1 00:00:03,069 --> 00:00:04,336 Ugh, that's not fair. 2 00:00:04,337 --> 00:00:05,805 You know I can never choose the rock 3 00:00:05,905 --> 00:00:07,206 because I'm Team Vin Diesel. 4 00:00:07,207 --> 00:00:09,609 Well, too bad. I won, so I get to be Good Cop. 5 00:00:09,709 --> 00:00:12,177 Which is good, 'cause you'd be a bad Good Cop. 6 00:00:12,178 --> 00:00:14,380 I can be Good Cop. Notagood cop. 7 00:00:14,381 --> 00:00:16,683 I'm not learning all the words to the "Mermanda" Rights. 8 00:00:16,783 --> 00:00:17,484 Yeah, right. 9 00:00:17,650 --> 00:00:20,686 Now go warm up your stink eye, Bad Cop. 10 00:00:22,822 --> 00:00:23,822 Look. 11 00:00:23,823 --> 00:00:24,924 If you strangled that missionary, 12 00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:27,694 I'd fess up now, because when my partner comes in here, 13 00:00:27,794 --> 00:00:29,995 whoo, it is not gonna be pretty. 14 00:00:29,996 --> 00:00:31,530 I-I don't know nothing. 15 00:00:31,531 --> 00:00:34,300 Okay. Don't say I didn't warn you. 16 00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:35,535 She tried to be nice. 17 00:00:36,536 --> 00:00:38,471 But now it's about to get naughty. 18 00:00:38,938 --> 00:00:41,473 Dubai chocolate. Absolutely sinful. 19 00:00:41,474 --> 00:00:43,609 And for 30 bucks, they better be. 20 00:00:43,610 --> 00:00:46,412 - Hmm! What are you doing? - I'm out-gooding you. 21 00:00:46,413 --> 00:00:48,080 Yeah? Well, if you're gonna be Good Cop... 22 00:00:50,016 --> 00:00:52,251 I'm gonna be... better. 23 00:00:52,252 --> 00:00:54,821 How's that pressure? I can go harder. 24 00:00:55,155 --> 00:00:56,522 I'm gonna show you something, 25 00:00:56,523 --> 00:00:58,992 and it's not gonna be easy to watch... 26 00:00:59,092 --> 00:01:00,559 without these. It's the newAvatar. 27 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:02,995 Keep it on the DL since I downloaded it illegally. 28 00:01:02,996 --> 00:01:04,863 Hey, look at us. Now we got a secret. 29 00:01:04,864 --> 00:01:06,398 So, tell me yours. 30 00:01:06,399 --> 00:01:09,902 All right, who's the lucky S.O.B. getting this... 31 00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:11,704 tableside guac? 32 00:01:11,705 --> 00:01:12,405 I ordered that. 33 00:01:12,539 --> 00:01:14,106 Feel free to double-dip, by the way. 34 00:01:14,107 --> 00:01:17,009 Look, we got one question, punk. 35 00:01:17,010 --> 00:01:18,143 Who was the better Good Cop? 36 00:01:18,144 --> 00:01:19,278 Yeah, who was gooder? 37 00:01:19,279 --> 00:01:20,379 You know what? Take some time. 38 00:01:20,380 --> 00:01:21,447 Think on it. I'll get you an Uber. 39 00:01:21,448 --> 00:01:23,283 No need. I had a limo waiting. 40 00:01:23,383 --> 00:01:25,352 - Safe travels. - Safer travels. 41 00:01:26,019 --> 00:01:27,319 Wait. 42 00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:29,889 Did we just let a suspected murderer go free? 43 00:01:29,989 --> 00:01:31,858 Oh, God. 44 00:01:32,892 --> 00:01:34,761 The guacamole's already brown. 45 00:01:56,883 --> 00:01:57,717 Hi, guys. 46 00:01:57,817 --> 00:01:59,051 I've been getting a lot of questions 47 00:01:59,052 --> 00:02:00,319 about why I'm so upset, 48 00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:02,789 so I'm gonna tell you what happened... 49 00:02:02,889 --> 00:02:04,257 in this four-part series. 50 00:02:05,025 --> 00:02:06,325 Ugh! Kang! 51 00:02:06,326 --> 00:02:07,459 What are you doing? 52 00:02:07,460 --> 00:02:09,194 Didn't realize we turned the break room 53 00:02:09,195 --> 00:02:10,295 into a hype house. 54 00:02:10,296 --> 00:02:11,464 Just because you're immortal 55 00:02:11,564 --> 00:02:13,332 doesn't mean you have to act so old. 56 00:02:13,333 --> 00:02:15,234 Vampires don't have that problem. 57 00:02:15,235 --> 00:02:17,671 Sometimes they date high schoolers. 58 00:02:17,771 --> 00:02:18,705 Speaking of dating, 59 00:02:18,872 --> 00:02:20,073 would you read my text to this guy and tell me if-- 60 00:02:20,173 --> 00:02:21,240 Oh, no. 61 00:02:21,241 --> 00:02:22,409 I'm not getting involved in whatever 62 00:02:22,509 --> 00:02:26,178 aspiring actor-slash-unhoused model-slash-Slash impersonator 63 00:02:26,179 --> 00:02:27,479 didn't text you back this time. 64 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:29,381 Why are you always such a jerk to me? 65 00:02:29,382 --> 00:02:31,216 You never do anything I want. 66 00:02:31,217 --> 00:02:33,218 Like when I asked you to read my horror zine 67 00:02:33,219 --> 00:02:34,821 and then I saw you using it as a flyswatter. 68 00:02:34,921 --> 00:02:36,022 Oh, I'm sorry. 69 00:02:36,122 --> 00:02:37,256 Were you dating those flies? 