ALLISON: Previously... Go!
(CHILD SQUEALS)
..in the search for Australia's best parenting style...
BOY: Yucky!
..our first four focus parents came under fire.
Kids at a beach by themself at that age makes me physically ill.
Yeah, there's always lifesavers. That's not OK.
And outback parenting was voted best of the night.
(APPLAUSE) Thanks, guys.
Tonight...
WOMAN: You've got this, babes.
..our focus parents...
SAMMY: Good boy. (LAUGHS)
..leap into action...
I don't want to do this. (SCREAMS)
..face up to every parent's worst fear...
You're in a crowd, you turn around and your child is gone.
We've lost you.
LARISSA: Where is she?
I'm actually starting to get worried.
I don't think it's responsible.
..and put a bullseye...
Isn't she a stupid baby?
..on bullying.
Hey, give me my hat back.
If my kid smacked someone in the face,
I'd be, like, "Mate, high-five. Good job. Stick up for yourself."
A lot of young boys die from being king-hit in the face.
If you run away, good chance you're GONNA get king-hit.
Then our panel decides...
I can't stand whingeing kids. (IMITATES WHINGEING)
The way they are with violence and their children
is something that's problematic.
Yep.
..which of the first four parenting styles will make the final?
# Am I ready? # Girl, there ain't a doubt
# Am I ready... #
Justin, tell me, as a dad, not as a parenting expert,
does it get any easier?
Define 'easier'.
More sleep, less tantrums.
Ali, you're the one that chose breakfast television.
(BOTH LAUGH) That's true.
Hi, parents.
It's so good to have you here.
So nice to see you.
# Am I ready? #
Welcome to the 'Game of Thrones' of parenting.
(LAUGHTER)
We've taken 12 sets of parents with 12 different parenting styles
and sent them over the wall
to battle the toughest parenting challenges ever.
Last time, we started to understand
our gentle, honest, lighthouse and outback parents.
Tency and David, our outback parents, you were the frontrunners.
Let's see how you go today.
Any of you can be going through to the final.
And panel parents,
it's up to you to decide which way you think works best
because later on you're going to vote for the focus parents
you want to face the Final Family Challenge.
OK.
Parents, this challenge might be really triggering
but it's a really important conversation to have.
It involves bullying in the playground.
(EXHALES)
Seven out of ten kids will experience bullying at some stage
and we as parents typically don't know how to fix it.
In this challenge,
we had a nanny take one of your children to a playground
where they were befriended by two child actors.
While they were playing, one child began taunting the other.
85% of bullying instances, there are bystanders present.
What that means is that we can make a difference by teaching our kids
what they can actually do
when they see it in a way that keeps them safe.
This challenge will test how the children behave
when confronted with a bullying-style situation.
Have they been taught to avoid the conflict
or have they been taught to step up, intervene and do what's right?
Focus parents, you haven't seen this before.
Just remember that we're looking at these incidences
from the bystander point of view too.
Your kids involved aren't being bullied.
We want to see if these children have been taught how to intervene...
Whee!
..and not be a bystander.
Oh...
As gentle parents, we just try to teach our kids, you know,
you treat others with kindness and how you would like to be treated.
GIRL: Come on, let's go ask him if he wants to play.
Hello. What's your name?
Levi.
Do you want to go on the swings? Yeah.
MARCUS: Having experienced bullying as a child,
I really want to equip my kids with the ability to handle bullying.
GIRL: Hey, that's not fair.
GIRL: Yes, it is. I just got on.
Get off now.
No, you can just go on a different swing.
You're a stupid baby with your overalls.
You do nothing right.
Levi, isn't she a stupid baby?
LEVI: Mmm... She does dumb things at school.
She can't even do a cartwheel.
Can you?
(LAUGHTER)
I can do a cartwheel.
You're so mean.
Hey, give my hat back!
Come on, Levi.
Levi, run. Go.
OK.
Thank you.
WOMAN: Oh, Levi nailed it.
Oh, I feel like I could cry.
(LAUGHS) He nailed it.
BILLY: Oh, boy.
Go to the top and never come down.
Ah, this is a great view up here.
As an honest parent, I cannot stand bullying.
How old are you? Ten.
I'm nine. GIRL: And I'm eight.
I guess I'm the oldest.
I've said to my children, when it comes to bullying,
don't let anybody feel a pain that you would not want to feel yourself.
Hey, that's not fair! Yes, it is. I just went on.
I want a go! You don't need to.
I just got on. Well, it's my turn!
No, I just got on. It can't be your turn.
Isn't she a baby?
Not really. She's eight years old.
(IMITATES EXPLOSION)
Just let me have a go! No.
Hey, can I have my hat back? No.
Billy.
I'm good. I'm just gonna, like...
What a legend.
As lighthouse parents, it's all about arming your children
with the tools to make good decisions in life
when we're not able to be there.
Hi. Hi.
My name's Lucy. My name's Pepper.
Pepper has been bullied in the past and so she knows how it feels,
so I'm 100% confident
that if she did ever see another kid being bullied,
that she would definitely speak up.
Do you want to go on the swing? Sure.
(LAUGHS) I got it first. You're just gonna have to go on the baby swing.
No! Give it! No, I was here first!
No! Give me your hat. Stop it!
Come and get it. Hey, give it back!
Come and get it. Guys, guys, don't fight.
Don't fight. It's not nice.
Come on. Come on.
Give it back. OK.
OK, OK, OK.
Here, pass black.
Pass back.
