(Announcement in English)
Two minus ten.
Nine, eight, seven...
six, five, four...
three, two, one...
Here is the German Television with the Tagesschau.
(festive brass music)
In the USA today began
one of the most ambitious projects of space exploration.
The "Voyager" space probe launched space probe "Voyager
is to explore the boundaries of our planetary system.
(Speaker) On board, various cameras, sensors and the Golden Record,
with Einstein's theories, among others, Music by Chuck Berry
and greetings in 60 languages.
Sdrawstwujte.
- Bonjour tout le monde. - Shalom.
I am a Berliner.
- I have a dream... - Sidebacher...
Hello from the children of planet earth.
(Speaker) Also recordings about the history of mankind,
in case the probe encounters aliens.
The space probe "Voyager Il" discovered during its flyby of Uranus
apparently another ring around the planet.
(narrator) "Voyager Il" travels to the to the far side of Uranus...
Images of the planet Neptune
the "Voyager Il" radioed to the ground station in California...
In 1977 the probe was launched.
In three years it will leave the solar system...
Evidence of extraterrestrial life do not exist.
(impressive orchestral music)
(monotone beep)
(somber music)
(smacking hiss)
Oh, here we go. Okay.
Steve, are you running?
Okay.
Good day. Greetings.
My name is Doctor Gerhard Friedle,
and I work for the American space agency NASA
on the planet earth.
If you see me, you have not only at least one eye,
but are a highly developed alien species,
that our "Voyager Il" found.
I, Dr. Gerhard Friedle,
has the important historical task,
you the history of our home planet... Earth
and our species, humanity, briefly.
So that when we, when we see each other in a few eons,
mutually the...
Tentacles, hooves, fins...
Depending on what has grown. Without wanting to offend you.
Something like that can quickly look look incredibly ugly.
I'm just kidding.
(he laughs maliciously)
But let's best start at the beginning.
Because my species was not always so highly intelligent and beautiful
like the specimen, that is speaking to you right now.
No.
Life on Earth began about 3.8 billion years ago
at first rather primitive as a single celled organism
at the hot volcanic deep sea vents
of our oceans.
(bubbling)
(bass-heavy techno music)
(quiet murmur of voices)
Hey, what is such a sweete single-celled organism doing here all alone?
- Whoa, no, please don't. - What's up?
Want to duplicate? Do you know how?
Thank you, but I can handle that on my own.
Laber, I know.
But we could become more complex if we combine our genetic material.
That would help with you.
Huh? Ah, funny.
Okay...
Come on, duplicating only alone, is lame and makes you stupid.
The Assis there have been doing this for millions of years.
Hello!
- Duplicate! - Duplicate.
Oh... Okay.
I mean, we can give it a try.
Yes, nice! Then...
Let's go, baby! Yeah!
Oha.
- Is this coming off or what? - Whoa! Ew!
Really fresh. Works for us, doesn't it?
What's going on here, please?
Woah, çüs! We mutate.
- Mu... What? - Well, what I've been babbling about.
Nature lifts us to the next stage of evolution.
- It's cool. - Isn't it cool?
What if we evolved over millions of years to become to highly complex beings,
who put themselves at the top of the food chain,
suppress other life forms
and exploit the resources of the planet exploit,
until the earth is even more desolate?
Huh?
Oh, fuck.
Honestly, that would be highly unlikely,
that this is exactly what happens, right?
(Dr. Friedle) Unfortunately, this is exactly what happened.
Even ice ages, Meteorite impacts
and slightly increased particulate matter did not prevent
that the mammals are spreading on the earth.
First and foremost, the people,
that spread like weeds spread across the planet.
In the end there remained two competing species remained.
Homo Neanderthalensis,
the Neanderthal man...
- Caution. - ...and Homo Sapiens.
But only one species should prevail.
(quietly) Careful.
What a silly flat forehead.
Yes, and the jaw does not protrude so. I already have to laugh.
Greetings.
We are a people from the north,
in search of warmer areas, to settle down.
Why is it allowed to speak?
Women and men have the same value.
Why not?
Yes, exactly. Why not?
May I suggest something?
Why do our groups not live together peacefully?
That females and males are the same is a good idea after all.
- (murmur) - Oh my goodness.
Um, 'sorry for the incident.
Living together is out of the question.
Why?
It would be an advantage for you if we mix.
- I don't understand. - Yes, I think you do. That's exactly why.
I see you are still using extremely primitive tools.
You are not settled.
And you do not bury your excrement either.
- What's wrong with it? - That transmits diseases.
Says who?
97 percent of all shamans agree on this.
Yes, but we know a shaman, who says that all this is nonsense.
That's right, your shamans are screwing with us.
- Exactly. - But not with us!
- They are lying shamans! - Lying Shamans!
Lying Shamans! Lying Shamans!
Lying Shamans!
Listen up, please!
In the name of reason,
let us together form a society,
which are based on prudence, reason, logic
and the laws of nature oriented.
So that we can continue to develop
and become an intelligent, but peaceful species.
A society in which men and women are equal,
in which no one is discriminated against,
and which lives in harmony with nature and our planet.
And?
A people must die.
We decide like this,
how we always decide.
We play round stone, pointed stone, flat stone.
- Um... - Wait a minute.
You may begin, you are the male.
You have the right of first.
- There you go. - Like this.
Mm.
Hm, hm, hm.
- (murmur) - So close.
- This is madness. - We have won.
We offer once again to live together peacefully.
Nah, lost is lost. So, people, to the clubs.
The best way is for everyone his neighbor dead.
Have a nice day.
(quake)
(startled murmur)
Uiuiui.
Or so it goes.
Guys, we're moving on.
(powerful drum music)
But that with the excrement bury, that sounded reasonable.
(Dr. Friedle) Thus survived unfortunately the dumber one,
more aggressive variant of our ancestors
and began its triumphant to the top of the food chain.
But even the stupid Homo Sapiens eventually settled down.
He learned how to cook food
and invented tools, such as the hammer,
the plow
and of course the wheel.
- The... - (laughter)
Oh, that was... That was just a Halloween costume.
That didn't go over well... Steve, this has a repercussion.
- (Grumbling) - Where was I? Um... Ah, yes.
People invented other useful things.
For example, weapons, Wars and borders.
One of the most impressive borders, built on the Asian continent,
is the at least with us very well known and popular
Great Wall of China.
To build this monumental structure to be erected,
the most skilled craftsmen from all over the world were called together.
Both of them.
(Lick my dam. Det war mal ein Ritt, du.
A lot of territory here, eh, Horst?
- Do you tip the guys? - No, that's rude.
Yes, I think so too.
Ah, there's the welcome squad.
Meal.
Konopke company from Berlin. This is my colleague Jürgen.
- Nihaa-chen! - One thing right away: Journey costs extra.
First of all, welcome to the Middle Kingdom.
- Speaking of the center... Isn't it noon? - That's what you say.
- What's up, master? - Well...
The emperor has a vision.
