1 00:00:42,752 --> 00:00:44,754 {\an8}- [singing in the distance] - [panting] 2 00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:51,010 - [crowd noise in the distance] - [grunts] 3 00:00:56,307 --> 00:00:58,309 {\an8}[exhales] 4 00:01:02,688 --> 00:01:05,608 ♪ Baby, if you thought that I was trouble ♪ 5 00:01:05,691 --> 00:01:08,110 ♪ Then you're gonna hate what's coming next ♪ 6 00:01:08,194 --> 00:01:10,988 ♪ Kinda like your worst nightmare but double ♪ 7 00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:13,616 ♪ Is that an angel? No, it's your ex ♪ 8 00:01:13,699 --> 00:01:16,243 ♪ Remember how you screwed up when I was a brunette? ♪ 9 00:01:16,327 --> 00:01:18,370 ♪ I don't think you knew just what you'd done ♪ 10 00:01:19,205 --> 00:01:22,792 ♪ Whoa, I'll fuck your life up as a blonde... ♪ 11 00:01:22,875 --> 00:01:24,502 [yelps] 12 00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:29,089 [gasps and chatter] 13 00:01:29,173 --> 00:01:31,050 [boy] Get off the stage, knobhead! 14 00:01:31,133 --> 00:01:34,386 [overlapping chatter] 15 00:01:34,804 --> 00:01:36,722 [girl] What the fuck is going on? 16 00:01:36,806 --> 00:01:39,225 - [boy 2] He looks like shit! - [crowd boos] 17 00:01:39,308 --> 00:01:41,644 - [boy 3] Get off! - [crowd chants] Off! Off! Off! 18 00:01:41,727 --> 00:01:46,106 - [girl 2] Get off the stage! - [boy 4] Don't give him the mic. 19 00:01:46,732 --> 00:01:50,694 - [boy 5] Sit down, dickhead! - [cheering continues] 20 00:02:00,454 --> 00:02:03,874 - Happy graduation, honey! - [laughs] 21 00:02:06,794 --> 00:02:09,421 [twinkling sound] 22 00:02:31,986 --> 00:02:34,154 Double fudge chocolate gateau with cream. 23 00:02:34,238 --> 00:02:38,075 [pants] Shit. 24 00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:41,203 Now, I know what you're thinking. 25 00:02:41,287 --> 00:02:42,913 You're thinking that whatever this kid 26 00:02:42,997 --> 00:02:44,748 with the cracked glasses and busted-up lip 27 00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:48,043 who's about to be covered in cake and stinks like... [sniffs] 28 00:02:48,127 --> 00:02:51,338 ...yeah, shit, is about to do, 29 00:02:51,422 --> 00:02:54,675 he will regret this for the rest of his life. 30 00:02:54,758 --> 00:02:58,429 [scoffs] And you know what? You might be right. 31 00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:01,724 But here's the thing you need to know about being in love. 32 00:03:01,807 --> 00:03:03,851 Love is pain. 33 00:03:03,934 --> 00:03:05,352 Love is hurt. 34 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,397 Love is... 35 00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:11,859 ♪ Sugar, spice and I'm nice, show me what you're made of ♪ 36 00:03:11,942 --> 00:03:14,945 ♪ Crazy, sexy, cool, baby, with or without make-up ♪ 37 00:03:15,029 --> 00:03:17,281 - ♪ Got nothing to prove... ♪ - Oh! 38 00:03:17,781 --> 00:03:18,782 Amelia Brown. 39 00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:21,243 - ♪ I'mma show you how I do... ♪ - Whoa! 40 00:03:21,327 --> 00:03:22,494 That mess right there, 41 00:03:22,578 --> 00:03:24,872 that's my best friend in the whole damn universe 42 00:03:24,955 --> 00:03:27,416 and has been ever since the hospital switched us at birth. 43 00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:30,169 - Aw! - [baby cries] 44 00:03:30,252 --> 00:03:32,880 - True story. - [baby groans] 45 00:03:35,925 --> 00:03:37,259 Let's just say Amelia's mum 46 00:03:37,343 --> 00:03:39,053 got a bit more than she bargained for 47 00:03:39,136 --> 00:03:40,387 when she opened my nappy. 48 00:03:40,471 --> 00:03:42,890 [baby laughs] 49 00:03:45,142 --> 00:03:47,519 After that day, our dads became best friends, 50 00:03:47,603 --> 00:03:50,230 - our mums became best friends. - Say cheese. 51 00:03:53,108 --> 00:03:55,277 Even our dogs became best friends. 52 00:03:55,361 --> 00:03:57,154 {\an8}[dog whines] 53 00:03:58,197 --> 00:04:02,159 When we were five years old, we made a promise. 54 00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:04,370 - No secrets. - No secrets. 55 00:04:04,954 --> 00:04:07,748 And it was easy because we told each other everything. 56 00:04:07,831 --> 00:04:11,961 Well, that's not entirely true. There was one secret 57 00:04:12,044 --> 00:04:15,547 that I have wanted to tell Milly my entire life. 58 00:04:16,382 --> 00:04:19,385 Three little words that I have wanted to say to her 59 00:04:19,468 --> 00:04:22,012 for as long as I can remember. 60 00:04:22,096 --> 00:04:24,848 Amelia Elizabeth Brown. 61 00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:26,225 I... 62 00:04:26,850 --> 00:04:28,477 I... 63 00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:30,562 - I lo... - [car tyres screech] 64 00:04:30,646 --> 00:04:33,607 Jesus Christ, Jules! 65 00:04:34,733 --> 00:04:37,611 Yeah, not those three words. 66 00:04:42,032 --> 00:04:44,868 From the word go, we found the same things funny. 67 00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:46,036 [screaming on film] 68 00:04:46,704 --> 00:04:48,080 [farts] 69 00:04:49,248 --> 00:04:53,043 - Did you just...? - Fear fart? 70 00:04:54,044 --> 00:04:57,089 - [farts] - [laughs] 71 00:04:57,172 --> 00:04:59,049 The same things sad. 72 00:05:15,190 --> 00:05:17,901 Always follow your heart, Mils. 73 00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:19,903 It rarely leads you the wrong way. 74 00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:29,163 [soft music playing on gramophone] 75 00:05:29,246 --> 00:05:30,789 [Archie] We found the same things... 76 00:05:31,623 --> 00:05:33,792 ...strange. 77 00:05:37,546 --> 00:05:40,049 [chain saw whirring on film] 78 00:05:40,758 --> 00:05:43,719 But every time I tried to tell Amelia how I felt about her, 79 00:05:43,802 --> 00:05:47,306 those three words didn't seem to come out right. 80 00:05:47,389 --> 00:05:49,058 I, um... 81 00:05:50,142 --> 00:05:52,144 I need to, um... 82 00:05:52,227 --> 00:05:53,687 I need to... 83 00:05:54,188 --> 00:05:58,567 OK. Is this big? 84 00:05:58,650 --> 00:06:02,279 [chuckles] You're, like, really sweating. 85 00:06:02,905 --> 00:06:05,908 I... love... 86 00:06:05,991 --> 00:06:07,701 you... [sneezes] 87 00:06:11,121 --> 00:06:12,915 You love Yousif? 88 00:06:12,998 --> 00:06:16,418 Everybody, I am gay! 89 00:06:16,502 --> 00:06:19,922 - Yeah, no shit. - Sit down, Yousif. 90 00:06:20,005 --> 00:06:21,882 [applause dies down] 91 00:06:24,468 --> 00:06:26,261 Yeah, that was awkward for a while. 92 00:06:26,637 --> 00:06:28,597 Anyway, that's just a little context about me, 93 00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:31,308 my family, and my best... 94 00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:32,684 [sighs] 95 00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:38,440 ...ex-best-friend, Milly. 96 00:06:38,524 --> 00:06:41,276 But to really understand how I've ended up on this stage 97 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:44,113 further away from love than I have ever been before, 98 00:06:44,196 --> 00:06:47,658 I need to take you back to upper sixth, April 17th. 99 00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,576 The Easter holidays were over. 100 00:06:49,660 --> 00:06:51,912 It was our last first day back to school ever. 101 00:06:55,374 --> 00:06:57,042 Tonight was finally the night 102 00:06:57,126 --> 00:06:59,419 that I was going to tell Amelia Brown 103 00:06:59,503 --> 00:07:01,130 that I am, and always have been, 104 00:07:01,213 --> 00:07:04,007 head over heels in love with her. 105 00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:06,218 Hmm. 106 00:07:06,301 --> 00:07:08,679 I have everything planned, and this time, 107 00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:11,181 not even the universe is gonna get in my way. 108 00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:13,350 Hmm. 109 00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:15,811 Pretty sure that had bird shit on it. [laughs] 110 00:07:15,894 --> 00:07:17,729 What up, chuckle? [kisses] 111 00:07:17,813 --> 00:07:19,690 What up, beef cakes? 112 00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:22,818 - Hello, William. - Hey. 113 00:07:22,901 --> 00:07:24,611 - William? - Yes, Miss Brown? 114 00:07:24,695 --> 00:07:27,948 Could you play some kick-ass, big-boss 115 00:07:28,031 --> 00:07:32,911 - final-term music please? - I certainly can, Miss Brown. 116 00:07:32,995 --> 00:07:34,872 Hold tight. 117 00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:37,457 ♪ Wet! Wet! Wet! Wet! ♪ 118 00:07:37,875 --> 00:07:43,755 ♪ Wet! Wet! Wet! Wet! ♪ [laughter] 119 00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:47,050 ♪ Oh, Oh, my God, hey... ♪ 120 00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:50,137 ♪ Stupid boy think that I need him, yo ♪ 121 00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:52,639 ♪ I go cold like changing seasons ♪ 122 00:07:53,432 --> 00:07:56,643 ♪ I go red hot like a demon, I go ghost for no damn reason ♪ 123 00:07:56,727 --> 00:07:58,562 ♪ Stupid boy think that I need him ♪ 124 00:07:58,645 --> 00:07:59,855 Yo, what's up? 125 00:07:59,938 --> 00:08:01,481 ♪ Pleasing, season, I'm spicy ♪ 126 00:08:01,565 --> 00:08:03,108 ♪ Hot to touch, too much, too pricey ♪ 127 00:08:03,192 --> 00:08:07,529 - ♪ Heathen, I'm in your psyche ♪ - [girls] Whoa... 128 00:08:07,613 --> 00:08:09,323 ♪ Stupid boy think that I need him ♪ 129 00:08:09,406 --> 00:08:10,908 ♪ I go ghost for no damn reason ♪ 130 00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:12,993 ♪ Stupid boy think that I need him ♪ 131 00:08:13,076 --> 00:08:15,621 ♪ Stupid, stupid, you dumb, you goofy, goofy ♪ 132 00:08:15,704 --> 00:08:18,707 - ♪ This pussy juicy, juicy... ♪ - [boy] Archie! 133 00:08:18,790 --> 00:08:21,501 ♪ Oh, nah, boy, you could never cos you not clever enough ♪ 134 00:08:21,585 --> 00:08:23,378 [groans] 135 00:08:23,462 --> 00:08:25,339 ♪ I don't want you and I don't want your homie ♪ 136 00:08:25,422 --> 00:08:26,715 {\an8}♪ Cos both of y'all are suckers ♪ 137 00:08:26,798 --> 00:08:27,799 {\an8}♪ Y'all some dumb dumbs ♪ 138 00:08:27,883 --> 00:08:29,676 {\an8}♪ I could play you straight up out your bread ♪ 139 00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:31,386 {\an8}♪ Now you got crumb crumbs ♪ 140 00:08:31,470 --> 00:08:33,680 ♪ I don't really need a man, but sometimes I want one... ♪ 141 00:08:33,764 --> 00:08:36,934 Ooh! Naughty. 142 00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:39,937 [students chatter] 143 00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:44,024 Yeah, that wasn't us. 144 00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:47,361 Gonna be the best term yet. You'll see. 145 00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:49,655 Gonna be the worst term of your life. 146 00:08:49,738 --> 00:08:53,242 You'll see. [laughs] 147 00:08:53,325 --> 00:08:57,496 - I thought dipshit was expelled. - Looks like he's back. Again. 148 00:08:57,579 --> 00:09:00,707 Great. Well, at least he can't follow us to uni. 149 00:09:00,791 --> 00:09:03,001 Unless they're hiring janitors. 150 00:09:03,085 --> 00:09:04,711 [Amelia] Six weeks till the ball. 151 00:09:05,462 --> 00:09:08,423 So, who are you taking, Cinderella? 152 00:09:08,507 --> 00:09:09,800 [gasps] Funny. 153 00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,635 I say we just binge silent-era horror movies 154 00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:12,886 and then get pissed 155 00:09:12,970 --> 00:09:15,097 on one of my parents' dusty bottles of champagne 156 00:09:15,180 --> 00:09:16,723 like the rock stars that we are. 157 00:09:16,807 --> 00:09:21,270 - In our gowns, of course. - Right. Of course. 158 00:09:25,107 --> 00:09:27,317 Let's do this, big boy. 159 00:09:29,152 --> 00:09:30,946 [engine revs] 160 00:09:36,785 --> 00:09:37,828 Huh? 161 00:09:46,461 --> 00:09:48,880 ♪ Mississippi Queen ♪ 162 00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:51,842 ♪ If you know what I mean... ♪ 163 00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:56,263 - Who is that? - Kiss my arse, universe. 