1
00:00:01,234 --> 00:00:02,835
[female therapist]
Why don't we
start from the beginning?

2
00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:03,969
[both moaning]

3
00:00:03,970 --> 00:00:05,704
[Florence]
Okay, I guess it all began

4
00:00:05,705 --> 00:00:07,474
the moment I realized I had...

5
00:00:07,574 --> 00:00:09,009
[screams]

6
00:00:09,142 --> 00:00:10,376
...my mother's legs.

7
00:00:10,377 --> 00:00:11,711
- [male announcer]
This Friday...
- [gasping]

8
00:00:11,811 --> 00:00:12,846
one of the 34 producers

9
00:00:12,946 --> 00:00:14,113
- ofHereditary...
- [screams]

10
00:00:14,114 --> 00:00:16,982
...presents a metaphor
so frightening,

11
00:00:16,983 --> 00:00:19,486
we're not even sure
what it means.

12
00:00:19,819 --> 00:00:23,056
[ominous tone]

13
00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:24,490
[man] Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

14
00:00:24,491 --> 00:00:27,426
You got a permit
for those veins?

15
00:00:27,427 --> 00:00:29,295
[laughs]

16
00:00:29,396 --> 00:00:30,296
Hmm?

17
00:00:36,569 --> 00:00:37,437
[gun clicks]

18
00:00:38,438 --> 00:00:39,406
[screams]

19
00:00:44,110 --> 00:00:46,011
Do you think
you're afraid of aging?

20
00:00:46,012 --> 00:00:46,980
[squelching]

21
00:00:47,247 --> 00:00:48,281
[male announcer]
This weekend...

22
00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:50,282
- Huh.
- ...you can run,

23
00:00:50,283 --> 00:00:53,353
but she... really...
shouldn't.

24
00:00:54,854 --> 00:00:57,122
I think it's smart.
Or is it stupid?

25
00:00:57,123 --> 00:00:59,325
Either way, we gotta see it.

26
00:00:59,993 --> 00:01:02,462
[theme music playing]

27
00:01:23,416 --> 00:01:25,985
Could I please see
My Mother's Legs?

28
00:01:26,453 --> 00:01:28,888
Oh, I knew
I breastfed you too long.

29
00:01:28,988 --> 00:01:30,689
No, it's a new horror movie.

30
00:01:30,690 --> 00:01:34,060
Oh, hon,
you can't see a scary movie.

31
00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:36,328
You slept in my bed
for a week after you saw

32
00:01:36,329 --> 00:01:38,631
that black-and-white
Cymbalta commercial.

33
00:01:39,899 --> 00:01:40,899
[grunts]

34
00:01:40,900 --> 00:01:41,901
Something wrong with your chair?

35
00:01:42,002 --> 00:01:43,036
No!

36
00:01:43,136 --> 00:01:44,169
There's something wrong
with you!

37
00:01:44,170 --> 00:01:46,338
You don't let me do
anything I want.

38
00:01:46,339 --> 00:01:49,776
So, I... I don't care for you.

39
00:01:50,677 --> 00:01:51,578
Oh, that's it!

40
00:01:51,711 --> 00:01:54,079
Your father is going
to give you a talking to.

41
00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:56,616
If I can reach him.
And if he's conscious.

42
00:01:57,917 --> 00:01:59,184
What is this?

43
00:01:59,185 --> 00:02:00,786
Does your mom want me
to give you the sex talk?

44
00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:01,955
Isn't that Pornhub's job?

45
00:02:02,055 --> 00:02:04,223
She won't let me
see a scary movie.

46
00:02:04,224 --> 00:02:06,059
And you won't let me
sit in the front seat.

47
00:02:06,159 --> 00:02:08,227
It's so annoying! Ugh!

48
00:02:08,228 --> 00:02:10,964
Hey! Quit having a tantrum!
Will you grow up?

49
00:02:11,064 --> 00:02:12,232
You two won't let me.

50
00:02:12,332 --> 00:02:14,968
I wish I was an adult.
I hate being a kid.

51
00:02:15,068 --> 00:02:16,068
[tires screeching]

52
00:02:16,069 --> 00:02:17,202
Are you kidding?

53
00:02:17,203 --> 00:02:19,838
Chilhood is carefree,
no consequences.

54
00:02:19,839 --> 00:02:20,973
But not adulthood.

55
00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:22,207
Did you know my cardiologist

56
00:02:22,208 --> 00:02:24,110
is forcing me
to wear a step tracker now?

57
00:02:24,210 --> 00:02:25,477
Not for health reasons,

58
00:02:25,478 --> 00:02:27,379
but so he has a paper trail
when I die prematurely

59
00:02:27,380 --> 00:02:29,249
and my beneficiaries
try to sue him.

60
00:02:29,349 --> 00:02:31,116
- You vulture.
- [scoffs]

61
00:02:31,117 --> 00:02:32,484
You don't believe me, do you?
Fine.

62
00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:35,388
I'll show you how hard it is
being a mediocre adult.

63
00:02:37,857 --> 00:02:39,826
This is your best example?

64
00:02:39,926 --> 00:02:42,262
Hey! Kids in the kiddie corner.

65
00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:46,699
[scoffs]
Always treating me like a kid.

66
00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:47,566
Kids, huh?

67
00:02:47,567 --> 00:02:49,101
They don't know
how easy they got it.

68
00:02:49,102 --> 00:02:50,869
Or do they?