Do 21 Is It or something like that. Thank you.
It's not nice to fight. I've already had enough experience.
KAT: Yeah!
SAMMY: I'm so proud.
She's such a cool kid.
She's beyond her years, man.
I didn't think that that would get me.
We work really hard to raise these kids to be exactly like that
and to know that it's working...
You know, we have a family motto to say,
"Today I'm going to be smart and kind and brave and strong."
Bravery is standing up for your beliefs
and standing up to bullies, essentially.
That's what that derives from.
How about Kat's daughter Billy?
It was great seeing Billy.
She just went, "Nup, I don't want to be a part of it."
It was very cool to see. Yeah.
I felt very happy with that.
Larissa and Marcus.
I love that Levi actually put the bully in his own place. Yeah.
Like, he said, "Can you do it?"
He just showed us how you parent
in the way that he managed that situation.
I think it's a stereotype of gentle parenting,
that, like, the kids are meek and mild and a doormat, perhaps.
But it's not. It's about equipping them.
So, to see, like... That's exactly what I would've wanted him to do.
Yep.
JUSTIN: There's a lot of things that we can do to help our kids
when it comes to bullying.
One of my favourite lines is to empower your kids
to look at the other person and say, "What makes you think that's OK?"
Yeah. Yeah. I love that.
Ultimately, we need to teach our kids to grow from being a bystander
to an upstander by taking just a few steps.
Tell the bully to stop,
involve other bystanders to help direct the bully away
and help the victim extricate themselves
and finally, report the behaviour to a safe adult.
ALLISON: OK. We still have one more to see.
Whee! Whee!
Bullying really scares me.
What's your name? Wyatt.
As outback parents, we've always told them,
if it comes to it and they're putting their hands on you
and the teachers aren't doing anything
then you're allowed to retaliate.
A good smack in the face is gonna pull them up pretty quick. (LAUGHS)
GIRL: Craig, move. BOY: No.
I don't want to play anymore. Craig, move.
I don't want to play anymore. How about you?
You're being so stupid. Why do you always have to be such a baby?
I'm not. Move.
Hey, give me my hat back.
Nope. Wyatt, catch.
(SQUEALS)
Thanks, Wyatt.
(TENCY LAUGHS)
AMY: You could see that he was uncomfortable with the situation
and it was an uneasy place for him to be
and he just wanted to give it back - I loved that.
Yeah, he was, like, "I'm staying out of it."
(LAUGHTER)
I do think we have to mention the fact that you did say
that you've told your children
to punch other kids in the face, though.
I have, I have and I'm not ashamed of that.
I would do the same.
I think that can be defence, though. If another kid is there...
And they're attacking you, you can't get away, that keeps happening,
punch them in the face.
(EXCLAIMS)
Punch the kid in the face?
Yeah, that's like a last resort.
If they've taken all the steps that is required
and there has been nothing done...
My kid comes home and says
"I smacked someone in the face, I got suspended,"
I'd be, like, "Mate, high-five. Good job. Stick up for yourself."
I find this interesting 'cause I really want to say no violence
but then if, like, my son or my daughter was getting hit,
then, well, yeah.
DAVID: The stark reality of this is
schoolkids don't just sit there and verbally abuse each other.
Once someone picks a target in a school,
bullying escalates very quickly from verbal to physical.
And once that happens,
your child is now in the firing line of being hurt. Yep.
There's also a lot of young boys that die
from being king-hit in the face.
If you run away, good chance you're GONNA get king-hit.
If you stand up and face it and you stand up to that problem
and you punch them back in the face while you're getting hit,
you've got a lot less chance of being hurt
than what you do sitting there copping it,
getting kicked in the ribs and stomped on on the ground.
If they're getting smacked in the face, smack them back.
SAMMY: We teach our kids that violence is never on the table.
It's very black and white, in our opinion.
I believe if a child is bullying you
and you've gone to all the outlets possible and it has not stopped,
give them a dose of their own medicine.
When bullying becomes physical,
things can start to get really scary.
But rather than telling our kids to hit back,
we can tell them to do only what they need to do
to block the attack and run.
ALLISON: Coming up...
That's mine!
..we put gentle parenting under the microscope.
That is not expressing your emotions. That's being a brat.
And what would you do...
Is Jude with you? JASON: (ON PHONE) No.
We've lost him.
..if your child went missing?
KAT: Hey, baby!
Then, at the end of the night...
JUSTIN: Time to vote.
..which parenting style will be voted through to the final?
# End of the day I do it better... #
ALLISON: We're here to find Australia's best parenting style.
And there's more challenges to come.
Before that, why don't we take a deeper look
into Larissa and Marcus's gentle parenting?
Gentle parenting is based on compassion and kindness,
with no yelling and no punishments.
Children are empowered and treated with total patience.
The aim is to raise kids who are empathic, calm
and who have self-control.
LARISSA: Right, who wants to do Play-Doh or play a game?
Play-Doh. Play-Doh?
Play-Doh! Play-Doh?
Gentle parenting makes our life easier
because we're not trying to control our kids.
Do you want purple Play-Doh or kinetic sand?
Kinetic sand.
We guide things, so we are technically in charge
but we're really about moving things
in the direction that we want them to turn out.
And so, the kids can have a say in what happens.
Do you want me to roll some more for you?
I roll. I like to roll, man.
Alright.
I grew up in a family where you had to listen to your parents
and do exactly what they said
and so there wasn't much room for personal development or growth.
