1
00:00:03,879 --> 00:00:08,039
Is the silence, that little pause,

2
00:00:08,119 --> 00:00:10,679
just before you decide which
way you're gonna go...

3
00:00:16,519 --> 00:00:18,199
I guess...

4
00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:26,879
I scared myself,
getting to that point.

5
00:00:27,719 --> 00:00:32,359
It was a real, a real reality check.

6
00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:40,399
I think that's us done for today.

7
00:00:41,479 --> 00:00:43,719
As in I have to stay
here another night?

8
00:00:44,079 --> 00:00:45,520
-At least.
-Come on.

9
00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:48,240
-A nurse will see you back to...
-No I don't need.

10
00:00:50,439 --> 00:00:53,159
What have you even written anyway,
like one sentence?

11
00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:56,399
I worry you're telling me
what I want to hear.

12
00:01:02,399 --> 00:01:07,159
So that's when I started
getting off my face.

13
00:01:07,239 --> 00:01:11,159
It's just easier.

14
00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:15,760
And you'd never experienced any
other mental health issues,

15
00:01:16,879 --> 00:01:18,680
until your father passed away?

16
00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:33,760
Oh this is just irritating, man,
what do you want me to say?

17
00:01:34,120 --> 00:01:36,439
This isn't about my dad?
'Cause it is.

18
00:01:36,799 --> 00:01:41,040
And then you want me to say, oh how bad
it makes me feel and how sad I am.

19
00:01:41,120 --> 00:01:43,519
Like what is the fucking point of that?
Yes.

20
00:01:43,599 --> 00:01:46,439
It makes me feel sad, it's a lot for
anyone to deal with, isn't it?

21
00:01:46,879 --> 00:01:51,040
Yes, it is, Jonny, it is.

22
00:01:52,879 --> 00:01:56,439
I'm going to ask, do you still want
to end your life?

23
00:01:59,799 --> 00:02:01,000
Jonny?

24
00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:06,799
-Right now?
-Right now.

25
00:02:08,159 --> 00:02:09,520
No.

26
00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:29,120
Oh, through the worst of it.

27
00:02:33,439 --> 00:02:35,520
We need to stop at the chemist
on the way home.

28
00:02:35,599 --> 00:02:37,719
For your medication? Course.

29
00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:42,960
And then I thought we could get
some nice food, for later.

30
00:02:44,240 --> 00:02:49,599
Maybe watch a film? What do you think?
We can do whatever you want.

31
00:02:56,680 --> 00:03:00,599
How can I be honest when other
people aren't honest with me?

32
00:03:15,199 --> 00:03:16,840
I really want this to be good.

33
00:03:16,919 --> 00:03:19,360
Course it will,
there's gonna be a gong bath.

34
00:03:20,039 --> 00:03:22,080
Don't know.
Not sure about the colours.

35
00:03:23,039 --> 00:03:24,520
Think they're ok.

36
00:03:24,599 --> 00:03:27,159
Stop at the printers,
get them to sort it.

37
00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:30,319
-I'll get my stuff. Oh hi.
-Hey.

38
00:03:31,719 --> 00:03:34,400
-Is Nan alright?
-She's great. Found a film to watch.

39
00:03:35,919 --> 00:03:37,159
Cool.

40
00:03:37,479 --> 00:03:42,120
Regan, I've been on to the agency,
they're gonna get someone else to come,

41
00:03:42,599 --> 00:03:44,199
as soon as they can organise.

42
00:03:44,639 --> 00:03:46,560
-Okay.
-I think it makes sense.

43
00:03:47,199 --> 00:03:49,199
Yeah. So do I,
that's why I said ok.

44
00:03:50,919 --> 00:03:52,360
Brilliant.

45
00:03:57,360 --> 00:03:58,800
-You coming?
-Yeah.

46
00:03:59,960 --> 00:04:02,039
Bit of an atmosphere
between you and her.

47
00:04:02,759 --> 00:04:04,719
Not for long.
Nan's getting a new carer.

48
00:04:06,039 --> 00:04:08,479
-And you're okay with that?
-Yeah, totally fine.

49
00:04:09,479 --> 00:04:12,680
Yeah. It's not like it was a huge
deal between the two of you, was it?

50
00:04:54,079 --> 00:04:57,639
I need to go and collect Alix.
What time are you going out tonight?

51
00:04:58,199 --> 00:04:59,920
I'm not going out.

52
00:05:00,439 --> 00:05:01,560
What?

53
00:05:01,639 --> 00:05:05,079
I'm just not used to you staying in.
We can all spend some time together.

54
00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:07,000
Sure.

55
00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:09,759
-What is that?
-Nothing.

56
00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:11,879
That's not nothing, Mei.

57
00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:16,000
I wanna go back to Canada.

58
00:05:16,439 --> 00:05:17,959
What?

59
00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:20,199
Please.

60
00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:26,040
I'm sorry, no.
Where would you live?

61
00:05:27,199 --> 00:05:29,720
With who? I'm sorry.

62
00:05:30,319 --> 00:05:34,680
I don't belong here, this isn't my home.
I've got nothing and no one here.

