(calm music)
(upbeat music)
[Jess] There is no future.
[Phil] What the hell does that mean?
It means I don't wanna do this anymore.
Okay, here we go. Listen, Jess.
Do you have any idea the hoops that I had to jump through
to get away on a Saturday?
No. Tell me.
It doesn't really matter.
It does matter. It matters to me.
Oh my God.
What do you think I had to do, honey? Hmm?
I had to lie.
Of course. Of course you had to lie, Phil.
What? What are you? We're not.
Jess, come on.
Would you stop? Look, I'm sorry.
Such a fucking idiot. I'm a walking cliche.
You're not a cliche.
Hey. Watch it.
You know what? Go fuck yourself.
What?
Not you, that drunk dip shit back there.
You're so rude.
Yes. You know what? I am rude.
I'm a rude guy, and I'm super pissed off right now.
And it's a fucking shit show out here.
So can we please just go back to your apartment?
No. God, you don't get it, do you?
Such a fucking narcissist, you only care about yourself.
We are done.
Really?
Yes. Really.
Well, that's great, Jess.
That is just great. You know what? Merry fucking Christmas!
All right, Brian. I'll smoke outside.
[Phil] Jess.
Come on, Jess, please.
- Happy Hanukkah. - Fuck off.
(grunting)
(screaming in pain)
This guy hit an elf on the shelf.
I'm so sorry. I didn't see you there.
No. He was talking shit. I heard him.
Whoa whoa, whoa whoa whoa. Guys, guys.
Let's make this right, okay?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You think you can just buy the elf off?
[Girlfriend] Kick his ass, babe.
What are you doing, man?
What?
Come on. You're Jesus.
[Jesus] So? Amen.
So shouldn't you be the voice of reason?
I'm from Long Island, bro.
Let's fuck him up!
♪ Hark how the bells sweet silver bells ♪
Jesus, dude.
♪ Throw cares away ♪
♪ Christmas is here bringing good cheer ♪
♪ To young and old meek and the bold ♪
♪ Ding dong ding dong that is the song ♪
♪ With joyful ring all caroling ♪
Phil, though?
♪ Words of good cheer from everywhere ♪
♪ Filling the air oh how they pound ♪
I Love Christmas!
♪ Merry merry merry ♪
Phil.
Charlie?
Yeah, wow. Dude, you look amazing.
How long has it been?
♪ Merry merry merry Christmas ♪
♪ On on they send on without end ♪
♪ Their joyful tone to every home ♪
♪ Ah ah ah ding dong ding dong ♪
(all shouting at once)
Hey, hey.
(punch lands)
Oh my God. Phil!
♪ Ding dong ding dong that is the song ♪
We gotta get out of here. Go, go.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
(muffled grunting)
Really tattooed you there.
You know, if you bleed through that thing, don't feel bad.
Debbie at the bar has
a Costco sized pack of like 40 of them.
She uses them for pretty much everything around here.
That whole pool table is leveled with them.
It's really nice to see you. For real.
You know, I saw in "Fast Company" that you
unloaded Braintree, that's pretty big.
In "Barrens", they said the deal was good.
That's awesome.
[Phil] Yeah.
[Charlie] I hope that's not the reason that we lost touch.
No, no.
Because it's water under the bridge.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, how did you know that was me?
Actually, I didn't at first.
But I thought I recognized your gate.
'Cause when you walk, sometimes your shoulders don't move.
I don't know if you know that about yourself,
but then I saw your wallet on the ground and I was like-
Oh, yeah. What? Do you have it?
I actually.
Oh, now that you mention it, don't have it.
I didn't pick it up, such an idiot.
[Phil] No, no. It's fine.
No, it's not fine.
- I saw it on the ground. - I really should go.
I think I was just so happy that it was you.
It's fine. Don't worry about it, man. You know what?
- I gotta go find it. - No. Hey, hang out.
Wait wait, wait wait wait. We just got here. Have a drink.
I have a tab here.
No no, no no. It's, I.
It was a gift from my wife.
Oh, shit. Well, then we gotta find that wallet.
What? No, no. You stay, you finish your drinks.
Thank you again for this. This was really great.
But, I got it from here.
Phil. I want to help you out.
Nut shot.
[Phil] Charlie, you don't have to do that, man.
We're not gonna find the wallet, man.
Come on. We're not giving up.
Wives can tell when gifts they've given you have been lost.
Yeah. You married?
[Charlie] I was, not anymore.
Any kids?
[Charlie] No thank you. You?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I got one in high school.
You have a kid in high school?
[Phil] Yeah.
Oh my God. It has been so long. We're so old.
You know, a couple years ago,
I did try to get in touch with you.
Oh.
Must have missed it.
Yeah.
Someone threw out sugar fish.
Look, look Charlie.
Take your hands outta the garbage, all right.
Forget the wallet. It's gone.
[Charlie] When Jesus body slammed you,
that wallet went flying.
Phil Shriver?
Jesus Christ.
You gotta be fucking kidding me.
You know what, Trey? Do me a favor.
Fuck all the way off, please.
I have no clients over here for you to steal right now.
I knew that when I quit, you were gonna go downhill.
But I did not realize that I would find you with, what?
Homeless Paul Bunion, dumpster diving.
I mean, this is just perfect.
All right, hey. Merry Christmas.
- You're doing great. - Thank you so much.
Say hi to Babe.
This is my Christmas gift.
- It's incredible. - What an asshole.
One of my former partners, Trey Reynolds.
Thank you for the effort. I gotta go.
You sure? We could have another drink?
Also, full disclosure,
the woman that you saw me with earlier today, not my wife.
It's complicated, obviously.
I mean, like everything else in life,
it's just endlessly complicated.
Phil, I get it.
Go in the ocean, you're gonna get hit by a few waves.
You've got all your riptide, and undercurrent.
Mother Nature is a beast
that is literally trying to kill you.
So, what do you do?
Stand there, and and take hit after hit and just keep going.
When's your book come out?
It's a cookbook, so I don't know
if it's gonna be as helpful in that area, but.
All right. Well, look. Thank you for trying.
Great seeing you. I gotta go.
Let me call you an Uber.
No no, no no. There's a cab coming right here. I got it.
Let me give you some cash, come on.
I have a little cash, come on.
Take the cash.
I owe you. Okay?
Stop, you don't. It's just good to see ya. Get home safe.
[Phil] Hi. 72nd and Madison.
(calm music)
Six, one. (scoffs) Yeah, right.
And I'm fucking, Andre the Giant.
(upbeat music)
♪ We're not scared to lose it all ♪
♪ Security thrown through the wall ♪
♪ Future dreams we have to realize ♪
♪ 1000 skeptic hands ♪
♪ Won't keep us from the things we plan ♪
♪ Unless we're clinging to the things we prize ♪
♪ And do you feel scared I do ♪
♪ But I won't stop and falter ♪
♪ And if we threw it all away ♪
♪ Things can only get better ♪
♪ Oh oh whoa whoa whoa whoa ♪
♪ Oh oh whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa ♪
♪ Treating today as though it was the last the final show ♪
♪ Get to 60 and feel no regret ♪
♪ It may take a little time a lonely path an uphill climb ♪
♪ Success or failure will not alter it ♪
♪ And do you feel scared I do ♪
♪ But I won't stop and falter ♪
♪ And if we threw it all away ♪
♪ Things can only get better ♪
♪ Oh oh whoa whoa whoa whoa ♪
♪ Oh oh whoa whoa ♪
[Max] Mom, mom, mom. Did you leave?
No, baby. I'm in the kitchen. I'm here.
[Max] I can't find my iPad.
And I'm not leaving without my iPad.
Mom, I need to be able to talk to Sanjay.
Maxy, calm down.
[Max] No way I'm leaving without my iPad.
I need you to take a breath. It's right there. Okay?
- Guys. - Thank God.
[Phil] Where are you? Come on, let's go.
I'm double parked downstairs.
[Rosie] All right. We're packed.
We're all ready to go. Everything's ready. We're good, okay.
[Phil] You know, people are wearing masks down there.
What, on the news, all they're saying is
keep some space, wash your hands.
Okay.
Some are saying mask work. Others are saying they don't.
So confusing. All everyone can agree on is wash your hands.
All right, honey. Try this. You know what?
Let's not go zero to 60 every five seconds, okay?
Oh, I'm sorry. Have you seen the news?
