1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,254 Is there a statue of a recently deposed dictator 2 00:00:04,254 --> 00:00:07,257 dominating the discourse of your downtown square? 3 00:00:07,257 --> 00:00:10,052 Got a monument to a wicked white racist 4 00:00:10,052 --> 00:00:12,095 that you want gone by yesterday? 5 00:00:12,095 --> 00:00:14,223 Has an iron and/or marble effigy 6 00:00:14,223 --> 00:00:16,183 to a shameful past 7 00:00:16,183 --> 00:00:17,809 fallen on one of your friends, 8 00:00:17,809 --> 00:00:19,811 smashing them to absolute smithereens? 9 00:00:19,811 --> 00:00:21,980 Oh, no! Ooh! 10 00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:24,608 Then you need to call me, Steven Santelmo, 11 00:00:24,608 --> 00:00:28,570 from Steven Santelmo Statue Removal and Supply. 12 00:00:28,570 --> 00:00:31,823 Me and my adult children will come to wherever you are 13 00:00:31,823 --> 00:00:35,619 to remove the eyesore that you saw before you called me. 14 00:00:35,619 --> 00:00:38,121 We've got the toppling tools you need 15 00:00:38,121 --> 00:00:39,331 to get a fresh start. 16 00:00:39,331 --> 00:00:40,290 Next card. 17 00:00:40,666 --> 00:00:43,752 Why you're, uhh [muttering] or me. You're prob-- 18 00:00:44,837 --> 00:00:46,880 So come on down to our showroom, 19 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,632 which is near my family's home. 20 00:00:48,632 --> 00:00:51,176 The home that I have been in a lengthy legal battle 21 00:00:51,176 --> 00:00:53,262 with my siblings over for years. 22 00:00:53,262 --> 00:00:56,765 Let's just say there's no statue of my brother Barry there. 23 00:00:56,765 --> 00:00:58,559 Yeah, right. Barry could even pay 24 00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:00,811 the fucking property taxes where I live. 25 00:01:00,811 --> 00:01:04,314 He's a dud. His kid's a dud. His wife's a dud 26 00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:05,816 Even his fucking dog's a dud. [bark] 27 00:01:05,816 --> 00:01:07,359 That's why you gotta call me. 28 00:01:07,359 --> 00:01:10,988 And even though my rat brother is no longer involved in the company, 29 00:01:10,988 --> 00:01:13,532 this is still a family business. Come on. 30 00:01:13,532 --> 00:01:15,826 Come here. Give Daddy a hug. There we go. 31 00:01:16,285 --> 00:01:17,703 Hey, can you smile? 32 00:01:17,703 --> 00:01:19,746 Jesus fuckin' Christ. 33 00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:21,206 You're on a commercial with me. 34 00:01:21,206 --> 00:01:23,750 ♪ cheery music ♪ 35 00:01:24,626 --> 00:01:27,629 ♪ epic theme plays ♪ 36 00:01:30,966 --> 00:01:33,969 MEL BROOKS: History of The World, Part II! 37 00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:44,271 "The Story of Jesus" 38 00:01:44,271 --> 00:01:45,856 [indistinct chatter] 39 00:01:45,856 --> 00:01:48,942 [Irish accent]: I got about nine of them here! Anybody need a cable? 40 00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:51,278 MEL: In 33 AD, 41 00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:54,740 Jesus and his apostles were the hottest group in Jerusalem. 42 00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:57,034 But, with the Romans looking to arrest Jesus, 43 00:01:57,034 --> 00:01:58,493 the group got together 44 00:01:58,493 --> 00:02:00,162 to record what would be 45 00:02:00,162 --> 00:02:02,664 his final sermon. Here we go! 46 00:02:02,664 --> 00:02:06,668 These are "The Last Supper Sessions." Go, baby! 47 00:02:06,668 --> 00:02:08,670 APOSTLE [Scouse accent]: Here we go, here we are. 48 00:02:08,670 --> 00:02:10,172 [studio chatter] Hello, hello, hello. 49 00:02:10,172 --> 00:02:12,758 It's another peace and love. [guitar tuning] 50 00:02:12,758 --> 00:02:14,176 Another beautiful morning. 51 00:02:14,176 --> 00:02:16,011 Another camera morning. 52 00:02:16,011 --> 00:02:17,888 PETER: Peace be with you, lads! 53 00:02:17,888 --> 00:02:20,265 MARK: Ooh, we had a rough one last night. 54 00:02:20,265 --> 00:02:21,475 LUKE: Mm. 55 00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:22,768 Little bit too much of the myrrh. 56 00:02:22,768 --> 00:02:24,520 PETER: You can overdo it on the myrrh. 57 00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:27,147 [Scouse accent]: Hello, lads. Hello. PETER: Judas! How are you? 58 00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:29,775 You guys remember Harry? MARK: Hello, Harry. 59 00:02:29,775 --> 00:02:32,486 Luke. Good to see you, mate. Mark. 60 00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:34,988 Did you, uh, change your hair there, friend? 61 00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:37,366 Oh yeah, I'm just trying this new thing. What do you think? 62 00:02:37,366 --> 00:02:39,826 Uh, can I get away with it? 63 00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:42,579 I don't play that white dread shit, but, uh, you do you. 64 00:02:42,579 --> 00:02:44,414 JUDAS: Yeah. Hey, Peter, 65 00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:46,792 could you get me some milk for my cup of tea? 66 00:02:46,792 --> 00:02:49,503 Judas! That's not what I do around here. 67 00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:51,255 I'm a sound engineer! 68 00:02:51,255 --> 00:02:53,882 I will say it is, uh, half past sand. 69 00:02:53,882 --> 00:02:55,551 Someone's late again. [sighs] 70 00:02:55,551 --> 00:02:57,803 Thinks he's bigger than Jesus Christ. 71 00:02:57,803 --> 00:02:59,429 Well, he is Jesus Christ. 72 00:02:59,429 --> 00:03:01,890 MARK: Right he is, he is. JUDAS: Point taken. Point taken, Luke. 73 00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:04,810 MARK: Oh, speak of the devil! There he is. PETER: Jesus! 74 00:03:04,810 --> 00:03:05,894 [sighs] Sorry, we're late, lads. 75 00:03:05,894 --> 00:03:08,063 We had a little problem with Rolling Stone. 