164 00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:58,307 I know what you're trying to do, but trust me, 165 00:09:58,390 --> 00:10:01,935 - that is not Milly's type. - He is so my type. 166 00:10:09,026 --> 00:10:12,070 [students chatter] 167 00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:16,658 - Who is he, anyway? - He's, like, 40. Jesus. 168 00:10:16,742 --> 00:10:19,369 He's probably a teacher or somebody's dad. 169 00:10:19,453 --> 00:10:21,538 No way in hell that guy is a student. 170 00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,206 And this is our brand-new student, 171 00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:25,834 all the way from Hollywood in California... 172 00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:27,669 Billy Walsh. 173 00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:30,589 Oh, fuck off, universe. 174 00:10:35,218 --> 00:10:39,097 Hey, not quite school attire but, er, you look cool. 175 00:10:39,181 --> 00:10:42,642 - Oh, thank you, sir. - No, thank you. 176 00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:48,231 - Hey, everyone. - [students] Hi! 177 00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:50,442 - Billy Walsh. - [gasps] 178 00:10:51,026 --> 00:10:53,445 Sit down, Yousif. 179 00:10:55,864 --> 00:10:57,366 My dad just moved here for business, 180 00:10:57,449 --> 00:10:59,951 so I'm gonna be joining you for the rest of the semester. 181 00:11:00,035 --> 00:11:01,578 I've never been to England before, 182 00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,080 but I hear a lot of awesome things. 183 00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:05,123 Really excited to get to know all of you. 184 00:11:05,207 --> 00:11:07,417 Thank you for such a warm welcome. 185 00:11:07,459 --> 00:11:10,045 [applause] 186 00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:20,680 - What a douche. - Total douche. 187 00:11:22,432 --> 00:11:24,142 [Archie] You can tell me if you like him. 188 00:11:24,226 --> 00:11:26,978 They've definitely gotten bigger. 189 00:11:27,062 --> 00:11:28,397 Definitely. 190 00:11:32,275 --> 00:11:34,069 That, or her eyebrows have gotten smaller. 191 00:11:34,152 --> 00:11:35,487 [laughs] 192 00:11:36,988 --> 00:11:40,659 And I don't like him, OK? I don't even know him. 193 00:11:40,742 --> 00:11:42,494 It could be padding. 194 00:11:43,537 --> 00:11:45,163 That is not padding. 195 00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:48,792 [both] Padding. 196 00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:50,293 I told you. Nothing to worry about. 197 00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:52,170 Well, easy for you to say. 198 00:11:52,254 --> 00:11:54,381 Boys don't know what it's like having small boobs. 199 00:11:54,464 --> 00:11:55,966 I'd rather brain than boobs any day. 200 00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:57,592 It'd be like having a small penis, 201 00:11:57,676 --> 00:11:58,885 but it's on your chest 202 00:11:58,969 --> 00:12:01,054 and everyone can see it all the time. 203 00:12:01,138 --> 00:12:03,765 - You know what I mean. - "You?" 204 00:12:03,849 --> 00:12:05,475 Why the fuck did you say "you" like that? 205 00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:07,561 I'll have you know I have a very developed dick. 206 00:12:07,644 --> 00:12:11,440 [scoffs] OK, Mr Developed Dick. 207 00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:26,079 [exhales] Phase one, secure her evening. 208 00:12:26,204 --> 00:12:29,833 - Oh, I forgot to mention... - It's not padding. 209 00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:31,918 - Bitch. - [girls laugh] 210 00:12:32,836 --> 00:12:35,005 I'm gonna shank her, Archie. I'll do it, I swear to God. 211 00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:38,508 All right, Shawshank. Just take a breath and have some juice. 212 00:12:38,592 --> 00:12:39,593 [girls laugh] 213 00:12:39,676 --> 00:12:42,179 [girl] He looked so embarrassed. Four-eyes. 214 00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:45,599 Take two. [chuckles] 215 00:12:47,517 --> 00:12:50,437 Oh, um, I forgot to mention they're, um, 216 00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:52,230 they're playing Night of the Living Dead 217 00:12:52,314 --> 00:12:53,482 at the Savoy after school. 218 00:12:55,192 --> 00:12:56,401 It cost me an arm and a leg 219 00:12:56,485 --> 00:12:58,445 - bribing this old bastard. - [chuckles] 220 00:12:58,528 --> 00:13:00,155 I can't believe they're playing our fav... 221 00:13:00,238 --> 00:13:02,532 [smooth rock music] 222 00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:23,178 Is it just me, or does he walk in slow motion? 223 00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:26,306 Just you. Can we get back to what's important, please? 224 00:13:26,389 --> 00:13:28,517 That guy is very clearly a massive dingleberry. 225 00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:30,143 You don't know anything about him. 226 00:13:30,227 --> 00:13:31,228 Trust me, I know. 227 00:13:32,062 --> 00:13:33,647 Oh! Sorry. 228 00:13:34,439 --> 00:13:37,359 - Here. - Thanks. 229 00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:44,032 OK, that was, admittedly, unfortunate timing, 230 00:13:44,115 --> 00:13:46,368 but, trust me, Billy Walsh has bad news 231 00:13:46,451 --> 00:13:48,620 tattooed on his ball sack. 232 00:13:48,703 --> 00:13:50,413 I think somebody's a little jealous. 233 00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:51,957 [scoffs] You wish. 234 00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:53,792 Check this out. I bet my entire trust fund 235 00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:56,294 that he sits with Tony and the swim team. 236 00:14:06,096 --> 00:14:07,138 Hi. 237 00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:10,809 Clearly I'm not crazy. 238 00:14:10,892 --> 00:14:13,353 I mean, you can see who this guy is from a mile away, right? 239 00:14:13,436 --> 00:14:14,563 He's a... 240 00:14:27,659 --> 00:14:29,869 - loner? - [boy] He's studying. 241 00:14:29,953 --> 00:14:31,580 Am I rich now? 242 00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:35,208 I'm rich, bitches! 243 00:14:35,834 --> 00:14:38,461 And now he's pretending to read. Give me a break. 244 00:14:40,755 --> 00:14:44,509 So back to phase one, "Night of the Living Dead". 245 00:14:44,593 --> 00:14:46,052 Good evening. 246 00:14:47,512 --> 00:14:48,888 Thank you. 247 00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:04,237 - [Amelia] Where is everybody? - I don't know. 248 00:15:06,323 --> 00:15:09,451 Phase two, pull out all the stops. 249 00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:17,584 [Johnny in film] I jumped out at you from behind the tree 250 00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:19,961 and Grandpa got all excited and he shook his fist at me 251 00:15:20,045 --> 00:15:22,505 and he said, "Boy, you'll be damned to hell!" 252 00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:24,174 [Barbara] Stop it, now. I mean it. 253 00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:26,009 [Johnny] You're still afraid. 254 00:15:27,510 --> 00:15:30,388 They're coming to get you, Barbara. 255 00:15:30,722 --> 00:15:33,433 Remember? Remember we had to go to Willard then? 256 00:15:33,516 --> 00:15:35,977 [both reciting] This isn't a passing thing, honey. 257 00:15:36,061 --> 00:15:39,439 It's... it's not like just the wind passing through. 258 00:15:39,522 --> 00:15:42,525 We've got to do something, and fast. 259 00:15:42,609 --> 00:15:44,569 [dramatic film music] 260 00:15:50,784 --> 00:15:52,786 - [Barbara screams] - [farts] 261 00:15:52,869 --> 00:15:54,496 Fear fart. 262 00:16:03,588 --> 00:16:06,216 Phase three, pop the question. 263 00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:08,468 Come on, Archie. You can do this. 264 00:16:09,094 --> 00:16:11,429 [breathes heavily] 265 00:16:16,017 --> 00:16:17,519 What's up? 266 00:16:20,146 --> 00:16:24,275 - I can't do this. - Archie? 267 00:16:24,359 --> 00:16:27,779 They're nice seats, aren't they? Very, um... 268 00:16:27,862 --> 00:16:30,240 - [seat squeaks] - Very well made, actually. 269 00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:32,075 Velvety, almost. [chuckles] 270 00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:34,160 - Are you OK? - Yeah. 271 00:16:34,244 --> 00:16:37,288 Archie-boy is always, um, OK. [chuckles] 272 00:16:37,372 --> 00:16:39,749 Oh, shit. You've had too much sugar, haven't you? 273 00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:41,543 - What? - That thing's happening again. 274 00:16:41,626 --> 00:16:43,336 - Come on, let's walk it off. - No, I... 275 00:16:43,420 --> 00:16:46,756 No, sorry, um, I... [sighs] 276 00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:51,886 I have to tell you something. Something, um, something big. 277 00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:54,806 Bigger than anything before. Like really, really big. 278 00:16:54,889 --> 00:16:58,768 - OK. It's big, I get it. - Yeah. 279 00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:02,564 [exhales] That's funny because... 280 00:17:03,106 --> 00:17:04,774 I have something to tell you too. 281 00:17:05,984 --> 00:17:07,986 Something big. 282 00:17:08,570 --> 00:17:12,323 OK. Well, um... 283 00:17:12,407 --> 00:17:13,825 Well, you go first. 284 00:17:13,908 --> 00:17:16,745 No, no, no. This is your moment. I don't want to interrupt it. 285 00:17:16,828 --> 00:17:18,329 No, no, honestly, you go. 286 00:17:18,830 --> 00:17:20,248 OK. 287 00:17:20,331 --> 00:17:23,042 [background music starts to build] 288 00:17:23,126 --> 00:17:26,379 [laughs] Whoa. I'm nervous. 289 00:17:26,463 --> 00:17:29,466 Shit. She's gonna ask me. 290 00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:31,885 I don't think I've ever been nervous in front of you before. 291 00:17:31,968 --> 00:17:34,679 It's OK. I'm nervous too. 292 00:17:35,346 --> 00:17:37,807 Right. I'm just gonna come right out and say it. 293 00:17:37,891 --> 00:17:39,726 - OK. - Here we go. 294 00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:41,478 OK. 295 00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:43,438 [background music builds to a climax] 296 00:17:43,521 --> 00:17:45,190 - I love Billy Walsh. - I love you too. 297 00:17:45,273 --> 00:17:46,858 [needle scratches, music stops] 298 00:17:50,487 --> 00:17:51,780 To the moon and back. 299 00:17:51,863 --> 00:17:53,990 I'm so happy for you. Wait, what? 300 00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:56,659 - I know. It's soon, right? - Soon? Soon? 301 00:17:56,743 --> 00:17:59,537 - It's been ten fucking hours. - No, I know it sounds crazy, 302 00:17:59,662 --> 00:18:02,540 but I've never felt this kind of attraction to someone before. 303 00:18:02,624 --> 00:18:04,334 - He's such a... - Fuckhead. 304 00:18:04,459 --> 00:18:07,587 - What? - Did I just say that out loud? 305 00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:12,842 A mystery. [chuckles] I don't know, uh... 306 00:18:15,136 --> 00:18:16,596 Anyway... 307 00:18:18,681 --> 00:18:20,683 You've taken this, like, really badly. 308 00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:22,227 - Me? - Yeah. 309 00:18:22,310 --> 00:18:26,356 No! No, this is... this is... 310 00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:28,733 Literally the worst night of my whole fucking... 311 00:18:28,817 --> 00:18:31,903 - Fuck, fuck, fuck you, universe! - [zombies hiss] 312 00:18:31,986 --> 00:18:35,198 Fantastic. This is fantastic. 313 00:18:35,281 --> 00:18:37,200 I know you're worried he'll hurt me. 314 00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:39,536 Hurt you? You've barely spoken a word to him. 315 00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:42,705 You sound... [whistles] nuts. 316 00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:44,374 [laughs] 317 00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:47,752 Thanks, Archie. 