The chilling announcement
was made earlier today
by the secretary general of the UN,
who was overseeing the meetings held by world leaders
at their emergency summit in Athens.
While we every day bear witness
to the catastrophic ecological collapse
that is plaguing our planet,
we must not forget that this is above all,
a human crisis.
The sudden and devastating scarcity of food,
water, and resources,
once only an issue for our most vulnerable,
now spares no one,
and it requires a response like none before.
He went on to add that starting tomorrow,
all international borders will be closed
and every nation will have one year
to meet their population reduction goals.
Come on, Professor, are you seriously
telling our viewers that you are
in favor of conscription?
I am in favor of this government
doing whatever it takes to win this war.
Please stop referring to this crisis as a war.
It's not a war. Wars have opposing sides.
Humanity is the opposing side.
We are engaged in nothing less than a life
and death struggle against our own extinction.
Unbelievable, so -- so what else are you all for?
How about lowering the age of eligibility?
Why not?
Plenty of individuals under the age of 18
have expressed a desire, a willingness to enlist.
I see no reason why we
shouldn't at least consider their wishes.
Consider the wishes of children?
I didn't say children,
but I do have a 10-year-old son myself.
10, are you saying that this administration
is considering letting 10 year olds enlist
because of your -- I sincerely hope
your son is not watching.
I sincerely hope he is.
He needs to know exactly what's at stake.
Every nation on this planet
needs to honor their commitments
to the Athens Accords,
and we are severely behind our 20% pledge.
Not enough people are willing to enlist.
Fuck that guy.
I don't see him signing up.
...come up with its initial enlistment estimates, okay?
I am sorry, Mr. York. I made the mistake
of assuming...
No apology needed.
...selfless enough to willingly enlist.
I agree. To volunteer.
Turns out people are far more selfish
than I believe they were.
The fallout continues over
the Kremlin's announcement last week
that Russia has satisfied their commitment
to the Athens Accord
Three months ahead of the UN deadline.
Oh, you're already working on the mackerel.
It must be wonderful to be handling
fresh seafood again.
This is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life,
and I'm including my years as a war correspondent.
The piano looks so strange
in the bedroom.
But you were right. It fits.
You want to come up and see for yourself?
There's still time before the kids arrive.
Oh, Dawn.
I'm sorry.
Before it causes a collapse of health.
You said you wanted to cook.
I'll go.
...have been taken out of context.
Says the head of...
"This is fake news,
we are not a branch of the military.
We are a department made up of compassionate individuals
dedicated to helping our nation in its greatest hour of need."
Coming up after the break, we'll bring you more on
the York Therapeutics class action trial.
The courtroom erupted today when one of
the plaintiffs confronted CEO Rachel York,
blaming Miss York personally
for her debilitating chronic pain.
Exterior UV levels are moderate.
Proceed with caution.
Hello? What the fuck is the matter with you?
You go on TV and you tell your son
that he should kill himself?
That's not what I said, Beth.
I didn't say he should kill himself.
That reporter fucking twisted my words.
No, no, no, don't blame the interviewer, Jared. Okay?
You said what you said, and now --
now Lucas is bawling his eyes out.
Um, okay, uh, um...
Can I just speak to him?
Would you mind putting him on the phone?
I would love to have a chat with him.
No, not a chance. Are you kidding me?
He doesn't want to speak to you. Okay, wait.
Can I just come by later? I-I...
I'll be gone -- I'll be gone before curfew.
No. No, you can't come by.
I swear to God, Beth, I didn't say
our son should enlist.
That's...
Fuck my life.
Ohh!
What?
Dawn, most of this stuff is prohibited.
Where'd you get it?
Oh, for God's sake.
What, is Noah coming tonight or something?
Of course he is.
He's your brother.
I-I mean adopted.
Why don't you go relax in the living room
until your father comes downstairs?
Hmm?
Send me home in a Uber.
I'm fine now. They don't want me here.
I don't care what they want.
You're staying with me.
Was that Grandpa's new car
in the driveway?
No, that's your Uncle Jared's
midlife crisis.
I don't think it's electric.
Oh. It's not.
She forced me to come.
Oh, I'm sorry, sweetheart.
You know, I am always happy to see you.
Mia, go ask Uncle Jared about his car?
I said this was an adults only evening.
She shouldn't be here.
Yeah, well, you didn't see her when I got home.
She saw me on the news and she was a wreck.
I couldn't leave her.
Poor Mia. If you don't want her here,
we're both leaving.
I mean, I don't have time for
whatever this is anyway.
No, no. It's okay.
Stay.
Please stay.
Uh...
How are things going with the lawsuit?
Mmm! It smells good in here.
Hey, what -- what happened?
I can't do it.
I thought that I could, but --
but the timing's not right.
And -- And...
I don't know, Grace.
The last time that I saw him,
he wouldn't even look at me.
No matter what your dad has planned,
he's not going to be upset by what you have to say
after what he just did for you.
I know.
What he did for me...
You don't know him.
You've never met him. He hates surprises.
And -- And I can't just hijack his night
because he'd -- he'd hate that.
And -- And that's okay, because I-I just
I need... Noah.
I-I-I just -- I need more time.
Noah.
Close your eyes.
Take a deep breath.
Picture yourself calm.
Picture yourself in the place you're most comfortable.
Now tell me.
What do you see?
Our apartment.
You.
Just you.
Go home.
I'll meet you there soon.
We can get under the sheets and watch TV.
Love you. And I love you.
Nah-unh, not a chance.
If I'm doing this, so are you.
Get in.
In case you're wondering,
I just had a commercial audition
for a video game.
It's great, you know,
five years of theater school,
and this is what my life has come to,
is praying to book a commercial
for a video game.
I'm sorry, Ash.
Something I can do? Yeah, you could
convince the 50 other girls
I'm up against to enlist.
That could help me a lot.
I could try.
Okay, thank you.
