1 00:00:38,219 --> 00:00:39,599 So, please, put your hands together 2 00:00:39,599 --> 00:00:41,877 for the great Sam Cowell! 3 00:00:51,128 --> 00:00:55,098 Hello... 4 00:01:03,071 --> 00:01:05,211 Male news anchor: It's gonna be beautiful sunny day today. 5 00:01:05,211 --> 00:01:07,765 And we can expect much more of the same over the next few days 6 00:01:07,765 --> 00:01:09,974 if you want to do some of those outdoor activities 7 00:01:09,974 --> 00:01:11,148 you've been saving up. 8 00:01:11,148 --> 00:01:12,736 And in business, the stock market 9 00:01:12,736 --> 00:01:14,186 fell through the floor today. 10 00:01:14,186 --> 00:01:16,878 No one seems to have predicted this, so it's hard to know-- 11 00:01:16,878 --> 00:01:18,811 Female news anchor: And there was another drive-by shooting 12 00:01:18,811 --> 00:01:21,572 today downtown, it appears to be gang-related, 13 00:01:21,572 --> 00:01:23,091 but there are no suspects-- 14 00:01:23,091 --> 00:01:26,439 ♪ Come on down to Charlie's Jewellery ♪ 15 00:01:26,439 --> 00:01:28,061 ♪ I'll help you find... 16 00:01:30,650 --> 00:01:32,687 Female news anchor: The newest update to the Renner case 17 00:01:32,687 --> 00:01:35,138 is that Brooke Renner, a 14-year-old, 18 00:01:35,138 --> 00:01:37,623 has been missing since Thursday. 19 00:01:37,623 --> 00:01:41,282 The teen's aunt filed a missing person's report two days ago. 20 00:01:41,282 --> 00:01:43,215 Brooke hasn't been seen... 21 00:02:05,168 --> 00:02:08,378 ...No foul play is suspected in the teen's disappearance. 22 00:02:08,378 --> 00:02:12,244 The family is concerned for her well-being. 23 00:02:12,244 --> 00:02:13,555 - So if you have any information - Paige? 24 00:02:13,555 --> 00:02:15,143 - on Brooke's whereabouts... -What is it?! 25 00:02:15,143 --> 00:02:17,973 - It's Brooke. -Is she here again? 26 00:02:19,251 --> 00:02:21,287 ...call local police, or the number you see on the screen. 27 00:02:21,287 --> 00:02:22,978 Why are you sopping on the couch? 28 00:02:22,978 --> 00:02:24,428 The news of Brooke's disappearance 29 00:02:24,428 --> 00:02:26,775 was widely circulated on social media, 30 00:02:26,775 --> 00:02:28,467 perhaps because of last year's case involving police-- 31 00:02:28,467 --> 00:02:32,229 Okay. Oh, just mute that, and then... 32 00:02:32,229 --> 00:02:34,197 How long has she been missing? 33 00:02:34,197 --> 00:02:35,715 It just said four days. 34 00:02:35,715 --> 00:02:38,408 Well, I think you need to tell somebody that you saw her. 35 00:02:38,408 --> 00:02:39,823 Like, Jill? 36 00:02:39,823 --> 00:02:41,790 No, like, the fucking... police. 37 00:02:42,791 --> 00:02:45,415 Even though ACAB, obviously. 38 00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:48,107 Why don't you go get dressed, and I can call. 39 00:02:48,107 --> 00:02:50,661 They'll probably put me on hold for a while anyway. 40 00:02:50,661 --> 00:02:52,560 - Yeah. - Cause, you know, 41 00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:54,355 like, bureaucracy and all that. 42 00:02:54,355 --> 00:02:57,703 Right, yeah. Red tape. Um... 43 00:02:57,703 --> 00:02:59,256 Yeah, yeah. Go-- Go lay down. 44 00:02:59,256 --> 00:03:00,775 - Okay. - Go. 45 00:03:00,775 --> 00:03:04,227 Thanks. Um, I'm gonna go... 46 00:03:06,194 --> 00:03:08,679 ...lie down in my towel. 47 00:03:14,340 --> 00:03:16,998 Good job for washing your body! 48 00:03:18,068 --> 00:03:20,173 Thank you. 49 00:03:32,496 --> 00:03:36,880 Hey, yeah, is this the tip line? 50 00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:39,123 Um, yeah, this is about Brooke Renner. 51 00:03:39,123 --> 00:03:42,126 Um, my roommate saw her like, three days ago. 52 00:03:43,921 --> 00:03:45,820 When would she have to come in? 53 00:03:57,832 --> 00:03:59,212 Coming! 54 00:04:05,253 --> 00:04:07,876 Hold on! Jeez. 55 00:04:17,576 --> 00:04:18,818 Oh my God, what the fuck?! 56 00:04:18,818 --> 00:04:20,544 I know you're in there, you fuck! Come out! 57 00:04:20,544 --> 00:04:21,649 Oh my God, Brooke! 58 00:04:21,649 --> 00:04:23,340 Did you just throw that through my window? 59 00:04:23,340 --> 00:04:26,792 And did you just call me a fuck? You need to leave! 60 00:04:26,792 --> 00:04:28,345 Where the fuck am I supposed to go, Sam? 61 00:04:28,345 --> 00:04:30,968 To your aunt's house. And stop swearing, it doesn't sound cool. 62 00:04:30,968 --> 00:04:32,694 Okay, I can do whatever I want. 63 00:04:32,694 --> 00:04:34,386 Yes, I know, Brooke. 64 00:04:34,386 --> 00:04:36,180 You've made that abundantly clear. 65 00:04:36,180 --> 00:04:38,769 - How did you get downtown? - I took the bus. 66 00:04:38,769 --> 00:04:42,463 - You on the bus? - I got a ride, all right? 67 00:04:42,463 --> 00:04:44,430 Please leave. And take an Uber home. 68 00:04:44,430 --> 00:04:46,398 I just wanna know why you lied! 69 00:04:48,814 --> 00:04:51,541 I'm not doing this with you today. 70 00:04:51,541 --> 00:04:53,784 Fuck you, Sam! Fuck you! 71 00:04:55,165 --> 00:04:56,856 Are you drunk? 72 00:05:05,175 --> 00:05:06,349 Fuck. 73 00:05:09,835 --> 00:05:12,493 Dinner's ready! 74 00:05:32,202 --> 00:05:34,791 Thanks for cooking again, Philip. 75 00:05:34,791 --> 00:05:36,309 It's just Ragu. 76 00:05:36,309 --> 00:05:37,552 - It's still food. - Yeah. 77 00:05:37,552 --> 00:05:39,865 Technically... it's not, 78 00:05:39,865 --> 00:05:42,315 but you're welcome anyway. 79 00:05:42,315 --> 00:05:44,214 So, um... 80 00:05:46,803 --> 00:05:48,874 What are you gonna do about Brooke? 81 00:05:50,254 --> 00:05:51,635 I'm not sure. 82 00:05:51,635 --> 00:05:53,050 Just say that she broke our window 83 00:05:53,050 --> 00:05:55,432 in your statement tomorrow, and, you know, 84 00:05:55,432 --> 00:05:57,607 we'll ask her aunt to pay for it. 85 00:05:57,607 --> 00:05:59,954 And, you know, she'll go home on her own. 86 00:05:59,954 --> 00:06:02,232 She's just being 15, like the Taylor Swift song. 87 00:06:02,232 --> 00:06:04,234 - She's 14. - Yeah, even worse. 88 00:06:04,234 --> 00:06:06,995 Yeah, I know, it's like, when your boobs are the weirdest, 89 00:06:06,995 --> 00:06:08,928 you're wearing bad halter tops, it's a nightmare. 90 00:06:08,928 --> 00:06:10,723 I'm sure it's gonna be fine though. 91 00:06:10,723 --> 00:06:12,311 Hasn't she done this like, a few times? 92 00:06:12,311 --> 00:06:13,450 Yeah, I mean, 93 00:06:13,450 --> 00:06:15,866 she's probably loving the missing person posters. 94 00:06:16,764 --> 00:06:18,386 They used a selfie, she looks great. 95 00:06:18,386 --> 00:06:21,251 You can't say she looks great, babe, she's missing. 96 00:06:21,251 --> 00:06:23,011 I mean, it's not, like, out of character 97 00:06:23,011 --> 00:06:24,565 for her to do this for attention, 98 00:06:24,565 --> 00:06:26,808 but like, I'm still worried. 99 00:06:27,913 --> 00:06:30,053 Well, you're not getting paid to worry about her anymore. 100 00:06:30,053 --> 00:06:32,814 I'm worried that you're still not leaving the house. 101 00:06:32,814 --> 00:06:35,990 - Okay, I showered toady. - Oh. 102 00:06:35,990 --> 00:06:38,682 - Oh my God. - I did! 103 00:06:38,682 --> 00:06:40,546 -You did! - I did. 104 00:06:40,546 --> 00:06:41,754 Yeah. 105 00:06:41,754 --> 00:06:43,169 And I almost went to your show last night. 106 00:06:43,169 --> 00:06:46,483 Okay, but you didn't, so I just sat there all night. 107 00:06:46,483 --> 00:06:47,933 - Lonely Paige. - What? 108 00:06:47,933 --> 00:06:51,005 You bring home strange girls from Comedy Bar all the time. 109 00:06:51,005 --> 00:06:53,973 I mean, lesbian sex, there's like, a less than 1% chance 110 00:06:53,973 --> 00:06:56,182 of catching an STI, so... it's not risky. 111 00:06:56,182 --> 00:06:59,151 ♪ That's not true 112 00:06:59,151 --> 00:07:00,980 That's dangerous misinformation. 113 00:07:00,980 --> 00:07:02,534 You know what I'm talking about though! 114 00:07:02,534 --> 00:07:04,915 It's not like-- lesbians, you're never bringing home a stranger, 115 00:07:04,915 --> 00:07:07,400 everyone is like, someone's ex, someone's dog walker, 116 00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:09,748 you know, someone's friend twice removed. 117 00:07:09,748 --> 00:07:12,060 Yeah, okay, that's true. That is gay math. 118 00:07:13,406 --> 00:07:15,719 Mmm. Speaking of exes, 119 00:07:15,719 --> 00:07:17,514 I did see Noah last night, 120 00:07:17,514 --> 00:07:19,516 and he said he was trying to call you again-- 121 00:07:19,516 --> 00:07:20,793 Paige. 122 00:07:20,793 --> 00:07:23,762 Seriously, let's talk about anything else. 123 00:07:23,762 --> 00:07:25,902 You were saying that you have an STI? 124 00:07:25,902 --> 00:07:27,248 That's not at all what I said. 125 00:07:27,248 --> 00:07:28,732 Yeah, you were confessing to us-- 126 00:07:28,732 --> 00:07:30,527 I said it's impossible for me to catch them. 127 00:07:30,527 --> 00:07:32,080 -Oh! - Oh, we got it wrong. 128 00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:35,670 Okay, what year do you think everyone in the world has HPV? 129 00:07:35,670 --> 00:07:37,914 - Soon, I hope. 130 00:07:37,914 --> 00:07:40,399 What do you mean? What do you mean by "you hope"? 131 00:07:40,399 --> 00:07:43,436 Just, kind of, something to talk about... with people. 132 00:07:44,679 --> 00:07:46,198 Well, you also, by the way, 133 00:07:46,198 --> 00:07:47,855 didn't miss truly anything last night. 134 00:07:47,855 --> 00:07:49,546 - Alicia... 135 00:07:49,546 --> 00:07:52,169 I know, is still doing that, like, "Pick me up, daddy," 136 00:07:52,169 --> 00:07:54,068 - that, like, "daddy" bit. Daddy. 137 00:07:54,068 --> 00:07:55,828 She says "daddy" a bunch of times. 138 00:07:55,828 --> 00:07:57,761 Please say she retired the jean shorts 139 00:07:57,761 --> 00:07:58,866 over the top of the tights look. 140 00:07:58,866 --> 00:08:00,902 Okay, she did. But, sort of a twist, 141 00:08:00,902 --> 00:08:02,352 she added some really bizarre hats. 142 00:08:02,352 --> 00:08:03,733 - Yes. - So it's hard to tell 143 00:08:03,733 --> 00:08:05,976 if we're sort of winning or losing with her. 144 00:08:05,976 --> 00:08:07,944 -Uh, we're losing. - We're losing. 145 00:08:07,944 --> 00:08:09,635 - It's giving loss. 146 00:08:09,635 --> 00:08:10,878 It's giving loss, what she's doing. 147 00:08:10,878 --> 00:08:13,259 - Alicia is giving us loss. 148 00:08:20,128 --> 00:08:22,337 Did Brooke tell you she was intoxicated? 149 00:08:23,580 --> 00:08:27,135 I mean, she didn't tell me she was drunk, but she was drunk. 150 00:08:29,379 --> 00:08:31,174 What else did she say? 151 00:08:32,624 --> 00:08:35,074 Um, she called me a liar. 152 00:08:35,074 --> 00:08:39,251 You know, small talk. 153 00:08:39,251 --> 00:08:42,634 And was there anything else that you noticed different about her? 154 00:08:43,945 --> 00:08:46,603 Um, her hair. She dyed it blue. 155 00:08:46,603 --> 00:08:47,949 Like, this low-key blue. 156 00:08:47,949 --> 00:08:50,365 - Blue hair. - Yeah, but it wasn't, like, 157 00:08:50,365 --> 00:08:53,368 all blue, it was, like, dip-dyed, kind of, 158 00:08:53,368 --> 00:08:55,819 so it's like, just the ends, sort of, 159 00:08:55,819 --> 00:08:58,132 but it was done, like, really shitty. 160 00:08:58,995 --> 00:09:02,205 She-- um, she dyed it blue. Yeah. 161 00:09:03,447 --> 00:09:04,656 Okay. 162 00:09:06,209 --> 00:09:07,590 Thank you. 163 00:09:09,833 --> 00:09:13,665 Look, uh, I don't know what you, uh... 164 00:09:15,528 --> 00:09:18,842 I'm really sorry you're back here, Samantha. 165 00:09:18,842 --> 00:09:20,430 Yeah, me too. 166 00:09:22,674 --> 00:09:26,367 Just get in touch if you remember anything else. 167 00:09:26,367 --> 00:09:27,471 Okay. 168 00:09:28,541 --> 00:09:30,405 We all just want to make sure that Brooke 169 00:09:30,405 --> 00:09:32,097 gets home safe, right? 170 00:09:34,582 --> 00:09:36,515 Okay. 171 00:09:37,965 --> 00:09:40,692 - Here. - Yeah, um, I have one. 172 00:10:06,718 --> 00:10:08,443 Thanks for waiting. 173 00:10:08,443 --> 00:10:10,307 Were you a reliable witness? 174 00:10:10,307 --> 00:10:12,378 Yeah. I remember everything about her, 175 00:10:12,378 --> 00:10:14,277 I can't get her out of my dumb brain. 176 00:10:14,277 --> 00:10:16,072 Okay, so you did everything you could, 177 00:10:16,072 --> 00:10:18,315 and it's out of your dumb hands now. 178 00:10:21,111 --> 00:10:22,734 Officer [voiceover]: I'm really sorry 179 00:10:22,734 --> 00:10:24,321 you're back here, Samantha. 180 00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:37,300 Okay. 181 00:10:53,834 --> 00:10:56,215 - Samantha. - Hi! Are you Mrs. Renner? 182 00:10:56,215 --> 00:10:58,010 - Oh, I'm her sister, Jill. - Oh. 183 00:10:58,010 --> 00:10:59,978 Brooke's favourite aunt. 184 00:10:59,978 --> 00:11:01,600 Come on in. 185 00:11:06,881 --> 00:11:08,780 You're so short! 186 00:11:08,780 --> 00:11:10,402 Right this way. 187 00:11:13,508 --> 00:11:15,648 Orchids? So psychotic. 188 00:11:15,648 --> 00:11:18,582 - You can have a seat here. - Oh, thank you. 189 00:11:19,825 --> 00:11:22,241 Cameron, this is Samantha. 190 00:11:22,241 --> 00:11:23,829 - Hi, Samantha. - Hi. 191 00:11:23,829 --> 00:11:26,280 - I'm Cameron. - Nice to meet you. 192 00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:29,801 - Um, got your resume here. - Yes. 193 00:11:29,801 --> 00:11:33,045 Seems, um... Uh... 194 00:11:33,045 --> 00:11:36,048 I've never done this before. 195 00:11:36,048 --> 00:11:37,532 I-- I'm Sam. 196 00:11:37,532 --> 00:11:42,123 Um, I was an au pair for a family in the UK 197 00:11:42,123 --> 00:11:43,780 for two years. 198 00:11:43,780 --> 00:11:45,437 I'm also a comedian. 199 00:11:45,437 --> 00:11:47,922 Oh! I took improv in college. 200 00:11:47,922 --> 00:11:50,200 Oh, yeah. Zip, zap, zop. Totally. 201 00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:51,961 - Like... - Yeah! 202 00:11:51,961 --> 00:11:53,928 Yep, love it. Um... 203 00:11:53,928 --> 00:11:57,587 So, I mean, I spend most of my time with overgrown children. 204 00:11:57,587 --> 00:11:58,553 Why'd you leave? 205 00:11:58,553 --> 00:12:00,417 I'm still doing comedy, I'm still, like-- 206 00:12:00,417 --> 00:12:03,006 - Family in the UK. - Oh, um... 207 00:12:03,006 --> 00:12:05,595 I just didn't renew my student visa, so, like, 208 00:12:05,595 --> 00:12:08,046 - paperwork, I guess. - You're in luck. 209 00:12:08,046 --> 00:12:09,495 The only paperwork you'd have to fill out here 210 00:12:09,495 --> 00:12:12,602 is permission slips for field trips and things like that. 211 00:12:12,602 --> 00:12:15,398 Oh, Brooke can't do her own forgeries yet? 212 00:12:16,606 --> 00:12:17,607 No. 213 00:12:17,607 --> 00:12:19,298 Um... 214 00:12:19,298 --> 00:12:22,819 I also have a fine arts degree. 215 00:12:22,819 --> 00:12:24,994 Um, yeah, I just thought... 216 00:12:24,994 --> 00:12:26,719 Fine arts degree, feels applicable. 217 00:12:26,719 --> 00:12:29,101 Yeah, you know, art. 218 00:12:29,101 --> 00:12:31,448 Brooke loves to draw. 219 00:12:31,448 --> 00:12:33,278 That's great. 220 00:12:33,278 --> 00:12:37,040 Uh, so, here's the situation. 221 00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:38,524 Brooke's mother is very sick. 222 00:12:38,524 --> 00:12:40,319 She's in and out of hospitals all the time. 223 00:12:40,319 --> 00:12:43,978 I know, I'm really sorry, the agency told me that's... 224 00:12:43,978 --> 00:12:46,394 Yeah, and I still need to work quite a bit, 225 00:12:46,394 --> 00:12:50,536 so I would need someone maybe to stay over a few nights a week. 226 00:12:50,536 --> 00:12:53,125 - We have a guestroom. - I'd be here more, 227 00:12:53,125 --> 00:12:55,783 but I live an hour out, and with two kids and work, 228 00:12:55,783 --> 00:12:58,199 it's... it's a lot with the hospital visits. 