- All I'm saying- - Yes, I have seen the news.
If you think we need masks,
Ricky and Ray probably got extra, so.
Oh, hell no.
Okay, you're the one that brought up masks.
Yeah, but honey, we're not gonna go an hour out of our way
to get anything from your brothers, all right.
Where's Max? Oh here.
[Rosie] Okay. I need you to calm down.
[Phil] Yeah, okay. I am perfectly calm.
Ready? You got everything?
Ready?
- Whoa whoa. - Oh, shit. Roger.
Phil, stay back.
You don't. You go.
- You get the next one. - We got it. Yeah, we're good.
We'll take the next one. Good luck.
Don't, you know, touch anything.
You gotta hit the button.
Yeah, I know.
I will.
Ah, shit. I just touched the rail.
God damn it. God, yeah.
Is that all we have?
You always said it was bad for you.
I know. We can order more.
No, Amazon's out.
How the fuck is Amazon out?
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Thank you so much. Thank you.
- You're welcome. - Good luck. Good luck.
Wait, where's Max?
Oh, he was just here. Maxy?
I'm right here.
God, you're so quiet.
Oh shit!
What?
What, what's wrong? You okay?
The toilet up paper's upstairs.
Wait here.
Okay, wait. Wait, wait wait. Here, here here.
(upbeat music)
♪ I been feeling kind of down a lot ♪
[Phil] That was-
[Rosie] Five and a half hours.
[Phil] The line of cars, outside the grocery store.
[Rosie] People are hoarding.
[Phil] You got anything about orientation?
Like, what are we supposed to do about moving?
[Rosie] This is really what you want to deal with
right now, as the world shuts down?
[Phil] I don't care if he's the only kid there.
He's going,
Is he not going in?
He's waiting for us. He has separation anxiety.
Adrian told us. Remember?
500 dollars an hour for Adrian
to give us that golden nugget, really?
Yeah.
Well, he knows he's going
to boarding school in six months, right?
Okay.
I'm the bad guy. I'm always the bad guy.
(upbeat music)
(birds singing)
Hi, buddy.
So I set up that Zoom with John Park for next week.
I don't wanna see any more therapists, Dad. Please, I.
No, no. John's an associate of mine.
He's an old friend. He went to Hotchkiss.
So he was gonna talk to you and, you know,
give you this skinny on the dorms, get you all psyched.
Dad, that's so extra.
Why, you wanna know what to expect
when you go in the Fall, right?
They might not be open.
Oh, they're gonna be open. Okay, trust me.
And you're gonna go.
You still waiting for that girl
to accept your friend request?
No. I haven't asked her yet.
Okay. Well, you know.
In five months, it's not gonna matter.
What, won't?
That she doesn't wanna be your friend.
I just said I haven't asked her yet.
Mom?
I'm downstairs. Max.
[Max] Okay.
Wait, mom. Where downstairs?
- Mom, Mom. - Maxy, I'm in the kitchen.
[Max] All right.
(cell phone beeps)
[Phil] The markets are still open.
And that means every single day, I'm losing money.
What does that even mean, you fucking idiot?
What are we gonna do about that, huh?
'Cause from my end it looks like
you're doing absolutely jack shit.
Call me tomorrow.
[Reporter] A first alert.
And our state bye state coronavirus tracking-
- All right. - Jesus Christ.
Well, Max is in his room, online,
still trying to get the popular kids to be his friends.
Well, good. Good for Max. He needs friends.
You think that's gonna
help make him want to go to boarding school?
He's really nervous about going, you know.
He wasn't a couple months ago.
[Reporter] The coronavirus risk-
Yeah, gee. I wonder what's happened.
[Reporter] The President's own advisors make it clear,
he is out of touch with reality.
He should have worked with Ricky and Ray last Summer.
That would've somehow there prepared him,
for what we are experiencing today?
Probably, yeah.
I got him the internship at Goldman Sachs.
It was a summer with college kids,
who wouldn't give him the time of day.
Did wonders for him, socially and emotionally.
Well, it's gonna look a hell of a lot better
on his resume than, you know,
working at your brother's freaking pizza joint.
You're such a fucking snob.
Why is my concern for our son's future and wellbeing
somehow an indictment of me?
You turned it into an indictment of you.
Oh, well. I'm sorry that I worked so hard for this family.
Oh, oh. Max and I know really well how hard you work.
All we hear is you, is you stomping and walking around,
screaming into your phone.
I do not think it's healthy for our son
to hear his father say things like,
I'm gonna tear your neck outta your fucking asshole.
What's your point?
My point is, we didn't have to hear this before.
You used to be at an office.
What do you want me to do?
I don't know.
Lisa's husband Zooms from the bathroom.
Lisa's husband's a fucking idiot.
Here we go, because he doesn't make
boatloads of money being a teacher.
No, because he Zoom schools from the freaking toilet.
Okay. You know what?
Where you going? No, you know what? No.
You stay here, okay. I will go.
I am.
No no, no no, no no, no no.
[Customer] Hey, Phil.
Sorry to tell you this over a voicemail, but
I'm gonna have to pull out my funds.
Moving over to Trey Reynolds's shop.
All right, man. Hope you're staying safe.
I just don't understand what the fuck you're doing about.
Well, until that day happens, it's still costing me money.
And you're still my lawyer, right?
Then what the fuck are you gonna do about it?
Yeah, I've seen the news. I get it. I get it.
But guess what? The world might be ending, Greg.
But it ain't over yet.
Jesus Christ!
And Max, do not think for one second
that this is gonna get you outta going to boarding school.
I was thinking.
Maybe we could all go for a hike tomorrow in Montauk.
Oh, yeah. How am I supposed to do that?
It was just a suggestion.
Well, the fund is on the brink right now
because of Trey Reynolds.
Now I have people that I'm responsible to, all right.
I have other people that I'm responsible for.
Any way you slice it,
- I don't have the kind of time - You don't want to hike?
- We don't have to hike. - For wondering around
- the fucking beach. - Thank you.
(crickets chirping)
(upbeat music)
(pebble hits the window)
[Ominous Voice] Phil, Phil?
What is that?
[Ominous Voice] Phil.
Phil, I don't wanna wake your family.
Mom, Mom, Mom. Mom, Mom?
Mom, we're being attacked.
What?
We're being attacked. We're being attacked.
Okay, why are you? Why are you here?
Nightmares.
Okay. Okay, okay.
We need to call, we need to call the cops.
Okay, but I left my cell phone upstairs.
(pebbles hitting the window)
(shushing)
Who the fuck is out here?
(suspenseful music)
(Rosie screaming)
- Who is that? - I don't know.
Hi. I'm a friend of Phil's.
You, you. Who are you? What do you want?
Phil. Phil, hey. It's me. It's Charlie.
Charlie? Jesus Christ, man.
- Sorry. I'm sorry. - It's okay it's okay.
What are you doing here?
It got really bad in the city, and I panicked.
So you came here?
You scared the shit out of my family
in the middle of the night.
I found your wallet.
You found my wallet?
[Charlie] So I hopped in an Uber.
Wait, you took an Uber here?
Charlie, the driver could have been sick.
We made a pact.
We said tell each other right now,
have you seen anyone that might have covid?
And he said, absolutely not.
He said he only had like six roommates.
But I was wearing a mask 70% of the time.
This is one of the stupidest things you've ever done
in a very long list of stupid things.
You realize that?
I live alone.
And I read that people are dying of loneliness.
[Phil] It's been two weeks.
That's a long time not to see anybody.
Charlie, what do you want?
Can I stay here?
You're kidding.
Just until the city calms down, you know?
And it, and it. You owe me.
Are you bringing up Braintree now?
No.
The other night?
You said you owe me.
Remember, 'cause of that blonde girl?
[Phil] He's agreed to quarantine
on the other side of the house.
You already let him in?
Well, yeah.
- Phil! - What? What?
I drew an imaginary line on the floor.
I said, I, I, I said you do not cross, okay?
And you know, I mean. He didn't look sick.
He could be asymptomatic,
which if everything I read on Twitter is true,
that means he could have it,
which means you're gonna get it,
which means Max and I are definitely gonna get it next.
Oh, God.
Relax, Max. Okay.
Look, Charlie is not asymptomatic.
All right, trust me.
If he had this thing, he would have serious,
serious symptoms by now.