70 00:02:37,257 --> 00:02:38,223 Wait. 71 00:02:38,224 --> 00:02:39,492 You're using the microwave? 72 00:02:39,592 --> 00:02:41,961 I clearly put a "Do Not Use" sign on it. 73 00:02:42,062 --> 00:02:43,495 So nobody can use the microwave 74 00:02:43,496 --> 00:02:45,964 because you're worried about radiation? 75 00:02:45,965 --> 00:02:47,533 No, you idiot. 76 00:02:47,534 --> 00:02:50,736 Because the microwave's broken and last time, it almost-- 77 00:02:50,737 --> 00:02:51,705 Aah! 78 00:02:53,106 --> 00:02:54,374 Why are you not freaking out? 79 00:02:54,474 --> 00:02:56,342 Because emotions are like genitals. 80 00:02:56,343 --> 00:02:57,476 Just because you have them 81 00:02:57,477 --> 00:02:59,378 doesn't mean you have to show them. 82 00:02:59,379 --> 00:03:01,480 Also, you threw your blanket on the candle. 83 00:03:10,890 --> 00:03:13,393 Please proceed to the nearest fire exit. 84 00:03:13,493 --> 00:03:15,227 Better hurry. With all that hairspray you use 85 00:03:15,228 --> 00:03:17,262 to look taller, you're highly flammable. 86 00:03:17,263 --> 00:03:18,665 - And short. - I ain't leaving 87 00:03:18,765 --> 00:03:20,899 till I figure out who killed that missionary. 88 00:03:20,900 --> 00:03:23,802 Too bad, 'cause I'm already on top of the missionary case. 89 00:03:23,803 --> 00:03:26,271 So hand over the church's security footage 90 00:03:26,272 --> 00:03:28,540 and admit you're going in reverse, cowgirl. 91 00:03:28,541 --> 00:03:30,275 Not sure if you heard, 92 00:03:30,276 --> 00:03:31,544 but there's a fire. 93 00:03:31,644 --> 00:03:33,912 If I leave, she's gonna steal my evidence... 94 00:03:33,913 --> 00:03:35,280 and solve the case. 95 00:03:35,281 --> 00:03:36,416 I ain't leaving either. 96 00:03:36,516 --> 00:03:39,018 The weather's just fine down here. 97 00:03:45,759 --> 00:03:46,760 Summers! 98 00:03:48,762 --> 00:03:49,863 Mm! 99 00:03:50,130 --> 00:03:51,297 Now, look. We've always been 100 00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:52,832 a comically dysfunctional workplace. 101 00:03:52,932 --> 00:03:56,201 But lighting the office on fire feels like premium HBO. 102 00:03:56,202 --> 00:03:57,703 At the very least, FX'sThe Bear. 103 00:03:57,704 --> 00:04:00,706 My favorite comedy. Just nonstop jokes. 104 00:04:00,707 --> 00:04:04,177 "Yes, chef!" Still works. 105 00:04:04,277 --> 00:04:06,478 So, since we have to close the office 106 00:04:06,479 --> 00:04:08,415 for a few days anyway... 107 00:04:11,918 --> 00:04:12,585 Or weeks. 108 00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:14,586 I'm tapping into the retreat fund, 109 00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:17,456 which means we get to go on a team-building vacation. 110 00:04:17,457 --> 00:04:19,725 And we're gonna come out of it a tight-knit group, 111 00:04:19,726 --> 00:04:21,728 much likeThe Bearbefore the brother killed himself. 112 00:04:21,828 --> 00:04:25,398 That part gets me every time. 113 00:04:29,302 --> 00:04:30,337 I can't believe 114 00:04:30,437 --> 00:04:32,371 a CrimeShare was available last-minute. 115 00:04:32,372 --> 00:04:34,341 I have been dying to stay in one of these. 116 00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:36,209 So we're paying extra to stay in a house 117 00:04:36,309 --> 00:04:37,743 where a heinous crime happened? 118 00:04:37,744 --> 00:04:39,479 Yeah, it's like a true crime podcast 119 00:04:39,579 --> 00:04:40,880 meets the ad for Airbnb 120 00:04:40,980 --> 00:04:43,650 that usually interrupts a true crime podcast. 121 00:04:45,318 --> 00:04:48,487 I can't wait to find out what this sicko did here. 122 00:04:48,488 --> 00:04:50,789 The crime committed in this house was... 123 00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:51,824 tax evasion? 124 00:04:51,825 --> 00:04:52,892 Hey, look. 125 00:04:53,059 --> 00:04:55,227 This is the actual calculator he fudged his Schedule E on. 126 00:04:55,228 --> 00:04:56,495 So cool! 127 00:04:56,496 --> 00:04:58,631 Summers, why'd you let Kang book this place? 128 00:04:58,732 --> 00:05:01,033 Since going to a CrimeShare was your idea, 129 00:05:01,034 --> 00:05:03,902 I thought I'd have Kang book it so we could feel like a team. 130 00:05:03,903 --> 00:05:06,506 You chose a lame one on purpose, didn't you? 131 00:05:06,606 --> 00:05:08,474 I just picked the first one I saw. 132 00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:11,410 Once again, you had to ruin something I wanted. 133 00:05:11,411 --> 00:05:14,013 Congrats, you're irrationally emotional. 134 00:05:14,014 --> 00:05:14,881 Record time. 135 00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:18,117 See? You took turns insulting each other. 