I'm pretty convincing.
Yeah, you are.
Any idea why Dad
invited us to dinner? No. No.
Uh, my guess is he's gonna tell us
that he's going back to work.
Must be killing him, he retired
just before the story of the century broke.
You know Dad, it's all about his legacy.
Why did I even bother coming?
Hang tight.
Whose Grace?
Uh...
N-Nobody, just -- just a friend.
My God, do you have a booty call after dinner?
I mean, it's not a booty call
if you live together.
I met her, um, at a meeting.
You know, she's been clean for a long time, and...
Look, I was gonna tell dad tonight, but --
but it's not -- The timing isn't right.
I don't want to get in the way of,
you know, whatever.
And could you just -- just not
say anything to him?
Yeah, no, I won't. Please. Just...
Won't say anything.
Please don't hate me.
I can never hate you.
It's you and me against the world.
Always.
Just no more secrets.
Promise?
Okay.
Like this.
That's it. You're a natural.
Uncle Noah. Auntie Ashley.
Hey, nugget. I missed you.
Hi.
You look good, son.
Oh, really good.
Hmm.
"Hey, Ashley. You look good, too."
Hey, Ashley. You look good, too.
Oh. Thanks, Dad.
Okay, everyone, to the table.
Time for kaiseki.
Thank you.
Thank you, Dawn.
Just in case.
This is sakazuki, the appetizer.
Miso marinated tofu
with grilled aubergine and seasonal vegetables.
This is the first dish I learned to make
when I started my training in Japan.
Wow, Dawn. This is like a work of art.
Your guests must go crazy for this.
She closed the restaurant.
A toast.
We are so happy you all joined us tonight for a family dinner.
It's so important.
I am so sorry My work kept me
from being home for dinner so often.
And breakfast and lunch.
Sorry, I'm just... No. No, no, no, no.
You're right. It's inexcusable.
I love my job.
But you're my children.
And I should have been here for you.
I should have been here.
Well, that's not much of a toast, is it?
What I'm trying to say is,
we are so happy
all of you could join us.
It means the world to us.
To family.
To...family.
Oh, my God, I'm gonna burst.
Please tell me that's it.
Still one more course.
Anmitsu.
A very small dessert.
Well, before dessert, I, um...
I do have something that, uh...
I want to say to everyone.
And we can't wait to hear it.
But first, I think these two need to tell us
what the fuck we're all doing here.
Rachel. What?
You invited us here
for this fabulous, fancy dinner.
Told us we couldn't invite anybody.
What is going on?
We've decided to enlist.
What -- I--
Mia, go watch TV.
No, I want to stay.
Mia, go!
That's why we wanted only adults here this evening.
Well, if you would have given me a heads up
on what this night was all about,
I would have found a fucking sitter.
Rachel, watch your mouth.
Are you fucking kidding me?
You've got a lot of nerve telling me
to watch my fucking--
Watch...your...mouth!
Save my dessert.
No social media.
I'm sorry.
If you'd like to talk about this in a respectful manner,
we're here for questions.
Yeah, I'll go first. Uh, why?
Why would you enlist?
You don't need the money.
For over three decades, I delivered the evening news
and there was not a week that went by where I was not
reporting on some horrific ecological disaster.
Droughts, floods, wildfires, crumbling glaciers.
I remember vividly staring into my monitor the day
that the Amazon rainforest burnt out of existence, just gone.
And I knew full well
that the last thing this planet needed
was more people, and what did I do?
I had children, four of them.
Oh, my God.
And now the government is talking about drafting people
to be euthanized.
If any of your names were called,
I couldn't live with myself. But they won't call our names.
You don't know that. I do, I do,
I do, I do.
And even if they did,
they can't call all of us.
Okay? I'm not supposed to say any of this yet,
but the legislation only permits
one person per family.
That means if one of us were called,
the rest of us would be safe.
And if at that point you felt inclined
to take one of our places, you could,
because they're going to let parents do that.
But none of that's gonna happen
because these rules aren't made
for people like us.
So let's just fucking get it.
We can't take that chance.
Oh, my God.
Both our first marriages ended tragically.
Neither of us ever expected to find love again.
But by the grace of God, we did.
And we think this is the right thing to do.
Okay, I'm going to try my hardest not to swear.
Um, but, Dawn,
why would you agree to this bullshit?
Well, we were thinking
we're both public figures
and we believe if we do this,
we can set a good example.
Oh my God,
this is about elevating
the York name, isn't it?
No it's not. It's about doing the right thing.
No it's not.
It's about the fact that
we all embarrass you.
What?
It's true.
Much to your obvious disappointment,
none of us turned out to be anything special.
So enlisting is -- is your way
of going out with the York name
forever remembered as
the epitome of self sacrifice.
Dawn, be honest with me.
This wasn't your idea, right?
My dad convinced you.
We decided together.
Bullshit.
Everybody just leave Dawn alone.
I'm sorry. I can't do this.
Son, sit down. Please stay. I gotta go, I-I...
Please. No, this is not...
Dad -- Dad, y-y-you just said...
You just said you wanted to spend more time with us.
And this doesn't make any -- any fucking sense.
It doesn't make any sense.
Noah, stop! Put that down.
We'll continue this discussion after dessert.
Right, dessert. Yeah.
I will come and get you when it's ready.
The rioting continued throughout the night,
with protesters vowing not to give up
until the government provides transparency
into the full extent of D.O.C.S. powers.
We'll be right back.
Week 39s enlisters of the week
are Luis and Rosa Gonzalez.
Luis was employed as a high school custodian for 25 years,
while Rosa stayed home and raised their son, Ignacio.
Luis and Rosa bestowed their enlistment benefit payments
to Ignacio and his new bride, Maria,
who plan to use the money to buy their first home.
Luis and Rosa, a grateful nation, thanks you.
Dad, look, you don't have to do this.