I mean, he's a, he's
portly.
(tape stretching out)
Okay, see.
Here's the line.
I don't think you understand how an airborne virus works.
Wow, Phil.
Your family is quite breathtaking.
Yeah, yeah. This is our son, Max.
Mad Max.
Nope, right. The line.
That's right.
You know, your dad and I used to be pretty tight.
Lived together for a while. He was so intense.
He would fart, and the power would go out.
Nothing, okay.
And this is my wife, Rosie.
Enchante. Whoa, right. The line. Got it.
Rosalia, Rosalita? Doesn't matter.
You're even more gorgeous than I dreamed, not dreamed.
I wasn't dreaming about. Imagined.
Well, it's nice to meet you, Charlie.
So what do you have on my husband?
I don't have anything, I.
Just answer the question.
I um,
found his wallet, 'cause we hung out the other day.
Did you like my husband when you first met him?
What? No, yes. When I first met him the last time?
Or when I first met him, like ever?
Do you have trouble telling the truth?
Not generally, but I am very nervous right now
by your line of questioning.
I still got it.
Clean towels upstairs. Help yourself. Welcome.
Max, let's go.
What a peach.
What a welcoming, welcoming vibe.
Listen, we're gonna go back to bed. Okay?
Just try to keep it down and,
I'll see you in the morning.
Yeah, it's like I'm not even here.
Hey, Phil?
Yeah.
I just wanna let you know what you're doing,
it's a real mitzvah.
Yeah, It really is.
Okay, Phil?
Yes.
What do I do if I get hungry, or thirsty,
or I run outta my medicated wipes and I need toilet paper?
'Cause the line.
Okay, you may occasionally,
from time to time, quietly cross the line.
Like a little bit of times I can cross the line.
But, you know.
- Got it. - Okay.
[Charlie] Hey, Phil?
Yes?
Is this one of those times? 'Cause I feel like-
- No, no. - Yep, got it.
If we're not gonna respect the line,
then, you know, what are we doing?
I'm a hugger, so it's gonna be hard in this new normal.
Let's respect the line.
- Of course. - All right.
- Good night. - Respect the line.
Oh, hey, Phil?
Pretty positive. I forgot the medicated wipes.
So I'm gonna need some TP whenever you.
(birds singing) (snoring)
(upbeat music)
Philly boy, that's gorgeous.
Gotta drink.
And if I'm going eat.
Bloody Mary?
He's trying to steal my entire client roster.
Yes, I'm keenly aware
that I've had a couple down years, Andrew.
No one is more aware of that than me.
Braintree is, you can't recreate that all right.
That was a one time thing. It was the invisible unicorn.
Good morning, everybody.
Listen, I gotta go all right. Start filing.
Phil, this house is amazing.
Thank you. Thank you so much.
Listen, I'm making some green smoothies for me and Max.
You want one?
Oh, you know what?
No, I'd actually rather have a big tall glass of warm piss.
I said I'd rather have a tall glass of warm piss.
Can he not hear it?
Really?
Just a little hair of the dog.
You don't have to be so judgy.
Wait, where did you even find the mixer for that?
In your bar.
Oh, dude. That stuff's like three Summers old.
I guess that's why it's like kind of, has a fur.
Listen, um. About last night.
- Yeah. What was that? - I know.
Your wife came at me like fucking Julianna Margoles.
I know. She was irritated with me.
Yeah, well. She's scared me.
She's scary. I know. You wobbled on all of your answers.
Well, I didn't think I was gonna have a deposition
in the middle of the fucking night.
Yeah, well just because she doesn't practice anymore
doesn't mean my wife is still not a brutal cross examiner.
Keep that in mind.
Maybe you should tell her that every once in a while.
I'm sure she would love to hear it.
I gotta go.
This is for you. Button this.
Wait. Dad, where you going?
Work.
What you jamming on?
♪ I am tired of being tired ♪
♪ I'm so tired of being tired ♪
♪ There's no question there's so much pain ♪
♪ I'm getting older and won't hate ♪
♪ If I could shut of my brain ♪
♪ Make me focus on better days ♪
♪ 'Cause every day feels all the same ♪
♪ It's like I'm stuck on a crowd in a local train ♪
♪ If I could shut off my brain ♪
♪ Make it think more certainly of everything ♪
♪ 'Cause every day goes by the same ♪
♪ It's like I'm stuck on a crowd in a local train ♪
♪ Local train local train local train ♪
♪ No one no one no one no one ♪
♪ 'Cause every day every day every day ♪
♪ It's all the same it's all the same it's all the same ♪
♪ I'm going through the motions ♪
♪ I know it's gonna be it's gonna okay ♪
♪ I'm going through the motions ♪
♪ I know it's gonna be it's gonna okay ♪
[Phil] I just think it would be nice to have some answers
about when the school is gonna open up.
We've already paid the deposit.
And you also have my very generous donation
to the Whoeverstein Library that's going up.
What's up?
Oh my God, I'm so sorry.
I just stepped into your beautiful afternoon, and I.
I'm, I'm sorry.
Oh my God. No, you're fine.
I smelled that good that you're smoking on.
Oh, well. Please, by all means. It's phenomenal.
- Wait. Oh my God. - Oh my God.
- No. - Holy shit. I'm so sorry.
I'm not allowed.
No, you can't do that anymore.
- That was so dangerous. - I almost killed you.
This is like poison.
(laughing)
Oh, man.
I know. I'm still trying to get used to it.
I would've, like a month ago, I would've just taken that,
and just drop litted all over it.
Everything I used to do in the before times.
Now I'm out here in the country
with my 100 year old dad making sourdough,
and not taking joints from strangers.
You're making the bread.
[Emma] Oh yeah. I made the bread.
God, I really want to make the bread. Is it good?
Well, I'm making the bread right now.
It's still rising, so.
I'm Charlie, by the way.
Emma.
Kind of like pandemic roommates with the neighbors.
I'm just out here on my every 10 minute fresh air break,
you know, required by the CDC or whatever.
No, I know. I try to take one every five minutes.
Life in a pandemic.
Well, I will throw a bag over for you, maybe.
Oh my God. Thank you.
And I'll throw over some sourdough if it turns out good.
Oh, it doesn't matter good or bad.
They're gluten free in there and I'm, I'm dying.
(laughing)
Well, it was nice having you check me out, so thank you.
Okay. I wasn't checking you out. But I like your fit.
It's pandemic chic.
Enjoy your weed.
Enjoy your wine.
It's quite a pour.
(laughing)
(suspenseful music)
Mom.
Mom, Mom.
No.
'Cause they're doing something nice for me.
I can't stay with you, Mom. You're old.
No, you can't come here.
You will die if you get this.
I don't care that you've been going to Curves.
You're an old woman, Mom.
This is the right thing to do, okay. It feels right.
Feels like maybe there was a reason that,
that I was supposed to bump into him.
Who knows, Mom?
What are you doing?
Did someone say you could go through my shit?
Sorry.
No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Don't run.
Don't run, I'm so tired.
Are you on the track team?
No, no. Wait.
Max, wait, wait. I'm sorry.
- Just leave. - I'm sorry.
Why are you running?
[Max] Charlie, Charlie, just.
No, I'm sorry.
Just don't, don't hurt me, please.
I'm not gonna hurt, hurt you.
Why would I hurt you? I just want to apologize.
Please stop running.
No, no no. Then you stop.
Oh my God. I'm gonna have a heart attack.
Oh, I feel it in my arm.
This is where it starts. It starts in the arm.
I'm sorry I ran, you were just.
You looked so angry, I was scared.
I'm not angry. I'm sorry I yelled.
You can't go through my shit, you know.
You need to ask for entree.
I came up there in peace. I just.
I saw you talking to that girl, that woman, the neighbor.
Yeah, so?
Well,
just.
How do you do it, you know?
Are you implying because I look the way I do,
and she's beautiful, that there's
some sort of obstacle for me to overcome?
I just, it, it just looked easy for you.
Because I will let you know right now, chubby guys fuck.
We put in that work.
We'll eat you out for like a half hour,
before I even think about what I'm getting.
You know, we, we're generous lovers.
It's not that easy for me.
I can't even get myself to
follow this girl that I'm into on Instagram.
I don't know, my dude.
You wanna talk to someone.
The truth is, it's a what's the worst
that could happen situation, you know?
Yeah.