69
00:02:50,870 --> 00:02:52,371
Whoa! Return to sender!

70
00:02:52,372 --> 00:02:55,942
You just offended
the wrong magical hag.

71
00:02:56,042 --> 00:02:59,979
Perhaps it's time you learned
a lesson in empathy by...

72
00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:03,982
walking a mile
in someone else's shoes.

73
00:03:03,983 --> 00:03:05,285
[thunder claps]

74
00:03:05,385 --> 00:03:09,622
The next hand you shake
will be the body you take.

75
00:03:09,723 --> 00:03:11,157
Enjoy your curse!

76
00:03:11,257 --> 00:03:12,525
Curse? Are you kidding?

77
00:03:12,625 --> 00:03:15,028
I can't wait to choose
what body I switch with.

78
00:03:15,128 --> 00:03:16,563
I could have boobs
or be an eagle.

79
00:03:16,663 --> 00:03:19,165
Or an eagle with boobs!
Thanks, old hag.

80
00:03:19,265 --> 00:03:22,302
Maybe ugly people
do have something to offer.

81
00:03:23,903 --> 00:03:24,904
Dad, wait!

82
00:03:25,305 --> 00:03:27,907
Where are you,
Sydney Sweeneagle?

83
00:03:28,008 --> 00:03:30,743
Dad, please,
can I see the movie?

84
00:03:30,744 --> 00:03:32,045
I can handle it.

85
00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:34,447
[voice slows, deepens]
I'm a big boy now.

86
00:03:34,547 --> 00:03:36,750
[deep rumbling,
car alarms blaring]

87
00:03:39,786 --> 00:03:41,755
[birds squawking]

88
00:03:43,289 --> 00:03:45,592
I have ba-ack problems!

89
00:03:46,192 --> 00:03:47,426
[Harmony]
But, Mom,

90
00:03:47,427 --> 00:03:50,463
I've never heard Stan
talk to me like that.

91
00:03:50,630 --> 00:03:51,164
[growls]

92
00:03:51,264 --> 00:03:52,231
I'm not eating my son.

93
00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:54,166
That can't be the answer
to every problem I have.

94
00:03:54,167 --> 00:03:55,167
[soft growl]

95
00:03:55,168 --> 00:03:56,435
[sighs] You're right.

96
00:03:56,436 --> 00:03:58,905
Maybe it's time
I put my foot down.

97
00:03:59,005 --> 00:04:00,806
Thanks. Enjoy your dinner.

98
00:04:00,807 --> 00:04:01,774
[growls]

99
00:04:01,775 --> 00:04:04,511
- [chuckles] Oh, Mom.
- [phone clicks, beeps]

100
00:04:06,780 --> 00:04:08,648
[gulps]

101
00:04:12,952 --> 00:04:15,454
[snoring]

102
00:04:15,455 --> 00:04:18,658
Wake up, Barbra Strei-Stan.

103
00:04:18,758 --> 00:04:20,059
[screaming]

104
00:04:20,060 --> 00:04:21,460
Stop screaming, Mr. Flesh.

105
00:04:21,461 --> 00:04:22,729
My head hurts worse than it did

106
00:04:22,829 --> 00:04:25,197
afterLady Bird
didn't pick up a single Oscar.

107
00:04:25,198 --> 00:04:27,334
Stan?
Is that you?

108
00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:29,369
Of course it's me.
Why?

109
00:04:32,238 --> 00:04:34,808
[screaming]

110
00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:37,943
- [hyperventilating]
- It's okay.

111
00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:39,312
You're safe now.

112
00:04:39,813 --> 00:04:40,947
[grunts] Ew!

113
00:04:41,781 --> 00:04:42,615
Are you okay?

114
00:04:42,882 --> 00:04:44,250
[gasps]
He's gonna figure you out.

115
00:04:44,351 --> 00:04:46,086
Quick!
Act like an adult.

116
00:04:46,319 --> 00:04:47,787
Uh, Roth Ira.

117
00:04:47,887 --> 00:04:52,091
Yes, I love Roth... and Ira...
in the morning.

118
00:04:52,092 --> 00:04:53,826
Fun radio show.

119
00:04:53,827 --> 00:04:54,794
The best!
Bye!

120
00:04:55,628 --> 00:04:58,732
Whew!
That was some quick thinking.

121
00:05:07,974 --> 00:05:09,809
Huggies Pre-Teens?

122
00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:12,145
This is Stan's stupid body!

123
00:05:12,245 --> 00:05:14,713
Dad,
it's me in your amazing body!

124
00:05:14,714 --> 00:05:15,248
Oh!

125
00:05:15,348 --> 00:05:16,682
Mary J. Blige!

126
00:05:16,683 --> 00:05:18,784
We must have switched
when you grabbed my hand.

127
00:05:18,785 --> 00:05:20,919
We gotta find the hag
who did this to us.

128
00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:24,657
What did you do to my underchin?
It's all swollen and bloated.

129
00:05:24,758 --> 00:05:27,260
All I did was use the bathroom.
Nine times.

130
00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:29,294
Is there a knob
to adjust urine pressure?

131
00:05:29,295 --> 00:05:30,662
The velocity scares me.

132
00:05:30,663 --> 00:05:33,298
Okay, no more Mr. Nice Mom.
Time for--

133
00:05:33,299 --> 00:05:34,733
What are you doing here?