63
00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:36,360
That's not true.

64
00:05:36,439 --> 00:05:38,920
You don't wanna help me.
No one does.

65
00:05:50,399 --> 00:05:52,720
-Brought you a protein shake.
-Thanks.

66
00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:54,600
It's proper easy to make this one.

67
00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:57,639
You just get your protein powder and your
oat milk, whack them together,

68
00:05:57,720 --> 00:06:01,279
put that in the fridge for like
twenty-four hours, you get your cashews

69
00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:03,279
and your collagen, put those together,

70
00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:07,480
and put it on a slow blend,
maximise that nutrition. What?

71
00:06:07,920 --> 00:06:09,279
It's that easy, is it?

72
00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:17,399
Oh and finally, I add two raw eggs
in at the end but I don't mix 'em in.

73
00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:22,000
I'm teasing. No stress.

74
00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:27,639
But you're gonna need this if you're
gonna keep smashing those curls.

75
00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:30,480
Yeah, I'm feeling it, yeah.

76
00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:36,560
Not bad.

77
00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:47,480
There's a few of us going up
the hill on Saturday,

78
00:06:48,480 --> 00:06:50,360
they might have a fire.
If you...

79
00:06:50,439 --> 00:06:52,720
Oh like a date?

80
00:06:53,319 --> 00:06:55,839
I mean kinda, I...

81
00:06:56,399 --> 00:06:58,879
Alright. Count me in.
Saturday sounds fun.

82
00:07:08,199 --> 00:07:09,720
Hey.

83
00:07:12,759 --> 00:07:14,279
Hi!

84
00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:18,399
Can we have a word?

85
00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:20,199
Can't talk now.
Got to get to the venue.

86
00:07:20,279 --> 00:07:21,480
It won't take long.

87
00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:30,600
So the other night at the party I think
I might have been a bit rude.

88
00:07:32,319 --> 00:07:36,279
I didn't mean it when I said you were all
man of the match, Duke of Edinburgh,

89
00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:40,839
and when I said you were fucking pathetic
and arrogant, and over-achieving,

90
00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:42,319
and didn't have a life and sad...

91
00:07:42,399 --> 00:07:47,639
Okay. You know what,
you guys go. I'll catch up.

92
00:07:48,240 --> 00:07:50,279
-See you later, man of the match!
-Bye.

93
00:07:53,839 --> 00:07:55,480
I'm sorry.

94
00:07:57,439 --> 00:07:59,600
You're much nicer
when you're not wasted.

95
00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:03,600
Apology accepted.

96
00:08:04,519 --> 00:08:08,439
Thank you. Oh and I got an interview
shortlist for the volunteering programme!

97
00:08:08,519 --> 00:08:14,120
No fucking way! Oh that's great.
Oh you know I've got a friend out there.

98
00:08:16,199 --> 00:08:18,639
There's no way you
have a friend. I mean...

99
00:08:27,319 --> 00:08:28,720
Pizza's in the oven.

100
00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:33,440
Not sure if Andrew will get back
in time but, what's wrong?

101
00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:39,159
Do you want me to call
your therapist?

102
00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:41,200
No, it's not right.

103
00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:46,080
It takes time, Jonny, for the body
to adjust to medication.

104
00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:55,000
It feels like there's this huge hole
in the ground

105
00:08:55,080 --> 00:08:59,240
and we're just dancing around
it trying to pretend it does not exist.

106
00:09:00,960 --> 00:09:04,200
-Grief can feel like that.
-It's not grief Mum! It's not grief.

107
00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:08,919
Last week I was stood with a bunch
of pills in my hand and I just...

108
00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:12,480
What is the point of me?
That's what I thought.

109
00:09:12,559 --> 00:09:16,960
Just felt like there's a massive weight
for everyone else to carry round.

110
00:09:17,919 --> 00:09:19,440
You're not.

111
00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:25,480
Then why can't you talk to me?
Be honest with me.

112
00:09:25,559 --> 00:09:28,360
Why can no one in this
family do that?

113
00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:30,039
Jonny...

114
00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:38,840
-There are things.
-What?

115
00:09:40,440 --> 00:09:41,720
I can't.

116
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,320
Why can't you?

117
00:09:47,399 --> 00:09:48,840
What's going on?

118
00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:53,039
Nothing. I'm off to work.

119
00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:01,399
Yep. Nothing.

120
00:10:11,759 --> 00:10:13,000
Nothing.

121
00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:18,919
So that's what I'm gonna do.
Act like nothing's happened.

122
00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:35,440
I'm not crazy. Why the fuck are
you filming me? I'm not crazy.

123
00:10:36,519 --> 00:10:38,240
Sure about that hun?

124
00:10:39,519 --> 00:10:42,200
I'm not crazy.
Why the fuck are you filming me?

125
00:10:44,559 --> 00:10:47,360
I'm not crazy.
Why the fuck are you filming me?

126
00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:51,759
I'm not crazy.
Why the fuck are you filming me?

127
00:10:51,840 --> 00:10:53,600
Kinda need my phone back.

128
00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:21,159
Thanks.
Thank you for meeting me.