229 00:12:58,199 --> 00:13:00,305 - Totally, yeah. - As you can imagine, 230 00:13:00,305 --> 00:13:05,241 the amount of change in a young girl's life has made Brooke... 231 00:13:05,241 --> 00:13:06,587 ...a little difficult. 232 00:13:06,587 --> 00:13:09,728 Of course. I mean, that's a teenager's job, right? 233 00:13:12,179 --> 00:13:14,733 That's a joke? 234 00:13:14,733 --> 00:13:17,425 Yeah... I hope. 235 00:13:25,433 --> 00:13:28,264 Brooke, can you come out please? 236 00:13:28,264 --> 00:13:30,749 No thank you. I don't want a nanny. 237 00:13:31,750 --> 00:13:33,510 Mom will get better. 238 00:13:33,510 --> 00:13:35,616 I know she will, sweetie. In the meantime, 239 00:13:35,616 --> 00:13:37,998 can you just come out and meet Sam here, please? 240 00:13:37,998 --> 00:13:39,792 She's nice. 241 00:13:39,792 --> 00:13:41,104 Oh, thank you. 242 00:13:41,104 --> 00:13:42,623 Hi. 243 00:13:48,629 --> 00:13:50,700 Hi. 244 00:13:52,495 --> 00:13:54,290 Why can't you just stay home like you used to 245 00:13:54,290 --> 00:13:56,775 - at the beginning? -Brooke, say hi. 246 00:13:57,845 --> 00:14:00,089 If you do, we'll go to the skate park this weekend. 247 00:14:00,089 --> 00:14:02,125 I promise. 248 00:14:02,125 --> 00:14:04,196 Oh, you skate? 249 00:14:04,196 --> 00:14:06,543 Okay, that's cool. Very intimidating. 250 00:14:08,511 --> 00:14:10,306 Uh, you know what, we'll be in the kitchen 251 00:14:10,306 --> 00:14:12,687 if you guys want ice cream after. 252 00:14:12,687 --> 00:14:14,897 - Cool. - Okay. 253 00:14:16,450 --> 00:14:20,661 Okay, ice cream. That is a bribe I can get behind. 254 00:14:22,318 --> 00:14:25,804 Right? They know what they're doing. 255 00:14:25,804 --> 00:14:27,944 Maybe we trick them, we go downstairs, we're like, 256 00:14:27,944 --> 00:14:31,499 "Yeah, we're friends!" And then we get the dessert. 257 00:14:31,499 --> 00:14:35,848 No. I don't need a nanny, okay? I'm 12. 258 00:14:35,848 --> 00:14:37,747 Okay, fair, totally. 259 00:14:38,748 --> 00:14:40,681 Why don't we think about it as being friends? 260 00:14:40,681 --> 00:14:42,303 I'll just be a friend that's old enough to know 261 00:14:42,303 --> 00:14:44,305 you can't have pizza for dinner every night 262 00:14:44,305 --> 00:14:46,963 or play with matches all the time. 263 00:14:46,963 --> 00:14:48,551 And I'll be paid. 264 00:14:49,724 --> 00:14:52,796 I know what you're trying to do. You're trying to be funny. 265 00:14:52,796 --> 00:14:56,179 - And I'm not being funny? - No, not really. 266 00:14:56,179 --> 00:14:59,286 Okay, that hurts, but the fact that you have 267 00:14:59,286 --> 00:15:01,357 high comedic standards means it's going to be easy 268 00:15:01,357 --> 00:15:03,290 to be friends with you. 269 00:15:03,290 --> 00:15:05,464 You're not like other nannies, are you? 270 00:15:06,500 --> 00:15:08,709 You're not like other kids, are you? 271 00:15:11,746 --> 00:15:15,543 Okay, well, if you're gonna be stuck with me, 272 00:15:15,543 --> 00:15:17,545 what do you wanna do tonight? 273 00:15:17,545 --> 00:15:20,238 I have the new episode of Riverdale. 274 00:15:20,238 --> 00:15:22,826 I love Riverdale. 275 00:15:28,487 --> 00:15:30,386 So, basically, that's why I don't fuck guys 276 00:15:30,386 --> 00:15:32,043 who read books anymore. 277 00:15:34,735 --> 00:15:37,427 - Hey, good to see you. - Yeah, it's been a while. 278 00:15:37,427 --> 00:15:40,258 Yeah. And probably a lot healthier and less depressing? 279 00:15:40,258 --> 00:15:42,605 - Yeah, you'd think. - When are you up? 280 00:15:42,605 --> 00:15:44,331 Oh, no, I'm not on the lineup. 281 00:15:44,331 --> 00:15:46,022 I'm just here for moral support. 282 00:15:46,022 --> 00:15:48,921 Okay, well, you can joke about literally anything now, 283 00:15:48,921 --> 00:15:50,440 so that's good, right? 284 00:15:51,234 --> 00:15:52,546 What? 285 00:15:53,823 --> 00:15:55,169 Just that you're... 286 00:15:55,169 --> 00:15:57,413 uniquely positioned, with all the... 287 00:15:57,413 --> 00:15:59,656 ...topics at your disposal. 288 00:15:59,656 --> 00:16:02,452 Yeah, I'm really lucky. 289 00:16:02,452 --> 00:16:05,145 - No, I just mean-- - Tim's just jealous 290 00:16:05,145 --> 00:16:06,801 because you can talk about your period, 291 00:16:06,801 --> 00:16:09,701 - and he can't talk about his. - Okay, thank you, Zara. 292 00:16:09,701 --> 00:16:11,461 Got me. Sorry, baby made a bad joke. 293 00:16:11,461 --> 00:16:12,566 Okay, I gotta go. 294 00:16:12,566 --> 00:16:16,363 -Tim Gideon! 295 00:16:17,881 --> 00:16:20,091 - Thanks. - Of course, Tim's the worst. 296 00:16:20,091 --> 00:16:21,506 - Oh, horrible. - Yeah. 297 00:16:21,506 --> 00:16:24,854 I feel like his hair somehow got more incel-y. 298 00:16:24,854 --> 00:16:27,029 You know what? I don't even think there's gel in it. 299 00:16:27,029 --> 00:16:28,513 I just think it grows that way. 300 00:16:28,513 --> 00:16:31,033 Wow, horrible. Heinous. 301 00:16:31,033 --> 00:16:32,758 Really weird. 302 00:16:34,553 --> 00:16:35,899 What, Tim say something dumb? 303 00:16:35,899 --> 00:16:39,938 Oh, he tried to make a certain kind of joke. So funny. 304 00:16:39,938 --> 00:16:41,181 - Oh. - I mean, 305 00:16:41,181 --> 00:16:44,736 Tim's obviously jealous because he is in no way relevant. 306 00:16:44,736 --> 00:16:47,359 Okay, well, what happened to me doesn't make me relevant, Paige. 307 00:16:47,359 --> 00:16:48,636 Yeah, I know that. 308 00:16:48,636 --> 00:16:50,362 The fact that you're a woman makes you relevant. 309 00:16:50,362 --> 00:16:53,296 Exactly. Girlina, bring some of that girlboss energy 310 00:16:53,296 --> 00:16:54,746 to the lineup tonight. 311 00:16:54,746 --> 00:16:58,370 I have genuinely missed seeing you be an annoying white woman 312 00:16:58,370 --> 00:17:00,096 - on stage. Genuinely. - Thank you. 313 00:17:00,096 --> 00:17:01,546 - I have, I have! - Thank you. 314 00:17:01,546 --> 00:17:03,927 But I gotta go, because I have a date, 315 00:17:03,927 --> 00:17:06,102 and in his bio, it says that he's a poet, so... 316 00:17:06,102 --> 00:17:07,276 Oooh! 317 00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:08,656 That will be fun to torture my parents with. 318 00:17:08,656 --> 00:17:10,934 - Okay, have fun. - You too. I love you. 319 00:17:10,934 --> 00:17:13,454 - Good to see you. - Zara, please fuck the poet. 320 00:17:13,454 --> 00:17:15,284 - Fuck the poet! - Fuck the poet! 321 00:17:15,284 --> 00:17:16,664 - Yes! - And I'd just say, 322 00:17:16,664 --> 00:17:18,356 - fuck the poet. -One more time, yes. 323 00:17:18,356 --> 00:17:20,910 Just for you to fuck the poet. 324 00:17:20,910 --> 00:17:22,049 So? 325 00:17:23,119 --> 00:17:25,639 Uh, all I have is what I had for my Montreal taping. 326 00:17:25,639 --> 00:17:27,882 It's not really topical two years later. 327 00:17:27,882 --> 00:17:30,816 Who cares, dude? Tim is still doing material about Frasier. 328 00:17:30,816 --> 00:17:32,784 Uh, hands up if we think Niles eats ass? 329 00:17:33,957 --> 00:17:36,408 I just, I'm not ready to like, take the think pieces 330 00:17:36,408 --> 00:17:37,789 and the subtweets and port them over 331 00:17:37,789 --> 00:17:39,584 into real-life heckling and harassment. 332 00:17:39,584 --> 00:17:42,414 Your Montreal set was so good. 333 00:17:42,414 --> 00:17:44,899 I was so mad at you for getting that taping. 334 00:17:44,899 --> 00:17:47,385 Yeah, well, you know, you win some, 335 00:17:47,385 --> 00:17:49,007 you lose some lifelong dreams, 336 00:17:49,007 --> 00:17:51,043 and then you watch your friends and peers 337 00:17:51,043 --> 00:17:52,183 live out those dreams, so... 338 00:17:52,183 --> 00:17:54,633 you don't have to be mad anymore. 339 00:17:56,256 --> 00:17:57,981 It's good, it's good... 340 00:17:57,981 --> 00:18:00,363 I feel like your youth pastor stuff could still work. 341 00:18:00,363 --> 00:18:02,262 ...and scrambled eggs! 342 00:18:02,262 --> 00:18:03,780 I mean... 343 00:18:04,919 --> 00:18:06,680 - You guys, 344 00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:09,131 you are in for a very special treat tonight. 345 00:18:09,131 --> 00:18:12,720 After a brief hiatus, the pride of Toronto, 346 00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:15,378 not in the gay way, though, that was Paige earlier. 347 00:18:18,485 --> 00:18:21,936 - And I guess me now. 348 00:18:21,936 --> 00:18:24,836 But without further ado, you guys... 349 00:18:24,836 --> 00:18:27,149 Sam Cowell! 350 00:18:57,593 --> 00:18:59,905 Um... that was a joke, you guys. 351 00:18:59,905 --> 00:19:02,011 I would never give up my stage time. 352 00:19:03,357 --> 00:19:05,221 Gay men on dating apps will literally have on their bio, 353 00:19:05,221 --> 00:19:08,362 like, "please, only contact me if you take care of yourself 354 00:19:08,362 --> 00:19:09,674 "and love your body." 355 00:19:09,674 --> 00:19:11,331 And then I will literally see them doing meth 356 00:19:11,331 --> 00:19:12,849 at circuit parties. 357 00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:22,307 Tim [voiceover]: You can joke about literally anything now, 358 00:19:22,307 --> 00:19:23,929 so that's good, right? 359 00:19:24,930 --> 00:19:28,002 Noah [voiceover]: You're funny. You are funny! 360 00:19:34,664 --> 00:19:36,666 So, what did you do at school today? 361 00:19:36,666 --> 00:19:38,116 We talked about a book 362 00:19:38,116 --> 00:19:39,980 I already read last summer at our cottage. 363 00:19:39,980 --> 00:19:42,224 At the cottage where you broke the tablet 364 00:19:42,224 --> 00:19:43,535 I got you for your birthday? 365 00:19:43,535 --> 00:19:46,952 Oh, were you annoyed with how Twilight ended, too? 366 00:19:46,952 --> 00:19:49,438 I'm also team Jacob, I was like, what is going on? 367 00:19:49,438 --> 00:19:52,095 You're team Jac-- No! I'm Edward. 368 00:19:52,095 --> 00:19:53,373 - You're Edward? - Yes! 369 00:19:53,373 --> 00:19:55,685 -Are you kidding me? -Are you kidding me? 370 00:19:55,685 --> 00:19:57,446 Was he the one with the abs? 371 00:19:57,446 --> 00:19:59,206 They both have abs. 372 00:19:59,206 --> 00:20:01,829 I mean, a completely different kind of abs. 373 00:20:01,829 --> 00:20:04,763 Like, Jacob, it's a warm, cuddly ab. 374 00:20:04,763 --> 00:20:06,903 You put it in the sleeping bag, you snuggle up, 375 00:20:06,903 --> 00:20:09,354 you get toasty. Edward, ice cold abs. 376 00:20:09,354 --> 00:20:12,909 - Cutting steel, killing people. - With his abs. Okay. 377 00:20:12,909 --> 00:20:15,774 - Yeah. - That all seems very rehearsed. 378 00:20:15,774 --> 00:20:18,777 Is that you treating us to one of your stand-up comedy things? 379 00:20:18,777 --> 00:20:20,917 No, those are-- those are usually much less funny. 380 00:20:20,917 --> 00:20:23,851 That was-- that was off the cuff 'cause I'm passionate about it. 381 00:20:23,851 --> 00:20:26,129 Okay, what do you actually tell jokes about? 382 00:20:26,129 --> 00:20:28,166 Yeah, I was reading about stand-up comedy, and it's-- 383 00:20:28,166 --> 00:20:31,169 it says a lot of it is apparently all about 384 00:20:31,169 --> 00:20:35,000 self-deprecation, you know, and you're not... ugly. 385 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:35,863 Not ugly! 386 00:20:35,863 --> 00:20:37,244 You're conventionally attractive. 387 00:20:37,244 --> 00:20:38,935 I'm just saying she doesn't have any affliction, 388 00:20:38,935 --> 00:20:40,385 you're not obese, you don't have a stutter. 389 00:20:40,385 --> 00:20:43,423 - Okay, that's... stop it. - Was that a joke, Cameron? 390 00:20:43,423 --> 00:20:45,701 I mean, no, it... 391 00:20:45,701 --> 00:20:48,220 Wow, your dad is going to roast battle me. 392 00:20:48,220 --> 00:20:52,328 Um, no, but actually I mostly do observational stuff 393 00:20:52,328 --> 00:20:53,778 about men being bad. 394 00:20:53,778 --> 00:20:55,227 It's called political comedy. 395 00:20:55,227 --> 00:20:57,885 It's very trendy. A lot of women do that. 396 00:20:57,885 --> 00:20:59,784 I also do the classics, you know? 397 00:20:59,784 --> 00:21:01,958 My period, the mall, skincare. 398 00:21:01,958 --> 00:21:04,064 - Guys, do I love them? 399 00:21:04,064 --> 00:21:06,031 Do I hate them? I'm changing my mind. 400 00:21:06,031 --> 00:21:08,724 I'm going crazy! Where's my tampon? 401 00:21:08,724 --> 00:21:11,347 They shout it back, they go, "Where is it?!" 402 00:21:11,347 --> 00:21:12,935 The crowd goes nuts. 403 00:21:12,935 --> 00:21:14,868 I'm gonna do it all at my show tonight. 404 00:21:14,868 --> 00:21:16,835 - A big period show. - Right, 405 00:21:16,835 --> 00:21:20,632 which is all derivative of Ruth Buzzi. 406 00:21:21,909 --> 00:21:24,533 - Who is Ruth Buzzi? 407 00:21:24,533 --> 00:21:25,982 Who is Ruth Buzzi? 408 00:21:26,983 --> 00:21:28,053 So, I realized something today. 409 00:21:28,053 --> 00:21:31,333 I realized I have a lot more in common 410 00:21:31,333 --> 00:21:34,474 with closeted homophobic youth pastors than I thought. 411 00:21:35,889 --> 00:21:39,617 Uh, the same way that they're denouncing gay people 412 00:21:39,617 --> 00:21:41,895 is the same way that I'm denouncing straight men. 413 00:21:41,895 --> 00:21:43,931 - Meaning, yes, 414 00:21:43,931 --> 00:21:46,313 very loudly. Very, very loudly. 415 00:21:46,313 --> 00:21:48,177 I'm going all over town, I'm preaching, preaching, 416 00:21:48,177 --> 00:21:50,904 I'm tweeting on my phone, "Men are bad, they're so evil!" 417 00:21:50,904 --> 00:21:54,010 Then I'm going home, I'm blowing a graphic designer. 418 00:21:55,771 --> 00:21:57,117 Seriously, though, it's like, 419 00:21:57,117 --> 00:22:00,707 we need a Volkswagen level recall on men in general, 420 00:22:00,707 --> 00:22:03,503 because the airbag is exploding, okay? 421 00:22:03,503 --> 00:22:05,850 We've got a lot of choking hazards, 422 00:22:05,850 --> 00:22:07,610 - if you know what I mean. 423 00:22:07,610 --> 00:22:10,958 Yeah, like, if one out of every 10 cars 424 00:22:10,958 --> 00:22:13,375 was killing its entire family and then the next day, 425 00:22:13,375 --> 00:22:17,068 the news was running a photo of the car on a jet-ski... 426 00:22:18,207 --> 00:22:21,072 ...would we still sell them? I don't know. 427 00:22:21,072 --> 00:22:22,970 Even though they're bad, they're murdering people, 428 00:22:22,970 --> 00:22:24,765 I am having sex with them... 429 00:22:24,765 --> 00:22:27,112 ...um, as much as possible. 430 00:22:27,112 --> 00:22:30,840 Um, I'm at the bar, I'm signaling guys 431 00:22:30,840 --> 00:22:33,705 like a Republican senator signals the male interns. 432 00:22:33,705 --> 00:22:35,569 - Hell yeah. 433 00:22:35,569 --> 00:22:38,330 I'm like, "Kyle, I need you in the bathroom for something." 434 00:22:39,539 --> 00:22:43,163 I'm spraying Axe body spray like smoke signals. I'm like... 435 00:22:43,163 --> 00:22:46,062 - "Come here." 436 00:22:46,062 --> 00:22:48,858 So, really, who am I to judge Justin Bieber's youth pastor, 437 00:22:48,858 --> 00:22:50,791 because I want to fuck Justin too. 438 00:22:52,828 --> 00:22:54,554 Thank you guys so much. 439 00:22:57,971 --> 00:23:00,007 MC [echoing]: That was Sam Cowell! Keep it going! 440 00:23:00,007 --> 00:23:02,424 Keep it going. Give it up for Sam Cowell. 441 00:23:02,424 --> 00:23:03,942 Next on the stage... 