134
00:05:34,734 --> 00:05:35,435
Uh, uh...

135
00:05:35,535 --> 00:05:37,971
My handsome, strong-streamed dad

136
00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:41,007
just came to take me out
for a father-son day.

137
00:05:41,107 --> 00:05:42,275
No, it's a school day.

138
00:05:42,375 --> 00:05:44,543
Uh,
maybe we should listen to Mom.

139
00:05:44,544 --> 00:05:47,280
Did you just take my side?
What's your angle?

140
00:05:47,380 --> 00:05:48,681
Another loan?

141
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:50,316
No, you still haven't
paid me back for the crypto

142
00:05:50,417 --> 00:05:52,317
you swore would pay
for Stan's college.

143
00:05:52,318 --> 00:05:54,319
It's not like it was
Hawk Tuah Coin.

144
00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:55,554
It was Hawk Three-ah.

145
00:05:55,555 --> 00:05:57,891
Who wouldn't invest
in that kind of wordplay?

146
00:05:58,892 --> 00:06:00,627
In Dad's defense.

147
00:06:02,395 --> 00:06:04,430
Just get ready
and meet me in the car.

148
00:06:04,431 --> 00:06:06,065
Great.
Now we have to wait

149
00:06:06,066 --> 00:06:07,099
until tonight to find the hag,

150
00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:09,435
and I'll have to spend
the day... at school?

151
00:06:09,436 --> 00:06:11,737
Ha! This'll be like
a vacation but free.

152
00:06:11,738 --> 00:06:13,573
Except my taxes pay
for your school.

153
00:06:13,673 --> 00:06:16,176
[groans] I hate being an adult.
But wait! I'm a kid!

154
00:06:16,276 --> 00:06:17,576
[chuckles]

155
00:06:17,577 --> 00:06:19,345
And I'll be at your job
doing whatever I want.

156
00:06:19,346 --> 00:06:21,348
This is gonna be awesome.
For me.

157
00:06:21,448 --> 00:06:22,916
You're gonna be miserable
once you see

158
00:06:23,016 --> 00:06:23,983
how tough my school is.

159
00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:26,586
Well, good luck relaxing
in a room full of detectives.

160
00:06:26,686 --> 00:06:28,620
Those guys are
professional tattletales

161
00:06:28,621 --> 00:06:30,723
who spend their days
sniffing out the truth.

162
00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,025
But you better not crack,

163
00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:34,194
because I don't want you
ruining my vacation.

164
00:06:34,294 --> 00:06:36,062
In fact, give me my phone.

165
00:06:36,596 --> 00:06:38,030
- [phone chimes]
- What are you doing?

166
00:06:38,031 --> 00:06:41,367
I'm documenting the condition
of the loaner vehicle

167
00:06:41,368 --> 00:06:43,203
because I know
you're gonna mess it up.

168
00:06:43,303 --> 00:06:45,238
Let's see.
Scuff on the right shoe.

169
00:06:45,338 --> 00:06:47,374
Bum knee.
Razor wire tramp stamp.

170
00:06:47,474 --> 00:06:49,609
Train tracks from
wearing my belt too tight.

171
00:06:49,709 --> 00:06:51,643
Fly down.
Innie belly button,

172
00:06:51,644 --> 00:06:53,879
and I want it to stay that way.

173
00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:56,683
I'll send you a copy
for your records. Now get!

174
00:06:57,751 --> 00:07:00,220
Damn. Forgot to ask
if he wanted Sirius.

175
00:07:05,892 --> 00:07:10,095
[sighs]
First up, ditching these.

176
00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:11,731
Ah! Everything's gone! Help!

177
00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:13,632
Ooh, I gotcha, Stan.

178
00:07:13,633 --> 00:07:15,501
Ah, there's the world! Huh.

179
00:07:15,502 --> 00:07:17,169
Honestly, I thought these
were props.

180
00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:20,439
I'll have what he's having.
Medication-wise.

181
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:24,377
No meds here, except some "do
whatever the Vitamin F I want."

182
00:07:24,477 --> 00:07:26,645
[laughs] Wait!
Let's do a prank.

183
00:07:26,646 --> 00:07:29,282
When I was young,
like today,

184
00:07:29,382 --> 00:07:32,651
I always wanted to pull
The Office Depoo.

185
00:07:32,652 --> 00:07:34,653
You drop a number two
in your teacher's desk.

186
00:07:34,654 --> 00:07:36,422
And I ain't talkin' pencils.

187
00:07:36,423 --> 00:07:38,158
How is that a prank?

188
00:07:38,258 --> 00:07:40,259
Because the desk was empty,

189
00:07:40,260 --> 00:07:41,694
and then you fill it with--

190
00:07:41,695 --> 00:07:44,030
You know what?
You're a terrible hang.

191
00:07:46,066 --> 00:07:48,534
Your dad was right.
They're gonna read you faster

192
00:07:48,535 --> 00:07:50,569
than you read
all the Percy Jacksons.

193
00:07:50,570 --> 00:07:52,805
So figure out what to do
and fit in

194
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:55,875
like a kid who hasn't read
all the Percy Jacksons.

195
00:07:57,143 --> 00:07:58,545
Good morning, sluts.

196
00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:00,312
That's how I talk.
I'm rude.

197
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:01,680
Um, I thought
we could talk about

198
00:08:01,681 --> 00:08:03,549
what we're all doing today.