129
00:11:21,799 --> 00:11:24,840
I was surprised to hear from you.
How are you?

130
00:11:25,639 --> 00:11:27,000
Okay.

131
00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:33,240
I'm just finding it
really hard right now.

132
00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:36,840
-College?
-Just everything.

133
00:11:37,639 --> 00:11:39,000
Life.

134
00:11:40,519 --> 00:11:42,639
I told Mum I wanted
to go back to Canada.

135
00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:46,759
But she was totally foot down,
no chance.

136
00:11:48,919 --> 00:11:51,559
-That would be a huge decision.
-I know.

137
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:54,679
But I'm not happy here.

138
00:12:00,879 --> 00:12:05,320
Mei, listen. I know I haven't
been all you hoped.

139
00:12:07,799 --> 00:12:11,360
But there isn't a real relationship
between us.

140
00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:15,080
But you are my daughter.

141
00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:23,240
I could help out.

142
00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:27,240
With the financial side.

143
00:12:28,559 --> 00:12:33,600
Could cover your ticket and your
rent for the first six months or so.

144
00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:36,919
Right.

145
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:40,720
And if that's where you
feel you truly belong...

146
00:12:42,919 --> 00:12:44,639
I don't belong here, do I?

147
00:13:00,919 --> 00:13:02,399
Should have got Horrocks a mic.

148
00:13:02,480 --> 00:13:04,639
He's so nervous no one's going
to be able to hear him.

149
00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:06,879
Well he's not making
an actual speech is he?

150
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:08,360
Well, yes, he is.

151
00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:12,519
Oh, well I'm sure he'll be fine.

152
00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:15,080
Just really want today to work.

153
00:13:15,799 --> 00:13:18,039
Even if it's shit,
it ends up on your CV.

154
00:13:19,279 --> 00:13:20,559
Why are you being weird?

155
00:13:20,639 --> 00:13:22,759
Can we take a minute to appreciate
the irony of you asking me

156
00:13:22,840 --> 00:13:24,720
that next to the Good Listeners sign.

157
00:13:24,799 --> 00:13:29,360
What? Jaz. Is it Jaz?

158
00:13:30,159 --> 00:13:32,679
You're right.
Maybe it wasn't a huge deal.

159
00:13:33,279 --> 00:13:37,679
But tell me, how long until it counts as
one, more than a fortnight? Six years?

160
00:13:37,759 --> 00:13:39,440
No that's not what I meant.

161
00:13:39,879 --> 00:13:43,159
You can just walk through town
and ten guys will ask for your Snap.

162
00:13:43,519 --> 00:13:46,399
Welwyn's like a pick'n'mix for you,
it's not quite that easy for me.

163
00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:49,399
-You said that you were totally fine.
-Do I sound fine?

164
00:13:55,799 --> 00:13:58,759
I like the whole flirty
texts from a hot guy vibe.

165
00:14:04,919 --> 00:14:06,679
Yeah, sounds like fun.

166
00:14:10,639 --> 00:14:13,120
Guys. Everyone.

167
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:19,200
Hello. Guys.

168
00:14:22,159 --> 00:14:24,480
Everyone.
Hello.

169
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:29,320
If I could just have
a minute of your time,

170
00:14:30,799 --> 00:14:33,960
thanks so much for coming
to today's wellness event.

171
00:14:36,759 --> 00:14:38,759
So some of the things

172
00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:41,440
we have on offer today that I'd like
to make you aware of.

173
00:14:41,759 --> 00:14:43,519
Listen to him.

174
00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:49,159
Thanks, Jonny. Yes, so just one
or two of the things I suppose is...

175
00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:52,399
No, he listens to you.
The least you can do is listen to him.

176
00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:56,120
Or are you all too busy sharing memes
about someone who is actually hurting?

177
00:14:56,440 --> 00:14:57,679
Who doesn't deserve it.

178
00:14:57,759 --> 00:15:01,200
Just to make yourselves feel better
for like a fucking millisecond.

179
00:15:01,279 --> 00:15:02,679
That's not quite
what I was going to...

180
00:15:02,759 --> 00:15:06,360
I'm talking about myself here too.
I'm just as bad.

181
00:15:07,120 --> 00:15:12,759
Said some horrible things.
And I'm sorry about that. So laugh at me.

182
00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:16,919
Take the piss out of me if it make you
feel better about yourselves.

183
00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:21,080
If it helps you forget what's
going on in here.

184
00:15:21,879 --> 00:15:24,279
'Cause that's all we're trying to do,
isn't it?

185
00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:26,879
Make ourselves feel less
horrible inside.

186
00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:44,000
Thank you, Jonny.
Stay mindful everyone!

187
00:15:48,519 --> 00:15:50,080
No, I'm at the college.

188
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:54,440
Yeah, Neve's coming back with me.
I'm just going to make some lunch so.

189
00:15:57,159 --> 00:16:00,879
Yes, Mum.
Ok, love you. See you later.

190
00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:07,120
You told your mum
I'm coming back to yours?

191
00:16:07,679 --> 00:16:09,720
She made me promise
to use the good plates.

