:51,418 --> 00:20:55,505
老實說,我想我開始對你敞開心房
是那一天你說...

452
00:20:55,506 --> 00:20:57,090
你也很寂寞

453
00:20:58,342 --> 00:21:00,676
我猜我是想要個跟我一樣慘的治療師吧

454
00:21:00,677 --> 00:21:03,639
那還真是歪打正著

455
00:21:04,765 --> 00:21:08,018
但你說得對,慘的人很擅於幫助慘的人

456
00:21:08,685 --> 00:21:09,853
我是說,看看我們啊

457
00:21:11,605 --> 00:21:12,606
你說呢?

458
00:21:14,233 --> 00:21:15,566
媽的

459
00:21:15,567 --> 00:21:17,485
- 嘿,布萊恩,你好嗎?
- 謝天謝地你接了

460
00:21:17,486 --> 00:21:19,529
我還以為你要工作還是要做啥無聊事呢

461
00:21:19,530 --> 00:21:21,030
吉米,聽我說,你不知道...

462
00:21:21,031 --> 00:21:24,534
我們都知道在我能搭腔前
他會唸很久,所以就...

463
00:21:24,535 --> 00:21:25,702
抱歉,尚恩,繼續吧

464
00:21:26,703 --> 00:21:28,288
管他的,我去,我會去見他

465
00:21:29,498 --> 00:21:31,583
謝了,吉米的另一個病患

466
00:21:32,251 --> 00:21:33,752
我今天早上不是有見到你嗎?

467
00:21:34,503 --> 00:21:35,337
你還好嗎?

468
00:21:36,296 --> 00:21:38,881
- 他違背你的意願挾持你嗎?
- 對

469
00:21:38,882 --> 00:21:41,259
沒有,丹,是你想來的

470
00:21:41,260 --> 00:21:42,969
- 我改變心意了
- 不,你才沒有

471
00:21:42,970 --> 00:21:44,053
保羅,他沒有

472
00:21:44,054 --> 00:21:46,097
我會給你一份其他治療師的名單

473
00:21:46,098 --> 00:21:48,892
不是針對個人的,吉米的病患我都給

474
00:21:50,269 --> 00:21:51,644
我得去見艾莉絲了

475
00:21:51,645 --> 00:21:52,562
(卡瓊餐車)

476
00:21:52,563 --> 00:21:54,105
你有在聽我說話嗎?

477
00:21:54,106 --> 00:21:56,274
- 靠
- 我會從頭說喔,我向天發誓

478
00:21:56,275 --> 00:21:58,235
布萊恩,我當然有在聽

479
00:21:58,902 --> 00:22:00,404
謝謝妳同意跟我聊聊

480
00:22:01,113 --> 00:22:02,948
我被停學了,沒有其他更好的事可做

481
00:22:05,617 --> 00:22:06,910
妳爸有生氣嗎?

482
00:22:07,953 --> 00:22:10,330
這個嘛,他罰我禁足整整三小時

483
00:22:12,541 --> 00:22:13,750
妳媽的反應呢?

484
00:22:14,585 --> 00:22:17,003
她昨晚被攆出莫倫戈賭場

485
00:22:17,004 --> 00:22:19,923
所以我覺得她應該不會太在意這件事

486
00:22:20,465 --> 00:22:21,466
- 真討厭
- 對

487
00:22:23,010 --> 00:22:26,138
- 她做了什麼事?
- 她又把骰子放進嘴裡了

488
00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:32,561
全都是我的錯

489
00:22:35,063 --> 00:22:37,982
我狠狠背叛了妳,妳不該受這種鳥氣

490
00:22:37,983 --> 00:22:41,777
我是說,我媽去世的時候
所有人都離我而去,只有妳挺我

491
00:22:41,778 --> 00:22:44,947
而我卻他媽的這麼自私

492
00:22:44,948 --> 00:22:48,827
都沒去想到
妳一直得應付那些狗屁倒灶的事

493
00:22:49,453 --> 00:22:51,997
不會再有這種事了,我保證

494
00:22:53,165 --> 00:22:53,999
謝了

495
00:22:56,210 --> 00:22:57,044
我愛妳

496
00:22:57,628 --> 00:22:58,962
我愛妳

497
00:23:07,346 --> 00:23:08,847
妳要拿康納怎麼辦呢?