199
00:08:03,550 --> 00:08:04,550
I know we all know what that is,

200
00:08:04,551 --> 00:08:07,287
but let's say it out loud
together, for fun.

201
00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:09,321
Thought I would update
my firmware.

202
00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:10,589
I'm hoping this version
is the one

203
00:08:10,590 --> 00:08:12,124
Wynona finally finds dateable.

204
00:08:12,125 --> 00:08:15,361
I've decided this is the century
I learn how to do a cartwheel.

205
00:08:15,362 --> 00:08:17,430
And I'm filling out the forms
to see if I'm eligible

206
00:08:17,530 --> 00:08:18,964
for theMaterialistssurgery.

207
00:08:18,965 --> 00:08:20,833
Then I'll be tall enough
to ride The Viper.

208
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:23,469
Wow!
Your dad really exaggerated

209
00:08:23,470 --> 00:08:25,171
the microscope you'd be under.

210
00:08:25,271 --> 00:08:26,473
But we shouldn't be surprised,

211
00:08:26,573 --> 00:08:28,308
given the way
he oversoldGooniesto us.

212
00:08:28,408 --> 00:08:30,176
They're too busy to notice me.

213
00:08:30,477 --> 00:08:32,444
Should we notice you?

214
00:08:32,445 --> 00:08:33,980
Me?
No, nothing to notice here.

215
00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:37,183
Good breakfast, good breakfast,
good breakfast, good breakfast.

216
00:08:38,585 --> 00:08:41,453
No notes.
We got this.

217
00:08:41,454 --> 00:08:44,056
[bell ringing]

218
00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:46,059
[straining grunts]

219
00:08:50,730 --> 00:08:54,501
Ah, Stan!
Tardy to Student Council.

220
00:08:54,601 --> 00:08:56,001
A rare offense.

221
00:08:56,002 --> 00:08:59,605
But let it be known,
bureaucracy waits for no one!

222
00:08:59,606 --> 00:09:00,874
Except the treasurer,

223
00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:03,643
for she has the key
to the snack cabinet.

224
00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:05,645
Mmm!
Mm-hmm.

225
00:09:05,745 --> 00:09:07,781
The first item of business
is a fundraiser

226
00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:10,182
to clean the lead out
of the drinking fountain water.

227
00:09:10,183 --> 00:09:12,218
President Stan,
the floor is yours.

228
00:09:12,318 --> 00:09:13,519
President, huh?

229
00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:15,922
[chuckles] Nerd alert.
Okay.

230
00:09:16,022 --> 00:09:18,524
Classic lead
in the water situation.

231
00:09:18,525 --> 00:09:20,426
How about six words?

232
00:09:20,427 --> 00:09:24,530
Brita. Filter. Fountains.
Meeting. Adjourned. Bye-ee!

233
00:09:24,531 --> 00:09:26,065
How does that do anything?

234
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:28,901
Uh, how did the ice bucket
challenge do anything?

235
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:31,638
If it was up to you,
everyone would have ALS.

236
00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:34,239
Meeting over!
Everybody out!

237
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:36,509
I need to do some... grunt work.

238
00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:39,979
Uh, I can do that grunt work
for you, Mr. President.

239
00:09:40,513 --> 00:09:42,716
[extended bleep]

240
00:09:43,650 --> 00:09:45,684
I knew being an adult
would be easy.

241
00:09:45,685 --> 00:09:46,919
It's mostly asking people

242
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,654
how their weekend was
or is going to be.

243
00:09:48,655 --> 00:09:50,222
You can probably go either way
on Wednesday.

244
00:09:50,223 --> 00:09:52,424
Plus all the fun stuff
we can do now.

245
00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:53,693
Own a flamethrower.

246
00:09:53,793 --> 00:09:55,928
Get an STD on a beach-based
reality dating show.

247
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:59,698
Serve on a jury.
Or be tried as an adult!

248
00:09:59,699 --> 00:10:02,002
Tried as an adult?
That's it!

249
00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:03,702
Hey, chums.

250
00:10:03,703 --> 00:10:05,839
You know how we're
all adults over 18?

251
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:07,106
What if we took advantage
of that

252
00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:10,409
and we went to see
My Mother's Legs?

253
00:10:10,410 --> 00:10:11,844
Can we go? Please?
Pretty please?

254
00:10:11,845 --> 00:10:13,812
Ple-e-e-e-e-ase?
Pretty please?

255
00:10:13,813 --> 00:10:16,549
Pl-Pl-Pl-Please?
Please, please, please?

256
00:10:16,649 --> 00:10:19,718
Okay, we'll go.
Just stop doing... that.

257
00:10:19,719 --> 00:10:22,154
Whoo-hoo!
[laughing]

258
00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:23,022
Whoop-whoop!

259
00:10:23,023 --> 00:10:23,990
Can someone else be
the one to say,

260
00:10:24,090 --> 00:10:26,059
"What the hell is wrong
with Flute?"

261
00:10:26,159 --> 00:10:26,960
Isn't it obvious?

262
00:10:27,093 --> 00:10:28,461
You said he was acting odd
this morning.

263
00:10:28,561 --> 00:10:29,962
Now he's acting odd again.

264
00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:32,097
Two odds make an even.
Even Stephen.

265
00:10:32,098 --> 00:10:34,567
Stephen is the druggiest
of the Baldwin brothers.

266
00:10:34,668 --> 00:10:36,736
Flute... is on drugs.