That comes from the old incense sticks.
Or from the glutamate in the food, eh?
- But get well soon. - Yes.
Emperor Qin Shi Huang Di wishes a wall
at the border of his empire.
A wall?
Here, in the middle of China?
So I'm out.
Because the land belongs to Mr. Ching and the one over there belongs to Mr. Chong?
They're buffed with the muffe. Horst, take off.
What do you want here with a wall?
In Berlin I can imagine a wall,
but why would anyone intend to to build a wall here?
You don't knock a foundation in the permafrost shit.
Was det in the fortune cookie today?
You're digging yourself a monkey.
No, we can cut that short right away, the whole thing.
That's a crazy idea. Not interested.
This refusal will greatly grieve the emperor.
- Yes. We can live with that. - Unfortunately no.
Now that you know know the imperial secret,
I have to bury you alive.
Yeah, well, um...
Bad look such a wall does not have to look bad here.
There's something to it, Horst. I agree.
Just in front of the green here...
and so stones.
Everything beautifully shot down, the Eumel. It's a dream.
The emperor wishes that one the wall from the moon.
- Yes, we would have done that anyway. - It's standard procedure for us.
Thank you, Master Konopke.
Can you finish the construction project finished by the year of the dragon?
Whew...
- What do we have now? - Um...
Rat, Buffalo, Tiger, Rabbit, snake... Pig, I think.
Ah, det is a tight panty, but I say,
The Konopke company leaves no one hanging.
Good. Send a messenger when you are ready.
Do wa.
Can he bring twice the 87 with peanut sauce?
Ick make only flax.
(soft smacking)
Fuck the wall, Horst. That was a hard piece of work.
But hello.
Only the caftan farters in the caftan farts in Babylon,
which we should hang should hang up.
Clientele.
Zahlemann and Sons.
Long time no see.
Still recognized.
I bring you greetings from the Emperor.
- Back. - Customer is king or emperor, wa?
But where... Where is the wall?
The cart is in front of it. Help him. He wants to see the wall.
Shall.
On three. Three!
Once Chinese Wall...
So.
There it is, the gem.
I would have been surprised if it had escaped.
- But... - Ah!
Master Lee is speechless at the architectural masterpiece.
- Not without reason, Horst. - Architectural masterpiece?
The emperor wants a wall, that can be seen from the moon.
Oh... I see.
The wall from the moon.
We missed the point by a hair's breadth we talked right past each other.
We built them so that you can see the moon from the wall.
And it works like a charm.
There. Kieck.
- Moon. Works perfectly. - Yes.
It should be 15 meters high and 2,000 kilometers long!
Ah.
Another misunderstanding.
Possibly because of the language difficulties.
- You don't speak Berlinish. - We like to have that.
Det comes out when customer wishes are not clearly formulated.
Greetings to your Emperor,
but this was the last order of the company Konopke for you.
However.
All right, suggestion for kindness.
We can on a goodwill basis gladly put a row on it.
- Or two! - Yes, well, don't exaggerate, Jürgen.
Det must also still pay off.
(Dr. Friedle) Was one in China in the next centuries
with the building of walls and the dismantling of of human rights,
so in Europe a completely different trend was born,
the philosophy.
Quite rightly the Greek philosophers
than the rock stars of their time.
(Moderator) Dear Greeks.
Welcome to to "Monsters of Philo"!
Here, in the old Bifteki in Athens.
Welcome with me the three freshest philosophers of the country:
Here are Aristotle, Plato
and Socrates!
(Screeching and cheering)
(rhythmic drumming)
Are you up for some rhetoric?
And do you want to learn the lexical semantics of the most influential sophists?
- Undress! - Do you have the desire for...
(all) philosophy?
You are the horniest!
Okay, friends.
Today we have for you new systems theory approaches,
which go off really blatant.
Are you with us?
(Cheers)
Let's go!
(drum solo fades away)
- (murmur) - Shh.
The whole is more than the sum of its parts.
- Yes, yes! - Exactly!
To know oneself, is the first of all sciences.
(Mega!
He who knows nothing and does not know that he knows nothing, is a fool.
- Avoid him. - (Man) I will!
Plato, I celebrate you so extremely!
(Socrates) Who wants to move the world,
should first move itself.
If you want to build high towers, must spend a long time at the foundation.
Socrates! Socrates!
Socrates.
Friends, that's it for today. Come home well.
We will be in Pompeii next week for the the "Dance on the Volcano" festival.
Do not let yourselves not be enslaved by the Romans.
Yes! Fuck the Romans!
Encore!
- Another encore? - Absolutely not.
Encore! Encore!
- Uh... - Huh?
That's not it already, is it?
They have played less than ten minutes.
It was the same in Sparta. It's always eight minutes.
- A quarter drachma for that? - No matter. It was still mega cool.
That's right, mega cool!
You, you and... you.
Fancy some fun backstage?
- (they screech) - Comes with.
What about me?
Oh, sorry, sweetie.
Yes!
(Dr. Friedle) Even among the Greeks not everything was democratic,
even if they have the crazy idea of giving all power to the people.
In order not to let everyone dream dream,
particularly clever representatives of Homo Sapiens of Homo Sapiens invented something,
which secured them absolute power and subjugated all others.
And with which they sold every nonsense as truth.
(droll happy music)
Advertisement.
Come on, you lazy dogs!
(woman) We all know the problem.
Hello, I am Mentuhotep Il.
and I am Pharaoh in the 9th dynasty.
Here, in ancient Egypt.
Until now, my ancestors were buried buried in primitive cave tombs.
Surely you have been also in this situation.
I am Rufus Ironfur from the ancient tribe of the Celts
here in beautiful Gaul.
Crop failures due to the weather have so far been difficult to explain.
This should also be also sound familiar.
And I am Patros Papadopoulos.
I don't like to work that much,
nevertheless I have most of the time I have a hell of an appetite.
And I like to live large.
Is there anything, that solves all our problems?
Yes, there is.
Because now there is religion.
Get 10,000 slaves for your Gods from 10,000 slaves
a fat pyramid in the desert.
Tempo! Tempo!
Your key to immortality.
I am already in my mid-20s.
Make the gods responsible for disasters
and appease them comfortably with a virgin.
The pretty ones I keep of course for myself.
(Cheers)
But religion can do much more.
By threat of divine punishment everyone gives you the shirt off his back,
without any consideration.
Really great.
For me, absolutely the solution.
Where common sense ends, religion begins. religion begins.
(Choir) Religion For a better life
(Woman) Religion, for a better life.
(Dr. Friedle) The invention of the religion hit like a bomb.
A young carpenter's son from faraway Palestine
saw the new tool a welcome alternative
to hard physical work, getting up early and all that nonsense.
All right, I'll try it another way.
Jesus of Nazareth, through...
yes, i'll say, unusual circumstances
I find myself in the ungrateful situation,
to accuse you of high treason of high treason against the Roman people.