318 00:18:49,379 --> 00:18:50,380 Means a lot. 319 00:18:53,424 --> 00:18:54,801 [Archie sighs] 320 00:18:54,884 --> 00:18:57,345 Well, what were you gonna tell me? 321 00:18:57,428 --> 00:19:00,765 Mum's bought sex toys. No idea where that came from. 322 00:19:00,849 --> 00:19:04,477 - Really? - Yeah. Big ones. 323 00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:09,566 [♪ "Wet Dream" by Wet Leg ♪] 324 00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:11,359 [Amelia] Aww. 325 00:19:13,736 --> 00:19:14,863 After that night, 326 00:19:14,946 --> 00:19:17,615 it was like the floodgates to Billy City had been opened. 327 00:19:20,618 --> 00:19:22,120 [Amelia sighs softly] 328 00:19:22,954 --> 00:19:24,789 - ♪ Beam me up ♪ - ♪ Beam me up ♪ 329 00:19:24,873 --> 00:19:26,624 - ♪ Count me in ♪ - ♪ Count me in ♪ 330 00:19:26,708 --> 00:19:28,418 - ♪ Three, two, one ♪ - ♪ Three, two, one ♪ 331 00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:30,503 - ♪ Let's begin ♪ - [phone chimes] 332 00:19:30,587 --> 00:19:32,005 - ♪ Here we go ♪ - ♪ Here we go ♪ 333 00:19:32,088 --> 00:19:33,548 - [phone chimes] - ♪ Here we go ♪ 334 00:19:33,631 --> 00:19:37,677 - ♪ Here we go, here we go ♪ - [groans] 335 00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:40,096 ♪ I was in your wet dream driving in my car ♪ 336 00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:41,514 [phone vibrates] 337 00:19:41,598 --> 00:19:43,349 ♪ Saw you at the side of the road ♪ 338 00:19:43,433 --> 00:19:44,893 ♪ There's no one else around ♪ 339 00:19:44,976 --> 00:19:47,896 ♪ You're touching yourself, touching yourself ♪ 340 00:19:47,979 --> 00:19:50,231 ♪ Touching your... touching yourself ♪ 341 00:19:50,315 --> 00:19:51,774 ♪ Touching yourself ♪ 342 00:19:51,858 --> 00:19:55,278 ♪ You said, "Baby, do you want to come home with me?" ♪ 343 00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:59,532 ♪ "I got 'Buffalo '66' on DVD" ♪ 344 00:19:59,616 --> 00:20:02,911 ♪ You said, "Baby, do you want to come home with me?" ♪ 345 00:20:02,994 --> 00:20:07,290 ♪ "I got 'Buffalo '66' on DVD" ♪ 346 00:20:07,373 --> 00:20:08,917 - ♪ Beam me up ♪ - ♪ Beam me up ♪ 347 00:20:08,958 --> 00:20:10,752 - ♪ Count me in ♪ - ♪ Count me in ♪ 348 00:20:10,835 --> 00:20:12,879 {\an8}- ♪ Three, two, one ♪ - ♪ Three, two, one ♪ 349 00:20:12,962 --> 00:20:14,714 ♪ Let's begin ♪ 350 00:20:14,797 --> 00:20:16,257 - ♪ Here we go... ♪ - [screams] 351 00:20:16,341 --> 00:20:18,801 - ♪ Here we go... ♪ - [laughter] 352 00:20:21,012 --> 00:20:22,764 - [camera clicks] - [Archie] Within a week, 353 00:20:22,847 --> 00:20:24,849 Billy had literally become a health hazard. 354 00:20:24,933 --> 00:20:25,934 [bangs table] 355 00:20:27,143 --> 00:20:28,978 And she had yet to speak a single word to him, 356 00:20:29,062 --> 00:20:31,522 let alone tell him how she felt. 357 00:20:31,606 --> 00:20:35,276 I couldn't tell Milly. Milly couldn't tell Billy. 358 00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:37,111 [sighs] Perhaps we should all just go 359 00:20:37,195 --> 00:20:39,614 and have one big ironic threesome. 360 00:20:39,697 --> 00:20:42,116 [groans] 361 00:20:43,409 --> 00:20:47,372 [exhales] Nine hundred and ninety-nine. 362 00:20:47,455 --> 00:20:48,831 Not bad. 363 00:20:48,915 --> 00:20:52,502 - [rhythmic clattering] - [mother moans] 364 00:20:54,796 --> 00:20:56,214 I know what you're thinking, 365 00:20:56,297 --> 00:20:58,591 but you're wrong. They're not having sex. 366 00:21:04,222 --> 00:21:08,142 [mother] Oh! We are having sex! 367 00:21:08,226 --> 00:21:10,269 That should be me down there. 368 00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:13,439 You know what I mean. 369 00:21:13,523 --> 00:21:14,565 [buzzer sounds] 370 00:21:16,693 --> 00:21:18,194 I told you he'd join the swim team. 371 00:21:18,277 --> 00:21:20,029 - [cheering] - [♪ "Wet Dream" by Wet Leg ♪] 372 00:21:23,408 --> 00:21:25,702 ♪ It's enough, it's enough ♪ 373 00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:27,286 - ♪ It's enough, it's enough ♪ - Yes! 374 00:21:27,370 --> 00:21:31,332 ♪ It's enough, it's enough, it's enough, it's enough ♪ 375 00:21:31,416 --> 00:21:33,084 - ♪ Beam me up ♪ - ♪ Beam me up ♪ 376 00:21:33,167 --> 00:21:34,961 - ♪ Count me in ♪ - ♪ Count me in ♪ 377 00:21:35,044 --> 00:21:36,629 - ♪ Three, two, one ♪ - ♪ Three, two, one ♪ 378 00:21:36,713 --> 00:21:38,756 ♪ Let's begin ♪ 379 00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:40,550 - ♪ Here we go ♪ - ♪ Here we go ♪ 380 00:21:40,633 --> 00:21:42,468 - ♪ Here we go ♪ - ♪ Here we go ♪ 381 00:21:42,552 --> 00:21:45,847 ♪ Here we go, here we go, here we go ♪ 382 00:21:45,930 --> 00:21:47,765 - ♪ Beam me up ♪ - ♪ Beam me up ♪ 383 00:21:47,849 --> 00:21:49,642 - ♪ Count me in ♪ - ♪ Count me in ♪ 384 00:21:49,726 --> 00:21:51,686 - ♪ Three, two, one ♪ - ♪ Three, two, one ♪ 385 00:21:51,769 --> 00:21:53,187 ♪ Let's begin ♪ 386 00:21:53,271 --> 00:21:55,189 [man] Yes, it was all rather lovely, I must say. 387 00:21:55,273 --> 00:21:58,443 And the Spanish coast is simply magnificent. 388 00:21:58,526 --> 00:22:01,362 And the people, the Spaniards... You tell them, honey-bunny. 389 00:22:01,446 --> 00:22:05,033 Just... [sighs] incredibly sensual. 390 00:22:05,116 --> 00:22:06,951 - Hmm, hmm. - Yeah. 391 00:22:07,368 --> 00:22:10,705 Well, you both do seem very happy. 392 00:22:10,788 --> 00:22:14,709 Oh, uh... well, yes, we've... 393 00:22:14,792 --> 00:22:17,128 - actually never been happier. - Yeah. 394 00:22:17,211 --> 00:22:19,380 - Have we, bunny-honey? - [chuckles] 395 00:22:23,092 --> 00:22:25,219 [moans] 396 00:22:33,102 --> 00:22:34,645 [exhales] 397 00:22:35,521 --> 00:22:37,065 [clears throat] 398 00:22:40,068 --> 00:22:41,360 So what is the secret? 399 00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:44,113 - Sorry, darling? - Come on. 400 00:22:44,197 --> 00:22:47,909 You guys have been fighting like cats and dogs for years. 401 00:22:47,992 --> 00:22:49,702 - Oh. - What's the secret? 402 00:22:49,786 --> 00:22:53,372 Um... Well, um... 403 00:22:53,456 --> 00:22:58,419 let's just say we had some help from a little friend. 404 00:22:58,503 --> 00:23:00,379 - Dildo! - Huh? 405 00:23:01,214 --> 00:23:05,510 - "Little friend" equals dildo. - No, it doesn't. 406 00:23:06,719 --> 00:23:07,970 [gasps] 407 00:23:09,013 --> 00:23:12,975 Threesome. Holy shit. Your parents are sex perverts. 408 00:23:13,059 --> 00:23:14,352 Popcorn, please. 409 00:23:16,270 --> 00:23:19,857 [mother] How long's it been now? Seven, eight years? 410 00:23:19,941 --> 00:23:22,819 Darling, we love Jules, you know that. 411 00:23:22,902 --> 00:23:27,657 Of course we still do, but there is a whole world out there. 412 00:23:27,740 --> 00:23:31,994 - There must be someone! - [sighs] 413 00:23:32,078 --> 00:23:33,621 [exhales] 414 00:23:33,704 --> 00:23:36,040 - OK, there is someone. - [both] Ooh! 415 00:23:36,124 --> 00:23:39,377 - Potentially. - [mother] What's her name? 416 00:23:39,460 --> 00:23:43,923 Her name is Maggie. 417 00:23:45,550 --> 00:23:47,343 She's my new bookkeeper. 418 00:23:47,426 --> 00:23:52,140 She's quiet but sweet, and she makes the best cups of tea. 419 00:23:52,223 --> 00:23:54,475 My God, she's like a human calculator. 420 00:23:54,559 --> 00:23:56,352 I mean, it's incredible, really. 421 00:23:56,435 --> 00:23:57,436 Jesus, Rupert. 422 00:23:57,520 --> 00:23:59,522 My wife's drying up just listening to you. 423 00:23:59,605 --> 00:24:01,566 - George, stop it! - [George] Sorry. 424 00:24:01,649 --> 00:24:03,985 - Hmm! - Naughty. So you like her? 425 00:24:05,528 --> 00:24:08,573 - It's been so long, you know? - [both whisper] 426 00:24:08,656 --> 00:24:10,491 Yes, darling. 427 00:24:10,825 --> 00:24:15,580 I come into work, I know exactly what I want to say... 428 00:24:16,914 --> 00:24:18,749 and I don't know. 429 00:24:18,833 --> 00:24:21,294 - I think we should tell him. - [mutters quietly] 430 00:24:21,377 --> 00:24:22,628 Tell me what? 431 00:24:24,172 --> 00:24:25,590 [clears throat] 432 00:24:26,340 --> 00:24:29,510 - Darling, can you keep a secret? - Yeah, of course. Anything. 433 00:24:30,970 --> 00:24:35,933 Well, it's no secret George and I were on the verge of tyranny. 434 00:24:36,017 --> 00:24:37,852 Everybody knows that. 435 00:24:37,935 --> 00:24:40,104 And we tried everything, didn't we, darling? 436 00:24:40,188 --> 00:24:42,982 Therapists. Marriage counsellors. 437 00:24:43,065 --> 00:24:44,192 We ever tried a threesome. 438 00:24:45,860 --> 00:24:47,111 [mouths] I knew it! 439 00:24:50,072 --> 00:24:52,825 And nothing worked. Nothing. 440 00:24:52,909 --> 00:24:56,245 - That is until... - [Rupert] Yes? 441 00:24:58,623 --> 00:24:59,624 Yes? 442 00:25:00,708 --> 00:25:03,711 Sylvie from the golf club told us about this man 443 00:25:03,794 --> 00:25:07,882 they call the Love Doctor. 444 00:25:10,301 --> 00:25:11,844 The Love Doctor. 445 00:25:11,928 --> 00:25:14,222 - It's a one-on-one video... - Sorry, sorry. 446 00:25:14,305 --> 00:25:16,015 How is it you think that the Love Doctor 447 00:25:16,098 --> 00:25:18,184 is the most important part of that story? 448 00:25:18,267 --> 00:25:20,144 My parents had a threesome. 449 00:25:21,145 --> 00:25:22,480 Kinky. 450 00:25:24,357 --> 00:25:26,400 It's important because if the Love Doctor 451 00:25:26,484 --> 00:25:29,195 can literally make anyone fall in love with you then... 452 00:25:42,416 --> 00:25:43,668 - Hiya, Billy. - Hey. 453 00:25:44,835 --> 00:25:47,546 - What class have you got next? - Uh, English. 454 00:25:47,630 --> 00:25:49,382 Same. Come along. 455 00:25:49,465 --> 00:25:51,884 - [Billy] OK. - [boy] Billy? 456 00:25:51,968 --> 00:25:52,677 Amber? 457 00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:53,803 They looked pretty loved up to me. 458 00:25:53,886 --> 00:25:55,930 I have to get in there before he asks her to the ball. 459 00:25:56,013 --> 00:25:57,974 There's, what, four weeks till the big night? 460 00:25:58,057 --> 00:25:59,308 The ball? 461 00:25:59,392 --> 00:26:01,394 - I thought we were gonna... - Oh, come on, Archie! 462 00:26:01,477 --> 00:26:02,478 What can I do? 463 00:26:02,561 --> 00:26:04,480 My parents are hardly gonna give me the details 464 00:26:04,563 --> 00:26:06,023 - of their sex doctor. - Love Doctor! 465 00:26:06,107 --> 00:26:07,608 Whatever. I doubt this Love Doctor 466 00:26:07,692 --> 00:26:08,985 is gonna help some schoolgirl 467 00:26:09,068 --> 00:26:12,029 bag a guy she's never spoken to who already has a girlfriend. 468 00:26:12,113 --> 00:26:13,864 They are not official! 469 00:26:15,533 --> 00:26:19,078 Archie. Have I ever asked you for anything? 470 00:26:19,161 --> 00:26:21,789 - Yes, literally all the time. - Come on. 471 00:26:24,750 --> 00:26:26,836 This is really important to me. 472 00:26:26,919 --> 00:26:31,132 Why? What's the big deal about Billy bloody Walsh, anyway? 473 00:26:31,215 --> 00:26:33,718 So many other people would kill to take you to the ball. 474 00:26:33,801 --> 00:26:35,386 Like who? 475 00:26:44,895 --> 00:26:46,856 You really want to know why it's such a big deal? 476 00:26:50,318 --> 00:26:51,652 [sighs] 477 00:26:54,363 --> 00:26:57,783 [sighs] Because I've never had a boyfriend before. 478 00:26:57,867 --> 00:27:00,995 I mean, I'm 17 years old, for crying out loud, 479 00:27:01,078 --> 00:27:03,831 and I haven't even kissed anyone. 480 00:27:04,874 --> 00:27:10,296 I want to, you know, experience things before we finish school. 481 00:27:14,008 --> 00:27:16,927 And I want those experiences to be with Billy. 482 00:27:17,386 --> 00:27:18,929 Fuck, no! 483 00:27:21,974 --> 00:27:24,477 Look... [sighs] can I be honest with you? 484 00:27:25,311 --> 00:27:26,937 Always. 485 00:27:27,313 --> 00:27:29,106 We're part of an ecosystem, Milly, 486 00:27:29,190 --> 00:27:32,735 a food chain that exists, whether we like it or not. 487 00:27:32,818 --> 00:27:36,030 And I hate to say it, but we are at the bottom of it. 488 00:27:37,782 --> 00:27:39,533 Popular people go for popular people. 489 00:27:39,617 --> 00:27:41,660 Good-looking people go for good-looking people. 490 00:27:41,744 --> 00:27:43,579 Not people like me, and not people like you. 491 00:27:48,042 --> 00:27:50,920 I... I didn't mean... Milly! 