267
00:10:36,836 --> 00:10:38,003
[laughing enthusiastically]

268
00:10:38,004 --> 00:10:39,705
[Martinez]
What drug do you think he's on?

269
00:10:39,706 --> 00:10:40,839
[Wynona]
Probably meth.

270
00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:42,975
It's trending again,
like tiny purses.

271
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:45,612
Nah, Flute's old school.
Has to be coke.

272
00:10:45,712 --> 00:10:47,880
Well, you know
what this means.

273
00:10:47,881 --> 00:10:49,916
We gotta take bets.
I got weed.

274
00:10:50,617 --> 00:10:52,919
[laughing]

275
00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:57,090
Ugh.
You got any high-fiber options?

276
00:10:57,190 --> 00:10:58,725
[grunts]

277
00:10:58,825 --> 00:11:01,895
Stan, you need to renew
your line leader license.

278
00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:03,729
Stan, don't forget
your shift today

279
00:11:03,730 --> 00:11:04,798
at the school confessional.

280
00:11:04,898 --> 00:11:08,134
And I'm a student priest?
Aren't there child labor laws?

281
00:11:08,234 --> 00:11:10,869
That's what we're fighting for
in the Child Labor Law Club,

282
00:11:10,870 --> 00:11:13,205
which needs you
to stay late today.

283
00:11:13,206 --> 00:11:15,208
[bell ringing]

284
00:11:25,885 --> 00:11:28,121
[alarm blares, bell ringing]

285
00:11:30,490 --> 00:11:31,358
[sighs]

286
00:11:34,494 --> 00:11:35,894
Stan, there you are!

287
00:11:35,895 --> 00:11:37,797
[walkie beeps]
Everyone, I found the Fire Czar,

288
00:11:37,897 --> 00:11:39,833
and he's gonna
lead us to safety!

289
00:11:40,667 --> 00:11:42,102
Sorry.
Wrong hat.

290
00:11:45,739 --> 00:11:46,840
You excited to see this?
I am.

291
00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:48,774
When I saw the trailer, it was
really cool and it was really...

292
00:11:48,775 --> 00:11:49,909
Well, based on
all that chattering,

293
00:11:50,010 --> 00:11:51,777
it seems Flute's taken
the white bus

294
00:11:51,778 --> 00:11:54,780
out of Snort Authority
to ski down the powdery snow

295
00:11:54,781 --> 00:11:57,984
of old Booger Sugar Mountain,
nose first.

296
00:11:59,753 --> 00:12:00,786
I'm saying he's on cocaine.

297
00:12:00,787 --> 00:12:03,422
Please. Look at all
the munchies he's bought.

298
00:12:03,423 --> 00:12:04,991
He's higher than a bar stool.

299
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:08,261
Some people find those
very high.

300
00:12:10,530 --> 00:12:11,698
We did it.

301
00:12:11,798 --> 00:12:14,000
Time for our rarely used
victory handshake.

302
00:12:16,269 --> 00:12:17,569
[laughs]

303
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:20,440
"Meth-thinks" that money
is mine.

304
00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:22,108
Wait.
Is he shooting up?

305
00:12:22,208 --> 00:12:25,879
This way, I can't cover my eyes
during the scary parts.

306
00:12:28,815 --> 00:12:30,984
[retching] Sorry!
I can't do this.

307
00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:32,618
I had too many gummies
and way too much Coke

308
00:12:32,619 --> 00:12:34,554
and all the other bad stuff
I'm not allowed to have!

309
00:12:34,821 --> 00:12:36,822
You guys,
Flute's not on one drug.

310
00:12:36,823 --> 00:12:38,557
He's on all of them!

311
00:12:38,558 --> 00:12:40,427
[bell ringing]

312
00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:48,167
Time to pinch this off
my bucket list.

313
00:12:48,168 --> 00:12:49,969
[grunting]

314
00:12:50,070 --> 00:12:52,739
Imagine you're ten minutes
into a six-hour drive

315
00:12:52,839 --> 00:12:55,174
and you had every chance to go
before we left,

316
00:12:55,175 --> 00:12:56,743
but no!

317
00:12:56,843 --> 00:12:59,179
Talking to your
imaginary friend?

318
00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:00,880
Pentos!

319
00:13:00,980 --> 00:13:03,315
You scared everything
but the crap out of me.

320
00:13:03,316 --> 00:13:03,850
What are you doing?

321
00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:05,852
Asks the bare-bottom boy

322
00:13:05,952 --> 00:13:08,454
crouched over
my knicknack drawer.

323
00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:09,988
[grunts]
I was trying to do

324
00:13:09,989 --> 00:13:12,124
The Office Depoo,
patent pending.

325
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:13,992
But I've been so slammed
with school stuff,

326
00:13:13,993 --> 00:13:15,194
I didn't have time to eat,

327
00:13:15,195 --> 00:13:18,397
which is a pretty im-poo-tant
part of the op-poo-ration.

328
00:13:18,398 --> 00:13:21,000
And the worst part?
I'm losing faith.

329
00:13:21,001 --> 00:13:23,402
In this prank, in myself,
in the puns.

330
00:13:23,403 --> 00:13:25,205
Is it even funny?
Are you laughing?

331
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:25,972
I'm not!

332
00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:27,640
And now,
I'm gonna get poo-nished.

333
00:13:27,741 --> 00:13:28,874
[whispers]
Why can't I stop?