136 00:05:18,118 --> 00:05:19,351 That's teamwork. 137 00:05:19,352 --> 00:05:21,220 Now go pick out a board game in the basement. 138 00:05:21,221 --> 00:05:22,988 Great. Guess I'll go grab one. 139 00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:24,057 I'll choose. 140 00:05:24,224 --> 00:05:27,626 I hate those newfangled ones that are more rules than game. 141 00:05:27,627 --> 00:05:30,597 I'm not playing "Cards Against Exploding Burritos of Catan." 142 00:05:34,634 --> 00:05:37,136 You brought work to the retreat? 143 00:05:37,137 --> 00:05:38,772 Well, you're not the only one. 144 00:05:43,276 --> 00:05:44,710 Now that the retreat has begun, 145 00:05:44,711 --> 00:05:47,981 it's time for vacation mode. 146 00:05:50,383 --> 00:05:53,318 And Vacay Mode has three rules: 147 00:05:53,319 --> 00:05:55,422 No fights, no frowns, 148 00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:57,690 and since I know how competitive you two are, 149 00:05:57,691 --> 00:06:00,693 work talk is the biggest no-no of all-all. 150 00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:03,662 Easy peasy, whiskey squeezy for me. 151 00:06:03,663 --> 00:06:05,564 But not for this work pony. 152 00:06:05,565 --> 00:06:06,700 "Horse" was too big. 153 00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,568 I'm not the one addicted to my job. 154 00:06:08,668 --> 00:06:10,437 - And gambling. - Wanna make a bet? 155 00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:12,404 First person to bring up work loses 156 00:06:12,405 --> 00:06:13,939 and has to share their evidence. 157 00:06:13,940 --> 00:06:15,742 Deal, windbag. 158 00:06:19,679 --> 00:06:22,581 Ugh, why do these games have so many rules? 159 00:06:22,582 --> 00:06:23,983 What happened to good old checkers? 160 00:06:24,084 --> 00:06:27,052 You're a prime example of why Congress needs an age limit. 161 00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:40,467 Oh. 162 00:06:40,633 --> 00:06:42,335 Would you like to solve a puzzle? 163 00:06:42,435 --> 00:06:44,204 Puzzles? Ew! 164 00:06:44,304 --> 00:06:45,471 Those are worse than check... 165 00:06:45,472 --> 00:06:47,674 ...ers. 166 00:06:59,652 --> 00:07:01,487 What the hell is going on here? 167 00:07:01,488 --> 00:07:03,188 Maybe if you read my horror zine 168 00:07:03,189 --> 00:07:05,958 you'd know that we are clearly in aSawsituation. 169 00:07:06,926 --> 00:07:08,227 Actually, no. No, no. 170 00:07:08,228 --> 00:07:09,628 This is nothing likeSaw. 171 00:07:09,629 --> 00:07:11,497 My name is Puzzle Paul. 172 00:07:11,498 --> 00:07:12,765 Puzzle Paul? 173 00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:14,500 You mean like a jigsaw puzzle? 174 00:07:14,501 --> 00:07:16,669 As in Jigsaw. FromSaw. 175 00:07:16,670 --> 00:07:18,170 No, total coincidence since 176 00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:20,940 I've never seen any of that clumsy ten-picture franchise. 177 00:07:22,208 --> 00:07:23,510 Now, each of you 178 00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:24,943 have a riddle to solve in 60 seconds 179 00:07:24,944 --> 00:07:27,680 or the bear trap will rip your jaws off. 180 00:07:27,681 --> 00:07:31,350 When the timer starts, you may begin reading. 181 00:07:32,385 --> 00:07:33,552 What goes up and down 182 00:07:33,553 --> 00:07:34,753 but never moves? 183 00:07:34,754 --> 00:07:37,256 Hmm... A staircase! 184 00:07:37,257 --> 00:07:38,958 You are... 185 00:07:39,526 --> 00:07:40,794 correct. 186 00:07:40,894 --> 00:07:42,862 Boy, I thought that would take longer. 187 00:07:42,962 --> 00:07:43,663 Seriously? 188 00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:45,264 That's like a kindergarten riddle. 189 00:07:45,265 --> 00:07:46,966 Okay, mean. 190 00:07:47,767 --> 00:07:50,170 You still have one riddle left. 191 00:07:51,104 --> 00:07:51,805 Hm... 192 00:07:51,971 --> 00:07:54,640 Okay, Kang, what does yours say? 193 00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:56,975 I, uh, I-- I... I don't want to play. 194 00:07:56,976 --> 00:07:58,811 Because you can't figure it out? 195 00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,779 These are like popsicle stick riddles. 196 00:08:00,780 --> 00:08:02,548 Wrong! They're from bubblegum wrappers. 197 00:08:02,549 --> 00:08:04,551 So... check your tone. 198 00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:06,919 Fine. Just read it to me and I'll solve it. 199 00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:08,288 Uh... no. 200 00:08:08,388 --> 00:08:09,855 Oh, because I asked you to? 201 00:08:09,856 --> 00:08:11,056 This is what I was talking about. 