How about you... That's mine! That's mine!
So, whilst other people might be thinking,
"Oh, why aren't they acting in this certain way..."
You relax and let's draw straws again...
Yeah, I need them! It's just mine!
No! No!
..our expectation is always, well, they're just being kids.
(LAUGHS) There he is! (WHINES)
Uh-uh.
We don't throw things at people or try to hurt them.
Hey, Levi, do you like...
Levi...
We try not to raise our voice and yell,
we try and model just good conversation.
It's OK to feel angry in our family, isn't it?
But it's not OK to hurt people or... No!
(DOOR SLAMS) (CALLS OUT)
Right, Levi, you know the rule. If you slam this door...
That's not the way it's meant to be done.
(MOUTHS WORD)
I think a good childhood
is one where you are free to explore who you are and how you feel
and feel supported within that, so they do get freedom...
Mmm.
..but they also know they have love, no matter what.
Can I have some more water? Yeah, sure.
There we go. Look at that.
The gentle parenting, I think it's impressive
the way that you never join their circus. (LAUGHS)
Being able to maintain that calm was amazing.
Is it part of your style to always stay calm
and never kind of show them how you're actually feeling?
Oh, no, they know how we feel. MARCUS: Yeah.
SARAH: OK, because I think it's important for your kids
to actually see that you have emotions and feelings as well.
If they're showing you how angry they are,
they want to get a reaction out of you.
It's like being on stage and the audience just going like that
and no-one clapping you.
I spend a lot of time and I'll tell them, like,
"I'm feeling really angry right now.
"I'm gonna go to my bedroom for a few minutes
"and I'll be back out when I feel calm."
As a foster parent, we've fostered over 30 children...
Mmm.
..and it's completely our whole thing.
Like, these kids come in and they test to see how far they can go.
Who's in control?
"Are you really gonna, like, put me in my place
"or am I gonna take over and be in control here?"
I understand the intention behind being gentle,
but I wonder whether it would be hard for them to function
in different environments when they're so nurtured at home.
So, they wouldn't be like that at a friend's house.
They're not like that at school or church or places like that.
Well, I think I know why.
Because the people that are looking after your kids outside of the home
are much more authoritative than you, so they know their place.
I think kids will always... absolutely they'll test boundaries.
We would rather our kids test them with us.
Gentle parenting is definitely not for me
and I don't think it's for you either. No, it's not for me.
This would not last in your house. This is not a thing.
We would not implement this at any point in time.
I did initially think that the gentle parenting style
would be extremely fluffy
but I'm actually seeing a really strong woman in Larissa.
If she's got the time and the patience to do that
and it's working for them, kudos to her.
Our next challenge is about that heart-in-the-mouth moment.
You're in a crowd, you turn around and your child is gone.
What have you, as parents, told your children to do if they're lost?
This challenge will reveal if these parents have prepared their children
to cope with becoming separated in a crowd.
We're looking for families to have a solid plan
that they've communicated to their child.
In this challenge, we asked our parents
to visit a crowded location with their children,
then we created a diversion so one child became separated.
Buddy.
The parents were unaware this was happening.
KAT: I'm gonna introduce you to the fine art of window-shopping.
In your mind, you can have whatever you want
but in actual fact, you can have nothing.
(LAUGHTER)
I'm a single mum. I am raising ten-year-old twins.
As an honest parent, I have said to the children,
"If you ever cannot see me, you need to stay exactly where you are.
"I will find you."
Where's Billy? I don't know.
Alright. Let's just have a little look.
Just look for her on that side.
Just keep me in your sight, though, alright?
Keep looking around, Jesse.
I've got you in my sights, don't worry about that.
Mum, she's probably crying.
Aw!
Don't panic, Jesse.
At this kind of point in time, neither of us can panic.
We need to stay extremely calm.
And her phone's not on.
OK.
It isn't? No.
That's alright. Don't panic.
So, just leave it with me for a second.
KAT: Jesse's, you know, pretty addicted to his sister.
He's always been extremely protective of her.
He also, due to having autism and he's also got ADHD,
he really, really, really feels things.
I know that he's gonna panic, so I can't panic.
Mum, what if we actually go home without her?
No-one's going home without anyone. Yes, we probably will.
We will not leave this spot until we find her.
So we just keep walking, keep looking.
She knows that we're coming to get her.
Oh...
It's alright, love.
I'm really not worried about her just yet.
Give me five more minutes and then I will be.
Found her. Found her. Found her.
Billy!
Hey, baby!
I love you.
Honestly... (KISSES)
(LAUGHTER)
Can I have a hug?
(EXHALES) Oh, you've listened!
I nearly cried.
I know you nearly cried.
I could see that you're trying to reassure two people.
You were worried about finding Billy but you're reassuring yourself.
That's two tasks at the same time and you did so well.
You were so reassuring.
You were calm, you led by example
and his empathy for her in that situation was outstanding.
'Cause you stayed calm, that's kept him calm.
If you'd flipped out, then he would've flipped out.
Oh, absolutely. Yeah.
Sometimes Kat comes across as really funny
and not taking things too seriously
but this, she really showed that she's got a really nurturing side
and that shone through,
that she balances that really well with the humour.
Alright. Time to see how our other parents did in the same challenge.
Me go to the toilet.
OK. We've got to find one.
Going to a shopping centre with kids is always a ton of...fun?
Don't do that. No. No.
Oh, god. Oh!
We're outnumbered.
There's four children, there's two parents.