76 00:03:08,063 --> 00:03:10,399 [Valley Girl accent]: We almost got run over by a boulder. 77 00:03:10,399 --> 00:03:12,067 Almost smushed us like a latke. 78 00:03:12,067 --> 00:03:13,735 Well, now that we got the whole band here, 79 00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:16,321 just wondering if we thought about where we were gonna play the concert? 80 00:03:16,321 --> 00:03:18,699 You know, it's a big concert film, so... 81 00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:21,285 You know, one thought that I had was Rome. 82 00:03:21,285 --> 00:03:24,997 You know, we could play Rome. Got a lot of friends in Rome. 83 00:03:25,455 --> 00:03:27,666 [Jesus whistles] LUKE: I-I don't-- I don't know, man. 84 00:03:27,666 --> 00:03:31,086 Nobody likes Judas' idea? MARK: No, it's not that. 85 00:03:31,086 --> 00:03:34,131 It's a tough crowd. I'd love to do the Apollo Temple. 86 00:03:34,131 --> 00:03:36,049 MARK: Oh, Apollo. PETER: Apollo's very nice. 87 00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:39,178 Oh, acoustics are good there. Sure. 88 00:03:39,178 --> 00:03:42,097 You know, we could always go to the top of Masada, you know? 89 00:03:42,097 --> 00:03:43,891 The kids up there are, uh, 90 00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:46,059 they're a little too horny, maybe. 91 00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:47,978 Kids from Long Island... MARK: Kids from Long Island. 92 00:03:47,978 --> 00:03:49,229 Feeling each other up. 93 00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:52,232 [chuckles] Hate to be cliché, but what would Jesus do? 94 00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:55,360 What would He do? What would you do? [Luke chuckles] 95 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:57,529 JUDAS: Certain people want to know. 96 00:03:57,529 --> 00:04:00,407 Lads, I would just focus on the music. 97 00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:01,533 [Jesus laughs] MARK: Oh. 98 00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:04,119 JESUS: Just write the psalms, you know? 99 00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:05,954 Our message will bring people in. 100 00:04:05,954 --> 00:04:08,290 Well, it's easy to say when you control all the publishing. 101 00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:10,709 Some of us only make money off the live gigs. 102 00:04:10,709 --> 00:04:12,753 That's so materialistic. 103 00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:14,588 We should just play in our souls. 104 00:04:15,297 --> 00:04:17,508 JESUS: We should... MARY: Don't you think? 105 00:04:17,508 --> 00:04:19,510 [both giggling] LUKE: Okay! [laughs] 106 00:04:19,510 --> 00:04:21,512 JUDAS: Alright. Can somebody, uh, just tell me, 107 00:04:21,512 --> 00:04:24,181 when exactly did Mary join the band? 108 00:04:24,181 --> 00:04:25,349 [Luke groans] 109 00:04:25,349 --> 00:04:27,434 JUDAS: I mean, I thought we were the "Fab 12," 110 00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:29,937 but I guess, it turns out we're the "Fab 13." 111 00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:31,438 That's an unlucky number, isn't it? 112 00:04:31,438 --> 00:04:33,398 I mean, she's one of us, isn't she, mate? 113 00:04:33,398 --> 00:04:35,442 I wrote the chorus for Let It Baah. 114 00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:37,236 JUDAS: Hm, don't remember that psalm. 115 00:04:37,236 --> 00:04:38,612 - [falsetto]: Let it... - Baah! 116 00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:39,947 - Let it... - Baah! 117 00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:41,406 - [higher]: Let it... - Baah! 118 00:04:41,406 --> 00:04:42,699 - [lower]: Let it... - Baah! 119 00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:44,701 Hey, lovely Peter milky maid, 120 00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:46,620 you wanna get me that cup of tea and toast? 121 00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,914 JESUS: Ooh. MARY: Unleavened, please. 122 00:04:48,914 --> 00:04:52,793 Thank you, Peter. Now, it's time to make some hit psalms! 123 00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:55,379 JUDAS: And figure out where we're gonna perform! 124 00:04:57,089 --> 00:04:59,591 MEL: Previously, on "The Civil War"... 125 00:04:59,591 --> 00:05:00,634 ♪ 126 00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:04,179 Ulysses Grant and Honest Abe Lincoln's son. 127 00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:06,056 Any last words? 128 00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:09,518 We are three Union soldiers on a rescue mission. 129 00:05:09,518 --> 00:05:10,853 Hang 'em! DIXON: Shit. 130 00:05:10,853 --> 00:05:12,646 - Nervous about dying? - Nope. Need a drink. 131 00:05:12,646 --> 00:05:13,981 [gunshot] [crowd gasps] 132 00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:16,149 RT: What's going on? GRANT: We're escaping, that's what! 133 00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:18,902 Thought they was gonna save Grant without my help. 134 00:05:18,902 --> 00:05:20,445 [scoffs] Dumbasses. 135 00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:21,196 [bird screeches] 136 00:05:21,196 --> 00:05:22,698 ♪ 137 00:05:22,698 --> 00:05:24,408 [loud yawn] 138 00:05:25,951 --> 00:05:29,204 General Lee, I, again, apologize. General Grant should be here... 139 00:05:30,205 --> 00:05:31,832 momentarily. 140 00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:34,042 It's just here in the South, 141 00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:36,795 we afford people common courtesy. [laughs] 142 00:05:36,795 --> 00:05:38,255 Not all people. 