334
00:13:28,875 --> 00:13:31,177
Well, this is
your first demerit,

335
00:13:31,277 --> 00:13:35,047
and you seem to have learned
some kind of lesson or whatever.

336
00:13:35,048 --> 00:13:38,918
I will not punish you,
but I must call your mother.

337
00:13:39,019 --> 00:13:41,321
Ohh,
the-thing-I-can't-do-right-now.

338
00:13:43,056 --> 00:13:45,392
My parents were right.
I'm no big boy.

339
00:13:45,859 --> 00:13:46,859
Bright side.

340
00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:49,461
Theatrical box office
is down 50% since '02,

341
00:13:49,462 --> 00:13:53,032
so only half the people saw you
run out crying like a baby.

342
00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:54,333
Permission to sit awkwardly

343
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:56,336
on the edge of your desk?
[grunts]

344
00:13:56,903 --> 00:13:58,637
We know what's going on.

345
00:13:58,638 --> 00:13:59,906
How long have you known?

346
00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:02,508
Since this morning.
The movie just confirmed it.

347
00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:04,276
But I got a surprise for you.

348
00:14:04,277 --> 00:14:06,112
A surprise?

349
00:14:09,049 --> 00:14:11,216
Either we get you back
to the man you used to be,

350
00:14:11,217 --> 00:14:14,087
or we forcibly send you
somewhere that can.

351
00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:15,321
It's okay.

352
00:14:15,455 --> 00:14:17,089
We knew you'd be
institutionalized one day.

353
00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:19,993
That's why we keistered
those lockpicking tools.

354
00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:21,227
Damn!

355
00:14:21,494 --> 00:14:24,664
They're in your other body.
We're screwed.

356
00:14:28,101 --> 00:14:31,904
Flute, as a cyborg, there are
few things that can hurt me:

357
00:14:31,905 --> 00:14:34,840
North Korean malware,
electromagnetic pulses,

358
00:14:34,841 --> 00:14:36,842
a Brillo Pad,
and after today,

359
00:14:36,843 --> 00:14:39,078
I'm adding
"watching you suffer."

360
00:14:39,079 --> 00:14:41,113
I pray that you can
turn it around,

361
00:14:41,114 --> 00:14:43,782
or at least turn it into
an Emmy-winning stand-up special

362
00:14:43,783 --> 00:14:44,983
like John Mulaney.

363
00:14:44,984 --> 00:14:47,821
[sobbing]
He's so precise!

364
00:14:48,521 --> 00:14:51,323
As your imaginary counsel,
I advise you to stay cool,

365
00:14:51,324 --> 00:14:54,660
keep quiet,
and take any one of these pills.

366
00:14:54,661 --> 00:14:55,994
Except the green ones.

367
00:14:55,995 --> 00:14:58,131
[exclaims in gibberish]

368
00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:00,666
Usually I'm the first in line
to see you suffer,

369
00:15:00,667 --> 00:15:02,234
but you are not yourself.

370
00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:04,604
Hold the line.
There's no way they can know.

371
00:15:04,704 --> 00:15:06,238
This precinct needs you,

372
00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:08,874
but you seem like
a completely different person.

373
00:15:08,875 --> 00:15:10,744
Like you're wearing
somebody else's skin

374
00:15:10,844 --> 00:15:12,678
and doing things you'd never do.

375
00:15:12,679 --> 00:15:13,846
Your dad was right.

376
00:15:13,847 --> 00:15:15,715
They know everything.
Abandon ship!

377
00:15:16,282 --> 00:15:18,151
You're right.
I'm not who you think I am.

378
00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:20,619
I'm a little boy trapped
in a big boy body.

379
00:15:20,620 --> 00:15:23,756
I want my mommy!
[sobs]

380
00:15:23,757 --> 00:15:25,158
[Summers]
Mmm.

381
00:15:27,894 --> 00:15:30,562
[beeping, chimes]

382
00:15:30,563 --> 00:15:31,964
I tested Flute's hair.

383
00:15:31,965 --> 00:15:33,899
No drugs!
He's clean!

384
00:15:33,900 --> 00:15:35,301
Eh, though his liver is failing.

385
00:15:35,402 --> 00:15:37,036
Well, that's just
from his drinking.

386
00:15:37,037 --> 00:15:39,038
Yeah, and no need
for an intervention there,

387
00:15:39,039 --> 00:15:40,506
because if we gave him one
for that,

388
00:15:40,507 --> 00:15:42,975
then we all need one
for our gambling addiction.

389
00:15:42,976 --> 00:15:44,243
But we don't,

390
00:15:44,244 --> 00:15:48,047
because alcohol
and gambling are both legal!

391
00:15:48,048 --> 00:15:50,549
[all cheering]

392
00:15:50,550 --> 00:15:53,186
[grunts] I can't do it
when people are watching.

393
00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:55,788
[Harmony]
Talking back.
Pulling the fire alarm.

394
00:15:55,789 --> 00:15:58,257
Pooping in a teacher's desk?

395
00:15:58,258 --> 00:16:00,794
Oh, you really are
your father's child.

396
00:16:00,894 --> 00:16:03,063
Please, woman.
I just sat down.

397
00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:04,730
That's it!
I've had enough!

398
00:16:04,731 --> 00:16:07,866
I didn't want to be my mother,
but you leave me no choice.

399
00:16:07,867 --> 00:16:09,936
I have to spank you.