I don't really know how to say this
in a positive way, Phil, but I'm moving my accounts,
and my money outta yours and putting them in with Trey.
Since his departure, it really,
it doesn't look good on your end.
(calm music)
Who was it that said,
kill all the lawyers?
Was that Al Capone?
Whoa.
Rough day.
(knocking on door)
Who's there?
What you mean, who's there? It's Charlie. Can I come in?
Yeah.
See how I did that?
How I asked if I could enter, waited for your response,
then received the permission I was looking for?
And now I shall go in.
Yeah, I saw.
This is a very, very cool room of a boy
who is not quite a man, but not quite a boy.
Sweet ax.
Thank you. I like your tattoos.
Oh, thanks.
Yeah, I got enough tattoos to be a chef, but I don't cook.
I like your owl.
I got it for my grandma when she passed away.
She was wise, but she also looked like an owl, so.
And then I got this one down here.
[Max] I can't see it.
It's over here. It says lion hair.
I got that when I was 16.
I fell in love with this blonde girl, and my mom would say-
[Max] 16?
looks like someone got attacked by a lion.
Oh, what's that plane?
I got that for my dad, when he passed away.
'Cause he was a pilot.
Better pilot than a dad, but a pretty good pilot.
That's sad.
And then this is an Eames chair.
That's not for anyone that died.
That's just an item that you will grow to covet.
What's an Eames chair?
You know, I been doing a little thinking
about your lady problem, as it were.
[Max] Oh, okay. And would you?
I think I have a solution for you.
[Max] What is it?
Well, I think what you need, my friend,
is what's called a hard reset.
No, I don't wanna lie. I don't wanna lie to her.
I'm not asking you to lie.
I'm not saying full like a college scandal,
Felicity Huffman shit.
I'm just saying, you need to present this
lady of yours with a new side of yourself,
that maybe she hasn't seen.
That way, she kind of takes you in with new eyes.
A hard reset.
What if I make her laugh?
'Cause I make Sanjay laugh a lot, so I can be funny.
Oh, you're being serious about that.
Oh, okay yeah. Let's go with that.
[Max] What? You don't think I can do it?
Oh, no no. I think you could be funny.
Yeah, no, I think you.
That was one of the first things I thought when I met you,
was like this kid is, this kid is a crack off.
Okay, well then I don't, I don't want embarrass myself.
I don't want her to laugh at me, then. You're right.
She won't laugh at you. Do something online.
Just like write or make a meme. Shit out a meme.
I don't know what the proper term for it is,
but make a meme.
Okay. You sure?
- Yeah. - Okay, so then.
How do we make somebody laugh?
You just Google image social conscious pictures,
and show all these images that
have been shared by millions of people.
You just pick one,
and then you write a funny, witty caption.
If the picture is King Kong climbing up
the Empire State Building, you write underneath it,
me until I've had my coffee.
And then you throw it up on Insta.
You get a big fat like from old CD69,
and you're on your way.
CD? Who's CD69?
Charlie Don 69. It's my screen name.
It's been my screen name at
every possible email account you could have.
I had Charlie 69 at Prodigy, Charlie 69 at AOL,
Charlie 69 at Hotmail.
I even at Charlie 69 at Apple,
and that became at iCloud.
And now it's at me, but you have to pay for it,
so I don't have it anymore.
Is it funny?
- I want to be funny. - Yes, it's funny.
It's got 69 in the title.
I don't know what to tell you.
I mean, people think I'm funny.
Anyway. Make that meme, Meme Lord.
[Max] And Charlie, I should know.
What is 69, so I can-
Nope, whoop.
- Ba ba ba ba boo. - What's that?
Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba boo. Boo boo.
[Max] What?
(snoring)
Oh my God. You fucking children of the corned me, man.
[Max] So sorry, Charlie. I just-
You can't do that.
I just, I just came real quick.
Seriously, I think I'm having a heart attack.
You can't do that.
Sorry, I just. I just wanted to show you I made the meme.
The what?
The meme. I made the meme, like you said.
Oh, the meme? Yes, the meme. Yes yes, the meme.
What I thought my apocalypse outfit would be.
What it actually is.
It's not, you're not laughing. It's not funny?
No, no. It's, it's, it's really funny.
Sometimes when I read things, I,
and they're funny I don't laugh, but like I.
You laugh in your mind, you know, like "The New Yorker".
So I should post it?
Post that shit. Yes, you only got one shot.
Thanks, Charlie.
Yeah, while we're in it, shoot that shit, baby.
Eight mile, mom's spaghetti.
Top of the morning.
Oh my God, you gotta wear clothes today.
What are talking about? I am wearing clothes.
This is Egyptian cotton.
I have a Zoom with a girlfriend
who's getting a divorce in the middle of all this shit.
She does not wanna see your Egyptian cotton, plus I.
The fucking sink is broken, so.
Well.
Why don't you let me fix that thing?
No, no. I have a guy coming out.
You're having a guy come out
in the middle of all this shit?
Just let me fix it.
Oh, okay.
I'm sorry. That eye roll is extremely anti-Semitic.
What? Because I'm Jewish, I can't fix a sink?
Because he's a Jew, he can't fix the sink.
I can just check under their hood here.
Oh God. I do not wanna see your side ball.
Whoa. Oh my head! Ow, my balls! Ow!
I'm sorry.
I only brought one pair of underwear,
and one pair of gym shorts.
I did bring like eight pair of sneakers, though. And.
Oh my God.
Thank you.
You did it.
You okay?
What? Me? Yeah, ignore it.
It's just, what you guys have done has
been above and beyond, and I am.
It's just really nice of you to have me here.
Sorry.
Well, it was mostly Phil, to be honest.
He likes to pretend he's a big prick, but.
He's a really good guy.
[Max] Holy shit!
Max?
Oh God. I hope I didn't do that.
Max, what happened?
- Listen, listen. - What? What is it?
She commented.
Hey, that's an optimum response too.
Okay, Mom. She LMFAO'ed.
Okay, can we use words? I don't understand any of this.
I'll do my best, but I'm no Gen Z'er.
Apparently Annie left an LMFAO on his IG,
which is better than an LOL.
It's better than an ROTFL.
It's almost as good as a WTF.
It's not quite an OMG, but we're close to an S your D.
Well.
I don't understand any of that, but you look really happy.
- It's good. - Good, good.
No, it's good.
It's great, it's great.
[Max] I'm gonna follow her.
He's a funny kid, man.
Thank you.
Please.
Put some pants on, okay?
Yeah, no I got. No, I understand. Too comfortable.
(birds singing)
Oh. Hey, there you are.
- Hey. - Hey.
Come look at this.
He was so little.
That's Hawaii, right?
What was the name of that place?
Hua, Hualalai.
Hualalai?
Huala, Hualalai. Remember, I kept mispronouncing it?
That's nice. Did you need something?
No. I didn't know if you went some place.
Did you move the truck?
No. No, I figured you did.
No?
Should we be worried?
(rock and roll music)
♪ Hey man ♪
♪ What you doing ♪
(Charlie and Max laughing)
♪ Stuck in love ♪
♪ How about you ♪
[Max] These are called donuts.
You probably don't know what they are,
'cause your house is gluten free.
[Max] Charlie, Charlie.
[Charlie] Dude, relax. You're holding on so tight.
[Max] Oh my God.
(rock and roll music continues)
[Charlie] Too fast, too furious.
♪ There's no time ♪
♪ There's no place ♪
♪ Turn it off ♪
Oh, dude. Congratulations, man.
You have an in, you have a thing now with this girl.
It's not a relationship yet, but it's the beginnings.
It's the happenings. You have like a common bond.
She liked your meme. You are her Meme lord.
You know what I'm saying?
I mean, don't tell her that, 'cause it's cool.
Charlie, what do you say I take a hit of that?
May I take a what?
May I smoke with you?
Absolutely not. No way, Sir.
I know I'm like a cool, older figure in your life.
But there's no way I am getting high with you. I'm sorry.
You know I've smoked weed before, right?
No no, no no no, my friend.
I don't care.
I let you smoke this weed, and the next thing you know,
you drive this jeep straight into the ocean.
And you think I'm not in enough hot water with your pops?
The last thing I need is for you to have
a fricking Martin Lawrence freak out.
I don't think your weed is that good,
to make me do that, you know.
I wanna believe you. I just can't.