143 00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:39,715 Mm. 144 00:05:39,715 --> 00:05:41,216 [imitates]: Mm. 145 00:05:41,216 --> 00:05:43,468 Robert E. Lee is not gonna surrender 146 00:05:43,468 --> 00:05:46,471 - to a man in his goddamn skivvies! - I think you look great, sir. 147 00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:47,973 Todd, I put on 20 pounds since Gettysburg. 148 00:05:48,557 --> 00:05:50,350 I need a uniform. 149 00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:51,935 You, Private! 150 00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:53,187 Strip down! 151 00:05:53,187 --> 00:05:55,147 Okay, Daddy! 152 00:05:55,147 --> 00:05:57,858 I need to end this war, so I can get a drink. 153 00:05:57,858 --> 00:05:59,568 [aroused panting] Come on, come on! 154 00:06:00,444 --> 00:06:02,571 Why would you let me take that guy's uniform? 155 00:06:02,571 --> 00:06:04,281 You said to never correct you ever again, sir. 156 00:06:04,281 --> 00:06:06,658 Correction! Not all the time! 157 00:06:07,409 --> 00:06:09,995 Have you been watching anything good recently? 158 00:06:09,995 --> 00:06:13,498 Oh, I've been, uh, binging campfires. 159 00:06:13,498 --> 00:06:14,833 - Mm. - You? 160 00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:17,628 I tried watching rivers, but I just couldn't get into 'em. 161 00:06:17,628 --> 00:06:20,088 Ooh, stay with it. [laughs] 162 00:06:20,088 --> 00:06:21,715 GRANT: Ah! [door bangs open] 163 00:06:22,674 --> 00:06:23,342 [grunts] 164 00:06:24,343 --> 00:06:27,346 Sorry I'm late, but I'm here now, in my uniform. 165 00:06:27,346 --> 00:06:30,057 Why don't we sign this treaty and end this war? 166 00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:32,059 [laughs] Alright? Here we go. 167 00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:33,310 Right here. 168 00:06:33,310 --> 00:06:34,561 Ah, ah, ah, ah. [tap] 169 00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:35,938 Bobby, you're up. 170 00:06:37,439 --> 00:06:40,442 This is truly the most difficult thing I have ever been called on to do. 171 00:06:40,442 --> 00:06:42,361 Uh, yeah. Just go ahead and sign it. 172 00:06:42,361 --> 00:06:45,739 - I pray that this never happens again. - Right next to where I put mine. 173 00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:47,533 As a boy, my father taught me... 174 00:06:47,533 --> 00:06:49,243 Oh, what'd he tell you? What'd he tell you? 175 00:06:49,243 --> 00:06:52,079 [muttering] ...sign to end the war! 176 00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:54,998 Huzzah! Who wants a drink? 177 00:06:54,998 --> 00:06:56,875 I do. You want a drink? You want a drink? 178 00:06:56,875 --> 00:06:58,210 I'm buying. I'm buying-- 179 00:06:58,210 --> 00:06:59,837 My God! 180 00:06:59,837 --> 00:07:02,214 This place was impossible to find! 181 00:07:02,214 --> 00:07:03,674 I had to parallel park my own horse. 182 00:07:04,258 --> 00:07:06,802 - Who are you? - Who am I? 183 00:07:06,802 --> 00:07:09,429 [wild laughter] Who am I?! 184 00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:12,015 [chuckling] 185 00:07:12,015 --> 00:07:13,267 Who am I... 186 00:07:13,684 --> 00:07:15,894 Ah, yes! I... 187 00:07:15,894 --> 00:07:18,397 am Maurice Cheeks. Notary Public. 188 00:07:18,397 --> 00:07:21,692 I am the official that makes anything you wanna make official 189 00:07:21,692 --> 00:07:23,485 officially officialized. GRANT: Oh! 190 00:07:23,485 --> 00:07:25,571 I also perform the occasional bris. 191 00:07:25,571 --> 00:07:27,823 Sir, we've already signed the treaty. 192 00:07:27,823 --> 00:07:28,657 ♪ dramatic sting ♪ 193 00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:30,033 You what?! 194 00:07:30,033 --> 00:07:31,994 You signed the treaty?! 195 00:07:31,994 --> 00:07:34,079 Who told you you can sign?! 196 00:07:34,079 --> 00:07:38,041 You can't sign without the notary public present! 197 00:07:38,041 --> 00:07:39,793 Tell you what, you signed nothing! 198 00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:42,337 This treaty is useless! It's garbage, I tell you! 199 00:07:42,337 --> 00:07:43,922 - No! - Garbage! 200 00:07:43,922 --> 00:07:46,925 The civil war is still on! Ah! [Grant groans] 201 00:07:48,093 --> 00:07:51,013 Jesus Christ, why didn't somebody tell me my ass was this big? 202 00:07:51,013 --> 00:07:53,807 Sir, this is important. What if I said... 203 00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:54,933 "pretty please"? 204 00:07:54,933 --> 00:07:56,727 With sugar on top? 205 00:07:56,727 --> 00:07:58,103 [begging voice]: Please? 206 00:07:58,103 --> 00:08:00,522 - Well, I do have a sweet tooth. - Alright. 207 00:08:00,522 --> 00:08:03,066 Alright, but next time, you two follow directions, get it? 208 00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:04,860 - Yes, sir. - Alright. 209 00:08:04,860 --> 00:08:06,069 - We need a new treaty. - New treaty! 210 00:08:06,069 --> 00:08:07,237 - New treaty. 211 00:08:07,237 --> 00:08:08,363 - New treaty! - New treaty! 212 00:08:08,363 --> 00:08:09,615 On the table, alright. 213 00:08:09,615 --> 00:08:12,743 Now, you, in the oversized uniform, you sign right there. 214 00:08:12,743 --> 00:08:14,828 Yes, sir. Right there. [sighs] 215 00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:18,081 Nicely done, and you, hot Santa, right over there you sign. 216 00:08:18,081 --> 00:08:21,084 ♪ 217 00:08:21,084 --> 00:08:23,378 [soldiers groan] LEE: Sorry, boys. 218 00:08:23,378 --> 00:08:25,923 Alright, let's make this official. 219 00:08:27,132 --> 00:08:29,635 Goddammit! I brought my mohel bag! 220 00:08:30,469 --> 00:08:32,429 Useless, unless anybody wants 221 00:08:32,429 --> 00:08:33,847 - to take a little off the top. - No, thanks. 222 00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:36,391 Alright. We'll improvise. [throws bag] 223 00:08:36,391 --> 00:08:37,601 Improvising! [spits] 224 00:08:37,601 --> 00:08:39,937 There it is! Official! 