492 00:27:51,003 --> 00:27:52,713 Milly, I... 493 00:27:58,761 --> 00:27:59,845 Shit. 494 00:28:24,912 --> 00:28:27,081 [chuckling] 495 00:28:30,751 --> 00:28:33,963 - Hey, Ru. - Hey. Archie. 496 00:28:34,046 --> 00:28:37,675 Who's your, um... friend? 497 00:28:38,300 --> 00:28:40,052 Oh, that's, uh, that's Maggie. 498 00:28:44,014 --> 00:28:46,016 Anyhoo, Amelia running late again? 499 00:28:46,100 --> 00:28:48,352 Oh, no, she's gone, Arch. She left early on her bike. 500 00:28:52,523 --> 00:28:53,691 Ah. 501 00:29:07,872 --> 00:29:10,458 [chandelier tinkles] 502 00:29:13,919 --> 00:29:15,254 [yelps] Fuck! 503 00:29:17,631 --> 00:29:18,841 [sighs] 504 00:29:32,021 --> 00:29:33,189 Bingo. 505 00:29:34,064 --> 00:29:35,357 [phone chimes] 506 00:29:42,364 --> 00:29:43,699 [phone chimes] 507 00:29:44,450 --> 00:29:45,618 Huh? 508 00:29:46,827 --> 00:29:48,579 [meowing] 509 00:29:52,333 --> 00:29:54,585 - [phone chimes] - [sighs] 510 00:29:58,547 --> 00:30:00,716 - Huh? - [bridge creaks] 511 00:30:01,300 --> 00:30:02,968 What the hell are you doing up there? 512 00:30:03,052 --> 00:30:04,553 [screams] 513 00:30:04,637 --> 00:30:06,013 Archie! 514 00:30:07,515 --> 00:30:09,517 - I'll do it. - Do what? 515 00:30:11,143 --> 00:30:14,188 - The Love Doctor. - [squeals] 516 00:30:15,731 --> 00:30:19,068 [Archie breathes heavily] 517 00:30:19,151 --> 00:30:21,403 [sighs] 518 00:30:21,487 --> 00:30:24,156 I was starting to think you were in love with me or something. 519 00:30:24,240 --> 00:30:26,659 [laughs] 520 00:30:31,872 --> 00:30:33,582 Are you? 521 00:30:35,251 --> 00:30:38,712 - What? - In love with me? 522 00:30:44,301 --> 00:30:47,930 - Ugh, gross, dude! - I was kidding, you geek. 523 00:30:48,013 --> 00:30:49,473 You're the geek. 524 00:30:50,641 --> 00:30:54,103 - Well, in that case... - [car approaches] 525 00:30:58,148 --> 00:31:01,110 - Hello, William. - Lovely to see you, Miss Brown. 526 00:31:01,777 --> 00:31:02,945 [Amelia chuckles] 527 00:31:04,572 --> 00:31:07,283 And with the passing of a piece of paper, 528 00:31:07,366 --> 00:31:09,410 - the love of my life was gone. - [car door slams] 529 00:31:10,411 --> 00:31:12,121 Hey! Hey, wait! 530 00:31:12,204 --> 00:31:14,248 - You forgot about me! - [car horn beeps] 531 00:31:15,499 --> 00:31:16,834 And with the Love Doctor's help, 532 00:31:16,917 --> 00:31:19,545 there'd be no stopping her conquest of Billy. 533 00:31:19,628 --> 00:31:21,422 See you tonight, Billy. 534 00:31:21,922 --> 00:31:24,717 - See you later, boys. - [boys] Bye, Amber. 535 00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:27,803 And, yes, he's on the rugby team, too. 536 00:31:28,429 --> 00:31:30,931 - Y'all are too horny, man. - [Tony laughs] 537 00:31:31,640 --> 00:31:35,561 - Whoops. - [boy] Tosser. [laughs] 538 00:31:35,644 --> 00:31:39,064 - Undeveloped dick syndrome. - What did you say? 539 00:31:52,161 --> 00:31:53,912 [pants] 540 00:31:54,622 --> 00:32:00,544 Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo? 541 00:32:03,964 --> 00:32:08,052 Mr Quigley, could you be our Romeo? 542 00:32:09,553 --> 00:32:10,971 Stand, boy! 543 00:32:11,055 --> 00:32:13,182 How do you expect to defeat the mighty Tybalt 544 00:32:13,265 --> 00:32:14,808 whilst hiding in the shadows? 545 00:32:14,892 --> 00:32:16,977 - I don't expect to... - [girls gasp] 546 00:32:21,148 --> 00:32:23,609 Geek versus Goliath. 547 00:32:23,692 --> 00:32:26,236 Miss Farthing, come along. 548 00:32:32,534 --> 00:32:37,414 Please, Romeo. Save me from this wretched beast. 549 00:32:40,626 --> 00:32:42,336 Suck it, Trent! 550 00:32:42,753 --> 00:32:44,421 [students gasp] 551 00:32:48,842 --> 00:32:50,469 [boys groan] 552 00:32:53,097 --> 00:32:54,807 [students laugh] 553 00:32:55,599 --> 00:32:56,975 [Trent groans] 554 00:33:04,858 --> 00:33:05,859 [sighs] 555 00:33:05,943 --> 00:33:08,529 Bravo! Bravo, dear Romeo. 556 00:33:08,862 --> 00:33:12,491 Not exactly a classical depiction of our Romeo, 557 00:33:12,574 --> 00:33:17,663 but behind the mask, it could be anyone. 558 00:33:17,746 --> 00:33:20,582 - [spotlight clicks] - It could be anyone. 559 00:33:20,666 --> 00:33:22,251 That's it! 560 00:34:40,037 --> 00:34:41,330 Whoa. 561 00:34:48,504 --> 00:34:49,630 Hmm... 562 00:34:49,713 --> 00:34:52,800 Maybe that's not quite right. 563 00:35:02,267 --> 00:35:03,727 {\an8}[gasps] 564 00:35:05,562 --> 00:35:08,649 [♪ "Weirdos" by Black Honey ♪] 565 00:35:14,238 --> 00:35:16,865 ♪ This is a song for the weirdos ♪ 566 00:35:16,949 --> 00:35:18,450 ♪ The anti-heroes ♪ 567 00:35:18,534 --> 00:35:21,912 ♪ Won't fit in if you tried ♪ 568 00:35:21,995 --> 00:35:24,373 ♪ A song for the freaks and the scumbags ♪ 569 00:35:24,456 --> 00:35:29,586 ♪ The good kids gone bad, live wild on the outside ♪ 570 00:35:29,670 --> 00:35:33,340 ♪ As heavy as Marlboro Red ♪ 571 00:35:33,423 --> 00:35:37,386 ♪ You're wondering who's your friend ♪ 572 00:35:37,469 --> 00:35:40,472 - Whoa! Whoo! - ♪ This is a song for... ♪ 573 00:35:40,556 --> 00:35:44,309 [mobility scooter beeps] 574 00:36:00,117 --> 00:36:02,578 [students chatter] 575 00:36:15,424 --> 00:36:17,885 What's up, buttercup? Sniffing my panties again? 576 00:36:17,968 --> 00:36:21,638 [chuckles] Hmm. 577 00:36:21,722 --> 00:36:23,599 No, seriously, what are you doing in my locker? 578 00:36:23,682 --> 00:36:24,850 - [Tony] Billy. - Throw the ball. 579 00:36:24,933 --> 00:36:26,435 [Tony] Go long. 580 00:36:34,526 --> 00:36:35,819 [gasps] 581 00:36:37,029 --> 00:36:38,196 Earth to Milly. 582 00:36:39,531 --> 00:36:40,699 Weekend reading. 583 00:36:43,201 --> 00:36:46,246 - Aw. - Hmm. [grunts] 584 00:36:46,330 --> 00:36:48,206 I need new friends. 585 00:36:56,548 --> 00:36:59,885 [chatter on TV] 586 00:37:03,931 --> 00:37:05,849 [laughter on TV] 587 00:37:16,234 --> 00:37:19,029 - [sighs] - [phone rings] 588 00:37:31,249 --> 00:37:34,294 - [exhales] OK. - [clears throat] 589 00:37:44,972 --> 00:37:46,473 [clears throat softly] 590 00:37:52,270 --> 00:37:53,605 I'm Amelia. 591 00:37:57,859 --> 00:37:58,860 What age... 592 00:37:58,944 --> 00:38:00,821 [voice changes] ...are you? 593 00:38:03,156 --> 00:38:06,118 - Eighteen. - You're sure? 594 00:38:06,201 --> 00:38:10,163 - My service isn't for children. - Yes, I'm sure. 595 00:38:16,086 --> 00:38:18,964 I want you to listen to me, Amelia. 596 00:38:19,047 --> 00:38:21,216 This isn't for the faint-hearted. 597 00:38:21,299 --> 00:38:22,676 It isn't for the weak, 598 00:38:22,759 --> 00:38:27,556 and it's going to require complete and absolute trust. 599 00:38:28,015 --> 00:38:31,601 Trust in me. Trust in my process. 600 00:38:31,685 --> 00:38:33,979 And trust in yourself. 601 00:38:37,858 --> 00:38:40,235 We are dealing with love. 602 00:38:40,819 --> 00:38:43,655 The most powerful of all the human emotions. 603 00:38:44,614 --> 00:38:47,534 The emotion that combines all others, 604 00:38:47,617 --> 00:38:49,161 pain, 605 00:38:49,244 --> 00:38:51,329 fear, 606 00:38:51,413 --> 00:38:53,040 sadness, 607 00:38:53,790 --> 00:38:55,125 joy... 608 00:38:56,376 --> 00:38:57,419 into one. 609 00:39:01,590 --> 00:39:03,925 Are you prepared to do exactly as I say, 610 00:39:04,009 --> 00:39:08,388 to do what needs to be done to win in the game of love? 611 00:39:10,265 --> 00:39:11,725 Yes. 612 00:39:17,481 --> 00:39:19,816 You know, you sound a lot like... 613 00:39:19,900 --> 00:39:22,652 Good. Now, um... 614 00:39:22,736 --> 00:39:24,321 Tell me about the young man in question 615 00:39:24,404 --> 00:39:28,492 and I'll give you all the steps to make him fall... hard. 616 00:39:32,245 --> 00:39:33,246 Well... 617 00:39:33,663 --> 00:39:36,208 He's got this stupid girl-slash-friend thing going on 618 00:39:36,249 --> 00:39:39,377 - with this moron called Amber. - Tell me about her. 619 00:39:39,461 --> 00:39:40,712 My best friend Archie and I 620 00:39:40,796 --> 00:39:42,464 call her and her friends the Eyebrow Crew 621 00:39:42,547 --> 00:39:44,299 because they have these huge eyebrows. 622 00:39:44,382 --> 00:39:45,842 Yes, very... Yeah, yeah, good. 623 00:39:45,926 --> 00:39:49,054 This is clearly what it will take to get noticed. 624 00:39:53,225 --> 00:39:56,269 - [girl gasps] - [laughter] 625 00:40:02,984 --> 00:40:04,986 [laughter continues] 626 00:40:19,209 --> 00:40:21,169 Oh, my God! 627 00:40:25,715 --> 00:40:27,217 [gasps] 628 00:40:29,553 --> 00:40:31,138 [laughter continues] 629 00:40:39,729 --> 00:40:41,106 ♪ Oh, dear ♪ 630 00:40:41,189 --> 00:40:42,816 [phone rings] 631 00:40:47,529 --> 00:40:49,656 What the hell happened? 632 00:40:49,739 --> 00:40:53,326 I'm going viral as Batface Girl! I want my money back! 633 00:40:53,410 --> 00:40:55,745 - Slow down, I... - Slow down? 634 00:40:56,830 --> 00:40:59,082 Now, you listen to me, old man. 635 00:40:59,457 --> 00:41:01,334 I have a very particular set of skills, 636 00:41:01,418 --> 00:41:04,462 skills I have acquired over a very long career, 637 00:41:04,546 --> 00:41:08,216 skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. 638 00:41:08,925 --> 00:41:13,180 Are you quoting, um... oh... 639 00:41:13,263 --> 00:41:14,431 Liam Neeson? 640 00:41:16,725 --> 00:41:18,768 Didn't think you'd have seen that one. 641 00:41:19,936 --> 00:41:22,147 But the point remains the same. 642 00:41:22,772 --> 00:41:27,444 I will hunt you down and break your heart like you have mine, 643 00:41:27,527 --> 00:41:31,573 and it won't be metaphorical unless you fix this. 644 00:41:31,656 --> 00:41:33,783 OK, firstly, I haven't taken any money from you. 645 00:41:33,867 --> 00:41:36,536 This was a no-win, no-fee situation. 646 00:41:36,620 --> 00:41:39,456 And, secondly, tell me exactly what happened. 647 00:41:39,539 --> 00:41:41,625 I went into school with my new eyebrows, 648 00:41:41,708 --> 00:41:44,920 exactly as you instructed. 649 00:41:45,003 --> 00:41:47,047 But... [sighs] 650 00:41:49,507 --> 00:41:51,801 ...everyone just laughed at me. 651 00:41:53,595 --> 00:41:55,680 And... [sighs] 652 00:41:55,764 --> 00:41:58,225 Penny tripped over and spilled juice on my face 653 00:41:58,308 --> 00:42:00,185 and Billy came... 654 00:42:03,647 --> 00:42:06,399 - Billy came and saw me. - Perfect. 655 00:42:06,483 --> 00:42:09,569 - I know... Wait, what? - What? 656 00:42:09,653 --> 00:42:11,321 Uh, oh, um... 657 00:42:12,906 --> 00:42:18,203 Billy, um... Billy noticed you? 658 00:42:20,121 --> 00:42:21,498 Yes, but he... 659 00:42:21,581 --> 00:42:23,833 There's no such thing as bad press, Amelia. 660 00:42:23,917 --> 00:42:27,963 Before today, Billy Walsh didn't even know you existed. 661 00:42:28,046 --> 00:42:31,341 Your relationship with him was entirely inside your own head. 662 00:42:31,424 --> 00:42:34,094 Now he knows exactly who you are. 663 00:42:34,177 --> 00:42:36,304 Batface Girl. 664 00:42:36,388 --> 00:42:39,432 You're like a superhero, 665 00:42:39,516 --> 00:42:41,309 and he's never going to forget it. 666 00:42:43,144 --> 00:42:44,646 [sighs] Yeah. 667 00:42:46,356 --> 00:42:50,986 Now that he's seen you, it's time for you to see him. 668 00:42:51,069 --> 00:42:53,571 Eye contact is vital. 669 00:42:53,655 --> 00:42:59,119 The more you stare, the more you will bore into his soul. 670 00:43:16,052 --> 00:43:18,305 [Amelia grunts] 671 00:43:34,154 --> 00:43:35,113 [gasps] 672 00:43:37,699 --> 00:43:38,825 Oh! 673 00:43:39,409 --> 00:43:41,494 [Archie as Love Doctor] Make him jealous. 674 00:43:43,371 --> 00:43:47,417 - And I mean really jealous. - [boys chatter] 675 00:43:47,959 --> 00:43:50,837 - I need to kiss you. - I need you not to! 676 00:43:57,719 --> 00:43:58,720 [sighs] 677 00:43:59,262 --> 00:44:04,184 - [girls laugh] - What is she even doing? 678 00:44:04,267 --> 00:44:07,103 - Can't believe it. Oh, God. - She is so desperate. 679 00:44:07,187 --> 00:44:09,731 - Her stupid fucking trousers. - [laughs] 680 00:44:09,814 --> 00:44:10,982 Looks like a midlife crisis. 681 00:44:11,066 --> 00:44:13,693 [Amber] Don't get me started on the hair. What has she used? 682 00:44:13,777 --> 00:44:16,821 - Gorilla Glue? - [girl laughs loudly] 683 00:44:17,364 --> 00:44:19,032 It's not that funny. 