Look, I have a friend in the program,
he -- he says that the government is lying
about the enlistment numbers.
Oh, fuck, here we go.
Conspiracy theory time, is it?
He's not a wacko, Jared.
He works for a watchdog group.
And, dad, what they're saying is that way more than
9% of people have enlisted, it's more like 16%.
Yeah, what's -- what's this, uh, person's name?
His name? Why? Because people who
spread disinformation should be held accountable,
so what's his name?
His name is the same as mine.
He's anonymous. He's -- Oh, he's anonymous.
The anonymous ones I found are always the bravest.
I assume you told this fucking clown,
he has no idea what he's talking about.
How do you know?
You don't know this person.
No, but I do know
this person is speaking utter nonsense.
Why would the government lie about that?
Why would they lie?
You do know who's enlisting, don't you?
And it's only gotten worse since they've opened up
enlistment to undocumented immigrants.
Okay, now that's a very unfair picture
you're painting, that's a very popular program.
First off, those people are paid.
Second off, their children
are fast tracked towards citizenship.
Those people.
Oh, for fuck's sakes, that's not what I meant.
I just meant it is
a very good opportunity for people...
Like him.
Jared, he is your brother.
I said "like" him, I don't mean him.
He's got all the opportunity he needs.
Rachel, please help me out here.
No, never. Never. Okay, guys, I know that,
yeah, times are grim and rumors are swirling,
but this administration would never fabricate
enlistment numbers just to gerrymander.
Trust me.
Why should we trust you?
You're on TV every day defending a government that
is made up of the same buffoons
who had come onto my show
and deny that climate change even existed.
Yeah, I don't know why I expected
anything different from you.
You spent an entire career in mainstream media
just pointing fingers.
Asking questions is not pointing fingers.
Pointing fingers is when this administration
repeatedly refers to this crisis
as the Asian collapse.
But that's true.
China, Japan, India --
They're responsible for this.
Shame on you.
That sort of hateful rhetoric
is why Dawn can't even go outside anymore,
for God's sake.
They burned down her restaurant.
Oh, I know you crave the spotlight, Jared.
But you're embarrassing yourself.
And you embarrass me.
Okay, cool, so I guess
next time I go on television,
I should probably just make a little pit stop
at one of Noah's meetings
and just see what the deadbeat junkies have to say.
Jared, shut up!
He met his girlfriend at a meeting.
You're dating another addict.
Son.
Her name is Grace.
And, um...
She -- She's been clean for ten years, Dad.
And...she's been very, very good for me.
Do you have a picture?
Yeah.
Oh. She's lovely.
What does she do?
She's a manager at a Sports World
at the Oakwood Mall.
And...
I work there too.
Um, I play the piano in the food court.
You're playing again?
Just jazz standards and muzak, you know.
Nothing -- It's nothing.
No, it's not nothing.
It's perfect.
Well, I better go help Dawn.
Anyone else see the way he bandied
about that fireplace poker?
I thought he was going to kill me. Can I see?
Ohh!
My God, look! You guys are so cute.
Yeah, it's kind of sickening.
You look nice, look at them.
She's gone.
What?
What is this?
"I'm sorry. I can't do it.
I will always love you. Dawn."
What does she mean? I can't do it?
Dad, did you already sign up?
Hi. I'm Bob.
It's them!
Oh, they're early.
What?
Hi, it's Bob from D.O.C.S.
Department of the Citizen Strategy.
I'm sorry, we're a bit early,
but our last appointment. was a no-show.
You scheduled it for tonight?
We wanted you all here with us
as -- as we said goodbye.
What the fuck, Dad?
You can't just spring that on us.
Tell him to leave. We're not done here.
That's right, that's right.
Jesus.
Hi, Bob again.
We can't park our vehicle
in the driveway with all the cars.
Do you mind if we park it along the side here?
It's a tight fit, but Tony's a pro.
Uh, sure. Yeah.
Okay, Tony, we're good. All right.
Well, normally I start by
asking who people are, but I-
I certainly know who you are, sir, I'm a big fan.
Charles York, most reliable source for news.
Is that James Earl Jones. Who does that voice? No.
That's CNN. That was years ago.
Anyway, I love it, I love it.
It -- It makes you want to listen, you know?
Uh...
Wow, you're married to Dawn Kim?
I saw her on Iron Chef.
Yeah, me and the missus have always
wanted to go to a restaurant,
but just a little too rich for our blood, you know?
Anyway, you mind if I come in,
or did you want to do the procedures in the driveway?
I'm so sorry. That was rude.
I'm just a little out of sorts these days.
It's just impossible to take time off right now.
Circling back.
May I come in?
Please, come in.
Hello, I'm Bob.
Hi. Hello.
Hello.
Wow.
This place is stunning.
I don't get to see inside a lot of houses
in this neighborhood.
I love how you've updated things
and kept the historical elements.
I mean, and that chandelier is just like--
Fish?
Yes. Uh, hi.
I'm Jared, I'm Charles's son.
I know you, you're on TV, too.
I am, yeah. Lately, anyway.
You're that government guy.
Well, no, I'm -- I'm an anthropologist,
but I have been working in coordination with the--
Oh, that's great. Where's Dawn?
S-She's not here.
She got cold feet and she left.
Oh, so it's just you, then?
Yes, but my wife and I
decided to enlist together.
So if it's all right with you,
I'd like to ask you to come back another time.
I'm sure once she and I connect,
she'll be back on board.
That's -- It's great. Yeah, great.
You, uh, can I, uh talk to you in private?
I mean, don't worry, don't worry.
Just need to sign some confidential paperwork
to cancel the procedure.
You know, the government and their paperwork.
Like a dog with a bone, rah rah rah rah.
Absolutely. I'll -- I'll sign whatever.
Please follow me.
Just initial the bottom of each page,
signed the last one, and we're all set.
Fine. Well...
I'd like to look it over first.
Sure. Take your time.
Wow.