225 00:08:39,937 --> 00:08:41,647 The Civil War is over! 226 00:08:41,647 --> 00:08:44,525 And now, we triple kiss! 227 00:08:44,525 --> 00:08:45,526 ALL: Mwah! 228 00:08:49,571 --> 00:08:50,781 - [light music] - Who am I? 229 00:08:50,781 --> 00:08:54,284 I just wanna know why am I the way I am? 230 00:08:54,284 --> 00:08:56,161 Why do I like the things that I like? 231 00:08:56,161 --> 00:08:59,456 I have a hard time eating dairy, and I always wondered why that is. 232 00:08:59,456 --> 00:09:00,791 I love riding horses. 233 00:09:00,791 --> 00:09:02,084 What is that about? 234 00:09:02,084 --> 00:09:03,377 I'll tell you what it's about. 235 00:09:03,377 --> 00:09:04,670 I'm Kublai Khan, 236 00:09:04,670 --> 00:09:07,464 and I had sex with all these people's ancestors. 237 00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:10,217 And you can find out if you are my progeny as well 238 00:09:10,217 --> 00:09:13,470 by signing up for khancestry.com. 239 00:09:13,470 --> 00:09:15,931 When I first heard of khancestry.com, 240 00:09:15,931 --> 00:09:18,350 I thought $600 is a lot of money, 241 00:09:18,350 --> 00:09:19,852 but I've learned so much about myself. 242 00:09:19,852 --> 00:09:23,647 I knew my mom's second cousin was Flip Wilson's wife, 243 00:09:23,647 --> 00:09:25,190 but this is way cooler. 244 00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:28,193 I've always had this overwhelming urge 245 00:09:28,193 --> 00:09:30,988 to conquer and unify Eurasia. 246 00:09:30,988 --> 00:09:32,698 So, you might be asking yourself, 247 00:09:32,698 --> 00:09:33,949 what's all this shit about? 248 00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:36,910 Genghis Khan, AKA my grandpa Gengie, 249 00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:40,247 started the biggest empire the world's ever seen. 250 00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:43,458 And I took that shit to the next level 251 00:09:43,458 --> 00:09:46,795 by creating trade routes to the west, establishing currency, 252 00:09:46,795 --> 00:09:48,589 and balling my brains out. 253 00:09:48,589 --> 00:09:51,550 [arrows popping] My empire even extended into Russia! 254 00:09:51,550 --> 00:09:54,761 That makes sense though because, see, my ma is Russian. 255 00:09:54,761 --> 00:09:56,805 My dad's Italian, though. Hey, yo. 256 00:09:56,805 --> 00:09:59,308 Alright, so a few years ago, I started growing out my ponytail, 257 00:09:59,308 --> 00:10:00,976 and my coworkers started making fun of me. 258 00:10:00,976 --> 00:10:02,895 They asked me if I worked at Guitar Center, 259 00:10:02,895 --> 00:10:05,522 and then I realized that I was related to Kublai Khan, 260 00:10:05,522 --> 00:10:08,483 who also had a ponytail, so fuck you, Corey! 261 00:10:08,483 --> 00:10:12,070 I cheated on my wife for years, but I never knew why. 262 00:10:12,070 --> 00:10:15,616 It's literally in my DNA to spread my seed 263 00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:17,451 as far and as wide as possible. 264 00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:20,037 So, I told this to my wife, Gloria, and she said, 265 00:10:20,037 --> 00:10:21,288 "Nah, that's bullshit." 266 00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:23,373 You know, I'm related to Kublai, too, 267 00:10:23,373 --> 00:10:25,626 but, uh, I didn't fuck the babysitter! 268 00:10:25,626 --> 00:10:29,505 First of all, it's not like a teenage babysitter. This woman is 48. 269 00:10:29,505 --> 00:10:32,174 And second of all, she's a nice lady. She's going through a rough time. 270 00:10:32,174 --> 00:10:33,926 I'm just trying to help her get on her feet. 271 00:10:33,926 --> 00:10:36,428 Yeah 'cause she's spending a lot of time on her back, 272 00:10:36,428 --> 00:10:39,515 with you on top of her, like a big ol' fucking manatee. 273 00:10:39,515 --> 00:10:41,725 After I got my khancestry.com results, 274 00:10:41,725 --> 00:10:43,435 I took dairy out of my diet, 275 00:10:43,435 --> 00:10:45,479 and the rash on my back cleared up within weeks. 276 00:10:45,479 --> 00:10:48,815 Oh yeah, I can't do dairy. Also cashews. 277 00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:50,317 So that means no almond milk? 278 00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:52,277 No, no tree nuts of any kind! 279 00:10:52,277 --> 00:10:54,446 Let me tell you something about little Miss Perfect over here. 280 00:10:54,446 --> 00:10:57,741 She tells everyone that she was in the Rockettes. 281 00:10:57,741 --> 00:11:00,536 She was not in the Rockettes! 282 00:11:00,536 --> 00:11:01,787 You don't listen, Barry. 283 00:11:01,787 --> 00:11:04,248 The Rockettes are a group of my girlfriends 284 00:11:04,248 --> 00:11:07,417 who are fans of the Rocky movies. That's all. 285 00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:09,253 I walk around the street, and I'm like, 286 00:11:09,253 --> 00:11:11,463 "Are you the spawn of Khan? Are you the spawn of Khan? 287 00:11:11,463 --> 00:11:12,673 I'm the spawn of Khan!" 288 00:11:12,673 --> 00:11:14,341 [laughs] Everyone thinks I'm insane! 289 00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:17,803 With the right leader, we could unify the tribes. 290 00:11:17,803 --> 00:11:19,972 The Golden Horde is coming for you. 291 00:11:19,972 --> 00:11:21,890 - Khan! - Khan! 292 00:11:21,890 --> 00:11:23,642 [deep, echoing]: Khan! 293 00:11:23,642 --> 00:11:26,562 Go to khancestry.com and get a testing kit today. 294 00:11:26,562 --> 00:11:30,274 Find out who you are, so you can be the best you, you can be. 295 00:11:30,274 --> 00:11:31,191 Which is me. 296 00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:35,195 - Which is me. - Which is me! 297 00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:36,196 Which is me. 298 00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:39,449 ♪ 299 00:11:40,826 --> 00:11:44,454 MEL: And now, back to "The Last Supper Sessions." 