684 00:44:21,284 --> 00:44:24,913 So, how's it going with you know who? 685 00:44:25,789 --> 00:44:28,249 [Amber] He's coming to mine this weekend, 686 00:44:28,333 --> 00:44:30,919 and I plan on making it hashtag official, 687 00:44:31,002 --> 00:44:33,254 - if you know what I mean. - [squeals] 688 00:44:33,338 --> 00:44:36,841 - Let's go. - [door opens] 689 00:44:48,144 --> 00:44:52,565 I wouldn't go so far as to call myself a genius, but I am. 690 00:44:56,653 --> 00:44:58,905 ♪ You want me, I want you, baby ♪ 691 00:44:58,988 --> 00:45:02,784 - ♪ My sugarboo, I'm levitating ♪ - What up, chuckles? 692 00:45:02,867 --> 00:45:04,411 The Love Doctor didn't tell you to... 693 00:45:04,536 --> 00:45:06,996 - What? - Did he tell you...? 694 00:45:07,080 --> 00:45:09,040 Well, he didn't tell me not to do it. 695 00:45:09,082 --> 00:45:11,167 Besides, I feel pretty damn good. 696 00:45:11,251 --> 00:45:14,170 - Looking good, Miss Brown. - Thank you, William. 697 00:45:14,838 --> 00:45:16,673 Bugger, bugger, bugger. 698 00:45:16,756 --> 00:45:18,466 [♪ "About Damn Time" by Lizzo ♪] 699 00:45:25,140 --> 00:45:28,768 ♪ It's bad bitch o'clock, yeah, it's thick-thirty ♪ 700 00:45:28,852 --> 00:45:29,894 [boys cheering] 701 00:45:29,978 --> 00:45:34,023 ♪ I've been through a lot, but I'm still flirty ♪ 702 00:45:34,107 --> 00:45:35,984 ♪ Is everybody back up in the building? ♪ 703 00:45:36,067 --> 00:45:38,027 ♪ It's been a minute, tell me how you're healing ♪ 704 00:45:38,111 --> 00:45:40,613 What the fuck is going on? 705 00:45:40,697 --> 00:45:43,575 ♪ How you feeling? How you feel right now? ♪ 706 00:45:43,658 --> 00:45:48,371 ♪ Oh, I've been so down and under pressure ♪ 707 00:45:49,414 --> 00:45:52,167 ♪ I'm way too fine to be this stressed, yeah ♪ 708 00:45:52,542 --> 00:45:58,548 ♪ Oh, I'm not the girl I was or used to be ♪ 709 00:45:58,631 --> 00:46:00,884 ♪ Uh, bitch, I might be better ♪ 710 00:46:00,967 --> 00:46:05,096 ♪ Turn up the music, turn down the lights ♪ 711 00:46:05,180 --> 00:46:08,933 ♪ I got a feeling I'm gon' be all right ♪ 712 00:46:09,017 --> 00:46:11,227 - ♪ OK ♪ - ♪ OK ♪ 713 00:46:11,311 --> 00:46:13,897 ♪ All right, it's about damn time ♪ 714 00:46:13,980 --> 00:46:18,526 ♪ Turn up the music, let's celebrate ♪ 715 00:46:18,610 --> 00:46:21,779 ♪ I got feeling I'm gon' be OK ♪ 716 00:46:21,863 --> 00:46:23,323 - [boys gasp] - ♪ OK ♪ 717 00:46:23,406 --> 00:46:24,574 ♪ OK ♪ 718 00:46:24,657 --> 00:46:26,868 ♪ All right, it's about damn time ♪ 719 00:46:26,951 --> 00:46:28,411 [boys] Oh... 720 00:46:28,495 --> 00:46:30,497 ♪ In a minute, I'mma need a sentimental man or woman ♪ 721 00:46:30,580 --> 00:46:31,581 ♪ To pump me up ♪ 722 00:46:31,664 --> 00:46:34,167 ♪ Feeling fussy, walking in my Balenciussys... ♪ 723 00:46:34,250 --> 00:46:37,670 - [car engine revs] - [gasps] 724 00:46:37,754 --> 00:46:40,965 - [groans] - [laughter] 725 00:46:41,049 --> 00:46:45,595 Oh, she got creamed. Smile, Splat-Face Girl. 726 00:46:46,054 --> 00:46:47,055 [sighs] 727 00:46:50,266 --> 00:46:53,311 [students chatter] 728 00:46:54,687 --> 00:46:56,731 - Hey. You OK? - [girl] So embarrassing. 729 00:47:05,448 --> 00:47:06,908 How many fingers am I holding up? 730 00:47:07,700 --> 00:47:10,453 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 731 00:47:10,537 --> 00:47:12,080 It's OK. 732 00:47:12,163 --> 00:47:14,624 She's OK. I'll, um... I'll take it from here. 733 00:47:14,707 --> 00:47:15,833 Thanks, big man. 734 00:47:15,917 --> 00:47:18,211 Well, I think she should probably still see a nurse. 735 00:47:18,294 --> 00:47:20,588 - [Amelia gasps] - Yeah, I got it. 736 00:47:21,923 --> 00:47:23,633 You forgot your pencil. 737 00:47:35,603 --> 00:47:37,313 So, Batface Girl, 738 00:47:37,397 --> 00:47:39,941 Savoy and hot dogs or tent and fear farts? 739 00:47:47,407 --> 00:47:49,117 Do we know you? 740 00:47:50,660 --> 00:47:52,787 Uh, well... 741 00:47:53,496 --> 00:47:56,332 we have been in the same school 742 00:47:56,416 --> 00:48:02,088 and year and classes for almost seven years now, but... no. 743 00:48:02,672 --> 00:48:05,550 - I guess not. - Oh. 744 00:48:05,967 --> 00:48:09,554 How funny. Didn't even know you existed. 745 00:48:11,681 --> 00:48:14,267 Or you, Alan. 746 00:48:15,268 --> 00:48:18,605 It's Archie, but don't worry about it. 747 00:48:22,650 --> 00:48:24,068 So here's the thing. 748 00:48:26,904 --> 00:48:29,616 We saw you talking to Billy earlier, didn't we, girls? 749 00:48:29,699 --> 00:48:31,909 [girls] Hm-hmm. 750 00:48:33,703 --> 00:48:36,456 Well, I fell and cut my knee and he... 751 00:48:36,539 --> 00:48:37,624 Aw. 752 00:48:38,499 --> 00:48:41,753 - Poor little goose. - [girl laughs] 753 00:48:43,921 --> 00:48:46,549 Billy's my boyfriend. 754 00:48:46,633 --> 00:48:48,468 And we're going to the ball together. 755 00:48:49,636 --> 00:48:53,014 - He's asked you? - Face it. 756 00:48:53,097 --> 00:48:55,600 He's out of your league. 757 00:48:55,683 --> 00:48:58,353 Even with your vagina on show. 758 00:48:58,436 --> 00:49:01,230 [laughter] 759 00:49:09,405 --> 00:49:11,532 If I threw a stick, Amber, would you chase it? 760 00:49:15,036 --> 00:49:16,412 Excuse me? 761 00:49:17,038 --> 00:49:20,249 - You heard me. - [boy] Oh... 762 00:49:20,333 --> 00:49:23,044 Sorry, my ears don't understand nerd. 763 00:49:23,127 --> 00:49:25,046 - [laughter] - Well, let me be clear then. 764 00:49:25,129 --> 00:49:28,800 We value your opinion about as much as we value a white crayon. 765 00:49:28,883 --> 00:49:30,760 [students] Ooh! 766 00:49:30,843 --> 00:49:32,136 [girl] Oh, Amber. 767 00:49:34,097 --> 00:49:38,476 Mummy and Daddy might have all the money in the world, Alan. 768 00:49:38,559 --> 00:49:40,853 But clearly, it doesn't buy taste. 769 00:49:40,937 --> 00:49:42,855 [laughter] 770 00:49:45,358 --> 00:49:47,819 Look, Amber, I'm sorry. 771 00:49:48,319 --> 00:49:50,405 It's not that I don't like you, it's just that 772 00:49:50,488 --> 00:49:52,448 if you were on life support, I'd unplug you 773 00:49:52,532 --> 00:49:56,703 - to charge my third phone. - [laughter] 774 00:49:57,662 --> 00:49:59,997 Why don't you spend less time worrying about us 775 00:50:00,081 --> 00:50:02,041 and more time worrying about your eyebrows? 776 00:50:02,125 --> 00:50:03,710 [laughter] 777 00:50:03,793 --> 00:50:05,420 [gasps] 778 00:50:07,171 --> 00:50:09,257 [students gasp] 779 00:50:15,179 --> 00:50:17,724 Come, Amelia. We've got geography. 780 00:50:18,891 --> 00:50:20,935 And these bitches are history. 781 00:50:27,817 --> 00:50:31,154 - Mashface Girl! - [laughter] 782 00:50:37,285 --> 00:50:40,663 - [Amelia laughs] - Whoo! 783 00:50:40,747 --> 00:50:42,540 [laughs] 784 00:50:43,541 --> 00:50:46,169 "Stop worrying about us 785 00:50:46,252 --> 00:50:49,797 and start worrying more about your eyebrows!" 786 00:50:50,590 --> 00:50:52,717 I may have said that one a few times in the mirror. 787 00:50:53,593 --> 00:50:56,596 That was literally the best thing anyone's ever done for me. 788 00:50:56,679 --> 00:50:59,557 [scoffs] Nothing you wouldn't have done for me. 789 00:51:00,016 --> 00:51:02,310 [laughs] 790 00:51:02,852 --> 00:51:06,189 - Ugh! - [both laugh] 791 00:51:18,367 --> 00:51:19,327 [Billy] Amelia! 792 00:51:22,246 --> 00:51:23,539 Hey. 793 00:51:25,708 --> 00:51:28,961 I'm glad I caught up with you. Er, hey, man. 794 00:51:29,045 --> 00:51:31,088 What you did in there was super awesome. 795 00:51:31,172 --> 00:51:33,674 Aw, how sweet. You can drown now. 796 00:51:36,344 --> 00:51:38,137 It's Amelia, right? 797 00:51:40,515 --> 00:51:45,102 Listen, I know we don't know each other, 798 00:51:45,186 --> 00:51:50,566 but I've seen you around a lot and we've never spoken, but... 799 00:51:52,235 --> 00:51:53,903 do you want to go to dinner sometime? 800 00:51:55,738 --> 00:51:58,491 - What about Amber? - I always preferred the people 801 00:51:58,574 --> 00:52:00,993 that get milkshakes thrown on them, 802 00:52:01,077 --> 00:52:03,162 rather than the ones doing the throwing. 803 00:52:05,581 --> 00:52:08,084 - What do you say? - Yes. Yes, definitely. 804 00:52:09,669 --> 00:52:12,296 I mean, maybe. 805 00:52:15,049 --> 00:52:17,176 Yes, I'm in. 806 00:52:18,469 --> 00:52:20,346 Cool. 807 00:52:20,429 --> 00:52:24,809 - Uh, I'll pick you up tonight. - [chuckles] Yeah. 808 00:52:25,810 --> 00:52:28,437 See you later. Later, dude. 809 00:52:28,521 --> 00:52:30,773 Later, dickhead. 810 00:52:31,816 --> 00:52:34,569 [squeals] 811 00:52:36,571 --> 00:52:40,741 ♪ I look hot in it, hot in it, I look hot in it ♪ 812 00:52:40,825 --> 00:52:42,869 ♪ I'm gon' be rocking it, dropping it ♪ 813 00:52:42,952 --> 00:52:46,497 ♪ Shake my ass, no stopping it, I look hot in it, hot in it ♪ 814 00:52:46,581 --> 00:52:47,874 ♪ I look hot in it ♪ 815 00:52:47,999 --> 00:52:50,167 ♪ Tonight I'm gon' be rocking it, dropping it ♪ 816 00:52:50,251 --> 00:52:51,377 ♪ Shake my ass, no stopping it ♪ 817 00:52:51,460 --> 00:52:52,503 Nope. 818 00:52:52,587 --> 00:52:55,673 ♪ I look hot in it, hot in it, I look hot in it ♪ 819 00:52:55,756 --> 00:52:57,800 ♪ Tonight I'm gon' be rocking it, dropping it ♪ 820 00:52:57,884 --> 00:52:59,385 - Yes! - ♪ Shake my... ♪ 821 00:52:59,468 --> 00:53:01,178 [sighs] 822 00:53:02,054 --> 00:53:03,556 [sighs] 823 00:53:03,639 --> 00:53:06,225 - [phone rings] - Fuck's sake. 824 00:53:16,319 --> 00:53:17,653 [exhales] 825 00:53:17,737 --> 00:53:20,239 I'm panicking. I need your help. 826 00:53:20,323 --> 00:53:24,493 He asked me on a date. A date! He asked me. 827 00:53:26,495 --> 00:53:29,707 You are a genius, Love Doctor. 828 00:53:30,791 --> 00:53:33,586 [snores] 829 00:53:33,669 --> 00:53:35,212 [Amelia] Love Doctor? 830 00:53:37,256 --> 00:53:38,341 Love Doctor? 831 00:53:39,383 --> 00:53:42,386 - Love Doctor? - A date? 832 00:53:44,472 --> 00:53:46,349 Yes, a, um... 833 00:53:47,767 --> 00:53:49,268 a date is a great idea. 834 00:53:49,352 --> 00:53:50,937 [chuckles] 835 00:53:51,020 --> 00:53:53,648 This is where you have to put it all on the line. 836 00:53:55,399 --> 00:53:57,985 - What do you mean? - It's not going to be easy. 837 00:53:58,069 --> 00:54:00,404 But if you truly love... 838 00:54:02,448 --> 00:54:04,909 Billy Walsh, 839 00:54:04,992 --> 00:54:07,203 I'll tell you exactly what you need to do 840 00:54:07,286 --> 00:54:08,996 to make sure he loves you back. 841 00:54:09,080 --> 00:54:11,832 Tell me. I'll do whatever you say. 842 00:54:11,916 --> 00:54:17,546 The meaner you treat him, the keener you'll keep him. 843 00:54:20,174 --> 00:54:24,220 Billy Walsh will be like putty in your hands. 844 00:54:26,514 --> 00:54:29,725 It's human nature 101. 845 00:54:39,235 --> 00:54:41,070 The meaner you are to Billy Walsh, 846 00:54:41,153 --> 00:54:43,948 and anyone else in the restaurant, for that matter, 847 00:54:44,031 --> 00:54:45,324 the better. 848 00:54:49,120 --> 00:54:50,538 Er... 849 00:54:52,331 --> 00:54:54,500 What is this, the 1950s? 850 00:54:55,710 --> 00:54:57,503 Take this away. 851 00:54:58,337 --> 00:55:00,297 And get me a beer! 852 00:55:12,018 --> 00:55:14,186 - So... - So what? 853 00:55:14,270 --> 00:55:17,314 Uh... so, you like beer? 854 00:55:20,526 --> 00:55:23,320 - Love it. - Cool. 855 00:55:23,404 --> 00:55:25,948 I guess this doesn't matter. 856 00:55:26,824 --> 00:55:32,204 Er, so, tell me about yourself, Billy boy. 857 00:55:32,288 --> 00:55:34,707 What brings you to the United Kingdom? 858 00:55:34,790 --> 00:55:37,835 AKA England. 859 00:55:39,086 --> 00:55:42,757 Er, my father, actually. He's a... 860 00:55:45,342 --> 00:55:46,969 Ooh. 861 00:55:47,053 --> 00:55:50,931 He's actually a... [clears throat] importer and exporter. 862 00:55:56,645 --> 00:55:58,105 What time do you get off tonight? 863 00:55:59,940 --> 00:56:01,192 Er... 864 00:56:04,528 --> 00:56:06,989 Around 11. Once I've done the bins. 865 00:56:07,490 --> 00:56:10,201 Good to know, cutie. 866 00:56:10,910 --> 00:56:12,661 [chuckles awkwardly] 867 00:56:15,039 --> 00:56:18,709 Hey, you OK? 868 00:56:19,210 --> 00:56:20,711 Never better. 869 00:56:22,213 --> 00:56:24,590 [slurps] 870 00:56:25,174 --> 00:56:26,592 [gulps] 871 00:56:36,685 --> 00:56:40,564 So you're a swim team captain, 872 00:56:40,648 --> 00:56:45,444 rugby captain, and you're an A-star student? 