192
00:16:09,799 --> 00:16:11,759
My mum wouldn't
want us left alone.

193
00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:14,879
Oh does she know about her
daughter's wild party girl side?

194
00:16:19,440 --> 00:16:21,080
What time you got to be back?

195
00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:24,600
Private study this afternoon.
I can do that anywhere.

196
00:16:26,679 --> 00:16:30,080
Mum won't be back for hours
so she won't disturb our studies.

197
00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:33,120
Oh, you wanna help me again?

198
00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:47,039
You're back early.

199
00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:57,559
-Can I?
-Yep.

200
00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:10,720
It's not her fault you know.

201
00:17:12,279 --> 00:17:16,400
She's never been good with saying
what's going on. Not like Dad.

202
00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:20,759
There was never any mystery
'bout how Dad felt.

203
00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:23,200
Happy pissed.

204
00:17:23,559 --> 00:17:24,880
Scary cross.

205
00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:29,720
Do you remember when he
cried at your graduation?

206
00:17:30,559 --> 00:17:33,440
I'm not crying.
I've got allergies.

207
00:17:35,519 --> 00:17:38,119
Well, must be where
I got it from, eh?

208
00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:45,839
What?

209
00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:51,240
She found her own dad.
Mum did.

210
00:17:55,559 --> 00:18:00,200
-What do you mean? Found him where?
-In their garage. In his car.

211
00:18:02,279 --> 00:18:03,640
He'd taken his own life.

212
00:18:05,119 --> 00:18:07,279
She was younger
than you when it happened.

213
00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:11,039
-What?
-They never told you because...

214
00:18:11,119 --> 00:18:12,759
Because what?

215
00:18:12,839 --> 00:18:18,839
'Cause we know how easily things upset
you. You've always been sensitive.

216
00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:24,000
Andrew.

217
00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:26,039
Don't tell her I told you.

218
00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:38,240
Honesty's great, isn't it? Until you
learn the thing you wish you didn't know.

219
00:18:49,799 --> 00:18:52,400
What you reckon?
Fig and Thyme, or Ocean Morning?

220
00:18:53,359 --> 00:18:55,039
What difference does it make?

221
00:18:56,039 --> 00:18:58,960
Hey, today was good.
It will help a lot of people.

222
00:18:59,519 --> 00:19:02,599
And some people'll be dicks
but that's not down to you, is it?

223
00:19:04,680 --> 00:19:05,960
What's the candle for?

224
00:19:06,039 --> 00:19:09,480
I've got my driving test tomorrow.
Wanna turn up chilled.

225
00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:12,160
Yeah, well, you'll need more
than a candle.

226
00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:15,559
Here, little trick. Ready?

227
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:21,640
Fan your fingers out. Press down on
your chest. Take a deep breath.

228
00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:25,680
Hold it.
Let it out super slow.

229
00:19:29,039 --> 00:19:30,839
Repeat until chilled.

230
00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:36,039
How long does
this normally take?

231
00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:38,200
Half an hour.

232
00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:40,880
-That's quite a long time.
-No shit.

233
00:19:42,119 --> 00:19:45,200
I used to have to do it whenever
I wanted to leave the house.

234
00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:52,319
I used to think I'd get hit by a car.

235
00:19:53,279 --> 00:19:58,480
Or a plane would fall down from the sky
and land on me. Or my house.

236
00:19:59,039 --> 00:20:01,240
And I'd be stood in front
of a pile of rubble

237
00:20:01,319 --> 00:20:03,480
knowing my mum and dad
were inside.

238
00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:06,240
Fucking hell, Zia.

239
00:20:08,119 --> 00:20:12,720
I don't really tell people what
I just told you. I was young.

240
00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:17,039
Glad you told me.

241
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:33,240
Hey.

242
00:20:35,799 --> 00:20:37,119
Hi.

243
00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:43,200
I just wanted to say thank you for today.
And sorry for everything else.

244
00:20:43,279 --> 00:20:45,279
-No you don't need to be.
-I do.

245
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:49,519
Because I don't know
if I'm ever going to see you again.

246
00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:53,599
What?

247
00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:56,240
I'm moving back to Canada.

248
00:20:57,960 --> 00:20:59,680
What? Why?

249
00:21:00,559 --> 00:21:02,319
There's nothing for me here.

250
00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:04,680
Yeah, well same.

251
00:21:06,599 --> 00:21:09,240
Everything that means
something is either going or gone.

252
00:21:11,240 --> 00:21:14,039
-Maybe you should try Canada.
-Maybe I should.

253
00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:20,759
Maybe I should.

254
00:21:21,119 --> 00:21:23,720
I could stay with you for a few weeks,
or whatever.

255
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:28,720
No, Jonny.
You can't mean that.

256
00:21:28,799 --> 00:21:32,720
Why, this place isn't good for
either of us. We're the same.

257
00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:37,640
We're the not-okays, aren't we?
We didn't wanna split up.

258
00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:42,480
So let's try again in Canada.
Together.

259
00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:27,319
-You gonna need a lift tomorrow?
-Tomorrow?