16 is like right on the fence. You know what?
I can't stop a 16 year old from smoking.
But I will not smoke weed with you.
That is highly inappropriate.
So what I can do is leave this weed in the car.
Then I'm gonna get out of the car.
And whatever happens between you and the weed
while I am out of the car in this controlled environment,
is between you and the weed.
And then I have plausible deniability.
Congratulations.
Have a good time.
How's it going in there?
Do I light it here, and then smoke or?
How do I? What's the timing?
The timing?
Lighter, light flame.
To the fat part, inhale, cough, I think is how that'll go.
Okay.
[Charlie] Any progress?
(coughing)
Hey, there she is.
It's working.
Yay. Always does.
Don't worry about the cough.
You gotta cough to get off, my friend.
It's crazy how I didn't get paranoid,
because I thought you got paranoid when you smoke weed.
Nah, that's some Reagan era propaganda bullshit.
Weed is actually very-
(sirens blaring)
Is that the cops? Did you hear the cops? Run.
You said you told me dad we were taking the car.
Yes, I understand Greg.
It's stressful for me as well, believe me.
Look, I'm giving you the best advice I can as a friend,
that you're being a fucking idiot, okay.
Hold, hold on one second.
Go, go. Go go go, go go go go.
Rosie.
Max and Charlie are back.
[Charlie] I can't believe your dad called the cops.
He has such a narc energy, his whole life.
Since I met him, he's been a fucking narc. Go.
Can he see us?
Go to the place where you were peeping, you pervert.
(calm music)
What the hell are they doing?
(calm music continues)
I don't know how he found out that
we took the truck.
And then he called the cops, you know.
That's not cool because he never used to do that
when Trey Reynolds took the truck.
Trey Reynolds?
[Max] Yeah.
The dick had on the turtleneck?
Ah, he sucks.
You ever mix a kosher dill and three Cheez-Its?
It's like a perfect.
I'll be like Jason Kidd at the line.
To my battered wife.
(screaming)
And stop.
How many did I get?
Oh my God.
One, two, three. Five, six, seven.
(laughing)
[Max] Down it, down it, down it.
(calm music)
(cell phone rings)
Hello?
[Man On Phone] Yeah, hi. Trey Reynolds for Phil Shriver.
[Phil] All right, put him through.
Phil, you gotta help me. I'm at the bottom of a well.
What do you want, Trey?
I know things are awkward,
'cause I stole all your clients.
But you're still my emergency contact.
You gotta help me, Phil.
This some kind of a joke?
I have your son.
I'm gonna fucking slit his throat
if you don't give me three million dollars.
(laughing)
Oh, man.
There's no way he knew that was me.
[Max] How was I supposed to know that?
They don't look like brothers in their picture.
You don't know the '90s at all.
You don't know who Jewel is?
No, Charlie. I don't know who Jewel is.
Oh my God, even prettier than Kristen Dunst.
And she sings.
Oh, Kristen Dunst I know. Kristen Dunst is, yeah.
So you know Kristen Dunst. That's '90s shit. Yeah.
What about Oasis? You know Oasis.
I only know one song.
It sounds like the boys are having fun.
I know. They've been at it.
And what are they do? What are they, building a fort?
God, I hope they're building a fort. It's great.
(laughing)
We should check the net cam.
That could be their bubble
- for the rest of eternity. - Are we gonna spy on them?
We have better stuff to do, though.
Oh, I remember this old shirt.
I know. Remember this?
This was our spot.
What is that? That's really. Is that you?
That's the lotion I found in the bathroom.
You're all set up.
You got a book, got your lotion, got your old T-shirt.
You look awful cozy.
Yeah.
♪ Today is gonna be the day ♪
♪ They were gonna throw it back to you ♪
Is this the song you know?
♪ By now you shoulda somehow realized what you gotta do ♪
♪ I don't believe that anybody ♪
♪ Feels the way I do about you now ♪
♪ About you now ♪
Then we go to the bridge. You know the bridge?
[Max] Let's go to the bridge.
♪ And all the roads that lead the way are winding ♪
♪ And all the lights that light the way are blinding ♪
♪ There are many things that I would like- ♪
Goddamn it.
♪ But I don't know how ♪
Oh, I nearly even got that thing.
- You got it. - Now the chorus.
♪ Said maybe said maybe ♪
♪ You're gonna be the one that saves me that saves me ♪
- ♪ And after all ♪ - Phil!
♪ You're my wonder wall ♪
What are you doing?
It's the middle part.
♪ Dun dun dun da dah ♪
Oasis? Are you serious?
Well, I don't. Radiohead is like.
I don't have a keyboard or anything.
Dad, just chill out. Don't be so intense.
Oh, I'm being intense.
Really, Max? Am I being too intense for you?
All right. You guys are the ones that are keeping us up.
All right? You're down here screaming.
You're singing all out of tune.
Hey, I was not outta tune.
You were flat, please.
Dad, you're making me dizzy, just.
Oh, I'm sorry, Max. Oh, I'm sorry.
Are you getting a little dizzy? Huh?
You a little dizzy there, big guy?
Phil, he don't look so good.
What are you a doctor, too?
(projectile vomiting)
- Ah. - Oh, no!
Smell, oh, it's in my nose. This smells in my nose.
Can't be around it. I can't be around it.
All right, All right. You know what?
We're done. We're done. Yeah, yeah yeah.
I'm glad you're enjoying this.
Have a good laugh. But let me tell you something.
He's a fuck up, and he will let you down.
(door slams)
(laughing)
Charlie got our kid high.
I think we might have to put him out.
- I mean, this is unsustainable. - Wait, wait. Wait, wait wait.
Max has barely been able to be in a different room
since this whole thing started.
What's your point?
That Charlie, a guy I had serious reservations about,
is getting our son to do things.
Like smoke weed?
I know that's not good.
I just, I think it would be a mistake to kick him out.
Fuck.
You did shower, right?
Yeah. Why?
'Cause you still small a little bit like vomit.
You gotta go, go shower.
Goddamn it.
(birds singing)
[Charlie] There we go.
Good morning.
[Charlie] Ah, morning.
Come on, you little fucking bitch.
How's Max?
Max is still passed out.
Yeah, it probably wasn't smart
to end the night on the queso, huh?
You think?
Look, I'm not saying it was a smart idea
to smoke pot with your 16 year old kid.
It was just pot.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, thank you for that Charlie.
My wife and I are so pleased that our underage son
was down here with a grownup, just smoking pot,
instead of, you know, doing some really heavy shit.
Yeah, that's what I was thinking.
Better to be under your own roof.
Are you still high?
Still high? Or like?
'Cause I did re-up in the morning.
Listen to me, Charlie.
I don't want Max doing anything
that's gonna jeopardize his future.
Do you understand me?
Yeah, of course.
Okay, because this whole role model
is not exactly what we're going for.
Got it?
What's so bad about this whole role model?
All I gotta say is,
if we have another repeat of last night, you gotta go.
All right, sorry.
I understand.
And your deck chair is fixed, by the by.
Where are you going now?
To the store.
No no, no no no, no. That could be dangerous.
We'll have groceries delivered.
I'd like to walk.
You know, the virus could be at the grocery store.
I'll wear a mask.
You really wanna go to the grocery store right now?
Yes, Phil.
After being talked to like that by my friend,
I'd like to take a walk to the fucking grocery store.
Not bad.
(upbeat music)
9.99 for Turkish apricots.
You gotta be outta your goddamn mind.
I guess I could do a salad.
Well, hello.
It looks like you have walked into my afternoon this time.
(laughing)
Oh my gosh.
I haven't seen you loitering by my fence lately.
Where you been?
Well, I've been a little busy.
Some work stuff came up.
Oh. Is work stuff like
singing Wonderwall full blast from the house?
Yeah, I'm glad you heard that.
I was actually rehearsing. I'm in a Oasis cover band.
We're called Noasis. And we only play Wonderwall.
But I think that's all you need.
Wow. Very important work.
I'm scared to get loose food.
I know, I know.
I was eyeing the sausage, and I was like,
am I gonna have to spray that down?
Right, can I eat sausage
that's been dipped in rubbing alcohol?
I'm gonna stay with the packaged stuff.
You're so funny.
- Thanks. - You are. You're so funny.
You're funny too.
How you been otherwise?
I'm good. How's the bread?
It didn't turn out as good as I wanted.