That's Mandela. I recognize him.
And Bono.
Is that Queen B?
Oh, my God, I love her. It is, isn't it?
Oh.
What a life you've led, my friend.
And by all accounts, a virtuous one.
Not everyone can say that.
Some men in your position,
well, they take advantage.
Lives ruined, careers destroyed.
And all for what?
A little -- little hanky panky.
Yeah, when those bozos are gone,
all anyone is going to remember
is the nasty stuff.
Not you.
When you're gone, people are going to
remember you as one of the greats.
That is, unless something comes to light
that makes people see you differently.
What is this?
I'm not signing this.
Do you know who I am?
I do.
As I said, I'm a big fan
and I will never stop feeling that way
toward you.
No matter what list your name is on.
The way he plays.
- It's beautiful. - Dad, I don't understand.
You said that you wanted to do this with Dawn.
What changed?
Did he-- Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
And you were right.
I did try to convince Dawn to enlist,
but I'm still set on doing this.
I'm sorry I wasn't a better father.
I was too hard on all of you.
Especially after your mother died.
The estate will be divided evenly
amongst you all.
Be good to one another.
Support one another.
Do better than I did.
This is the anesthetic.
Once I administer it, you'll fall asleep
and you won't feel a thing.
Grandpa.
That was very moving
from the music to the reconciliations.
I mean, that procedure ranked right up there
with the best of them.
Just go.
All right, then.
Bye.
Ah, I can't leave quite yet.
Why not? You're not gonna like this,
but I need a second cadaver.
A body. I need a second body.
I already told you, Dawn left.
I know, and that's unfortunate.
But we're here to collect, um...
Two bodies.
What's he talking about?
You're scaring my niece. Get out!
Oh, shit! Oh, my God! Fuck
Jesus Christ! Calm down, calm down.
It's okay. It's all right. It's okay.
Look, we've got three hours until our next appointment,
and it's, uh...what?
Roughly a half hour from here?
Another half hour to perform the procedure.
And that leaves you two full hours to decide
which one of you is gonna take Dawn's place.
Okay, I don't know if this is some kind of
ill-timed joke, but it ends now.
Uh...I'm calling some friends of mine in the administration.
Yeah, that's not gonna happen.
We scrambled the house.
We can't have you wasting time
when you should be concentrating
on the task at hand.
Now, the little one here -- Mia, right?
You don't talk to her. Oh, relax.
I was just gonna tell you that she's exempt.
We don't get paid for minors.
You -- Paid?
Well, sure.
D.O.C.S. contracts out cadaver collections
to private companies, such as the one that employ me
and my colleagues here.
We used to work in corrections,
but prisons emptied out in a hurry
when enlistment opened up to incarcerated convicts.
It's such a shame, too.
Housing, feeding convicts
over time paid a lot more dough
than cadaver procurement.
That's strictly a one time fee.
And currently the government isn't paying for minors.
But maybe someday soon. Right, Professor?
You're a lunatic.
How?
I'm doing my job just like you.
Now give us the girl. Mom?
It's okay.
You're not taking her.
Uncle Noah!
Tony, take her. Mom!
No! You're not taking her.
You can't have her.
Calm down, it's okay. It's all right.
We're not gonna hurt her. You have my word.
She's just gonna sit with us in her vehicle
until this whole situation is resolved.
Now, trust me, you don't want her here
for this next part.
Okay, Mia, listen to me.
You need to go with the man, okay?
Oh, Mom, I'm so scared. It's okay.
We just need to figure this out, I promise.
Okay? Come on.
Let's go.
You're gonna be okay.
Why are you doing this?
We didn't enlist, Dawn did.
Please go find her.
Well, we already have people looking for Dawn,
but the odds that she's located
in the next two hours are not good.
And we are not falling further below our quota.
No way, no how.
What did you say to her father?
Nothing, I just gave him the paperwork
to cancel his procedure.
And then he read it over
and decided not to sign,
which, you know, see, you can --
You can back out. No problem.
But your bank accounts are frozen.
You lose your assets, and you go to jail
for the rest of your lives.
Either way, my company gets paid.
Jared, is that true?
Yeah, it is, but you know what?
Nothing seemed to bother him as much as the fact
that his name would one day be published
on the government's cowards list.
Yep, we're gonna let people know the names
of all the bums who turn their backs
on their country when it mattered most.
Your dad cared a lot about what people thought of him, huh?
All right. Uh, Bob.
Bob.
Um...you don't have to do this.
Well... Okay? I-I am sure
as leader of this unit,
you have some discretion
as to how the D.O.C.S. regulations are applied.
So -- So I'm gonna tell you this as a favor.
You don't wanna do this.
You are on the wrong side of history.
This -- This is a mistake.
I know people.
Important people. No, you know what?
You make a very good point, Jared.
I really appreciate that.
Thank you. Of course. No problem.
I hate to be that guy. Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, but here's the thing.
I don't care who you know.
And I certainly don't care for you
telling me how to do my job.
The rules are the same for everybody.
That's how I roll.
So, here's what I suggest.
You all go into separate rooms,
take some time,
think about your lives.
I'm sure one of you is gonna realize that...
it's not all that great.
And to get things started,
I brought a little reading material.
You see, this situation happens
a lot more often than you think,
and that's why our familial research department
compiles concise,
personalized notes on all family members
based on information gathered from browser histories,
emails, texts, DMs and phone calls.
And not just from them, but from the people
they interact with.
So let's start with Jared York.
Please don't. Oh, this is good. This is good.
You're very young girlfriend, Kaylee,
who you abandoned your wife and child for last year.
She's having carnal relations
with 3 to 5 additional people,
depending on the week.
She's what? And speaking of your son, Lucas,
he hopes that you'll enlist
so he never has to see your,
and I quote here,
"stupid af face again."
Oh, and you often Google--
Okay, you Google shit.
You Google shit.
Next up.
Rachel York.