260
00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:30,759
Well you've got an appointment,
haven't you? Therapy.

261
00:22:31,720 --> 00:22:35,200
Yeah. Yeah, I'm staying at Mei's tonight
so I'll just go from there.

262
00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:39,480
You okay?

263
00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:42,000
Yeah, why?

264
00:22:42,079 --> 00:22:46,000
You haven't taken the piss out
of what I'm... never mind.

265
00:22:56,039 --> 00:22:57,640
What's the point?

266
00:22:59,319 --> 00:23:01,319
I know who I really am now.

267
00:23:01,759 --> 00:23:03,079
It's in my blood.

268
00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:23,559
What are you doing?

269
00:23:25,799 --> 00:23:27,119
What is going on?

270
00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:30,240
You shouldn't be
looking at my stuff.

271
00:23:30,319 --> 00:23:31,839
-Who is this Brett?
-What?

272
00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:35,480
Why is he sending you these disgusting
photographs? You're a minor.

273
00:23:35,799 --> 00:23:38,839
He's just a guy. A creepy fucking guy.
I barely know him.

274
00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:41,400
Was it him who did that to you?

275
00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:43,200
No, it wasn't.

276
00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:47,920
-I'm calling the police.
-No. Mum please, it was nothing.

277
00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:51,400
Me and Jonny are back together now.
I'm happy, ok?

278
00:23:52,720 --> 00:23:54,400
-Are you?
-Yes.

279
00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:57,440
I'm going to go over and stay
at his tonight if that's alright?

280
00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:01,119
-Are you sure you're okay?
-Yes.

281
00:24:22,559 --> 00:24:25,200
I'm not crazy.
Why the fuck are you filming me?

282
00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:29,680
Sorry. This meme has got to me a bit.
Mei didn't deserve that.

283
00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:34,000
After everything she's done
you still care. That's cool.

284
00:24:34,359 --> 00:24:36,359
-You're pretty cool.
-Yeah, it's been said.

285
00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:38,519
-Oh has it?
-Yeah, it actually has.

286
00:24:40,920 --> 00:24:44,200
So, what you doing later?

287
00:24:45,799 --> 00:24:47,799
Depends.
What are you doing later?

288
00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:49,799
I'm not doing anything later.

289
00:24:49,880 --> 00:24:52,680
Hi Neve. How you doing?
Need anything?

290
00:24:53,279 --> 00:24:54,400
No, thanks.

291
00:24:54,480 --> 00:24:56,480
Weekend tomorrow,
I'll be busy so...

292
00:24:56,559 --> 00:24:58,160
Really it's cool.

293
00:24:59,119 --> 00:25:00,720
What about you, mate?

294
00:25:02,079 --> 00:25:04,759
-I'm not your mate, dickhead.
-You should watch your mouth.

295
00:25:05,279 --> 00:25:07,359
-I'm not scared of you.
-You sure about that?

296
00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:09,319
-What the fuck?
-Come on then.

297
00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:12,279
Look this prick acts like he's
your friend, ok, but he's not.

298
00:25:12,599 --> 00:25:14,319
And you're worth more than this.

299
00:25:17,119 --> 00:25:18,680
-Marcus, stop!
-What?

300
00:25:19,519 --> 00:25:21,000
What's this about?

301
00:25:24,119 --> 00:25:29,000
My mate, my best mate really,
he knew that guy.

302
00:25:29,799 --> 00:25:32,240
Your dealer.
Your friend, yeah?

303
00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:35,759
-Okay.
-Fucked my mate's life up.

304
00:25:38,119 --> 00:25:40,759
Now he's doing eighteen months
in young offenders.

305
00:25:40,839 --> 00:25:42,319
That's horrible.

306
00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:43,920
Yeah.

307
00:25:44,559 --> 00:25:46,039
But that's not my fault.

308
00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:49,079
I get how it is when you see
your friend going through shit

309
00:25:49,160 --> 00:25:52,079
but what I do has nothing
to do with where he's ended up.

310
00:25:52,559 --> 00:25:56,400
People project stuff on me all
the time and you're projecting.

311
00:25:56,920 --> 00:25:59,759
I might wanna get stoned or off my face
once in a while

312
00:25:59,839 --> 00:26:02,160
and I don't have to do it in front
of you, and if you can handle that,

313
00:26:02,240 --> 00:26:06,559
we can still see each other but if you
can't, I'm not changing for anybody.

314
00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:24,200
-Louis!
-What are you doing here?

315
00:26:25,359 --> 00:26:27,160
Came to wish you good luck.

316
00:26:28,079 --> 00:26:29,880
I've already taken the test.

317
00:26:30,359 --> 00:26:32,200
Oh, shit sorry.

318
00:26:32,759 --> 00:26:35,039
What for? Passed.

319
00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:39,200
Ah, first time, that's fantastic!

320
00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:41,720
Yeah. It is fantastic.

321
00:26:46,599 --> 00:26:49,079
Do you want to go
and celebrate or something?

322
00:26:49,759 --> 00:26:52,079
It's just I'm working
at the gym later.