400
00:16:10,036 --> 00:16:12,504
Finally!
Something good!

401
00:16:12,505 --> 00:16:14,107
Let's do this.

402
00:16:15,675 --> 00:16:17,676
I've been a very bad boy.

403
00:16:17,677 --> 00:16:20,012
And bad boys need to be-- oh!

404
00:16:20,013 --> 00:16:22,815
Okay!
This is not-- not good!

405
00:16:22,816 --> 00:16:24,684
This isn't how I like it!

406
00:16:25,218 --> 00:16:27,086
I hope you've learned
your lesson.

407
00:16:27,087 --> 00:16:30,123
Yeah, I've learned you've
ruined spankings for me.

408
00:16:32,092 --> 00:16:33,559
Oh, Flute, I hurt our son!

409
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:37,229
I wanted to help,
but maybe I'm just a bad mom.

410
00:16:37,230 --> 00:16:39,499
No, you're a great mom who was
trying to protect her son.

411
00:16:39,599 --> 00:16:41,500
And if he had just listened
to you in the first place,

412
00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:43,702
none of this stupid day
would've happened.

413
00:16:43,703 --> 00:16:45,371
Do you really think I was right?

414
00:16:45,372 --> 00:16:47,073
I've always thought
you were right.

415
00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:49,308
I don't know if it's the popcorn
on your breath

416
00:16:49,309 --> 00:16:51,243
or the way you said
I was right--

417
00:16:51,244 --> 00:16:53,112
No, well, it was definitely
the way you said I was right.

418
00:16:53,113 --> 00:16:56,248
But I feel like I owe you
a favor now.

419
00:16:56,249 --> 00:16:57,950
Is there anything
I can do for you?

420
00:16:57,951 --> 00:17:00,452
Boy, could you ever.
My tummy hurts.

421
00:17:00,453 --> 00:17:03,722
Aww.
Does someone need a tummy rub?

422
00:17:03,723 --> 00:17:05,258
Ahh, that's nice.

423
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:07,726
- It was a really hard day.
- How hard?

424
00:17:07,727 --> 00:17:08,862
Really har-- Uh!

425
00:17:08,962 --> 00:17:11,297
No! No sex!
I have to see my son!

426
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:15,602
So, how's it been going
being a kid?

427
00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:16,969
Good.
Easy.

428
00:17:16,970 --> 00:17:19,071
Living the dream.
You?

429
00:17:19,072 --> 00:17:21,574
No, yeah, same, same.
So easy.

430
00:17:23,109 --> 00:17:25,844
Oh, I lied.
Today was very disturbing.

431
00:17:25,845 --> 00:17:26,880
You're telling me!

432
00:17:26,980 --> 00:17:28,148
I'm gonna have
to get a new kink.

433
00:17:28,248 --> 00:17:30,516
We gotta go to the bar
and switch back.

434
00:17:30,517 --> 00:17:33,819
You drive.
I can't figure out reverse.

435
00:17:33,820 --> 00:17:36,756
[indistinct chatter]

436
00:17:40,994 --> 00:17:42,161
- Ah!
- Way too pretty.

437
00:17:42,162 --> 00:17:43,763
Flute, your usual.

438
00:17:44,164 --> 00:17:45,297
[gulps]
Ah!

439
00:17:45,298 --> 00:17:47,766
We just need to find
that old hag.

440
00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:48,634
Well, that's gonna be hard.

441
00:17:48,635 --> 00:17:51,136
All these grown ladies
are stunning.

442
00:17:51,137 --> 00:17:52,439
I got this.

443
00:17:52,839 --> 00:17:54,907
Attention, alcoholics!

444
00:17:54,908 --> 00:17:56,909
We're looking for an ugly woman!

445
00:17:56,910 --> 00:17:59,044
Ooh, I'm your huckleberry.

446
00:17:59,045 --> 00:18:01,348
Ew!
But maybe later.

447
00:18:01,981 --> 00:18:04,750
Is tonight Hag Queen Bingo?

448
00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:06,186
CueDreamweaver.

449
00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:08,054
That's her!
Turn us back!

450
00:18:08,154 --> 00:18:10,122
I'm not changing you back.

451
00:18:10,123 --> 00:18:12,392
You haven't learned your lesson!

452
00:18:14,928 --> 00:18:16,028
Ah!

453
00:18:16,029 --> 00:18:16,930
[both gasp]

454
00:18:17,030 --> 00:18:18,631
She came out of nowhere!

455
00:18:19,499 --> 00:18:20,132
[groans]

456
00:18:20,133 --> 00:18:21,734
She's dead,

457
00:18:21,735 --> 00:18:25,304
which means we'll never
be able to switch back.

458
00:18:25,305 --> 00:18:29,675
[crying, frustrated grunts]

459
00:18:29,676 --> 00:18:31,410
I forgot how good
a tantrum feels.

460
00:18:31,411 --> 00:18:33,213
It's like booze
through movement.

461
00:18:33,313 --> 00:18:35,214
But I can't live your life.
I'm not a big boy.

462
00:18:35,215 --> 00:18:36,482
I don't know how you do it.

463
00:18:36,483 --> 00:18:38,817
They were all staring at me.
[hyperventilating]

464
00:18:38,818 --> 00:18:40,819
Hey, shh.
It's okay.

465
00:18:40,820 --> 00:18:42,756
People should be staring at you.