I therefore give you again
the obvious and simple opportunity,
To recant your claim to be the King of the Jews,
and to place you above the Roman sovereignty in Palestine.
Can I now, in order to avoid greater and especially unnecessary trouble to avoid,
count on your insight and your common sense?
(epic female chorus)
What does he ask?
Whether he can count on my can count on my common sense?
Well, I can only answer only one answer.
Kiss my ass!
You stupid bastard, you!
Can you believe it?
I am almost 30 years old.
I'm not going to be sent around,
so that an illiterate nonsense.
Don't touch me. I do everything alone.
You behave so clumsy and so stupid.
You should know that I can be treated easily.
- I have tried. - If you are careful.
Behold, I wash my hands....
(startled murmur)
He disturbed me.
Ouch!
You are hurting me.
(dramatic trombone music)
Delinquents...
The condemnation of the high council accuses you of high treason.
You shall therefore with soft silk scarves
be tied to the cross for so long,
until your wrists twirl very hard,
so that you may repent of your sins.
However, in no case longer than 20 minutes,
otherwise there is a risk of of circulatory problems
and of sunstroke exists.
What do you say?
Did you hear that? What an asshole. Tie him up!
With shitty silk scarves.
Nail me.
Come on, Judas, get the hammer and the rusty nails.
- Huh? Are you out of your mind, sir? - This is what you wanted them for?
That hurts beyond belief.
He's such a joker too, isn't he?
Mind your own business.
How can someone become a martyr for the whole of Christendom,
when he is tied with fucking silk scarves tied tightly?
Water? Thirsty? Cloth too tight? Someone sunscreen?
No, thanks. All is well with me.
Judas, we do not have all day. Hey, you there.
- John. - I don't give a shit.
You make me a crown from the thorns,
but take large and pointed.
The blood shall run down my face run down my face in streams.
- I can't look there. - Then get lost, idiot!
You have no function here anyway.
People should shit in their pants,
when they see the symbol of my selfless sacrifice.
Do you understand?
Yes...
(dramatic organ music)
Ow.
So, twirls quite a bit, huh?
Absolutely.
You can almost see pressure marks on the joints.
I have definitely definitely learned.
- Thanks again. - Oh, you...
What? Pressure points?
Get the fuck out of here with your Fucking pressure points, you pussy.
Judas and Thing, listen to me.
You leave me hanging, until I pass out,
and drags me into the shithole.., that I showed you.
And tell everyone that I died I died on the cross for their sins.
Roll a stone in front of the cave, but not too big, you cretins.
I am only the Son of God and not Hercules.
- Should we really do this? - Of course!
Of course you should, you idiots!
- He's out of his mind. - But really.
I heard that.
Judas.
You traitor!
You...
Ass...
hole!
(Dr. Friedle) Written down and transmitted to mankind
a slightly... embellished version.
But on the whole his cunning plan worked.
With Jesus Christ the religion of Christianity was born,
who could not deal with logic, reason so nonsense could not do anything,
We talked about this earlier,
and in the next centuries neatly the blender
into the toilet bowl of history,
to put it to put it somewhat casually.
Only a few peoples from the far north
did not want to be be missionized
and offered a colorful cocktail of violence, destruction and barbarism,
when they invaded countries.
Most feared was the famous Viking leader
Erik the Red.
(somber music)
Men.
Before we raid the village, I wanted to talk to you.
Recently there has been an increase in complaints.
Well, how do I say this?
Unfortunately, it is becoming more and more complain that we are too...
are violent.
(laughter)
Don't get me wrong, Violence is part of it.
If it's about stuffing a guy's the balls in the mouth,
I do not immediately the moral finger.
On the other hand, we no longer live no longer in the 9th century.
- Nah, in the 10th. - Exactly.
Times are changing.
Violence is great, no question, but it must not become an end in itself.
- How do we do that? - No idea.
Are we still allowed to gouge out the eyes of the Scots?
Yes, but only, if it absolutely has to be.
But already with a red-hot iron bar.
So, this is now a good example from Uwe.
Maybe that can be done only with a knife.
Yeah, sure.
Anything goes, sure, but also loses its appeal.
- It fizzes so nicely. - Yes, I know.
Are we allowed to burn women in front of in front of their husbands?
Borderline. Rather difficult.
Why?
- And men before women? - Also difficult.
This burning in front of family members,
that's exactly the kind of thing I would like to cut back a bit.
Honestly?
But then you are not allowed actually nothing more.
Speaking of women, I'll go straight to the point,
it was also criticized that our troops are too...
is male-heavy.
Therefore, from now on 20 percent women will be involved in the fire.
- (laughter) - (Man) Madness is that.
- You can't be serious. - That's enough.
But what should women when they're out pirating?
They are not able to...
Thank you, Gudrun.
Conveniently the ratio is almost right now.
Uh... Question.
What about quads?
Oh no, now you start too.
We have the same right to act to act like brutal morons.
Guys, I ask a lot of you. But it's often the packaging.
Example:
Cut off someone's ears, ask if they want a drink.
Or wish you a nice day.
Small gestures make all the difference.
Sorry, but honestly,
superoften very little comes back back from the people.
"Thank you for only gouge out one eye",
you can wait a long time.
They always pull such a face.
I'm with you there, Tjure. Both sides have to move.
Yes.
Okay, can we raid this shithole village then we can raid it?
We will, Gudrun. That's why we're here.
Valhalla!
Hey, hey! Hello!
Is it possible to do this more quietly?
Many have toddlers, who sleep.
Think about it, people.
(whispers) So, Wal... hella.
(all whisper) Valhalla.
Super. Really good, guys. Now comes.
(traditional nordic music)
Shh.
(whisper) Valhalla.
(Dr. Friedle) Despite laudable exceptions
Europe was heading Europe was heading for its socio-cultural nadir.
The people literally lived in their excrement.
A condition that was only repeated later repeated in Woodstock.
Often only praying helped.
O Lord, we thank you.
Thank you for always subject us to tests,
through which we may prove our faith may prove.
Thank you my father Johann
in the Holy War was allowed to give his life for you
and my husband for seven years not returned from his trip,
so that I may prove
that I can raise our twelve children can also raise them alone.
Thank you that the little Timmi in the arm was torn off in the mill
and we learned to appreciate the gift of bodily integrity.
Thank you our eldest
accused of heresy, was imprisoned and tortured,
and that way you enable her to return to the right path.
Thank you for taking Mother's sight to sharpen other senses.
Thank you for sparing spared my husband Klaus,
who will hopefully soon return with riches unharmed from his sea voyage....
Come to the port. Störtebeker Klaus was caught.
Now they are executing him.
Of course.
(Dr. Friedle) Klaus Störtebeker, first privateer of the German Hanseatic League,
then freelance pirate.
Ah, there he is.
However, he was arrested for bogus self-employment
and for one or the other cruel slaughter on the high seas.
(Klaus, you horny pig!
(man) Before us...
Klaus Störtebeker and his and his companions,
to be finally judged for their to be judged
and face their creator.