498
00:23:10,057 --> 00:23:13,142
好,跟妳說,秋假的時候我要親他

499
00:23:13,143 --> 00:23:16,312
然後我會哭,接著我會說
“那根本是大錯特錯”

500
00:23:16,313 --> 00:23:20,525
接下來在他期中考的時候
我會跟一個男朋友低調放閃

501
00:23:20,526 --> 00:23:22,109
- 哎呦
- 對,比方說吃晚餐時

502
00:23:22,110 --> 00:23:23,903
露出男生的手,妳懂吧?

503
00:23:23,904 --> 00:23:27,574
然後我會在感恩節跟他復合

504
00:23:28,408 --> 00:23:30,118
但我會說我吃太飽了,無法上床

505
00:23:31,912 --> 00:23:34,248
我喜歡妳的復仇戲碼

506
00:23:34,998 --> 00:23:41,588
偷吃...偷吃的臭騷貨兒

507
00:23:42,548 --> 00:23:43,549
嘿

508
00:23:44,132 --> 00:23:46,133
我怎麼會一直碰見妳啊?

509
00:23:46,134 --> 00:23:47,134
艾莉絲沒辦法來

510
00:23:47,135 --> 00:23:49,929
她跟珊莫在一起
所以我跟她說我會來通知你

511
00:23:49,930 --> 00:23:51,557
妳怎麼不打電話就好?

512
00:23:53,809 --> 00:23:55,142
這個嘛...

513
00:23:55,143 --> 00:23:58,104
天啊,不要啊

514
00:23:58,105 --> 00:24:00,606
冷靜啦,我知道規矩

515
00:24:00,607 --> 00:24:01,691
{\an8}(彩虹糖)

516
00:24:01,692 --> 00:24:04,278
熱帶水果味,好吃的

517
00:24:10,367 --> 00:24:12,285
- 各位,感謝你們來
- 好

518
00:24:12,286 --> 00:24:14,537
我還是不敢相信“進入海裡”

519
00:24:14,538 --> 00:24:16,372
就真的是進入海裡,我還以為

520
00:24:16,373 --> 00:24:18,541
是一種比喻,像是“慘了”

521
00:24:18,542 --> 00:24:22,003
或者“我們的利潤下降了”
又或是“我們就親自下海吧”

522
00:24:22,004 --> 00:24:23,379
不是

523
00:24:23,380 --> 00:24:27,675
海洋是個神奇的地方,能幫助人看清事情

524
00:24:27,676 --> 00:24:29,385
好吧,這也不算是我最糟的約會啦

525
00:24:29,386 --> 00:24:31,554
- 嘿,吉米,你他媽在幹嘛?
- 怎樣?

526
00:24:31,555 --> 00:24:33,806
我的刺青還不能碰水

527
00:24:33,807 --> 00:24:39,312
小布,我的奶子快凍壞了
這樣有用嗎?你想清楚了嗎?

528
00:24:39,313 --> 00:24:40,397
有

529
00:24:41,231 --> 00:24:44,525
我覺得吉米不該去刺青
他身上有刺青看起來很蠢

530
00:24:44,526 --> 00:24:45,610
醜死了,吉米

531
00:24:45,611 --> 00:24:49,447
而且,我現在還應付不了小孩子

532
00:24:49,448 --> 00:24:54,410
不過我知道要再碰上一次機會
可能會是很久以後了

533
00:24:54,411 --> 00:24:59,916
所以我真的...
不管有沒有準備好,都該直接答應嗎?

534
00:24:59,917 --> 00:25:01,376
我有問題

535
00:25:03,754 --> 00:25:04,588
你是布萊恩吧?

536
00:25:05,339 --> 00:25:06,672
對,吉米的病患

537
00:25:06,673 --> 00:25:08,758
你一直都在關心自己的感覺

538
00:25:08,759 --> 00:25:12,011
這讓我想起
當我跟我的麻吉史丹在一起的時候

539
00:25:12,012 --> 00:25:16,350
大家都關心他、他的感覺
從來就不關心我

540
00:25:16,934 --> 00:25:19,352
所以身為一個同樣被忽視的人

541
00:25:19,353 --> 00:25:22,105
有誰問過你老公的感覺嗎?

542
00:25:24,942 --> 00:25:26,108
我怕死了

543
00:25:26,109 --> 00:25:29,403
什麼?你怕死了?你怎麼什麼都不說?

544
00:25:29,404 --> 00:25:32,740
我覺得就算我跟你一樣害怕
我也該當勇敢的那一個人

545
00:25:32,741 --> 00:25:35,076
但我想要體驗那九個月

546
00:25:35,077 --> 00:25:38,996
我想要被叫到醫院去
準備個可愛的小小背包

547
00:25:38,997 --> 00:25:40,457
太冷了,別長篇大論,查理

548
00:25:41,124 --> 00:25:43,043
寶貝,我愛你

549
00:25:46,630 --> 00:25:49,466
在我們兩個都準備好以前
實在不該養寶寶的

550
00:25:50,884 --> 00:25:52,468
- 真的嗎?
- 真的

551
00:25:52,469 --> 00:25:54,888
我們不要養寶寶

552
00:26:07,693 --> 00:26:08,694
妳要說話嗎?