442 00:23:26,033 --> 00:23:28,070 ♪ I went with you 443 00:23:28,070 --> 00:23:31,625 ♪ Up to the place you grew up in ♪ 444 00:23:31,625 --> 00:23:35,077 ♪ We spent a week in the cold ♪ 445 00:23:36,285 --> 00:23:41,152 ♪ Just long enough to Walden it with you ♪ 446 00:23:41,152 --> 00:23:44,914 ♪ Any longer, it would have got old ♪ 447 00:23:45,915 --> 00:23:49,056 ♪ Singing "Ace of Spades" when Lemmy died ♪ 448 00:23:49,056 --> 00:23:50,679 ♪ But nothing's changed 449 00:23:50,679 --> 00:23:54,476 ♪ LA is all right 450 00:23:56,270 --> 00:24:00,792 ♪ I'm sleeping in my bed again, and getting in my head ♪ 451 00:24:00,792 --> 00:24:04,555 ♪ And then walk around the reservoir ♪ 452 00:24:05,556 --> 00:24:07,109 Okay. 453 00:24:09,180 --> 00:24:13,046 ♪ You... 454 00:24:13,046 --> 00:24:17,429 ♪ You must have been looking for me ♪ 455 00:24:18,430 --> 00:24:23,781 ♪ Sending smoke signals 456 00:24:23,781 --> 00:24:26,922 ♪ Pelicans circling 457 00:24:27,923 --> 00:24:33,031 ♪ Burning trash out on the beach ♪ 458 00:24:49,772 --> 00:24:52,326 Hi, um, I'm here for Brooke Renner. 459 00:24:53,327 --> 00:24:54,950 Are you a relative? 460 00:24:54,950 --> 00:24:57,539 She's my nanny. She's late. 461 00:24:57,539 --> 00:25:00,749 I mean, we agreed "nanny" is kind of an antiquated term, 462 00:25:00,749 --> 00:25:02,682 but, yes. 463 00:25:02,682 --> 00:25:03,855 Are you okay? 464 00:25:03,855 --> 00:25:05,581 I didn't know you went to Hogwarts. 465 00:25:06,927 --> 00:25:08,584 Sorry, I'm going to need to see some ID. 466 00:25:08,584 --> 00:25:11,656 Oh, yeah. Sure. 467 00:25:11,656 --> 00:25:14,417 I have... that. 468 00:25:15,764 --> 00:25:17,869 Okay, this is a library card. 469 00:25:17,869 --> 00:25:22,460 Okay, could I say I know her full name, 470 00:25:22,460 --> 00:25:23,910 her middle name? 471 00:25:23,910 --> 00:25:26,429 Her food-- I know her food allergies. 472 00:25:26,429 --> 00:25:27,603 Could I say that? 473 00:25:32,435 --> 00:25:33,989 Hey. 474 00:25:35,335 --> 00:25:36,957 What happened? 475 00:25:39,753 --> 00:25:43,930 Um, my mom... was supposed to come home. 476 00:25:43,930 --> 00:25:47,174 But she-- she got an infection last night. 477 00:25:47,968 --> 00:25:49,901 And your dad? 478 00:25:49,901 --> 00:25:53,560 He decided to work if we couldn't go to the hospital. 479 00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:55,113 Well, it's perfect, 480 00:25:55,113 --> 00:25:56,874 I was on my way to meet up with my best friends-- 481 00:25:56,874 --> 00:25:58,185 - So I ruined your plans? - No, no, it's-- 482 00:25:58,185 --> 00:26:00,325 We were just going to the movies, 483 00:26:00,325 --> 00:26:02,396 and now you can come with us. 484 00:26:02,396 --> 00:26:04,778 Isn't sci-fi you and your mom's favourite? 485 00:26:08,402 --> 00:26:10,681 What kind of car is that? 486 00:26:10,681 --> 00:26:12,579 - I think just old. 487 00:26:13,684 --> 00:26:15,133 What movie are you seeing? 488 00:26:15,133 --> 00:26:19,482 Uh, an R-rated one that you probably shouldn't be watching. 489 00:26:19,482 --> 00:26:20,622 Okay. 490 00:26:21,968 --> 00:26:23,659 And I promise I'll take you to see your mom tomorrow 491 00:26:23,659 --> 00:26:24,764 if she's feeling better. 492 00:26:24,764 --> 00:26:26,628 - I talked to Jill earlier. - Okay. 493 00:26:28,526 --> 00:26:31,978 So, what kind of snacks are we thinking for today? 494 00:26:31,978 --> 00:26:33,945 - Everything? - I don't know. 495 00:26:33,945 --> 00:26:35,222 You don't know?! 496 00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:42,505 Paige and Philip, meet Brooke. 497 00:26:42,505 --> 00:26:44,266 - Hey, Brooke! - Hey. 498 00:26:44,266 --> 00:26:45,888 We've heard nothing but good things. 499 00:26:45,888 --> 00:26:48,546 Yeah, right. Sam gets paid to hang out with me. 500 00:26:48,546 --> 00:26:51,894 No, seriously, um, Sam is actually really jealous 501 00:26:51,894 --> 00:26:54,932 of your hair, and your clothes. Whole vibe. 502 00:26:54,932 --> 00:26:57,659 She's, um, profoundly intimidated by you. 503 00:26:57,659 --> 00:26:59,868 - Kind of pathetic. - Sure. 504 00:26:59,868 --> 00:27:01,697 No, not pathetic. 505 00:27:01,697 --> 00:27:04,010 Uh, Brooke are you-- are you coming to the movies with us? 506 00:27:04,010 --> 00:27:05,528 Yeah, if that's... that's all right. 507 00:27:05,528 --> 00:27:08,773 Oh, yeah. Any friend of Sam's is a friend of ours. 508 00:27:08,773 --> 00:27:09,843 Yeah. 509 00:27:09,843 --> 00:27:11,673 Especially one with such voluminous hair. 510 00:27:11,673 --> 00:27:13,916 - Yeah. - Thank you. 511 00:27:34,419 --> 00:27:35,662 Hey. 512 00:27:35,662 --> 00:27:39,597 I'm gonna go grab a drink with Noah if you want to come. 513 00:27:40,771 --> 00:27:42,738 Um... 514 00:27:42,738 --> 00:27:45,051 No, I think I'm just gonna... 515 00:27:46,155 --> 00:27:49,020 Yeah, um, didn't go well 516 00:27:49,020 --> 00:27:52,472 when I finally tried to go out last night, so... 517 00:27:52,472 --> 00:27:54,060 Say hi, though. 518 00:27:54,060 --> 00:27:56,614 Yeah, I'll probably just lie and say you'll call him. 519 00:27:56,614 --> 00:27:59,134 - Paige. - Hmm? 520 00:27:59,134 --> 00:28:01,757 Do you think he hates me? 521 00:28:01,757 --> 00:28:04,070 He'd be an asshole if he hated you. 522 00:28:04,070 --> 00:28:08,177 Yeah, and he's not an asshole, right? 523 00:28:12,768 --> 00:28:14,770 I mean... 524 00:28:14,770 --> 00:28:17,324 kinda, but like, in a good way. 525 00:28:17,324 --> 00:28:20,362 I like assholes. We're all assholes. 526 00:28:20,362 --> 00:28:22,882 I'm sorry that I'm not a fun asshole anymore. 527 00:28:22,882 --> 00:28:25,091 Okay, you were there for me during the great depression 528 00:28:25,091 --> 00:28:28,128 of 2016, and I will never forget that. 529 00:28:28,128 --> 00:28:30,199 - I was a nasty woman. - Yeah, I know, 530 00:28:30,199 --> 00:28:31,718 - but like, after that-- - No. 531 00:28:31,718 --> 00:28:33,547 I don't want to talk about that. We don't need to. 532 00:28:33,547 --> 00:28:36,171 No, I didn't think that you were jealous of my taping. 533 00:28:36,171 --> 00:28:38,483 - I shouldn't have said that. - I was jealous. 534 00:28:38,483 --> 00:28:41,417 And I probably shouldn't have told you you only got it 535 00:28:41,417 --> 00:28:42,798 'cause you were thin and white. 536 00:28:42,798 --> 00:28:46,181 Okay, so I'm hearing that and you're saying I'm thin. 537 00:28:46,181 --> 00:28:48,390 You should hear that you're malnourished. 538 00:28:50,150 --> 00:28:52,014 I mean, I am living for this, though. 539 00:28:52,014 --> 00:28:55,224 I am loving just seeing my friend laying down, 540 00:28:55,224 --> 00:28:58,883 all day long, sometimes microwaving something. 541 00:28:58,883 --> 00:29:02,059 No, I've been very horizontal lately. 542 00:29:02,059 --> 00:29:03,819 But I'm telling you, I'm not going to be the one 543 00:29:03,819 --> 00:29:05,994 to drive you to physio when your muscles atrophy, 544 00:29:05,994 --> 00:29:07,961 so let's turn the beat around. 545 00:29:07,961 --> 00:29:09,998 Fuck, okay. 546 00:29:09,998 --> 00:29:12,897 Yes, move your body. Chair aerobics. 547 00:29:12,897 --> 00:29:15,969 - Write some jokes? - Eh... 548 00:29:15,969 --> 00:29:18,558 - Movement. - How about this? 549 00:29:20,353 --> 00:29:22,596 Yeah, I'll do it again. 550 00:29:22,596 --> 00:29:24,184 Shit! 551 00:29:24,184 --> 00:29:26,911 Um, I... do cherish you, 552 00:29:26,911 --> 00:29:28,292 and I do have to leave. 553 00:29:28,292 --> 00:29:29,880 Okay. Have fun at the show. 554 00:29:29,880 --> 00:29:31,882 Oh, you know I will have fun, 'cause you know who 555 00:29:31,882 --> 00:29:33,504 - is on the lineup? - No, no, no. 556 00:29:33,504 --> 00:29:36,438 - Alicia, baby. Daddy! 557 00:29:36,438 --> 00:29:38,612 - Daddy! - Well, now I'm jealous. 558 00:29:39,751 --> 00:29:41,339 Oh, Daddy! 559 00:29:46,344 --> 00:29:49,865 ♪ Ooh, did you really think I'd change ♪ 560 00:29:49,865 --> 00:29:53,869 ♪ Nothing like a good thing going the wrong way ♪ 561 00:29:55,733 --> 00:29:57,528 ♪ Ooh 562 00:29:57,528 --> 00:29:59,599 ♪ I loved you 563 00:30:01,394 --> 00:30:03,879 ♪ The way I wanted to 564 00:30:09,022 --> 00:30:11,197 Are you tweeting already? 565 00:30:11,197 --> 00:30:12,992 - Yes. - Morning tweets? 566 00:30:12,992 --> 00:30:15,787 Rattling off some big... killer tweets. 567 00:30:15,787 --> 00:30:18,135 - Oh yeah? - "My boyfriend's so annoying." 568 00:30:18,135 --> 00:30:21,379 - Excuse me? - "Stinks and is rude." 569 00:30:21,379 --> 00:30:23,347 - What? - Boom, viral. 570 00:30:23,347 --> 00:30:24,762 Did you tag me in it at least? 571 00:30:24,762 --> 00:30:26,488 I can't tag you, that's bad for the brand. 572 00:30:26,488 --> 00:30:28,145 "The brand?" 573 00:30:28,145 --> 00:30:30,388 Yeah, I have to shit on you, never tag you, 574 00:30:30,388 --> 00:30:33,046 and then a million girls are gonna comment 575 00:30:33,046 --> 00:30:34,599 "So true, queen." 576 00:30:34,599 --> 00:30:36,912 But they-- they don't even know me! 577 00:30:36,912 --> 00:30:38,914 Well, it's worth it, 578 00:30:38,914 --> 00:30:41,192 'cause look what I get to look at. 579 00:30:42,987 --> 00:30:44,092 What do you mean? 580 00:30:44,092 --> 00:30:46,439 Like, look what I get to look at. 581 00:30:46,439 --> 00:30:47,992 And you have to look at me. 582 00:30:47,992 --> 00:30:50,512 My view is... good, too. 583 00:30:50,512 --> 00:30:53,411 But I'm just saying that the property value of being 584 00:30:53,411 --> 00:30:56,449 in my body is actually higher than being in yours 585 00:30:56,449 --> 00:30:59,141 because my face looks out at yours. 586 00:30:59,141 --> 00:31:00,556 - Oh. - See? 587 00:31:00,556 --> 00:31:03,559 And your face looks out at like, 588 00:31:03,559 --> 00:31:07,011 uh, a vacant lot where they can't build, 589 00:31:07,011 --> 00:31:08,564 because there used to be a gas station. 590 00:31:08,564 --> 00:31:12,327 I don't know, I feel like there's... potential. 591 00:31:12,327 --> 00:31:15,675 I'm seeing, like, an organic kale co-op. 592 00:31:15,675 --> 00:31:18,436 - Wow. - They're building a Target. 593 00:31:18,436 --> 00:31:21,025 - Nice. - A Pilates studio for dogs. 594 00:31:21,025 --> 00:31:22,958 Okay, so, gentrification? 595 00:31:22,958 --> 00:31:25,409 Mm... unfortunately, yes, 596 00:31:25,409 --> 00:31:28,170 but the Pilates studio is gonna be amazing. 597 00:31:28,170 --> 00:31:30,793 Great. - Good plan. 598 00:31:30,793 --> 00:31:34,694 Hey, um, you know, I actually need to check the foundation 599 00:31:34,694 --> 00:31:36,316 - of your property. - Of mine? 600 00:31:36,316 --> 00:31:37,731 - For a second, yeah. - Why? 601 00:31:37,731 --> 00:31:41,218 Well, 'cause there's been some concerns with regards-- 602 00:31:41,218 --> 00:31:42,702 - Concerns?! - Yeah, there's been leaks. 603 00:31:42,702 --> 00:31:45,774 - Leaks?! - Yeah, soil density issues. 604 00:31:45,774 --> 00:31:47,396 - Oh my God. - Mmm. 605 00:31:47,396 --> 00:31:48,708 And if you don't mind, a couple guys from the city 606 00:31:48,708 --> 00:31:50,330 are gonna come down and join me. 607 00:31:50,330 --> 00:31:51,573 - Oh, it'll be a couple? - Yeah. 608 00:31:51,573 --> 00:31:53,264 But you'll barely notice we're here, okay? 609 00:31:53,264 --> 00:31:54,403 - Okay. - Oh. 610 00:31:54,403 --> 00:31:56,060 Don't use your hot water for a bit. 611 00:31:56,060 --> 00:31:57,648 Okay. 612 00:32:16,287 --> 00:32:19,946 ♪ It's gonna take a bit of work... ♪ 613 00:32:25,676 --> 00:32:28,127 Can I get you anything else, Sam? 614 00:32:28,127 --> 00:32:30,750 Um, do you think this premise is funny? 615 00:32:30,750 --> 00:32:33,995 It's like, two old-timey dudes, 616 00:32:33,995 --> 00:32:35,375 like, named Victor and Timothy 617 00:32:35,375 --> 00:32:39,034 come up with the term "victim," so it's like, "vic," 618 00:32:39,034 --> 00:32:41,692 the "vic" from Victor and the "tim" from Timothy, 619 00:32:41,692 --> 00:32:43,383 and it's like, "Oh, you're inserting yourself 620 00:32:43,383 --> 00:32:45,799 "into that," you know... 621 00:32:45,799 --> 00:32:48,078 Um, yeah, I guess. 622 00:32:48,078 --> 00:32:50,183 It's not your best work, to be honest. 623 00:32:50,183 --> 00:32:52,979 Yeah, no, it's bad. Thanks, Jeremy. 624 00:32:52,979 --> 00:32:55,154 Get you another Sapporo? 625 00:32:55,154 --> 00:32:56,431 - Yeah, thanks. - All right. 626 00:32:56,431 --> 00:32:58,536 - This one's on me, all right. - Thanks. 627 00:33:19,730 --> 00:33:20,903 Sam? 628 00:33:21,766 --> 00:33:24,424 - Can I talk to you? - Um, Jill, 629 00:33:24,424 --> 00:33:26,668 I like, asked you not to come around here. 630 00:33:26,668 --> 00:33:29,602 - I'm trying to work. - You're working again? 631 00:33:29,602 --> 00:33:32,018 Well, I'm trying to drink, but, yeah. 632 00:33:33,123 --> 00:33:34,848 - How are you? 633 00:33:34,848 --> 00:33:37,092 Um, thriving, obviously. 634 00:33:37,092 --> 00:33:40,923 Listen, I just want to know what you told the police. 635 00:33:40,923 --> 00:33:42,856 Just that I saw her. 636 00:33:42,856 --> 00:33:45,273 Or heard her, she threw a rock through my window. 637 00:33:47,033 --> 00:33:49,070 She stopped going to school. 638 00:33:49,070 --> 00:33:52,349 Well, probably because she can't throw rocks at school. 639 00:33:52,349 --> 00:33:54,420 She also, uh, 640 00:33:54,420 --> 00:33:56,318 released her rabbit into the ravine behind the house. 641 00:33:56,318 --> 00:33:57,733 Sammity? 642 00:34:00,253 --> 00:34:03,532 Maybe she was trying to free it? 643 00:34:03,532 --> 00:34:05,293 She dyed it blue first. 644 00:34:05,293 --> 00:34:06,570 Oh. 645 00:34:07,640 --> 00:34:09,918 She really misses you, Sam. 646 00:34:09,918 --> 00:34:13,128 And it's even worse now because I had to sell the house. 647 00:34:13,128 --> 00:34:17,408 My sister's house. And she's just totally uprooted. 648 00:34:17,408 --> 00:34:20,411 I gave all of the information that I have. 649 00:34:20,411 --> 00:34:23,449 And I really doubt that she misses me. 650 00:34:23,449 --> 00:34:26,659 I mean, she literally started a petition on Change.org 651 00:34:26,659 --> 00:34:28,557 to have me arrested, so... 652 00:34:28,557 --> 00:34:30,421 Please, Sam, you know her best. 653 00:34:30,421 --> 00:34:33,424 Did she ever say anything to you about a Nathan? 654 00:34:33,424 --> 00:34:36,117 Hmm, no. I'm sorry. 655 00:34:36,117 --> 00:34:37,532 I really am. 656 00:34:38,464 --> 00:34:40,466 Come on, please don't hold this against us. 657 00:34:40,466 --> 00:34:44,228 I'm not holding anything against you, or against Brooke. 658 00:34:44,228 --> 00:34:46,679 I just-- I feel terrible, okay? 659 00:34:46,679 --> 00:34:49,406 I don't know how I didn't see the signs, I didn't-- 660 00:34:49,406 --> 00:34:50,855 Okay, don't beat yourself up about it. 661 00:34:50,855 --> 00:34:53,824 The last thing that I want is a woman blaming herself 662 00:34:53,824 --> 00:34:54,963 for all of this. 663 00:34:55,860 --> 00:34:58,932 That's not what I'm doing! Please. 664 00:34:58,932 --> 00:35:01,763 All I see is Brooke's mother's face every time I look at her. 665 00:35:01,763 --> 00:35:04,697 Okay, and all I see is her father, so... 666 00:35:19,574 --> 00:35:21,886 Fucking keys... 667 00:35:22,887 --> 00:35:23,957 Oh my God. 668 00:35:23,957 --> 00:35:25,235 Oh, fuck! 669 00:35:36,970 --> 00:35:38,282 Brooke? 670 00:35:38,282 --> 00:35:40,042 Brooke, I'm here! 671 00:35:43,874 --> 00:35:45,186 Brooke? 672 00:35:45,186 --> 00:35:48,189 Oh my God. Brooke. 673 00:35:49,673 --> 00:35:52,054 - Oh. 674 00:35:52,054 --> 00:35:54,816 She's gone. 675 00:35:54,816 --> 00:35:57,612 She died. I can't believe she died. 676 00:35:57,612 --> 00:36:00,856 I'm so sorry, Brooke. I'm... I'm here. 677 00:36:00,856 --> 00:36:03,997 - I'm here. - She left me. 678 00:37:04,092 --> 00:37:05,611 Cameron? 679 00:37:13,308 --> 00:37:15,862 Um, Cameron? 680 00:37:22,317 --> 00:37:24,630 Brooke's asleep. I'm gonna go. 681 00:37:28,772 --> 00:37:30,843 I don't know how to do this. 682 00:37:33,466 --> 00:37:35,330 What do I say to her? 683 00:37:37,436 --> 00:37:39,300 Can you stay, please? 684 00:37:40,542 --> 00:37:42,544 Tell a joke or something. 