323
00:26:53,319 --> 00:26:56,960
Course.
Well, see you on Saturday.

324
00:26:58,920 --> 00:27:01,160
-Louis Hamilton.
-Who?

325
00:27:01,559 --> 00:27:05,519
Lewis Hamilton.
He's a famous race car driver.

326
00:27:05,599 --> 00:27:07,640
Yeah. I know. I'm joking.

327
00:27:23,960 --> 00:27:26,599
Ok, I'm all done.
Here are your charts.

328
00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:31,240
Newbie starts tomorrow so...
Susan already gave me a card.

329
00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:34,559
Can you just open it please?

330
00:27:37,039 --> 00:27:39,039
Not sorry you're leaving.

331
00:27:42,039 --> 00:27:43,799
It's sort of a joke.

332
00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:47,319
Okay.

333
00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:50,039
I'm not sorry you're leaving

334
00:27:50,119 --> 00:27:53,400
because I don't think we could go
out if you worked here.

335
00:27:55,119 --> 00:27:58,319
And I'd like us to have
a go at going out.

336
00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:04,759
And you have like, little systems
and things for your relationships too,

337
00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:07,440
that I should know about?

338
00:28:07,839 --> 00:28:11,680
'Cause the last thing I want to do is
mess up and do something wrong.

339
00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:16,200
Okay.

340
00:28:21,039 --> 00:28:23,480
They're laminated. Fuck!

341
00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:28,519
Aren't some of those
quite important?

342
00:28:29,599 --> 00:28:31,559
Yeah, they are actually.

343
00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:03,839
Right where do
you wanna eat then?

344
00:29:03,920 --> 00:29:05,799
-Oh no, my bag!
-What, is it alright?

345
00:29:11,440 --> 00:29:12,720
What? It is.

346
00:29:16,599 --> 00:29:17,920
What gate are we?

347
00:29:20,759 --> 00:29:22,839
I'm not doing your
laundry by the way.

348
00:29:22,920 --> 00:29:24,319
I thought we had a deal.

349
00:30:04,079 --> 00:30:08,960
My grandad couldn't face things.
So he ran away.

350
00:30:10,480 --> 00:30:13,440
My mum's selling up
which is her way of doing the same.

351
00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:19,519
They're both part of who I am.

352
00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:26,480
But so is the strongest person
I've ever known.

353
00:30:31,920 --> 00:30:35,319
You have got to learn
to swim like a bastard.

354
00:30:45,640 --> 00:30:49,720
The person he'd want me
to be honest with now is me.

355
00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:03,559
-Hey.
-Hey.

356
00:31:05,640 --> 00:31:07,000
It's time to go.

357
00:31:08,359 --> 00:31:09,759
Home.

358
00:31:13,720 --> 00:31:15,599
-No, Jonny.
-Mei.

359
00:31:15,680 --> 00:31:18,440
-You said you wanted to come with me.
-And I shouldn't have.

360
00:31:20,079 --> 00:31:21,759
I'm sorry.

361
00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:25,200
I know he doesn't love you.

362
00:31:28,519 --> 00:31:32,480
Your dad.
And I know how much that hurts.

363
00:31:34,960 --> 00:31:39,599
I mean that's the thing, isn't it?
The reason you feel sick inside.

364
00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:45,759
Yes.

365
00:31:46,960 --> 00:31:50,640
That doesn't go if you run away.

366
00:31:52,799 --> 00:31:56,920
So stay and face it.
All of it.

367
00:32:00,359 --> 00:32:02,319
Guess I'm flying solo then.

368
00:32:03,359 --> 00:32:04,680
Mei.

369
00:32:23,640 --> 00:32:25,839
It's that silence again.

370
00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:30,680
That little pause

371
00:32:33,680 --> 00:32:36,200
before you decide
which way you're going to go.

372
00:32:48,680 --> 00:32:53,240
Do you know I think it probably started
when I was fourteen or just before.

373
00:32:54,519 --> 00:33:00,319
Actually, because we were going out
for birthday pizza

374
00:33:00,759 --> 00:33:02,839
which was my favourite

375
00:33:09,599 --> 00:33:14,440
and I just didn't want to do anything.

376
00:33:15,680 --> 00:33:18,279
And did these episodes
become more frequent?

377
00:33:18,359 --> 00:33:21,200
Yeah, I missed a couple of days
of school quite a few times.

378
00:33:24,279 --> 00:33:26,640
But then summer just gone...

379
00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:30,839
-Three weeks?
-Yeah, no I, I couldn't get out of bed.

380
00:33:31,240 --> 00:33:36,599
Felt like pain, you know like, like real
pain, like I could I could feel it.

381
00:33:39,400 --> 00:33:42,960
But no, that's that's the worst
that it got.

382
00:33:44,039 --> 00:33:47,359
Until the other night?
When you contemplated suicide.

383
00:33:50,920 --> 00:33:53,240
-Jonny, can you describe...
-No.

384
00:33:55,799 --> 00:34:01,359
-Sorry. Can't. Not yet.
-Then we'll wait.

385
00:34:03,759 --> 00:34:07,319
But we're making really good progress.
Don't you think?