553
00:26:10,612 --> 00:26:11,780
麥克親了我

554
00:26:12,364 --> 00:26:14,199
誰料不到啊?

555
00:26:16,618 --> 00:26:19,246
要老實說的話,我應該說...

556
00:26:22,416 --> 00:26:23,709
是我們親嘴了

557
00:26:25,085 --> 00:26:27,044
搞什麼?你笑什麼啊?

558
00:26:27,045 --> 00:26:28,881
應該是笑人生吧

559
00:26:30,090 --> 00:26:33,593
我最近被迫面對自己出軌的事

560
00:26:33,594 --> 00:26:36,013
事情都發生了20年

561
00:26:36,597 --> 00:26:37,471
結果呢?

562
00:26:37,472 --> 00:26:39,182
我們又當回了朋友

563
00:26:39,183 --> 00:26:42,269
這表示我每週都得跟她通電話,所以...

564
00:26:43,770 --> 00:26:44,605
不好

565
00:26:45,355 --> 00:26:46,689
我該怎麼處理啊?

566
00:26:46,690 --> 00:26:48,734
簡單,時光機器

567
00:26:49,610 --> 00:26:53,988
我一直在想自己為何會這樣

568
00:26:53,989 --> 00:26:55,490
- 這不...
- 無所謂

569
00:26:56,074 --> 00:26:58,368
有數不清的原因,我全都聽過了

570
00:26:58,952 --> 00:27:03,539
覺得被忽視、迷失、沒有方向

571
00:27:03,540 --> 00:27:06,501
空巢期、重要生日即將到來

572
00:27:06,502 --> 00:27:08,128
我已經不再過生日了

573
00:27:08,712 --> 00:27:09,880
那一定很棒

574
00:27:10,506 --> 00:27:12,256
我現在該怎麼辦才好?

575
00:27:12,257 --> 00:27:13,675
這個嘛,妳可以埋藏那感覺

576
00:27:15,260 --> 00:27:16,470
努力與內疚和平共處

577
00:27:17,304 --> 00:27:21,558
希望那種感覺能激勵妳去當個更好的伴侶

578
00:27:22,643 --> 00:27:23,893
但從我的經驗看來

579
00:27:23,894 --> 00:27:29,607
多數人都會因為自己的所作所為
而永遠受到折磨

580
00:27:29,608 --> 00:27:30,608
有別的方法嗎?

581
00:27:30,609 --> 00:27:35,072
另一個方法是妳誠實以對,面對後果

582
00:27:36,323 --> 00:27:40,577
希望這樣能激勵你們
成為更堅強的一對伴侶

583
00:27:41,328 --> 00:27:42,578
但在我的經驗看來

584
00:27:42,579 --> 00:27:45,831
多數人都會因為那股內疚
而永遠受到折磨

585
00:27:45,832 --> 00:27:47,458
那麼,應該有第三種選擇吧

586
00:27:47,459 --> 00:27:50,128
我聽說那幾乎跟太空旅行一樣渺茫

587
00:27:53,715 --> 00:27:55,675
- 你會怎麼做?
- 莉茲,我...

588
00:27:55,676 --> 00:27:57,636
快啦,拜託跟我說吧

589
00:28:00,013 --> 00:28:03,016
祕密就是會洩露出去

590
00:28:05,143 --> 00:28:07,437
我保守過的每一個祕密

591
00:28:08,856 --> 00:28:11,608
我他媽的都希望有跟對方坦承

592
00:28:23,161 --> 00:28:24,329
這好難吃

593
00:28:25,330 --> 00:28:26,164
還我

594
00:28:33,338 --> 00:28:35,882
哇,又一次差點約會成功了

595
00:28:35,883 --> 00:28:39,595
不過這次我打扮得像蒼白的海灘嬉皮

596
00:28:42,264 --> 00:28:43,431
我要親妳了

597
00:28:43,432 --> 00:28:45,558
你知道這就像...

598
00:28:45,559 --> 00:28:47,310
- 你最好快點親吧
- 真該死

599
00:28:47,311 --> 00:28:49,103
拜託說我沒有搞砸

600
00:28:49,104 --> 00:28:51,981
嘿,我知道我不該帶妳去海裡

601
00:28:51,982 --> 00:28:53,066
那真是太...