685 00:37:42,544 --> 00:37:44,650 I... I don't-- 686 00:37:44,650 --> 00:37:48,550 I don't know if this is the time for it, I'm sorry. 687 00:37:49,724 --> 00:37:51,760 I'm gonna be here first thing tomorrow. 688 00:37:51,760 --> 00:37:55,695 I'm gonna have all my Twilight jokes, I promise. 689 00:38:05,187 --> 00:38:07,017 I'm so sorry. 690 00:38:17,821 --> 00:38:21,100 ♪ Shadow, shadow, what a show ♪ 691 00:38:21,100 --> 00:38:24,621 ♪ Every other step there's a cross-eyed crow ♪ 692 00:38:24,621 --> 00:38:28,072 ♪ Half return, half return ♪ 693 00:38:28,072 --> 00:38:31,697 ♪ Minneapolis, soft white snow ♪ 694 00:38:31,697 --> 00:38:34,803 ♪ Thirty-five bridge, hometown ♪ 695 00:38:34,803 --> 00:38:38,186 ♪ Half return, half return ♪ 696 00:38:38,186 --> 00:38:41,362 ♪ Standing in the yard, dressed like a kid ♪ 697 00:38:41,362 --> 00:38:45,089 ♪ The house is white and the lawn is dead ♪ 698 00:38:45,089 --> 00:38:48,507 ♪ The lawn is dead, the lawn is dead ♪ 699 00:38:48,507 --> 00:38:56,687 ♪ Illinois toll road, Indiana plain ♪ 700 00:38:56,687 --> 00:38:59,966 ♪ Roll the windows down, shoot out the change ♪ 701 00:38:59,966 --> 00:39:03,280 ♪ Half return, half return ♪ 702 00:39:03,280 --> 00:39:06,421 ♪ Honey in your mouth when you didn't even eat ♪ 703 00:39:06,421 --> 00:39:09,942 ♪ Tears in your eyes when you pull it like a chain ♪ 704 00:39:09,942 --> 00:39:13,290 ♪ Half return, half return ♪ 705 00:39:13,290 --> 00:39:16,327 ♪ Standing in the yard, dressed like a kid ♪ 706 00:39:16,327 --> 00:39:19,296 ♪ The house is white and the lawn is dead ♪ 707 00:39:19,296 --> 00:39:20,884 "Breann Smordin". 708 00:39:20,884 --> 00:39:24,266 ♪ The lawn is dead, the lawn is dead ♪ 709 00:39:26,061 --> 00:39:28,581 "We keep moving in the same circles, 710 00:39:28,581 --> 00:39:30,445 in the same way that neurons circle atoms. 711 00:39:30,445 --> 00:39:32,620 We must become straight lines." 712 00:39:32,620 --> 00:39:34,207 Okay. 713 00:39:39,040 --> 00:39:43,562 ♪ Half return, half return ♪ 714 00:39:43,562 --> 00:39:46,703 ♪ Dusty swing set, plastic slide ♪ 715 00:39:46,703 --> 00:39:49,982 ♪ Push me up and down, take me for a ride ♪ 716 00:39:49,982 --> 00:39:53,192 ♪ Standing in the yard, dressed like a kid ♪ 717 00:39:53,192 --> 00:39:56,644 ♪ The house is white and the lawn is dead ♪ 718 00:39:56,644 --> 00:40:00,406 ♪ The lawn is dead, the lawn is dead ♪ 719 00:40:08,241 --> 00:40:10,761 How's she doing since she's been back at school? 720 00:40:10,761 --> 00:40:14,213 I let her get social media, but I don't know. 721 00:40:14,213 --> 00:40:16,905 It's cute that you think it's all just called "social media." 722 00:40:16,905 --> 00:40:19,770 I mean, she's taken on this very "cool teen" attitude 723 00:40:19,770 --> 00:40:21,600 to make it seem like she doesn't care about anything, 724 00:40:21,600 --> 00:40:24,741 but I know how to deal with that particular defence mechanism, 725 00:40:24,741 --> 00:40:26,397 so we're figuring it out. 726 00:40:26,397 --> 00:40:29,124 I'm glad she has you to talk to right now. 727 00:40:29,124 --> 00:40:32,300 Yeah, Cameron does not really know what to say. 728 00:40:32,300 --> 00:40:36,925 He's always kind of needed a buffer between him and Brooke. 729 00:40:36,925 --> 00:40:39,307 Yeah, like a translator of girls? 730 00:40:39,307 --> 00:40:42,344 Yeah, actually, that's... a great way to put it. 731 00:40:42,344 --> 00:40:46,245 Yeah, I mean, I think he thinks I'm like, interesting 732 00:40:46,245 --> 00:40:48,040 or like, endearingly weird or something, 733 00:40:48,040 --> 00:40:49,593 but I don't think he's ever talked to a woman 734 00:40:49,593 --> 00:40:51,181 in a hoody before. 735 00:40:51,181 --> 00:40:52,872 Well, he always loved Laura's class. 736 00:40:52,872 --> 00:40:54,667 Oh, are you calling me not classy, Jill? 737 00:40:54,667 --> 00:40:56,497 No! That's-- No, I'm not. 738 00:40:56,497 --> 00:40:58,671 No, I just-- I just meant 739 00:40:58,671 --> 00:41:00,811 that I think he always liked our... 740 00:41:00,811 --> 00:41:04,470 you know, our family friends, and fancy dinners, 741 00:41:04,470 --> 00:41:08,681 and vacations, and he just liked Laura's life, you know? 742 00:41:08,681 --> 00:41:10,959 She always made things so beautiful. 743 00:41:10,959 --> 00:41:14,515 You're both super classy broads. That's for sure. 744 00:41:14,515 --> 00:41:16,413 Thanks, Sam. 745 00:41:16,413 --> 00:41:19,416 I just really fucking miss her so much. 746 00:41:19,416 --> 00:41:20,486 Yeah. 747 00:41:20,486 --> 00:41:22,523 - Can we see the birds now? - Yep, the birds. 748 00:41:22,523 --> 00:41:25,595 I know, we're gonna go look at the birds. Come on. 749 00:41:27,355 --> 00:41:30,634 Hey, are those those weird white ones with the pink eyes? 750 00:41:30,634 --> 00:41:33,361 They're Netherland dwarf rabbits. 751 00:41:35,363 --> 00:41:36,916 You like them? 752 00:41:37,883 --> 00:41:39,919 I mean, I wouldn't mind having one. 753 00:41:39,919 --> 00:41:42,025 - You'd have to ask your dad. - He won't care. 754 00:41:42,025 --> 00:41:44,855 He says yes to everything ever since mom. 755 00:41:51,137 --> 00:41:53,484 You know, I could name one after you. 756 00:41:53,484 --> 00:41:55,521 Okay. Tempting. 757 00:41:58,800 --> 00:42:00,561 This one does kinda look like me. 758 00:42:01,700 --> 00:42:03,598 I see it. I feel it. 759 00:42:03,598 --> 00:42:04,772 - It's the energy. - It is. 760 00:42:04,772 --> 00:42:07,015 - And the cuteness. -Oh, of course. 761 00:42:07,015 --> 00:42:08,638 It just has "Sam" written all over it. 762 00:42:08,638 --> 00:42:10,087 Yes. 763 00:42:12,055 --> 00:42:13,643 So, what are you thinking of getting your dad 764 00:42:13,643 --> 00:42:15,230 for his birthday? 765 00:42:16,818 --> 00:42:19,131 A coupon for doing my chores? 766 00:42:19,131 --> 00:42:22,099 You have a housekeeper, Brooke. 767 00:42:22,099 --> 00:42:24,239 You know, it's gonna be the first year 768 00:42:24,239 --> 00:42:27,829 that he's celebrating without your mom. 769 00:42:27,829 --> 00:42:30,280 He likes history books, like, 770 00:42:30,280 --> 00:42:33,110 the War of 1812 and all that. 771 00:42:33,110 --> 00:42:35,457 Okay, you're right. Your dad is boring. 772 00:42:35,457 --> 00:42:38,322 The good news is, there's a very cool used bookstore 773 00:42:38,322 --> 00:42:40,808 - by my house. - Could we go tonight? 774 00:42:40,808 --> 00:42:44,328 Oh, I can't tonight, 'cause I'm supposed to hang out with Paige. 775 00:42:44,328 --> 00:42:46,330 - I could come. - Well, I mean, 776 00:42:46,330 --> 00:42:48,470 you're not really allowed where we're going. 777 00:42:48,470 --> 00:42:49,679 Why? 778 00:42:49,679 --> 00:42:53,234 Well, because it's a comedy club and you're a child, so... 779 00:42:53,234 --> 00:42:56,478 Wait, you don't tell any jokes about me, do you? 780 00:42:56,478 --> 00:42:59,792 No! Never. Scout's honour. I promise. 781 00:42:59,792 --> 00:43:01,276 Okay. 782 00:43:05,073 --> 00:43:07,835 - You gonna hurry up? - Okay, safety first. 783 00:43:07,835 --> 00:43:10,631 - Oh, okay. - Just locking in. 784 00:43:10,631 --> 00:43:13,357 We're on, we're ready to go! 785 00:43:13,357 --> 00:43:17,016 You know, I am working on some material about teens in general. 786 00:43:17,016 --> 00:43:18,431 - Oh? - Yes. 787 00:43:18,431 --> 00:43:20,641 How it's no fair that Gen-Z already knows about, like, 788 00:43:20,641 --> 00:43:23,678 skin serums and stuff, so they're just gonna 789 00:43:23,678 --> 00:43:26,301 rule the world with their poreless skin forever. 790 00:43:26,301 --> 00:43:28,303 Okay, you know, your skin is fine. 791 00:43:28,303 --> 00:43:32,342 Fine? Very generous, thank you. Wow, "fine." 792 00:43:33,861 --> 00:43:36,035 What's the most embarrassing thing that's happened to you 793 00:43:36,035 --> 00:43:38,003 - with a boy? - Ooh. 794 00:43:38,003 --> 00:43:40,419 - Oh, sounds like there's a lot. - There's a lot. 795 00:43:40,419 --> 00:43:41,592 Um, okay, 796 00:43:41,592 --> 00:43:44,630 one time I pissed myself in my boyfriend's car. 797 00:43:45,424 --> 00:43:47,564 You peed yourself... with Noah? 798 00:43:47,564 --> 00:43:50,015 No, not with Noah! My ex from junior high. 799 00:43:50,015 --> 00:43:51,706 - Dylan - Oh. 800 00:43:51,706 --> 00:43:53,259 I was wearing light pink jeans, 801 00:43:53,259 --> 00:43:54,882 I was at a party, everybody saw. 802 00:43:54,882 --> 00:43:57,954 And that, young Brooke, is why you should never experiment 803 00:43:57,954 --> 00:43:59,645 with alcohol or pastel denim 804 00:43:59,645 --> 00:44:02,165 until your bladder fully develops at age 18. 805 00:44:02,165 --> 00:44:04,132 Alcohol smells gross anyway. 806 00:44:04,132 --> 00:44:08,689 Brooke, listen to me, one day, probably very soon, 807 00:44:08,689 --> 00:44:11,174 you're going to be offered multiple coolers of some kind, 808 00:44:11,174 --> 00:44:14,280 and they are going to taste like lemonade, gummy bears, 809 00:44:14,280 --> 00:44:17,111 and no matter how good they taste, you can only have one. 810 00:44:17,111 --> 00:44:19,458 Okay... Jesus. 811 00:44:19,458 --> 00:44:22,081 Okay, 'cause otherwise you're gonna be peeing your pink jeans. 812 00:44:22,081 --> 00:44:23,462 - I don't have pink jeans! -Okay. 813 00:44:23,462 --> 00:44:25,671 You're gonna be peeing your cool mom jeans. 814 00:44:25,671 --> 00:44:26,879 Okay. 815 00:44:42,274 --> 00:44:46,140 And so in the bedroom, he makes me call him Daddy. 816 00:44:48,867 --> 00:44:50,903 ♪ ...In between 817 00:44:50,903 --> 00:44:55,563 ♪ Stuck in shoulder to shoulder... ♪ 818 00:44:55,563 --> 00:45:05,711 ♪ Only strangers make me feel strange ♪ 819 00:45:05,711 --> 00:45:08,265 Sam? 820 00:45:08,265 --> 00:45:09,646 Noah! 821 00:45:09,646 --> 00:45:11,406 - Hey. - Hey. 822 00:45:11,406 --> 00:45:13,581 I haven't seen you here in like, a year. 823 00:45:13,581 --> 00:45:15,859 Are you-- are you doing shows again? 824 00:45:15,859 --> 00:45:20,036 Oh, uh, no. I'm just here watching Paige and Philip. 825 00:45:20,036 --> 00:45:22,590 How are you? Are you-- Are you, uh-- 826 00:45:22,590 --> 00:45:25,110 Are you writing? Or... 827 00:45:25,110 --> 00:45:27,146 Um, I mean, like, not really. 828 00:45:27,146 --> 00:45:30,805 I have, like, one joke about online shopping. 829 00:45:30,805 --> 00:45:32,289 Great. Nice. 830 00:45:32,289 --> 00:45:34,533 I love your shopping stuff. It was always, uh... 831 00:45:34,533 --> 00:45:35,568 ...uh, cerebral. 832 00:45:35,568 --> 00:45:37,225 - Cerebral? - Yeah. 833 00:45:37,225 --> 00:45:39,158 Wow. Thank you. 834 00:45:39,158 --> 00:45:40,642 Um, that's very generous. 835 00:45:40,642 --> 00:45:44,267 Um, yeah, I mean, it's all I can write about, 836 00:45:44,267 --> 00:45:46,890 'cause I basically just sit at home, open a hundred tabs, 837 00:45:46,890 --> 00:45:50,445 and then buy a bunch of t-shirts with money I don't have, so. 838 00:45:50,445 --> 00:45:51,792 Oh. 839 00:45:53,621 --> 00:45:56,451 I can go back to helping with rent if that-- 840 00:45:56,451 --> 00:45:58,212 - Oh, my God. No. - would help. 841 00:45:58,212 --> 00:46:00,835 - Um. That was a joke. - Oh. Ha! 842 00:46:00,835 --> 00:46:02,423 Okay, yeah. I mean-- 843 00:46:02,423 --> 00:46:04,252 I'm not gonna make you pay rent. I kicked you out. 844 00:46:04,252 --> 00:46:05,840 No, that's-- It's not-- 845 00:46:05,840 --> 00:46:07,669 "Kicked me out," that's-- Come on. 846 00:46:07,669 --> 00:46:09,637 Let me do something. 847 00:46:09,637 --> 00:46:12,433 You know, I'm feeling more useless than usual, 848 00:46:12,433 --> 00:46:14,435 which is hard for a comedian. 849 00:46:14,435 --> 00:46:16,402 Yeah, it must be really hard for you. 850 00:46:18,749 --> 00:46:19,889 You know what I mean. 851 00:46:19,889 --> 00:46:22,477 Yeah, I know, but, um... 852 00:46:22,477 --> 00:46:24,376 Paige and Philip are both pitching in on rent, 853 00:46:24,376 --> 00:46:26,792 and they're, like, ridiculously good at pretending 854 00:46:26,792 --> 00:46:29,450 that I'm pulling my weight as a roommate, so... 855 00:46:29,450 --> 00:46:31,210 Hm. 856 00:46:31,210 --> 00:46:32,556 I thought you, um... 857 00:46:34,627 --> 00:46:36,353 I thought you needed time alone. 858 00:46:37,458 --> 00:46:41,462 I-- I am alone. I'm-- I'm alone with them. 859 00:46:41,462 --> 00:46:43,878 Yeah, I'm sorry. That's-- I shouldn't have. 860 00:46:43,878 --> 00:46:45,949 No, it's okay. It's totally okay. 861 00:46:45,949 --> 00:46:47,882 Um... 862 00:46:47,882 --> 00:46:49,677 It's good to see you. 863 00:46:49,677 --> 00:46:50,816 Yeah. You, too. 864 00:46:52,024 --> 00:46:55,200 Oh, please. I didn't-- I'm not-- 865 00:46:55,200 --> 00:46:56,373 Please, I wasn't-- 866 00:46:56,373 --> 00:46:58,617 It's okay. It's totally fine. 867 00:46:58,617 --> 00:47:00,999 I actually was about to go home-- 868 00:47:00,999 --> 00:47:02,103 - Yeah. - anyway. 869 00:47:02,103 --> 00:47:03,622 - So I'm going to go. - Okay. 870 00:47:03,622 --> 00:47:05,175 Um, but it was really good to see you. 871 00:47:05,175 --> 00:47:06,245 - You, too. - Yeah. 872 00:47:06,245 --> 00:47:07,384 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. -Okay. 873 00:47:07,384 --> 00:47:12,182 ♪ Even though I know 874 00:47:12,182 --> 00:47:15,737 ♪ Hell is a crowded... ♪ 875 00:47:17,325 --> 00:47:19,086 Sam [on video]: And because it's, like, you touch hands, 876 00:47:19,086 --> 00:47:22,158 and then it reminds him that he has the power to kill you. 877 00:47:23,435 --> 00:47:25,230 ...Bullshit is all I'm saying, Cam. 878 00:47:25,230 --> 00:47:28,198 I mean, excessive. Excessive? Come on. 879 00:47:28,198 --> 00:47:29,372 You were doing the right thing. 880 00:47:29,372 --> 00:47:30,683 I know that. 881 00:47:30,683 --> 00:47:33,514 Oh, sorry. I was just taking out the trash. 882 00:47:33,514 --> 00:47:35,171 Yeah, that's alright. Hey. 883 00:47:35,171 --> 00:47:38,622 Uh, Sam. This is officers Gerrard and Lawrence. 884 00:47:38,622 --> 00:47:39,796 - Hi. - Hi. 885 00:47:39,796 --> 00:47:42,903 Gerrard here was just defending my honour. 886 00:47:42,903 --> 00:47:46,251 It's, uh-- It's Jim, hun, and this is Conrad. 887 00:47:46,251 --> 00:47:47,562 - Conrad. - Hi. 888 00:47:47,562 --> 00:47:49,185 Can we, uh, offer the babysitter a beer, or? 889 00:47:49,185 --> 00:47:50,911 Okay, first of all, she's an au pair. 890 00:47:52,153 --> 00:47:53,430 The less teen version of a babysitter. 891 00:47:53,430 --> 00:47:54,707 - Thank you, Cameron. -Right. 892 00:47:54,707 --> 00:47:55,674 I get it, I get it. 893 00:47:55,674 --> 00:47:56,951 It's like, uh, the thing with stewardesses. 894 00:47:56,951 --> 00:47:58,608 You can't call 'em stewardesses anymore. You gotta-- 895 00:47:58,608 --> 00:48:00,127 Flight attendant's the correct term now. 896 00:48:00,127 --> 00:48:01,369 Flight attendant. 897 00:48:01,369 --> 00:48:03,475 And the gay dude ones are actually pretty funny. 898 00:48:03,475 --> 00:48:06,202 The Seinfelds of the sky, truly. 899 00:48:06,202 --> 00:48:07,479 Anyway, Sam doesn't want to drink beer 900 00:48:07,479 --> 00:48:08,514 with a bunch of old dudes. 901 00:48:08,514 --> 00:48:12,139 Oh, no, I mean, Conrad is young-ish. 902 00:48:12,139 --> 00:48:13,968 -Young-ish. - Thank you. 903 00:48:13,968 --> 00:48:15,452 All right. 904 00:48:15,452 --> 00:48:17,316 So, uh, what do you do with Brooke? 905 00:48:17,316 --> 00:48:19,525 You know, math homework, keep her from slipping 906 00:48:19,525 --> 00:48:21,734 into an existential crisis too early. 907 00:48:21,734 --> 00:48:23,184 -Right. - All of that good stuff. 