873 00:56:45,528 --> 00:56:48,656 What, were you made in a lab? 874 00:56:49,448 --> 00:56:51,784 I bet your parents worship the ground 875 00:56:51,867 --> 00:56:53,786 that Golden Balls walks on. 876 00:56:53,869 --> 00:56:55,287 It's not like that. 877 00:56:55,788 --> 00:56:58,332 And to top it all off, let me guess. 878 00:56:59,166 --> 00:57:01,585 Your parents are happily married 879 00:57:01,669 --> 00:57:04,338 and they have been since they met at that high school dance 880 00:57:04,421 --> 00:57:06,090 35 years ago. 881 00:57:06,173 --> 00:57:09,051 [scoffs] What a cliché. 882 00:57:09,760 --> 00:57:11,137 You know what? 883 00:57:14,640 --> 00:57:16,016 Tonight was a mistake. 884 00:57:16,100 --> 00:57:17,810 You're not the person I thought you were. 885 00:57:21,397 --> 00:57:23,149 [door opens] 886 00:57:25,985 --> 00:57:28,612 - [door opens] - Call me! 887 00:57:54,513 --> 00:57:55,848 [groans] 888 00:58:08,485 --> 00:58:10,696 You know, I've been judged my entire life. 889 00:58:10,779 --> 00:58:12,698 People have looked at me and figured it must be 890 00:58:12,781 --> 00:58:14,909 the easiest thing in the world being Billy Walsh. 891 00:58:14,992 --> 00:58:16,535 - I... - And that it's inconceivable 892 00:58:16,619 --> 00:58:19,538 for me to somehow feel any hardship or sadness. 893 00:58:20,122 --> 00:58:21,624 - That's not a... - You don't know 894 00:58:21,707 --> 00:58:23,834 that I haven't shared a conversation with my dad 895 00:58:23,918 --> 00:58:25,127 in the past five years 896 00:58:25,211 --> 00:58:28,464 about anything other than sports or scholarships. 897 00:58:29,673 --> 00:58:30,841 And ever since my mom died, 898 00:58:30,925 --> 00:58:32,635 he has been so consumed by his own pain 899 00:58:32,718 --> 00:58:34,637 he is completely oblivious to mine. 900 00:58:35,346 --> 00:58:38,474 And you don't know that because you don't know me. 901 00:58:38,557 --> 00:58:40,976 And just like everybody else, you don't want to. 902 00:58:46,607 --> 00:58:48,817 Tonight was a mistake. 903 00:58:48,901 --> 00:58:50,527 I just wanna say... 904 00:58:53,781 --> 00:58:56,867 you have the most incredible bone structure. 905 00:58:56,951 --> 00:58:58,410 [scoffs] 906 00:59:01,455 --> 00:59:03,666 [turns engine on] 907 00:59:14,635 --> 00:59:16,887 [indistinct chatter] 908 00:59:21,433 --> 00:59:23,352 - [sighs] - [tannoy feedback] 909 00:59:23,435 --> 00:59:25,896 [Amelia] Hello, everyone. 910 00:59:25,980 --> 00:59:29,149 My name is Amelia Elizabeth Brown. 911 00:59:29,233 --> 00:59:30,901 Shit. 912 00:59:30,985 --> 00:59:33,529 And last night, I misjudged someone. 913 00:59:34,321 --> 00:59:38,284 Someone who had the bravery to show me who they really are. 914 00:59:38,367 --> 00:59:41,412 To show me their scars, so... 915 00:59:41,495 --> 00:59:44,331 now I'm going to show you mine. 916 00:59:45,916 --> 00:59:49,169 OK, I'll start at the beginning. 917 00:59:50,421 --> 00:59:51,797 When I was three, 918 00:59:52,214 --> 00:59:55,592 we were stuck in traffic on the way to Disneyland 919 00:59:55,676 --> 00:59:59,346 and I had to go to the bathroom, like, now. 920 01:00:00,097 --> 01:00:02,516 My parents told me to go on the side of the motorway, 921 01:00:02,599 --> 01:00:04,018 thinking it was just a number one. 922 01:00:04,101 --> 01:00:05,144 [laughter] 923 01:00:05,227 --> 01:00:07,646 - So, I got out... - Huh? 924 01:00:07,730 --> 01:00:09,732 ...dutifully squatted down 925 01:00:09,815 --> 01:00:11,734 and took a huge dump on the hard shoulder. 926 01:00:11,817 --> 01:00:14,069 [laughter] 927 01:00:15,237 --> 01:00:17,573 Amelia Brown's officially having a mental breakdown. 928 01:00:19,241 --> 01:00:20,451 [Amelia] When I was four, 929 01:00:20,534 --> 01:00:22,619 my family and I went to Edinburgh 930 01:00:22,703 --> 01:00:25,539 and decided to go to the botanical gardens. 931 01:00:25,581 --> 01:00:28,292 I was drawn to these giant lily pads. 932 01:00:28,375 --> 01:00:32,212 I had memories of watching frogs jump on them in Disney movies 933 01:00:32,296 --> 01:00:34,089 and thought it would be an excellent idea 934 01:00:34,173 --> 01:00:37,593 to try and hop onto one to see if it could hold my weight. 935 01:00:37,676 --> 01:00:40,304 [sniffs] I hate these fucking kids. 936 01:00:40,387 --> 01:00:41,889 It didn't. 937 01:00:42,973 --> 01:00:45,559 OK, this is a good one. 938 01:00:45,642 --> 01:00:47,603 When I was five, 939 01:00:47,686 --> 01:00:51,148 I stood on a wasps' nest while playing hide and seek. 940 01:00:51,857 --> 01:00:55,486 I was wearing a skirt and got stung on my vagina. 941 01:00:55,569 --> 01:00:56,570 [laughter] 942 01:00:56,653 --> 01:01:01,575 - Hashtag swollen lips. - This is gold. [laughs] 943 01:01:01,658 --> 01:01:04,453 Hashtag officially ruined. 944 01:01:05,162 --> 01:01:06,538 [emojis giggle] 945 01:01:06,622 --> 01:01:09,249 [loud chatter] 946 01:01:24,681 --> 01:01:27,643 You know, when I was eight, 947 01:01:27,726 --> 01:01:30,354 my mum, she wanted me to go to the Girl Guides. 948 01:01:30,813 --> 01:01:33,565 I really didn't want to go. 949 01:01:35,401 --> 01:01:38,278 But she took me there anyway. 950 01:01:39,613 --> 01:01:42,074 And before I got out of the car... 951 01:01:44,159 --> 01:01:46,412 I told her that I hated her. 952 01:01:52,084 --> 01:01:55,379 A few days later, she got sick 953 01:01:56,130 --> 01:01:58,132 and was taken into hospital. 954 01:02:00,384 --> 01:02:01,969 When I was nine, 955 01:02:03,929 --> 01:02:06,682 my mum still wasn't out of hospital. 956 01:02:12,604 --> 01:02:16,024 And when I was ten, she died. 957 01:02:16,150 --> 01:02:18,569 [cries quietly] 958 01:02:23,031 --> 01:02:25,492 When I was 11, 959 01:02:25,576 --> 01:02:28,787 my dad brought a mannequin home from work 960 01:02:28,871 --> 01:02:31,748 and started dancing with it in our living room. 961 01:02:31,832 --> 01:02:33,834 Milly! 962 01:02:33,917 --> 01:02:36,503 Milly, stop. You don't have to do this. 963 01:02:45,304 --> 01:02:50,851 When I was 12, I developed a massive crush on Justin Bieber. 964 01:02:51,852 --> 01:02:53,687 And when I was 13, I stuck a picture of him 965 01:02:53,770 --> 01:02:55,898 - onto my dad's mannequin... - [boy] She's in here! 966 01:02:55,981 --> 01:02:58,984 - ...and practised kissing it. - [students laugh] 967 01:03:12,748 --> 01:03:16,835 I think it's safe to say that now, standing here, 968 01:03:16,919 --> 01:03:18,962 watching Milly reveal the most embarrassing, 969 01:03:19,046 --> 01:03:21,590 most horrific parts of her life, 970 01:03:21,673 --> 01:03:23,634 I may have taken this a little too far. 971 01:03:26,094 --> 01:03:28,514 [students jeer and chatter] 972 01:03:30,265 --> 01:03:34,436 When I was 14, I started padding my bra with tissue paper. 973 01:03:46,698 --> 01:03:50,077 I heard somewhere along the way that if you love someone, 974 01:03:50,160 --> 01:03:52,538 you have to set them free. 975 01:03:52,621 --> 01:03:54,748 [sighs] It's a hard concept to understand 976 01:03:54,831 --> 01:03:57,334 unless you've been where I am right now. 977 01:04:02,881 --> 01:04:05,008 And when I was 15, 978 01:04:06,843 --> 01:04:09,846 I started to get worried that I'd never been kissed. 979 01:04:09,930 --> 01:04:12,099 [Archie] But maybe that is exactly what I have to do. 980 01:04:12,975 --> 01:04:14,476 I have to set Amelia Brown... 981 01:04:14,560 --> 01:04:17,980 - ♪ When I look into your eyes ♪ - free. 982 01:04:18,063 --> 01:04:19,439 When I was 17... 983 01:04:19,523 --> 01:04:20,899 ♪ It's like watching the night ♪ 984 01:04:20,983 --> 01:04:24,570 - [fire extinguisher hisses] - [screaming] 985 01:04:25,070 --> 01:04:29,199 ♪ Or a beautiful sunrise ♪ 986 01:04:30,450 --> 01:04:32,411 ♪ Well, there's so much they hold ♪ 987 01:04:32,494 --> 01:04:35,122 [fire alarm rings] 988 01:04:36,123 --> 01:04:41,336 ♪ And just like them old stars ♪ 989 01:04:41,420 --> 01:04:46,425 ♪ I see that you've come so far ♪ 990 01:04:46,508 --> 01:04:50,804 ♪ To be right where you are ♪ 991 01:04:51,638 --> 01:04:55,809 ♪ How old is your soul? ♪ 992 01:04:57,227 --> 01:05:00,063 ♪ Well, I won't give up on... ♪ 993 01:05:00,147 --> 01:05:02,733 I'm still 17 years old. 994 01:05:02,816 --> 01:05:07,779 - ♪ Even if the skies get rough ♪ - And I'm about to graduate. 995 01:05:07,863 --> 01:05:13,076 ♪ I'm giving you all my love ♪ 996 01:05:13,160 --> 01:05:16,496 ♪ I'm still looking up ♪ 997 01:05:18,457 --> 01:05:22,669 ♪ And when you're needing your space ♪ 998 01:05:23,795 --> 01:05:26,006 ♪ To do some navigating ♪ 999 01:05:26,089 --> 01:05:28,800 And I've still never kissed anyone. 1000 01:05:29,509 --> 01:05:34,264 ♪ I'll be here patiently waiting ♪ 1001 01:05:34,348 --> 01:05:37,851 ♪ To see what you find ♪ 1002 01:05:37,934 --> 01:05:39,686 [gasps] 1003 01:05:39,770 --> 01:05:43,523 ♪ Cos even the stars, they burn ♪ 1004 01:05:43,607 --> 01:05:44,941 [laughs] 1005 01:05:45,025 --> 01:05:50,364 ♪ Some even fall to the earth ♪ 1006 01:05:50,447 --> 01:05:52,157 - ♪ We got... ♪ - No! 1007 01:05:52,699 --> 01:05:55,535 Detention! Forever! 1008 01:05:55,619 --> 01:05:57,245 Perverts! 1009 01:06:07,381 --> 01:06:09,091 Don't stop, William. 1010 01:06:13,136 --> 01:06:15,972 [indistinct chatter] 1011 01:06:16,056 --> 01:06:17,974 [shouting] 1012 01:06:18,058 --> 01:06:23,438 ♪ If I were you, I would open my curtains ♪ 1013 01:06:23,522 --> 01:06:27,067 [boy grunts] No, no, no! [groans] 1014 01:06:27,150 --> 01:06:32,739 ♪ If I were you, I would have a look outside ♪ 1015 01:06:32,823 --> 01:06:35,575 [mouths] 1016 01:06:36,576 --> 01:06:38,370 ♪ Put on my shoes ♪ 1017 01:06:38,453 --> 01:06:42,791 ♪ And leave this sunken room behind ♪ 1018 01:06:42,874 --> 01:06:45,293 ♪ And I would drive ♪ 1019 01:06:45,377 --> 01:06:48,630 [boys chant] 1020 01:06:55,053 --> 01:06:59,891 ♪ And on my way, I would visit your mother ♪ 1021 01:07:02,519 --> 01:07:04,062 Wait till you see what I do with these. 1022 01:07:04,146 --> 01:07:09,526 ♪ If I were you, I would ask about her life ♪ 1023 01:07:13,530 --> 01:07:15,449 ♪ Maybe you'll find... ♪ 1024 01:07:15,532 --> 01:07:17,075 [chuckles] 1025 01:07:17,159 --> 01:07:19,453 You know, I might be one of the only people in the universe 1026 01:07:19,536 --> 01:07:22,956 who doesn't like popcorn or milk chocolate balls. 1027 01:07:23,749 --> 01:07:25,959 - More for me. - OK. 1028 01:07:26,042 --> 01:07:28,044 [chuckles] 1029 01:07:28,128 --> 01:07:30,088 [cheering] 1030 01:07:31,590 --> 01:07:33,508 This is the best part. You don't wanna miss it! 1031 01:07:35,302 --> 01:07:37,262 - [audience gasps] - [farts] 1032 01:07:39,890 --> 01:07:42,517 - I'm sorry. - Did you just fart? 1033 01:07:42,601 --> 01:07:44,186 Um, no. 1034 01:07:45,020 --> 01:07:47,481 It... It was a fear fart. 1035 01:07:47,564 --> 01:07:49,816 Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed. 1036 01:07:50,609 --> 01:07:53,737 - [crashing in film] - [cheering] 1037 01:08:14,174 --> 01:08:15,550 [phone chimes] 1038 01:08:18,762 --> 01:08:22,891 ♪ Who knows how long we got? ♪ 1039 01:08:23,642 --> 01:08:25,644 [phone rings] 1040 01:08:25,727 --> 01:08:30,232 ♪ As long as I am breathing ♪ 1041 01:08:30,899 --> 01:08:36,571 ♪ Know it's not too late to love ♪ 1042 01:08:39,199 --> 01:08:41,159 [phone continues ringing] 1043 01:09:16,236 --> 01:09:18,363 - [school bell rings] - [cheering] 1044 01:09:23,243 --> 01:09:25,120 How are you holding up? 1045 01:09:25,203 --> 01:09:27,163 I won't be needing that, that's for sure. 1046 01:09:27,205 --> 01:09:28,540 [William grunts] 1047 01:09:33,086 --> 01:09:34,546 [sighs] 1048 01:09:43,680 --> 01:09:44,890 [Archie] Wow. 1049 01:09:46,892 --> 01:09:48,977 [gasps] Whoa. 1050 01:09:51,813 --> 01:09:54,107 [Rupert] All well out there in the universe? 1051 01:10:01,156 --> 01:10:02,782 Ready for your big day tomorrow? 1052 01:10:08,288 --> 01:10:09,456 [Rupert sighs] 1053 01:10:18,256 --> 01:10:19,507 [Rupert groans] 1054 01:10:21,426 --> 01:10:23,094 [exhales] 1055 01:10:31,019 --> 01:10:35,774 Can I ask you something about Mum? 1056 01:10:36,691 --> 01:10:38,068 Always. 