202 00:08:11,057 --> 00:08:13,960 Jaw ripping will commence in 20 seconds. 203 00:08:14,060 --> 00:08:16,528 Well, now it's 19. 204 00:08:16,529 --> 00:08:17,963 This isn't funny anymore, Kang. 205 00:08:17,964 --> 00:08:19,732 Now read it to me before he turns us into 206 00:08:19,733 --> 00:08:21,401 a couple of Pez dispensers. 207 00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:22,801 Uh, uh... 208 00:08:22,802 --> 00:08:25,305 Kang, why are you doing this? 209 00:08:25,405 --> 00:08:27,473 I can't read, okay? 210 00:08:31,711 --> 00:08:34,146 Sorry, did you say you can't read it? 211 00:08:34,147 --> 00:08:37,616 I could up the font size. Or bold it. 212 00:08:37,617 --> 00:08:41,086 No, I'm-- I'm... 213 00:08:41,087 --> 00:08:41,955 illiterate. 214 00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:44,623 Oh. Great. 215 00:08:44,624 --> 00:08:46,725 Okay, so, full transparency, 216 00:08:46,726 --> 00:08:48,694 all of my traps are an elaborate combo 217 00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:50,362 of reading and murder. 218 00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:52,932 So I need a beat to pivot. 219 00:08:54,300 --> 00:08:55,335 Stand by. 220 00:08:55,602 --> 00:08:57,203 What the-- 221 00:08:57,837 --> 00:08:59,638 Oh, are you opening a formal investigation 222 00:08:59,639 --> 00:09:01,440 about that thud, meaning I win? 223 00:09:01,441 --> 00:09:03,209 No, no. Just getting comfortable. 224 00:09:03,309 --> 00:09:04,811 You call that comfortable? 225 00:09:05,578 --> 00:09:07,312 It's protective. 226 00:09:07,313 --> 00:09:08,581 Real one's insured. 227 00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:10,582 You know what time it is? 228 00:09:10,583 --> 00:09:12,618 Island time! 229 00:09:12,619 --> 00:09:14,319 Where Kang and 'Nona, mon? 230 00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:15,721 Hmm. 231 00:09:15,722 --> 00:09:17,056 Haven't seen them since they went to the basement. 232 00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:20,225 - Odd. - Are you detecting something? 233 00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:21,161 Me? No. 234 00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:23,328 To detect would mean I suspect something's wrong, 235 00:09:23,329 --> 00:09:25,197 but I didn't pack any suspicion. 236 00:09:25,198 --> 00:09:26,331 Or clean underwear. 237 00:09:26,332 --> 00:09:27,467 Which are both work things. 238 00:09:27,667 --> 00:09:28,634 Are you worried? 239 00:09:28,635 --> 00:09:30,135 Not at all. 240 00:09:30,136 --> 00:09:30,870 I'm chilling. 241 00:09:30,970 --> 00:09:32,906 Chilling so hard I'm basically chili. 242 00:09:33,006 --> 00:09:35,175 Just soaking up oyster crackers and vibes. 243 00:09:35,275 --> 00:09:37,643 I actually put Goldfish in my award-winning chili. 244 00:09:37,644 --> 00:09:38,912 Not to toot my own tooter, 245 00:09:39,012 --> 00:09:41,613 but I make a pretty mean chili myself. 246 00:09:41,614 --> 00:09:44,083 If you two want to compete, how about... 247 00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:46,252 a wet T-shirt contest? 248 00:09:48,355 --> 00:09:49,089 In case you were wondering 249 00:09:49,222 --> 00:09:51,623 if my nipples were also in Vacay Mode, 250 00:09:51,624 --> 00:09:54,294 the answer is "boy, howdy!" 251 00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:56,496 Your body's weird. 252 00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:59,064 How about a chili cook-off to see whose is better? 253 00:09:59,065 --> 00:10:02,268 No. We'll have a chill chili cook-off chill-off. 254 00:10:02,369 --> 00:10:03,403 Like adults. 255 00:10:03,503 --> 00:10:05,138 Oh, the "off" is on. 256 00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:07,172 No, it's on on. 257 00:10:07,173 --> 00:10:08,241 And we're off. 258 00:10:09,542 --> 00:10:10,809 Look at what you've done. 259 00:10:10,810 --> 00:10:12,644 That's from disappointment. 260 00:10:12,645 --> 00:10:15,280 No signal. 261 00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:16,648 I'm sorry, but seriously? 262 00:10:16,649 --> 00:10:17,916 How can you be illiterate? 263 00:10:17,917 --> 00:10:19,718 It's not that hard to get by. 264 00:10:19,719 --> 00:10:21,053 I dictate emails, 265 00:10:21,054 --> 00:10:23,423 always order the daily special at restaurants, 266 00:10:23,523 --> 00:10:25,391 and I only text with emojis. 267 00:10:25,392 --> 00:10:27,027 The new hieroglyphics. 268 00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:28,861 You're right. 269 00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:30,963 Our thread is all emojis. 