It's okay. I'm pretty sure
I know what's on there.
Um, my daughter is being bullied because of me.
Yes, says so right here.
Uh, my board wants to fire me from my own company.
Yeah, that's right. Oh, and I'm also
wanted for a string of bank robberies.
Hmm, that's not--
Fuck you, you piece of shit! Ah!
Stand down. Stand down. Here.
Read them yourselves.
And just, uh,
flick the porch lights off and on
when you've made your decision.
Wait, wait, wait.
What if we can't decide?
What if we can't make a decision?
Ah, we'll decide for you.
Shit.
Procedure 16 complete.
Headed to 17th location.
Over.
You know, I'd ask you to play cards with me,
but I don't much appreciate your mom
punching me in the face.
I appreciated it.
Oh, fuuuuuck!
Fuck!
Fuck you, you pieces of shit!
What the fuck do you know?!
Come on.
Come on, Jared.
Would you please move?
Thank you.
So anyone?
I think Noah should sacrifice himself for us.
Screw you, Jared.
No, really. Screw him.
When Mom and Dad adopted him,
he was given every opportunity
under the sun.
He went to the best schools.
He had the top piano instructors.
But! But!
Not only did he piss his own life away,
he also fucking killed that woman in the accident.
So if you ask me,
Noah should sacrifice himself for us.
It only makes sense.
No, you know what makes sense?
Is putting it to a vote. Okay.
Who here thinks that Jared
should take Dawns spot? Jared?
How fucking dare you!
I have a child! Who hates you!
Like everyone else in your life.
Oh, do -- do you know everyone else in my life?
Oh, my God, okay, no, maybe I don't.
But I know Beth. Hey...
Oh, you remember her?
You're beautiful,
amazing wife.
The one you bailed on the second someone showed you
just a little bit of attention? Stop it.
Yeah, I bet if she were here,
her hand would be held fucking high.
No, it wouldn't!
Yes, it would!
Stop fighting!
I didn't get to say this earlier.
But I came here tonight to apologize.
I've been nothing but a drain on this family
for far too long.
But the accident woke me up.
I'm clean.
I found love.
And for the first time in my life,
I see a future for myself.
And I want nothing more than for that future
to include the people in this room.
Now we can get through this, but we have to stick together,
like dad said.
Okay...
Like Dad said?
Before he died.
Dad said to be kind to one another,
to support one another.
So let's stop fighting and let's work together.
It's what Dad would have wanted.
Are you serious?
That asshole signed one of his own
fucking children up to die.
He couldn't have known about that, obviously.
No. Not obviously.
No. Nothing with him was ever obvious.
The man could have given a fucking TED Talk
on withholding, and all of a sudden
I'm supposed to give a shit
because he got all weepy on his deathbed?
Fuck you.
Nice. Nice.
Now what the fuck do we do?
Where is it? Where is it?
I mean, where is it? It's got to be here somewhere.
Oh, no, no, no. Is it here?
Nope.
Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. There it is.
There's the card I needed.
Why don't you shove it up your butt
so you'll always have it.
You have your mother's charm.
Boss, they blinked the light.
Decision time. BRB.
Hello. Hi.
We ready to proceed?
No, we just --
We had a question.
You said that if we couldn't decide
who has the procedure,
you'd decide for us.
How will you decide?
It's a very good question.
You'll be happy to know that
I use a very scientific system
perfected over time.
What if we gave you a body?
What, you find one in the freezer?
No, you fuck.
I'm asking if you have to do the procedure
or can we just deliver you a body?
A procedure is preferable
from a paperwork standpoint,
but I would figure something out.
No.
No decision yet.
My cards.
What did you --
What did you do? Why would you do this?
'Cause you're a bully.
What was that about?
What?
You said that we were just gonna ask Bob
how he would decide.
Yeah. We did that.
And then I had a follow up question.
A very pointed one.
No, a very logical one.
I don't want to draw straws, do you?
Fucking no, of course not.
But...
May--Maybe it's what's fair.
Fuck fair.
I don't want a 1 in 4 chance
of dying tonight.
Sorry, those odds don't work for me.
Okay, so what is your suggestion, then?
I don't have one.
I've made mistakes.
A lot of them.
Especially recently,
but I am sure as hell not ready
to throw in the towel.
None of us are.
That's kind of beside the point, isn't it?
No it isn't.
'Cause here's the thing.
I barely know you fucking people.
I know we're family and all, but, what,
we see each other
three, maybe four times a year.
Always here at Dad's.
I mean, we never get together on our own.
We never even call each other unless
it's an obligatory birthday call.
I am closer with the lady who does my nails
than I am with any of you.
What's your point?
My point is,
if Bob needs a second body,
I can tell you all, right fucking now
it's not gonna be mine.
- Holy fuck! - Rachel!
Fuck!
No! Let me see.
What the fuck?
He doesn't deserve a cent of Dad's money.
He's just gonna fucking snort it all away.
Oh, my God.
She's not wrong. Yeah she is.
I'm fucking clean, Jared.
Oh, whatever. It never sticks.
Listen, guys, one less sibling means
more of Dad's money for the rest of us.
You trying to recruit them to gang up on me?
No, I know where Jared stands.
Ashley, you do get
the severity of the situation, don't you?
You do get that on of us
is leaving here tonight in a fucking body bag.
One of our cold, dead bodies
is being wheeled out that door
and thrown in the back of that mobile morgue
at the end of the driveway,
right alongside Dad.
Now, do you want that dead body
to be your pretty little body?
No, you don't.
Because you have a dream, right?
You're gonna be a famous actress,
and it'll happen for you, too.
You just got to keep following your heart.
As if you care. You've never even seen her on stage.
No.
I haven't, but I do know
that following your heart isn't cheap.
Now, I don't know how big Dad's estate is,
but think of how much more of a nest egg
you could have with one of us out of the picture.
Yeah.
Nice try.