602
00:29:00,741 --> 00:29:01,574
對啊

603
00:29:01,575 --> 00:29:04,368
你想進入我的海裡嗎?

604
00:29:04,369 --> 00:29:06,287
抱歉,我不知道我為何這麼說

605
00:29:06,288 --> 00:29:07,581
請從你腦袋裡刪除吧

606
00:29:09,458 --> 00:29:12,127
不過我真的很喜歡你,德睿克

607
00:29:13,504 --> 00:29:16,048
我也是,很喜歡

608
00:29:19,092 --> 00:29:22,428
幫我找個理由,讓我不會立刻跟你上床

609
00:29:22,429 --> 00:29:24,388
因為我想要好好地...

610
00:29:24,389 --> 00:29:27,100
- 好
- 一步一步來

611
00:29:30,103 --> 00:29:32,438
- 我一個都想不到,去上床吧
- 先生

612
00:29:32,439 --> 00:29:34,857
- 對,好吧
- 拜託,我差點就遵命了

613
00:29:34,858 --> 00:29:36,442
- 我差點衝過去了
- 我知道,好

614
00:29:36,443 --> 00:29:37,778
- 好,玩笑歸玩笑
- 好

615
00:29:39,154 --> 00:29:41,364
我們不能上床,因為第一

616
00:29:41,365 --> 00:29:44,742
我全身都是沙

617
00:29:44,743 --> 00:29:46,786
我也是,對啊,那樣的話一定會

618
00:29:46,787 --> 00:29:48,497
- 又痛又髒
- 對

619
00:29:50,290 --> 00:29:51,290
這樣可以吧?

620
00:29:51,291 --> 00:29:55,087
當然啊,反正我要去見凱莎了,所以...

621
00:29:56,380 --> 00:29:58,047
你這個瘋子

622
00:29:58,048 --> 00:29:59,841
好吧,好的,晚安

623
00:29:59,842 --> 00:30:00,967
晚安

624
00:30:00,968 --> 00:30:02,052
謝了

625
00:30:03,887 --> 00:30:05,973
我想跟你們聊一件事

626
00:30:06,640 --> 00:30:09,517
珊莫和我今天和好了,真的很棒

627
00:30:09,518 --> 00:30:11,894
但她說讓她受傷最深的

628
00:30:11,895 --> 00:30:14,313
是我沒有對她坦承以對

629
00:30:14,314 --> 00:30:18,985
所以我覺得我們該跟我爸說
我們一直跟你有聯絡,路易斯

630
00:30:18,986 --> 00:30:21,112
- 我覺得應該要這麼做
- 我同意

631
00:30:21,113 --> 00:30:22,364
我也是

632
00:30:24,575 --> 00:30:28,077
但我只想知道有沒有什麼方法

633
00:30:28,078 --> 00:30:32,081
讓你們倆可以堅強又勇敢地告訴吉米

634
00:30:32,082 --> 00:30:38,004
而且不要提到我太多
或是完全不要把我算進去

635
00:30:38,005 --> 00:30:40,007
- 我覺得你不會想那樣
- 休想

636
00:30:40,591 --> 00:30:43,009
所以我也要一起堅強又勇敢?

637
00:30:43,010 --> 00:30:45,637
知道了,太好了

638
00:30:48,390 --> 00:30:50,350
你覺得圍巾小姐還在嗎?