That's why I didn't toss any over to you.
It was really ugly.
Don't worry about it.
I didn't throw any weed over because-
Keep your distance, please. Six feet apart.
She's intense.
Get on up there.
I would, I would really like it if,
if while I'm at the checkout you don't crowd me, and maybe.
Just stay six feet, 'cause Tom Hanks has it now.
Things are getting real.
(laughing)
Hi.
Make myself a little lunch salad.
Is that right? Did that salad say 14.99?
- It's 18.98. - 18.99, wow.
You still want this?
Yeah. No, yeah.
Actually, no you can put that.
You can put that back. I don't need that.
Total kinda came up a little higher
than the cash that I have.
You know what? Can you try this card?
Be gentle on the chip.
A lot of wear and tear.
I'm trying to rack up the points.
I don't think this card's working.
I'm in a new place. I travel a lot, so it's probably,
they're just probably taking care of me.
Can you maybe try, can you put maybe half of it on that.
And then maybe, we'll see where we are after that?
Your card's been declined.
You had to pull the mask down to.
You know what? I think it's the chip.
Sometimes the chip gets like-
I got it. I got him, here.
[Max] I got like 15 dollar sauce.
[Emma] It's crazy in here. I get it.
At least let me. Can I give you the cash?
No, I'm not trying to touch it, honestly.
Well, thank you again, seriously, so much.
No, you're welcome.
Wait, just gimme one second. I'll be-
Yeah, no no. Take your time.
Hey, you!
What the fuck is wrong with you, smoking weed with my kid?
Yeah, that's not a great look.
Sorry.
Well, I heard Phil yell at you already today, so.
Thank you so much. I hate getting yelled at.
Muchos moi gracias.
He do that to you a lot in college?
Yeah. Yeah, Phil would yell.
But when I wasn't around, he would mostly
scream into his pillow, which was also off putting.
A child therapist taught him that or something.
Look, I don't want my son
doing anything stupid or dangerous, ever.
Yeah, no.
If you had kids, you'd understand.
And he's a really good kid.
I've gotten him this far with no broken bones.
He's not an asshole.
No, he's a great kid.
Yeah, he is.
What are you making?
I'll show you.
The lettuce is so small.
Oh, it's a spice.
You made all of this?
[Rosie] I did.
How did Phil end up with a woman like you?
But seriously, how? How did it happen?
Phil and I met in October, 2001.
Great story.
I mean, I'd really like to know. I love this stuff.
Okay. I mean, this was 20 years ago.
What do you want from me?
I want details.
Details, all right.
It was right after 9/11.
[Charlie] Okay, bummer.
I was a plus one at a corporate shindig.
On paper, it made no sense.
He's from Jersey. I'm from the Bronx.
So you have that in common?
The Bronx is not like Jersey. I do not say qua-fee.
Like, you know. He takes a tunnel. You take a bridge.
(laughing)
Anyway, I remember telling my brother, Ray.
I met this really nice investment baker.
There is no such thing, Rosie. They're all douche bags.
Well, he's not wrong about that.
That's what my brother said, and then of course
my little brother, Ricky, agreed with him.
So it comes time for me to move into the city.
Ricky and Ray come and help me. Phil says he'll help too.
I don't know what I am more nervous about,
moving into my new apartment, or my brother's
meeting this guy that I, that I really, really, really like.
So moving day.
Ray comes into the city. He's in a mood.
He's always in a mood. This fucking guy.
- Wait a minute time. - Any time he leaves, what?
Do you hear yourself?
[Rosie] What? This fucking guy?
'Cause I'm drinking.
- This fucking guy. - Oh my God.
He's always in a mood every time he has to leave the Bronx.
It's like he gets dizzy when he is in the city.
First thing he asks me is where my suit is at.
Meanwhile, my suit is nowhere to be found.
So Ray's pissed. Ricky's got a pee.
Here I am having to get boxes and boxes of stuff
up my fifth floor walk up, and he's nowhere.
And then, I look up the block.
- And there's Phil. - There he is.
- There's my guy.
Struttin'.
He's got five or six guys with him.
He had hired movers to move us in,
so that we could all have dinner.
The three R's.
That sounds like Phil.
Very romantic.
It was one of those late Spring, early Summer nights
where you just feels so lucky that you live in the city.
It was also the first time that awful year that,
that I felt safe.
I felt like Phil and I could get through anything together.
Things moved really fast after that.
We were engaged a month later, married a year after that.
(sighs deeply)
Yeah, it just worked. It clicked.
I don't know what happened. You know, it's like.
I don't know, you just. You don't know how to help.
It's like things just get disconnected.
It's a little different now.
Just say that.
I just did.
Why don't you say that to him?
Usually it's you who finds me at the bar.
Well, not today.
[Charlie] Everything all right?
No. No, not really.
I'm in a little bit of trouble.
That guy that we ran into the other day, Trey Reynolds.
Dickhead with the turtleneck?
Dickhead with the turtleneck. Yeah, exactly.
Well, he's a former associate of mine who is.
He's trying to gut me, is what he is doing.
He's taken all my big clients.
He's making a play for the rest, and I'm, I'm just.
I don't know. I'm out.
I'm sorry.
That's terrible.
Does Rosie know?
You'll be fine.
I'm sure you have a million irons in the fire.
And you're always like, doing deals and stuff.
[Phil] Yeah, yeah yeah yeah.
[Charlie] Wheeling and dealing.
I'm sure you're right.
What about you, man? What do you?
What have you been working on?
Oh, no I. We don't need to talk business.
[Phil] No, no. Tell me, tell me What are you?
You know, I'm not really working on anything.
I kind of been outside of the, the game.
You gotta big kidding me, man.
In school, that's who you were.
You were the crazy, genius numbers guy.
What was all that LSD for?
Turns out just for fun.
Okay well, you know, if you've got a little
gem filed away sometime, you could bring that to me.
I could make it worth your while.
Phil-
It wouldn't be like last time, man.
You have a complete open door.
No idea is too small. Pitch me on anything.
I really, I don't-
And look, I promise you.
It would not be like last time, okay.
I would make sure that you are protected, and-
Phil.
I'm a gym teacher.
I teach gym.
Like, spiritually?
No. Like, literally I teach gym at a middle school.
Oh.
How'd you land there?
I needed the benefits.
I had no idea.
It's amazing what you learn when you ask, right?
I'm actually gonna skip out.
So, what prompted this?
- Mom? - I'm okay.
Okay, baby. I.
I'm fine.
I just, I never in my worst fears
imagined a world where we would just have to stop.
Stop doing everything that we're so used to doing.
And I'm not saying that anyone should feel sorry for us.
They should not. We are the.
We're so lucky.
We're the epitome of privilege.
We're healthy, we're home.
We're not out there making things function.
I just think it'd be really nice if,
if we did this like once a week.
Like, we got together and, and we reminded ourselves that
we're family.
Well. Thank you, honey. This looks great.
(people cheering)
What is that?
(inspirational music)
Whoo!
Yeah.
Whoo! Thank you!
- Yeah! - Whoo!
(inspirational music continues)
This like, shaman guy is gonna pull out.
It's terrifying.
Harrison Ford is just like, kalatay.
(laughing)
[Rosie] Oh my God.
Everything was so good.
Yeah, it was.
You know, Dad, this is.
This is the first time you haven't brought up,
you know, boarding school, or my future.
Oh, thank you for mentioning that. I wanted to-
No no, no no, no no, no no, no no.
Not cool.
Oh, that's okay. I'll do it.
I want to do it.
Thank you. That is really nice.
- I'll help. - You can help.
I want to do it.
[Rosie] Thank you.
[Charlie] There you go, superstar.
[Max] There we go.
It's actually, beyond the least I could do.
Thank you for this.
It was really nice.
[Phil] Oh, it was great.
We needed it.
All you.
Thanks.
Okay, I'll get the rest.
No, no no. Stay.
Let them handle it.
I think I might lose the business.
Hey.
Let's not talk about work, okay?
(acoustic piano music)
No, no no. Stay here. You don't wanna go back there.
Oh, okay.
Alexa, play Wonderwall by Oasis.
[Alexa] Here's Wonderwall Remastered, by Oasis.
[Phil] Charlie!
Sorry, kidding.