270 00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:33,432 Is that why you end every text with the hotel emoji? 271 00:10:33,433 --> 00:10:34,567 It looks like my building. 272 00:10:34,668 --> 00:10:36,135 That's how I say I'm texting from home. 273 00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:38,304 When I'm on the move, I do two sneakers. 274 00:10:38,405 --> 00:10:40,305 It all makes sense now. 275 00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:41,707 The zine, the microwave, 276 00:10:41,708 --> 00:10:43,075 this CrimeShare. 277 00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:45,577 It's not me you have a problem with, it's reading! 278 00:10:45,578 --> 00:10:47,579 I am so relieved. 279 00:10:47,580 --> 00:10:48,981 No, it was you. 280 00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:51,051 I have a very low opinion of you. 281 00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:52,151 Mean. 282 00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:53,686 Doesn't feel great, does it? 283 00:10:53,687 --> 00:10:55,688 Okay, good news. 284 00:10:55,689 --> 00:10:57,723 I was able to scrap trap number two. 285 00:10:57,724 --> 00:10:58,958 I mean, the trap is gone, 286 00:10:59,059 --> 00:11:02,461 but the clue words I tattooed onto your scalps never will be. 287 00:11:02,462 --> 00:11:03,629 Anyway. 288 00:11:03,630 --> 00:11:06,066 On to trap three. 289 00:11:14,708 --> 00:11:15,909 Is that your secret ingredient? 290 00:11:16,643 --> 00:11:17,910 What is it? Double cumin? 291 00:11:17,911 --> 00:11:19,478 Half the cumin? 292 00:11:19,479 --> 00:11:20,347 No cumin? 293 00:11:20,447 --> 00:11:21,580 I'm not telling. 294 00:11:21,581 --> 00:11:23,015 My abuela taught me this. 295 00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:24,884 Bitch of a grandma, but hell of a cook. 296 00:11:24,984 --> 00:11:26,985 I got this recipe from my grandpa. 297 00:11:26,986 --> 00:11:28,921 Cooked his chili with the same wooden spoon he'd hit us with 298 00:11:28,922 --> 00:11:30,255 for touching his radio. 299 00:11:30,256 --> 00:11:31,358 Look at us. 300 00:11:31,458 --> 00:11:32,759 We stop talking about work, 301 00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:34,793 we find out we have something in common. 302 00:11:34,794 --> 00:11:37,029 Yeah, who knew we both had grandparents? 303 00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:40,532 I bet yours didn't teach you to make chili like this. 304 00:11:42,135 --> 00:11:44,237 Unlike you, that is way too sweet. 305 00:11:45,405 --> 00:11:46,872 Ooh! 306 00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:49,641 And unlike you, this is super hot. 307 00:11:49,642 --> 00:11:51,543 - And has taste. - Oh, yeah? 308 00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:53,013 Taste this. 309 00:11:53,780 --> 00:11:55,615 Oh, you're dead. 310 00:11:56,082 --> 00:11:58,650 Oh! Okay. 311 00:11:58,651 --> 00:12:00,419 That might be a second-degree burn. 312 00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:03,790 But I can't feel it yet because I'm having fun! 313 00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:08,027 ♪ It's looking a lot Like love ♪ 314 00:12:08,028 --> 00:12:10,829 ♪ A big pot of chili's What I'm dreaming of ♪ 315 00:12:10,830 --> 00:12:12,331 Oh! 316 00:12:12,332 --> 00:12:15,200 ♪ Will they or won't they It's hard to tell ♪ 317 00:12:15,201 --> 00:12:18,370 ♪ When you're overcome By the chili smell ♪ 318 00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:22,208 ♪ Maybe they're friends Maybe it's more ♪ 319 00:12:22,308 --> 00:12:25,679 ♪ But they sure love Goofing around ♪ 320 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,481 ♪ Yeah just a taste Of my heart ♪ 321 00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:32,217 ♪ Mix it up and cook it ♪ 322 00:12:32,218 --> 00:12:34,386 ♪ But be careful not to fart ♪ 323 00:12:34,387 --> 00:12:36,221 ♪ Chili beans and everything In between... ♪ 324 00:12:36,222 --> 00:12:37,856 You know what we look like? 325 00:12:37,857 --> 00:12:41,127 We look like we're covered in... 326 00:12:41,928 --> 00:12:44,397 - dia... - ...rrhea. 327 00:12:45,865 --> 00:12:47,399 Now this 328 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:48,835 is some team-building. 329 00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:50,436 Told you we needed this. 330 00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:51,670 I'll crump downstairs 331 00:12:51,671 --> 00:12:53,006 and tell the gang dinner's ready. 332 00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:57,543 Oh... there should be some paper towels 333 00:12:57,544 --> 00:12:59,145 in-- in the cabinet over there. 