908 00:48:23,184 --> 00:48:27,395 Yeah. Must be, uh, tough without a mom. 909 00:48:27,395 --> 00:48:28,638 Yeah. 910 00:48:30,329 --> 00:48:32,159 Yeah, she must think you're pretty cool. 911 00:48:32,159 --> 00:48:33,815 Yeah, she loves Sam. 912 00:48:33,815 --> 00:48:37,233 Well, I mean, even you and I, with our relative youth, 913 00:48:37,233 --> 00:48:39,476 are already considered way too out of touch 914 00:48:39,476 --> 00:48:41,237 to be cool to teens. 915 00:48:41,237 --> 00:48:43,825 Well, Cam and I must be royally fucked. 916 00:48:43,825 --> 00:48:45,689 - Oh, yeah. - Brooke's always giving me shit 917 00:48:45,689 --> 00:48:47,760 for saying stuff I'm not supposed to. 918 00:48:47,760 --> 00:48:50,763 Well, I mean, you're not supposed to say "exotic," but... 919 00:48:50,763 --> 00:48:52,455 I don't know, Cameron's pretty funny. 920 00:48:52,455 --> 00:48:54,664 My wife thinks he's hilarious. 921 00:48:54,664 --> 00:48:56,217 -Really? -Oh, yeah. 922 00:48:56,217 --> 00:48:58,771 Cameron, what's funny about you? 923 00:48:58,771 --> 00:49:01,774 I mean, you're not ugly, you're a straight white dude, 924 00:49:01,774 --> 00:49:02,948 you don't stutter. 925 00:49:02,948 --> 00:49:04,018 I get it. 926 00:49:04,018 --> 00:49:05,364 That's a callback. 927 00:49:05,364 --> 00:49:07,539 Yeah, that's a term in comedy where 928 00:49:07,539 --> 00:49:08,954 an inside joke comes back around. 929 00:49:08,954 --> 00:49:09,955 Oh, yeah. 930 00:49:09,955 --> 00:49:12,302 Sam's a stand-up comedienne. 931 00:49:12,302 --> 00:49:14,235 - No way. - What? 932 00:49:14,235 --> 00:49:15,719 Like a comedian, but a girl. 933 00:49:15,719 --> 00:49:16,720 Right. 934 00:49:16,720 --> 00:49:19,930 But, I thought, like, isn't comedy, like-- 935 00:49:19,930 --> 00:49:21,001 It's hard on women, no? 936 00:49:21,001 --> 00:49:22,519 Uh. 937 00:49:22,519 --> 00:49:25,143 No, it's really easy. I just wear a tiny little top, 938 00:49:25,143 --> 00:49:27,110 I get on stage, I make baby noises, 939 00:49:27,110 --> 00:49:29,906 and then I get a million dollars, 940 00:49:29,906 --> 00:49:32,633 and everybody in the audience goes, "Yas, queen!" 941 00:49:32,633 --> 00:49:34,290 Okay. 942 00:49:34,290 --> 00:49:36,223 That's a joke from one of her sets. 943 00:49:36,223 --> 00:49:37,224 I've seen her videos. 944 00:49:37,224 --> 00:49:38,363 You've watched-- 945 00:49:38,363 --> 00:49:39,778 Fuck, you've watched my videos, Cameron? 946 00:49:39,778 --> 00:49:41,400 -What? -Which ones? 947 00:49:41,400 --> 00:49:43,264 Whoa, whoa, whoa. We have to see one of these. 948 00:49:43,264 --> 00:49:44,783 - Are you on YouTube? - Yeah. Look her up. 949 00:49:44,783 --> 00:49:46,578 Sam Cowell. YouTube. 950 00:49:46,578 --> 00:49:48,580 - Yeah? -Is that her? 951 00:49:48,580 --> 00:49:50,375 -Yup. That's her. - Oh, my God. 952 00:49:50,375 --> 00:49:51,686 49,000 views. 953 00:49:51,686 --> 00:49:54,172 -Wow. - That's pretty good. 954 00:49:54,172 --> 00:49:55,690 Oh, my God. 955 00:49:55,690 --> 00:49:57,485 I'm a nanny, which is the politically correct term 956 00:49:57,485 --> 00:49:59,591 for "old babysitter." 957 00:49:59,591 --> 00:50:01,179 Wait, you do sets at the Laugh Basket? 958 00:50:01,179 --> 00:50:02,387 That's pretty cool. 959 00:50:02,387 --> 00:50:05,045 No, the Basket is not cool, okay? 960 00:50:05,045 --> 00:50:08,393 It smells like pee and the floor is always wet. 961 00:50:09,532 --> 00:50:11,361 Teen mom or struggling actress? 962 00:50:11,361 --> 00:50:12,431 Aww. 963 00:50:12,431 --> 00:50:14,261 Either way, I am rock hard, so. 964 00:50:15,365 --> 00:50:18,023 You're funny! You are funny. 965 00:50:19,162 --> 00:50:20,646 This is so inappropriate, Cameron. 966 00:50:20,646 --> 00:50:23,477 What? I had to vet you somehow. 967 00:50:23,477 --> 00:50:26,100 You're looking after my one and only daughter. 968 00:50:26,100 --> 00:50:27,964 I guess so. 969 00:50:27,964 --> 00:50:31,554 My big flirty move on a date is to make the guy 970 00:50:31,554 --> 00:50:33,521 pinky promise not to kill me. 971 00:50:33,521 --> 00:50:34,902 -Yeah. 972 00:50:34,902 --> 00:50:36,973 More stuff about men. I get it. I get it. 973 00:50:36,973 --> 00:50:39,217 ...you touch hands and then it reminds him 974 00:50:39,217 --> 00:50:40,804 that he has the power to kill you. 975 00:50:40,804 --> 00:50:42,910 We should all go see her. When are you there? 976 00:50:42,910 --> 00:50:44,360 No, please. 977 00:50:44,360 --> 00:50:46,120 - Yeah, put us on the list. - Is there a list? 978 00:50:46,120 --> 00:50:47,156 No! 979 00:50:49,710 --> 00:50:53,610 Sam [on video]: It is hard to be a nanny for this generation, 980 00:50:53,610 --> 00:50:56,544 though, because it's like, they know everything, you know? 981 00:50:56,544 --> 00:51:00,410 It's like everything you know, they know, 982 00:51:00,410 --> 00:51:01,860 and they know why it's wrong, 983 00:51:01,860 --> 00:51:03,724 and they know which member of the Clinton Foundation 984 00:51:03,724 --> 00:51:05,243 made you think that it was right. 985 00:51:07,072 --> 00:51:08,108 It's like-- 986 00:51:23,502 --> 00:51:26,505 Woman [on TV]: Houston! Houston, come in! 987 00:51:26,505 --> 00:51:30,233 Hey. Pay attention. This is a good movie. 988 00:51:30,233 --> 00:51:31,959 I don't care about space. 989 00:51:31,959 --> 00:51:35,204 You don't care about the wonder of space? 990 00:51:35,204 --> 00:51:37,447 The ever-expanding universe? 991 00:51:37,447 --> 00:51:38,966 Sandra Bullock? 992 00:51:42,935 --> 00:51:44,558 Hey. 993 00:51:44,558 --> 00:51:45,869 Are you okay? 994 00:51:47,975 --> 00:51:49,873 Have you ever burned a photograph? 995 00:51:49,873 --> 00:51:51,323 What? 996 00:51:51,323 --> 00:51:54,982 Like, in a... cathartic way. 997 00:51:54,982 --> 00:51:56,604 Um... 998 00:51:57,674 --> 00:52:00,401 I mean, I guess. Only of exes. 999 00:52:00,401 --> 00:52:03,163 Definitely of Dylan. Why? 1000 00:52:03,163 --> 00:52:05,924 No, I was just thinking of deleting a bunch of photos 1001 00:52:05,924 --> 00:52:06,994 off my phone. 1002 00:52:08,306 --> 00:52:10,170 But you don't have any ex anythings. 1003 00:52:12,931 --> 00:52:14,208 Brooke. 1004 00:52:14,208 --> 00:52:15,934 - N-- - No! 1005 00:52:17,349 --> 00:52:19,524 You're going to want those. 1006 00:52:25,357 --> 00:52:28,360 I just-- I-- You know, I see her 1007 00:52:28,360 --> 00:52:30,638 every time I try to take a new picture 1008 00:52:30,638 --> 00:52:32,813 because my phone has this-- this-- 1009 00:52:32,813 --> 00:52:34,849 this feature where, you know, it-- 1010 00:52:34,849 --> 00:52:36,437 it gathers up photos based on faces, 1011 00:52:36,437 --> 00:52:39,578 and just, like, displays them in an album. 1012 00:52:39,578 --> 00:52:42,754 And it... 1013 00:52:42,754 --> 00:52:44,928 I know, and the feature is horrible, 1014 00:52:44,928 --> 00:52:48,208 and it adds songs, it's not good. 1015 00:52:49,278 --> 00:52:50,589 But... 1016 00:52:50,589 --> 00:52:52,522 it's going to hurt a lot more later 1017 00:52:52,522 --> 00:52:54,628 if you don't have anything to remember her by. 1018 00:52:55,974 --> 00:52:58,148 I was just thinking about it. 1019 00:52:58,148 --> 00:52:59,736 Okay, well, 1020 00:52:59,736 --> 00:53:02,739 maybe just do an iCloud backup 1021 00:53:02,739 --> 00:53:05,742 in case you're thinking of doing anything rash. 1022 00:53:05,742 --> 00:53:08,573 I'm surprised you know anything about backups. 1023 00:53:09,436 --> 00:53:12,473 Okay. Wow. I'm not that old. 1024 00:53:12,473 --> 00:53:14,613 P.S. I'm surprised the cloud can even 1025 00:53:14,613 --> 00:53:16,581 store the number of selfies you take. 1026 00:53:16,581 --> 00:53:19,791 Although, the poses are spectacular. 1027 00:53:19,791 --> 00:53:23,035 I'm-- I'm going to borrow this and this. The tilt? 1028 00:53:23,035 --> 00:53:25,555 Okay, you're all set. 1029 00:53:33,287 --> 00:53:34,564 So, what's this movie about? 1030 00:53:34,564 --> 00:53:37,705 I told you. Sandra Bullock. 1031 00:53:37,705 --> 00:53:41,088 It's good. It's a lot of strings. 1032 00:53:41,088 --> 00:53:42,745 They break, they tangle. 1033 00:53:42,745 --> 00:53:45,851 Then the strings are going to save someone. 1034 00:55:54,773 --> 00:55:57,431 Brooke. Brooke, Brooke-- 1035 00:55:57,431 --> 00:55:58,674 What? What? What? What is it? 1036 00:55:58,674 --> 00:55:59,882 You need to get up. 1037 00:55:59,882 --> 00:56:00,952 - Wh-- - You need to get up now. 1038 00:56:00,952 --> 00:56:02,643 What happened to your head? 1039 00:56:02,643 --> 00:56:04,783 I, um... 1040 00:56:04,783 --> 00:56:05,922 I tripped. 1041 00:56:05,922 --> 00:56:07,061 What? 1042 00:56:07,061 --> 00:56:08,753 The carbon monoxide monitors are going off. 1043 00:56:08,753 --> 00:56:09,754 We have to leave now. 1044 00:56:09,754 --> 00:56:11,445 What about my dad? Why-- 1045 00:56:11,445 --> 00:56:13,585 He's fine. He left. 1046 00:56:13,585 --> 00:56:15,035 I turned them off, we have to go. 1047 00:56:15,035 --> 00:56:16,381 Fine. Fine. 1048 00:56:20,454 --> 00:56:22,007 [whispering] No, no, no. We don't have time. 1049 00:56:22,007 --> 00:56:23,595 - Leave Sammity. - He's going to die, okay? 1050 00:56:23,595 --> 00:56:26,322 It'll affect his small rabbit lungs first. 1051 00:56:26,322 --> 00:56:27,496 - Okay, fine. - Fine. 1052 00:56:27,496 --> 00:56:29,049 Just you get the door. 1053 00:56:29,049 --> 00:56:30,878 - Okay. - Be really quiet. 1054 00:56:30,878 --> 00:56:32,397 Why should I be quiet? What is going on? 1055 00:56:32,397 --> 00:56:35,296 Because-- So I can hear the monitors. Just-- 1056 00:56:35,296 --> 00:56:36,297 What?! 1057 00:56:36,297 --> 00:56:38,023 Be careful with Sammity. 1058 00:56:39,784 --> 00:56:43,166 Okay. Here, take this. 1059 00:56:43,166 --> 00:56:44,098 Okay. 1060 00:56:44,098 --> 00:56:45,237 Are those your dad's keys? 1061 00:56:45,237 --> 00:56:47,550 -Yes. - Okay, let's go. 1062 00:56:47,550 --> 00:56:48,827 Quiet. 1063 00:56:49,690 --> 00:56:51,451 - Get in the front seat. -Okay! 1064 00:56:56,352 --> 00:56:57,457 Just get-- Get in. 1065 00:56:57,457 --> 00:56:58,699 I'm doing that! 1066 00:56:58,699 --> 00:57:00,218 How do I open the garage? 1067 00:57:00,218 --> 00:57:01,012 Just here. 1068 00:57:01,012 --> 00:57:02,634 - This thing? - Yes. 1069 00:57:02,634 --> 00:57:03,842 Put on your seatbelt. 1070 00:57:06,983 --> 00:57:10,746 Sam. Sam, it's okay, all right? We all got out. It's okay. 1071 00:57:10,746 --> 00:57:11,747 It's o-- Can you pull over? 1072 00:57:11,747 --> 00:57:12,955 - I know, yeah. - Can you pull over? 1073 00:57:12,955 --> 00:57:14,370 Can you just pull over? 1074 00:57:14,370 --> 00:57:16,717 Can we call my dad? 1075 00:57:16,717 --> 00:57:17,718 Stop! 1076 00:57:17,718 --> 00:57:18,719 Okay. 1077 00:57:20,721 --> 00:57:23,586 I'm going to-- I'm going to call the-- 1078 00:57:23,586 --> 00:57:26,175 I'm going to call the fire department. 1079 00:57:26,175 --> 00:57:27,245 Okay. 1080 00:57:29,040 --> 00:57:30,559 Where's my phone? I need my phone. 1081 00:57:30,559 --> 00:57:32,457 Here. It's here. It's fine. 1082 00:57:35,909 --> 00:57:37,566 What are you doing? Stay in the car, Brooke. 1083 00:57:37,566 --> 00:57:39,015 You could be hurt, okay? 1084 00:57:39,015 --> 00:57:40,879 Carbon monoxide is very complicated. 1085 00:57:40,879 --> 00:57:42,225 I'm fine, Sam. 1086 00:57:42,225 --> 00:57:44,918 Just stay in the car, okay?! 1087 00:57:52,546 --> 00:57:54,479 Okay. 1088 00:58:40,629 --> 00:58:42,009 Please let me in. Just let me in! 1089 00:58:42,009 --> 00:58:43,701 I just want to be in with her, please! 1090 00:58:43,701 --> 00:58:45,461 Let me in! Let me in! 1091 00:59:30,299 --> 00:59:32,473 How are you feeling, Samantha? 1092 00:59:33,958 --> 00:59:36,926 Um... Is Brooke okay? 1093 00:59:36,926 --> 00:59:39,515 She's here at the hospital. She's physically fine. 1094 00:59:39,515 --> 00:59:41,241 Her aunt's on the way. 1095 00:59:44,209 --> 00:59:45,210 And... 1096 00:59:47,109 --> 00:59:48,835 This is what you want to file? 1097 00:59:54,392 --> 00:59:56,221 Sam. Sam! Sam! What's going on? Are you okay? 1098 00:59:56,221 --> 00:59:58,638 What's going on? No, Sam. What did you say? 1099 00:59:58,638 --> 01:00:00,709 What-- What's happening? Sam! 1100 01:00:00,709 --> 01:00:03,573 What's going on, Sam?! 1101 01:00:07,267 --> 01:00:10,442 Can you please get the fuck out of my room? 1102 01:00:32,085 --> 01:00:34,294 Dude, it's so exciting! 1103 01:00:34,294 --> 01:00:35,329 Yes! 1104 01:00:35,329 --> 01:00:37,331 Sam! Paige's green card got approved! 1105 01:00:37,331 --> 01:00:40,645 LA, baby! Oh, what? 1106 01:00:40,645 --> 01:00:42,716 What's wrong? 1107 01:00:42,716 --> 01:00:45,201 What's going on? 1108 01:00:45,201 --> 01:00:47,894 Hi, sad on the floor. What's going on? 1109 01:00:47,894 --> 01:00:49,309 What's happening? 1110 01:00:49,309 --> 01:00:53,140 What is this... Lisa Frank monstrosity? 1111 01:00:53,140 --> 01:00:55,384 And why does it smell like a half-smoked cigarette? 1112 01:00:55,384 --> 01:00:57,973 It's Brooke's. 1113 01:00:57,973 --> 01:00:59,975 How would you get-- 1114 01:00:59,975 --> 01:01:02,184 I found it. I went back to the house. 1115 01:01:02,184 --> 01:01:04,704 She's been staying there. 1116 01:01:04,704 --> 01:01:06,809 No, you went back there? 1117 01:01:06,809 --> 01:01:08,328 That is way too big a trigger. 1118 01:01:08,328 --> 01:01:10,882 Dude, you need to drop this 1119 01:01:10,882 --> 01:01:12,332 and start taking care of yourself. 1120 01:01:12,332 --> 01:01:14,196 I'm trying to take care of myself, okay? 1121 01:01:14,196 --> 01:01:16,577 I know that I'm a huge fucking burden. 1122 01:01:20,996 --> 01:01:22,204 I knew it. Just say it! 1123 01:01:22,204 --> 01:01:24,344 My PTSD is a huge fucking burden. 1124 01:01:24,344 --> 01:01:26,587 For fuck's sake. It's not that. 1125 01:01:28,797 --> 01:01:29,763 What? 1126 01:01:29,763 --> 01:01:30,799 Do-- Say something. 1127 01:01:30,799 --> 01:01:32,766 I mean... 1128 01:01:32,766 --> 01:01:36,045 Does it suck that we can't invite people over here? Yeah. 1129 01:01:36,045 --> 01:01:38,634 You know, does it-- 1130 01:01:38,634 --> 01:01:41,119 does it suck that you still haven't met Ravi 1131 01:01:41,119 --> 01:01:42,983 and we've been dating for five months. 1132 01:01:42,983 --> 01:01:44,813 And we always have to stay at his place, 1133 01:01:44,813 --> 01:01:45,883 and he has the worst sheets. 1134 01:01:45,883 --> 01:01:47,781 Yes, that sucks. 1135 01:01:47,781 --> 01:01:49,093 But, dude, it's fine. 1136 01:01:49,093 --> 01:01:50,888 It's not fine. I'm annoying. 1137 01:01:50,888 --> 01:01:52,924 Sam, you have always been annoying 1138 01:01:52,924 --> 01:01:55,202 and we have always loved you. 1139 01:01:55,202 --> 01:01:58,136 Just, you know, let's-- Let's just drop it. 1140 01:01:58,136 --> 01:02:00,207 I'm trying, okay? I'm doing my therapy. 1141 01:02:00,207 --> 01:02:03,107 It's just imaginal exposures don't always work. 1142 01:02:06,213 --> 01:02:09,251 Maybe she does need to be trying the in vitro exposure. 1143 01:02:09,251 --> 01:02:11,149 No. What? It's in vivo. 1144 01:02:11,149 --> 01:02:12,841 I'm not a child, okay? 1145 01:02:12,841 --> 01:02:15,222 So, please stop treating me like one. 1146 01:02:15,222 --> 01:02:17,604 And I'm sorry, Paige, that you got good news 1147 01:02:17,604 --> 01:02:18,950 and I ruined your night. 1148 01:02:18,950 --> 01:02:20,918 Okay, you're not a child, 1149 01:02:20,918 --> 01:02:24,818 but you are... a daughter and a friend 1150 01:02:24,818 --> 01:02:27,131 - and a girlfriend. - Paige, don't-- 1151 01:02:27,131 --> 01:02:30,065 No! And we all want those Sams 1152 01:02:30,065 --> 01:02:32,136 to-- to drop the Brooke thing 1153 01:02:32,136 --> 01:02:34,379 so that we can get those Sams back, please! 1154 01:02:34,379 --> 01:02:36,312 I'm not a girlfriend, okay? 1155 01:02:36,312 --> 01:02:39,419 I'm not a girlfriend, and I'm barely a friend. 