(90's rock music)
♪ Last night when I wished you weren't so far ♪
♪ I though that somehow we'd fix this ♪
♪ Our lives took a long time conceiving ♪
Phil, you gotta walk me through this like I'm a baby.
Start with the word furlough. What does that mean?
♪ We could have been years ahead by now ♪
♪ Can't turn around ♪
♪ 'Cause we could have been here to stay ♪
♪ It's just we can't stop now ♪
♪ 'Cause we should been pushing the set back ♪
♪ We're all in this or we're dead ♪
♪ We're in it together ♪
How do you furlough a gym teacher?
I made all those videos of workouts
the kids could be doing on their own.
(rock music continues)
♪ We're either in it forever ♪
I can't go on Cobra.
Do you know how expensive Cobra is?
That's why they call it Cobra, to scare you away from it.
♪ Once more the world keeps on sinking ♪
♪ I thought that somehow we caught this in time ♪
♪ But it's over for our house ♪
♪ Last chance so it's got to be meaningful ♪
♪ Can't slow down ♪
♪ 'Cause we could have been years ahead by now ♪
You know what? You are no longer welcome at poker night.
♪ It's just we can't stop now ♪
♪ 'Cause we should been pushing the set back ♪
Tomorrow I thought we might for a hike out in Montauk.
What do you think?
Yeah. Yeah, that's a really good idea.
All right.
(pot and pan music)
♪ Or not at all ♪
♪ We're in it together ♪
(calm music)
Hey.
Real quick.
I just, I wanna thank you.
Last night I got a DM from Annie
inviting me to a party in the city tonight.
Annie, the meme girl?
Yeah.
It worked.
Oh my God, it worked.
Where is it?
- It's in Dumbo. - Dumbo, oh my God.
That is amazing.
- Yeah. - It worked!
Well, congratulations, man.
Oh, God. And you've been through so much.
It must be hard growing up in that house,
and your parents just at each other's throats,
and your mom looking at everything under a microscope,
and your dad running off of that blonde for a little bit.
It's just like-
What?
What? What blonde?
What?
(stammering)
Charlie!
(tense music)
- So nice. - It was.
- That was great. - Glad we did it.
Fresh air makes me hungry, though.
I'm ready for some food.
- Whoop, whoa. - Max.
- What is his problem? - Where are you going?
Did he say something to you?
- Some things were said. - Whoa.
(engine revs hard)
Max!
Follow him.
(upbeat music)
- Max? - Max.
(engine revving hard)
[Phil] Max.
[Rosie] Max, stop!
[Phil] Max. Come on, come on. Come on, come on.
- Leave me alone. - Hey, it's all right.
- Leave me alone. - It's okay. Come on.
Come on out of the car. Come on out of the car.
I can't even destroy your precious little car right.
[Phil] Why would you wanna do that?
Because you cheated on mom!
Oh God.
You have a girlfriend, Dad.
No, I don't.
Yes, you do. He told me.
What?
Oh, baby.
Shouldn't you be mad.
Honey, you are being forced to hear
and see things that you should not have-
Be mad, Mom!
Max, you don't understand. Okay?
And you shouldn't have to.
[Phil] Hey, listen to me.
- Max. - Wait, wait, wait.
Rosie, listen to me.
I'm sorry.
I knew, Phil.
I knew about your girlfriend.
You did?
Yeah, of course I knew.
I've been married to you half my life.
I'm, I'm so sorry.
No, Phil. I am.
Why? You didn't do anything.
I did though.
I wanted to hurt you so bad, I slept with Trey Reynolds.
I think if we put a piece of wood, and then-
You.
- You. - I know.
Look, I'm sorry.
- You. - I know.
God, Charlie.
- I know. I'm sorry. - You just blew up my family.
I said something outta turn.
Oh my God. Is this fun for you? Are you enjoying yourself?
What are you talking about?
You're finally getting your revenge.
Revenge?
Because you've been so mad at me.
You've been so mad at me about Braintree.
I am not mad at you about Braintree.
Give me a break.
You're mad at yourself, because you know
that you took an idea of mine and kept it for you.
- Yours? - Yes.
Our idea, Charlie. That was our idea.
If it was ours, then where am I in your life?
You know how many times I tried calling you?
Getting in touch with you is like.
I don't know what, I can't think of the right analogy.
But it's very hard.
Nature is literally trying to kill you.
You think I care about this shit?
This is what you wanted.
You got it. You got the house! You got the wife!
You got everything! You got it!
(door slams shut)
Hey.
Listen.
Obviously,
mistakes have been made on both sides.
We clearly have a lot of mending to do.
I just need you to help me wrap my head around one thing.
How could you sleep with Trey Reynolds?
I mean, of all people. Come on.
I mean, is it his crooked little smile?
Or the tiny jackets? I mean, what?
Do you love him?
What?
Of course not, Phil. I did it to hurt you.
For the past, I don't know how many years,
I have done everything by myself.
Everything for Max, with no help from you.
You were too busy whining about
not getting an upgrade from your favorite hotel.
You know, the past couple of years
you haven't held a door for me?
Why should you when, when Phil Shriver was coming in?
Of course.
It's like the cold sesame noodles.
That is my favorite thing in the world to eat.
Do you ever, ever leave me any leftovers?
No. You don't, Phil. Because you're number one.
I just don't get it.
I mean, all the time we spent in therapy I,
you never even hinted at this,
deep undercurrent of resentment or whatever.
Oh yeah?
Well, I never heard a peep about your girlfriend.
No, I just knew you must have been
sleeping with someone else.
Because you stopped whining about not getting laid.
Never whined about not getting laid.
Yeah? What was all that then?
I said we lacked intimacy. Which is true.
No, no no.
You said that I wasn't engaged when I blew you.
That is not true.
That is not true. That is patently false.
What I said was, it did not seem like
you enjoyed yourself when you blew me.
- If a blowjob ever happened. - Oh my God.
Let's be honest. It was very few and far between.
Wait wait, wait wait wait. All right, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Come on. Where are you gonna go right now?
I'm going to my brother's.
Goodbye, Phil.
(contemplative music)
Hey, Max. Come on down for some dinner, buddy.
(contemplative music continues)
Max?
Rosie, you need to call me back, okay.
I can't find Max. I don't know where he is.
I've looked everywhere.
He's not in the house. He's not outside.
I don't know if he's with you, or if he's with Charlie.
I don't know where Charlie is.
But, you need to call me back, okay?
(contemplative music continues)
Oh, look who the fuck it is. (laughing)
Yo, I'm sorry. I can't let you in. No lames allowed.
Definitely no fucking lameos allowed.
Guys, can we? Can we please just keep it peaceful?
Fuck you, peaceful.
[Roger] Yeah. Fuck you, Phil.
I need to talk to Rosie.
She don't want to talk to you.
She never wants to see your face again.
Ray, listen to me, all right. This is an emergency.
I warned about you, man. I told her.
- I warned her. - We sure did.
I said never trust a guy that goes to work in his suit.
- Never. - Because they always fuck up.
- Jesus Christ. - You're the suit.
Give a break, all right?
Because you go to work in an apron, you don't fuck up?
- Never fuck up. - I ever fuck up one time?
- Never, never. - Never fucked up one time.
You have season tickets to the Jets, Ray.
Fuck you.
- I wanna talk to Rosie. - Get the fuck outta here.
- I wanna talk to my wife. - Hey, yo. Frank.
Rosie. Rosie, is Max in there with you?
I can't find our son.
What?
[Ray] No, you don't gotta talk to him.
Where is he?
Sanjay has no idea where he is.
All right, well let's try.
God, does he have any other friends?
What about, what about Charlie?
- Charlie? - Who's Charlie?
Yeah, who the fuck's Charlie?
It's a friend of Phil's, okay. He's staying with us.
In the Hamptons?
Phil said it was too dangerous for us to come out there.
Yeah, well. You stayed open.
Nuclear war wouldn't stop pizza in New York City.
Nuclear war.
Stay here in case Max shows up.
Where are you going?
I gotta go try to find Charlie.
Can't you just call him?
I don't have his number.
Oh, he's a bum.
(calm music)
(knocking on door)
Mrs. Dunn?
- Mrs. Dunn, are you home? - Who's out there?
Mrs. Dunn, it's Phil Shriver. Do you remember me?
Oh, no. Haven't you taken enough from him?
Mrs. Dunn, is he home?
He isn't.
I haven't seen him since he left saying
you asked him to stay in the country.