You're always pulled in sort of ten different directions whenever we go.
So we've told the kids that if they do ever get lost
to stay where they are and we'll come and find them.
You need to go to the toilet. Do you want me to go?
It's just there. Lottie, we're going to the toilet.
Where's Jude? We're missing a child.
Is that Jude?
No, that's not Jude, is it? I thought that was him.
Is Jude with you? JASON: (ON PHONE) No.
OK. So we've lost him.
No, we've just got to find Jude. We've lost Jude.
So when I realised that Jude was missing,
I went into full mum mode.
I made sure the kids that were with me were safe.
Pepper, I've gotta go find Jude.
Can you stay with Lottie, please? PEPPER: Lottie.
I don't know where he would've gone, is the thing.
I'll find him.
He's probably at the park here somewhere.
Jude...
Oh, god. My god.
Where were you?
Are you OK?
I need to do a poo.
(LAUGHTER)
Hey. Where are you?
I have him. He's upstairs here. I got him.
Oh, yeah, I can see you.
Now, we've got to go back
'cause Pepper's looking after Lottie at the playground.
Pepper's a really responsible big sister,
so I knew that she would definitely do a good job
in helping look after Lottie.
Thank you for helping with Lottie. Was she alright?
Yeah, she was alright. I just lost her a few times.
You lost Lottie a few times?
She was just running away a couple of times... Yeah.
..and I eventually found her in the playground.
You lost Lottie, we lost Jude. Oh, wow.
But we all found each other in the end.
(LAUGHS)
I haven't been here for ages.
What is this place?
We don't often go to busy shopping centres.
Stick together, boys. We don't want to lose you.
Oh, Dad, look, there's Xboxes!
We have spoken to the kids about getting lost
but not really in the city.
We need to go find Vance.
Come up.
Don't know where Vance is. We need to go and find them.
When we realised Vance could be lost, we tried not to freak out.
Where was the last place we saw him?
Panicking really gets us nowhere.
Have you seen a little kid
that looks sort of like us but a bit smaller?
Has he got a name? Do you want us to call him over the...
Vance. Vance? And he's wearing a black cowboy hat.
There he is.
What are you doing, mate?
Where were you?
I went to EB Games because that's where you were.
If you couldn't find us, what would you do, mate?
I'd probably try and find security or something.
Yeah. Come on. Let's go.
I think he was a lot more calm than I was.
(LAUGHS) He found YOU.
Yeah.
But he was pretty good about asking what would you do...
and he's, like, "I'd find a security guard."
Yeah. He's, like, "Sweet."
And I'm getting my kids in cowboy hats 'cause he was easy to see, eh?
(LAUGHTER)
Sammy and Jason, can we talk about how cool as a cucumber Jude was?
Oh... (LAUGHS)
That was just like just another day. Yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
I think, like, your parenting style really lit up there, to be honest,
because everyone stayed calm... (LAUGHS)
Your son for wasn't fazed much by it all.
It was really enlightening to see, I suppose.
Thank you. Thank you.
JUSTIN: Panel parents, just a reminder,
grab those notepads, take some notes.
The things that you write down will help you in your decision-making
when it's time to send one of our focus parent groups
through to the final.
With the lighthouse family, they all work as a team.
They all support each other, help each other when it needs to be done.
The lighthouse parents, I don't think it's responsible.
They left their ten-year-old daughter with the youngest one.
Yeah, I think "Eeee!" for me.
Next...
Where's Seanna?
..when another child goes missing...
Where is she?
I'm actually starting to get worried.
..resilience is tested.
It's not something that we hide
because I don't think it should be hidden.
And later...
Finger off the trigger until you're ready, mate.
..shots are fired...
It is a dangerous lifestyle if you can't listen.
She's gonna tip.
And we won't hesitate to give the boys a smack.
..as the outback parents strike a nerve.
What's a good smack?
DAVID: One that you can hear and feel.
Their kids seem well-behaved because they're just scared shitless.
# I only want good vibes round me tonight
# No negativity in my life
# Just good vibes round me tonight... #
ALLISON: We're in the middle of the 'lost in a crowd' challenge
to see what your family's strategies are
when your child becomes separated from you.
We still have one more to see.
I want to buy some Beanie Boos from that shop.
You want to buy some Beanie Boos from that shop?
We do a lot of things together as a family.
There are four kids,
so I will do things like use a carrier for the younger ones.
I am frequently head-counting.
MARCUS: Alright, have we got everyone?
CHILD: One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine...ten.
CHILD: Where's Seanna?
I know she's gone that way.
One of the goals with gentle parenting
is to build resilient kids.
If they are to get separated from us,
hopefully they are resilient enough to remember they should stay calm.
Oh, hey, Amos. We need to go grab Seanna.
When I realised Seanna isn't with us,
I snapped straight into "Let's go get her."
Let's go find Seanna.
Maybe she got distracted and didn't follow us.
Yeah. That's OK. We can find her.
(CRIES)
Where is she?
I'm actually starting to get worried.
The children know the first person you look for
is a mum with young children and failing that, an older woman.
WOMAN: Are you looking for your mum? Yeah.
Do you remember where we last saw her?
At the bulls. At the bulls?
At the bulls.
And do you remember what Seanna was wearing?
A love heart dress. A love heart dress. That's right.
Oh, over here. I can see her. Can you see her?
I spot Seanna across the mall and she is talking to two older women.
And I think, "She's done what we said."
I can see her.
Hi, my girl!