But we're stronger than that.
Noah already got his inheritance.
What do you mean?
I mean, he's not going to trial.
The, uh, woman's family dropped the charges
because Dad paid them off.
I saw an email from Dad's lawyers.
He paid them $3 million.
- Holy shit! - No, no, no,
I had nothing to do with that, Dad did that.
I didn't even know about it Okay.
until Dawn told me about it.
When she -- When she invited me to dinner.
I mean, so, Dad's estate isn't really being
split evenly, is it?
Because you're already up 3 mil.
I don't give a shit about the money.
You guys can have it. Ash.
You promised me no more secrets.
Jared, put that back. Jared, put that back.
- What the fuck? - Ashley. Ash!
You put that back. Ash!
3 million fucking dollars.
Stop! This is fucking crazy!
All of you, stop!
Get the fuck back, Jared!
Hit him! It's not easy as it looks.
You fucking hit him. I already did.
Just swing, you fucking pussy!
Stop, stop!
Swing!
Do you want it to be you?
No! We're a fucking family.
Just fucking swing!
Stop it! We're a fucking family.
Fuck this.
Jared.
Yeah.
Ah!
Jesus! Fuck!
Ash, please.
Come on.
Don't do this. Ash, please.
Ah!
Mm-hmm.
So you're a test tube baby?
Is that because your mom couldn't mate with a man
without killing him?
No, my mom said it was because
she didn't want to waste any of her love
on some idiot man.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
I don't think your mom is a person with
a whole lot of love and reserve.
This is a waste.
I have to pee.
Back there, to the right.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
I don't want you peeing on this.
Sir, great news.
We have apprehended Mrs. Kim
and are en route to your location.
You can release the orcs.
ETA 20 minutes.
Uh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Um, let's just, uh...
bring her back to headquarters.
Sir, she says she wants to do the procedure at home.
Yeah, I don't give a rat's ass what she wants.
Take her back to headquarters.
I wiped myself on your hand towel.
Oh, of course you did.
Close your eyes.
Close your...
Put yourself calm.
Picture yourself calm.
Oh, my God.
Grace.
One, two.
One, two, three.
Oh, there we go.
Apologies for the counting,
but the instructions say it's ready when you can
count to three between pops, so that's what I do.
You got to be careful, 'cause the second
you burn one kernel, the whole bag is ruined.
I don't know why, but it just tastes off, you know?
One time I only --
I only had four unpopped kernels.
I put a photo of it on Insta. You should check it out.
I'm @WhataboutBob42.
Amazing, I'll do that for sure.
Hey. You don't want any popcorn?
It's been over an hour.
What are they still doing in the house?
You know, based on my experience
in similar situations, I want to say, yeah,
killing one another.
What?
No they're not. Why would they do that?
Hey, that's not on me.
Your mom came up with that idea
all by herself. She did not.
She would never do that. Oh, why?
Because she's such a good person? Please.
You know those terrible things your classmates
are saying about her online are true, right?
Yeah, your mom was fully aware
that those pills didn't work.
And, yes, she refused to pull them off the shelf.
So those women got sicker and sicker because of her.
Stop lying!
Tony!
That our expectation,
our desire to achieve victory
on a volunteer basis.
Is an abject failure.
They sent this idiot out to the crowd.
I don't know why you bother having him on--
He is Charles York's son.
I respect the hell out of Charles.
But his kids? That's another story.
Noah.
Please don't.
What are you doing here?
I had to get away. I couldn't take it.
Noah, I'm so sorry.
I don't know what happened.
Rachel, she got in my head.
Where are they?
They're in the living room.
They have Dawn's knives.
I'm gonna go talk to them.
Did you not just hear what I said?
This has to stop.
Ash...
...it has to stop.
You stay here?
No.
I should go with you.
They should hear it from the both of us.
Get behind me.
In case they gang up on you too.
Okay.
Hey.
Look at us.
You look so happy.
I just started taking piano.
Nobody called me a prodigy back then.
It was still fun.
And I had a new little sister to call my own.
You and me against the world.
Right?
Got those chubby little cheeks.
Noah.
Yeah.
Fuck!
Damn it!
Ash, help me!
Help me!
I can't.
Ash!
Open the fucking door!
Get up, help me!
Move! Move!
You're fucking dead!
Die already.
Tell Mia I love her.
Tell her yourself.
Ah!
I'm not racist.
Uh...
No, I-I'm an ally.
Okay, so, uh, you, uh...
Mia, uh...Dawn.
I love -- I love you all, okay?
I-I know you're not supposed to say,
"I don't see color,"
but I don't see color.
So none of this has anything to do with,
uh, white privilege or systemic anything.
Got it, Jared.
I got it.
Oh!
Oh my God!
Oh, sh--
You think I'm the bad guy, but I'm not.
I'm only here tonight because your grandpa invited me.
He knows I'm doing important work
to save the planet for your generation.
Give me a fucking break.
Your generation ruined the planet.
Hey, language.
You need to improve your outlook, young lady.
I mean, I don't think you realize how lucky you are
to be living where you do
Most of the world now, you know,
it's total anarchy.
But we still have law and order,
and we're still protecting your freedoms.
Okay, look.
You don't understand this because you're a kid,
and I get that, right?
But just when the dust settles,
when we hit our enlistment goal,
the great people of this country
used to have the really decent, the --
the righteous people, they're gonna be gone.
Yeah, whatever.
No, no, no!
Enough with the fucking attitude!
After everything I've done,
after everything I've sacrificed,
you damn well better show me some respect.
Boss, everything okay in there?
Boss?
Yeah, Tony. I'm good. It's all good. It's all good.
It's all good. It's all good.
Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you.
I'm just -- I don't I know what I'm talking about.
You know, I've been -- I've been inside these people's homes.
I've sat with their families.
And these aren't the Richie Rich's of the world,
like your kind, they're massive carbon footprints.
No, these are the -- These people are salt of the earth.