334 00:13:15,228 --> 00:13:16,462 This one is simple. 335 00:13:16,463 --> 00:13:19,598 Solve the wordless puzzle before the clock strikes 9:30 336 00:13:19,599 --> 00:13:22,601 or you will drown in sewage. 337 00:13:22,602 --> 00:13:25,771 Or should I say, "poo-age"? 338 00:13:25,772 --> 00:13:28,608 I said "poo-age." 339 00:13:28,708 --> 00:13:30,009 I don't know for sure-- 340 00:13:30,010 --> 00:13:31,910 Could you hear that through the modulator? 341 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:34,581 Okay. 342 00:13:37,384 --> 00:13:40,052 I'm sorry, but what exaclty is your problem with me? 343 00:13:40,053 --> 00:13:42,021 You know why people don't know I can't read? 344 00:13:42,022 --> 00:13:43,756 Because I keep some things to myself. 345 00:13:43,757 --> 00:13:44,890 But not you. 346 00:13:44,891 --> 00:13:47,292 You tell everyone everything. 347 00:13:47,293 --> 00:13:50,729 Why do I need to know what size tampon you use? Huh? 348 00:13:50,730 --> 00:13:53,198 And it's just a regular. Not worth noting. 349 00:13:53,199 --> 00:13:55,601 Lots of talking. 350 00:13:55,602 --> 00:13:58,070 Not much solving. 351 00:13:58,071 --> 00:14:00,907 Maybe you're right. Maybe I do share too much. 352 00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:02,441 But if I end up dying in this 353 00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:04,911 - basic-ass trap room... - Hey! 354 00:14:05,011 --> 00:14:06,780 ...at least people can say they knew me. 355 00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:08,782 You've been alive for centuries 356 00:14:08,882 --> 00:14:10,616 and I don't think anyone really knows you. 357 00:14:10,617 --> 00:14:11,784 That's not true. 358 00:14:11,785 --> 00:14:13,253 Name one person. 359 00:14:17,424 --> 00:14:19,291 What is happening? Is that the poo-age? 360 00:14:19,292 --> 00:14:21,660 Oh, so you did hear me. 361 00:14:21,661 --> 00:14:23,662 I'm just crying, okay? 362 00:14:23,663 --> 00:14:26,065 You hurt my... feelings? 363 00:14:26,066 --> 00:14:27,801 Eh, I guess that's what they are. 364 00:14:27,901 --> 00:14:29,301 Why is it brown? 365 00:14:29,302 --> 00:14:31,704 Doesn't happen often so it's a little rusty. 366 00:14:31,705 --> 00:14:33,273 Takes a sec to get going. 367 00:14:34,774 --> 00:14:36,776 Is this enough emotion for you? 368 00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:39,978 ♪ Do you like Big bowls of chili? ♪ 369 00:14:41,114 --> 00:14:43,382 Oh. What board game is this? 370 00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:46,086 Your booking was only for two people! 371 00:14:46,186 --> 00:14:48,054 I can't read numbers either. 372 00:14:48,822 --> 00:14:50,589 Okay, this time it's fear. 373 00:14:50,590 --> 00:14:53,359 Fine. Moving on to trap four. 374 00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:55,828 If you even know what that number means. 375 00:14:59,933 --> 00:15:01,834 Can't believe I almost fell for it. 376 00:15:01,835 --> 00:15:04,136 - Fell for what? - That. 377 00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:06,238 You tricked me into a playful rom-com chili fight 378 00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:08,007 just so I'd find this murder stuff, 379 00:15:08,008 --> 00:15:10,242 start investigating, and lose the bet. 380 00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:12,077 Do you even have a buh-buela? 381 00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:13,713 Buh-warla? Buh-- 382 00:15:13,813 --> 00:15:15,114 Grandma? 383 00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:17,282 You think I would make up stuff about my family 384 00:15:17,283 --> 00:15:19,586 just to win a bet? That's sick. 385 00:15:19,686 --> 00:15:21,253 The competition is back on! 386 00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:25,291 Fine. Let's go settle this in our coworkers' mouths. 387 00:15:26,993 --> 00:15:28,461 Where is everybody? 388 00:15:38,238 --> 00:15:40,340 Really wish I packed that clean underwear now. 389 00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:46,279 Wow. 390 00:15:46,379 --> 00:15:48,014 I never thought you'd stoop this low, 391 00:15:48,114 --> 00:15:49,882 and that's saying something considering 392 00:15:49,883 --> 00:15:51,150 my height beat you to it. 393 00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:52,918 Hey, uh... 394 00:15:52,919 --> 00:15:54,853 Are you gonna help us, or...? 395 00:15:54,854 --> 00:15:56,889 Oh, nice acting, Wynona. 