386
00:34:10,960 --> 00:34:13,599
-Yeah, yeah.
-I'll look forward to our next session.

387
00:34:15,119 --> 00:34:18,280
Zipping up the hills,
that's why I clip in before I go.

388
00:34:19,599 --> 00:34:20,960
Morning, love.

389
00:34:22,559 --> 00:34:26,400
-Morning.
-How was your... you know.

390
00:34:27,320 --> 00:34:29,360
Therapy? Yeah, it was good.

391
00:34:38,599 --> 00:34:41,559
She's good, this therapist.

392
00:34:45,280 --> 00:34:47,519
All she wants from me is honesty.

393
00:34:48,039 --> 00:34:49,320
For me to tell her the truth.

394
00:34:50,440 --> 00:34:52,000
Well that, that makes sense.

395
00:34:52,440 --> 00:34:54,440
Yeah well that's exactly
what you need to do.

396
00:34:54,519 --> 00:34:57,599
Yeah, and then I come home
and it's the opposite.

397
00:35:00,039 --> 00:35:01,800
It's like nothing here works.

398
00:35:03,880 --> 00:35:08,039
What, I mean we can't even tell
each other really huge stuff.

399
00:35:09,400 --> 00:35:14,280
Like I didn't even have a proper
conversation with you until this week.

400
00:35:17,760 --> 00:35:20,079
And now I feel like
I don't even know you.

401
00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:23,360
We're not all touchy feely.

402
00:35:23,760 --> 00:35:26,280
We're not and we might not ever be

403
00:35:28,079 --> 00:35:31,440
but if we're ever going to get stronger
than this something needs to change.

404
00:35:31,519 --> 00:35:34,039
And what, how do you
think we should change?

405
00:35:34,119 --> 00:35:35,880
I don't know, Andrew, I don't know.

406
00:35:38,639 --> 00:35:40,559
But maybe the therapist can help.

407
00:35:42,119 --> 00:35:46,000
You know, if we actually all go
together and actually try.

408
00:35:53,280 --> 00:35:54,679
Is that what you want?

409
00:36:03,679 --> 00:36:05,559
Okay.

410
00:36:09,239 --> 00:36:10,679
Come here.

411
00:36:22,679 --> 00:36:28,239
When I said I was in Ireland last
summer I was really just lying in bed.

412
00:36:28,960 --> 00:36:30,679
For three weeks?

413
00:36:31,599 --> 00:36:34,079
For three weeks. Yeah.

414
00:36:35,400 --> 00:36:40,239
It got worse after my dad.
And then the party.

415
00:36:40,320 --> 00:36:43,320
And, and nearly,

416
00:36:46,119 --> 00:36:52,119
I mean I came this close to,
there were pills and...

417
00:36:53,119 --> 00:36:55,400
-Shit, Jonny!
-I know it's a lot to take in.

418
00:36:57,199 --> 00:36:58,840
You really thought about...

419
00:37:00,400 --> 00:37:04,960
Yeah, I just didn't want to be
here anymore.

420
00:37:07,400 --> 00:37:08,920
But I do now.

421
00:37:09,760 --> 00:37:13,400
-Good. 'Cause that's fucking scary.
-No, don't be scared.

422
00:37:14,480 --> 00:37:18,039
I don't mind you being worried,
or concerned or looking out for me,

423
00:37:18,119 --> 00:37:21,719
because I know that means that,
you know.

424
00:37:23,440 --> 00:37:26,199
But not scared.
Scared's no good to anyone.

425
00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:30,920
Everyone's got their own stuff going on.

426
00:37:38,480 --> 00:37:39,920
I kissed someone.

427
00:37:41,400 --> 00:37:43,039
-Zia?
-No.

428
00:37:43,480 --> 00:37:45,639
-Bakery girl Sarah?
-No.

429
00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:48,480
-Then what's her name?
-Kyle.

430
00:37:50,519 --> 00:37:53,880
Is it, Regan's party,
you and him were outside, yeah.

431
00:37:53,960 --> 00:37:55,280
Yeah.

432
00:37:55,360 --> 00:37:57,320
Are you two like dating?

433
00:37:58,559 --> 00:38:00,199
It's complicated.

434
00:38:01,159 --> 00:38:05,159
I need to speak to Zia.
Just be honest with her.

435
00:38:06,440 --> 00:38:08,719
I thought you and her were over?

436
00:38:08,800 --> 00:38:10,519
Yeah, no, we are. Yeah.

437
00:38:13,719 --> 00:38:15,239
That's cool that you told us.

438
00:38:19,800 --> 00:38:21,280
Come here, brother.

439
00:38:48,000 --> 00:38:49,519
Hi!

440
00:38:52,360 --> 00:38:54,599
-Well what happened to Canada?
-Nothing.

441
00:38:54,679 --> 00:38:58,039
It's still there as far as I know.
And I'm still here.

442
00:38:59,639 --> 00:39:01,639
So here.

443
00:39:05,960 --> 00:39:07,360
Well what's this?

444
00:39:08,039 --> 00:39:09,760
I thought I needed your money.