1057 01:10:40,570 --> 01:10:44,282 How did you know that, you know, she was the one? 1058 01:10:44,950 --> 01:10:46,952 Oh, that was easy. 1059 01:10:47,827 --> 01:10:49,913 She was the only girl in university who wanted me. 1060 01:10:49,996 --> 01:10:51,915 - [scoffs] Dad! - [laughs] 1061 01:10:51,998 --> 01:10:55,335 - No, I'm serious. - [sighs] 1062 01:10:56,711 --> 01:10:58,755 OK, well, um... 1063 01:10:58,838 --> 01:11:02,467 she had this beat-up old Volkswagen. 1064 01:11:02,550 --> 01:11:07,430 One day, she broke down right outside the university gates. 1065 01:11:07,514 --> 01:11:09,766 And that was the first time that I plucked up the courage 1066 01:11:09,849 --> 01:11:12,644 - to speak to her. - What did you say? 1067 01:11:12,727 --> 01:11:15,480 Well, her head was buried in the bonnet, but I said... 1068 01:11:16,898 --> 01:11:19,442 "Time to check that thing into the old Volks' home, 1069 01:11:19,526 --> 01:11:20,694 don't you think?" 1070 01:11:20,777 --> 01:11:22,112 - No, you didn't. - [laughs] Yes. 1071 01:11:22,195 --> 01:11:26,533 No, you didn't! Oh, I hope she ran a mile! 1072 01:11:26,616 --> 01:11:28,034 Well, luckily for me, 1073 01:11:28,118 --> 01:11:31,287 your mum was new to the area, so I did offer her a tour. 1074 01:11:31,371 --> 01:11:33,289 All the way to the local petrol station, 1075 01:11:33,373 --> 01:11:35,208 which just happened to be miles away, 1076 01:11:35,291 --> 01:11:40,338 and we fell in love on that drive... as friends. 1077 01:11:42,799 --> 01:11:44,217 Friends? 1078 01:11:44,300 --> 01:11:46,928 Yeah, best friends. 1079 01:11:49,222 --> 01:11:53,810 We spent... Well, we spent every waking moment together. 1080 01:11:55,729 --> 01:11:57,647 I mean, there was nobody 1081 01:11:57,731 --> 01:12:00,817 we would rather spend time with than each other. 1082 01:12:01,818 --> 01:12:03,611 You know, it just... 1083 01:12:05,238 --> 01:12:07,365 it just made perfect sense. 1084 01:12:12,287 --> 01:12:14,247 If you think too loudly, 1085 01:12:15,206 --> 01:12:17,709 you'll never hear the answer you're looking for. 1086 01:12:23,339 --> 01:12:26,593 Right, I'm gonna go to bed. I love you, Mills. 1087 01:12:42,275 --> 01:12:45,528 [Maggie sighs, chuckles] 1088 01:12:49,074 --> 01:12:50,867 [sighs] How do I look? 1089 01:12:51,201 --> 01:12:52,702 Like your mother. 1090 01:12:55,705 --> 01:12:57,582 Well, thanks for your help, Maggie. 1091 01:12:57,665 --> 01:13:00,251 I never would have got this dress over these bad boys. 1092 01:13:00,335 --> 01:13:03,046 [chuckles] He's one lucky boy. 1093 01:13:04,130 --> 01:13:05,924 Would you both mind giving me a minute? 1094 01:13:06,758 --> 01:13:08,259 Of course. 1095 01:13:12,305 --> 01:13:14,641 [footsteps recede] 1096 01:13:58,643 --> 01:14:01,020 Always follow your heart, Mills. 1097 01:14:06,359 --> 01:14:08,778 It'll rarely lead you the wrong way. 1098 01:14:09,779 --> 01:14:12,782 [motorbike approaches] 1099 01:14:22,750 --> 01:14:24,377 Hey, Billy. 1100 01:14:24,460 --> 01:14:27,922 - Good afternoon, Mr Brown. - How are you? 1101 01:14:34,762 --> 01:14:36,097 [Billy] Milly? 1102 01:14:38,141 --> 01:14:41,352 - Hey, Milly, you in there? - [knocking at door] 1103 01:14:41,769 --> 01:14:43,563 - Milly? - [whispers] The window. 1104 01:14:44,439 --> 01:14:48,651 ♪ I wanna see the rest of the world the same way that you do ♪ 1105 01:14:48,735 --> 01:14:51,821 ♪ I wanna be the home that you leave and you return to ♪ 1106 01:14:51,905 --> 01:14:53,072 Godspeed! 1107 01:14:53,156 --> 01:14:55,575 ♪ I wanna stay here in your arms as long as I can do ♪ 1108 01:14:56,034 --> 01:14:57,702 [gasps] 1109 01:14:59,412 --> 01:15:03,082 ♪ The silver hair and golden years ♪ 1110 01:15:03,166 --> 01:15:07,212 ♪ That seem so far until they're near ♪ 1111 01:15:07,295 --> 01:15:12,800 ♪ There's so much left to do down here, I know ♪ 1112 01:15:13,676 --> 01:15:16,221 ♪ All anyone wants is just ♪ 1113 01:15:16,304 --> 01:15:20,391 ♪ More time, more life, more healing ♪ 1114 01:15:20,475 --> 01:15:24,812 ♪ More love, more us, more feeling, yeah ♪ 1115 01:15:25,355 --> 01:15:28,483 ♪ Oh, I just need, I'm just needing ♪ 1116 01:15:28,566 --> 01:15:32,570 ♪ More you, more nights for dreaming ♪ 1117 01:15:32,654 --> 01:15:36,241 ♪ These days go by so fast and I... ♪ 1118 01:15:36,324 --> 01:15:37,492 Huh? 1119 01:15:37,575 --> 01:15:41,996 ♪ Oh, I just need, I'm just needing more ♪ 1120 01:15:42,080 --> 01:15:43,873 ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ 1121 01:15:45,625 --> 01:15:48,670 - ♪ Oh, I just need... ♪ - [dress rips] 1122 01:15:48,753 --> 01:15:52,006 [children shout] 1123 01:15:53,841 --> 01:15:57,887 ♪ Yeah, I just need, I'm just needing more ♪ 1124 01:15:58,388 --> 01:15:59,806 ♪ More ♪ 1125 01:15:59,889 --> 01:16:02,141 - [Amelia screams] - [bike bell rings] 1126 01:16:02,225 --> 01:16:04,143 ♪ More healing ♪ 1127 01:16:04,227 --> 01:16:08,564 ♪ More love, more us, more feeling, yeah ♪ 1128 01:16:09,107 --> 01:16:12,277 ♪ Oh, I just need, I'm just needing ♪ 1129 01:16:12,360 --> 01:16:14,529 ♪ More you, more nights for dreaming ♪ 1130 01:16:14,612 --> 01:16:15,738 [yelps] 1131 01:16:16,531 --> 01:16:20,702 ♪ These days go by so fast and I ♪ 1132 01:16:21,327 --> 01:16:25,748 ♪ Oh, I just need, I'm just needing more ♪ 1133 01:16:25,832 --> 01:16:28,001 ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ 1134 01:16:28,084 --> 01:16:29,419 ♪ More ♪ 1135 01:16:29,502 --> 01:16:32,171 ♪ Oh, I just need, I'm just needing ♪ 1136 01:16:32,255 --> 01:16:33,423 ♪ More ♪ 1137 01:16:33,506 --> 01:16:36,217 ♪ Oh, I just need, I'm just needing ♪ 1138 01:16:36,301 --> 01:16:37,802 ♪ More ♪ 1139 01:16:37,885 --> 01:16:41,180 {\an8}♪ Yeah, I just need, I'm just needing more ♪ 1140 01:16:42,056 --> 01:16:44,517 ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ 1141 01:16:48,062 --> 01:16:52,025 William, please, just... Can you just leave me alo... 1142 01:16:57,989 --> 01:17:01,451 - What are you doing here? - Shut up. 1143 01:17:07,206 --> 01:17:08,583 Get dressed. 1144 01:17:10,918 --> 01:17:11,961 [Amelia sighs] 1145 01:17:12,545 --> 01:17:13,588 I need a date. 1146 01:17:14,839 --> 01:17:19,093 - What happened to Boy Wonder? - Less questions, more dressing. 1147 01:17:19,177 --> 01:17:20,887 [sighs] We should be drunk by now. 1148 01:17:21,596 --> 01:17:22,597 Enough. 1149 01:17:27,226 --> 01:17:29,103 We've barely spoken for weeks, 1150 01:17:29,187 --> 01:17:31,481 and now you're here in my house, in my room, 1151 01:17:31,564 --> 01:17:32,732 asking me to drink champagne 1152 01:17:32,815 --> 01:17:34,650 and pretending like everything's normal. 1153 01:17:34,734 --> 01:17:36,611 [sighs] Archie, I... 1154 01:17:36,694 --> 01:17:38,988 Look, if you and Billy have had some sort of argument 1155 01:17:39,072 --> 01:17:41,366 and you've come here because you want little old Archie 1156 01:17:41,449 --> 01:17:44,035 to pat you on the back and tell you it will all be OK, 1157 01:17:44,118 --> 01:17:45,119 it's not gonna happen. 1158 01:17:48,164 --> 01:17:49,665 Not today. 1159 01:17:50,917 --> 01:17:52,377 Not anymore. 1160 01:17:54,003 --> 01:17:55,838 Archie, that's not why I'm here. 1161 01:17:55,922 --> 01:18:00,218 - Then why are you here? - Because I made a mistake. 1162 01:18:00,301 --> 01:18:01,511 OK? 1163 01:18:03,012 --> 01:18:07,225 A big, fat, stupid mistake. 1164 01:18:09,102 --> 01:18:14,273 I've spent so long dreaming of having a boyfriend 1165 01:18:14,357 --> 01:18:19,070 and falling in love and going on romantic dates. 1166 01:18:20,279 --> 01:18:22,281 Sunset kisses. 1167 01:18:24,742 --> 01:18:27,537 When always... 1168 01:18:30,123 --> 01:18:32,375 it's been right in front of me. 1169 01:18:34,377 --> 01:18:36,045 Are you...? 1170 01:18:39,090 --> 01:18:41,717 I love you... 1171 01:18:41,801 --> 01:18:46,264 Archibald Richard Randolph Reginald Arnold. 1172 01:18:50,977 --> 01:18:53,771 And I always have. 1173 01:19:00,570 --> 01:19:01,988 - [groans] - [glass smashes] 1174 01:19:03,448 --> 01:19:06,159 - [clang] - [groans] Whoa! 1175 01:19:06,826 --> 01:19:09,245 [objects rattle] 1176 01:19:11,414 --> 01:19:15,668 - How'd that go? - Yep. Yep. 1177 01:19:15,751 --> 01:19:17,628 ♪ Love is like rocket, watch it blast off ♪ 1178 01:19:17,712 --> 01:19:20,047 ♪ And I'm feeling so electric, dance my arse off ♪ 1179 01:19:20,131 --> 01:19:22,300 ♪ And even if I wanted to, I can't stop ♪ 1180 01:19:22,383 --> 01:19:24,719 ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ 1181 01:19:24,802 --> 01:19:26,888 ♪ My love is like rocket, watch it blast off ♪ 1182 01:19:26,971 --> 01:19:29,432 ♪ And I'm feeling so electric, dance my arse off ♪ 1183 01:19:29,515 --> 01:19:31,893 ♪ And even if I wanted to, I can't stop ♪ 1184 01:19:31,976 --> 01:19:34,437 ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ 1185 01:19:34,520 --> 01:19:36,939 ♪ You want me, I want you, baby ♪ 1186 01:19:37,023 --> 01:19:38,441 ♪ My sugar boo ♪ 1187 01:19:40,234 --> 01:19:41,903 [chuckles] 1188 01:19:48,159 --> 01:19:49,535 [phone chimes] 1189 01:19:57,251 --> 01:19:58,252 [sighs] 1190 01:20:14,644 --> 01:20:15,811 [phone vibrates] 1191 01:20:25,279 --> 01:20:26,531 [phone vibrates] 1192 01:20:34,539 --> 01:20:35,790 [phone vibrates] 1193 01:20:40,378 --> 01:20:41,837 - [gasps] - Milly. 1194 01:20:41,921 --> 01:20:43,714 I'm gonna need some help. 1195 01:20:48,261 --> 01:20:49,512 What the fuck? 1196 01:20:51,556 --> 01:20:55,768 - [inhales] - What the fuck, Archie? 1197 01:20:56,769 --> 01:20:57,895 I can explain. 1198 01:20:58,312 --> 01:20:59,897 What the fuck? 1199 01:21:00,898 --> 01:21:03,526 Amelia, wait. Please. 1200 01:21:08,197 --> 01:21:09,574 [car door opens] 1201 01:21:24,171 --> 01:21:25,423 There are moments in your life 1202 01:21:25,506 --> 01:21:27,216 where you're faced with just two choices. 1203 01:21:27,300 --> 01:21:29,218 [car engine starts] 1204 01:21:29,302 --> 01:21:30,803 The consequences of either one 1205 01:21:30,886 --> 01:21:33,222 will shape the rest of your days for as long as you live. 1206 01:21:33,931 --> 01:21:35,308 Sometimes you have to listen 1207 01:21:35,391 --> 01:21:37,101 to what the universe is trying to tell you. 1208 01:21:37,685 --> 01:21:40,563 Sometimes all you can do is tell the universe to go fuck itself 1209 01:21:40,646 --> 01:21:43,316 and do exactly what you know in your heart is right. 1210 01:21:46,986 --> 01:21:49,822 And if there's one thing I know now more than ever before 1211 01:21:49,905 --> 01:21:54,243 it's that Amelia Brown is my universe. 1212 01:21:54,327 --> 01:21:55,953 [sighs] That'll do. 1213 01:22:02,585 --> 01:22:04,086 It's time for the finale. 1214 01:22:14,722 --> 01:22:15,806 [grunts] 1215 01:22:28,986 --> 01:22:31,364 - What the fuck? - [laughs] 1216 01:22:35,910 --> 01:22:37,411 [laughs] 1217 01:22:42,541 --> 01:22:44,043 [laughs] 1218 01:22:44,502 --> 01:22:47,004 [distant music playing] 1219 01:22:49,840 --> 01:22:53,094 [Amber] You're really impressive in class. 1220 01:22:54,887 --> 01:22:57,932 You're, like, totally right about everything you say. 1221 01:23:00,643 --> 01:23:03,020 - [footsteps approach] - [student] Let's get a drink. 1222 01:23:05,439 --> 01:23:08,818 - Hey. - Hi. 1223 01:23:09,652 --> 01:23:11,737 - Can we talk? - [clears throat] 1224 01:23:16,367 --> 01:23:18,077 You look really beautiful, Amber. 1225 01:23:19,203 --> 01:23:20,579 I know. 1226 01:23:22,790 --> 01:23:27,044 - Photo booth. - [girls chatter] 1227 01:23:32,133 --> 01:23:35,720 - Anyone spiked the punch yet? - Er, yeah. 1228 01:23:36,470 --> 01:23:37,805 Excellent. 1229 01:23:43,102 --> 01:23:44,687 So, er... 1230 01:23:45,479 --> 01:23:48,232 things have been a little... weird. 1231 01:23:49,692 --> 01:23:52,236 And I, and I think... Well, well, no... 1232 01:23:52,319 --> 01:23:55,823 I know that's on me. Mostly on me. 1233 01:23:57,658 --> 01:24:02,329 But for what it's worth, I truly am sorry for... 1234 01:24:03,038 --> 01:24:05,124 well, everything. 1235 01:24:07,460 --> 01:24:11,547 And you're a great guy, Billy. I mean that. 1236 01:24:13,924 --> 01:24:16,177 - But... - Look, um... [clears throat] 1237 01:24:16,260 --> 01:24:18,721 I've never been broken up with before. 1238 01:24:19,889 --> 01:24:22,767 So, is it OK if I just stop you right there? 1239 01:24:28,814 --> 01:24:30,065 I am sorry. 1240 01:24:35,446 --> 01:24:36,864 So where is he then? 1241 01:24:40,576 --> 01:24:44,079 I think it's gonna be me, myself and Milly for a while. 