396 00:15:56,890 --> 00:15:59,191 I can't believe you accused me 397 00:15:59,192 --> 00:16:00,859 of trying to make you lose the bet, 398 00:16:00,860 --> 00:16:02,194 and meanwhile, 399 00:16:02,195 --> 00:16:04,530 you have this whole elaborate contraption set up? 400 00:16:04,531 --> 00:16:06,299 Actually, I'm the one who set up-- 401 00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:08,300 This has you all over it, Martinez. 402 00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:10,602 It takes a special kind of genius to lure me down here 403 00:16:10,603 --> 00:16:13,172 to see what you planted, and then pretend you're mad 404 00:16:13,173 --> 00:16:15,274 I lured you down here to see what I planted. 405 00:16:15,275 --> 00:16:17,042 Um, if we're going to give credit 406 00:16:17,043 --> 00:16:18,644 - where... - You think I'm a genius? 407 00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:20,179 You're the genius, idiot. 408 00:16:20,180 --> 00:16:21,581 Well, that means a lot to me. Thank you. 409 00:16:21,681 --> 00:16:24,650 Too bad you're too stupid to realize how smart you are. 410 00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:25,784 Not to mention kind! 411 00:16:25,785 --> 00:16:27,319 You know what, this fight is weird, 412 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:28,788 so we're gonna skip to the grand finale. 413 00:16:37,430 --> 00:16:39,064 What the...? 414 00:16:39,065 --> 00:16:41,166 Wow. Moving walls? 415 00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:42,701 How'd you rig that? 416 00:16:42,702 --> 00:16:44,069 It wasn't him, it was me! 417 00:16:44,070 --> 00:16:45,571 I did all of this! I'm the genius! 418 00:16:45,572 --> 00:16:47,973 And I will enjoy watching you all get crushed to death 419 00:16:47,974 --> 00:16:50,677 from the safety of my control room! 420 00:16:52,946 --> 00:16:55,814 Aw, crap! I am not in there! 421 00:16:55,815 --> 00:16:57,216 So... 422 00:16:57,217 --> 00:16:59,118 I'm gonna die, too. 423 00:16:59,119 --> 00:17:00,319 That's bad. 424 00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:02,355 Not if we can figure out how to escape. 425 00:17:02,455 --> 00:17:05,691 If these walls were taxes, I would know how to evade them. 426 00:17:05,692 --> 00:17:07,092 You're the tax evader? 427 00:17:07,093 --> 00:17:08,260 I thought you were in jail. 428 00:17:08,261 --> 00:17:09,595 Well, yeah, for like a week. 429 00:17:09,596 --> 00:17:11,397 Once I got out, I needed a side hustle, 430 00:17:11,398 --> 00:17:13,399 so I rented my place with CrimeShare. 431 00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:15,968 But apparently tax evasion's not sexy enough 432 00:17:15,969 --> 00:17:17,403 for true crime junkies. 433 00:17:17,404 --> 00:17:19,471 So I figured if I could defraud the government, 434 00:17:19,472 --> 00:17:21,707 how hard could murdering a couple of people 435 00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:23,109 in baroque deathtraps be? 436 00:17:23,209 --> 00:17:25,244 Boy, was I wrong! 437 00:17:25,245 --> 00:17:26,979 Don't be so hard on yourself. 438 00:17:26,980 --> 00:17:28,747 This was my dumb idea to come out here 439 00:17:28,748 --> 00:17:29,549 for some team-building, 440 00:17:29,649 --> 00:17:31,817 but now we're gonna end up team-dying. 441 00:17:31,818 --> 00:17:33,152 Summers, that's it! 442 00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:35,421 This is like our trust fall but with actual dying. 443 00:17:35,422 --> 00:17:37,724 Can you transform into something to stop the walls? 444 00:17:37,824 --> 00:17:39,225 Aye, aye, Captain. 445 00:17:40,093 --> 00:17:41,393 Booze cruise time. 446 00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:48,100 Oh, thank God. 447 00:17:48,101 --> 00:17:50,503 All aboard the SS... 448 00:17:51,371 --> 00:17:53,605 ...Summers. 449 00:17:54,607 --> 00:17:57,543 Kinda thought that'd buy us more time. 450 00:17:57,544 --> 00:18:00,179 In theSawmovies, there's always a way to stop it. 451 00:18:00,180 --> 00:18:02,014 Yeah, but it's in the control room, 452 00:18:02,015 --> 00:18:03,148 and the door is purposely 453 00:18:03,149 --> 00:18:05,218 on the other side of a gruesome trap. 454 00:18:07,387 --> 00:18:09,856 Anyone would die just attempting to get through it. 455 00:18:11,991 --> 00:18:13,459 Yeah, yeah, I get it. 456 00:18:13,460 --> 00:18:16,496 Impossible death trap, send in the immortal. 457 00:18:35,749 --> 00:18:36,716 I'm in. 458 00:18:37,017 --> 00:18:39,451 Okay, you need to press the one labelled "kill switch." 459 00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:41,320 Which is going to be impossible for you, huh? 460 00:18:41,321 --> 00:18:43,188 Because, you know, you can't read. 461 00:18:43,189 --> 00:18:44,791 What the Lea Michelle? 