1156 01:02:39,419 --> 01:02:41,352 I'm not contributing anything to this friendship 1157 01:02:41,352 --> 01:02:43,699 or to society or to anyone. 1158 01:02:43,699 --> 01:02:46,288 So, just stop being so fucking nice to me! 1159 01:02:58,024 --> 01:03:00,958 Okay, well, if you want, 1160 01:03:00,958 --> 01:03:03,167 you could start paying full rent again? 1161 01:03:04,962 --> 01:03:06,653 Okay, well, I can't do that. 1162 01:03:06,653 --> 01:03:09,345 It's obviously cool. I was just... 1163 01:03:11,796 --> 01:03:15,386 I'm sorry. 1164 01:03:15,386 --> 01:03:19,079 I just can't stop thinking about how much Brooke hates me 1165 01:03:19,079 --> 01:03:21,771 and, like, what if something's actually wrong 1166 01:03:21,771 --> 01:03:25,810 and then she, like, dies thinking I ruined her life? 1167 01:03:28,088 --> 01:03:30,677 She's not dying, okay? 1168 01:03:30,677 --> 01:03:33,611 She's still bullying us on Twitter. 1169 01:03:34,646 --> 01:03:36,441 Okay. 1170 01:03:36,441 --> 01:03:39,065 But, I really think you should get in touch with Noah, 1171 01:03:39,065 --> 01:03:41,377 because he knows this whole situation, 1172 01:03:41,377 --> 01:03:44,484 and this is just so much for Philip and I. 1173 01:03:45,657 --> 01:03:47,245 I agree with Paige. 1174 01:03:47,245 --> 01:03:50,179 I mean, he's a really good listener. 1175 01:03:50,179 --> 01:03:52,457 Actually, more than either of you, but-- 1176 01:03:52,457 --> 01:03:54,770 Okay, Sam, just either, like, reach out to Noah, 1177 01:03:54,770 --> 01:03:56,668 or come to the all women's ayahuasca retreat 1178 01:03:56,668 --> 01:04:00,845 I keep talking about, but this has just got to stop. 1179 01:04:02,778 --> 01:04:03,779 And, you know... 1180 01:04:04,953 --> 01:04:05,954 ...maybe next time you're out 1181 01:04:05,954 --> 01:04:07,610 you just grab some toilet paper. 1182 01:04:10,510 --> 01:04:11,891 Okay. 1183 01:04:11,891 --> 01:04:15,032 ♪ Who taught you that 1184 01:04:15,032 --> 01:04:17,413 ♪ If you get a good thing ♪ 1185 01:04:17,413 --> 01:04:19,139 ♪ You better not touch it too much? ♪ 1186 01:04:19,139 --> 01:04:20,692 Hey. 1187 01:04:20,692 --> 01:04:22,522 Can I come in? 1188 01:04:23,592 --> 01:04:24,420 Yeah. 1189 01:04:24,420 --> 01:04:25,801 ♪ Who told you that 1190 01:04:25,801 --> 01:04:28,183 ♪ You've got to keep your hands clean ♪ 1191 01:04:28,183 --> 01:04:30,323 ♪ Or you're going to mess it all up? ♪ 1192 01:04:30,323 --> 01:04:32,877 Can I get in the bed with you? 1193 01:04:32,877 --> 01:04:34,396 Yeah, sure. 1194 01:04:37,088 --> 01:04:38,469 I'm glad you texted. 1195 01:04:38,469 --> 01:04:42,197 ♪ I am rough around the edge ♪ 1196 01:04:42,197 --> 01:04:46,995 ♪ I am not a flower petal ♪ 1197 01:04:48,168 --> 01:04:52,379 ♪ You can handle me 1198 01:04:53,449 --> 01:04:55,589 Are-- Are you okay? 1199 01:04:55,589 --> 01:04:56,659 Yeah. 1200 01:04:56,659 --> 01:04:57,971 Yeah? 1201 01:04:57,971 --> 01:04:59,283 Yeah, I'm fine. 1202 01:04:59,283 --> 01:05:01,975 Paige kind of made it sound like 1203 01:05:01,975 --> 01:05:04,081 you weren't doing so good. 1204 01:05:04,081 --> 01:05:06,324 Not that she told me much. 1205 01:05:06,324 --> 01:05:07,532 I don't-- I don't wanna-- 1206 01:05:07,532 --> 01:05:08,878 I mean, I'm here if you wanna talk. 1207 01:05:08,878 --> 01:05:10,501 I could just listen to you-- 1208 01:05:18,854 --> 01:05:20,649 What are you doing? Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. 1209 01:05:20,649 --> 01:05:23,997 Are you sure about this? Hold on a second. Sam, wait-- 1210 01:05:23,997 --> 01:05:25,205 Just-- Just be quiet, okay? 1211 01:05:25,205 --> 01:05:27,276 It's fine. Just let me-- 1212 01:05:27,276 --> 01:05:29,175 Okay. 1213 01:05:29,175 --> 01:05:30,314 Okay, yeah. Yeah. 1214 01:05:32,557 --> 01:05:34,352 Holy shit. 1215 01:05:34,352 --> 01:05:36,630 ♪ If you love someone 1216 01:05:36,630 --> 01:05:38,978 ♪ It's best to just leave them alone ♪ 1217 01:05:41,256 --> 01:05:42,602 That was, uh... 1218 01:05:44,811 --> 01:05:46,813 Are you okay? 1219 01:05:46,813 --> 01:05:48,194 Yeah. 1220 01:05:48,194 --> 01:05:49,678 Totally. 1221 01:05:49,678 --> 01:05:50,713 I'm fine. 1222 01:06:00,413 --> 01:06:02,725 Now, you guys are probably here to see 1223 01:06:02,725 --> 01:06:05,038 everybody's favourite skinny, rich, white girl. 1224 01:06:05,038 --> 01:06:06,833 Sam Cowell! 1225 01:06:06,833 --> 01:06:08,697 I do have to be nice to the guys. 1226 01:06:08,697 --> 01:06:10,561 I'm going to be nice to the guys. 1227 01:06:10,561 --> 01:06:12,114 Somebody had to come backstage, like, 1228 01:06:12,114 --> 01:06:15,014 "Be nice to the guys." 1229 01:06:16,049 --> 01:06:17,292 Thank you guys so much! 1230 01:06:22,090 --> 01:06:24,057 ♪ So, I heard the bad news ♪ 1231 01:06:26,059 --> 01:06:28,234 ♪ Nobody likes me 1232 01:06:28,234 --> 01:06:30,098 ♪ And I'm gonna die alone 1233 01:06:30,098 --> 01:06:32,272 ♪ In my bedroom 1234 01:06:33,756 --> 01:06:38,002 ♪ Looking at strangers on my telephone ♪ 1235 01:06:39,521 --> 01:06:41,419 Hey, guys. Good to see you. 1236 01:06:41,419 --> 01:06:43,249 Oh, yeah. No, that's crazy. 1237 01:06:43,249 --> 01:06:45,803 I've never climbed Kilimanjaro. 1238 01:06:45,803 --> 01:06:47,080 Hey. 1239 01:06:47,080 --> 01:06:48,771 Hi. Good to see you. 1240 01:06:49,979 --> 01:06:51,050 Okay. 1241 01:06:52,120 --> 01:06:53,155 I showered. 1242 01:06:53,155 --> 01:06:54,915 Dude, you look hot. 1243 01:06:54,915 --> 01:06:57,021 Thank you. It's killing me to be here, 1244 01:06:57,021 --> 01:06:58,781 but I do look hot. 1245 01:06:58,781 --> 01:06:59,748 You do! 1246 01:06:59,748 --> 01:07:01,301 You're not going to, like, ruin the party, 1247 01:07:01,301 --> 01:07:02,889 and jump off the roof or anything. 1248 01:07:02,889 --> 01:07:04,063 Oh, my God. No. 1249 01:07:04,063 --> 01:07:06,755 I would never ruin Paige's green card approval party 1250 01:07:06,755 --> 01:07:09,344 by jumping off the roof tonight. 1251 01:07:09,344 --> 01:07:10,586 Have you seen Paige yet? 1252 01:07:11,656 --> 01:07:13,900 I mean, you cannot miss her. 1253 01:07:13,900 --> 01:07:17,006 I'm gay, I'm a genie, and I'll grant you a wish! 1254 01:07:20,182 --> 01:07:21,908 I am really happy for her, though. 1255 01:07:21,908 --> 01:07:23,151 She-- She deserves this. 1256 01:07:25,118 --> 01:07:28,156 Yeah, you sound so happy 1257 01:07:28,156 --> 01:07:30,019 and not bummed or jealous at all. 1258 01:07:30,019 --> 01:07:33,368 But I'm really glad you left the house. 1259 01:07:33,368 --> 01:07:34,610 And I'm actually even glad that 1260 01:07:34,610 --> 01:07:36,129 you bought all the American flag stuff, 1261 01:07:36,129 --> 01:07:37,613 - even though it is-- - Thank you. 1262 01:07:37,613 --> 01:07:38,925 extremely American. 1263 01:07:38,925 --> 01:07:41,652 So American. 1264 01:07:41,652 --> 01:07:44,724 Yeah, so, now we just need to get you back on stage. 1265 01:07:44,724 --> 01:07:46,691 You wanna help me pick a new stage name? 1266 01:07:46,691 --> 01:07:49,970 What? Sam Cowell's an incredible name. 1267 01:07:49,970 --> 01:07:53,664 Plus, you're probably the first Google search result now, so. 1268 01:07:53,664 --> 01:07:57,357 Wow. Okay, fine. I'm going to say it. 1269 01:07:57,357 --> 01:07:58,910 I did it for attention. 1270 01:07:58,910 --> 01:08:01,223 Sam! 1271 01:08:01,223 --> 01:08:04,330 You shouldn't be joking about search engine optimization. 1272 01:08:04,330 --> 01:08:07,264 Yeah, you're right. No. That's too far. 1273 01:08:07,264 --> 01:08:09,369 - It's too far. - That's the line. 1274 01:08:09,369 --> 01:08:10,922 Some things we shouldn't joke about. 1275 01:08:10,922 --> 01:08:11,820 No more. 1276 01:08:11,820 --> 01:08:13,304 I'm gonna get a drink. Do you want one? 1277 01:08:13,304 --> 01:08:14,305 - I need one. - Okay, yeah. 1278 01:08:14,305 --> 01:08:15,341 I have to have one. 1279 01:08:15,341 --> 01:08:16,514 Okay, well, I'll get you one. 1280 01:08:16,514 --> 01:08:18,240 - Thank you. - Mm-hm. 1281 01:08:30,701 --> 01:08:34,532 Did she ever say anything to you about a Nathan? 1282 01:08:41,746 --> 01:08:43,541 My God. 1283 01:08:43,541 --> 01:08:45,992 Parties were not like this when we were in junior high. 1284 01:08:45,992 --> 01:08:49,823 They were in, like, basements or 7/11 parking lots. 1285 01:08:49,823 --> 01:08:51,860 She told me this was a sleepover. 1286 01:08:51,860 --> 01:08:53,724 - Where is she? - Is that her right there? 1287 01:08:53,724 --> 01:08:56,796 -There you go. -Brooke! 1288 01:08:56,796 --> 01:08:58,867 Hi. 1289 01:08:58,867 --> 01:09:00,662 Are you drunk? 1290 01:09:00,662 --> 01:09:02,250 It's just a birthday party. 1291 01:09:02,250 --> 01:09:04,700 Okay, let's get this on. 1292 01:09:04,700 --> 01:09:06,323 No, no. No, no, no. 1293 01:09:06,323 --> 01:09:07,979 - Hi. - Hi! 1294 01:09:07,979 --> 01:09:11,983 Um, Brooke owes me and Nathan $30 for the Smirnoff Ice. 1295 01:09:11,983 --> 01:09:13,778 -Thirty dollars? - That's insane. 1296 01:09:13,778 --> 01:09:15,435 Mm. 1297 01:09:15,435 --> 01:09:17,023 Okay, yeah. Um, do you have that? Sorry. 1298 01:09:17,023 --> 01:09:19,681 Yeah, sure. I'd like to give you my last $20. 1299 01:09:19,681 --> 01:09:21,130 There you go. Enjoy. 1300 01:09:21,130 --> 01:09:22,546 No. No. It's $30. 1301 01:09:22,546 --> 01:09:23,995 I'm not an ATM. Yeah. 1302 01:09:23,995 --> 01:09:26,066 Where did you guys get all this alcohol? 1303 01:09:26,066 --> 01:09:29,277 There's-- Everyone here has an older boyfriend-- 1304 01:09:29,277 --> 01:09:31,520 or you know something. I don't-- 1305 01:09:31,520 --> 01:09:33,315 - I don't want to leave. -Oh, okay. 1306 01:09:33,315 --> 01:09:35,144 We are going to go to Niagara Falls. 1307 01:09:35,144 --> 01:09:36,974 -Yeah, we sure are. - We're going home. 1308 01:09:36,974 --> 01:09:38,424 Let's go for it. It'll be fun. 1309 01:09:39,701 --> 01:09:40,978 ♪--mountains in roller skates ♪ 1310 01:09:40,978 --> 01:09:43,601 ♪ I'm reckless, and careless ♪ 1311 01:09:43,601 --> 01:09:45,500 ♪ Bloody knees in my jeans 1312 01:09:45,500 --> 01:09:47,950 ♪ And my sundress is so delicate ♪ 1313 01:09:49,538 --> 01:09:51,747 ♪ Oh, skeletons 1314 01:09:54,440 --> 01:09:57,236 ♪ Oh we're skeletons 1315 01:09:58,340 --> 01:09:59,997 Phew. I miss this view. 1316 01:10:02,724 --> 01:10:05,520 Yeah, we're really lucky. 1317 01:10:05,520 --> 01:10:07,660 ♪ Oh, skeletons 1318 01:10:07,660 --> 01:10:09,075 I missed you. 1319 01:10:12,941 --> 01:10:14,253 Oh. 1320 01:10:16,324 --> 01:10:17,532 Oh, fuck. 1321 01:10:17,532 --> 01:10:18,533 Noah. 1322 01:10:18,533 --> 01:10:19,913 Oh, please. Sam, no-- That-- 1323 01:10:19,913 --> 01:10:23,641 No. No, I-- I thought we were making progress. 1324 01:10:23,641 --> 01:10:25,678 We? I mean-- 1325 01:10:25,678 --> 01:10:27,300 You and I just slept together. 1326 01:10:27,300 --> 01:10:28,612 Yeah. 1327 01:10:30,096 --> 01:10:33,099 What, so you're saying there's no glimmer of "we" anymore? 1328 01:10:34,169 --> 01:10:36,447 I mean, there's barely a me right now. 1329 01:10:36,447 --> 01:10:37,828 Yeah, yeah. Okay. 1330 01:10:37,828 --> 01:10:40,693 Uh, well, do you think there would be a you 1331 01:10:40,693 --> 01:10:42,246 to care about at some point? 1332 01:10:42,246 --> 01:10:43,661 What? 1333 01:10:43,661 --> 01:10:44,835 I don't know. I'm just-- I'm-- 1334 01:10:44,835 --> 01:10:46,285 The pronouns are confusing me here. 1335 01:10:46,285 --> 01:10:48,459 You-- I-- 1336 01:10:48,459 --> 01:10:50,427 Everyone needs we's in their life. 1337 01:10:50,427 --> 01:10:53,533 Fuck, Noah. This is just so not about you-- 1338 01:10:53,533 --> 01:10:54,810 - No, I know. - or us. 1339 01:10:54,810 --> 01:10:56,467 I know I don't exist in this, okay? 1340 01:10:56,467 --> 01:10:58,297 I'm just-- I'm just the ex-boyfriend. 1341 01:10:58,297 --> 01:10:59,953 I... 1342 01:10:59,953 --> 01:11:01,196 I just wish... 1343 01:11:02,508 --> 01:11:05,338 What? What do you wish? 1344 01:11:05,338 --> 01:11:07,892 I wish I could have been there. 1345 01:11:07,892 --> 01:11:12,414 I know, but you weren't, and that's okay. 1346 01:11:12,414 --> 01:11:14,865 That's-- That's why I was trying to be there after. 1347 01:11:17,730 --> 01:11:19,490 But how, Noah? 1348 01:11:19,490 --> 01:11:21,906 You know? 1349 01:11:21,906 --> 01:11:24,944 By getting in fights on Twitter with trolls? 1350 01:11:24,944 --> 01:11:28,913 By asking me, like, just why would he think that? 1351 01:11:28,913 --> 01:11:30,777 Okay, I will regret that fucking question 1352 01:11:30,777 --> 01:11:32,365 for the rest of my stupid life. 1353 01:11:32,365 --> 01:11:35,023 I just can't be around you, okay? 1354 01:11:36,473 --> 01:11:37,922 It just makes me feel like shit to be 1355 01:11:37,922 --> 01:11:39,786 around the people who were there. 1356 01:11:42,271 --> 01:11:44,135 But you can go looking around for Brooke? 1357 01:11:47,898 --> 01:11:48,899 Yeah. 1358 01:11:50,487 --> 01:11:52,385 I guess that I can, 1359 01:11:52,385 --> 01:11:55,077 because Brooke is, like... 1360 01:11:55,077 --> 01:11:56,976 the one person who doesn't pity me. 1361 01:11:57,770 --> 01:11:59,392 She hates me. 1362 01:12:00,428 --> 01:12:02,257 It's refreshing. 1363 01:12:03,569 --> 01:12:05,778 I am gonna go check on the ice. 1364 01:12:05,778 --> 01:12:07,780 You don't care about ice. 1365 01:12:07,780 --> 01:12:09,264 I do. 1366 01:12:09,264 --> 01:12:13,061 I care deeply about the ice right now, Noah. 1367 01:12:13,061 --> 01:12:14,683 I'm sorry. 1368 01:12:16,409 --> 01:12:19,412 ♪ Late bloomer 1369 01:12:20,896 --> 01:12:23,968 ♪ I'm not afraid of you anymore ♪ 1370 01:12:23,968 --> 01:12:26,454 ♪ Late bloomer, now that I'm awake ♪ 1371 01:12:26,454 --> 01:12:28,594 ♪ It was worth the wait 1372 01:12:28,594 --> 01:12:33,012 ♪ Late bloomer 1373 01:12:33,012 --> 01:12:36,256 ♪ I'm not afraid of you anymore ♪ 1374 01:12:36,256 --> 01:12:38,362 ♪ Late bloomer, now that I'm awake ♪ 1375 01:12:38,362 --> 01:12:39,743 ♪ It was worth the wait 1376 01:12:39,743 --> 01:12:41,607 -Who's this? 1377 01:12:41,607 --> 01:12:44,230 Hi, this is Tiff. 1378 01:12:44,230 --> 01:12:45,818 Uh, or... 1379 01:12:45,818 --> 01:12:46,819 Tiffer? 1380 01:12:46,819 --> 01:12:49,442 Yes, no. Um, this-- It's Tiffany. 1381 01:12:49,442 --> 01:12:51,202 Um, Brooke's friend from school. 1382 01:12:52,238 --> 01:12:53,791 What do you want with her? 1383 01:12:55,414 --> 01:12:58,002 Uh, no. Um... 1384 01:12:58,002 --> 01:13:00,798 That's not why I'm calling, um... 1385 01:13:00,798 --> 01:13:01,903 I was wondering if I could-- 1386 01:13:01,903 --> 01:13:03,456 Whoa, not on the phone. 1387 01:13:03,456 --> 01:13:06,425 Okay, look, if you want to buy, you just gotta come by, okay? 1388 01:13:06,425 --> 01:13:08,737 - Come by the trap. - What? 1389 01:13:08,737 --> 01:13:10,636 The greenhouse behind the convenience store 1390 01:13:10,636 --> 01:13:12,534 on Main Street. 1391 01:13:12,534 --> 01:13:14,916 Yo, are you calling from the city? 1392 01:13:14,916 --> 01:13:16,952 You sound kinda old, you know. 1393 01:13:16,952 --> 01:13:20,439 Uh, no. I'm in Niagara, too. 1394 01:13:20,439 --> 01:13:22,820 This is my friend's phone, um, 1395 01:13:22,820 --> 01:13:25,547 and I just smoke a lot. 1396 01:13:25,547 --> 01:13:27,169 All right, all right. 1397 01:13:27,169 --> 01:13:28,585 Come by in, like, an hour, okay? 1398 01:13:28,585 --> 01:13:31,829 Peace... Out. 1399 01:13:31,829 --> 01:13:34,694 ♪ Late bloomer 1400 01:13:34,694 --> 01:13:38,836 ♪ I'm not afraid of you anymore ♪ 1401 01:13:38,836 --> 01:13:41,183 I can't believe you know where she is. 1402 01:13:41,183 --> 01:13:43,185 And, I'm sorry, but who's named Tiffany anymore? 1403 01:13:43,185 --> 01:13:44,808 I don't know, I just panicked. 