300 00:11:44,454 --> 00:11:46,498 [instruments tuning] PETER: Oh... 301 00:11:46,498 --> 00:11:47,958 [quiet chatter] 302 00:11:47,958 --> 00:11:50,460 Come on down to the carnival. 303 00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:51,795 It's the carnival! 304 00:11:52,296 --> 00:11:54,548 You know, last night Yoko, was, um-- 305 00:11:54,548 --> 00:11:55,799 I'm sorry, who? 306 00:11:55,799 --> 00:11:57,259 Mary. I said Mary. 307 00:11:57,259 --> 00:11:58,802 MARK: You said Yoko, mate. 308 00:11:58,802 --> 00:12:00,387 JUDAS: She's so clearly Yoko. 309 00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:02,931 It's not one-to-one, but she's clearly Yoko. 310 00:12:02,931 --> 00:12:05,017 R-right, but it's not-- just not one-to-one. 311 00:12:05,017 --> 00:12:07,644 So, d-don't try to make direct comparisons. We're not-- 312 00:12:07,644 --> 00:12:10,272 Lads, you're distracted from the point, mate. Like, last night, 313 00:12:10,272 --> 00:12:13,108 she was doing her body art on me... MARK: Mm. 314 00:12:13,108 --> 00:12:14,902 ...and shrieking in my ear, 315 00:12:14,902 --> 00:12:18,697 I-I just had this divine inspiration, right? 316 00:12:18,697 --> 00:12:19,948 And it was a lyric. 317 00:12:19,948 --> 00:12:21,783 "Lovely Lucy, lovely." 318 00:12:21,783 --> 00:12:24,244 [singing]: Lovely Lucy! [playing guitar] 319 00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:27,873 ♪ Lovely Lucy was a pharaoh's daughter ♪ 320 00:12:28,832 --> 00:12:32,586 ♪ Pushing camels through a needle's eye ♪ 321 00:12:32,586 --> 00:12:34,755 [shutter snaps] MAR: Ooh. What if Lovely Lucy 322 00:12:34,755 --> 00:12:37,341 was a little bird, and she flies down, 323 00:12:37,341 --> 00:12:40,427 and she's wearing little wellies 'cause it's raining out, 324 00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:42,346 and she's splashing in little puddles? 325 00:12:42,346 --> 00:12:44,181 And it's-- it kind of, like, 326 00:12:44,181 --> 00:12:46,225 rainbows start kind of-- JUDAS: Yeah. 327 00:12:46,225 --> 00:12:48,477 You see little rainbows in their eyes, you know. 328 00:12:48,477 --> 00:12:50,395 I think keep going, mate. JUDAS: Anything for the chorus? 329 00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:53,607 Do you have a-anything for the chorus? JESUS: What if we, uh, what if we try... 330 00:12:53,607 --> 00:12:55,150 [playing rock guitar] 331 00:12:55,150 --> 00:12:58,654 ♪ Give back, give back ♪ 332 00:12:58,654 --> 00:13:00,822 ♪ Can't just take it with ya ♪ 333 00:13:00,822 --> 00:13:02,324 ♪ Gotta give back ♪ 334 00:13:02,324 --> 00:13:04,785 LUKE: Woo! You're beatin' around the bush too much. 335 00:13:04,785 --> 00:13:07,704 You're talkin' about giving back. You gotta say cash. 336 00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:09,081 You change the verse. 337 00:13:09,081 --> 00:13:12,584 ♪ Give cash, give cash ♪ 338 00:13:12,584 --> 00:13:16,088 ♪ Or you can go to Hell and burn the fuck up ♪ 339 00:13:16,088 --> 00:13:17,089 See what I'm sayin'? 340 00:13:17,089 --> 00:13:18,924 JESUS: You're the best marketer I've ever met, 341 00:13:18,924 --> 00:13:20,050 but I just wanna bring people in, innit? 342 00:13:20,050 --> 00:13:22,302 - MARK: It's about peace and love. - Peace and love, mate. 343 00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:24,930 - JUDAS: Peace and love. - Yeah, I get ya. 344 00:13:24,930 --> 00:13:28,100 ♪ Get Back -style riff ♪ 345 00:13:28,100 --> 00:13:31,979 ♪ Lovely Lucy was a pharaoh's daughter ♪ 346 00:13:31,979 --> 00:13:35,816 ♪ Pushing camels through a needle's eye ♪ 347 00:13:35,816 --> 00:13:39,736 ♪ She said, give back, give back ♪ 348 00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:45,033 ♪ If you wanna get to Heaven, gotta give back ♪ 349 00:13:45,033 --> 00:13:46,869 ♪ Ooh ♪ 350 00:13:46,869 --> 00:13:48,245 ♪ Woo! ♪ 351 00:13:48,245 --> 00:13:49,371 [cymbals ring] 352 00:13:49,371 --> 00:13:51,999 - MARK: That was a nice one there. - Yes! 353 00:13:51,999 --> 00:13:54,293 PETER: Oh, lads! Lads, I'm sorry. 354 00:13:54,293 --> 00:13:56,336 [sighs] I recorded nothing. 355 00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:59,673 The shells, they were all turned the wrong way. 356 00:13:59,673 --> 00:14:01,133 JUDAS: Nothing? PETER: I'm sorry! 357 00:14:01,133 --> 00:14:03,677 - JUDAS: Are you fucking kidding me, Peter? - Oh God. 358 00:14:03,677 --> 00:14:06,722 Peter, this is the third time you've gobbed up the shells, mate. 359 00:14:06,722 --> 00:14:10,642 I'm sorry, Jesus! I didn't mean to betray you! 360 00:14:12,436 --> 00:14:13,812 [sighs] 361 00:14:16,315 --> 00:14:19,484 [struggling shofar blowing] 362 00:14:19,943 --> 00:14:24,531 Oh, the fucking shofar is broken, Peter! 363 00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:29,786 Statues, statues, statues. 364 00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:31,121 Steven Santelmo, 365 00:14:31,121 --> 00:14:33,916 from Steven Santelmo Statue Removal and Supply. 366 00:14:33,916 --> 00:14:35,876 Maybe you love statues. 367 00:14:35,876 --> 00:14:38,378 Well, we are the number-one reseller of statues 368 00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:39,588 in the tri-state area. 369 00:14:39,588 --> 00:14:42,925 We have thousands and thousands and thousands of used statues. 370 00:14:42,925 --> 00:14:45,636 When we take 'em down, everybody dances around, 371 00:14:45,636 --> 00:14:48,639 then they go home and w-- these statues just sitting around, like, 372 00:14:48,639 --> 00:14:50,307 I'ma take these statues, you know? 373 00:14:50,307 --> 00:14:51,642 We got Vladimir Lenin. 374 00:14:51,642 --> 00:14:52,935 We got Robert E. Lee. 375 00:14:52,935 --> 00:14:54,645 We got Nicolae Ceausescu. 376 00:14:54,645 --> 00:14:56,104 We got a wax Putin. 377 00:14:56,104 --> 00:14:59,107 And we got the mother of all deposed dictators. 