Oh, Seanna! (LAUGHS)
Family is everything to us.
Would you like to sit and have a cuddle?
So we had a really difficult start to our family.
Our first child, Ariella, died just before she was born.
And it was unexpected, it was unexplained
and it's pretty much impacted everything.
Mmm.
Having experienced the death of a child, you know, we might say,
"I can't imagine my life without you,"
but actually we can and it's a pretty horrid place, so...
I love you. Let's head home.
KAT: I think that's a really good testament to you guys.
I think it just shows there's an inner strength in both of you
and you guys are great.
She's still part of our family, even though she's not here.
Our kids know about her.
It's not something that we hide
because I don't think it should be hidden.
Has that influenced your parenting style?
So, in terms of being patient with our kids,
you all know what it's like to wake up to a crying baby overnight
and it's so easy to just feel frustrated,
like, "I just want to sleep."
But I spent a year waking up at night crying
because my baby wasn't with me.
And so, when Levi was born and he would wake up at night crying,
I just thought, "Thank goodness you are here.
"I'm glad it's you crying and not me."
Like, it's hard to get frustrated at the kids
because they'll drive me nuts
and I just think, "At least you're here to drive me nuts."
It's so much better than the alternative.
We got to see the deeper side of the gentle parenting.
You know, we could understand the context they had
for them to use the gentle parenting style,
which makes us see the gentle parenting style
in a different light.
AMY: The way you took control of that situation,
direct, clear and they were, like, attention.
Yeah. It was lovely.
There are boundaries and there are rules
and they know when they need to listen.
When there is a situation that needs them, they step up.
JUSTIN: What I recommend that parents do in these situations
if you find that child that matters to you... (LAUGHS)
..and you write your phone number on their arm.
Tell your child to stop moving as soon as they realise they're lost
and wait where they are and find a safe adult,
usually a shopkeeper or a mum with kids
or an older woman and ask for help.
Before we get to our next challenge,
we're going to get to know last night's favourite a little better -
Tency and David, the outback family.
Outback parenting is all about respect and freedom,
but with that freedom comes strict expectations and behaviour.
TENCY: Raising kids on the farm is the best way to grow up.
So, who's driving? Me.
CLANCY: Wyatt. Have you got your two-way?
DAVID: Make sure youse check the temperature while you're driving,
please, and if it gets hot, pull up and turn it off.
Rightio.
They become independent.
Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
See you. Clancy, come on.
(LAUGHS)
They've been able to ride motorbikes
and ride horses since a very young age, three or four years old.
Seatbelts, everybody.
(ENGINE STARTS)
You ready? Set... Go.
They've been driving a car for a year and a half now.
You'll have to go on the road when the big gap's there.
No. Are you just gonna drive through it?
Obviously, every parent wants to keep their kid as safe as possible
but they do need to explore as well.
VANCE: She's gonna tip. No, it's not.
It's gonna tip.
(EXCLAIMS)
CLANCY: I thought you said that it needs four-wheel drive.
(LAUGHTER)
The risks the kids could face day to day here are plentiful, really.
Finger off the trigger until you're ready, mate.
(GUNSHOT)
Good work, buddy.
There's snakes, for instance, everywhere out here,
500-kilo animals running around.
Don't have their wits about them,
they can get trampled pretty quickly.
Alright, Wyatt, are you ready? Yeah.
It is a dangerous lifestyle if you can't listen.
They could die.
We'll go for a little trot and then we'll go for a canter, hey?
Ready? Try to keep in a line, boys.
Some people don't like smacking.
But if we have to, then we won't hesitate to give the boys a smack.
Right. Steady up. Steady. Steady.
Our smack is a hell of a lot better
than that horse running clean over the top of you
or a cow kicking you in the head or things like that.
I got kicked in the head when I was a kid. (LAUGHS)
Didn't listen to Mum and Dad, did I? (LAUGHTER)
KAT: You've nailed it. I thought that was just amazing.
There's a lot of healthy structure and there's a process to everything.
Also, you've let us know how many potential dangers there are,
so if one of you have an accident,
someone needs to drive the car, right?
So it's very practical.
Is that legal?
On our property, yeah.
Look, I mean, we wouldn't teach kids to drive that age around our place,
I've gotta be honest.
Let's talk now about shooting guns.
I mean, I think it's confronting for people who live in the city
to even think of a kid and a gun.
We don't have a necessity for our children to be using guns.
A big thing for us as well around gun safety
is the areas that we are in, everyone has guns.
So if my kids go visit one of their friends
and their friends aren't safe with guns
and they bring a gun out of the cupboard or something like that,
I want my kids to know what those are capable of
and walk away from the situation and call someone.
With the smacking, how often would that be?
I would say every three months.
Is it just a smack? Yeah, it's always a good smack...
Just a good smack. What's a good smack?
One that you can hear and feel. Yeah.
Your lifestyle is so completely opposite to mine
and the environment and the challenges that you have,
so I find it really tricky to say I wouldn't smack in that situation.
Yeah.
At the same time, we would not smack...
MARCUS: Mmm. ..in that situation.
MELODY: It doesn't matter where we are,
there's dangerous situations that happen with children
but I think finding other tools to deal with that situation
might be something that you guys could think about.
It's only a smack.
You can try many, many things
but you waste your time spending all the time
doing these many, many things and you turn around
and your kid's being trampled by a cow, it's too late.
I wonder with the outback parents whether their kids seem well-behaved
because they're just scared shitless.