1404 01:13:44,808 --> 01:13:46,672 Well, I'm packing you apples. 1405 01:13:46,672 --> 01:13:48,915 Okay, and you're sober enough to drive? 1406 01:13:48,915 --> 01:13:50,503 Yes, I only had one beer. 1407 01:13:50,503 --> 01:13:51,642 And you're sober enough 1408 01:13:51,642 --> 01:13:53,161 to go out there and be a big hero? 1409 01:13:53,161 --> 01:13:54,887 I just don't care what anybody thinks anymore. 1410 01:13:54,887 --> 01:13:56,509 I don't even care what Brooke thinks anymore. 1411 01:13:56,509 --> 01:13:57,683 I'm finding her. 1412 01:13:57,683 --> 01:13:59,650 Do you want us to go with you? 1413 01:13:59,650 --> 01:14:01,583 No, I have to talk to her on my own. 1414 01:14:01,583 --> 01:14:03,033 I don't want to spook her. 1415 01:14:03,033 --> 01:14:05,863 I wonder what this boyfriend drug dealer sells. 1416 01:14:05,863 --> 01:14:06,864 I was thinking Molly-- 1417 01:14:06,864 --> 01:14:08,348 Guys! Shut up, okay? 1418 01:14:08,348 --> 01:14:10,212 Brooke could be high on anything right now. 1419 01:14:10,212 --> 01:14:12,214 Do you remember how stupid we were when we were her age? 1420 01:14:12,214 --> 01:14:14,700 I mean, we tried smoking dog hair once. 1421 01:14:14,700 --> 01:14:18,462 Ugh. Hey, um, take my keys. 1422 01:14:18,462 --> 01:14:19,946 Please be safe. 1423 01:14:19,946 --> 01:14:21,534 And check in with us. 1424 01:14:21,534 --> 01:14:23,087 Okay. 1425 01:14:23,087 --> 01:14:24,848 Because teenage drug dealers who live in Niagara Falls 1426 01:14:24,848 --> 01:14:27,540 probably, you know, don't have a lot to lose. 1427 01:14:29,749 --> 01:14:31,993 I'm sure it'll be fine. Just don't-- 1428 01:14:31,993 --> 01:14:34,513 Don't think about Euphoria. 1429 01:14:34,513 --> 01:14:36,687 -Go! - Okay. 1430 01:14:36,687 --> 01:14:38,033 Go get her, girl. 1431 01:14:43,660 --> 01:14:46,594 And how long had you and Mr. Dolman been dating 1432 01:14:46,594 --> 01:14:48,803 on the night of October 13th? 1433 01:14:48,803 --> 01:14:50,977 It was our three-year anniversary. 1434 01:14:50,977 --> 01:14:53,393 And yet you chose to stay late at the Renner's. 1435 01:14:54,463 --> 01:14:56,431 It was my job to stay late at the Renner's, 1436 01:14:56,431 --> 01:14:57,777 until Brooke fell asleep. 1437 01:14:57,777 --> 01:14:59,779 And that night you told 1438 01:14:59,779 --> 01:15:02,333 Brooke that you wanted to leave with her 1439 01:15:02,333 --> 01:15:05,026 because of a carbon monoxide leak. 1440 01:15:05,026 --> 01:15:07,269 But there was no leak. 1441 01:15:07,269 --> 01:15:09,962 No, I told her that so that I could-- 1442 01:15:09,962 --> 01:15:11,791 So, you lied to her about your intentions 1443 01:15:11,791 --> 01:15:13,413 for wanting to leave the house? 1444 01:15:13,413 --> 01:15:16,727 I lied so that I wouldn't have to leave her there 1445 01:15:16,727 --> 01:15:19,005 after... that. 1446 01:15:21,249 --> 01:15:24,252 And Brooke has gone on the record, saying that 1447 01:15:24,252 --> 01:15:26,910 you were in love with her father. 1448 01:15:28,014 --> 01:15:29,878 I was not in love with Cameron. 1449 01:15:29,878 --> 01:15:33,882 I found him really boring and pretty sexist. 1450 01:15:35,401 --> 01:15:37,127 I was in love with Noah. 1451 01:15:37,127 --> 01:15:38,335 Hm. 1452 01:15:40,579 --> 01:15:45,066 Exhibit C is one of Ms. Cowell's comedy clips from 2014. 1453 01:15:45,066 --> 01:15:48,621 If everyone could direct their attention to the television. 1454 01:15:48,621 --> 01:15:51,348 I mean, if you're not having rough sex, it's like, 1455 01:15:51,348 --> 01:15:53,005 are you having sex? 1456 01:15:53,005 --> 01:15:55,076 At that point it's just procreation. 1457 01:15:57,630 --> 01:16:00,668 And in February of last year, 1458 01:16:00,668 --> 01:16:05,673 you were a guest on a podcast called The Crimson Wave, 1459 01:16:05,673 --> 01:16:07,260 in which you said, and I quote, 1460 01:16:07,260 --> 01:16:11,540 "It was offensive that you hadn't been hit on as a nanny." 1461 01:16:13,370 --> 01:16:15,786 Well, I mean, you're... taking that out of context. 1462 01:16:15,786 --> 01:16:17,132 Oh, well, I don't understand. 1463 01:16:17,132 --> 01:16:18,789 Could you explain what the context is? 1464 01:16:18,789 --> 01:16:20,170 The context of a joke. 1465 01:16:20,170 --> 01:16:23,483 I mean, also, you're not even playing, like-- 1466 01:16:23,483 --> 01:16:24,795 These are my worst clips. 1467 01:16:24,795 --> 01:16:26,210 I'm still flat-ironing my hair in these. 1468 01:16:26,210 --> 01:16:28,247 I wasn't even nannying for them at the time. 1469 01:16:28,247 --> 01:16:29,524 I'm... 1470 01:16:36,669 --> 01:16:39,672 There's no evidence that states that my client 1471 01:16:39,672 --> 01:16:42,054 didn't see this material, 1472 01:16:42,054 --> 01:16:43,987 and that you didn't confirm 1473 01:16:43,987 --> 01:16:48,025 that you wanted to have consensual rough sex with him. 1474 01:16:49,302 --> 01:16:51,650 Are you going to ask what I was wearing next? 1475 01:16:55,584 --> 01:16:58,139 If the defendant could please rise. 1476 01:17:02,108 --> 01:17:06,319 In the case of the Queen versus Cameron Renner, 1477 01:17:06,319 --> 01:17:09,253 on the charges of sexual harassment 1478 01:17:09,253 --> 01:17:12,636 and aggravated sexual assault, 1479 01:17:12,636 --> 01:17:14,880 I find the defendant guilty. 1480 01:17:14,880 --> 01:17:17,779 I sentence him to five years. 1481 01:18:01,927 --> 01:18:04,067 She's lying to you! 1482 01:18:04,067 --> 01:18:06,069 No, she isn't, Brooke. 1483 01:18:06,069 --> 01:18:07,449 I know this is hard to understand. 1484 01:18:07,449 --> 01:18:09,279 No, it's not. She's trying to take his money, okay? 1485 01:18:09,279 --> 01:18:10,901 And now he lost his job! 1486 01:18:10,901 --> 01:18:14,387 She just-- she saw our house and she saw-- she saw his car, 1487 01:18:14,387 --> 01:18:17,149 and she was probably glad when my mom died! 1488 01:18:17,149 --> 01:18:18,667 Brooke. Enough. 1489 01:18:20,152 --> 01:18:24,328 Noah. Noah, I'm so sorry. I had no idea, I swear. 1490 01:18:24,328 --> 01:18:26,261 - An inkling-- - Why are you on their side? 1491 01:18:26,261 --> 01:18:28,160 -Stop it. - Dad loved Mom, not her. 1492 01:18:28,160 --> 01:18:29,264 She's a liar! 1493 01:18:29,264 --> 01:18:32,267 Hey, we don't talk about women like that. 1494 01:18:33,061 --> 01:18:34,753 Thank you, Jill. 1495 01:18:35,823 --> 01:18:37,134 Yeah, of course. 1496 01:18:38,066 --> 01:18:39,412 Get inside. Come on. 1497 01:18:39,412 --> 01:18:41,345 Let's go. Let's finish packing. 1498 01:18:44,452 --> 01:18:45,280 Go. 1499 01:18:45,280 --> 01:18:47,835 Holy shit. I'm sorry. 1500 01:18:47,835 --> 01:18:50,389 Can we go? Can we just go please? 1501 01:18:50,389 --> 01:18:52,149 We're going. 1502 01:18:54,565 --> 01:18:57,948 She wasn't supposed to be here. 1503 01:18:58,949 --> 01:19:00,226 Jesus. 1504 01:19:22,352 --> 01:19:25,631 Yo, Brooke said that, too, though. 1505 01:19:28,737 --> 01:19:30,360 Alright, yeah. Yeah, I'm down here. 1506 01:19:30,360 --> 01:19:32,569 Let's just go home. Let's just go to my... 1507 01:19:36,124 --> 01:19:37,954 Yeah, that was stupid, bro. 1508 01:19:37,954 --> 01:19:39,541 I remember. 1509 01:19:39,541 --> 01:19:41,440 Yeah, yeah. Brooke was there... 1510 01:19:49,448 --> 01:19:51,553 Yeah, yeah. That's my car. Mine's the green one. 1511 01:20:04,566 --> 01:20:08,122 Yeah, all right. Everyone in. Everyone in. 1512 01:20:11,711 --> 01:20:12,678 You're welcome. 1513 01:20:23,585 --> 01:20:24,897 Fuck. 1514 01:20:42,915 --> 01:20:44,572 Fucking cop dog. 1515 01:21:02,383 --> 01:21:05,110 I'm really sorry you're back here, Samantha. 1516 01:21:05,110 --> 01:21:06,870 You can joke about literally anything now, 1517 01:21:06,870 --> 01:21:08,354 so that's good. 1518 01:21:08,354 --> 01:21:11,633 You're funny! You are funny. 1519 01:21:11,633 --> 01:21:13,152 Is that you treating us 1520 01:21:13,152 --> 01:21:15,396 to one of your stand-up comedy things? 1521 01:21:15,396 --> 01:21:19,020 There's no evidence that states that my client 1522 01:21:19,020 --> 01:21:21,160 didn't see this material, 1523 01:21:21,160 --> 01:21:23,507 and that you didn't confirm 1524 01:21:23,507 --> 01:21:26,925 that you wanted to have consensual rough sex with him. 1525 01:21:29,479 --> 01:21:32,378 I just want to know why you lied! 1526 01:21:32,378 --> 01:21:33,759 This is what you want to file? 1527 01:21:33,759 --> 01:21:36,210 She was probably glad when my mom died. 1528 01:21:36,210 --> 01:21:37,211 Brooke! 1529 01:21:37,211 --> 01:21:38,453 You need to drop this 1530 01:21:38,453 --> 01:21:41,767 and start taking care of yourself, dude. 1531 01:21:41,767 --> 01:21:43,803 I just wish... 1532 01:21:46,841 --> 01:21:47,980 One, two, three. 1533 01:21:47,980 --> 01:21:50,845 There you go. Does that work? 1534 01:21:50,845 --> 01:21:52,122 - Yes. - Okay. 1535 01:21:52,122 --> 01:21:53,779 Thanks for the extra film, Noah. 1536 01:21:53,779 --> 01:21:55,194 Oh, it's my pleasure. 1537 01:21:55,194 --> 01:21:58,646 There's not enough pictures of you two on our fridge as it is. 1538 01:21:58,646 --> 01:22:00,096 Gross. 1539 01:22:00,096 --> 01:22:02,650 Okay, well, then you can leave. 1540 01:22:04,065 --> 01:22:05,722 Hey, make sure you get everything. 1541 01:22:05,722 --> 01:22:07,655 - I did. Bye, Noah. -All right. 1542 01:22:07,655 --> 01:22:09,312 Bye. 1543 01:22:09,312 --> 01:22:11,314 So, you want me to, uh, stick around? 1544 01:22:11,314 --> 01:22:12,694 Uh, no, it's okay. 1545 01:22:12,694 --> 01:22:14,420 I have to help Brooke with her math homework, 1546 01:22:14,420 --> 01:22:17,009 and Cameron is actually home for once. 1547 01:22:17,009 --> 01:22:18,355 What? 1548 01:22:18,355 --> 01:22:20,426 Yeah, and we all know that he's not a huge fan 1549 01:22:20,426 --> 01:22:21,669 of the babysitter's boyfriend. 1550 01:22:21,669 --> 01:22:23,119 I'm not wearing my bulletproof vest. 1551 01:22:23,119 --> 01:22:24,499 I should get out of here. 1552 01:22:24,499 --> 01:22:26,915 You have to wait up for me, though. 1553 01:22:26,915 --> 01:22:30,298 I would wait for you 'til 4:00 in the morning. 1554 01:22:30,298 --> 01:22:31,851 Okay, so I'll wake you up when I get back? 1555 01:22:31,851 --> 01:22:33,025 Yes, please. Yeah. 1556 01:22:33,025 --> 01:22:35,510 I'll see you really soon. 1557 01:22:36,718 --> 01:22:39,445 I'll see you so soon. 1558 01:22:55,427 --> 01:22:57,118 You want some ice cream? 1559 01:22:57,118 --> 01:22:59,017 Sure. 1560 01:22:59,017 --> 01:23:02,951 Delicious ice cream? Sure. I guess. 1561 01:23:02,951 --> 01:23:06,472 You're so funny. You make me laugh. Thank you. 1562 01:23:06,472 --> 01:23:07,956 You know it was a lot easier to cheer you up 1563 01:23:07,956 --> 01:23:09,061 when you were little. 1564 01:23:09,061 --> 01:23:10,338 Whatever. 1565 01:23:10,338 --> 01:23:11,477 Can you stay over tonight? 1566 01:23:11,477 --> 01:23:13,410 I really have to get back tonight. 1567 01:23:13,410 --> 01:23:15,136 It's my anniversary. 1568 01:23:15,136 --> 01:23:17,552 ♪ Pictures of people you follow ♪ 1569 01:23:18,622 --> 01:23:20,107 Does he go down on you? 1570 01:23:20,107 --> 01:23:22,109 What?! 1571 01:23:23,765 --> 01:23:26,251 How do you know about going down? 1572 01:23:26,251 --> 01:23:28,943 Candace says that if a guy goes down on you 1573 01:23:28,943 --> 01:23:32,567 and posts about you online, then he's boyfriend material. 1574 01:23:34,121 --> 01:23:35,294 Wow. 1575 01:23:35,294 --> 01:23:37,572 Noah posts about you on his stories a lot. 1576 01:23:37,572 --> 01:23:40,610 Yeah. Yes. Yeah, he does. 1577 01:23:40,610 --> 01:23:43,889 That's actually pretty insightful of Candace. 1578 01:23:43,889 --> 01:23:45,097 She's not wrong. 1579 01:23:46,616 --> 01:23:48,031 Okay, new conversation topic. 1580 01:23:48,031 --> 01:23:50,516 We've never-- We've never done this before. 1581 01:23:52,070 --> 01:23:53,416 Oh. 1582 01:23:53,416 --> 01:23:55,659 Are you good on your ice cream? 1583 01:23:55,659 --> 01:23:57,005 Mm-hm. 1584 01:23:57,005 --> 01:23:58,593 Okay. I have to go. 1585 01:23:58,593 --> 01:24:01,148 And you absolutely need to go to bed. 1586 01:24:01,148 --> 01:24:03,150 It is so late. 1587 01:24:04,703 --> 01:24:08,086 Okay, watch. I'm going to get this all in one. 1588 01:24:09,846 --> 01:24:11,779 Yes, there we go. 1589 01:24:12,987 --> 01:24:15,369 Go it. Goodnight. 1590 01:24:15,369 --> 01:24:16,991 Please go to bed, okay? 1591 01:24:16,991 --> 01:24:17,992 Love you. 1592 01:24:17,992 --> 01:24:19,476 Love you, too. 1593 01:24:36,217 --> 01:24:38,046 Please stop. 1594 01:25:07,214 --> 01:25:08,491 Cameron? 1595 01:25:13,220 --> 01:25:14,635 Cameron, are you okay? 1596 01:25:14,635 --> 01:25:17,120 Here. It's a beer. 1597 01:25:17,120 --> 01:25:20,158 Oh, I was just checking to make sure you were okay. 1598 01:25:20,158 --> 01:25:21,952 Um, I have to go soon. 1599 01:25:21,952 --> 01:25:24,576 - Brooke's asleep, so-- - Why wouldn't I be okay? 1600 01:25:26,233 --> 01:25:28,373 Because you're... kind of drunk. 1601 01:25:28,373 --> 01:25:30,685 I'm still your boss. 1602 01:25:30,685 --> 01:25:33,171 You can't talk to me that way. 1603 01:25:34,862 --> 01:25:36,070 Okay. Sorry. 1604 01:25:36,070 --> 01:25:39,798 Um, I'm just going to finish up the dishes, and then go-- 1605 01:25:39,798 --> 01:25:42,318 Just... 1606 01:25:42,318 --> 01:25:44,941 I actually need to talk to you. 1607 01:25:45,976 --> 01:25:47,840 Okay. 1608 01:25:50,360 --> 01:25:51,465 What's up? 1609 01:25:51,465 --> 01:25:52,983 So... 1610 01:25:55,158 --> 01:25:58,920 ...I've been watching more of your stuff... 1611 01:25:58,920 --> 01:26:01,268 online, 1612 01:26:01,268 --> 01:26:03,718 and I take it back. 1613 01:26:04,547 --> 01:26:06,652 You take what back? 1614 01:26:06,652 --> 01:26:08,413 That you're not funny. 1615 01:26:08,413 --> 01:26:11,243 You're actually funny. 1616 01:26:11,243 --> 01:26:13,590 - I'm actually funny? - Mm-hmm. 1617 01:26:13,590 --> 01:26:16,075 Wow. Well, thank you, Cameron. 1618 01:26:16,075 --> 01:26:20,459 That means a lot coming from someone as riveting as you. 1619 01:26:20,459 --> 01:26:25,430 Your special, you said... 1620 01:26:25,430 --> 01:26:29,296 "It's weird, 'cause I like cops." 1621 01:26:29,296 --> 01:26:33,886 Yeah, but then the punch line was, 1622 01:26:33,886 --> 01:26:36,544 "I'm more partial to firefighters." 1623 01:26:36,544 --> 01:26:39,892 No. That's not what I remember. 1624 01:26:41,515 --> 01:26:43,758 Okay. Well... 1625 01:26:43,758 --> 01:26:47,279 I'm sorry to disappoint you, officer, but... 1626 01:26:47,279 --> 01:26:49,247 Hmm. 1627 01:26:49,247 --> 01:26:52,353 ...I'm going to go. 1628 01:26:52,353 --> 01:26:53,492 Not... 1629 01:26:53,492 --> 01:26:56,254 if I arrest you... 1630 01:26:56,254 --> 01:26:58,566 young lady. 1631 01:26:58,566 --> 01:27:00,672 Okay. 1632 01:27:00,672 --> 01:27:04,089 Well, I can talk my way out of most tickets, 1633 01:27:04,089 --> 01:27:05,918 so I'm going to go now, Mr. Renner. 1634 01:27:05,918 --> 01:27:08,680 Just don't... 1635 01:27:08,680 --> 01:27:10,992 "Mr. Renner." 1636 01:27:10,992 --> 01:27:13,098 It's Cameron. 1637 01:27:16,170 --> 01:27:17,965 Really? 1638 01:27:24,558 --> 01:27:26,491 It's fine. It's okay. I'm sorry. 1639 01:27:26,491 --> 01:27:29,217 I think it was just a misunderstanding. 1640 01:27:29,217 --> 01:27:32,428 I'm just going to go. We don't-- We can just forget about this. 1641 01:27:32,428 --> 01:27:33,636 I'm going to-- 1642 01:27:35,258 --> 01:27:37,329 It's role play. 1643 01:27:38,503 --> 01:27:40,608 I've seen your show, and I know you like it. 1644 01:27:41,575 --> 01:27:43,508 All right? 1645 01:27:43,508 --> 01:27:46,304 You scream and I'll arrest you. 1646 01:27:48,064 --> 01:27:50,860 Are you serious? You're going to wake-- 1647 01:27:52,586 --> 01:27:56,244 You can't resist an officer. 