- I always wanted to meet him. - I hope he can take it.
There, look! They are still mocking their misdeeds.
So that the event not become so dull. Entertainment.
- He could pardon us for that. - He could.
You want entertainment?
Well, how about this?
I pardon each of your companions,
which you after your beheading.
How does that sound for the strong entertaining pirate?
Uh... after my decapitation?
But...
Won't I be dead as a doornail then?
Oops, that's right. How stupid of me.
What can we do there? Ah, now I know.
If that's too difficult,
then you simply run past before your decapitation.
Well? Would that please the fine Mr. Störtebeker like it better?
Yeah, sure. That's better.
So, if that's not an inconvenience.
Of course we don't do that!
First you will be decapitated,
then we look, how far the loudmouth gets.
- One moment. You just said it differently. - Very clearly.
Before the beheading he may walk past us, before that.
- You heard that too, right? - Yes.
- That's right. - (Mayor) Yes.
But that was meant ironically.
Yes, no, but that was not to recognize.
Of course. That was clearly irony.
A very different emphasis,
completely exposed and exaggerated.
I did not perceive it that way.
Nah, me neither.
I don't give a damn. Executioners, do your duty.
(depressing music)
Sorry, I have to agree with Mr. Störtebeker right.
- I didn't hear any irony. - Yes.
For God's sake, I said in a completely exaggerated tone:
"Oh, if that's better,
then you simply walk past before your beheading."
Yes, he did, he said it again.
To show you the difference you idiots.
- That's a cheeky thing to say. - Be careful with the way you express yourself.
Always remain polite.
There is a difference, whether I say:
"Störtebeker may pass, before he is beheaded."
Or whether I say, "Oops,
of course, he's allowed to walk by, before he is decapitated."
- He even said it twice. - He says it again and again.
Tell me, am I the last in town with a brain?
You have to hear that, that there is a difference.
No, there was nothing.
(Voices clamoring)
Yes, then I just run past my men,
after I was decapitated.
I can't stand the nitpicking anymore.
Klaus, are you stupid?
His smart-ass attitude is annoying. "Ironic, not ironic."
What do I know? I'm a pirate, right? And not a teacher.
There are eleven of you. What kind of route is that?
And that with my heel spur. No, come on. Come on.
I don't think it's right, I have to be honest.
It's meant to be nice, but I have to finish.
In the neck just a little bit, ne?
Cut the bullshit.
Think about the team!
Silence! Silence! Silence!
He made his decision. Executioner, do it at last.
Was that meant seriously or irony again?
Now strike at last.
Otherwise you will be next, who lies there.
This is not meant ironically.
(Smacking, then yelling)
- Ew. - Wuäh.
There, he stands up again.
Klaus! Come here.
This is the last chance.
Come to me. Klaus, here I am.
I am over here. Come to me.
(impressive music)
(Voices clamoring)
- (murmur) - A bit awkward.
Good, that's settled.
Who is next?
Wait, I have a better idea.
You will all just be pardoned,
just like that.
- Yes! - Yes!
(solemn brass music)
Long live the mayor!
Long live Klaus Störtebeker!
Ah, here we are again. Good work.
About a thousand years lasted approximately the Middle Ages,
in which the whole world stagnated tiny little bit stagnant.
But at some point progress can no longer be stopped.
Would you like a small example?
On this cassette fit almost 40 minutes of music on it.
Unbelievable. That would have been been unimaginable a few years ago.
Or take nuclear energy.
Clean, safe, efficient.
In Fukushima, a state-of-the-art a state-of-the-art reactor went online.
Those lucky bastards.
If everything goes well, they'll soon be everywhere.
Also in our history the future was unstoppable.
The European rulers sent explorers across the oceans,
to conquer foreign lands.
First and foremost, the great navigator, Christopher Columbus.
(Christoph) Captain's log entry.
Even after three months at sea no trace of the Indian continent.
I must deliver Queen Isabella deliver successes soon.
I have the impression
that a lack of discipline is slowly indiscipline is creeping into the team.
Still no land in sight.
Damn.
What is it?
(soft chuckle)
Not again, right?
Very funny. Really, insanely funny.
Here, clean this up!
Land!
Land in sight!
Here you go, Capitán.
(suspenseful music)
Oh!
Indeed. Land!
That must be India.
So I was right. Compadres, we...
(laughter)
A leather patch in the form of a land mass.
Very funny, really.
I'm laughing my ass off.
This is the end, understand?
Or I'll have you keelhauled.
I promised to find India by the western sea route.
That, and nothing else, we will do.
- Is that clear? - Sí, Capitán!
- Give me my compass. - Here, Captain.
(soft chuckle)
(hoarse giggling)
(suppressed laughter)
(cackling laughter)
The letters are loose.
You have north and south reversed?
But then we sailed sailed in the wrong direction.
Who made this?
Who was that, I asked. I demand an answer.
That was me, mon Capitán.
- Should be fun. - Fun?
This is no fun, when we spend months...
Land in sight, Capitán!
Yes, of course.
Stupid Columbus falls for it for the third time.
No! Really, Captain. Look!
- A welcoming command. - There!
(suspenseful music)
Indeed.
A boat with locals.
Jesus.
Men, get everything ready.
- Let's welcome the Indians. - Si, Capitán.
I knew it.
(bells ringing)
(lovely female choir)
- Oh! - The queen.
Mi reina.
Queen Isabella. What...
Sorry, Columbus.
This was all my idea.
India. (she snorts)
Ah, the template was just too good.
You are still off the coast of Portugal.
We have been sailing in circles.
But do not worry.
One has found the western sea route
and even discovered a new continent.
We call it America.
- Oh! - America.
America. (Applause)
(Isabella) Come on. Don't be offended.
That was just a harmless little joke.
- Columbus! - Do not be afraid, mi reina.
The net with the rotten sardines hangs in front of the railing.
(Christoph) Yuck! You pigs!
(laughter)
(Isabella) Rum for everyone!
(Cheers)
(Dr. Friedle) Yes, colonialism.
Not great for everyone.
Keywords: Enslavement, genocide and such.
But at some point the ideas of the ideas of the Enlightenment made their way.
Not grubby magazines under the covers, but the Renaissance.
There was so much painting in Florence,
that soon there were regular Renaissance flea markets existed.
Who is the ugly old fart in the picture there?
Oh.
Quite vain.
Look, Mario, four arms and legs.
Well, master, there we have but already seen twice, huh?
(Mario) What kind of monster is that?
(meaningful music)
That, you philistine, is true sculpture.
How finely it is worked, and how great the marble feels.
This realism.
You are a true master...
Michelangelo, Contessa. Grazie. This is my "David".
But he is not particularly realistic.
Especially the proportions.
Don't you think?
It's a little big.
- Who is too big? - What are you talking about?
- You think the statue is too big? - No.
His... Well, the... His...
Well, its here...
The...
The Thing.
Well, his penis, for God's sake.