378 00:14:59,107 --> 00:15:00,817 ♪ intense music ♪ That's right, ladies and gentlemen, 379 00:15:00,817 --> 00:15:03,070 we got him, Saddam Hussein. 380 00:15:03,070 --> 00:15:05,656 They couldn't find weapons of mass destruction, 381 00:15:05,656 --> 00:15:08,951 but I found his fucking statues, not my brother Barry, 382 00:15:08,951 --> 00:15:11,578 who couldn't find his own thumb if it was wedged up his ass, 383 00:15:11,578 --> 00:15:12,621 which it is half the time. 384 00:15:12,621 --> 00:15:14,414 Hey, Barry, you're not allowed in the commercials. 385 00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:16,500 I don't care what Dad said before he died. 386 00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:18,627 We got more horses... [horse neighing] 387 00:15:18,627 --> 00:15:21,421 I can't even tell you how many horses statues. 388 00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:23,882 And, you know, fun fact about horse statues, 389 00:15:23,882 --> 00:15:26,718 if one leg is up, I don't know what it means. 390 00:15:26,718 --> 00:15:29,346 It's-- Someone told me once, and I could never remember. 391 00:15:29,346 --> 00:15:31,139 Anyways, come on down to 392 00:15:31,139 --> 00:15:34,560 Steven Santelmo's Statue Removal and Supply 393 00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:36,728 for the deal o-of your dreams. 394 00:15:36,728 --> 00:15:39,731 ♪ upbeat music ♪ 395 00:15:44,027 --> 00:15:45,028 ♪ 396 00:15:45,028 --> 00:15:47,030 MEL: "Amelia Earhart." 397 00:15:49,533 --> 00:15:51,118 Untouched beauty. 398 00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:52,578 Private beaches. 399 00:15:52,578 --> 00:15:54,246 AMELIA EARHART: Wild birds. [splashing, laughing] 400 00:15:54,830 --> 00:15:56,331 The Bermuda Triangle. 401 00:15:57,291 --> 00:15:59,334 Join me, Amelia Earhart, 402 00:15:59,334 --> 00:16:01,670 in this goddamn paradise, 403 00:16:01,670 --> 00:16:04,298 where we are fully open... 404 00:16:04,298 --> 00:16:06,008 Bar. Open bar. 405 00:16:06,008 --> 00:16:09,136 [laughter] The Triangle is a gift to women like me. 406 00:16:09,136 --> 00:16:10,679 Just ask my roommate, 407 00:16:10,679 --> 00:16:12,264 Bessie Coleman. 408 00:16:12,264 --> 00:16:14,391 It's a pilot's paradise. 409 00:16:14,391 --> 00:16:17,227 Bessie, when did you know that you were a pilot? 410 00:16:17,227 --> 00:16:20,814 I felt my first longing for the air 411 00:16:20,814 --> 00:16:22,441 when I was in sixth grade, 412 00:16:22,441 --> 00:16:25,944 but I didn't realize I was a pilot 413 00:16:25,944 --> 00:16:27,070 until high school. 414 00:16:27,070 --> 00:16:29,948 And now, you're a gold-star pilot. 415 00:16:29,948 --> 00:16:31,533 [ding] BESSIE COLEMAN: That's right. 416 00:16:31,533 --> 00:16:34,494 And this place is swarming with other pilots. 417 00:16:34,912 --> 00:16:36,747 Traveling here is a breeze. 418 00:16:36,747 --> 00:16:39,166 All you gotta do is get your father's permission 419 00:16:39,166 --> 00:16:40,542 to go to aviation school. 420 00:16:40,542 --> 00:16:42,878 EARHART: Take a three-day exam to get your license. 421 00:16:42,878 --> 00:16:45,464 COLEMAN: Overcome your crippling fear of heights. 422 00:16:45,464 --> 00:16:46,882 Get your hands on a bargain barrel plane 423 00:16:46,882 --> 00:16:49,134 that your friends and family will beg you not to fly. 424 00:16:49,134 --> 00:16:50,511 COLEMAN: Then, fly it anyway. 425 00:16:50,511 --> 00:16:52,971 EARHART: Crash land it at the scariest part of the ocean, 426 00:16:52,971 --> 00:16:54,640 thereby faking your own death. 427 00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:56,850 So no one will find you! 428 00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:58,852 Including your husbands. 429 00:16:58,852 --> 00:17:01,271 Not an easy journey, but worth it. 430 00:17:01,939 --> 00:17:03,649 EARHART: The Bermuda Triangle, 431 00:17:03,649 --> 00:17:06,151 where no man dares to go. 432 00:17:06,151 --> 00:17:07,986 And if one makes it here, we kill him. 433 00:17:07,986 --> 00:17:09,655 [bangs bar] I love the Triangle! 434 00:17:10,322 --> 00:17:11,406 [groans] 435 00:17:11,406 --> 00:17:14,034 You hit some turbulence there, Cap? 436 00:17:14,034 --> 00:17:16,787 Nope. I am a pilot in the '30s, 437 00:17:16,787 --> 00:17:19,373 - and I wanna dance. - Let's cut a rug. 438 00:17:19,373 --> 00:17:20,958 [women whooping] Wow. 439 00:17:20,958 --> 00:17:22,376 - Yeah! You see this? - Uh-huh. 440 00:17:22,376 --> 00:17:24,169 All the girls in New York City are doing this. 441 00:17:24,169 --> 00:17:25,170 It's like an illusion. 442 00:17:25,879 --> 00:17:28,924 It's just a short flight to Wonderland. [zooming, explosion] 443 00:17:28,924 --> 00:17:30,592 Now boarding! 444 00:17:35,055 --> 00:17:38,600 MEL: And now, back to "The Last Supper Sessions." 445 00:17:39,601 --> 00:17:40,686 INTERVIEWER: You and your friends 446 00:17:40,686 --> 00:17:42,855 are here at the studio every day. May I ask why? 447 00:17:43,647 --> 00:17:45,357 Um, I like to hang around here 448 00:17:45,357 --> 00:17:48,277 and just to see if I can catch any of the apostles. 449 00:17:48,277 --> 00:17:50,153 Um, I'm totally a Judas girl. 450 00:17:50,153 --> 00:17:53,115 He's just, like, a bad boy, and I like that. 451 00:17:53,115 --> 00:17:55,242 [quiet guitar] MARK: We'll go under water 452 00:17:55,242 --> 00:17:57,703 and have fun with my magic seahorse. 453 00:17:57,703 --> 00:17:59,997 ♪ We'll go underwater ♪ 454 00:17:59,997 --> 00:18:03,709 ♪ And have fun with my magic seahorse ♪ 455 00:18:03,709 --> 00:18:05,419 She dropped it right in the fucking toast. 456 00:18:05,419 --> 00:18:06,587 JESUS: Mate, I-I don't think 457 00:18:06,587 --> 00:18:09,006 the "under the sea" theme is working, mate. 458 00:18:09,006 --> 00:18:11,717 - Judas, what do you got? - Okay, I've got an idea. Okay, 459 00:18:11,717 --> 00:18:14,094 how about this? It goes, um, I've got a feeling... 