639
00:30:52,311 --> 00:30:54,020
我是說,都已經過了七個小時

640
00:30:54,021 --> 00:30:55,938
對,你說得對,對了

641
00:30:55,939 --> 00:30:58,817
那個德睿克是我看過最帥的男人

642
00:30:59,401 --> 00:31:00,735
對,其中一個最帥的

643
00:31:00,736 --> 00:31:03,655
不對,是最帥的那一個

644
00:31:05,240 --> 00:31:06,450
今天很好玩

645
00:31:07,075 --> 00:31:10,787
儘管我們什麼都沒解決

646
00:31:12,289 --> 00:31:15,042
丹,想想你今天做的所有事

647
00:31:15,626 --> 00:31:19,378
你去了一間高中,你跟陌生人說話

648
00:31:19,379 --> 00:31:21,964
你脫了衣服,跳進海裡

649
00:31:21,965 --> 00:31:23,967
跟一群你素昧平生的人

650
00:31:24,551 --> 00:31:26,719
沒錯,一開始我得催你開口說話

651
00:31:26,720 --> 00:31:29,222
但到了最後,你在那裡游著狗爬式

652
00:31:29,223 --> 00:31:31,058
穿著那件緊身白內褲說出殘酷真相

653
00:31:31,683 --> 00:31:32,975
是四角褲啦

654
00:31:32,976 --> 00:31:35,978
好喔,很緊,但很好看啊

655
00:31:35,979 --> 00:31:37,813
對,我覺得最可怕的部分

656
00:31:37,814 --> 00:31:42,486
是跟那個驚恐的少女獨處十分鐘

657
00:31:43,237 --> 00:31:44,654
她真是太瘋了

658
00:31:44,655 --> 00:31:46,949
- 再說一次,她是我女兒
- 不錯的孩子

659
00:31:47,491 --> 00:31:49,159
不過,是啊,如果你能搞定她

660
00:31:50,661 --> 00:31:52,538
就能搞定史丹的婚禮

661
00:31:55,666 --> 00:31:57,834
這表示你還在繼續順,對吧?

662
00:31:57,835 --> 00:31:59,169
幹,對啊,沒錯

663
00:32:00,921 --> 00:32:03,006
- 你想抱抱嗎?
- 永遠都不要

664
00:32:03,966 --> 00:32:08,679
然後我就喊停,接著離開那裡

665
00:32:10,013 --> 00:32:11,723
真的太蠢了

666
00:32:12,516 --> 00:32:14,685
我知道你一定很受傷

667
00:32:18,230 --> 00:32:19,398
拜託說點什麼吧

668
00:32:20,941 --> 00:32:22,108
親了多久?

669
00:32:22,109 --> 00:32:23,150
什麼?

670
00:32:23,151 --> 00:32:24,403
親了多久?

671
00:32:25,946 --> 00:32:29,574
我來數辛辛那提,妳來喊停

672
00:32:29,575 --> 00:32:32,952
妳知道,就是一個辛辛那提
兩個辛辛那提

673
00:32:32,953 --> 00:32:35,204
- 是密西西比啦
- 我都用辛辛那提

674
00:32:35,205 --> 00:32:36,123
好

675
00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:40,459
一個辛辛那提

676
00:32:40,460 --> 00:32:42,713
妳他媽不會吧?

677
00:32:44,965 --> 00:32:46,216
- 兩個辛辛那...
- 停

678
00:32:47,676 --> 00:32:49,218
所以是兩個辛辛那提

679
00:32:49,219 --> 00:32:53,056
不是,比較像...一個辛辛那提
然後到辛辛那就沒了

680
00:32:53,932 --> 00:32:54,933
莉茲...

681
00:32:57,311 --> 00:33:00,730
妳不管做什麼,我都挺妳

682
00:33:00,731 --> 00:33:03,149
妳替我們報名狗狗收養

683
00:33:03,150 --> 00:33:06,069
然後妳根本就像領養了鄰居的孩子

684
00:33:08,071 --> 00:33:12,450
妳拿我開玩笑,誰在乎呢?我無所謂

685
00:33:12,451 --> 00:33:13,535
妳知道為何嗎?

686
00:33:14,077 --> 00:33:14,911
不知道

687
00:33:14,912 --> 00:33:19,790
因為我打從心裡認為我們的感情堅不可摧

688
00:33:19,791 --> 00:33:20,958
是啊

689
00:33:20,959 --> 00:33:23,003
我沒有對妳要求很多

690
00:33:24,421 --> 00:33:25,422
從來都沒有

691
00:33:26,173 --> 00:33:28,884
妳知道我有多討厭那個該死的傢伙

692
00:33:29,510 --> 00:33:31,053
但妳還是這麼做

693
00:33:33,931 --> 00:33:36,224
等等,我很對不起

694
00:33:36,225 --> 00:33:38,185
我不是故意要這樣的

695
00:33:38,852 --> 00:33:40,144
我想要解決

696
00:33:40,145 --> 00:33:42,481
我們能解決的

697
00:33:44,107 --> 00:33:47,193
嘿,至少我跟你說了

698
00:33:47,194 --> 00:33:52,490
比起你自己發現
我主動跟你說,不是比較好嗎?

699
00:33:52,491 --> 00:33:53,575
對吧?

700
00:33:54,117 --> 00:33:55,369
得抱我一下吧

701
00:33:57,913 --> 00:34:00,998
嘿,去婚禮好好表現

702
00:34:00,999 --> 00:34:02,042
謝了,吉米

703
00:34:30,779 --> 00:34:31,780
幹

704
00:35:15,407 --> 00:35:17,409
字幕翻譯:徐懿芬