Do you have any idea where he might be?
[Teen] Is that Max Shriver?
[Teen] Ooh. Why is that loser here?
In or out, man. This has to be low key.
Yeah.
Okay.
[Phil] Charlie.
Phil?
(grunting)
Your mother said I would find you here.
You went to my mom's?
Look, Charlie.
- I, I. - You know this spot?
What?
It was Sarah's favorite spot.
And when she got sick, she would want to come here like,
every day.
Sarah's my wife.
When they told us that she wasn't gonna.
I just like, I stopped being a mad. Is that weird?
Didn't matter, you know?
I wasn't mad at you. I wasn't mad about Braintree.
It was all okay.
And you were right, you know, you couldn't,
you couldn't possibly bring someone in my condition
into a meeting with potential financiers.
I mean, you knew me. You know me.
Probably knew me better than anyone,
besides Sarah.
Charlie, why didn't you tell me any of this?
I tried.
You didn't get the messages.
I, I'm so, I'm so sorry, dude.
I fucked your whole family up,
and I fucked this whole thing.
Listen to me. I'm sorry, okay.
Because I really did fuck it up.
I told you, it's okay.
Listen, Charlie. I need your help right now.
Okay, Max is missing.
What?
Do you have any idea where he could be?
Well, I.
There's a slight chance I told him to go to a party.
A party?
I'm sorry. I told him to go to a party in fucking Dumbo.
Oh my God. Rosie, hey. We got him.
He's at a party in Dumbo.
[Charlie] I think it's a rave.
(calm piano music)
(deep bass music) (voices overlapping)
Oh, good lord.
Yeah, it's a lot of people.
We're all gonna get this thing, aren't we?
I heard on NPR, this thing could mutate.
I don't know. Joe Rogan says we're all gonna be fine.
Mask up. We're going in.
Let's find this boy, huh?
You want to?
I want to be polite, but it's not like a good situation.
Yeah, you go first and then I'll go.
So it, it's lit.
- You guys should all go home. - You go home.
This party is gonna get you sick.
- You're ruining the vibe. - You're gonna get busted.
- Fuck you, narc. - I am a cool dad.
(pounding rock music)
[Max] I'm going this way. Guys, I'm going this way.
I'm trying to go this way. Hey.
(rock music continues)
I have to get out!
I have to go now! Let me out!
Max?
You guys seen a kid?
You guys? Excuse me.
Max?
Max? Oh, so sorry. I'm sorry.
It's all good. Hop in. There's no age limit.
Oh wow. Aren't you a little fucking asshole?
You, girl. Run.
Max?
Oh, hey.
(pounding rock music)
You're a genius.
Tastes good?
No, it tastes like Clorox. But, thank you.
Max?
[Phil] Hey. Any luck?
No, I can't find him.
- Damn it. - Hold on one second.
Hey, Hot Topic.
Are you Annie, Annie Lazar?
I don't know you.
Max Shriver? You know him?
- Ah, yeah. - Seen him?
Yeah.
Isn't he the guy that ran away?
Oh yeah, yeah. He like-
what? The guy that ran away?
He like freaked out, and like-
Like what? Where?
I mean like, how can I be more specific?
How could you be more specific?
Anything would be more specific than, yeah, like-
He went that way.
Thank you.
And I will have you know
that you just blew your chance with a certified Meme Lord.
What's a Meme Lord?
It's like a guy that does things,
that he designs the images and puts the funny.
Ah, fuck it!
(water lapping)
That's him. Max.
Hey, hey.
Max.
Max, hey.
[Max] Charlie?
This is a nice spot you got.
I got one of these myself in Central Park.
[Max] You do?
You all right? What happened?
I had a panic attack.
[Charlie] We were all worried.
We came to the party looking for you.
We?
[Charlie] Yeah me, your mom, your dad.
They're gonna be mad.
- No. - They're gonna be.
Charlie, they're gonna be mad.
No. No no, they're not.
I think you've like gone over that threshold of they,
they can't be mad 'cause they're so scared.
So, you're fine.
Why did I come?
Charlie, I don't know why I came to this party.
I should have told you.
I'm sure your dad did, that you should never listen to me.
I am a certified 100% idiot.
One time, and pretty recently, I drank a whole container
of spicy curry thinking it was soup.
- You are an idiot. - Yes. Huge idiot.
I just want things to go back to being normal.
That's all I want.
You'll feel normal again.
I mean, it won't be like the normal like you felt before,
but it'll be like the normal that you feel from now on.
You know, like a new normal.
[Max] What?
You've taken some hits.
You got some scrapes and bruises.
Like this city.
I mean, how many times have you heard people say
New York is dead in the last God knows how many years?
For whatever reason?
I mean, right over there were the two biggest skyscrapers
you ever saw in your whole fucking life.
This one crazy French guy
walked across them on a tightrope once.
And the whole world of crazy over it.
And then all of a sudden they,
those buildings weren't here.
But the city goes on, and it just keeps getting back up.
They found a way to feel normal again.
You will too.
[Max] Yeah.
It took me about three days to feel normal again
after the spicy curry incident.
You want a bacon, egg, and cheese?
Let's get a bacon, egg, and cheese, huh?
[Max] All right. Let's go, big boy.
You don't have to call me big boy.
We'll get two bacon, egg, and cheese. He's okay.
[Max] Mom.
(contemplative music)
♪ All my dreaming ♪
♪ All my wishing ♪
♪ It hasn't come through ♪
♪ Life's just like that ♪
♪ And I don't know what ♪
♪ I am looking for ♪
♪ But when I find it ♪
♪ It will feel right ♪
♪ I've dreamt of love and ♪
♪ I've wished for a country ♪
You know, I was at my mom's house and I was like
looking through some old papers and I,
it's the beginning of it, like the kernel of it.
But I actually do think
I might have come across a unicorn for you.
I think you take this one now.
It's all you.
Me take it? I don't know what to do with it.
You know what?
I got a couple people I can call.
I think they'd be really interested in getting to know you.
Getting to know me? Look at, Phil. I mean, look at me, I.
You'll be fine.
What are you gonna do?
I'm gonna spend some more time with my family.
Hey.
You need anything?
Just some sleep.
Well if you do, I'm right down the hall.
[Max] I'm okay.
Your mom's downstairs.
Dad.
I'm okay.
Okay.
And you know.
If school opens up in the Fall,
but if you still want to stay here-
If school opens,
I want to go.
Okay.
But,
if things get weird,
or I want to come home, I can?
Absolutely.
Hi.
You know, I understand if you want to leave.
All I can say is I made a stupid, selfish mistake.
Yeah.
I will do anything.
I will go back to therapy. I will do whatever you want.
I will do whatever it takes to fix this,
make us better.
I really don't know if I can.
Let's give it a try.
(birds calling)
Hey, I was hoping I'd run into you.
[Emma] My god. Hey.
Hi.
You came back.
Yeah, it's hard to stay away from this place.
Do you wanna come over?
Yeah.
But I, I have been around a lot of people lately,
so I don't know if it's safe.
I mean,
I feel like nature's been trying to kill me this whole time.
So, might as well come over.
Nature's a beast, huh?
Okay. I'm coming over.
If I get a rapid test, can we make out?
I mean, if you get a PCR, maybe we can do more.
[Charlie] Oh my God. Let's go to urgent care.
[Emma] Yeah, let's go.
[Charlie] I saw one on 27. It's like a mile away.
I will literally run there.
So horny.
[Emma] Never been hornier.
[Charlie] Never, ever in my life.
I'm walking around like, don't touch me.
- Exactly. - I might blow.
(laughing)
♪ Had to grow up tough ♪
♪ Nothing was ever good enough ♪
♪ I had the thickest skin ♪
♪ Never let anybody in ♪
♪ 'Cause I didn't want to walk down a burning bridge ♪
♪ I said I'd forget it ♪
♪ On the drive I tried not to fall asleep at the wheel ♪
♪ Somehow I didn't ♪
♪ I've been walking in the dark ♪
♪ I've been waiting for a spark ♪
♪ But I see myself in a different light ♪
♪ I gotta know my day will come ♪
♪ Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh ♪
♪ I've gotta finally see the Sun ♪
♪ Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh ♪
♪ I've gotta finally see the Sun ♪
♪ Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh ♪
♪ I've gotta finally see Sun ♪
(upbeat music)
(ethereal music)