460 00:18:14,094 --> 00:18:16,471 ♪ I've got a feeling ♪ 461 00:18:16,471 --> 00:18:18,557 That white guys can have dreads. 462 00:18:19,224 --> 00:18:20,225 [strums] 463 00:18:20,225 --> 00:18:22,561 ♪ I don't agree with that ♪ 464 00:18:23,478 --> 00:18:24,605 You know, 465 00:18:24,605 --> 00:18:27,191 it's not that much of a big deal, 466 00:18:27,191 --> 00:18:29,234 but if my ideas aren't going to be listened to, 467 00:18:29,234 --> 00:18:32,112 then I think I'm just gonna leave. Hm? 468 00:18:32,112 --> 00:18:34,531 - Judas... - I'm leaving the band now. 469 00:18:34,531 --> 00:18:35,741 MARK: It's just like that. 470 00:18:35,741 --> 00:18:36,992 Just walked out. 471 00:18:37,492 --> 00:18:39,578 Mate, who did his hair, mate? 472 00:18:39,578 --> 00:18:42,456 - It's a mess. - And just to be crystal clear, 473 00:18:42,456 --> 00:18:44,583 I'm leaving this band. 474 00:18:44,583 --> 00:18:45,876 Okay? 475 00:18:45,876 --> 00:18:48,253 Leaves me a lot more time with all my side projects. 476 00:18:48,253 --> 00:18:49,963 LUKE: Mm. 477 00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:53,133 [exhales] 478 00:18:54,134 --> 00:18:57,137 But I still wanna know where the show's gonna be. 479 00:19:01,266 --> 00:19:05,103 Sorry, I forgot my keys. Does anyone know where my keys are? 480 00:19:05,103 --> 00:19:06,647 [guitar riff] 481 00:19:07,898 --> 00:19:11,485 Steven Santelmo Statue Removal and Supply 482 00:19:11,485 --> 00:19:14,821 is going out of business, and I'm selling everything. 483 00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:16,406 People that got canceled. 484 00:19:16,406 --> 00:19:18,575 Hillary "Pizzagate" Clinton, I got her. 485 00:19:18,575 --> 00:19:19,535 Christopher Columbus. 486 00:19:19,535 --> 00:19:21,578 Nobody's touching one of those statues. 487 00:19:21,578 --> 00:19:23,830 This guy founded America, and I'll never forget. 488 00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:25,958 [echoing]: Everything must go. 489 00:19:25,958 --> 00:19:29,002 Now, you might be wondering why a profitable business 490 00:19:29,002 --> 00:19:30,754 would be going out of business. 491 00:19:30,754 --> 00:19:33,799 And the answer is simple. Because of this fuckin' turd. 492 00:19:33,799 --> 00:19:37,052 Him, his wicked wife, and his dud daughter 493 00:19:37,052 --> 00:19:39,555 sued me for libel and defamation 494 00:19:39,555 --> 00:19:41,390 because of my previous commercials? 495 00:19:41,390 --> 00:19:43,433 Look at him. I couldn't believe I was related 496 00:19:43,433 --> 00:19:45,352 to this piece of human shawarma. 497 00:19:45,352 --> 00:19:47,354 So then, I pissed into a Snapple bottle 498 00:19:47,354 --> 00:19:49,439 and sent it to khancestry.com. 499 00:19:49,439 --> 00:19:53,026 When I got my results, I realized that I, too, 500 00:19:53,026 --> 00:19:55,404 was related to Kublai Khan. 501 00:19:55,404 --> 00:19:57,781 Just like Barry Santelmo. 502 00:19:57,781 --> 00:20:01,618 Which means that we were actually brothers. 503 00:20:01,618 --> 00:20:03,871 And nothing is... 504 00:20:03,871 --> 00:20:06,331 [voice breaking]: is more important than family. Come on, guys. 505 00:20:06,331 --> 00:20:08,625 - Come on out. - Hey, bro, how you doing? 506 00:20:08,625 --> 00:20:10,460 [Steven mutters] 507 00:20:10,460 --> 00:20:13,255 Finding out that we are both related to Kublai Khan 508 00:20:13,255 --> 00:20:15,215 has brought us closer together as brothers. 509 00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:18,385 And the good news for you is that we are teaming up 510 00:20:18,385 --> 00:20:22,556 to offer you the best Mongolian statues in the... So-- 511 00:20:22,556 --> 00:20:24,850 - And the good news for-- Okay. - Stop. Take your time, take your time. 512 00:20:24,850 --> 00:20:26,310 - Don't tell me how to do this. - No, no, no. 513 00:20:26,310 --> 00:20:28,312 I been doing these commercials for years, alright? 514 00:20:28,312 --> 00:20:31,481 We are teaming up as a family to offer you 515 00:20:31,481 --> 00:20:34,651 the best Mongolian statues we can find. 516 00:20:34,651 --> 00:20:35,944 We got 'em all! 517 00:20:35,944 --> 00:20:38,488 - Genghis Khan. - Kublai Khan. 518 00:20:38,488 --> 00:20:40,574 - Scott Caan. - Madeline Kahn? 519 00:20:40,574 --> 00:20:44,369 We also have a statue of Sylvester Stallone. Not for sale. 520 00:20:44,369 --> 00:20:46,914 That's my sister-in-law. She's supposed to be doing the books, 521 00:20:46,914 --> 00:20:48,373 but now, she's on camera? I... 522 00:20:48,373 --> 00:20:50,292 I told you I was gonna be on camera. I told you. 523 00:20:50,292 --> 00:20:52,169 I was with her when she told you, Uncle Steven. 524 00:20:52,169 --> 00:20:54,838 Oh, thanks, "Raven." Please, her Christian name's Samantha. 525 00:20:54,838 --> 00:20:56,423 I don't know when she changed her name... 526 00:20:56,423 --> 00:20:58,008 At least, uh, our daughter 527 00:20:58,008 --> 00:21:00,677 didn't get busted at junior prom for selling ketamine. 528 00:21:00,677 --> 00:21:02,304 - Hello! Your daughter. - Okay. 529 00:21:02,304 --> 00:21:04,223 It was in the paper. It was in The Ledger, Steven. 530 00:21:04,223 --> 00:21:06,225 Okay, first of all, excuse me. It was molly. 531 00:21:06,225 --> 00:21:08,018 Second of all, it was senior prom, 532 00:21:08,018 --> 00:21:09,728 so get your fucking facts straight. BARRY: Oh! Oh, okay. 533 00:21:09,728 --> 00:21:12,481 F-first of all, uh, d-d-don't talk to my wife that way. 534 00:21:12,481 --> 00:21:14,733 - [texting] - W-what? W-who are you texting, Barry? 535 00:21:14,733 --> 00:21:16,527 No, it was, uh, it was a spam caller. 536 00:21:16,527 --> 00:21:19,446 Oh, oh, what? Is that your new girlfriend's name now? Spam? 537 00:21:19,446 --> 00:21:21,365 - Huh? - Oh! Hey! It's in my DNA! 538 00:21:21,365 --> 00:21:23,700 Ah, yeah, your DNA is in every whore in town, Barry! 