KIM: The outback family, we love the driving of the boys,
they're learning life skills at an early age.
We like the fact that they had very strict kind of boundaries
and the kids knew what they were
and so, the children were always kind of well-behaved
and knew what to do.
All of us face situations with our children
where their lives could be at risk.
We all drive our children in cars, we all live near roads,
so we all need our children to learn to listen and be safe.
Physically removing a child from a dangerous situation
is far more effective than smacking if we want to correct behaviour.
Next... KAT: Oh, my god!
..what's the difference between a good push...
You need to take one big step off and fly all the way to the ground.
Who else flies? Superman?
..and pushing too hard?
I will not do that. DAVID: Yeah, you will.
I don't want to do it.
You've got to finish this. I don't.
You've gotta do it now. No. Yep. It'll hurt.
# I know there's no way back Only one way to go... #
Panel parents, for the last two nights,
you've been watching how these parents have chosen
to raise their children.
Soon, you'll need to vote
for whose parenting style has taught you the most.
They'll be the first set of parents going through to the final.
Let's have a look at our last challenge.
As a parent, we all want to see our children scale to great heights,
so in this challenge, we asked you to help your children
to climb to the top of a 10m platform before taking a huge leap of faith.
Oh!
A fear of heights is extremely common for kids and adults.
This challenge is about how parents encourage and show support
when their kids' stress levels are sky-high.
(DING!) Got a message.
Uh...
Oh, my god!
(LAUGHTER)
This challenge is not testing whether the child is able to jump.
We're looking at what techniques parents use
to help their children face their fear.
Can you see that platform up the top with the little rope there too?
CHILD: Oh, yeah. Levi gets to jump off that.
LEVI: Do I have to?
I reckon you can do it. What do you think?
As a gentle parent, I'm not gonna force him
and say "You have to do this."
Are you ready? I'm not gonna do it.
You're not gonna do it?
I'm only gonna do something else.
Do you want to do something else? Yeah?
I'm just gonna listen to what Levi says
and if he says something that I think
he's maybe looking at it a bit too narrowly,
I'm just gonna gently broaden that and perhaps make a few suggestions.
What do you think you'll have to help you feel safe?
I think you're probably gonna have a harness...
I know. ..and be buckled in.
MAN: Excited to do the jump today?
Yes? Maybe?
We're gonna put you in a harness... Told you.
So it'll go around your legs, around your arm.
You need to take one big step off a fly all the way to the ground.
You could fly. I can?
Who else flies? OK?
Superman. No. Only I'll be able to fly.
Only you can fly. That is pretty special.
I've never flown like this before. Are you ready?
Shall we go get your harness on? Yeah?
Alright.
Ready to go? Yeah.
Yeah? Awesome.
I don't plan on applying any pressure to Levi
because it's really his choice
and my question is whether he feels comfortable with it.
If he doesn't, he just won't do it.
Right.
Head on through for me. Blue cord. Blue, blue. Yep. Good work.
OK. Take a couple of steps towards the edge.
CHILD: Here he comes. Here he comes.
Such good encouragement. Wow.
Here we go. You ready? One... Two...
LARISSA: You've got this, babes.
Three. Big step. Big step. Big step. Big step.
Yes!
Hey, Levi, you did it!
Well done, Levi! That was fun.
Great. High-five.
So proud of you, bud. Good job, buddy.
(APPLAUSE)
CLANCY: I will not do that. DAVID: Yeah, you will.
No, I won't. TENCY: It's safe.
It's high!
Clancy is the youngest of the family, obviously.
I thought he might feel a little bit scared.
You got this. But it's high.
Yeah. Yeah, that's what makes it fun.
Yeah. You'll love it.
As outback parents,
we do expect the boys to have a go at new experiences.
Are you right?
Sometimes they don't want to do things.
We will push for them to get past that.
You've got all the safety gear.
They wouldn't be doing it if it's 'hurty'.
Then YOU do it.
I'll give you $20.
(LAUGHTER)
If it's not too scary, then they probably have to do it. (LAUGHS)
Daddy, that's too high. No.
Oi, look at me. Don't even look down.
When you're going down, look up at me. Yeah?
Look straight ahead, OK?
You look at me and Daddy's gonna be up here watching you go down.
You just keep staring at Dad. Hey, look at me. Look at me.
My strategy was to keep applying just a little bit more pressure
as we were going on with every conversation.
Buddy, if you don't try this... Look at me.
..you're gonna regret not doing it, OK?
I never want to do it.
There's lots of things in life that are scary,
but you can't run away from them, mate.
What are you scared of?
It's up high.
You're scared of the height?
But that's why we're doing this, so you get over a fear.
Everything's OK. I don't want to do it.
You've got to, mate. You've got to.
You've got to finish it. You've got to finish this.
No, I don't. Yep. Yep.
Come on, we're gonna do it now. No.
Yep. It'll hurt.
No more. (CRIES) I don't want to!
Deep breath.
I don't want to!
Hey. Hey, hey.
I don't want to do it.
You're not gonna get hurt, darling.
(CRIES)
It's OK. Mummy's here.
You just don't want to do it? I don't want to do it.
OK. Come here.
Let's go down.
Tency and David, how does it feel watching that back?
Still as shit as what it did on the day.
Yeah. Yep.
I think we probably pushed a little bit too much.
SARAH: It was hard to watch.
I probably wouldn't have pushed that hard.
It actually did upset me.
Yeah.
I think when I saw his arms wrapped around the bars
and was white-knuckling them, I was, like,
maybe that was a sign then that we'd reached the limit.