- His penis? - Too big?
- Why too big? - With respect, signore.
If I were to find fault with the statue I would find fault with the statue,
would be the disproportionately small penis.
(Mario laughs) Disproportionately small.
Silvio? Giuseppe?
Yes, now that you mention it.
Michelangelo, it's already... a little small.
Proprio piccolo.
Signore, I have chosen the size chosen extra with care,
to prevent men, who are not so well endowed,
feel inferior.
I think it's just right.
Don't let my fiancé from my fiancé.
Uh... yes. Yes, I see it the same way, of course.
This is a very small organ.
Pitifully small, even.
I only worry about the prudish Florentine society.
But if you like it that way, my dearest...
- Sorry. Can you glue it? - No.
This statue was made of finest Carrara marble.
- That is impossible. - That was an accident. Here.
For your inconvenience.
So, we go on. We go on!
Coming!
Damn nobleman, huh?
I am really sorry for your David, Michelangelo.
Oh, what the heck. I'll chop off the balls, too.
Maybe I can from the stump another...
model tiny little penis.
Yes, and who knows, maybe penises will be so small in the future,
that it already seems normal again.
Just kidding.
(Dr. Friedle) Art was an expression of the new of the new self-confidence.
One suddenly wondered, whether that was all right,
for half a spoonful of flour
14 hours slaving away in a tannery,
while the nobility were bored with cake fights.
In France, a revolution was could no longer be stopped.
In the first place thanks to the invention of one man,
Joseph Guillotin.
(soulful piano playing)
(sings) I haven't even been At school
And Miezi was my favorite animal
Snip, snap
So I separated the tail
From her
Also inflate frogs
Spoon off the little rabbit
Under the millstone crunched
Many a cute animal
Early I recognized my talent
That God created, and then...
Became my hobby profession
And when the blade falls
The world pauses briefly
Then butterflies fly high
To the canopy
When steel rushes through necks
This is the most beautiful sound in the world
Worth more than sex and money
When the blade falls
Hats off! We do well
What used to be difficult Is now done by the machine
Hats off! That goes off well
From now on you get here Even at short notice appointments
This gives a souvenir for the showcase
And I finally get rich Because I earn per capita
Whether red Whether black or blonde
- Cheers... - ...to my little guillotine
(man) Here comes the king!
I am the Louis X-V-I
And I sat fat on the throne
Now it goes splatter With this revolution
A "the device" that wants That you put body parts in it
All at once six kilos lighter What 'n horny effect
With my own head Play soccer for a change
That would be a gag
And this disgusting acne Would then also finally gone
So if you need someone Quasi as a research object...
Good idea! Take it.
What? I wasn't serious.
Don't you understand, you idiots?
I am Louis XVI!
Yes, it is, but without the head.
And.
When the blade falls
The world pauses briefly
Then butterflies fly high
To the canopy
When steel rushes through necks
This is the most beautiful sound in the world
Look, a dick tent.
When the blade
falls!
The blade falls!
Merde.
(sings along bubbling)
(hisses grumbling)
(Dr. Friedle) Oh, it's catchy, isn't it?
Thanks to the guillotine the monarchy soon came to an end,
but not by a long shot with the senseless slaughter in Europe.
No wonder, that many were fed up
and emigrated to America.
If you already emigrate by ship,
why not do it right away on the legendary Titanic?
Well, one reason could have been,
that the Titanic sank on its maiden voyage.
And the culprit was the captain himself.
Captain to bridge. Gentlemen.
Let me introduce you to Jessica, who is starting her trial internship.
- Good evening, young lady. - I have an excellent idea.
How about you take the wheel take the wheel?
- From me. - Great. Well then.
Sir, you're kidding, right?
Of course not.
The offspring have to learn it sometime. Jessica?
Sir, at dark,
the world's largest ship, under full load?
Oh, what. You grow with your tasks.
But you would have to already look at the sea.
Sorry, can not. I broke a nail.
One nail broken off.
Well, that comes first, of course.
Sir, iceberg ahead. North-northwest.
Really? A polar bear?
Oh, the little ones are so cute.
Yes, that's it, a polar bear.
No, Mr. Johnson means an iceberg, Jessica.
An iceberg.
(Jessica) I see. Boring.
(Captain) Indeed. An iceberg.
Oh, that's a humdinger.
Yes, that was to be to be expected in the area.
- Sir, you should take the helm... - No.
This is all done by our intern.
So, look.
So a good mile ahead seems to actually be an iceberg.
Which we are heading straight for.
- Sir, I suggest... - Shh!
What do you suggest?
Evasion?
Or do we push that one away?
Huh? It's getting bigger and bigger.
Exactly. The iceberg is getting bigger and bigger.
Which isn't really true, sailor.
It just looks like it's getting bigger,
because we are approaching the iceberg,
and he takes more and more of the field of vision.
- Sir, I must insist... - She has to learn this for herself.
Yeah, that sucks. I am not stupid.
No, just ignore him.
If we don't change course, we can't get out of the way.
Oh, dodge.
Right.
You say it before. She should come up with it herself.
Yes, I would be too.
I know that. And I know why you did this, Miller!
You are afraid someone might have more talent.
- More talent? - You are consumed by ambition!
- They do not tolerate anyone. - How exactly to dodge?
A few things would have to be...
Hey! He grabbed me.
Get off the helm, Johnson!
- She has to learn! - You're insane, Smith!
- (thunderous rumbling) - Jesus.
(creaking rattle)
(squeak)
- Huh? - (persistent ringing)
- Did I do that now? - No.
The culprits are
our as incompetent as jealous officers!
- Man, that's no fun anymore. - I can understand that very well.
See?
You have spoiled Jessica's first day spoiled Jessica's desire to work.
Because she steered the most expensive ship in the world into an iceberg.
Yes, and? Is that about to break, or what?
No, it isn't.
The Titanic is unsinkable.
Captain, water ingress in sections one through four of the lower decks.
- The ship is unstoppable. - We must evacuate immediately!
- And now we're all drowning? - No.
Great internship.
We are not drowning. We have our lifeboats.
You had still calculated, how many we need, right?
Hm...
Johnson. Miller! Where are you going?
You are to practice knots with the Jessica Practice knots.
(Dr. Friedle) There it goes, the dream of emigrating to America.
It would not have been a bad idea,
because shortly thereafter the First World War broke out,
which was so well received that a second part came out later.
But we'll get to that.
The First World War was decided was decided on the so-called Western Front,
where French and Germans faced each other in trenches
and fought fiercely for victory.
(screams, crashes)
(loud shouting)
(dramatic music)
Damn! They do not let up.
- (vocals) - What are they doing?
Scha-la-la-la
- They are all women. - What?
(Shouts)
(wife) Elke is getting married!
Cease fire!
Cease fire! There are civilians!
Hey! Hey! Get out of here!
Go back!
They are insane.
(suspenseful music)
(women sing)
That's insane!
These are our women, Hans! I have to try!