They've worked hard their whole lives
and just couldn't catch a break.
That is, until the government offered them
a quarter of a million, tax free, dollars
to sacrifice themselves.
And now -- And now they're dying happy
knowing that their families are being taken care of.
You know?
I mean, that's beautiful.
My wife, Ruth, she enlisted on day 14.
Yeah, she had Parkinson's for years,
but we managed, you know, we managed.
It's all good.
Still, she decided that since the enlistment program
didn't give two hoots about preexisting conditions,
she might as well sign up
and get the money instead of die
for nothing, you know?
Hey, I disagreed,
but I never won an argument
in all our years of marriage.
Look, I'm sorry that you're all broken up
about what's going on in your grandpa's house,
but come on, come on.
Is it so wrong to not want the new world
to be filled with terrible people like your family?
No.
I guess not.
But I don't think you care about that.
I just think you like to watch people die.
Can it be both?
Jesus Christ, this is so fucking bleak.
I-I don't know, I--
Oh, God.
Jesus. Is -- Is --
There's no way Bob can just come in here
and fucking kill him
so we don't have to?
No, he won't do it.
No, but he might.
He might. We could at least ask him.
It's a waste of time.
That sadistic fucker is loving
what's happening in here.
This is what he wanted all along.
If we want out, we have to deliver the body.
Guys, the way he looked at me
when he realized I betrayed him.
I can't. Yeah.
He could have finished me off,
but he didn't. Me too.
All right, Ash, it's okay, we're gonna,
uh, just get this done real quick.
It'll be over with before you know it.
On three. Yeah, okay. On -- On three.
Okay.
- Ugh. - Oh, God.
One.
Yep. One.
Two.
Ahh...
Three.
Noah?
Noah!
Noah, please!
Who's that? Who's that?
Noah, are you still here?
Ma'am, stop right there.
You stay there.
Noah, where are you?
Ma'am. Let me go.
I don't know what's going on here,
but I'm recording everything.
- Where is Noah? - Holy shit.
That's Grace. Oh, my God, we're saved.
G-Grace!
Hey, hey, you guys,
you're Noah's family, right?
- Yeah. - What's going on here?
Where's Noah? Ma'am.
I can answer all your questions.
I didn't ask you. I asked them.
Get back in the house, get them back
in the house right now.
Come on.
Mom!
Mia! Back in there.
Ma'am, you're interfering in official D.O.C.S. business.
That's a federal offense. D.O.C.S.?
I thought D.O.C.S. just euthanized people.
We've diversified.
Shit.
Hey! Hey! Stop the vehicle!
Mom!
Mia!
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Tony, help me out here. Just -- Careful!
She's a child!
Be gentle, Tony, gentle.
Yorks, back in the house.
You still owe me a body.
Owe him a body?
What is going on here?
Where is Noah? Tell me he's alive.
He is Grace, he's alive. But he needs help.
Please run and get help. Okay, okay.
I'm gonna go get help.
Just tell Noah I love him.
Go! Run! Run!
Stop her.
What?
They killed her. They fucking killed her!
She didn't do anything.
So that's it, right?
You have your second body.
What, are you kidding me?
She's not my second body.
I'm here to collect two York bodies.
Now get back inside the house
and finish what you started.
And don't you dare try to pin this on me.
If your family did it's part, that poor woman
would be alive right now.
Now get in there. You've got 15 minutes.
I meant go get her.
Don't. Don't say anything.
Let's just go upstairs and do what we have to do.
Don't think about it. Let's just do it.
I mean, no, I wouldn't want to be alive right now anyway.
That woman lying dead out there
was his whole world.
Yeah. Yeah.
Um, if -- if you think about it,
we're really doing him a favor.
I mean,
it's fucked up,
but it's the right thing to do.
Now it is.
Yeah, yeah. Okay.
Huh.
Noah?
Fuck.
Noah?
We had nothing to do with what happened to Grace.
Noah?
Come on, Noah, we don't have much time.
I'm not mad anymore.
Noah, come on, you're freaking us out.
This is bad. This is so fucking bad.
Fuck.
Fucking Noah.
Oh, my God.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Jesus Christ, Noah!
Noah.
No!
Noah, we're so sorry.
We're so sorry.
Noah!
Get off her!
Fuck you.
If Bob needs a body, it can be this
lying bitch's body.
Please, just leave her alone.
What would Dad think?
Huh?
Fuck.
Ah! What would Dad think?
Huh?
Ah! Ah!
Don't you fucking talk about him.
Okay, okay!
Just leave Ash alone.
I'm volunteering for the procedure,
you don't have to do it.
You don't have to do it. I'm volunteering.
Everything that's happened tonight
is on me.
You're not the worst of us, Noah.
I am.
I'm cold, I'm selfish.
So take me.
Please.
Just take her, okay?
You -- You never wanted fame or money.
You just wanted a fucking family.
Just flick the lights. I'm ready, okay?
No, no, no.
It should be me.
'Cause I'm the eldest
and I'm supposed to look out for you guys.
I was always supposed to look out for you guys.
I never fucking did.
Uh, a really bad brother.
And I'm a bad husband and a bad father.
So if someone is gonna have the procedure,
it should be me.
- I have nothing. - Jared, stop!
You have Lucas.
He needs you to be here for him.
And no one needs
a two-faced failure.
If anyone should do the procedure,
it should be me.
Fuck that.
No one is volunteering.
It has to be one of us.
We have no choice.
I volunteered first.
No, we've always had another choice.
Let's get Bob.
I need to see my family.
You'll see them when they blink the porch lights.
Not before.
By then it'll be too late.
Someone I love is gonna die in there.
Please. Please.
Please, Bob, please.
Please!
I need to say goodbye, at least
Let me say goodbye!
Why?! Why won't you let me see them?!
Just a little bit longer, Ash.
Ash, stay with us.
Fuck, she's losing a lot of blood.