1242 01:24:45,164 --> 01:24:48,626 - Sounds chaotic. - [chuckles] 1243 01:24:51,545 --> 01:24:54,173 Er... find me for a dance later? 1244 01:24:54,256 --> 01:24:56,842 - You can count on it. - [Tony] Hey! 1245 01:24:58,511 --> 01:25:00,596 - Ooh! - Where have you been? 1246 01:25:00,679 --> 01:25:02,139 Sorting out your little problem. 1247 01:25:02,223 --> 01:25:03,891 What problem would that be exactly? 1248 01:25:04,391 --> 01:25:06,519 [laughs] 1249 01:25:08,938 --> 01:25:11,148 [pole creaks] 1250 01:25:16,445 --> 01:25:17,696 [exhales] 1251 01:25:18,531 --> 01:25:19,740 [grunts] 1252 01:25:27,373 --> 01:25:30,042 [footsteps approach] 1253 01:25:30,125 --> 01:25:31,460 Who's there? 1254 01:25:32,962 --> 01:25:36,257 Stop right there. I've... I've got a gun! 1255 01:25:39,260 --> 01:25:43,180 No way are you rescuing me. 1256 01:25:43,889 --> 01:25:46,809 You're only a hero if the person needs rescuing, 1257 01:25:46,892 --> 01:25:48,811 and I was perfectly fine out here alone 1258 01:25:48,894 --> 01:25:51,105 enjoying some quality Archibald time. 1259 01:25:51,605 --> 01:25:53,357 Yeah? 1260 01:25:53,440 --> 01:25:55,568 I see you got a haircut too. 1261 01:25:57,236 --> 01:25:58,863 [Archie groans] 1262 01:26:01,115 --> 01:26:03,200 [pants] 1263 01:26:08,247 --> 01:26:09,456 Go get her. 1264 01:26:11,959 --> 01:26:13,252 Right. 1265 01:26:14,920 --> 01:26:17,089 This doesn't mean we're friends! 1266 01:26:18,132 --> 01:26:21,468 The English. So dramatic. 1267 01:26:23,804 --> 01:26:26,265 ♪ Baby, if you thought that I was trouble ♪ 1268 01:26:26,640 --> 01:26:29,226 ♪ Then you're gonna hate what's coming next ♪ 1269 01:26:29,310 --> 01:26:31,812 ♪ Kinda like your worst nightmare but double ♪ 1270 01:26:32,146 --> 01:26:34,607 ♪ Is that an angel? No, it's your ex ♪ 1271 01:26:34,690 --> 01:26:37,276 ♪ Remember how you screwed up when I was a brunette? ♪ 1272 01:26:37,359 --> 01:26:39,862 ♪ I don't think you knew just what you'd done ♪ 1273 01:26:39,945 --> 01:26:41,280 [grunts] 1274 01:26:43,824 --> 01:26:47,161 [students chatter] 1275 01:26:47,244 --> 01:26:48,454 I need that microphone. 1276 01:26:48,537 --> 01:26:50,414 I think you're gonna need a lot more than that. 1277 01:26:50,497 --> 01:26:52,708 I fucked up. It's about a girl, and... 1278 01:26:52,791 --> 01:26:54,001 It's about a girl? 1279 01:26:54,084 --> 01:26:55,085 Why didn't you say? 1280 01:26:57,087 --> 01:27:00,341 [booing and jeering] 1281 01:27:01,842 --> 01:27:02,885 [girl] Wanker! 1282 01:27:04,470 --> 01:27:08,098 Just picture everybody naked. Especially that one over there. 1283 01:27:08,432 --> 01:27:10,643 - Shrivelled yam bag. - [Archie laughs] 1284 01:27:10,726 --> 01:27:11,977 [laughter in crowd] 1285 01:27:12,061 --> 01:27:14,438 - [boy 1] Don't give him the mic! - [girl 1] What are you doing? 1286 01:27:14,521 --> 01:27:17,691 - [boy 2] You suck! - [booing] 1287 01:27:19,902 --> 01:27:21,111 [girl 2] Get him off! 1288 01:27:21,195 --> 01:27:23,197 [girl 3] Get off the fucking stage! 1289 01:27:23,280 --> 01:27:26,075 - [boy 3] Bell-end! - [jeering continues] 1290 01:27:28,661 --> 01:27:31,080 - Happy graduation, honey! - [laughs] 1291 01:27:31,413 --> 01:27:34,625 [crowd gasps] 1292 01:27:36,001 --> 01:27:38,921 - [laughter] - [girl 4] Get off. 1293 01:27:39,964 --> 01:27:42,675 [girl 5] You're up there, come on, at least say something. 1294 01:27:45,427 --> 01:27:46,428 [girl 6] Go home, loser! 1295 01:27:46,512 --> 01:27:48,889 - My name is... - Cakeface Boy! 1296 01:27:48,973 --> 01:27:50,933 [laughter] 1297 01:27:51,016 --> 01:27:52,643 [booing and shouting] 1298 01:27:52,726 --> 01:27:55,229 [boy 3] Get off the stage, four eyes! 1299 01:27:55,896 --> 01:27:58,273 - [crowd chants] Off! Off! Off! - [groans] 1300 01:27:58,357 --> 01:28:01,318 [laughter] 1301 01:28:12,079 --> 01:28:13,914 [jeering continues] 1302 01:28:13,998 --> 01:28:16,291 For as long as I can remember... 1303 01:28:17,042 --> 01:28:19,169 I've been fascinated by the night sky. 1304 01:28:19,253 --> 01:28:20,546 [boy] Who cares? 1305 01:28:20,629 --> 01:28:24,717 Home to over 200 billion trillion stars. 1306 01:28:24,800 --> 01:28:28,262 And much like our universe, we were all born after a big bang. 1307 01:28:28,345 --> 01:28:31,348 - Oh. Amen. - [laughter] 1308 01:28:32,516 --> 01:28:36,186 And just like the stars, we're all unique in our own ways. 1309 01:28:36,729 --> 01:28:37,855 Billy. 1310 01:28:39,064 --> 01:28:42,192 You're a solar-type star, just like Alpha Centauri. 1311 01:28:42,276 --> 01:28:44,445 You'll burn so bright that we can all see you, 1312 01:28:44,528 --> 01:28:46,739 a gravitational pull so large 1313 01:28:46,822 --> 01:28:48,323 that others are drawn towards it. 1314 01:28:48,407 --> 01:28:50,034 [boy] That's our Billy! 1315 01:28:50,117 --> 01:28:53,912 We have hot blue stars that are naturally so beautiful. 1316 01:28:53,954 --> 01:28:56,749 We have super giant stars and so many more. 1317 01:28:57,207 --> 01:29:00,461 And, all of you, you're all your own stars. 1318 01:29:03,213 --> 01:29:05,674 I'm a binary star. 1319 01:29:05,758 --> 01:29:09,595 A star system consisting of two stars orbiting a common centre. 1320 01:29:10,804 --> 01:29:13,390 The B star, me, 1321 01:29:13,724 --> 01:29:17,352 it shines less bright, but its counterpart... 1322 01:29:18,937 --> 01:29:23,650 the primary star, it burns much brighter. 1323 01:29:24,860 --> 01:29:26,236 Much hotter. 1324 01:29:29,031 --> 01:29:31,575 And I almost destroyed my counterpart. 1325 01:29:32,868 --> 01:29:34,244 My star. 1326 01:29:38,165 --> 01:29:41,668 Never again will I lose sight of its brilliance. 1327 01:29:41,752 --> 01:29:45,798 Never again will I be so stupid or so selfish or so... 1328 01:29:50,636 --> 01:29:52,012 scared. 1329 01:30:01,897 --> 01:30:03,065 Milly. 1330 01:30:04,942 --> 01:30:07,361 I will never again stand in the way of what you want 1331 01:30:07,444 --> 01:30:09,279 or what makes you happy. 1332 01:30:10,656 --> 01:30:13,033 And I'm truly sorry that I have kept something from you 1333 01:30:13,117 --> 01:30:14,993 for as long as I can remember. 1334 01:30:15,994 --> 01:30:18,122 And I can blame it on the universe as much as I want, 1335 01:30:18,205 --> 01:30:19,498 but the truth is... 1336 01:30:22,584 --> 01:30:24,461 I've been a coward. 1337 01:30:28,715 --> 01:30:30,717 Until now. 1338 01:30:34,304 --> 01:30:37,099 Amelia Elizabeth Brown... 1339 01:30:37,182 --> 01:30:38,517 [chuckles] 1340 01:30:38,600 --> 01:30:42,312 I love you more than I have ever found a way to say. 1341 01:30:42,396 --> 01:30:43,897 I love you more than I did yesterday, 1342 01:30:43,981 --> 01:30:46,316 and I will love you more tomorrow. 1343 01:30:46,900 --> 01:30:49,236 I love you more than the universe, more than the stars... 1344 01:30:49,319 --> 01:30:51,738 Just shut up. 1345 01:30:55,993 --> 01:30:57,995 And kiss me. 1346 01:31:13,760 --> 01:31:16,388 ♪ This wasn't how it's supposed to go ♪ 1347 01:31:16,471 --> 01:31:18,348 ♪ I should be the one you're dancing with... ♪ 1348 01:31:18,432 --> 01:31:20,976 Any childhood loves I should know about? 1349 01:31:21,059 --> 01:31:23,562 - Charles Dickens. - ♪ Everybody at my fingertips ♪ 1350 01:31:23,645 --> 01:31:26,857 - He's dead, right? - Ninth of June, 1870. 1351 01:31:26,940 --> 01:31:29,151 ♪ And, baby, you were meant to follow me ♪ 1352 01:31:29,234 --> 01:31:31,278 ♪ And I was gonna act surprised ♪ 1353 01:31:31,737 --> 01:31:34,323 - ♪ Even though I'd know you... ♪ - Wanna dance? 1354 01:31:35,782 --> 01:31:39,161 ♪ It's not like I've been crying ♪ 1355 01:31:39,244 --> 01:31:40,412 ♪ No ♪ 1356 01:31:40,495 --> 01:31:44,625 ♪ There's just smoke in my eyes ♪ 1357 01:31:44,708 --> 01:31:47,794 ♪ Cos this ain't no John Hughes movie ♪ 1358 01:31:47,878 --> 01:31:50,547 ♪ Where the girl gets the guy ♪ 1359 01:31:50,631 --> 01:31:54,801 ♪ You look right through me every time you walk by ♪ 1360 01:31:54,885 --> 01:31:58,388 ♪ I keep waiting for the heartbreak music ♪ 1361 01:31:58,472 --> 01:32:00,641 ♪ That's never gonna come ♪ 1362 01:32:00,724 --> 01:32:04,436 ♪ Cos if you don't want me ♪ 1363 01:32:04,978 --> 01:32:06,313 ♪ Then you're not the one ♪ 1364 01:32:15,155 --> 01:32:17,241 ♪ Sitting on a bathroom floor ♪ 1365 01:32:17,783 --> 01:32:19,868 ♪ Trying to get my composure back ♪ 1366 01:32:20,369 --> 01:32:22,204 ♪ Think I built it up too tall ♪ 1367 01:32:22,913 --> 01:32:25,207 ♪ Knew I should've worn my Adidas ♪ 1368 01:32:26,416 --> 01:32:31,338 ♪ It's not like I've been crying, no ♪ 1369 01:32:31,421 --> 01:32:35,259 ♪ There's just smoke in my eyes ♪ 1370 01:32:35,801 --> 01:32:39,137 ♪ Cos this ain't no John Hughes movie ♪ 1371 01:32:39,221 --> 01:32:41,556 ♪ Where the girl gets the guy ♪ 1372 01:32:41,640 --> 01:32:45,936 ♪ You look right through me every time you walk by ♪ 1373 01:32:46,019 --> 01:32:49,564 ♪ I keep waiting for the heartbreak music ♪ 1374 01:32:49,648 --> 01:32:51,775 ♪ That's never gonna come ♪ 1375 01:32:51,858 --> 01:32:55,821 ♪ Cos if you don't want me ♪ 1376 01:32:55,904 --> 01:32:57,322 ♪ Then you're not the one ♪ 1377 01:32:57,406 --> 01:32:59,324 [phone line rings] 1378 01:33:04,204 --> 01:33:05,789 Hello? 1379 01:33:05,872 --> 01:33:08,000 Yes, hello. 1380 01:33:08,083 --> 01:33:09,710 Is this the Love Doctor? 1381 01:33:09,793 --> 01:33:13,088 [♪ "Tongue Tied" by Grouplove ♪] 1382 01:33:39,573 --> 01:33:41,658 ♪ Take me to your best friend's house ♪ 1383 01:33:41,742 --> 01:33:45,704 ♪ Going round this roundabout, oh, yeah ♪ 1384 01:33:48,040 --> 01:33:50,042 ♪ Take me to your best friend's house ♪ 1385 01:33:50,125 --> 01:33:55,756 ♪ I loved you then and I love you now, oh, yeah ♪ 1386 01:33:56,506 --> 01:34:00,761 ♪ Don't take me tongue-tied ♪ 1387 01:34:00,844 --> 01:34:04,973 ♪ Don't wave no goodbye ♪ 1388 01:34:05,057 --> 01:34:09,269 ♪ Don't... ♪ 1389 01:34:09,353 --> 01:34:10,687 ♪ Break ♪ 1390 01:34:17,611 --> 01:34:19,780 ♪ Take me to your best friend's house ♪ 1391 01:34:19,863 --> 01:34:24,743 ♪ Marmalade, we're making out, oh, yeah ♪ 1392 01:34:26,078 --> 01:34:28,330 ♪ Take me to your best friend's house ♪ 1393 01:34:28,413 --> 01:34:34,378 ♪ I loved you then and I love you now ♪ 1394 01:34:34,795 --> 01:34:39,007 ♪ Don't take me tongue-tied ♪ 1395 01:34:39,091 --> 01:34:43,261 ♪ Don't wave no goodbye ♪ 1396 01:34:43,345 --> 01:34:47,474 ♪ Don't... ♪ 1397 01:34:47,557 --> 01:34:49,601 ♪ Break ♪ 1398 01:34:49,684 --> 01:34:51,978 ♪ One, two, three, four ♪ 1399 01:34:52,062 --> 01:34:56,233 ♪ Don't leave me tongue-tied, let's stay up all night ♪ 1400 01:34:56,316 --> 01:35:00,487 ♪ I'll get real high, slumber party, pillow fight ♪ 1401 01:35:00,570 --> 01:35:04,825 ♪ My eyes on your eyes like Peter Pan up in the sky ♪ 1402 01:35:04,908 --> 01:35:06,451 ♪ My best friend's house tonight ♪ 1403 01:35:06,535 --> 01:35:08,787 ♪ Let's bump the beats till beddy-bye ♪ 1404 01:35:08,870 --> 01:35:12,999 ♪ Don't take me tongue-tied ♪ 1405 01:35:13,083 --> 01:35:17,212 ♪ Don't wave no goodbye ♪ 1406 01:35:17,295 --> 01:35:21,466 ♪ Don't take me tongue-tied ♪ 1407 01:35:21,550 --> 01:35:25,762 ♪ Don't kiss me goodnight ♪ 1408 01:35:25,846 --> 01:35:30,267 ♪ Don't... ♪ 1409 01:35:36,481 --> 01:35:38,567 ♪ Take me to your best friend's house ♪ 1410 01:35:38,650 --> 01:35:43,071 ♪ Going round this roundabout, oh, yeah ♪ 1411 01:35:44,865 --> 01:35:46,950 ♪ Take me to your best friend's house ♪ 1412 01:35:47,033 --> 01:35:52,539 ♪ I loved you then and I love you now ♪ 1413 01:35:53,457 --> 01:35:57,627 ♪ Don't leave me tongue-tied ♪ 1414 01:35:57,711 --> 01:36:01,840 ♪ Don't wave no goodbye ♪ 1415 01:36:01,923 --> 01:36:06,094 ♪ Don't leave me tongue-tied ♪ 1416 01:36:06,178 --> 01:36:10,348 ♪ Don't... ♪ 1417 01:36:10,432 --> 01:36:14,644 ♪ Don't leave me tongue-tied ♪ 1418 01:36:14,728 --> 01:36:18,899 ♪ Don't wave no goodbye ♪ 1419 01:36:18,982 --> 01:36:23,111 ♪ Don't leave me tongue-tied ♪ 1420 01:36:23,195 --> 01:36:27,616 ♪ Don't... ♪ 1421 01:36:31,286 --> 01:36:34,539 ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ 1422 01:36:35,248 --> 01:36:39,044 ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ 1423 01:36:40,378 --> 01:36:43,673 ♪ Yeah ♪ 1424 01:37:04,277 --> 01:37:07,280 ♪♪