Ah, damn.
Gerhard.
(he groans)
(monumental music)
(Swabian) Finally. Here come some crisp soldiers.
- Do not move! - Ne bouge pas!
Whoa.
He's cute.
Qui êtes-vous? Que faites-vous sur un champ de bataille?
Get out of here. Go, damn it!
You would like that.
Now the party is just getting started.
Elke lets herself be put in chains today.
(women cheer)
Hello. Bonjour.
But before that happens,
celebrate me once again grenade.
- Right, girls? - Woohoo!
Elke! Elke! Elke!
Man, don't you get it? We are between the fronts.
Au nom de Dieu, qui est-ce?
They're having a bachelorette party.
Adieu de célibataire.
Moi.
Ici? Pendant une bataille?
Oh, you may continue fighting in a moment.
But before that you must necessarily the Elke
a couple of little shits in pants from buy.
(stammers) Scheißerle?
- Elles veux... - Elles veulent!
Elles veulent... Exactly.
- Que nous ayons... Drink booze? - Glug, glug.
Liqeur... Cognac!
- Ici? No! - Yes.
Sont-ils complètement stupides?
And, Elke? Did we promise too much?
They're awesome, don't you think?
Yes.
I really celebrate how cute they are.
- (they giggle) - Sodele.
There are already your pants shits.
Non, non.
- Oui! - Wait a minute, Jack.
You have to pay for the little shits.
I don't have any money with me. And neither does he.
- Oh! - No problem.
We know our cardboard secretaries.
Then you have to give Elke a kiss.
- (they screech) - Give smack.
Give a smack! Give a smack!
(they cheer)
18 carat gold. Is that also possible?
- We'll let that stand. - Oh, too bad.
So, now down with the little shits.
- Non. Le travail. - Drink! Drink!
Now drink, or they'll never leave.
- Buvez, s'il vous plaît! - Drink! Drink!
(Women) Drink! Drink! Drink!
(they cheer)
Strong.
(ominous music)
Vous, maudites femmes!
(he chokes)
(he gasps)
Non!
- You poisoned him? - You can leave one on that.
This is called modern warfare.
- We belong to PUFF. - PUFF?
"Patriarchy infiltrating Free women"
Balingen branch.
Don't waste any time. Back to the trench, comrade.
On, sisters. To the next usurper.
- Elke! Elke! Elke! - Let's go!
What's up do hanne?
We go off do hanne!
(they cheer)
Fucking women.
(Dr. Friedle) Better can be
the senselessness of war not make clear.
My father was luckier, who was also on the Western Front,
but survived and later emigrated emigrated to New York,
where he has worked with diligence and will to survive
within a very short time to a very successful pickpocket,
Hat player and whoremonger worked up.
God rest his soul.
But if you are honest,
the land of unlimited possibilities
was not always a safe place.
After the Great Depression in 1929, one thing above all was unlimited:
Namely the chance,
for a bottle of home distilled $100 for a bottle of home distilled booze
or on the open street to get a bullet in the head.
In Chicago, mob boss Mafia boss Al Capone ruled like a king.
It took years for the man with the famous flowery language
could finally be caught.
Ciao, Mario.
Ciao, bella!
Well? How are you?
- Do we know each other? - Not me.
But maybe my boss.
I'm supposed to give you my best regards and a message.
He does not like it when he is deceived.
(ominous music)
(Screams)
Drive.
(he groans)
(mysterious music)
(soft trumpet playing)
(music becomes more intense)
Mario, Mario, Mario.
Look what you've done.
So much unnecessary bloodshed.
- Al, I swear, I... - Ah, don't swear.
What's the saying?
When the farmer peels the donkey, often bloom the most beautiful cod.
What... What do you mean?
Well, you better not dive through naked cream,
when you have hardly any fur on the back.
Barely fur, naked cream?
I don't understand.
We paid on time after all.
Oh yes, you did, Mario.
That's exactly what makes me wonder.
You know, in the month with "W"
the blue otter is reluctant to be milked, very reluctant indeed.
Thick moth, quick toe.
Who is behind this, Mario. Huh?
I swear I don't know.
My experience tells me that once you dances samba with the pitchfork,
who snores even without teeth.
Damn, I didn't do anything.
And I don't know what you're talking about.
(shot)
(man) But I know what he's talking about, Mario.
(mysterious music)
Eliot Ness.
What he's trying to say, Mario, is this...
Even the tastiest racehorse only goes on the road for so long,
until it stinks.
- Am I right? - Quiet color, hot shoe.
Quiet color, hot shoe.
You say.
But you could also also express it differently.
Who never with naked ass has licked nuns in the moonlight,
rarely knits large cookies.
- Say that again. - You heard me, Al.
Take him away.
You fucking pig.
You think you've won, but remember this...
The deeper you stick the fish up your nose,
the louder the owl farts into the cake.
That remains to be seen.
You have the radish full of blackbirds!
At the end there are only albinos in the wooden roller coaster.
Ness, I know, where the tomatoes fly!
That was very brave of you, Mario.
Thank you very much.
Heavy cotton, round milk, Mr. Ness.
Heavy cotton, round milk. That's exactly how it is.
(Dr. Friedle) Al Capone was right. Mario had betrayed him.
But what is the saying?
There's no honey without a waltz.
The peak of violence was not reached, however.
This came in 1939 with the outbreak of the Second World War
and the seizure of power by the Nazis under their leader Adolf Hitler.
Should you have the technique of time travel,
you would have you'd have a huge chip on your shoulder,
when you travel like this in August 1888 travel to Braunau am Inn
and Alois and Klara Hitler would bring a pack of condoms.
Size XS should fit.
Thanks already.
In our timeline, however, Hitler instigated however, instigated the Second World War
and thus brought the whole world to the abyss.
A group of brave men, however,
under the leadership of Count Claus von Stauffenberg,
planned to change history for the better.
Gentlemen,
I am pleased that so many of you to the secret meeting.
After the failures of the past months, time is more and more after the failures of the past months.
I hope you have thought about a plan that promises success,
who leads our leader to his deserved destiny.
- Herr von Stauffenberg, may I? - Major von Freyend, please.
- That's what we're here for. - Thank you.
I have given it some thought.
Essential to my plan is,
the leader on the evening of 20, his birthday,
as you all know,
with an urgent dispatch distract
and to get them to leave the headquarters to persuade
I will at the time already
have taken all essential precautions have made,
so that after a few simple steps
only has to flick the light switch,
as soon as the guide returns.
And then...
Bam!
Surprise.
Burning already all sparklers on a giant Himmler...
er, raspberry cream pie,
and a small four man chapel
plays the Badenweiler March.
And this cake is then... poisoned?
No. Why?
In the process, our leader be damaged.
(ominous music)
Wait a minute, Isn't this the planning group
for the surprise party for the Führer's birthday on April 20?
No.
This is the resistance group to the planned assassination on July 20.
Oh. Yeah, then I'm officially in the wrong office.