462 00:18:44,891 --> 00:18:45,892 You can't read? 463 00:18:47,193 --> 00:18:49,294 Oh, great. Now everybody knows. 464 00:18:49,295 --> 00:18:51,697 But that's good, because now we can help. 465 00:18:51,698 --> 00:18:53,799 Listen up, we're gonna "Hot To Go" it. 466 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,300 Oh, likeYMCA! 467 00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:57,469 Yes! The generational connector. 468 00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:59,339 Spelling words with your body. 469 00:18:59,439 --> 00:19:00,572 - I'll be the K. - I. 470 00:19:00,573 --> 00:19:02,542 - L! - L! 471 00:19:02,942 --> 00:19:05,244 S. Wait. S. 472 00:19:05,245 --> 00:19:06,646 This is fun. 473 00:19:06,846 --> 00:19:07,980 Uh... 474 00:19:07,981 --> 00:19:09,081 I think I got it? 475 00:19:12,085 --> 00:19:13,085 No! 476 00:19:13,086 --> 00:19:15,187 He hit the "kill swift" button. 477 00:19:15,188 --> 00:19:16,622 Why is that even an option? 478 00:19:16,623 --> 00:19:18,958 In case it was taking too long and I had somewhere to be. 479 00:19:19,059 --> 00:19:20,192 I can't do this. 480 00:19:20,193 --> 00:19:21,593 I'm crying too much. 481 00:19:21,594 --> 00:19:23,629 This is why I don't share things. 482 00:19:23,630 --> 00:19:25,898 But that's where older generations get it wrong. 483 00:19:25,899 --> 00:19:28,100 You think sharing yourself makes you weaker. 484 00:19:28,101 --> 00:19:29,635 It doesn't. 485 00:19:29,636 --> 00:19:32,271 It just gives everyone else permission to be honest, too. 486 00:19:32,272 --> 00:19:34,473 Like, I can't read an analog clock. 487 00:19:34,474 --> 00:19:36,108 I don't get what "half past" is. 488 00:19:36,109 --> 00:19:38,143 What? That's ridiculous. 489 00:19:38,144 --> 00:19:39,511 I-- Hey. 490 00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:41,815 Now I don't feel as bad. Keep going. 491 00:19:42,215 --> 00:19:43,850 I don't love my thighs in shorts. 492 00:19:43,950 --> 00:19:45,151 Not enough jiggle. 493 00:19:45,285 --> 00:19:47,754 I've seen everySawmovie and this whole thing is a rip off! 494 00:19:48,588 --> 00:19:49,356 No gasp? 495 00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:52,525 And I did plant that stuff to make you lose the bet, 496 00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:54,393 but that was before we bonded. 497 00:19:54,394 --> 00:19:57,296 Also, my secret ingredient's chocolate. 498 00:19:57,297 --> 00:19:59,531 And if we make it back, you can have my evidence. 499 00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:02,301 Also, and this is gonna blow your mind, 500 00:20:02,302 --> 00:20:04,804 my secret ingredient is chili powder. 501 00:20:04,904 --> 00:20:08,041 That might be the whitest thing you've ever said. 502 00:20:08,375 --> 00:20:09,775 Your stupid admissions worked. 503 00:20:09,776 --> 00:20:12,878 The tears have stopped. W-What's the next letter? 504 00:20:18,151 --> 00:20:20,252 There's not enough room. 505 00:20:20,253 --> 00:20:21,888 I'm never gonna make it home. 506 00:20:22,055 --> 00:20:23,422 Home. That's it! 507 00:20:23,423 --> 00:20:24,823 Kang, the last letter of the word 508 00:20:24,824 --> 00:20:27,360 is on the emoji you use when you text from home. 509 00:20:36,870 --> 00:20:40,306 So... since no crime was actually committed, 510 00:20:40,407 --> 00:20:42,042 we're cool, right? 511 00:20:42,542 --> 00:20:44,177 Oh, and before you check out, just make sure 512 00:20:44,277 --> 00:20:45,812 you pull all the sheets off the beds. 513 00:20:48,314 --> 00:20:49,481 Okay, everyone's been asking me 514 00:20:49,482 --> 00:20:51,216 for a follow up on my last video. 515 00:20:51,217 --> 00:20:53,185 Well, a lot has happened. 516 00:20:53,186 --> 00:20:54,987 So buckle up for a six-part series 517 00:20:54,988 --> 00:20:57,723 on how I taught my stoic, illiterate co-worker 518 00:20:57,724 --> 00:21:00,926 to process his emotions, and the alphabet. 519 00:21:00,927 --> 00:21:02,162 That take was great. 520 00:21:02,328 --> 00:21:03,729 It wasn't too emotional. 521 00:21:03,730 --> 00:21:05,698 We'll wait until part five to hit them with the tears. 522 00:21:05,699 --> 00:21:09,034 I'm thinking in part six you're a full blown snot faucet. 523 00:21:09,035 --> 00:21:11,303 Smart, smart. Thanks, Kang. 524 00:21:11,304 --> 00:21:13,406 No, actually... 525 00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:19,045 One day, that's gonna say "thank you." 526 00:21:19,346 --> 00:21:21,580 Well, I should get to embalming. It's... 527 00:21:21,581 --> 00:21:23,850 ...8:52. 528 00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:28,922 Uh... it's 11:40. 529 00:21:29,122 --> 00:21:30,557 Yeah, I know.