Even though your style of parenting, people can see it is harsh,
he still felt enough confidence to say, "No, I don't want to do it."
Yeah.
If he was scared of you, he would've said, "Dad's gonna be angry.
"I've gotta do this."
But he felt, you know, "I can still say no."
TENCY: Mmm. Yeah.
Let's talk about Larissa and Marcus, our gentle parents.
You showed a good example of encouraging without the pushing.
His first thing was, "No, not gonna do it."
As soon as he knew the logic... Mmm.
..he was fine to give it a go.
JUSTIN: Research shows us that exposure therapy,
that is, being afraid of something
and then ever so gently moving towards being able to do it anyway,
can help us to overcome our fears.
Parents need to be discerning, when to push, when to pull back.
As long as you don't go too far too fast, you can work wonders.
Next...
I don't want to do this.
SAMMY: Don't look down.
..as the final challenge comes to an end...
If you fall down there, would you die?
..will our panel change their vote?
PEPPER: You can do it, Jude.
Wait, no. Um...
You've got this, man.
Tonight, you'll be voting for the first parenting style
through to the next round.
We're in the middle of tonight's final challenge
to discover how you show your children support
during moments of extreme stress.
Are we ready?
SAMMY: Do you want to have a go?
I'm happy for you to have a go,
but only if you really believe that you can get to the very top.
Yeah. You're gonna... OK. Good job.
I reckon you can.
Bravery, for us, is one of, you know,
the fundamentals of lighthouse parenting.
It's about pushing themselves past their comfort zone
to take the risks and to enjoy life.
Every step you take, these men are watching you and ready to catch.
Alright?
So, what are you gonna be today?
Good job, Jude.
She's amazing.
Feeling brave? Mmm.
Yeah? Feeling strong? Yeah.
You can do this. I know you can.
I don't want to force our children to do anything.
I want them to make a decision on their own.
And all we ask them is to try.
Hey, listen, it's your choice.
You get to choose, right?
Right? OK.
You got it? Yeah.
Good job, mate. I'm so proud of you. Good job.
Just give it a go, OK? Yeah. Right. I love you.
Alright. Have fun.
Be brave.
That's it. You got it.
Reach up. Strong legs, strong arms.
PEPPER: You've got this.
Don't look down.
That's it, mate.
You did it! (LAUGHS) Yes!
Are you feeling brave?
Good boy!
You can do it, Jude.
MAN: OK. Go.
Oh! Good boy!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
KAT: Billy and I will be standing down there. We will not leave you.
We will be encouraging you like...
Am I supposed to jump from there to there?
Jesse has always had a history of overthinking things.
He creates and he manifests panic
and I was waiting for Jesse to turn around and say, "I'm not doing it."
I feel like I'm gonna die. You're not gonna die.
(LAUGHTER)
But I think as an honest parent,
you get the opportunity to raise honest children.
Where's the zip line? It'll be all attached.
So I hope that he's not afraid to turn around
right at the last minute,
knowing that I'm not gonna flip out at him and get angry at him
if he can't pull it together at the end.
What do you say? OK.
OK?
And this leap of faith was so much more
than just jumping off an edge for Jesse.
Wait, how high is this? MAN: This is 21m.
If you fall down there, would you die?
I could see that he was really trying to conquer some demons.
She's nervous. Yep.
Just gonna walk to the edge, OK?
You are gonna feel so amazing.
Right. On the count of three...
It's just one step, OK? Three... Wait, no.
Hold on. Both hands.
Oh, he's nervous.
Hey, buddy. BILLY: You can do this!
I don't want to do this. Hey, it's OK, alright?
I don't want to do this. Jesse, I'm so proud of you.
You got this, man.
Both hands on the blue.
OK, there you go. Alright. No...
(SQUEALS)
(EXCLAIMS)
Yes!
Yes! Yes!
(APPLAUSE)
I love how your honest approach in the fact that he knew he could do it
or he didn't have to do it... Yeah.
..and I really like that, yeah.
A lot of people would lie and say, "Oh, you know, it's gonna be easy"
or "It's gonna be whatever" and you were just, like, "Holy crap."
I knew he would panic and I knew that I had to keep it calm.
Sammy and Jason?
That is the scariest thing ever, that pole.
Getting up and standing on that thing...
WOMAN: Yeah. ..it was wobbly.
That was the hardest part. He just did it.
Yeah. And he's got a great role model in Pepper.
AMY: Amazing.
Even though as much as we try and get him
to step outside his own boundaries,
I think without that support network from everyone in the family,
I don't think he would have as much bravery as he did.
JUSTIN: Let's just take this moment to remind everyone
that this wasn't about who jumped and who didn't.
It's more important for kids to be able to work out their limits
and then feel confident to state what those limits are.
That's where the parenting often begins.
Focus parents, congratulations, you faced all of your challenges.
Panel, you're going to vote for the focus parents
you want to go through to the Final Family Challenge.
Focus parents, you can head outside and take a break.
I'm really hoping that they'll really see the gentle heart
that our kids have.
Even though I might come across as sounding
a little bit abrupt at times,
there's some method to what I do.
Next...
Alright, panel.
..it's judgement time.
Yes, they're patient. There's no way that I could do it.
The way they are with their children is something that's problematic.
Which parenting style will be first into the final?
Panel parents, come on down.
Tonight's families have left the room,
so you can talk openly about who you believe has the best parenting style
and which parents should be awarded a place in the Final Family Challenge.