You'll excuse me, gentlemen.
No problem. Can happen.
But, from Freyend...
- Not a word about this, understand? - Point of honor.
But only...
if in return you do not reveal anything about the surprise party.
You have the word of all of us.
- Heil Hitler! - Heil Hitler!
(Stauffenberg) Good. Um...
Now for the right plans, to get rid of this monster.
We are all ears, Colonel.
I call it...
Operation Valkyrie.
The plan is this:
I myself smuggle a bomb hidden in a briefcase
to the next meeting in the Wolf's Lair.
But Mr. Stauffenberg, wouldn't you have to sacrifice yourself for that?
- Yes. - Yes?
But how exactly...
We detonate only half of the explosives,
whereby no real damage occurs.
Wait a minute. Hitler is not killed in the process?
This is prevented by the table top, which absorbs the pressure wave.
Uh-huh.
But Hitler knows now,
that resistance up to the very top
and will have me executed.
- That is absurd. - Excluded.
Wait. The real highlight is yet to come.
You seize the opportunity and will nevertheless issue a deployment order
to the military takeover of all institutions
accidentally send to the Führer's headquarters,
whereby our coup d'état
will now be fully exposed.
Which in turn leads to,
that you too will be arrested and executed in the Bendlerblock.
And now we have to,
or who comes after us, but sympathizes with us,
just sit back and wait.
Hitler is eaten away by his paranoia,
because he can never be sure that all the resisters have been eliminated.
His decisions will soon become more and more absurd.
Until he burns up all the resources
and has maneuvered itself into a hopeless has maneuvered itself into a hopeless situation.
The Allies push the Germans back,
Germany is occupied
and the Red Army advances as far as Berlin.
Hitler will eventually surrender
and afterwards in shame in the Führerbunker
as last option
take their own lives.
Bam.
An ingenious plan.
Bravo. Bravo.
To Operation Valkyrie.
(all) To Operation Valkyrie.
(Dr. Friedle) A clever plan. Small disadvantage:
One or two days of war were to pass before the or other day of war should pass.
For example in the belly of an 80 meter long
narrow, stuffy metal tube.
Not for me with my steel and water allergy.
(sonar pings)
(whispers) Screw noises.
270 degrees.
Quickly approaching.
(somber music)
Take us deeper, Fischer. Very slowly.
Front down 15, back up ten.
(Sonar pings faster)
Water bombs!
(bang)
(they groan)
(bang)
(alarm rings)
Damage reports?
Water ingress in the engine room!
We are sinking too fast. 160 meters falling.
Do something. Machines full power back.
They do not react. 190 meters falling.
(ominous metallic creaking)
200 meters.
(Sailor) 210.
Just stop.
(Sailor) Over 220.
(muffled rumbling)
- What was that? - We put on.
Here? Impossible.
This must be an plateau that has not been recorded.
230 meters.
(dramatic smoldering music)
Good.
Take a breath.
We need to get back up there.
Fischer, blow on all the dip cells.
Blow. Blow on all cells.
(faint hiss)
- Everything is under water. - Again.
Blow again. Everything you have.
(faint hiss)
Not a chance.
(hesitant fart)
- Sorry. - Friedrichs.
- I'm sorry. - Pull yourself together.
Wow, that's horrible.
Whenever I'm excited.
We're about to go on it, and the Last I smell your beer shit.
(fart)
Hold your breath.
He has his ass open.
Are you stupid? What about him?
Sorry, but under emotional pressure
more than ever.
I can not help it.
Fuck it. Pull yourself together.
(wild babble of voices)
Silence.
Friedrichs.
Farting in a submarine.
You should be court-martialed for that.
(soft fart)
But maybe you have saved saved our lives.
Huh?
What are farts made of, 1 WHERE?
Uh, from nitrogen, from carbon dioxide and... methane.
Correct. And what is methane, Fischer?
- A propellant gas? - Exactly.
And what are we missing in the diving cells, so that we can blow?
(hopeful music)
So, Friedrichs.
You first take a calm breath.
- Smutje? - Kaleun?
- How much sauerkraut? - 20 cans.
Excellent. Legumes?
40 cans of red lentils, 60 cans of peas
and 20 cans of beans in tomato sauce.
- Very good. Open. All of them. - Yes.
Come here.
Stands up.
Mr. Kaleun, I still have eight packs of Iranian figs.
I make available of course.
Go. You know what to do.
Grab the spoons and distribute in the boat.
- Ten in front, five in back. - (Sailors) Yes, sir.
Today we do not die, men. Not today.
(heroic music)
(Sailor) Faster.
(Didn't you hear what Kaleun said? what the Kaleun said?
Go on, go on!
Do not stop.
Next!
Faster! Faster!
So, and now: Farting.
Everything out that doesn't pay rent.
(Smutje) Let's go!
(several farts of various length and consistency)
(Kaleun) That's it. Next.
Blow us from this godforsaken rock.
(they continue farting)
(triumphant music)
I have earned them.
(sailors) No!
And from this example you can see,
why we humans have become the dominant species.
If the situation seems still so hopeless,
finds our extremely highly developed brain
always a creative solution.
And since we started with nuclear fission
an almost have an almost inexhaustible source of energy,
nothing stands in the way of our expansion nothing more stands in the way of our expansion in the universe.
Well, muchachos. Dress warmly.
We are coming.
Oops. Well, there's always a little shrinkage.
And vice versa you can us also like times
for a mulled wine and speculoos.
Preferably today. Because with us...
(somber music)
(menacing music)
(Dr. Friedl) Conversely, you are welcome to us also gladly times
for a mulled wine and speculoos.
Best today, because with us...
is Christmas party today!
(laughter) (Cheering and applause)
(Bravo!
- This is madness. - Absolute madness.
- You were good. - You too.
Dear NASA employees, I hope, our little Christmas movie
was as much fun for you to see as we had fun making it.
A lot of heart and soul goes into it.
And honestly also a considerable part
of our budget for next year.
The taxpayer does not have to know.
(laughter)
Thanks to... Thanks to your commitment
and your talent
Voyager Il" is ready for launch and can take off in a few weeks.
But I would say, then rather with the real Golden Record.
(frenetic cheering and applause)
To each of you again thank you and have a great Christmas party.
And in this sense: Ho, ho, ho!
(all) Ho, ho, ho!
(Jingle Bells is playing)
Jessica. Jessica.
Would you be so kind and come?
Bring the Golden Record carefully into the hangar.
- I have to take care of the guests. - For all I care.
Oh, and the Christmas movie you put on my desk.
But very important: Do not confuse the two.
Clear?
It's not that hard now.
Well. All the better.
Okay.
(snappy Christmas music continues)
(ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome Professor Doctor Doctor Greta Thunberg.
(Cheers and applause)
(man) Greta!
(Woman) You're the best!
How dare you?
You have stolen my dreams and my childhood
with your empty words.
- With this speech... - (computer voice) Translation on.