1648 01:27:57,280 --> 01:27:59,593 You have to comply, 1649 01:27:59,593 --> 01:28:01,836 and I know you like handcuffs. 1650 01:28:02,837 --> 01:28:05,184 Are you serious? This is ridiculous. 1651 01:28:05,184 --> 01:28:08,602 This is-- You're just-- You're, like-- 1652 01:28:08,602 --> 01:28:11,329 I'm not ridiculous. 1653 01:28:11,329 --> 01:28:14,297 - Okay. I'm going to go. - Wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa. 1654 01:28:14,297 --> 01:28:15,781 Whoa. 1655 01:28:21,994 --> 01:28:25,481 Oh, my God. Please stop. Fuck. 1656 01:28:25,481 --> 01:28:28,104 It's fine. It's fine. 1657 01:28:28,104 --> 01:28:30,900 Hey. Just look at me. It's fine. 1658 01:28:30,900 --> 01:28:33,903 It's fine. Just look at me. 1659 01:28:34,800 --> 01:28:36,284 Look at me. 1660 01:28:43,153 --> 01:28:45,224 Look at me. 1661 01:30:14,175 --> 01:30:16,626 Brooke? Brooke? 1662 01:30:16,626 --> 01:30:18,939 You need to get up now. 1663 01:31:16,962 --> 01:31:19,413 ♪ I was forced 1664 01:31:19,413 --> 01:31:21,967 ♪ To breathe on purpose 1665 01:31:21,967 --> 01:31:24,694 ♪ One, two, three, four five, six ♪ 1666 01:31:24,694 --> 01:31:27,973 ♪ One, two, three four, five, six ♪ 1667 01:31:27,973 --> 01:31:30,113 ♪ Metal is healing 1668 01:31:30,113 --> 01:31:32,426 ♪ Sometimes the beast needs feeding ♪ 1669 01:31:32,426 --> 01:31:34,048 ♪ Ride with me Valkyrie 1670 01:31:34,048 --> 01:31:36,603 ♪ Slay all those fuckers 1671 01:31:36,603 --> 01:31:40,986 ♪ That have hurt you in the past ♪ 1672 01:31:40,986 --> 01:31:45,750 ♪ Oh, he did me so bad 1673 01:31:45,750 --> 01:31:50,237 ♪ And every time I think of how you laugh ♪ 1674 01:31:51,549 --> 01:31:54,482 ♪ Oh, it gets me so bad ♪ 1675 01:31:56,243 --> 01:32:00,558 ♪ Hey, man, what you doing? ♪ 1676 01:32:01,662 --> 01:32:06,287 ♪ Come on back I need you moving ♪ 1677 01:32:06,287 --> 01:32:11,292 ♪ Said, hey, man what you doing? ♪ 1678 01:32:11,292 --> 01:32:16,021 ♪ Come on back I need you moving ♪ 1679 01:32:16,021 --> 01:32:18,748 ♪ I am sore 1680 01:32:18,748 --> 01:32:21,682 ♪ And I am melted 1681 01:32:21,682 --> 01:32:23,960 ♪ Chaos reigns 1682 01:32:23,960 --> 01:32:26,653 ♪ All is permitted 1683 01:32:26,653 --> 01:32:28,793 ♪ Ride with me Valkyrie ♪ 1684 01:32:28,793 --> 01:32:31,105 ♪ Slay all those fuckers ♪ 1685 01:32:31,105 --> 01:32:35,627 ♪ At that party from way back ♪ 1686 01:32:35,627 --> 01:32:38,319 ♪ Oh, it did me so bad ♪ 1687 01:33:27,748 --> 01:33:29,094 Brooke? 1688 01:33:34,375 --> 01:33:35,963 Brooke. 1689 01:33:41,762 --> 01:33:44,040 Why are you here? 1690 01:33:44,938 --> 01:33:46,215 Who lives here? 1691 01:33:47,457 --> 01:33:50,668 - I do. - Who else lives here, Brooke? 1692 01:33:50,668 --> 01:33:52,739 Nathan and his brother. 1693 01:33:52,739 --> 01:33:54,326 How do you know Nathan? 1694 01:33:54,326 --> 01:33:55,914 I met him with Candace. 1695 01:33:55,914 --> 01:33:58,330 Oh, that fucking idiot. 1696 01:33:58,330 --> 01:34:00,678 Did Nathan give you drugs? What are you on? 1697 01:34:00,678 --> 01:34:03,163 I just smoked pot. A teener. 1698 01:34:03,163 --> 01:34:05,096 - It's-- - Holy shit. Is that meth? 1699 01:34:05,096 --> 01:34:08,686 Or oxy? What the hell are teens doing these days? 1700 01:34:08,686 --> 01:34:11,792 I'm just chilled out, Sam. Why are you even here? 1701 01:34:11,792 --> 01:34:15,037 Because I'm worried about you. 1702 01:34:15,037 --> 01:34:17,108 Your whole family is worried about you. 1703 01:34:17,108 --> 01:34:19,558 No, you're not. 1704 01:34:19,558 --> 01:34:21,181 Yes, I am. 1705 01:34:21,181 --> 01:34:23,217 Of course I am. Come on! 1706 01:34:23,217 --> 01:34:24,529 That's ridiculous. We're going, okay? 1707 01:34:24,529 --> 01:34:26,186 - No. I don't want to. - Yes, Brooke. 1708 01:34:26,186 --> 01:34:27,428 Yo. 1709 01:34:28,878 --> 01:34:30,708 Who are you? 1710 01:34:30,708 --> 01:34:33,055 I'm Tiff. 1711 01:34:34,021 --> 01:34:35,195 All right, Tiff. 1712 01:34:35,195 --> 01:34:36,714 You shouldn't be here, okay? 1713 01:34:38,094 --> 01:34:39,544 Have you seen the news? 1714 01:34:39,544 --> 01:34:41,615 Do you know that Brooke is considered missing? 1715 01:34:41,615 --> 01:34:44,411 Brooke's not missing anything, all right? 1716 01:34:44,411 --> 01:34:46,171 You know what? Get out of my house. 1717 01:34:46,171 --> 01:34:48,173 Not without Brooke. Come on. 1718 01:34:48,173 --> 01:34:49,727 I don't want to go. 1719 01:34:49,727 --> 01:34:52,868 See? Brooke doesn't want to leave, either, all right? 1720 01:34:52,868 --> 01:34:54,524 We're having a lot of fun here. 1721 01:34:54,524 --> 01:34:56,492 How old are you? 1722 01:34:56,492 --> 01:34:58,149 Are you 18? 1723 01:34:58,149 --> 01:35:00,945 Yeah. So what if I am? 1724 01:35:00,945 --> 01:35:02,291 Well, did you know that the little girl 1725 01:35:02,291 --> 01:35:03,775 you've been feeding God-knows-what to 1726 01:35:03,775 --> 01:35:04,914 is 14 years old? 1727 01:35:04,914 --> 01:35:06,226 - Sam, stop. -Whatever. 1728 01:35:06,226 --> 01:35:07,745 She's taller than you are. 1729 01:35:07,745 --> 01:35:10,782 Okay? Plus, she told me that she was, uh, 16, so-- 1730 01:35:10,782 --> 01:35:12,957 Yeah? Well, last year, she was in a one-piece snowsuit. 1731 01:35:12,957 --> 01:35:15,511 Wait a second. 1732 01:35:16,823 --> 01:35:19,170 I know exactly who you are. 1733 01:35:19,170 --> 01:35:20,447 You're the little bitch 1734 01:35:20,447 --> 01:35:22,173 that got Brooke's dad locked up in the first place. 1735 01:35:22,173 --> 01:35:23,795 Don't you fucking dare call me a little bitch! 1736 01:35:23,795 --> 01:35:25,935 Stop it! 1737 01:35:25,935 --> 01:35:28,766 Come on, Tiffer. An apple? 1738 01:35:28,766 --> 01:35:31,044 You got to come packing a little more than that. 1739 01:35:31,044 --> 01:35:33,115 - Get up, Brooke. Let's go. - I am! 1740 01:35:33,115 --> 01:35:35,358 - Ow! - Sam, stop it! Stop. 1741 01:35:35,358 --> 01:35:37,567 And I took Krav Maga on my ClassPass 1742 01:35:37,567 --> 01:35:40,674 three times last year, so do not fuck with me! 1743 01:35:40,674 --> 01:35:42,434 I'll kill you. 1744 01:35:42,434 --> 01:35:45,161 No, Nathan. If I ever see you come near Brooke again, 1745 01:35:45,161 --> 01:35:47,923 I will come to your shitty, smelly house, 1746 01:35:47,923 --> 01:35:49,062 and I will kill you! 1747 01:35:49,062 --> 01:35:50,788 -Stop! - Let's go. 1748 01:35:50,788 --> 01:35:51,754 - Stop! - Go. 1749 01:35:51,754 --> 01:35:53,860 - Oh, my God! Come on! 1750 01:36:03,731 --> 01:36:05,837 Brooke? 1751 01:36:05,837 --> 01:36:07,321 It's Sam. It's... 1752 01:36:10,877 --> 01:36:13,500 You're in my hotel, or-- 1753 01:36:13,500 --> 01:36:15,674 This is definitely a motel, but... 1754 01:36:18,885 --> 01:36:20,990 I got you out of that house. 1755 01:36:20,990 --> 01:36:23,165 You kidnapped me? 1756 01:36:23,165 --> 01:36:25,857 Kidnapped you? Brooke, you're a missing person. 1757 01:36:25,857 --> 01:36:28,549 I found you, okay? I'm a hero. 1758 01:36:28,549 --> 01:36:30,724 I don't need your help, Sam, okay? 1759 01:36:30,724 --> 01:36:34,176 What is it with you kidnapping me from all these places? 1760 01:36:34,176 --> 01:36:37,006 They're literally my friends. Jesus. 1761 01:36:37,006 --> 01:36:38,283 - Okay. - Oh, God. 1762 01:36:38,283 --> 01:36:39,871 I looked up what a teener was 1763 01:36:39,871 --> 01:36:41,769 on Urban Dictionary, okay? 1764 01:36:41,769 --> 01:36:43,426 You're in big shit. 1765 01:36:43,426 --> 01:36:46,982 - Shut up. - You're smarter than that. 1766 01:36:48,190 --> 01:36:50,364 Sam [sighing]: Okay. Maybe not. 1767 01:36:54,230 --> 01:36:56,577 Here you go. 1768 01:37:01,928 --> 01:37:05,655 Did any of those guys make you do stuff with them? 1769 01:37:07,450 --> 01:37:08,417 What? 1770 01:37:08,417 --> 01:37:12,352 Did any of them pressure you into doing stuff 1771 01:37:12,352 --> 01:37:13,560 that you didn't want to do? 1772 01:37:13,560 --> 01:37:15,527 I'm not talking to you about any of that, Sam. 1773 01:37:15,527 --> 01:37:18,047 Okay, well, Nathan is 18, 1774 01:37:18,047 --> 01:37:20,222 so "any of that" is technically illegal. 1775 01:37:20,222 --> 01:37:22,120 I turn 15 in two weeks, Sam. 1776 01:37:22,120 --> 01:37:23,950 Who cares if I made out with him? 1777 01:37:23,950 --> 01:37:26,918 I don't know. I feel like a lot of people would care. 1778 01:37:26,918 --> 01:37:30,197 Nathan is nice, okay? 1779 01:37:30,197 --> 01:37:31,785 He didn't do anything wrong. 1780 01:37:31,785 --> 01:37:32,682 Brooke-- 1781 01:37:32,682 --> 01:37:35,996 And neither did my dad, you freak. 1782 01:37:35,996 --> 01:37:37,170 - Brooke. - Freak! 1783 01:37:37,170 --> 01:37:39,241 Brooke, your father did do something wrong. 1784 01:37:39,241 --> 01:37:41,381 No, he did not. Do not say that. 1785 01:37:41,381 --> 01:37:43,210 I know that it's hard to understand, 1786 01:37:43,210 --> 01:37:44,349 but there was evidence. 1787 01:37:44,349 --> 01:37:46,006 It is not hard to understand, Sam. 1788 01:37:46,006 --> 01:37:47,145 I've read all the articles, okay? 1789 01:37:47,145 --> 01:37:49,492 - Oh, the articles? By who? - Yes. 1790 01:37:49,492 --> 01:37:51,701 Jordan Peterson? All the men's rights activists? 1791 01:37:51,701 --> 01:37:53,945 - I hate you! 1792 01:37:53,945 --> 01:37:55,498 You didn't have to ruin our lives! 1793 01:37:55,498 --> 01:37:58,225 I didn't do anything wrong! 1794 01:37:58,225 --> 01:37:59,468 You know I didn't do anything wrong. 1795 01:37:59,468 --> 01:38:01,021 You did do something wrong, Sam. 1796 01:38:01,021 --> 01:38:02,264 Brooke, what did I do? 1797 01:38:02,264 --> 01:38:04,404 - My life was ruined! - Your life? 1798 01:38:04,404 --> 01:38:05,957 - Yes. - Your life?! 1799 01:38:05,957 --> 01:38:08,546 Yes! I can't eat. I can't sleep. 1800 01:38:08,546 --> 01:38:10,410 - I can't go online. - Fuck you! 1801 01:38:10,410 --> 01:38:11,998 I don't want kids. I don't want Noah. 1802 01:38:11,998 --> 01:38:13,102 Fuck you. Fuck you! 1803 01:38:13,102 --> 01:38:15,001 I'm not funny anymore, Brooke. Okay? 1804 01:38:15,001 --> 01:38:17,279 I'm not funny anymore. Why would I have wanted that? 1805 01:38:17,279 --> 01:38:19,522 I don't know! 1806 01:38:19,522 --> 01:38:22,353 Then what could I have possibly done to you, huh? 1807 01:38:22,353 --> 01:38:24,079 What did I do to you? 1808 01:38:24,079 --> 01:38:26,840 You left! 1809 01:38:31,431 --> 01:38:33,812 You left. 1810 01:38:37,851 --> 01:38:42,718 Even if he did do it, you shouldn't have left me, Sam. 1811 01:38:48,724 --> 01:38:51,347 I'm sorry, Brooke. 1812 01:38:53,832 --> 01:38:55,110 I'm here, okay. 1813 01:38:58,078 --> 01:38:59,838 I'm here. 1814 01:39:16,200 --> 01:39:18,823 ♪ Somewhere in Germany 1815 01:39:18,823 --> 01:39:21,136 ♪ But I can't place it 1816 01:39:21,136 --> 01:39:23,345 ♪ Man, I hate this part of Texas ♪ 1817 01:39:23,345 --> 01:39:27,211 ♪ Close my eyes, fantasize ♪ 1818 01:39:27,211 --> 01:39:29,247 ♪ Three clicks and I'm home ♪ 1819 01:39:29,247 --> 01:39:33,493 ♪ When I get back I'll lay around ♪ 1820 01:39:33,493 --> 01:39:36,358 ♪ Then I'll get up and lay back down ♪ 1821 01:39:38,153 --> 01:39:40,120 ♪ Romanticize a quiet life ♪ 1822 01:39:40,120 --> 01:39:41,294 ♪ There's no place like my room ♪ 1823 01:39:41,294 --> 01:39:42,812 Okay. 1824 01:39:46,057 --> 01:39:48,094 ♪ But you had to go 1825 01:39:48,094 --> 01:39:52,443 ♪ I know, I know, I know ♪ 1826 01:39:52,443 --> 01:39:55,135 ♪ Like a wave that crashed 1827 01:39:55,135 --> 01:39:57,517 ♪ And melted on the shore 1828 01:39:59,070 --> 01:40:00,244 ♪ Not even the burnouts... ♪ 1829 01:40:03,247 --> 01:40:06,802 So, how do I know that you're not going to run away again? 1830 01:40:08,286 --> 01:40:11,082 Because if you promise to not tell my aunt about the drugs, 1831 01:40:11,082 --> 01:40:12,118 I promise to stay there. 1832 01:40:12,118 --> 01:40:14,085 No deal, Brooke. 1833 01:40:14,085 --> 01:40:16,536 I only did it once, okay? Really. 1834 01:40:16,536 --> 01:40:17,778 Yeah. Okay, Brooke. 1835 01:40:17,778 --> 01:40:19,918 And were you hiding it inside your body, too? 1836 01:40:19,918 --> 01:40:21,161 For a friend? 1837 01:40:21,161 --> 01:40:22,576 Okay, fine. 1838 01:40:22,576 --> 01:40:24,958 But I do promise I will never do that again. 1839 01:40:24,958 --> 01:40:26,132 It made me feel like shit. 1840 01:40:26,132 --> 01:40:27,788 It's the least glamorous drug. 1841 01:40:27,788 --> 01:40:29,445 It literally comes out of your skin. 1842 01:40:29,445 --> 01:40:30,584 I didn't know what it was. 1843 01:40:30,584 --> 01:40:33,035 I thought it was just weed, Sam. 1844 01:40:33,035 --> 01:40:34,036 Okay. I mean, it truly changes 1845 01:40:34,036 --> 01:40:35,796 the shape of your nose and your face bones. 1846 01:40:35,796 --> 01:40:37,384 Sam, okay. 1847 01:40:37,384 --> 01:40:38,799 When we get to somewhere with good Wi-Fi, 1848 01:40:38,799 --> 01:40:40,732 I'm showing you before-and-after pics. 1849 01:40:40,732 --> 01:40:42,700 Okay. 1850 01:40:46,221 --> 01:40:47,463 Sam, there's one more thing 1851 01:40:47,463 --> 01:40:50,466 if I'm going to let you turn me in. 1852 01:40:52,365 --> 01:40:54,539 So, you're bargaining now? 1853 01:40:54,539 --> 01:40:59,613 ♪ ...Go down with my hometown in a tornado ♪ 1854 01:41:00,476 --> 01:41:02,582 ♪ I'm going to chase it 1855 01:41:02,582 --> 01:41:05,861 ♪ I know, I know, I know ♪ 1856 01:41:07,173 --> 01:41:09,313 ♪ I got to go now 1857 01:41:09,313 --> 01:41:12,557 ♪ I know, I know, I know ♪ 1858 01:41:36,650 --> 01:41:39,722 ♪ Driving out into the sun... ♪ 1859 01:41:39,722 --> 01:41:41,586 Well, we all know why we came here tonight. 1860 01:41:41,586 --> 01:41:42,932 Here with her new hour, 1861 01:41:42,932 --> 01:41:45,383 she is traumatized but funny as hell. 1862 01:41:45,383 --> 01:41:48,352 Put your hands together for Sam Cowell! 1863 01:41:49,594 --> 01:41:52,218 ♪ Ended up with a pair of cracked lips ♪ 1864 01:41:52,218 --> 01:41:53,391 Wow! Oh! 1865 01:41:53,391 --> 01:41:57,637 ♪ Windows down, scream along ♪ 1866 01:41:57,637 --> 01:41:59,708 ♪ To some America First rap-country song ♪ 1867 01:41:59,708 --> 01:42:02,504 Um, hi, everybody. I'm Sam. 1868 01:42:02,504 --> 01:42:06,024 And tonight, I'm going to tell a rape joke. 1869 01:42:06,024 --> 01:42:08,717 So, um, my ex-boyfriend 1870 01:42:08,717 --> 01:42:11,168 will not stop making my rape about him. 1871 01:42:11,168 --> 01:42:12,583 He has an identical hour. 1872 01:42:12,583 --> 01:42:14,999 Same material, right after this. 1873 01:42:14,999 --> 01:42:17,243 He's, like, "Please tell them to stay for the next show." 1874 01:42:18,554 --> 01:42:19,728 So, if you're, like, 1875 01:42:19,728 --> 01:42:23,180 "I kind of need this, but from a male perspective," 1876 01:42:23,180 --> 01:42:24,284 hang out. 1877 01:42:24,284 --> 01:42:28,495 ♪ It's a government drone or an alien spaceship ♪ 1878 01:42:28,495 --> 01:42:32,016 ♪ Either way, we're not alone ♪ 1879 01:42:32,016 --> 01:42:36,641 ♪ I'll find a new place to be from ♪ 1880 01:42:36,641 --> 01:42:40,783 ♪ A haunted house with a picket fence ♪ 1881 01:42:40,783 --> 01:42:44,856 ♪ To float around and ghost my friends ♪ 1882 01:42:44,856 --> 01:42:48,757 ♪ No, I'm not afraid to disappear ♪ 1883 01:42:49,689 --> 01:42:53,693 ♪ The billboard said "The end is near" ♪ 1884 01:42:53,693 --> 01:42:57,973 ♪ I turned around there was nothing there ♪ 1885 01:42:57,973 --> 01:43:02,253 ♪ Yeah I guess the end is here ♪ 1886 01:43:08,432 --> 01:43:11,124 ♪ The end is here 1887 01:43:17,095 --> 01:43:20,133 ♪ The end is here 1888 01:43:25,587 --> 01:43:28,624 ♪ The end is here 1889 01:43:34,216 --> 01:43:37,150 ♪ The end is here