Jared, hurry up.
Two more seconds.
Right, you keeping pressure? Yes.
Jared! Okay, okay. It's ready.
You're gonna have to hold her down, though.
Ash, Ash.
Ash, I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Ash.
It's not your fault.
It's supposed to be me and you against the world.
And I screwed it up, Noah.
Aah, do -- do you want to count down?
No. Just fucking do it.
Okay, here we go, here we go, here we go.
Oh, no no, no, I have to do it again.
I'm going in again. I'm going.
Ash? Ash?
Ash, Ash, come on.
Ashley, Ashley, wake up!
Wake up! Come on.
Ashley!
Well, times up,
one way or another.
We're nearly done here.
Hello? Anybody home?
Huh.
Not who I expected.
Where are the rest of you Yorks at?
We don't have all night.
Okay.
Stop right there.
Shirts up.
Turn in a circle.
Well, whoever's responsible for this,
I really appreciate you saving us the effort of
bringing our equipment back in here.
So thank you for that.
Let's get the gurney in,
though, Tony.
We're all set to go in here.
Okay, well, I guess I owe you guys some money.
Now I can split the total between the three of you.
But one of you is gonna get a penny more than the others.
Some people wouldn't think that's an issue,
but some families just fight like crazy over it, you know?
Ahh! Fuck!
Shut the fuck up.
Ashley, that was quite a performance.
I've seen a lot of dead bodies.
I'm not easily fooled. Well done.
Hey!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Guns down or they're dead!
Do it!
You don't want to be doing this, Yorks.
We're all bleeding out anyways.
You tell them to put their guns down or you'll be joining us.
Put your guns down.
Do what he fucking says!
They're not listening.
They say it's hard to saw through someone's windpipe, Bob.
But I bet I could do it in just one swipe.
Okay, give them your weapons.
Put your weapons down.
Hand over your weapons. Put them down.
Down! Fucking down! Do what they say.
Give it to me. Give me your guns. Give me the--
He's gonna cut his fucking throat! On the ground.
Hands on your heads. Listen.
Do as they say.
Now.
Hands on your head.
Well, if you think we've never been in a situation
like this before, you'd be wrong.
So let me tell you how this is gonna play out.
Ash.
Ashley.
Okay.
All right, I'm good. Let's take him dow--
- I have -- - Shut up.
I have a son, too. Tony Junior.
Cut it out or I'm gonna swap you for Bob.
He's awake.
Boss, I'm sorry.
They forced me to show them how to set everything up.
Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony, it's okay.
I've got it all under control, babe.
Oh, yeah.
This is not looking good for you guys.
I'm not gonna sugarcoat it. I'm not gonna sugarcoat it.
Yeah, this is looking really bad for us.
Well, I'm just saying, based on what I'm seeing here,
not only are all of you going to jail,
but the government now has official custody
of both Mia and Lucas.
Excuse me? Not me. Or my company.
We're not in the minor accommodation business, I swear.
However, if any D.O.C.S. employee is injured
in the enactment of their duties,
the perpetrator's children automatically become
wards of the state.
It's true. Ask Tony.
It's true.
Don't kill me.
Yeah, and you should see the deplorable conditions
at these facilities, I mean,
remember the kids in cages at the border?
Yeah, think that but far worse. Far worse.
Oh, you probably want to keep your fucking hands
off our kids.
Then we're screwed no matter what we do.
Huh, Bob?
No reason to leave anyone alive.
Nugget, gonna have to ask you
to step outside again, okay?
I'm sorry about your wife.
It sounded like she was a really nice person.
So I doubt the two of you
are going to end up in the same place.
Look, um...
I know you're all very upset.
I can -- I can tell -- I'm --
it's been -- it's been a hell of a night, huh?
So here's what I'm willing to do.
Just forget about this whole situation.
And me and my man will just pick up your sister
off the floor and we'll go.
Okay? Deal's a deal.
What do you say?
Come on.
That's not Ashley on the floor.
It isn't?
Yeah, no, our first attempt at the procedure
didn't go too well.
Tony forgot to tell us
to take the air out of the IV tubes.
You ever see somebody die of an embolism, Bob?
It's not quick.
It's not really fair considering
that your friend killed my girlfriend instantly.
But as my lovely sister over here put it earlier...
Fuck fair. Okay, I can save you all.
I can save you.
I can save you and your children.
I could have sworn you said we were all doomed.
No, no, it's just a matter of paperwork,
that's all, just -- I can write something up
to cover for you.
You can cover us for murdering a D.O.C.S. agent?
Yeah, yeah, I'll just say that your father
reacted violently when --
when his wife departed and took us by surprise.
That's actually happened. My bosses will believe that.
And then when he calmed down, he decided to go ahead
with the procedure for his children's sake.
That part is true. It's so true, right?
No, please. Okay. Wait, wait, wait.
What about Dawn? What about Dawn?
What about her?
We have our headquarters.
Yeah, yeah. We have--
I don't know shit about that.
Okay, I'll bring Dawn back to you.
You don't have to have the procedure, you know.
Your family's given up enough. Please don't push that.
You'll never see her alive again.
They'll kill her and it'll be on you.
It'll be all on you. Come on.
Oh, hold on, hold on, hold on, come on.
What don't you people understand?
Huh? What? What?
There's a worldwide crisis going on,
and I'm doing important work.
And you -- you -- you -- you -- you -- you -- you --
you're just a pieces of human excrement
polluting the planet with your every breath.
I don't deserve to die!
You deserve to die!
Not me!
You!
Week 40s enlisters of the week
are Grace Dawson and Ashley York,
Friends for years, the inseparable pair
told our D.O.C.S. procedure practitioner
that they chose to enlist together
so they could inspire others
to do everything they could do
to help heal our ailing planet.
It was a beautiful procedure,
ranked right up there with the best of them.
Grace and Ashley, a grateful nation thanks you.