466
00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:45,557
Because you're amazing.

467
00:18:45,558 --> 00:18:49,294
I lived your life today,
and you do so, so much,

468
00:18:49,295 --> 00:18:51,930
all without a single
working eyeball.

469
00:18:51,931 --> 00:18:53,232
You are a big boy.

470
00:18:53,233 --> 00:18:56,635
A responsible big boy,
and that's the best kind.

471
00:18:56,636 --> 00:19:00,305
Outside of WWE Big Boys,
but let's not get into that.

472
00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:02,508
From now on,
you sit in the front seat.

473
00:19:02,509 --> 00:19:05,110
Not just because
you're gonna have to drive now,

474
00:19:05,111 --> 00:19:06,546
but you're ready.

475
00:19:07,113 --> 00:19:08,081
[watch beeping]

476
00:19:08,348 --> 00:19:11,850
It says,
"New record: 2,000 steps."

477
00:19:11,851 --> 00:19:13,485
Or one mile,

478
00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:16,723
which means you have
walked a mile

479
00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:18,924
in someone else's shoes.

480
00:19:18,925 --> 00:19:20,794
Lesson learned, thanks to me!

481
00:19:24,330 --> 00:19:25,998
Oh, sorry!
I'm the hag.

482
00:19:25,999 --> 00:19:27,132
Was the hag.

483
00:19:27,133 --> 00:19:28,734
I switched bodies
with the bus driver

484
00:19:28,735 --> 00:19:29,769
when we touched hands.

485
00:19:29,903 --> 00:19:32,137
And now that you've learned
your lesson about empathy,

486
00:19:32,138 --> 00:19:33,873
I'm ready to switch you back.

487
00:19:33,973 --> 00:19:36,141
Hell yeah!
Let's do this!

488
00:19:36,142 --> 00:19:38,445
What's gonna happen
to the bus driver?

489
00:19:39,346 --> 00:19:41,513
Uh... don't worry about it.

490
00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:44,883
Anyway, how do your feet feel
after all of that?

491
00:19:44,884 --> 00:19:47,287
But is he, like, dead now?

492
00:19:47,954 --> 00:19:49,289
Uh, I mean, yes.

493
00:19:49,389 --> 00:19:52,157
But... [laughs]
I mean, that's not important.

494
00:19:52,158 --> 00:19:55,427
What is important is...
may I see your feet?

495
00:19:55,428 --> 00:19:58,030
Wait.
Is this just a foot fetish?

496
00:19:58,031 --> 00:19:59,298
No, sicko!

497
00:19:59,299 --> 00:20:00,966
My fetish is
teaching people lessons

498
00:20:00,967 --> 00:20:03,035
while making them walk
in other people's shoes,

499
00:20:03,036 --> 00:20:04,304
which, yes, requires feet,

500
00:20:04,404 --> 00:20:07,906
but is also about the shoes,
and them not being yours.

501
00:20:07,907 --> 00:20:09,708
Ohh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho.

502
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:10,510
How is that?

503
00:20:10,643 --> 00:20:11,478
Because I'm in the market
for a new kink.

504
00:20:11,611 --> 00:20:14,646
Oh, it's actually
a pretty active community.

505
00:20:14,647 --> 00:20:16,449
You know what,
I'm gonna change you back

506
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:18,918
because it's weird talking
about this with a 12-year-old.

507
00:20:21,254 --> 00:20:23,356
[chimes shimmering]

508
00:20:25,058 --> 00:20:27,927
[snoring]

509
00:20:32,198 --> 00:20:33,333
Thank God.

510
00:20:33,433 --> 00:20:36,201
Depends, mustache,
heart palpitations.

511
00:20:36,202 --> 00:20:37,336
I'm back, baby!

512
00:20:37,337 --> 00:20:38,672
I'll drink to that.

513
00:20:39,339 --> 00:20:41,808
Vitamin F my Vitamin L.

514
00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:43,643
Being an adult sucks!

515
00:20:47,681 --> 00:20:49,615
Good night, Mom.
I love you.

516
00:20:49,616 --> 00:20:52,184
Aww, Stan.
I love you too.

517
00:20:52,185 --> 00:20:54,887
You know,
you're a really good mom.

518
00:20:54,888 --> 00:20:58,023
Just thought you should
know that... for no real reason.

519
00:20:58,024 --> 00:20:59,425
Aww, thank you, hun-bun.

520
00:20:59,426 --> 00:21:01,628
But if you wanted to be better,

521
00:21:01,728 --> 00:21:04,630
maybe you might wanna look up
how to do a tummy rub,

522
00:21:04,631 --> 00:21:06,365
in case you're
confused about that.

523
00:21:06,366 --> 00:21:08,802
I-- Yeah.
Sure.

524
00:21:11,204 --> 00:21:13,239
[music playing on TV]

525
00:21:13,340 --> 00:21:15,474
[female child]
But, Mom, now I'm in your body!

526
00:21:15,475 --> 00:21:17,576
[woman]
Just make sure
not to kiss your dad.

527
00:21:17,577 --> 00:21:20,579
That would be crazy,
but funny, right?

528
00:21:20,580 --> 00:21:23,383
Oh, my God!
Flute and Stan body-swapped!

529
00:21:23,483 --> 00:21:26,653
[retching]
This isn't family friendly!

530
00:21:26,753 --> 00:21:30,824
Freaky Fridayis a horror film!
[retching]