Remember, we're looking for the parenting style
that grows happy, healthy kids,
prepares them for life and creates strong family bonds.
We're gonna start with Larissa and Marcus, our gentle parents.
I admire how Larissa and Marcus parent their children
but I don't think I could do the same.
(CHILD WHINES)
It's really tricky when someone else is in charge, isn't it?
(WHINES)
I don't want to.
Levi, can you come in here with us? I'm too scared.
I don't know that you are. I am.
OK. We need to go grab Seanna.
Do you remember where we last saw her?
At the bulls. Hi, my girl!
Oh, Seanna!
MAN: Big step.
Hey, Levi, you did it!
Well done, Levi!
Fun.
AMY: I like the fact that the gentle parents
allow their children to have feelings.
I think sometimes
we probably need a little bit of just patience with ours.
LEANNE: Yes, they're patient,
but I don't think the children were a reflect of their calmness.
They let out their emotions... Mmm...
..because they're allowed to.
I can't stand whingeing kids.
There's no way that I could do it.
Let's talk now about Tency and David, our outback parents.
WOMAN: Could you kiss each other?
(LAUGHTER) BOY: Yucky!
TENCY: Ready? Try to keep in a line, boys.
Bullying really scares me.
GIRL: Stop being stupid.
A good smack in the face is gonna pull them up pretty quick.
DAVID: You've gotta finish this. No, I don't.
No more. (CRIES)
You're not gonna get hurt, darling.
I did really, really like how they pushed really, really hard.
Children sometimes need that extra little push.
For me, it's a key point in the outback parenting
that the way they are with violence and their children
is something that's problematic.
But I think they're coming from a completely different lifestyle
to all of us
and we can't fully understand where they're coming from
'cause we don't live it.
They're probably gonna learn something from this.
When you tell a child
that they should smack another kid in the face,
how do you know that they're really hearing the conversation -
only when you need to defend yourself?
Let's discuss our honest parent Kat.
KAT: Your turn this time.
Might be the only time you get the ball.
Quick... Oh, god.
This is quite a unique experience
and it's hurting my ovaries. (LAUGHS)
Where's Billy?
Neither of us can panic. We need to stay extremely calm.
We will not leave this spot until we find her.
Jesse? (LAUGHS)
Oi! (SCREAMS)
Stop!
I think Kat's like a gunslinger from the Wild West.
It's just, like... (LAUGHS)
..all these short, sharp comments just firing away.
We would know how to behave if we were her kids.
Yeah. Because she's firm.
She sticks to it.
There's no blurred lines. It's brilliant.
DEEPAK: On the surface, she's very confident.
Looks like she's not thinking about it.
But I think she puts a lot of effort mentally
to get the best out of her children.
Alright, panel, what about our lighthouse parents, Sammy and Jason?
Jase, can you see the kids?
JASON: They're just going for a swim.
They're between the flags. It's OK.
Is Jude with you? JASON: (ON PHONE) No.
So we've lost him?
Pepper, I've gotta go find Jude.
Can you stay with Lottie, please? PEPPER: Lottie.
I don't know where he would've gone, is the thing.
Oh, god. My god. Are you OK?
I need your help, Pepper. There you go.
He needs your help. Yeah.
It's OK.
PEPPER: You can do it, Jude.
JASON: Oh... Good boy!
Good job.
It's so heart-warming seeing, like, siblings come together like this.
That's one of the best moments of being a parent
and they obviously get those snippets often.
SARAH: Their camaraderie is quite impressive
but they put responsibility on their children a lot.
Yeah.
When Jude went missing, they chose then
to put Pepper in charge of one of the other kids and then Mum left.
I was just, like, "Just keep them close."
Like, I was a bit confused by that. Mmm.
OK. Thank you for all of your thoughts, everyone.
Time to vote.
Outback family's got it right
because their kids really respect them
but they've got a nice relationship with them.
I think it's a good balance.
I'd be really interested to see more of Kat, the honest parent.
She used, like, wit and humour and sarcasm
to, like, have a connection with her kids.
They have a friendship as well as a family dynamic.
Yeah, I like gentle parenting.
That's something that we really resonate with.
The connection and the time and the patience that they take with them,
I love the way they parent.
We have gone back and forward and there is one clear standout for us.
Focus parents, come on back.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Alright!
Focus parents, we have asked your peers on the panel
to vote for which of your styles they think works best.
Let's find out which of our focus parents
is going through to the Final Family Challenge.
(TENSE MUSIC)
Kat, our honest parent! Yay! (LAUGHS)
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
I'm very rarely speechless.
(LAUGHTER)
Like, I feel extremely humbled and grateful
for you recognising the effort that I put in...with just myself.
It is really tough and, you know,
I don't claim to have all the answers
but I've definitely found a way.
It's a great ride. I love it.
Well, what a night.
Next time, we've got a whole new set of parents in the spotlight
and a whole bunch of new challenges to learn from.
Whoo!
We'll see you in the hot seats.
Do your kids know where babies come from?
Are you blocking your ears right now?
VOICEOVER: The birds...
(LAUGHING) We're about to get some life education.
..and the bees.
They come from the belly. And how do they come out?
I feel very awkward.
How to tackle parenting's most awkward chat.
What's an areola?
It's like that sauce. Aioli. Aioli!
And, if you're not... guess who is.
The internet is the number one sex educator for our children.
The average age of exposure to explicit content is eleven.
New Parental Guidance.
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