445
00:39:10,760 --> 00:39:13,840
But turns out,
I don't need anything from you.

446
00:39:30,239 --> 00:39:32,400
Okay so, predicted
scores for tonight?

447
00:39:34,079 --> 00:39:37,239
It depends if LouLou plans on getting
stuck up a tree like last time.

448
00:39:37,639 --> 00:39:39,480
He so didn't need
to call the fire brigade.

449
00:39:39,559 --> 00:39:41,760
Nah, no that night
was definitely wild.

450
00:39:41,840 --> 00:39:43,519
Hey guys.

451
00:39:44,639 --> 00:39:48,000
-Was it always this freezing up here?
-Yeah, it's so cold.

452
00:39:48,880 --> 00:39:50,960
Well, I've got some blankets in the car.

453
00:39:51,039 --> 00:39:53,519
Yeah, Gareth made me bring 'em, I could
always go and get 'em if you want?

454
00:39:53,599 --> 00:39:55,199
-Yes, please.
-You want a hand?

455
00:39:57,159 --> 00:39:58,480
Yeah.

456
00:40:00,880 --> 00:40:02,360
See ya!

457
00:40:02,800 --> 00:40:05,480
-Do you think she knows about Kyle?
-Oh mate, I don't know.

458
00:40:14,880 --> 00:40:16,320
You alright?

459
00:40:16,840 --> 00:40:18,360
Yeah, I...

460
00:40:19,239 --> 00:40:20,920
Oh, now we're talking.

461
00:40:23,800 --> 00:40:25,079
-Hey.
-Hey.

462
00:40:27,000 --> 00:40:29,719
-So you came back?
-I needed to sort something out.

463
00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:33,039
-Your dad?
-No. Something else.

464
00:40:33,559 --> 00:40:37,199
Anyway, would I miss all of this?

465
00:40:40,719 --> 00:40:42,400
Well I'm really glad.

466
00:40:46,159 --> 00:40:47,920
-Do you want to...
-Yeah.

467
00:41:00,039 --> 00:41:02,039
-Hi. Do you want a drink?
-Yeah, thanks.

468
00:41:03,480 --> 00:41:05,599
-Jonny?
-No thanks.

469
00:41:05,679 --> 00:41:08,639
Okay, but who are you and what
have you done with real Jonny?

470
00:41:09,599 --> 00:41:11,239
This is this is the real Jonny.

471
00:41:46,320 --> 00:41:48,760
-More here. Got it?
-Yep.

472
00:41:54,119 --> 00:41:55,280
Okay.

473
00:41:56,559 --> 00:42:01,760
So look Zia, I haven't been
totally honest,

474
00:42:02,480 --> 00:42:08,440
there's a something
I need to tell you.

475
00:42:11,119 --> 00:42:13,400
You don't need to.

476
00:42:16,519 --> 00:42:18,159
I don't?

477
00:42:18,239 --> 00:42:21,119
Not if what you're feeling
is the same thing I am.

478
00:42:40,079 --> 00:42:41,840
-Hey, guys.
-Hey, Kyle.

479
00:42:41,920 --> 00:42:42,920
You alright, mate?

480
00:42:43,000 --> 00:42:45,920
Yeah, I'm good.
I haven't been up here for ages.

481
00:42:46,239 --> 00:42:47,920
Yeah, innit?

482
00:42:48,000 --> 00:42:49,639
Is Louis around?

483
00:42:50,079 --> 00:42:53,440
Yeah, yeah, man,
he's just over there.

484
00:42:57,039 --> 00:42:58,679
-Hi!
-Hey.

485
00:43:01,639 --> 00:43:04,559
I'm Zia, by the way.
Here you are.

486
00:43:04,639 --> 00:43:06,400
Thanks. I'm Kyle.

487
00:43:10,119 --> 00:43:12,280
-Shall we get a drink then?
-Yes.

488
00:43:12,360 --> 00:43:14,840
Let's get a drink. Here you go.

489
00:43:34,360 --> 00:43:36,920
-What are you doing here?
-Just came to hang out.

490
00:43:37,679 --> 00:43:43,320
But I wanted to say, don't change.
For anyone.

491
00:43:43,400 --> 00:43:45,679
And especially not for me.
Ok?

492
00:43:48,719 --> 00:43:50,199
Is that it?

493
00:43:55,679 --> 00:43:57,079
Sorry.

494
00:44:06,239 --> 00:44:09,199
Ever had a day that got you
in a headlock,

495
00:44:10,280 --> 00:44:15,920
stuck its tongue down your throat, knocks
you down and puked you back up again?

496
00:44:17,840 --> 00:44:20,400
Louis come, get in closer.
Smile!

497
00:44:23,519 --> 00:44:24,599
I have.

498
00:44:26,159 --> 00:44:27,719
We all have.

499
00:44:30,079 --> 00:44:32,320
And maybe no one's ever
completely okay.

500
00:44:34,480 --> 00:44:36,239
Maybe there's no such thing.

501
00:44:38,360 --> 00:44:39,920
But you know what?

502
00:44:42,599 --> 00:44:44,039
That's okay.