539 00:21:23,700 --> 00:21:24,952 - Oh! - Okay. 540 00:21:24,952 --> 00:21:26,787 You say that in front of our little girl! Where were you? 541 00:21:26,787 --> 00:21:30,207 Bottom line is Santelmo's Statue Removal and Supplies 542 00:21:30,207 --> 00:21:33,418 is now Santelmo Mongolian Statue Depot. 543 00:21:33,418 --> 00:21:36,505 We got the best deal for you because you're family, 544 00:21:36,505 --> 00:21:39,758 'cause you're likely related to Kublai Khan as well. 545 00:21:39,758 --> 00:21:41,510 We never would Kub-lie to you. 546 00:21:41,510 --> 00:21:44,179 ALL: Our prices "Khant" be beat. 547 00:21:44,179 --> 00:21:47,432 Let me just do the last line myself. Leave me something. 548 00:21:47,432 --> 00:21:50,477 ♪ upbeat music ♪ 549 00:21:52,271 --> 00:21:56,108 MEL: And now, the grand finale of "The Civil War." 550 00:21:57,317 --> 00:21:59,903 [horse whinnies] LEE: In conclusion, 551 00:21:59,903 --> 00:22:03,073 I pray that I will still be remembered as a man 552 00:22:03,073 --> 00:22:05,826 of great honor and dignity. 553 00:22:05,826 --> 00:22:07,411 Alright, wrap it up and get on your horse. 554 00:22:07,411 --> 00:22:08,579 [grunting] 555 00:22:08,579 --> 00:22:10,080 - You're almost there. - Ye-- 556 00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:12,583 [loud fart] [horse neighs] 557 00:22:12,583 --> 00:22:14,793 [laughing] 558 00:22:14,793 --> 00:22:16,378 GRANT: Don't come back now! 559 00:22:16,378 --> 00:22:18,255 [farting] 560 00:22:18,255 --> 00:22:21,300 If I may be so bold. I know the war is over, 561 00:22:21,300 --> 00:22:23,385 but I would love to continue working with you. 562 00:22:23,385 --> 00:22:26,096 - [laughs] Is that so, young man? - Yes, sir. Uh-- 563 00:22:26,096 --> 00:22:29,558 If I could just assist you in any way, I'll do it. 564 00:22:29,558 --> 00:22:32,144 Well, if you really wanna help me, there's one thing you could do right now. 565 00:22:32,144 --> 00:22:33,854 - Yes, sir. - Get on the floor, 566 00:22:33,854 --> 00:22:35,981 - and fuckin' dance! - Yes, sir. 567 00:22:35,981 --> 00:22:36,773 ♪ 568 00:22:36,773 --> 00:22:38,567 ♪ One more time ♪ 569 00:22:38,567 --> 00:22:41,111 ♪ electronic music ♪ 570 00:22:41,111 --> 00:22:44,448 [soldiers cheering] 571 00:22:44,448 --> 00:22:45,449 Oh, whoa! 572 00:22:46,325 --> 00:22:48,827 Oh, gimme, gimme. Ooh, thank you. 573 00:22:50,913 --> 00:22:51,914 Woo! 574 00:22:52,915 --> 00:22:54,416 Woo! 575 00:22:54,416 --> 00:22:57,628 ♪ One more time, we're gonna celebrate ♪ 576 00:22:57,628 --> 00:22:59,588 ♪ Oh yeah, alright ♪ 577 00:22:59,588 --> 00:23:02,090 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 578 00:23:02,090 --> 00:23:03,091 Whoa! 579 00:23:03,091 --> 00:23:05,260 [cheering] 580 00:23:05,260 --> 00:23:07,554 RT: Yeah! 581 00:23:07,554 --> 00:23:09,515 Fucking love you, dawg! 582 00:23:09,515 --> 00:23:11,475 HONEYBEARD: Wow. This party's fantastic. 583 00:23:11,475 --> 00:23:14,186 Well, the war is over, fellas. We can get back to our lives. 584 00:23:14,186 --> 00:23:15,812 Yeah. [party fades out] 585 00:23:15,812 --> 00:23:17,231 ♪ poignant music ♪ 586 00:23:17,231 --> 00:23:19,900 I gotta say, the last 12 hours with you guys 587 00:23:19,900 --> 00:23:21,485 have been the most fun I've ever had. 588 00:23:21,485 --> 00:23:24,446 And I'm sorry, our show was hot fire. 589 00:23:24,446 --> 00:23:26,615 Yeah, we really pulled it together in, like, three minutes. 590 00:23:26,615 --> 00:23:29,201 I mean, we cut so many bits, we have enough for a season two. 591 00:23:29,201 --> 00:23:32,204 Well, we'll always have those memories. 592 00:23:32,204 --> 00:23:34,873 What if... we kept doing it? 593 00:23:34,873 --> 00:23:36,917 Have memories? Yeah, okay. 594 00:23:36,917 --> 00:23:39,586 No! Performing, singing, comedy. 595 00:23:39,586 --> 00:23:41,922 Oh, my God, I am so in! 596 00:23:41,922 --> 00:23:44,216 - Let's leave right now! - But where do we go? 597 00:23:44,216 --> 00:23:46,635 I've been reading about this place called, uh, 598 00:23:46,635 --> 00:23:48,053 uh, California? 599 00:23:48,053 --> 00:23:49,721 I think it would be perfect for some guys like us. 600 00:23:49,721 --> 00:23:51,014 Oh, I like this. 601 00:23:51,014 --> 00:23:53,559 A career in showbiz would be healthy for an introvert like me. 602 00:23:53,559 --> 00:23:55,769 I only have one question. 603 00:23:55,769 --> 00:23:57,688 Which way to California? 604 00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:00,524 Left until we hit the ocean. 605 00:24:00,524 --> 00:24:01,525 [horse whinnies] 606 00:24:01,525 --> 00:24:04,528 ♪ triumphant Western music ♪ 607 00:24:09,867 --> 00:24:10,993 [cars honking] 608 00:24:10,993 --> 00:24:13,245 This is insane. It's 2:00 PM on a Tuesday. 609 00:24:13,245 --> 00:24:15,372 DIXON: Does anyone here have a job? 610 00:24:15,372 --> 00:24:16,790 MINGOES: Fuck, I'm gonna miss my audition. 611 00:24:16,790 --> 00:24:17,875 [honking continues] 612 00:24:17,875 --> 00:24:19,918 - What's it for? - Some Mel Brooks show. 613 00:24:19,918 --> 00:24:20,919 - Oh. - Oh. 614 00:24:20,919 --> 00:24:23,922 ♪ 615 00:25:33,992 --> 00:25:35,911 - I never knew my father. - Neither did I. 616 00:25:35,911 --> 00:25:38,121 - Because you're a virgin, right, Mommy? - Oh, yeah. 617 00:25:38,121 --> 00:25:39,665 Totally a virgin, yeah. 618 00:25:39,665 --> 00:25:40,999 Never... had sex. 619 00:25:41,750 --> 00:25:44,711 NARRATOR: Tomorrow night, the landmark event continues. 620 00:25:45,170 --> 00:25:47,464 Lieutenament Silverman, give us a status update. 621 00:25:47,464 --> 00:25:49,007 I'm single, but looking. 622 00:25:49,007 --> 00:25:50,801 We wanna jump right into it. 623 00:25:51,510 --> 00:25:52,970 [all laughing] 624 00:25:52,970 --> 00:25:54,930 The stars are certainly out tonight. 625 00:25:55,389 --> 00:25:58,433 - Oh! - I mean, we got ourselves a franchise here.