With this speech many years ago
reproached the governments,
my generation to steal the future.
But what happened afterwards, I would never have thought possible.
Because almost all nations took radical steps,
to reduce the earth's CO2 emissions to reduce
and prevent global warming.
Therefore, I can proudly announce,
that 97 percent of all scientists agree,
that we have reached our goal,
avert climate change.
The future of our planet...
is saved.
(Cheers)
- (muffled thunder) - (man) What is that?
(crowd murmurs)
(dramatic music)
(people screech)
Oh fuck.
(ominous music)
(reverberating outcry)
(good-humored whistling)
Dirt solar panels.
Do you screw a monkey with pliers.
The Russians have completely totally gnawed away.
They have to tell you you need special tools here.
I mean, that's what they said, Horst.
Yes, but once again properly.
Yeah, sure, that's right.
"Build a new ISS." They're good, those engineers.
(Horst) Det we charge everything nice extra.
- I have real power. - But not too scarce.
Wat do we take, Zero gravity impact?
So, that's at least...
Jürgen, pinch me.
So either I just
a maintained Oxygen undersupply
or there floats the Brandenburg Gate floats by.
What? Det is in Berlin.
On Earth.
Speaking of earth, where is it anyway?
(sinister music)
Jürgen, our warehouse in Wilmersdorf, the large propane cylinder,
did you close them properly?
(Jürgen) Na sichi. By the book, counterclockwise.
(Horst) What, against? Not with?
- (Jürgen) No, with is up. - No, up is against.
- On is against? - Since when is on against?
(Jürgen) On is closed. With is against.
(Horst) What is what?
(Jürgen) So I'm out.
(groovy music)
- We have played through the earth - All perished
- Only squinted at the profit - Maggots in bacon
- Mankind since Genesis - Everything broken
- Eiffel Tower, Acropolis - Ash and rubble
- UN Charter, Human Rights - Away from the window
- Torah, bible, smut books - Yesterday's snow
- Animals, plants, worms, beetles - All gone
- Life since Adam and Eve - Apple Z.
No!
- Bye, bye - Bye, bye
- The party is over - Bye, bye
The party is over And for tomorrow it looks bad
The game is over The last one turns off the light
- Bye, bye - Bye, bye
- The party is over - Bye, bye
The party is over For tomorrow it looks dreary
The game is over The last one turns off the light
- All the great work of man - We have screwed up
- Himalayas and Prenzlberg - Only dust
- Where did sweet Bodo go? - Filleted
- What still makes sense at all? - Complicated
- The villages and metropolises - Flattened
- Poets, thinkers, Dieter Bohlen - Shift in the shaft
- New York, Rio, Bielefeld - Knocked out
- Our little beautiful world? - Space junk
- Are you with me? - (Cheers)
Hi there.
- Who is too big? - His penis.
Quite a hummer.
- Say that again. - Valhalla!
Are you guys out of your minds?
Just kidding.
It's meant nicely.
Kiss my ass!
No!
Gerhard.
You ass...
Merde.
- Bye, bye - Bye, bye
- The party is over - Bye, bye
The party is over For tomorrow it looks bad
The game is over The last one turns off the light
- Bye, bye - Bye, bye
- The party is over - Bye, bye
The party is over For tomorrow it looks dreary
The game is over The last one turns off the light
We wanted Maldives with 'm cruise ship
Everyday Three times a meat dish
We never got enough Of this nice shit
Kim Dotcom was against us A lightweight
Who could have guessed that humanity Would go broke so quickly?
That the idea of "keep growing" sucks?
Mother Earth after the party here is a corpse?
So we wave one last time From the ghost ship
Ghost ship
Bye, bye
- The party is over - Bye, bye
The party is over For tomorrow it looks bad
The game is over The last one turns off the light
- Bye, bye - Bye, bye
- The party is over - Bye, bye
The party is over For tomorrow it looks dreary
The game is over The last one turns off the light
For tomorrow it looks bad
The game is over The last one turns off the sun
The last one turns off the light
For tomorrow it looks bleak
The game is over The last one turns off the sun
(Screech, several bangs)
(loose music)
This is like Dr.BEST. I feel like Dr.BEST.
From Freyend...
None of this about this.
- (von Freyend) Of course. - Please what?
It can happen to anyone.
No problem, that can happen happen to anyone. It can happen to anyone.
Because he can never be sure that all resisters...
That all resisters enthusiastically...
Are you guys up for some lexical...
Lexical semantics of the...
The what?
Semantics of... Son of a bitch!
I can't get this sentence over my lips.
I have contact with Lyudmila... Pavlchickadida.
What is her name exactly?
Pavlitch... Pa...
Her name is Pavlochenko, too, isn't it?
Ah, Pavli... I don't give a shit.
...Lyudmila Pavlochenko contacted.
- (soft giggle) - What?
Gentlemen, may I present my niece Jessica,
who today had their taster...
I'll be back.
Look what a silly silly flat forehead they have.
And your micro cable is also still hanging out.
We are a people from the north in search of warmer areas.
(she coughs)
I always have a cough.
We play
pointed stone, blunt stone, round stone, flat stone.
We do it the way, the way we've always done it...
Where are the bricks?
- Hm, hm, hm. - (bang)
- Looks like we won. - Stop, fire.
It's burning.
People must be scared shitless in their pants with fear,
if they are the symbol of my sacrifice....
Ah, again. Sorry. The hair.
40 cans of red lentils, 60 cans of young beans...
No. Peas. Fuck.
40 cans of red lentils, 60 cans of...
Ah, shit. Young peas.
I have earned it now.
Well.
But before that happens,
let's celebrate again a grande... grande...
I'm coming back in.
Det we charge everything extra.
I've got real power under the... (stutters)
But we are still allowed to Scots still the ears...
'scuse me.
...someone's ears ...someone's ears... Shit.
Example.
If you have bitten off you bit someone's ears off... Shit.
So, this is now a really... really good example of the...
This is a good example of the... What is your name?
- Uwe. - From Uwe.
Well, what I mean by that is that you....
I mean by that... I still do not know.
Who has never with naked ass in the moonlight
Nuns has drawn... Has loused.
Only who has never with naked ass in the moonlight...
Who has never with naked ass in the moonlight
Nuns lusted, the...
He rarely knits big cookies. Yes.
Who has never with naked ass has licked nuns in the moonlight,
who also rarely knits large buttons.
Cookies.
Thank you, that's it for today. Come home well.
I am the Louis X-V-I. And I sat fat on the throne
Now it goes splatter With this revolution
A "the device" that wants That you put body parts in there
All at once six kilos lighter What a horny effect
With my own head Play soccer
That would be a gag
And this disgusting acne Would then also finally gone
So if you need someone Quasi as a research object
(solemn orchestral music)
And when the blade falls
The world pauses briefly
Then butterflies fly
Up to the firmament
When steel rushes through necks
This is the most beautiful sound in the world
Look, a dick tent
When the blade...
falls
The blade falls!